##### ###### ### ########## ########## ########## #### ## ########## ########## ########## #### # #### ######## ##### ##### #### ## ##### #### #### #### #### ### #### #### #### #### ############# ######### #### #### ########### ######### #### #### #### #### #### ######### ######### ### #### #### ######### ######### ### ## #### ######## ######## ## # #### =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- ## =-=-=-= INTERNATIONAL INTERNET WRESTLING FEDERATION =============================================== Control Centre Report -- 19 July 1996 ----------------------------------------------- Hi there, everybody, and welcome to another IIWF Control Centre update! I'm Larry Morton, still standing in for my colleague Tim Dross, and what a show we've got for you today. Among other things, today I'll be: - running down the results of Wednesday night's Midweek Mayhem, which originated from the Pontiac Silverdome - getting the latest information on the IIWF Tag Team Championship tournament - looking forward to tomorrow night's main event from the Rose Bowl, Pasadena, CA - getting our first news on the next IIWF pay-per-view spectacular, IIWF Midsummer Madness As well as all that, Tim Dross will be bringing us his Dross Report from his home as he convalesces, and the IIWF superstars will have all their usual trash talk. So let's get straight to it, and talk about all the action we saw on Wednesday night: IIWF Midweek Mayhem - 17 July 1996 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ It was quite a rush to be broadcasting live from the Pontiac Silverdome on Wednesday night with almost ninety thousand people in attendance. A good time was had by all the fans who turned out in such numbers, and they saw a great card. Let's run down the results: - BLACKJACK HALEY continued his mission to maim by hospitalising POCO SEGUENTE in the opening match of the evening. - Two newcomers wrestled each other: MR. DAMAGE bested THE ENFORCER in a hard-fought battle. - "LEGEND" BRANDON BENNETT made his debut, and the teacher of Dan "Flash" Kauffman was quite impressive against MAJESTIC MAURICE McARTHUR, whom he defeated in a highly scientific encounter. Let's get comments from Bennett: [SCENE: At "Legend's Labyrinth" in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, Brandon Bennett teaches a new student how to reverse a hammerlock and turn it into a pin while not putting his own shoulders at risk of being pinned. After the student successfully does the reversal, Bennett tells the student to work with an older student, and walks over to the camera. He speaks:] "Why did I decide to enter the world of the IIWF? I suppose that is a question on a lot of people's minds. I entered the ring for two reasons. One, everyone in this building, and in their current wrestling careers, has told me that in the ring is where I belong, proving to everyone that I am indeed a superb technical wrestler. The other reason I will not reveal as of yet... but the second reason will become clear when it is put into motion. I look forward to competing with the best the IIWF has to offer. And as my protege and friend Dan Kauffman likes to say, let the games begin. [Fade as Bennett goes back to his students.] - DON ANTONIO beat "PAINBRINGER" BILLY SEXTON in a highly controversial finish - the Don's right hand man, Vinny Cappicola, was on hand to prevent Sexton from kicking out of a pinfall attempt by holding his legs down to the canvas. Let's hear from Sexton: [Camera fades into Billy Sexton obviously very upset stomping around the IIWF interview Area. Sexton stops and looks straight into the camera. He speaks:] "OH YEAH! Take a good look at what is going on in this Fed. For the past two weeks I've been robbed... that's right, robbed, baby. I _won_ both my matches... well baby i'm not enjoying this one bit. " [Sexton stops, turns around, and rips down the IIWF banner that is behind him.] "Baby, I don't care any longer... I challenge anyone to step into the ring with the Painbringer. Or are you wimps afraid?! I know you're afraid of the pain. Well, baby, I don't care...just come on down 'cause Billy Sexton is in town. And pain is coming your way. OH YEAH!" [Fade] And Sexton will be back in action this Saturday night. I pity his opponent. - In the first of two tag team tournament matches, the ATOMIC DESTROYERS defeated THE RETURNERS. Let's get comments from the Senator and his men as they watch a rather unusual spectacle: [SCENE: The State prison, Somewhere in Nevada. We see The Senator, The Hangman and The Atomic Destroyers sitting in chairs facing the gallows. All are awaiting a hanging.] The Senator: It's about five minutes to the show, boys. The Hangman: I went to school with the guy who's pulling the lever. Speaking of levers, Altair - I hear you have retired, that's probably the smartest thing you have ever done. If the IIWF security forces had not stopped me, you, sir, would have been looking forward to what this fellow tonight is: the pine box. Larn: I for one am glad that Altair is gone, he had to be the worst idiot I have ever come across. The Senator has informed Steriod and myself that we face the soup boys next. Gentleman, have you ever seen a bowl of alphabet soup ingested before? I think you will regret the day you ever stepped into the ring with The Atomic Destroyers! Steriod: You know, Larn, I remember eating a bowl of Alphabet soup after a heavy drinking binge. The second look I had at it was really gross. Soup boys stay home if you know what's good for you. Larn: Hehehe - BBQ soup, interesting! The Hangman: Mr. Cell; so you have signed for the First Blood match. I have never lost this match. I wonder what colour of blood you have. You sir have an appointment with THE HANGMAN. The Senator: Boys - the show is about to begin. [We see a black hooded man walk up the stairs to the gallows. He checks the levers and doors after preparing his rope. The warden leads a hooded figure up the stairs and places the noose around the figures neck. We hear muffled sobbing. As the warden walks down the stairs, we hear the trap door open and a loud snap. Fade] Only the Senator would take his wrestlers to see a hanging. We apologise for any offence caused by that segment. - LAW & DISORDER defeated THE ARMED FORCES on a disqualification. The Armed Forces aren't happy with their performance so far in the IIWF, and they're determined to turn things around: [Scene opens in Aaron the Caddy's luxury condo near Coral Gables, FL. The Armed