##### ###### ### ########## ########## ########## #### ## ########## ########## ########## #### # #### ######## ##### ##### #### ## ##### #### #### #### #### ### #### #### #### #### ############# ######### #### #### ########### ######### #### #### #### #### #### ######### ######### ### #### #### ######### ######### ### ## #### ######## ######## ## # #### =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- ## =-=-=-= INTERNATIONAL INTERNET WRESTLING FEDERATION =============================================== Saturday Night ----------------------------------------------- LIVE * IIWF Coliseum * 15 June 1996 [Opening graphics fade to a wide shot of the IIWF Coliseum. Fans cram the arena, all of them screaming in anticipation of the action to come. An IIWF logo spins in the centre of the ring, just one of the many lighting effects used that dazzle the eye. Fireworks erupt in the rafters of the Coliseum. Above this spectacle, and all the cheering, comes the voice of Tim Dross:] TD: Welcome everybody to another edition of IIWF Saturday Night, LIVE and LOUD from the IIWF Coliseum! [Cut to a shot of the announcers' table. In the crowd behind, various signs can be seen. Tim Dross sits with "Soundbite" Steve Roberts.] These fans are really ready for action tonight, Steve! SR: They certainly are... and so am I, Dross! TD: And action we shall have in abundance tonight. We've got several main event calibre encounters scheduled for this evening - including Dan "Flash" Kauffman taking on "Spotlight" Billy Shakespeare. SR: Not to mention Deathbringer burying the Subway Stinker. TD: That's "Psycho", Steve. SR: Whatever. TD: Plus Robski will face Fisto Flash, the Alphabet Boys will take on Stunt Team USA, and in another great tag encounter, Flare and the new fourth Horseman, Blackjack Haley, will battle Casey James and the Man Of Steel. What a match-up _that's_ going to be! SR: I think we'll see tonight just how great the Horsemen really are! And speaking of the Horsemen, tonight we'll have a special interview with the IIWF Champion, the Outlaw. Perhaps he'll be able to shed some light on his position in the elite four. TD: I certainly hope so. And, on top of all that, we'll also hear from the IIWF President, Daniel Spreadbury, who'll give us the first couple of matches signed for IIWF Ring Wars, which is only two weeks away! As I mentioned earlier, tonight's main event pits the Subway Psycho against Deathbringer. We caught up with Deathbringer earlier today: [SCENE: Deathbringer stands in a dark corridor, possibly somewhere down in the catacombs] Deathbringer: "Just a few last words for now... Kauffman, what do you call interference? Me standing at top of the aisle and watching the match? You call me a villain? Well, I believed you to be a bit more realistic, but your words somehow worry me... They sound desperate. Are you losing the capability of positively influencing Latta? Let him go, Kauffman, afterall he is a free mortal. And do not worry about me... I am not here to bury him, but... to TEACH him... Now over to the Subway Psycho... Well, yet another one who says he is not scared of me... And yet another one who focuses on several opponents at the same time..." [Closeup to Deathbringer's eyes] Deathbringer: "Do you mortals never learn?" [Fade] TD: It seems Deathbringer is ready for the challenge tonight, Steve! SR: Why don't you just stop blabbing and let us get down to some action, Dross? TD: Okay, let's get things underway tonight with our first match. Alphabet Boys vs. Stunt Team USA ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ RA: Tonight's opening contest is a tag team attraction scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, coming down the aisle, at a combined weight of 588lbs, Steve "Airborne" Forget and Ron "Danger Freak" Fire: Stunt Team USA! [The crowd give a moderate pop as Stunt Team USA come to the ring. Ron and Steve hi-five the fans around ringside, and as they step between the ropes, flame-like firewords shoot up from the ring apron. Pop.] TD: Well, the lighting boys did a good job with that entrance! RA: And their opponents, coming down the aisle, and weighing in at a combined weight of 589lbs, Abie and Zed: the Alphabet Boys! [Abie and Zed receive a moderate heel pop, although a pocket of fans holding up an Alphabet Boys banner headbutt one another and cheer in appreciation for the wacky duo. Abie and Zed stop and grab the sign, and Abie nails one of the fans with a right hand. The security teams swoop, but the fan apparently enjoyed the blow.] SR: There are some very strange people around here, Dross. I worry about these guys. TD: The Alphabet Boys are certainly unorthodox, Steve - and they already hold a victory over Stunt Team USA. [Replay footage of the match from Midweek Mayhem the previous week.] But can they duplicate their victory tonight? SR: I sure hope so, Dross. Those Hollywood wannabes had better learn that there's a whole lot more to wrestling than knowing how to roll with a punch. [Abie and Zed cannon around the ring, which Stunt Team have vacated. Zed and Abie exchange headbutts, then plunge through the ropes and go after Stunt Team USA, chasing them around the ring. Steve enters