##### ###### ### ########## ########## ########## #### ## ########## ########## ########## #### # #### ######## ##### ##### #### ## ##### #### #### #### #### ### #### #### #### #### ############# ######### #### #### ########### ######### #### #### #### #### #### ######### ######### ### #### #### ######### ######### ### ## #### ######## ######## ## # #### =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- ## =-=-=-= INTERNATIONAL INTERNET WRESTLING FEDERATION =============================================== Control Centre Report - 11th June 1996 ----------------------------------------------- Hello everybody and welcome to another IIWF Control Centre update. I am, as always, Tim Dross, and today I'll be bringing you: - all the lowdown on this past weekend's events - news on tomorrow night's card - all the usual trash talk - the latest rankings and more, so let's get to it! IIWF Saturday Night - 8th June 1996 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The fans in the Coliseum on Saturday evening were privy to another spectacular card of wrestling entertainment. Let's run down the card, and hear from the participants: - THE RETURNERS made a victorious debut, defeating the BARNACLE BROTHERS - DAN KAUFFMAN & JOE LATTA defeated THE ROTUNDOS in a great tag team encounter. But after the match, the crowd was hushed by a threat from Deathbringer, as the lights dropped out, and the sinister glowing red eyes were seen on the video wall. This sent Joe Latta backstage searching for the man from the dark side, but of course, he was nowhere to be found. Let's hear from Dan and Joe: [In "Hell's Abyss", Dan Kauffman and Joe Latta are conversing to each other in plush recliners. Latta looks excited, and Dan... well, I think we know that Kauffman's demeanor never changes. The camera picks up the following...] LATTA: Dan, I sure as hell hope that Deathbringer has his death warrant issued for himself, 'cause I ain't taking this no more! KAUFFMAN: [Shaking his head] That mental trick the Bringer played after our match really worked on you, didn't it? LATTA: A coward? I am? I don't care anymore! When I face him, I'm going to make him eat those words! KAUFFMAN: That's great, Joe. Meet Deathbringer out of focus, in a blind fury, and get buried alive. Is that really what you want, Joe? LATTA: It won't happen that way! KAUFFMAN: You think it won't? Joe, you know what I've done to men like him in the past... LATTA: You pretty much dominated them... KAUFFMAN: Well, I can't dominate this guy, and that does worry me! I'm in focus when I face him, and he STILL gets the better of me... LATTA: You've won one and drawn one against him. That's getting the better of you? KAUFFMAN: In all fairness, that record SHOULD be 0 wins and 2 losses. Listen, Joe. This guy is not just a walking gimmick. As far as I'm concerned, this guy is the toughest son of a you-know-what I've ever seen. This is NOT a guy to take with anything BUT everything you have. Joe, even when completely focused, he doesn't take losses. [pauses] I'm not even sure if I can defeat him anymore. I had no doubts that I could beat him in that cage... I'm just not sure anymore. So you've got to be careful, Joe! LATTA: [realizing what Dan's saying] Okay, I'll try not to let my emotions take over. Because I know that you know what you're talking about. I'll say focused. KAUFFMAN: Good. You have a match on Wednesday against this Prince of Darkness. I've seen him before... Very similar to Deathbringer. I want you to take PoD as if he WERE Deathbringer. LATTA: I got you. Yeah, PoD must be taken down... And I must stay focused... KAUFFMAN: I think I'll be at ringside for this one too, just to make sure. And if you get by Darkness, I've got a match ready to be signed for you to meet Deathbringer the following Wednesday... LATTA: [A slight hitch is herad in his voice] I'll be ready. KAUFFMAN: All right. Then I think you need to start heading off to the Coloseum. I'll come along in a second. LATTA: All right. You take care. KAUFFMAN: You more than I. [Latta heads upstairs out of the basement, while Dan looks into the camera with trained focus in his eyes] Deathbringer, you asked me why I kept Joe as a friend after his attack on you. I've known Joe for 11 years... He saved my life a long time ago, or else... but you don't need to know that. Bringer, I had no idea that Joe wanted to compete in the ring. Yes, I knew he was in the arena for that match. His emotions take over sometimes, as I'm sure yare aware. But Bringer, you do not dump a close friend just for one mistake. Or several mistakes, for that matter. I've conceded your superiority over the last weeks. If your respect is gone towards me, it should be gone, and I must fight hard to get it back. Deathbringer, I'll admit three things to you right now. Yes, there IS a hint of fear in me towards you. It's because of stepping into the unknown... EVERYONE has a little fear in them... people as a whole could not survive without that fear, for the fear makes them aware and cautious. Yes, you've dominated our matches. And perhaps, just maybe, Joe OR I can not defeat you. But Deathbringer, If you think that Joe and I are just going to concede victories to you, just forget it. There is warrior's blood running through both Joe and myself. We may not win the battle, but if we don't, we're going to make sure that you don't just walk