##### ###### ### ########## ########## ########## #### ## ########## ########## ########## #### # #### ######## ##### ##### #### ## ##### #### #### #### #### ### #### #### #### #### ############# ######### #### #### ########### ######### #### #### #### #### #### ######### ######### ### #### #### ######### ######### ### ## #### ######## ######## ## # #### =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- ## =-=-=-= INTERNATIONAL INTERNET WRESTLING FEDERATION =============================================== S + A + T + U + R + D + A + Y N + I + G + H + T ----------------------------------------------- LIVE * IIWF Coliseum * 31 August 1996 [Opening graphics fade through to interior shot of the IIWF Coliseum. Twenty thousand screaming fans fill the arena as fireworks explode in the rafters. Cut to the announcers' table, at which stand Tim Dross and "Soundbite" Steve Roberts. Behind them, fans wave signs, and bustle to get in shot.] TD: Welcome everybody to the IIWF Coliseum! Welcome everybody to another live IIWF Saturday Night! I'm Tim Dross, and beside me, as always, is my broadcast colleague, "Soundbite" Steve Roberts. We have another rip-roaring evening of wrestling entertainment for you tonight, fans, so stay tuned! SR: Yeah, don't touch that dial, you peons out there in TV-land. If you do, you'll miss Tiger Claw, the greatest Intercontinental Champion of all time, show the Prince of Darkness what it's like to really have your lights put out. TD: Indeed. Claw makes his first title defence since recapturing the belt from Brad Kinder before Midsummer Madness, and it's no surprise that he's facing one of the Dark Knights. It seems the Sandman is intent on declaring war on the Syndicate, and he goes up against Joe Latta tonight in the squared circle. SR: Latta cost the Sandman a victory on Wednesday night at Mayhem, and the Sandman will want to return the favour here tonight. TD: We'll also see the rematch for the IIWF World Tag Team titles. Last week, the Armed Forces captured the belts from the High Plains Drifters, and Josey Wales' boys will be more hungry than ever for a victory here tonight as they get a second chance at the gold. SR: Talking of rematches, Dross, another match I can't wait to see is the no countout, no disqualification match between the Hangman and Fisto Flash. Those two had a brutal battle last week here on Saturday Night, and I think we're going to see both men pull out all the stops tonight. If you aren't old enough to buy liquor, then you aren't old enough to watch this match, folks. It's going to be a war. TD: The Cruiserweight Championship tournament first round concludes here tonight, with "Quickstrike" Chris Quigley battling the "Enigma" Takezo Musashi, and "Spotlight" Billy Shakespeare taking on the "Badboy" Randy Acorn. Three out of the four superstars in this bracket have only been in the IIWF a matter of days, Steve. Who has made the greatest impression on you so far? SR: Well, Dross, I like Musashi. Not only is he in possession of possibly the most dangerous but most high-impact finishing move we've seen here in the IIWF, but he's also a resilient, punishing athlete who could clearly go a long way. Quigley, on the other hand, is so full of himself it's leaking out and making his hair greasy. Sure, he can string together a few moves now and again, but he talks even more than Kauffman, and that can only be a bad thing. We've not seen very much of Acorn so far, but if he can put Pukespeare away, he's got a big fan right here. TD: And on top of all that, we'll see another newcomer, Otto "the Butcher" Verhoeven, go up against the Crippler, and Marty Warnett, who was beaten by Verhoeven on Wednesday night, will try to take "Showstopper" Simon Lebec down a peg or two. We'll also be hearing from the IIWF President himself as he makes the first announcements concerning IIWF Ring Wars II, which is coming your way in only a few weeks, and I'll be interviewing Dan Kauffman live later on! All that to come here on IIWF Saturday Night tonight! But first, let's recap the matches we've already seen go down here: - HEAVY METAL defeated LAW & DISORDER in tonight's opening matchup. Robo Stone's tag team weathered the early storm as Marshall Law and Ace Maverick had Atlas Steele trapped in the ring, and came back once Atlas tagged in his twin brother. In the end, Heavy Metal trapped Ace Maverick in the Olympic Slam for the victory. - "PAINBRINGER" BILLY SEXTON defeated PRISONER #109, getting the win with an inside cradle when P109 began arguing with the match official after what he claimed was a slow count on Sexton. P109 had dominated the early going with his power moves, but once Sexton had managed to turn things around, he was dictating the pace with his methodical, submission style. P109 went for a powerbomb and covered Sexton, who kicked out after a two. When P109 argued with the official about the count, Sexton capitalised and rolled his opponent up from behind for another victory. Sexton has been on quite a roll here in the IIWF, Steve. SR: Absolutely. Few men have come into the IIWF and made such an immediate impact, but Sexton has just skyrocketed up the rankings. His performance tonight gives him seven wins out of nine. Tiger Claw had better be watching his back, since Sexton is in line for a title shot in the not-too-distant future. TD: Sexton clearly has overtures on Claw's gold. We'll find out whether he has what it takes to be the champion in the near future. In other action: - MAN OF STEEL was victorious by default over BLACKJACK HALEY, when the unpredictable giant failed to even show up for the match. What do you make of Haley's failure to show up here tonight, Steve? SR: You can't really blame Haley for not turning up, Dross. I mean, if you had a choice, would you wrestle some superhero wannabe with a sweaty no-brained musclehead for a manager, or would you stay at home and drink some beer? I know which I'd choose. TD: I'm not so sure that it's as simple as that, Steve. Rumours persist that he's tired of the IIWF and might quit. Perhaps he's trying to get fired... Anyhow, moving on: - MAGUS defeated CRIMSON STORM in a match that showed just why Magus got his reputation for being somewhat deranged. Throughout the match, he appeared to be talking to himself, and he taunted Storm from beginning to end. Even when Storm applied his Code Red Armbar on Magus, the lunatic simply powered out of the hold, kicked Storm in the midsection and applied a powerbomb on him for the pinfall victory. SR: Best of all, Magus has changed his theme music. Now he comes out to "They're coming to take me away"! I don't know about deranged, Dross, but Magus certainly makes me insane with laughter. TD: Do you want to say that to his face, Steve? SR: Why don't _you_, Dross? TD: No, thanks. I still remember the last time I got into the ring with a slightly... unstable wrestler. SR: So do I! I'd love to see a repeat performance! TD: Gee, it's nice to know you care, Steve. However, after the match, a very angry looking "Nuclear" John Bomber attempted to come down to the ring and attack Magus, but he was held back by a security team. Magus merely pointed at Bomber and laughed from the ring. SR: That's an understandable reaction. Bomber might be one unhappy bunny now, but he can't save his career. It's already in meltdown. TD: Very drole. In the final match before we came on air tonight: - STUNT TEAM USA defeated THE FINAL TRUTH with their Fire & Forget finisher. Ron and Steve, complete with their new manager, the "Wizard" Belgarath McEndeavour, looked hungrier than ever. There's nothing they want more than a rematch with the Armed Forces, Steve. They want a shot at the gold. SR: Who knows whether the Forces will even be wearing the gold after tonight, Dross? Anyhow, just because they've got a new manager doesn't mean that Blunder Team USA are going to be any more successful. Besides, was that guy a manager or a children's entertainer?! A guy with a stupid hat who brings a stick to ringside... oooh, I am _scared_! TD: Ron and Steve want to succeed, and they've taken on the "Wizard"'s services to help them. SR: Yeah, well, they've always sucked, and I guess now they blow. TD: Thanks very much, Steve. We get the picture. [The timekeeper's bell rings.] TD: Right now, it's time to go up to the ring for tonight's first live match. Marty Warnett will attempt to make amends for his loss at the hands of the Butcher on Wednesday night with a win over the "Showstopper" Simon Lebec. Let's hear from Lebec now as he prepares for the match: [Cut to Simon Lebec standing in the locker room. He is clearly agitated as he speaks:] "Jeez!! I take a loss to the Jap, and all the losers are comin' out of the woodwork. Marty Warnett? Who? Never heard of ya, pal! School's in and the teacher's pissed!! Prepare for a lesson. A WRESTLING lesson!! I'm gonna pick you apart kid!! Count on it!! "As for 'Simon Does Saskatchewan', you obviously don't know fine art when you see it. You're an unbred, back-assed hick. Go back to your momma's warm bed and suckle on her fat tits for a little while longer. Call me when you get out of the hospital. You got spunk, I'll give you that -- no brain though! See ya in the ring, punk!!" [Lebec walks out of shot. Cut back to the ring as Sparkplug Lee steps through the ropes.] SR: Sounds to me like Lebec means business. I wouldn't want to be Farty Tornett right now. TD: That's Marty Warnett, Steve. SR: Whatever. =========================================== Marty Warnett vs. "Showstopper" Simon Lebec =========================================== TD: This match promises to give us a better look at the new kid on the block than his match on Wednesday night with the Butcher. SR: Funny you should mention New Kids On The Block when you describe Marty, because both the New Kids and Marty are so sickeningly "nice" that I get the urge to pummel them... TD: He's a refreshing change from all the attitudes running around here, Steve. SR: Dross, if you just treated people better, they may not think that way about you... TD: Me? Of course, Steve... Let's go up to Sparkplug Lee for the introductions. [Sparkplug Lee stands majestically in the centre of the ring.] RA: Ladies and gentlemen, this match is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, from Cardiff, Wales, and weighing in at 245lbs, here is: Maaaartyyyy Waaaarnett! ["Cold Gin" plays over the system and Marty Warnett comes out to a moderate pop. He shakes hands with fans on his way down, and seems pumped to be getting into the ring.] RA: His opponent, from Hollywood, California, weighing in at 239lbs, and accompanied to the ring by Miss Crystal, here is "Showstopper" Siiiimonnnn Lebec! [Simon comes out from behind the curtain dividing the backstage area from the aisle, holding his latest award. Miss Crystal follows closely behind, looking wonderful as usual. Lebec shows of the award to the fans, and the camera picks up his voice: "All your life, you'll never see one of these up so close again..."] TD: Yeah... Until the next time he comes to the ring flaunting that thing... SR: You see, Dross? It's comments like that that make people dislike you... [Simon gets to the ring, and Miss Crystal helps him to take his robe off, and also takes the award. Simon stretches his arms and looks ready for the match. Crystal leaves the ring, and the bell rings, starting the match. Marty bounds to the middle of the ring and puts out his hand to shake Lebec's hand. Lebec bursts out laughing, and shakes his head. Marty keeps his hand out, waiting for Lebec to accept.] SR: Look at this guy... Why doesn't he just wear a sign around his neck that says "Please beat me to a pulp"? TD: Well, Steve, he is a rookie, I guess he's going to learn the hard way... [Lebec