the ring, followed by Zed, and stamps on the Alphabet Boy's head as he rolls under the bottom rope. Abie, meanwhile, has gone over the steel crowd barrier and is chasing a hot-dog vendor through the arena, much to the crowd's delight.] SR: Somebody ought to put that guy on a leash. Don't they feed him in the zoo? [Zed is dominated by Steve in the absence of his partner. Although he rallies offensively against the onslaught of Forget, he is unable to get any kind of rhythm up. Stunt Team keep Zed down with quick tags, and impress the crowd with high-impact manoeuvres. They go for numerous pinfall attempts, but each time, Zed kicks out.] TD: Zed's really taking a beating in there... and there's no sign of Abie! SR: A great athlete as Zed is, I can't see him beating these two losers on his own. [Abie finally returns to ringside, clutching two handfuls of hot-dogs. He stuffs one handful in his mouth, and then enters the ring. The referee is powerless to stop his illegal interruption, and Abie grabs hold of Ron, the legal Stunt Team-er, by the neck, and begins force-feeding him hot-dogs. The crowd pop.] TD: It seems the crowd are really enjoying the Alphabet Boys' antics. SR: I told you these people are weird, Dross. [Meanwhile, Zed has recovered, and floors Ron with a vicious clothesline. The referee finally persuades Abie to go and stand in his corner, and Zed goes to work on Fire. The crowd reaction begins to sound more negative as Zed dominates Ron with a gutwrench suplex and a snap mare. Ron rolls on the canvas, clutching his neck. Zed goes over to his corner and tags in Abie. Abie storms the ring, and drops a leg on Ron. He applies another choke-hold, which the referee quickly breaks. Ron begins to struggle towards his corner, but Abie grabs his leg and laughs. Abie stomps on Ron, and then lifts him up above his head with an impressive press slam. Big heel pop. Abie goes to his corner and tags in Zed.] SR: I believe we're about to see the Alphabet Boys make it two out of two, Dross! [Abie and Zed drag Ron to his feet and whip him into the ropes. They nail him with a huge double running clothesline. Big heel pop as Ron goes through 360 degrees in the centre of the ring. Steve thinks quickly, and jumps down from the apron. He approaches a child in the front row, and grabs his large soda from him. He leaps back up onto the apron, and whistles in the Alphabet Boys' direction. Both Abie and Zed seem thirsty, and approach Steve, who throws the drink in their faces. The Boys are shocked by the drink's coldness, and temporarily blinded. Steve hits the ring like a tornado, knocking Zed from the ring with a forearm, and hitting Abie with a flying dropkick. Abie goes down, and Ron has the presence of mind, despite being privy to the vicious clothesline, to quickly roll up Abie for the cover. The confused referee makes the count - 1 - 2 - 3! Ding! Ding! Ding! The crowd erupt with a pop. Zed re-enters the ring, and goes ballistic on both Ron and Steve, knocking them from the ring, before immediately attacking the bewildered Abie.] TD: Those two guys are uncontrollable! SR: And I guess tonight it didn't pay off. [Abie and Zed exit the ring, brawling all the way back up the aisle. Steve and Ron get to their feet, and their arms are raised in victory by the referee.] RA: Here are your winners, by pinfall: Stunt Team USA! TD: A hard-fought victory for Stunt Team USA, but not one obtained by the... shall we say... usual means. SR: Look, Dross, even I would concede that you have to fight fire with fire. Or Fire with Forget, maybe. No, forget I said that. TD: Gladly. Up next: the English soccer hooligan Robski takes on Fisto Flash. Now here's some interesting information on Fisto. As you may have heard, wrestlers and officials have been expressing some concern over the legality of Fisto's iron fist. [Cut to footage of Fisto using his fist to knock out various opponents, including the Man Of Steel. Cut back to the announcers' table.] It obviously cannot be qualified as a foreign object, yet it is clearly not acceptable within the remit of the rules. IIWF President Daniel Spreadbury was lobbied, and he came to the following decision... SR: [interrupting] ...to add a special clause to your contract that stops you from saying more than ten words at once? TD: Will you please stop?! The IIWF President came to the decision that Fisto Flash will have to wear protective padding over his fist in all of his IIWF matches, to prevent injury to other wrestlers. SR: You know this isn't going to sit well with Fisto or Robo Stone. They're here in the IIWF for one reason: to injure other wrestlers. TD: Well, that ethic just isn't acceptable here in the IIWF. SR: Yeah? Nor is your suit, Dross, but that doesn't seem to have stopped you. Robski vs. Fisto Flash ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ [Robski comes out to a heel pop. He waves the English flag proudly, and shouts abuse at the jeering fans. He enters the ring and holds the flag aloft. The jeers become much louder.] TD: It seems Robski isn't doing too much for relations with our cousins over the Pond. SR: Yeah, well, they're over the Pond, and they should stay there, if they object