[Fade up on aerial shot of the outside of the IIWF Coliseum, with fans pouring in through the doors, forming a brightly coloured trail leading to the building. Cut to several quick shots of fans commenting on the action they're about to see:] Fan 1: [with his eyes blacked up like the Subway Psycho] Tonight the Subway Psycho's going to bring home the gold! Fan 2: [with his face painted with masks like Billy Shakespeare] The one who was Born to Perform is going to kick Moondust off the stage! Fans 3 & 4: [bash their heads together, then chorus] The Alphabet Boys rule! Group of fans: Whooo! The Horsemen rule the IIWF! Fan 5: [dressed all in black] Deathbringer and his Soldiers of Hell are going to put Dan Kauffman to rest for ever... Fan 6: [small child, hesitantly] I hope... Rising Sun... beat Steamroller. [Cut to shots panning past the rows of fans as they wait to enter the Coliseum, then zoom in through the doors, which open to reveal the opening graphics for the show.] .------------------------------------------------------------------. | From the revolutionary force in e-wrestling entertainment! | `------------------------------------------------------------------' ##### ###### ### ########## ########## ########## #### ## ########## ########## ########## #### # #### ######## ##### ##### #### ## ##### #### #### #### #### ### #### #### #### #### ############# ######### #### #### ########### ######### #### #### #### #### #### ######### ######### ### #### #### ######### ######### ### ## #### ######## ######## ## # #### ## ###### # # # # # # #### # # ##### # ## # # ###### ###### # # # ## # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # #### # # # # # # # # #### ###### # # ## # # ## ## ####### ###### # # ## #### # # ###### # # # # # # ###### .------------------------------------------------------------------. | L * I * V * E + IIWF Coliseum + Saturday 29 June + L * I * V * E | `------------------------------------------------------------------' [As opening graphics fade, a live shot of the scene in the Coliseum appears. A blimp floats in the rafters, perilously close to the spectacular fireworks that explode high in the arena roof. Montage shots of the lights playing over the excited capacity crowd, and various signs flash in and out of view as the shot moves over the fans. Over these scenes comes the voice of Tim Dross:] TD: Welcome everybody to the IIWF Coliseum! Welcome everybody to the greatest wrestling spectacular in history! Welcome everybody to IIWF Ring Wars! [Cut to shot of the announcers' table, where Tim Dross, "Soundbite" Steve Roberts and Becky LaRue stand. Dross and Roberts are wearing black tie, while Becky is wearing an outfit just as red as her fiery hair. Each of them holds a microphone.] TD: We are coming at you _LIVE_ and loud from the Coliseum! I'm Tim Dross, and with me are the lovely Becky LaRue, and "Soundbite" Steve Roberts. Becky - Steve - what a night of action we're in for! SR: For a change, Dross, you're absolutely right! Tonight, we're going to see all three of the IIWF's championships on the line. BL: Absolutely, Steve. For the IIWF Tag Team Championship, Steamroller are going to be taking on the high-flying Rising Sun Revolution. SR: And I don't mind stating right from the get-go that it's going to take more than a couple of Japanese goofballs to get those titles away from Steamroller. TD: Tiger Claw faces the "Angel of the Sun" Hakiro Matsuoko inside a steel cage in a match for the Intercontinental Championship that can only end in a pinfall or a submission. What a match _that's_ going to be! SR: You got that right! I can't wait to see Hakiro pounded into the mat by the legendary Tiger Claw. BL: And, of course, the main event pits the IIWF Champion, the Outlaw, against the Subway Psycho in a battle for the gold! SR: The Subway Stinker doesn't stand a chance against the combined might of the Horsemen. TD: Don't forget about the Deathmatch between Dan Kauffman and Deathbringer! That promises to be a classic encounter. Let's go to Kauffman's locker-room: [Cut to backstage. Dan "Flash" Kauffman is on the floor doing stretches and various warmup activities while watching his portable TV-screen. On the screen runs Deathbringer's matches over the past three weeks, with Blackjack Haley, Subway Psycho, Joe Latta and Prince of Darkness. Dan interjects:] "Well, it IS fair to say that the Deathbringer has obviously had more ring-time recently than I have. And that's good... I could see a marked improvement from his fight with Haley through his fight with PoD. So, Deathbringer, it appears we will face eash other when we are both at peak condition. I wouldn't want this match to happen any other way. "Once again, over the last couple of weeks, your comments have been both truthful and accurate. This will be a match of personal feelings, emotion, focus and, let's face it, grit. There won't be an indecisive finish... though, to some extent, the Cage Texas Death Match _did_ have a degree of decisiveness... I got planted. I'll admit that as a loss... a loss that I look at as motivation. "You gave me the idea of wrestling a Deathmatch a little over three weeks ago, and I gladly accepted. Now it seems everyone claims that I am at a huge disadvantage in this match. Am I? The only thing that _could_ work against me is the "pinfalls count anywhere" stipulation. The other stipulations, including the ones dealing with interference, are ones I would have asked for anyway. But none-the-less, I am once again the one facing the odds... I've got an idea... [Dan goes back to a clothes rack, then reaches under it and pulls out a deck of cards.] "I bet you're wondering what I'm doing, aren't you? [Dan cracks a slight smile, then gets back in focus and takes four cards from the deck, stacking then and laying them face-down on the table.] "Wrestling is a game of advantages and disadvantages. Sort of like any game of cards. [Dan lays down the Ace of Clubs] "This card's symbol, the clubs, represents hard work and preparation. You have obviously come prepared and focused to do what you have to do. Therfore, maybe... just maybe... the preparation went in your direction. [Dan slides the Ace of Clubs up the table, and flips the next card in the stack... it is an Ace of Diamonds] "To me, diamonds represent logic and intelligence... the beauty of our sport. And although mine is sharp, perhaps you, once again, have shown that your mind is at more peace than mine is... a very good trait when going into a match such as ours. [Dan slides the Ace of Diamonds up and lays it besides the Ace of Clubs, then flips overthe next card in the stack, the Ace of Spades] "The spades are powerful symbols of technique and skill. In the wrestling ring, we both know how to get the job done, but once again, just maybe, your own moves and holds have more of an effect than mine own. [Dan slides the Ace of Spades up, laying it besides the Ace of Diamonds in sequence with the Ace of Clubs] "Perhaps the odds are stacked against me. Perhaps I _have_ gone into a match that is a little too much for me to handle. But when everyone says that I _can't_ aclomplish a specific goal, or that I _can't_ defeat a man standing across from me in a Deathmatch... well maybe, just maybe, they are right. But to put me off so easily... maybe all the skeptics should heed Deathbringer's own words. For the 'Bringer knows that I can come out of this match the winner. And he knows _why_ I can. Perhaps I should let all the skeptics in on just _why_ you shouldn't write me off just yet..." [Da calmly lays the Ace of Hearts over the other three aces, looks at the camera as if to ram home his point, then walks out of the dressing room while the camera focuses on the Aces lined in the pattern Dan has made. Cut back to the announcers.] SR: What a windbag! Doesn't he ever shut up?! BL: It'll be a shame to see Kauffman destroyed by Deathbringer. TD: Er... yes, I agree, Becky. He's a great athlete! BL: Athlete shmathlete. I only meant that he was cute. He can't wrestle for toffee. TD: Is this the same Kauffman we're talking about here? In another top-flight encounter, the bizarre Moondust battles Billy Shakespeare in a Loser Leaves IIWF match! SR: Finally we'll see the last of that insufferable Billy Pukespeare! TD: And the Horsemen face one of their toughest challenges yet as Flare and Blackjack Haley square off against the Crippler and the Venusian Death Cell in - get this - a Russian Chain Match! How about that, Steve? SR: That's going to be one messy match, Dross. Those chains are very dangerous weapons. The Cell and the Crippler made a big mistake when they signed those contracts. TD: Let's get some pre-recorded comments from Flare and Haley now: [SCENE: An old steel mill, filled with random shots of steam, glowing fires and sounds of hammers crashing down on anvils. The camera has a close up of a blazing furnance. It pans back as red hot chain links are being pulled out of the fire. Flare and Blackjack emerge out of the shadows with chains around their necks.] FL: [with a half-lit face speaking in a loud scratchy voice] Ring Wars! I-I-W-F! Crippler, VDC, what oh what do we have planned for you? [Flare stretches out the chain from around his neck and wraps it around his fist] Heh heh heh...I got the big man - Blackjack Haley - I gotta fistful of steel, and I gotta score to settle! [the fires make Flare's eyes glow red as he flashes a sinister grin] It's going to be pure pleasure to crack your skulls with these chain links!! [Haley chuckles and clenches his giant fists while Flare shakes the chains in his hand] VDC, after Haley and I beat the ugly outta ya.....I'm going to tear the mask off of the Crippler and make him bleed! Crippler, don't you remember the pain of the figure four? Well, think of this as an iron nightmare... where no Posse can save you. With you and I linked together there will be no running, no hiding, and no denying that the Horsemen and I are the best going today! I live to see the pain in your faces. At Ring Wars expect the worst!! [Flare and Haley throw up the four and disappear into the darkness. Fade] BL: The Crippler made a brief statement earlier this evening. Here it is. Apologies for the sound quality, but the guy's speaking through a mouthful of mask: [Cut to a close-up of the Crippler's masked face. He speaks:] "FLARE...see what you have gotten yourself into. All because you are old and paunchy and unable to wrestle by yourself. All because you would not face me man to man. All because you are afraid of me by yourself. You are pathetic. So pathetic you have started a war you cannot finish. But I can. And I will...finish YOU and your weak-spined stable. I warned you... now my friends and I will FINISH YOU... Flare...PREPARE TO BE CRIPPLED!!" [Cut back to the announcers' table.] TD: And that's not all! The High Plains Drifters battle High Velocity, in the culmination of a bitter feud. We caught up with the Senator and his boys as they arrived at the Coliseum tonight. Over to Larry Morton: [SCENE: in the parking lot just before the matches at the PPV. We see The Wizard and High Velocity getting out of their limo. They are met by Larry Morton:] LM: Senator - can I get a word with you? What about the match tonight your team has with the Drifters? Senator: What a crowd! It took us almost an hour to get up here to park. I believe that the last few weeks will all have a meaning to the fans tonight. The Drifters have been winning the battles but the war is our goal. Mr. Wales, I hope you have your team ready for the most important match of their career tonight. Tomorrow morning, the pain that you will feel will be the strongest that any of you have ever felt. High Velocity has trained well and will kick your butts all over the ring. The fans will get their money's worth tonight. Mark my words... [The Senator then turns and lets a red fireball fly towards the moon. All three then head towards the door, laughing loudly.] LM: Where do those fireballs come from, anyway? Back to you, Tim! [Cut back to announcers.] TD: In other action, Joe Latta takes on Brad "Bodybag" Kinder, the United Nations face the unpredictable Alphabet Boys... SR: [interrupting] ...and one of the matches I'm really looking forward to is the tag encounter pitting Fisto Flash and Robski against those two patriotic dimwits, Casey James and the Man In Tights. I think Fisto and Robski are going to surprise everybody here tonight. TD: What do you mean, Steve? [Roberts says nothing.] TD: I just hate it when he does that. Let's hear from Fisto Flash himself - maybe he'll illuminate my colleagues' comments: [Cut to Fisto Flash and Robo Stone in their locker room.] RS: The time has come. Yes, it has come. Fisto, tonight we will find out what the American heroes are all about; and what Robski's all about. I just hope that _you_, Robski, don't decide to pull a fast one on my boy, Fisto - 'cos rest assured, if you do, you'll pay for it. FD: I intend to be standin' tall after Ring Wars! I don't care _what_ our feud has become, Robski, but you best not be thinkin' a' ruinin' our chances of winnin' against the American Hero Sandwiches. 'Cos if you decide to foil with the most brutal force in the IIWF, you're gonna get DESTROYED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! RS: American Heroes, I hope you have insurance! [As Stone and Fisto erupt into riotous laughter, cut back to the announcers.] TD: Well, that _was_ helpful. You notice Robski wasn't with Fisto Flash. Apparently he has some comments from his own locker room: [Cut to Robski and Max Clifford standing in their locker room] ROBSKI: Fisto - can we put aside our mutual dislike until after the match tonight? I am pretty sure I can, but can you?! MAX: Double-cross us, Flash, and that will be a dumb move! We are with you on this, as these other two need taking down a peg or two, and when we have won........ ROBSKI: You never know, we could become a team, and get the tag belts. As for you Jap Boy, I may have lost the title shot but, Matsuoko, it was a screwball ending, I request, no I DEMAND, another shot, no countout, no DQ, accept or reject, are you man enough? Or are you going to hide behind the belt?! MAX CLIFFORD: Until we meet in the ring... ROBSKI: Adios. Now get out my locker room. [Cut back to the announcers' table.] TD: Robski had better not be looking past this match to a shot at Hakiro, or whomever will be wearing the Intercontinental Championship after tonight... I still can't see this partnership with Fisto working. SR: Just be content that "Soundbite" Steve Roberts said so, Dross. BL: Well, from what I hear, it seems that Casey James has been left in the lurch - apparently, nobody's yet seen Man Of Steel here this evening. This match gets more and more interesting! Hey, Timmy, you'd better set your sniffer dogs onto this one. TD: I will, Becky. Let's now go to comments from Simon Lebec and his entourage, as they prepare for his match against the returning Tony Starks: [SCENE: Lebec prepares for his match in his locker-room. He is accompanied by Miss Crystal and Francois.] SL: Tony Stark's show will stop here tonight. I have said it all along... I am the best that the IIWF has to offer. Starks... what will it feel like losing to the prettiest man in the world? After I beat you into submission, perhaps I'll look for some gold, eh? What do you two think of that? Francois: Yes, boss! Crystal: Nothing would look better on you Simon. You know that. SL: That's what I love about you Crystal. You speak the truth. Come on people... let's move one step closer to wrestling greatness!! I've got a little surprise for you all... [Cut back to the announcers.] SR: Well, I think Lebec can take Starks, Dross. He may be a busy guy, with a lot of business dealings, a lot of fingers in many pies, but Lebec has the natural ability and fire that Starks just doesn't have. Starks is a cry-baby and a loser. TD: We'll see about that, Steve. Becky... BL: Don't forget that the Prince of Darkness wrestles Don Antonio. In fact, let's get pre-recorded from the Prince right now: [SCENE: Prince of Darkness and Dr. Faustus stand in a dark corridor, deep in the IIWF Coliseum.] Faustus: Later on today, the POD will leave another victim in his path towards wrestling immortality. Don Antonio... you must be one stupid person to sign a match with the POD!! PoD: To be the victim of suffering one one thing. To bring suffering on oneself is another. Antonio... you have no idea what you've agreed to. I'm thinking you're having feelings similar to those of when your mother caught you stealing cookies from the cookie jar... you were a little confused as to what you'd done... but deep down... you knew that you were in a lot of trouble. You are indeed in a lot of trouble, rest assured. [Cut back to the announcers.] BL: Eeew. He gives me the creeps. SR: Don't worry, Becky - I'll keep Dross away from you. TD: Do you mind, Steve?! Well, that's the card, folks. So let's get straight to our first match: the Returners battle Stunt Team USA. [The timekeeper's bell rings. Cut to the ring announcer standing inside the squared circle.] ~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~ The Returners vs. Stunt Team USA _.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-._ TD: The tag team scene in the IIWF is wide open and either The Returners and Stunt Team USA could easily find themselves in the hunt for the championship belts with a win here tonight. SR: You can't convince me that either of these teams is championship material, Dross. Look at the way Steamroller has dominated the tag teams in the IIWF. BL: That's right, Steve. Teams like Rising Sun Revolution and the United Nations are merely pretenders to the throne, just like the bozos we're going to see in this opening match. TD: Well, I think you'll both be surprised by what we see tonight, not only in this match but in all the action at Ring Wars. Let's get down to ring announcer Sparkplug Lee for the introductions! [A quick pan around the ringside seats shows fans with painted faces and others holding signs cheering on their favorite IIWF superstars. They all get excited in front of the camera, which finally cuts to ring announcer Sparkplug Lee in his sporty tuxedo.] RA: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Ring Wars! Let's get reaaaady to rummmmmmble!!! [Big pop as the cameras pan around the crowd. Spotlights swirl throughout the coliseum as the fans roar their approval.] RA: Our opening attraction is a tag team contest scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, from Tampa, Florida and Canyon City, Oregon, at a combined weight of 588 pounds, Steve Forget and Ron Fire: Stunt Team USA! [Turbo B's "I'm Not Dead" can barely be heard over the deafening roar of the crowd as fireworks explode from the ring posts. "Airborne" and "Danger Freak" exchange hi-fives as they walk the aisle and share a few handshakes with the fans. They both vault the top rope from opposite sides to enter the ring.] RA: And their opponents, from the Valley of the Shadow of Death and South Figaro, at a combined weight of 575 pounds, here are Sabin Rene Figaro and Locke Cole: the Returners! [Another big pop as fireworks explode over the entry portal. "Gangsta's Paradise" plays as Celes Cole appears through the smoke, raising her arms. She stops and points back to the portal where Figaro and Locke Cole stride confidently into the coliseum. They join Celeste and also pass out hi-fives to fans along the security rail before entering the ring.] TD: Wow, what a way to open Ring Wars! Exciting entrances with lots of fireworks! SR: Does the fire marshal know about all these flames you've got going off around here? BL: Yeah Timmy, those sparks could set your... uh... _hair_ on fire. SR: Polyester does burn, you know. TD: Would you two please stop talking about my hair? [Both teams disrobe and the referee calls for the opening bell. Figaro opens against Steve Forget and the two circle each other and finally lock up in the middle of the ring. Figaro, showing his power, shoves Forget into the turnbuckle, then smiles at his opponent. The two lock up again, and again Figaro powers his opponent into the corner.] TD: I think it's pretty evident that Steve Forget isn't going to match muscle with Sabin Rene Figaro. He's got to get this big man off his feet if he hopes to be successful in this match. SR: [in a low voice] So Becky, what are you doing later on tonight? TD: Excuse me, there _is_ a match going on. SR: Yeah, and if I'm lucky there will be another match going on later. Rrrrooowlll. [Becky LaRue giggles] [Figaro charges Forget, but is taken down with a nice leg scissors move and is kept on the mat with an armbar. Forget plants a few knees in Figaro's back and then pulls the bigger man to his feet and hits a superplex. Figaro is still fresh, however, and turns the tide with a headbutt that staggers Forget. As he stumbles backward, he makes the tag to Ron Fire.] TD: Now