[The first IIWF World Championship defense. Sunbay Psycho circles slowly around The Outlaw in center ring. Suddenly the two spring, locking up collar and elbow. The frame freezes and the two combatants slowly transform into gold figures. A dozen lasers incribe on their base: IIWF GOLDEN GRAPPLE AWARD The award explodes.] [Two red dots appear on a black field. They slowly come into focus as sirens of cycle mounted police escorts, who are accompanying a stretch limosine up to the Atlanta Midtown Biltmore Hotel. From the limosine steps IIWF President Daniel Spreadbury, and two other men. Camera cuts to Tim Dross and "Soundbite" Steve Roberts. They are in tuxedos, though Roberts is wearing a green and yellow polka dotted cumerbund.] TD: The President has arrived. Only he knows who the award winners are, and that information is locked in a steel case chained to his wrist. SR: Who are the jokers with him? TD: Members of the executive council. SR: Those two are suits? One guy is wearing Reebok High-tops with his tux, and the other is in a back brace. It's a wonder this fed has lasted so long. [Other limos begin to arrive. The crowd is overwhelming. Most wear IIWF merchandise, and many dress like their favorite wrestler.] SR: Here, vermin! [He tosses a handful of commemorative t-shirts into the crowd. There is a surge to get them, and they quickly disappear. Fisto Flash is the first to arrive, along with Robo Stone and Heavy Metal. They strut proudly up the red carpet. Behind them a custom Bentley unloads Robski, Jasmine and Max Clifford. Robski has spilled something on his lapel. Next comes Man of Steel to great applause from the crowd. Flashbulbs pop and explode. A hearse drives by, but does not stop.] SR: Ha! Yawnbringer is afraid to get out. He's driving away! TD: Please, Steve. This is a somewhat serious occasion. Could we have a little dignity from you? SR: Are you wearing your good toupee? [Two big limos pull up with a sedan behind them. The limo doors open, and the entire Syndicate -- Brian Lau, Mistress Sasha, Kenny Tanaka, Tiger Claw, Joe Latta, Carla Daugherty, Hakiro Matsuoko, and Casey James -- climb from the cars. Assorted bimbo-esque women accompany Casey, Claw, Kenny, and Hakiro out of the limos, and walk with the men to the door of the hall. Out of the sedan come four fairly large tough-guy types, and another man, dressed in white, who stay fairly close to the members of the Syndicate.] SR: Who's the guy in white? Did the Syndicate add someone new? TD: That is Hai Tran, Lau's personal chef. He won't allow his food to be prepared by the chefs at the Biltmore. SR: If they're the same hacks as work in the Coliseum Cafeteria, I don't blame him. [Dross flashes Steve a look before approaching Brian Lau, microphone in hand.] TD: Brian... Brian! Can I get a few words from you? BL: Hmmph... Well, just this once, I guess... What do you want? TD: Who are these guys with you? BL: Hired help, Dross. A lot of people are going to be jealous of us after we clean up tonight, and you know how the people of the IIWF are, so we've decided to take the necessary precautions. TD: One more thing... What table will the Outlaw J.W. Hardin sit at tonight? The Syndicate's table? The Posse's? BL: You know as well as I that the Outlaw will sit at any damn table he wants to, and nobody will say a word... Maybe he'll sit at Deathbringer's table... That would be entertaining to see. TD: Thank you for your time, Brian... [Dross is cut short as the burly men shoulder him out of the way. The Family arrives next, the Don hobbling on crutches, but still looking dapper in his tuxedo. The Syndicate turns to face them and there is a tense moment before security arrives and forces both groups to behave. Stunt Team USA arrives to big applause. After them comes the Dark Knights and Armed Forces. The wrestlers begin to arrive in overwhelming numbers. Simon Lebec and Crystal. Magus. Dan Kauffman with Chris Quigley. Billy Shakespeare and The Punster roll out of the same Limo. They take an inordinate amount of time with the crowd before entering.] TD: I understand both those men will be helping present awards tonight. SR: What?! I guess the IIWF doesn't care about the low ratings they're about to get. TD: Hang on... there's "Quickstrike" Chris Quigley. [Dross leaves Roberts and walks down the red-carpeted steps to catch a word with Chris Quigley, who approaches, wearing dress pants, a dress shirt with an unbuttoned collar, and amazingly, his trademark leather jacket. On his arm is an unknown young lady, who just appears nervous at the attention.] TD: Chris, can I ask you how the knee is holding up? CQ: Y'know, I think there is something sick about a manager running into the ring and attacking a wrestler from behind. Especially a lady. You especially don't expect that from a lady. But Heidi associates with Otto Verhoeven, so what kind of a lady could she possibly be? I think it's pretty much no secret that I have had knee problems before, as well as a back injury, but these things are put to the back of my mind. You learn to ignore them and move on. This is a very minor setback that will take no time at all to forget about. The injury, that is... I'll never forget how it was afflicted. TD: So what were your feelings on the match? Did you wrestle it the way you wanted to? CQ: Obviously. I was pretty much in control for a lot of it, and was never in any real danger. I just waited and waited for him to make a mistake, and he did. The Quickstriker was on, and he was finished as far as I'm concerned, until that THING on the outside interfered. Hell, Heidi makes Becky LaRue look like Miss Congeniality. TD: [laughs] Wait, she might see this... CQ: Anyway, yeah, I do think I wrestled well enough, I do think I had Verhoeven beat, and I do think a rematch is necessary. I'm not done with Verhoeven, not by a long shot, and I'm sure he's far from done with me. TD: So we noticed you wanted to walk out on your own power... so as not to display weakness? Do you think you are above being injured? What is it? CQ: I wanted to walk out on my own power because I always want to keep a level of respect about myself. If I walk down the aisle to the ring, I'm walking down the aisle again on my way back out, I don't care what happens to me. I appreciate the hand, but, it isn't necessary. And no, of course I'm not above being injured, but it's mind over matter, especially with a minor injury like this one. But let me tell you something, I have NEVER once submitted in my entire professional career, and not ONCE in my entire amateur career. I made a name for myself in this business by lasting 5 minutes in a figure four armlock from David Blaze, and since that time, I have made even the announcers ask, "How does he do it?" when I'm locked in some hold and won't quit. I talk about self-respect, and to me, submitting is taking the easy way out. My shoulders are hard to put to the mat, but if they ever are, that's wrestling, you get pinned every now and again. But submissions? You feel like you have control in that kinda situation, like it's truly up to you whether to win or lose, and I would NEVER choose to lose. TD: Any comments concerning Billy Shakespeare's title win? CQ: Well, I'd like to congratulate him, of course. He did a helluva job last night, and against me. But remember one thing, Shakespeare, I'd