right over us! Bringer, there are no more Championship aspirations in me, no more thoughts of what's to come next. I am, for the first time, COMPLETELY focused on YOU! I don't know if it will be enough against you... But I guess we'll all find out in the weeks to come. Deathbringer, if you are my maker, then I am your prey. And I'm used to being the prey... We will meet once again... And the name of Dan Kauffman will finally be brought to honor... until then... [Dan walks up the steps and out of Hell's Abyss. Fade.] - ALTAIR was defeated in a Loser Leaves IIWF Handicap match, against his former stable-partners, HIGH VELOCITY. However, Altair surprised everyone by bringing out the manager of the High Plains Drifters', and enemy of the Senator, Josey Wales, and this nearly threw the opposition totally of balance. It was a chaotic match, and the High Plains Drifters themselves tried to make the save, wanting to get High Velocity out of the IIWF forever, but failed. These two teams are certain to meet down the line: [SCENE: Tim Dross catches up the High Plains Drifters along with their manager Josey Wales in the locker room after IIWF Saturday Night:] TD: I want to talk to you guys. What was that all about? You, Mr. Wales, came out with Altair and then proceeded to mix it up the Senator, a man you're signed to wrestle on the next Midweek Mayhem card! JW: Altair requested my presence. I jumped at an opportunity to drive the Senator crazy. If you can get into a man's head, you've beaten him already. TD: Now Pale Rider and Easy Rider, you fellas came out and attacked High Velocity... ER: That's right. There's no secret that we don't like those guys. We got a win over them under less than ideal situations last time. PR: Yeah, the victory was nice and all, but we didn't have a chance to really punish them last time. We're about bringing pain and breakin' bones. That what tonight's appearence was all about. TD: Well, you guys are signed to wrestle the team of Man of Steel and Casey James next. Any comments? ER: I guess they want to die or something. Tag team wrestling is completely different than singles wreslting. PR: We've wrestled as a team our whole life, and we rule the tag ranks right now. If they think they can come into OUR HOUSE and walk through, they've got another thing coming. [Fade] As for Altair, he's now gone from the IIWF. Very final, but those were the stipulations. - CASEY JAMES wrestled to a draw against MOONDUST This was one of the most bizarre matches I've ever seen. Things became unmanageable when Billy Shakespeare came out to the ring, and ushered in six scantily-clad female nymphs, who launched themselves upon Moondust, embarrassing him greatly. He fled the ring, and the referee declared the bout a draw. Moondust himself has apparently retreated to an isolation chamber to calm himself down and cleanse himself of Billy's little surprises. In the meantime, let's hear from Casey "Whitebread" James: [SCENE: Interviewer walking down a suburban street with the camera man following closely behind] Interviewer: Hello, folks, we're on our way to the home of Casey James, where we can hopefully get some comments from him about his match on Saturday and on the new tag team he's formed. [The pair reach a modest home. Casey James can be seen walking out the front door to his car, holding a gym bag] Interviewer: Casey! Can we have a word with you? Casey: Ummm, sure guys.... Interviewer: What are your thoughts on the match you had with Moondust on Saturday night? Casey: Strange... That's all I can really say. I really wished I could have won the match by pinning Moondust... Of course, I'm not sure that I would want to lay on top of him for three seconds. I did my best, and that's really what matters... However, it occurs to me that maybe single's competition isn't for me... I have an opportunity to team up with another hero of the IIWF in the form of the Man of Steel. In fact, I'm going to train with the Man of Steel right now for our match on Wednesday. We'll need all of our wits about us when fighting the High Plains Drifters. They're an established tag team, and we're new... So what do we have going for us? Good clean American goodness... That's right. We will prevail because we don't cheat, and we definately don't drink alcohol like those two. We're clean, my friends... So clean we squeak. We'll be victorious and one step closer to getting a shot at Steamroller, the tag title holders. That way, we can represent the IIWF as champions and go to schools, talk to the kids, be role models... You know, Good stuff! Interviewer: What about cleaning up the IIWF? Casey: We'll be doing plenty of that... Horsemen, beware, because we're going to be watching you! Interviewer: Thank you for your time, Casey. It was a pleasure spreaking with you. Casey: The pleasure is all mine... But I have to go train now... I don't want to be tardy! [Fade] - TIGER CLAW was pinned by the SUBWAY PSYCHO in a very hard-fought match It was the Outlaw's presence that proved decisive in this encounter... the Psycho ended up using the IIWF World Championship belt to secure his victory over Claw. As you can imagine, Brian Lau isn't too happy about that: [SCENE: Tiger Claw's locker room after his match with Subway Psycho. Kenny Tanaka, Brian Lau, and Tiger Claw are present] Kenny: Hello, everyone... This is Kenny Tanaka coming to you