##### ###### ### ########## ########## ########## #### ## ########## ########## ########## #### # #### ######## ##### ##### #### ## ##### #### #### #### #### ### #### #### #### #### ############# ######### #### #### ########### ######### #### #### #### #### #### ######### ######### ### #### #### ######### ######### ### ## #### ######## ######## ## # #### =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- ## =-=-=-= INTERNATIONAL INTERNET WRESTLING FEDERATION =============================================== Control Centre Report - 28th May 1996 ----------------------------------------------- Hello again everybody and welcome to another IIWF Control Centre Report! I'm Tim Dross, and today I'll be bringing you: - the results of last Saturday's live show - a special interview with Tony Starks - updates on newcomers to the IIWF - comments from many of the IIWF superstars - news on next weekend's card and more! So let's get down to it! IIWF Saturday Night - 25th May 1996 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ As the world now knows, the first IIWF Intercontinental Champion is the "Angel of the Sun" Hakiro Matsuoko. Hakiro battled through against more than 20 other superstars in a fiercely competitive encounter, finally eliminating Tiger Claw for the victory. Let's get comments from the champ: [Scene: Hakiro Matsuoko stands with the IIWF INtercontinental Title gleaming around his waist. He still has that ever present air of intensity and confidence in almost shking the air around him.] HM: I stand here as the first IIWF Intercontinental Champion. It was my destiny to win this belt. I survived against many many great wrestlers. I would like to thank all the great fans out there for their support. Without you, this would not have been possible. This is your belt. I make a vow to all of you that I will defend this belt with honor and glory. I shall be a fighting champion like my many ancestors before me. That first defense shall be against Tiger Claw. Tiger CLaw, you came ever so close to winning this belt but, your mind is so clouded by the inner demons that you still fight. I am at peace with myself, one day Tiger Claw, I hope that you will know the power of inner peace as well. I accept your martial arts challenge. Tiger Claw, prepare, The Angel has taken flight! [Fade] Rising Sun Revolution pinned the High Plains Drifters in a chaotic encounter. Let's hear from the Revolution: [SCENE: Rising Sun Revolution's dressing room during the Intercontinental tournament at IIWF Saturday Night. Hiroshi is walking around, grinning, and Ryudo is sat down, clutching his head, when an Interviewer walks in.] Ryudo: I think I'm concussed... [Hiroshi says something in Japanese...and Ryudo looks up.] Hey there. How are the Drifters? Interviewer: I think they've seen better nights. That was a great win! [Hiroshi says something, Ryudo translates.] Ryudo: He says he can't believe the level of cheating that took place! He's sorry he lost his cool, but he just couldn't stand some of the tactics the Drifters were using... [Hiroshi says something else, and Ryudo laughs] "But what the heck, a win's a win!" Interviewer: So what are your first impressions of the tag scene in the IIWF? Ryudo: Very, very tough. But that's what we expected, and that's the reason we came here! It's going to be a hard fight to get to the top, but as long as we give 100% everytime and we keep our eyes open, I know we can do it. [Hiroshi high-fives Ryudo, and slaps his head, grinning. Ryudo grimaces.] Interviewer: You're happy with the result, then? Ryudo: Of course! If we're going to challenge Steamroller, we need to be on top of our form and ready for anything, and Hiroshi definately wasn't afraid to go eye for an eye tonight! We'll face anyone to get the title shot, Alphabet boys, High Velocity, anyone! Watch out Steamroller, the Revolution is just beginning... [The crowd outside erupts. Hakiro has just won the Intercontinental belt. As soon as RSR hear the result, they jump up and high five each other] Ryudo: Two reasons to celebrate!! Well done Hakiro!!! Good luck, and best wishes from the Revolution! [Fade] IIWF Tag Team Champions Steamroller were disqualified as they faced the United Nations - but although they lost the match, they didn't lose the titles. All in all, it was another stunning evening of wrestling action! However, this weekend's card should be even more phenomenal! Special Interview: Tony Starks ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ [Cut to show Dross sitting