save a small thank you for Otto Verhoeven, because if it wasn't for him, you might not be there. And that's ALL I'll say about that. TD: Thanks for your time, Chris. CQ: No problem. See ya inside, Tim. [Quigley and his date walk inside the building and out of view. Dross rejoins Roberts on the steps.] SR: Gee, great to see he's really in the party spirit. TD: I guess if you're Chris Quigley, you just live, eat, sleep and breathe wrestling. SR: That's funny, I was pretty sure I caught a whiff of something more like what you don't want to step in on the sidewalk, if you know what I mean. TD: Will you stop?! Let's go inside. [Most of the wrestlers have arrived. The camera floats through the doors and into the banquet hall. Sparkplug Lee, resplendent in a powder blue tux, steps to the microphone.] RA: Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the first ever IIWF Golden Grapple awards! [Cut to a heicopter shot of the Midtown Biltmore. Fireworks explode above it, and from the chaos spins the IIWF logo:] ##### ###### ### ########## ########## ########## #### ## ########## ########## ########## #### # #### ######## ##### ##### #### ## ##### #### #### #### #### ### #### #### #### #### ############# ######### #### #### ########### ######### #### #### #### #### #### ######### ######### ### #### #### ######### ######### ### ## #### ######## ######## ## # #### ## ### ### # #### #### # # ### #### ### #### #### # #### # # # # # # # # ## # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # ### # ## # # # # # # # # # # ### # # # # # # # # # # #### ##### #### #### # # # ## # # # # # # # # # ## # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # ### ### ### #### #### # # ### # # # # # # ### #### ### # # ### #### #### ### # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # ##### # # # ##### #### # # ### # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # ## ## # # # # #### ### [Cut back inside where Dross and Roberts are at the podium.] TD: Today we're here to recognize the best... SR: ... and the worst ... TD: ... that the IIWF has to offer. SR: Does everybody have a drink? [He is met with a roar of support.] Oh, waiters, better make sure Man of Steel only gets milk, we wouldn't want to spoil his image. [Casey James laughs so hard at this he passes champagne through his nose. Even Brian Lau is embarrased.] TD: Let's start the awards. *ahem* The first award is to recognize the best valet. The nominees are: Nurse Heidi [The video wall shows a shot of Otto Verhoeven's companion. Steve stares intently] Carla Daughtery [Video of her accomopanying Joe Latta to the ring] Miss Victoria Secret [A still frame of the departed Flare's beautiful side kick.] Mistress Sasha [video] and Miss Crystal. The winner is: Mistress Sasha! [She sashays to the front, arm in arm with Brian Lau. Steve ogles laciviously.] MS: I knew as soon as I saw the category that this award would be in my hands tonight... Many of you will remember my valet work with the Subway Psycho, but that was hardly an award winning performance. Since I decided to leave him and stay with Brian Lau, I've had the opportunities to walk the aisle with some of the greatest talent professional wrestling has ever seen. Unfortunately, I can't be as flattering towards the appearance of the awards... Where did you get these things made, at a thrift store? I want to thank the Golden Grapple academy, and I especially want to thank my sweetheart, Brian Lau, for opening my eyes to the limitless possibilities available to me by dropping that smelly sewer dweller. BL: Sasha, don't mention it. After all, the potential was yours, all I did was merely open the door. I have a feeling this is the first time of many that I'll be walking up here tonight! [Brian holds Sasha's arm up like a ref would raise an arm in victory as the pair return to the Syndicate table, complete with hired toughies to protect the members.] RA: To present the next award: "Spotlight" Billy Shakespeare! [Mixed applause as Billy Shakespeare makes his way from his table to the front.] BS: Thank you. As you well know, I am "Born to Perform", so who better to present the award for the best entrance? The nominees are: Deathbringer [Suddenly the lights in the hall go out. When they resume, 'Bringer is standing at the front, the championship belt around his waist. He slowly walks to his chair.] I guess any further explanation would be redundant. Next, Hakiro Matsuoko. [Video of "Angel of the Sun"'s pyrotechnics and ceremonial costuming] and Subway Psycho. [The single beam headlight of the subway train sliding out of the darknes to the chorus of "Crazy Train"] The winner is... the Subway Psycho! [The applause dies down as Tim Dross goes to stand by Billy at the podium.] TD: Of course, as you all know, the Subway Psycho isn't on the best of terms with the IIWF right now. He declined the offer to be here tonight to accept this award. Thanks, Billy. BS: My pleasure, Tim. [Billy leaves the podium, and Dross rejoins Steve Roberts.] SR: Now I know why his initials are "BS"... [Becky Larue slides to the podium. She wears a splendid gown cut so low as to violate most laws of decency in most of the civilized nations of the world.] BL: What an honor. They need someone to present the award for best dressed and they immediately think of me. Surprise, surprise. Our vote getters are: Don Antonio [Video, Don in his tux, tails and tight] Deathbringer ['Bringer in his graveyard best of cowl and scythe] What the..? Pierre Cardin he's not. Simon Lebec [Lebec in his full leather regalia] and Billy Shakespeare [Shakespeare in theatre mask motif on tights and face] While it should go to Brad Kinder, instead, this grapple goes to.... Don Antonio! [The Don slowly makes his way to the front as his theme music plays. As he passes the table of the Syndicate, Tiger Claw whispers something to Brian Lau, who laughs out loud.] DA: Good evening ladies and gentlemen. I want to start off by saying thankyou to the wrestlers, fans, managers, and personnel of the greatest league of professional wrestling in the world, the IIWF! When I was a young buy growing up in Sicily I was taught a few basic rules about life. First, always give respect where its due. Second, be good to those who are good to you. Finally, always, and I mean always, look your best! [Camera pans to a crying Mama Antonio turning to everyone seated close to her saying, "Thatsa my boya!" Pan back to the Don.] DA: The IIWF is filled with flashy looking wrestlers and for me to receive this award is truly an honor. It's great to see everyone here tonight friendly with one another. Hey Tiger Claw, if you were this quiet in the ring, maybe I wouldn’t have had to take your belt away. [Chuckles are heard throughout the audience.] DA: Well, anyhows folks, in conclusion: it all comes down to class. Some of us has it, most of youse don't. I gots it all! [There is a ripple of laughter from the Don's table and a round of applause begins as he hobbles back to his table.] SR: I don't see why I have to give this award. Make Larry do it. Oh well. The award for worst dressed wrestler. The first contestant is Man of Steel [A model comes out dressed in MOS's tights and underwear look complete with "MOS" written on chest and back] He, he. The other contestant is The Punster [A second model appears in Punster's bright orange