##### ###### ### ########## ########## ########## #### ## ########## ########## ########## #### # #### ######## ##### ##### #### ## ##### #### #### #### #### ### #### #### #### #### ############# ######### #### #### ########### ######### #### #### #### #### #### ######### ######### ### #### #### ######### ######### ### ## #### ######## ######## ## # #### =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- ## =-=-=-= INTERNATIONAL INTERNET WRESTLING FEDERATION =============================================== Control Centre Report - 24th May 1996 ----------------------------------------------- Hello again, folks, and welcome to another IIWF Control Centre update! I'm Tim Dross, and today I'll be bringing you all the usual comments and news direct from the mouths of the IIWF superstars, a special interview with IIWF President Daniel Spreadbury, and in this week's Dross Report, I'll be giving you my picks for this weekend's battle royal. So let's get straight down to business. Trash Talk ~~~~~~~~~~ Conspicuous by their absence over the past week or so have been comments from the Subway Psycho. We were beginning to wonder whether he would surface again after Coronation Clash, but I was summoned out onto the streets by a mysterious message... [SCENE: Tim Dross stands alone in a dark alleyway.] Dross: Frankly I don't know exactly what I'm doing here. I received a strange message, from an unknown source, telling me to be here in this alley. Whoa...what the... [Suddenly a manhole cover springs out of its moorings and a man begins to climb out] Dross: Its..the... the Subway Psycho! Psycho, where have you been and what in the world happened to Mistress Sasha after she was abducted by Brain Lau and... Psycho: Shut up and listen Dross! I brought you here so the IIWF can hear what I have to say. I've given many men the beating of their lives, and I've taken some too. You can do what you want to me in the ring...but when you touch my woman, you've gone too far. What type of loathsome scum attacks an innocent woman like Sasha? Brain Lau...you're dead. It's that simple. You have signed your death certificate! Tiger Claw will go down as well! This anger inside is like none I have felt before and soon you will feel it too! Dross: Psycho, if I may, what happened to Sasha? Psycho: [Tries to collect himself. Speaks much more calmly now] That's just it. I don't know. By the time I got back to the locker room, she and Brain Lau were gone. I searched the city for days and never found them. I finally found her last night. She was sitting in her penthouse, alone on the floor. She hadn't changed her clothes or eaten anything in days. She was just staring at the walls. She didn't say what had happened. She said that she needs time away from wrestling. She's too afraid to accompany me to the ring anymore. Dross: You mean that Sasha may be quiting the IIWF? Psycho: I don't know what this means. Sasha is a stronger person than that. I don't know what Lau did to her, but something just doesn't seem right. I do know this: Sasha will be avenged! I will make it my mission in the IIWF. Dross: While you're on this mission of vengeance you won't be able to concentrate on what is the ultimate goal for every wrestler in IIWF, the World Title. You're a big player in this league, and a legitimate contender... Psycho: Make no mistake, I want to be champion, but I cannot conceivably take on an opponent like the Outlaw in my current state. I need Sasha for that. So Outlaw, if you're listening, I want to congratulate you on your victory. You're a fine champion for the IIWF, even if I don't agree with all your tactics. I've known the Outlaw for some time now, he's always shown me respect and he's earned mine. Dross: Are you saying that you're not operating at 100%? You're in the Battle Royal to determine the Intercontinental Championship next week. You need to be focused for that. Psycho: Focus has nothing to do with it. When I see Tiger Claw in that ring, I will be so infuriated and so fired up, choas will ensue. I will ride on that fury through the Battle Royal and God help anyone that gets in my way. You've never seen a runaway train like this. You've never seen carnage like what will come! [The Psycho exits through the manhole] Dross: Well there you have it. The Subway Psycho...angered, crazy, and alone. [Fade] I don't mind telling you, folks - I've known the Subway Psycho for a long time, and I've never seen him so angry. Brian Lau, Tiger Claw - you'd really better watch your backs. Dan "Flash" Kauffman also has some pretty important comments for us: [SCENE: In a moderate-looking living room, the television set is fixed on Tuesday's edition of IIWF Report, in particular, Deathbringer's comments. The camera swings around, and Dan Kauffman's figure comes into view. The man has no less than 14 stitches in his forehead, and a soft wrapping around his right knee. But otherwise, he looks fine... He speaks:] "Deathbringer, do you really doubt that I'd sign a rematch with you? Actually, I think you DID know that I would sign the rematch! 