at his desk. He is joined by Tony Starks.] TD: This Saturday night, Tony Starks will be facing the Outlaw in a submission match for the IIWF World Championship. Tony, what do you think's going to happen? TS: What will happen? Hell. It will be a war, I will walk out of that ring the new IIWF Heavyweight Champion. Outlaw shouldn't have won the title in the first place. He rolled Kauffman over on me because he knew Kauffman was a goner. Outlaw switched us up to leave Flash. He didn't want to face me, he knew he couldn't beat me. His title reign is on VERY borrowed time, that time runs out Saturday. TD: As you know, at this past weekends IIWF Saturday Night, Outlaw did some color commentary during the battle royal. He eluded to your apparent losing streak as of late. He said your phenomenal record was, well, a fluke. He said you couldn't be but so great because you were pinned by a cripple. TS: I think we all know why I was pinned. My record speaks for itself. I have had nothing but open contracts, whoever stepped up I gave them all they could handle. I have beaten some great athletes in the ring. I took Dan Kauffman, a world champion many times over, to the limit and was ready to pin him as well. But, Outlaw made sure that he wouldn't have to face me. He played the role of a vulture. A role reserved for cowards. TD: Outlaw has spoken some very tough talk about you. He says he welcomes the submission match. He also says you have a lasson in tough love coming and that he will be the teacher. And that he will prove that you are not as tough as many people think... TS: [smirks] Dross, all that trash Outlaw has said is just that, TALK. He cannot back it up. He said he kicked my butt in the tournament? Well, why didn't you fight me afer I woyuld have beaten Kauffman? He was afraid to go up against me, always has been. I don't think the best man won at the Clash, that was more than apparent. he had to have help getting by Matsuoko AND Tiger Claw, what a champ. The only good thing he did at the CLash was stomp a hole into "Whine" Bloom. As for being a teacher, he couldn't teach someone having a seizure how to scribble. If he wants to teach tough love, go talk to Moondust, I am not that type of man. As for my toughness, ask anyone I have faced. If Outlaw has any other doubts about my toughness, well, [smirk] he will find out Saturday night what I am all about. TD: Outlaw also said that if you were ever in the running for being a Horseman that you are clearly out of contention now. He also said that fellow Horsemen, Bodybag and Flare will be throwing your carcass out of the ring on Saturday. TS: The only carcass that they will be throwing out is the carcass of the Outlaw. It will be sent express back to the praries and get picked over by the vultures that he idolizes. If Flare and Bodybag are smart they will toss that sorry excuse for a doormat. They would be much better off without him. TD: Tony, I see we are all most out of time, do you have a parting shot? TS: Yeah. [camera zooms in close on Starks] Outlaw, NOTHING and I mean NOTHING will be able to save you this Saturday. Not the other Horsemen, not kissing a lot of butt, NOTHING. The only thing that will save you is when you whimper, "I Quit." That belt was never meant to go around your waist. You won't get the privlidge of holding it much longer. Shine that belt up Outlaw, I want it to shine in all its glory when it goes around my waist Saturday. TD: Tony, thanks for your time. [Cut back to normal shot.] Let's hear from the Horsemen, who will no doubt enlighten us on this, and many other, pressing matters: [Fade in on The Iron Den, the home of IIWF's elite stable, The Horsemen. Flare, Bodybag, and The Outlaw lean casually against the weight benches as the camera pans to Miss Victoria Secret, the lovely companion of Flare. Wearing a tight-fitting gown, she styles and profiles toward the camera and blows a kiss to the fans who are glued to their television sets and drooling over her beauty.] SECRET: Welcome once again to The Iron Den, where The Horsemen train to destroy the pathetic excuse for competition the IIWF office calls wrestlers. It seems crybabies like Casey James and Tony Starks don't seem to realize that running their mouths only gets them into deeper trouble. Isn't that right, Mr. Flare? FLARE: [In a soft voice] Whoooo! Baby isn't she lovely? [Now yelling] James, Starks, Crippler . . . now you've done it! Ya stepped into no man's land. You added fuel to the fire and Flare is a blaze!!! You just