##### ###### ### ########## ########## ########## #### ## ########## ########## ########## #### # #### ######## ##### ##### #### ## ##### #### #### #### #### ### #### #### #### #### ############# ######### #### #### ########### ######### #### #### #### #### #### ######### ######### ### #### #### ######### ######### ### ## #### ######## ######## ## # #### =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- ## =-=-=-= INTERNATIONAL INTERNET WRESTLING FEDERATION =============================================== M + I + D + W + E + E + K M + A + Y + H + E + M ----------------------------------------------- LIVE * Silverdome, Pontiac, MA * 17 July 1996 [Opening graphics fade through to aerial shots of Pontiac, Michigan, and the huge Silverdome arena. Larry Morton provides a voice-over as the shot cuts to the interior of the arena, packed with fans holding banners, wearing IIWF t-shirts and screaming their heads off.] LM: Welcome everybody to IIWF Midweek Mayhem, live from the Pontiac Silverdome! Nearly 90,000 fans are on hand to witness tonight's great action, and what an amazing feeling it is to be sitting here in one of the world's greatest stadia! We've got so much to get through that the competitors in tonight's first match are already in the ring, so let's get straight to it. ~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~ "Nifty" Ned Norton vs. Curt Blanche _.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-._ [Cut to a shot of the ring. The ring announcer, Sparkplug Lee, stands in the glare of a spotlight, with two wrestlers also in the squared circle.] RA: Ladies and gentlemen, the following encounter is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, weighing in at 235lbs, here is "Nifty" Ned Norton! [quiet murmur from the crowd] And his opponent, hailing from Paris, France, weighing in at 265lbs, here is: Curt Blanche! [Equally quiet murmur for Blanche, who is wearing a chef's outfit. He removes his white coat and hat as the ring announcer leaves the ring and the referee signals for the bell to get the match underway. As the two men lock up in the ring, cut to the announcers' table. Larry Morton sits with Becky LaRue.] LM: Hello, everybody! I'm Larry Morton, and next to me, as always, is the lovely Becky LaRue. What a night of action we've got for you tonight! BL: We'll be seeing two tag team championship tournament matches right here tonight, as well as a title defence from the screw-loose Subway Psycho. The delectable Brad Kinder will be facing Tiger Claw for a shot at the Intercontinental Championship. LM: Not to mention Deathbringer battling the Prince of Darkness in a bodybag match, and Law & Disorder taking on the Armed Forces. And we've already seen some great action here tonight, but we'll come to that after this encounter. What do you know about Curt Blanche, Becky? BL: If the guy's as bad a wrestler as he is a cook, he's in trouble, even against the so-called "Nifty" Ned Norton. [Cut back to the ring. Ned has Blanche in a side headlock. He pushed Blanche into the ropes, and knocks him down with a clothesline. Suddenly, all the lights in the arena drop to nothing. Big pop.] LM: Hey! What's this?! BL: Get off me, Larry! LM: Er... sorry, Becky. ["Mr. Sandman" by Method Man blares out over the PA system, and a single spotlight picks out a figure standing at the head of the aisle. He is a well-built man wearing a white mask which has only two eye-holes. He is also wearing white tights and boots. Before anybody can get a very clear look at him, he raises his arms, and the lights drop to nothing again.] LM: Who was that?! [The lights flicker back into life. The figure has disappeared from the head of the aisle, and the ring is full of a mysterious dust. Norton, Blanche and the referee all appear to be out cold, covered in this dust. The crowd buzzes in confusion.] BL: I knew it! It's Moondust... back for revenge! LM: That didn't _look_ like Moondust to me... what on earth is going on? [Officials and security teams come down to ringside. The referee and the two wrestlers are stretchered from the ring, apparently totally unconscious. Officials pick up some of the dust in their hands. One sniffs at it, and faints dead away.] LM: Would you look at that? What is that stuff?! They'd better keep it away from the fans... BL: Ridiculous as it sounds, Larry, I think it's sleepy dust. LM: _Sleepy_ dust? [sniggers] BL: [angry] What?! What's your problem, buster? LM: [stifling his laughter] N - nothing, Becky. [Security staff begin clearing up the dust. Cut to the announcers' table.] LM: Well, while they're clearing up that mysterious little mess, allow me to bring you up to speed on the matches that went down before we came on air tonight: - BLACKJACK HALEY hospitalised poor POCO SEGUENTE in an incredibly punishing match. He used relentless high-impact attacks on his opponent, many of them outside the ring, and even after he'd won via pinfall after a towering bodyslam, he had to be pulled off Seguente by security personnel. Haley's lost it, Becky. BL: No way, Larry. I really like the giant's new attitude. He's out here to win and to hurt people, although not necessarily in that order. He's a man on a mission, and I can admire that. LM: I'm not convinced. Haley's a nutcase since the Horsemen split up. You saw what Flare's retirement did to the Crippler - he became obsessed. Maybe the same's happening to Haley. Anyhow, we also saw some debuts tonight: - Australian newcomer MR. DAMAGE defeated fellow debutant