[Fade up on shots of the IIWF's trucks travelling down the highways of the United States. A partially mixed through map of the States shows the progress of the tour through all its stops. Over these shots, a voice over:] TD: As the IIWF's second national tour prepares to swing west, it heads for Philadelphia, Pennsylvania... it's time for another IIWF Control Centre Update! [Fade through to the opening graphics:] ##### ###### ### ########## ########## ########## #### ## ########## ########## ########## #### # #### ######## ##### ##### #### ## ##### #### #### #### #### ### #### #### #### #### ############# ######### #### #### ########### ######### #### #### #### #### #### ######### ######### ### #### #### ######### ######### ### ## #### ######## ######## ## # #### =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- ## =-=-=-= INTERNATIONAL INTERNET WRESTLING FEDERATION =============================================== Control Centre Update - 24 September 1996 ----------------------------------------------- [Cut to Tim Dross seated in the mobile Control Centre, in front of a bank of TV monitors, which are playing scenes from recent IIWF shows.] Hello there, everybody, and welcome to another IIWF Control Centre Update! I'm Tim Dross, and in today's report we'll be talking a whole lot about the events of Saturday Night's card, including the fate of the Prince of Darkness, who failed to capture the Intercontinental Championship from Tiger Claw and thus, by stipulations of his own choosing, forfeits his IIWF career. We'll be hearing from the IIWF President on that matter later on today. Also in today's report, I'll be: - running down the events from last Saturday Night's show - looking ahead to tomorrow night's broadcast of Midweek Mayhem - hearing from all of the IIWF superstars - taking a look at the action in prospect for IIWF Ring Wars II - bringing you the latest rankings and more! So let's get straight to it. IIWF Saturday Night - 21 September 1996 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The weather held out for us on Saturday Night as the IIWF rocked Soldier Field, Chicago, Illinois with a great event attended by thousands of fans. And what an event it was! Let's run down the results. 1. "BADBOY" RANDY ACORN forced the MASKED MARAUDER to submit to his Newark Knife Texas cloverleaf. 2. MR. DAMAGE pinned THE PUNSTER after the Thunderstruck legdrop, thanks to the distractions of Robski, who came down to the ring to cause trouble for the witty wordsmith from Atlanta. After the match, Robski got on the house microphone and claimed that the incident in his previous match with the Punster, when he grabbed the US flag away from the Man Of Steel and rammed the pole into the Punster's gut for the win, was a setup with the Man Of Steel! The crowd couldn't believe it, and the Punster still smells a rat: [Cut to a black shot. Suddenly, one beam of light cuts through the darkness and shines upon the masked face of The Punster.] TP: Sorry about the crude surroundings, but the studio is much like Robski these days -- powerless. Therefore, I'm relying on my handy flashlight... half the calories of the regular flash! Hehehehehe! [He shines the flashlight beside him and the image of Jasmine can be seen. Her eyes squint at the bright light and it seems, although the lower part of her face is shadowed, that she is gagged.] TP: Oh, how rude of me! Everyone, please meet my new girlfriend Jasmine. I've called her "Princess" Jasmine ever since I was A-lad-in Georgia. Hehehe! Say "hello," my sweet. J: Mmmmmph! Mmmph! TP: [faking a female voice] Hello everyone! I just want you all to know that I've never been happier in all my life. I'm so glad to be away from that dirty Robski and to have found the Punster, who really loves me. And Mr. Damage, I'm surprised you would even claim that "tainted" win Saturday night. You know who the better man is, and it "taint" you! J: Mmmmmph! Mmmph! [Punster shines the flashlight back at his own face and lifts his mask.] TP: Robski... you interfere in my matches and you interfere in my life. How does it feel to have someone interfere in yours? You accuse the Man of Steel of straying from his patriotic duty? Ha! I look into Steel's eyes and I see truth and justice... and a little sleep crud that he never cleaned up. That's really gross, Man. But Robski, I look into your eyes and I only see bloodshot vessels where many pints have flowed. I have what you want, Robski. Come and get it! [He turns off the flashlight and the shot goes black again.] TP: Now come along, my sweet. J: Mmmmmph! Mmmph! [Cut back to the Control Centre.] The Man Of Steel himself is also quick to quash these rumours: [SCENE: the Man of Steel in the Ace of Clubs. Bibbo Bibowski is with him, and he looks more than a little flustered.] MOS: This is total slander Bibbo. I can't believe that he can get away with saying something like that. BIBBO: I totally understand Steel. It just ain't right that 'e can get away with it. MOS: Did you see the reaction of all the great fans here in the IIWF? They were horrified. Steve Roberts really hit the nail on the head when he said, "Two words Dross. Casey James." How can the fans look at me in the same light now? How can they look at me and not have that inclination that I might turn my back on them? How? BIBBO: But they all know dat it ain't so. They know that you will stand by dem and make sure dat this Robski gets what's comming to 'im. The fans trust ya and they know dat that attack on da Punster 'ad nothin to do with ya. MOS: But it isn't just them, though, is it? I've got to think about our upcoming match at Ring Wars 2. How can my teammates now look at me and see the same man that they trusted? Will they be willing to go into the match and be sure that I am the man that I say I am? BIBBO: Steel, you are my favourit' and always will be. It don't matter what no English "Gent" says. Just look at dat woman dat he brings to da ring with him. Look at her. How can he say that 'e treats her right? MOS: Robski. You have just made the biggest mistake of your career. You have just messed with a man that is out to clear his name. And be sure Robski, I will clear my name. The good fans here in the IIWF deserve to less. I will show them all that the man standing here is the same that stood strong when Casey James deserted them. He is the same man that asked for the WarGames match at Ring Wars 2. I am the man that will drive the darkness out of the IIWF, but now Robski has come back to me. Robski, I fought you and Fisto Flash back down the line and came away with the win. I met you in singles action and came away with the win. What makes things different now, is that I am fighting to show the world your lies. I'm fighting to show the world what you really stand for. I'm fighting to make sure that you don't hurt anyone else like you have hurt me. I will make sure that the IIWF never has to suffer your slander again! BIBBO: Robski. Ya have made a big mistake and dis is only da beggening of what will 'appen. When you and da big man meet in da ring, he's gonna pound ya from one corner of da ring to da other and make you pay. Make you pay for both himself and da fans. Robski. You're in trouble. [Fade.] 3. "ENIGMA" TAKEZO MUSASHI pinned EL SUPER GECKO after the Starsault Press. Let's hear from the Enigma now: [SCENE: The Enigma stands in the IIWF interview area.] TM: Before I comment on the conflict between Hakiro Matsuoko and myself I want to extend a big thank you to two of the superstars of the IIWF. Chris Quigley, Shinja Chow, I owe you one for helping me out in my match against the German brute, Otto Verhoeven. For a while there I was taking a lot of punishment due to the interference of the traitor Matsuoko. Thanks to you guys I was able to rebound and win the match. You have won the trust and admiration of the Enigma, something which is not given easily nor casually cast aside. If you ever need my aid, I will be there for you. I see too many men without honour in the IIWF, too many men who would rather cheat than compete with courage and skill. I am serving notice to the rulebreakers of the IIWF, the Enigma will not let you go unpunished! Otto Verhoeven, you have mortally insulted me by saying I am a man without honour, how easily hypocrisy tumbles from your mouth. You were quite content to double team me with my arch foe Hakiro Matsuoko, Shinja Chow and Chris Quigley merely evened the odds. "Quickstrike" held your legs down? It makes no difference, nobody gets up from the Starsault Press! But now I must speak of other matters.... [Musashi's eyes begin to smoulder with an inner fire as he contemplates his coming battle with Hakiro Matsuoko] Hakiro Matsuoko, Angel of the Rising Sun, the contracts have been signed, our destiny is in place. Ring Wars, a night of ultimate combat, where the IIWF athletes will clash like the warriors of old, a night of glorious victory walking hand in hand with utter defeat. This will be the meeting place of our final conflict, finally we will settle the matter that lies between us, which one of us is the greater warrior? I proved my superiority to you once before, but you did not have the honour to accept your loss gracefully. This time we will battle with the whole world as our stage, my triumph will be that much more glorious, and your defeat a thousand times more crushing! Hakiro Matsuoko, the issue of honour we will decide at Ring Wars will affect our souls in the spirit world for mellenia to come, I must not fail. Bow down your head Matsuoko, for you are a man living in shame. Bow down your head, for soon you will taste a defeat more crushing than any you have yet experienced, Angel of the Rising Sun. [Musashi turns and quietly leaves the set, his face focused and determined. Fade] 4. "SHOWSTOPPER" SIMON LEBEC forced LOUIE THE NINJA to submit to the Antagonist in a match which lasted less than thirty seconds. The accident prone Louie fell flat on his face in the ring, and Lebec was able to apply the spinning toe hold for an immediate victory. For a guy the size of Louie, he's in severe need of some coaching. 