it's time to see the big boys go at it. BL: Figaro and Forget were mismatched, but this should be interesting. Ron Fire won't be pushed around the ring. [The two begin exchanging blows in the middle of the ring as the crowd begins to get into the match. figaro gains the advantage with a huge forearm smash and backs Fire into the ropes where he delivers another forearm to Fire's chest. He whips Fire into the opposite ropes and floors him with a vicious flying clothesline. Going to the top rope, he signals to the crowd which responds with a big pop. He then launches himself off the ropes and hits an elbow drop before making the tag to Locke Cole.] TD: Cole is the smaller man in the ring, but Fire appears to be in bad shape. Let's see if the Returners can take advantage of that. [Cole immediately climbs to the top rope and drops a leg across Fire's neck. He hooks the leg and goes for the pin: 1 - 2 - kick out! Dragging Fire to his feet, Cole lands a superkick and puts Fire back on the canvas. He climbs to the top rope and hits a moonsault and covers again: 1 - 2 -big kick out! The force of the kick out knocks Cole on top of the referee, stunning the official. Fire recovers enough to drop Cole with a swinging neckbreaker, but the impact also puts Fire on the mat. As both wrestlers and the official lay on the mat, the crowd begins to stomp on the coliseum risers.] SR: Everybody's down in this one! Whoever makes the tag will definitely have a big advantage. TD: Both wrestlers are starting to stir and the referee is back to his knees. Let's see who has the intestinal fortitude to pull this match out! [Cole grabs the ropes and slowly works his way to his corner while Fire rolls toward his. They both make the tags simultaneously and Figaro and Forget charge into the ring. Figaro drops Forget with a clothesline and follows with a suplex, then hits a powerbomb. Big pop. He covers: 1 - 2 - kick out! As he pulls Forget to his feet, Figaro lands another forearm blow that sends Forget into the ropes. He attempts another clothesline, but Forget ducks under and Figaro flips over the top rops and hits the Coliseum floor hard at ringside. Cole is quickly to his partner's side and helps Figaro to his feet, but Forget rebounds off the opposite ropes and dives over the top rope, flooring both Figaro and Cole with a cross body block. Cole's head hits the guard rail and Figaro goes to the floor again.] TD: What a move by Steve Forget! SR: That's why they call him "Airborne". [Forget rolls back into the ring and tags in Fire as Celes Locke tends to her husband. Figaro slowly recovers and gets back to the ring apron, but Fire suplexes him back into the ring. He nails Figaro with a bulldog, then pulls his opponent back to his feet and scoops him up for a running powerslam as Forget climbs to the top turnbuckle.] TD: Stunt Team USA is going for their finisher, Fire and Forget! BL: And Sabin Rene Figaro doesn't look like he's in any condition to do anything about it. [Fire moves to the corner and tags Forget before executing the big slam. As he rolls off of Figaro, Fire leaps from the turnbuckle and hits the leg drop. He hooks Figaro's leg and covers: 1 - 2 - 3! Ding! Ding! Ding!] RA: Here are your winners, by pinfall, Steve Forget and Ron Fire: Stunt Team USA! TD: What a matchup to open this program! We saw speed, we saw power, and we saw a big victory for Stunt Team USA! SR: It wasn't bad, but the real tag team excitement will come when Steamroller takes care of the Rising Sun Revolution. TD: That remains to be seen, Steve. [After celebrating, Fire and Forget help Figaro to his feet. Cole slowly joins the trio in the ring and they all exchange handshakes to a big pop before leaving the ring.] ~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~ Prince Of Darkness vs. Don Antonio _.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-._ TD: This should be an interesting matchup, Steve and Becky. Neither the Prince of Darkness nor Don Antonio has earned a fan following to date. SR: And neither one cares about a fan following, Dross. Both of these guys are climbing in the IIWF rankings and either one could be ready for a title shot real soon. BL: You'd better believe they both want a victory in this matchup -- especially with all of the eyes in the IIWF on the ring tonight. TD: Well, let's go up to the ring for our introductions. RA: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, from parts unknown, weighing in at 319lbs and accompanied by his manager Dr. Faustus, here is: the Prince of Darkness! [The house lights drop as Aerosmith's "Boogie Man" blares from the IIWF Coliseum's PA system. Dr. Faustus leads the Prince of Darkness from the portal as a red spotlight bathes both of them. They are both greeted by a big heel pop and one fan waves a "Deathbringer . . . Your Worst Nightmare" poster in front of the POD, who snatches the poster and tears it in front of the fan.] TD: Needless to say, the Prince of Darkness won't be making any new fans after that little display. SR: Yeah, but the IIWF marketing department loves him. That little moronic fan will run right back to the souvenir stand and buy another poster. [As Dr. Faustus and POD enter the ring, the theme from "The Godfather" begins to play.] RA: And his opponent, from Sicily, weighing in at 275 pounds and accompanied by his "cousins," here is: Don Antonio! [The Don enters in his sporty attire, bedecked in a tuxedo and top hat. His cousins, similarly attired, walk beside him and keep the hissing fans from touching the Don. He enters the ring and slowly disrobes, keeping his gaze on the the POD.] TD: Wow, these guys really don't like each other. BL: And I doubt they've ever met. That's just their nature. [The referee calls for the opening bell and the POD takes the early initiative. He charges at Don Antonio but is met with the kick to the midsection and a kneelift. Don Antonio staggers the POD with a headbutt.] TD: Oh my goodness, what a headbutt! SR: Oh my goodness, what a butthead! TD: What was that, Steve? SR: Uh, nothing. [Don Antonio puts the POD on the mat with a solid European uppercut. He wrenches the POD's left knee, then follows with a headbutt to the lower abdomen that was precariously close to being a low blow. The Don pulls the POD to his feet and runs to the ropes, grabbing the POD's long hair and vaulting over the top rope. The POD's head snaps across the top rope, flinging him back to the canvas.] BL: It seems Don Antonio is more vicious than usual tonight. Maybe he's out to prove something to his family. TD: Don't you mean _The_ family? Do you really think those goons are related to Don Antonio? SR: Only if Darwin was right, Dross. Only if Darwin was right. [Don Antonio climbs back to the ring apron and then to the top turnbuckle. He launches himself for a splash, but the POD pulls up his knees and plants them in Don Antonio's gut. POD slowly gets to his feet as the Don writhes in pain. Several kicks to the head turn the tide in POD's favor and he follows with a legdrop and an elbow drop. He pulls Don Antonio to his feet and executes a mean chokeslam and goes for the cover: 1 - 2 - kickout! POD whips his opponent into the ropes and lands a boot to the Don's face and then helps him to the mat with a clothesline. Again he covers: 1 - 2 - kickout!] TD: Don Antonio is showing a lot of intestinal fortitude here, Becky. BL: That's what he gets for eating at the IIWF cafeteria. SR: I'm telling you, Dross, I _love_ this woman! [POD runs to riccochet off the ropes, but one of Don Antonio's cousins grabs his leg. The POD slides through the ropes, grabs the ring bell, and clocks the cousin with it.] TD: Ouch! Well it's nighty-nite for Guido . . . or is that Guiseppe? Or Vinny? SR: I didn't know those guys even had names. But what is the POD doing picking on guys outside the ring? TD: He had it coming to him for interfering in this match. [Don Antonio's other cousin comes around the ring to check on his partner as POD climbs back to the ring apron. Don Antonio greets POD with a shoulder to the midsection and then sends him back to the coliseum floor with a hard right hand. As the referee backs Don Antonio from the ropes, the other cousin also gets in two punches before innocently turning away.] SR: What teamwork we're seeing here! TD: Yeah, but this isn't a tag team match. SR: Great, isn't it? [As the referee's count reaches 7, the POD pulls himself back into the ring under the bottom rope. He is met by several stomps to the chest. Don Antonio pulls POD to the middle of the ring and clasps his opponent's head between his thighs. He signals to his conscious cousin outside the ring.] TD: Don Antonio is setting up the Prince of Darkness for a piledriver. That means the Sicilian Death Grip can't be far away. SR: Sicilian Death Grip? I had that after a bowl of linguine in the IIWF Cafeteria. [Don Antonio has trouble getting the big man off his feet to execute the piledriver. He tries twice before the POD counters with a backdrop. Big pop. POD pulls Don Antonio to his feet and runs his face along the top rope before slamming the Don's head five times into the top turnbuckle. As the Don falls to his knees, the POD moves to the second turnbuckle and pounds Don Antonio's head into it five more times.] SR: This could be big trouble for the Prince of Darkness. TD: What do you mean? He's in command of this match. SR: He might be sleepin' with the fishes in the morning when the family gets finished with him. Or even worse, he'll wake up next to a horse's head. BL: Oh, I could think of _worse_ things to wake up next to. Do you guys know Larry Morton? [Don Antonio's cousin climbs to the opposite ring apron and gets the referee's attention by pointing as his relative outside the ring. The POD whips Don Antonio into the ropes, sending the cousin flying from the apron. On the return, the POD his Misery Drop, driving Don Antonio's head into the mat. He covers: 1 - 2 - 3! Ding! Ding! Ding!] TD: The Prince of Darkness has overcome Don Antonio and his cousins to get the victory! BL: But I don't think they are too happy about it. Look at this! [Both cousins storm into the ring and begin pounding on the Prince of Darkness. The POD eventually shakes off one -- possibly Vinny -- through the ropes and Dr. Faustus borrows the ring bell to put out his lights. The POD regains command and slams Don Antonio's and his cousin's heads together. Both decide to vacate the ring, pointing their fingers threateningly at the POD.] RA: Here is your winner, by pinfall, the Prince of Darkness! [Don Antonio helps his cousins up the aisle as Dr. Faustus enters the ring and celebrates with the POD. As they leave the ring, the camera focuses on a familiar fan who holds up a familiar "Deathbringer . . . Your Worst Nightmare" poster.] SR: I told you, Dross, the IIWF Marketing Department loves this guy! TD: You're sick, Steve. ~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~ Tony Starks vs. Simon Lebec _.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-._ TD: As we heard during Midweek Mayhem, Tony Starks is ready to get back into action. I saw him earlier today and he is looking bigger and tougher than ever. SR: He may be bigger, but you know that severe knee injury he suffered at the hands of the Outlaw and the Horsemen will be in his mind. BL: As a former wrestler, I can tell you that you may get over an injury physically, but it takes a long time to get past that mental hurdle. And you can bet Simon Lebec will go right to work on that knee. [Lebec's music blares from the PA system as ring announcer Sparkplug Lee grabs the microphone.] RA: Ladies and gentlemen, this contest is one fall with a 15-minute time limit. Introducing first, from Hollywood, California, and weighing in at 239 pounds, accompanied by Miss Crystal, here is "Showstopper" Simon Lebec! [Little pop from the crowd as Miss Crystal and Simon Lebec enter the coliseum, followed by a man in a suit. Lebec comments to a few fans, but is basically ignored, especially by one young fan who is admiring his "Deathbringer . . . Your Worst Nightmare" poster. As the two enter the ring, Lebec poses in his colorful attire and sunglasses, receiving only a few boos in return.] TD: It seems Simon Lebec is not stopping any shows tonight. This capacity crowd is apparently eager to see Tony Starks' return to the IIWF. But who's the guy in the suit? SR: Well, if only you'd shut up, we'd find out. He wants the microphone. MAN: Simon Lebec... you are indeed "The Showstopper"! I am pleased to announce that with this weekend's sales of your new movie "Simon Does Saskatchewan", you are now the largest box office draw in the history of motion pictures. Please accept this honorary Academy Award for your contributions. [The man hands over an Oscar to Lebec, who raises it aloft before handing it to Miss Crystal. The suited man leaves the ring and heads up the aisle.] TD: What?! You're kidding me! "Simon Does Saskatchewan"?! What kind of a movie is that? SR: Look, Dross, I wouldn't expect you to appreciate art-house cinema, but Lebec is a great actor, and a great athlete... as Tony Starks is just about to find out. [As if on cue, C.R.E.A.M. begins blaring from the PA system and the crowd comes to life.] RA: And his opponent, from Staten Island, New York, weighing in at 269 pounds, Toooony Starks! [Big pop continues as Starks walks confidently through the smoke and fireworks in his black and gold wrestling attire. Despite the cheers of the crowd, he is businesslike and keeps his eyes focused on the ring and Lebec as he walks the aisle.] BL: I've got to admit that Starks looks ready to get back into the ring. In fact, he looks eager to tangle with Simon Lebec. SR: Maybe too eager. Remember, he's bound to be rusty after being out of the ring for so long. And he'd better watch out for that knee of his. [The referee calls for the opening bell, but Lebec is still posing. Starks tests the ropes as Lebec slowly takes him time removing his hat and sunglasses. Starks begins pacing as Lebec looks at the crowd and points at Miss Crystal, who exits the ring with his sunglasses and hat. Starks closes in on Lebec, but "Showstopper" makes a "time out" signal with his hands and removes a gold chain from around his neck. Starks begins to argue with the referee.] TD: It seems Simon Lebec is in no hurry to tangle with Tony Starks. SR: Lebec is just playing mind games. Look at how frustrated Starks is already and he hasn't even been hit yet. [The referee points at Lebec, but he responds by holding up his left wrist which has a solid gold bracelet. He begins to remove the bracelet, but Starks charges into the corner and chops Lebec before holding up his arm and breaking the bracelet from Lebec's wrist. Lebec slides from the ring and curses Starks, who hurls the gold jewelry into the crowd. It is caught by a lucky young fan holding a "Deathbringer . . . Your Worst Nightmare" poster.] TD: Lebec may not want to get in the ring with Tony Starks, but the big man from New York definitely has his attention now. SR: That was uncalled for! That was probably a $50,000 bracelet he hurled out to the morons. BL: Hmmm. Do you think that dumb fan would take a "Becky LaRue Fan Club" t-shirt for that bracelet? [The referee ushers Starks back to his corner as Lebec slowly climbs back into the ring. Finally, Starks and Lebec lock up and Starks powers Lebec into the corner. Lebec slips through the ropes and walks over to Miss Crystal as the fans begin to hurl objects at him. Starks again complains to the referee, who waves him off and begins the count.] TD: Mind games or not, this display by Lebec is getting a bit annoying even to me. SR: Now you know how I feel working with you every week, Dross. [As the referee's count reaches 8, Lebec slides back into the ring. Starks, visibly upset, charges Lebec and hiptosses him. He applies an armbar, but Lebec slides his foot on the rope and the referee forces Starks to break the hold. As Starks backs away, Lebec again slides beneath the ropes and walks away pointing at his head.] SR: See? Lebec knows he's using his head and it's getting to Starks. TD: Maybe, but he's still going to have to get in the ring to win this match. [The referee again begins the count as Lebec turns his back to the ring and begins arguing with an old woman in a ringside seat. Starks, finally pushed to his limit, catapults himself over the top rope and kicks Lebec into the guard rail. Lebec hits the rail hard, but Starks quickly presses Lebec over his head and tosses him back into the ring.] TD: So much for Lebec's mind games! BL: Starks just answered two questions there. His knee appears to be fine and he hasn't lost as much of that edge as people might think. [Starks is almost foaming at the mouth as he storms the ring. Lebec attempts to crawl out of the ring again, but Starks snares his trunks and gives the fans in Section B a view of the full moon. One fan with a "Deathbringer . . . Your Worst Nightmare" poster, begins howling with laughter. Starks pulls Lebec back into the ring, pulls him to his feet, and hits a vicious short clothesline. He follows with a northern lights suplex, a powerslam, and an inverted powerbomb. Big pop.] TD: This match took awhile to get going, but Tony Starks is making up for lost time! [Starks whips Lebec into the ropes and hits a knee to the midsection. As Lebec is doubled over, Starks adds a DDT and drives Lebec's head into the mat. Again he pulls Lebec off the mat and signals for the dragon suplex.] BL: The dragon suplex is Starks' finisher. Lebec is in trouble now. TD: I think Lebec was finished when he stepped in the ring with this "new" Tony Starks. [Starks hits the dragon suplex, but does not cover Lebec. Instead, he pulls him to his feet one more time and hits a devastating tiger bomb that seems to shake the coliseum. He then goes for the cover: 1 - 2 - 3! Ding! Ding! Ding!] RA: Here is your winner, by pinfall, Tony Starks! TD: What an impressive victory. You have to believe that was a message to everyone in the IIWF that Tony Starks is back with a vengence. SR: Lebec didn't even get a chance to work on Starks' bad knee. It was just bad planning on his part. [Starks stands in victory. Lebec groggily rolls to the side of the ring and is handed the Oscar by Miss Crystal. Lebec gets to his feet and brandishes the Oscar above his head. The crowd pops hugely. Starks spins around, realising the danger, nails Lebec in the midsection, and then grabs the Oscar. He knocks Lebec from the ring with the award, and holds it aloft as the crowd pops hugely. He then leaves the ring and heads up the aisle, still clutching the award.] SR: Hey! Starks has stolen that Oscar! TD: It looked to me like Lebec was trying to give it to Starks anyway. SR: [sarcastically] Oh, ha ha. Ha ha. Very funny, Dross. [Lebec is helped to his feet by Miss Crystal, and the pair head up the aisle to the derision of the crowd.] TD: Now let's go backstage to Larry Morton. I believe he's going to speak with Brian Lau and Tiger Claw. Larry? [SCENE: Larry Morton walking down a hallway in the Coliseum] LM: Well, folks, I'm on my way to Tiger Claw's dressing room to get some comments about the IC match tonight. I hear he's getting prepared as we speak. [Larry gets to a door with the words "Tiger Claw" on it, and knocks] [Kenny Tanaka opens the dressing room door. Tiger Claw is skipping rope on one side of the room while incense burns in the corner] KT: Oh, I see you brought the camera crew... Good, Larry. Thanks. Now go into the corner and shut your mouth LM: But... KT: That doesn't look shut to me... [Larry shuts up] KT: Hi, folks. I'm coming to you from the dressing room of Tiger Claw, where the warrior from Thailand prepares for his match against Hakiro Matsuoko for the IC title. Brian, do you have any comments? BL: Yes, Kenny. This night will see the crowning of a new champion. Tiger Claw is as ready for this match as he's ever been stepping into the ring. These two men will be locked inside a steel cage until there's a winner. There will be no interference. Nobody will get to them. This means one thing. The better of the two men WILL be victorious, and that man is obviously Tiger Claw. Hakiro won't be able to get any of his friends to help him out of this one. KT: I can hardly wait. I hear that the next match is to get underway... BL: Yes, I have to meet with a business partner, so we must bring this to a close... KT: Well, let's get back to the action... So long, everybody! [Cut back to the announcers' table.] TD: That Tanaka guy really gets on my nerves. SR: Heh, can't take the heat of competition, can you, Dross? TD: Shut up, Steve... hang on, I understand Larry has Tony Starks back there. Let's get his comments: [Cut to Morton standing in a corridor with a sweat-drenched Tony Starks. Even in victory that cool expressionlessness dominates his face. He still holds the Oscar.] LM: Tony, can we get a word with you? [Starks stops, nodding his head] LM: How do you rate your...er, award-winning performance tonight? TS: [with a chilling calm] You saw for yourself, just like everyone else did. It wasn't a bad test for me. I still think that I have a few kinks to work out, but I have been out for four weeks. I think that I am getting back to my old form, though. I want to issue an open contract: anyone want to see if Tony Starks is back, and for real? I am not a hard man to find, you all will get the same that Lebec did. Peace. [Cut back to the announcers' table.] TD: Well, I'm sure the superstars of the IIWF will think twice before underestimating Tony Starks again. ~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~ United Nations vs. Alphabet Boys _.