##### ###### ### ########## ########## ########## #### ## ########## ########## ########## #### # #### ######## ##### ##### #### ## ##### #### #### #### #### ### #### #### #### #### ############# ######### #### #### ########### ######### #### #### #### #### #### ######### ######### ### #### #### ######### ######### ### ## #### ######## ######## ## # #### =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- ## =-=-=-= INTERNATIONAL INTERNET WRESTLING FEDERATION =============================================== Control Centre Update - 2 August 1996 ----------------------------------------------- Hello again folks, and welcome to another IIWF Control Centre update. I am, as always, Tim Dross, and in today's report we'll be: - running down the results of Wednesday night's Midweek Mayhem, which came live from the USAir Arena, Landover, Maryland - looking ahead to tomorrow night's huge card - getting all the latest news on the IIWF's upcoming pay-per-view spectacular, Midsummer Madness, which is now only two weeks away - hearing from all the IIWF superstars as they prepare for some of the biggest matches of their careers and in my Dross Report, I'll be taking a look at the Intercontinental Champion, Brad "Bodybag" Kinder, and those who'll soon be challenging him for the gold. So it's another packed show. Without any further ado, let's get straight on with it... IIWF Midweek Mayhem - 31 July 1996 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ It was another action-packed evening in the USAir Arena, Landover, Maryland on Wednesday night as thousands of fans packed the stadium to witness the live Mayhem: 1. MAN OF STEEL defeated MR. DAMAGE after the Doomsday top rope powerbomb. 2. TIGER CLAW narrowly defeated PALE RIDER of the High Plains Drifters in an exciting battle. 3. "PAINBRINGER" BILLY SEXTON forced "MACHINE" HUNTER ROBERTSON to submit to his painful armbar, but only after the ever-present "Frost" Scott Morrison nailed Robertson in the shoulder with a steel chair. After the match, Sexton refused to let go of the hold, and it wasn't until Billy Shakespeare and the Punster stormed the ring to the rescue of their Midsummer Madness tag partner that Sexton and Morrison bailed out. 4. TONY STARKS defeated CURT BLANCHE [J] in quick time. He seemed very agitated, presumably about the situation with the mysterious unnamed gentleman who seems to be causing him so much difficulty as of late. 5. VINNY CAPPICOLA bested MAGUS in a real power battle, hitting him with his Eradicator to gain the pinfall. 6. DON ANTONIO defeated PHANTOM by disqualification, when the leader of the Dark Knights, the Sandman, came down to the ring and attacked the Family's manager, Salvatore Fiorello! Don and Vinny eventually fought off the Knights, but had to help Sal back to the locker room. Sal's now in hospital convalescing. Let's go to another instalment of Dinner with the Don: [SCENE: Vinny and the Don sit in the cafeteria of the Memorial Hospital, DC.] VC: Today is a very somba occasion for da Family. At only da secon dinna wit da Don we are comin' to ya from da Memorial Hospital's cafeteria here in Washington, DC. Our managa and good friend Salvatore Fiorello has been hurt pretty bad by da Sandbag and will need to recuperate here for da next few days. With the help of da fans and all their get well cards and what not, Sal has been gettin' better. DA: Folks, I'm speechless here. When I agreed to fight the Sandman originally, he spoke of no cheating. He said, "let's fight fair and hard and may the best man win", and frankly I'm disenchanted. When a man stoops so low as to attack a virtual innocent bystander. Sal may have been a great wrestler fifteen years ago but today his legs aren't what they used to be. I just can't get over how a professional wrestler can have the audacity to attack a civilian. Mr. Sandbag, you proved your point. You can beat on a 180lbs man. Congratulations! [The Don and Vinny slowly make their way to Sal's room in the hospital with a tray of spaghetti for him. The cameras are following closely.] SF: Oh gentlemen, how thoughtful of you. I was getting a little hungry. Hello ladies and gentlemen, it's a pleasure to be speaking to you once again although I wish the circumstances could be different. Sandman, I may not be in the shape I was once in but I guarantee you that I would've whooped your butt if you came at me from the front but it's so typical that you attacked from behind, I heard that's how the Knights like it when they're alone. DA: Well, Sal, that may be true but we have to address the incident itself and who we're going to make pay for it if you know what I mean. SF: DON, although I am fairly angry at the moment I do feel that we must stay within the rules of the IIWF regarding incidents like this. Our first step is to petition the league to penalize the Sandman for his blatant violation of IIWF regulations. President Spreadbury spoke a few weeks ago about the incidence of wrestlers attacking announcers and frankly, I believe that this should be taken as a similar case. I am merely a valet for the DON. I am at ringside to aid him by giving instructions as how to beat his opponents, not to be used as a punching bag for some oversized posterboy of birth control. DA: Knights, this time you have gone too far but we will only pursue your punishment within the realm of legality here in the IIWF and we are sure that the President will take appropriate action against you and your pathetic alliance. VC: And if da big wigs don't do nothin', we'll kick your asses. SF: Vinny, please do not further the situation. The last thing we need is trouble with the front office. DA: Sandman, last time I saw your ugly face on the IIWF report you were spouting some stuff about you may think there's three but there are really more. I advise you to do one thing, take a closer look at your allies, make sure they're true, because if they aren't, they'll help us beat up on you! Two thirds of the way through. By any means necessary! A win is a win, CIAO! [Fade] 7. BLACKJACK HALEY defeated "LEGEND" BRANDON BENNETT following a towering bodyslam, although Haley used the ropes for extra leverage when pinning Bennett, one of the most tenacious competitors here in the IIWF. 8. In tag team tournament action, the ALPHABET BOYS defeated the RETURNERS in what may prove to be the latter team's last match in the IIWF. More later. 