##### ###### ### ########## ########## ########## #### ## ########## ########## ########## #### # #### ######## ##### ##### #### ## ##### #### #### #### #### ### #### #### #### #### ############# ######### #### #### ########### ######### #### #### #### #### #### ######### ######### ### #### #### ######### ######### ### ## #### ######## ######## ## # #### =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- ## =-=-=-= INTERNATIONAL INTERNET WRESTLING FEDERATION =============================================== M + I + D + W + E + E + K M + A + Y + H + E + M ----------------------------------------------- LIVE * IIWF Coliseum * 10 July 1996 [Opening graphics mix through to montage shots of the jam-packed crowd in the IIWF Coliseum. Various lighting effects dance over the crowd and the ring, and the cheers are very loud indeed. Cut to the announcers' table, at which sit Larry Morton and Becky LaRue. Becky is waving to a pocket of fans standing some way behind her who are all wearing "I Love Becky" t-shirts.] BL: Larry, it's great to see so many fans here with such good taste! LM: Er, right, Becky. Welcome everybody to IIWF Midweek Mayhem! I'm Larry Morton, and next to me is the preoccupied and egocentric, but lovely, Becky LaRue... BL: [turning sharply, interrupting] What did you call me, Morton? LM: I didn't call you anything, Becky. Honest. [Becky looks pointedly at him before turning back to her fanclub.] LM: We're coming at you live and loud from the IIWF Coliseum, and what a night of action we've got lined up tonight! We're going to see the debut of the eccentric Punster, as he faces the "Showstopper" Simon Lebec. The Alphabet Boys will be here - but battling each other in a special grudge match! Just goes to show that anything can happen in the IIWF... BL: Except you calling a decent match, Larry. We'll also see the Prince of Darkness take on Tony Starks, and Brad "Bodybag" Kinder will face "Spotlight" Billy Shakespeare for the right to wrestle the IIWF Intercontinental Champion, Tiger Claw. And Blackjack Haley, the giant of the former Horsemen, will battle the Man In Tights. LM: Man Of Steel, Becky. Plus we'll have the first match in the round-robin tag team championship tournament, as the High Plains Drifters take on the high-flying Stunt Team USA. That should be a great match! And I'll be speaking with the IIWF Champion, the Subway Psycho, who'll break his silence after the bizarre events of the past few days. BL: The Psycho's on the run, Larry. He's not going to be here. LM: Well, I guess we'll find out later on. Before we go to our first live matchup, let me just recap the results of the encounters we've already seen so far tonight: - THE GUIDING LIGHTS, a new tag team combination here in the IIWF, may not have made any friends in the crowd as they battled the Barnacle Brothers [J], but they scored a good first victory, as Nate Lawson and Greg Augustine finished off their opponents with their Brainbuster. - "NUCLEAR" JOHN BOMBER and PHANTOM battled each other in what was for each of them their first IIWF match. It was a really athletic encounter, the similarly matched combatants each pulling their power moves out of the bag. However, it was the Phantom who got the submission victory with his Scorpion deathlock after softening Bomber's leg up with a chair. The fans really started to jeer this guy, and as Bomber limped from the ring, he received a big ovation from the crowd. BL: I must admit I wasn't paying too much attention to those matches, Larry. I've been admiring these Becky LaRue t-shirts. They really are great value for money, and you can buy them mail-order direct from the IIWF's merchandising department. Shall I give the fans the number to call? LM: I would have thought that after Ring Wars, you weren't going to go near any merchandise promotions again. BL: Ah, but this is different, Larry. This is _self-promotion_! LM: Of course. Anyway, we've no more time for idle chit-chat. Let's get up to the ring for tonight's opening encounter. BL: [under her breath] ...spoilsport... LM: I heard that, Becky. ~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~ The Punster vs. Simon Lebec _.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-._ ["Showstopper" Simon Lebec enters to a moderate jeer from the crowd. Miss Crystal folows behind, proudly displaying a trophy.] LM: Please don't tell me that he has another Oscar. BL: Okay, I won't... it's an Emmy! [A fan manages to touch Lebec on the shoulder, "Showstopper" slaps his hand away and brushes off the imagined taint. He allows Miss Crystal to open the ropes for him. He indicates that she should remove his leather jacket, and she does, but he pushes her away when she tries to take his sunglasses. He removes them himself, carefully placing them in his hat before handing both to Crystal. He warns her not to drop them, then he tosses back his hair with a snap of the head. He strokes his chin admiring its sculpting.] LM: If conceit equalled victories, this man would be the IIWF champ. BL: Larry, I want you to go home tonight, look in the mirror, and say to yourself: "I'm glad I'm not Simon Lebec." Oh, and hon, try to sound convincing. [A familiar tune begins to play, at first the crowd is confused. Their confusion turns to chuckles as they realize that the words are "Beat Our Guest". The Punster enters, he pokes a finger into the chest of a nearby fan, then flicks his nose when the fan looks down. The crowd laughs, Punster apologizes by way of offering his hand. Punster pulls his hand away and runs it through his hair when the fan tries to shake it. They high-five instead. As Punster cartwheels to the ring, the fan struts and points to his hand.] LM: This Punster is already a fan favorite. That fan'll probaly never wash his hand again. BL: He probably never did in the first place. LM: But you've got to like The Punster's style. BL: No, I don't think I like this guy at all. LM: Why not? He's a refreshing change to some of the overly serious wrestlers in the league. BL: Sorry, wrestling is a serious business and demands it be treated with respect. Now Cadaver, there's a wrestler who knew what this