##### ###### ### ########## ########## ########## #### ## ########## ########## ########## #### # #### ######## ##### ##### #### ## ##### #### #### #### #### ### #### #### #### #### ############# ######### #### #### ########### ######### #### #### #### #### #### ######### ######### ### #### #### ######### ######### ### ## #### ######## ######## ## # #### =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- ## =-=-=-= INTERNATIONAL INTERNET WRESTLING FEDERATION =============================================== Control Centre Report - June 14 1996 ----------------------------------------------- Hello again, folks, and welcome to Friday's IIWF Control Centre Update! In today's report, I'll be: - bringing you up to speed on the events and repercussions of Wednesday night's Midweek Mayhem - previewing this Saturday's card - looking ahead to upcoming events - examining another prominent encounter in the Dross Report and more! So let's get straight to it: IIWF Midweek Mayhem - June 12 1996 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Another great card went down this Wednesday night. Here are the results: - "OUTLAW" JOSEY WALES defeated the SENATOR by disqualification after the Senator used a fireball on Wales. Let's hear from the Senator now, who doesn't seem at all upset by his loss: [SCENE: The Wizard's gym. We see The Senator siting in a whirlpool talking to High Velocity who are preparing to start their work-out] The Senator: Well boys, I told you this old man still had a few tricks up his sleeve. Did you see the faces of The Drifters when that fireball got Wales? T. Rowe: I guess he was not prepared as he thought tonight. If Wales had done his homework he would have found that you have used many tricks of the trade during your career, and that was only one. J. R. Metro: Drifters - mark our words this is not the last of it. The beginning of the end for you is near, and what Wales got tonight was only a small taste of what is to come. Wherever you two go, We will be there to see that you suffer. One day soon you will discover what this has been all about... T. Rowe: Mr. Wales - maybe you had better take your team out of the IIWF before one of them receives a permanent injury. The Senator: Enough boys, we do not want to tell them too much. Well, maybe just one more helpful hint for them: Drifters, sleep with one eye open, because you never know when we will be there. [The Senator motions for High Velocity to begin the work-out. As the camera fades, The Senator is seen laughing hysterically as he throws a purple fireball towards the camera. Fade] - CASEY JAMES & MAN OF STEEL were defeated by the HIGH PLAINS DRIFTERS by disqualification when High Velocity interfered. Casey and MOS will be in action again this weekend - so I went on a search to find the two heroes as they trained: [SCENE: Tim Dross in front of a non-descript building] Tim Dross: Hello, folks, This is Tim Dross. In the past little while in the IIWF, two hero type personalities have teamed together to fight evil and crime in wrestling. These two men are Casey "Whitebread" James and the Man of Steel. Ever since these two have teamed up, they have kept their training location a secret. According to Casey James, it's because to show them training would seem too much like showing off, and he can't bring himself to do that... What a humble guy. My sources have led me to this part of the city. Perhaps inside this building is the place where these two superheroes train. Hey, here comes Casey now! Let's ask him... [runs over to Casey, who is getting out of a car, holding a gym bag] TD: Casey! Can we get a word with you? Casey: Ummm, sure, I guess so... Hey, how did you know that I'd be here? TD: It's my job. I'm a journalist... I have to research the talent I'm covering. Casey: Hmmm... Good point. Okay, ask away. TD: Can you let us in on your training program? Casey: Oh, no, I don't think that would be good. To tell you would almost be like saying "I'm doing unbelievable things with my body, and I'm better than you." I couldn't do that... I don't like to show off... I can tell you that I'm on my way there now, and I'm meeting with MOS there... He tends to always be there when I get there... You'd swear the guy had Super Speed or something... TD: There's been a lot of talk about the Match you two have with the Horsemen on Saturday... What is your answer to the challenge? Casey: Well, like I said before, We're glad to accept... I've noticed that there's been a parting of the ways between the Horsemen and The Masked Outlaw... Outlaw, I think there's still a part of you I can respect. By taking the time out to collect your thoughts away from those hoodlums shows me that there's still some good in you. You can still make a good champion, Outlaw, as long as you abide by a moral code. Of course, now there's a new Horseman... Blackjack Haley... He's almost the opposite of Outlaw. He was such a nice fellow that turned so bad... It's a shame. But him and Flare will be taught a lesson they won't forget. The good guys always win, folks - and we're ready for the Horsemen. I told everyone I had their numbers, and on Saturday night, those numbers are being called in. Now, Tim, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to be late for a training session... TD: Can we come and check it out? Casey: I don't think