don't get it, do ya? I see you as little bitty bugs just waiting to get smashed! You're not even worth the words I'm saying. Vicky darling, I gotta calm down, sweetheart turn this over to Mr. Bodybag. SECRET: Ooooh, I just love to hear that man talk. You know there is a time bomb just waiting to explode in the IIWF by the name of Brad "Bodybag" Kinder. Those muscles and determination just spell out C-H-A-M-P-I-O-N. And Hakiro Matsuoko will be the victim. Tell the morons about it, Mr. Kinder. BODYBAG: Matsuoko, you know you are merely keeping that Intercontinental Belt warm for The Horsemen. I was cheated out of a victory in the battle royal, but we will meet one-on-one for the belt. I want that match soon, Matsuoko! SECRET: And then there is the man I call . . . mmmmmm [she seductively licks her lips] . . . the champ. He wears the gold like no one else, as that sissy Tony Starks will learn this week. Ladies and gentlemen, bow down and pay homage to the king of the IIWF broadcast booth and the greatest wrestler in the world -- The Outlaw. OUTLAW: Thank you, Miss Secret. As you well know, there is a simple adage in the world of professional wrestling: Being a Horseman means never having to say "I quit." Bodybag, Flare and I talked long into the night about Tony Starks' potential as a Horseman and we went both ways. The question we kept coming back to was his heart. Do you have the heart of a Horseman, Starks? I'm willing to bet you don't, which is the reason I accepted your challenge to a submission match. This Saturday, Starks, you will learn why the heart of a Horseman is strong and why the spirit of a Horseman cannot be broken. This Saturday, Starks, even with Bodybag and Flare in cages above the ring, you will learn that I am the better man. This Saturday, Starks, you will learn why The Outlaw and The Horsemen are the best thing happening in the IIWF today. Whaddya think, Mr. Flare? FLARE: Whoooooooooo! SECRET: Look at these three studs, IIWF -- they are The Horsemen! Women want to be near them and men want to be like them. Come along, men, we have some work to do. [Miss Secret winks at the camera as the shot fades to black] I'll be examining the Submission Match in detail in Friday's Dross Report. Newcomers Update ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Another tag team has joined the ranks: Stunt Team USA. Let's examine their stats: Stunt Team USA ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Theme music: "I'm not dead" Turbo B STEVE "AIRBORNE" FORGET Weight: 285 lbs. Height: 6'4" Origin: Tampa, Florida Appearance: Red hair, red trunks, red boots. Face/Heel: Face Favorite Moves: - Flying Clothesline - Flying Dropkick - Moonsault - Superplex - Flying Headscissors Finishing Move (Individual): Flying Forearm RON "DANGER FREAK" FIRE Weight: 303 lbs Height: 6'6" Origin: Canyon City, Oregon Appearance: Black hair, black trunks, black boots, a deep scar runs across the left side of his face. Face/Heel: Face 5 Favorite Moves: - Gorilla Press - Bulldog - DDT - Piledriver - Power Bomb Finishing Move (Individual): Face First Piledriver Profile of team: These two former stuntmen have doubled various stars like Arnold Schwarzenegger or Sylvester Stallone in their known films. Ron specialized on brawling scenes, while Steve loves to do those scenes where he has to jump down from planes, roofs etc. They now use their special skills in the ring, too. While Ron is the powerhouse, Steve is the aerial part of the team. They both come to each others' rescue whenever necessary. Team Finisher: Fire & Forget Ron picks up the opponent and performs a running powerslam. At the same time Steve climbs up the turnbuckle and delivers a flying legdrop at the now lying victim. Meanwhile Ron takes care of any outside interferences. [Handler: Ron Nanko (RonNanko@aol.com)] Let's get comments from Ron and Steve now: [SCENE: On a roof. A man dressed in black leather clothes walks slowly from one side of the roof to the other. He looks around, just as if he expects someone to be there] Voice: "You're late, bro'!" [Man in black turns around. There stands a slightly taller man, in his hand a baseball bat] Man with bat: "But that's OK with me... Let's solve our problem once and for all!" [Man in black takes out a knife] Man in black: "You're history, Joey!" [Man in black rushes towards the other guy and is hit by his bat. He goes down, but immediately stands up again. Another blow, this time the bat breaks apart] Joey: "Har har har, how did that taste? Take this!" [Joey