business was all about. [Punster enters the ring, and pulls on his mask. Lebec gestures as if expecting an explanation.] LM: There's something you don't see often, a wrestler putting on his mask AFTER he's in the ring. I wonder what other tricks he has in store. BL: If he takes off his mask again, and he turns out to be Altair, I'm leaving. [The bell rings and the two lock up. Lebec gets the upperhand with with a snap suplex and a knee drop to the head.] BL: With luck, that little blow knocked the puns right out of him. LM: I don't think Lebec knee-ded to do that to get a-head. Good, huh? BL: Shut up, Larry. [Lebec hauls Punster to his feet spins him by the arm then throws him to the turnbuckle, trying to follow up with a shoulder. Punster uses the momentum to leap to a standing position on the ring post, Lebec slams into the corner and staggers out confused. Punster tight-rope walks the tope rope until he is at the center. He launches with a high altitude splash which disorients both men. There is a huge pop from the crowd, and a startled scream from Miss Crystal.] LM: Did_you_see_that! Very few other stars in the IIWF could pull off an aerial stunt like that. BL: I could do it. LM: But you aren't an IIWF star. [Becky makes a swift move under the table. Larry makes a sharp intake of breath and turns pale.] [Lebec sets up for a powerbomb, but as he raises Punster, the punning one slides down his back, performs a wrap around and throws Lebec with a falling arm drag. Lebec tosses Punster to the corner again. Losing his temper somewhat, he slams him against the ring post, then suplexes Punster to center ring. Punster stands, Lebec throws himself to the ropes, launches a high knee, Punster drops and monkey flips Lebec onto the top rope. Lebec hits spine first and is catapulted into the air before landing outside the ring. Crystal screams again. Punster holds up a finger.] LM: One? No, no it's "a"... BL: What are you talking about? [Punter back flips] LM: "Flip", yes it's "flip". [Punster motions into his hand then to a non existant wristwatch] "In...time" [Punster cradles his arms then holds up nine fingers.] "A flip in time saves nine"! BL: Shut up, Larry. [Punster planchas over the tope rope onto the slowly rising Lebec. He follows by throwing "Showstopper" back into the ring. As punster climbs in, Lebec rolls out the other side next to Miss Crystal. Lebec grabs the Emmy statuette and tries to enter the ring. The ref sees what he has and warns him to put the award down. Lebec pretends he has nothing hidden behind his back.] LM: Now it's obvious Simon Lebec is holding that trophy. I thought he was supposed to be a great actor. BL: Oh, he is, obviously you've never seen "Simon Does Saskatchewan". [Lebec storms past the ref and clouts Punster with the statue anyway. The Referee signals the DQ. Ding! Ding! Ding!] LM: Looks like Punster gets the victory. [Punster turns very slowly to face Lebec. He rips off the mask to display a devilish grin and maniac eyes. Lebec tries to escape, but Punster hits him with a chop and forearm combination which spins Lebec 360 degrees before landing hard. Lebec quickly rolls out of the ring and up the aisle, dragging an uncooperative Miss Crystal with him. Punster climbs a ring post to a huge pop. He points to his eye, then his feet, then to the fleeing Lebec.] LM: "I".."De-feeted".."him". BL: Make him stop, please, I'll give you anything, just make him stop! ~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~ High Plains Drifters vs. Stunt Team USA _.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-._ RA: Ladies and Gentlemen, our first pairing for the vacant Tag Team Title. Coming to the ring, weighing a combined 502 pounds and managed by the most dangerous man alive, "Outlaw" Josey Wales: The High Plains Drifters! ["The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly" whistles through the Coliseum. The Drifters walk to the ring to a mixed reception. Two young fans wearing serapes and cowboy hats point to themselves in an attempt to get the Drifters attention, but are ignored. Outlaw Josey Wales walks in. He nods to the two in serapes and they high-five each other.] LM: Before we get to the action in this match, let's just get some taped comments from the Posse, complete with their newest member, the Outlaw: [SCENE: The sun sets over a stretch of the Arizona ranch of Josey Wales. In the distance, a group of men are riding, on horseback, into view. They draw near and dismount.] JOSEY WALES: How y'all doin'? [Lights up a cigar] Hey Horsemen? Did ya like the little surprise we had for you? What are you gonna do about it? Yeah, get in your fancy lim-o-sines and your fancy ho-tel rooms and cry your pathetic little eyes out. The tide has changed. A new force now controls IIWF! You know, maybe wrestlin' just isn't your game. I ain't surprised that a bunch of quitters like you have already called it a day. Flare's retiring, and the whole stable's in disarray. What a shame... PALE RIDER: Excuse me, boss. But can I, can I introduce him? Huh, can I? JOSEY WALES: Sure, kid - go ahead. PALE RIDER: Hey Easy, buddy, if you're listenin', you ain't gonna believe this! I am proud to introduce to the world, the newest Posse member, the Masked Outlaw! [The Outlaw comes into view. Pale Rider gazes at him like a kid who's seeing his hero for the first time up close. The Outlaw reaches over Josey shoulder and pulls a cigar out of Josey's shirt pocket and lights up.] THE OUTLAW: Thanks, Pale. You know, as we stand here at Josey's beautiful ranch, I can't help but remember the sounds I kept hearing at "Saturday Night." It was the sound of Casey James and Man of Steel snapping into the reality that they really are as stupid as they look. It was the sound of the Horsemen's jaws hitting the canvas as they realized they were gonna have to stand alone without the Outlaw to protect them. It was the sweet . . . the oh so sweet sound . . . of Flare's skull hitting the mat after a Cattle Buster. But there's one other sound I keep hearing -- the sound of everyone in the IIWF asking me "why?" Josey Wales and I go back a long way [Wales nods and