9. In the second tag tournament match, the High Plains Drifters handed victory against STUNT TEAM USA to the ATOMIC DESTROYERS on a plate, getting Ron and Steve disqualified by throwing a spur into the ring. The referee thought Steve had used the spur on his opponent, and thus disqualified Ron and Steve, who are very unhappy about the decision: [SCENE: Ron and Steve are once again training in a gym] Steve: "Now today we wanna talk right to ya, officials of the IIWF! Y'all witnessed what happened this past Wednesday between us, the Drifters and the Destroyers. Yo, freaks, whatcha gonna do about this stuff? We were robbed right there, and we won't take it this way! When we came here to the IIWF we expected some tough fights and fierce opponents, but not rulebreaking and misjudgement like this! Prez, ya gotta do something about it..." Ron: "...and ya gotta do it now! We don't cheat -- we don't have to -- but if this goes on as it does right now we have no other choice, but to use these methods as well... And, baby, I don't like that possibility!" Steve: "This Saturday it's us against you, Steamroller. Now we'll give justice a last chance, but if there should be some more interferences, or foul play or whatsoever I guess we really gotta work on some plan for ourselves. Steamroller, ya've been champions already, and therefore we'll take you like you were still the champions. This is because I can't see any tag team champions being crowned this Saturday. All we'll see is the coronation of the best interference-team in this league. Drifters, Destroyers... whoever will win your bout, don't expect to hold those titles for too long, for they don't belong ta ya. They belong in the hands of someone the people can look up to. And boy, I have no lamp that makes YOU visible at the bottom of the hole ya both sit in... " Ron and Steve: "CUT!" [Fade] 10. "FROST" SCOTT MORRISON and THE PUNSTER fought to a double DQ when all of their tag team partners at Midsummer Madness stormed the ring and a huge brawl broke out. Let's get comments from the Punster now: [Fade in on a cemetary at dusk. Old headstones lean and a barren oak tree is sihouetted against the sky. The shot stops on an above-ground tomb -- a tomb on which the Punster is casually relaxing. His mask is pushed back so his face is visible and he smiles at the camera as it zooms in.] "A tisket . . . a tasket . . . I'm sitting on a casket. Heeheehee! I don't mean to be "crypt"ic this week, so I'll keep my message simple -- for the benefit of the Showstoppers, of corpse. Look around "Chilly Willy" Morrison, "Simple" Simon Lebec, Fisto Flush, and "Windowpane" Sexton. Look around this cemetary and find your destiny. Midsummer Maaaaaadness is coming and the Performers have given you a sample of what's to come. So stop your "coffin" and get ready, because summer is a time for cream and berries. So after we cream you, we'll bury you as well. Heeheehee!" [Fade out as the Punster pulls his mask over his face and continues his song . . . "A tisket . . . a tasket . . .] 11. BILLY SHAKESPEARE chalked up a disqualification victory over the PRINCE OF DARKNESS when Steve Roberts charged the ring with his designated "champion" Fisto Flash. 12. ROBSKI defeated FISTO FLASH by disqualification in their Knockout Match. Fisto originally had the win, but since he illegally used his steel fist to take Robski out, the official reversed the decision in Robski's favour. 13. In one of the most bizarre incidents in IIWF history, the SUBWAY PSYCHO was cheated out of victory against IC champ BRAD KINDER when "Deathbringer" pushed him from the top rope as he attempted the Derailer legdrop. Of course, this wasn't the real Deathbringer, but rather Tiger Claw disguised as the Psycho's brother in darkness. After the match, the real Deathbringer arrived on the scene and took care of Claw, saving the Psycho from a further beating. All in all, it was another stunning night of wrestling action! More to come this Saturday in the Meadowlands Arena! IIWF World Tag Team Championship Tournament Update ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ We're down to the very last leg of the tag team tournament, and things have finally crystallised. We now know that on Saturday night, either the High Plains Drifters or the Atomic Destroyers will be crowned champions. Let's take a look at how the brackets have evened out: | |A|S|R| | | |B|T|e|A| |H|o|U|t|t| |P|y|S|'|o| |D|s|A|s|m| Key: ---------------------+-+-+-+-+-+ High Plains Drifters |\|A|H|H| | H = Drifters win ---------------------+-+-+-+-+-+ A = Alphabet Boys win Alphabet Boys |A|\|U|A|X| U = Stunt Team USA win ---------------------+-+-+-+-+-+ R = Returners win Stunt Team USA |H|U|\|U|D| D = Atomic Destroyers win ---------------------+-+-+-+-+-+ The Returners |H|A|U|\|D| X = Draw ---------------------+-+-+-+-+-+ Atomic Destroyers | |X|D|D|\| ---------------------+-+-+-+-+-+ As it turns out, the Returners crashed out with four defeats, Stunt Team USA finish fourth with two wins and two losses, the Alphabet Boys finish third with two wins, a draw and a loss, and the Drifters and the Destroyers will battle it out on Saturday night for the top spot. If the Drifters win, they get the gold; if the Destroyers win, then the Senator gets some gold for the trophy cabinet. If the teams draw, then the Destroyers again will become the champions, since they have already chalked up a draw in addition to their two wins, while the Drifters currently have two wins and a loss. It's all going to come down to the mother of all battles, this Saturday Night in the Meadowlands Arena. What a battle it's going to be! IIWF Saturday Night - 3 August 1996 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Let's run down the card for this Saturday's wrestlefest: Stunt Team USA vs. Steamroller [D] This will be Taylor and Brassow's first match back after Brassow's knee injury, and they couldn't have asked for a much tougher test than to go up against Stunt Team USA on Saturday Night! Their success will hinge on just how rusty they've become in their four week layoff since Ring Wars. Phantom vs. The Enforcer [D] Phantom may be mistaken as the lowest profile of the Dark Knights, but he's going to step right into the limelight this Saturday Night as he faces the Enforcer. Both of these men have had shaky starts to their IIWF careers, and both are keen to use the other as a stepping stone to greater things. Who's going to come out on top? "Nuclear" John Bomber vs. Prince of Darkness [D] The dark Prince may have lost by disqualification on Wednesday Night, but that's only going to make him even more determined to pull out the victory on Saturday Night. Look for a real power battle in this one: both are powerful, big athletes. Let's get comments from the Prince of Darkness: [SCENE: Prince of Darkness stands in the subdued lighting of the IIWF interview area.] POD: The split of an atom makes the world go "BOOM"!! John Bomber... with the agony of a "Misery Drop", your world will crash as well. The time has come for the POD to reign supreme and rise above the rest. No more Mr. Nice Guy!! I'm going after that heavyweight title. Anyone who wants to stop me can sure as hell try. Bomber... prepare for the beating of your miserable life. [Fade] Magus vs. Don Thatt [J] [D] Magus will be let out of his padded cell long enough to face one half of unlucky tag team