to Robski. This is a guy who stands up for what he believes in, and he's not afraid to take it to whomever gets in his way. Even a like-minded spirit like Fisto Flash. [Fisto Flash comes down the aisle, with Robo Stone in his wake. He holds his fist aloft, and revels in the jeers of the crowd. He threatens a few fans at ringside with his fist before entering the ring. The referee approaches Fisto with a pad for his iron fist, but Fisto and Stone refuse. The referee repeatedly reminds them of the ruling, but they won't oblige. Finally, the referee summons the ring announcer, who makes the following announcement:] RA: The referee has ruled that if Fisto Flash will not wear the protective pad on his iron fist, he will be disqualified by default and Robski will win the match. [Fisto and Stone throw a tantrum, but eventually agree for the pad to be placed on Fisto's right fist. Just as Stone steps through the ropes, Robski strikes, and attacks Fisto with a knee to the midsection.] TD: I guess this is going to be a real brawl. I can't see any headscissors or elaborate pinning combinations coming from either of these two. [Robski keeps the upper hand on Fisto, nailing him with a gutwrench suplex. As Fisto gets to his feet, Robski clotheslines him out of the ring. He follows him out, and nails both Fisto and Robo Stone with hard right hands. The referee exits the ring and gets inbetween Fisto and Robski, instructing them to get back into the ring. Fisto gets in a sneak punch with his padded fist as the referee moves away, and enters the ring first. An incensed Robski quickly climbs into the ring, but is stomped by Fisto as he comes under the bottom rope. Fisto takes the advantage with a dragon suplex, and applies a cobra clutch on Robski.] SR: I think this could be it, Dross. That is an extremely painful hold - your back doesn't bend that way! [Robski eventually grabs the ropes, and the hold is broken, but Fisto continues to work on Robski's weakened back with punches and kicks. Robski fights to his feet, and the two men come off the ropes at one another. They collide in the centre of the ring with a huge double clothesline, and both go down. The referee begins to count both men. As the count of four is reached, Robski begins to stir. Both men get to their feet, but Robski takes control, blocking Fisto's right hand and countering with punches of his own. Robski puts Fisto in his Bulldog headlock, and flips him down to the canvas by the neck. He drops an elbow on Fisto, and then drags him to his feet, placing his head between his legs. Robski signals for his trademark powerbomb, and at that moment, Robo Stone gets onto the ring apron. Robski forgets about Fisto, grabs Stone, and begins badmouthing the manager. The referee interjects himself in the situation, and behind their backs removes the covering from his fist. Fisto spins Robski around, and nails him with his iron fist. Robski goes down, and Fisto covers him - 1 - 2 - 3! Ding! Ding! Ding!] RA: Here is your winner, by pinfall: Fisto Flash! TD: I can't believe the referee is awarding Fisto the win after that blatant breach of the rules! SR: What the referee doesn't see, doesn't hurt him. It hurts Robski pretty bad, but that's the way it goes, I guess. TD: Hang on... here come Casey James and the Man Of Steel! SR: Oh no! What are those two meddling busy-bodies doing here?! [Big crowd pop as Casey and MOS come down the aisle. They pick up Fisto's pad and show it to the referee, explaining what happened. The referee takes the padding, and waves it in Fisto's face, who gesticulates that it must have come off as he covered Robski. The referee is not convinced, and turns to the ring announcer. They talk heatedly for a couple of moments, and then the following announcement is made:] RA: The referee has reversed the decision in this bout, disqualifying Fisto Flash for the use of his uncovered fist. Therefore, the winner of this bout: Robski! [Fisto goes to attack the referee in his anger, but is stopped by his manager. Robo Stone is unable to stop Fisto attacking Casey and MOS, however, but the two American heroes fend off the assault, and send Fisto and Stone fleeing for the locker-room. Casey and MOS look at the semi-conscious form of Robski, shake their heads and leave ringside to huge cheers. The crowd reaction for Robski is not so positive, when finally he stirs and makes his way back up the aisle, holding his head.] TD: I'm glad to see that justice prevailed here, Steve. SR: Casey and the Man Of Steel ought to be a little careful about whose toes they tread on... Fisto Flash will make them pay for it all, and make them pay double! TD: That remains to be seen. Right now, it's time to welcome the IIWF President, who has some big news about the next IIWF Pay-Per-View spectacular, Ring Wars I, which will go down in two weeks time! [Cut to split screen. Dross and Roberts at the announcers' table on the left, IIWF President Daniel Spreadbury in his office on the right.] TD: President Dan, it's great to speak to you once again! DS: Thanks, Tim. It's good to be here. SR: Hey, enough of the pleasantries already. Hey, Mr. President, are you watching these matches here tonight? DS: Of course