grins] and I've watched Pale and Easy form one of the top tag teams in the IIWF [Pale beams with pride]. My heritage is on the plains. I've turned my back on a lot of things in my life, but the people in my past and this land have always been a constant. I don't know much about the Venusian Death Cell and the Crippler, but I've seen them in the ring and I'll take Josey's word on their abilities. Horsemen, your time has passed. There's one thing I wasn't lying about: Miss "Yoko Ono" Secret and that still-green giant Haley are gonna be your downfall. You see, there's a new elite force in the IIWF and it's the Posse. Isn't it ironic -- and more than a little bit dangerous for everyone in the IIWF -- that this Posse has two outlaws in it? Remember Flare, you're not the dirtiest player in the game anymore. And when we get finished, Haley and Kinder may not even be players at all. IIWF, get ready for some carnage because the Posse is riding in! JOSEY WALES: Ha-ha! I love it when I hear talk like that! I preach to my Posse that a man must constantly test himself. If he doesn't test himself, he stands still, and that's when you die. The Posse now wants some belts, and we got the guns to do it! First things first...the tag titles for HPD! HI-YA! [Josey slaps Pales' horse and it runs off]. Pale, you're gonna have to carry the load for a while with Easy just getting out of the hospital. You need more conditioning. Run home! Pale Rider: Yes boss! [Pale sprints off] [The two "outlaws" mount up and ride into the sunset. Fade, and cut back to the scene at ringside. The Drifters have disrobed in the ring and are awaiting their opponents.] BL: The Outlaw's sure got a lot of class, huh, Larry? LM: He sure has - and it's all low. What a double-crosser he's turned out to be. BL: That's why he's an Outlaw, Larry. And much as I liked the Horsemen, I guess they bit off more than they could chew when they messed with the Outlaw. LM: But let's not forget the other members of the Posse. Take Pale and Easy Rider; neither of these men are in the best physical condition following Ring Wars. Both are barely off their death beds. BL: Did you ever see the movie "High Plains Drifter"? Clint Eastwood came back from the dead; a few bumps won't stop these two strapping, young cowboys. LM: I don't know if this tourney is in their best interests. BL: Hush Larry, the ring announcer is speaking. RA: Please welcome their opponents tonight: At 585 pounds, Steve "Airborne" Forget and Ron "Danger Freak" Fire. They are Stunt Team USA! [There is a big pop as the two jog to the ring, delivering Low-fives to the fans the entire way. Simultaneously they vault the ropes. Ron Fire gets the crowd clapping in unison while he pumps his hand in the air to the beat. As Forget climbs from the ring, the Drifters double clothesline Fire over the top rope. "Airborne" Forget leaps from the top rope with a cross body block across both Drifters. The referee pulls Easy Rider out of the ring while Forget sits on Pale Rider's chest delivering open handed blows to Pale's head. The Starter's bell rings.] LM: If this is how the whole tourney is going to be, IIWF fans are in for a lot of excitement these next few weeks. BL: You're easily amused, aren't you Larry? [Pale launches Forget off him with his knees. He throws the stunt man into the ropes, but misses with a foot that only grazes Forget's shoulder. It's enough to spin Forget, and the Drifter snap mares him over his shoulder. Forget staggers into the wrong corner where Easy Rider clubs him before pushing him center ring. Pale quickly executes a gut wrench suplex then tags Easy Rider.] LM: Things seem to be going the Drifters' way. BL: I was sure Flare was going to come down here and dish out some retribution for the way the Drifters attacked him and his colleagues on Saturday night... LM: Becky, Flare has retired, in case you didn't notice. And the Horsemen are no more. Understand? Flare was a loser in the ring - he admits that... maybe he'll have more luck as a manager. [Easy throws Forget to the ropes, he telegraphs a back drop, so Forget bulldogs him down. Forget goes for the tag, but Easy Rider hold his leg, keeping him from his corner. Ron Fire leaves the corner to get the tag, but the Ref disallows it. Forget drop kicks Easy and dives to his corner. He slaps Fire in. "Danger Freak" drives Easy to the turnbuckle and follows with shoulder blows to the mid-section. Scoop slam and cover. 1..2.. Pale Rider kicks Fire in the head, breaking the count. Forget runs in, but the ref gets in his way. The Drifters stomp on Fire until the ref regains control and sends Pale out.] BL: [Looking over her shoulder] Flare should be here soon... LM: What is it with you and Flare? BL: Funny, Vicky Secret tells me that she's always asked that same question. LM: [Confused, verging on frustrated and hysterical] When were you two talking? BL: Last night, at Chippendales. LM: What was happening there? BL: It's a male review. What do you think was happening? [Easy Rider grabs Ron Fire up into a huge press slam. Fire grunts as he hits the canvas. Fire rolls to the corner and tags in Forget.] BL: By the way, I think I saw Dan Kauffman dancing at Chippendales last night, under an assumed name of course. It's good to see that he's found a new job so soon. LM: Now, I don't think... BL: Larry, honey, that's exactly your problem. [Forget flies from the top rope, landing a solid flying clothesline across Easy Rider's throat. Easy drops and gasps for air in obvious pain] LM: That was the throat he injured at Ring Wars! BL: As opposed to the other throat? LM: Um.. BL: [Giggling] So, it seems the throat is his Achilles heel. So to speak. [Forget hesitates a moment watching Easy wheeze. When he closes, Pale Rider leaps to the defense. The Ref pushes Pale back out, and Easy jambs his thumbs into Forget's eyes. Forget drops to his knees as the Drifter staggers over for the tag. Easy rider rolls off the canvas to the floor, gasping for air. Wales comes to his aid. Pale quickly flips the stunt man on his stomach, crosses his knees, and locks on the Dirty Harry scorpion deathlock. Ron Fire enters the ring, but the ref again blocks his way. Pale readjusts the hold, redoubles the pressure, Steve Forget submits.] RA: The victors, by submission, The High Plains Drifters! [Pale quickly helps Wales walk Easy backstage. Fire runs to Forget, and they make sure he has no knee or eye injuries before leaving. The crowd cheers their effort.] BL: Well, fancy that, Flare and Vicky never did show up. LM: You didn't have any inside information. Why do I even listen to you? BL: Because you think I'm fascinating. ~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~ Tony Starks vs. Prince of Darkness _.