and green sartorial nightmare] The voting was close... so close in fact that we've ended up with a tie. The joint winners of the Worst Dressed award: the Punster and the Man Of Steel! [A spotlight picks up Steel as he goes to get the statuette. Casey James resumes laughing so hard he falls over in his chair. He bumps the arm of Randy Acorn who spills his cheap beer all over the carpet. The Punster jumps up onto the stage and comically puts his arm around Steel.] MOS: I suppose I should be thankful for this award. I like to believe that the measure of a man is what is on his inside, not out. Yes, I wear a distinctive outfit, but only so my enemies will recognize me and tremble. PUN: A tie? A tie? Obviously, a tie would never go with _this_ outfit. As Don Antonio would say, I'm so attired of people not recognizing quality clothing. Hey Steel, can I borrow your cape? No, really, thank you all very much, you're a lovely audience. I'm finding it difficult to "mask" [puts on his mask] my enthusiasm! Hehehehehehe! [The two men make their separate ways back to their seats. Steel allows the Punster to take the award with him.] SR: Yeah, yeah. Let's join Larry Roberts in the men's restroom where he has been conducting special interviews. TD: Let's not. Instead we go to The Punster who has a few, um, "less official" trophies. [The Punster bounds back up onto the stage, envelopes in hand.] PUN: Award in hand is worth two in the bush. I'd be giving out a trophy, but atrophy is more Deathbringer's line of work. But this is easier, so easy I could give out these grapples with my prize closed. Hello. This first grapplette is the "Help, I've got my nose in everything" award which goes to...Brian Lau! Bet you're feeling lau-sy about this. [Lau ignores the award] The "Wrestler voted most likely to rescue a kitten from a burning house": Man of Steel. [MOS smiles and waves] and "The wrestler most likely to eat the rescued kitten": Robski! Robski: Here kitty, kitty, kitty. Meow. PUN: This last award is one dear to my heart. "Best pun on a wrestler's name": BLUNT Team USA. [Stunt Team accepts with grace.] We best get back to Tim or there'll be hell toupee. TD: Yes, very well. This next Grapple is for the best feud. Those nominated are: Robski versus Fisto Flash. Casey James versus Man of Steel. [Casey points to himself]. The Syndicate against the Alliance of Excellance. Dan Kauffman versus Deathbringer and The Posse against The Horsemen. The Winner is: The Syndicate and the Alliance of Excellance! [Both heels and faces in the room applaud as The Syndicate gets up from their table, and Dan Kauffman gets up from his. Both parties get up on stage, and there is visible tension...] BL: Well, as much as we appreciate this award, I think I could do without sharing the stage with this chatterbox... DK: Now how can you call that guy over there a chatterbox? ... Oh, did you mean _ME_??? [Shakes his head] Well, I'm glad you feel honored at my presence... Mr. Dull. BL: Are you done? Mr. Dull... I don't think so. At least when I talk, people hang on every word in anticipation, knowing that I'm going to say something earth-shattering. The atmosphere is so much different when you talk. I'm sure everyone in this room can appreciate what I'm saying. I know that when I see Dan Kauffman open his mouth on a report, I go out, beat the servants, drive down to the local sushi bar, have a few drinks, walk back, admiring the view, sit in the courtyard for a while, and go back inside to watch the rest of the report. Of course, Dan, by this time, has only tackled his opening statements, and I still have to listen to him whine and cry about how the Syndicate has outsmarted him yet again. DK: Oh, now THERE'S the pot calling the kettle black. There's only ONE of me to listen to, while I have to suffer through... Geez, how many are there? Let's see, Claw, Matsuoko, James, Sasha, you... Did I mention Joe Flatta? [Joe steps forward with a fist raised, but Casey holds him back and calms him down] Oh, I guess not... BL: That's four great atheletes who are ruling the IIWF, buddy. Don't you forget it. Well, no matter what, I'm sure you folks are going to have plenty of award-winning interviews in the weeks to come as Joe Latta continuously embarasses Dan Kauffman, and Dan Kauffman continues to interfere in Joe's matches without provocation. DK: Oh now there's a good one, _without_ provocation??? I suppose you call Ring Wars I a jolly old time between friends? You know Lau, for as smart a man as you are... And I'm only ASSUMING you are smart... you should at least look at past happenings a little more closely. Maybe I should have hit YOU with that damned chair... BL: You do that, mister, and I'll make it so your jaw gets wired shut. I can just see it now. Fifteen straight minutes of muffled nonsense, and then a two minute break to watch Kauffman eat through a straw. Listen, Ring Wars was a business deal. You couldn't keep it on a professional level, so we had to, how would you say, knock you down a peg or two. DK: Yeah, like the Syndicate has always kept things on a "professional" level... What was wrong with coming down to the ring to watch my friend's match? But of course folks, THIS is Brian Lau... and with his "brilliant" mind, I guess I have no argument... BL: You don't get it, do you? Joe is not your friend any more! You are so desperate to hold on to the past. It's pathetic. Quit living in the past. DK: Excuse me, he WAS my friend. And actually, I choose to remember the past so that I can recall the ass-kickings you guys have given me and make it TWICE as hard on YOU! [Dan starts to walk off-stage, then decides against it and walks back straight into Lau's face...] DK: Oh, and it's pretty funny, Lau, that after you knocked me down a "peg or two", I was still the man standing at Midsummer Madness. Real interesting... BL: You were the last man standing because your team cheated. We clubbed you like a caveman's first date. By the way, how many times have you felt the Golden Tiger Strike? DK: Um... On the concrete floor after Claw jumped from the top rope! And guess what? You STILL didn't pin me! The only way you CAN pin me is with outside help! Now Lau, need I remind you that I'm not into putting up with your crap, so I'd ease up for your sake... BL: Are you threatening me? That's a great testament to your intelligence, Dan. Threatening a man while the four atheletes he manages are standing right behind him. You know, sometimes it seems as if you _want_ your career ended! DK: You know Lau, you got a point there. I wouldn't mind having my career ended if it got me away from your four goofs! [Shakes his head]... but hey, we're here to celebrate, so you know what? I see Quigley over there, and I do believe... yes, even Deathbringer's looking for someone to chatter with, so I guess you all will just have to battle over your award between the four of you. [In a whisper] And Claw, it's a good idea to keep that away from Latta. I hear that he gets spoiled real quick... [Latta takes a swing at Kauffman, who backs off, smiles, winks, then jumps off the stage and heads back to his place in the crowd. Lau and the other three taunt at Kauffman to get back on the stage, and Kauffman mocks them to come down in the crowd! Brian holds his men back and steps up to the microphone.] BL: That's alright... Who's