so... You guys are just going to have to wait to see the result of our training. I hope we don't disappoint. [Casey walks into an alleyway, where the cameraman tries to follow him. Casey ducks into a shadow, and can no longer be found.] TD: Wow... Casey must be taking lessons from the Subway Psycho or something... He's nowhere to be seen! [Fade] And let's hear from the two guys who won the match chiefly because of High Velocity's interference: [SCENE: Pale and Easy Rider, otherwise known as The High Plains Drifters, watching "A Fistfull of Dollars" at Josey Wales' New Mexico ranch...] Pale: I can't believe that coward Senator throw fire on Mr. Wales. Easy: People think we're dumb, but these guys from High Velocity take the cake. Pale: Not only did they get US a win by running in on our match with Wonderboy and Cornbread and helping the Senator cheat, they got yet another beating from us. Easy: You'd think they'd learn to keep clear of us by now. Pale: If they haven't learned yet, they'll learn soon. Mr. Wales is out getting together a, well, I guess you could say...a Posse. The IIWF better watch out. Easy: As Mr. Wales always says, "They made two mistakes...they hanged the wrong men, and they didn't finish the job!" [Pale and Easy laugh and return to the movie. Fade] - BILLY SHAKESPEARE defeated ROBSKI - DEATHBRINGER pinned the newest Horseman, BLACKJACK HALEY, after a flying clothesline Let's hear from the man from the dark side, Deathbringer: [SCENE: The known mortuary] The Coroner: "Horsemen, you made a fine decision by not interfering in Deathbringer's matchup. Afterall, it would have been your final interference..." Deathbringer: "Haley, just like Kauffman, you said you were not afraid of me. And just like him you went down. Turn away from the Horsemen while you still can. When I stood in the ring against Haley I heard the fans cheer towards me. This has never happened before. The only ones that always stood behind me until then were the Soldiers Of Hell. If I were a mortal I would most certainly say that it felt good, being respected by the fans, however, I do not have these feelings... I just hope there is always some respect for me in those mortals and I will never ever let them down like you did, Haley... "The Outlaw listened to me and understood my words. Now it is up to you to comprehend... "And Horsemen, maybe this has been a warning for you to never interfere anywhen anywhere anymore, because I could be there, and I would not delay to bury you right away. The evil within you must be stopped, and I am the creature to do this. [Deathbringer leaves the mortuary and enters his cemetary] Deathbringer: "Subway Psycho, you wanted a match against the victor and here I am. This Saturday you have a date with fate, a date with death. I do indeed respect you as a wrestler and I respect you as a mortal, but right now I have no time to deal with you, I have no time do deal with your soul and therefore our match will be short and kind. Just as Haley you are right now standing in my way and you better get out of it. I will take you to the dark side if I have to, and believe me I would not care about it, but do not make your agony too worse... Psycho, prepare to meet your maker! [Deathbringer still walks in between the graves. He suddenly stops and looks into the camera.] Deathbringer: "This once again takes me to you, Kauffman... You have made a big step forward. You have reached a new level of understanding. Now that you admit your fear your inner strength will rise again and you start to regain my respect. You now truly admit that you are a mortal, nothing more, nothing less. And when you said you would not leave your friend for one mistake... Well, it was the only thing I expected you to say... Afterall, if you had dropped your close friend for being a bit wild, I possibly would have punished you for that already. Letting down your FRIENDS is almost as despicable as betraying yourself. Kauffman, you have a great way to go in this world... "Now over to Latta's matchup: Do not accuse me of causing Latta to lose. I just wanted to see how far he can control his feelings right now. It seems to me as if you will have to work a bit more on this topic... But, Latta, if you want me in the squared circle, be it this Wednesday, be it anywhen else, I will accept your challenge, and I will be there. "This shall be all for now. Kauffman, never forgot that mortals are just dead men and women on vacation. Stay behind your principles, and you will live and die in honor..." [Deathbringer turns around and walks away from the camera... after a few steps he vanishes. Fade] - PRINCE OF DARKNESS defeated JOE LATTA by countout, when Deathbringer made his presence felt in the arena Let's get comments from Joe Latta: [SCENE: a wrestling gym outside of the IIWF Coliseum, Joe Latta once again works out strenously inside of a ring against a sparring partner. Two things are noticably different from the first time in the gym... There is no crowd at ringside, and no Dan Kauffman anywhere. Joe looks steamed as he speaks:] Deathbringer, you are in DEEP trouble now, death boy! NOBODY costs me a victory and gets away with it! If you think I need my pal Kauffman in my corner in order to kick your ass, you've got a big surprise coming! I'm going to show the whole freaking world that NOBODY messes with