Deja Vu, Don Thatt, on Saturday Night. I can't see Thatt's luck improving when he steps into the ring against this powerful monster. "Painbringer" Billy Sexton vs. Tony Starks Starks and Sexton have been enemies since Sexton first entered the IIWF, and their rivalry shows no signs of cooling. There's all manner of speculation at the moment that Sexton is on the payroll of the mysterious gentleman who has been plying Starks with expensive cars and gifts in recent weeks. Perhaps this gentleman has now given up on plying Starks, and is more intent on destroying him... Either way, Starks isn't going to go down without a fight. This one should be a real slobberknocker, folks. Let's hear from Sexton now: [SCENE: Billy Sexton sitting inside a limo. He turns to the camera, and speaks:] "OH YEAH! Starks, baby, the time has come for you. In our last encounter you made me look like a fool. Not this time. NOT THIS TIME. You see the punishment that I am going to give is nothing personal, just business... [A phone rings, Sexton picks it up.] "Yeah......Break his arm......okay....can do..." [Sexton hangs up the phone] "You must understand, Starks, the pain that I will be giving you tomorrow night is nothing personal; but I am going to take pleasure in it! OH YEAH!" [Fade] Deathbringer vs. The Hangman The IIWF's grim reaper, Deathbringer, meets the Senator's executioner, the Hangman, in this extraordinary battle. Is the ring going to big enough when these two collide head-on? Especially given the Hangman's recent discovery of a mask which bears a striking resemblance to Deathbringer's visage. Let's hear from the Hangman now: [SCENE: inside the gym at The Wizard's. We see The Hangman standing in the ring staring at a mask with glowing red eyes. As we approach the ring we see The Hangman turn towards us.] TH: Well, I see that you all just had to see what I found in the Wizard's torture room. Deathbringer, while you were showing us a mask that held all off the secrets, that you may know, I found an identical one. What knowledge of death you thought you knew, I also now know. If you add that to my past knowledge, I do believe you are in for the darkest night yet. IIWF -- be prepared for the most evil and most deadly encounter of my career. I have already put two wrestlers into retirement in the brief amount of time I have been in your world. Deathbringer, the noose is getting tighter already... [The Senator enters the ring, carrying a piece of paper.] TS: Hangman, I see you have been learning the secrets of the Deathbringer: good. I also have good news with regard to the PPV coming up. This paper is the receipt for the delivery of the oak you bought on your last trip. I have sent the crew to the Arena to begin building your gallows. TH: Senator, as always, you have done for me what you said you would do. This allows me to focus on matches. I have one last concern about the PPV, and that is the ropes. I placed an order for the best rope in the world. It is hand woven out of the world's finest hemp. Make sure that it gets to the arena. TS: Done. TH: Deathbringer, you also speak of the reaper. Well, sir, prepare to meet him. [Camera pans to the mask with the glowing red eyes and fades] Chilling stuff, folks! But Deathbringer isn't fazed by the Hangman's threats: [SCENE: Deathbringer walks across some dark landscape. In the background you can see a gallows.] DB: "The gallows. Today, just like in the past, a nice instrument of death. Constructed to punish mortals by executing them. Operated by another mortal called a hangman." [Deathbringer goes over to the gallows, pulls a lever, the trap door opens with a loud sound] DB: "Just a light fingertip is needed to operate the gallow. This fingertip decides over life and death in the fraction of a second." [Deathbringer climbs up the steps and grabs the noose] DB: "The noose. Used to prevent the victim from falling to the ground, instead breaking his neck." [Without much affort Deathbringer pulls at the noose and rips it off the gallow. He holds it in his hand while he turns to the camera and speaks on] DB: "Hangman, you are most certainly the master of this instrument. You know how it works and you know how to operate it. If it was up to you you would not put the noose around some victim's neck, but around the necks of your opponents. Then, with a light fingertip you could finish them off. This time, however, you have me as your opponent: put the noose around my neck, pull the lever, what do you expect to happen? Do you want to execute a creature that possesses no touch of life? When we stand in the squared circle tomorrow night you will need more than a fingertip to put me away. My hands are not bound on my back, there is no trap door underneath me. But at least there is a mask covering my face. Well, Hangman, you think you possess power when using this instrument, but you don't. You are just a marionette in the game. Your restraining strings will keep you from getting a chance to survive in that battle... that is because you cannot run away. In the past you served death to your best abilities, but now you challenge the reaper to reach a higher level of power. I will cut down your strings and by this I will free you and your mind. You will then have enough time to regret your evil deeds before I send you to your final rest... Hangman, prepare to meet your maker..." [Deathbringer tosses the rope away. Fade] IIWF World Tag Team Championship Tournament Match: High Plains Drifters vs. Atomic Destroyers We've already discussed this match earlier on. Nothing remains to be said, except: hang on to your seats, folks, this one's going to be a real rollercoaster ride... and at the end, we _will_ have new champions! The Drifters are convinced that it will be them taking home the gold: [SCENE: Josey Wales, Pale Rider, and Easy Rider are at Wales' Ranch, practising shooting their six shooters.] JW: Damn! I missed! This here gun needs a cleanin'. I can't be bothered to do no interviews right now. Boys, tell the man what he wants to hear, and then throw his ass off my property! PR: Well, I know exactly what everyone wants to hear. Why have the High Plains Drifters interfered so much? ER: Yeah, and uh, why have we helped the Atomic Destroyers into a position to win the title over us? PR: BEACAUSE THEY CAN'T WIN IT OVER US! We strategically worked the tournament to have it come down between us and the Destroyers! ER: We wanted to control our own fates! PR: Yeah, we didn't want to rely on anyone else having to win, so we back into the title. Now it's US and THEM. And we all know who's gonna win that match! ER: And now you know, now get! [Pale and Easy begin shooting at the cameraman's feet. He turns and runs and the picture breaks up] Blackjack Haley vs. The Outlaw Blackjack Haley is seemingly an unstoppable force here in the IIWF. He's so far refused to join any of the teams for