grabs Marty's hand and pulls him into his knee, doubling Marty over. Lebec capitalizes and executes a lightning quick snap suplex, follwed by a backbreaker. Marty holds his back, wincing in pain. Lebec goes for the pin... 1 - 2 - Kickout. Lebec rolls Warnett over on the mat, exposing Marty's back, then continues to stomp away, each time causing Marty to yelp. Lebec stops for a moment to showboat to the fans, and then drops an elbow onto the prone Warnett. Lebec follows this up with a camel clutch type maneuver. Suddenly, Billy Shakespeare walks out of the backstage area, and walks quietly down to the ring. Lebec's back is toward the aisle, so he doesn't see him.] SR: What the hell is Pukespeare doing here? Can't he keep his nose out of anything? TD: I don't know why he's here, Steve... Let's see... [Shakespeare calmly saunters up to Miss Crystal and tries to begin a conversation with her. She gives Billy a sideways glance and tries to ignore him. Meanwhile, in the ring, Warnett reaches the ropes, forcing Lebec to break the hold. Lebec uses the second rope to launch himself up and land on Marty's back. Lebec still doesn't see that Billy Shakespeare is at ringside. Billy continues trying to catch Crystal's attention, and finally whispers something in her ear, which causes her to start laughing. Billy smiles, and both begin talking about who-knows-what.] TD: I might be wrong, but it looks like Shakespeare is _flirting_ with Miss Crystal! SR: What a scumbag... Going after someone else's girl. I hope Lebec sees what's going on... [Lebec drapes Warnett over the second rope, and begins to run across the ring to rebound off of the opposite ropes. At this point, Lebec sees Billy and Crystal on the outside. He stops, and begins to shout at Shakespeare. Meanwhile, Warnett gets back to his feet, nursing his back. Billy holds his hands up innocently, and looks at Crystal. She looks at Lebec and shakes her head, telling him nothing is wrong. Lebec screams "WHAT!?" and starts telling Billy to go back to the locker rooms... Billy shrugs his shoulders and begins to move back up the aisle. Lebec turns around to a dropkick square on the jaw from Warnett, which is followed up by a belly-to-belly suplex.] TD: I think Lebec is a little put out by what's going on with his valet... SR: I don't blame him... If Pukespeare started putting the moves on my woman, I'd be a little put out too. And then I'd put Pukespeare out. [Shakespeare uses this opportunity to rush back to ringside and tap Crystal on the shoulder. She turns around, and he slips her a piece of paper and whispers something to her. Billy then runs back to the locker room. Meanwhile, in the ring, Warnett quickly lands a Northern Lights Suplex, and creates a pinning predicament. The ref counts... 1 - 2 - 3! Ding! Ding! Ding!] SR: No! Oh, no... I can't believe this green kid beat Lebec... TD: Well, that's what happens when you have your concentration broken in the ring. Anyone can capitalize on that and turn it into a win. RA: Here is your winner, by pinfall: Maaaaarty Warnett! [Warnett gets his arm raised while Lebec rolls out of the ring. he begins shouting at Crystal, and shoves her in the direction of the locker room area. The two leave ringside, Lebec shouting at Crystal all the way.] TD: If Lebec wants Miss Crystal to ignore the advances of Mr. Shakespeare, then perhaps he should treat Miss Crystal better... SR: What do you know about women, Dross? You think that your toupee makes the women think you're sexy... TD: Quit it with the toupee! SR: Temper, temper, Dross... Watch that attitude... TD: Excuse me, Steve. I've got an interview to conduct. [Dross puts down his headset and leaves the announcers' table.] SR: Oh, great. We're going to be forced to listen to another torrent of whining from Kauffman. Where's my pillow? [Cut to Tim Dross standing on the interview platform set back from the aisle.] TD: Fans of the IIWF, please welcome my next guest; he's a man who has recently said "enough's enough"; he's a man who seems to have a whole new attitude; he is... Dan Kauffman! (A roar goes up from the crowd as Dan Kauffman emerges. Rockets shoot from above and burst in a pyrotechnic display above the ring. Kauffman seems unfazed, and simply walks to the platform. The crowd pop simmers down, but still lingers in the arena.] TD: Well, Dan, everyone saw the altercation between yourself and Joe Latta on Wednesday, and I'm assuming that pleasantries were not exchanged. DK: [with a slight grin] Yeah, I didn't agree with where he wanted to eat after the show... [surprising pop] Hell no, Joe and I don't agree! I don't agree with hardly anybody these days! But Latta, I suppose I have to focus on you for now... Fine. Joe, plain and simple, two months ago, you turned your back on me. Since then, I haven't had my say in the matter, and I want that say to happen NOW! [Crowd pop, and a chant of "Kauff-man" starts.] You see, I've realized something over the last couple of weeks. I've realized that all my previous success has come while focused on business. Not the fans, not my allies, not anything else. Well, a businessman I am once again. Some people call it a "neutral" attitude. I have my own phrase for it that goes like this... "Put up, or SHUT UP!" I talk my share, but I back it up! Latta, you're about to play hardball with a man whom noone in this fed understands. TD: Now, Dan, I think they understand you pretty well... DK: They _think_ they know me. You think you know me, Dross. Nobody has a clue... [Kauffman steps down from the platform, reaches over the crowd barrier and pulls out a folding chair. He brandishes it as he steps back up onto the platform.] DK: You see, everyone thinks that I'm a nice guy. Wrong. I BEHAVE like a nice guy. But I wrestle even BETTER when I'm PISSED! And Latta, I've been PISSED at you for about a month now! I just haven't let my true feelings out... well, you can forget that now. Latta, when I want revenge, I wrestle with emotion. When I wrestle with emotion... [Lifts the chair above his head] SOMEBODY'S GOING TO GET A MASSIVE HEADACHE! See Joe, nobody knows my limits. You decided to test my limits. YOU'RE GOING TO GET A MASSIVE HEADACHE! [Most of the crowd pops, but a few actually jeer Kauffman and his change of attitude!] TD: Okay, Joe Latta isn't going to let you "crown" him, Dan. I don't know if this new mindset of yours is a good one. DK: Neither do I... I guess we're going to find out! Latta, who's going to save your soul? The correct answer is: Nobody. [Again, most of the crowd pops as Kauffman throws the chair down to the arena floor. He steps down from the platform without further word and heads straight back up the aisle to the locker room area. Dross also leaves the platform and rejoins Steve Roberts at the broadcast table.] SR: Hey, I thought Kauffman was going to waffle you with that chair for a minute. TD: Sorry to disappoint you, Steve. And talking of disappointment, I can think of a few fans out there who are going to be disappointed by Dan Kauffman from now on. That's not the same guy I spoke to on the phone a couple of weeks ago. SR: As far as I can tell, Kauffman's still the loser he always was. But he seems to be making an effort to go after Latta regardless of what the fans think. He'll still come up way short, but that's just going to make it all the more amusing to watch. TD: The paths of Joe Latta and Dan Kauffman will cross again soon, you can count on that. Right now, let's move on to our next matchup. ============================================= Otto "the Butcher" Verhoeven vs. The Crippler ============================================= TD: We're about to see a very impressive competitor in action here, folks... I had the pleasure of seeing him on Wednesday, and Otto Verhoeven is just unstoppable. SR: He's a powerhouse. I'm glad to see that there's some real strength coming into the IIWF, because I'm tired of seeing guys that are all mouth... Like, say... Dan Kauffman. TD: Why is everyone on his case? People like Brian Lau talk more trash... SR: It's the quality that matters, Dross.. TD: Well, I'm not sure I agree with your idea of quality, Steve... Let's get to ringside... [Sparkplug can be seen putting some suave moves on Lisa, but someone gives him a quick jab to give him his cue...] RA: Ahem... Ladies and gentlemen, this next match is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, from Parts Unknown, being led to the ring by manager Josey Wales, The Crippler! ["Midnight Rambler" plays through the stadium as the Crippler and Josey Wales make their way toward ringside. Josey gives Crippler a few last minute pointers as they walk the isle, and finally they make it to the ring.] TD: The Crippler is a great technical wrestler, but I don't think he can match the raw power of The Butcher. SR: I'm anxious to see this guy... and I'm pretty anxious to see Nurse Heidi in the flesh, too. RA: His opponent, hailing from Essen, Germany, being led to the ring by Nurse Heidi, here is Otto "The Butcher" Verhoeven! [The theme from Halloween begins to play, and Otto emerges from the locker room area with Nurse Heidi close behind. Otto's wearing a black singlet, while Heidi is wearing a tight red nurse's outfit that doesn't leave much to the imagination...] SR: Oh... My... God... What a body... TD: Yes, he's really built, isn't he? SR: What are you, a eunuch? Look at that woman! I think I'm in love... TD: Better not let Otto hear that... Heidi's his fiance... SR: Do you think she's into swinging? [Otto raises his hand to a few fans that are booing him, and Heidi calms him down slightly... The pair get to the ring, and Otto begins pounding on the Crippler before the bell even rings. Heidi leaves the ring, and Josey Wales stands outside. Otto pounds Crippler into a corner, then proceeds to land a series of punches to the ribs. The Crippler doubles over in pain, and Otto grabs him by the throat and begins to choke the Crippler as he pushes him over the top rope. The ref counts to 4 before Otto breaks. The ref begins to scold Verhoeven for breaking the rules, and Otto chokes the Crippler again, using his power to take The Crippler's feet off the ground as he pushes him over the ropes.] TD: Look at that... He's just like an express train in there... SR: You know, I bet you couldn't get anything under that dress, it's so tight... I wouldn't mind spending a few hours trying, though... TD: Will you pay attention to the match!? SR: I wonder if she gives a good sponge bath... [Otto breaks the chokehold at the count of 4 from the ref, and throws the Crippler into the opposite corner. The Crippler lessens the impact, and rebounds with an attempt for a flying headscissors. Otto turns the maneuver into a powerbomb, and slams the Crippler down to the canvas. The Crippler rolls from the ring and gets a few pointers from Josey Wales.] TD: The Crippler's tacnical skills aren't doing him much good in this match. There comes a point where your opponent is just too strong for any of those holds to work... SR: You know, I wouldn't even mind being in traction if she were my nurse... TD: Don't be fooled. Heidi knows a few wrestling holds, Steve... If you start stalking her like that last woman, she'll lock a cross-face chickenwing on you. SR: Hmmm... I think that would be interesting... [The Crippler gets several insults thrown at him from Otto who stays in the centre of the ring. The Crippler rolls in, and carefully measures up The Butcher. The Crippler moves in for a single leg takedown, and Otto powers out by kicking The Crippler down to the mat. Otto then starts to pepper The Crippler with some devastating punches, and then picks the Crippler up by the throat. He yells, and then hoists The Crippler up. He slams the Crippler down onto his knee. Otto goes for the cover... 