##### ###### ### ########## ########## ########## #### ## ########## ########## ########## #### # #### ######## ##### ##### #### ## ##### #### #### #### #### ### #### #### #### #### ############# ######### #### #### ########### ######### #### #### #### #### #### ######### ######### ### #### #### ######### ######### ### ## #### ######## ######## ## # #### =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- ## =-=-=-= INTERNATIONAL INTERNET WRESTLING FEDERATION =============================================== Control Centre Report - 9 July 1996 ----------------------------------------------- Hello there, folks, and welcome to the IIWF Control Centre! I am, as always, Tim Dross, and - boy - what an update I've got for you today. We will, of course, be discussing what has been one of the most controversial weekends in IIWF history, and I'm talking criminal prosecution, legal haranguing, heartbreak, jump attacks, double crosses, retirements... You won't believe some of what we'll be discussing here today. As well as all that, I'll be: - running down the results from last Saturday Night - announcing the bracketing for the upcoming tag team tournament - looking forward to tomorrow night's Midweek Mayhem - introducing some more newcomers to the IIWF - giving you the latest rankings in both the singles and tag team divisions ...and more! So without any further ado, let's go back to last Saturday night. IIWF Saturday Night - 6 July 1996 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Nobody could have predicted the kinds of things we saw in the ring - and outside of it - on Saturday night. As I was driving home from the Coliseum, my mind was simply spinning at the magnitude of some of the events we saw take place. Let's take this thing one match at a time: - "FROST" SCOTT MORRISON defeated "NIFTY" NED NORTON An impressive display from the ice-man in this encounter, but he wasn't content with his victory. He grabbed the house microphone and started badmouthing the fans and, particularly, "the Machine" Hunter Robertson. He then hung around ringside, obviously because he knew that the Machine was scheduled up next for action. The two of them brawled in the aisle, but this time security guards managed to separate them before the situation escalated to the degree it did at Ring Wars a little over one week ago. - "THE MACHINE" HUNTER ROBERTSON pinned JUMPIN' JACK in record time A fine performance from Hunter, who showed that he's no slouch in the ring either. He can't wait to get his hands on Frost, as he shared with us yesterday: [SCENE: The Machine is overseeing some of his many pupils at the wrestling school that he opperates. He takes some time off to speak:] HM: You know, I cannot do anything without someone asking me all about "Frost" Scott Morrison. This guy is just like all these jock bullies, who talk a big game, beat up on the little guy, but when they are faced with a true confrontation, they just do not measure up. When you look in the dictionary and look up Snowman, there what do you see? A picture of Scott Morrison. Just like a snowman or should I say snowflake, he is going to melt. Bring all you got, you just jumped into the fire, Frosty you are going to melt. You and all the other athletes here are going to find out just why they call me The Machine. I am a wrestling machine, I know more ways to snap arms, legs and make you say Uncle than anyone else in the business. This machine never breaks down, and it is going to go straight through you. [Fade] - THE ARMED FORCES made a victorious debut against the UNITED NATIONS However, in a heinous display of unsportsmanlike conduct after the closing bell, DefCon and NavCom beat the Nations, and their manager, Kangaroo Carlysle, with the golf clubs carried by their own manager, Aaron the Caddie. It was a brutal attack, and one attack too many for the United Nations. It is with great regret that I announce the retirement of Jacques K. Vorkian, Tora Tora Tora, and their antipodean mastermind, Kangaroo Carlysle, due to the extent of the physical and emotional battering they have taken in the past couple of months as the result of repeated attacks. The Forces, needless to say, have been heavily fined for their part in this affair, but I have to say that I don't think it's going to stop them. - TIGER CLAW defeated MAJESTIC MAURICE McARTHUR And easily pinned him, too. But after the match, Billy Shakespeare came down to ringside and demanded a shot at the Intercontinental Champion. This brought out Brad "Bodybag" Kinder, who believes that _he_ is the rightful top contender for the belt, and as a result, Billy and Bodybag got into something of a scuffle. The two of them will now meet tomorrow night on Midweek Mayhem to decide who will face Tiger Claw, although it seems victory is not necessarily the way to guarantee the shot. We'll hear from Brian Lau, Claw's manager, in just a moment. - IIWF Champion the SUBWAY PSYCHO successfully defended his title against THE CRIPPLER in a gruelling match And any fatigue the champion was feeling at the end of the match must have seemed like the weight of the world on his shoulders when Brian Lau played his trump card. Lau brought Mistress Sasha down to the ring, the estranged former valet and confidant of the Psycho, and Sasha not only made it perfectly clear where her allegiance now lies, but she even slapped the Psycho across the face! As one might expect, the Psycho was feeling confused, hurt and betrayed, and he attacked Brian Lau in his blind fury. Tiger Claw and Joe Latta came to the defence of their mentor, and pummelled the out of focus champion into the mat. Had it not been for the sudden appearance of none other than Deathbringer, things could have got out of hand. And things certainly got out of hand for the Psycho later on that night. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Let's go to comments from Lau and his cronies: [SCENE: The office area of the Dojo. Kenny Tanaka, Latta, Carla, Tiger Claw, Brian Lau, and Sasha are watching something on television. Sasha sits beside Brian resting her head on his shoulder. All of the people watching periodically laugh loudly.] JL: Oh, jeez... This is great... Rewind that... I can't get enough... BL: Hold on a second... [Brian fiddles with the remote for a VCR while the camera moves around to see what is being played. It is a tape of the aftermath of the Subway Psycho match from Saturday Night... :: Sasha steps into the ring :: She slaps the Psycho, who looks as if he had been shot, not slapped. :: When the scene finishes, everyone in the room laughs loudly again] BL: Did you see the look on his face? That was priceless! KT: You know, this is a great picture on this thing... BL: Well, it's a Japanese model... Anyway, I guess we should say something to the camera... [Brian faces the camera] Psycho? I told you not to forget us... I told you we had something in store for you. You just wouldn't believe me when I told you that Sasha dumped you because you're a loser. You thought I blackmailed her. Sasha, did I blackmail you? Sasha: Oh, Brian, you wouldn't need to do that to win my heart... Psycho was a primitive, moronic boob. I like my men to have brains. Psycho lacked that. But Brian, you're definitely well endowed... BL: Why, thank you, dear. You see, Psycho? She likes intelligent men like me. Not idiots like you. And with your comments as of late about Sasha and your belt, you're going to see just how stupid you are. Sasha: It's a little something called "power of attorney," sewer rat. BL: Enjoy that belt while it's still in your possesion, because I'm having you stripped of it. KT: How about that IC title contention, Brian? BL: Oh, yes... The IC title. Shakespeare and Brad Kinder both want a shot at Tiger Claw. I can't figure out why they're so eager to be beaten like circus monkeys, but to each their own, I guess... Well, I'm not really convinced that either of these guys deserve a shot. They both have mediocre win/loss records, and their skills are somewhat underdeveloped... But I'm willing to check out these guys and give ONE of them the chance of a lifetime. I propose that these two atheletes have a match against each other this Wednesday at Midweek Mayhem. I will scout this match, and the one who impresses me the most will get his shot. Keep in mind that winning the match will help, but I want to see some impressive displays of skill. Try to impress me, guys. Now onto other business... Joe here has been out of action since Ring Wars because he's been training. Tiger Claw has assured me that Joe is ready to go back into the ring and work on the new skills he's learned. See this? [Brian pulls a piece of paper from his desk drawer.] This is an open contract that I am about to fax to the office of the IIWF. On this line, Joe has signed his name. The other line is empty for anyone to sign. The date is for this Wednesday's card. I honestly hope that someone takes us up on this offer. JL: I'm ready to prove to everyone that I am capable of a lot more than Dan Kauffman gave me credit for. I'm going to prove that the knowledge I've aquired from the master, Tiger Claw, will shoot me straight to title contention in the IIWF. To put it simply, I'm ready to kick some ass. [Tiger Claw pats Joe on the shoulder and smiles, nodding his head] BL: Well said, Joe. IIWF, you're looking at a group of the most dangerous people in the IIWF. Joe and Tiger Claw are the best atheletes, I am the best mind, Sasha and Carla are the most beautiful and cunning companions a man could ask for, and Kenny here is the top journalist around here... KT: Why, Thank you, Brian! BL: No problem, Kenny... KT: Well, there you have it, folks... The ranks of Brian Lau's army continue to grow, and the IIWF is going to feel it's wrath. From Subway Psycho at the top to the poor wretch that'll sign that contract on the bottom. Nobody's safe from this alliance... Nobody. Well, for Joe Latta and Carla Dougherty, Tiger Claw, Brian Lau and the lovely Sasha, this is Kenny Tanaka saying so long, everybody! [As camera fades, Sasha can be heard asking joyfully, "Can I see the part where I slap him again?"] We may have just witnessed a shift in the balance of power in the IIWF. Lau now holds all the cards as far as the IIWF Champion is concerned. Quite what Sasha means when she talks of her "power of attorney" I don't know, but I'm going to find out. However, the Psycho has taken this turn of events very badly indeed. You may have caught the following newsflash on television late last Saturday night: [A Special TV News builliten interupts the regular program] Chuck