THE ENFORCER in a hard-fought match. Both athletes showed blatant disregard for the rules, and the fans didn't know who to jeer more. In the end, Damage took it via pinfall after his Thunderstruck legdrop from the top rope. - "LEGEND" BRANDON BENNETT, tutor of Dan "Flash" Kauffman, also made his IIWF debut, defeating MAJESTIC MAURICE McARTHUR in a highly scientific encounter. Bennett may not be the most charismatic wrestler in the world, bu... BL: [interrupting] He sure isn't! I nearly fell asleep during that guy's match. LM: Becky, do you mind?! If I may continue, what I was going to say is that Bennett may not be a Subway Psycho or a Billy Shakespeare, but he's got a ring presence that lives up to his scientific ability. He could make waves here in the IIWF. BL: Sink or swim, Larry, you know what they say. LM: And in the final match before we came on air: - DON ANTONIO pinned "PAINBRINGER" BILLY SEXTON after the Don's right hand man, Vinny Cappicola, interfered in the match. As Antonio covered Sexton, "Painbringer" managed to get his feet on the ropes, but before the referee was able to notice, Cappicola removed Sexton's feet and held them down to the canvas, stopping Sexton from escaping. Sexton skipped the part about protesting to the referee after the match, and instead went ballistic on the Family. I've never seen anything quite like it, Becky. Sexton managed to stay on top of both Antonio _and_ Cappicola, and ended up kicking them halfway around the arena. I wouldn't want to be on the receiving end of that temper of Sexton's, and I'd guess he's going to be going after the Family all guns blazing after this defeat. BL: You're right there, Larry. Sexton's record currently states that he's 0-2 down, but on the performances he's been putting on in the ring, he should be 2-0 up by now. You can bet he's going to kick back at his unlucky start. LM: Well, it looks like they've managed to get all that muck out of the ring, so it's time to go up to Sparkplug Lee for the introductions in our next encounter. ~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~ IIWF World Tag Team Championship Tournament Match: Atomic Destroyers vs. The Returners _.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-._ LM: This is a match-up we saw on Mayhem only a few weeks ago. Just this time, we hope, the Drifters won't show up. BL: Not quite the same match-up. Back then The Destroyers had a pitiful name and a weak attitude. LM: The Destroyers wouldn't be here at all if it weren't for the injury to Steamroller. Now Larn and Steroid get their chance. BL: Oh, Steamroller couldn't take the pressure, they're faking. LM: As if you've never been duplicitous in your life. BL: I've never faked... an injury. [The Atomic Destroyers enter to a heel pop. Their masked faces show no emotion.] RA: Larn and Steroid, weighing 715 pounds, they are: The Atomic Destroyers! And their competition in this round of the tag team title tourney, from the 'hood, a combined 575 pounds, "the Royalty of the Streets" Sabin Figaro and his partner Locke Cole: The Returners! [Coolio's "Gangsta's Paradise" begins its rap as Celes Cole leads The Returners through the arches and down the aisle to a loud noise.] LM: A lot of inner city response for these two men. BL: Next you're going to say that they've become heroes to the struggling kids. LM: Well, yeah, I was going to say that. [Sabin starts, signalling the Destroyers to "bring it to him". Steroid begins with a double axe handle blow, followed by a bodyslam. Figaro rolls, taking out Steroid's legs. He holds the feet apart and stomps a boot to the lower abdomen. Steroid looks for the tag, but is nowhere near his corner. Sabin Figaro drives the big man to the corner and hip checks him. He whips Steroid to the other corner, Steroid moves in time as Sabin drives his shoulder into the center buckle. Larn tags in.] LM: Larn has tagged in... or is that Steroid... or is it Larn? BL: Larn is the one in the mask. LM: Thanks. Hey, wait a minute, they both... BL: Hush Larry, people are trying to watch wrestling. [Larn catches up and delivers a backbreaker to Figaro. The Destroyer stomps on his head twice before "The Royalty of the Street" rolls away. Figaro fires some lightning quick blows to Larn's stomach, doubling him over. Sabin powerbombs the the bent figure then drags him to his corner to tag Locke Cole. Steroid steps in, but does nothing to stop Locke from tagging in and dropping an elbow from the top rope. Cole throws Larn to the corner and plants a superkick which makes the big man sag. He tags Figaro back in and the two set up Larn so Sabin Figaro can deliver a massive superplex from the middle rope.] LM: What an incredible lift and drop! BL: Those of us who know something just call it a superplex. [Steroid runs in, clotheslines Figaro and pushes Cole off the apron and to the floor. The Destroyers hook Sabin Figaro up, under and between the second and third ropes. They set about stomping on him with their boots. The ref pulls Larn off and sends him out.] LM: He's got the wrong man! That's Larn, he's the legal man, not Steroid. BL: Proving that the refs aren't any smarter than you are. Maybe you should ask the president to let you officiate. In fact, if it would stop you from broadcasting, I'd endorse it. LM: I'll call his office tomorrow and encourage him to review the referees. BL: Don't you think he's busy enough taking away Psycho's belt and humiliating himself before Robo Stone without you bothering him? [Steroid