5. THE BILL COLLECTORS pinned THE ROTUNDOS after their Credit Check double slam. 6. "PAINBRINGER" BILLY SEXTON defeated SABIN FIGARO for a second time, once more forcing him to submit to the armbar after nearly two minutes in the hold. Figaro displayed his outstanding endurance, but it wasn't enough to stave off submission to Sexton's excruciating finisher. 7. STUNT TEAM USA put STEAMROLLER away, finishing off Taylor with the Fire & Forget. You might remember that in Friday's report, STUSA's manager, the "Wizard", set them a little riddle. Let's see how they're getting on: [SCENE: Steve Forget and Ron Fire stand in the middle of wrestling ring with the football still hanging over it.] SF: "Hell, I can't see me getting to 'diz ball... It's just hangin' too high..." RF: "I think I got an idea! Just a sec...!" [With these words he rushes out of the scene] SF: "What stupid task is 'diz anyway?... " [He climbs to the top turnbuckle and tries to reach the ball with his hands. He misses it and lands hard on the canvas] SF: "Oh damn, I didn't even get it with my hands, how can I kick it?" ["Danger Freak" comes back into scene, carrying a ladder with him. He places it in the middle of the ring, climbs to the top and kicks the ball with ease] RF: [laughing] "Strike! That's how it's done!" Voice: "No, it's not...!" [Ron and Steve turn around to see the "Wizard" entering the scene. He climbs into the ring.] BM: "Don't trust in these foreign objects, which you may not take to your matches." [He kicks against the ladder, sending Ron down to the canvas] BM: "Sorry, noble knight, but thou had to learn this lesson. You sincerly have to solve this quest on your own... And don't forget the rule: Every man on his own! Farewell for now." [Belgarath climbs off the ring and leaves the gym, leaving Ron and Steve behind] RF: "???" SF: "???" [Fade] 8. THE ARABIAN KNIGHTS defeated the ACES OF THE DEEP by trapping Shark in the Jihad at the climax of an exciting match. After the bell, who should come sprinting down the aisle to the ring but Pain Inc., and the victors and the intruders traded shots all the way back to the locker room. They'll meet to settle their differences tomorrow night in a wild Texas Tornado match. Let's hear from the Knights: [SCENE: the Arabian Knights' training facility, the Prince can be seen practising his swordsmanship skills, he throws an apple into the air and with two quick flashes of the blade the apple falls to the ground split into quarters. The Prince stops and turns to the camera.] Prince: So once again the Arabian Knights secure a comprehensive victory, and yet again Pain Inc appear, this time to mar our celebrations. And what may I ask did you hope to achieve by these actions Mr Dick?....Well all you have done is to make the Arabian Knights even more focused on the task in hand, the destruction of you and your boys Drain Inc. [The Prince turns and shouts for Omar. Omar comes lumbering into the room, carrying a life size cardboard facsmilie of Mr Mic. Omar stands the facsimile on the floor while the Prince again proceeds to pick up his sword and with one quick stroke cuts Mr Mic in two ] Prince: Mr Dick I tire of your tirade of insults and abuse, can't you come up with something a little more interesting? Probably not... you are already at the limit of your imagination. I am also tired of seeing you on all these inane American television shows, all we ever hear we gonna do this we're gonna do that yakktey yak... Change the record Mr Dick it's becoming boring, no wonder your appearances have coincided with some of these shows' lowest ever ratings!! [The Prince laughs.] Prince: Just face facts Mr Dick, Pain Inc. will never become champions, at least not with you in charge of them, they are just too wild and disorganised. You can't control them -- you probably can't even control your own bladder!! You also seem to be forgetting that we have already beaten Pain Inc and beat them well but this time we will make sure that YOU DON'T GET UP!!! [The Prince once again picks up his sword and brings it crashing down onto a table, completely destroying it in the process.] Prince: Pain Inc, that will be you this Wednesday night, infidel pigs... [The Vizier walks into the room] Vizier: Oh yes, Mr Dick I have something very special in store for you this Wednesday night... But beyond this Wednesday night we are looking for matches against one of the better tag teams here in the IIWF, perhaps the High Plains Drifters or Stunt Team USA, we are willing to accept most matches. "Painbringer" Billy Sexton you can now be assured that noone will intefere in any of your matches...... [Fade] 9. Thanks to the man quickly becoming known as the master of disguise of the IIWF, "Badboy" Randy Acorn, ARCHANGEL defeated PRISONER #109, sending him down to defeat with the Judgement Day Drop -- but not before Acorn had jumped out of the crowd area, discarding his disguise of a kid in a wheelchair, and attacked the crazed ex-con. Acorn and P109 will also meet tomorrow night. As for Archangel, he is said to be very upset about not having put the Prince of Darkness out of the IIWF personally, and his manager, Bishop Right, has enlisted the help of a former colleague of his, the Deacon, to put Archangel back on track. In fact, as I understand it, tomorrow night we will see the first appearance of the New (and improved?) Archangel! Let's get their comments now: [SCENE: Clips of PoD's final match, the Syndicate's matches, and Outlaw's war with Deathbringer play on a multitude of television screens.] Deacon: Bishop Right has made me his manager of personal affairs in the IIWF while he trains the new Archangel. [Clips of a man in red and black pounding countless numbers of jobbers.] Deacon: Impressive, isn't it? Joe Latta, you will feel the power of the light if you agree to face the new Archangel! [Clips of Archangel's new ring procession] Deacon: Those who have been tempted by the sins of evil, prepare to be purged. [Cut to Bishop Right, standing by the Ark.] BR: The Prince of Darkness is gone. There is new meaning in our lives. [The Ark begins to glow] BR: Joe Latta, you have not felt the full fury of the new Archangel. [A red cross appears] BR: Casey James, you will feel the power on Saturday Night. [The New Archangel bursts out of the Ark.] A: Evildoers, beware, I have returned. [Fade] 10. MARTY WARNETT put MAGUS away with his The End figure four leglock, but not without getting an impromptu haircut from Simon Lebec, who dashed down to the ring and attacked Warnett during the match. Let's hear from Magus: [SCENE: Magus is running from men in white coats once again through some city. He turns into an alley, and stops, assuming the men have lost him.] MAGUS: AAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?!?!? [bangs his head on a brick wall] I seem to be losing to everyone... Man of Steel, Bomber, and now Marty Warnett.... AAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!! And what's this? All you IIWF fans now must think I SUCK because I can't win... well, I WOULD'VE beaten Warnett, BUT IT WAS THE DUMBASS REF WHO COST ME THE MATCH!!! WARNETT, I WANT A REMATCH WITH YOU, AND ONLY PINFALLS ARE TO COUNT IN IT!!!!!! [suddenly, the men in white coats go around the corner] AAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!! [Magus runs onto the city sidewalk, and into a fancy restaurant. The first thing he does is knock over a few waiters and make them drop their trays of food] This is not over..... Bomber, Warnett, Punster... I will be back.... [Fade] ...unless the men in white coats catch him first. Let's move on. 11. The tag match pitting CHRIS QUIGLEY and THE WHITE PHOENIX against OTTO VERHOEVEN and HAKIRO MATSUOKO began as a great athletic contest, but soon degenerated to the point at which the result became meaningless. After interference from the Dark Knights, Verhoeven's manager Nurse Heidi, and Brian Lau, in a chaotic spell, Quigley was pinned by the Butcher. While the match may have been a debacle, Quigley isn't happy with the extra tally in his loss column: [SCENE: Tim Dross is standing outside the locker room of "Quickstrike" Chris Quigley. Every once in a while, a strange sound, as if something is smashing, can be heard from within.] TD: Folks, I am here to get a word with Chris Quigley on how tonight's events