left holding the award? You see, Dan, we win again! [Brian walks back to his table with the rest of the Syndicate in good humor.] RA: Please welcome...Larry Morton! LM: This next award is for the funniest moment. First is the Alphabet Boys battling themselves for the Elvis Lamp. [Footage] Next is The Outlaw double-crossing the Horsemen _and_ The American Heroes. [Footage] Third, the Billy Shakespeare/Moondust confrontation [Video of Nymphs smothering Moondust in kisses while Billy looks on] Fourth, Man of Steel's first appearance in tights. [Mayhem footage. Becky is heard saying "I didn't know there was a phone booth backstage."] Next, Joe Latta getting fried in the third rail match. [Footage] That wasn't funny. SR: Yes it was! Joe Latta: Shut up! LM: The last nominee is the IIWF PPV merchandising promotions. [Split screen of Becky hawking an IIWF candy dish while Steve abuses a fat fan with a glowing keychain.] The winner... The merchandising spots! Becky? Steve? Do either of you want to accept this? No? Oh well. TD: Thank you, Larry. I'd like to slow down the frivolity for a moment. SR: You do that every time you enter a room. TD: We take this moment to remember those who have made this fed what it is, but are no longer wrestling. The vote getters for the Most Missed Departed Athlete: First, the submission master, Tony Starks. [Video of Starks in action] Next, the duo who were their own worst enemy, The Alphabet Boys. [Video of Abie and Zed completely distracted.] Next, the founder of the dreaded Horsemen - Flare! [Video of the figure four] Here's a strange one, I can't imagine anyone missing him, but... Moondust. [Video of the effeminate one in his pink bedroom] And last, our original Tag Team champs, still wrestling in Japan, Rising Sun Revolution. [Video] The winner is... Flare! [Victoria Secret slowly walks out in a black leather low-cut form-fitting dress. She receives many whistles from the crowd, who applaud her appearance.] VS: Give me that mic, Dross. [in a seductive voice] Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, the one, the only, Flare! [She hands the mic back to Dross and claps as Flare's theme music kicks in and he comes strutting out.] Flare: Whooooooooooooo!!! [A group of diners somewhere in the hall "whoo" back at him] Heh, heh, whoooo!!! [They "whooo" again, now throwing the four fingers in the air.] TD: Flare, Flare, can I get a couple words from you? Flare: How ya like me now?! I left so suddenly and I'm back just like that. Whooo! Victoria oh, Victoria, can you please tell me, who's the man? VS: You are Flare, you are! [with a sexy smirk] Flare: Can you believe it Dross, the Nature Boy back in the double I-W-F....Most Missed..[looks at the award] Ya gotta love it, even when I'm gone, I'm still one of the top dogs. [he throws up the Horsemen sign] TD: So Flare, why did you leave so suddenly? Flare: Dross, it's like this, you're looking at a new man. [Victoria snuggles up to Flare] An old friend told me to wake up and pulled me outta the IIWF. He said to get my act together and sharpen my skills. TD: But what about Kinder and Haley? You left them out to dry. Flare: Kinder was already taken care of, as you can tell, and Haley was set to rage. TD: Fair enough... Now the burning question, where have you been and what have you been doing? Flare: Where oh where have I been, well I took that advice and I've been stylin' and profilin' in the bright lights of Japan. I've been wrestling the Japanese circuit, picking up new moves and a new style. And I married Victoria. Whooooooooo!!!!!!! [Victoria kisses Flare and wraps her arms around him.] TD: Whoa, congratulations. [Flare smiles and nods] And the ultimate question, are you going to return to the IIWF? Flare: Hmm...[the Horsemen fans are going wild "whoo"ing and screaming "Flare! Flare! Flare!") Ya never know, the way things are developing, I may... Come along Victoria, the Knight is young, we have things to do. ["Also Sprach Zarathustra" starts its majestic climaxes once more as Flare and Victoria Secret wave to the crowd before leaving the stage.] TD: Well, I guess we'll have to see. Back to you... RA: To present this next award, Pale and Easy Rider, The High Plains Drifters! ["The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly" heralds the arrival of the High Plains Drifters onto the stage. Pale Rider fires a round from his six-shooter into the air. Dross runs for cover.] ER: This award is for the biggest suprise. PR: We're never suprised by anything. ER: Though we can give a lot of them. [Armed Forces yells something from the back. Easy grabs a chair. Tim Dross persuades everyone to calm down.] PR: It won't be a surprise when we win back the belts. ER: The first suprise was Fisto Flash returning to wrestling after being suspended. The second moment is Casey James going bad. PR: I'd say he went good. The next moment is the Outlaw doublecrossing the Heroes and the Horsemen. He joined the Posse you know. ER: The second to last biggest suprise was the Kauffman/Deathbringer tag team. PR: And the last suprise moment, the unmasking of Altair and the Atomic Destroyers at Ring Wars. Oh yeah, big suprise on me, High Velocity, but you didn't guess who my masked partner really was. ER: The winner for Biggest Surprise... Casey James turning heel! [Casey and Brian get up and walk to the stage, flanked by their protection. They step up to the podium.] BL: Casey, before you begin, I'd just like to say that it's really fitting that we win the most awards tonight, since the Syndicate is the best thing going today. You're all going to see some parallels between these awards and the titles in the IIWF... Think about it. CJ: That's why I decided to join, Brian. The Syndicate is like the cream of the crop in the IIWF, and I'm proud to be a part of it. Anyway, this award isn't about the greatest stable of all time. It's about the biggest surprise in the IIWF. The moment at Midsummer Madness that I decided that the American Heroes team was a waste of my time and realized that the American Way is a load of crap. I used to sit there and go on about how the U.S. of A. was the greatest thing in the world until I asked the U.S. of A. for help administering justice in the IIWF. That call for help went ignored. The people out there turned their back on me, so I turned my back on them. I'm out for number one, and that's me. The Syndicate is helping me tap the potential within myself. Something that I never did as some sappy hero. I find it rather amusing that the people would call my joining the Syndicate a surprise. You all caused it... Now you can live with it. You may have voted for me, but I loathe each and every one of you. This isn't to say that I'm going to refuse this award. Oh, no... I'm going to keep it to remind myself why exactly I decided you people weren't worth my time. Thank you very much. You suck. [Casey steps out from the podium and grabs his crotch at the camera, then gives the finger. The heels in the room give him a standing ovation while the faces boo him. Casey laughs as he and Brian walk back to the table. Cut back to The Punster.] PUN: I've got more to share. Cher? Who invited her? "The Best IIWF Merchandise": "Dan Kauffman, we hardly knew ye coffeee mugs" [Kauffman tries not to be amused] "The Most Cowardly Act" award goes to Steve Roberts for his