I am, Steve. SR: Well, how do you explain the miscarriage of justice we've just seen in that last match? DS: Admittedly, we've had a couple of unorthodox finishes in our first two matches tonight, but generally I'm happy with the standard of officiating here in the IIWF. After all, the referee's decision is final. That's a dictate of the rule book, Steve, you know that. SR: [disgruntled] Humph. TD: If you've finished haranguing our President, Steve, I'd like to get down to business. President Dan - of course, we're now only two weeks away from IIWF Ring Wars, and what everybody wants to know is: what will the main event be? DS: The main event was signed earlier today, and it promises to be a classic encounter. In a match for the IIWF World Heavyweight Championship, the Outlaw will defend against the Subway Psycho. Contracts are still being finalised, and special stipulations could still be added. SR: That actually sounds like a pretty good match, Mr. President. I'm surprised. DS: Plus, I'm also able to announce that the IIWF Intercontinental Champion, Hakiro Matsuoko, has accepted the challenge of Tiger Claw, and those two will battle each other for the gold... inside a steel cage! And this match must end in a pinfall or submission. There will be a winner! TD: So IIWF Ring Wars is shaping up to be a hot ticket already... DS: I'm not through yet, Tim. We're also going to see Dan "Flash" Kauffman battle Deathbringer. Steamroller will defend the IIWF World Tag Team Championship titles against Rising Sun Revolution - those two boys earned their shot with their performance on Wednesday night. Casey James and the Man Of Steel will face Robski and Fisto Flash. That one certainly has some interesting possibilities. Tony Starks is slated to return from injury, and he'll face "Showstopper" Simon Lebec. Don Antonio should also be fully recovered, and he'll take on the Prince of Darkness. TD: Enough already! Wow, that's quite a card we've got shaping up there, Mr. President! DS: Indeed it is. There are still a few more matches to be announced, and we'll have them signed in time for Tuesday's Report. I'll give you all the details then. TD: This could be the most exciting wrestling event of all time... SR: [interrupting] Yeah, okay, Dross - enough of the cliches, okay? TD: Well, thanks for joining us here tonight, President Dan! DS: That's no problem, Tim. I'll have more announcements soon. [Cut back to normal shot of the announcers' table.] TD: We'll have the chance to hear from the IIWF Champion, the Outlaw, later on, and I'm sure he'll have some words for the Subway Psycho with regard to that epic battle! The Psycho himself, of course, will be in action in a little while, facing the Deathbringer. SR: So the Sewer Psycho won't even make it to IIWF Ring Wars. He's gonna get buried right here tonight. TD: We'll see. Right now, it's time for another tag team contest, as Flare teams up with his protege, and the newest Horseman, Blackjack Haley, against Casey "Whitebread" James and the Man Of Steel. SR: This is going to be great. Those two do-gooders are going to be squashed by the not-so-Green Giant. You know, I'm really coming to like Haley since he dumped that goofy coach and started learning some real tactics courtesy of Mr. Flare and the Horsemen. Whoo! TD: Oh, please don't start that dreadful noise again, Steve! SR: Hey, Dross, you can either like it or loathe it, but you'd better get used to it, 'cos it's the best thing going in the world today! Whoo! TD: [despairingly] I give up. Flare & Blackjack Haley vs. Casey "Whitebread" James & Man Of Steel ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ [Casey and MOS are introduced first, and they come out to a big face pop. They hi-five the fans on the way to the ring, and once inside the squared circle, go to each corner in turn and salute their fans. The pop turns sour when Flare comes down the aisle with Miss Secret to the strains of "Also Sprach Zarathustra". He enters the ring and grabs the announcer's microphone:] TD: Oh no. First you, now Flare. SR: [agitated] Shut up, Dross... FLARE: Whoo! Listen to me, all you peons, all you ham'n'eggers. You may or may not be aware of the elite Horsemen's newest member. He's big. He's bad. He's learning all the tricks from the dirtiest player in the game. [turning to Casey and MOS] He's your worst nightmare, boys. He is - BLACKJACK HALEY! [Flare drops the microphone, and the huge form of Haley appears at the top of the aisle. He comes to the ring amidst a large heel reaction, grabbing a sign from a ringside fan and tearing it up before throwing it back in the fan's face, laughing. He enters the ring, and shakes hands with Flare. Haley elects to start the match for his team, facing the Man Of Steel. Ding! Ding! Ding!] TD: This promises to be a very interesting encounter, Steve. SR: It sure does! Whoo! Just watch Blackjack pound that Man Of Squeal into the mat! [Haley walks over to MOS, whom he dwarfs. MOS challenges Haley to a test of strength.] SR: Now this I cannot believe. [Haley overpowers MOS with one hand and laughs in his face, before reversing his grip and executing a short clothesline. MOS goes down, and Haley stomps him, before