Scarburough: We interrupt are regular programming to bring some strange delelopments occurring beneath the streets of New York. We take you now to our on the spot reporter, Gabe Pressman. [Cut to a shot of Gabe standing near the exit to a subway station. Smoke billows out and would-be railriders run screaming from the terminal.] Gabe Pressman: Thank you Chuck. As you can see there seems to be a state of panic here at the 34th Street station. I have with me NYC Transit Policemen Joseph Manconi. Officer Manconi, what is going on down there? Manconi: There is apparently an alleged individual or individuals that are, what it seems at this point, tearing up whole sections of the subway tracks. Pressmen: That is incredible! Have there been any reported injuries? Manconi: No, there have not. The track that has been affected is no longer in use at this time by are transit system. What has happened however, is that there have been electrical complications, causing other trains on the grid to lose power and stop on the rails. Pressmen: Have you found who has done this? Any suspects? Manconi: We've had problems getting into the area. We're waiting for ConEd to declare the area safe of electrical shock before we send any men down there. Right now the indivual known as the Subway Psycho is wanted for questioning. Pressmen: The infamous Subway Psycho of the 1991 man hunt, the people's guardian angel of the underground, and pro-wrestler? He's proven himself time and time again to be a reclusive, but helpful individual down in the subways. You can't expect that it was him that did this? Manconi: I was told by my superiors to find him and bring him in for questioning, that is all. Pressmen: Thanks, Officer. Well, back to you Chuck! [Cut to Chuck Scarborough in the studio] Scarborough: We'll keep you up to date on any further developments. We now return you to your regular programming. [Fade] This is serious stuff, folks. To my knowledge, the Psycho hasn't yet been located by the police, but he's still wanted for questioning. Obviously this poses some interesting questions about whether the Psycho is fit to be wearing the IIWF Championship belt. To answer some of these questions, I'm privileged to be able to welcome the IIWF President. [Cut to split screen, Dross on the left, and President Dan in his office on the right.] TD: President Dan, thanks for being here. First of all, what is the official status as far as the Psycho goes? DS: Well, Tim, he's not been seen since Saturday night, and police are still said to be searching the subway tunnels looking for him. TD: And his status in the IIWF? DS: As far as I'm concerned, the Subway Psycho is still an active competitor here in the IIWF, and he is still the IIWF Champion. TD: Are you not concerned by the serious allegations being brought against this man, who is essentially the ambassador for the IIWF? DS: Of course I am _concerned_, Tim, but I am a firm believer in the principle of justice: that every man is innocent until proven guilty. The Subway Psycho has not been charged officially with any offence, and I am sympathetic towards the great emotional stress that he is clearly under due to the unfortunate situation with his former valet, Mistress Sasha. I will be keeping the Psycho's actions in the IIWF under very close monitoring, and, naturally, if he acts in such a way that would bring the IIWF into disrepute, I would have to consider action such as stripping him of the World title. TD: Speaking of stripping him of the world title, what about Sasha's plans to use her "power of attorney" to have the belt vacated? DS: Well, I can't comment on that at this stage, Tim. I've not received any official word from Sasha or Brian Lau, but I'll obviously take such a matter under careful consideration. TD: So what's next for the Subway Psycho? DS: He's scheduled to be in the IIWF Coliseum tomorrow night for a special interview. TD: Are you not concerned that he might present a risk to the fans? DS: [grimly] I sincerely hope not, Tim. But I guess I'm going to have to wait and see like everybody else. I've received no personal communication from the Psycho, and I don't know how to contact him. We're all in a waiting game, right the way down from the police, to me, to Brian Lau. TD: Thanks for your time, President Dan. DS: Not at all. [Cut back to normal shot.] So there you have it, folks. The Psycho is scheduled to appear tomorrow night live on Midweek Mayhem. Who knows what's going to happen? That's got to be worth the price of admission on its own. And one final element in this volatile equation is the man who came to the Psycho's rescue on Saturday night: Deathbringer. Let's hear from the man from the dark side: [SCENE: Deathbringer stands in front of a crypt on his graveyard] Deathbringer: "Many of you might wonder why I came to the aid of the Subway Psycho. Well, I said it when it all started, I said it when I came here to the IIWF, and I will say it once again: I am here to destroy the evil side of each and everyone. And I will punish you for your evil deeds. Now when I saw Tiger Claw and Joe Latta beating up the Subway Psycho they crossed a line they should not have crossed. It doesn't matter whether it was the Subway Psycho or any other wrestler they beat up, but by this despicable display of cruelty they