Midsummer Madness, but he's still running amok among the singles ranks. However, if any one man can stop the runaway giant, it's the Outlaw, the former IIWF World Champion, and leader of the Posse. These two men know each other inside out from their time together in the Horsemen - expect to see some new sides to both Haley and the Outlaw in this one. Dan Kauffman vs. The Crippler Dan Kauffman may have made a triumphant return to the rings last weekend, but as far as the Crippler is concerned, the party's over. The technician of the Posse is determined that Kauffman won't make it to Midsummer Madness -- he's going to be crippled this Saturday Night! Expect a fantastic athletic match from these two superstars, both of whom have a good grounding in amateur wrestling techniques. Both of them can mix it up in any style you care to mention, and I wouldn't be surprised if we even saw some moves you _won't_ find in a textbook when they clash in the Meadowlands Arena. Let's hear from Kauffman now - Steve Roberts, be ready with your earplugs, and come back in ten minutes: [SCENE: the living room of the Kauffman estate. Brandon Bennett watches the last couple of IIWF shows, including IIWF's Tuesday Report and Midweek Mayhem. Kauffman is heard milling around upstairs.] BENNETT: The inmates are running the asylum, eh Dan? DAN: The inmates also appear to be running my bedroom... Where'd you put my Boyz II Men CD? I want it for the trip back to London. BENNETT: You mean that whining group of men that you call singers? I think I sold that tape. DAN: [Pokes his head around the corner from the stairway] You _SOLD_ my _TAPE_??? BENNETT: [Stutters] I think so. DAN: Brandon, let me give you a hint. Not even Brian _LAU_ would sell my TAPE because he _KNOWS_ what I'd _DO_ to _HIM_! BENNETT: [Looks around as if trying to find an excuse] The tape appeared broken to me... [Kauffman walks back upstairs] like the tape wouldn't rewind or something like that. It made bizarre noises in the player... DAN: [With a semi-evil tone] Is this _YOUR_ Paul Simon tape? BENNETT: [Appears nervous] Dan... don't even think it. DAN: Nah, I won't _SELL_ it... BENNETT: Oh, OK... DAN: Break it into a million pieces, maybe. But I won't sell it. BENNETT: Oh, well now I feel so much better! DAN: [Comes back downstairs] I knew you... Um, Brandon, did you know that the IIWF camera over there was turned on and recording? BENNETT: [Looks at the camera and winces] I did it again, didn't I? DAN: Yep. I think you did it on purpose too. BENNETT: Now why would I do that? Everyone thinks you talk too much as it is, so... DAN: Oh, that hurt, Brandon. Do I talk too much? BENNETT: [sighs] Of course not, Dan. [Rolls his eyes] DAN: I SAW THAT, DAMN YOU!!! BENNETT: Yeah Yeah. Want to go down and continue preparing for Crippler? I think you need it... DAN: A little later. Ah yes, the Crippler. Part of Outlaw's "Posse" right? Great, first I deal with Lau and that circus, now I get a fire-breathing old man. And Lau may be around with his legions... You gonna watch my back? BENNETT: Like always. I suspect if things get too far out of hand, Psycho and 'Bringer will be around... DAN: Yeah, Psycho's got that match against Claw... You know damn well I'll be ready for a war during that match... Be careful, Psycho. And don't worry, I've got your back. BENNETT: As do I. What else do we have to worry... Oh yeah, you have any idea on Lau's two mystery guys? DAN: Don't worry Brandon, I'm sure they've got two surprises in their hats. Lau is too good a plotter not to have some tricks and ploys up his sleeve. Trust me, I'm ready for anything. BENNETT: Good. Back to Crippler... DAN: Crippler, just come to the ring prepared. Personally, I plan on enjoying myself on Saturday Night... But Crippler, I'll be ready for anything, so know that you're my #1 priority this Saturday. BENNETT: Time to turn the camera off? DAN: Hold on. I've always wanted to do this... [Dan walks up so that his face is right up against the camera] DAN: Hello? Anyone in there? BRANDON: [Pauses for a moment] A little too much caffiene this morning, Dan? DAN: No... you just had to sell my Boyz II Men tape, that's all. [The tape argument rages on as the camera fades to black] Rumour has it that the interview you've just seen was actually edited from a pilot for a new sitcom, "At Home with the Kauffmans". Thankfully, it was cancelled. What a lucky break for everyone involved -- especially Steve Roberts. Let's move on. Respect Match: "Spotlight" Billy Shakespeare vs. Fisto Flash The conflict between my broadcast colleague, Steve Roberts, and Billy Shakespeare has been aired on international television... and this Saturday, it all comes to a head on IIWF Saturday Night! Roberts has appointed his champion, Fisto Flash, to battle Billy on his behalf in a special Respect Match. The rules are as follows: all the normal decisions apply, but after the match, the loser must declare that he respects the winner over the house microphone! In this case, if Billy loses, he must tell Steve Roberts that he respects him -- but if Fisto loses, then Steve is going to have to stump up and tell Billy how much he respects him. This one alone's going to be worth the price of admission. Don't miss it... Billy certainly won't: [Replay of the video from Wednesday of Fisto Flash and Steve Roberts' vicious assault on Billy Shakespeare. Shakespeare steps into the projection so the scene plays continually across his face and body as he speaks: BS: "Here comes a pair of very strange beasts, which in all tongues are called fools." When first I challenged Steve Roberts I opined that there would be none so low as to fight in his name. Lo, there does appear to be one so lacking in self respect, one so desperate that he would indeed champion "Soundbite's" cause. I should have known it would be Fisto Flash. Both King Lear and myself pass on this warning to you: "Come not between the dragon and his wrath." I threw down the gauntlet, and an iron fist has picked it up. I sure hope that it was worth the embarrassment. Steve, you have picked your champion. You may have wanted to take more time. Too late. You better go out and buy some knee pads, you're going to need them when you come crawling with your apology. You spoiled my curtain call for the last time... now you have to face the spotlight. [Billy snaps his fingers, a blast of light floods the scene, washing out the video image. It gets painfully brighter beofre the camera dissolvwes to white.] Subway Psycho vs. Tiger Claw The people's champion is guaranteed the greatest reception of any wrestler on Saturday Night simply because of his hometown advantage. Sure, Tony Starks and Fisto Flash come from New York too, but the Psycho's without a doubt one of the most popular figures in the city, and certainly the most popular superstar in the IIWF right now. He's got quite some momentum going