dragging him to his feet and whipping him into the ropes. He grabs MOS as he comes back off the ropes and applies a side suplex. MOS is winded on the mat. Haley tags in Flare, who again drags MOS to his feet and executes a belly-to-back suplex. He "whoos" to the crowd, and his pocket of fans "whoos" back. MOS groggily gets to his feet, and is knocked back to the mat by a vicious knee lift. Flare drags MOS to his feet once more and whips him into the ropes; MOS is spun into a tilt-a-whirl slam. Big heel pop. Casey begins stamping on the ring apron, and the crowd takes up the chant of "U-S-A! U-S-A!"] TD: Haley and Flare are showing good continuity here... they're keeping the Man Of Steel cut off from his partner, and keeping him on the mat with some very impressive high-impact moves. SR: In other words, Dross, the Horsemen are pounding the Man Of Squeal into the mat. Like I said. [As Flare tags in Haley, MOS begins to stir, and lunges at Casey. He barely makes the tag, but Casey hits the ring like a house on fire. He blasts the giant with punches, and even has a few spare for Flare. Haley is rocked, and Casey executes a bodyslam on the big man. Pop. Casey goes for an elbow drop, but misses as Haley rolls out of the way. Haley gets to his feet, and drags Casey up by the ear. He whips Casey into the ropes, and sticks his head down for a backdrop. Casey sees the move telegraphed and counters with a spinning neckbreaker. Big pop. Casey again goes to Flare's corner, and nails Flare with a big right hand. Flare nearly falls off the apron, but quickly gets back up and attempts to storm the ring. He is stopped by the referee. Meanwhile, Casey executes the Hammer of Justice on Haley, to a huge pop. He tags in MOS, who applies his Doomsday manoeuvre on the giant, to an equally huge pop, and covers him. Flare, realising the severity of the situation, continues to distract the referee.] TD: Come on referee! Turn around! Make the count! SR: Will you shut up, Dross?! [On the outside, Miss Secret feigns an injury, pretending to trip and sprain her ankle. Casey sees this, and believing the lady to be in distress, gets down from the apron to tend to her. He kneels over her, his partner covering Haley all the time. Suddenly, a figure comes out of the crowd and grabs a chair from ringside.] TD: You're kidding me! Not again! That's Brad Kinder there with the chair! SR: Whoo! It's time for some more Horseman magic! [Huge heel pop as Kinder comes off the top turnbuckle with the chair, driving it down onto the back of MOS' head. He then rolls Haley onto the stunned MOS, and exits as quickly as he came. Flare allows the referee to turn around once more, and he makes the count for Haley's cover. 1 - 2 - Casey realises that he's been duped, and tries to make the save, but is too late - 3! Ding! Ding! Ding! Casey immediately charges Flare, clotheslining him from the apron, and ejects the still stunned Blackjack Haley from the ring, before tending to his partner. Miss Secret helps Haley to his feet and raises her mens' arms in victory. Huge heel pop.] RA: Here are your winners, by pinfall: Blackjack Haley and Flare! SR: Yet again the Horsemen prove why they're the number one force in the IIWF and in the whole wrestling world! They're an unbeatable team, Dross! Whoo! TD: Yeah, but only when they cheat. [The Horsemen leave ringside with Miss Secret, followed by Casey and MOS, who is assisted down the aisle by his partner to a big face pop. Cut to the announcers' table.] TD: Now you'll have to excuse me, Steve, while I go and interview the IIWF Champion. SR: [sarcastic] Oh no, how will I cope without you, Dross?! [Dross gets up and leaves the table, picking up a microphone and entering the ring.] SPECIAL INTERVIEW: The Outlaw ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ TD: We're just two short weeks away from what is shaping up as one of the biggest events ever in professional wrestling. It's IIWF Ring Wars and this card is sure to live up to it's name with the matches we have coming your way. [Pop] Joining me now is the man who will defend his IIWF World Heavyweight Championship at Ring Wars: the Outlaw! [The Outlaw comes out to a huge heel reaction. As the fans boo, the Outlaw tosses a few obscene gestures at them around ringside before stepping through the ropes and encountering a dirty look from Dross.] So, Outlaw, how do you feel about your upcoming match against the... Subway Psycho? [Big pop from the crowd who begin chanting "Psy-cho, Psy-cho!"] Apparently the Psycho lobbied the IIWF President long and hard to get a shot at you in this match. MO: Well that's very interesting, Tim Dross, because I would have _demanded_ this match anyway. As you know, the Subway Psycho and I go back a long way, but things have been just . . . a . . . little . . . bit . . . strained . . . of late. One minute, Psycho is complimenting the Horsemen on the way we do business. The next minute, he's trying to battle us. It seems he's got a little gravel in his gizzard. He's what we call a "loose cannon," if you know what I mean, Dross. TD: Well some would say that you're not exactly in the best frame of mind right now, either. MO: This . . . should be the happiest