attack on Billy Shakespeare. [Roberts denies the Statue] And for his broadcast partner, the "Best Toupee Award"! [Dross also isn't very amused] SR: I nominated you for that one, Dross. I really think it looks natural. Really. PUN: Don't flip your lid over this, Tim. I've got the "Come Up For Oxygen - Longest Interview" award -- for the Armed Forces? No. It rightfully belongs to Dan Kauffamn! [Kauffman is about to say something but thinks better of it.] Here is the award for "Best Brown Nose". Kenny Tanaka, it's got your, um, name all over it. Nobody nose the trouble you've seen. Now back to the man who nose all. TD: *Ahem* As host of the IIWF Report, it has been my honor to hear from every wrestler. It is with pleasure that I present the award for best interviewer. Those nominated are: The Dark Knights. Subway Psycho. Dan Kauffman. The Syndicate. The Outlaw. Steve especially loves Outlaw interviews... SR: Stuff it, Dross. TD: Also nominated, Billy Shakespeare and, oh you people have a warped sense of humor, Moondust. The winner for Best Interviewer: The Syndicate! However, I think we've already heard more than enough from Brian Lau already tonight, so let's move swiftly on. It has also been my misfortune to suffer through some of the, um, "lesser" interviews. The candidates for the Worst Interviewer, in no particular order: Billy Sexton, Magus, Phantom, Marty Warnett, Prince of Darkness, Crimson Storm, Frost Morrison, and The Armed Forces. The, um, winner? is ...Magus. [Magus, who appears to be wearing a straitjacket under his tuxedo, walks up to the podium, surprisingly reserved.] Magus: I didn't think that I would get an award.... espically the one for [back to his crazy self] WORST INTERVEIWER!!!!! I am crazy, yes, but a bad interviewer..... well, I just speak what's on my mind.... and there is never much on it..... so I have PLENTY of time to think of what I am going to say!!! To everyone that voted for me..... SCREW YOU!!! [Magus tries to knock over the podium on his way back to his table and appears to have some kind of fit. A number of security personnel remove him from the hall.] SR: There's that inimitable Magus magic. TD: Our next award will be presented by someone who knows wrestling better than anyone: Becky LaRue. BL: You don't know how right you are, Timmy. The nominees for the Best Finisher: Subway Psycho's Derailer. [Video of the forward flipping leg drop] It's fortunate that Larry isn't presenting this award or we'd never get through it. Next, "Enema" Takezo Musashi's awe- inspiring Starsault Press [Video of the flying somersaults] Also, Tiger Claw's Golden Tiger Strike. [Video: flying knee drop] And Dan Kauffman's "Lights Out" [Video: Flipping clothesline] And the obvious winner, Brad Kinder's "Dead Man's Honour" [Forward modified piledriver] TD: Just read the envelope. BL: If I must. The winner is Brad... wait a minute, this must be wrong. It says the winner is the Starsault Press! [There is a commotion at the Syndicate table as Hakiro Matsuoko smashes his water glass. Takezo Musashi walks to the podium and bows to Becky LaRue.] TM: I look around the IIWF and see a lot of great finishers executed by a lot of great wrestlers, Deathbringer's Burial, Subway Psycho's Derailer, Billy Shakespeare's Curtain Call, to name but three. That is why I am very proud to see the Starsault Press voted the greatest of them all! I do not wish to sound immodest, but I must agree with all of the fans out there, the Starsault is the most spectacular and dangerous move ever to soar over the wrestling ring! The move was taught to me many years ago by the most influential person in my life, someone who was as a father to me, the greatest instructor in martial arts of this century, the man known only to his students as the Grandmaster. As the most dedicated of his students I was honoured to be given this gift of knowledge, a secret known to perhaps as few as three people in the entire world! The Starsault is the gem of my arsenal, it is the move that will bring me my greatest victories, and the move which will inspire me to become the greatest warrior of all time!! [The Enigma backflips off the podium, and receives a surprising ovation from the gathered IIWF alumni. The camera catches Don McQueen sitting at his table, and his face drops as the cheers grow louder. Cut back to Sparkplug Lee.] RA: Ladies, gentlemen, wrestlers. To present the next award, IIWF President Daniel Spreadbury! DS: Thank you, Sparkplug. As President, nothing gives me more pleasure than to see a good match. When the match is good, it means we're doing our job right. The following were nominated as the Best Matches: First, the Midsummer Madness Survivor's match [Video] Casey James versus Man of Steel in the Street Fight. [More video] Next nomination, Dan Kauffman with Deathbringer against the Syndicate. Continuing our nominations for Best Match, Outlaw versus Subway Psycho at Ring Wars; Tiger Claw versus Hakiro matsuoko at Ring Wars; and Dan Kauffman versus Deathbringer, also at Ring Wars. All were great bouts, and it is a shame they can't all win, but the winner is: Outlaw versus Subway Psycho for the World Championship belt at Ring Wars. [Dross again goes to stand at the podium with President Dan.] TD: The Subway Psycho, as we all know, isn't here to accept this award, but perhaps the Outlaw would like to come and collect it...? [The camera zooms in on the Outlaw, who is in the furthest, darkest corner of the room. Through the gloom he is seen giving Dross the finger.] TD: Er... I guess not. DS: At this time I would also like to reveal the voting for the best PPV. The winner is: Midsummer Madness over Ring Wars and Coronation Clash. TD: Thank you, Mr. President. DS: Not so fast there, Tim. As the man who hired you all, I think it falls upon me to crown the Best Announcer. The nominees are Tim Dross, Larry Morton, Steve Roberts, Becky Larue, and even Sparkplug Lee. The wrestlers voted, and their favorite was... Becky LaRue. BL: You bet I'm their favorite, and we all know why. [She leans over the podium dangerously.] I didn't even have to spend... ummm... shall we say, "quality time" with the judges. Despite being saddled with the most inept broadcasting partner in the world of wrestling, true excellence always shines through. I suppose I should thank someone, so I thank me. For without me, I wouldn't be here. Hey Larry, I'm a girl and even I have one. [She blows kisses to the crowd before leaving the podium.] TD: I almost regret saying this, but let's see what more the Punster has in store for us. PUN: I've got more. For instance, the wrestler voted "Most Likely to Retire and Unretire in the same weekend". Who else but in-and-out-of-the "Spotlight" Billy Shakespeare. BS: That's it. I'm out of here. PUN: What else is in the bag? It's not as bag as you think. The "Penmanship Award" goes to... The Memos of Blackjack Haley. He left and DID forget to write. Right? I've got an award for "Best Candidate for Prozac". It goes to, um, Prisoner #109! [He snatches the trophy, unwindful of his manacles] Whew! I was afraid he'd get all emotional on me. This next Grapple is for "Best Prosthesis" Who else but Fisto Flash? Wait, wait, here's also one for "Worst Prosthesis" which also goes to Fisto Flash. Give him a hand, everyone. [Punster turns away from the podium] Back to you, Timmy. TD: Behind every great wrestler is often a great manager. Unfortunatly, we had none of those to vote for so we went with the next best thing... SR: You're toupee is funnier than you are, Dross. TD: [Humbled] The nominees for best manager are: The enticing Mistress Sasha; the Plotting Robo Stone; the irrepressible Brian Lau; the Dangerous Josey Wales; and the Patriarchal Salvatore Fiorello. The Winner for Best Manager is: the man you love to hate, Brian Lau. [Brian gets up, visibly happy, and he and Tiger Claw make their way up to the podium. A couple of hired goons accompany them.] BL: Well, it seems like we're going to have to build a new trophy room! I thought it fitting to have the People's Champion come up with the Best Manager Award winner. [There's a mixed pop from the hall... Jeers from the faces, cheers from the heels. J.W. Hardin stands up and claps loudly and whistles.] BL: Thank you, thank you. When I first came to the IIWF, I managed only one man, and that's my dear friend, here, Tiger Claw. I managed him for years in the Thai boxing ciruit, and when he was stripped of the title there, and asked to leave by the higher officials, we came to America. When we got here, I spent a few days looking for the handle to flush this great toilet, but gave up when Tiger Claw became restless for combat. The first, and only choice for us was to come to the IIWF. Anything less than the competition here would have been pointless. We could have taken any title in any other federation at any time with relative ease. But what would be the point of that? Titles are supposed to have a challenge tagged with them, and we have found that challenge. Shortly after our arrival, we saw Hakiro Matsuoko, and wanted him to join forces with us. Unfortunately, he hadn't smartened up by then... [The heels in the hall laugh, and Hakiro looks down and nods his head...] BL: Anyway, the battles between Hakiro and Tiger Claw were epic, and it ended with Claw winning the IC title. That title win was a glorious time. As time went on, we've allied with more great talent and have formed the Syndicate. It has always been a dream of mine to have men cower in fear at the mention of my name. I am proud to say that my dream has come true. Some may ask what my next goal is... That is simple. To have every belt in the posession of a Syndicate member. I will continue to push the envelope in the IIWF, you can be certain of that. Thank you very much. [Tiger Claw pats Brian on the back as they walk back to their table flanked by the toughies...] RA: Please welcome again, the IIWF Cruiserweight Champion, "Spotlight" Billy Shakespeare. BS: They say an actor is only as good as his supporting cast. A strong cast often means a successful show, and we've plenty of good casts in the IIWF. SR: Someone should put _you_ in a good body cast. BS: How's your back, Steve? SR: Um, um, still injured. BS: Don't get addicted to the pain killers. SR: Who are you? Mother Theresa? BS: So, the award for "Best Stable". The vote getters were: Josey Wales's not so stable of cowboys, the Posse; the next group is gone but not forgotten, The Horsemen; the third stable is the winner of many bouts, some of them legally, the Syndicate; and the last stable, that group of celler dwellers, The Dark Knights. In my humble opinion, a man who can't fight alone can't fight. But that's just my opinion. The winner for Best Stable, by an overwhelming vote, The Syndicate. [Brian Lau, Tiger Claw, Joe Latta, Carla Daugherty, Hakiro Matsuoko, Casey James, Mistress Sasha, and Kenny Tanaka all make their way up to the podium. The hired goons all stand on either side of the stage. Brian grabs the award out of Shakespeare's hand and steps up to the mic.] BL: Well, I must tell you that I'm not really surprised that the stable voted to be the best in the IIWF is the Syndicate. We've ruled things here ever since we got here, and we're going to keep on ruling. With the four men you see here - Tiger Claw, Joe Latta, Hakiro Matsuoko, and Casey James - and the services of the lovely Carla and Sasha, you're going to see many more awards and titles coming to the Syndicate in the months to come. Take a look at the future! [Brian motions to the four wrestlers who are part of the stable, all dressed in tuxedos.] BL: I'd like to thank a few people without whom the existence of the Syndicate would not be possible. On the top of the list, of course, is me. I'm the mastermind behind it, and that's common knowledge. Next on the list is Tiger Claw. He and I entered the IIWF together right in the beginning at Coronation Clash, and he's been the man to beat ever since. Second and third are Joe Latta and Carla. Joe decided to join forces with us at Ring Wars, where he decided to leave behind Dan "The Boob" Kauffman and work with us. He has prospered under our guidance, and I'm sure you're going to be hearing a lot about his endeavors. Watch out Dan... And watch out Deathbringer, because Joe likes that belt you're wearing. Fourth, I'd like to thank Sasha, who joined us after Ring Wars to help get Subway Psycho stripped of the title that he didn't deserve. Sasha has great brains along with great looks, but, of course, you know that, since you have already voted her best valet! Fifth, I'd like to thank Hakiro Matsuoko. Matsuoko, as you all know, was a bitter enemy of Tiger Claw, and they were involved in a feud that should have won the award for Best Feud. Things have changed, and Hakiro has added a great aspect to our organization here. It seems that there's a ghost from Hakiro's past haunting the IIWF and spreading awful rumors about him. I'm sure the people out there will enjoy watching Hakiro take care of the "Enigma", Takezo Musashi. Next, I want to thank Casey "Blackheart" James. Casey came to us a confused man. He went from being a Pukamaniac patriot who fought for this garbage heap of a country to a sensible man. We gave him what he needed. Something all of the members here possess, and that's the warrior spirit. Thank you. [The Syndicate collect their protection and make their way back to their table.] SR: What do you know, Pukespeare? Did the Horsemen ever take YOU to dinner? No. You're just jealous. BS: I'll have my revenge. SR: Where? How? BL: Right now. Hey, Punster, any more awards? TD: No! Not him! PUN: I've got some more on the list. Speaking of Morons, I have one for "Worst Valet". That goes to Aaron the Caddy. Sorry, didn't mean to be catty, but the voting was close and I had to "Aaron" your side. Welcome to the club. This next award goes to a wrestler with a dirty mouth, dirty actions and dirty attitudes. The "Most Likely To Need Soap" Award goes to: Robski! Robski: It just better be Pears. PUN: It ap-pears not. My last award might be more appropriate to me after tonight, but for the moment, the "Good Riddence" Award belongs to Moondust. That's haul for the Punster tonight. RA: [Sparkplug just discovers that his fly has been open all evening. He tries to nochalantly close it but only succeeds in drawing more attention to himself.] Our next presenter is a special guest tonight. Please welcome the world's oldest living wrestler: Roughrider Roosevelt. [Roughrider walks to the podium looking exactly like an 80 year old wrestler in a mask.] RR: [Clears his throat rudely] A lot has changed since I was in the ring. There was none of