from the Coliseum. I'm here with Brian Lau and Tiger Claw after the match-up against the Subway Psycho. Brian, what happened out there? Brian: I'll tell you what happened... Tiger Claw wasn't focused! [Tiger Claw nods his head] Brian: He was so wrapped up with hurting Psycho that he forgot about beating him. Of course, the championship belt across his head didn't help much. Even on Tiger's worst day, Psycho had to cheat to get the win. I hope you're proud of yourself, Psycho. That wasn't even your own belt you used... You will get yours... It may not even be in the ring. Watch your back, moron, because I know where to find you... I know more about you than you think. Sasha told me everything about you during our little conversation before she dumped you... You're marked. Kenny: Does this mean you're giving up on the Intercontinental belt? Brian: Are you crazy? We want to issue a challenge to Hakiro Matsuoko. We are coming to the end of the path, Matsuoko, and that's Ring Wars. We challenge you to a match during that card. This will be the conclusion of the story. If Tiger Claw loses, you are to be left alone. Of course, I don't see this happening since he's dominated you in every match he's fought you in. The only thing keeping him from that belt is outside interference. I propose that this match be in a steel cage to keep unwanted Psychos out of the ring. Like I said, this will be the last confrontation we have. Kenny: Are you saying that Subway Psycho may still be a variable by then? Brian: No. There's plenty of time between now and then, and Psycho will be taken out during that time. After tonight, Tiger Claw will be sure to keep a better focus. I'm hiring some teachers of meditation for him to help him stay calm and focused... You'll be looking at a newer, more dangerous Tiger Claw. [Tiger Claw sits on a bench behind them, obviously pained by what has happened in his match against Subway Psycho] Brian: Psycho, you have shamed Tiger Claw, and that is one thing he will not stand for. You will be paid back. [Tiger Claw looks at the camera, and moves his thumb across his throat, signalling that Subway Psycho is in trouble.] Kenny: Well, thanks a lot, guys... This is Kenny Tanaka for Brian Lau and Tiger Claw saying: so long! [Fade] However, it seems that Psycho is at last ready to put Sasha's retirement behind him - he's going for bigger and better things, like the IIWF World Championship: [SCENE: A railroad yard at night. A place were the the old and outdated cars and trains are left to rust away. Suddenly an old passenger car flips over, right off the track it was put to rot on.] SUBWAY PSYCHO: Ah... so you've found me. This is were I come to work out. There's nothing better than "De-railing" some of these old babies. Like I've said earlier...I'M BACK ON TRACK! With the victory over Tiger Claw, I have exorcised any demons that have been eating at me. I want to thank the fans for sticking with me through what has been a difficult period. I could not have defeated Tiger Claw without all of you. So all of you get on board for the ride of your lives! I'm on to new business. I WILL BE THE NEXT IIWF CHAMPION! DO YOU HEAR ME OUTLAW!?! I'm sure you're going to try to say you were an innocent bystander last Saturday. That I attacked you with your own belt without provocation. Did you forget what happened at the last Mayhem? Did you not attack me in my match against Kinder? You started this...I'll finish it. I've shown you nothing but respect since we've known each other. We have both walked the solitary track. I was willing to overlook your recent rule breaking behavior and your affiliations with the Horsemen, but no more. You've attacked me and belittled me every at every chance you can get. You want to play on my tracks? You want to make a game of this? YOU, my friend, ARE GOING DOWN! I WANT THAT BELT!!! And I'm willing and prepared to rip it off your dead carcass if that's what it takes! The fans of IIWF desire a true and deserving champion. I'm willing to do whatever it takes to get a title shot. I challenge the winner of Wednesday's Haley vs. Deathbringer match. These are definetly two of the better and bigger men that the IIWF has to offer. After I defeat the winner of that match, it should be obvious who is the true champion of IIWF. Taking the belt from the Outlaw is only a formality after that. I want to speak to everyone listening now...Let's watch the Outlaw from this point on. He knows what I can do, he knows I can beat him. Let see if he's brave enough to let me earn my title shot. Or will he be a coward and try to sabotage my title run, by interfering in my matches. Outlaw...time is your ally now, but your time is running out! [With that, the Psycho lifts one end of a railroad car off the tracks and hurls it into the camera. The screen goes black] So the Subway Psycho is going solo - and wants the gold. - FLARE defeated THE CRIPPLER Flare finally scored his first IIWF victory on Saturday Night, over the Crippler. Naturally, it was Brad "Bodybag" Kinder's interference that proved decisive, but Flare forced his opponent to submit with the Figure Four Leglock. The Crippler is not a happy man: [SCENE: The Crippler's masked face. He speaks:] "FLARE...HOW DARE YOU? How dare you bring one of your second rates flunkies to ringside to interfere. How dare you....." [The Crippler grimaces beneath his mask