'Bringer, you can try to 'take my soul' and plant me 'six feet under', but big man, Don't even THINK that I'm going to let that happen without going through another warzone! Yes, your foot was on the ropes. Neither the ref OR I knew that fact. But Deathbringer, I've been defeated that way numerous times, and a missed call is just part of the game. But 'Bringer, next week, you've GOT your rematch. And I hope you have your chokeslams and tombstones working, because I'm going to give you everything I can. And you can take that to the ring. "Alright, now I'll talk to the fans. Because of that terrible fall I took during the triangle match, and these injuries you all can see I sustained, I have decided to pull out of the International Championship Battle Royal this weekend. Now I know that Steve Roberts is going to have fun with this decision of mine, but Steve, you try wrestling with a sprained knee and a deeply-bruised back! And you know what else Steve? Just for your entertainment, I think I'll talk a little more! "Third topic: The Horsemen. You all seem to be looking right PAST me and into the eyes of Tony Starks. Now I'm not saying that Tony Starks is not worth looking at... in fact, I'd like to meet Starks in the future as well... But you'd better be looking at ME too. Because the last person that looked by me... I took his CFWF International Championship! And you all know how I just LOVE to overcome odds and misfortunes, don't you? Flare and Outlaw, I'll be seeing more of you two in the future. And Kinder... well, you allready know what I can do! Make sure to tell your partners what I can do in the ring!" [Brandon Bennett comes into the living room...] BENNETT: How you doing, Dan? KAUFFMAN: Better than I was on Saturday! And better than the Deathbringer will be doing in a week! 'Bringer, prepare for the fight of your life... And may death fall where it may! [Fade] So even though Kauffman is ruled out as a challenger for the Intercontinental Title, at least for now, he's still going after the Deathbringer all guns blazing! Deathbringer, of course, has comments for Kauffman too... let's go down to the mortuary: [SCENE: The known mortuary. Deathbringer sits within a casket, the Coroner stands beside it] Deathbringer: "Death can be quite comfortable. Maybe you, Kauffman, will soon experience this, too. I heard your words... and I am almost a bit astonished. Maybe you are the most valiant warrior I have ever met... or you have lost your brain while being a child. Either way we will meet in about a week. And we will solve this matter once and for all. I want you to be in the best form of your life so that there will be no excuses afterwards. By taking a look at the matches at Coronation Clash you could clearly see that interferences are quite common at the moment. Just to keep those other so called athletes out of our bout, let's build up a cage around the ring. And to make it even more interesting let's use the Texas Death Match rules... If you dare... and I know you will. "However, Kauffman, do you remember who dominated our last match until your despicable deed? This will not change. You said you are not afraid of dying... and believe me: You must not... I just cannot understand why you want to leave this world. You are on a journey through the dark. Do not be afraid to make your last step. Follow the black man..." [Deathbringer closes the casket from within and is gone] The Coroner: "Kauffman, I admire your bravery. But be warned: I don't know whether I can protect you from the wrath of the reaper once more. So, this time, better play no tricks on Deathbringer or you will never see the daylights again. And that's no threat, it's a promise..." [Fade] The Horsemen continue to provide all the other IIWF superstars with plenty to talk about... let's get comments from Flare, and our Champion, the Outlaw: [SCENE: A stretch limo, Miss Secret, Flare, Bodybag, and the Champ Outlaw.] Flare: In this past event there was one goal: to get the gold - and our man The Outlaw did it. Take a good look at us....remember these faces cause we're the ones who are going to be wearin' all the gold and lovin' all the ladies. You see, all I