kicks at his lying victim] Joey: "Now it's time to take out the trash!" [Joey picks up the other guy and pushes him over the edge of the roof. Shot to a car parking in an alley. The man in black hits the top of the car, and he doesn't move. Blood runs from his forehead] Voice: "CUT! Nice work, guys!" [The speaker enters the scene, apparently a film director. The man in black jumps off the car, obviously he's OK. The man with the bat jumps in.] Man with bat: "Hey, Steve, you okay?" Steve: "Yeah, Ron... that was ssssmashing!" [Steve turns towards the camera, so does Ron.] Steve: "Now, folks, what you just saw was a scene from a new film coming to the cinema soon. However, you won't see us doubling those stars any longer from now on!" Ron: "That's right. We love our job. But it doesn't give us the right kick anymore. We need more action. And that's why we come to IIWF. The finest wrestlers in the world today are there, and now so are we." Steve: "Yeah, Steamroller, High Plain Drifters, Horsemen, watch your backs, 'coz we're coming to kick your butts!" [Steve and Ron hi-five each other. Fade.] Another individual on his way to the IIWF is the Man Of Steel: Man Of Steel ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Weight: 227 lbs Height: 6'2" Origin: Raised in Kansas. Appearance: Wrestles in a red an blue full length costume. Well built with long black hair. Has M.O.S. written on the back and front of the costume's chest. Music: "Made in Heaven" by Queen Face/Heel: Face 5 Favourite Moves: Headlock Roundhouse Right Cobra Clutch European Uppercut Dragon Suplex Finishing Move: Doomsday (Power bomb off the top rope.) Profile: Grew up to be a fighter because of the continual torment that he suffered from his so called friends. His parents wanted him to learn goodness and compassion. He joined up with the police force but found that he could not work to the rules of the force. Decided to take up a career in the ring so that he could purge it of the rulebreakers and cheaters. [Handler: Mike Elliott (elliott@dircon.co.uk)] And another individual who's on his way really _is_ a man of steel - with an iron fist! Let's hear from Fisto Flash, and his manager, Robo Stone: [SCENE: Fisto Flash and Robo Stone stand in the IIWF interview area:] Robo Stone: I'm here with ma' boy, Fisto Flash. He's the most brutal wrestler of ALL time, and he's comin' for the GOLD! Fisto Flash: I am Fisto Flash. They call me Fisto because a' my metal fist. They call me Flash 'cause a' how fast I knock you OUT!!! I'm here for one, and ONLY, one reason: to win IIWF gold. That's what it's ALL about! I come from Brooklyn, New York; where you learn to fight BEFORE you even learn to walk. I raise my fist of iron before my match in confidence. I raise my fist of iron during my match in glory. And I raise my fist after my match in victory. No man can match my power. No man can match my brute strength. And absolutely no man can match my DESTRUCTION! [Fade] I've heard tell that this individual is extremely sadistic - and incredibly strong. He could be a force to be reckoned with here in the IIWF. Let's take a look at his stats: FISTO FLASH Weight: 305 lbs. Height: 6'6" Origin: Brooklyn, New York Manager: Robo Stone Appearance: blue eyes, brown hair, wears blue underwear, tights and boots, and red elbow/knee pads Theme Music: "Eye of the Tiger" Face/Heel: Heel 5 Favorite Moves: body slam, full nelson, punch, suplex, back breaker Finishing Move: knucklebomb (piledriver off the top rope) Profile of wrestler: loves to fight and pose, raises fist constantly in glory; wears a metal fist [Handler: Edwin Drantivy (dranman@ix.netcom.com)] We'll have more news on these and other newcomers in our next Report. Don't miss it! Trash Talk ~~~~~~~~~~ On Saturday night, the Subway Psycho bound Brian Lau and spray-painted him, keeping Tiger Claw out of the picture by trapping him in his locker-room. Let's get comments from Brian Lau, courtesy of *sigh* Kenny Tananka... [Kenny Tanaka enters Tiger Claw's locker room to hear a shower being turned off. Brian Lau walks onto the scene in a bath robe] Kenny: I got here as soon as I heard... Brian: That's it... Psycho? You are a DEAD MAN! After Tiger Claw beats on Hakiro Matsuoko next week, I want a contract signed with you... I want you in the ring with Tiger Claw. Do you know how hard it is to get this crap out of your hair? Oh, and I'm sending you the cleaning bill for my suit. Kenny: What a coward... Locking Tiger Claw in a closet and attacking you... Brian: I know... And