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-._ TD: Okay, now it's time for another tag team encounter. The unpredictable Alphabet Boys will take on the United Nations. What a match this promises to be! [The ring announcer steps into the ring.] RA: The following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, led to the ring by Kangaroo Carlysle, at a combined weight of 490lbs, here are Jacques K. Vorkian and Tora Tora Tora: the United Nations! [Good face pop as Vorkian, T3 and Carlysle come down the aisle, glad-handing the fans as they go, to the strains of "Joy to the World" by Three Dog Night. They enter the ring, and Carlysle gives them some last-minute pointers.] SR: [mocking, in a bad Australian accent] "Now listen, bruces - you've got to get your opponents' shoulders down for the three count, or you've got to get them to give up. But, boys, I'll just be happy if you don't get knocked out this week." TD: Steve, will you stop?! BL: But he's got a point, Timmy. How many matches have the United Nations fought? Three, all of them against Steamroller. And even when they beat them, in all three matches they had to be assisted from the ring. Chairs, bells and boots seem to disagree with the Nations. TD: You're right, Becky. And the Nations should be worried in this match, too, since the Alphabet Boys have proven time and time again that when it comes to total disregard for the rules, they're the top team in the IIWF. Hang on... I hear that Larry Morton is backstage, and he's located the Man Of Steel. Larry, over to you. [Cut to Larry Morton in the corridor outside Man of Steel's locker room. He stands with a breathless MOS.] LM: Steel - why aren't you in your locker room? You do know that your match starts in a matter of minutes. MOS: I know, Larry. I just had to help a young girl. She was hit by a car. I had to help her get medical attention. My wrestling career is less important than saving a young girl's life. LM: Sorry, Steel. I had no idea! But on to present concerns: what can you tell me about your upcoming match with Fisto Flash and Robski? MOS: I'm ready as always, Larry. Casey and I are going to show Robski that if you come to another country you have to respect it. Robski, I have beaten you once. Another victory will do me no harm at all. Right now I have to get ready. Sorry, Larry. Come see me after the match and I'll talk to you then. LM: Okay, Steel - and good luck. MOS: Thanks, Larry. [Steel opens his locker room door and goes in, closing it behind him.] LM: Well, there you have it, Tim. Man Of Steel is in the building, and he's going to be ready for his match! Back to you at ringside. [Cut back to ringside.] SR: Saving a girl's life?! A likely story - I expect he was down on the Boulevard paying some young lady for her services. TD: [shocked] Steve! How could you even think such a thing about the Man Of Steel?! BL: Well, think about it, Timmy... he does wear his underpants outside his trousers. That's pretty kinky. TD: Okay, okay. Shall we just get back to the matter in hand - the introduction of the Alphabet Boys? Sheesh... RA: And their opponents, weighing in at a combined weight of 589lbs, here are Abie and Zed: the Alphabet Boys! [The chorus of six year olds starts up, and a spotlight comes to rest on the head of the aisle. The crowd launches into boos, but the jeers subside as the Alphabet Boys fail to appear.] TD: Where are they? [After an awkward pause of a few more seconds, Zed steps through the curtain and into the aisle. He is carrying a 30lbs bag of sugar.] TD: Er... is that what it looks like? BL: Well, if it looks like a 30lbs bag of sugar, then yes. Aren't the Alphabet Boys sweet? TD: Becky... that was... BL: Yes, Timmy darling? TD: Nothing. SR: If you two have quite finished your witty little repartee, I think we ought to be wondering just where Abie has got to. [Zed comes down the aisle, looking all around him for his partner. He finally gets to the ring, lays down the sugar in his corner, and then looks around ringside. Inside the ring, Carlysle, T3 and Vorkian appear to be growing more and more impatient. Carlysle goes to speak with the referee, and Vorkian and Tora watch as Zed pokes his head under the ring.] TD: So Abie's under the ring? [While Carlysle is speaking with the referee, and Vorkian and Tora are looking through the ropes at Zed, Abie appears from under the opposite side of the ring. The crowd erupts as he dives into the ring, and nails Vorkian and Tora from behind with a large object. The Nations go flying through the ropes, and Zed begins stomping on them.] TD: Was that all planned to put the Nations off balance? SR: It's hard to tell with these guys. They're nuts. BL: You got that right... and they have bad taste, too. Look at that thing Abie just nailed the Nations with. It's a desk lamp shaped like Elvis Presley! TD: Well, I guess this is what the Alphabet Boys meant when they said they were going to bring their toys with them. But they don't look too playful just at the moment. [Abie and Zed together beat on the Nations. Zed performs a gutwrench suplex on Vorkian on the outside, the Frenchman hitting the deck hard, and Abie whips T3 into the steel crowd barriers. The referee leaps through the ropes to the outside, and tries to keep the ABoys at bay. Finally he forces the ABoys into the ring, where they slap each other around a bit, and appear to be arguing about their entrances. Carlysle tends to the Nations on the outside.] TD: What carnage we've seen here - and the opening bell hasn't even rung yet! [After a pause of a minute or so, in which the ABoys keep the crowd amused by beating on one another, the Nations are ready to start the match, and T3 steps into the ring. The ABoys look at each other, and have a slapping contest to decide who will start the match off. Abie wins, and he charges Tora as Zed steps out of the ring. T3 dodges the charge, and Abie runs headlong into the Nations' turnbuckles. Vorkian and Tora beat on Abie while he is trapped in the corner, and the crowd pop as they get the upper hand. The Nations release Abie, and he stumbles towards the centre of the ring. He turns, and is floored by a vicious Savate kick from T3, who tags in Vorkian. Vorkian immediately climbs to the top rope and crashes down on Abie with an elbow smash. He goes for the cover: 1 - 2 - Kick out!] TD: The Nations clearly have the upper hand now, Steve. SR: It won't last. How long will it take the ABoys to use those weapons they have sat in that corner? [Abie is quick to get to his feet, and he swipes at Vorkian, who ducks the wild right hook and counters with jabs of his own. The referee remonstrates with him for the use of closed fists, but Vorkian's rhythm isn't disturbed. He whips Abie into the ropes and hits him with a huge lariat on the rebound. Abie goes through 360degrees and hits the canvas hard. Vorkian tags in T3 once more.] TD: We're seeing good tag team continuity from the Nations here. [T3 enters the ring and drops an elbow on Abie. He drags the ABoy to his feet, and whips him into the ropes, hitting him with a dropkick as he comes off the other side of the ring. Abie gets to his feet again, and T3 again whips him into the ropes. This time, however, Abie collides with Zed, who is on the apron. He turns to remonstrate with his partner, who socks him one with a fierce right hand. Abie stumbles backwards, and is scooped up by T3, who makes the cover with an inside cradle. The crowd pop hugely - 1 - 2 - Kick out!] TD: Boy, that was close! BL: I think we've just seen the volatile tempers that could cost the Alphabet Boys the match. These two guys don't even get on with each other - how are they supposed to make an effective partnership if they hate the other's guts? SR: Yeah, but on the other hand, it doesn't take much teamwork to perform more cohesively than this Japanese joker and his gormless Gallic partner. TD: Steve, will you please try to be nice? SR: I was. I didn't even mention that Antipodean cretin, Carlysle. [T3 stays on top of Abie, and drags him to his feet. He kicks Abie in the midsection, doubling him over, and then hooks his arms. He looks out into the crowd, who pop hugely, and pulls off a well-executed dragon suplex. The crowd continue to pop like crazy as T3 points to the top rope. He bounds to the top buckle, and throws himself off in an Asai moonsault. Flashguns light the arena as T3 flies through the air, but Abie moves out of the way, and T3 hits the canvas hard.] SR: That's what you get if you waste time showboating to the crowd, Dross. If he'd covered Abie after that suplex, he would've had this match won. TD: You could be right, Steve. Now they've both got to make the tag. [T3 makes the tag, and Vorkian storms the ring. At the last moment, Abie lunges at Zed and makes the tag. Zed and Vorkian slug it out in the centre of the ring, Zed getting the upper hand by driving his shoulder into the Frenchman's midsection. Again, he pulls off a gutwrench suplex, causing a big heel pop from the crowd.] BL: Now, people say that the Alphabet Boys are dumb. But here we've seen Zed slow down the pace of the match with a high-impact manoeuvre, placing him firmly in control... well, as firmly in control as a maniac can ever be, at any rate. [Zed goes over to his corner. Abie has his hand in the sack of sugar and is eating whole handfuls of the stuff. Zed grabs the sack, and carries it into the centre of the ring. The referee goes nuts, trying to stop Zed from using it. Zed happily gives the sack of sugar to the referee, for whom it is too heavy, and he falls backwards, landing hard on his behind. The crowd erupt with laughter. Vorkian is staggering to his feet, but Zed takes him back down to the canvas with a snap-mare. He chops Vorkian in the neck, and the Frenchman immediately grabs his neck as he struggles to breathe.] TD: That is one of the most vicious moves in the Alphabet Boys' repertoire. That must be a terrifying feeling, choking for air. SR: Rather like the feeling I get when I've been sitting next to you for a couple of hours on a Saturday night, Dross. You really can stink, sometimes. TD: Steve, can you be serious just for a short while, please. It looks like Vorkian's in trouble. SR: Great. It's no more than that parasitical Parisian deserves. [Zed drags Vorkian to his feet and tags in his partner, keeping hold of Vorkian the whole time. While the referee removes the sack of sugar from the ring, Abie grabs the Elvis Presley lamp, and as Vorkian goes into the ropes, the ABoys each hold one end of the lamp, and use it to clothesline Vorkian. The crowd give a big shocked pop as the lamp smashes. Tora enters the ring, but is knocked out by Zed, and he and T3 fight outside the ring. Abie looks at the lamp, throws its remnants away with a shrug of the shoulders, and then covers Vorkian. The referee turns, having got rid of the sugar, and counts Vorkian's shoulders down: 1 - 2 - 3! Ding! Ding! Ding! There is a big heel pop as Zed slams Tora into the ring steps, and then reenters the ring. He explains to Abie that they have won the match, and the Alphabet Boys celebrate.] RA: Here are your winners, by pinfall: the Alphabet Boys! TD: You're kidding me! Abie and Zed should have been disqualified for the use of that lamp! BL: There's an old saying in wrestling, Timmy: what the referee doesn't see can't hurt him - but it can sure hurt your opponent. The Alphabet Boys may be a little unorthodox, but they do know how to get the job done. SR: Too right. Look at that whining Carlysle trying to tell the referee that his team were robbed. [Carlysle argues with the referee, but the official is having none of it. Vorkian is kicked from the ring by the jubilant Abie, and Tora and Carlylse pick him up and help him back up the aisle. Abie and Zed realise that their playmates are leaving, and head up the aisle after them, Abie brandishing the sack of sugar above high above his head. Officials pour from the top of the aisle, surrounding the Alphabet Boys, and preventing any further damage.] TD: Well, what a strange match that was. A little later on tonight, Moondust will be battling "Spotlight" Billy Shakespeare in that big "Loser Leaves IIWF" match. Let's go backstage to Larry Morton, who's trying to get a few words with Billy. Over to you, Larry. [Cut to Larry Morton, clutching a microphone, in a locker-room. Beside him is Billy Shakespeare, standing in his full wrestling get-up.] LM: Thanks, Tim. I'm here with "Spotlight" Billy Shakespeare in the locker room... BS: And I'm suprised, I thought Becky LaRue would have killed for this assignment. LM: Um yeah, aaah....Billy, a few words about... BS: Me? Only a few words? Anything, anytime Larry. Just make it quick, I've still got some prep work to before making my entrance. LM: In only a few minutes you'll be putting your wrestling career on the line against Moondust. Any comments? BS: A line from Othello comes to mind. "This is the night that either makes or fordoes me quite." LM: Back to you Tim and Steve. [Fade] BL: Hey, what about me? Why didn't he mention me? TD: Just a slip of the tongue, I'm sure. BL: He'd better watch it, else next time we're in the booth together he's going to wind up in a deathlock. TD: Now, now, Becky. Try to keep your temper. ~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~ Casey "Whitebread" James & Man Of Steel vs. Robski & Fisto Flash _.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-._ SR: I'm really looking forward to this one, Dross. We're going to see an end to the laughable heroics of Cornbread and the Man Of Squeal. TD: Only if Robski and Fisto Flash can work together in the ring, Steve. Over the past few weeks, there's been a whole lot of animosity between those two - each of them thinks he's the greatest athlete in the IIWF, and I think the clash of egos is going to lose them this one. SR: We'll see, Dross. BL: [distractedly] I can't believe Larry didn't mention me. TD: Come on, Becky. Get over it! [The timekeeper's bell rings. The ring announcer once more takes to the ring.] RA: The following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, coming down the aisle, at a combined weight of 557lbs, here are the American Heroes: Casey "Whitebread" James and the Man Of Steel! [Big crowd pop as Casey and MOS come down the aisle, Casey proudly waving an American flag. Before they even reach the ring, a chant of "USA! USA! USA!" has started up.] SR: Listen to these idiots. What are we, at war with England or something? Give me a break. TD: Of course we're not, Steve. But there's nothing wrong with a little patriotism. [Casey and MOS enter the ring, and amidst the strains of "Yankee Doodle Dandy", wave the flag for the crowd. There is a big pop as red, white and blue fireworks explode in the rafters.] RA: And introducing their opponents. Firstly, coming down the aisle accompanied by his manager, Robo Stone, weighing in at 305lbs, from Brooklyn, New York, here is Fisto Flash! [Big heel pop as a green spotlight picks out the gleaming fist of Flash, raised high above his head as he appears at the top of the aisle. He comes slowly down the aisle, with Robo Stone behind him, abusing the crowd as he goes.] TD: I really don't like this guy. What an attitude he's got. SR: It's an attitude that's going to take him right to the top in the IIWF. He's a great athlete a unique advantage over all the other great athletes here in the IIWF. TD: You mean an "_illegal_ advantage" - that fist of his must be covered in this match to prevent injury. SR: I think that's ridiculous. I sometimes wonder what planet that useless President of ours comes from. He penilises an athlete for something which he's powerless to do anything about. TD: You're kidding me, right? Fisto doesn't _have_ to use that fist as a weapon. But he uses it every chance he gets. He doesn't just want to beat people, he wants to maim them. [Fisto enters the ring and looks over in disdain at the American Heroes, signalling to the Man Of Steel: "You're mine." He then accepts the protective covering from the referee, and wraps it around his steel fist.] RA: And his partner, hailing from Manchester, England, accompanied to the ring by his promoter Max Clifford, and his girlfriend Jasmine, weighing in at 335lbs, here is: Robski! [Another big heel pop as the trio appear at the head of the aisle. Robski's face is painted with the red cross of England, and he is draped with a Union flag. He makes abusive gestures at the crowd as he comes down to the ring. He stands on the apron, and looks straight at Fisto Flash.] TD: I guess this is going to be the whistle test of this alliance. Can they even bear to be in the same ring together? [Robski steps through the ropes, Clifford behind him. He stands close to Fisto Flash, and the two exchange some comments. Then Fisto raises his fist, and Robski raises his own fist, knocking the two together. They nod, then turn and charge the shocked American Heroes, bumping them from the ring. Big heel pop.] TD: Fisto and Robski actually working together? I can't believe it. SR: You see, Dross, when you hate something enough, you'll form an alliance with anyone who can help you get the job done. BL: And I don't think anyone hates those two do-gooders more than Robski and Fisto Flash. [Fisto and Robski raise their arms in victory in the ring, and wait for Casey and MOS to recover. MOS decides to start the match for his team, and Robski agrees to let Fisto face MOS. The two lock up, and MOS takes the advantage, pushing Fisto into the ropes. Fisto ducks a clothesline, and comes back off the other ropes once more. Fisto is slowed down by a headlock from the MOS, but Fisto pushes MOS into the ropes, and hits him with a clothesline on the rebound. He picks MOS and hits him with a suplex, then a backbreaker, and a body slam. Big heel pop.] TD: Man Of Steel is in big trouble here, Becky. BL: He was in big trouble before he even stepped in the ring, honey. Just look at those tights. Eeewww. [Fisto tags in Robski, who stomps MOS's midsection, and drags him to his feet. He drives another boot into MOS's abdomen, doubling him over, and performs a nasty tiger bomb on the hapless hero. Cover - 1 - 2 - Kick out! Big pop! Robski is straight back down on Steel with a side headlock.] SR: How did he kick out of that?! [Casey begins to work up the crowd from the apron, and a chant of "USA! USA! USA!" grows louder and louder. Robski is clearly agitated, and tries to add more leverage to his headlock. MOS seems to be drawing energy from the crowd, and begins to fight to his feet. He drives an elbow into Robski's midsection, and manages to get back to his feet. Robski whips him into the ropes, and doesn't see MOS make the tag with Casey. Robski attempts a hiptoss on MOS, who counters and performs a quick go-behind, and pushes Robski towards Casey, who enters the ring and hits Robski with a huge clothesline. Big pop!] SR: Where was the tag? Those cheaters... TD: You must be blind, Steve. That tag was as clear as the nose on your face. SR: And what's that supposed to mean, Dross?! [Robski is quick to his feet, although he is then scooped up and slammed by Casey. Casey looks around at the fans and signals for the "Hammer of Justice". Big pop. He waits for Robski to get up, and then hoists him up into position for the running powerslam.] TD: That's impressive! Robski's a big 300 plus pounder! [Casey brings Robski crashing down to the mat with his big running powerslam. Huge pop as Casey makes the cover - 1 - 2 - Fisto Flash storms the ring and attempts to drop an elbow on James. Casey rolls out of the way, and Fisto drops an elbow on Robski. Huge pop as Casey then clotheslines Fisto from the ring. Casey tags in MOS, and the two of them pick up Robski and whip him into the ropes. They attempt a double clothesline, but Robski ducks underneath and nails them with a double clothesline of his own. Big heel pop as Robski drops to the mat. The referee tries to clear Casey from the ring. Meanwhile, on the outside, Robo Stone has removed the padding from Fisto's steel fist. Fisto slides into the ring and drops his fist down on the Man Of Steel. Then he tries to revive Robski.] TD: It's carnage in there! Man Of Steel must be out after a blow like that! Fisto Flash should