into this match with hated rival Tiger Claw, whereas Claw is coming off the back of some poor results lately. No doubt, however, Brian Lau will have something planned to take the Psycho out. Let's just hope that the latest scheme, like those that have come before it, will backfire. Joe Latta, however, is confident that his manager has things well in hand: [SCENE: The training ring of the Dojo. Kenny stands with Joe Latta at ringside, while Brian Lau spars with some no-name in the ring. Tiger Claw is acting as trainer/referee in the ring.] KT: Hello once again, folks. This is Kenny Tanaka coming to you from the Dojo. Brian is presently training for the manager match on August 14th against The Coroner, and I'm talking to Joe Latta for comments. Joe, what are we to expect in this match? JL: A grade-A ass kicking. Coroner has really put himself in a heap of trouble. Brian is a great manager. I have no doubt of that. I have learned things from him that I would never have learned from that boob Kauffman. He has brains, that is for sure. The thing is, not many people know about his martial arts training, since he leaves the fighting to us, his talent. But this time, he's going to put his money where his mouth is and put to rest any rumors that he is all talk and no action. Look at this... [Joe points over to the right, and the camera pans over to follow his gesture. A trophy case can be seen. Inside are several trophies and a gold championship belt.] JL: This is the trophy case where all of the Dojo's awards are held. You see, when we win a tournament, or a single match, we're not winning for ourselves, but for the honor of the club. When Tiger Claw held the IC belt, we all held it. In this trophy case sits the World Thai Boxing championship that Tiger Claw held. He was never defeated when he held that belt. In fact, he had to be stripped of it because nobody had the skills to take it. The other trophies have been won in several invitational tournaments that have been won by members of The Dojo, including myself. This one, [Joe points to one trophy in particular], was won by Brian Lau himself in Jiu-Jitsu tournament. Jiu-Jitsu is a form of Japanese wrestling. It focuses on choke-holds and joint-locks. Some of these holds are very painful and use leverage to cause damage. A fighter in Jiu-Jitsu need not be big. He uses his own opponent's momentum against him. Brian is quite skilled in this art, and plans to bring it to the ring against the Coroner. KT: I hear there's been a stipulation added to this contest. JL: Yep, you got it... This is a submission match. The first person to give up is the loser. Much like the art of Jiu-Jitsu itself, this match allows the opponent to decide when he loses. Of course, if the Coroner were smart, he'd end the match early. The joy of Jiu-Jitsu is that it takes little strength, so Brian won't tire as the match goes on. The longer this match continues, the bigger Brian's advantage will be. Check it out. [Camera pans to the ring once again, where the jobber and Brian face each other. Brian's face shows his calm disposition, while the jobber is obviously aggravated. The Jobber runs at Brian with a punch. Brian side steps the punch while catching the attacking arm. He then uses his other arm to get the jobber in a reverse DDT position with the jobber's arm across Brian's chest. Brian simultaneously sweeps the jobber's legs from behind with his outside leg and falls, executing the reverse DDT and hyperextending the jobber's elbow. Brian lands with a leg on the jobber's chest under the shoulder, and swings his other leg down on the jobber's face, then locks the legs. He then proceeds to use leverage to pull the arm down, forcing the elbow to be stretched the wrong way. After a few seconds, a dull cracking sound can be heard. Tiger Claw cheers for his manager.] JL: Woah! Did you see that? That's a basic maneuver in Jiu-Jitsu. I can't remember the actual name they give it, but it could be called a reverse elbow joint lock. That kid gets to go home with a broken arm for his troubles... Between the three of us, we're having a hard time getting willing sparring partners... Anyway, you can plainly see why the Coroner is going to leave that ring in pieces, leaving Deathbringer at a disadvantage for me to take apart. KT: What about what happened with the mask? It looked like a skull underneath there... JL: It shocked me for a moment, but upon reflection, I can safely say it was a mask underneath the mask... Let's face it, when you die, you're worm food. You don't walk around and go for the gold. KT: That was a great plot this past Wednesday... JL: You liked that? I was on the floor backstage when I saw it on the monitor... Even when Deathbringer chokeslammed Tiger Claw, Tiger Claw immediately got up to retreat. Tiger Claw knew that there were too many people in the ring to deal with on his own, so he left... Midsummer Madness is going to be a slaughterfest... KT: Any word about new team members? JL: Well, there's Claw and me, and the third one is going to be great. I was just talking to him the other day, and he's pumped... You know him as... BL: [from the ring] HEY! Not yet... They can't know yet... [To Kenny]: He's excited, you know... That's what I like about the kid... He's got heart... JL: Sorry, Brian, I should have known better... Never show your cards until the hand is called. The fourth member is still a mystery to all of us... Brian won't say anything about it. KT: There are rumors that there in fact isn't a fourth member... JL: Well, I couldn't say... Like I said, Brian is really quiet about it. All I know is that Deathbringer, Psycho, Kauffman, and Bennett aren't going anywhere near that final match. We've got dibs on that... Look for the World title to be in that trophy case after Midsummer Madness. KT: What about the IC title? JL: You can be sure that the belt will belong to the Dojo again, you can bet on it. Tiger Claw has a rematch with Kinder, and Kinder doesn't have the skills to keep it. The only thing that cost Tiger Claw the championship was Subway Psycho and Deathbringer, and we're going to make sure they can't interfere again. We're going to keep them away from the ring. KT: What about Deathbringer's materialization trick? JL: You can't pull a parlour trick through a steel door, let's just leave it at that. KT: Fair enough... Well, that's all the time we have for today. Thanks, Joe, for taking the time to speak with us. JL: No problem. Now it's time for Tiger Claw and I to train ourselves. Brian's had all the fun today, so we'd better hurry up and get in the ring before we run out of sparring partners. KT: Good stuff, Joe. Well, for Joe, Brian, and Tiger Claw, this is Kenny Tanaka saying so long! [Fade] The Psycho is convinced that he has what it takes to extinguish the Syndicate once and for all: [SCENE: Deep in the bowels of the city underground. A