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-._ [Wu Tang Clan's "C.R.E.A.M." pulses from the sound system, and the pop begins even before Tony Starks strides down the aisle. He raises his fist in a 'Black Power' salute. There's a bigger cheer and many raised fists in the crowd. He climbs the ring ropes and flexes.] LM: Tony Starks was also the name of comic book hero "Ironman"'s secret identity. BL: Why am I not suprised that you're on first name basis with comic book characters? I don't know how much of an ironman this Starks is, he's got a support on that knee of his. LM: If he was in pain, he wouldn't be here. BL: Prince of Darkness sold his soul for a number of things... I'm sure the ability to give pain is among them. [There is a blast of smoke as "Boogie man" begins to play. Dr. Faustus leads his wrestler to the ring. Prince of Darkness side steps over the top rope. He stands center ring and smiles, twists of dark smoke escape from between his teeth. He blows a cloud at Starks. Starks knocks him down.] LM: Kids, let that be a lesson for why you shouldn't smoke. [Starks starts with a drop toe hold. He locks on a half nelson. POD powers over, touching Starks shoulders to the mat. Starks breaks the hold and rolls away. Prince of Darkness scoop slams Starks, drops an elbow, then places his boot to Starks neck. The Dark Prince grabs the top rope for leverage, the ref forces him to break the hold. POD does it again with the same results.] BL: This reminds me of a joke I heard about a Blonde and a mongo. It seems... LM: [quickly interupting] Yes, Steve told _me_ that one too. BL: Bet you didn't get it. [Back on his feet, Starks uses a waistlock takeover into a bridge. 1 - 2 - Prince of Darkness kicks out. Starks hooks the dark man around the neck and arm, he places a knee in the back for leverage.] LM: Next the referee will ask if Prince of Darkness will submit. BL: Who are you, the narrator? [Referee asks for the submission, but the Prince says nothing. Referee lifts an arm, which drops. He does this again. Outside, Faustus grabs his wrestlers leg and places it on the rope. Faustus signals the ref, who sees the foot, and calls for Starks to break the hold. Starks quickly wraps up the figure four. Starks screams.] LM: Starks overestimated the strength of his wounded knee. He never should have tried that figure four. BL: [Giggling] So, his knee proved to be his Achilles heel. So to speak. LM: You're really enjoying yourself, aren't you? BL: You are too, you're just too proud to admit it. [Starks rolls in the center of the ring. POD stomps down on the knee with a boot. Faustus applauds the attack. He lifts Straks for an atomic drop, but plants him firmly on his feet. The shock staggers Starks who buckles and collapses. POD leg drops on the knee. POD steps up a rope, then down with a double stomp again on the knee. Starks rolls and shouts in pain] BL: Tim Dross is going to be crying in the Control Center. I think he's developed a crush on Starks. [Prince of Darkness drops a falling elbow smash, but Starks is able to flip out of the way. POD grabs his elbow as Starks hooks his leg and neck into a cradle. 1 - 2 - POD rolls up. Starks leverages with his good leg and tilts POD back over. 1 - 2 -3! Ding! Ding! Ding! Starks is quickly out of the ring and staggers up the aisle to cries from the crowd.] RA: Ladies and gentlemen: here is your winner, by pinfall: Tony Starks! LM: Dr. Faustus is protesting a quick count. That was no quick count. BL: It could happen. [In the ring, Prince of Darkness is infuriated. He slams his fists against the turnbuckle, and then jumps out of the ring over the top rope. He pushes past Dr. Faustus, who is trying to calm him down, and storms away from ringside, the crowd jeering his bad temper. One particular fan seems to catch his attention, and he stops in the aisle. The fan is laughing and waving a "Deathbringer - Your Worst Nightmare" poster in PoD's face. The Prince visibly begins to shake; with one hand he grabs the poster, and with the other, he grasps the fan by the neck. Big shocked gasp from the crowd.] LM: Oh my! What's he doing to that fan?! BL: Didn't you hear what that idiot said, Larry? Some kids are just asking for trouble... never poke fun at the Dark Prince's mother in law. [Suddenly, the lights in the arena drop to total darkness. A couple of seconds later, they rise, and Deathbringer has appeared in the aisle! Mixed pop. 'Bringer has PoD by the throat, and has returned the poster to the shaken fan, who clutches his neck, his face a very pale white. 'Bringer places his other hand behind the Prince's back and executes a chokeslam onto the concrete floor! Huge pop!] LM: What a move from the Deathbringer! BL: When you say "move" I assume you mean "totally unprovoked attack", right, Larry? [The Prince hits the floor hard, but within five seconds, has got to his feet! Huge heel pop! Deathbringer and PoD begin a slugfest in the aisle, PoD ramming 'Bringer's head into the turnbuckles, and security personnel swarm out to break up the situation. They pull the two men apart, and just as 'Bringer is surrounded by white-shirted security staff, the lights drop once more, and when they rise a couple of seconds later, 'Bringer has gone. As PoD turns to walk up the aisle, escorted by the security staff, the red glow of Deathbringer's eyes illuminates the video wall at the entranceway. The husky voice of the dark destroyer rings out across the arena:] DB: Prince of Darkness - by laying a hand on one of my Soldiers of Hell, you have taken