throws himself against the ropes then back at the entrapped Sabin Figaro. Locke Cole, still outside, pulls down the rope and as Steroid hits Figaro, he flops over the top rope and to the floor. The ref begins the count. Cole drops a leg, then climbs back to the apron. Sabin Figaro untangles himself and tags Cole. Figaro suplexes Cole over the rope at the downed Destroyer. Steroid rolls and Cole hits hard into the crowd barrier.] BL: That would have been a terrific move... if it had worked. [The Ref counts - 5 - 6 - Larn circles the ring and throws Steroid back in, followed next by Cole. Celes is screaming for Locke to get up, and Sabin reaches for a tag. Steroid drags himself to his feet first, stumbles to the corner, and tags in Larn. Cole crawls, but cannot get to Figaro before Larn grabs his head and performs a backspin DDT. Cole is driven into the canvas, Larn falls accross him and the ref counts 1 - 2 - 3! Ding! Ding! Ding!] RA: Here are your winners, by pinfall: the Atomic Destroyers! BL: Pretty good for a team that wasn't even supposed to be here. [Sabin Figaro stands center shouting.] SF: This ain't over! Try to bring some of that bad ass in here now! [The Destroyers have had enough and they retreat up the aisle. Celes Cole looks to her woozy husband.] ~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~ Law and Disorder vs. Armed Forces _.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-._ LM: It will be interesting to see these two teams, both of which are fairly new to the IIWF. BL: Yeah, but what an impact the Armed Forces have made, ridding the IIWF of those do-gooders United Nations. I hear Aaron the Caddie even had time to get in a few rounds of golf earlier today. LM: Well, he'd better have his men ready for a battle tonight. Law & Disorder may be relatively new as a tag team, but Marshall Law and Ace Maverick both have strong singles backgrounds. BL: Marshall Law? Is he Chinese? LM: [sighs] Let's go up to the ring! [The camera picks out a fan at ringside whose homemade poster reads: "Detroit Loves the IIWF" before cutting to Sparkplug Lee in the ring.] RA: Ladies and gentlemen, this tag team match is one fall. Introducing first, from parts unknown, weighing in at a combined 539 pounds and accompanied to the ring by the beautiful Liberty, they are: Law & Disorder! [Moderate pop as Queen's "We Will Rock You" blares over the Silverdome PA system and Liberty leads Marshall Law and Ace Maverick up the aisle. they chat with each other and admire the massive Silverdome as they walk to the ring. The hold the ropes for Liberty as she enters the ring and draws catcalls from the crowd.] RA: And their opponents, weighing in at a combined 643 pounds and accompanied to the ring by Aaron the Caddie, here are NavCom and DefCom: the Armed Forces! [Big heel pop as Aaron leads NavCom and DefCon down the aisle. They dodge balled-up cups and chunks of ice as they make threatening motions to the crowd.] LM: It appears the Armed Forces will have to battle the crowd as well as Law & Disorder here tonight. BL: A soldier and a sailor. Are these guys refugees from The Village People? If they pick "YMCA" or "Macho Man" as their theme song, I'm quitting this buck-a-day job. LM: I could only hope. BL: What was that, Larry? LM: I said let's get up to the ring! [Aaron the Caddie and Liberty both leave the ring as the referee calls for the opening bell. Marshall Law opens the match against DefCon and they lock up in the middle of the ring. DefCon powers Law into the corner and follows up with several hard right hands. He adds several knife-edge chops and the chops can be heard in the nose-bleed seats of the Silverdome. He bodyslams Law and follows up with a leg drop before making the tag to NavCom.] LM: The Armed Forces definitely have the size advantage in this matchup and they apparently are not afraid to use it. BL: You know, NavCom looks like someone I used to know. LM: I don't know how you could keep all those sailors straight. Aren't you on a first-name basis with half of the U.S. Navy? BL: First-name _this_ Larry! [A thump is followed by what sounds like a whimper from Larry Morton as the action shifts back to the ring. NavCom clotheslines Law and then applies the abdominal stretch. Liberty begins beating on the ring apron and the fans pick up the beat as they stomp on the floor and the risers. Law eventually breaks the stretch and flips NavCom before diving to his corner and tagging in Ace Maverick, who hits the ring on fire. Maverick clotheslines NavCom out of the ring, then does the same to DefCon when he enters the ring. Both members of Armed Forces meet outside the ring with Aaron the Caddie.] LM: Ace Maverick has just cleaned house, taking on both members of the Armed Forces. BL: Think he'd come over and clean my house? LM: I think he'd [Becky raises a hand to him]... gulp, would love to if that's what you'd like. [NavCom slides back into the ring but is met a hard forearm from Maverick, who follows with a belly-to-belly suplex. He is quickly to his feet and climbs to the top rope for an elbow drop. But NavCom rolls out of the way as Maverick's elbow slams into the mat. NavCom drops an elbow on the back of Maverick's neck, then pulls him into the corner where he and DefCon begin to work Maverick over. DefCon is tagged in and chokeslams Maverick, then goes for the cover: 1 - 2 - kickout! He whips Maverick into the ropes, but telegraphs the backdrop and is met by a kick to the face. Both men go down and the referee