be disqualified! He's not even the legal man in the ring! SR: Oh, quit your whining, Dross. This is great! [Robski doesn't take kindly to being shaken by Fisto, and starts pummelling his own tag partner. The crowd goes wild. MOS still lies flat out in the ring.] TD: It was only a matter of time before this happened! Look at those two go at it! [Robski and Fisto Flash plunge through the ropes to the outside, still beating on one another. Robo Stone and Max Clifford try to separate their two men, but end up getting into a shoving match themselves. Nevertheless, the referee counts out Robski - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10! Ding! Ding! Ding!] SR: What?! Why's the bell just rung? TD: I believe the referee has counted Robski out! SR: But that tight-wearing wimp's unconscious in the ring! The match should have been stopped already! [Casey reenters the ring, and raises MOS's hand in victory. The crowd pop, although they are largely more interested in the brawl still going on outside the ring, which the referee is now trying to split up. Casey helps MOS from the ring and heads up the aisle, leaving the chaos around the squared circle.] TD: I think we need some more security out here to split this up. [Fisto Flash, clearly enraged, nails the referee with his steel fist as he flails around.] TD: Oh, that's it! That's the second time Fisto's struck an official. That's going to cost him! [Finally, Fisto gets a good clear shot on Robski with his fist, and the Englishman goes down. There is a big heel pop as Flash enters the ring and raises his fist in victory. Robo Stone beckons Fisto to leave the ringside area, and the pair of them head up the aisle as security pour past them to tend to Robski, his promoter and his girlfriend. Eventually, Jasmine and Clifford get Robski to his feet and drag him back to the locker-room area, amidst the jeers of the crowd. The referee is stretchered away.] SR: What a body count! That was great! I told you Fisto Flash is going to be a force to be reckoned with. BL: Yeah, but how great is he without that fist of his? He seemed a bit of a bungler to me, dropping an elbow on Robski during the match like that. SR: Everyone makes mistakes, Becky. TD: Ah, but was it a mistake, Steve? SR: Well... TD: While you puzzle that out, let's go backstage once more to get comments from the challengers for the Tag Team Championship here tonight, the Japanese sensations, Rising Sun Revolution. Over to you, Larry: [Cut to backstage. Larry Morton stands in the locker-room with Ryudu and Hiroshi.] LM: With me at this time are the pretenders to Steamrollers' Championship belts, the IIWF's favourite imports, Rising Sun Revolution! [Hiroshi and Ryudo step up to the microphone.] Ryudo: Let me tell you this now, Larry. We are _ready_ for this. You know, Steamroller, these past few days we've been doing nothing but train, train, train for this match. We are psyched up and ready. [Ryudo hi-fives Hiroshi, and Hiroshi slaps Larry on the back, who winces.] LM: Yeah, yeah, I've heard all that before. What makes you think you can beat Steamroller twice? Especially now the belts are on the line? Ryudo: [smiling] Instinct, Larry. We've got the will to win. We're going to go out there and seriously kick some. Steamroller, we're not going to give you an inch. LM: Well, you seem very confident. I don't see how you can be so sure... [Hiroshi, grinning, lifts Larry up and gives him an aeroplane spin. Ryudo almost falls over laughing.] Ryudo: [laughing] I think you upset him, Larry. Okay Hiroshi, put him down. [Hiroshi drops Larry Morton to his feet, and he staggers into a wall.] Ryudo: Taylor, Brassow, we're going home champions tonight. See you in the ring! [Hiroshi and Ryudo walk back to their dressing room. Morton, still dizzy, signs off.] LM: Back to you at ringside... somebody get me a drink. [Cut back to the announcers' table.] TD: Thanks, Larry. Well, you two, how do you rate RSR's chances? SR: Not good, Dross. They're going to be taught a lesson tonight. Lightning doesn't strike twice. BL: You're right, Steve. Steamroller are going to win. Even though Hiroshi's kind of cute. TD: Well, we'll see. Now we're going to see the Horsemen's Intercontinental title hopeful, Brad "Bodybag" Kinder, in action against the rookie, Joe Latta. What a match this promises to be. ~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~ Joe Latta vs. Brad "Bodybag" Kinder _.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-._ [The ring announcer takes to the ring once more.] RA: Ladies and gentlemen, the following encounter is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, from the Arizona Desert, accompanied to the ring by Flare and Blackjack Haley, weighing in at 295lbs: Brad "Bodybag" Kinder. [Big heel pop as Kinder leads the way down the aisle, with Flare and Haley in tow. He hi-fives his stablemates before entering the ring. He checks the ropes.] TD: Brad Kinder, as always, the picture of determination. RA: And his opponent, coming down the aisle, accompanied by Carla Daughtery, hailing from Hagerstown, Maryland, and weighing in at 265lbs, here is Joe Latta! [Big face pop as "You Oughta Know" blares out over the PA, and Joe Latta appears at the head of the aisle. He hi-fives the fans on his way to the ring.] TD: Latta's a real fan favourite here tonight! And doesn't Carla look stunning? BL: [indignant] If you like dumb blondes. SR: This is going to be a big test for Latta. He proved that he is capable of stringing together a good offence when he fought Deathbringer, but he also showed us that short fuse. He can't afford to lose his temper against Kinder. Bodybag - and the Horsemen - will make him pay. [Latta receives a good luck kiss from Carla, and then steps into the ring. He squares up to Kinder, and the two of them appear to trade insults. Things become rather heated, and Latta shoves Bodybag. Brad counters with a big right hand, almost knocking Latta off his feet, and a slugfest ensues. The crowd give a big pop as Latta whips Kinder into the ropes and hits him with a back bodydrop. Kinder is straight up from the mat and charges Latta with a vicious lariat, sending him down to the canvas.] TD: I think we've just seen that temper you were talking about, Steve. When he gets angry, he gets sloppy. [There is a buzz in the crowd as Brian Lau appears at the top of the aisle and walks slowly down to ringside.] TD: Now what does Lau want out here? SR: You must have a very short memory, Dross. Lau's been scouting Latta. If the kid had any sense, he'd join Lau's stable and get some coaching from somebody with a real wrestling mind, not just a big mouth, like Dan Kauffman. [Kinder has control of the match. He drags Latta to his feet and executes a gutwrench powerbomb. He goes for the cover - 1 - 2 - Kick out! He drags Latta to his feet once more and whips him into the ropes, attempting a spinebuster on Joe, but somehow, Joe levers his legs round Kinder's neck, and flips him over with a head scissors. Big pop. Both men go down in the ring. Flare starts beating on the apron in encouragement for Kinder, but it starts up a "Joe! Joe! Joe!" chant in the crowd.] TD: This capacity crowd is really starting to get behind Joe now! [Latta gets to his feet at roughly the same time Kinder does, and another slugfest ensues. Latta whips Kinder into the ropes, and nails him with a well-executed powerbomb. Big pop. Latta then looks straight at Lau, and nods, as if to acknowledge something.] TD: Hey! Did you see that?! BL: See what? I was looking for my fan club. TD: Latta just nodded at Lau... like they had an agreement or something. What's going on? SR: I think you're reading too much into it, Dross. Latta's just a kid. Maybe he's going to try and impress Lau here tonight. [Lau nods back as Latta picks up Kinder, and nails him in the midsection, then pulls off a tilt-a-whirl powerbomb. The crowd pop, and there is another buzz as Dan Kauffman appears at the top of the aisle. He walks down to ringside and stands on the opposite side of the ring to Lau, at whom he glares.] TD: Do you think Kauffman knows what's just happened here? SR: I doubt it. He's probably out here to help his friend cheat somehow and rob Kinder of his rightful victory. [Flare struts round to Kauffman, and spins him around.] TD: Oh no! This could mean trouble. Kauffman just fought Flare a couple of days ago on Midweek Mayhem. Flare might feel that there's a bit of unfinished business to attend to... SR: Yeah! Nail him, Flare! Whooo! [Flare "whooo"s in Kauffman's face. Kauffman pushes Flare away, and then stands his ground against the threat of Haley, who comes to the aid of his mentor. Meanwhile, Kinder is still laid out flat in the ring, and while the referee tries to ensure that the Horsemen and Kauffman don't get out of hand, Lau slips Latta a set of brass knuckles. Latta nails Kinder with the brass knuckles, and passes them back to Lau. Kauffman sees this, and looks at Latta in disbelief. Latta glares at Kauffman and covers Kinder. The referee turns and makes the count: 1 - 2 - 3! Ding! Ding! Ding!] TD: I can't believe what we've just seen! Did you see the look on Latta's face when he looked at Kauffman - pure disgust! SR: Even better was that priceless look of utter shock on Kauffman's! This is great! Latta's been taken under the wing of Brian Lau! [Kauffman goes round to confront Lau. Dan pushes Lau, but behind him, a figure leaps out of the crowd. Removing a baseball cap reveals the figure to be Tiger Claw!] TD: Oh no! Kauffman's in big trouble now! [Claw nails Kauffman from behind with a spinning lariat kick, and Kauffman hits the steel crowd barriers as he tumbles to the floor. Claw starts pounding on the downed Kauffman, and Latta also rolls out of the ring and starts stomping Kauffman.] TD: This is unbelievable! Latta's turned on Kauffman! [The Horsemen roll Kinder from the ring and help him back up the aisle, leaving Kauffman at the mercy of Lau, Claw and Latta. Referees and officials pour down the aisle and finally drag the trio away from the helpless Kauffman, amidst a big heel pop. Lau puts his arms around Claw and Latta and laughs. Latta signals for Carla to join him - she hooks her arm in his, and the four of them head up the aisle and into the locker-room area.] SR: Wow! That was great! I didn't think the kid had the guts to go with Lau... he's going to be a different guy from now on! TD: Well, if that's what we can expect from Latta in the future, I don't want to know about it. But the main worry is Kauffman's condition. What kind of shape is he going to be in for his match against Deathbringer? BL: He's not moving, boys. I think he's out. [Kauffman is tended to by a number of paramedics. After a few minutes, the hushed crowd erupts into a huge ovation as Kauffman gets to his feet and hobbles back up the aisle, almost totally without help.] SR: What is that guy made of?! TD: He's all heart, Steve. He's got that desire, and it's going to take more than a cheap shot to take Kauffman out. Nonetheless, I'm sure the doctors are going to want to check him for injuries before they give him the go-ahead to wrestle his match tonight. BL: From what we've seen of Kauffman in the past few weeks, this guy would try and wrestle with a broken neck. There's a fine line between bravery and stupidity, but Kauffman lives way on the stupid side. TD: Well, we'll try and get an update on Kauffman's condition a little later on, but now I understand that Larry Morton is in the locker room of Moondust, who's due up next in the match that will govern the future of his wrestling career! Over to you, Larry: [Cut to the locker-room of Moondust. Larry Morton stands holding a microphone. He seems a little nervous as Moondust walks into shot and immediately rubs his hands up and down Larry's jacket.] LM: Er... thanks, Tim. I'm here in Moondust's... er... locker room... Mr. Dust... er... how do you prepare for a match as important as the "Loser Leaves IIWF" battle that you're about to... fight? MD: Ooh, you know... lots of hard, sweaty workout in the gym... lots of relaxation... if you know what I mean... Do you want to help me with some "preparation", Larry, you naughty boy? [Moondust pinches Larry's bottom.] LM: Do you mind?! Well, don't you think that it's a bit too late now? MD: Believe me, it will only take a few minutes! LM: I don't really want to know, thankyou Mr. Dust... [Larry removes Moondust's roaming hands from his person] Tell me, how do you feel about Billy Shakespeare, now that he threatens to expel you from the IIWF here tonight? MD: Let me tell you something, Larry... True love knows no boundaries... If Billy forces me to leave tonight, I know his yearning heart will bring him back to me... he can't live without me... LM: Er... are you sure? MD: Larry, please. There's nothing in this world more important to me than that little scrap of a boy, Billy Shakespeare. Tonight, I'm going to teach him a lesson. He's been very naughty, and I'm going to make sure that he _never_ forgets the name of [inhales] Moondust! Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a match to wrestle. I can't wait! [Moondust minces out of shot. Larry fiddles with his collar, but looks very relieved.] LM: Thank goodness. Moondust's on his way to the ring, folks. Back to you at ringside. [Cut back to the announcers' table. Becky waves to a pocket of fans holding a "We Love You Becky" sign behind her.] TD: Becky, will you concentrate, please?! BL: Aw, you're just jealous, Timmy. TD: Let's get up to the ring for the introductions in this match. ~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~ LOSER LEAVES IIWF MATCH: Moondust vs. "Spotlight" Billy Shakespeare _.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-._ [The ring announcer takes to the ring.] RA: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall, and it is a special "Loser Leaves IIWF" match! [Big pop] Introducing first, coming down the aisle, weighing in at 275lbs, and hailing from the far side of the moon, here is Moondust! [Big heel pop as Moondust appears at the top of the aisle. Sparkly dust begins to fall from the roof of the arena, and Moondust begins to mince down towards the ring.] TD: I think most of these fans have seen enough of Moondust already. If he were to lose this match, I don't think he'd be too sorely missed. Listen to how they're "boo"ing him! SR: Don't you get it, Dross?! Moondust wants people to jeer him. He's the master of the mind game. He plays on the insecurities of every man in this building. That's what makes him so dangerous. [Moondust stops in the aisle to ruffle the hair of a male fan. He licks his lips invitingly, and is met by a slap from the male fan's wife! Big pop!] TD: Well, maybe that will teach Moondust... BL: You're kidding, of course. He enjoyed it! [Moondust rubs his cheek, and fondly blows a kiss at the male fan before continuing down to the ring. He slides in under the bottom rope and goes through his customary gyrations, rubbing himself with his hands. He goes over to the ring announcer and begins tousling his hair.] RA: And... his opponent... coming down the aisle... weighing in at 227lbs, here is.... "Spotlight" Billy Shakespeare! [Huge pop as the single spotlight illuminates the head of the aisle. There is an even larger pop as Billy steps through the curtain wearing a long blonde wig. He begins mocking Moondust, walking with an exaggeratedly effeminate wiggle, and blowing kisses at the crowd.] TD: [laughing] That must be what Billy meant when he talked about getting into the part a bit more! SR: Well, if you ask me, he looks ridiculous! BL: Too right. The blonde hair just doesn't suit him. [Billy arrives at ringside, and rubs himself in the same way Moondust does. He slowly climbs the ringsteps, and removes his wig, placing it carefully over the ringpost. He steps inbetween the ropes, and bows at the now slightly flushed Moondust. The timekeeper rings the bell to signal the start of the match.] TD: One of these two men is now on the threshold of the end of his IIWF career! SR: You don't say. [Billy and Moondust lock up. Moondust breaks the hold and rubs Billy's chest. Billy takes it for a few seconds, then nails Moondust with a big right hand. Moondust goes down, and Billy moves in quickly, but Moonie backs up against the buckles, and begs for mercy. The referee steps in. Moondust rubs himself again as he stands in the corner. Billy mocks Moondust once more, imitating his gyrations. Big pop. Billy charges the shocked Moondust, clotheslining him over the ropes. Big pop!] BL: You know, I never thought I'd see anybody manage to freak Moondust, but I don't think he expected anything quite like this. [Billy leaps to the top buckle, and dives onto Moondust on the arena floor! Huge pop!] TD: Oh my! What a manoeuvre there from Billy Shakespeare! SR: The guy's an idiot. That kind of a move can shorten your career. BL: So can losing this match, Steve. SR: Good point. [Billy pounds on Moondust on the outside. He drags the androgynous one to his feet and attempts to whip him into the ring post, but Moonie reverses, and Billy hits the post hard. Big heel pop as 'Dust drops an elbow on Billy. He picks Billy up and slams him into the ring post once more, then rolls him into the ring. Moondust climbs to the top rope, and launches himself with an elbow smash, which connects with force. Moondust begins running his hands over Billy again... big heel pop.] TD: Oh, I don't think there's any need for that! BL: Eeeww. This is making even _me_ feel ill. [Moondust finally goes for the cover - 1 - 2 - Kick out! Pop!] TD: Moondust wasted too much time with his caressing. If he'd gone for the cover straight away after that elbow drop, he would have put Billy out of the IIWF for good. SR: There's still time, Dross. I don't see Pukespeare exactly bounding with energy right now. Remember, it's all psychology. [Billy staggers to his feet. Moondust helps him up, and licks his hand. Billy flails with a wild right hand, which Moondust dodges, and follows up with a slap of his own. Billy clutches his right cheek, and then dives on Moondust with a flurry of punches.] BL: Good morning, Mr. Shakespeare... this is your wake-up call! [Big pop as Billy is all over Moondust. The pair roll towards the edge of the ring, and Moondust grabs the middle rope with both hands. The referee calls for the break, and Billy obliges for a moment. He quickly grabs Moondust's legs, and pulls, lifting Moondust up off the canvas, and then lets go, catapulting Moondust into the centre of the ring. Moondust lands hard on his behind, and is then floored by a knee to the face. Billy drops a leg on Moondust and covers him - 1 - 2 - Kick out!] TD: That was close... but Billy's going to have to hook the leg if he wants to put Moondust away. SR: Yeah, that _and_ string together a decent offence. [Billy drags Moondust to his feet and whips him into the ropes, and hits him with a flying drop kick on the rebound. Cover - 1 - 2 - Kick out! He again whips Moondust into the ropes, and hits him with an Enzuiguri. Big pop! Cover - 1 - 2 - Kick out! Billy stands and looks at the fans, clearly frustrated. He signals for the Curtain Call. Big pop!] TD: Here we go... If Billy hits this move, Moondust's IIWF career is over! [Billy climbs to the top rope and looks over his shoulder into the ring, waiting for Moondust to get to his feet. Moonie eventually stumbles to his feet, and Billy launches himself with his backflip crossbody block. However, Moondust manages to turn Billy over in midair, and slams him to the canvas. He hooks both legs and goes for the cover - 1 - 2 -- Kick out! Huge pop!] TD: Oh my! I thought Billy was a goner then... I've never seen anybody reverse the Curtain Call before! [Both men struggle to their feet. Moondust slaps Billy around the face. Billy is rocked, but slaps Moondust back, apparently twice as hard, spinning him around. Billy grabs Moondust from behind, rubs his chest momentarily in another mocking gesture, and then performs a German suplex into a bridge. Huge pop as the referee counts - 1 - 2 -- Kick out!] SR: I can't believe this, Dross! Both men are living on borrowed time in this one! TD: This truly is unbelievable! But with so much at stake, it's not surprising that both men are pulling out all the stops. BL: Yeah, it's almost like they're wrestling for a date with me. Not that either of those... guys... is really my type. [Again both men get to their feet. Billy whips Moondust into the ropes, and bounces against the opposite side himself. He launches himself with a head-scissors, and flips Moondust down to the canvas, kneeling on his shoulders. He reaches behind himself and grabs hold of each of Moondust's legs, increasing his leverage as much as possible. The referee makes the count - 1 -- 2 -- 3! Ding! Ding! Ding! The arena erupts with the loudest pop so far as Billy stands and allows his hand to be raised in victory. His music, "Little Willie", begins