Joe Latta and gets away with it! Next Wednesday, you, Deathbringer, are going to feel like you just died for the second time, and nobody... [Latta draws his right thumb across his neck in a cutthroat sign] ...will be able to save your pale carcass! [Latta presses his 300-pound opponent over his head and dumps him to the outside in anger as the camera fades to black...] Latta's going to have to regain his focus if he hopes to succeed against Deathbringer next week. We'll get comments from Joe's mentor, Dan Kauffman, later on... - RISING SUN REVOLUTION defeated IIWF Tag Team Champions STEAMROLLER in a non-title match. Let's get comments from the victorious Demon and Dragon: [SCENE: Rising Sun Revolution's dressing room just after their win at Midweek Mayhem. Tim Dross is the interviewer. Ryudo and Hiroshi are celebrating.] TD: Hey guys! Great win tonight! [Hiroshi runs over and lifts Tim Dross up in a bear hug, grinning] TD: Er, Ryudo, could you get this guy to put me down please? Ryudo [laughing]: No problem. Hiroshi! [he says something in Japanese, and Hiroshi puts him down, looking embarrassed] TD [relieved]: Thanks! No offense, Hiroshi, of course... Ryudo: Don't worry about him, he's just happy. And with good reason too. TD: Well, you've proved to everyone that you can beat Steamroller, what are your plans now? Ryudo: Quite simple, really. Steamroller! If you've got the guts to go another round with us, put the belts on the line at the PPV in two weeks' time!!! You know we're ready! Now its time for you to prove to everyone whether or not you deserve the championship! [Hiroshi walks over] Hiroshi: Steamroller....! [he yells something in Japanese, and makes a snapping motion with his hands] Ryudo: Exactly. Steamroller, you can't hide behind red tape forever, we want those belts ON THE LINE!! [Hiroshi flings an arm around Tim Dross' shoulder, and high fives Ryudo, grinning. The scene fades out.] We'll have to wait and see what becomes of this challenge - it's known that Steamroller have issued an open contract, and I think the Revolution have a pretty good claim to being the guys to close it... more as we get it. IIWF Saturday Night - June 15 1996 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ This Saturday night's card looks to be an absolute stormer: Alphabet Boys vs. Stunt Team USA Abie and Zed will attempt to repeat the performance that took them to victory over Stunt Team USA on the premiere of Midweek Mayhem last week. Dan "Flash" Kauffman vs. Billy Shakespeare This match could be a match of the year contender. A unique opportunity to see two of the IIWF's favourites go head to head in what is sure to be a phenomenal encounter. Fisto Flash vs. Robski These two new bloods will fight it out in the Coliseum on Saturday Night - we've received a memo from IIWF President Dan Spreadbury that Fisto will have to wear protective padding over his iron fist to prevent injury. I'll be conducting an interview with Mr. Flash here in the Control Centre a little later on. Flare & Blackjack Haley vs. Casey James & Man Of Steel The newest Horseman teams up with his mentor to take on Casey and the Man Of Steel. This is Casey's chance to prove that when it comes to tackling the Horsemen, he doesn't just talk the talk, he walks the walk, too. Subway Psycho vs. Deathbringer Saturday's main event has all the promise of a real classic confrontation - I'll be taking a closer look at this match in my Dross Report later on here tonight. Plus, there will be a special interview with the IIWF Champion, the Outlaw, who should be able to shed a little light on the state of his tenure as part of the Horsemen. We'll also have comments from the IIWF President, who will announce the first matches for IIWF Ring Wars, which is only a little over two weeks away! Trash Talk ~~~~~~~~~~ Let's get comments from the Horsemen - conspicuous by his absence yet again is the Outlaw: [SCENE: A large round buisness table with the Horsemen seated around it in fine italian suits and Miss Victoria Secret in a low-cut, tight-fitting evening dress. Cut to shot of Miss Secret.] Miss Secret: Gentlemen, it seems as if we have the IIWF in an uproar. PERFECT! The thing that's upsetting is our little delema with Mr. Outlaw. Mr. Outlaw - don't forget the attitude which helped you aquire the belt and where that attitude came from. [Victoria finishes with a sexy smirk] With that on mind I'll turn it over to my man Flare. Flare: [with his hands folded on top of the table speaking in a low soft voice] I can't seem to shake the thought of the Outlaw, at the same time I can't stress the fact that we'll handle it.......our way. [in a louder voice] Now! The players are ready and the stage is set. We got the ring, the lights and we're ready for action! [with an arrogant smile] James, Steel, I'm glad to see you wanna take a beating. Good......good for you. You two have the honor of being the first example in my list of many. Cause it seems now, I've gotta prove myself and that's just what I'm going to DO! Donnie boy, Crippled, I haven't forgot about you. After Blackjack and I stomp in James and Steel, Crippler you're next! Wooo!! [Flare turns and looks at Blackjack and the camera follows over and stops at Haley] Blackjack tell em' whatcha think! Woooo!! [Fade] We had a video-tape fault just before our last Report and weren't