gained my attention. Tiger Claw, it is about time that you are stopped. You and that windy manager of yours will have to pay for your deeds and I am the one who writes the bill. Now as far as you are concerned, Latta: I warned you before -- I will not warn you again. I once believed you to be just too young and too wild, but now I can almost see a glance of madness in your eyes." [Deathbringer starts to walk across the graveyard, heading towards the mortuary] Deathbringer: "Claw and Latta... I want both of you in the ring for a dance with the reaper. Now, I could finish you off one by one, but it seems to be urgent to save your souls right now, so I want to shorten your agony... I want both of you at the same time in the same ring to face me. By now I do not know whether I will have a partner in my corner, but I do not care. I have been on my own since the beginning of time and I will be able to handle the two of you." [Deathbringer stops in front of the entrance of the mortuary] Deathbringer: "Claw, Latta... Accept my challenge if you dare and... [Closeup to Deathbringer's eyes] prepare to meet your maker..." [Deathbringer enters the mortuary. Fade] You can bet that Brian Lau's not going to be in a hurry to answer that challenge, but I'll try and find out what Lau's reaction to these comments are. - In the main event on Saturday Night, the OUTLAW, CASEY JAMES and the MAN OF STEEL fought to a no contest against FLARE, BLACKJACK HALEY and BRAD "BODYBAG" KINDER. But that makes this match sound rather simpler than it turned out. The Outlaw, as you will remember, had been jumped by his fellow Horsemen at Ring Wars after losing the World title, and was rescued by the American Heroes. He asked them to team up with him to face the Horsemen, and Casey and MOS agreed. The alliance seemed to be an effective one in the match, until Casey took a tumble from the ring, and MOS was in trouble. He tried to tag the Outlaw, but the former IIWF champion clotheslined MOS and joined in with the Horsemen in beating on him and Casey! So the Outlaw had been in cahoots with the Horsemen all along, right? Right - but the Horsemen didn't know that the Outlaw had also been in cahoots with the Posse of the IIWF's _other_ Outlaw, Josey Wales. So when the Posse stormed the ring, the Outlaw joined in beating on the Horsemen, playing the role of double agent to perfection. This match will certainly have some severe repercussions here in the IIWF. Take, for example, the reaction of one Casey James, interviewed by Larry Morton late on Saturday evening: [SCENE: Casey sits in a locker room at the Coliseum after the 6-man tag match. He's got an ice pack on his head.] Larry Morton: Casey, could we get a few words with you? Casey: Actually, Larry, I'm really not in the mood to talk right now... LM: But, Casey... CJ: [visibly angry] What did I just say, Larry? Are you deaf? What's your problem? LM: [shocked] I-I'm sorry, Cas... CJ: [fuming] You just don't shut up, do you? You want my comments, you little leech? Well, here they are. I extended my hand to the Outlaw in friendship, and he just about bit it off. I trusted him when I should have just kept my distance. Man of Steel was iffy about this team up, and I should have listened to him. He knew that the Outlaw was rotten through and through, but I asked him to have a heart. I'm tired of people taking advantage of me. I'm tired of finishing last... I'm tired of being the whipping boy for every badass that wants to make a name for himself in the IIWF. I don't know, I'm just tired. Get out of my way. [Casey pushes past Larry Morton, and leaves the view of the camera. After a few seconds, Casey's ice pack flies through the air, hitting the lockers with some force.] LM: [somewhat baffled] Well, I-I'm really not sure what to say... I thought Casey was one of the nicest guys in the IIWF... And did he use the term "badass"? Folks, I'm going to look deeper into this matter, so stay tuned as I try and get the scoop... [Fade] Curioser and curioser. Has the all-American hero just turned mom's apple pie bad? Larry's on the case, folks, and he'll find out. But even more far-reaching in implication than that is the following bombshell announcement by Flare: [SCENE: Flare in a three piece suit and Miss Secret in a formal dress seated at the round table in the office of the Iron Den.] Flare: In these past weeks not a word has been heard from me, no interviews, no appearances... nothing. I foresaw the fall of the fantastic four and I let it run its course. After the chain match I knew it would be hard for a former champion and championship contenders to follow a loser, so I apologize to Mr. Kinder and Mr. Haley for letting them down. As for the Outlaw and the Posse, I'd like to congratulate them on a job well done. I was quite impressed. But gentlemen, remember this, all good things come to a REST. You see, for some time now, Victoria and I have been working on something special. I cannot disclose information now, so the IIWF will have to wait. In closing: this will be my formal retirement as a wrestler. Victoria and I will remain in the IIWF as managers or mentors to an upcoming.... [Suddenly a mysterious powder fills the room, lights flicker and the camera shuts off.] This had better not mean the return of Moondust, folks. But