went, in his mind. Obviously he can't be too happy about what transpired here tonight, but he's always more than happy to talk with us, so let's get it straight from him... [Dross knocks on the door... waits a few seconds, and then knocks harder and more persistently... until the door swings open, and what looks to be a very down Chris Quigley stands there. In the background, you see a row of lockers knocked down, and a few fist sized holes in the gyprock wall.] TD: Uh... Chris? What are your thoughts on... CQ: [interrupting] Tim, get outta here. TD: But I wanted to... CQ: GET THE HELL OUTTA HERE! [Quigley shoves Dross backwards and slams the door in his face. The smashing sounds continue, this time with more frequency...] TD: Uh... well, Quigley, obviously in no mood to talk right now... [The camera moves up from a concerned and confused Tim Dross and zooms in on the "Quigley" on the locker room door before fading to black...] The White Phoenix, too, was less than happy on Saturday Night: [SCENE: The White Phoenix is seated in his locker room after his tag match on Saturday. He is bleeding from his left cheek as a result of the attack by The Sandman and the Prince of Darkness.] "Lau, I've finally gotten to you, haven't I? Finally, you're seeing what I'm doing to you, the kind of revenge that I'm wreaking. You'll remember your wrongdoings, and those of your father, soon enough. No matter how well you have built the walls in your mind, your sins shall shine forth. I can wait. I know I can't lay my hands on you. You are a manager. There are rules. Your attack tonight has done nothing but strengthened my resolve. If you think that this [he wipes a finger through the blood on his face] will defeat me, you are wrong. I will take all the punishment that your minions can deal me, and rise from my own ashes to defeat you in the end. You would be wise to give up now, give up your Syndicate, leave in shame. Because now, Lau, you crossed the li...." [The door opens and a man bursts in. He yells "Kauffman's in trouble! Hurry!" The Phoenix rushes out of the locker room as the screen goes black.] Verhoeven, on the other hand, despite being lost on the way to Josey Wales' ranch, is happy with the way things went: [SCENE: A lonely road in the desert. In front of a black Mercedes limousine stands a sweating Otto Verhoeven, wearing a muscle shirt and black shorts. The camera seems to be a home-video camera and the view is pretty unsteady.] OV: Liebling, do you really think that you can use that thing? [The camera shkes once more and we can hear Nurse Heidi's voice.] NH: Ja, ja, everything is fine. Just say vat you vant to say and ve vill send it to IIWF headquarters from the next town. OV: Why would anyone want to live in this wasteland? Bah, and the heat, terrible. But, anyway, lets talk about Saturday. Another very entertaining evening of wrestling, and superior minds defeated weak imbeciles. Oh, it was so great when I pinned that lousy son-of-a-bi... NH: Otto, please. OV: Ahem, forget it. But that stupid wimp and his pyromanic partner were simply outsmarted by Brian Lau and us. NH: And Quigley vas outvrestled by me. I can still hear his screams for mercy, hahahahaha! [The camera falls to the ground. Heidi quickly picks it up again.] NH: Sorry darling. OV: Nun, it seems as if Quigley really has a death wish, because he continues to insult my beloved fiancee. No good choice, pal, because I have numerous opportunities to introduce you to a whole new world of pain. I am pretty sure that we will both be in the battle royal before the PPV, when the "Sheriff"-team... NH: Vat a great nickname for these bunch of losers. OV: Whatever, that team will be softened up for Wargames, where we will take them apart man after man after man. I wonder how many participants will actually make it to Ringwars II, because my allies wont spare any of our feeble-minded opponents. It is a shame that the loudmouth Kauffman defeated Latta, but he would never managed to do that if Quigley had not interfered, giving me just another reason to pound that freak into oblivion. He will not be just another victim of the Butcher, he'll get my special, career-ending, bone-breaking treatment. NH: I am sorry schatz, but the battery is nearly empty. OV: Okay, I do not know who my next opponent will be, if I finally get my rematch with Kidstrike or have to go through yet another poor soul who has to endure my rage, but, anyway, WELCOME TO THE SLAUGHTERHOUSE! Now put that damn thing away and help me with the map. That ranch can't be far away. [Fade] 12. No interference, no managers at ringside -- just two great IIWF competitors in an honourable battle for the IIWF Intercontinental Championship, as Tiger Claw defended against the Prince of Darkness in a match that, should PoD lose, would be his last. And although he performed admirably throughout the contest, and came back from just about everything that Claw threw at him, in the end, he was pinned by the champion. However, his foot was on the ropes as he was covered, and although the official didn't see it, the Sandman most certainly did. He came down to the ring after the match and confronted Tiger Claw and Brian Lau, and was said to be on the phone to the IIWF President within minutes. We'll hear from all the parties involved right now, starting with the Sandman: [SCENE: The circular warroom of the Knights' castle. Statues of famous warriors enclose the Dark Knight and stand at attention. The brilliant white attire of the Sandman stands out among the aged color of bronze in the statues. His voice rings with authority as he speaks.] Sandman: The Dark Knights, the Family, the Don and the Sandman. The heads of our organizations meet again to do a little business. Once again it's on! Don you and I are no strangers in the ring. We've both had our moments of glory but it's come back to this. Another encounter. This will be no pretty sight, nothing for the kids to watch. I'm going to tear you apart, limb from limb and then raise your shattered corpse up for the nightmare! [He runs his hand across his throat.] You claim youselves as the enforcers, well I'm the PREDATOR! I'm gonna hunt down the faces and bleed'em. I hear a man claim the name of a face and it's beddy bye time. The war is on and with some new found friends I will become the master of chaos. There's no telling what I'm up to or who's going to be at my side. Just be ready for anything or better yet SLEEP with one eye open. [He raises his arm to display the sleeper tattoo] The Dark Knights, the Dark Knights, are they no more, am I the last one left? [he looks around at the statues] Looks can be deceiving. I've told you all before, that the Knights are already established in the IIWF. The mystery part or should I say the Enigma of the Knights is this, noone knows who they are except me and the other Knights. No one ever said I had to be limited to four. I'm not the Horsemen but I do have a Flare about myself. Just think about it and watch your back. A ring is as good or as evil as the man in it. Wednesday night, step into pure evil and meet your maker!!!!! [The Sandman walks away whistling the theme from "The Good the Bad and the Ugly". Fade] Although the Sandman stands alone for now, Brian Lau is confident that some agreement can be reached: [SCENE: The entire Syndicate stands outside a stable. Most are dressed in their street clothes. Most notable is Joe's T-Shirt that boldly states "If You're Not Me, You Suck."] KT: Hello, everyone! This is Kenny Tanaka coming to you from the ranch of Josey Wales where the summit continues to take place. Brian, how are things progressing? BL: I'm afraid that I can't say anything at the moment, Kenny. The element of surprise is a very powerful tool. It gives us an advantage over our enemies, and to do away with it would be foolish. I can, however, tell you my thoughts on the recent events in the IIWF. KT: Well, then, please do. BL: Well, first, let me talk about the Intercontinental match between Tiger Claw and Prince of Darkness. As you can see, Tiger Claw still holds the belt, so that means that there's one less wrestler in the IIWF. I told Prince of Darkness that it was unwise to put his IIWF career against the belt, but unfortunately, he went through with it anyway. It saddens me to see such a great athelete thrown out of the sport, so I make this offer. PoD, the contract that was signed made your career a prize to be won by Tiger Claw, just as this belt was a prize to be won by you. Now, I've searched the contract for a loophole, and I believe I have found one. If I were to treat your career like a title belt, I can refuse this prize to change hands. As a result, the posession falls back to you. Therefore, I will refuse your career as a prize, and you are free to come back to the IIWF. Of course, I do not make this offer without myself in mind, and I must make it clear to you that you will owe me a favour when this is said and done. Please drop me a line if you choose to take me up on my offer. KT: Wow. You are a very generous man, Brian Lau. Not many people realize that to be the most powerful man in the IIWF, not only do you need an aggressive nature, but a sense of mercy as well. BL: Well, thank you, Kenny. However, this was not the first career that Tiger Claw would have ended, nor will it be the last. Don Antonio, I hope those ribs are healing nicely, because Tiger Claw wants to smash them again... Next, let me talk about Joe's match... Actually, why not let Joe talk about that? JL: Danny boy, congratulations. You pulled a rabbit out of a hat and got a win over me. Of course, everyone and his dog could tell that I had you beaten all through that match. How did that chair feel, Dan? Or that table? It sure sounded like it hurt when you went through that table. You would never had beat me if it wasn't for that geek Quigley coming down to ringside. I keep hearing you two go on and on about how you're number one. If Being number one means that you talk too much and sneak up from behind to score a win, then yes, I guess you are number one. Of course, most of us believe that being number one means that you dominate everyone in your chosen field. I believe I have done that, and to me, that makes me number one. CJ: In fact, everyone here is the best at what they do. We all have a treasure chest of knowledge among these four people, and we share it openly with each other. That's the benefit of belonging to the best organization in pro-wrestling today. I'm really looking forward to Ring Wars II because it will give me a chance to lead a team of professionals into that cage and pound on a bunch of losers. Man Of Steel is my prime target. After I get rid of him, I want a piece of Quigley. That is, of course, if my man Otto Verhoeven leaves enough of him to catch a fist. Before this great match, though, there's going to be a big battle royal to figure out who gets a title shot after Wargames. As much as I respect the men who will get in the ring as my allies, I'm going to treat you all as my enemy for as long as it takes for me to be the last man in the ring. I expect the same from all of you. Joe, Verhoeven, Sexton, Sandman, I know we all want that shot... I'm laying it out on the table right now. We've got a great chance here to have a backup plan just in case Hardin is robbed of the belt. We've got to get those "sheriff" losers out of the ring to guarantee that we have the chance to have a real man holding the belt. Any one of us would make a great champ, that's for sure. I just happen to think that I'd be the best. BL: Unfortunately, there seems to be some friction between us and what's left of the Dark Knights. Sandman, let me tell you right now that I have no quarrel with you or those who are allied with you. The powers that be in the IIWF are trying to divide us and set us against each other so we don't make trouble. Don't fall victim to that plot, Sandman. Speaking of plots, Hakiro has something to say about the man plotting to put a black mark on his reputation. HM: Takezo Musashi, I'm afraid that there is going to have to be an end to this little game. What better place to hold this climactic event than Ring Wars II? We will have to fight the traditional way. You know of what I speak of. In ancient times, duels were held on a log bridge. The first man to be knocked off was declared the loser of the contest. That is what I propose. A log suspended above the ring. Two men face each other. The man left on the bridge will be the winner, and the loser will walk away, knowing that he was bested that night. I am a man of honour, and I am willing to put it all on the line at Ring Wars II. But be warned, Musashi, I will not hold back. One of us will leave the ring a broken man. KT: Wow. Well, that's all the... BL: Hold on, Kenny. I have one more thing to talk about. There is a newcomer that has been impressing me in the IIWF. He goes by the name "The White Phoenix" Shinja Chow. Now it seems that this man has a problem with me, however, I have no idea what he's talking about. His style is familiar to me, and his face does ring a bell. The problem is that I just can't place them. Chow, I can assure you that there is no reason to come after me. I have not wronged you. However, if you happen to come near me with hand raised, I will have to taken a part piece by piece. You have wronged several men in my Syndicate. We are willing to let this go, but we will let it go no further. One more attack on any of us before the Wargames match will result in a bad day for you... Maybe in the form of a Golden Tiger Strike. KT: Well, Brian, I'm glad you cleared that up. Now I realize that you have to get back to the meeting with the Senator and Josey Wales, so let us leave you to go on your way. [Brian pats Kenny on the shoulder and walks away.] KT [Looking at Joe and Casey]: So, guys... Wanna rustle some cattle? [Casey and Joe look at each other, then at Kenny, then shake their heads. They walk away with Hakiro and Tiger Claw.] KT: Okay, guys... I understand... Gotta train! Maybe later, right guys? Guys? Hey, wait up! [Kenny runs off after the wrestlers, and the shot fades.] Finally, let's get comments from the IIWF President on this matter. He issued this statement earlier today: [Cut to the office of the IIWF President, where President Dan is seated behind his desk.] DS: It could not have escaped my attention that the match between Tiger Claw and the Prince of Darkness on Saturday Night had an unsatisfactory conclusion, and as such, I was willing to hear the appeals of both the Sandman and, surprisingly, Brian Lau. Mr. Lau's offer of refusing the "prize" of the Prince of Darkness' career is a noble offer, and although it gave the legal department here at the IIWF's headquarters a bit of a headache for a few hours, they have confirmed that Mr. Lau is within his rights to do this. However, the one person I have yet to hear from concerning this matter is the Prince of Darkness himself. Despite this, I am willing to reinstate him pending a rematch with the Intercontinental Champion after Ring Wars II, if that is what he so desires. Obviously, until I hear from him myself, this will not be an official decision, but the Prince of Darkness is free to return to the rings as soon as he feels ready. One other small issue: due to the uncertainty concerning his future in the IIWF, I have taken the step of removing the Prince of Darkness from the Wargames match at Ring Wars II. He will be replaced by an athlete who has been lobbying me for a place in the match for some time: "Badboy" Randy Acorn. One spot on each team still remains open, and I shall make announcements with regard to those final competitors in the near future. That's all for now. [Cut back to Dross in the Control Centre.] So there you have it, folks! The IIWF career of the Prince of Darkness is not necessarily over yet. 13. In a fantastic main event, DAN KAUFFMAN bested JOE LATTA two falls to one in their no countout, no disqualification match. Latta started things with a bang, practically using Kauffman as a demolition ball to take apart the ringside area, and quickly scored the first fall. However, when Chris Quigley came down to the ring, Kauffman was able to cradle Latta and pull back a fall. A huge brawl between many members of the Wargames teams broke out on the outside, but Kauffman and Latta managed to continue their match in the ring, Kauffman finally putting his former friend away for the win. After the match, the Outlaw J.W. Hardin, who had arrived unannounced at the arena on his horse, came down to the ring and demanded a match with Kauffman to take place this Wednesday night. Kauffman agreed, and that is going to be one hell of a match. Let's hear from the leader of the forces of good in the IIWF, Dan Kauffman: [SCENE: "Legend's Labyrinth". Dan Kauffman works out in the ring against one of Brandon Bennett's up and coming young talents. Even though the brash newcomer is is some awe of the pro, Kauffman lets him initiate most of the offense. After the workout, the new student shakes Dan's hand and thanks him for the match. Dan is heard saying "Yeah, maybe someday I'll actually HAVE to wrestle you for real", and sends the student off. Kauffman speaks to the camera...] "No matter what pops up in my professional life, I can always see hope in the new students that come in those swinging doors and work in this gym. They are the future of the sport of which I have given my life to. Therefore, I find it only reasonable to give back some of my knowledge to these new wrestlers. "But notice, the key word in that phrase was the word _Future_. What kind of future will these new wrestlers have if the problems of today's wrestling world are not solved? What kind of future would they have if a man like the Outlaw were to run the show? I doubt they'd even have a future... and why would they even want to step in the ring? "You see, Outlaw... It's not you that I am directly concerned about. It's what you would do if you became the leader. What would happen to the sport that I've given so much to? I don't even like to think about it. But now you've decided to test the waters that oppose you. You wanted me in the ring on Wednesday, and you've GOT me in the ring on Wednesday. Granted, after that Latta fiasco, I'm a little banged up. But see, I feel as though you underestimate the spiritual strength of the men opposing you. You said it best, wars