hear is the thunderous sound of horses stompin', all I see is the fear in the eyes of our enemies and all I smell is the sweet scent of victory! I stand strong with the supreme team of Brad "Bodybag" Kinder and the World Champion Outlaw. Never are we alone, you may see one but the others are lurking in the shadows and when ya think you got us, that's when we strike. Cast from the flames of hell, there's nothing more dangerous then us! The Outlaw got it right when he said, "Women want to be near us and men want to _be_ us!" Bottom line is, whether you like it or you don't like it, learn to love it 'cause we're the best thing going today!!! Whoooo!!! Now as for Starks, my friend, it sounds as if you got a problem with us. But I'm sure the Outlaw has some choice words for you, right, champ? Outlaw: So... a few people in the IIWF aren't happy with The Horsemen. Go cry to someone who cares. Casey "Cornbread" James, you whine about this so-called interference. Where was the Horseman interference in the championship match, punk? There wasn't any! I won this belt with my own skills and I shall keep it with those skills. "Angel of the Sun" and Tiger Claw, you also complained about The Horsemen, but each of you interfered in matches during Coronation Clash. And I might add that both of those were MY matches, so you had no place in them. If anyone has a reason to complain, it's me. But that's not the Horsemen's style. You two just take care of your own problems and The Horsemen will continue to style and profile. As for "Flash" Kauffman, you put up a hell of a fight, my friend. All night I watched you absorb more and more punishment, only to find some inner strength that allowed you to kick out. The DDTs? Hey, I just wanted to make sure you stayed down and didn't kick out again. Hey, you had the presence of mind to still pin that jerk Starks. I couldn't take any chances. I'll give you one thing, Kauffman: you're the one wrestler outside of The Horseman camp whose talents I respect. And Tony Starks, oh yeah, Tony Starks. The bad man from the streets of New York with the big winning streak. What does it get you now, Starks? You want a title shot? I think a real competitor like Kauffman deserves a title shot first, but he's tied up with that Cadaver wanna-be, Deathbringer. But the more I thought about a submission match, the more I liked the idea. It's my chance to show you that you really aren't as tough as your mouth makes you out. Okay, if The Horsemen's number one fan, IIWF President Dan Spreadbury, gives it the thumbs-up, we'll meet in a submission match. And just to show you how honest I am, I'll ask Flare and Bodybag to enter the cages once again so they won't interfere. This is a match I want as much as you, Starks. You've got a lesson in tough love coming your way. Remember that when Flare and Bodybag toss your carcass out of the ring in this weekend's battle royal. I'm gonna have a real good seat to watch that! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! [Fade] Indeed he is. The Outlaw will be joining Steve Roberts and myself at the broadcast table as guest commentator during the battle royal. I can hardly wait... We'll get word on the submission match later on when we talk to the IIWF President. For now, let's get comments from Tony Starks. I interviewed this great competitor earlier today: [Scene: IIWF interview area. Dross is joined by Tony Starks.] TD: Welcome, Mr. Starks. I guess you're not a very happy man at the moment. Starks: [with an chilling calm in his voice] Yeah, you could say that. But I'm not going to talk about Outlaw and the World Title now. I am focused on the IC title. One belt slipped through my grasp, you can be sure I won't let that happen again. TD: Do you think you can win the belt in a battle royal with men such as Jack Haley, Altair and Deathbringer - and even such athletes as Asian superstar Hakiro Matsuoko and Brad "Bodybag" Kinder? TS: There is no doubt I can win. I can beat any of those men. I have the skills. Whoever gets in my way is going down. I don't think any of those men can beat me - that was more than eveident at the Clash. You saw how I was finally beat, it took that to beat me. I am going to be victorious this weekend - count on it, Dross. TD: Speaking of how you were beaten last week, I would like to get some comments on the World Title. . . TS: [interrupting] ...I am not talking about that now, that is the furthest thing from my mind right now. I am just focused on this weekend. [The intensity in his eyes could rip apart someone's soul, his voice still has that chilling calm laced through his words] I will