to play.] SR: I can't believe it! That was such a fast count! TD: It was _not_, Steve! But what a match - and what a victory for "Spotlight" Billy Shakespeare! BL: Well, he's still not getting a date with me. TD: I'm sure he's just as relieved to hear that as we all are. [While Moondust lies in the centre of the ring, his chest heaving up and down, Billy goes to each corner in turn, climbs the buckles, and bows to the fans on each side. Fireworks explode high above the ring. Moondust finally staggers to his feet, and pulls Billy down from the fourth corner. The music stops. Moondust spins Billy around and plants a kiss squarely on his lips! Huge heel pop! Billy looks shocked for a moment, and then bows at Moondust, before clotheslining him out of the ring. Huge pop! The music begins again, and Billy continues his celebration as Moondust scuttles up the aisle. He is met by Larry Morton on the way back to the locker room.] MD: I'll be back... mark my words... I'll be back for you, little Willie... [Moondust keeps going past Morton and back into the locker-room area.] TD: Let's hope that's an idle threat. The day Moondust steps back into an IIWF ring will be a day too soon! SR: Yeah, but the day you leave this broadcast booth can't come soon enough. If Moondust says he'll be back, he'll be back. He'll find a way. BL: Hey, you notice that Billy actually seemed to like being kissed by Moondust?! TD: No, I didn't see that at all, Becky. Stop it! BL: He liked it, I tell you. [Billy finally leaves the ring and starts hi-fiving the fans around ringside before heading back up the aisle.] TD: What a nail-biter that was! I'm told that we can now go backstage to Larry Morton, who has an update on the condition of Dan "Flash" Kauffman. Larry? [Cut to Larry Morton standing outside the door of Dan Kauffman's locker room. It is closed.] LM: Thanks, Tim. I'm here outside Kauffman's locker room. It's locked, and he's not answering the door. All I know is that he was being examined by the medical staff backstage, and before they had conclusively reached a verdict on his injuries, Kauffman broke away from them and headed for his locker room. He shouted something about preparing for Deathbringer, and hasn't been heard from since. All I can assume is that nothing's going to stop Kauffman entering the ring tonight. Back to you at ringside. [Cut to the announcers' table.] TD: Thanks, Larry. Well, I'm not sure if this is good or bad news, to be honest. We all want to see Kauffman in the ring, but not if it's going to be a danger to his health. SR: The guy's got guts, but he doesn't have brains. There's no way he should even be thinking about stepping into the ring after the beating he took at the hands of Claw and Latta. And even if he does make it into his match, Deathbringer will finish the job - and finish Kauffman's career. TD: I hope, for everyone's sake, that doesn't happen. Our next match promises to be a bloody battle... it's the Russian Chain Match. SR: I've been looking forward to this one! ~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~ RUSSIAN CHAIN MATCH: Flare & Blackjack Haley vs. The Crippler & Venusian Death Cell _.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-._ [The ring announcer steps between the ropes.] RA: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is a special Russian Chain match. Its rules are as follows. Each member of each team will be chained to an opponent at the wrist. The only way for the match to end is when one athlete manages to touch the top turnbuckle in each corner of the ring without interruption. If he is interrupted in the sequence, then he must begin again. BL: D'you catch all of that, Timmy? TD: Of course I did, Becky. Shush. RA: Introducing the participants. First, coming down the aisle, accompanied by the "Outlaw" Josey Wales, weighing in at a combined weight of 599lbs, here are: the Crippler and the Venusian Death Cell! [The trio appear at the head of the aisle, and receive a mixed reception. The Crippler and the Cell do not acknowledge the fans. They simply walk straight down the aisle and enter the ring. The referee moves over to them, and affixes one end of a chain to one of each of their wrists.] RA: And their opponents. Coming down the aisle, weighing in at a combined weight of 570lbs, here are two of the Four Horsemen: Flare and Blackjack Haley! [The crowd is almost unanimous in its disdain for the Horsemen as they come down the aisle. One pocket of fans by ringside holds up banners like "Be Fair To Flare", and they "whoo" loudly. Flare stops by them and "whoo"s back at them before stepping into the ring. The referee chains Flare to the Crippler, and Haley to the Venusian Death Cell, then steps out of the ring, and signals for the timekeeper to ring the bell to begin the match.] TD: You notice that the referee will officiate on the outside of the ring, and I don't blame him. I wouldn't want to be caught in the crossfire of two lengths of chain and those four individuals. Look at them go at it! [As soon as the bell rings, all four men begin pounding on each other. The Cell wraps the chain around Haley's neck and begins choking him. Flare wraps the chain around his fist and begins raining hard shots to the mid-section of the Crippler. The Crippler is bent double, and Flare gives him a vicious kneelift. Flare tries to end it quickly and touches the first turnvbuckle, then the second, but is clotheslined to the ground on his way to the third by the VDC, who finally releases Haley. The giant slumps to the canvas. The Crippler gets to his feet, and together he and the VDC whip Flare into the ropes, and then clothesline him with the chain that connects the Cell to Haley! Big pop! Flare clutches his throat.] TD: That was a vicious shot by the Cell and the Crippler. Haley seems to be out, so they could have this one wrapped up already! [The Crippler touches the first turnbuckle, then the second - Flare begins to stir - then the third - Flare lunges at the Crippler, bringing him down by the legs. The Crippler hits the fourth turnbuckle with his head as he comes down. Big pop!] TD: No! That's not the end of the match. Flare's tackle counts as an interruption. SR: Whoo! Flare's the smartest guy in wrestling! TD: And one of the luckiest. This was nearly all over right there. [Flare gets to his feet, and wraps the chain around his fist once more. He pounds the Crippler with his fist. The Cell comes up behind him and begins choking him also with the chain! Haley finally begins to stir, and kicks the Cell in the back of the head. He then starts to touch the turnbuckles - the first - there is a buzz as the High Plains Drifters fly down the aisle - the second - the Drifters hit the apron and Easy Rider clotheslines Haley to the mat. Big pop!] SR: Agh! It was only a matter of time before those two useless cowboy wannabes got involved. Come on, Haley! [Haley is straight back up onto his feet, and takes a lunge at Easy, who jumps backwards off the apron. Haley overbalances trying to grab the Drifter, and tumbles out of the ring over the ropes.] BL: Poor guy. His centre of gravity's just too high, I guess! [Pale and Easy stomp away on Haley on the outside, and use his chain as a weapon against him. Meanwhile, the VDC has been dragged nearer the edge of the ring as a result of Haley's expulsion, and his movement is impeded. Flare and the Crippler begin to stir. The Crippler whips Flare into the ropes, and the Horseman is thrown over the ropes by the VDC. However, the Crippler is dragged across the ring in Flare's wake, and hits the Cell hard. Both men nearly tumble over the ropes. Brad Kinder comes flying down the aisle to come to the rescue of his stablemates, and he sets about the Drifters with gusto.] TD: This is chaos out here! [The Drifters turn their attention to Kinder, while the VDC and the Crippler haul Flare and Haley back into the ring. Flare and Haley have little choice but to climb up onto the apron, and both are then suplexed into the ring by the Crippler and the Cell. Kinder succumbs to the Drifters on the outside, and while Pale Rider keeps Bodybag at bay, Easy Rider jumps up onto the apron again. As Flare lies in the centre of the ring, he somehow winds his legs around the Cripplers, and manages to apply the Figure Four!] TD: How did he do that?! SR: I told you, Dross - he's the smartest guy in wrestling! Whooo! BL: Pity the same can't be said of Haley. [Haley delivers a big boot to the face of the Cell, and then turns his attention to Easy Rider. Easy lunges with a right hook, which Haley dodges, and then wraps the chain around Easy's neck. He kicks Easy's legs out from under him, and Easy dangles by the neck from the chain over the arena floor. He grabs at his neck, but is unable to free himself.] TD: Oh my! That could kill Easy Rider! We need some security out here! [Meanwhile, the Crippler manages to turn himself over, reversing the Figure Four, and the Cell gets to his feet - he lunges at the first turnbuckle - the crowd noise rises as he hits the second - then the third - Flare is still writhing in pain on the mat and Haley is preoccupied with Easy Rider - the Cell can't reach the fourth buckle! He clotheslines Haley from the ring, releasing the Easy Rider in the process, and dives at the fourth turnbuckle! He hits it! Ding! Ding! Ding!] RA: Here are your winners: the Venusian Death Cell and the Crippler! [Bodybag storms the ring and drops a leg on the Crippler, forcing him to break the hold, and a brawl ensues, with Flare and Bodybag dominating the Crippler. Haley climbs back into the ring, leaving Easy apparently unconscious on the floor, and begins beating on the Crippler and the Death Cell. The crowd are really behind Josey Wales' men as they battle the Horsemen. On the outside, Pale Rider goes round to tend to his partner, and looks very concerned.] TD: This is totally out of control! And it doesn't look good for the Easy Rider. [A swarm of officials dash down to the ring, and separate the battling wrestlers in the ring. The referee unlocks the chains, and officials force the Horsemen out of the squared circle and back up the aisle. A team of paramedics come down to ringside to tend to Easy, who has to be stretchered back up the aisle. His partner, his manager and the other members of the Posse follow.] TD: A victory for Josey Wales' men, but they paid the price. I understand Larry Morton is on his way down the aisle to get words from Wales... [Larry Morton comes down the aisle and stops Wales.] LM: Mr. Wales - can you tell us anything about the condition of Easy Rider? JW: He's been choked into unconsciousness, you idiot! Just you wait, Horsemen. We'll get our revenge on you - Haley, you great goof - you're first! LM: Is Easy Rider going to be able to wrestle here later on against High Velocity? JW: I can't say. We'll have to see what the doctors say. It doesn't look good. Horsemen - you'll pay for this. Heed the words of the most dangerous man in the world! Get out of my face, Morton! [Wales pushes past Morton and heads up the aisle and into the locker room area.] LM: I'll go backstage and see what I can find out about Easy's condition. Back to you at ringside. [Cut to the announcers' table.] TD: Thanks, Larry. Well, Steve - what a brutal affair that match was! SR: It sure was, but the Horsemen were robbed yet again. Wales says Haley's going to pay - who does he think he is? The Horsemen can do what they want, when they want to, and nobody can do anything about it. BL: I wouldn't be so sure, Steve. Wales is surrounding himself with some pretty mean hombres. Anyway, let's get on with the next match... TD: Indeed. Up next is the first of tonight's three title matches, as Steamroller defend their titles from a team that's beaten them cleanly in the past - Rising Sun Revolution. SR: As I said earlier, Dross, lightning doesn't strike twice. Those two goofballs are going to have to go back to Japan with their tails between their legs after Taylor and Brassow are done with them... ~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~ IIWF WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: Steamroller vs. Rising Sun Revolution _.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-._ [The ring announcer steps into the ring.] RA: Ladies and gentlemen, the following tag team attraction is scheduled for one fall, and it is for the IIWF World Tag Team Championship! [Pop] Introducing first, the challengers: hailing from Japan, and weighing in at a combined weight of 575ls, here are Hiroshi Kasai and Ryudu Kenjinata - Rising Sun Revolution! [Huge pop as RSR appear at the top of the aisle and jog down to the ring, all smiles, hi-fiving the fans as they go.] TD: I've got a feeling that these guys are going to go home with the titles tonight! BL: Is it the same kind of feeling you get when you realise you've just broken wind, and you're hoping nobody notices? [Hiroshi and Ryudu take to the ring, and go to their corner. They appear more determined and focused now, and exchange final tactical ideas.] RA: And introducing their opponents, the champions: accompanied to the ring by their manager, Dave Albanese, hailing from Lexington, Kentucky, and weighing in at a combined weight of 550lbs, here are Taylor and Brassow - Steamroller! [Big heel pop as Elvis Presley's "Steamroller" blares out over the PA, and the champions come down the aisle. They glare at the fans, and enter the ring. Taylor and Brassow each mount the turnbuckles, and raise the belts above their heads to the crowd. They are soundly "boo"ed.] TD: It goes without saying that Steamroller aren't the crowd favourites in this one. SR: So don't say it, Dross. Anyway, Steamroller don't need the support of these cretins to win - they're going to keep those titles at any cost. [Brassow starts things off for Steamroller against Hiroshi. He raises his arms, asking for a contest of strength.] TD: He's got to be kidding. Hiroshi is twice as powerful as Brassow. This might prove to be a big disadvantage for Steamroller - Hiroshi represents power, and Ryudu speed and agility, so RSR are a more versatile team than Brassow and Taylor, who are pretty similar athletically. BL: None of them would stand a chance against me in the ring, though. TD: Thanks for that observation, Becky. BL: You're welcome. [Hiroshi locks fingers with Brassow, and immediately powers him down to the mat. He grins at Ryudo, but as he looks away, Brassow brings his knee up into Hiroshi's abdomen. He stuns Hiroshi with a kneelift, and then drops an elbow on him before applying an armbar.] SR: Cardinal mistake made there by Hogwashi... TD: [interrupting] ...that's Hiroshi, Steve. SR: Whatever. Anyhow, you don't take your eyes off your opponents. Especially when it's somebody like Brassow. [Hiroshi tries to break out of the hold, but the referee is right there, and stops any hair-pulling for leverage. Ryudu begins stamping on the apron to work up the crowd, and a chant of "RSR! RSR! RSR!" begins. Hiroshi fights to his feet, twists under Brassow's arm, and floors him with a short clothesline. Big pop. Hiroshi tags in Ryudo, who leaps to the ropes and hits Brassow with a double axe-handle as he gets to his feet. Brassow is staggered, but doesn't go down. Ryudo hits Brassow with a couple of kicks, and then sizes him up for a spinning lariat kick which sends him over the ropes and to the outside. Taylor storms the ring, and Ryudo hits him with a spinning lariat kick as well. Taylor goes down, and the referee keeps Ryudo away as Taylor rolls from the ring. Ryudo measures a plancha dive from the ring onto Brassow, but Brassow dodges out of the way, and Ryudo hits the crowd barriers with some force. Big heel pop as Brassow begins working Ryudo over.] SR: Another cardinal mistake made there by Reddle... Riddle... TD: That's Ryudo, Steve. SR: Whatever. BL: Hey, haven't we heard this somewhere before? [Brassow rolls Ryudo into the ring once more and takes full control of the match. He keeps Ryudo away from the corner, and keeps him down on the mat with submission holds. Ryudo refuses to submit, so Brassow begins pulling out some high-impact manoeuvres - a backbreaker - a side suplex. He goes for the cover - 1 - 2 - Kick out! Brassow drags Ryudo to his feet and over to his corner, and holds his head while he tags in Taylor. Taylor comes in and immediately begins working on Ryudo's back. He snap mares Ryudo into the centre of the ring, and applies a camel clutch.] TD: Good solid tactics from Steamroller here - Ryudo can't do any damage when his wings are clipped, and the best way to stop somebody pulling off any real high impact manoeuvres is by damaging their back. Ryudo's not going anywhere at the moment... [Hiroshi leans into the ring as far as he can and shouts encouragement to his partner. The referee asks Ryudo whether he wants to submit. Ryudo's face is twisted in agony, but he won't give up. The crowd again starts up a chant of "RSR! RSR! RSR!" and Ryudo seems to draw power from the fans. He powers up with his arms, reducing the leverage that Taylor has on his back, and makes it to his feet. Taylor attempts a clothesline, which Ryudo ducks, and then counters with a drop toe hold. He lunges at Hiroshi, but doesn't quite make the tag as Taylor grabs his leg and pulls him towards his own corner as he tags in Brassow. Brassow quickly enters the ring and drops an elbow across the small of Ryudo's back. He drags him to his feet and hits with a vicious backbreaker, but doesn't let Ryudo fall to the mat. Instead, he repeatedly lifts him up and brings his back down on his knee. Big heel pop.] TD: That's quite some power being shown by Brassow there. Ryudo is in big trouble, and he desperately needs to make the tag. [Brassow whips Ryudo into the ropes, and puts his head down for a backdrop, but telegraphs the move too early, and Ryudo attacks with a swinging neckbreaker! Big pop! Both men are down on the canvas as the referee begins his count - 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - Brassow begins to stir - 5 - Ryudo begins to move - 6 - Brassow gets to his knees, and moves towards his corner - Ryudo seems to be disorientated - Brassow tags in Taylor - Ryudo realises he's heading towards the wrong corner, and dives towards Hiroshi. He makes the tag! Huge pop! Hiroshi hits the ring like an express train, flooring Taylor with an avalanche clothesline. Brassow reenters the ring, but Hiroshi presses him above his head and dumps him all the way to the outside! Another huge pop!] TD: Wow! What strength from Hiroshi there! Brassow's not moving - Albanese is tending to him, but I think Steamroller are in essence down to one man now! [Hiroshi lifts Taylor into position for a side-slam, and with his other arm, signals to the crowd! Big pop as he tags in Ryudo, who climbs to the top rope!] TD: This is it! We're going to see the Naginata Nightmare! SR: No! I can't believe it! [Ryudo launches himself with a legdrop, and hits Taylor hard. Ryudo makes the cover as Hiroshi guards against interference. The referee counts - 1 - 2 - 3! Ding! Ding! Ding! The crowd go nuts, and Ryudo and Hiroshi embrace in the centre of the ring!] TD: Yes! Yes! Yes! The Demon and the Dragon have done it! We've got new IIWF World Tag Team Champions! SR: What a fluke! I can't believºÑºÓ! RA: Here are your winners - and _NEW_ IIWF World Tag Team Champions: Rising Sun Revolution! [Albanese gets up onto the apron and argues with the referee, stating that RSR should have been disqualified when Hiroshi dumped Brassow over the top rope. The referee's having none of it, and presents the title belts to Hiroshi and Ryudo, who proudly place them around their waists and take to the turnbuckles! The crowd are on their feet, and the noise is deafening. Fireworks explode in the air above the ring.] TD: Wow! What a match that was! You've got to give them credit - they worked and worked for this match, and they took the opportunity. SR: [Grudgingly] I suppose they weren't bad. BL: It's a shame, but it seems Rising Sun Revolution were just the better team tonight. TD: Well, it's nice to see you being impartial for a change, Becky. BL: Impartial? Me? [Hiroshi and Ryudo gladhand the fans around ringside, and then head up the aisle, accepting the cheers and handshakes of the crowd. Albanese picks his men up, and ushers them back towards the locker rooms. He looks very angry.] TD: So that's one title match down, and one title change! Will we see new champions in both of our other title matches? SR: No way, Dross. No way. TD: Let's now go backstage to hear from the Intercontinental Champion, Hakiro Matsuoko. Over to you, Larry: [Cut to Morton standing backstage. He is in a corridor.] LM: Thanks, Tim. I am scheduled to get a word with Hakiro Matsuoko before his match - but I can't seem to find him. This is very strange. I'm going to go check his dressing room. [Morton walks to Hakiro's dressing room. He knocks on the door several times, but there is no response. A look of concern grows on Morton's face.] Fans, I'm a bit worried, I am going to try to open the door. [Morton finds the door unlocked. He walks in and is hit with the heavy smell of incense. The room is lit by countless candles, and Hakiro can be seen in the center of the room, in the lotus position. The only sound in the room is A-U-M. The light of the candles around Hakiro seems to be coming off in waves, the waves of intensity, a Matsuoko trademark.] LM: Hakiro, can we get a word with you? [No response] LM: Uhhh, Hakiro? Hakiro? [No response. Larry turns to the camera.] LM: I have heard of some strange things but, this, this takes the cake. Hakiro seems to be in a deep state of meditation. It must be his final preparation for his match tonight. I don't think I'm going to get anything from Hakiro right now. Tim, back to you. [Cut back to the announcers' table.] SR: Gee, I hope Hakiro doesn't sleep right through his match as well. If he's caught napping by Tiger Claw , it could be the end of his career. TD: Don't you worry, Steve. Hakiro will be ready for that huge matchup! And talking of being ready, has Easy Rider recovered sufficiently to participate in the next matchup? ~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~ High Plains Drifters vs. High Velocity _.