begins his count.] LM: Whoever gets the fresh man into the ring will have a big advantage here. [Maverick is able to roll to his corner and makes the tag to Marshall Law, who vaults over the top rope. DefCon gets to his feet and attempts to make the tag, but is floored by a savate kick. Law follows with an Enziguri, a Sammartino backbreacker, and goes for the cover: 1 - 2 - kickout!] LM: DefCon is a big man, but he can't withstand much more of this. BL: I'm surprised he's still conscious right now. Apparently Aaron the Caddie is also. [Aaron pulls a three-wood from his golf bag and yells to NavCom, who seems to understand. As Law applies a cobra clutch with his back to DefCon, Aaron tosses the golf club to DefCon and then draws the referee's attention. DefCon slides through the ring and is ready to swat Law when Maverick flies into the ring and hammers DefCon. The referee turns to see DefCon with the golf club and immediately calls for the disqualification. Maverick wrestles the club away from DefCon and swats him across the back, sending DefCon out of the ring for cover. Law presses NavCom over his head and tosses him over the top rope, laughing as he lands on top of Aaron the Caddie. Big pop. Liberty joins Law and Maverick.] RA: Your winners as the result of a disqualification, Marshall Law and Ace Maverick: Law and Disorder! [Another big pop as Liberty raises Law's and Maverick's arms in victory. Maverick points the golf club at the Armed Forces, who slowly retreat up the aisle while yelling at Law & Disorder.] LM: It looks as though the Armed Forces got a dose of their own medicine tonight. I'll bet the United Nations loved this, wherever they are tonight. BL: Yeah, if whatever hospital they're in has a television. Mark my words, Armed Forces won't take this sitting down. Law & Disorder had better watch their backs! ~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~ IIWF World Tag Team Championship Tournament Match: Alphabet Boys vs. Stunt Team USA _.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-._ LM: We're getting closer to a new IIWF Tag Team Champion the deeper we get into this tournament, Becky. BL: Yeah, and I'm standing deeper in something else the more you shamelessly promote these things. LM: Ha, ha, you're such a kidder! BL: No I'm not, you little schmooze. Let's go up to the ring! [Spotlights swirl around the Pontiac Silverdome and the fans go wild as ring announcer Sparkplug Lee enters the ring.] RA: Ladies and gentlemen, this IIWF Tag Team Tournament match is one fall. Introducing first, from parts unknown and weighing a combined 589 pounds, they are Abie and Zed: the Allllllphabet Boys! [A surprising pop as Abie and Zed enter the large coliseum to "The Alphabet Song." Zed raises his hands to the crowd as Abie carries another framed Mr. Potato Head poster. They exchange hi-fives and head for the ring.] LM: It looks like Abie found another poster to replace the one broken last week at Midweek Mayhem. BL: I'm telling you, Lar, you can get _anything_ from the IIWF Marketing Department. ["The Alphabet Song" is replaced by Turbo B's "I'm Not Dead" as Sparkplug Lee raises the microphone once again.] RA: And their opponents, from Tampa, Florida, and Canyon City, Oregon, weighing in at a combined 588 pounds, they are Steve "Airbone" Forget and Ron "Danger Freak" Fire . . . they are Stunt Teeeeeeam USA! [Another big pop as Fire and Forget enter and hi-five their fans, stopping to admire one fan's "Stunt Team USA Fan Club . . . Detroit Chapter" t-shirt before heading to the ring.] LM: It looks like Fire and Forget have a few backers in the crowd tonight. BL: Yeah, this city full of losers has gotten too used to the Red Wings, the Lions, the Tigers... LM: ...and the Bears, oh my! BL: That's it, I'm getting a job at one of the auto plants here. I can't work with you any longer, you little twit! LM: Hee hee, let's get up to the ring! [The referee calls for the opening bell . . . Ding! Ding! Ding! Steve Forget opens against Zed and immediately takes control with several right hands and a vicious forearm to the head. He whips Zed into the ropes and floors him with a dropkick before applying an arm bar and reaching over to tag Ron Fire. "Danger Freak" sails over the top rope and lands squarely on Zed's arm, which Forget has stretched out.] LM: These teams are no strangers, having battled evenly twice before with each team owning a win apiece. It's amazing that there is just one pound separating both teams. BL: I guess Abie found a bag of sugar in the locker room prior to the weigh-in. What a moron. At least he has another Mr. Potato Head poster and seems to be civil tonight. [Fire picks up Zed and delivers a DDT that stuns the Alphabet Boy. He attempts a piledriver, but Zed beats him to the punch and flips Fire over his back. He staggers to the ring and tags in Abie, who immediately delivers three headbutts -- the crowd's "oooh" getting louder with each one. Fire rocks back and forth before falling to the mat. Abie walks back over and tags Zed, who has barely caught his second wind. As Zed re-enters the ring, Abie jumps to the floor and admires his Mr. Potato Head poster.] LM: I've seen a lot of strange things in wrestling, but these guys take the cake. BL: They would take the cake if you had one out here. Hmmmm. [she yells at Abie] Hey looney boy, Larry Morton here is a fruitcake! Come and get it! [Becky is apparently not heard as Abie continues to look at his poster. Zed is greeted by a hard punch to the