time of my life. I'm wearing the IIWF World Championship belt and sitting on top of the wrestling world. What is it then, Dross? What is it that is eating away at me? Very simply, it's family business and will be handled as such. That's all you need to know. TD: Well, I'll ask this as directly as I know how: are you still a member of the Horsemen? MO: Well then I'll answer it directly, Dross: yes. Until I tell you otherwise. TD: Then can you trust your three so-called friends Flare, Bodybag and -- apparently now "Blackjack" Haley -- to back you up at Ring Wars? MO: I know I can trust two of my . . . colleagues. TD: And which two would those be? MO: Family business, Dross, family business. I don't need any Horseman support to take care of the Subway Psycho. In fact, I don't expect any. Let's see if the Subway Psycho is man enough to show up at Ring Wars by himself. I've got my doubts. This is a so-called man who has resorted to cheap shots on Tiger Claw, Brian Lau, and all of the Horsemen, including myself. I'm beginning to see why Sasha prefers Brian Lau to the Psycho. He says the IIWF deserves a real champion? Turn on your TV and look at me, Psycho -- if a gutter rat like yourself has even advanced that far. TD: But the fact remains that he will have a shot at the IIWF World Championship at Ring Wars. MO: He's getting that shot because I'm giving it to him. And when I crush his little body at Ring Wars, it will be a reminder to everyone that the Outlaw doesn't need friends. Kauffman only took three Cattle Busters, Psycho. I'm reserving four for you! You know, Dross, I've been hearing a lot of people in the IIWF mentioning my name -- Deathbringer, Psycho, Kauffman, Cornbread James, and this little punk Robski who showed up running his mouth. Well I'm not going anywhere, gentlemen, and when I dispatch of the Subway Psycho at Ring Wars . . . I'll be easy to find. Anytime. Anywhere. As usual, it's been your pleasure, Dross. ["Outlaw Blues" begins playing over the PA, and the Outlaw casts a nonchalant eye over the jeering crowd before leaving the ring, and heading up the aisle, the fans hurling paper and empty soda cups at him as he goes. Dross returns to the commentary table.] SR: Well, I guess you really asked him the tough questions there, Dross. TD: It seems the Outlaw wants to play a few cards close to his chest at the moment, Steve. You can't blame him for that. Anyway, let's get back to some more action in the ring. And what a match _this_ promises to be... SR: [interrupting] Sure, if you like seeing whining idiots in the ring. Dan "Flash" Kauffman vs. "Spotlight" Billy Shakespeare ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ [Dan "Flash" Kauffman comes out to a huge face pop. He hi-fives the fans on his way to the ring.] TD: It's unusual that we get to see two such fan favourites square off in the ring, but Kauffman wanted this match, and Billy's always out to prove that he's Born to Perform. SR: [mocking] "Born to Perform..." yadda yadda yadda. Why do the fans like these guys?! [Billy Shakespeare appears at the top of the aisle. He bows to his adoring fans, and then comes down to the ring. Stepping between the ropes, he bows to Kauffman, who shakes his hand. The two of them stand and face each other, the pleasantries dispensed with: now it's down to business. The referee signals for the timekeeper to ring the bell for the start of the match. Ding! Ding! Ding! The two lock up, collar and elbow. Kauffman gets Billy in a headlock - Billy reverses into an armbar - Dan reverses into an armbar of his own - Billy flips out of the hold, and bows to Kauffman. Pop.] TD: Looks like Billy got the better of that exchange. SR: Yeah, but wrestling isn't marked in artistic impression, Dross - it's marked in how many of the other guy's teeth you knock out. [They lock up again, and exchange similar holds. This time Kauffman comes out on top. Pop. Billy bounces off the ropes - Kauffman ducks under him - Billy comes off the other side - Kauffman leapfrogs over him - Billy comes off again and catches Kauffman with a flying clothesline. Pop. Billy immediately applies another armbar. Kauffman tries in vain to break the hold, but eventually inches towards the ropes. Billy gives a clean break. Kauffman gets to his feet and again locks up with Billy. Kauffman takes Billy down with an armdrag, and then applies a head-scissors. Billy reverses the hold into an armbar, and the pair of them begin an elaborate series of reversals, resulting in a break as they edge against the ropes.] TD: I couldn't even name some of the moves we saw in that little exchange, Steve. SR: Yeah, but you're a moron. [Kauffman suddenly takes the advantage with a back brain kick that comes out of nowhere. Billy hits the mat hard. Dan capitalises on his sudden break with a series of high impact manoeuvres - a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker, a Russian leg-sweep, a powerslam. He covers Billy: 1 - 2 - Kick out! Kauffman continues to hit Billy with the big moves from his arsenal, but Billy will not be pinned. Kauffman slingshots Billy into one corner, and charges him, but Billy sticks his knee up. Kauffman hits hard and goes down. Billy is