are not for the faint of heart. But in saying that, realise that in such trying times it is often the army with the spiritual push that overcomes. I know that you are a powerful man; I know that you stand 9 inches taller than myself and outweigh myself by a good 130 pounds. But realise that the size of the man does not measure a man. "Outlaw, the first battle between the generals happens tommorow night. It may be the first battle, but I assure you, it will not be the last." [With that, Kauffman welcomes another new student into the gym and starts a similar routine with the young man. Fade] What a night it was, folks, and things are only going to get hotter here in the IIWF as we get closer and closer to Ring Wars II. Right now, let's get comments from a man who is right in the centre of all the action leading up to that great event, the "Outlaw" Josey Wales: [SCENE: Parking lot outside of IIWF Headquarters. Bob Today, the newest and lowest member of the IIWF wrestling correspondents tries to get comments from Josey Wales as he gets into his limo] BT: Mr. Wales! Mr. Wales! Can I get some comments from you? JW: Get away from me kid, you bother me. BT: The public has a right to know! What's been going on in this so called summit? JW: Nothing to worry yourself about, now leave me alone. BT: The word is out that you're taking on all the so called "heels" to destroy the "faces." Is this true? JW: Let's get one thing straight...I don't give jobs away, I hire men. If I see someone who has potential I meet with them. I'm currently meeting with the "Butcher" and several other wrestlers. Only those who impress me get to meet with me a second time. [Wales then slaps his hand on the roof of his limo and immedietly Easy Rider steps out] BT: Easy Rider...what do you think of you're situation with the Armed Forces? They have the belts but you claim to be part of the "Best Tag Team." What's the deal? [A window rolls down from the limo...it's Pale Rider.] PR: Bob, Armed Forces are of no importance to us. We know we're better, they know we're better, and everyone else knows we're better. The fact that they have those cheesy IIWF Belts is unimportant. Other teams are lining up for a chance to get our "belts." They're the real trophy. Hey Easy...show him what it's like to be an opponent of the High Plains Drifters! [Easy Rider scoops Bob up over his shoulder and carries him up on top of a hood of a nearby car. Easy then slings Bob over his back in position for the devastating Unforgiven Piledriver. Easy performs the move, driving Bob's head through the windshield of the car. The sound of the car's horn going off -- for Bob's head has been pressed into it -- is all that is heard as Pale and Easy laugh and the limo drives away. Fade] What a disgusting display. Amazingly, Bob wasn't seriously injured, but he has parted company with the IIWF after only one day on the job. Anyway, due to new advertising regulations imposed upon me by the IIWF front office, it's now time for a commercial break: [Fade. Scene opens with a frustrated looking parent, who is watching her less than intelligent child eat the stuffing out of the couch.] VO: Do you wonder how your child makes their way out of the door in the morning?? [shot to another disgruntled parent, scolding her child for a straight "F" report card] Are you embarrassed to call your child your own??? [Another shot of a fed-up parent screeching her tires out of a mall parking lot, leaving her imbecile son there.] Do you wish you could take off to a far away place where your child will never find you??? [Shot of a montage of "Showstopper" Simon Lebec pictures.] WELL, NOT ANY MORE!!!! WELCOME TO THE 21st CENTURY, AND THE EVOLUTION OF GENETIC ENGINEERING!!! IT'S THE ARRIVAL OF..... "SHOWSTOPPER" SPERM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That's right!! Now you -- YES, YOU -- can have the child you always wanted, all for the low low price of the "Star Wars" Trilogy!!! Maybe your children are retarded. Maybe your husband is impotent. Perhaps you're just too darned ugly to find a man, yet you still want a child. It doesn't matter. This sperm is authentic, having come from Simon Lebec himself!! No imitation ejaculate here!!! We GUARANTEE: That your child will be well behaved. That your child will be all the rave in little league. That your child will be popular with the opposite sex. That your child will be at the top of their class. If unsatisfied, we'll give you your money back!!!!! That's how certain we are that even the dud semen is STILL better than the rest of the general population!!! We guarantee it!!! If you don't believe us, trust the man that everybody loves: [Simon Lebec comes on the screen.] SL: FINALLY!! A better way of self-fertilization, so put that turkey baster back in the cupboard!!! You know, in these tough economic times, parents look towards their offspring to take care of them in old age. Sure, you could take that leap towards parenthood in the back of an old Chev with the local grease monkey, but do you really want to face the consequences nine months later of having to care for a blithering moron?? I don't think so!! With my new GUARANTEED winner, why go anywhere else??? Act now and I'll include to you, my valued customer, a free Polaroid of myself, which you can use to one day explain to your child how "Daddy" was killed in an overseas maneuvers mishap!!! For an additional charge, I'll even throw in enlistment papers so perfect, the Marines won't be able to tell the difference!! [Same parents as before are shown shipping their old children off to an orphanage, then opening the "Showstopper Sperm" easy-to-use kit] VO: Get with the times......and the relative convienence of pro-creation at its finest!! "Showstopper Sperm".... GET IT WHILE IT'S HOT!!!!! [commercial ends. Fade back to a shocked looking Tim Dross in the mobile Control Centre.] I'm speechless, folks. Let's move on. IIWF Midweek Mayhem - 25 September 1996 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Live from the Spectrum, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, tomorrow night's show is shaping up to be something special. Let's run down the matches in store: The New Archangel vs. "Nifty" Ned Norton [J] [D] We'll see the new and possibly improved Archangel in action tomorrow night as he battles the returning Ned Norton. Freshly recovered from another attack, this time at the hands of Otto Verhoeven a couple of weeks ago, Norton might wish that he hadn't returned if he gets pasted to the mat in this one. "Painbringer" Billy Sexton vs. El Super Gecko [J] [D] Billy Sexton gets a shot at the IIWF World champion on Saturday, and he's warming up for the gargantuan task of beating Deathbringer with a match against this bizarre Oriental athlete, El Super Gecko. Expect Sexton to win through with his armbar submission hold. High Plains Drifters vs. Aces of the Deep [D] The Aces of the Deep are victims of mixed fortunes here in the IIWF, but tomorrow night they get the chance to take those unsanctioned gold belts away from the High Plains Drifters as they clash in the ring. Expect Shark and Piranha to go all out to try and best the Drifters, but Pale and Easy aren't going to go down without a fight -- and knowing them, it won't be a clean fight, either. The Bill Collectors vs. The Zodiac Connection [D] Two of the newcomers to the IIWF tag ranks with slightly shaky records go up against one another in an effort to turn their luck around. John Robbins and Ricky Matthews are fresh off a weekend victory, but Scorpio and Taurus won't be out to play second fiddle to the money-grabbing Collectors. "Nuclear" John Bomber vs. Fisto Flash [D] Fisto Flash is on a tear here in the IIWF, enraged at the theft of his steel fist by the Hangman and the Senate's men, and he's going to try to take out his frustrations on "Nuclear" John Bomber, who scored a shock victory in a Handicap Match on last week's Mayhem. Will his run of good luck continue? Joe Latta vs. Ron Fire [D] Joe Latta came up short against Dan Kauffman on Saturday Night, but proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that he's a man to truly be reckoned with in the IIWF. He's come of age without a doubt, and he strung together one of the most punishing assaults we've ever seen as he battered Kauffman from pillar to post in that No Rules match. Now he's in an even worse mood, and he's going to dish out more of the same to Ron Fire. At least, that's what he thinks -- Ron Fire, one half of tag title hopefuls Stunt Team USA, is going to do his utmost to prevent Latta getting into another destructive vein of form. Deathbringer vs. Louie the Ninja [J] [D] In a non-title match, Deathbringer gets to flex his skills tomorrow night in a match which I can see going only one way. Deathbringer hasn't been beaten here in the IIWF by pinfall since the days of the Subway Psycho, and I can't see it changing tomorrow night. 