midsection by Fire and is floored with a kneelift as Fire dives to his corner and makes the tag. Forget climbs to the top turnbuckle and nails Zed with a flying dropkick. He follows with a superplex and then whips Zed into the corner, following with a splash. As Zed goes down, Forget goes for the cover: 1 - 2 - Zed gets a foot on the rope and the referee stops the count. Forget pulls him to his feet, but Zed rakes Forget's eyes and staggers back to his own corner, only to find Abie still admiring his poster.] LM: Abie's mind just isn't in this mind tonight. BL: You mean it's been determined that he has a mind? [Zed climbs through the ropes and slaps Abie across the face. Abie is ready to retaliate when he sees Zed pointing to the ring and seems to understand. He hands Zed his poster and climbs back into the ring, only to allow Forget the time to make it to his corner and tag in Fire. As Fire enters the ring, he shouts something to Forget, who jumps to the floor and begins looking under the ring for something.] LM: What is going on with those two? BL: Which two do you mean now? I'm beginning to believe both of these teams are off-center. [Abie begins to charge Fire, but stops and flashes a big grin as he sees Forget outside the ring with two Elvis lamps identical to the one he broke at Ring Wars. He watches intently as Forget smashes one of the lamps over his head. Forget tosses the other lamp to Abie, who refuses to be outdone. As he raises the lamp with both hands and prepares to smash it over his own head, Fire yells at Zed, whose mouth is agape as he sees an Elvis lamp identical to his own about to be destroyed. Zed quickly enters the ring and smashes the framed Mr. Potato Head poster over Abie's head and takes the lamp from him. As Zed leaves the ring, caressing the lamp, Fire rolls up Abie for the cover: 1 - 2 - 3! Ding! Ding! Ding!] LM: I don't believe it! Stunt Team USA used some of the Alphabet Boys' own toys to divert their attention from this match. BL: Oh yeah, like it's real difficult to divert Abie and Zed's attention. Sheesh, you are a real dweeb, Larry. LM: Regardless, it's Stunt Team USA which gets the win in this tournament matchup. RA: Here are your winners by pinfall, Steve Forget and Ron Fire: Stunt Teeeeeam USA! [Big pop as Fire and Forget make their way back to the dressing room. Zed passes them, waving the Elvis lamp he recovered from Abie, who slowly recovers in the ring. As Abie notices the remains of his poster, he storms out of the ring after Zed.] LM: Well, I thought we had settled this Alphabet Boys feud last week, but it looks like we're going to go through it all again! BL: Oh joy. Rapture. Be still my beating heart. ~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~ IIWF World Heavyweight Championship Match: Subway Psycho vs. Magus _.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-._ [Bernard Herrmann's "Psycho" shower music begins to play, and there is a pop as the crowd thinks it's the Venusian Death Cell. Their cheers die as Magus appears instead. He makes his way to the ring, flexing and unexpectedly bugging his eyes out at members of the crowd. ] LM: Two wrestlers with the same music; this could be confusing. BL: And neither of them are Subway Psycho, imagine. RA: [On Cue] Here comes the champion. BL: But not for long as I understand it. [Once again the cyclopean headlight of a subway train splits the darkness. "Crazy train" blows out the speakers and the crowd erupts. The noise is deafening, but Subway Psycho does not appear. The noise begins to dwindle to murmers of confusion. The video wall goes blank.] BL: Looks like Psycho is pulling a Tiger Claw. LM: Ah, Becky... BL: He's going to have to give up the belt, y'know. Oh, sure, I thought it would be against Outlaw or Tiger Claw or Blackjack... LM: Um, Becky, look... BL: ...It's all because of Sasha. Once again a woman brings to his knees the champion that mere males could not best. LM: Would you... BL: Quit interrupting Larry. And why are they shining that spotlight in my eyes? [The crowd pops. Subway Psycho leaps from behind our announcers and lands on the announcers' table. He runs to the ring as "Crazy Train" blares again.] LM: I tried to warn you... BL: A real gentleman would have sacrificed his body to keep a lady from being menaced by a psycho. [Subway Psycho explodes on Magus with a series of clotheslines, once, twice; on the third, Magus goes down. Psycho drops a leg then yanks Magus up. He throws the big man against the ropes, flying dropkick. Magus swings his hands wildly, catching Psycho with a big fist. He follows up with a powerbomb. Psycho flips up to his feet. The left side of the audience chants "Sub-" and is answered by the other side with "-way". The "Sub-way" chant continues to alternate as the tunnel dweller rains down with forearms on the staggering Magus.] LM: Subway Psycho is out of control tonight. BL: Out of control?! He's rabid! Probably got bit by a sewer rat. [Magus is failing. Subway Psycho delivers a vicious moonsault from the top rope. Magus hits the canvas with a hollow thud.] BL: I'm not sure, but did Magus even get in a move during this one? LM: This is it, Becky, Subway is signalling for that move of his. BL: I'm not going to tell you its name again. LM: It's the de-railer. BL: You cheated! I can clearly see it written on the back of your hand. [Subway flips, landing the leg drop on an immobile Magus. The referee counts - 1 - 2 - 3! Ding! Ding! Ding!] RA: Here is your winner, by pinfall, and _still_ the IIWF World Heavyweight Champion: the Subway Psycho! [Psycho climbs to the ringpost, but quickly jumps back in the ring. He circles and spins like a caged animal. A flood of Police officers storm the aisle. The Police quickly circle the ring, as one, clutching leg manacles, one cautiously enters the ring. Subway backs against the rope, then unexpectedly vaults the top rope, sailing high over the heads of the astonished police. He flees into the crowd, knocking over a depressed fan bearing a "Say it ain't so, Flare" sign. There is an excited commotion as Psycho escapes. The police attempt to follow, but the crowd acts as an impenetrable wall. The police give up the chase.] LM: Now _that_ is fan support. BL: I don't see anybody wearing "Subway Psycho Fan Club" T-shirts. ~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~ Bodybag match: Deathbringer vs. Prince of Darkness _.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-._ LM: What unearthly violence awaits us in this match, Becky? BL: Am I going to have to hold your hand or something? Is widdle Warry afwaid of the big bad wrestlers? LM: Cut that out. I was just talking about this matchup of two of the IIWF's more... bizarre individuals. You may recall last week when they had a bit of an altercation on Midweek Mayhem. [footage rolls of POD accosting one of Deathbringer's fans and Deathbringer coming to the rescue.] This match could turn ugly tonight. BL: Well, you'd know about turning ugly Larry. And this is a bodybag match too, so watch out widdle Warry. The boogeyman's gonna getcha! LM: Please, cut that out! Let's go up to to Sparkplug Lee in the ring! [The spotlights again swirl around the Silverdome before settling on ring announcer Sparkplug Lee.] RA: Ladies and gentlemen, this special bodybag match is one fall. Introducing first, from The Dark Side and weighing in at 324 pounds, accompanied by the Coroner, he is... Deathbringer! [Big pop as "The Reaper" plays and the lights drop in the Silverdome. When the lights come back up, Deathbringer stands on the second turnbuckle, holding a large bodybag above his head. The pop grows as the fans see this. The camera cuts to several fans with "Deathbringer: Your Worst Nightmare" posters, then to the Coroner standing at ringside.] LM: You know, Becky, the fan support for Deathbringer seems to be growing day by day. Taking a stand against evil and wrong-doing has done wonders for his popularity. BL: These idiots are suckers for cheap parlour tricks like glowing eyes and appearing out of nowhere. Deathbringer's going soft, Larry. RA: And his opponent, from parts unknown, weighing in at 319 pounds and accompanied by Dr. Faustus, here is: the Prince of Darkness! [Big heel pop followed by more darkness. The arena grows quiet until the lights are back on and the Prince of Darkness stands in the opposite corner from Deathbringer holding his own bodybag aloft. A bigger heel pop begins as Dr. Faustus strolls down the aisle to ringside.] BL: Well, what about that! It seems Deathbringer doesn't have a patent on those cheap magicians' tricks. The Prince of Darkness just stole his entry! LM: We'll see what Deathbringer has to say about it too as we get this match underway. [The referee calls for the bell as both men walk slowly to the middle of the ring and meet chest-to-chest, staring into the other's eyes. They mumble at each other and the microphone cannot pick up what they say.] LM: This doesn't look good. I've got a feeling the minions of hell will be involved in this match before it's over. BL: Sounds like a typical night in Detroit. Don't worry widdle Warry, dey won't hurt you. [The POD breaks the standoff with a double chop to Deathbringer's shoulders. He hits a standing clothesline, but merely knocks Deathbringer back into the ropes. Deathbringer responds with a clothesline off the ropes, and floors the POD. Big pop. Deathbringer whips POD into the ropes and plants a boot in his face on the return. POD is staggered, but does not go down. Deathbringer moves forward and grabs POD by the throat, lifting him off the mat and delivering a vicious choke slam. He goes for the cover: 1 - 2 - kickout!] LM: Wow! Deathbringer almost got the win that quickly! BL: Look out Larry, there are some minions of hell under your chair! LM: Wha...?! Becky, I asked you nicely to stop that! BL: Hee hee! [Deathbringer pulls POD to his feet and signals for The Scythe. As Deathbringer runs to the opposite ropes to gain momentum, Dr. Faustus reaches through the bottom rope and trips him. Deathbringer begins to step through the ropes to go after Faustus, but POD has sufficiently recovered and hammers Deathbringer with a double axe-handle. As he pulls Deathbringer back into the ring, POD wraps his hand around Deathbringer's neck, hoists him into the air and completes his own powerful choke slam by ramming him into the mat. He goes for the cover: 1 - 2 - kickout!] LM: And the tide of this match changed that quickly. These two warriors of death and destruction are certainly holding nothing back tonight. BL: What the hell is a "minion" anyway? [POD follows with a power bomb and again goes for the pin: 1 - 2 - kickout. As the POD goes to the ropes to speak with Dr. Faustus, Deathbringer suddenly sits up in the middle of the ring. Faustus quickly points this out to POD, who rushes over and plants a boot on Deathbringer's head. He pulls Deathbringer up and draws gasps from the crowd by hitting a tombstone piledriver. Deathbringer is motionless