able to bring you Hakiro Matsuoko's comments following his controversial match with the Venusian Death Cell, but here they are now: [SCENE: The locker-room after Hakiro's match with the VDC. Tim Dross stands with the IC champion:] TD: Hakiro, you have been taking quite a pounding as of late. How is your body holding up to all this punishment? And how much longer do you think you can be the IIWF Intercontinental Champion if you are taking alll this abuse? HM: I don't mind the pain. Pain is a part of existence. I have been fighting all over the world and my body has been taking a beating ever since. I dont want to retain my belt by DQ or Countout. I want to retain it by pinfalls. I am going back to train the way I used to. Going beyond the pain, taking my performance to another level. make no doubt about it, I will keep this belt for a long time to come. Next week, whoever I am going against, prepare yourself. The Angel is about to strike. TD: Thanks for your time, Hakiro. [Fade] And I hear that since Saturday, Hakiro has been working like a demon. He'll get his next test on Wednesday, when he's scheduled to face Robski. Brian Lau, as always, has a mouthful for us: [SCENE: Kenny Tanaka and Brian Lau sitting on the apron of the ring in the building known only as "The Dojo"] Kenny Tanaka: Hello, folks... I'm coming to you from the Dojo of the one and only Tiger Claw... Brian, I was hoping to get some comments from you... Brian: Of course, Kenny... Anything for such an accomplished jounalist such as yourself... Kenny: It seems that the Subway Psycho has the idea that Tiger Claw was just a stepping stone to get higher in the rankings of the IIWF... Brian: Indeed... I can't believe the arrogance of some of the individuals in this sport. Psycho, Tiger Claw is anything but a tool to get you further in the IIWF... If you think for one moment that he is just going to let your actions slide, you've got another thing coming. You used a foreign object to knock him close to unconsciousness in order to get the pin. Do you think he's not angry? If so, you are gravely mistaken... You are off challenging other atheletes like nothing happened. You listen to me, moron... Tiger Claw wants revenge, and he will get it. Do NOT forget us. Kenny: Now about the challenge you issued to Hakiro Matsuoko... Brian: The challenge that he has not yet answered? Oh, yes, I'm keeping that in mind... Matsuoko isn't the wonderful champion everyone thought he would be. I've noticed that he's not scheduled for any matches on the next few cards... What's the matter, Hakiro? Can't find anyone you want to fight? Smells like a paper champion to me.We're right here, my friend... Any time... Tiger Claw will take you any time you want. And he'll take that belt that is rightfully his. Kenny: So what are your intentions? Brian: My intentions are simple... Hakiro, Tiger Claw wants your belt. He wants to beat YOU for it. We're going to make sure you still have it when you two next meet. We'll be keeping an eye on you because you are holding a treasure that we want, and we don't want you to misplace it before you hand it over to us. Kenny: Just where IS Tiger Claw right now? Brian: Learning to control his demons. A fire is no good to anyone unless it can be properly directed to a worthy goal. Tiger Claw is learning to direct that fire towards something that is dear to him: Gold. I'd like to take this opportunity to mention one thing. Tiger Claw will be battling some tough competition over the next couple of weeks, and you'd better watch carefully, Matsuoko and Psycho: he's going to show that new focus in full. He is going to be simply unstoppable. Kenny: You, Brian, are the man with the master plan. Brian: And you, Kenny, have been watching too much of that American television. Kenny: I know, it's something that keeps me entertained... The journalists here are pathetic... This is Kenny Tanaka for Brian Lau and Tiger Claw saying: so long! [Fade] That Tanaka is really starting to grate, folks. The United Nations have been busy preparing for another foray into the ring. Let's hear from them and their manager, Kangaroo Carlysle. [SCENE: a daycare center which United Nations is visiting. Jacques K. Vorkian, struggling with some of the larger words, is reading "The Pokey Little Puppy" to a group of three-year olds. Tora, Tora, Tora bounces a ball with the more advanced four-year olds nearby. Kangaroo Carlysle steps away from Mrs. Rogers, the daycare center's director and speaks to the camera.] KC: Well good day to you, mates. I've been discussing strategies with me boys and I've come to the decision that we may have gone for the gold a bit too quickly. Steamroller had to cheat twice against us to keep their belts, but they were able to do just that. So me boys are gonna build their record a bit and then take another crack at Taylor and Brassow. But first, I send me congratulations to the Rising Sun Revolution for beatin' them worthless wallabies on Midweek Mayhem. T3 was especially excited to hear that two of his mates whipped Steamroller. [Mrs. Rogers slaps her hands and calls "Nap time." The children all scatter to mattresses near the walls and Vorkian and T3 walk over to Carlysle] JV: What are we doing in a daycare center? A little research, actually. You see, we want to issue a challenge to the Alphabet Boys because