'Bringer will be looking for a good workout in the Spectrum as he gears up to face Billy Sexton on Saturday Night. Deathbringer's thoughts still turn to the Outlaw, however: [SCENE: The mortuary. Deathbringer stands behind the casket that is supposed to be used in the casket match at Ring Wars II. On top of the casket stands a golden urn.] DB: "Nice move, Outlaw. You try to decimate your opponents even before we get to Ring Wars itself. Now if you try to do it by fair means I will not stop you. But do not forget that I am scheduled to appear as well and you know that I will watch you closely. In fact I have watched you closely for quite a while now and there is something I wonder about..." [Deathbringer walks around the casket and stops right in front of it] DB: "As I look upon you I see a human mortal being, just like there are millions of others. And I wonder about what should happen to you after our match. Maybe you belong to those people who could not stand to expect their dead bodies to be eaten up by maggots and worms. Maybe you fear to be buried alive. But do not worry, Outlaw, I have got a very simple solution for you..." [Deathbringer turns around, grabs the urn and presents it to the camera] DB: "Now how do you like it? Whatever your choice may be, be sure that I will take care of your carcass, Outlaw... And the time left until Ring Wars II gets shorter and shorter..." [Deathbringer puts the urn back on the casket] DB: "Time... What is time? Unlock the door and see the truth, then time is time again. What do you see? What will you find? Are you born to be a king or a jester of the fools? You know the answer deep inside, it is your last step. You are lost in the black chamber, there is no way to turn back. Do not fear your last step, Outlaw... Prepare to meet your maker!" [Fade] Marty Warnett vs. Mr. Damage We heard Marty Warnett put the badmouth on Mr. Damage in Friday's report, and the match has been signed. The plucky rookie Warnett goes up against the Antipodean athlete with an attitude, and look for a great technical match in this one -- both men display great aptitude in good old-fashioned bone-bending, and I think that's what we're going to see in this match. Let's hear from Mr. Damage now: [SCENE: Mr Damage in the dark Welsh countryside. In the cemetary yard of a church. He speaks:] "Listen here [bleep] you want to make fun of me and my homeland, my culture. My fellow countrymen the Aboriginals or Koories -- as they prefer to be known -- are proud that Mr Damage represents Australia and everything Australian. You want to start something with me. And where are you from Wales. Is that a country, or do you hide behind the skirt of the Queen? Name something that's come out of Wales except uneducated morons that don't know how to tie their own shoelaces. "Listen here pretty boy you remind me of a mushroom, you have to be left in the dark and heaped with [bleep]. I'm going to wipe that smile off your face. I must admit our match up on paper looks pretty good but in the ring it is going to be different kettle of fish. I'm am going to kick your can from one side of the arena to the other. As for being a 'paid lackey' I have a quote from a famous German philosopher "A donkey says to another you've got long ears" -- Alexij Borieko 1996. It says that you're an intelligent wrestler... well, you must be pretty stupid to take me on. Wednesday you are going to get the most hilatious beating of your life. You will be taken to an inch of your life. Who knows I might go that extra inch. "It is true Australians couldn't give a XXXX about anything especially you." [Mr Damage then proceeds to turn around and relieve himself on a grave and walks off. The camera then zooms to the yellow stained Headstone which reads "Here lies Mrs Victoria Warnett born 1875 died of unexplained causes 1921" This is Marty Warnett's Great Grandmother. Fade] Vinny Cappicola vs. The Hangman The Family strikes back here in the IIWF following Don Antonio's injury with both men in action tomorrow night. Vinny Cappicola will attempt to take the steam out of the Hangman's sails, and this should be a great power battle. Both men possess some tremendous high-impact moves, and I expect we'll see both of them pull everything out of the hat in the pursuit of victory. "Badboy" Randy Acorn vs. Prisoner #109 In an effort to finally settle their scores once and for all, Acorn and P109 go up against each other tomorrow night. What is there left to say about this rivalry than has already been said? Not a lot -- except to say that this match will not be pretty, and it won't be clean. Armed Forces vs. Heavy Metal In a non-title match, the Armed Forces will attempt to end the unbeaten run of Heavy Metal, who have gone five matches without losing. Robo Stone's team think this should be a title match, but the Forces disagree. Let's hear from the Steele twins now: [SCENE: Heavy Metal and their manager Robo Stone stand in the IIWF interview area.] Robo Stone: WHOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! MY BOYS ARE HOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Atlas: BABY!!! If we don't deserve a title shot, NOW, then I don't know WHAT we deserve!!!!!!! We are FIVE and O!!!!!!! We are UNDEFEATED, and we're not just HOT, we're STEAMIN' HOT!!!!!!! Apollo: WIMPED FORCES!!!!!!! You've been DUCKIN' us for LONG ENOUGH!!!!! Now it's time to PUT UP or SHUT UP!!!!!!! We want yo' *SSES in the ring as soon as possible. Robo Stone: My boys' fuses are lighted up!!! And if they don't get their title shot SOON, well then, the fuse will.........DIE DOWN. And then... BBBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!! Who knows WHAT will happen! [Heavy Metal pose. Fade] And let's go to Omaha's local TV station, WOWT, who have agreed to let us use the following footage of an interview with the Forces: [SCENE: The WOWT studios, where 2 anchors sit, talking about this upcoming interview they have set up with the Armed Forces.] Anchor: Well, now tonight we'll take a look at part 1 of a very touching saga of two great Omahans who have brought such glory to all they've touched. Anchor2: Yes, let's get to that interview... where we've got Jane Phillips... Jane, take it away... [Phillips is standing outside Omaha Northwest high school.] Jane: One a basketball star...one a tough guy. But, it all started here at Omaha Northwest high school for these two great heroes, the Armed Forces. Now, the IIWF World Tag Team Champions, the lives of our American Stars, NavCom and DefCon, haven't always been quite so easy. [Phillips is interviewing Omaha Northwest basketball coach John Parks.] Parks: Well, "NavCom", as you call him now was always a leader. He was a smart guy who could lead the team down the floor and keep them calm when things were out of hand, and could fire them up when we were down. He was a great guy to have on the team, and maybe the best guard I've ever had. And I've had some good ones. Jane: NavCom playing basketball in High School...I just don't understand. Why not the wrestling team? Parks: We talked about that. Nav always had a love for amateur wrestling. But he was too smart to get into that just yet. He told me, "I've got years to wrestle, I always will. But, my true love is for TEAM sports, and I only get 4 years of my life to play high school, TEAM basketball." [Cut to Phillips now outside the school again.] Jane: So, under coach Parks, NavCom became the metro conference leader in scoring in his senior year, averaging 26.3 points per game, and he led his team to the State Championship Game. But, the epic story of a great basketball career ended right there, in the Devaney Center. [Cut to NavCom in a studio.] NavCom: Something died inside of me in the Center that day. I'd played a great game, and with 5 seconds to go we had the ball, trailing by one point. I thought we had a great chance to win the game. [Cut back to Jane Phillips.] Jane: But, Northwest didn't win the game. With 5 seconds left, they in bounded the ball to Jason Williams, who swung it around the perimeter to NavCom. NavCom spotted up and fired a 16 footer at the buzzer... [Cut back to NavCom.] NavCom: It was like slow motion. The ball hung up there for so long, and it hit the rim, 7, maybe 8 times. It just kept bouncing around, and... it was like being hit by lightning. All 4 years of hard work, just down the drain because one shot didn't go in. [Cut back to Jane Phillips.] Jane: One shot misses, and Lincoln Southeast goes to the state title. The line on NavCom, 38 points and 13 assists. But, the bottom line stat to him was this....Lincoln SE 77, Omaha Northwest 76. NavCom was devastated, and turned to his best friend in the world... [Cut to DefCon in a studio.] DefCon: I was there that day in Lincoln. Nav was playing great basketball, it was a shame that the last shot didn't fall for him. After the game he was in tears. I went down there and talked to him for a while, and after a while he cracked a smile. I don't think he's ever really been QUITE the same since that day, though. [Cut back to Jane.] Jane: He certainly wasn't. NavCom channeled his anger and went into some wrestling training downtown. Upon his graduation, he enlisted in the military...he went to the United States Military Academy, where he studied for 4 years, eventually becoming a Commander on a ship. He wrestled some on the side while there, winning the local tournament 2 out of 3 years, finishing 3rd another time. [Cut to NavCom.] NavCom: What I learned in the Navy goes far