and then speaks again.] "Flare, you have not seen the last of me. Not by a long shot. Your best wrestling days are LONG behind you. Flab has taken over, your judgement is clouded. The only reason Trash Bag was at ring side was because you couldnt beat me on your own...This ain't over Flare......." [Fade] Let's hear from Flare now - he has some big news concerning the Horsemen: [The camera pans across the Iron Den. Theres a steamy haze about the room. Flare is seated at the bench press with Miss Secret close at his side and to the left casually leaning on the ring is Brad "Bodybag" Kinder. The camera moves in on Flare and Victoria.] FLARE: Do you notice something missing, Miss Secret? [Victoria nods a yes] FLARE: I do too, we all know whats missing. Yet like everything we do, it's Horsemen business and we'll handle it the way we see fit. As the head of the stable, I feel that's all that has to be said. Now on to more pressing issues. It seems my ablity is in question. Well, we all know the stakes are high here in the double I-W-F. Understand this, look around, look at the chaos the Horsemen have caused. Every win and every lose falls right into our game plan. However if you need prime examples, I'll start with this, Tony Starks fell victum to the figure four, the Crippler was crippled... and for you non-believers I'm going to issue a challenge. I'll go as far as to say a tag match - and here are the players: Casey James, oh Whitebread, in the past you've stepped on our toes which has gone unanswered... until NOW! And.....let's see....your new found friend the Maaaaaannnn of Steel. The boy of tin who at the first mid-week card jumped into our backyard. Since you've got our attention and your walking in our domain, it's time to play with the big dogs! Now the cards are dealt and you know I've got an ace in the hole. So in all fairness I'll tell ya this, I know your weakness, I've got your kryptonite. But it's not green it's BLACK.... ladies and gentlemen I give you the fourth Horseman... Blackjack Haley!! [Blackjack slowly walks in and stands beside Flare and Miss Secret. Flare looks up at Haley and looks back at the camera with a devious grin.] Heh heh....so if you boys are man enough, walk the aisle next saturday and take the pain like a maaaaannnn. Whoooo!!! [The camera pans back getting a wide shot of the Horsemen and the den and then fades out.] I guess we can say goodbye to the "Green Giant" - and say hello to Blackjack Haley. - HAKIRO MATSUOKO defeated the VENUSIAN DEATH CELL by countout, to retain the IIWF Intercontinental Championship. This match was crazy. The VDC was tormented throughout by the jailer, who kept electrocuting him with a prod. Eventually, the Cell snapped and went ballistic on his handlers and the jailer. He then shocked Hakiro with the prod for good measure before taking off into the crowd. He was stopped by the "Green Giant"... I mean, Blackjack Haley, and the two of them brawled out into the car park. Let's go to some footage shot after the conclusion of the card on Saturday night: [The Venusian Death Cell is in the Coliseum car park after his Intercontinental match with Hakiro Matsuoko. His handlers turn up and see him brawling with Jack Haley. The police let them through the cordon and they try to restrain him. They take him to the cage and attempt to put him in. He refuses. After a brief struggle, he summons up the strength to throw them and then the jailer into the cage and slams the door shut. He then pushes the cage from behind and goes ploughing straight through the crowd, who had all rushed out from inside the arena, and rams it into a car. The men inside are all rendered unconscious. "Soundbite" Steve Roberts turns up to check his car and cringes when he hears the thud. He looks at the camera, shrugs his shoulders, smiles and says "Thank God for that! It's not mine!" The VDC panics and sprints off into a nearby park. Roberts goes chasing after him, followed by a camera crew. They try and find him for a couple of minutes and then give up. They return to the car park where everything has died down and then drive away. Fade] Things really started to get weird later that evening when I received a strange call from somebody who I can only assume was either the VDC or somebody who knew where he was. The voice was a very strange accent... here's a recording made on my answerphone: [Begin recording] TD: Hello? Who is this? Voice: Dross, is that you? TD: Yes, it is. Do I know you? Voice: You know me, but not personally. We have never spoken before. I do not mean to distress you. Meet me on Wednesday outside the Coliseum and we'll talk then. I don't have any more change. Be there. Please! [The line goes dead] I'll be there, folks. And I'll get to the bottom of this one. - THE OUTLAW pinned SIMON LEBEC to retain the IIWF World Heavyweight Championship. The most notable thing about this match was that Flare and Brad Kinder were nowhere to be seen throughout. We now know that they were with Jack Haley, but this certainly proved that the Outlaw is able to hold his own and come out laughing even when he has no Horsemen support. In fact, it seems he's considering going solo once more... [Fade in on a shot of a stunning sunset from the top of a butte in New Mexico. Purple clouds stretch across the sky. A lone figure sits at the edge of the cliff staring out at the scene. Beside