Forces, NavCom and DefCon, are in the pool taking a nice, relaxing swim with a couple of blondes. They're pretty much cash. Aaron is sitting on the side, reading the Wall Street Journal and sipping his favorite drink, a Martini...] Aaron: Hey, you know how you killed the United Nations the other day? NavCom: Yeah. Aaron: Well, they're out of the league now. Defcon: Pussies. Aaron: It just seems like this league doesn't have any quality tag teams. But, did you see the ratings? We're still in dead last! Defcon: Man, what the f**k. [Defcon hops out of the pool and runs over to a table where the latest edition of "IIWF Weekly" is setting. Defcon picks it up and sees that the Armed Forces are at the bottom of the list.] Defcon: That's lame. Stunt Team? They're terrible. NavCom: Stunt Team's ahead of us? Oh, man. I've never seen a tag team with less balls than those two. Maybe if we just kick their homosexuality into next week, the commish will pull his head out and realize that we are all that. Aaron: I'll get on it right away...you two just tell the Stunt Doubles what you want. [Aaron leaves the scene, apparently heading for his office, located on the 4th floor of the building, overlooking the campus of the University of Miami.] Defcon: Stunt Team...did you see that match we had with the Nations? Vorkian and Tora are laying in a hospital somewhere, licking their wounds. Are you guys man enough to come and face that same kind of punishment? NavCom: I doubt it. Come to us, Stunt Team. You've got that "USA" at the end of your names... well, you haven't earned that yet!! I spent 5 years in the military working for this country, and it's punks like you two who try to abuse the name! Stunt Team, get in the ring, next Saturday, and we'll show you the next IIWF World Tag Team Champions!!!! [Fade] - In the second tournament match, STUNT TEAM USA pulled a fast one on the unpredictable ALPHABET BOYS, and got the victory through judicious use of two Elvis lamps. - The SUBWAY PSYCHO made short work of MAGUS in a defence of his IIWF World Heavyweight Championship, but was forced to make a hasty exit due to the arrival of the police, who have still failed to apprehend the Psycho. - DEATHBRINGER defeated the PRINCE OF DARKNESS by disqualification in a bodybag match, when Tiger Claw and Joe Latta attacked 'Bringer. The Subway Psycho arrived on the scene to repay Deathbringer for the save he made for the champ a couple of weeks ago. [SCENE: Prince of Darkness and Dr. Faustus in a darkened corner of the IIWF interview area.] PoD: Deathbringer... we still have a score to settle. I don't consider a DQ loss a real loss. You won't beat something you don't understand. I won't say you can't beat me. You can. I won't say you can't hurt me. You can. However, I won't say I'll lay down nicely either. The lights are going out... hide under your covers... a stranger is watching your every move. [Fade] And let's hear from Deathbringer himself: [SCENE: The mortuary. Deathbringer and the Coroner stand between some caskets] The Coroner: "Latta, Claw, Lau... You bunch of morons start making ME angry! On one hand you say you are not afraid of Deathbringer, but on the other hand you attack him from behind. Now this tells something about your real feelings, doesn't it? Afterall it seems as if you're even more scared than any other wrestler here in the IIWF." Deathbringer: "Latta and Claw... Your time has finally come. I once more ask you to step into the ring against me and I ask you for the last time. But whatever your answer is: Watch your backs for I could somewhen somewhere suddenly appear right behind you and when you notice me it will be too late. The next time we meet I will put you six feet under, guaranteed. Prince of Darkness... Our feud is not settled either... But at the moment you are not my primary topic. So just keep out of my way and everything will be fine. Dare to offend me and I will put the three of you into a common grave..." [Deathbringer disappears in some heavy fog, leaving the Coroner alone] The Coroner: "Let me say some final words to you, Brian Lau: Watch your boys and tell them not to interfere into my man's business again. They'll have their chance if they accept Deathbringer's challenge. But if there should be some interference again, Lau, I think _we_ have to talk... It has been some years since my active days in the rings, but I guess it'll still be enough to beat the hell out of you... So beware!" [Fade] - BRAD "BODYBAG" KINDER defeated TIGER CLAW via a countout, again due to the interference of the Subway Psycho, who chased Brian Lau up the aisle, causing Claw to take off up the aisle to the rescue. Kinder has now earned a shot at Claw, which is tentatively scheduled for next Wednesday night - although I'm sure Brian Lau is going to have something to say about that. In fact, let's hear from Lau now: [SCENE: Brian Lau, Sasha, and Kenny Tanaka are heading up the path to the large front door of the Dojo.] KT: Brian, I hope you don't mind me bringing along the camera crew... BL: No problem. There's a few things I want to talk about, then I can grab the paperwork and we'll go... [Brian faces the camera] BL: Okay, let's see... Billy Shakespeare, that was a nice speech you gave on Tuesday. The whole thing about actors, agents, etcetera... Well, here's the flaw in your logic: This isn't a stage or a movie set, and I am not merely an agent. I am the manager of the Intercontinental champion. I got him there, and we agree on that. I am also a legal mastermind. Say what you want, but the fact still remains that I don't think you're worthy of a shot. Go whine somewhere else. Umm, now Brad Kinder... Normally, I wouldn't award a shot for a count out victory, but I kind of like you, so you've got it... I know that everyone thought I'd deny you the chance, and I was about to, but I think you're a good competitor, so you've got it next week. Deathbringer... I can't be bothered addressing him or the Venusian Death Cell again. [By this time, the group has reached the door, and Brian pulls out his keys. As he goes to unlock the door, it swings open. The group exchanges puzzled looks. They go into the Dojo. The lighting equipment of the camera crew illuminates the interior, and the place is a mess. Grafitti is spray painted across the many mirrors on the walls, the heavy bags are cut open, and rubble covers the floor.] BL: No... NO... Oh, god, no... The Dojo is a mess! What the hell went on here!? Oh, wait a second. I hope... [Brian