these Re-railers or Butmensi Drops. If you couldn't put your man away with the claw, or the leg drop, than you couldn't put your man away. None of these showy entrances and long interviews neither. We'd just go in the ring and wrestle. SR: Hurry up, the hall is only rented until midnight. RR: You, I remember you. Aren't you the little boy who was always hanging around the locker room watching us take showers? And Becky LaRue, I saw her lose her first match back in, when was that, 20 years ago? BL: Not nearly. RR: And is that "tiny" Timmy Dross? What have you done different with your hair Timmy? Well, I'm supposed to deliver this award. This here award is for the "Best Newcomer". I don't see a single one who could measure up to Moon Mountain Morgan or The Masked Strongman or even El Cingadero Gigante. The new breed of pansiess is: the Armed Forces; "Painbringer" Billy Sexton; "Badboy" Randy Acorn; The Hangman. In my dating days that's the name the ladies used to call me. Hey Becky, how about after the awards you and me...? BL: Go away, old man. RR: You don't know what you're missing. The other new boys are the Sandman and "Enigma" Takezo Mushashi. "Enigma", can I say that on television? You won't think that's such a funny name when you get to be my age. The winner is: I'm not going to say that word again, Takezo Mushashi. Who would have been no match for the Legendary Kabuki Noh. [Round of applause as the Enigma once again takes to the stage, still clutching his other Golden Grapple Award.] TM: Words cannot express how much of an honour it is to be awarded in this manner, to be praised with such a glowing accolade inspires me to greater heights here in the IIWF! It makes all the hard work and discipline I have put into becoming a great wrestler worthwhile. I believe I work harder on my moves than any other wrestler in the world, and the fans have proved how astute and knowledgeable they are by voting for me. I can tell you this has increased my respect for the fans greatly, and I won't let them down in the future by cheating and taking short cuts. The newcomers are the future of the IIWF, and as the greatest warrior among them in the greatest wrestling federation in the World, I AM THE FUTURE OF WRESTLING!!! [The gathered alumni applaud as the Enigma holds his two award trophies aloft in each hand and breathes out a great cloud of silver and blue smoke into the air, before returning to his table. Man of Steel steps up to the podium.] MOS: It's someone's idea of humor to have me deliver this next award. It's impossible to have good without bad, so without futher ado, the Grapple for "Best Heel". The opponents are: Otto Verhoeven; Outlaw J.W. Hardin; Tiger Claw; and Billy Sexton. The winner is the man known as the Outlaw, J.W. Hardin. [On the video wall behind the Man Of Steel flash scenes from the Outlaw's chequered past: whipping Tony Starks with his belt at Coronation Clash; attacking the Subway Psycho before Ring Wars; administering a beating on Mench on Midweek Mayhem; attacking "Nifty" Ned Norton from behind; and clocking the Subway Psycho once more at the presentation of the "People's Champion" award. Meanwhile, Hardin has risen from his seat at the back of the hall, and slowly makes his way to the podium.] JWH: Yeah, like I would really be humbled by something I already knew. I'm only sorry I couldn't kick the crap out of some jerk like Robski and take this award from him. Now why don't you all just finish your fruit cups and get the hell out of here so I can go back to preparing for Deathbringer's last rites. Oh yeah, thank you for this lovely award. [The Outlaw spits on the carpet next to the podium and makes his way back through the hall to his seat. Robski rises from his seat and goes up to the podium.] ROBSKI: This isn't funny either. [he belches] They wanted an international flair to this ceremony, so who else do they turn to for their token foreigner but the English Sensation? So here is the award for "Best Face". The nominees are: "Quickstrike" Chris Quigley; Don Antonio; Man of Steel; Billy Shakespeare; and Dan Kauffman. Not that it matters, but the winner is Dan Kauffman. [On the video wall behind Robski, footage of Dan Kauffman plays: him hi-fiving the fans on his way to the ring; various clips of charity work that he has performed in his time in the IIWF; being stretchered out of Ring Wars I, his arm raised to the cheering crowd; his return as he tags up with Deathbringer on Saturday Night. Kauffman looks up at the screen as he makes his way to the podium:] DK: Well, I always knew I had a great face... [The audience laughs at the remark, then goes back to silence.] DK: But in all seriousness, thanks a lot for this award. I've worked as hard as anyone in this profession for a fairly long time, and a lot of people get on us "good guys". Hey, I've been a "Bad guy"... Yeah, I know, I'm turning into one, I know, I know... And I've always had the most fun being the aggravating good character. I'm strange that way. First and foremost, I'd like to thank President Dan Spreadbury, who gave me the opportunity to enter the IIWF when it started in May, and has always been fair and just with me. Thanks to Brandon Bennett... If it hadn't of been for him, not only would I be somewhere else on this planet, I may not be on this planet at all. [Dan applauds Bennett, and some of the audience do likewise as Brandon stands for a moment before sitting once more.] DK: And last, but not least, I have two other groups to thank. The first group are the fans of the IIWF, who show their support for this great federation day in and day out, and keep us wrestlers going through thick and thin. If it wasn't for you all, none of us would have a job. [Dan applauds the fans, and pretty soon, most of the wrestlers are doing the same.] DK: And then there's my family and friends, who when I was out of action after the Deathmatch, were always there showing that there's more to life than just wrestling. I try to bring my personal life, along with the emotions, into the wrestling scene, and I will continue to do so in the future. Once more, thanks for this award... It truly is an honor to hold. [With a nod of the head, Dan picks up the award, almost drops it, then starts the walk back to his seat. He mouths off-microphone "I hope the championship belts aren't this heavy!", which draws even more laughter!] RA: To present the award for best tag-team, our Wednesday night tag duo of Larry Morton and Becky LaRue BL: That's Becky LaRue and Larry Morton. LM: Now Becky, be nice. BL: [Smiling falsely] Is this nice? LM: Much better. BL: How about this? [She stamps down hard] LM: Not nice. Not nice. Ow. Ow. Ow. BL: The nominees for Best Tag Team are: The Atomic Destroyers; Robo Stone's Heavy Metal; Blunt..I mean...Stunt Team USA. Would you like to announce the others, Larry? LM: Oh. Oh. Pain. BL: Pain, Inc.? No, they didn't get nominated. But the High Plains Drifters did, and so did Armed Forces. And so did Rising Sun Revolution. Who won, Larry? LM: The winners...the winners... Oh, the winners are... BL: You took too long. The winners are Pale Rider, Easy Rider: The High Plains Drifters. [Footage of various tag teams rolls across the video wall: the Armed Forces hitting the ICBM/AK47 finisher; Rising Sun Revolution performing their high-flying stunts to pin Steamroller at