the first step towards your burial. Very soon you shall be assisted on your way by the Deathbringer... [The image fades as the voice disappears, the the Prince again looks around him, incensed, and charges back into the locker room area, Dr. Faustus following up behind. Cut to the announcers' table.] LM: Wow! I've never seen anybody get up from one of the 'Bringer's chokeslams as quickly as the Prince just did, Becky. BL: Well, Larry, we've all heard the stories about ol' scarface. Maybe - just maybe - there's some truth in them... LM: Deathbringer and the Prince have met in the ring before, but there wasn't a decisive finish. I have a feeling that after what we've just seen here tonight, both of those men are going to want a very decisive finish if they meet in the squared circle again... Anyway, Becky, you're going to have to cope without me for a few minutes. BL: Hey, are you going to the concessions stand? If you are... LM: [interrupting] No, Becky, I'm going up to the ring to interview the IIWF Champion, the Subway Psycho. BL: I'm amazed that criminal's allowed in this arena. You heard what he did to the subway system in New York. The guy's not fit to even be around other people, let alone be wearing the most prized title in the world of professional wrestling. Something must be done. LM: Becky, that's unfair. There's no proof that the Psycho had anything to do with those vandalisms. I'm sure he'll be happy to clear his name here tonight, as well as give us some comments about the... er... Sasha situation. I'll be back... [Larry gets up from the booth and heads into the ring, clutching the house microphone.] LM: Ladies and Gentlemen, there have been some rather shocking events occurring recently surrounding the IIWF Champion, the Subway Psycho. Let's hope the man himself can clear up some of the many questions surrounding his actions... [The lights dim, and a single spotlight illuminates the Subway Psycho. No music is playing. There is an erie silence from the crowd. It's an overall mix of whispers, light applause and even a few boos. The Psycho walks slowly to the ring, carrying the belt loosely in one hand, with his other hand extended almost matter of factly to any fan who wants to slap it. He makes no eye contact with the fans.] LM: Psycho, you have some explaining to do. What happened down in that subwa... [The Psycho grabs the microphone] SB: Larry, I didn't come here to answer questions! I'm here to speak my mind on a few issues, so stay out of my face! I came to IIWF to wrestle. To compete and prove myself. But time and time again I have to put up with crap and bullshit! This should be the happiest time in my life. [Holds up the belt] This should be a symbol of stability and integrity. Just when I think I have everything in order, when I think I'm full speed ahead on the straight and narrow, I get sidetracked! [Angry] Brain Lau has been a thorn in my side since day one! He's like a bad cold, or some nightmare that won't go away. I don't know what kind of brainwashing he's done on Sasha, but I'll find out. I have my ways. My minions are already on the case. Sasha isn't capable of that type of action on her own. When I attacked Lau last week... [Crowd pops!], No, No [gestures for the crowd to settle]. I don't want you people to think that wrestlers going around attacking managers is right, because it isn't. Although the little bastard did deserve it [Crowd pops]. By making me snap like that Lau shows he has control over me. He's winning the mind game, and that makes me sick. I scare myself because I control my rage at times. I also feel like I'm tarnishing the belt. But Lau, I promise you this...you won't have the upper hand much longer. I'll find a way to make you pay. Keep pushing me and I swear to God I'll focus all my rage on you! Tiger Claw! What can I say? You stupid punk, you're still pissed off about losing to me way back when. I'm gonna make you regret you started this back up! That I guarentee! Latta, I guess you were defending your manager. I would advise against you pulling a stunt like that again. [Growing angrier] The two of you are complete scum and I want nothing to do with either of you, but if bashing your heads in is the only way to get back at Lau, I will do it! Don't underestimate me! I wouldn't mind killing one of you if I have to! [Crowd gasps. Larry cautiously takes the mic back.] LM: What about Deathbringer coming to your aid? SP: [Much calmer, now that the subject has been changed] That's an interesting question. I don't know what his motives are, but I'm glad he has more problems with Latta than with me. He's the wrong guy to have angry at you. So Deathbringer, if you can hear me, I want to thank you, and let you know that I owe you one. [The lights dim completely and return] LM: Whoa... I guess the Deathbringer gave us some kind of acknowledgement. [The video wall lights up, and on it are shown Sasha with Brian Lau! Neither say anything: they just laugh.] LM: What's going on here? Who turned that on? [The Psycho grabs his head and starts pacing around the ring wildly] LM: Psycho, please control yourself! Someone turn that thing off! [The video wall goes off, but several police appear at the top of the aisle and begin making their way to the ring] I see we have some of our local police with us tonight. I think I know what they want. So what about this incident in the subway tunnels in New York? The police want you for questioning! Are you involved? Our fans have a right to know! SP: You know Larry, they say a good story teller always leaves his audience wanting more. [The building goes dark and the building shakes as if a train is passing through! It sounds as if this "train" stops and starts up again and then fades. The lights return. The Subway Psycho is gone, and the police look at each other in confusion. They split up and begin fanning out among the crowd. Larry Morton also looks around himself, shrugs his shoulders and leaves the ring, rejoining Becky at the announcers' table.] BL: What was all that about, Larry?! LM: I've no idea, Becky. I guess the Psycho's been taking some tips from Deathbringer about how to make an exit. I don't know, Becky, I'm worried about the Psycho. I've never seen or heard him like that before... Fans, I apologise for the language of the Psycho in his comments - but that's what you get for being live and raw, folks! ~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~ Man Of Steel vs. Blackjack Haley _.