they're on a pretty good roll right now. We look at them as a stepping stone to the IIWF tag team belts. [Mrs. Rogers puts her index finger to her lips and goes "Shhhhhh" at Vorkian, who sheepishly hushes.] T3: Yeah, and what better place to learn more about the Alphabet Boys' mentality than a daycare center? All day long, these children have been fighting over toys and running into each other, much like Abie and Zed in their matches. We have been studying child psychology in preparation for this match. You will go down Alphabet Boys! [Mrs. Rogers storms over and slaps Tora Tora Tora on the hand saying, "I said, Shhhhh."] KC: [whispering] Alphabet Boys, we want you for Ring Wars. Bring your toys and bring your twisted mentalities, because me boys can be just as crazy as you now that they understand you. And Steamroller, don't think we've forgotten about you two. [United Nations and Kangaroo Carlysle tiptoe out of the room under the watchful eye of Mrs. Rogers. Fade] As promised, we caught up with Dan Kauffman earlier today, and he had the following comments, concerning Joe Latta, Deathbringer and his opponent for tomorrow night, Billy Shakespeare: [SCENE: In his split-level home, Dan Kauffman sits in front of a coffee table in slight frustration, partly because he has no idea where Latta is, partly because of Wednesday's events. He speaks to the camera.] Deathbringer, you say that I use unfair tactics? I say that you, in return, used unfair tactics as well. You damn well knew that distracting Latta would be an easy way of costing him a match. Is that the action of a fair man? I guess you'd call that redemption. I guess you wouldn't be entirely wrong on that assumption either. Oh well... Wherever you are, Joe... You know what I'd say to you going into Wednesday's match against the Bringer. I know you're incensed at the moment... just try to stay in focus, that's all I'll say to you. As far as Billy Shakespeare goes, this is a match that I've wanted since Coronation Clash. Billy, we have two things in common. We both love the sport of wrestling, and we both detest the actions of Moondust... Now there's a walking gimmick if I've ever seen one! But Billy, I'll come to the ring prepared, so be ready for the match of your life. And as for the Deathbringer... If you decide to make your presence known on Saturday, then do what you will. I'm not worried about you this weekend, I'm concerned with Shakespeare. But Bringer, if you decide to interfere again on Saturday, then I guess you will have proven yourself to be the villian... not I. Bringer, our time is coming. And I'm not looking past you. So leave well enough alone this weekend... And may Billy Shakespeare have good luck this weekend. Come prepared, Billy. Come prepared... [Fade] You'll remember that I received an anonymous phone call earlier in the week from a man whom I believed to be the Venusian Death Cell. Well, I went to meet him as requested on Wednesday, and here's what transpired: [SCENE: The Venusian Death Cell is standing outside the Coliseum. He is wearing his mask and a dark green jacket, with his baggy wrestling pants. Tim Dross arrives on the scene:] Dross [acting calm and composed]: Hello, Cell. I presume this means it was you on the phone the other night..? VDC [in his deep, slow, resonant voice]: Yes, Dross, that was me. Thanks for coming. Dross: Pleasure! Thanks to that phone call, the projected viewing figures for tonight's show are a ten percent audience share. That's beyond our wildest dreams! VDC: Let's get one thing straight Dross. I did not phone you just so the ratings would go up. I phoned you up because I was a desperate man. I needed someone to talk to, who would understand my problems. Now I've found him. Dross [slightly embarrassed]: Well, thanks, Cell. It means alot. VDC: I'm not talking about YOU Dross. I'm talking about the man I met in that very park just hours after I spoke to you on the phone. Dross [dejectedly]: Oh.. Well, who is he? VDC: I can tell you who he is, Dross. He's the most influential man in the IIWF today. Dross: Surely not the President, Dan Spreadbury..? VDC: Who? No, Dross, I'm talking about the "Outlaw" Josey Wales. [Wales walks into the picture, with a broad grin on his face. Dross looks startled.] Dross: Well this isn't exactly what I was expecting from this interview, but I guess it's a pretty big scoop. I thought you might have revealed all about the Jailer and those handlers. That's what the public want to hear... any chance of that? Wales: Dross, what the public want is not important with this man, and as for those three goons, they're taken care of. Let's leave it at that. This man, as everyone knows, is the most dangerous individual in the whole federation. He had the Intercontinental belt but then lost it again all because of that Jailer guy. Dross, I want to announce right now that the first thing I will do as his manager is get him a re-match for that belt. This time, he'll win it.....and hold on to it. [Wales and the VDC leave the scene. Fade] And that, abrupt as it was, was that. Is Josey Wales attempting to build up a stable of wrestlers? There are certainly whispers around the locker-rooms to that effect, and it's possible that the Cell is the first to join his ranks. We'll keep you posted. Let's now get comments from the Crippler, who hasn't forgotten