runs over to one corner of the Dojo to see the remains of what used to be the Spring House sculpture. The words "WALK THE THIRD RAIL" are spray painted on the wall.] BL: THAT BASTARD! Oh, boy... He's a DEAD MAN! How DARE he do this? I mean, the vandalism is one thing, but when Tiger Claw sees this sculpture smashed, he'll go ballistic! Oh, my god... Look at this. Everything is ruined! [Brian kind of slumps down onto what used to be a bench and puts his head in his hands.] Sasha: Brian, The Subway Psycho did this... the "Third Rail" refers to that match against Joe this Saturday. Brian: I know who did it... He's going to pay... [Brian's look of rage suddenly turns into a maniacal smile.] BL: Oh... Wait a minute... Do you remember what Daniel Spreadbury said? The Championship committee is going to be watching Psycho's actions... This is more vandalism and burglary... Put that on top of the thing we were talking about earlier and he's finished! He's an EX-champion... There's no way they can overlook this. [Brian turns to the Camera.] BL: Are you listening out there, Psycho? Listen to me, because I'm only going to say this once. Psycho, you have this Third Rail match... Joe wants a shot at you, and he's going to get it. Unfortunately for you, you won't be champion by the time it happens. I also hear through the grapevine that you want both Joe and Tiger Claw in the ring for a tag match. Bring whatever partner you want, because you'll need help. Tiger Claw is going to pound you into the dirt. This is the beginning of the end of your career. First the criminal activities, and then the loss of your health. It's over. Oh, and expect a bill for the repairs here. I know how much you make now, Psycho, and I'm going to drain you of every penny. When I'm through with you, that waste Mench will look impressive compared to you. I'll leave you with nothing. I've taken your companion, I've taken your money, I'll take your belt, and I'll take your career. MARK MY WORDS! Sasha: Don't worry, Brian, he'll pay. I promise that. Kenny: I can't believe this. What are we going to tell Joe and Tiger Claw? BL: We'll tell them everything. It'll give them more of a reason to punish Psycho... KT: Well, folks... Take a look at what your wonderful World Champion has done. First, he trashes the New York transit system, then he assaults Brian Lau, then he threatens us with murder. Now he openly breaks into the Dojo and vandalizes it. Please, call the IIWF head offices and let your thoughts be known. I know I will. Brian, good luck at the upcoming championship committee meeting... BL: Thank you, Kenny, but I honestly think that with this evidence, plus the other papers we have, we'll be getting our way. KT: In the meantime, this is Kenny Tanaka for Sasha and Brian Lau saying so long, everybody! [As camera fades, Brian can be heard saying "Oh, god, look what he did on my desk!"] Oh my! These are highly serious allegations! This throws a whole new light on an interview I conducted with the Psycho late last night: [SCENE: The D-train. Larry Morton holds onto a strap as he rides the subway into the Bronx.] LM: Hello there, wrestling fans! I guess you're wondering what I'm doing riding the Subway. Well, I got a message to be here on this train and to wait here. I think I have a pretty good idea who it is. [The train stops and a man in an overcoat and a fedora gets on and stands behind Larry. The collar on the coat is pulled up and the hat is pulled down low.] LM: Exscuse me sir, but you're crowding me. If you wouldn't mind backing up... ["Recognize this?" says that man as he opens a portion of his overcoat to reveal the IIWF World Championship belt.] LM: Oh excuse me, Psycho. I didn't recognize you. SP: That's okay, Larry. That's the idea. I suddenly have a lot of people looking for me, so I like to keep a low profile. LM: Well Psycho, I imagine you have a lot to say. Why did you bring me down here? SP: I'm not terribly proud of my recent behaviour. I would like to reply to Casey James and the Man of Steel, both of whom have been better citizens than me as of late. I too am tired of the run-ins and the rule breaking. And sadly I am part of the problem. I wish I could trust myself to take a stand with the two of them against the outbreak of rule bending in the IIWF. But I know that I cannot control myself when someone like Lau is pushing my buttons. I really hate to have someone have power over me like this. But I truly respect what Casey and Man of Steel stand for. LM: Give us more thoughts on the Lau, his Syndicate, and Sasha. SP: Yeah, I would like to address Sasha's claim to half my earnings. [He grows agitated] Sasha knows damn well that I'm not in the sport for the money. God knows I can earn a lot, but I have no need for material things. I live in the stinking subway tunnels, Larry. I could own a penthouse in Trump Plaza by now, if I wanted it, but I don't. Most of my money goes to charities, or finds its way to people who need it. So as far as I'm concerned the new jet of Sasha's is just a symbol of all the good that money could have done for people who need it, but instead Lau's ass is riding around in it. LM: What about Lau's main man? What about Tiger Claw? And what about the serious allegations Lau made about you and a gun? SP: I'm the first to admit that I haven't been a model champion. But the complete lack of respect that Claw has for the Intercontinental Championship is sickening. First he doesn't show up against the VDC, then he and Lau invent some obscure rules where he has to be beaten twice to lose the title. Well I made sure, he lost his first defence against Kinder, not that I'm too thrilled with Kinder either, and as far as his non-appearance against the VDC, I would really not even want to comment on it. He is not worthy of that title. LM: Lau blamed Claw's no-show on you. What about the gun? SP: Look at me Larry. Does it look like I need a gun to hurt someone? I don't have a gun, and I never have had a gun. Nobody ever saw me with a gun, and even Lau admits that you can't see it on the tape. It's just a pathetic attempt to add something to his case against me. LM: Yeah, about that, we all know what you can do in the ring. But Lau and Sasha have some book smarts and some knowledge of the law. How do you plan to keep up with all this legal mumbo-jumbo being thrown around? [The train makes a stop and the doors open as various passengers get on and off. The Psycho holds up one arm and whistles. A