him is the IIWF World Championship belt. The Outlaw is seemingly oblivious to the camera and keeps his eyes directly on the sky as he speaks quietly:] The tribes in this area call this place "Mountain of Enlightenment." They say you can see from the beginning of time to the end of the world if you look closely enough, but I'm more interested in the here and now. You see, of everything that happened Saturday night, the thing I remember most clearly was one sentence uttered by Deathbringer. He was talking to Dan Kauffman, but the words slapped me harder than any IIWF wrestler. "Betraying yourself is the most disgusting thing one can do," he said. I've been chased all my life but I've always had enough trust in my own skills to never be caught. I've traveled the deserts and prairies alone knowing that most men would just as soon avoid me. That's the way I felt Saturday night. I was trying to make sense of Deathrbringer's words when I went to watch Subway Psycho's match with Tiger Claw. An innocent bystander, I was attacked by Psycho. Fine. As long as we know where we stand . . . old friend. The question in the title match was, where were Bodybag and Flare? Yeah, where the hell were they? Out assisting some newcomer? [He picks up the IIWF belt and points to it, his voice getting louder] This is what's making the Horsemen credible right now, gentlemen, and I'm a little tired of carrying the bulk of the load. Simon Lebec and the rest of the IIWF saw that the Outlaw does not need outside assistance to win matches and no one -- NO ONE -- not valets, referees, fans, or other wrestlers had better get in my way from now on. Flare, Bodybag, we have an agenda to carry out. I'll do what's necessary in the next few weeks to fulfill my end of the deal because I'm a man of my word . . . [The sun sets very low, leaving just enough light to illuminate the Outlaw's mask. For the first time, he looks directly into the camera] . . . But I'm planning my own agenda and you gentlemen are NOT a part of it. [The camera zooms back, leaving the Outlaw silhouetted against the painted sky. Fade to black.] We'll hear more from the other three Horsemen in due course, no doubt. Trash Talk ~~~~~~~~~~ Last Wednesday night, Don Antonio was brutally beaten by the "Green Giant" Jack Haley. Nobody imagined that we'd ever hear from Antonio again, but he asked that we send a camera crew to his bedside while he convalesces: [SCENE: Don Antonio in his hospital bed.] Don: You know, there has never been a man in all my life that beat me one on one. So far in two matches in the IIWF, I have lost due to outside interference twice. Those Horsemen get their noses into everything and its starting to p*ss me off!!! When you mess with the DON my friends, there are forces beyond myself at work. Keep that in mind next time you sabotage my fights. Hey horsemen, nest time you start your cars or turn on your lights, you'd better be careful because anything might go BOOM! Ciao! [Fade] Antonio may well be ready to step back into the ring within the next couple of weeks. There's a lot of animosity between the Man Of Steel, Fisto Flash and Robski, three newcomers here to the IIWF. Let's hear from all three of them, beginning with the Man Of Steel: [SCENE: Man Of Steel stands inside a ring in Bibbo Bibowski's gym.] MOS: Fisto Flash. Firstly you call yourself a winner. Cheats are not winners. That metal fist that you wear is there to make up for the wrestling skills that you lack. I would at this point like to ask IIWF President Daniel Spreadbury to ban this illegal object from being worn during the match, before somebody gets really hurt. Me and my new partner Casey meet the High Plains Drifters this Wednesday. Prepare for the debut of the team to clean up this federation. Horsemen. It looks like you will be top of the agenda. First, Casey has a date with Moondust and Tiger Claw. I watch on with interest. Horsemen, your days are numbered. The Man of Steel will see your reign of terror ended. I also see a new man amongst us. He calls himself Robski. What have you aggainst America? Is it not true that Americans came from England during the colonization? You hate Americans and so you must also hate your own ancestors! Goodnight IIWF. And remember, cheats never prospor. [Fade to black] Fisto Flash has something to say about that: [SCENE: the Stone Mansion] Robo Stone: Hey Fisto, we really need a challenge, eh? Fisto Flash: Yeah, how can the IIWF possibly think that the Jobber of Steel could challenge me? Robo: I don't know, but that guy's taggin' along with some Casey James idiot. But, anyways, if you want the gold, you gotta get up the top a' the mountain. You're ranked only 10th in the IIWF; you should be 1st. Fisto: [turns toward camera] Yeah, I'd like to make a public announcement. Fisto Flash is now gonna take on ANYONE who's on top of him on the IIWF ladder! I got a match with Robski, soon, and then I wanna take on Joe Latta. Latta! You're not even TOUGH enough to be on the same scale as Fisto Flash; but you are. I don't care who it is, when it is, or how it's gonna be done! I want some competition here in the IIWF, and now I'm out to find it! Robo: Robski, come next week, you'll fall under the power of FISTO FLASH! [Fisto Flash starts posing while Robo Stone laughs confidently. Fade] And Fisto Flash will indeed meet the soccer thug, Robski this weekend: [SCENE: Interviewer stands in a street, outside an English pub.] Interviewer: I am in the English City of Birmingham, I am hoping to catch a few words with Robski, the English wrestling superstar. We understand he will be leaving the pub shortly to go to the match. [After ten minutes of waiting outside the pub Robski emerges, very very drunk] Interviewer: Robski... Robski: Who the hell are you? Interviewer: I'm the IIWF roving reporter. Robski: So what? Interviewer: I'm here to grab a few words with you. Robski: P*ss Off. Interviewer: It's in your contract you know: no interview - no money. [Robski stops, he turns to the camera and smiles. The interviewer has spoken the international language that Robski loves: money.] Robski: What would you like to know ? Interviewer: Fisto Flash has been bad-mouthing you recently, do you have any words for him? Robski: [starts to shake with anger] Fisto Flash, Fisto Flash [now shouting] FISTO FLASH, YOU DERANGED PIECE OF GARBAGE, HOW DARE YOU CALL ME BRITISH, I AM ENGLISH, AND YOU WILL PAY FOR THAT INSULT. Interviewer: Surely there's no difference. Robski: [still shouting] THERE IS A WORLD OF DIFFERENCE, I AM NOT A SCOT, I AM NOT IRISH AND I AM NOT WELSH, BEING ENGLISH ISN'T JUST ABOUT NATIONALITY, IT IS ABOUT SELF-RESPECT, SELF-ESTEEM AND DO YOU KNOW THAT IN THIS WORLD THERE ARE TWO TYPES OF PEOPLE, THOSE WHO ARE ENGLISH AND THOSE WHO WISH THEY WERE. I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO DEFICIENIES IN THE RING AS FISTO FLASH WILL SOON FIND OUT, I WILL MAKE IT MY AIM TO DESTROY THE SO-CALLED TALENTS IN THE IIWF, I WILL START WITH FISTO. Interviewer: Those are big words, can you back them up ? Robski: I am English, there is no doubt about it. Interviewer: And what about Man Of Steel. Robski: Man Of Squeal, another bloody superhero, it shows how much crime there is in America as there are so many so-called super-heroes, Man Of Squeal should stick to crime fighting, he will find it easier than fighting Robski. He jobbed to Fisting Flash, he will job to me too. Interviewer: Any final words? Robski: Prepare for the English invasion of 1996, the gold is mine. [Robski spots some football fans, he yells after them and runs off to join them. Fade] I hear a rumour from the front office that a match involving these three individuals, and Casey James too, will be signed for the upcoming Ring Wars PPV. More on that as we get it. The IIWF Tag Team Champions have been quiet for a while: let's hear from Steamroller: [SCENE: Training Gym] Taylor: Our hiatus is over, and all our injuries are healed. We're hungry for blood, and we don't care whose blood it is. Brassow: Alphabet Boys, Rising Sun, Rotundas, that punk Kaufman and his girlfriend, or even if United Nations wants to get waffled again, we'll be willing to oblige. Albanese: I am officially putting an open contract on the commissioner's table. Anyone that wants a title shot gets one. Beware when you sign the contract, though, and make sure you ask United Nations how it feels to be Steamrolled. [Fade] Well, Steamroller step into the ring tomorrow night against Rising Sun Revolution in Midweek Mayhem's main event. But the titles won't be on the line. Who'll step up next for a shot at the champs? The Alphabet Boys might - although they'll have to stop bickering amongst themselves first: [SCENE: The IIWF interview area. The Alphabet Boys are their usual excited selves.] Zed: So, the Stunt Team guys wanna wrestle us again. What do you think of that Abie? Abie: I wanna HURT 'EM AGAIN BAD! Zed: Well we wanted to wrestle Rising Sun next, but now you're saying we can't beat you twice. So I left the decision up to Abie, who's it gonna be? Abie: I don't know. Zed: You idiot [He slaps Abie who quickly gets a chokehold on Zed] Maybe we should flip a coin. Abie: Heads we wrestle the Stunt Guys and Tails we don't wrestle Rising Sun. Zed: That doesn't work. Heads we don't wrestle the Stunt Guys and Tails we wrestle Rising Sun. Abie: Huh? Zed: That's why I'm the brains of this outfit, now let go of me. [Abie does] Compromise Abie,heads we don't wrestle Rising Sun and Tails we wrestle the Stunt Guys. Abie: Okay [Zed flips the coin] Zed: It's tails! Abie: You get your wish Stunt Guys! I'm gonna pin you again! Zed: I pinned them! Abie: I did! Zed: I knocked them down! Abie: I held them up! Zed: I'll show you how I did it...[Zed goes for the legs and the usual brawl ensues. The camara runs for safety. Fade] So the Alphabet Boys will take on Stunt Team USA this Saturday night. Now let's hear from "Spotlight" Billy Shakespeare... [SCENE: Billy Shakespeare sits at a table in a nondescript room] Billy: Welcome to a very special interview with "Spotlight" Billy Shakespeare. Unfortunately, Tim Dross is very busy this week, they won't let the Wednesday crew interview, and Steve Roberts, well, Steve is a certified idiot. So, may I present my interviewer tonight: Myself. [Billy puts on a pair of thick black glasses] Glasses: Thank you Billy. Let's address your upcoming mid-week bout with Robski. Billy: [removing the glasses] Up to now the most objectionable thing to come out of England was Moondust, that may have changed. It's not the wrestling that concerns be, but rather a football match might break out. It seems Robski has spent a lot of time brawling in the stands. Who would have thought that the glorious people who brought us the