seriously, with the Horsemen disbanded, what will become of Brad "Bodybag" Kinder and Blackjack Haley? They've both been unavailable for comment so far, but I'm sure they'll soon break their silence. What a night it was, folks. Nobody who was in the Coliseum will be able to forget what they saw, myself included. IIWF Tag Team Championship Round-Robin Tournament ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ As I announced in last Friday's report, the IIWF Tag Team Championship has been vacated as a result of Rising Sun Revolution heading off to Japan to participate in a huge invitation tournament in their native land. That means that we're going to be seeing the top five teams in the IIWF compete for the championship over the next few weeks, and I am now able to bring you the bracketing: | |A|S|R|S| | |B|T|e|t| |H|o|U|t|e| |P|y|S|'|a| |D|s|A|s|m| Key: ---------------------+-+-+-+-+-+ High Plains Drifters |#| | | | | H = High Plains Drifters win ---------------------+-+-+-+-+-+ A = Alphabet Boys win Alphabet Boys | |#| | | | U = Stunt Team USA win ---------------------+-+-+-+-+-+ R = Returners win Stunt Team USA | | |#| | | S = Steamroller win ---------------------+-+-+-+-+-+ The Returners | | | |#| | ---------------------+-+-+-+-+-+ Steamroller | | | | |#| ---------------------+-+-+-+-+-+ So, as you can see, every team will battle every other team, and the team with the best win/loss record will take home the belts at the climax of the tournament on the 3rd August. The tournament matches will take place on the following dates: 10/7/96: High Plains Drifters vs. Stunt Team USA 13/7/96: Returners vs. High Plains Drifters 17/7/96: Alphabet Boys vs. Stunt Team USA Steamroller vs. Returners 20/7/96: Alphabet Boys vs. High Plains Drifters 24/7/96: Stunt Team USA vs. Returners 27/7/96: Steamroller vs. Alphabet Boys 31/7/96: Stunt Team USA vs. Alphabet Boys Steamroller vs. High Plains Drifters 3/8/96: Returners vs. Alphabet Boys We're all set for some of the most exciting tag team action seen in the IIWF! The first matchup will take place tomorrow night live on Midweek Mayhem, as the High Plains Drifters take on Stunt Team USA. Newcomers Update ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The floodgates have well and truly opened, and all manner of newcomers are entering the IIWF. Let's take a look at the latest wave, starting with the mysterious Phantom: PHANTOM Weight: 286lbs Height: 6'6" Origin: Anasazi, New Mexico Manager/Valet: Cody Cassell Appearance: shaved head, black trunks with an X on one side, and black boots, a white mask Theme Music: Phantom of the Opera Orientation: heel 5 Favorite Moves: DDT Jacknife Powerbomb Gorilla Press Vader Attack Powerslam Finishing Move: Scorpion deathlock Primary attributes: 1. Strength 2. Endurance 3. Teamwork Profile: In a now defunct fed (Global Net Wrestling Federation of America) he held the World title 4 times and the tag championship twice, while having a major feud with "Zeus". [Handler: Nate Augustine (naugustine@dailynews.net)] A new tag team is also on its way to the IIWF, and due to debut tomorrow. Let's take a look at the Guiding Lights: THE GUIDING LIGHTS Manager: Cody Cassell Theme Music: "Zero" Smashing Pumpkins Orientation: heel Wrestler: "The Master" Nate Lawson Greg "The Enforcer" Augustine Weight: 374 pounds 412lbs Height: 6'11" 7'3" Origin: Hays, Kansas Columbus, Ohio Appearance: shaved head, black trunks shaved heads, white trunks and boots and boots 5 Favorite Moves: DDT DDT Jacknife Powerbomb Jacknife Powerbomb Gorilla Press Gorilla Press Vader Attack Vader Attack Figure Four leglock Powerslam Finishing Move: Tiger Bomb Stinger Splash Primary attributes: 1. Strength 1. Strength 2. Endurance 2. Endurance 3. Teamwork 3. Teamwork Tag team finisher: Brain Buster [Handler: Nate Augustine (naugustine@dailynews.net)] And to complete the triumvirate of debutants this week, let's take a look at the "Painbringer" Billy Sexton: "PAINBRINGER" BILLY SEXTON Weight: 245lbs Height: 6'2" Origin: Wawa, Ontario, Canada Manager/valet: None Appearance: Long blond hair. Forehead scarred (Blading), Wears Standard red tights, with red boots. Theme Music: TNT by ACDC Orientation (face/heel): Heel 5 Favorite Moves: Boston Crab Figure-four-leg-lock Hammerlock submission Side Suplex Shoulder Breaker Finisher: Armbar Submission Primary attributes: 1. Technical 2. Endurance 3. Cheating Profile: If there could only be one heel in the world it would be the "Painbringer", Billy Sexton. A good worker with a wide knowledge of sumbission holds, Sexton likes to break peoples' arms, nothing more. Sexton Shall use anything in his power to win a match, and if he doesn't win he gets very angry... [Handler: Sean Anthony Angel (n53saa@morgan.ucs.mun.ca)] Sexton is due to debut on Saturday night, against an as yet unnamed opponent. IIWF Midweek Mayhem - 10 July 1996 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Tomorrow night's card promises to be another stormer. Let's run down the line-up: Guiding Lights vs. Barnacle Brothers [J] So the newcomers won't have to wait long for their first foray into the ring! The Guiding Lights, Nate Lawson and Greg Augustine, will make their debuts tomorrow night against the Barnacle Brothers. "Nuclear" John Bomber vs. Phantom Two more newcomers, Bomber and Phantom, will