small, skinny, dirty man gets on and cowers next to the Subway Psycho. It is Psycho's new valet, Mench. The doors close and the train goes on.] SP: When people see bums on the street, they think they're all crazy or uneducated. They don't stop to get to know them. The IIWF is gonna get to know Mench a little better. Mench, tell Mr. Morton what you did for a living before you went underground. Mench: [Looks up sheepishly to the Psycho, as if to make sure he's allowed to speak. He tentatively begins...] I...I was once a... a lawyer. A lawyer here...in the city. I was an assistant DA, and then, then I...I moved on into a big firm. Big firm, where I had a big office, and...and I made a lot of people lots of...mon, mon, money. [He grows frightened, fearing he may have said to much, and hides behind the Psycho] SP: [Laughs] You wouldn't know it, but Mench was, and still is a terrific lawyer. He was one of the very best. He just need a little confidence in himself again. LM: Well I guess you learn something new everyday. You're getting ready for one of the most unique matches in wreslting. Your own personal favorite, a Third Rail Match, against Brian Lau's Joe Latta. What's your take on that? SP: Like you said, the Third Rail Match is my favorite match. Joe Latta isn't gonna know what to do. I've lived on rails my whole life. He stuck his nose into my affairs and he's gonna learn what its like to be in my world, the hard way! [The conductor announces the 161st street station over the PA] LM: Well, that's my stop. I'm gonna take in a Yankees game while I'm here. Thankyou for the insight, and the company. SP: You're always welcome on these trains, Larry. [Larry Morton gets off the train and it pulls away, with the Subway Psycho and Mench still on board. Fade] The Psycho seemed fairly calm when I spoke to him, but if that damage to the Dojo really is the work of Subway, then tomorrow's Championship Committee meeting could yield some interesting results. We'll keep you updated on this situation. As well as all that action, there was a mysterious interference from an unknown figure who appeared at the head of the aisle, and disappeared as suddenly as he appeared, but left a huge cloud of dust in the ring which knocked out the two wrestlers who were preparing for their match. We'll have more on this mysterious individual in just a moment. IIWF World Tag Team Championship Round Robin Tournament ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Another two matches in the tournament have gone down; let's take another look at the brackets: | |A|S|R| | | |B|T|e|A| |H|o|U|t|t| |P|y|S|'|o| |D|s|A|s|m| Key: ---------------------+-+-+-+-+-+ High Plains Drifters |\| |H|H| | H = Drifters win ---------------------+-+-+-+-+-+ A = Alphabet Boys win Alphabet Boys | |\|U| | | U = Stunt Team USA win ---------------------+-+-+-+-+-+ R = Returners win Stunt Team USA |H|U|\| | | D = Atomic Destroyers win ---------------------+-+-+-+-+-+ The Returners |H| | |\|D| ---------------------+-+-+-+-+-+ Atomic Destroyers | | | |D|\| ---------------------+-+-+-+-+-+ 20/7/96: Alphabet Boys vs. High Plains Drifters 24/7/96: Stunt Team USA vs. Returners 27/7/96: Atomic Destroyers vs. Alphabet Boys 31/7/96: Stunt Team USA vs. Alphabet Boys Returners vs. Alphabet Boys 3/8/96: Atomic Destroyers vs. High Plains Drifters The Drifters still have the best record so far, with two wins out of two, but this Saturday, they'll be going up against the unorthodox Alphabet Boys, and that could prove to be their greatest test yet. Newcomers Update ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ As promised, let's bring you up to speed on the arrival of a new force here in the IIWF. Following impromptu appearances on the past two cards, the mysterious figure who leaves dust and darkness in his wake has finally been named. He is the Sandman, and before we discuss the implications his arrival has for the IIWF, let's take a look at his vital statistics: THE SANDMAN Weight: 275lbs Height: 6'7" Origin: Unknown Appearance: All white mask with no facial features, just two eye holes. White wrestling pants with Sandman written in black on the right side. White boots with black soles. A tattoo of the word "Sleeper" written in a band-like form around his right forearm. Theme music: "Mr. Sandman" by Method Man Orientation: Heel Five favourite moves: 1. Sleeper hold 2. Brainbuster suplex 3. Legsweep faceslam 4. Reverse neckbreaker 5. Flying lariat. Finishing move: The Nightmare - similar to a choke slam but he palms the opponent's face, picks them up and slams the back of their head into the mat. Primary attributes: 1. Strength 2. Intelligence 3. Technical. Profile: The Sandman posesses tremendous strength and knowledge. A technical wrestler whose primary target is the head and neck area. Has speed and cat-like agility with razor sharp senses. Movement in the ring is very fluid and smooth. Symbolically he points to his tattoo "Sleeper" before he finishes his opponent with the Nightmare. Because of his mysterious ways he has the element of intimidation and fear. Characterized as a heel but never cheats. [Handler: Vinny Rinehard (via ernmayer@vt.edu)] Now, the Sandman is the leader of a new stable here in the IIWF, to be known as the Dark Knights. What is more surprising is that already established IIWF stars have revealed that they were infiltrating the league, sizing up their opponents, on the behalf of the Sandman, and now they are coming out of the woodwork to join him in Operation Knightmare. Let's hear from the Dark Knights: [SCENE: A throne room in a medieval castle. The only light is that from candles which flicker and flash giving us glimpses of the skulls they sit upon. The camera pans across a dimly-lit room filled with warriors' armor, and stops on some silhouetted figures walking towards it. Slowly they come into view, yet it's still hard to distinguish how many of them there are because they are followed by a mysterious dust cloud. Fractions of light reflect off the slivery armor and dance around the room as if they're celebrating something. Three of them emerge from the clouds and sit in thrones while shadows of others appear all around the room. The faces of the three are underlit giving them a devious quality.] Sandman: [in a royal commanding voice] I am the Sandman and with me are my fellow Dark Knights. I am the collective fears and nightmares of the world, I'm the one who creeps at night and lurks in the shadows, and I'm the one who puts people to