as POD calls for Faustus to throw him the bodybag.] LM: Hey, the loser is supposed to get zipped in the bodybag _after_ he's pinned. What is the Prince of Darkness up to? BL: Deathbringer isn't even moving. Do you think this match isn't over? [As POD unzips the bodybag and reaches down to roll Deathbringer into it, Deathbringer rolls him up in a small package: 1 - 2 - kick out! POD looks stunned as Deathbringer comes back to life, hitting a tombstone and applying the death claw in the middle of the ring.] LM: Deathbringer has the claw on the Prince of Darkness. This match could be over right here! [Deathbringer keeps the claw applied for more than a minute, but POD refuses to submit. Deathbringer hits a superplex and then hoists POD to the top turnbuckle for The Burial. As he begins to climb the ropes to get into postion for the dangerous piledriver off the top rope, there is a commotion in the aisle.] LM: What's going on in the aisle? It appears to be some commotion. BL: Maybe it's those minions of hell you've been waiting for. LM: I'm afraid it's even worse than that! It's Tiger Claw and Joe Latta! [Claw and Latta storm into the ring and begin beating on Deathbringer as the referee calls for the bell. POD slowly recovers and climbs from the ring, sneaking around and clotheslining the Coroner who was yelling for help. He then watches with satisfaction as Claw and Latta double-team Deathbringer. Latta holds Deathbringer to the mat as Claw climbs to the top rope and drops a leg across Deathbringer's throat. They pull him to his feet and Claw executes a reverse kick that knocks Deathbringer to the mat. As Latta stands over Deathbringer and slaps him, Claw calls for POD to toss him the bodybag.] LM: Oh no, they're going to put Deathbringer in the bodybag anyway! BL: Maybe the IIWF will start marketing these bodybags now. I think they would be a big seller. LM: You're disgusting! [As Claw and Latta lift Deathbringer's legs into the bodybag, there is a big pop as the Subway Psycho rushes down the aisle. Latta sees him and motions to Claw to evacuate the ring. The Psycho hits the ring and stands over Deathbringer, keeping an eye on the outside of the ring. The Prince of Darkness and Dr. Faustus slink off to the dressing room and Claw and Latta soon follow, laughing and pointing at the ring. Latta is heard to say "you're next" to the Psycho.] RA: Your winner in this match by disqualification: Deathbringer! BL: Deathbringer gets the win, but at what cost? Claw and Latta busted him up pretty good. LM: Thank goodness for the Subway Psycho. If not for him, there could have been major carnage in the ring tonight. BL: Yeah, those minions could have showed up. LM: And of course, the Psycho will be going up against Joe Latta on Saturday night in a third rail match. Perhaps some kind of vengeance will be eked out then... hang on... [The Subway Psycho motions at the Coroner and the Silverdome suddenly goes dark. When the lights come on moments later, the ring is empty.] LM: This is just . . . spooky! BL: Oh widdle Warry . . . ~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~ Brad "Bodybag" Kinder vs. Tiger Claw _.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-._ LM: You know it's a funn coincidence that we're here in the Pontiac Silverdome tonight, so close as it is to Detroit. BL: Why? Are Heat and Hirise going to appear? LM: No, because this is the home of Football's Detroit Lions. BL: You've lost me Larry. LM: Well, Detroit's Baseball team is the Tigers, and we're about to see Tiger Claw. BL: Larry, that was most pitiful set-up I've ever seen. LM: Maybe we should go to Sparkplug Lee..? BL: I think it's best. RA: Coming to the ring, hailing from the Arizona Desert, standing six foot six and weighing 295 pounds, the challenger, Brad "Bodybag" Kinder. [There is a mixed responce. Kinder slowly strides out, tensing his forearms and biceps. He smirks at a particularly well endowed female fan in a tight shirt. He stands on the apron for a long time before stepping over the ring rope and into the ring.] LM: There are some who would say that Kinder shouldn't be in this match, and that Billy Shakespeare should. BL: It's a matter of honor, y'know. LM: How's that again? BL: If by some fluke Claw were to lose, who would it be more honorable to lose to: Big Brad or Little Billy? LM: I thought you thought Shakespeare was cute. BL: Oh, he is, but cute is worth about _this_ much in the ring. [She displays two fingers held closely together] That is, unless you're me. [A cascade of Southeast Asian drums and bells begins.] RA: And the Intercontinental champion. Managed by the *ahem* incomparable Brian Lau, here is: Tiger Claw! [The music becomes louder as Lau leads Claw down the aisle.] LM: Frankly, this man scares me. BL: Tiger Claw or Brian Lau? LM: Claw, of course. BL: A mosquito scares you Larry. But I'll agree on one thing, Tiger Claw is a walking weapon. [The bell rings. After initial contact, Kinder gets the first impact move with an inverted power bomb. Prone, Tiger Claw lashes out with a heel that catches Brad in the midsection. Holding Kinder's head down, Claw lifts his knee for multiple strikes before "Bodybag" can power him away. Kinder staggers away shaking the pain from his head.] BL: I think he broke Kinder's nose. He may need surgery to get it looking right again. LM: Something I'm sure you're well aquainted with. BL: Excuse me? Did you say something? LM: [Immitating Becky] Who? Litle old me? BL: That's it. I'm adding you to