about Flare... [SCENE: the Crippler sitting in the dark, his face in shadows. As the camera zooms in you can see that the Crippler is not wearing his mask but you cannot clearly make out his face.] "Flare. I have wrestled for a long time and have met many wrestlers. You are by far the most cowardly...the most worthless. Hiding behind the wall of the Horsemen... all men that can wrestle better than you...." [Here the Crippler shakes his head, pulls his mask on, then leans into the light.] "But Flare...know this....I have friends too...I will stand against you. Given the chance I will stand against you on my own. But if your Mulemen interfere....there will be a terrible price to pay." [He begins to shake with fury...his words becoming louder and louder...] "I WILL DESTROY YOU! I WILL OVERCOME YOU! I WILL CRIPPLE YOU!!!!!" [Fade] There can be no doubt that Flare and the Crippler will meet again somewhere down the line, folks. It's just a matter of time... One of the more controversial stars here in the IIWF is Robski. After we went off the air on Wednesday night, Robski demanded an interview in the ring. He's a big guy, we couldn't refuse him: [SCENE: Tim Dross stands in the ring in the IIWF Coliseum.] TD: Ladies and Gentlemen, on his way to the ring, from Solihull, England, [Robski's music starts up], please welcome Robski! [Robski emerges from behind the curtain, he walks calmly and slowly to the ring, he carries a little dog with him. He looks at the fans and spits at them. The crowd boo loudly. He gets to ringside, climbs up the steps and climbs into the ring, and approaches Dross.] TD: Welcome, Robski. [Robski just looks at him, he puts the dog down] TD: I understand you have something to say to... [Robski grabs the microphone] Robski: [shouting] SO THAT OLD F*CKER SHAKESPEARE BEAT ME THEN, WELL THERE IS NO JUSTICE AND WHILE I AM HERE I WILL NOT JOB TO ANYONE, SHAKESPEARE, YOU MAY BE A LEGEND IN THE RING, YOU MAY BE A PERSONAL BUDDY OF THE PRESIDENT OF THE IIWF, BUT ONE THING YOU ARE NOT, BY ROBSKI ANYWAY, IS RESPECTED, YOU HAVE TO EARN RESPECT, CHEATING ME IS NOT THE WAY TO GET IT. I AM WATCHING YOU, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. [the crowd are booing loudly] TD: You have upset a few people here with your anti-American comments - do you really hate America? Robski: With a passion! America is a festering sore on the face of the world! I have more respect for the likes of Libya, Cuba, North Korea and Iraq than I have for this putrid hole. [the crowd boo intensely] TD: [slightly shocked] Come on Robski, you can't say that! Robski: Well, I just did! [crowd boo, at that the dog goes to the toilet on the ring, the crowd laugh] You see the wrestlers here are just losers, all lined up to job to me. I am the dominant force here, I am English, [shouting] I AM ROBSKI. [with this Robski notices the dog's faeces] Robski: I better clean this up. You got a cloth? TD: Er... no. Robski: Well, don't worry, I've got one [he produces an American flag]. TD: You CANNOT be serious! You CANNOT use THAT! Robski: Well, can't I?! [With this he smears the excrement over the floor with the flag, he then wipes the excrement up, and holds it within the flag, laughing he gets out the ring] TD: [shocked] Ladies and gentlemen... Robski. [The crowd boo, Robski tosses the soiled flag into the crowd. He goes up to the Camera and yells "America is a pile of sick, full of maggots." Fade.] I don't know quite what to say about Robski - except that somewhere down the line, he's going to be forced to put up or shut up. Forthcoming Events ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ In a quiet moment, I sneaked into the front office earlier today and grabbed a couple of faxes which had just come through from the IIWF President concerning the line-ups on the weekly cards between now and Ring Wars. I understand that these cards are still tentative, and some matches are subject to change, but here they are: Wednesday 19 June ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ - Tiger Claw vs. "Nifty" Ned Norton - Fisto Flash vs. Casey "Whitebread" James - Prince Of Darkness vs. Brad "Bodybag" Kinder - Moondust vs. Venusian Death Cell - Joe Latta vs. Deathbringer - IIWF INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: Hakiro Matsuoko vs. Robski Saturday 22 June ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ - Don Antonio, the High Plains Drifters, and the Crippler in action - Deathbringer vs. Prince of Darkness - Subway Psycho vs. Blackjack Haley - IIWF TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: Steamroller vs. United Nations - IIWF WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: Outlaw vs. Casey "Whitebread" James Wednesday 26 June ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ - Robski in action - Dan "Flash" Kauffman vs. Flare - NON-TITLE: Hakiro Matsuoko vs. Moondust - Rising Sun Revolution vs. The Returners Saturday 29 June ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ IIWF Ring Wars will go down in just over two weeks time! Live tomorrow night, the IIWF President will announce the main event and a couple of other headlining attractions. Don't miss it! SPECIAL INTERVIEW: Fisto Flash ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Fisto Flash has been the centre of much controversy here in the IIWF since his