for what? So I had a conversation with Sasha... Big deal... Kenny: Tiger Claw must be really angry. Brian: Oh, he is... As we speak, he's in the ring fighting that battle royal, and I hope he gives Subway Psycho the beating of his life... The positive side of this is that I have no doubt that he'll win because he's so fired up... I can picture it now... [Tiger Claw walks into the room, throwing chairs around] Brian: What? What happened? Didn't you win? [Tiger Claw shakes his head] What? What went wrong? Tiger Claw: Matsuoko... Brian: WHAT!?! That coward won the belt!? HOW!!?? It doesn't matter... Calm down... We've got him in that match this coming Saturday... Don't worry... Look... [Brian goes into a locker and pulls out two rolls of canvas-like material] Brian: See? Your hands will be wrapped... No gloves... Remember the last time? Remember? Well, in IIWF, they're not going to have you kicked out... We're allowed to do it here... I want you to hurt the man... I want you to take that belt from him... It's for the TITLE, now, Tiger... [Tiger Claw looks at the handwraps, thinks about it, and smiles cruelly.] Kenny: Who's your corner man going to be? Brian: Oh, an old trainer of Tiger Claw's... He knows the ins and outs of the ring. He even taught Tiger Claw a few things... He'll take care of business... Kenny: What about Casey James? Brian: Oh, you're right... I wouldn't doubt it if that idiot came in to throw a few shots in... It's okay... We've got him covered... Kenny: What about Subway Psycho? Brian: Good point... I think we're going to need some extra protection... Here's the deal... I want to say something to the Horsemen. Outlaw? Let's put the tournament behind us... What happened happened... It was for the World belt. I would have done the same... There's one thing, though... Tiger Claw helped you in your match against Hakiro Matsuoko... Now I'm asking for your help... I want my man to win the IC belt, and I don't want any disqualifications. I need someone to keep Subway Psycho from coming down to the ring... Will you help me? We can then call it even... I respect you, Horsemen, and I want to make this peace offering. Kenny: So how about it, Horsemen? Mr. Lau, thank you once again for your time. [Fade] Hakiro's corner man in that incredibly dangerous encounter will be Casey "Whitebread" James. We've got a live link to Casey now... [Cut to split screen, Dross on the left and Casey on the right] TD: Casey, it's good to have you here. Casey: Thanks... I've been training like a maniac after the Battle Royal... I got eliminated way too easily... I've got to pump up... And It's going to come in handy from what I hear about the martial arts challenge. Hakiro Matsuoko has me as a corner man. I'm going to help him through the match... I'll give him some tactical advice, make sure he's well rested between rounds... He can't lose... The problem is, I'm not just going to be a corner man... I'm going to have to keep an eye on Brian Lau and this other corner man they have... I know they'll try to interfere. This match is for the title... We need a clean win... That way everything can be wrapped up... TD: Speaking of wrapped up, what about the fact that Tiger Claw is going to have his hands wrapped? Is Hakiro going to do the same? Casey: I don't know... That's really up to him... I think he should. He's a champion now, so he shouldn't take any unnecessary risks... I heard that the last time Tiger Claw fought with wrapped fists with no gloves, he crippled a man... Punched the guy so hard in the head that he couldn't walk again... That's why he's here and not still in Thailand... He was kicked out of the circuit, and wanted a place to hurt people... Hakiro's got to be careful. I don't want to see my friend crippled... Tiger Claw is a dangerous man. Everything he does is designed to injure his opponent. The worst part is that he's completely aware of it, and he actually likes it! TD: What about Brian Lau's plea to the Horsemen? Casey: Well, it's pretty well known how I feel about the Horsemen... If they do help out Brian Lau by keeping Subway Psycho out, that's a good thing... We don't want Brian complaining how Psycho won the match for Hakiro... But we all know that the Horsemen will interfere in the match... It's their nature... That's the problem... I wouldn't trust them any farther than I could spit them... It's really too bad the contract is already signed, otherwise we might be able to hold this in a cage or something... Anything to keep other fighters at bay... This is a contest between two people... Not a tag team match... I guess we'll just have to see... TD: Casey, thankyou for your time. [Cut back to normal shot.] Dan "Flash" Kauffman has also been training hard, and is almost ready to get back in the ring. This weekend, he'll face the Deathbringer. Let's go to his comments: [SCENE: the training room of the Kauffman residence, which is a basement known as "Hell's Abyss", Dan works his fast-healing right knee to its max with a weight lift machine. Brandon Bennett coaches him on...] BENNETT: Come on, Dan, almost there, you've got it, 48! Now suck in the oxygen, get that focus on your face, Dan! 49! Nearly there! 