win it. [He walks off] [Fade] Starks is ready for this battle royal, that much is certain. But whether he's focused on the IC belt or not, I fear that the Horsemen may have plans for him... "Soundbite" didn't seem keen to spend another day at the high security jail where the Venusian Death Cell is being kept, so we sent another guy along to file this report: [SCENE: The Venusian Death Cell is alone in his padded room. He is yet again lying on his bed and the Jailer is sitting at his desk reading the newspaper, which contains the interviews from the wrestlers in IIWF. An interviewer strolls in with a camera crew, followed by one of the handlers who let them in. The handler goes into his private bedroom and the interviewer speaks to the Jailer:] Interviewer: Hello [offers his hand to the jailer, who refuses the offer], I'm from the IIWF and I've been sent here in place of "Soundbite" Steve Roberts. Apparently he's been taken off the job of interviewing the VDC as he was getting frustrated at not getting anything important out of him, in fact he wasn't getting anything at all out of him. As we've all seen from the interviews, you talk for him.......Why? Jailer: As I've told Roberts and as I'll continue to tell you, this man here is from Venus and is unable to speak English. Ask him for yourself. Come on, this is really annoying me now.... [The interviewer turns to the VDC and asks him a question:] Interviewer [slowly, as if speaking to a foreigner]: Where...aaaaaarrrrrrreee....you [points at him]...frrrrroooommm? [The Venusian Death Cell looks up at the interviewer, looks over to the jailer who gives him a menacing stare, and then lies down on his bed again.] Interviewer: This is ridiculous! We have been told by an anonymous source that this man has been heard speaking.... Jailer: Look, I can tell you all you want to know. I suppose you want to know his thoughts about next week's card? Interviewer: Well, yes actually! Jailer: The VDC will win the belt, simple as that. There is not one man in IIWF capable of eliminating him, believe me. He just loves these matches and will take away the gold at the end of it. Will that do? Interviewer: Do you have any tactics? Jailer: Of course we do [Interviewer looks at him].... Interviewer: Right, that's all I needed to hear. Back to you, Tim. [Fade] The plot thickens... exactly what is going on with the VDC? Let's get comments from the man he tried to maim at the Clash, Jack Haley. Characteristically shy to the cameras, the Green Giant has sent us a note for me to read... +-- Wow. This wrestling thing sure is strange. Every match is a learning experience, though. And if I learned one thing from last week's encounter with the Venusian Death Cell, it's to be ready for anything. "Who the heck is this Venusian Death Cell?", I thought, and all through the match, I was kind of cracking up, cuz that "I'm your Venus, I'm your fire," song kept running through my head. (Bananarama, I think.) Then he bit me. What a weirdo. Give me a couple months' training, I figure, and I'll kick his scrawny martian butt. Anyhow, I guess the one positive I can take away from it is that except for the Outlaw, me and the Cell are the only other undefeated wrestlers in the league! So, I guess this Intercontinental thing should be a good time. The only thing I can say as far as trash talk goes, I guess, is, "Hey everybody else in IWIF. I'm undefeated. You're not. So bring it on! Outlaw, you're next!" Sincerely, Jack Haley, The Green Giant. +-- Another one of the favourites in the battle royal has to be the "Angel of the Sun" Hakiro Matsuoko. [SCENE: Steve Roberts stands in a locker room.] SR: Hello everyone, I'm waiting to speak with Hakiro Matsuoko. I'm waiting to hear the lame excuse that he, I have heard, will give me about Tiger Claw and Brian Lau! [Enter Hakiro] Hakiro, I have heard that you will not except the challenge from Brain Lau and that you are in hiding after you shamed yourself assaulting him. Hakiro: Do I look like I am in hiding? The only person who shamed himself is Brian Lau. I attacked him because he was beating on the referee. Lau, you had no call to do so. I could not stand by and watch it happen. And for his challenge, I PROUDLY accept. I understand that I will need a corner man for this, I would like to call upon the services of Casey James again to aid me. SR: Casey James! What a punching bag he is, he will only show you how to get held by two men and beaten! HM: Not so, Mr. Roberts. With Casey in my corner I will be victorious. I am also looking forward to this weekends battle royal. SR: I think you have a date with the