groggy, and as Kauffman gets to his feet, executes a sloppy Curtain Call. Big pop! He gets Kauffman in a pinning predicament: 1 - 2 - Kick out! Billy tries to keep the upper hand, punching and kicking the equally woozy Kauffman, and a slug-fest ensues. A buzz of disdain spreads throughout the crowd as Moondust appears at the top of the aisle. The buzz becomes a fully-fledged heel pop as the androgynous one minces down the aisle and wanders around ringside.] TD: I knew Moondust wouldn't be able to resist coming out here. I hope he doesn't interfere in this match. [Billy whips Kauffman into the ropes. Kauffman grabs the ropes and stops dead. Billy charges at Kauffman with a cross-body block, and the two of them go sailing out of the ring over the top rope. Huge pop. Moondust immediately hurries round to the side of the ring where Kauffman and Billy lie stunned, and helps Billy to his feet. As Billy gets back onto a vertical base, Moondust licks Billy's hand. Big heel pop. Billy nails Moondust with a hard right hand, and Moondust goes down. Meanwhile, Kauffman grabs Billy from behind and executes a belly-to-back German suplex onto the concrete! Big pop!] SR: Hey, maybe Kauffman has a killer instinct after all! That's got to have put Pukespeare out. You don't suppose.... nah.... TD: What, Steve? SR: Well, that Moondust and Kauffman are... well, you know... like... TD: [interrupting] No. No. No. No. [Kauffman rolls Billy back into the ring, and applies his Falcon Leglock on him in the centre of the ring. The referee carefully watches Billy's reactions, but although he is agonised, he refuses to submit. On the outside, Moondust seems to rummage around in his tights, and then throws a cloud of grey dust in Kauffman's eyes. Kauffman is blinded by the dust, and the referee signals for the timekeeper to end the match. Ding! Ding! Ding!] TD: What was that stuff? SR: It was moondust, you idiot. What else? TD: It seems Kauffman's vision may be impaired. That's not good news with only two weeks to go before Ring Wars... I hope there's no serious damage. RA: Here is your winner, by disqualification: Dan "Flash" Kauffman! [The crowd give a mixed reaction. Some cheer the result, others stand looking on in concern, others still jeer. Billy, meanwhile, gets to his feet and goes after Moondust, limping from the effects of the leglock as he goes. Big cheer as Moondust and Billy disappear into the locker room area. Kauffman, meanwhile, is helped from the ring by the referee. The crowd are now a little concerned for Kauffman, who clutches his face as he is led back to the locker room for medical assistance.] TD: This doesn't look too good for Kauffman. [Cut to announcers' table.] SR: Are you kidding? It looked great from where I was sitting. TD: Steve, you are disgusting. You really are. SR: Yeah, I know. [Dross pauses and looks at Roberts, who laughs and throws a piece of popcorn up in the air, catching it in his mouth. Behind him, a sign can be seen that reads "Soundbite Rules!"] TD: Fine. Now it's time for tonight's main event - and what a match it promises to be: the Subway Psycho meets Deathbringer! SR: Aw, dang. Where did I put that peg? Subway Psycho vs. Deathbringer ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ RA: The following contest is tonight's main event, and it is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, hailing from the subways of New York City, and weighing in at 255lbs, the Subway Psycho! [Huge pop as the lights drop in the arena. The single headlight of the subway train on the video wall lights up the figure of the Subway Psycho in silhouette. He comes to the ring, hi-fiving the fans as he goes.] RA: And his opponent: accompanied by the Coroner, hailing from the Dark Side, and weighing in at 324lbs... here is Deathbringer! [The strains of "The Reaper" ring out across the PA, and the light immediately drop to nothingness. When they rise once more, a couple of seconds later, Deathbringer stands, disrobed, facing the Psycho in a stare-down. The Coroner is at ringside.] TD: That still gives me the creeps, Steve. SR: Look on the bright side, Dross - at least it's not as bad as waking up in the morning, looking in the mirror and getting the fright of your life when you realise exactly what you look like. TD: Gee, thanks, Steve. I guess I hadn't looked at it that way. SR: Hey, I've got a million of 'em, Dross! TD: Haven't you just. [Psycho makes the first move, raising one arm in a challenge for a test of strength. Deathbringer obliges, and the two of them lock hands. Psycho takes the early advantage, almost forcing Deathbringer onto his knees, which results in a good pop, but 'Bringer powers back, and forces the Psycho down. The crowd pop again as the Psycho drives his shoulder into 'Bringer's mid-section to break his vice-like grip.] SR: What a low-down, dirty tactic. TD: Yeah, straight out of your playbook, no doubt. [The Psycho comes off the ropes and takes the Deathbringer off his feet with a running clothesline. Big pop. Psycho stomps 'Bringer and drags him to his feet, hitting him with a powerbomb. 