50! KAUFFMAN: WHEW!! Remind me never to get injured again! This is hard work! Not that wrestling isn't, but at least I ENJOY doing that! BENNETT: Looks like the camera is ready to pick up your comments. KAUFFMAN: Okay, thanks, Brandon. We'll work more a little later. [Bennett goes upstairs and out of view, while Dan gets up on his feet and wraps a towel over his shoulders.] Yes, by next Saturday, I should be in peak condition for the battle of my life against the Deathbringer. But I'll get to that later in this time. I've got something else on my mind first... The Outlaw's comments on last Saturday's card. Outlaw, yes, you did compliment me, saying that I can do about anything in the ring. And I thank you for that comment. But Outlaw, as for that offer about possibly becoming the Fourth Horsemen... I've been disliked in my career plenty of times, and that won't bother me. But I've also been in stables and groups before, and they've only turned their backs on me at some point. Besides that, I am my own person. I do things my own way. And I will continue to do so for however long I am in professional wrestling. I stand on my own two feet, and I think you know that. And as far as lacking a killer instinct... Well... [Dan walks over to the heavy bag of his, and delivers three lightning-fast karate-style kicks followed by a vicious right hook that dislodges the bag altogether!] I think it's safe to say that I do not lack such. Outlaw, once I'm done with the Deathbringer, wether defeated or successful, You're next. And you'll find out just what kind of a killer instinct I have! Now, on to the topic of much importance. Deathbringer, I was really amused at how your entrance in the Battle Royal cleared the ring. You know that no such thing will happen with me. One thing that won't have a factor in this match is fear. Do you doubt that? For some reason, I don't think you do. I love it when I gain respect. But I announce this to all of the IIWF right now... Deathbringer, I accept the Cage Texas Death Match, just as everyone knew I would. Now the question is, how do you beat a man such as you when there is a cage around the ring, no disqualification, and pinfalls and submissions won't neccessarily win you the match? Even I can't answer that question yet. But Deathbringer, don't think that I'm not going to come after you like there's no tommorow. Because to me, there never is a tommorow. I live one day at a time, and concentrate on one thing at a time. And as you are a very difficult man to beat, I too, am a difficult man to beat. Deathbringer, this is a match where there will be a winner WITHIN the confines of the rules, just as you wanted it. I do believe you are a mortal, although perhaps a very gifted mortal. And if there's one rule about wrestling, it's that any man can be defeated at any time at any place. Deathbringer, I will follow you into the darkness. But I will bring my light and soul. And when a light is powerful enough, and a soul strong enough, it can overcome even the bleakest of odds. And I am a man that thrives on odds. In five days, I face my biggest challenge to date. Deathbringer, never count a warrior out of a match. And let death fall where it may. I'm waiting... [Fade] Both High Velocity and the High Plains Drifters have bones to pick with each other. Let's get comments from them both regarding this weekend's match, beginning with Josey Wales and his cowboys: [Scene: Locker room after Saturday Night's match. Pale RIder and Easy Rider start tearing up the locker room. Lockers, trash cans, tables, and chairs fly around the room. Josey Wales enters...] Wales: Yeah boys, see, that's the emotion, the aggression, the intensity I want to see. Why can't you wrestle like that? Easy: Because those two guys from High Velocity distracted us. What were they doing there? Wales: They had nothing to do