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-._ [The ring announcer steps through the ropes.] RA: Ladies and gentlemen, the following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, coming down the aisle, accompanied by the Senator, weighing in at a combined weight of 715lbs, here are J.R. Metro and T. Rowe: High Velocity! [High Velocity come down the aisle, accompanied by the Senator. The heel pop is very loud indeed. They seem focused on the ring, and ignore the fans as they make their way to the ring.] RA: And their opponents, accompanied to the ring by the "Outlaw" Josey Wales, weighing in at a combined weight of 502lbs, here are Pale Rider and Easy Rider: the High Plains Drifters! [There is a big mixed pop - many fans are cheering, but almost as many are jeering. Wales appears at the head of the aisle with Pale Rider and comes down the aisle. Metro and Rowe bail out of the ring and stand with the Senator.] SR: I knew it. Easy Rider's not going to make it into this match! This is great! It's going to be a handicap match - and you remember what happened the last time High Velocity were in a handicap match... they destroyed Altair and put him out of the IIWF! TD: Yeah, thanks for the history lesson, Steve. But I'm not sure this is going to be a handicap match. Wales has gotten into the ring and taken the ring announcer's microphone. Let's hear what he's got to say. [The crowd are hushed as the "Outlaw" makes his comments:] JW: Now, folks, y'all saw what happened earlier on to my boy, the Easy Rider. Those Horsemen may have managed to better the Drifters today, but my Posse beat them in that match, and that's nothing compared to what they're going to do to them when the time is right... [Big pop] But that left me and Pale Rider with a problem. Now, Pale Rider is a fine athlete, and he could whoop the asses of these two idiots singlehandedly... [Big pop - Metro and Rowe try to mount the apron, but are held back by the Senator.] ...but the IIWF President wouldn't let him go it alone. I offered to step between the ropes myself, since I'm the most dangerous man that ever lived... but he didn't seem to hot on that idea either. "No", he said, "If you're going to fight in this match, you gotta get yerselves a new pardner." So I've found one. Fellas, are you in for a big surprise! I give you Pale Rider's partner - the Masked Marauder! [The crowd remain quiet as a huge masked man appears at the head of the aisle and makes his way down to the ring. The Marauder is over 300lbs, and almost seven feet tall. Metro and Rowe look concerned, and talk with the Senator, who seems to reassure them with a knowing smile.] TD: That's one big guy! SR: Dross, I don't like this... I smell a rat. BL: That'll be Timmy's cologne. [Once Pale Rider have shaken hands and held last minute tactical briefings with the Outlaw, Pale opts to start the match against T. Rowe.] TD: Pale's going to have to use his superior speed to keep out of the way of that powerhouse. [Pale Rider locks up with Rowe, and Rowe pushes Pale into the ropes. Pale comes back and ducks a clothesline on the rebound, and then rocks Rowe with a dropkick. Rowe is staggered but doesn't go down. Pale comes off the ropes again with a clothesline - Rowe still doesn't go down - another clothesline - Rowe hits the mat hard! Big pop! Pale drops an elbow, but Rowe rolls out of the way, and stomps Pale Rider. Pale gets to his feet, but Rowe takes control and floors him with a jacknife powerbomb. Big heel pop. He goes for the cover - 1 - 2 - Pale kicks out! Rowe stays on him, going for another cover after a Dragon Suplex - 1 - 2 - Kick out!] SR: I can't believe that loser is kicking out from those moves! TD: The Drifters have waited so long for this match - they're not going to be denied! You mark my words! [Rowe drags Pale to his feet and whips him into the ropes, putting his head down for a backdrop, but Pale sees the move telegraphed, and hits a kneelift. Both men go down, and Pale begins to crawl towards his corner to tag in his partner. Rowe grabs Pale's leg, and drags him towards his own corner, tagging in Metro.] TD: Good tag team continuity from the Senator's boys there. [Metro comes in and immediately starts lashing Pale with European uppercuts. Pale goes down, and Metro drops a leg across his neck. He then applies his Indian deathlock! Big heel pop! Pale refuses to submit, but can't break the hold.] TD: How long can Pale Rider sustain the pain of that submission hold? [The Marauder hits the ring, and kicks Metro in the back of the head, breaking the hold. The referee immediately forces a protesting Marauder out of the ring, Meanwhile, T. Rowe enters the ring, rolls Metro out under the bottom rope, and begins stomping on Pale Rider. When the referee turns, he doesn't suspect any foul play. Huge heel pop.] SR: Hey! I love it! BL: Rowe and Metro are so similarly built, with those masks on, they could be twins. TD: This is despicable! Look at the Senator, laughing his head off. SR: I like a guy with a sense of humour. Something you wouldn't know about, Dross. TD: That's not fair, Steve. I like a good joke just like the next guy. SR: Okay then, did you hear the one about the blonde and the mango... TD: [interrupting] Steve, we're on the air! SR: [grinning] Oh, so you did hear it then! BL: You can tell me later on, Steve. SR: With pleasure. TD: If you two have quite finished, Pale Rider's in big trouble in there. SR: What a surprise. [Pale Rider is caught in a sleeper hold in the centre of the ring. The referee raises his arm for the first time - it drops straight back to the mat - a second time - again it drops to the mat - a third time - this time, the hand begins to shake. The crowd begin to pop, and Pale Rider begins to fight out of the hold. He gets to his feet, and breaks the hold with a couple of elbows to Rowe's midsection. He pushes Rowe into the ropes, and runs against the opposite side himself. The two collide in the middle of the ring with a double clothesline. Both men go down.] TD: Pale Rider's got to make the tag! BL: He's had too much taken out of him - Rowe's already moving. He's going to make the tag before Pale's even got to one knee... [Rowe makes the tag, and Metro charges across the ring. Pale makes a lunge for the Masked Marauder, but doesn't quite make it. The Marauder is beside himself, as Pale is whipped into the ropes. Metro also runs into the ropes without looking, and hits the referee!] TD: Did you see that?! That was deliberate! SR: What are you talking about, Dross? That was accidental! Metro didn't see the referee there. [Metro floors Pale Rider with a big boot to the face, then knocks the clotheslines the Marauder from the ring when he tries to save his partner. Rowe comes into the ring and holds Pale Rider for Metro. Metro slaps Rider around a bit, and then removes his mask! Pale Rider screams as he sees that Metro is, in fact, Larn of the Atomic Destroyers! Rowe removes his mask to reveal that he is Steroid, Larn's partner! The crowd seem confused.] TD: I can't believe it! High Velocity were the Atomic Destroyers all along! BL: Who are these guys? I take it these two teams have a history other than their IIWF feud... SR: Too right. These two teams have battled across many federations, and I guess the Destroyers thought that the element of surprise would help them get the best of the Drifters once and for all! TD: Look - on the outside! The Senator's behind Wales... No! [The Senator spins Wales around and unleashes a fireball on the "Outlaw". Huge heel pop as Wales clutches his face. The referee is still down in the ring as the Destroyers beat on Pale Rider. The Venusian Death Cell and the Crippler come flying down the aisle and attack the Destroyers, and the Masked Marauder also gets to his feet and reenters the ring. The Posse get control of the Destroyers, and then the Marauder plays his trump card - he removes his mask, and reveals that he is in fact Altair!] TD: Holy... I can't believe this! Altair is back in the IIWF! SR: Nor can I! What's next - is Pale Rider going to turn out to be Lord Lucan or Elvis?! [The Destroyers are shocked. The Cell and the Crippler knock Steroid from the ring, and Altair goes to work on Larn. The VDC drags Pale Rider out under the bottom rope, and tends to him and Wales. The Crippler throws Steroid into the Senator, and the two of them hit the steel barriers with force. In the ring, Altair hits Larn with a reverse pile driver and makes the cover. The referee stirs, and groggily makes a very slow count -- 1 -- 2 -- 3! Ding! Ding! Ding!] RA: Here are your winners, by pinfall: the High Plains Drifters! [Altair immediately throws himself over the top rope onto the Senator with a plancha dive, and starts working him over. Steroid rolls Larn out of the ring, and escape up the aisle, diverting Altair's attention long enough for the Senator to fall over the crowd rail into the fans, where he is quickly surrounded by security guards. The crowd has been going nuts through all of this.] TD: I can't get my head around what we've seen here... The Atomic Destroyers are back... Altair is back... Wales is down after being hit by a fireball... What a match! BL: This is worse than a daytime soap opera. My head hurts! [The Posse help Wales and the Pale Rider back to the locker room area.] SR: What a miscarriage of justice. I can't believe that monkey Altair managed to pin Larn... BL: Things are only going to get more intense! Our next match is a cage match for the Intercontinental Championship! TD: While they're setting up the cage, let's take a breather and go backstage to Larry Morton once more. I understand you're with a newcomer to the IIWF, Larry. [Cut to backstage. Larry stands looking into the camera.] LM: Thanks, Tim. Yes, I'm hear awaiting the presence of a new athlete here in the IIWF. Since the ranks were reopened, wrestlers have been beating a path to the door of IIWF President, Daniel Spreadbury, and our esteemed President invited one of those athletes to come and watch this great spectacular here tonight! I understand he's coming backstage to speak with us... Ah, hang on. [A tall man with five o' clock shadow walks into the shot. He is well-built and is wearing street clothes.] I guess you must be "the Machine", Hunter Robertson! HR: [grinning] Hi, that's me! I am "The Machine". It is with great satisfaction that I am finally able to say I am here. I am here to announce my presence to the IIWF. I am very thankful that the contracts have been signed and that I am able to join the ranks of the IIWF! I am "The Machine" Hunter Robertson! LM: How do you think you will fare here with men like Subway Psycho, Deathbringer, Brad Kinder, Hakiro Matsuoko and The Outlaw? HR: I am looking forward to facing all of these men. I am here to win. I have a message to everyone here in the IIWF: The level of competition has just jumped up a whole lot of notches. There has never been such a versatile athlete here like me. The measuring stick [grinning] has just changed. "The Machine" is here! LM: Machine, thanks for your.... hey! [Suddenly a huge man thunders into the shot. He is tall, muscular, intense looking and intimidating.] SM: Shut your face, little man! And you, so-called "Machine". Get out of my interview. [The man turns to face the camera.] SM: Allow me to introduce myself. I am "Frost" Scott Morrison, and I'm here in the IIWF to kick the crap out of anybody who gets in my way. And what I want to know is this: why weren't you waiting to interview _me_, little man? LM: [nervous] Er... Well, I had no idea who you were... I wasn't briefed... SM: [interrupting] I don't care what you were briefed. In fact, I don't give a shit what you think, little man! [Morrison pushes Morton against the wall, but is stopped from further attack by Hunter.] HR: Hey, aren't you forgetting something, big man? If you want a fight, try picking on somebody your own size! [With that, Hunter levels Frost with a big right hand, and a wild brawl ensues. Hunter slams Frost against the wall, and each man uses anything that comes to hand as a weapon. Frost uses Hunter's head to open some doors, and the camera follows the pair as they battle right out into the parking lot. Larry Morton recovers enough to speak to the camera as security personnel dash past him, trying to separate Hunter and Frost.] LM: [adjusting his tie] I don't really know what to say. "The Machine" and "Frost" weren't scheduled to be wrestling tonight, but that's how it's ended up. Let's hope neither man injures the other too seriously. I'll try and update you on the situation later on. For now, back to you at ringside. [Cut back to the announcers' table.] TD: Gee, there's no love lost between those two already! SR: That was great, Dross! That "Frost" guy looks like he's a fantastic athlete. Didn't you just love the way he decked Larry Moron? TD: That's Morton, Steve. And no, I thought that was totally uncalled for. You can bet that the IIWF President will be levying a serious fine against Scott Morrison for that. Anyway, the cage is set up, and it's time for our Intercontinental Championship match... ~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~ IIWF INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP CAGE MATCH: "Angel of the Sun" Hakiro Matsuoko vs. Tiger Claw _.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-._ SR: Hey, I wonder whether Matsuoko's woken up yet. TD: Will you please stop?! Let's go to the ring for the introductions. [Spotlights illuminate the cage. The ring announcer steps into the cage through the open door.] RA: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is a special cage match for the Intercontinental Championship! [Big pop] The rules are as follows: there will be no disqualification, no countout, and no escape! [Pop] The only way to win is by pinfall or submission. Introducing first, the challenger: accompanied to the ring by Brian Lau, hailing from Thailand, and weighing in at 220lbs, here is Tiger Claw! [Big heel pop as Claw appears at the head of the aisle. He walks straight down the aisle and enters the cage. Lau takes a seat at ringside.] RA: And his opponent, the IIWF Intercontinental Champion, hailing from Tokyo, Japan, and weighing in at 215lbs, here is the "Angel of the Sun" Hakiro Matsuoko! [The intense kodo music begins, and rockets shoot from the head of the aisle to the roof of the arena as Hakiro steps through the curtain. He too walks straight to the ring, totally focussed, apparently oblivious to the wild cheers of the crowd. As he steps into the cage, volleys of fireworks explode high above the ring.] TD: What an entrance! SR: Tiger Claw has no need for flashy fireworks - he's explosive in the ring, not outside of it. Matsuoko had better enjoy that entrance for one last time, because this is going to be the last time he steps into the ring as Intercontinental Champion - and probably the last time he ever steps in the ring, period. TD: Don't sell him short, Steve. Both of these combatants are phenomenal athletes. I think this is going to be a very close match. [Hakiro removes his ceremonial garb and hands it to an official outside the ring. The door is closed and the referee signals for the bell. Ding! Ding! Ding! Tiger Claw and Hakiro stare with intensity at one another. They lock up, and Hakiro gets the upper hand, getting a headlock on Claw and flipping him over with a snap mare. Claw is straight back up and pulls off the same move on Hakiro. They lock up a third time. Claw pushes Hakiro into the ropes, and ducks a clothesline attempt. He leapfrogs Hakiro on the second attempt, but is then caught by a spinning leg lariat from Hakiro. Claw is again quickly to his feet, but he's a little off-balance, and Hakiro capitalises with a flurry of kicks, which send Claw reeling against the ropes. Big pop!] TD: Hakiro's showing us that great speed, focus and martial arts expertise here early on. SR: He's going to have to do more to put Claw away. This match is hardly even started yet. [Hakiro bounces against the ropes on the other side of the ring, and launches himself at Claw with a cross-body block, hoping to use the cage as a weapon, but Claw ducks out of the way, and Hakiro hits the steel hard himself. Big heel pop. Claw drags Hakiro back under the bottom rope, and pulls him to his feet. He executes his deadly knee fury, and Hakiro is forced into the ropes. The referee breaks the hold, and Hakiro has to cling on to the ropes to stay standing.] BL: Those blows are totally relentless. It's not necessarily the pain that's inflicted that does the damage, although it sure must be excruciating, but it's the winding effect. Hakiro must be choking for breath right now. [Hakiro stumbles against a turnbuckle, and Claw charges. Hakiro levers himself on the top turnbuckle and kicks Claw in the face with both feet, then sits himself on the top buckle. As Claw staggers away, Hakiro flies from the buckles and executes a vicious bulldog. Big pop! He goes for the cover - 1 - 2 - Kick out!] TD: What a see-saw match this has been so far. Neither man seems able to establish a real advantage. [Hakiro whips the stunned Claw into the opposite corner, and attempts a handspring elbow, but Claw moves out of the way. Hakiro overshoots the buckle, and his shoulder hits the steel of the cage. He falls into the ring, clutching his right shoulder. Claw is quick to take advantage of the injury, dropping an elbow on the shoulder. The crowd begin to "boo" loudly as Claw really works over the shoulder.] SR: Good tactics from Tiger Claw here. If he can immobilise that shoulder, he'll take away any advantage Matsuoko has in upper body strength. TD: But surely Hakiro's feet are more dangerous than his arms? BL: If they smell as bad as yours do, they're deadly. [Claw grabs hold of Matsuoko's right arm with both hands and pulls, placing his feet either side of the injured shoulder, and really working into the muscles as much as he can. Hakiro screams with pain, but refuses to submit.] TD: This is a new side to Tiger Claw we're seeing tonight. Usually his offence revolves around those high-impact kicks, but it seems he's also able to adapt to mat wrestling. SR: That's the mark of a champion, Dross - adaptability and versatility. BL: Surely that's two marks, Steve. SR: Whatever. Go on, Claw - snap his arm like a twig! [Claw finally releases the hold, and Matsuoko still rolls on the canvas, clutching his damaged shoulder. Claw drags him to his feet and whips him into the ropes, hitting him with a back heel kick as he comes off the ropes. Cover - 1 - 2 - Kick out! He stands Matsuoko up once more, and sizes him up for a spinning round shin kick. Matsuoko goes down again. Claw goes to the top rope, and then climbs a few rungs higher on the cage. The crowd give a huge pop as he throws himself into the centre of the ring with an elbow smash, landing hard on Matsuoko. Cover - ] TD: That's it! It's over for Hakiro! [ - 1 - 2 - Kick out!] SR: I can't believe it! Is Matsuoko running on Energizer batteries or what?! [Claw seems as disbelieving as the popping fans. He lays into Matsuoko with his punching fury, until Matsuoko is apparently motionless on the mat. Claw again climbs to the top, and then a little further on the cage.] TD: What's he planning now? [Claw launches himself with his Golden Tiger Strike, but Hakiro rolls out of the way, and Claw crashes to the mat with incredible force, his knee taking the brunt of the blow. The crowd pops hugely as both men are down on the mat. The referee begins counting - 1 - 2 - 3 - Hakiro begins to stir - the crowd noise goes up another few notches - 4 - 5 - Claw begins to move - Hakiro makes it to