square off in another great matchup. Bomber is a powerful and athletic combatant, and Phantom is likewise endowed with great strength and agility for a man of his size. I'm not making any predictions at this stage, but this match will give us a good idea of both men's abilities. The Punster vs. "Showstopper" Simon Lebec The bizarre but likeable Punster will be making his IIWF debut in this match against the man who is keen to stop his show before it even begins, Simon Lebec. The award-winning actor and top-flight pro wrestler will be looking to cut the Punster's antics short in record time. But will the athletic and aerially-skilled Punster be able to counter the speedy attacks of Lebec? We'll find out tomorrow night. Let's get comments from the Punster: [SCENE: a darkened movie set. Cameras and props surround the perimeter of a single spotlight, into which steps The Punster in his wrestling attire. He strikes several melodramatic poses before smiling at the camera, and speaking:] "All the world's a stage, as the multi-talented Billy Shakespeare would say, and "Simple" Simon Lebec is left to play the fool. We all know he isn't playing with a "fool" desk since Ring Wars when he adopted those Russian tactics and was "Stalin" all night long. I think your opponent was "Starks" raving mad at that, Lebec. Why, he even took your award. You claimed it was an Oscar but it must have really been a "Tony," because Tony Starks kept it. "Forget your awards, Lebec. Leave the spotlight to Billy Shakespeare. Your career now has a "film" on it and it's time for the "final cut." I shall "direct" that production, Lebec, and the tragic ending will force the lovely Miss Crystal to mourn until morn. "Until Wednesday, I shall make like a late spring seamstress and see you at the "May hem." [The spotlight goes out and the shot goes to black.] Groan! I think I can only take so much of this guy, folks. He's simply exhausting! SPECIAL GRUDGE MATCH: Abie vs. Zed Yes, you did hear that right. The Alphabet Boys, Abie and Zed, will battle each other tomorrow night. "Why?" I hear you ask; well, it all goes back to Ring Wars, when the zany ABoys brought their toys down to the ring for their match against the United Nations. Abie broke Zed's Elvis lamp in the course of that encounter, and now Zed is demanding that Abie apologise. Let's go to their comments: [SCENE: a trailer home. Every visible space is covered with a montage of bizarre items. However, empty pizza boxes and dirty laundry dominate. Abie sits in the middle of the floor contentedly munching the near decimated contents of a sack of sugar. The sugar sack itself has been repaired with copious amounts of Duct tape. Zed sits in a chair, fondly caressing a broken Elvis lamp. There is a long silence] Cameraman: [whispering] Hey, let's get out of here. Zed: No! I want everyone in the IIWF to hear Abie apologize for breaking my lamp. Abie: Hee, hee. Zed: Say you're sorry. Abie: I'm sorry. Zed: Good. Abie: [Toothy grin] Hee, hee. I had my fingers crossed. Zed: I'm gonna make you say you're sorry. [Zed leaps. The camera crew, experienced with this sort of thing, switches off the camera and escapes before they get injured.] Who knows what we're going to see in this match tomorrow night! Prince of Darkness vs. Tony Starks Both of these men were victorious at Ring Wars, and now they're going up against one another. One man will leave with his winning streak dented, and Tony Starks is adamant that it won't be him: [SCENE: That familiar Staten Island gym where Starks first learned his craft. TS: Finally, someone has stepped up. Someone is man enough to take the challenge. I do not even know who it is yet, I am just training 24-7, sharpening my skills to cut through everyone who does not believe that I am for real. I am going to make belivers out of you all. Peace. [Starks goes back to sparring. Fade] IIWF TAG TEAM ROUND-ROBIN TOURNAMENT MATCH: High Plains Drifters vs. Stunt Team USA The first match in the tournament to decide the new IIWF Tag Team Champions should be a classic confrontation. The Drifters and the Stuntmen are well matched opponents, and this one could go either way. Don't expect either team to go down without one hell of a fight, though. Let's get comments from Ron and Steve as they made a public appearance on Monday: [SCENE: Ron and Steve are signing autographs at a IIWF charity event. As Steve sees the camera he takes a short break and speaks:] Steve: "Wow, this is great. Look at all these good people who support us and want OUR autographs! This is unbelievable... It's truly a great feeling and we want to pay it back to our fans. Now we learned about the robin-round tagteam tournament that is about to start. By now it isn't certain whether we will be in it or not, the IIWF is just too fast and too hot to say what happens the next day, but if we are in... Hey, we wanna win those titles for our fans! The tag-team rankings are quite evenly balanced and from our last matches we know how hard it will be to reach the top and stay there. But with that great fan-support both me and Ron think that we have a fair chance. However, just like a wise man said it years ago: Let the best team win!" [Steve turns back to the table and continues signing autographs. Fade] Blackjack Haley vs. Man Of Steel What lies