sleep. You see the Knights use misguided souls like Flare as meer pawns in our DARK game. If you think we're newcomers, you're sadly mistaken - for some of us have already established positions in the IIWF. Some still remain anonymous so be forewarned about those around you. We are everywhere! The sleeper has awakened and check mate is unavoidable! Fear the darkness - because - we - are - your worst nightmare! Phantom X: Soon everyone in this federation will be at the mercy of The Dark Knights. Once we set our plan in motion, nobody will be able to stop us, and we won't quit until every element is taken care of perfectly. If anyone tries to stop us while we are on our mission, they will get burned. You ever hear the expression "When you play with fire, you are going to get burned"? In the case of the other wrestlers in the IIWF: when you play with the Dark Knights, you are going to get burned! Brad Kinder: There is now a new order in the IIWF, an order of DARKNESS. There will be no prisoners taken, nor will there be any mercy. We intend to take down any wrestler or any stable that does not part with us. Our wrath will be felt this Saturday night in our tag match. At that time, EVERYONE will know who we are, and what intentions we have for the wrestling world. As the Sandman said, watch your back, because we can be anywhere, at any given time. You now have been warned. Now, let the clouds and heavens DARKEN as we prepare to take everyone down - one by one, piece by piece. . . [Fade] So there you have it, folks! Former Horseman Brad Kinder has joined the Dark Knights, as well as relative newcomer Phantom. Well, we shall indeed see the Knights in action this Saturday night in a six-man tag encounter. More on that later... What agenda do the Knights have for the IIWF? Only time will tell... Trash Talk ~~~~~~~~~~ Casey James is a little alarmed that nobody has yet agreed to join his alliance: [SCENE: Once again in the IIWF studio with that flashy backdrop] CJ: It really pains me that nobody has contacted me about the proposed alliance I spoke of. Let me make this clear. If we don't band together and put a stop to what's going on in the IIWF, we all might as well make our reservations in the hospital. The Retirement Suite to be exact. We're in grave danger. Man of Steel and I will do our best, but we're only two men. Let's be realistic. Two men against over half of the IIWF just won't work. On another note, I noticed that Blackjack Haley decided to single me out in his comments recently. I'd be happy to face you in the ring, big guy... I saw a lot of potential in you, and knew that with the right guidance, you'd be a great competitor. Unfortunately, you got wrapped up with Flare and the Horsemen. Now you cheat, lie, and openly drink alcohol on the air. What kind of message are you sending out to the kids watching the IIWF broadcasts? I think you need something to straighten you out, and I'd be glad to be the one to do it. In the meantime, I want the IIWF to consider my comments. Believe me when I say it's the only way we're going to survive. [Fade] "Showstopper" Simon Lebec also has a few words for Tony Starks: [SCENE: "Showstopper" Simon Lebec stands in the interview area with his entourage. He speaks:] "Starks... you say that I don't know what I'm getting myself into? I know exactly what I'm getting myself into. You're a thief... plain and simple. A common, no class hood! You don't scare me. You want to dedicate your next match to little old me? GREAT!! That's so sweet of you!! I can't wait to get you in that ring. I'm gonna settle the score, don't you worry about that!! I'm so sick of playing second fiddle to all of you losers in the IIWF! _NONE_ of you are good enough to lace up my wrestling boots!! You're all gonna see a new and improved "Showstopper". Starks, you'll be my first stepping stone to that title." [Fade] Marshall Law and Ace Maverick, Law & Disorder, have made quite an impact on the tag team scene here in the IIWF. Let's get comments from them now: [The scene is the front of the Lincoln Memorial in Washington DC. "We Will Rock You" by Queen plays in the background. Camera pans to the IIWF's newest masked superstars, Ace Maverick and Marshall Law. Hundreds surround the steps waiting for the two phenoms to sign autographs. Their valet, Liberty, stands alongside Law & Disorder.] ML: Hello, nation's capital! [loud fan ovation] The bomb has landed in DC! [raises his fist] And guess who's.... [tone shift] T H E B O M B! [Camera pans to a plane tailing behind a message in the sky, "Law & Disorder". Loud fan ovation.] AM: Law & Disorder! That's our trademark and that is exactly what the fans of IIWF wrestling is going to experience. Root, root, root! [fist/palm strike] We are showtime, with a mean streak! It's Marshall Law. It's Ace Maverick. And, you all will witness a wrestling display like you never thought possible! For the first time, we are together, as allies! Awwww, yeah! [Ace highfives Marshall Law] ML: Who's layin' down the law? [Fans yell in unison, "MARSHALL LAW!"] AM: Together, we are one. Law & Disorder is on the rise in the IIWF. We will not dissapoint you [pointing to the crowds]. Owwwww! Let's rock! [fist/palm strike] [Law and Ace begin to sign autographs for the mob of spectators. Fade.] And finally for now, let's hear from Josey Wales' Posse: [SCENE: Josey Wales' private gym, inside his Arizona Ranch. Pale Rider, Easy Rider, the Outlaw, and the Crippler stop their workouts and gather around Josey.] JW: Men...A new task has been thrust upon us. A new enemy, if you will, has emerged. The Senator, that ever-increasingly troublesome varmint, has raised the stakes. Altair will no longer be with us. The Hangman has made sure of that. I have seen, and I have done, many things in my life. But I have never seen a man try to hang another man in that way. They have to learn who it is they are dealing with! They have to learn who runs the IIWF now! If this is the way they want to conduct business, we shall play their game, and we shall play it meaner, nastier, and with more gut felt, blood curdling, vengeance and spite than they have ever known! The gloves are off. I'm sick of going out into the IIWF arenas and hearing cheers from those idiot kids! That tells me we're not doing something right. VDC finally showed why I enlisted him. I want to see the rest of you drawing blood! I want to see you breaking bones! I want to hear people boo! And when we enter the arena, I want mothers to