single lantern illuminates a large catacomb. From the flickering shadows emerges the Subway Psycho. He speaks:] "I am a man of a few short comings. I know that I have a short fuse. A fuse that leads to a wild, destructive, uncontrollable side. I am not proud of that. I have recently reviewed myself and I believe that I have found a new fault in myself that I had not known was there. I have believed too strongly in `An Eye for an Eye, and a Tooth for a Tooth.' If someone cheats me, I make it my business to cheat them. If I get cheap shotted, I'll return the favor. I believe now that this is not the way to conduct myself in the IIWF any longer. "So to Tiger Claw, you worthless piece of crap, I am done sinking to your level. I want you in the ring one last time. I will have nothing up my sleeves, no cheap shots, no outside interference. If you're an honorable man, which I do not think you are, you will agree to the same. Leave your cloaks and your manager at home. We've met before in the ring, but never without incident. Let's see which of us can stand on his own. "As for Kinder... we've met each other many times. I've seen you progress each time. Even though you only obtained the title through my help, you are a worthy IC Champ. But I am a World Class contender. I have NEVER been pinned cleanly! After Midsummer Madness, when I WIN MY BELT BACK, I want another match with you, for all the marbles. "At Midsummer Madness the king will return to his throne. It is finally my time to recover what is rightfully mine. Deathbringer, I cannot say enough about you, nor can I thank you for all your help these last few weeks. But if it comes down to the end and you're still standing, expect my to bring everything I have at you. That goes for you as well, Kauffman. I think I speak for all of us when I say that friendship means nothing in comparision to the ultimate title of the IIWF. "I take my leave now. One last word to Tiger Claw... you and Lau have been the ones stoking the fires of this feud. That fire is going to engulf you!" [Psycho throws the lantern to the floor, breaking it. The flame hits some spilled diesel fuel and the room immediately fills with flames. Fade] It promises to be a fantastic evening's entertainment! Don't you dare miss it! Trash Talk ~~~~~~~~~~ Robski is celebrating his recent victory over Fisto Flash. Let's join him now: [SCENE: Robski is in the bathroom. He is washing his face.] Robski: Just look in the mirror. What do you see? I'll tell you: a true English hero, not some unoriginal copycat like so many guys here. [Robski swills the soap from his face.] That feels good, but I'll show you something that feels even better... and I know I have done it before, but I ENJOY it! [He throws an American flag into the bath. Leaning on the ledge, he urinates on it, spraying all over the flag.] Pure, pure, bliss... the true worth of the Stars and Stripes. Do you notice how many of these "split-decisions" in the Olympics go to America? This flag exemplifies the one true American trait, CHEATING! Are you watching, guys? CAN YOU SEE THIS, SUPERSTARS OF THE IIWF?! ARE YOU WATCHING, ONE AND ALL?! CAN YOU SEE THIS? Oh, you guys are such fools to tangle with me! [Fade] I don't mind telling you, folks: Robski disgusts me, and I know he disgusts every red-blooded American out there. Where's Casey James when you need him? Ah, here he is: [SCENE: Casey sits on a park bench across the street from the White House.] CJ: This is where it all happens. This is the hub of the U S of A. Inside is our President, and I don't mean Daniel Spreadbury. For my entire life, I've fought for what this place is about, and that is freedom and all that is just. Some say I'm like a superhero, and that sometimes, I'm a bit hokey. Sure, I may be hokey, but you can guarantee that I'm sincere about what I believe. A few weeks ago, I made a call out to the IIWF for other just men to team with me, and many ignored that call or made excuses. It dawned on me that if I want to make a difference, I've got to count on one man: Me. I've teamed up with Man Of Steel, and we had some good matches. But we both realized that we're not tag wrestlers. We realized that we must reach our own goals by ourselves. Some may say this is causing problems between us. Let me say right now that those rumors are false. My temper has shown itself a few times, and even the Don is worried about me. Just a few days ago, he asked me if all was okay. He was worried that I was going to doublecross them and side with the Dark Knights. I assured him that this was not my plan. I intend to bring our team to victory. Hopefully, all four of us will make it to the end, and one of us will be left standing with that World title around our waist. I'll just say that Casey James doesn't doublecross anyone. I'm looking for our team to win. We can't tolerate any slacking. We're going to get in shape for this one, and we can accept nothing less than the best. Folks, you're going to see a well-oiled machine at Midsummer Madness, and you're going to see a champ that you can be proud of. [Fade] Now let's hear from the Armed Forces: [SCENE: Aaron the Caddy's yacht, which is sailing down the Potomac River. The boat is now passing through the Capital City, Washington, DC. It goes right by the National Air Force Base. The Armed Forces, NavCom and Defcon, look at the base and look at it, reminiscing...] DC: Boy, those were the days, huh Nav? NC: You bet. On the base, in charge, making people do pushups until their hands bled. Aaron: Well, you guys still force people into bleeding. Only this time, you inflict the pain instead of ordering it!! DC: Oh, yeah. Boys, we took the guns to you this weekend. Blunt Team, we kicked you guys into the middle of next week. Which would have been Mayhem.... NC: [snickers is disgust] DC: Guiding Lights: the soap opera came to an end last week, didn't it? We whipped you two good, and YOUR SHOW WAS CANCELLED! NC: Stunt Team. We told you about it all week, and then, we showed you. How we would tear you limb from limb. You two are lucky the ref got in there when he did.... Aaron: Yeah, because I called for more punishment!!! You two barely got out alive. Next time, you won't be so lucky. DC: Indeed. But, I would hardly say that Ron Fire was lucky last Saturday night. How did you like it, Ron? How did the ICBM feel? You didn't kick out, did you? No. Nobody has. Nobody will. Because NOBODY CAN. NC: That's right. I realized that I had Fire in trouble. That's how we work. I take the punishment. I absorb the attacks. Did you see how many times I kicked out of those covers? Wow. Just phenomenal resilience and stamina. But, that's how it is supposed to be. You can't pin me. It just can't be done. I suck it up, then I use my supreme endurance to wear you down, and get the advantage. Then, I tag to the big man. The wreaker of destruction. DefCon. He takes