down the road for Blackjack Haley now Flare and Miss Secret have disbanded the Horsemen? This match will be our first chance to find out, as he battles old foe, the Man Of Steel. Steel's going to have to work hard in this match to outpower Haley's huge strength and size advantage. Billy Shakespeare vs. Brad "Bodybag" Kinder These two top athletes clashed on Saturday night, both of them demanding a shot at the IIWF Intercontinental Champion, Tiger Claw. This match will give each man a fair chance at establishing himself as the rightful top contender. Brian Lau will be scouting this match, and he'll award the shot to whomever he feels most worthy. Expect Billy and Bodybag to pull out all the stops in this one. So all in all, it looks like being quite a card! Don't you dare miss it - especially as the Subway Psycho is slated to appear for an interview. It could be an explosive evening! Fisto Flash Update ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ You will remember that after his second attack on an official at IIWF Ring Wars, Fisto Flash was indefinitely suspended from active competition in the IIWF. As you can imagine, this didn't sit well with Fisto and his manager, Robo Stone, who've hired a lawyer to get Fisto reinstated: [SCENE: a building where voices are heard inside an office. The camera appears to zoom in and the door opens. In the room are Robo Stone pacing back and forth, Fisto Flash in a suit and tie sitting by a table, and Gary Schwartz, a lawyer, sitting by the same table reading over papers and occasionally looking towards a television which appears to be showing a videotape of Fisto Flash striking the referee with his metal fist.] Robo Stone: [pacing back and forth looking at papers about Fisto's suspension] WHAT THE F**K IS THIS!!!!!!!! How can those stupid fed-heads suspend my boy?!?!?!? HE'S the one who brings in the dough. HE'S the one who brings in the crowds. [throws papers on floor in rage] HE IS THE IIWF!!!!!!!! Gary Schwartz: Just sit down, Robo. Calm down, have a glass of water and just take a deep breath. We'll get this thing settled sooner or later. Fisto Flash: Well, we better. I'm gettin' sick and tired a' sittin' at home doin' nothin'. I wanna bash some heads in. I wanna beat up some wimps. BOTTOM LINE!!!! [raises his metal fist in anger] I...WANNA...FIGHT!!!!!!!!! Gary: I just DON't understand this. It's SO obvious that the Man of Steel and Robski were attacking you and in the heat of the battle you accidentally nicked the referee across the chin. Just because the officials have glass jaws, doesn't mean that you purposely tried to knock 'em out. The way that I see it, you have a PERFECTLY legal case of self-defense on your hands. Robo: Just think. This all started because Robski was a low-down stinkin' TRAITOR!!!!! He's gonna pay dearly for this. Fisto Flash: I can't wait to get into the ring with that English fool. I'll kill 'im!!!!!!!! Gary: First things first, gentlemen. We've got to find a way to convince the President to reinstate you. [All three men start thinking of ideas] Gary: HEY!!!!!! I GOT IT!!!!!!!!! Robo: What is it?!?!?!?! Gary: This is what we're gonna do. [He explains his idea to Robo Stone and Fisto Flash while in a huddle] Robo: YEAH, BABY!!!!! That's gotta work!!!!!! Fisto: It better. Gary: I'll get on it immediately. [All three men continue talking. Fade] I've no idea what plan they've come up with, but I understand that Schwartz is petitioning the IIWF President on Fisto's behalf, and we may have a breakthrough in time for Friday's report. More as we get it. Trash Talk ~~~~~~~~~~ The Senator clearly feels that he needs to reestablish his upper hand in his battle with old foe, "Outlaw" Josey Wales, and he may have found exactly the means to do that: [SCENE: The video room of the Wizard's Gym. We see The Senator and The Atomic Destroyers sitting before a large screen TV.] The Senator: Well, boys, here are the first pictures of our new member. I am telling you: this man is one of the greatest finds ever. He has been so ruthless that no other major federation has wanted him around. [The Senator pushes play on the remote and we see a gallows with an orange and black sky behind it. Walking towards us we see a large man dressed in all black holding a rope with a hangman's noose at one end and a large brass cow bell at the other end of a six foot rope.] The Hangman: Senator, Atomic Destroyers and the rest of the IIWF, I bid you welcome to my world. I want to tell you all that my only purpose here is to inflict as much damage on my opponents that I can. By doing this, the belts will come. IIWF: you have only seen carnage at its mildest. The Hangman is here with a demonstration for you all. [We see the hangman drop his rope and reach down from the gallows. The Hangman lifts a fairly large man up by the hair and applies the hold that made him feared everywhere, The Hangman's Noose. We watch as the mans eyes roll back into his head, He is flailing all about, turning beet red, and then nothing. The Hangman looks into the camera...] The Hangman: Be ready, judgement day is here... that is, my judgement! [The screen goes blank] The Senator: Boys, I told you he was good. [The camera pans over to the Atomic Destroyers who are speechless for the first time. Fade] We'll be introduced to