my party guest list just so I can cross you off. [Tiger Claw attacks with a spin wheel kick that connects, and a second one which misses as Kinder ducks. Grabbing under the arms, Kinder tosses the smaller man hard into the corner.] LM: That sums up how this match will be. Claw's speed and attacks against Kinder's size and brute strength. BL: You know Larry, It's true what they say: It's not the size of a man that counts, but rather how he... LM: [Interupting] Quick, back to the ring! [Brad Kinder delivers a power bomb against the turnbuckle. Claw drops to one knee. Kinder twists on an arm bar. Tiger Claw grabs the rope and the Ref calls for the break. Instead, Kinder whips Claw back into the corner. Tiger Claw strikes out with a ram's head blow which smacks Kinder in the jaw. As Kinder goes to his knees, the Ref warns Claw against closed fist use. Lau jumps to the apron to protest the reprimand. Claw steps over and drives a reverse elbow into Kinder's kidney. Rollup - 1 - 2 - Kinder kicks out.] LM: I should mention at this time that this isn't a bout for the IC belt, but rather for a shot at the IC champion. Meaning that we could see this all again in a week. BL: Meaning that you get an extra week to try and learn the names of the moves you see tonight. [Incensed, Bodybag throws Tiger Claw into the ropes, catches him in a bearhug before turning it into a gut wrench suplex. Claw responds with a forearm blow and a back heel kick. Kinder retaliates with an Irish whip to the ropes followed by a back breaker. The two square off. Suddenly there is a shout and Brian Lau scrambles into the ring followed closely by a berserk Subway Psycho. Lau and Psycho slide out of the ring just as quickly, rushing up the aisle, where Subway catches up. Tiger Claw watches them and Kinder clotheslines him from behind. Claw ignores the attack and goes to the defence of Lau who is getting his face pressed into the concrete.] LM: Tiger Claw is ignoring this bout! He's turned his back on Kinder! He's getting into it with Subway Psycho! BL: Of course, Claw knows who keeps him in egg rolls. Kinder isn't going to give him anything he doesn't already have. Now Lau on the other hand... LM: ...will probably get him landed in jail. BL: Did someone once tell you that you were funny? [The referee counts - 3 - 4 - Kinder stands in the ring, demanding Tiger Claw return. All semblence of technique is gone as Subway and Claw flail away at each other - 5 - 6 - Claw slams Subway's head against the guard rail, delivering a knee into the midsection repeatedly until a fan smacks him with a "Ypsilanti loves the IIWF!" sign - 7 - 8 - 9 - Claw spins on the fan, and Psycho hiptosses Claw down the aisle - 10! The bell rings on the countout - Ding! Ding! Ding! While the chaos continues in the aisle, the referee raises Kinder's hand in victory. He receives little attention from the crowd, who are watching the action in the aisle.] RA: Here is your winner, by countout: Brad "Bodybag" Kinder! LM: Well, it's a victory for Bodybag here tonight, but you can bet that Brian Lau will find some way of denying Kinder his rightful shot at the belt. [The crack IIWF security team manages to separate the two. Subway slips their grasp and disappears backstage. Brian Lau wobbles to his feet and berates the officers who presumptively touched his wrestler. Lau guides Claw backstage. Kinder remains in the ring for a while longer, shouting insults, before casually striding out. He takes another long linger at the female fan before saying something to her that makes her blush and run away. Grinning he leaves. Cut to the announcers' table.] LM: Becky, that brings us to the end of tonight's action. BL: I know, Larry, I've got the card written down in front of me, too. LM: [clears his throat] Well, what a night of action we've seen here in the Pontiac Silverdome! I've just heard that the official attendance for tonight's event is 89,342, which is astonishing! I'd like to thank all the great fans who've made the trip to see the IIWF live, and everybody who's invited us into their homes this evening on live television. BL: Eeew. Enough, already, Larry. You're such a brown-tonguer. LM: Now, Becky, that's not nice. Anyhow, we'll be back next week, coming at you from the Kingdome in Seattle, Washington. We should have another fantastic card for you, so don't miss one moment of the action. Don't forget that the IIWF's next stop is the Pasadena Rose Bowl for Saturday Night - what a great event that promises to be. BL: It won't be _that_ great. I'm not going to be there. LM: Who's the lucky guy this week, Becky? Is it... [Becky glares at Larry] ...forget it. For the beautiful Becky LaRue, this is Larry Morton, wishing you all a good night! So long from the Silverdome! [Cut to swirling shots of the fans in the crowd. Pan up to the IIWF banner that hangs from the roof of the Silverdome. Fade.] +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= I * I * W * F =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+ | Send mail to iiwf@sisko.demon.co.uk with the subject lines: | | "send faq" for the FAQ + "send singles" or "send tag" for the | | rosters + "send handlers" for a list of handlers | +----------------------------------------------------------------------+ | IIWF Home: http://users.ox.ac.uk/~univ0322/iiwf/ | +----------------------------------------------------------------------+ | Submit material for the Report to iiwf@sisko.demon.co.uk | +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+