hide the eyes of their children. The whole IIWF has to pay for the Senator's actions. I want nobody safe from the Posse! Pale Rider: Okay, I can do that. Easy Rider: Uh, what about titles boss? With all the blood and guts, can we get some gold too? [Josey Wales grabs the big man's arm and spins him around, wrenching the arm at the shoulder and elbow] JW: [Sarcastically] No, you moron. Don't ever try to win a match again. [Releases the hold] Of course I want you all with belts. Now, you and Pale are doing an excellent job so far. You're undefeated in the tournament and have far and away the best record in the IIWF. If those stupid city-slickered suits in the IIWF Championship Committee had any sense you would be champs already. I'm proud of what the two of you have done and I want you to keep it up. But I don't want you to just DEFEAT your opponents. I want you to BEAT them! Do you understand the difference? Easy Rider: Oh, you mean... [Pale Rider interrupts to stop Easy from saying something stupid again] Pale Rider: Gotcha boss. Fight mean. Fight the way we used to. If you chop off a snake's head, it can't rise up against you later and bite you. We'll make sure that nobody ever wants to get in the ring with us more than once. You can count on that. JW: [Turns to Outlaw and Crippler] That goes for the two of you as well. Champ, what are you gonna do besides busting up my herd? I hope you plan on getting your belt back. I think it's time to get back on that horse you fell off of. You ain't wary of the ring now, is ya? MO: I ain't wary of nothing, just ask Flare and the rest of the Horsemen. And I didn't fall off of any horse, I just rode it into the ground. Remember that! Tony Starks, I thought the IIWF was rid of you when I crippled you in the ring. You're like that bad meal in the IIWF cafeteria that keeps coming back. Well, this Saturday, Starks, I plan to finish the job. You said you wanted a piece of the Outlaw, well you're gonna get the whole thing Saturday night. And hombre, I'm more than you can handle! Hangman, you stuck your hand in a rattlesnake pit when you messed with Altair and put him out of wrestling. Then you challenged VDC. What you failed to realize is that Altair isn't the meanest hombre in the Posse. Neither is the VDC. I'm the champion of the Posse! You want blood? I'm your huckleberry. It's time for a little frontier justice to be doled out . . . Outlaw style. The world title can wait. Josey's right that we need to take care of Posse business first and that means getting down and dirty. I want the suits in the IIWF front office to get me a match with Hangman and then get the stretcher ready to haul his carcass away from the ring. And maybe they should bring several stretchers for all the polecats in the Senator's camp. Get ready, Senator. You and your boys are about to be impeached! JW: And, Crippler, [sarcastically again] if your therapy is going okay, I would like to get you into the middle of the race for the Intercontinental Title, if you can make the time. There are a lot of no-good lily-livered punks going for that title right now. You are gonna go in there and take that title for the Posse. You should have no problem winning it. You're better than any of 'em! Crippler: [Chuckling a bit beneath his mask] Wales, you want broken bones? You want bodies in the street? You want blood to flow? Well...you came to the right guy. I came to the IIWF to try and restore some order. Now I see that order only comes out of CHAOS. Out of pain. The Intercontinental belt will be mine. And I will take it over the broken bodies of mine, of OUR [gesturing to the posse], enemies. Anyone that gets in my way...PREPARE TO BE CRIPPLED!!! JW: [Takes a long drag on his cigar] Ya know boys, I'm really likin' the way we're coming together. Senator, you've been doing a lot of talkin'. But you know, the Posse is the baddest bunch of hombres in town. Just ask Flare. [Crippler laughs]. The Crippler is like a machine, once he's set in motion, he cannot be stopped. The Outlaw is our champion. He'll take on any challenge and represent our name against anyone. The High Plains Drifters are gonna be the first to bring home the gold. So Atomic Destroyers, don't think that you can walk into one of their matches and disrupt things. You tangle with one of us, and you tangle with all of us. Be warned. A man has got to know his limitations, and apparently you haven't learned yours. [Tosses his cigar aside] Enough of the lally-gaggin'! Back to work! [The Posse dispurse and resume their workouts. Fade] IIWF Saturday Night - 20 July 1996 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Tomorrow night's card will come live from the Rose Bowl in Pasadena, California, and what a great night it's going to be! Let's run down the card as it stands: "Nuclear" John Bomber vs. "Nifty" Ned Norton [J] [D] John Bomber has certainly made an impact on the fans here in the IIWF, and he'll be hoping to not only give the fans quite a show, but also to blast "Nifty" Ned into the middle of next week. "Painbringer" Billy Sexton vs. Mr. Damage [D] Billy Sexton may not have had the luckiest of starts in the IIWF, but he's determined to turn that luck around, beginning tomorrow night. He'll be trying to put an end to the winning streak of the Australian destroyer, Mr. Damage. Stunt Team USA vs. The Guiding Lights [D] Did the Guiding Lights, Nate Lawson and Greg Augustine, make a mistake when they challenged Ron and Steve to a match on Saturday night? Stunt Team USA have been on a roll as of late, with a victory over the Alphabet Boys on Wednesday night. On the other hand, the Guiding Lights have made an impressive start here in the IIWF, and have beaten both the Armed Forces and the former IIWF tag team champions, Steamroller. This one will be a close encounter! The Guiding Lights made their challenge earlier in the week: [SCENE: Nate Lawson and Greg Augustine stand in the IIWF interview area.] GA: We are on roll in this fed, winning our two first matches.... NL: And beating the former tag team champs, while injuring one of them. GA: We want a shot at Stunt Team USA! NL: Yeah, guys - that's a challenge! Do you accept or are you going to hide from us? GA: We'll be waiting for your response - see you in the ring on Saturday night, losers! [Fade] American Heroes vs. The Rotundos [J] [D] Casey James and the Man Of Steel are ready to step back into the ring, and they'll be facing the overweight Rotundos tomorrow night. Casey and Steel