1 - 2 - 3! Ding! Ding! Ding! The ref goes to raise Otto's arm, but Otto pulls away and spits on him. Otto goes out of the ring to join Nurse Heidi. They both leave the ringside area as Josey Wales tends to The Crippler in the ring.] RA: Ladies and gentlemen, here is your winner, by pinfall: Otto "the Butcher" Verhoeven! TD: Wow... The chokeslam backbreaker Otto refers to as the "Slaughterslam." SR: Do you think that Heidi would put me in that hold if I asked her nicely? TD: Will you get over Heidi? SR: That sounds fun too... TD: You're something else, Steve. Before we go back up to the ring for our next match, let's just hear a little more about another newcomer headed to the IIWF. A couple of days ago I met with a mysterious gentleman named Bishop Right. Earlier today, we met again backstage: [Cut to Dross standing in a dark corridor, deep in the bowels of the IIWF Coliseum.] TD: I've been called back here for another meeting with Bishop Right. I've no idea where he -- ah, here he is now. [Bishop Right steps out of the shadows.] BR: Welcome, Mr. Dross. Do you know why I've called you here? TD: No, but I guess you're going to tell me. BR: Soon the Archangel will make his appearance and all will tremble -- even the Prince of Darkness. Prince, you've been in the dark too long. Prepare to feel the searing presence of the light. When you feel the Judgment Day Drop, you will know evil cannot win. [The scene is almost lost behind a blinding bright light. Dross covers his eyes, and when the light fades again a few seconds later, Bishop Right has disappeared. Cut back to the announcers' table.] TD: I don't know what to make of Bishop Right and this Archangel. SR: I do, Dross -- this Bishop is just so much hot air. I'll be worried about this Archangel when I've seen him in the flesh. Until he makes his grand entrance, no number of fancy tricks with bright lights are going to impress me. We've seen it all before with Deathbringer. TD: Interestingly, Right reports that Archangel wants to be Deathbringer's friend... This really is most bizarre. Anyway, the Prince of Darkness will be in action later on tonight, and if Bishop Right is in the Coliseum, maybe Archangel is too. For now, let's get back to the action as Joe Latta takes on the Sandman. ========================= Joe Latta vs. The Sandman ========================= [Sparkplug Lee holds the ropes open for Lisa, the IIWF's corner girl, as she leaves the ring. She gives him a peck on the cheek, and a group of fans respond with loud wolf-whistles. Lee steps back into the centre of the ring and blushes.] SR: I guess the ladies must like men with big microphones, Dross. TD: Oh, please, Steve. We get enough of this from Becky LaRue. SR: Well, _I_ don't get enough from Beck... TD: [interrupting] I'd be careful if I were you, Steve. I'm sure Becky could give you more than you could handle. Let's go up to the ring and hear the introductions from "Casanova" Lee. RA: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, ["Mr. Sandman" by Method Man starts up over the PA] coming down the aisle, weighing in at 275lbs, he is the leader of the Dark Knights, he is: The Saaaaandmaan! [Big heel pop for the Sandman as he steps through a mist of dry ice at the head of the aisle. He points to his "Sleeper" tattoo before making his way down to the ring in the half-darkness of the subdued lighting.] TD: The Sandman might be making a mistake by not bringing his Knight cronies down to the ring with him here... he's going up against the Syndicate, after all. SR: Don't you get it, Dross? This match isn't about wars between stables. This is about professional pride. The Knights and the Syndicate don't have any problems with one another -- they had a little misunderstanding midweek, that's all. This will be a clean fight. TD: I'm not sure I have the same confidence in men like the Sandman and Joe Latta as you, Steve... particularly when Brian Lau's involved. I wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw him. SR: But I'd love to see you try throwing Lau, Dross! RA: And his opponent: coming down the aisle, accompanied by Brian Lau and Carla Daughtery, hailing from Hagerstown, Maryland, weighing in at 265lbs, here is: Joooooooe Lattaaaaaaaa! [Another big heel pop for Latta as he appears at the head of the aisle, walking arm in arm with Carla. Lau brings up the behind, smiling a big smile. The trio walk down the aisle, and Latta gives Carla a kiss before climbing the ringsteps and entering the ring. He removes his wraparound sunglasses and bends through the ropes to hand them to a ringside attendant. As he does so, the Sandman charges him from behind, sitting on his back and choking him across the bottom rope. The referee hurriedly signals for the bell.] TD: You were saying, Steve? SR: There's nothing wrong with getting a head start, Dross. Get it? A _head_ start... TD: Oh, you're a riot. What have you been drinking tonight, Steve? SR: The sweet milk of evil, Dross. It's in the air tonight. I can just feel it. TD: That was almost poetic. Coming from anyone else it would have been, but not from you. SR: Why not? I'm a sensitive guy... I can tell the difference between butter and margarine. Hey, when is the IIWF Merchandising Department going to get that "I Can't Believe It's Not Chris Quigley's Hair Grease" out on the market? TD: Will you stop?! There's a match going on! [The Sandman continues to dominate in the ring, dropping an elbow on Latta's bruised neck. He goes for the cover - 1 - 2 - kickout. He drags Latta to his feet and whips him into the ropes; Latta is floored by a clothesline from his opponent, who once more drags him to his feet and executes a brainbuster suplex. Big pop. Again the Sandman covers - 1 - 2 - kickout! On the outside, Brian Lau beats the canvas, trying to muster a comeback from Latta. The Sandman climbs to the top turnbuckle and balances there as he waits for Latta to get to his feet. Eventually Latta does stagger to his feet, and the Sandman launches himself with a flying lariat! Big pop as the move connects. Latta rolls out of the ring, and Brian Lau dashes round to try and revive his man. The Sandman is restrained from following Latta out by the official.] TD: The Sandman's been coming on awfully strong in this match. Latta is smart to get outside the ring and collect his thoughts. [Latta eventually climbs back onto the ring apron, but the Sandman is waiting for him. He tries to suplex Latta back into the ring, but Latta hooks the bottom rope with his foot. Latta reverses the move, and suplexes the Sandman right out of the ring to the arena floor! Huge pop! Both men lie sprawled at ringside as the referee begins to count them out - 1 - 2 - 3 - Latta gets to his feet and rolls into the ring to break the count before rolling back to the outside and grabbing the groggy Sandman. He whips the Sandman into the steel crowd barrier. Pulling his opponent to his feet, Latta whips the Sandman into the ring steps, and then rolls the Sandman back into the ring. He jumps up to the apron, and goes to the second turnbuckle. He drops an elbow on the Sandman, and then goes for the cover - 1 - 2 - kick out!] SR: You've got to hand it to Latta, Dross. He just keeps on coming on in leaps and bounds under the guidance of the Syndicate. TD: I don't dispute his athletic ability, Steve, but he's not the most sportsmanlike competitor in the IIWF. [Latta drags the Sandman to his feet and whips him into the ropes. As the Sandman runs back at him, he hoists his opponent above his head into a press slam! Cameras flash as Latta holds the Sandman above his head for more than five seconds, before letting him crash to the canvas. Big pop. Again, Latta goes for the cover - 1 - 2 - kick out! Latta climbs to the top rope. A buzz ripples through the capacity crowd as a single spotlight picks out a figure at the head of the aisle. Walking down to the ring in street clothing is Dan Kauffman. He points at Latta and makes threatening gestures. Latta signals for Kauffman to bring it on.] TD: Oh-oh. This is a potentially very volatile situation here, Steve. SR: You're right, Dross. I might just get out of my seat here and go put Kauffman's lights out. TD: You'll stay right there. [Latta jumps down from the top turnbuckle onto the ring apron. He then jumps down to the arena floor. Kauffman and Latta get nose to nose on the outside, and appear to be arguing, although the camera can't pick up their words. Suddenly, Kauffman takes a swing at Latta, and knocks him backwards with a fierce right hand. Big pop. Latta takes another few steps backwards, and then charges Kauffman, but runs headlong into a superkick from Dan. Big pop as Latta goes down. The referee leaps from the ring and pushes Kauffman away from the ringside area. Kauffman shoves the official aside and dashes back to where Latta is staggering to his feet. Kauffman rains blows down on his former friend. Again the official pushes Kauffman away, but Dan grabs a chair from beside a ringside table and begins threatening the official with it.] TD: Kauffman's lost it! What's going on?! SR: This is great! Kauffman's gone nuts! Maybe they'll institutionalise him, and then we won't have to put up with him any more! There's got to be big money in Dan Kauffman straitjackets... TD: Will you please stop?! Whoa! Kauffman just nailed Latta with that chair! [A security team swarms down the aisle and pulls Kauffman away from ringside. In the ring, the Sandman has stumbled to his feet. The referee signals for the bell, and the Sandman raises his arms in victory.] RA: Ladies and gentlemen, the referee has disqualified the Sandman due to outside interference. Therefore, the winner of this match: Joe Latta! [The Sandman throws a fit in the centre of the ring. He remonstrates with the referee.] TD: The Sandman's not happy with this decision, and I can see why. He didn't have anything to do with Kauffman coming out here. [The official calls over the ring announcer, who makes another announcement:] RA: The referee has informed me that he has reversed the decision. This match has been declared a double disqualification. [Mixed pop. Brian Lau, who is tending to Latta on the outside, looks up in disbelief and leaps to the apron. He immediately starts arguing with the official, who soon calls over the ring announcer again.] SR: Lau's not going to accept that decision! Latta didn't do anything to be disqualified. He was the victim of an unprovoked attack from a madman! RA: Ladies and gentlemen, the official has informed me that the only way to satisfy the parties involved here is to allow the match to continue! SR: No way! That's ridiculous! [Brian Lau throws another fit, arguing with the referee, but the Sandman has already climbed out of the ring and rolled Latta back in.] TD: What kind of shape is Latta going to be in to finish this match now?! SR: The officiating in this league is beyond belief! Latta gets beaten up by a guy with a steel chair, and then he _still_ has to wrestle?! Give me a break! [Latta is clearly very groggy as he is dragged to his feet by the Sandman. The Sandman performs a legsweep faceslam on his opponent and goes for the cover - 1 - 2 -- Latta kicks out! Pop! The Sandman again drags Latta to his feet and executes a vicious reverse neckbreaker. Cover - 1 - 2 -- again, Latta kicks out! The Sandman is clearly frustrated, and whips Latta into the ropes. He grabs Latta's face with one hand, puts the other behind Latta's back, and slams him to the canvas hard in a modified chokeslam. Cover - ] TD: There it was! That was the Nightmare! Sandman gets the one count - two - three! It's over! [Ding! Ding! Ding! The referee raises the Sandman's arm in victory.] RA: Ladies and gentlemen, here is your winner as