'Bringer sits straight up and grabs the slightly surprised Psycho by the neck, executing a vicious chokeslam. Deathbringer goes for the cover: 1 - 2 - Kick out!] TD: That was nearly it for the Psycho right there! SR: I told you that Deathbringer's going to bury that loser. I wish I could find that peg... TD: What do you want a peg for? SR: To put over my nose, of course, so I can't smell that horrible Eau De Sewers cologne that the Psycho wears. It's no wonder Sasha upped and left, when he smells like that. In fact... TD: [interrupting] Will you please stop?! [The Psycho is dragged to his feet by the relentless Deathbringer, who whips him into the ropes and hits him with the Scythe, the devastating flying clothesline.] TD: That's the move that beat Blackjack Haley on Wednesday night. Is it going to do for the Psycho, too? ['Bringer makes the cover, but the Psycho kicks out after the two-count. Deathbringer applies the Death Claw hold, and the Psycho really begins to flag.] SR: The pressure from that move on your jaw and temple can cause you to pass out in a hurry, Dross. [The referee raises the Psycho's hand for the first time. It hits the canvas. He raises it for the second - again it hits the mat. He raises it for the third time, and the Psycho holds his fist aloft. The crowd pop and the Psycho begins to fight his way to his feet.] TD: The Psycho just feeds off the energy of these fans, Steve! SR: Well, sure. I mean, look at them. They're all such fat ham'n'eggers that they'll have plenty to spare. [The Psycho drives an elbow into Deathbringer's midsection as the Psycho finally breaks free. He whips the stunned 'Bringer into the ropes, and connects with a boot to the head. Revitalised, he climbs to the top rope and hits with a double axe-handle as the Deathbringer gets to his feet. He drops an elbow on the felled dark destroyer, and goes for a cover - 1 - 2 - Kick out! The Psycho stomps Deathbringer again, and goes to the top turnbuckle. He attempts the Derailer, but Deathbringer suddenly sits up as the Psycho is in mid-air, and Subway hits the canvas hard. Big heel pop.] TD: How does Deathbringer do that? It's like he has a sixth sense. SR: No, he's just using one of his other five - he could smell the Psycho coming downwind. [Deathbringer once more takes the upper hand. He hoists up the Subway Psycho into position for the Burial, a tombstone off the ropes. Slowly and carefully he climbs up the buckles. Just as the Deathbringer appears ready to jump and drive the Psycho's head into the canvas, the Psycho starts to wriggle. He somehow levers himself backwards, so that he is standing on the top rope, with Deathbringer in front of him standing on the second. The crowd pop hugely as the Psycho executes a big bulldog off the ropes.] TD: Wow! What a reversal! I hope Dan Kauffman was watching that one! [The Psycho again goes to the buckles, and launches himself with the Derailer. This time, he connects with the full force of the move. The crowd pop hugely as he makes the cover: 1 - 2 - 3! Deathbringer sits up just one moment too late! Ding! Ding! Ding!] RA: Here is your winner, by pinfall: the Subway Psycho! [The crowd go wild as the Psycho stands in the centre of the ring and has his arm raised in victory.] TD: What a phenomenal victory for the Psycho! I guess the reversal of the Burial must have momentarily thrown the 'Bringer off-balance, and just one moment is all it takes to lose a match. SR: Deathbringer was robbed, Dross. The Subway Stinker got lucky. If those two ever meet again in the ring, things will turn out differently. He'll get buried. [Deathbringer leaves the ring, and is escorted back to the locker-room area by the Coroner.] TD: I have to say, Steve, that if the Psycho is on form like that at IIWF Ring Wars - I think we're going to see a new champion! SR: Nonsense, Dross. On his best day, the Stinker couldn't beat the Outlaw on his worst. Simple statement of fact. TD: Time will tell. Well, folks, that's all we have time for this Saturday night. We'll be back at you live next week, and our main event will see the Outlaw defending his title against Casey James. SR: Plus we'll see the High Plains Drifters in action, and Deathbringer will be with us once again. Should be another great card. TD: So join us then! Don't forget, there'll be more live action on Wednesday with this week's IIWF Midweek Mayhem. Thanks for joining us tonight! For "Soundbite" Steve Roberts, this is Tim Dross, saying: so long, everybody! [Fireworks erupt way up in the arena's roof as "Crazy Train" blasts out over the PA. As the Psycho celebrates in the ring, and motions that he wants the IIWF Championship belt around his waist, fade.] +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= I * I * W * F =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+ | Send mail to univ0322@sable.ox.ac.uk with the subject lines: | | "send faq" for the FAQ + "send singles" or "send tag" for the | | rosters + "send handlers" for a list of handlers | +----------------------------------------------------------------------+ | IIWF Home: http://users.ox.ac.uk/~univ0322/iiwf/ | +----------------------------------------------------------------------+ | Submit material for the Report to univ0322@sable.ox.ac.uk | +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+