arena floor! HM: I have a date with destiny - my destiny is to be the first IIWF Intercontinental Champion! And I will fulfill that destiny this weekend! Tiger Claw,you and I will meet soon and it will be an encounter NO ONE WILL EVER FORGET!! SR: Good luck, you're sure gonna need it this weekend. Back to you Dross. [Fade] Casey "Whitebread" Jones has some more comments about truth, justice, honour and the American way... and this weekend's battle royal: [SCENE: shot of Casey's torso and face] Casey: Hello, folks. Casey James here. I've just heard about the battle royal to take place soon, and let me tell you, I'm looking forward to it. This way I'll be able to win the IC belt, and my rankings in the IIWF will skyrocket. Why do I want this? Because I'm on a quest to beat the Outlaw for his championship belt. By winning the IC title, my ranking as number one contender will be guaranteed. Then I will have some push in the IIWF, and I'll be able to rid the Federation of the Horsemen once and for all. Some may say I'm obsessed, but I think not! Horsemen, this town ain't big enough for the both of us. I'm giving you until high noon to leave town! See you at the Battle Royal, folks! [Fade] I had the... er... privilege of catching up with Moondust as he... er... trained for this weekend's battle royal. Being Moondust, of course, he can't do anything normally - I met the androgynous one in a nightclub: [SCENE: A dark part of a night club; music can be heard in the distance. Moondust is in the centre of a heap of three revellers having fun.] TD: "Errr.. excuse me, Mr. Moondust..." [Promptly, Moondust's eyes move to meet Tim's, and at that point he throws off the two fellow club-goers that were on him, and redoes his hair; then turns to Dross.] MD: "Oh Timmy; what are you doing in a place like this?" TD: "Actually... get off.... I have come to... er... interview you on your views on the forthcoming battle royal....." MD: "Are you completely sure?" [Moondust moves ever closer.] TD: "Yes... Look, look, why aren't you preparing for this event?" MD: "Oh but I am. Every muscle in my body is relaxed, apart from one. I have been getting plenty of exercise, I must look good, and plenty of relaxation to keep myself feeling and looking young." TD: "But what about the Battle Royal?" MD: "What? Oh the battle royal. Well, as you saw, I was practising with tho other men a few minutes ago. What can I say; it will be 10 times more fun on Saturday. The thing is, no-one expects me to win.... but as time passes, you will notice one thing.. the man in the pink boots is still there...." TD: "Whatever you say. What about Billy Shakespeare?" MD: "Billy is a nice young lad. I am sure that he will do well this Saturday; but I will eject him from the ring with ease, if I have to. Obviously, the longer I keep him in the ring, the better. Actually, I'll tell you what I am going to do. I am going to eliminate everyone, and make sure that I keep Billy in the ring. Then, it will come down to him and me. We will then see who the real man is." TD: "Interesting tactics......Owww!" [Tim Dross is hit from behind by two dancers cavorting, and blind in their madness!] TD: "I'm getting out of here...." MD: "No Timmy, wait... come back, I will be gentle..... Timmy...." [Fade] Now that's one assignment I wish Steve would take. Moondust just can't stay away from Billy Shakespeare... and I think it could be a case of fatal attraction. I noticed the following excerpt in a newspaper a couple of days ago: +-- The Times 05-21-96 A near riot occured today at the mall. Professional wrestler "Spotlight" Billy Shakespeare was making an appearance, signing autographs and posing for photos. Crowds of the wrestler's fans flooded the small outlet store, and Mr. Shakespeare was barely able to keep up with the demand for his signature on officially licensed IIWF memoribilia. Most popular seemed to be the t-shirts for the upcoming Battle Royal. About this, Shakespeare was quoted as saying: "Soon the whole cast will appear on stage together. Some will play merely walk-on roles, others will shine but briefly in support. However, when the curtain falls, the star of the night will be one who was 'Born to Perform': Billy Shakespeare." Shakespeare's signing was cut unexpetedly short when another wrestler, known only as Moondust, made an unannounced arrival. +-- The High Plains Drifters will face Rising Sun Revolution on this weekend's card. Let's get comments from the cowboys, and Josey Wales: [SCENE: A gym, the High Plains Drifters are working out in a ring. "Outlaw" Josey Wales blows his whistle and calls the Drifters over.] Pale: What is it boss? Wales: Boys, you got a bad break at the Clash. But you looked sloppy too. I'm working on a match to get you guys back in game shape. Easy: I want those bums from High Velocity! Wales: Calm down, son. You know a man's got to know his limitations. You guys are gonna wrestle the guys from Rising Sun Revolution. Pale: Huh? Easy: Yeah...huh? Wales: These guys are perfect to sharpen you up. They're good. One of them a great big guy and the other is a little punk. Just like you two. Easy: Ha, ha, ha...he just called you a punk! Pale: Shut up. Wales: Boys, try to concentrate. These guys are just like yourself. It's gonna be a great, evenly matched fight! Easy: Then can we fight High Velocity? Wales: We'll see what happens. I want those guys bad too...now you guys got some laps to run, now get going! [Fade] IIWF Saturday Night Preview ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ This weekend sees the first of our regular weekly live Saturday night broadcasts. This Saturday Night, we'll see the IIWF Intercontinental Champion crowned, and we'll also have a rematch for the tag team belts. Let's run down the card: High Plains Drifters vs. Rising Sun Revolution IIWF World Tag Team Championship Match: Steamroller vs. United Nations IIWF Intercontinental Championship Battle Royal It's obviously the battle royal that's going to turn the most heads. Let's get word from some of the participants, beginning with Deathbringer: [SCENE: An IIWF wrestling ring. It is almost dark inside the arena. Suddenly smoke rises from the squared circle and as it is gone Deathbringer stands inside the ring.] Deathbringer: "Battle royals have always been a great chance to gather lots of souls. And here we go again. In just a few days I will be standing amongst all the other wrestlers of IIWF and whether they fear me or not, they will feel the power of death himself. I do not care who crosses my path, but be sure: he will never ever do it again..." [Smoke rises again, for a few seconds the piercing red eyes of Deathbringer are seen. They then fade. As the smokes cleares Deathbringer is gone. Fade] The Crippler will be making his IIWF debut in this battle royal. Let's see how his training is progressing: [SCENE: The Crippler in the ring with some jobber. The Crippler has him in a very painful looking hammer lock. The Crippler bares down and the man begins to scream pitifully....after a few moments The Crippler lets him go, hops up and addresses the camera:] "Heh...he claimed he could help me train...HAH...I need some real opponents. All of you so called wrestlers in the IIWF beware, I am here, I am hungry, and you are all in my way. Be prepared to be swept aside in my quest for the gold." [He steps back, kicks the writhing jobber in the breadbasket and returns to the camera.] "Let's see, what kind of competitors do I have here....an androgynous geek, an actor, and a faux alien... just to name a few. Well all, be prepared, because here I come... PREPARE TO BE CRIPPLED!!!!" [Fade] "Showstopper" Simon Lebec is very confident of victory in the battle royal. I had the "pleasure" of interviewing him in his locker room, earlier today: [SCENE: "Showstopper" Simon Lebec and his cronies, in their locker room. Tim Dross enters.] Lebec: Dammit, Francois! I specifically said, "No geeks allowed!" Dross: Wait! This will only take a second! Lebec: Alright Dross, what is it? You better not be looking for money again or so help me... Dross: What are you talking about, Lebec? I'm here to get comments from you. Lebec: Make it quick. I've got hearts to break and a title to win! Dross: Well, what are your thoughts on tonight's battle royal? Lebec: My thoughts? Simple. If anyone knows what "The Showstopper" is all about, they know that I'm the KING of these damn matches. The King of the Battle royals, and... Heh!... THE PRINCE OF PRETTY BABY!!! It was just a month ago that I won the entire royal rumble in the BCWF... and just last week... I just about damn near took the whole show starting from the #1 position in the UWC!!! These matches are made for me, end of story. Dross: So you're saying you have an advantage over your opponents?? Lebec: Of course I do! Y'see, Dross - I'm smart. And the rest of humanity... well, they're not so smart. Most of them are downright _stupid_ even! Just watch how I operate. You'll see... Dross: Just one more quest... Lebec: [interrupting] No more questions! Can't you see that I need my beauty rest? [to Francois] Francois, escort Mr. Dross to the door. And while you're at it, take him out to the alley and roll him for loose change. He owes me money. [Fade