his feet - 6 - 7 - Claw tries to put weight on his knee, but is unable to - Hakiro bounces off the ropes and kicks Claw in the head. Big pop] TD: Claw's knee is injured badly. He's effectively immobile now! [Hakiro stays on top of Claw, wrapping him up in his Octopus Hold. Claw screams with pain, but refuses to submit. Claw reaches out with one arm and just about manages to get a hold on the ropes. Hakiro refuses to break the hold - the referee counts - 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - Hakiro lets go!] SR: What kind of a cheater is Matsuoko anyway?! He should have been disqualified right there! TD: In a match like this, you've got to fight fire with fire. BL: Too true, Timmy. I remember once when a particularly tough opponent had me in a figure four, and when I grabbed the ropes... TD: [interrupting] Sorry to interrupt, Becky. There'll be plenty of time for your reminiscing later on... but for now we'd better concentrate on the action in the ring. Matsuoko's firmly in control. [Hakiro picks up Claw and leans him in the corner. He clotheslines him a couple of times in the corner, and then bounds across the ring, and hits his handspring elbow. His shoulder seems to give him some problems, and the move's effectiveness is reduced somewhat. Matsuoko keeps Claw in the corner, and begins raining kicks on him, spinning round in what looks like one movement. Claw slumps to the mat. Hakiro pushes him into the centre of the ring, and drops a few more kicks and elbows on him. Then he looks out into the crowd and raises his arms. Big pop!] TD: What's Hakiro planning now? SR: No doubt some cheating tactic to try and rob Tiger Claw of his rightful victory. [Hakiro bounds to the top rope with a single bound, and then leaps again, in a single movement clinging to the cage, more than ten feet above the ring. Then he launches himself in a reverse moonsault from the top of the cage! Flashguns lend a strobe-light effect to Matsuoko's descent - but Tiger Claw just manages to roll out of the way, and Matsuoko hits the canvas with huge velocity! Big heel pop!] TD: Oh no! That's got to be it for Matsuoko! SR: Yes! Yes! Cover him, Claw! [The crowd are going crazy as Claw rolls over, and lays one arm over Hakiro Matsuoko. The referee makes the count - 1 -- 2 -- 3! Ding! Ding! Ding!] SR: Yes! Yes! Yes! I told you, Dross! I told you! Yes! RA: Here is your winner, and _NEW_ IIWF Intercontinental Champion: Tiger Claw! [The "boo"s are deafening as Lau celebrates outside the ring, grabbing the belt from the timekeeper's table and running up the steps to the ring. He throws wide the door, and leaps into the ring, placing the belt around Claw's waist, and raising his man's arm in victory. Lau taunts Matsuoko, who is still lying out cold on the canvas. Claw wipes the sweat from his brow and flicks it onto Matsuoko before leaving the ring. The fans begin throwing objects at the elated Lau, and the still apparently emotionless Tiger Claw. They disappear back into the locker-room area. The referee eventually revives Matsuoko and helps him from the ring to a standing ovation.] TD: Well, in the eyes of the people, Hakiro leaves this ring a true champion. He gave it his all, and in the end he was literally only a few inches from victory. SR: You just can't give Tiger Claw the credit he deserves, can you, Dross? That was a totally clean, fair victory that Claw battled for. Sure, Matsuoko was close to pulling off an upset victory, but we all knew that Tiger Claw is the better man, and we knew he was going to take that title from Matsuoko, and that's what he did. Simple as that. TD: I guess there are just some things we're going to disagree on. Anyway, while we're waiting for the cage to be dismantled, let's go backstage to Larry Morton, who I understand is on his way to get words with the new IIWF Intercontinental Champion: [Cut to Tiger Claw's dressing room. Tiger Claw kneels in front of the Spring House with the IC belt across his lap. Brian Lau and Kenny Tanaka are sipping champagne. Larry Morton comes into the shot.] LM: Thanks, Tim. I'm here in the locker room of the new... KT: [interrupting] Hey, Morton, shut up. Remember the contracts? Hi, folks... Once again from Tiger Claw's dressing room, this is Kenny Tanaka. BL: And _I'm_ the happiest manager in the building. And _THIS_ [points to Tiger Claw] is the greatest Intercontinental champ this federation has ever seen! I told you all we'd do it. I told you that Tiger Claw was the better man. I told you that Hakiro was just lucky to win this belt! Now you have to believe me! This is a night of glory, people! KT: Tiger Claw looks good with that belt... BL: Of course... He was born to wear gold around his waist! KT: Thanks for your comments, Brian. Okay, Morton, get out - interview's over. [Tanaka pushes Larry out of the locker room and closes the door.] LM: Well, Tim, I see what you mean about that Kenny Tanaka guy. What a crock. Anyhow, back to you at ringside. [Cut back to the announcers' table.] TD: Ooh, that Tanaka guy makes me mad. SR: So take him in the ring, Dross. TD: Er, no, Steve... There are other ways of settling differences, you know. SR: Sure, take him in a dark alley, then. TD: That's enough of that, Steve. Right now, let's go to Becky, who's in the aisle with some of the exclusive merchandise you can order to take home a piece of IIWF history. Becky, over to you. [Cut to Becky LaRue in the aisle, standing with a couple of fans, bedecked in IIWF merchandise.] BL: Thanks, Timmy. I'm standing here with two of my great fans. Say, hi, boys. Fan 1: Hi! Becky, we love you! Fan 2: Sure! You're the greatest! BL: Please, you guys. Anyway, if you're watching this great event at home on pay-per-view, why not pick up the phone and order a souvenir of this evening's spectacular entertainment? [Aside to one of the fans] Geez, I've got to get a new writer. TD: [over the headset] Becky, will you get on with it, please? BL: Sorry, Timmy. Dial 1-900-IIWF-325 to order this exclusive merchandise. On my right, here's the official Ring Wars t-shirt, complete with images of the Outlaw and the Subway Psycho on the front, and Dan "Flash" Kauffman and Deathbringer on the back, as well as the slogan "The Battle Lines Are Drawn". It's a great shirt, and yours for only $49.95 plus handling. Fan 1: [very obviously prompted] Wow, what a bargain. BL: [equally obviously prompted] But wait, that's not all! [Again aside] Why am I prostituting my talents like this? [Back to the camera] For your $49.95, plus handling of course, you'll also receive this special souvenir programme for the event, and a special embroidered IIWF baseball cap, as modelled by this fine gentleman on my left. So call 1-900-IIWF-325 right now! All major credit cards accepted! SR: [over the headset] Doesn't she do this so well? TD: [over the headset] Oh yeah, she really puts her heart into it. BL: Hey, I can hear you two! Shut it! This is the thanks I get for putting up with Larry every week. Anyway, fans, there's a whole lot more exclusive merchandise that could be yours, including beer mats, toilet roll holders, handkerchiefs, and fruit bowls. Get yours now! Call 1-900-IIWF-325 this very second. Right, I'm through. Back to you, Dross - and don't you ever make me do this again. [Cut back to the announcers' table.] TD: Well, fans, we're just moments away from the Deathmatch pitting Deathbringer against Dan "Flash" Kauffman. Let's go backstage to Larry Morton and see if he's got an update on Kauffman's condition. [Cut to Larry Morton standing in a corridor backstage.] LM: Thanks, Tim. I'm afraid I don't have any news on Kauffman. His locker-room is still locked, and nobody's seen him at all since he left the examination room earlier on tonight. Let's just hope that he's going to be able to wrestle. Back to you at ringside. [Cut back to the announcers' table. Dross and Roberts have been rejoined by Becky.] BL: I'm not going to forget that, Timmy. TD: [ignoring her] Thanks, Larry. ~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~ DEATHMATCH: Deathbringer vs. Dan "Flash" Kauffman _.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-._ [The ring announcer steps between the ropes.] RA: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is a Deathmatch! [Big pop!] The rules are as follows: the match will be best of three falls, no countout, no disqualification, falls count anywhere. There will be two referees on hand for the bout. After each fall, both wrestlers must return to the ring within one minute. If there is any interference, the interfering wrestler will immediately be locked inside a steel cage for the duration of the match. The wrestler who was attacked is then allowed to execute a free move on his opponent. If his opponent refuses, it will count as two falls against him. SR: Who thought of these ridiculous stipulations?! TD: Deathbringer, of course. I must admit, the rules are overly complex, but the history between him and Kauffman almost demands such rigorous rules in order to get a fair result. Remember the first time they met - 'Bringer's feet were on the ropes when he was pinned by Kauffman, so you can see why two referees is a good idea. Then there was the incident in the Texas Death cage match, where Joe Latta intervened. So the interference rule seems fair, too. BL: But most important is the falls count anywhere stipulation. That's why this match is so dangerous for Kauffman, especially at his current less than 100% strength. RA: Introducing first, accompanied by the Coroner, weighing in at 324lbs, here is the man from the Dark Side, Deathbringer! [A hush falls on the crowd as the lights drop. Mere seconds later, they rise again, and Deathbringer stands in the ring. The Coroner enters the ring and disrobes his charge, removing his brown cowl and scythe. 'Bringer's eyes glow a bright red. Mixed reaction - the Soldiers of Hell cheer, but the majority of the fans "boo" him loudly.] TD: I guess you either love or hate the Deathbringer. SR: If he puts Kauffman out tonight, I'll love him forever! RA: And introducing his opponent, from Hagerstown, Maryland, and weighing in at 230lbs, here is: Dan "Flash" Kauffman! [Huge heel pop, which drops to an awed hush as the lights drop to a glowing deep blue. Slow, soft rhythmic Asian music plays. Dan Kauffman emerges from behind the curtain, bedecked from head to toe in a black outfit, and kneels at the head of the aisle, his head down. He performs some elaborate hand gestures.] SR: What the hell's all this about?! TD: It's a hand-kata, Steve. Apparently, it symbolises complete focus and concentration. SR: Complete baloney and nonsense, more like. Kauffman's gonna get buried. [As Dan looks up and focuses his gaze on Deathbringer, the blue lights cause his attire to glow softly. He gets to his feet and begins walking down the aisle, keeping his eyes locked on the ring the entire time. The crowd remains hushed, and he pays them no attention as he walks to ringside and climbs the ring steps. He steps between the ropes, and the lights rise as he approaches Deathbringer. As the two stare into each others' eyes, the lights rise, and the time keeper's bell rings, to signal the beginning of the match.] TD: What an entrance from Dan Kauffman! This is certainly a different Dan we're seeing here tonight! BL: He sure looks focused, but you've got to ask just how great he actually feels. When you're in the rings, you appreciate the value of psychology in beating an opponent. Deathbringer's very strong on the psychological side of the game - he has all manner of tricks to put his opponents off balance. I think this entrance is Kauffman's attempt to show 'Bringer that he's not afraid of him - but I have to wonder just what lies behind this cool, focused front. I can't believe that the vicious attack at the hands of Tiger Claw and Joe Latta earlier tonight hasn't affected him both physically and mentally. I think underneath that front there's a man in turmoil, facing the toughest challenge of his career. He's done for, Timmy. TD: We'll see about that, Becky. You're right on the money, as usual, but I think you underestimate this young man's desire and heart. He's been locked in that stare with Deathbringer for well over a minute. SR: You're telling me. When are we going to get some action? [Deathbringer eventually takes a step back, and quick as lightning, begins to beat Kauffman's midsection with punches. Dan reels, and is backed into a corner.] TD: Wow! Deathbringer's found a weak spot very early on here. Those ribs of Kauffman's must be bruised with all the kicking they took earlier on this evening. SR: Great tactics from the big guy. I think this one's going to be over very quickly. [Deathbringer is relentless, continuing his assault in the corner. Kauffman is only held upright by the turnbuckles. 'Bringer pounds Dan with uppercut forearms to the chin, snapping the head back.] BL: Dan's got to get out of the corner, or he's going to lose the match right here. ['Bringer begins kicking Kauffman in the midsection. The crowd's jeers become very loud. At the behest of the Coroner from the outside, Deathbringer steps away from Kauffman, and Dan slumps to the mat, clutching his ribs.] TD: Why did the Coroner call Deathbringer off just then? SR: Don't know, Dross. I guess there's some respect for Kauffman as an athlete in there, for no particularly good reason, I might add, and 'Bringer wants to give Kauffman a chance to make something of himself. [As 'Bringer looks on, Kauffman grimaces as he gets to his feet. 'Bringer moves in again, and whips Dan into the ropes. He attempts a clothesline as Dan rebounds, but Kauffman ducks underneath the swipe and hits the ropes again. He comes back off the ropes a second time, executes a quick go-behind on the big man, and causes the crowd to erupt as he pulls a German suplex out of nowhere. Cover - 1 - 2 - kick out by Deatbringer!] TD: We've just seen why Kauffman is so dangerous. He can pull a match-winning manoeuvre out of nowhere. 'Bringer was nearly one fall down just then. [Deathbringer is immediately straight back on Kauffman, and a slugfest ensues. 'Bringer is staggered by Kauffman, who launches himself at the ropes, hitting the big man with a clothesline. 'Bringer doesn't go down. Kauffman repeats the clothesline. 'Bringer teeters but still doesn't go down. Kauffman hits a third clothesline. This time, 'Bringer hits the mat. Huge pop. Kauffman climbs to the top rope, but Deathbringer suddenly sits up and stalks over to the corner. He shakes the ropes, and Kauffman falls into a vulnerable position, straddling the top turnbuckle. Deathbringer climbs to the second turnbuckle and peppers Kauffman with right hands. He then takes a few steps back, and charges in with a clothesline, knocking the stunned Dan out of the ring and all the way to the floor! Huge heel pop!] TD: Oh no! That kind of a bump is sure to put Kauffman out with his ribs being in the condition they're in! [Deathbringer steps between the ropes and stands on the apron. He leaps, performing a splash on the winded Kauffman. Big pop!] SR: It's been all Deathbringer so far. I don't think Kauffman's got anything left after that beating he took earlier on. ['Bringer gets up, and seems to be favouring his right knee.] TD: I think Deathbringer hurt his knee when he performed that splash. His left knee must be damaged - look how he's limping. BL: Yeah, but it's going to take far more than a bit of cartlidge damage to stop the dark destroyer. [Kauffman is dragged to his feet by his neck, and Deathbringer whips him into the steel crowd barriers. Kauffman hits hard. Shocked pop. 'Bringer drags Kauffman, again by the neck, and then whips him along the next side of the ring, into the steel ring steps. Big clang. Another shocked pop. Kauffman's chest heaves as he lies on the floor on the other side of the steps, having flown over them due to the speed of the impact. 'Bringer stalks Kauffman once more, and picks him up. He hoists Kauffman above his head in an impressive display of strength! Big pop!] SR: Now that's pure brute force for you, Dross! ['Bringer drops Kauffman throat-first across the steel crowd barriers. Huge heel pop!] TD: There was no need for that! I can't believe Deathbringer just did that! BL: I'm sure it was an accident, Timmy. Maybe Kauffman shifted his weight and Deathbringer overbalanced. TD: Yeah, sure. [Kauffman writhes on the concrete, clutching at his throat. 'Bringer makes the cover - 1 - 2 - 3! Ding! Ding! Ding!] RA: The winner of the first fall: Deathbringer! Both athletes now have one minute to reenter the ring! TD: Kauffman's one fall down! He's got a real mountain to climb now... imagine knowing that you've got to pin Deathbringer twice to win the match, especially when you're one decision down. SR: I don't think Kauffman even knows where he is right now, let alone that he's been pinned. [Deathbringer limps slowly to the ring and reenters. He turns and looks out into the aisle, where Kauffman still lies, almost motionless.] RA: Dan "Flash" Kauffman now has forty-five seconds to reenter the ring! TD: This is a real test of an athlete's intestinal fortitude. Does Kauffman have the heart or the desire to get back into the ring? [The crowd really starts to get behind Dan, chanting "Kauff - man! Kauff - man! Kauff - man!" Dan starts to stir, and begins to lever himself up on the steel crowd barriers.] RA: Dan "Flash" Kauffman now has thirty seconds to reenter the ring! [Dan staggers towards the ring, supporting himself on the railings as much as possible. He gets to the padding at the side of the ring and tumbles to the floor once more.] RA: Dan "Flash" Kauffman now has fifteen seconds to reenter the ring! [Dan grabs hold of the ring apron and tries to drag himself to his feet. The crowd begin to chant the countdown - 10 - 9 - 8 - Kauffman levers himself onto the apron - 7 - first one foot - 6 - then the other - 5 - 4 - he rolls into the ring under the bottom rope.] RA: The match continues! SR: Either Kauffman is very strong or very stupid. He's in no condition to make any kind of offence against Deathbringer. He's done for. BL: That's what I said, Steve. SR: Great minds think alike, Becky. You know, I think we have a lot in common. What do you say we... TD: [interrupting] Look, you two. Can you sort this out later? Deathbringer's all over Kauffman! ['Bringer stomps away on Kauffman. Kauffman rolls from the ring once more, and Deathbringer follows him to the outside. Kauffman grabs 'Bringer's left leg, and pulls it out from under him. 'Bringer goes down, hitting his head on the apron as he falls. Big pop. Kauffman staggers to his feet and begins working over Deathbringer's weak leg. He applies the Figure Four leglock on the big man and cinches it in as strongly as possible. Big pop.] TD: This is going to have to be Kauffman's tactic - he's going to have to wrestle the big man. He certainly can't compete in terms of strength or power, but when you're down on the mat - or, in this case, the floor - that height and strength advantage is eliminated. 'Bringer won't be able to sustain the Figure Four forever. SR: You're kidding, right?! Have you ever seen a dead man submit? I know I haven't. I tell you, Deathbringer's not human. He's about as natural as your hair, Dross! [Becky giggles.] TD: Look, for the last time - can we please leave my hair out of this?! [The referee checks to see whether Deathbringer wishes to submit. Deathbringer refuses. He levers himself into a sitting position, and then begins unentwining his legs with Kauffman's!] TD: This guy just doesn't seem to feel pain! That's incredible! [Both men get to their feet. Kauffman rams 'Bringer's head into the ring apron, and he staggers backwards. Dan pounces, clotheslining Deathbringer over the steel crowd barriers and into the crowd, who scatter. Kauffman grabs a chair, and beats Deathbringer about the head with it. Big pop as 'Bringer tumbles, knocking seating all over the place. Kauffman repeatedly bashes Deathbringer with the chair; when 'Bringer lies motionless on the floor, he clears a space, sending more chairs flying, and then folds up one chir and lays it down on the floor. He hauls Deathbringer to his feet and performs a piledriver onto the steel chair! Big pop!] TD: What a move! SR: But I have a feeling it's not going to be enough to put Deathbringer away! That guy can take one hell of a licking and keep right on ticking. [Kauffman covers Deathbringer - 1 - 2 - kick out! Disappointed reaction from the crowd.] Kauffman drags Deathbringer to the crowd barrier once more, and hops over, keeping hold of 'Bringer's hair all the time. He sets up for a suplex, preparing to suplex the big man back out into the ringside area, but 'Bringer has more power, and suplexes Kauffman back into the crowd area. Big pop! Deathbringer goes for the cover - 1 - 2 - kick out!] TD: Phew! Kauffman was less than a second away from defeat right there! ['Bringer drags Kauffman to his feet, and Kauffman is apparently exhausted, unable to defend himself. He hoists Kauffman up onto his shoulders for the Tombstone inverted piledriver.] SR: Yes! Right onto the concrete - this'll break Kauffman's neck! [Just as Deathbringer is ready to execute the Tombstone, Kauffman wriggles and slides himself forward, scissoring Deathbringer's head with his feet, He pushes off against the floor with his feet, and flips Deathbringer over behind him. 