a result of a pinfall: the Sandman! SR: Well, _what_ a surprise. The Sandman would never have beaten Latta if it hadn't been for Dan "the madman" Kauffman. What a miscarriage of justice... this stinks. [Brian Lau leaps to the apron and begins arguing with the Sandman and the referee. The Sandman merely shrugs his shoulders and heads up the aisle. Lau rolls Latta from the ring; he and Daughtery assist him back up the walkway to the locker room area.] TD: What a match that was! Latta displayed incredible resilience to even make it back into the ring after that attack by Kauffman, but he was never going to stand up to the assault of a much fresher Sandman. Let's move on... up next are the two concluding matches in the first round of the IIWF Cruiserweight Championship Tournament. SR: Does that mean we get to see the "Enema" in action? TD: That's "Enigma", Steve. But yes, he's up next facing "Quickstrike" Chris Quigley. I caught up with Quigley earlier today as he arrived at the Coliseum for tonight's show: [Cut to "Quickstrike" Chris Quigley entering the IIWF Coliseum,carrying a bag full of wrestling gear, and wearing jeans, a Hard Rock Cafe t-shirt, and a leather jacket straight from the Quickstrike Clothing Company, circulating out of Ottawa, Ontario, Canada. Tim Dross approaches Quigley, who stops and puts down his gear.] TD: Chris! I'd like to get a few words with you. Obviously a lot of people had things to say about your history, and some even questioned your skill. What do you have to say to those people. There was Otto Verhoeven, Joe Latta, and Takezo Musashi... CQ: Tim, do I look like the kind of guy who cares what those kinda people think of me? Because if I do, then the saying, "looks can be deceiving" is true. Because the Otto Verhoevens and Joe Lattas of the world can only talk. When it's gutcheck time, when it's time to back up their words, they find they bit off more than they can chew. I keep on hearing how my success in the past means nothing here. And that isn't true. I have more experience than a lot of these guys, I know the way things work, and I know what it takes to win. And as far as my ego goes? I call it confidence. Confidence in my abilities BECAUSE of my past. In fact, the only thing I have more of than confidence, is credentials! You say that sitting on the back burner will get me nowhere, that I have to back up my talk? Backing up my talk is what I do BEST! I say I'm gonna do something, and I do it! And if I don't succeed? I nearly die trying! TD: What about the challenges that were made? Especially by Otto Verhoeven. CQ: Butcher...if you want a piece of me...you know where to find me! Right on top of the IIWF! If what I have already done in other federations doesn't prove what I can do, then maybe taking apart every single one of the so-called big names of the IIWF in the Crusierweight Tournament will show everyone that it's not all talk. I'm the best professional wrestler in the world today, and everytime I step in the ring, I prove it! I'll do what I need to do to win a match. You wanna wrestle? I'll wrestle. You wanna fight? I'll fight! You wanna go outside the ring and pick up a chair? I'll grab that chair and knock you into obliviation with it!! That ain't something they teach ya at the Hart Academy... but what they do teach you is that NEVER settle for a loss. You win or you kill yourself trying! But I'll steal a line from a famous movie here and say, either do or do not... there is NO try! TD: You're slated to face Brad "Bodybag" Kinder this coming Wednesday. What do you think about your chances in this match? Kinder's a big man... CQ: I've faced the biggest and I've beaten the biggest! Close to 600 pound Tonnage couldn't stop me...Heavy Hauler couldn't stop me...and Brad Kinder will NOT stop me! You talk about athletic ability and wrestling skill...and Kinder just is not on the same level as me. He's got a lot of power, but as far as that goes, a good wrestler will never lose to a musclehead. And I'm MORE than a "good wrestler". I'm the BEST! TD: Well, of course I have to ask you once again about your first round match against Takezo Musashi. He claims it was "written" that he beats you... CQ: Musashi...I'd crack open another fortune cookie if I were you and get a second opinion! You are talking left and right about how a win over me will start your legacy? Well the legacy will have to kick off somewhere else, because there is no way I'm losing to you! You're giving me ancient oriental quotes? Here's a quote you might recognize, and it comes from my country of Canada...I'm gonna kick your ass, eh!! Don't freak out Musashi, there is no shame in going down to the man who is gonna go on to win the Cruiserweight Tournament and give the IIWF something to talk about! It's gonna be a fight, no doubt about it, but in the end you will be STRUCK DOWN! [Quigley shakes Dross's hand, picks up his gear and walks out of shot in the direction of his locker room. Cut back to the announcers' table.] SR: [already speaking] -- we back on? For heaven's sake, Dross, have you ever heard anybody so full of himself as Quigley?! I simply cannot wait for someone to bring him down a peg or five. TD: Quigley certainly is confident, Steve. Will his confidence be dented here tonight as he faces the "Enigma" Takezo Musashi? Let's go up to the ring. ======================================================= IIWF CRUISERWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP TOURNAMENT MATCH: "Quickstrike" Chris Quigley vs. "Enigma" Takezo Musashi ======================================================= RA: Ladies and gentlemen, the following first round match in the IIWF Cruiserweight Championship Tournament is scheduled for one fall and has a fifteen minute time limit. Introducing first, accompanied to the ring by "Big Bucks" Don McQueen, from Tokyo, Japan, weighing in at 211lbs, here is: the... "Enigma"... Takezo Musaaaashi! [Musashi enters the arena to a mixed pop as Don McQueen leads the incredible aerialist down to the ring. Strobe lights signal Musashi's arrival, and he looks focused on the task in hand as he leaps to the top turnbuckle and somersaults into the ring. Big pop!] TD: Here's the newest high-flyer to join the ranks of the IIWF, and from what we've already seen, I can safely say Musashi has no equal in flight. SR: He has no equal in this tournament, Dross. I like Claw and Matsuoko in this tourney, but flat out, Musashi is simply incredible! And he's not happy about the "1" mark in his loss column, either. TD: That contest with Shakespeare was a true athletic marvel, and Musashi showed himself as a worthy competitor even in defeat. But he has a tough task again tonight! Quigley will be firing on all cylinders! SR: When you only have two cylinders, firing them won't cause too much trouble, Dross! ["For those about to Rock" blares out over the PA.] RA: And introducing his opponent: coming down the aisle, hailing from Corner Brook, Canada, and weighing in at 238lbs, here is: "Quickstrike" Chris Quigley! [The ceiling of the Coliseum lights up in a fireworks display as Chris Quigley comes out to a tremendous crowd pop! Quigley takes the time to slap some hands, then enters the ring and climbs the turnbuckle, saluting the fans to a huge ovation!] TD: I've never seen a man enter the IIWF and earn a crowd reaction that size this soon since Dan Kauffman arrived here! Obviously, Quigley's reputation precedes him. SR: Man, that's almost like death, having the words "Kauffman" and "Quigley" in the same sentence! TD: Will you stop! It looks like this match is ready to get underway. SR: Great. It's time for Quigley to be struck quick by Musashi! [The bell rings, and Musashi rushes at Quigley, who sidesteps and sends him off the ropes. Quigley looks for a quick back drop, but Musashi does a somersault roll across Quigley's back, comes back off the other side and catches Quigley with a spinning side salto! Heel pop! Quigley kips up, and Musashi attempts a running bulldog, to which Quigley counters with a sweet reverse neckbreaker! Big pop! This time, Musashi kips up and sends Quigley down with a Japanese armdrag. Quigley stays on the mat and brings Musashi down with a leg sweep, then locks on a half nelson and wrenches the other arm in a chicken-wing! Musashi slithers to the ropes, and the hold is broken.] TD: We saw the strengths of both men there! Musashi went to the air early and was successful. When Quigley got Musashi on the ground, he was just as successful! SR: I guarantee you Musashi's air force attack will overwhelm Quigley's "Task Force" style. TD: Hey, that wasn't half bad! Did I teach you that one? SR: Becky knows a lot more than you know, Dross... [Musashi surprises Quigley with an enziguiri! Heel pop! Cover... 1 -- Kickout! Musashi drops a quick elbow, then stands up and delivers a standing moonsault splash! Pop! Cover... 1 -- 2 -- Quigley gets out. Musashi goes to the second rope and attempts a clothesline, but Quigley catches the aerial wonderboy and slams him hard with a belly-to-belly suplex! Pop! Quigley locks on a Camel Clutch, and Musashi struggles in pain as he tries to get to the ropes...) TD: Back and forth goes this match, and Musashi needs to break this hold before too long or his aerial attack will be useless! SR: He'll break it, Dross. Maybe he'll grab your toupee and use it to get the upperhand! TD: This isn't one of those crazy so-called hardcore leagues, Steve. There is a line here. SR: So you're saying you actually _do_ have a toupee? [Musashi struggles, but gets to the ropes after about 30 seconds, and Quigley reluctantly lets go. As soon as he does, Musashi nails him with a kick to the groin, dropping Quigley like a shot!] TD: Now wait just a minute, that was uncalled for! SR: Of course! If Musashi had called the shot, Quigley would have had time to... TD: You're hopeless, Steve. [Musashi jumps all over Quigley, nailing a spinning legdrop, a second-rope swan splash, then catapults from the middle of the ropes and lands a twisting somersault splash! Pop! Cover... 1 -- 2 -- KICK OUT! Musashi drops Quigley in a modified brainbuster, then heads to the top rope and does a spectatular double somersault moonsault to a big pop! Cover... 1 -- 2 -- Quigley somehow gets a shoulder up!] TD: Wow! I was almost sure that Quigley was out of the match right there! He showed some resilience in a big way! SR: Musashi has bigger moves in his arsenal then that, and it's just a matter of time. [Musashi comes off the ropes, and attempts a spinning "Hurricanrana" on Quigley, but Quigley drops it into a Tiger Bomb! Pop! Cover... 1 -- 2 -- Musashi gets out! Quigley brings Musashi to his feet and hits a Russian leg sweep! Pop! Quigley signals for the "Quickstriker", but McQueen pops up onto the apron!] SR: All right, now we're going to see justice! TD: Justice? This looks like a setup! [Quigley confronts McQueen, who slaps him right across the face! Quigley grabs McQueen's shirt and has a few choice words for him as Musashi gets up, but gets out of the way just as Musashi launces with a flying side kick! Pop! McQueen is floored on the concrete! Musashi turns around, and is greeted with a snap-thrust kick from Quigley that floors him! Cover... 