with your loss to Rising Sun. You guys were distracted because your not focused. I feel like I'm wasting my time with you guys. Now I got you a match with High Velocity for next week. And you better not let me down again. Pale: Let you down! LET YOU DOWN! We wrestle for ourselves! You weren't even at ringside! You were supposed to be there! Wales: [Grabs Pale's arm and spins it around, putting the much younger man in a painful submission hold] Now don't you ever raise your voice to me again. [Pale begins to whimper] I work my ass off for you guys and you better learn to appreciate it. Easy: Yes boss...heh, heh, I appreciate you. I guarentee a win next week. [Fade] High Velocity aren't content with the match they wanted being signed... now they want it in a cage! Let's hear from them and the Senator: [SCENE: As the camera fades from black we see The Senator and High Velocity standing just outside of a ring surrounded by a steel cage.] The Senator: Well boys, do you think we got the Drifters' attention? J.R. METRO: That had to be the easiest time yet. All we have to do is stand there minding our own business. We came out to do some scouting of the competition and what happens, the Drifters get so distracted just because we are there, that they lose. T. ROWE: I think that this challenge we put out is being avoided by the Drifters. They call themselves the High Plains Drifters, when it should be the "Let's High Tail It Out Of Here" Drifters. Come on Drifters, take the challenge, step on up, and meet us in our cage! [Camera pans to the cage] J.R. METRO: It will take all you have just to stay with us. We don't think you have what it takes. Concentration is the key. T. ROWE: The brutality that is going to happen in this ring when and if you have the nerve, will be like none ever seen in this great sport we call wrestling. [As T. ROWE is speaking we hear a knock on the door and a little man runs up to The Senator, handing him a piece of paper. The Senator reads the note and gets a look of excitement on his face.] The Senator: That's enough boys, we have got to go. [We see The Senator and High Velocity rush out the door, The camera fades to black.] Whether the Drifters accept the cage stipulation remains to be seen, as does just what it was that got the Senator so excited there... only time will tell. And finally, yesterday I was taken on another wild goose chase by the "Showstopper" Simon Lebec. He cordially invited me to travel with him on one of his aeroplanes. Foolishly, I agreed... [SCENE: aeroplane interior. It's not the most glamorous flying machine ever. Dross sits facing Lebec, who is relaxing in the company of Miss Crystal.] TD: Well, Simon Lebec, this hunk of junk wouldn't stop any show! Why are we up here? SL: It's a hobby of mine Dross! Got this little baby as a present from Paramount after starring in the smash hit "Honeys in Hollywood"!! TD: Never heard of it. SL: Wouldn't expect that you'd watch cultured films anyways, from how you're dressed. HA! TD: Sounds real cultured. Anyway, enough about your planes or your movies. I want to get the scoop on your wrestling ability. SL: My wrestling ability? I'm the best! What more do you need to know? TD: I've seen your resume. Quite an impressive list of titles in such a short time. SL: Don't forget Oscars either.... or "Beefcake" pageant blue ribbons.... DROSSMAN! I've done it all! TD: But what you have yet to do is claim some gold here in the IIWF. What are your opinions on that? SL: It'll all come in time. I'll wait it out for a while, watching the champions and the "serious" challengers destroy each other. Making a name for myself at the expense of Billy "The Jobber" Shakespeare, that freak Moondust, or any other guy that wants to step up to the plate, makes no difference to me. TD: But why did you come up short at both the Clash and the battle royal? SL: WHY? Professional jealousy..... personal jealousy! Everyone wants to be Simon Lebec. If they can't be me, then they'll try to destroy me. Plain and simple. This is why I got a crappy draw at the Clash. This is why I was beaten from pillar to post last Friday. I've learned to accept it. It's happened my whole life. Sometimes I wonder why the Lord has made me better than everyone else. Perhaps God is jealous too! TD: The conceit that comes....... [Dross is interrupted. All of a sudden, the plane's engines die.] Francois: We've lost her boss!!!! TD: Er.... what? SL: Looks like we're going down Dross! Hope you know how to use a parachute. [Lebec and Miss