immortal works of Shakespeare now give the world Robski...and Moondust. Glasses: Hmmmm, Moondust. I think the people would like an explanation for the nymphs you sent to ringside. There are some who say that you made a mockery of the IIWF. Billy: In fact, IIWF President, the exemplary Daniel Spreadbury himself called me and said "Billy, You are making a mockery of the IIWF." Lo, I am rendered speechless in mine own defence. Moondust has been so attentive to me that I sought only to repay in kind. Perhaps the final casting for the role of the trickster is not yet done. Maybe more auditions are to follow. Maybe this is all a Comedy of Errors. Glasses: Anything you'd like to say to Moondust? Billy: "O tiger's heart wrapp'd in a woman's hide!" That's from Henry VI part three. Glasses: I know, I'm you, remember? Billy: Moondust threw down the gauntlet, now I return it to him with my fist inside. This is wrestling, not acting. Yet Moondust, the master of fairie fate, has blurred the lines between the two. While I may concede that better wrestlers exist, none can put on a better show. Moondust, it seems the IIWF isn't a big enough place for two performers such as ourselves. And Moondust, I don't plan on leaving any time soon, because I'm ... Glasses: ...Born to Perform. Billy: And I'm Billy Shakespeare. [Fade] Brad Kinder has finally broken his silence: [SCENE: Kinder sits alone in the Iron Den, late at night working out] BODYBAG: These comments are directed at two of the most idiotic wrestlers in the IIWF - Hakiro Matsuoko and Subway Psycho. Psycho, you were VERY lucky to pull that on me last Wednesday, and NOBODY steps over me or ANY of the Horsemen on my way to the IIWF Intercontinental belt. And you, Matsuoko, you had no business coming down during MY match with the Subway Sandwich. That gold will not be around your waist too much longer. . . [Fade] IIWF Midweek Mayhem - 12th June 1996 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Prince of Darkness makes his IIWF debut tomorrow night, battling Joe Latta. We've heard from Joe - now let's hear from the POD: [SCENE: POD stands in a darkened interview area. Dr. Faustus stands behind him.] POD: Darkness has cascaded over the IIWF... a murky black that shall see no light... no joy... no pleasure... until the Prince of Darkness is at the top. Joe Latta... you're my first victim... my first blood!!! Prepare for the coming of the devil himself. IIWF! The "Boogie Man" is in your house and under your bed so watch out... say those prayers... to your artificial "GOD"! Don't even take time to write a will.......those last momments shall be precious! [Fade] The Deathbringer will be in action against the newest Horseman tomorrow night. Let's hear from the man from the dark side: [SCENE: Deathbringer's cemetary. He and the Coroner stand before a crypt] The Coroner: "Haley, you will meet my Deathbringer this wednesday in the squared circle. If I were you I wouldn't even appear to that match!" Deathbringer: "Haley, I do not know whether you have joined forces with the Horsemen and I do not care. What I care about is that you stand in my way right now, but you will not stop me of getting my hands at Latta and Kauffman. So just take your new friends to the ring, take Flare, take the Outlaw, take Kinder... They will not be able to help you to survive. Even more we could well be seeing the end of the horsemen epoch. Haley, your evil mind has broken free and it must be destroyed. Prepare to meet your maker!" [With these words Deathbringer turns around and enters the crypt. From within you can hear his demonic laughter] The Coroner: "Just a last warning to the Horsemen and especially to you, Outlaw: There is more than enough place for yet another common grave on Deathbringer's cemetary, so beware!" [Fade] Rising Sun Revolution are ready for their big match against Steamroller tomorrow night: [SCENE: Ryudo and Hiroshi are training in their gym, Ryudo in a ring filled with crashmats, Hiroshi on the weights. Ryudo is watching Hiroshi work his way through a series of squats on a very high weight. He watches in disbelief as Hiroshi adds another 50lbs beofre starting on the bench presses.] Ryudo: Hey, take it easy big guy! We've got our match tomorrow! [Hiroshi yells out something in Japanese, and Ryudo shakes his head and turns to the camera.] Ryudo: Unbelievable. I tell you, Steamroller, this may be only a non-title match, but you'd better be well prepared. I don't exactly know what you've done that has annoyed Hiroshi so bad, but he is really psyched up for this one. [Ryudo runs towards the turnbuckle, then UP it, before leaping off, twisting and executing a dropkick, landing on his feet. He then goes into a rapid series of martial arts kicks, fininshing with an enziguri.] Ryudo [giving an embarrassed grin as he gets a sarcastic round of applause off Hiroshi]: In fact, we both are. This has got to be our most important test to date. Watch out Steamroller, because the Dragon and the Demon are coming to win! [Hiroshi yells something, and throws a towel at Ryudo, before walking off into a kitchen-like area.] Ryudo [shaking his head]: I really wish he'd take English lessons, but he's always too busy eating or training or something.....