1 -- 2 -- 3! Ding! Ding! Ding!] TD: How about that! Musashi's plan backfired, and as a result, it's Chris Quigley moving on to the semis! SR: That's twice in a row Musashi has been unlucky! What was the time on that match? TD: Let's see... [looks at the clock] my word, 14:52! Both men were just eight seconds away from BOTH being gone! SR: Great, I'm thrilled. Musashi is out... I don't know if I should even _watch_ the other matches now... TD: Quigley advances, but a great effort from Musashi none the less. He's lost two close matches here in three days, one to the established Shakespeare, and again to the respected journeyman Quigley. He'll bounce back, his skills are just too good. SR: You bet Musashi will bounce back! And then there will be trouble! TD: I can't help but think that Musashi might have taken this one, though, if only his manager had stayed out of the match. SR: There you go again, Dross, trying to stir up trouble. Will you just quit it?! TD: Billy Shakespeare will be up next in his first round match against the "Badboy" Randy Acorn. However, it seems that Acorn isn't willing to let Billy take centre stage. Let's go to some pre-recorded comments from Acorn: [Cut to "Badboy" Randy Acorn standing on the balcony of a theatre. He has a confident grin on his face and a big book in his arms. He turns his attention towards the camera and begins to speak.] RA: Billy, Billy, Billy. You've been awful quiet lately, which is odd for someone of your loudmouth background. If you don't speak soon, you may never be able to talk again, at least when I get through with you. You may be wondering what this book is, well you should recognize it. It's a Willy Wacker Shakespeare book and I want you to remember this. I will not reveal the name of it because that's not important. Well, our match is sure to be one the fans won't want to miss. I'm not saying this because it's going to be a high-flying display of talent or any junk like that, I'm saying it because they will finally get to see you get your good-to-do @$$ kicked all over the place. I've seen people that I consider talented before in my career and you are not one of them. I plan on tearing you apart very quickly and then getting prepared for the semifinals where whomever I face will definitely be hating it. [Randy throws down the book beside him, obviously out of anger, and then turns back towards the camera, his eyes glowing with fury.] Listen up! It seems this piece of crap prison scum Prisoner #109 has made a few comments my way. He says he's going to rip me apart and end my career. Well come and do it and let's see how far you get before I kick your @$$ too. First off, you wouldn't know what to do if I tried to wrestle you and I wouldn't know what to do if I got too close to those undeoderized armpits of yours. You claim to have the best finisher in the fed but you've never had the "Newark Knife" stuck in you. I can fight if you want a fight and then I'll piss on your beaten body when it's over. Let's do it this Wednesday and see who comes out victorious, you dumb SOB. [Randy calms down a bit, keeping his eyes on the camera] I think that I've talked long enough for now, and until next time, I have a message for the fans: KISS MY [bleep] @$$!!!! [Screen fades to black as Randy walks through the curtain that leads from the balcony. Cut back to the announcers' table.] TD: The "Badboy"'s sure fired up for this match, Steve. SR: Quite right too, Dross. He may not be idolised by the fans like that moron Pukespeare, but he's ten times the wrestler... and if he puts Pukespeare in the hospital, he's got a friend for life right here. TD: We'll see about that, Steve. Let's get up to the ring. ====================================================== IIWF CRUISERWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP TOURNAMENT MATCH: "Badboy" Randy Acorn vs. "Spotlight" Billy Shakespeare ====================================================== [Sparkplug Lee enters the ring.] RA: Ladies and gentlemen, the following match is a first round match in the IIWF Cruiserweight Championship Tournament, and it has a fifteen minute time limit. Introducing first, hailing from Ashland, Oregon, and weighing in at 230lbs, here is the one and only: "Spotlight" Billy Shakespeare! [Huge pop as Shakespeare appears at the head of the aisle, illuminated in a single spotlight. He bows for the fans before making his way down to the ring, swamped by eager hands from both sides of the aisle.] TD: Listen to these fans! Listen to the reception for Billy Shakespeare! SR: Excuse me while I get my bucket. [Shakespeare leaps up onto the ring apron, steps between the ropes, and bows to Sparkplug Lee, who nods back at Billy self-consciously. Billy climbs the turnbuckles and raises his arms to the crowd, who reward him with an even bigger pop. Billy goes back to stand in the centre of the ring and is once more illuminated by a single spotlight. Eventually the pop subsides sufficiently for Sparkplug Lee to speak again:] RA: Introducing his opponent, hailing from -- TD: Hey! Look -- coming out of the crowd! It's Randy Acorn! [Huge heel pop as Acorn leaps from the crowd and enters the ring clutching a huge book. Billy turns and is knocked down as the "Badboy" strikes Shakespeare with the weighty tome.] SR: This is great! It looks like Acorn's not much of a Shakespeare fan! TD: Who does this "Badboy" think he is? That was a totally unprovoked attack! [As Shakespeare lies flat out in the ring, Acorn opens the book, blows dust off its pages, pretends to read a few lines and then laughs. He tears a few pages from the book and shreds them. The official grabs the book from Acorn and gives it to a ringside attendant before signalling for the bell.] TD: The official's going to let this match go ahead?! Acorn should have been disqualified right there! Billy's in no shape to continue in this match! SR: Exactly! I like this "Badboy" more and more with every passing second! [With Shakespeare still flat out on the canvas, Acorn arrogantly pins Billy with a single finger. The referee counts - 1 - 2 - Billy kicks out! Huge pop! Acorn drags Billy to his feet and sizes him up for a haymaker. Billy blocks the big right hand and peppers Acorn with punches of his own. Acorn is staggered. Billy whips the "Badboy" into the ropes and goes for a clothesline, but Acorn ducks. On the rebound, Acorn hits with a clothesline of his own. Billy goes down hard. Again Acorn goes for the cover - 1 - 2 - kickout!] TD: Acorn trying to end things early here. I'm surprised Shakespeare even kicked out of that first cover. SR: So am I, Dross. That book sure looked heavy. Bwahahaha! TD: Will you stop?! [Acorn applies a side headlock on Billy in the centre of the ring, and the crowd begins to get behind Shakespeare, chanting "Bil - ly! Bil - ly! Bil - ly!" The referee raises Billy's arm once -- it drops to the mat. The referee raises his arm a second time -- again it drops to the mat. The referee raises the arm for the third and final time -- and Billy thrusts it up into the air! Big pop! Acorn yells at the crowd to shut up as Shakespeare begins fighting to his feet. Finally, Billy breaks out of the headlock with an elbow to Acorn's midsection. Huge pop! Billy goes to the ropes and hits Acorn with a flying clothesline. "Badboy" goes down. Acorn is quickly to his feet. Shakespeare attempts to kick his opponent in the head, but Acorn grabs Billy's leg. Billy executes a vicious enzuigiri to the back of Acorn's head, and the "Badboy" goes through 360degrees before hitting the mat hard! Big pop! Billy covers - 1 - 2 - kickout!] TD: Shakespeare's turned the tide in this match! He's got Acorn rocked, and if he hits the Curtain Call, this one's history! SR: The only thing that's going to be history in this match is little Willy Pukespeare. Come on, Acorn! Get up! [Billy goes to the top rope as Acorn staggers to his feet. Billy attempts a flying dropkick, but Acorn dodges out of the way, and Billy overshoots. In a great display of agility, however, Billy lands on his feet, and backflips onto his hands. He brings his legs over behind him and headscissors Acorn, sending him flying into the centre of the ring. Huge pop.] TD: Wow! What athleticism there from Billy Shakespeare! You've just got to be impressed by that display of agility, Steve! SR: I don't have to be impressed by anything to do with this no-hoper, Dross. [Billy drops onto Acorn and rains punches onto his fallen opponent's head. The referee calls for the break, and Billy obliges. Acorn staggers to his feet, and Billy charges in again. Acorn slows down the pace by gouging Billy's eyes. Big heel pop. Acorn takes Billy down to the mat with a lariat, then drags him to his feet once more and executes a swinging neckbreaker on Billy. Both men lie flat out on the canvas, exhausted by their exertions, as the referee begins the count.] TD: Both men are giving their all in this match, and what a see-saw battle it's been so far! Seven minutes remain on the clock in this first-round encounter! [The count reaches four, and Acorn staggers to his feet. He drops an elbow on Shakespeare, and goes for the cover - 1 - 2 - kickout! Acorn drags Billy to his feet, and applies a bearhug which is quickly converted into a vicious belly-to-belly suplex. Big heel pop as Billy lands squarely on the back of his head. Acorn again covers - 1 - 2 - kickout! Acorn stomps away at Billy until Shakespeare rolls under the bottom rope and to the arena floor. Acorn follows him to the outside, and drags him to his feet. Billy swipes at Acorn, but Acorn steps backwards out of Shakespeare's range and laughs at his opponent. He cracks a reverse knife-edge chop across Billy's chest, and then whips him into the steel ringsteps. The crowd lets out a collective gasp as Billy clatters into the steps.] SR: This is more like it, Dross! Pukespeare's having seven shades of sh... TD: [interrupting] Not on the air, please, Steve! Shakespeare's got to take this match back inside the ring. He's no match for Acorn in a street fight. [Acorn picks Shakespeare up in a bearhug once more and slams him a couple of times into the ring apron. The crowd continue to give a big heel pop as Acorn rolls Shakespeare back into the ring. Acorn climbs back into the ring himself, and drops an elbow on Shakespeare from the second buckle. He covers - 1 - 2 - kickout! He drags Billy to his feet and whips him into the ropes. Acorn launches himself into the ropes, and the two men collide centre ring with a double clothesline. They both go down. The referee again starts the count as the "Bil - ly! Bil - ly!" chant begins once more. Billy gets to his knees on the count of four, and drags Acorn to his feet. The two men slug it out in the centre of the ring. Billy gets the upper hand and attempts to whip Acorn into the corner. Acorn reverses, and sends Billy for the ride. Quick as a cat, Billy leaps to the top turnbuckle, and launches himself with his Curtain Call back cross-body block as Acorn charges in! Huge pop as Billy rolls him up for the pin - 1 - 2 - 3! Ding! Ding! Ding!] RA: Ladies and gentlemen, here is your winner by pinfall in 11:35, "Spotlight" Billy Shakespeare! [Huge pop as the referee raises an exhausted Billy's arm in victory.] TD: What a hard-fought victory for Billy! Every one of the fans in this building is on his or her feet! Listen to that noise! SR: I can't believe it, Dross! Acorn had the little runt beaten, and then Pukespeare pulls off that damned Curtain Call! I'm quickly losing interest in this stupid tournament. TD: Now we know that Billy will be facing "Quickstrike" Chris Quigley in the third semi-final here next week. That's another great match in prospect, Steve. SR: I can hardly imagine anything worse than two loudmouths like Quigley and Pukespeare in the ring together. No, scratch that, I can: Quigley, Pukespeare _and_ Kauffman all in the ring together. Where is the justice in this world, Dross?! [Billy does a circuit of the ring, hi-fiving the fans, before heading up the aisle to the strains of "Little Willie". As he reaches the head of the runway, he turns back to the crowd and gives one last bow before disappearing into the locker room area.] TD: Always the showman, always the performer, always Billy Shakespeare. SR: Oh, please, Dross! I really am going to be