the Hangman in more detail in Friday's report. What a frightening individual he looks to be. Now let's hear from the self-proclaimed "English sensation", Robski: [SCENE: Robski is sitting in the office of Max Clifford, he has Jasmine with him.] Robski: Fisto Flash, Fisto Flash, what are you on?! Max: Fisto Flash, we are not finished with you, but for the time being there are new challenges and new opponents to seek Jasmine: Fisto Flash, you are such a JERK! Robski: [laughs] you got it, babe. Max: You need to look at your career in the IIWF, Robski. Robski: How do you mean? Max: Unfulfilled potential. Robski: Yes, I know, and it is frustrating, but until recently the TV shows were just not getting through. It seems that is now rectified, so listen up losers of the IIWF. I am here and I am not afraid to take ANYONE on, unlike you Americans - and furthermore, I AM THE ENGLISH SENSATION! Now, watch this: [Jasmine puts a tape in the video machine, and presses play. Up comes an image of Robski; he is urinating on an American flag and laughing] Robski: See what I think of your festering country? So bring it on losers - as for that Japanese guy, we have got a match for the title sometime soon down the line, you may have just committed hara-kari! [laughs] Max: Come on, let's do lunch - there's a lovely Cantonese restaurant just opened... [Screen fades] So Robski has issued an open contract to face anybody and everybody in the IIWF. I wonder who'll be signing on the dotted line? Current Rankings ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Let's take a look at the latest rankings in the singles and tag team rosters following Saturday night's action: --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Name F/H Fought Won Drawn Lost Ranking --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Subway Psycho F 8 7 0 1 WC Tiger Claw H 8 6 0 2 IC --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dan Kauffman F 9 6 1 2 1= Outlaw H 9 6 1 2 1= Deathbringer N 8 4 2 2 3 Billy Shakespeare F 6 4 0 2 4 Hakiro Matsuoko F 7 4 0 3 5 Casey James F 8 3 2 3 6 Brad Kinder H 7 3 1 3 7 Joe Latta F 5 3 0 2 8= Tony Starks N 5 3 0 2 8= Prince of Darkness H 4 2 1 1 10= Venusian Death Cell H 4 2 1 1 10= Crippler H 4 2 0 2 12 Blackjack Haley H 7 2 2 3 13 Man Of Steel F 6 2 1 3 14 Flare H 7 2 1 4 15 Fisto Flash H 3 1 0 2 16 Simon Lebec F 4 1 0 3 17= Don Antonio F 4 1 0 3 17= Robski H 5 1 0 4 19 "Frost" Scott Morrison H 1 1 0 0 20= Hunter Robertson F 1 1 0 0 20= Magus H - - - - - "Nuclear" John Bomber F - - - - - Vinny Cappicola F - - - - - Phantom H - - - - - Billy Sexton H - - - - - --------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Name of team F/H Fought Won Drawn Loss Ranking --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Vacant - - - - - WT --------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Rising Sun Revolution F 4 4 0 0 1] High Plains Drifters H 5 4 0 1 1 Alphabet Boys H 4 3 0 1 2 Stunt Team USA F 5 3 0 2 3 The Returners F 3 2 0 1 4 Steamroller H 4 2 0 2 5 Atomic Destroyers H 4 1 0 3 6 The Armed Forces H 1 1 0 0 7 The Guiding Lights H - - - - - --------------------------------------------------------------------------- IIWF Saturday Night - 13 July 1996 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The card for this coming Saturday Night, when the IIWF will be coming live from the first stop on our national tour, the Fleet Centre in Boston, MA, is already shaping up. Let's take a look at the matches already signed: - "Showstopper" Simon Lebec vs. one of the Armed Forces [D] - The Guiding Lights vs. Steamroller [D] - "Frost" Scott Morrison vs. "The Machine" Hunter Robertson - Phantom vs. Blackjack Haley - IIWF INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: Tiger Claw vs. Venusian Death Cell - IIWF TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP ROUND-ROBIN TOURNAMENT: The Returners vs. High Plains Drifters We'll also see the IIWF Champion, the Subway Psycho, in action, as well as the Outlaw, and other top IIWF superstars - Don Antonio and his new henchman Vinny Cappicola are also scheduled for action, as well as the lunatic Magus in his debut. More matches will be announced in Friday's report. Open Contracts ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ - Robski - Tony Starks Next Report ~~~~~~~~~~~ Whew! What a packed show we've had today. My head's still spinning! But don't forget that we'll have more Midweek Mayhem live tomorrow night, and I'll be back on Friday with another report, in which you can expect more huge announcements, developments and comments from the IIWF superstars. Don't you dare miss it, folks! Until then, this is Tim Dross, saying: so long, everybody! +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= I * I * W * F =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+ | Send mail to iiwf@sisko.demon.co.uk with the subject lines: | | "send faq" for the FAQ + "send singles" or "send tag" for the | | rosters + "send handlers" for a list of handlers | +----------------------------------------------------------------------+ | IIWF Home: http://users.ox.ac.uk/~univ0322/iiwf/ | +----------------------------------------------------------------------+ | Submit material for the Report to iiwf@sisko.demon.co.uk | +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+