debut a couple of weeks ago, revolving around that prosthetic iron fist of his. The IIWF President has ruled, in a memo released earlier today, after consultation with physicians and various officials, that Flash's fist is potentially a lethal weapon inside the squared circle and thus must be covered with protective padding. I'm now joined by Fisto Flash himself. [Cut to wider shot. Next to Dross is seated Fisto Flash.] TD: Fisto Flash, welcome to the Control Centre. Firstly, I want to ask you about your feelings on the IIWF President's decision to enforce stipulations in all your matches that your iron fist must be covered? FF: It's an outrage. As everyone knows, the IIWF is one of the toughest wrestling federations out there to be on top of. It's where the TOUGH boys play, and they don't get ANY tougher than Fisto Flash. I guess that if the wimps and punks of the IIWF can't take a little "rough stuff", well then, I guess that Fisto Flash will have to show the world what he can do, technically. TD: Would you care to enlighten all the fans of the IIWF how you came to have that prosthetic iron fist? FF: Well, Robo told me never to tell this horrible story because it might scare all the pathetic losers in the IIWF. But here goes anyway. I was walking down Surf Avenue in my hometown of Brooklyn, New York, and some thug attacked my mother, God rest her soul. While he was choking her, I tried and tried to attack him, but I wasn't strong enough, and he shot me in my hand; giving me many hours of surgery for the next couple days. My father ran from our parked car, picked up the thug and carried the b*****d all the way to our car. After numerous punches to the face, my father picked up the villain and did THE most amazing move that I've EVER seen. He performed a piledriver off of OUR CAR!!!!!!! Sometime the next week, while I was in school, the a**hole KILLED MY PARENTS!!!!!!! That idiot did it out of revenge. That day, right there, I dropped out of school and began to pursue a career in wrestling. I've trained for as long as I can remember. That move has now passed on to MY arsenal, and I call it the KNUCKLEBOMB. Everytime I go into the ring, I see my opponent as the thug who killed my parents. I have declared vengeance on the world. TD: I can understand the effect this must have had on you... On to other matters: you've been making a lot of noise about the Man Of Steel and Robski. What exactly do you want with those guys? Surely Robski, who's a pretty obnoxious individual, is just your kind of guy? FF: Are you calling me obnoxious?!?!?!?!? Remember, you're sitting with Fisto Flash, not your grandmother. You best be takin' that back or you'll feel the KNUCKLEBOMB!!!!! TD: Er... I didn't mean to imply anything by that. All I mean to say is that Robski seems like a logical partner for you - why do you want to face him in the ring? FF: Because even though Fisto Flash is hard on the outside and the toughest brother in the IIWF, I'm still an American. Besides, that piece a' crap rugby champion is nothin' but a crazy big-mouth. He's been talkin' trash to the iron destroyer, and now he's gonna PAY. TD: What about the rumours that Robski and yourself will be teaming up at IIWF Ring Wars? How do you see that alliance working? FF: WHAAAAAAAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? [Fisto going in a frenzy] What the **** are ya' talkin' about?!??!?!?!??!?!? [Fisto knocks down his chair] There ain't NOOOOO way that Fisto Flash is teamin' up with that jerk, Robski!!!!!! I don't give a s**t about yo' rumors!!!!! You put me in the ring with that chump and I'll KILL 'im!!!!!!! Who in hell's name would think of a STUPID rumor like THAT?!?!?!?!? TD: Please, Mr. Flash! Calm down! This is just something I've heard about from the front office in hushed tones. It's not official.... yet. FF: It better NOT be. I can't stand Robski. He's just LIKE an Englishman. Can talk the talk, but can't walk the walk. If I EVER get a chance to get into the ring with that fool; you better be expecting fireworks. TD: Finally, Mr. Flash: have you any comments concerning your next matchup, against Casey "Whitebread" James on Wednesday night? FF: Who's this "Whitebread"? Is that the kind of competition that the IIWF has to offer? A guy who names himself after the way he acts; as an item of groceries?! Please, Tim Dross. He CANNOT overcome THE most powerful force in the world. TD: But he IS one of the premier wrestlers here in the IIWF. FF: Yes, he MIGHT be. But he is NOT Fisto Flash. I AM THE most brutal wrestler of ALL time. He CAN'T survive my KNUCKLEBOMB. NO ONE CAN!!!! TD: What is your strategy against Casey James; he's the man in the IIWF who can match your power... FF: I don't care if he's Arnold Schwarzanegger!!!!! He WON'T win. In fact, HE WON'T SURVIVE!!!!!!!! I will PUT him into the KNUCKLEBOMB, and I will CRUSH his skull into the mat!!!!! And after I'm finished with James, I'll be waitin' for Robski. [Fisto Flash stands up and starts posing. Cut back to normal shot.] Well, food for thought there, folks. The Dross Report ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ In today's report, I want to take a closer look at this Saturday Night's main event: the Subway Psycho will be battling Deathbringer. Let's get comments from the Psycho: [SCENE: A dark tunnel, deep inside the Manhatten