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-._ LM: It's going to be interesting to see how the former Horsemen handle themselves after the events of last Saturday Night, and after their leader's retirement. BL: I have no doubts about how they'll handle themselves, Larry. A few other people better worry about how the Horsemen are going to handle _them_. LM: I can only assume that you're talking about the Posse and their newest member, the Outlaw. BL: Well duh, mister wizard. Flare has always been methodical and you can bet your bottom licorice whip that he has a plan for the Outlaw and his new cronies. LM: Your bottom licorice whip? BL: Leave the funny stuff to me, Larry. Let's get up to the ring. LM: Hey, that's my line! [Ring announcer Sparkplug Lee is again sporting his rented tuxedo as the spotlights dance around the coliseum.] RA: Ladies and gentlemen, this match is one fall with a twenty-minute time limit. Introducing first, from Michigan and weighing in at 325 pounds, here is: Blackjack Haley! [Big heel pop as Haley appears at the top of the aisle. He stops midway as one fan holds a sign that reads: "The Horsemen: Then There Were Three... And Then There Were None!" Haley points at the fan with a threatening motion, but continues to the ring.] RA: And his opponent, weighing in at 227 pounds and one-half of the American Heroes, he is: the Man of Steel! [Queen's "Made in Heaven" plays over the PA system as a series of red, white, and blue strobe lights flash at the top of the aisle. Man of Steel, accompanied by Casey James, walks through the smoke to a big pop. Several fans hold up the new IIWF poster featuring images of Casey and MOS wrapped in an American flag: "Defenders of Truth, Justice, and the American Way." They hi-five fans on their way to the ring.] LM: This capacity crowd loves the American Heroes! BL: And it looks like the IIWF Merchandising Department likes them even more than the Prince of Darkness. I wonder how those Becky LaRue t-shirts are selling tonight? [Casey and MOS glare across the ring at Haley. MOS gingerly disrobes, revealing several fading bruises that serve as reminder of the attack at the hands of the Horsemen Saturday night. The referee calls for the opening bell.] LM: Man of Steel really looks like he could have used a few more days off. Look at those bruises. BL: Yeah, he looks like Robski's girlfriend. LM: Becky, please. That abuse is not a laughing matter. BL: Your wife beats you, doesn't she, Larry? [Haley takes the initiative, kicking MOS in the midsection. As MOS doubles over, Haley delivers three strong forearm blows to the back, driving MOS to the mat. Haley scoops up MOS and hits a big power slam, then drops an elbow squarely on the neck. He stands and plants his boot in Steel's face, but the referee calls for him to break the hold as Casey complains from the outside. Haley waits until the two count to raise his boot, then lifts MOS by the hair, whips him into the ropes, and nearly decapitates MOS with a clothesline.] BL: What did I tell you, Larry? The Horsemen aren't going to play games with these two guys. They could have finished the job Saturday night, but it may as well happen right now. LM: Haley certainly seems... I guess "focused" is the best word for it, tonight. BL: Ruthless? Vicious? Heartless? Any one of the those is better than "focused" for what we're witnessing. [Haley is almost foaming at the mouth as he puts a chinlock on MOS. MOS battles back to his feet as Haley continues the hold, then drops to the mat as Haley's jaw snaps against MOS's head. Haley falls back to the mat in pain as MOS gets slowly back to his feet. Haley get to his knees, but is greeted by a roundhouse right by the Man of Steel, who immediately applies a headlock on the prone Haley.] LM: This is a smart move by MOS to keep Haley on the mat. The big man has him by 10 inches and nearly 100 pounds. BL: I don't care if underwear boy does keep him down, Haley's too big and too strong to be worn down by a little insect like Squeal. [Haley gets back to his feet, but MOS swings to the top rope and pushes off to turn the headlock into a bulldog. Haley get back to his feet again and manages to push MOS into the ropes, but he misses with a punch as MOS slides between his legs. MOS is quickly to his feet and drop kicks Haley through the ropes.] LM: What moves by the MOS! And Haley is irate outside the ring. BL: He'd better calm down. Intelligence will win this match for Haley, not irrational ire. He's got to overcome those inner feelings of anger. LM: Are you still taking that psychology class at the community college? BL: Yep. I'm a college girl. [MOS meets Haley coming back into the ring, but Blackjack grabs his head and drops back to the floor, snapping Steel's neck across the top rope. Haley then slides under the bottom rope, scoops up MOS, and hits a running side suplex. Haley gouges Steel's eyes. As Casey protests, the referee goes to the other side of the ring, allowing Haley time to bite Steel's nose. He draws blood by the time the referee turns around.] LM: That's disgusting! I'd almost believe we're watching the "old" Venusian Death Cell in there. BL: Anything to win a match. Maybe Haley is practicing for his next meeting with the Death Cell -- maybe he'll give the Cell a little dose of his own medicine. [MOS writhes in pain, but Haley lifts him to the top rope to set up a suplex. As Haley climbs to the second rope, MOS shifts his weight and pushes Haley over the top rope. Haley hits the floor hard. MOS quickly takes advantage, moving to the top turnbuckle in an effort to splash Haley outside the ring. As the referee watches Casey move away, Steel seems to overbalance, causing him to tumble uncontrollably out of the ring and on top of Haley. His head whips into the steel ring guard as he rolls