Crystal begin to put on their parachutes. Lebec gives Dross a chute as well.] Better put that on, Dross! [A terrified Tim Dross throws on the pack and jumps, with the help of a little push from Lebec.] Ha! Perfect, Francois! Those tarpits should be directly below. You can turn the engines back on!!! [The engines come back to life. Simon Lebec takes out a bottle of chilled champagne from the cockpit and pours two glasses, giving one to Miss Crystal.] Now sweetie, where were we? [Fade] Next Weekend's Card ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ IIWF Saturday Night - Saturday 1 June ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ What a card we have in prospect this weekend. Let's run down the matches currently signed: IIWF World Heavyweight Championship Submission Match: The Outlaw vs. Tony Starks The rules of this match are simple: the only way to win is by submission. No other decision will count. However, just to reduce the possibility of interference, Flare and Brad "Bodybag" Kinder will once more be suspended above the ring in cages. We'll be taking a closer look at this match on Friday, but I can tell you now that Starks looks like the favourite. He's much more of a submission and endurance wrestler than the burly Outlaw. We could see the title change hands this Saturday night. IIWF Intercontinental Championship Martial Arts Match: "Angel of the Sun" Hakiro Matsuoko vs. Tiger Claw Three rounds of three minutes, wrapped fists and corner men - all add up to make one of the most dangerous matches in wrestling history. The two martial arts supremos of the IIWF will mix it up in a match that will almost certainly result in somebody leaving on a stretcher. Tiger Claw could well take the title in this match, with both manager Lau and an unnamed corner man at ringside. Casey James will be there to back up Hakiro, but nine minutes can be an awfully long time when you're backed up against the corner and Tiger Claw is beating you with his fists and knees. The Angel of the Sun could be beaten here, folks. Texas Death Cage Match: Deathbringer vs. Dan "Flash" Kauffman In this one, there's no way in and there's no way out. There will be a winner. After their indecisive encounter at the Clash, Kauffman and the 'Bringer will mix it up in a cage, Texas Death style. In this kind of match, there is no DQ, no countout - and once you've either pinned your opponent or forced him to submit, if he doesn't get up by the count of ten, the match is over. If he does get up, the match goes on. Both of these men don't have the word "quit" in their vocabulary - so somebody's going to end up unconscious! This really is a career-shortening match. "Spotlight" Billy Shakespeare vs. "Showstopper" Simon Lebec Whether Billy will be able to keep his mind on this match-up is a moot point, what with Moondust continuing to make advances towards the man who was "Born to perform". Lebec could be focused enough to defeat Billy. We'll have to wait and see. High Velocity vs. High Plains Drifters These two teams have been at each others' throats since day one here in the IIWF... now they get the chance to go one on one. High Velocity want this one in a cage - will the Drifters comply? We'll have an update for you on Friday. Stunt Team U.S.A. vs. The Rotundos Our first chance to see Ron and Steve in action as they take on the Rotundos. More matches will probably be announced by the front office between now and our next report. All in all, it promises to be one hell of an evening's entertainment. Don't miss it, live this Saturday! Next Report ~~~~~~~~~~~ In our next report, I'll be bringing you more details on this weekend's card, including interviews and comments from the participants. Plus in the Dross Report, we'll examine the Submission Match main event in depth. But that's all we have time for now, so until Friday, this is Tim Dross, saying: so long, everybody! +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= I * I * W * F =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+ | Send mail to univ0322@sable.ox.ac.uk with the subject lines: | | "send faq" for the FAQ + "send singles" or "send tag" for the | | rosters + "send handlers" for a list of handlers | +----------------------------------------------------------------------+ | IIWF Home: http://users.ox.ac.uk/~univ0322/iiwf/ | +----------------------------------------------------------------------+ | Submit material for the Report to univ0322@sable.ox.ac.uk | +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+