subway system. From the darkness comes a voice...] This Saturday Night I face one of the most feared men in professional wrestling. Deathbringer, I do not pretend to understand you, but I know what to expect. I expect you to give me a war...to probably take me to the edge of my own grave. But make no mistake...I will not only survive, I will win. I fight from the heart, and from the soul, two things you don't have! Your mindgames and your scare tactics wont wor'k on me. I may be the only man in the world he relishes the dark more than you. Go ahead and dim the house-lights on Saturday and see who knows the darkness better. Outlaw..it's the end of the line. Deathbringer will be twice the opponent you are. After I prove myself on him, you're my next stop. My train isn't leaving the station without the IIWF Championship belt! [Suddenly the headlight from a train can be seen speeding down the tunnel. The lighting allows the Subway Psycho to be seen in silhoutte form] I promise the two of you this...[louder now, to compensate for the noise from the on-coming train] no more run-ins, no more cheap shots, just the God-damned worst beatings of your lives! [The train swallows up the scene, passing directly through were the Subway Psycho was standing. The train passes, by the glow of its rear lights, one can only see empty track...the Psycho has disappeared.] It seems the Psycho is focused upon the Outlaw - and although he seems to be focused on the Deathbringer, I wonder whether he's looking past him a little to a title shot? Nevertheless, if the Psycho manages to beat Deathbringer tomorrow night, he'll have earned his shot. Let's take a look at the tale of the tape: ------------------------------------------------------------------------ SUBWAY PSYCHO DEATHBRINGER ------------------------------------------------------------------------ 6'5" Height 6'10" 255lbs Weight 324lbs Power, aerial Style Power 3/0/1 W/D/L 2/1/1 ------------------------------------------------------------------------ This is becoming one of the most talked about matches of all time amongst the fans at the moment, and with good reason. The styles, builds and weights of these two men are quite well matched - Deathbringer is larger than the Psycho, but the Psycho makes up for this in equal measure with his speed and agility. I would expect this match to be one of the most hard-fought encounters of all time. Perhaps the Psycho is absolutely focused on the Deathbringer: but can he get past him? So far, ol' 'Bringer hasn't cleanly lost a match - and I have a feeling that if the Psycho is going to beat the man from the dark side, some kind of jiggery-pokery is going to be necessary. Perhaps Dan "Flash" Kauffman or Joe Latta will interfere; perhaps the Outlaw or the other Horsemen will come to ringside; perhaps Tiger Claw will take it upon himself to intervene. I have to say that, in all honesty, I hope that none of those things happen. The fans will want a clean outcome in this match, and I'm right with them. So, barring any interference from the run of things, who's going to get the victory? One word: Deathbringer. Say what you like about this man from the Dark Side - and quite a few people do have some words of criticism for this behemoth - but he's a very hard man to keep down on the mat for the count of three, and he doesn't know _how_ to submit. This is a guy who you have to knock unconscious before he'll be pinned, and I've never seen anyone manage it yet. He seems to possess an ability to bounce back from any assault on him - and he'll just keep on sitting right up and going after his opponent like a nightmare. Don't get me wrong - I'm not selling the Psycho short. He's come off the back of a very difficult time, losing Sasha, and he's still managed to catapult himself into title contention, and that's no mean feat here in the IIWF. He's not a guy to bet against rashly, but no matter how much support he has from the fans, and no matter how much his heart is in this bout, I just can't see him beating the Deathbringer. If the dark destroyer applies the Burial on the Psycho - it's lights out. And I think the lights might just go out on the Psycho this Saturday Night. Next Report ~~~~~~~~~~~ Well, folks, that just about brings us to the end of today's Report. I'll be back at you tomorrow night with "Soundbite" Steve Roberts for IIWF Saturday Night, live from the IIWF Coliseum, and with a following wind, I'll be back on Tuesday with all the news, reaction and comments you've come to expect. Plus, in our next Report, I'll be able to run down the entire card for IIWF Ring Wars, which is now only two weeks away! Call your cable operators! But for now, this is Tim Dross, saying: so long, everybody. +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= I * I * W * F =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+ | Send mail to univ0322@sable.ox.ac.uk with the subject lines: | | "send faq" for the FAQ + "send singles" or "send tag" for the | | rosters + "send handlers" for a list of handlers | +----------------------------------------------------------------------+ | IIWF Home: http://users.ox.ac.uk/~univ0322/iiwf/ | +----------------------------------------------------------------------+ | Submit material for the Report to univ0322@sable.ox.ac.uk | +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+