over.] LM: What a nasty spill by both men! BL: Neither one of them is moving. The referee's making the count... [Count - 1 - 2 - 3 - both wrestlers begin to stir - 4 - 5 - Haley gets to his knees - 6 - 7 - Haley grabs Steel and runs his head again in the steel ring guard - 8 - 9 - 10! Ding! Ding! Ding!] LM: I don't believe it! Haley could have crawled back into the ring and probably won this match, but he chose to dole out more punishment on Man of Steel. BL: That's the Blackjack way, Larry. Inflict the punishment when you can. [Casey finally attacks Haley in retaliation, and seems to have completely lost it. He flails away on the giant with fury, his face a bright red scarlet.] LM: Wow, there's that temper of Casey's again! BL: At least it proves that the guy's alive! [Casey whips Haley into the ring post, and then turns to tend to Steel, who is stirring once more. Steel tries to calm Casey down, and the American Heroes begin limping up the aisle, Casey supporting his partner.] RA: This match has been declared a double countout! [Haley gets to his feet once more, and beats his fist on the apron in frustration as he hears the announcement, and heads up the aisle after Steel and Casey, the fans jeering and throwing soda cups and ice at him.] LM: Well, there was no winner in that match, but you can bet we haven't see the last of those men going at each other. ~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~ SPECIAL GRUDGE MATCH: Abie vs. Zed _.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-._ LM: Here is a match I never thought we would see. Apparently, an Elvis lamp is stronger than the friendship of Abie and Zed. BL: And it was probably brighter than both of them combined. LM: You may recall at Ring Wars when the Alphabet Boys used that Elvis lamp on the United Nations. Unfortunately, or maybe not unfortunately, it broke during that match and now it is threatening to break up the 'Boys. BL: These guys are really going to duke it out over a broken lamp? Thank goodness it wasn't a black velvet painting or we'd be commentating on a duel right now -- pistols at twenty paces . . . as if Abie or Zed could count that high. LM: Let's go up to the ring for our introductions. [The spotlight again falls on Sparkplug Lee who looks dashing in his tux.] RA: Ladies and gentlemen, this is special grudge match is one fall with a fifteen minute time limit. Introducing first . . . [As "The Alphabet Song" begins, Abie and Zed both run through the entry portal, down the aisle, and into the ring. As Sparkplug Lee looks confused, the Alphabet Boys both stand in one corner as if they are waiting for another tag team to be announced.] BL: Look at these morons! They fight each other so much, they don't even realize that they're supposed to wrestle _each other_ tonight. LM: This certainly is bizarre. But what about these two isn't? [Sparkplug Lee looks away from his card and stares at Abie and Zed.] RA: This grudge match, for the honor of the Elvis lamp, is Alphabet Boy Abie against Alphabet Boy Zed. [Zed looks like a light bulb has just turned on over his head. He suddenly begins beating on Abie as the referee calls for the opening bell and Sparkplug Lee bails out of the ring.] LM: It looks like "Elvis lamp" was all that needed to be said. BL: Yeah, I bet Zed just picks up all kinds of women with that line. [Abie uses his size advantage to turn Zed into the ropes and batters him with punches. As Zed hits the canvas, Abie turns and runs across the ring into the turnbuckles in the opposite corner. The referee shakes his head in confusion. As Abie gets up, he dropkicks an imaginary foe in the middle of the ring and hits the canvas hard. Zed climbs to the top rope, but turns and leaps out of the ring, crashing through the timekeeper's table.] LM: What in the world . . .? BL: These guys just better not come anywhere near me. LM: Or what? BL: Or I'll throw them you as a peace offering. [Zed recovers and crawls under the ring. Abie seems not to notice as he continues to battle the phantom wrestler in the ring, dashing to each corner and banging his own head against the top turnbuckles. He finally staggers into the middle of the ring as Zed crawls from beneath the ring holding a large framed poster of Mr. Potato Head. Zed slides into the ring and smashes the framed poster over Abie's head. The referee, having seen enough, calls for the disqualification as Zed goes back outside the ring and produces a bag of sugar, which he proceeds to pour in Abie's face. Abie snaps back to consciousness, takes the sugar from Zed, and continues to pour it in his own face. The two then leave the ring and walk back up the aisle as the fans cheer and laugh at the same time.] RA: Your winner, by disqualification, Alphabet Boy Abie! LM: I can honestly say that I have never seen anything like that in my years in professional wrestling. BL: You've never been to a Tennessee family reunion? LM: I just hope that's the end of that feud and the Alphabet Boys can go back to being a tag team. BL: I doubt it. I think that was Abie's Mr. Potato Head poster. LM: Oh no! No, no, no. ~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~ "Spotlight" Billy Shakespeare vs. Brad "Bodybag" Kinder _.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-._ LM: The IIWF Intercontinental Belt is a treasured piece of hardware and here are two men who have been trying to get the belt around their waists for months. The winner of this match will earn the right to face current Intercontinental champ Tiger Claw. BL: Yeah, but do either of these guys really _want_ to meet Tiger Claw? I mean, his sexist pig manager aside, Tiger Claw has the ability to really hurt someone. LM: With the belt on the line, I think they both do. Let's go up to the ring. RA: Ladies and gentlemen, this match is one fall with a twenty-minute time limit. Introducing first, weighing in at 227 pounds, here is: Billy Shakespeare! [Big pop as "Little Willie" blares over the PA system and Billy Shakespeare strides into the coliseum smiling at the fans. He stops as a fan waves a homemade "One More Curtain Call" poster at him. Billy bows at the fan and