Ring Wars; the Atomic Destroyers hitting a spinebuster; but finally, footage of the High Plains Drifters performing the "Hang 'em High" clothesline on a number of opponents. Pale and Easy make their way up to the podium.] PR: WOO-WEE! Well we dang gun racked ourselves up some awards here, my friend! ER: Hell, yeah, and we deserved 'um too. We're the two baddest hombres most of these wussies have ever seen! PR: Best Tag Team! I like the sound of that! ER: We may not have the belts right now but I think everybody knows who is the baddest tag team out there. PR: Yeah, the Armed Forces have been talkin' alot of crap about not letting us have another title shot because we beat on their butt-buddy, Aaron the Caddy. ER: That just goes to show how scared they are of us! PR: We don't care how long it takes us...we'll just keep on winning and winning and winning, until your title becomes a joke! ER: Because if everyone doesn't know it by now, they'll know it then, that the High Plains Drifters are the BEST TAG TEAM TO EVER COMPETE IN THE IIWF! [Pale Rider pulls out his six-shooter once more, but is quickly surrounded by security personnel, who "assist" the Drifters from the stage. Cut to Sparkplug Lee, who is a little depressed. He's been trying to get Lisa drunk all evening but it hasn't worked. Sparkplug, for his part, has had one glass of wine and is already feeling woozy.] RA: You know them. You love them. They are Tim Roberts and Steve Dross. [Sparkplug passes out] TD: Yes, quite. Somebody haul him away, please. Steve, would you stop laughing?! SR: HAHAHAHAAHAAHHAAH -- ! [He immediatly stops laughing when he notices Nurse Heidi's cleavage.] TD: Our last award for this evening is for the Best Singles Wrestler. Those nominated are: Tiger Claw [Video of Flying Tiger Strike]... SR: Yawnbringer... TD: Steeeeeve. SR: Deathbringer... [Video of his entrance and the crowd going wild] TD: Dan Kauffman... [Video of him in the gym] SR: Hey, don't tell his mother that he's drinking. Ha ha. The next nominee is, why do I have to read this name? TD: Do it right, Steve, your bonus check is riding on this. SR: Billy _Shake_speare... [Video of him making a grand bow] TD: Subway Psycho... [Video of the championship winning crucifix] SR: Yeah, alright, The Outlaw John Wesley Hardin... [Video of Outlaw dismembering Ned Norton. In the audience, "Nifty" Ned sees the footage for the first time and hobbles to the restroom violently ill.] TD: Don Antonio... [Video "Dinner with the Don"] SR: And Brad "Bodybag" Kinder. [Kinder stalking down the aisle, a woman in a "Brad I want your baby" T-Shirt in the background] BL: Yeah, Brad! TD: The winner of the Best Singles Wretler is... Subway Psycho! Sadly, of course, the Psycho isn't here to accept thi -- [Dross is interrupted by a scuffle at the side of the stage. Security teams are apparently trying to prevent a small vagrant from entering the room.] SR: What a pong! That can only be Stench. TD: It is! It's Mench! Let the poor guy through! Ladies and gentlemen, to accept the award for Best Singles Wrestler on behalf of the Subway Psycho, here is: Mench! [A mixture of bewildered applause and heckling greets the arrival of little Mench, whose head is still bandaged.] Mench: Uh...I...I, I am honored to...to accept this here award for the man known as the Subway Psycho. He...he, he wanted to let you all know, that he...he still loves the fans of the IIWF. He... he... he is still disgusted by the acts of most of the atheletes in the IIWF. That's why he.. he's not here tonight. He wanted, he wanted to let you all know that he has retired from the sport. Now I know that...p, p, part the reason that he left the sport was because he was concerned about m, m, me. This fact weighs heavy on m, m, my heart. Outlaw, what have you proved by, by attacking, m, m, me? You struck where you knew it would hurt him most, as did L, L, Lau with Sasha. Are you not man enough to face him in the ring? Why did you never ask for a rematch after you lost the title to him? I know that you know you can not beat him in a fair fight! That brings me to my other point. I am speaking now from my own mind... I want to publically proclaim my personal detest for the way the IIWF is being run. For all the run-ins, use of illegal objects, back-stabbing, and so forth, the only athlete to ever get punished was the man known as the Subway Psycho. From him, the league officials took the most prized possession, the World Championship belt! To this day it was the only time that belt was won by defeating the incumbent. The man known as the Subway Psycho is the only man to claim clean pins over Blackjack Haley, the current IIWF Champion Deathbringer, and yes, the Outlaw J.W. Hardin. IIWF took their one true champion and discraced him, yet they still sell his memorabillia in the lobbies. The Subway Psycho is the most merchandised athlete in the IIWF. So what is the IIWF trying to say? He's good enough to line our pockets but not good enough to be our champion. The IIWF never had it so good when he was the champ. Now they'll never know what it's like to have him define an era of excellence. Thank you for this recognition of his work and dedication, and good-bye! [Mench hobbles off-stage to a mixture of surprised applause and murmers. Tim Dross takes to the podium for the last time.] TD: Well, folks, that just about wraps it up here in the Midtown Biltmore Hotel here in Atlanta. We thank you all for coming. On behalf of myself, Steve, Larry, Becky and everyone else here at the IIWF, this is Tim Dross, saying: goodnight, everybody! [The credits begin to roll as the wrestlers are seen leaving. Fans pour into the banquet hall looking for autographs and Billy Sexton ignores most of them. Marty Warnett dances with a particularly attractive, but underaged, female fan. Prisoner #109 and Randy Acorn get into a brawl which knocks over many tables. Simon Lebec sneaks around stealing the Golden Grapples that were left on the tables when their owners went to greet the fans. Steve Roberts tries to throw ice cubes down the front of Nurse Heidi's dress. When "The Butcher" notices him, Roberts tries to blame Larry. Billy Shakespeare offers his lapel flower to Miss Crystal, who really considers whether or not she should take it. Stunt Team USA pose for pictures with some fans, but are knocked over by a frantic Steve Roberts who is trying to escape an infuriated German. Becky and Victoria Secret exchange catty remarks about how much of Carla Daughtery's figure is the product of surgery and what color her hair really is. Hakiro Matsuoko and Tiger Claw dare each other to eat blowfish. Instead they force Kenny Tanaka to try it first. For the moment he appears to survive. The camera pulls out of the hall and out of the hotel, and as the limosines begin to draw up outside the hotel once more, fade.] +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= I * I * W * F =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+ | Send mail to iiwf@sisko.demon.co.uk with the subject lines: | | "send faq" for the FAQ + "send singles" or "send tag" for the | | rosters + "send handlers" for a list of handlers | +------------------------------------+---------------------------------+ | URL: http://www.sisko.demon.co.uk/ | President: Daniel Spreadbury | +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+