are still waiting for other IIWF do-gooders to join them in their quest to take a stand against all that is unjust in the IIWF. Perhaps there'll be some developments on that front tomorrow night. -------------------------------------------------- IIWF World Tag Team Championship Tournament Match: -------------------------------------------------- Alphabet Boys vs. High Plains Drifters The Drifters have the best record so far in the round robin tournament, and are probably the favourites in this match, but the Alphabet Boys always have the element of surprise on their side, and I think they're more than capable of pulling out a victory tomorrow night. If the Drifters were to win this match, they'd practically be guaranteed the IIWF Tag Team Championship, so for the sake of interest, let's hope that Abie and Zed entertain us all, and take the victory. The Punster vs. Blackjack Haley The Punster made an impressive debut last week on Midweek Mayhem, and he'll be hoping to carry that momentum into this match against the slightly unscrewed Haley. The big man has been a highly dangerous force since the split of the Horsemen, and that fuse of his seems even shorter than ever. He's possibly the most dangerous man in the IIWF at the moment, and the Punster's just going to have to be careful not to rile him up - although if the Punster's last match is any kind of measuring stick, he's going to infuriate the giant to kingdom come. It's going to be a very exciting encounter, we can be sure of that. ----------------------- Six-man Tag Team Match: ----------------------- The Dark Knights vs. Deja Vu & Majestic Maurice McArthur [J] This will be our first chance to see the Dark Knights collectively in action - all eyes will particularly be on the Sandman, the mysterious individual who's been making appearances at recent shows. Will Ben Dare, Don Thatt and Triple M have what it takes to put the Knights away? Something tells me that they won't. Fisto Flash vs. Robski Fisto Flash has been somewhat controversially reinstated into active competition, and his return match will be against Robski. Both of these guys are hooligans who'll do anything for a victory, so I'd expect them to be pulling out all the stops in this one. Let's get comments from Fisto right now: [SCENE: Surf Avenue. Many parents are walking down the boardwalk happily and cheerfully with their children. There is a dark alley between two black buildings. Suddenly two shadowy figures walk out of the alley. When the people see these two men they erupt in hysterical cries of "OH MY GOD!!!!!", "OH NO!!!!!", and "HE'S BACK!!!!!". Within minutes the boardwalk is cleared of people. Only Fisto Flash and Robo Stone remain.] RS: THAT'S RIGHT, PEOPLE!!!!!! FEAR!!!!! THAT'S WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT!!!!! AND THE MAN THAT EVERYONE FEARS IS BAAAAAAAACK!!!!!!! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! FF: I'M BACK!!!!!! AND I'M BAAAAAAD TO THE IRON BONE!!!!!!! I've been reinstated and I'm here with a vengeance. ROBSKI!!!!!! I'm gonna put ya' away ONCE.....AND FOR ALL. RS: This Saturday - Yobski, you're dead!!!!! [Fisto Flash poses. Fade] Outlaw vs. Tony Starks The Outlaw is Tony Starks' oldest foe. He was the man that stopped Starks capturing the world title at Coronation Clash, and he was the man that put Starks out of action, injuring his knee a week later. Now Starks wants the chance to put those old demons behind him, and what better way to do that than with a victory over the Outlaw himself? The Outlaw, on the other hand, is still a ruthless competitor who's one of the toughest men in the IIWF to beat. Has Starks got what it takes to make it to the top? We'll find out tomorrow night. Billy Shakespeare vs. The Crippler Billy is apparently not sore about Brian Lau robbing him of his rightful shot at Tiger Claw, which has now fallen into the hands of Brad "Bodybag" Kinder, and he's getting straight back into the fray with a match against the Crippler tomorrow night. This should be a great, athletic encounter. The Crippler is a master submission wrestler, while Billy is a nimble, agile aerialist. The two are very well matched, and either man could come out the winner in this one. Let's get more comments from the Crippler: [SCENE: the front door of a doctor's office, as the camera peers inside one can see total carnage. The Crippler has torn the place apart, smashing pictures, ripping open couches, throwing papers here and there. He is holding the unconcious doctor in a very painful looking full nelson while standing on top of a huge wooden desk. He is kicking at several scared-looking security guards attempting to pry the doctor away from him.] "INSANE?!?!? THEY DARE CALL ME INSANE!?!?!? HAH!!!!" [Here he kicks free of the security guards and retreats behind a large potted plant] "IIWF, I may have had some..problems...but now I am back...and ready to wrestle. I challenge anyone, anytime, to any kind of match. But be warned, I am back...and I am ready.....anyone man enough to face me?" [He throws the limp doctor roughly to the ground and goes screaming out of the office, chased by the frightened security guards. Fade] And he's sane?! Maybe he's not in the best of mental health, but he's as dangerous as ever. ----------------- Third Rail Match: ----------------- Subway Psycho vs. Joe Latta The IIWF Champion's title will not be on the line in this encounter, which has very special stipulations. A metal plate is placed in the middle of the ring, and the object of the match is to attach an electrode to each end of the plate, electrifying it. The losing man is the man who gets fried on the plate! I've seen one of these matches before, and it was a brutal affair. They are the Subway Psycho's speciality, and Latta probably doesn't know what he's letting himself in for. As well as all that, we'll have news on the IIWF's next pay-per-view and an update on the lobbying of Brian Lau and Mistress Sasha concerning the Psycho and his belt, direct from the IIWF President himself. So don't miss a moment of the action, live from the gigantic Rose Bowl in Pasadena, California. Tim Dross will be back to take the helm, and he will, as always, be joined by the irrepressible "Soundbite" Steve Roberts. What a night it's going to be. IIWF Midweek Mayhem - 24 July 1996 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ This coming Wednesday's card is already shaping up to be a great night of action. Originating live from the Seattle Kingdome, here's the lineup as it currently stands: - IIWF World Tag Team Championship Tournament Match: Stunt Team USA vs. The Returners - Don Antonio vs. The Sandman - "Painbringer" Billy Sexton vs. "Nuclear" John Bomber - Deathbringer vs. "Frost" Scott Morrison - First blood match: The Hangman vs. Venusian Death Cell - IIWF Intercontinental Championship Match: Tiger Claw vs. Brad "Bodybag" Kinder We'll have more on that great line-up in Tuesday's report. ~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~ IIWF Midsummer Madness Madison Square Garden, New York August 17 1996 _.