continues his walk to the ring.] LM: What a fan favorite! Billy Shakespeare could give Tiger Claw a heck of a match, I just know it. BL: What do you mean? The guy apparently doesn't even have his own IIWF poster yet. RA: And his opponent, from the Arizona desert and weighing in at 295 pounds, here is: "Bodybag" Brad Kinder! [Heel pop as Kinder walks alone down the aisle to the tune of "Back in Black." Several fans flash the four fingers at him, but he ignores them and walks directly to the ring.] LM: Isn't it weird to see one of the former Horsemen come out here without his cronies? BL: Bodybag doesn't need anyone to help him win. He's a... mmmmmm... studly man all by himself. LM: [stares at Becky over his glasses] Well be that as it may, this should be an interesting contrast of styles. Kinder is the strong brawler and Shakespeare is a technician and aerialist. Uh... Becky? BL: [she continues to stare at Kinder] Mmmmmmmm hmmmmmmmm? LM: Let's just get this match underway. [As the referee calls for the opening bell, Shakespeare bows at Kinder who brushes him off with a shake of his hand. Bodybag charges but is taken down with an arm drag. Shakespeare bows again and Kinder glares at him from his knees. Kinder charges again, but Shakespeare takes him down with a leg scissors and again bouces back to his feet.] LM: It looks like the quicker Billy Shakespeare is beginning to irritate Kinder. BL: Well the little runt can't run all night. [Kinder charges again, but pulls up short as Shakespeare attempts to duck under. Bodybag grabs Shakespeare and hits a reverse neckbreaker and then a backbreaker. He measures Shakespeare for a knee drops and plants it across Billy's forehead. Kinder whips his opponent into the ropes and goes for the clothesline, but Shakespeare ducks under, stops, and drop kicks Kinder. Cover: 1 - 2 - kickout! Kinder rakes the eyes and regains control, throwing Shakespeare outside the ropes. He follows him out and rams Shakespeare's head into the steel ring barrier before sliding back into the ring to stop the referee's count. As Billy gets back to the ring apron, he uses the top rope to vault himself back into the ring for a sunset flip and wraps up Kinder. Cover: 1 - 2 - kickout!] LM: It looks like Billy Shakespeare has a counter for everything Brad Kinder is throwing at him here tonight. BL: They don't give out wins for two counts, Larry. LM: But remember that Brian Lau stated it wouldn't necessarily be a victory that guarantees a shot against Tiger Claw - it'll be the guy who impresses him the most. Billy's sure impressing me a whole lot more than Bodybag at the moment. [Both men are back to their feet at the same time and lock up in the middle of the ring. Bodybag gains the advantage again and secures Shakespeare in a headlock. As he turns his back to the referee, Kinder adds a few cheap shots and Shakespeare nearly goes down. He reverses the headlock and hits a DDT. Cover: 1 - 2 - kickout. He scoops up Shakespeare and shakes the ring with a gut-wrench powerbomb. Cover: 1 - 2 - Shakespeare gets a leg on the ropes to stop the count.] LM: I don't know where these men are getting the stamina to avoid being pinned. BL: Probably from the IIWF Marketing Department. Lord knows you can get anything else there. C'mon Bodybag! LM: That's not very objective, Becky! BL: Screw you, Larry. [Bodybag decks Shakespeare once again with a short clothesline, then raises his hands to the crowd, which responds with a mix of cheers and boos. As Shakespeare uses the ropes to get back to his feet, Kinder charges him for a clothesline over the ropes, but Billy ducks and Bodybag sails over the top rope and hits the coliseum floor hard. Shakespeare climbs to the top turnbuckle and, as Kinder gets to his feet outside the ring, launches his "Curtain Call" and nails Kinder at ringside. He quickly pulls Kinder into the ring, goes back to the top rope and hits a moonsault. He goes for the cover - 1 - 2 - 3! Ding! Ding! Ding! Billy quickly slips out of the ring under the bottom rope and begins heading up the aisle, looking back at his fallen opponent in the ring.] RA: Here is your winner by pinfall: Billy Shakespeare! [Billy stops momentarily to accept the congratulations of the crowd, the offers one final bow toward the ring before heading to the dressing room.] LM: The Curtain Call from the top rope on an opponent _outside_ the ring! That's what will make Billy Shakespeare a dangerous opponent for Tiger Claw. And he earned that right with this victory! BL: Tiger Claw will kill the little runt. Is Brad okay? [Kinder doesn't take long to get to his feet. He shakes his head in frustration, hits the top turnbuckle with his fist, and then leaves the ring. He receives a mixed reaction from the crowd as he heads back up the aisle. Cut to the announcers' table.] LM: Wow! What an athletic and exciting encounter that was, Becky! And that just about wraps it up here tonight in the Coliseum. It's been a great night's entertainment, hasn't it, Becky? BL: Yeah, great. Now, about these Becky LaRue t-shirts... LM: [interrupting] Sorry, Becky, we're right out of time. We'll be back at you live next week from the second stop on the IIWF's national tour, so don't you dare miss one moment of Midweek Mayhem! Until then, this is Larry Morton for the lovely Becky LaRue, saying: goodnight, everybody! [Cut to montage shots of the fans in the Coliseum. Pan up to the ceiling of the arena and the hanging IIWF logo banner, variously illuminated by all manner of lighting effects. Fade] +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= I * I * W * F =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+ | Send mail to iiwf@sisko.demon.co.uk with the subject lines: | | "send faq" for the FAQ + "send singles" or "send tag" for the | | rosters + "send handlers" for a list of handlers | +----------------------------------------------------------------------+ | IIWF Home: http://users.ox.ac.uk/~univ0322/iiwf/ | +----------------------------------------------------------------------+ | Submit material for the Report to iiwf@sisko.demon.co.uk | +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+