beyond wrestling, though they did a good job at teaching me that (laugh). I learned about hard work, and dedication, and never stopping until reaching the top. I also fell in love...with my country. The United States of America is something I'll stand by forever. Jane: So, there's just a little background on NavCom...a great leader and a great man. Now, let's take a look at the other man...DefCon. DefCon was too big in high school to wrestle. At 340 pounds in high school, he was well over the limit for high school heavyweight, which is 275 pounds here in Nebraska. [Cut to DefCon in the studio.] DefCon: I took up boxing. Went down to the local gym and just learned how to brawl. It's really helped me in the ring nowadays. I'm not pretty, and I don't claim to be. I've done a lot of weight training, and I've just used that with my boxing skills to just beat people up. That's what I do. Jane: But, as we've seen in the ring, DefCon has been FAR much more than just a brawler. [Screen shows a clip of DefCon drop kicking a man to the floor, and then a clip of DefCon grabbing Ron Fire's legs and flipping all the way over the top for a nearfall.] DefCon: Yeah, I did some agility drills in boot camp. (Chuckle.) I wasn't ever slow as a kid, and with just a little work, I found I wasn't too bad. NavCom helped me learned how to drop kick and lariat and sunset flip and all that garbage. Helps me at times, and it certainly impresses some people, but I'd rather just slap a guy around and use my weight advantage. I love dropping elbows and legs on guys. (Chuckle.) Jane: Well, DefCon graduated from Northwest High School along with NavCom, and the two headed separate ways. DefCon chose to go into... another field, but close enough. DefCon: I enlisted in the Army, and soon after that, the General realized that I was a pretty bright guy. I always got good grades in school, and I got a 29 on my ACT. I don't know how great that was, because I was only interested in going into the service...but he was impressed, so he made me a control room general. I liked it. Jane: DefCon's story will eventually parallel that of NavCom. Wrestling amateur, working hard, dedicating himself to his country. DefCon: I've always been patriotic. There's no doubt about that. But, when I was in that control room, watching what was going on in Kuwait, I realized how lucky I was to be living here in the free country, America, and I wanted to make sure that stayed together. I'm glad we've taken care of business. Jane: So these two men, honorably serving their country, get a phone call one day. [NavCom and DefCon are together in the studio, with Jane Phillips now.] NavCom: Well, I was on the dock of the ship, and I get called in for a phone call by our operator, and they tell me my long time friend is in some kind of trouble. So, I come back to Omaha...I was in DC at the time...and when I get there, there's no trouble at all.... DefCon: They told me I was possibly being restationed. I had to come to Omaha to check it out in case...like I don't already know Omaha. So, I went, visited some family, and then...there was NavCom when I went to the base. I couldn't believe it... NavCom: Yeah, we still don't know why they told us so many stories to get us there...but we were thrilled. They tell us we're going to be a tag team...because they heard we were friends and knew each other well, and had good skills. DefCon: Something about bringing back some glory for the military... NavCom: Yeah, and--- [Scene goes back to WOWT Studios.] Anchor: Well, we're out of time here, we'll bring you part 2 of that heart warming interview next time, with those 2 fine gentlemen. Until next time...good night!!! [WOWT shows images of the IIWF World Tag Team Champions, The Armed Forces, standing victorious in the ring with their titles. Fade.] If the Armed Forces are the best thing to come out of Omaha, I don't ever want to visit that place. And I thought Kenny Tanaka was a biased journalist... let's move on. Don Antonio vs. The Sandman The Sandman has been reasserting himself here in the IIWF as of late, pulling off a victory over Man Of Steel last week that reminded the fans of the IIWF just what the Dark Knights can do. Now question marks hang over the future of the Knights, with Brad Kinder still MIA and the Prince of Darkness in limbo, but no question mark should hang over the abilities of the Sandman. He's a vicious and dangerous opponent, and Don Antonio, who I understand is still recovering from his rib injuries but can't wait to return to the ring, should exercise extreme caution going into this match. Let's get comments from Pain Inc.: [SCENE: a desert in the middle of Texas. Mr.Mic and Pain Inc. are walking towards the camera. Pain Inc. are wearing their karate pants and their chain mail masks. Mr.Mic is wearing a dark brown Armani suit and sunglasses. He speaks into the camera as Hellraiser and Morningstar stare into the camera.] Mr.Mic: Oh look guys it's the IIWF Tuesday night report. Hello Dross, I heard your commentary Saturday night...as usual Roberts had to carry the load while you looked like an idiot!!! I kept my word and didn't involve myself or my team in the match but afterwards was a different story [he laughs diabolically]. The only reason we didn't get the upper hand on the 7-11 knights was because of the smell.....whew, someone should've checked their dressing room for a camel if ya know what I'm sayin'...ha ha ha. Here we are in Texas and behind me are two tornados..forget "Twister", these two have more force and power than the three of you could possibly imagine. Wanna know what's gonna happen to you Prince [Mr.Mic holds up a stuffed Aladdin doll from the movie] and you Omar [Mr.Mic holds up a Quasimodo doll from the Disney movie] oh and of course you Grand Brassiere [Mr.Mic holds up a Jafar doll from the Aladdin movie]... check it out. [Hellraiser grabs the Quasimodo doll and starts ripping the stuffing out of it while screaming and laughing. Morningstar grabs the Aladdin doll and starts ripping its head off.] Mr.Mic: As for you Grand Brassiere, I feel pity for you so I decided to help you out after your career is over Wednesday night. [Mr.Mic puts a tiny 7-11 uniform on the Jafar doll.] Look, it even has a nametag let's see what it says. [He turns the doll to face him] It says Grand Camel manager. Ha ha ha no no no don't thank me. Getting a slurpee for me will do just fine. Wednesday night, the Spectrum in Philly. You guys are finished -- but, hey, your 7-11 careers will have just started. A-ha ha ha ha. [The camera fades away.] =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= TEXAS TORNADO MATCH: =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Arabian Knights vs. Pain Inc. ----------------------------- With all four men in the ring all the time, the referee is going to have one hell of a job on his hands trying to keep things under control in this match. The Arabian Knights and Pain Inc. have been at each others' throats since entering the IIWF, and their rivalry doesn't show any signs of slowing down. However, this Texas Tornado match is a pretty dangerous affair, with both teams allowed to legally doubleteam the other at any given time, so don't expect this one to be a wrestling match. All four men will be lucky to leave the ring without some kind of injury come tomorrow night. Outlaw J.W. Hardin vs. Dan Kauffman The Outlaw demanded the match, and Kauffman accepted. Perhaps now he is rueing that display of bravado on Saturday Night, for he must go up against a man who claims to be the embodiment of true evil, and as far as we can tell, seems to have hit the nail right on the head with that little piece of self-assessment. Dan Kauffman is undeniably one of the most resilient and impressive performers in the IIWF right now, but whether he can weather the storm of high-impact offense that awaits him when he steps between the ropes to face Hardin remains to be seen. These two men have met before, in the final Triangle Match at Coronation Clash which the Outlaw won to become the first ever IIWF Champion. The Outlaw put Kauffman through a table to put him out of the match... remember that Kauffman was in a very gruelling encounter on Saturday, and remember how vicious Hardin is... and just hope that Deathbringer will be on hand to defend his friend Kauffman. This one is going to be huge, folks. Don't you dare miss it. Let's hear from Hardin now: [Fade in on a slum section of Philadelphia. Thunder rolls throughout the streets as trash blows down the sidewalk. The scene is broken by the sound of hoofbeats on the pavement and Outlaw J.W. Hardin rides into view, his hat pulled low and his dustcoat billowing in the wind.] JWH: Here it is... the City of Brotherly Love. Dan Kauffman, you once considered Joe Latta to be as close as a brother and now you place the same trust in Deathbringer, a man whose very existence is based on one purpose -- collecting victims. Do you think death has a conscience, Kauffman? Death lives in these streets. Those who know no other way slaughter their enemies as a way of life. It means money in the pocket and food on the table for their families. And it means Deathbringer claims more victims. And now