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-.__.-~~-._ We'll be hearing more about this great event tomorrow night from the IIWF President, but for now let me tell you what we already know about this spectacular card, which will come from the home of wrestling, Madison Square Garden in New York City. There will be a number of eight-man tag team single elimination encounters making up the matches on the card, and these present a unique type of match. The match continues until all four members of one team have been eliminated, and all the usual decisions, such as disqualification, countout, pinfall and submission, will count. Thus some crazy situations could arise - it could come down to four men on one team and only one on the other. It could be two on two, three on four, four on two, one on one. The possibilities are nearly limitless. Tomorrow night we'll hear the first news of who'll be facing whom on August 17. Don't miss those important announcements! The Dross Report ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Now it's time to go over to my broadcast colleague, Tim Dross, for his Dross Report, which he taped yesterday at his home. Over to you, Tim: [Cut to Tim Dross, wearing a neckbrace and with his right arm in a sling, sitting in a chair on a patio with a green garden in the background. His face is bruised, but he manages a smile. He speaks:] Hello there, folks! This is Tim Dross coming to you from my home as I recover from my injuries. I was discharged from hospital yesterday, and I'll be able to return to the broadcast booth on Saturday, which I'm sure Steve Roberts will be ever so pleased about. The subject of today's Dross Report is the chaos that seems to have broken out in the IIWF, and the causes behind it. Firstly, the Subway Psycho, the highest-profile competitor here in the IIWF, and supposedly our figure-head champion. He's a man out of control right now, and I have to say that if even half the allegations being levelled against him are true, he shouldn't be wearing the belt. I sympathise with the problems he's going through, but, as I found out first-hand last Saturday night, there can be no room in the IIWF for a soft touch. For example, the Venusian Death Cell was merely fined for the attack he perpetrated on me. No suspension, no compensation. Fisto Flash has weedled his way back into active competition. The Hangman half-killed Altair. And that was just one night. It seems to me that the real causes of the chaos in the IIWF are the managers. Brian Lau seems to have a finger in every pie right now, what with Tiger Claw and his convoluted championship procedures, and Joe Latta turning on Dan Kauffman, and then the whole Subway Psycho situation. The ongoing war between the Senator and the "Outlaw" Josey Wales is leading both managers to demand that their men get further and further out of control. Even in the tag team ranks, the Guiding Lights have put Steamroller out of action, and the Armed Forces seem to have a real liking for golf clubs. While I have the utmost respect for the IIWF President, Dan Spreadbury, I must go on the record and state that as of late, perhaps due to circumstances beyond his control, the leniency of his decisions has shocked me. He's not taking a hard-line on the rulebreakers of the IIWF, and Casey James is absolutely on the money when he states that the guys who don't break the rules are becoming an endangered species here, and are dying out pretty quickly. So what's the answer? Well, there are a number of possibilities: convince the IIWF's Board of Directors to adopt a hard-line policy against perpetrations that are clearly in breach of the IIWF's declared aim, which is to be the revolutionary force in wrestling entertainment. This might give the IIWF President the power he needs to treat rulebreakers with the contempt they deserve. If a wrestler attacks a fan or an announcer, they should pay for it, not only in pecuniary terms, but in incentives and appearances. If a champion is found to be acting in such a manner as brings the IIWF into disrepute, he must be immediately stripped. Referees need greater authority to prevent wrestlers from getting into uncontrollable brawls. In short, the whole security procedure in the IIWF needs to be rethought... otherwise we'll continue to see chaos ruling the rings around here. I appreciate that things can't be changed overnight, but I hope the events of the past couple of weeks will give the IIWF's head honchos something to think about. I don't fancy a trip to the hospital every week, and nor do the fans of the IIWF. That's all I have to say for now - I'll see you all tomorrow night in the Rose Bowl! Back to you, Larry. [Cut back to the Control Centre.] Next Report ~~~~~~~~~~~ Well, that just about wraps it up for today's Report, folks. Don't forget to tune in tomorrow night as Tim Dross and Steve Roberts bring you all the action live from the Pasadena Rose Bowl with this week's IIWF Saturday Night, and Tim will also be back on Tuesday with another Control Centre update. Of course, I'll be coming back at you next Wednesday, from the Seattle Kingdome, with more IIWF Midweek Mayhem, but it's been a pleasure to be here in the Control Centre this week. For now, this is Larry Morton, saying: so long, and goodbye! +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= I * I * W * F =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+ | Send mail to iiwf@sisko.demon.co.uk with the subject lines: | | "send faq" for the FAQ + "send singles" or "send tag" for the | | rosters + "send handlers" for a list of handlers | +----------------------------------------------------------------------+ | IIWF Home: http://users.ox.ac.uk/~univ0322/iiwf/ | +----------------------------------------------------------------------+ | Submit material for the Report to iiwf@sisko.demon.co.uk | +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+