care of things from there. He hurts people...bad. And you, Ron Fire, deserved the most pain we could give you. Otherwise, I just would have pinned you myself. And Steve, trying to run in and make the save? Forget it. HAHAHAHAHA. Aaron: Who were those jobbers that ran down the aisle after you guys? DC: Oh, yes. I almost forgot. Flaw and Out of Order. You punks went way too far. You come down and try to get the jump on us. Right. We gave you one victory, and now you guys act like you're all bad or something. We haven't lost a match yet. We've been disqualified once, and that's it. You guys blow, and we're gonna kill you at Midsummer Madness. NC: Yeah, but I don't wanna wait that long. Come on, you chumps. Next week, you two punks against us. Another tag match. We'll kill you. Bring it. DC: Oh, and Chump Team. Win the titles. We don't wanna fight High Plains Drifters. We have respect for them. But we know that if you win the belts, you'll just be bringing them right to us.... Aaron: OK, I'll get on the phone and see if Law and Disorder has the balls for a match. I won't count on it, though. We'll keep our fingers crossed, but, really, how stupid could they be? Everyone look out. It's just too perfect. After our two wins this week, noone will be able to overlook us again!!! NavCom sets 'em up, DefCon knocks 'em down. And I orchestrate the whole thing. And right now, I'm gonna orchestrate a pounding of Law and Disorder. SIGN ON THE DOTTED LINE, PUSSIES!!! [Fade] Upcoming Events ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ As you probably know, there are no televised cards next week, but the schedule will be back to normal in time for the August 14 edition of IIWF Midweek Mayhem. Just to clarify, let's run down the schedule for the next two weeks: August 3 - IIWF Saturday Night (NJ Meadowlands Arena, NY) 6 - IIWF Control Centre Update 7 - _NO_ IIWF Midweek Mayhem 9 - IIWF Control Centre Update 10 - _NO_ IIWF Saturday Night 13 - IIWF Control Centre Update 14 - IIWF Midweek Mayhem (IIWF Coliseum) 16 - March to Midsummer Madness Special 17 - IIWF Midsummer Madness (Madison Square Garden, NY) IIWF Midweek Mayhem - 14 August 1996 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ So far, the following matches have been announced for the IIWF's final card before Midsummer Madness: - Sandman vs. Don Antonio - Special Submission Match: Brian Lau vs. The Coroner - Armed Forces vs. Law & Disorder - IIWF Intercontinental Championship Match: = Brad "Bodybag" Kinder vs. Tiger Claw - IIWF World Tag Team Championship Match: = High Plains Drifters vs. American Heroes More matches will be announced over the course of the next ten days. However, the Coroner can't wait to get into the ring with Brian Lau. Let's hear from him now: [SCENE: The Coroner sits in something that looks like a bar, wearing a white shirt with his name on it and red jeans.] TC: "Hey, Lau... As I learned we gotta get our match. Boy, you really make me mad... You think you're such a badass, don't ya? Well, if it is true that you will make it to the ring to meet me, I'll show you who the real badass is. [The Coroner seems to lose his nerves, but calms himself down and continues: "When we meet in the ring it'll be on a Wednesday evening, but you're goin' to believe that it is a Friday, and a mighty black one. Me and a few good friends of mine have met just a few days ago and we started an intensive training program, so that I get back my old fitness. You better start training and get some fitness at all, Lau. Just take your friends down to ringside, but prepare that I'll have some guys on my side as well. Deathbringer and me had some words about this topic, and he doesn't seem to be pleased with it, but hey, you offended me, not him. So we agreed that it would be the best for the two of us to go our own ways for the next few weeks until this stuff is settled... [The barkeeper comes along, carrying a few beers in his hand. He accidently hits the table the Coroner sits at. The beers fall down on the table; the Coroner gets wet from top to toe. He's calm for a few seconds, then jumps up, puts his hands on the barkeeper and pushes him away. He then kicks at the table, breaking it in two pieces.] "Ya saw this, Lau, and this is exactly what will happen to you! Lau, I'm out to destroy, and I will cut you down!" [Fade, as the Coroner continues to demolish other tables and chairs] IIWF Midsummer Madness - 17 August 1996 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ All the initial four on four matches have now been announced for Midsummer Madness, and the countdown to the crowning of a new IIWF World Heavyweight Champion is well and truly on! Let's run down the card: BRUTE FORCE vs. GROUND ZERO Robski [c] "Nuclear" John Bomber Magus Crimson Storm Guiding Lights Steamroller THE PATRIOTS vs. BATTLE ZONE Ron Fire [c] NavCom [c] Steve Forget DefCon Marshall Law Abie Ace Maverick Zed AMERICAN HEROES vs. DARK KNIGHTS Casey James [c] Sandman [c] Man of Steel Phantom Don Antonio Brad "Bodybag" Kinder Vinny Cappicola Prince of Darkness THE SENATE vs. THE POSSE The Hangman [c] The Outlaw [c] Atomic Destroyers High Plains Drifters Mr. Damage Crippler THE PERFORMERS vs. THE SHOWSTOPPERS Billy Shakespeare [c] Simon Lebec [c] The Punster "Frost" Scott Morrison Tony Starks "Painbringer" Billy Sexton "Machine" Hunter Robertson Fisto Flash THE SYNDICATE vs. ALLIANCE OF EXCELLENCE Tiger Claw [c] Dan Kauffman [c] Joe Latta Subway Psycho ? Deathbringer ? "Legend" Brandon Bennett Don't forget that the survivors of these matches then go on to participate in the big final elimination match, in which the Subway Psycho will battle against all the other survivors to regain that IIWF World Heavyweight Championship. In the final match, the survivors will pick sides, and will even have to battle their own partners, so that the last man standing becomes the IIWF Champion! It's going to be a phenomenal night of action, surprises, thrills and spills! Live from Madison Square Garden, New York, on August 17! Call your local cable provider now for details on how to get connected for the greatest IIWF event to date! Departures ~~~~~~~~~~ As rumoured, the Returners have disbanded due to difficulties which haven't been disclosed by the front office. Locke Cole, and his wife, Celes, have been released from their contracts, and have left the IIWF, although it seems that "the Royalty of the Street" Sabin Figaro has found himself a new tag team partner. More on that in an upcoming report. Manager Search ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ - Stunt Team USA are looking for a manager The Dross Report ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ In today's Dross Report, I'm going to take a look at the IIWF Intercontinental Champion, Brad "Bodybag" Kinder, and the top challengers to his crown. You would have thought that with the IIWF World title