[Ryudo snaps out of it] Anyway. We've seen you fight, Steamroller, and we _know_ we can beat you. And I want to say this from the start off: It's going to be an eye for an eye. You want a wrestling match, you got it. You want a brawl, fine. Win or lose, when you get in the ring with us tommorow, you're going to know about it. See you in the ring! [Ryudo turns his attention back to Hiroshi, who is attempting to figure out the microwave.] Ryudo: Hiroshi! Pizza? [Fade] The Senator claims he's ready for Josey Wales, in tomorrow night's special manager match: [SCENE: Inside the Sportsman Bar and Grill. We see The Senator and High Velocity sitting in the back of the crowded bar-room cooling off after there match against Altair.] J. R. Metro: Senator, you have to wonder about The Drifters and their alliance with Wales. It could affect your up-coming match with him. The Senator: Boys, you know me well enough by now, to understand what and who I am. I have been to the top many times and just maybe there is one time left in me. However, Mr. Wales and I have a date this week and with you boys in my corner there should not be any more interference from The Drifters. T. Rowe: Drifters - you have just begun to feel the wrath of High Velocity. We are going to show you and the rest of the IIWF what it means to come down and intercedes in our business affairs. When you came down to the ring to aid Altair, who by the way is in the hospital with multiple injuries to his head and neck. you just made us a little bit madder and a little more crazy. J. R. Metro: Easy T. Rowe, we will get our chance at The Drifters real soon, but for now The Senator comes first. [Both J.R. and T. Rowe raise there glasses towards The Senator and salute him] The Senator: Thanks boys, but we have one other thing to consider here: what in the world are Rising Sun Revolution thinking of? When we get back to Wizard's gym we need to watch the footage again. [As The Senator finishes speaking he drains his glass and gets up and heads towards the door, High Velocity get up and follow him out. Fade] Let's run down the card for tomorrow night in full: Robski vs. Billy Shakespeare Deathbringer vs. Blackjack Haley MANAGER MATCH: "Outlaw" Josey Wales vs. The Senator Casey James & Man Of Steel vs. High Plains Drifters Prince Of Darkness vs. Joe Latta (w/Dan Kauffman) NON-TITLE: Steamroller vs. Rising Sun Revolution It promises to be another storming card! Don't miss it, live tomorrow night from the Coliseum! And, as a little aside, I hear that Moondust will be doing guest commentary. This could be a very interesting evening... IIWF Saturday Night - 15th June 1996 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Let's see what matches are already signed: Alphabet Boys vs. Stunt Team USA Dan Kauffman vs. Billy Shakespeare Fisto Flash vs. Robski Man Of Steel & Casey "Whitebread" James vs. Flare & Blackjack Haley More matches as they're announced... Rankings ~~~~~~~~ Here are, as always, the current rankings. Things are starting to become delineated in the singles division: --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Name F/H Fought Won Drawn Lost Ranking --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Outlaw H 6 6 0 0 WC Hakiro Matsuoko F 4 2 0 2 IC --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dan Kauffman F 6 4 1 1 1 Subway Psycho F 4 3 0 1 2 Tiger Claw H 5 3 0 2 3 Moondust H 4 2 1 1 4 Joe Latta F 2 2 0 0 5 Billy Shakespeare F 3 2 0 1 6 Tony Starks N 4 2 0 2 7= Brad Kinder H 4 2 0 2 7= Blackjack Haley H 2 1 1 0 9 Fisto Flash H 1 1 0 0 10 Deathbringer N 3 1 1 1 11= Casey James F 3 1 1 1 11= Simon Lebec F 3 1 0 2 13= Flare H 2 1 0 2 13= Venusian Death Cell H 2 0 1 1 14 Man Of Steel F 1 0 0 1 15= The Crippler H 1 0 0 1 15= Don Antonio N 2 0 0 2 17 Prince of Darkness H - - - - - Robski H - - - - - --------------------------------------------------------------------------- But things are less clear-cut in the tag division: --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Name of team F/H Fought Won Drawn Loss Ranking --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Steamroller H 1 1 0 0 WT --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Alphabet Boys H 2 2 0 0 1 Rising Sun Revolution F 1 1 0 0 2= The Returners F 1 1 0 0 2= Stunt Team USA F 2 1 0 1 4= High Plains Drifters H 2 1 0 1 4= United Nations F 2 1 0 1 4= High Velocity F 2 1 0 1 4= --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Next Report ~~~~~~~~~~~ I'll be back on Friday with more news on Saturday's card, plus results and reactions from tomorrow night's Midweek Mayhem. Don't you dare miss all the action live from the IIWF Coliseum tomorrow night! On top of that, on Friday I'll have some very important news from the IIWF President regarding the next IIWF Pay-Per-View, Ring Wars. So be here - same time, same channel. But for now, this is Tim Dross, saying: so long, everybody! +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= I * I * W * F =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+ | Send mail to univ0322@sable.ox.ac.uk with the subject lines: | | "send faq" for the FAQ + "send singles" or "send tag" for the | | rosters + "send handlers" for a list of handlers | +----------------------------------------------------------------------+ | IIWF Home: http://users.ox.ac.uk/~univ0322/iiwf/ | +----------------------------------------------------------------------+ | Submit material for the Report to univ0322@sable.ox.ac.uk | +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+