you go to war for what you perceive to be the "right" way of life? You have aligned your so-called "sheriffs" to clean up the IIWF? Very well. The alliance you fear in your heart is now very much a reality. Josey Wales, the Senator, and Brian Lau stood at the ranch and shook hands, forming the greatest force professional wrestling has ever known. This Wednesday at Midweek Mayhem, I offer this alliance a sacrifice -- the general so many have sought to bring down. Deathbringer mocked my recent opponents, claiming they were not worthy. Perhaps Dan Kauffman, the closest thing he has to an ally, will be a little more to his liking. Kauffman . . . the apocalypse in the IIWF has but one horseman and his name is J.W. Hardin. Prepare to meet your fate. As a wise man once said, "ashes to ashes. . . ." [Hardin turns his mount and gallops away as the shot remains on the run-down neighborhood. Thunder again roars through the streets. Fade to black.] Altogether, it's a card that promises a whole lot of excitement and surprises. I wouldn't miss a moment of the action if I were you! IIWF Saturday Night - 28 September 1996 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Already we know that all four of the IIWF's champions will be in action this coming Saturday as the tour takes us to the America West Arena, Phoenix, Arizona. Let's take a look at the matches already signed for this great event: - Archangel vs. Casey "Blackheart" James - IIWF WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: = Armed Forces vs. The Zodiac Connection - NON-TITLE MATCH: = Tiger Claw vs. Louie the Ninja [J] - IIWF CRUISERWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: = "Spotlight" Billy Shakespeare vs. "Showstopper" Simon Lebec - IIWF WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: = Deathbringer vs. "Painbringer" Billy Sexton More matches will be announced in time for our complete rundown of the lineup in Friday's report. IIWF Ring Wars II - 12 October 1996 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The card for the IIWF's next pay-per-view spectacular continues to shape up to be something really special. Let's take a look at the matches we already know about: =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= IIWF WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP CASKET MATCH: =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Deathbringer vs. Outlaw J.W. Hardin ------------------------------------------------- =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= WAR GAMES MATCH: =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Dan Kauffman vs. Joe Latta Man Of Steel Casey "Blackheart" James "Quickstrike" Chris Quigley Otto "the Butcher" Verhoeven "Spotlight" Billy Shakespeare "Painbringer" Billy Sexton Vinny Cappicola The Sandman The White Phoenix "Badboy" Randy Acorn ? ? --------------------------------------------------------------------- One spot still remains on each team for this match. With the Prince of Darkness dropping off Casey James' team, "Badboy" Randy Acorn has entered the fray, hoping to come nose to nose with Billy Shakespeare in the course of the match. Billy is just as keen to get his hands on Acorn, it seems: [Billy Shakespeare sits at the makeup table. Only his image reflected in the mirror, surrounded by lights, is seen by the camera.] BS: So it seems that there is yet another actor in the house. Yet this one acts not for applause but for pain. Randy Acorn, the whispers are beginning in the wings. They say that Billy Shakespeare should have lost the Cruiserweight Title to you. They say you would have won. "Out, out, damned spot!" I say. What more need I do to be rid of you? Now you choose to mock the IIWF in mine own style; playing the part of an old woman, a crippled boy. Well, listen to these words, "Badboy": Any time, any where, front office permitting, I'll put my title on the line against you. I have no worries about losing it, for I believe that Henry IV refers to you when he speaks, "Is it not strange that desire should so outlive performance?" [Fade out] -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= IIWF INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP CAGE BASEBALL BAT MATCH: -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Tiger Claw vs. Don Antonio ---------------------------------- =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- LOG SCAFFOLD MATCH: =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- "Angel of the Sun" Hakiro Matsuoko vs. "Enigma" Takezo Musashi -------------------------------------------------------------- The stipulations for this match are still to be finalised, but if Hakiro's requests are accepted by the Enigma, we've got an incredible martial arts battle on our hands with this one! =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= HAIR vs. HAIR MATCH: =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= "Showstopper" Simon Lebec vs. Marty Warnett ------------------------------------------- =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= LUMBERJACK RULES NOOSE MATCH: =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= The Hangman vs. Fisto Flash (w/Atomic Destroyers) (w/Heavy Metal) ------------------------------------------- More matches will be added to the card in the near future. Stay tuned for more details. Latest Rankings ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Let's take a look at the current rankings in both the singles and tag team rosters. Interesting to note that there are no undefeated athletes left in the singles roster as of this past weekend... ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Name F/H Fought W L D Win% Ranking (old) new ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Deathbringer F 16 12 2 2 81% (WC) WC Tiger Claw H 22 13 8 1 61% (IC) IC Billy Shakespeare F 16 13 3 0 81% (CW) CW ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Outlaw J.W. Hardin H 14 10 2 2 79% (2) 1 Dan Kauffman F 17 12 3 2 77% (3) 2 Otto Verhoeven H 7 5 2 0 71% (5) 3 Chris Quigley F 6 4 2 0 67% (1) 4 The White Phoenix F 3 2 1 0 67% (30) 5 Vinny Cappicola F 9 5 2 2 66% (6) 6 Billy Sexton H 14 9 5 0 64% (7) 7 Hakiro Matsuoko H 15 9 5 1 63% (8) 8 "Enigma" Takezo Musashi N 8 5 3 0 63% (10=) 9 Don Antonio F 12 7 5 0 58% (9) 10 The Sandman H 7 4 3 0 57% (10=) 11 Brad "Bodybag" Kinder H 17 9 7 1 56% (12) 12 Simon Lebec H 16 9 7 0 56% (16) 13 Robski H 13 7 6 0 54% (14) 14 Casey James H 15 7 6 2 53% (15) 15 Man Of Steel F 21 10 9 2 52% (17) 16 Prince of Darkness H 15 6 6 3 50% (13) 17 Fisto Flash H 14 6 6 2 50% (19) 18 "Badboy" Randy Acorn H 6 2 2 2 50% (24) 19 Joe Latta H 14 6 7 1 46% (20) 20 The Punster F 10 4 5 1 45% (21) 21 Mr. Damage H 9 4 5 0 44% (25) 22 The Hangman H 9 3 4 2 44% (23) 23 Marty Warnett F 7 3 4 0 43% (27) 24 Prisoner #109 H 6 2 3 1 42% (22) 25 Archangel F 2 1 2 0 33% (31) 26 Magus H 10 3 7 0 30% (26) 27 "Nuclear" John Bomber F 8 2 6 0 25% (29) 28 Sabin Figaro F 4 1 3 0 25% (28) 29 ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Name of team F/H Fought W L D Win% Ranking (old) new ------------------------------------------------------------------------ The Armed Forces H 9 6 2 1 72% (WT) WT ------------------------------------------------------------------------ The Arabian Knights H 4 3 1 0 75% (2=) 1 High Plains Drifters H 15 11 4 0 73% (1) 2 Stunt Team USA F 15 10 5 0 67% (4) 3 Atomic Destroyers H 10 5 4 1 55% (5) 4 Aces of the Deep F 4 2 2 0 50% (2=) 5 Pain Inc. H 2 1 1 0 50% (6) 6 Steamroller F 9 3 6 0 33% (7) 7 The Zodiac Connection F 3 1 2 0 33% (8) 8= The Bill Collectors H 3 1 2 0 33% (12) 8= Law & Disorder F 7 1 5 1 21% (9) 10 ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Heavy Metal H 5 5 0 0 100% (10) 11 Rising Sun Revolution F 4 4 0 0 100% (11) 12 ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Next Report ~~~~~~~~~~~ Well, folks, that just about wraps it up for today's update. The IIWF's tour continues, and that means that I'll continue to bring you all the latest news, updates, comments and previews concerning all the action going on here in the IIWF. Things are certainly hot... and with Ring Wars II only two weeks away, getting hotter all the time! Don't forget to tune into Midweek Mayhem tomorrow night, and I'll be back on Friday with another Control Centre update! Until then, this is Tim Dross, saying: so long, ever -- hang on... I'm just receiving news that the Man of Steel has been involved in an accident of some kind... a car accident... it's unknown whether he's seriously injured at this stage... he's been taken to hospital here in Philadelphia. Wow, what a bombshell, folks. Obviously our best wishes are with Steel tonight, but we're right out of time. Catch you on Friday, folks! +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= I * I * W * F =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+ | Send mail to iiwf@sisko.demon.co.uk with the subject lines: | | "send faq" for the FAQ + "send singles" or "send tag" for the | | rosters + "send handlers" for a list of handlers | +------------------------------------+---------------------------------+ | URL: http://www.sisko.demon.co.uk/ | President: Daniel Spreadbury | +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+