sick! TD: Well, try and contain yourself, Steve. Before we go up to the ring for our next match, let's go over live to the office of the IIWF President. SR: [sarcastic] Yay. Great. Now I'm _really_ excited. [Cut to split screen; the announcers' table on the left, and the office of IIWF President Dan Spreadbury on the right.] TD: Thanks for being here tonight, President Dan! It's good to have you here again. DS: It's good to be here, Tim. TD: I understand that due to difficulties at the venue, Ring Wars has had to be put back two weeks to October 12. DS: That's true. We were originally given the go-ahead for September 28, but then the front office was informed that there are repairs going on at the moment with the electrics that won't be completed in time. But that's no problem! The first Ring Wars was proclaimed as the IIWF's finest hour, and we're going to better ourselves with the second coming! Originating live from the Hoosier Dome, Indianapolis, Indiana on October 12, there are already some great matches lined up. TD: Can you tell us any of the matches on the card? DS: Not yet, Tim. Right now, the front office is still setting things up, but I'll announce the main event later in the week. I'm primarily here tonight to announce the IIWF's second tour. Starting on Wednesday 11 September at the Omni, Atlanta, Georgia, the IIWF will go on the road again, arriving in the Hoosier Dome on the night of Ring Wars II, passing through North Carolina, Virginia, Illinois, and Pennsylvania before finally reaching Indianapolis. SR: Dross, I'm not sharing any motel rooms with you on this tour. DS: Just one more thing to add, gentlemen. On Thursday 12 September, we'll be looking back at events here in the IIWF with a special evening of presentations... the Golden Grapple Awards. The fans of the IIWF have been invited to vote in a whole variety of categories, and there will also be some surprises on the night! All the IIWF superstars will be in attendance, so you can expect some sparks to fly! It should be a great evening's entertainment. TD: That's great news, Mr. President. Thanks for being with us here tonight! DS: That's my pleasure. Enjoy the rest of the show, gentlemen. [Cut back to normal shot of the announcers' table.] SR: You know, Dross, I hear that President Dan's been taking some backhanders from certain wrestlers to guarantee victory in the Golden Grapple Awards. TD: He has not! How dare you, Steve?! SR: I wonder whether there's an award for Biggest Asskisser... TD: That's quite enough, Steve. Let's get back up to the ring for the big No Countout, No Disqualification battle between the Hangman and Fisto Flash. ======================================= NO COUNTOUT, NO DISQUALIFICATION MATCH: The Hangman vs. Fisto Flash ======================================= TD: This match is going to be brutal... SR: A real gooberkicker, right? TD: That's _slobberknocker_, Steve, slobberknocker. SR: How the hell do you keep these terms straight? TD: [sighs] Anyway, neither of these two men are really adverse to cheating, and here they are in a match where they can cheat all they want! SR: If the officials were smart, they wouldn't even bother getting in the ring. They're only needed to count to three. TD: I'd have to say that the audience at home should use discretion in watching this one... It could get nasty. SR: Good. [Sparkplug Lee stands in the ring, checking the soles of his shoes and shaking his head when he sees the gum...] RA: Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to take this opportunity to ask you to please throw your trash - especially chewing gum - into the designated recepticles provided. Now, this match is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, accompanied by his manager, Robo Stone, from Brooklyn, New York, Fistooooo Flaaaash! ["Eye of the Tiger" begins to play over the system, and Robo and Fisto walk out into the isle to a sizeable heel pop. Fisto holds his gleaming steel fist high in the air as he shouts insults to the crowd on hand. When he enters the ring, the ref tries to get him to put on the protective padding for his fist, but Fisto refuses to put the pad on.] SR: What the hell is that idiot ref trying to do? This is a no DQ match... Why would Fisto even put the padding on? [Fisto finally takes the pad and puts it on his metal fist. He then immediately rips it off and throws it into the crowd. Robo then starts shouting at the ref.] RA: And now, his opponent, from Lorado, Texas, here is The Hangman! ["Desperado" plays over the PA, and the Hangman comes out of the backstage area carrying his rope. On one end is a noos, and on the other end is a big brass cowbell. The Hangman doesn't even acknowledge the presence of the fans as he enters the ring.] TD: You'd better believe that lariat will be used in this match. SR: I bet you he won't even bother to put it outside of the ring. By the way, Tim... I notice that the Senator isn't at ringside for the Hangman... What do you think about that? TD: I'd rather keep those comments to myself. I don't feel like being attacked by another wrestler. [In the ring, the ref tries to get the Hangman to put his lariat down, but he refuses. After a bit of shouting on the ref's part, he finally throws his hands into the air and just motions to the two big men to start fighting. Both men run across the ring weilding their weapons. Hangman swings the bell as Fisto goes for a punch with his steel fist. The lariat hits Fisto's arm and swings around, getting tangled. The rope moves up Fisto's arm until the bell hits his fist, causing the bell to clang loudly. Big pop.] SR: Never thought I'd ever see Fisto's hand being used as a clapper for a bell... TD: Ha... Hand... Clapper... SR: Did you catch something from Larry Morton on Wednesday? [Fisto pulls the rope away from The Hangman, and throws it out to Robo Stone. He then lunges at the Hangman, but Hangman is ready. He catches Fisto with a forearm to the face, and then executes a backbreaker. Large pop. Hangman then straddles Fisto and begins choking him with one hand, while punching him in the face with the other. The ref moves in to start a count, and then remembers the rules. Fisto gets pummelled while Robo jumps onto the apron and enters the ring, holding Hangman's lariat. He uses the bell to smack Hangman in the head, and Hangman goes down. The crowd pops savagely. Robo leaps out of the ring, and both men lay in the ring. The ref begins to count both men. 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6... Fisto begins to get to his feet, blood trickling out of his nose, as the Hangman rolls out of the ring. Fisto walks out, but the Hangman's hand shoots out and grabs Fisto by the throat.] TD: Looks like the Hangman was faking! SR: You can't tell me that being hit with that bell didn't phase him... [Hangman gets up, holding Fisto by the throat, and headbutts him. There is a large red mark where Hangman's head hits Fisto's and it can be seen that there is a dark wet mark on the Hangman's mask where Robo hit him. Fisto goes down, and Hangman picks him up again. He throws Fisto into the ringpost, and Fisto starts to bleed from over his right eye. Fisto goes down to the floor, and Hangman runs and hits with a flying elbow right on Fisto's throat. The crowd begins to boo loudly, and Heavy Metal can be seen coming down the isle.] TD: Okay, now what are _they_ doing here? SR: Making sure the cornerstone of the Stone Stable doesn't get injured, of course. [Hangman rolls Fisto back into the ring, and begins to set Fisto up for the Scaffold, putting him on the top rope, as Heavy Metal continue their stroll down to ringside. Once they get there, they don't bother stopping and just keep on walking right into the ring. Apollo grabs Hangman, and Atlas floors him with a big shot to the head. Robo jumps into the ring and all three men begin to beat on the Hangman. The crowd jeers the attack, and the pop seems to change a little as the Atomic Destroyers run down to the ring. Larn and Steroid attack Apollo and Atlas, leaving Robo standing over the Hangman. Hangman gets up and grabs Robo, tossing him out of the ring over the top rope. The Atomic Destoryers and Heavy Metal both spill out of the ring, beating on each other. The Hangman turns towards the corner, back to Fisto, but Fisto seems have recovered enough to act. Fisto jumps off of the rope and lands a steel punch to the Hangman's face. Hangman goes down and stops moving. Fisto goes for the cover... 1 - 2 - 3! Ding! Domg! Ding! The ref moves in to raise Fisto's arm, but Fisto begins to beat on The Hangman some more. The two tag teams on the outside continue trading shots all the way back to the locker room, and it seems like the Atomic Destroyers are getting the upper hand. Robo jumps into the ring and stops Fisto, explaining to him that they have to help Heavy Metal. Both Fisto and Robo run to help their stablemates.] TD: Looks like there's no friendship between the Senate and the Stone Stable... SR: And after all the work the Outlaw's putting in to get the stables to unite... You'd better believe that Hardin and Brian Lau aren't happy about this. TD: Well, Steve, it seems that when you enjoy beating people up, it just doesn't matter who you take out. SR: I'll bet this battle isn't over, though... Those guys were trading some hard shots out there, and you can bet that the Hangman isn't happy about being put out like that... I mean, look... He's still laying there... TD: We'll have to get someone out here with the smelling salts to get Hangman out of the ring for the next match. [Ring officials begin to help The Hangman out to the locker room area. While a team of attendants attempt to clear blood from the ring, cut to the announcers' table.] TD: It's time for the Subway Psycho to be presented with his People's Champion award. Do you think you can manage without me for a few minutes, Steve? SR: Nothing would give me greater pleasure. [Dross gets up and leaves the announcers' table.] SR: It's difficult to describe the bliss I feel when Dross gets up and leaves this table. I guess I'm always hoping that he'll be knocked down by a runaway Venusian Death Cell and never come back, but I've always been disappointed so far. [Cut to Tim Dross in the IIWF interview area where a podium is set up beside a table on which rests a large trophy.] TD: As you all know, the Subway Psycho has been one of the most respected men in all of the IIWF. [Big pop as the fans in the IIWF Coliseum begin a "Psy-cho, Psy-cho" chant.] But he watched along with the rest of us Wednesday night at Midweek Mayhem as Outlaw J.W. Hardin brutally attacked the Psycho's friend Mench. [A loud heel pop mixes with the "Psy-cho" chant.] Well, one IIWF fan decided that not even that action can break the fans' love for the Subway Psycho and it is my pleasure tonight to officially present him with the "People's Champion Award." Please welcome... the Subway Psycho! [Big pop as "Crazy Train" blares from the Coliseum's public address system. The chant continues as the Subway Psycho strides confidently from the backstage area. He points to the fans and turns completely around to look at everyone in the packed IIWF Coliseum before joining Dross at the interview area.] TD: Psycho, I'm glad you could be with us tonight for the presentation of this very special award. SP: Tim, it's always been my philosophy to give 110 percent in every match. I've always wanted to give these great fans their money's worth and I'm honored to be out here tonight. [The "Psy-cho, Psy-cho" chant grows even louder.] TD: As I mentioned on the IIWF Report yesterday, an anonymous fan who witnessed the brutal attack on Mench Wednesday contacted the IIWF front office late Thursday and asked that we present this beautiful