as Lebec begins applying an overnight mud-mask and Francois drags Dross out kicking and screaming] I'll be taking a more indepth look at this matchup later on. Special Interview: IIWF President Dan Spreadbury ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Now it's my pleasure to speak with the President of the IIWF, Dan Spreadbury, and ask him about upcoming matches. [Cut to split screen, Dross on the left, President Dan on the right.] TD: Good to have you with us, President Dan. DS: It's good to be here, Tim. TD: What news can you give us about next weekend's card? DS: Well, Tony Starks will face the Outlaw in the main event. It will be a Submission Match for the World Heavyweight Title, and both Flare and Bodybag will be caged to prevent their interference in this vital encounter. I'm confident that this will be one of the matches of the year. TD: What about Dan Kauffman and Deathbringer? Will they get their match? DS: Indeed they will. I've just heard Deathbringer's challenge to Kauffman for a Cage Texas Death match, and if Kauffman accepts, that match will go ahead too. TD: Any other matches? DS: No other matches are signed as of yet, although I would expect to see Hakiro Matsuoko battle Tiger Claw, and both the IC and tag team belts on the line too. It should be an awesome card. TD: Thanks for your time, President Dan. SR: That's my pleasure, Tim. [Cut back to normal shot.] So there you have it. It looks like we'll be in for an excellent card next Saturday night! The Dross Report ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ But now let's turn our attentions to this Saturday's battle royal, which will see the first IIWF Intercontinental Champion crowned. Battle royals are probably the most dangerous matches of all; more than twenty bodies in the ring at the same time. It's the kind of frenzy in which wrestlers can be injured, or even maimed, and when you go over that top rope, you could be talking about fractures if you land badly. So the superstar who wins the Battle Royal on Saturday night is going to have a fair bit of luck on his side, as well as the endurance and supreme ring savvy required. As such, it's pretty hard to pick a winner for such an encounter - but certain things we can take for granted. Not every wrestler in the IIWF is so focused on the goal of taking home the gold as others. Feuds, disagreements and rivalries will probably dominate the match. When the Venusian Death Cell and Jack Haley clash, sparks (or maybe blood) will fly. When Moondust gets his hands on Billy Shakespeare, things could get very interesting. Tiger Claw will be going after the Angel of the Sun, and the Subway Psycho will be going after Tiger Claw. The Horsemen have a bone to pick with Tony Starks. The list goes on. There are very few wrestlers signed up for the match who do not already have declared interests. Nevertheless, I believe, much as it pains me to say it, that the Horsemen have a good chance of leaving with another title. Flare and Brad Kinder have teamed up in the past, and they will be the only true alliance in the ring on Saturday night. Tony Starks is an endurance wrestler, and should he outlast the assault of the Horsemen, he could go all the way. Generally, however, I'd have to go with the true light heavyweights of the IIWF in this matchup. Although in weight terms, they're easy to lift and dump over the top rope, they have speed and agility on their side. I'll be looking for a man like Simon Lebec, Billy Shakespeare, Hakiro Matsuoko or Tiger Claw walking out of the IIWF Coliseum with the Intercontinental Championship this weekend. It promises to be a phenomenal match! Next Report ~~~~~~~~~~~ That's just about all we've got time for today. In our next report, we'll bring you all the news and comments from the superstars of the IIWF in the wake of this Saturday night's card. Plus I'll also be able to bring you more matches for next week's event, and more. But until then, this is Tim Dross, saying: so long, everybody! +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= I * I * W * F =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+ | Send mail to univ0322@sable.ox.ac.uk with the subject lines: | | "send faq" for the FAQ + "send singles" or "send tag" for the | | rosters + "send handlers" for a list of handlers | +----------------------------------------------------------------------+ | IIWF Home: http://users.ox.ac.uk/~univ0322/iiwf/ | +----------------------------------------------------------------------+ | Submit material for the Report to univ0322@sable.ox.ac.uk | +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+