'Bringer hits some chairs hard. He quickly sits up and begins to move towards Kauffman. He swipes with a right-hand, which Dan ducks, and wraps Deathbringer up with an inside cradle! The referee makes the count - 1 - 2 - 3! Ding! Ding! Ding!] RA: The winner of the second fall: Dan "Flash" Kauffman! Both men now have one minute to reenter the ring. [Both men get to their feet, and head towards the ring. As they approach the crowd barrier, Deathbringer rams Kauffman's head into the steel, and Dan goes down. The dark destroyer clambers over the railings and reenters the ring to a huge heel pop.] RA: Dan "Flash" Kauffman now has forty-five seconds to reenter the ring. [Kauffman slowly struggles to his feet and flops over the barrier to the padding around ringside. He drags himself up onto the ring apron.] RA: Dan "Flash" Kauffman now has thirty seconds to reenter the ring. [Kauffman rolls into the ring under the bottom rope, and 'Bringer immediately begins stomping on the rib area again. He drags Kauffman to his feet and snap mares him into the centre of the ring. The big man bounces off the ropes and drops an elbow on Kauffman's ribs. Kauffman screams in pain. Deathbringer repeats the move, before rolling outside the ring and grabbing a steel chair. He throws it into the ring, and it hits Kauffman. Deathbringer climbs back into the ring and picks up the chair, using it as a weapon, driving its edge into Kauffman's ribs repeatedly. Big heel pop.] SR: You see how smart Deathbringer is, Dross? He knows he's got to put Kauffman away now, and those rib injuries of his will certainly keep him immobile. BL: Too right they will. I've had plenty of cracked ribs in my time, and it can be very frightening, as well as very painful, because you feel like you just can't breathe. And if you aren't getting any oxygen, you're not going to be able to wrestle. Kauffman's in big trouble. [Deathbringer stands above the winded Kauffman and raises the chair above his head. He brings it down with a crash, but misses Dan, who rolls out of the way. 'Bringer brings the chair down again, but again misses Dan, who rolls out of the ring. He manages to stay on his feet. Deathbringer drops the chair and follows him out. Kauffman tries to kick the big man, but Deathbringer grabs his foot. Kauffman hits a back brain kick, and the crowd pop hugely! 'Bringer goes down, and again hits his head on the steel railings. Kauffman rolls him back into the ring, and climbs to the top turnbuckle.] TD: This might not be the best time in the match to take a big risk like the one Kauffman's taking right here... [Kauffman waits for Deathbringer to get to his feet, and then hits his "Lights out" flipping clothesline. The crowd goes nuts! Kauffman goes for the cover - 1 - 2 - Kick out! Kauffman looks distraught.] SR: He can't do it! He can't pin Deathbringer! [Dan drags Deathbringer to his feet and places his head between his legs. He signals for the "Ides of March", his tilt-a-whirl powerbomb. He grabs Deathbringer's torso, and lifts him up. He gets Deathbringer about a foot off the canvas, but is unable to go any further. He lets go of the big man, clutching his ribs. 'Bringer straightens up and nearly takes Kauffman's head off with a lariat. Huge heel pop.] TD: That might well have been Kauffman's last chance at victory right there, and it was that injury to his ribs he sustained earlier tonight that could cost him this match. But it's not over yet! [Deathbringer drags Kauffman to his feet and draws his hand across his throat. He whips him into the ropes. As Dan comes back off the ropes, Deathbringer hoists him above his head. Flash guns flare like crazy as Deathbringer presses Kauffman above his head in an astonishing display of power, then he drops him out of the ring straight to the arena floor. Huge heel pop. Deathbringer bounces against the ropes himself and launches himself out of the ring with a plancha dive, landing squarely on Kauffman. He goes for the cover as the crowd's "boo"s are deafening - 1 -- 2 -- 3! Ding! Ding! Ding!] RA: The winner of the third fall, and the winner of the Deathmatch two falls to one: Deathbringer! TD: What a hard-fought match that was! What an epic battle! SR: And in the end, the better man won. Kauffman may well have been a great athlete, but he's just that now - a has-been. Those injuries, plus this gruelling match, will surely end his career. BL: He's not moving at all. [Deathbringer stands above Kauffman. As the referee bends to tend to Dan, Deathbringer reenters the ring along with the Coroner. He stands and raises his arms to the ceiling of the arena, and is picked out by a single spotlight. The jeers of the crowd are louder than ever. Suddenly, the crowd is hushed as the lights drop to total darkness. Two or three seconds later, they rise once more and Deathbringer is nowhere to be seen.] BL: Guess he's not the kind of guy who likes to celebrate, huh? [A team of paramedics comes down to ringside and carefully place Kauffman on a stretcher, which they wheel back up the aisle. The crowd are silent as he is wheeled towards the locker room area, but as he manages to lift one arm to the fans as he disappears out of sight, an ovation begins, and most fans in the Coliseum get to their feet in appreciation.] TD: What an ovation for Dan "Flash" Kauffman! He only narrowly came out on the losing end of that deal - and I sincerely hope that we haven't seen the last of him. SR: You _would_ say that, Dross. Heaven knows why you want to see any more of that guy. Deathbringer should have broken his jaw - then at least we'd be spared his whining, snivelling excuses for why he lost. TD: Will you please try to be nice?! Anyhow, now it's time for tonight's main event. What a match-up this promises to be! Becky, pick us a winner. BL: Well, if you ask me, the Subway Psycho doesn't stand a chance, not least because of his personal hygiene problems. TD: What personal hygiene problems? BL: You try keeping fresh when you bathe in the water from other peoples' toilets. TD: Becky, please! SR: [thoughtfully] Mind you, I suppose that means he could stink the Outlaw into submission. TD: [despairingly] Oh, I've had enough. Let's go up to the ring for the introductions. ~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~ IIWF WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: Outlaw vs. Subway Psycho _.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-._ RA: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is tonight's main event! It is scheduled for one fall, and it is for the IIWF World Heavyweight Championship! [Big pop] Introducing first, the challenger. Hailing from the subways of New York City, and weighing in at 255lbs, here is: the Subway Psycho! [The lights in the arena drop to almost total darkness. "Crazy Train" blares out over the PA, and the single headlamp of a racing subway train illuminates the silhouetted figure of the Subway Psycho as he appears at the head of the aisle. He receives a huge pop as he comes down the aisle, hi-fiving the fans as he goes.] RA: And introducing his opponent: coming down the aisle, weighing in at 353lbs, and hailing from parts unknown, here is the IIWF World Heavyweight Champion: the Outlaw! [Big heel pop as the Outlaw appears at the head of the aisle and slowly walks towards the ring, abusing the fans as he goes.] TD: Well, here comes the champion, and he's without the other Horsemen again. SR: He wants to prove a point here tonight. I know he's discussed this match with the other Horsemen - he's told them that he can beat the Psycho on his own. He didn't like Blackjack Haley's interference costing him the victory against Casey James on Saturday Night last week, so he's made it clear that they don't have to be at ringside. BL: The Outlaw's a natural loner. And he's a big boy, too. There's quite a size difference between these two guys - the Psycho's giving away five inches in height and almost one hundred pounds in weight. I think we're going to see a power display by the Outlaw here tonight. SR: And maybe afterwards I could give you a display of my own, Becky... [Becky giggles again] TD: [interrupting] I've told you before, Steve. Later! We've got a score to settle in the ring. [The Outlaw enters the ring and disrobes, handing the championship belt to the referee, who holds it aloft. Big pop. The official signals to the time keeper for the beginning of the match. Ding! Ding! Ding!] TD: Okay, we're underway! [The two men square up in the ring, the Outlaw's bulky figure making the Subway's muscular build look positively wiry. The two men exchange comments of some kind, and then the two man lock up collar and elbow. The Outlaw pushes the Psycho away. They lock up again, and again the Outlaw breaks the hold by pushing the Psycho away. He looks out into the crowd, who cheer encouragingly. The Psycho again steps up to the Outlaw, and gets in his face. The Outlaw throws a right hand, which the Psycho blocks, and counters with numerous punches of his own. The Outlaw throws another punch, which is also blocked. The Psycho has the Outlaw reeling, but he doesn't go down, so Subway bounces off the ropes, and hits the champion with a clothesline, and the Outlaw goes down. He rolls from the ring, clutching the back of his neck. The Psycho raises his arms, and receives a big pop. He bounces off the ropes again and then throws himself through the first and second ropes onto the Outlaw, knocking him down. Big pop as the Psycho pounds on the champion on the arena floor.] TD: There's that fire and intensity showing through! The Psycho's got the Outlaw reeling! [The referee begins to count both men out, and the Psycho steps back between the ropes. The Outlaw stalls on the outside, and the Psycho keeps breaking the count. Eventually, the Outlaw gets up onto the ring apron, and the Psycho tries to suplex him in, but the champion drives his shoulder into the Psycho's midsection, before sunset-flipping into the ring. He pulls the Psycho over for the pin - 1 - kick out!] TD: Only a one-count! And the Psycho's back on his feet already. [The Psycho and the Outlaw slug it out again in the centre of the ring. The Psycho whips the Outlaw towards the side of the ring, and the Outlaw grabs the ropes. However, the Psycho runs in and clotheslines him, the momentum carrying both men out of the ring to the outside. Big pop.] SR: That little move backfired on that idiot, the Stinker - the Outlaw landed right on top of him! [The Outlaw drags the Psycho to his feet and whips him into the steel ring steps. He picks him up like a rag doll and runs against the ring post, the Psycho hitting hard. Big heel pop. The Outlaw rams the Psycho's back into the ring apron repeatedly, before throwing him into the ring between the second and third ropes. The champion follows the Psycho back into the ring, and sits him up facing away from him. He puts his knee in the Psycho's back, and pulls the Psycho's arms back behind him.] TD: A very painful submission hold applied by the Outlaw! BL: That's straining the muscles in the shoulder area, and exacerbating the damage already done to the Psycho's back. The Outlaw's a smart wrestler. SR: I'm amazed he can stay that close to the Stinker without passing out. Who's forcing who to submit?! TD: Steve, will you please stop?! [The crowd begin to chant "Psy - cho! Psy - cho! Psy - cho!", which only causes the Outlaw to increase the pressure on Subway's shoulders and back. He screams in pain, but refuses to submit. Eventually, the Outlaw releases the hold, and kicks the Psycho in the head. He stands up, and drags up the Psycho with him. He whips the Psycho into the ropes, and hits him with a boot to the face as he comes off the ropes. Big heel pop. He goes for the cover - 1 - 2 - Kick out! Again, he drags the Psycho up and whips him into the ropes. This time, he catches him with a big lariat, that sends the Psycho spinning through 360degrees. The Outlaw bounces off the ropes and drops a leg on the Psycho - 1 - 2 - kick out! He drags the Psycho to his feet for a third time, and again whips him into the ropes. The Outlaw executes a big powerslam on the Psycho, and goes straight for the cover - 1 - 2 - kick out! The crowd are popping hugely each time the Psycho's shoulder shoots up from the canvas.] TD: What intestinal fortitude we're seeing here from the Psycho! SR: I can't believe that the Outlaw hasn't put him away yet! Let's have the Cattle Buster! Come on, champ! [The Outlaw drags the Psycho to his feet, and puts his head under one arm. With his free arm he signals for the Cattle Buster. Big heel pop. However, he hesitates for one moment too long, and the Psycho finds the strength to rush the Outlaw backwards into a turnbuckle with force. Huge pop! The Psycho begins pounding on the Outlaw, somehow finding his second wind. He sizes up the Outlaw, and leaps with a head-scissor takeover on the big man. Big pop. He climbs to the top rope and bides his time, waiting for the Outlaw to get to his feet. He launches himself with a double axe-handle, but is caught in midair by the Outlaw, who slams him to the canvas with a belly-to-belly suplex. Huge heel pop.] SR: Well, that little revival by the Psycho didn't last long, did it? [The champion goes for the cover - 1 - 2 -- kick out by the narrowest of margins. The Outlaw stands up and stomps on the Psycho in frustration. He flips him over so that he is lying on his stomach, and applies a camel clutch on the Psycho, who again screams in pain.] BL: Again, the Outlaw goes for the back area. Keep the Psycho weak, and victory is in sight, no matter how resilient he is. SR: The Psycho's like the smell he carries with him everywhere he goes - violent, and difficult to get rid of. TD: Steve, there's no need for that. [Again, the crowd begin to chant "Psy - cho! Psy - cho! Psy - cho!", and the Psycho begins to power out of the hold, getting to his knees and dropping the Outlaw over backwards, breaking the hold. He fights to his feet, and the crowd pop hugely. The Outlaw staggers to his feet, and moves towards the Psycho. He swipes with his right hand, and the Psycho ducks the blow. He attacks with a series of right hands of his own, and sends the Outlaw reeling with European uppercut forearms. He whips the Outlaw into the ropes. Again, the Outlaw grabs the ropes, but the Psycho grabs him from behind and applies a belly-to-back suplex. Big pop! Cover - 1 - 2 - kick out! The Psycho stays on the Outlaw, dropping an elbow on him, before climbing the buckles. Cameras flash as the Psycho launches himself with a moonsault onto the Outlaw, connecting with force - cover - 1 - 2 - kick out! The Psycho stands and looks out into the crowd.] SR: He knows it now! There's nothing he can do to pin the Outlaw! Look at the look on his face! This is great! Come on, champ! [The Psycho climbs to the top rope again, but the Outlaw manages to get to his feet, and climbs to the second rope himself. He grabs the Outlaw and climbs to the top rope. Big crowd buzz as both men balance on the top turnbuckle. The Outlaw hooks the Psycho's arm over his head, and then launches himself backwards in a back suplex - huge pop as the Psycho alters his balance so that he lands squarely on top of the Outlaw. He hooks the leg - 1 - 2 -- kick out! The entire arena seems to exhale!] TD: This is such a nail-biter! You could cut the tension in here with a knife! [The Psycho nails the Outlaw with another elbow drop, and then climbs to the top rope again. He signals for the de-railer - huge pop! The Psycho launches himself into his flipping leg drop - but the Outlaw rolls out of the way! Huge heel pop as the Psycho hits the canvas with incredible velocity. The fans are out of their seats as the Outlaw rolls across and lays an arm across the Psycho - the referee counts - 1 - 2 -- kick out!] TD: Unbelievable! We've seen so many near falls in this match! SR: That was such a slow count, Dross! What biased officiating! [Both men stagger to their feet. The Outlaw whips the Psycho into the ropes, and attempts a clothesline. The Psycho ducks, performs a quick go-behind, and leaps up with a crucifix on the champion. The Outlaw tumbles down, his shoulders on the canvas - 1 -- 2 -- 3! Ding! Ding! Ding! The crowd pop like they've never popped before!] TD: Yes! Yes! Yes! The Psycho wins! RA: Here is your winner, by pinfall, and _NEW_ IIWF World Heavyweight Champion - the Subway Psycho! SR: No way! No way! That was a fast count... he had a handful of tights... the Psycho paid off the official... the... the... I can't believe it! BL: The crucifix is a great move - it holds your opponent's shoulders down to the mat with your whole bodyweight, and also eliminates any upper body leverage they might have because their arms are stretched out across the canvas. I just never thought I'd see a loser like the Subway Psycho use a hold like that! [The Outlaw lies in the ring, his chest heaving, as the referee straps the IIWF World Championship belt around the Subway Psycho's waist. A spectacular firework display erupts as the Psycho's arms are raised in victory. He goes to each corner of the ring, climbs the buckles, and poses for the adoring crowd.] SR: Aw, please! I'm going to be sick again! [Slowly, the Outlaw gets to his feet and stands in the ring watching the Psycho's celebration. The Psycho gets down from the fourth turnbuckle, and turns to face the Outlaw in the centre of the ring. "Crazy Train" fades as the Psycho extends his hand to the Outlaw. The crowd hush.] TD: Is the Outlaw going to accept this display of sportsmanship? [There is a pause which seems to last for an eternity, but eventually the Outlaw shakes the Psycho's hand, and raises it in victory! He receives a pop of his own. "Crazy Train" begins once more as the Psycho leaves the ring and starts hi-fiving the fans around ringside. He vaults the crowd barriers and is surrounded by fans as they celebrate his victory.] TD: Well, I think I've found new respect for the Outlaw here tonight. And look at the Psycho out there with the fans! Hang on - what's this? [Flare, Brad "Bodybag" Kinder, Blackjack Haley and Miss Victoria Secret walk down the aisle. They enter the ring, and begin to comiserate with the fallen Outlaw. Suddenly, Kinder, Flare and Haley turn on the Outlaw, beating him viciously with punches and kicks.] TD: What the hell's going on?! SR: There's no room in the Horsemen for losers - and especially not sportsmanlike losers. I can't believe that the Outlaw actually shook hands with the Stinker! [As the Outlaw is knocked down, Flare applies the figure four leglock on the ex-champion while Haley and Kinder stomp, choke and punch him. The fans pop hugely as Casey James and the Man of Steel fly down the aisle to the Outlaw's rescue, clearing the ring.] TD: Thank heavens for the American Heroes! SR: Argh! You can't go anywhere without those two do-gooders sticking their noses in! [Flare, Kinder and Haley bail out, and back up the aisle while Casey and MOS guard the Outlaw. The fans cheer, and the music resumes once more. Cut to the announcers' table.] TD: Well, folks, thank goodness that justice has prevailed here tonight! I don't know quite what's going on with the Horsemen, but what I do know for sure is that we've seen a night of wrestling action tonight quite unlike anything in history. We've got three new champions, and we've enjoyed some of the most spectacular matches of all time! But we're out of time. SR: I need a beer. You coming, Becky? BL: Sure, Steve. Bye, Timmy. [Becky and Steve put down their headsets and leave the booth. Tim Dross watches them go.] TD: Well, folks, that's it from the IIWF Coliseum! Our next PPV will be IIWF Midsummer Madness, live on August 10. But don't forget that we'll be back _live_ next Saturday night for more IIWF action. Until then, this is Tim Dross, for "Soundbite" Steve Roberts and Becky LaRue, saying: so long, everybody! [Cut to the Subway Psycho still working his way through the crowd, surrounded by fans congratulating him on his victory. Pan up to shots of the fireworks at the roof of the IIWF Coliseum. Fade] +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= I * I * W * F =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+ | President: Daniel Spreadbury | Vice-President: Steve Owens | | univ0322@sable.ox.ac.uk | sowens@admin.presby.edu | | iiwf@sisko.demon.co.uk | IIWFadmin@aol.com | +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- http://www.sisko.demon.co.uk -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=+