currently vacant, and everybody gunning for it, hoping to take it home at Midsummer Madness, that Kinder would have the luxury of being able to pick and choose his opponents. However, it would seem that he's as under fire as any other athlete here in the IIWF. But Brad Kinder is one of the most cool-headed competitors in the sport. He possesses power, agility, ring savvy, and a relatively long fuse, which is undoubtedly an asset when he faces such hot-headed opponents as the Subway Psycho or the spirited Dan Kauffman. His ring technique is all-business, with no posing to the crowd; from the opening bell, he pounces on his opponent and doesn't let up until he's taken him out. And Kinder can hurt you in any number of ways: there's his new finisher, the front suplex/piledriver combination that he calls the "Dead Man's Honour". He also boasts some fantastic lariats and power moves in his arsenal. He can mix it up on the mat if he has to, and he's even been known to take to the air. In short, he's one of the IIWF's best all-rounders. So just who is going to be able to depose him as champion, especially now that he has the muscle of the other Dark Knights behind him? Let's take a look at the top ten ranked superstars here in the IIWF, and then the other wrestlers who have declared an interest in the title: ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Name F/H Fought Won Drawn Lost Ranking (old) new ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Brad "Bodybag" Kinder H 13 8 1 4 (IC) IC ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Subway Psycho F 11 9 0 2 (1) 1 Dan Kauffman F 10 7 1 2 (2) 2 Outlaw H 11 7 2 2 (3=) 3= Deathbringer N 11 7 2 2 (3=) 3= Tiger Claw H 13 7 0 6 (5) 5 Blackjack Haley H 12 6 3 3 (7) 6 Tony Starks N 9 6 1 2 (6) 7 Billy Shakespeare F 9 6 0 3 (8) 8 Don Antonio F 8 5 0 3 (9=) 9 Casey James F 10 4 2 4 (11) 10 ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Man Of Steel F 11 4 2 5 (18) 11 Hakiro Matsuoko F 7 4 0 3 (9=) 14 ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Let's start from the bottom and work our way up. Hakiro Matsuoko is reportedly still in Japan seeking out his roots, but as a former Intercontinental Champion, when he steps back into the ring, he must be considered an automatic contender, since he never got the promised rematch against Tiger Claw. The "Angel of the Sun" could present great problems to Kinder, with his lightning-quick martial arts manoeuvres, and terrific aerial skills. Matsuoko also possesses great endurance, and the longer the match goes, the more in Hakiro's favour it swings. The Man of Steel recently declared that he is making a run for the Intercontinental title, and started well with a victory over Mr. Damage. He's keen to get more singles action now, although the alliance with Casey James remains strong, and he'll be looking to climb the rankings in the coming weeks. He wants a non-title match against Kinder to prove himself, and although Brad's schedule is rather packed at the moment, you can bet that "Bodybag" won't duck the American Hero. Steel's partner, Casey James, is propping up the top ten ranked athletes, but he seems to have made it his goal to gun for the IIWF World Heavyweight Championship, and in that respect joins Tony Starks, Deathbringer, the Outlaw, Dan Kauffman and the Subway Psycho in their pursuit of the bigger gold. That leaves Don Antonio, Billy Shakespeare and Tiger Claw also going for Kinder. Don Antonio has really seen a turnaround in his fortunes as of late, and he's catapulted himself from the bottom of the league into the top ten, proving that his turning over a new leaf has marked a new era of success for the Family in the ring. He may still have some way to go before he is deemed worthy of a shot at Kinder, but he's certainly laid the groundwork with his recent form, and a couple of victories over other top ten superstars would help his cause. Billy Shakespeare is a perennial contender for the title. He's one of the hardest men in the IIWF to pin cleanly, and his form has been exemplary throughout his tenure in the league. However, he always seems to just miss out on the big prizes, and you can bet that he's planning to change all that in the near future. The IIWF Championship Committee can't afford to ignore Shakespeare's claim to a title shot. Although he was cheated out of a shot by Brian Lau in recent weeks and has since become embroiled in an ugly situation with Steve Roberts, Billy won't have forgotten about the gold, and he'll be back in the chase very shortly. Which brings us back to the former IIWF Intercontinental Champion, Tiger Claw, who gets his rematch against Kinder on Midweek Mayhem, August 14. Claw remains possibly the most dangerous competitor in the IIWF. He can come at you with his hands or his feet, he's aerially skilled and possesses some of the meanest kicks in the sport. He's tenacious, and hard to keep down to the mat. He's hungry and aggressive. But, perhaps most decisively, he's got Brian Lau and the rest of the Syndicate, including Mistress Sasha and Joe Latta, on the outside. Together, Lau and his men make a formidable crew who are very hard to get past. Their scheming leader always has a trick up his sleeve, and you can bet that Lau's already planning how he's going to bring that gold back to the Dojo in a couple of weeks. Brad Kinder makes a fine Intercontinental Champion, but the tests will continue to come thick and fast. He can't afford to ignore any of the contenders to his title, because the moment he overlooks one opponent in order to get to the next will be the moment he loses the gold. In a field of athletes like the roster boasted by the IIWF, title changes could come remarkably commonplace. Next Report ~~~~~~~~~~~ I'm going on vacation for a week, folks, but my broadcast colleague Larry Morton will be on hand next Tuesday and Friday for your usual IIWF Control Centre updates. Don't forget that after tomorrow night's huge lineup from the New Jersey Meadowlands Arena, there will be no more cards for the next seven days, but things will swing back into action in a big way on August 14. I'll be back at you tomorrow with Steve Roberts for another IIWF Saturday Night, but for now, this is Tim Dross, saying: so long, everybody! +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= I * I * W * F =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+ | Send mail to univ0322@sable.ox.ac.uk with the subject lines: | | "send faq" for the FAQ + "send singles" or "send tag" for the | | rosters + "send handlers" for a list of handlers | +----------------------------------------------------------------------+ | IIWF Home: http://users.ox.ac.uk/~univ0322/iiwf/ | +----------------------------------------------------------------------+ | Submit material for the Report to univ0322@sable.ox.ac.uk | +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+