trophy to you as a symbol of the love and respect our great fans here in the IIWF have for you. I know your "brother in darkness" Deathbringer wishes he could be here to share this moment with you tonight. [Big pop!] SP: I'm very touched by all of this, Tim. Especially after the events of the last few days. TD: Well, Psycho, you've been lauded by fans across the country, you've worn the IIWF Heavyweight Championship belt, and you've received the key to New York City, but this award _must_ be special. I'd like to read the inscription on the plaque: [A hush falls over the crowd] "For his hard work, athletic excellence, and devotion to fans in the IIWF, the Subway Psycho is presented the title of People's Champion this 31st day of August, 1996." Ladies and gentlemen . . . the Subway Psycho! [Dross hands Psycho the trophy to a huge pop. The "Psy-cho, Psy-cho" chant rises again and does not die down until the former champion begins to speak.] SP: Thank you, but hold on, hold on. I've got something to say. [The crowd takes a while to settle down. Then everyone begins to notice the Psycho is preparing to be serious. A long period of silence follows.] When I came to the IIWF I wanted only to wrestle; wrestle against the very best and judge my worth against the best. I'll be the first to admitt that I have, on occasion, let myself get sidetracked. I've let my emotions get the better of me. And for that, and deservedly so, I lost the one thing that I worked for my whole life, the world title. [From the crowd, appearently still unhappy with the decision, come various forms of disapprovals of Psycho's acceptance of the decision.] Since then I've tried to follow the rules, to be a role model and an example to the other wrestlers. And what happens? People I trusted turn against me. First it was Sasha, then it was Matsuoko, and then it was Casey James. [The mention of these names brings forth a chorus of boos.] Will the next be Dan Kauffman? Deathbringer? I've grown to trust nobody. For that I am truly disgusted with the IIWF. It seems people believe that the quick and easy path to the top is to gain people's trust and then turn on them. I too have to fight the temptation to take cheap shots and make double crossing deals. With all the politics and run-ins this federation is no longer about wrestling, its a goddamned soap opera. I feel like I'm a character on Melrose Place. Who is gonna double cross me next week? I no longer have the desire to find out. [A gasp from the crowd.] I will be leaving IIWF. For how long I don't know. I have to think things out. The way I feel right now I don't think I'll ever wrestle again. So Brian Lau...you'll finally have me out of your hair. Hardin...I have to go and tend to the wounds you inflicted upon an innocent man. I vowed to protect Mench and he trusted me. I'll never forgive myself for putting him in a position to get hurt. His welfare is my number one concern right now. I cannot possibly wrestle with the guilt of his injuries on my shoulders. TD: Don't you think that you're turning your back on the very fans who have made you their "People's Champion"? SP: Of all thing things connected with the IIWF that I've grown to hate, the fans are not part of that. The IIWF fans are the greatest in the world, and their unwavering support has been the only thing keeping me going this whole time. I feel like I'm letting them down by leaving. Since this award is from the people, I would still feel extremely honored to receive it. Its the one positive thing I can take with me from the IIWF. It would mean alot to me. But only if the fans still want me to have it, in light of what I've just said. [The Psycho looks to the crowd, the question in his eyes.] TD: How about it, folks? Is the Psycho still your "People's Champion"? [A huge roar from the crowd answers Dross as thousands of the Psycho's supporters stand in their seats. The Psycho nods, and holds the award high in the air. Suddenly, Outlaw J.W. Hardin, Joe Latta, Otto Verhoeven, and Pale Rider rush to the interview area and attack the Psycho. Despite battling briefly, the Psycho is quickly subdued by the blows of the four men. Huge heel pop. Pale Rider holds the Psycho as Joe Latta slaps him across the face. J.W. Hardin hooks Psycho's head and delivers his Cattle Buster DDT on the Coliseum floor, then grabs the microphone from Dross and shoves the announcer off the set. Verhoeven pulls the battered Psycho to his feet and wraps his huge hand around the Psycho's throat.] JWH: [Yelling into the microphone] You people think _this_ is a people's champion? [The Butcher lifts the Psycho's body high into the air.] JWH: You're... dead... wrong! [Verhoeven slams the Psycho to the Coliseum floor with tremendous force. Pale Rider picks up the podium and brings it crashing down on top of the Psycho, watching it break into pieces.] JWH: You fans have been listening to people like Dross and Larry Morton tell you who has the talent in the IIWF. Well, you wouldn't know talent if it bit you on the butt. Lucky for you fans _we're_ out here to tell you who is the _real_ people's champion. Give a big welcome to... Tiger Claw! [Huge heel pop as Claw enters the arena accompanied by Brian Lau. Trash flies at them from all directions, but they ignore the fans as they walk to the interview area.] JWH: Hey Joe, you made such a good "anonymous fan" when you contacted the IIWF front office on Thursday. You wanna do the honors? [Latta takes the microphone from Hardin.] JL: With pleasure. It's obvious that the engraver screwed up this plaque because he misspelled "Tiger Claw," but it's still my pleasure to recognize the true "People's Champion" with this award. He is the IIWF Intercontinental Champion... Tiger Claw. [Huge heel pop as Claw flashes an evil smile and accepts the award as Hardin, Latta, Verhoeven, and Pale Rider applaud. Tiger Claw takes the microphone.] TC: [Looking up at the fans, sarcastically] Oh, you like me! You really, really like me! Psycho, you wanted some time off... it looks like you're going to get some! Ha! [Claw throws the microphone at Dross as the men leave the set. Lau takes time to kick the Psycho in the ribs twice before joining the others. Dross hurries back to the scene and can be heard through the microphone as the camera focuses on the Psycho laying on the floor.] TD: Good lord... get some help... get some help out here! We need some emergency attention! That... that was... would someone get some help out here?! [Dross pushes the camera man aside as the shot momentarily goes black before cutting to Steve Roberts at the broadcast table.] SR: As Dross was saying, it looks like we're finished with our special ceremony honoring Tiger Claw as the people's champion. And I've got to tell you folks that you have great taste in giving a fine competitor like Tiger Claw that award. It looks like we're going to take a break and maybe Dross will have that little mess cleaned up over there. [Fade. Cut to a screen with the caption "IIWF Ring Wars Remembered". The screen fades to a monochrome slow-motion replay of the High Plains Drifters vs. High Velocity match from Ring Wars. Over this backdrop appears a geeky looking fan, who speaks:] Fan: I'll never forget the moment at Ring Wars when High Velocity unmasked to reveal that they were really the Atomic Destroyers [full-colour footage rolls]... and then, only seconds later, the Masked Marauder unmasked to reveal Altair! [full-colour footage rolls again] [Suddenly, a big, gloved hand drops claw-like onto the shoulder of the fan. The fan turns to stare at the figure who is out of shot. His eyes widen:] Fan: H - H - Hangman! Wha -- [The terrified fan is cut off mid-sentence as another gloved hand smothers the lens of the camera. A muffled scream is heard as another caption rolls onto the black screen: "IIWF Ring Wars II: The Second Coming". A voice over:] VO: IIWF Ring Wars II: The Second Coming. Now not even your memories are safe. [Fade. Moments later, fade back up onto the live scene in the Coliseum. The Subway Psycho is being stretchered out of the arena. Cut back to the announcers' table, where Tim Dross rejoins "Soundbite" Steve Roberts. The crowd is hushed.] TD: I cannot believe what we have just seen. The Outlaw is totally out of control, Steve. _Totally_ out of control. SR: So where was your high and mighty IIWF Champion tonight then, Dross? Where was ol' Yawnbringer? Huh? TD: Stop that, Steve. Deathbringer wasn't scheduled for action tonight. I don't know where he is. SR: And with no Deathbringer to save him, the Subway Psycho is smeared all over the floor of the IIWF Coliseum. The IIWF Merchandising Department will have Subway Psycho gut-design floor rugs on the market by Monday morning! Call 1-900-325-IIWF to order yours now, folks! TD: Steve! Please just... just stop. All the fans out there are in shock right now, and so am I... I can't believe that the Outlaw would stoop so low. SR: You've got to admit that it was kind of great to see guys like Claw, the Outlaw, the High Plains Drifters and the Hangman all working together to annihilate a common vermine, though. TD: I will do nothing of the sort. I just... well, folks, let's go back up to the ring. Our next match sees the Armed Forces defend their new Tag Team belts against the team whom they defeated to win them here last week, the High Plains Drifters. SR: If you thought that last segment was fun, Dross, just wait until the Drifters get their hands on NavCom and DefCon! This is great! TD: I'm really glad you're enjoying yourself for a change, Steve. ======================================= IIWF WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: Armed Forces vs. High Plains Drifters ======================================= [Sparkplug Lee takes to the ring once more.] RA: Ladies and gentlemen, the following tag team encounter is scheduled for one fall, and it is for the IIWF World Tag Team Championship! [Big pop] Making their way to the ring, accompanied by their manager, Aaron the Caddy, at a combined weight of 643lbs, here are the Champions: they are NavCom and DefCon; the Armed Forces! [Big heel pop for NavCom and DefCon as they appear at the head of the aisle.] SR: Hey, where's Aaron?! TD: I guess he must be backstage sorting out some last minute details. I'm sure he'll be along in a few moments. [NavCom and DefCon, who are carrying the tag belts on their shoulders, make their way to the ring, ignoring the jeers of the crowd. They climb the ringsteps and step between the ropes. As they remove their military garb, Sparkplug Lee speaks again:] RA: And introducing their opponents: making their way down the aisle, accompanied by the "Outlaw" Josey Wales, weighing in at 502lbs, here are Pale Rider and Easy Rider: the High Plains Drifters! [Mixed pop for the Drifters as the theme from "The Good, The Bad And The Ugly" starts up over the PA. The fans' expectant eyes centre on the curtain at the head of the aisle, but the Drifters do not appear.] SR: Hey, the Drifters are doing a "Nuclear" John Bomber! What's up?! TD: I don't know, Steve... the Armed Forces look just as confused as the crowd out here... [NavCom and DefCon look at each other uncertainly. Sparkplug Lee is summoned over by the official. Suddenly, the video wall at the head of the aisle sparks into life. Josey Wales appears in front of a shot of a backstage camera from a handheld camera, which he is dragging towards an open door. The shot follows Wales inside a locker room, where it becomes apparent that Aaron the Caddy is tied to a chair, and Pale and Easy Rider are beating him with his own golf clubs! Blow after blow lands on the manager as Wales laughs and puffs on his cigar. The crowd noise grows in volume.] TD: I can't believe this! I may not agree with Aaron's tactics, but he's only a manager... and the Drifters are brutally bludgeoning him with those golf clubs! SR: If you're going to live by the sword, you're going to die by the sword, Dross. Aaron made it his business last week when he used the golf clubs to ensure his men were victorious, and now the Drifters are having their revenge -- and revenge runs far deeper than titles, Dross. [NavCom and DefCon can hardly believe their eyes as they see the beating on the video wall. Within moments they have left the ring and charge up the aisle. They disappear through the curtain at the head of the aisle under the screen, and are seen entering the locker room a few moments later. A huge brawl breaks out backstage, and the camera pulls out of the room as objects are thrown and golf clubs are used as weapons. The video wall crackles to blackness.] TD: Folks, I apologise for the graphic nature of that attack... SR: [interrupting] I, on the other hand, applaud the High Plains Drifters for showing the Armed Forces that you don't mess with the Posse! TD: We didn't even see a match there... add this to the beating the Subway Psycho took earlier on tonight and things are just out of control here in the IIWF... where's Deathbringer when you need him? SR: Deathbringer was very wise to stay home tonight, Dross. When the Outlaw and his close friends, the Posse, are on the rampage, nobody's safe. Not even a manager! I love it! TD: Clearly some action needs to be taken by the IIWF President to prevent this sort of gang warfare... although, as the IIWF Champion pointed out earlier in the week, if thirty of the world's toughest men decide to go to war, who's going to be able to stop them? SR: Nobody, Dross! Not that stupid Yawnbringer! Not the windbags, Kauffman and Quigley! And certainly not the poor widdle Subway Stinker! Nobody can stop the Outlaw and his forces of darkness... This is a great day in the IIWF! TD: As usual, I couldn't disagree more. Well, folks, it's time for tonight's main event. You were talking about forces of darkness, Steve - well, two of the IIWF's darkest forces collide in this upcoming match as the Prince of Darkness attempts to overturn reigning two-time IIWF Intercontinental Champion, Tiger Claw. Let's get back up to the ring. ========================================= IIWF INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: Tiger Claw vs. Prince of Darkness ========================================= [Sparkplug Lee steps into the ring, and is surprised by the large pop he is greeted with. Soon, though, he realises that the pop is not for him, but is for Don Antonio and Vinny Cappicola, who are making their way down to ringside. The Don steps into the ring and signals for the microphone from Lee. He speaks:] DA: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Tonight you will see the IIWF Intercontinental Champion at work against the Prince of Darkness and what a great match it will be. It doesn't matter whether Tiger Claw makes it past the Prince of Darkness, because, ladies and gentlemen, his reign will end soon enough! [The crowd erupts with cheers.] SR: What does this spaghetti-sucking moron want?! TD: I think the Don is challenging Tiger Claw, Steve. [The Don raises his hand, and the cheers die down.] DA: Tiger Claw, I believe you were issued a challenge by myself and tonight I would like for you to sign on the dotted line. Are you a true champion, Tiger Claw? Can you defend your belt against the best in the IIWF or will you continue to fight pretenders like this Dark Knight clown? Don't forget Tiger Claw, the Family is the justice here in the IIWF, and when we meet, the wheels of justice will turn -- and you will be run over like a dead squirrel. Good luck, and start preparing 'cause heaven knows, your chicken chow mein stinkin' butt is going to need it. [Big pop from the crowd. The Don hands the microphone back to Sparkplug Lee, and then pulls a contract out of his pocket. Vinny Cappicola holds the ropes open for him, and he leaves the ring. The Family duo go to the broadcasters' table and the Don picks up a spare headset.] SR: No way! I'm not having this pair of goons here at the announcers' table with me! DA: Easy there, Mr. Roberts. We wouldn't want Vinny to have to ask you to sit down, would we? SR: Are you threatening me, you Italian imbecile?! DA: Not at all, Mr. Roberts. Now why would _I_ do something like that? TD: Please, gentlemen. It's good to have you here with us, Don. DA: Thank you, Tim. I want to get Brian Lau's signature on this contract. The Don has been passed over long enough. I will get what I deserve. SR: Too true. Claw will certainly give you what you deserve... a damn good kicking. TD: Let's try to be civil, please. RA: Ladies and gentlemen, the following encounter is tonight's main event, and it is for the IIWF Intercontinental Championship! [Pop] Introducing first, the challenger: accompanied to the ring by Dr. Faustus, weighing in at 319lbs, here is the Prince of Darkness! [The Prince of Darkness enters to a modest heel pop, but seems oblivious to the noise as he slowly walks down the aisle. He glares at a "Dark Knights: _BLIND_ Knights?" sign and enters the ring.] TD: The eerie dark Prince looks... well... as dark as ever. SR: It's amazing. Most announcers improve over time. That law seems to work in reverse for you, Tim. TD: Yeah, you're right. I didn't need time to improve. SR: [glares at Dross] Not quite, pal. TD: What do you make of PoD's chances, Don? DA: This guy's already tasted the bitterness of defeat at the hands of the Family, and he's going to taste it again tonight at the hands of Tiger Claw. RA: And introducing the champion! Coming to the ring, accompanied by Brian Lau, weighing in at 220lbs, here is: Tiger Claw! [There is a huge heel pop as Tiger Claw enters, a spotlight picking out his frame, the IC belt around his waist. He and Lau walk down to ringside, and confront the Don at the broadcast table.] TD: Okay, let's not have a situation here, gentlemen. [The Don holds out the contract for Lau, who pulls a pen from his chest pocket. He shakes his head at the Don, and the camera picks up Lau saying, "You asked for it, you Western fool!" as the manager puts pen to paper. Lau hands the contract back to the Don, and Tiger Claw draws his hand across his throat before climbing the ringsteps and entering the ring.] TD: Well, there you go, Don. You've got your shot right here next week! DA: And you can bet that I won't waste it, Tim. This is what the fans of the IIWF have been waiting for. Finally, a champion they can respect. The Family will take care of business, as usual. Guaranteed. TD: The Champion certainly looks like he's ready to take care of business here tonight, Steve. SR: He better be. The Prince of Darkness is a deceptive character, and you can't take him lightly at all. Claw needs to be cautious, yet aggressive at the same time. TD: Very well put. That's twice you've made sense. SR: Which means I hold a 2-0 lead... [The bell rings to start the match. PoD and Claw lock up in center ring. PoD clearly has the size advantage, and throws Claw into the corner. Claw bounces out and hits PoD with a spinning leg lariat! The Prince wobbles a bit, but still stands. Claw attempts a spinning thrust body kick which PoD is somehow able to catch. Claw leaps and hits a back brain kick! Heel pop! PoD is right back up, and Claw goes upstairs with a front face chop and two body shots, and runs off the ropes. PoD has the presence of mind to catch Claw in a sidewalk slam! Pop!] TD: Ouch, that looked painful, and Claw is in trouble here! SR: Trouble does not know Tiger Claw... this guy won a match while unconscious once, don't forget. [PoD drops a solid elbow, then tries one from the second rope which earns him a faceful of boot! Claw does a backward roll to his feet, and launches at the stunned PoD with a spinning wheel kick, connecting on the jaw! Pop! Claw climbs to the top as PoD gets to his feet, and connects again with a high cross-body! Cover... 1 -- 2 -- monster kickout! Claw brings up PoD and executes his knee fury, which awakens PoD! PoD nearly takes Claw's head off with a lariat!] TD: Tiger Claw gets his offense in, but the Dark Prince is stopping any long rally in its tracks here in this match. [PoD covers after the lariat... 1 -- 2 -- kickout! Pod brings Claw up and slams him to the canvas, but misses with a legdrop as Claw rolls out of the way again! Claw kicks in the heavy artillery and delivers a piledriver! Pop! Claw climbs to the top turnbuckle and signals for the Golden Tiger Strike!) TD: This match could end right here! [PoD has the presence of mind to roll to the far corner before Claw leaps, and Claw hops down and walks towards PoD, who turns and jabs Claw in the face with a spiked ring! Claw falls in a heap, and the referee apparently does not see Pod slip the ring back into his tights...] TD: I may not agree with Claw's antics all the time, but this would be highway robbery if he loses the title now! SR: Live by the sword, die by the... What the hell... [The lights turn to a brilliant, blinding white, and the ring is barely seen in the glare, blocking Claw and the PoD out. The camera focuses in the aisle, where a huge man dressed entirely in white lumbers down the aisle. PoD, who is standing in the ring, cannot see the 7'3", 400 pound man until it's too late...] TD: Look at the size of that man! Grief it's bright, I can barely see! It's blinding! Don't adjust your sets, folks... SR: What the hell is going on?! All I see is stars... [The huge man grabs PoD by the throat, lifts him high in the air, and brings him down with such force that the ring nearly breaks in the center! Small pop, although most of the fans can barely see. The bell rings to end the match... Ding! Ding! Ding!... as the man continues pounding on PoD!] TD: I suppose that the match has been ruled a no-contest, but it isn't over! Somebody needs to help PoD! Fast! SR: Somehow, I don't think it's going to be me, Dross. [The mystery man decides to exit as swiftly as he entered, and after he has departed, the lights return back to normal. PoD is lying in the center of the ring, apparently unconscious. Claw and Lau head up the aisle looking shaken and concerned, and medical personnel treat the fallen Prince. Cut to the announcers' table.] TD: I believe, ladies and gentlemen, that we have just got our first glimpse of the Archangel! And the Archangel is going to have to face up to the Dark Knights sooner or later... SR: How big did you say he was?! 7'3"?! Hell, I don't think he'll have a problem facing up to anyone! TD: Well, we've heard a lot about the Archangel in the past week. I imagine that a lot of other people will be talking about him in the weeks to come. In any case, we're right out of time here tonight, people. I want to thank you for joining us here for what has been another incredible night of action. We'll have updates for you on the condition of the Subway Psycho and the Prince of Darkness in Tuesday's report. Until then, this is Tim Dross, for my broadcast colleague "Soundbite" Steve Roberts, saying: so long, everybody! [Cut back to the ring as the medical team continues to surround the Prince of Darkness and Dr. Faustus argues with the official. Fade] +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= I * I * W * F =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+ | Send mail to iiwf@sisko.demon.co.uk with the subject lines: | | "send faq" for the FAQ + "send singles" or "send tag" for the | | rosters + "send handlers" for a list of handlers | +------------------------------------+---------------------------------+ | URL: http://www.sisko.demon.co.uk/ | President: Daniel Spreadbury | +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+