[Fade up on a wide-angle shot of the IIWF Coliseum, recorded on May 18, 1996 at the IIWF's inaugural event, Coronation Clash. Fireworks explode high in the rafters. Voice over:] LM: The day it all began in the IIWF: May 18, 1996. Right from the start, it became clear that one kind of justice would rule the IIWF: rough justice -- and this principle was, and is, embodied most fully in the imposing figure of the Outlaw J.W. Hardin... the man who became the first IIWF World Heavyweight Champion. [Scenes of the final triangle match from Coronation Clash fill the screen.] LM: Three men reached the final of the colossal 24-man tournament, and two men went home with injuries sustained at the hands of the Outlaw J.W. Hardin. Tony Starks was lashed with the Outlaw's belt, whipped like an animal [slow-motion shots of the brutal beating], and Dan Kauffman was sent crashing through a ringside table [slow-motion footage of the table smashing]. The third man went home with the IIWF World Heavyweight Championship belt around his waist [scenes of the Outlaw partying with the other Horsemen.] [Flash through a montage of the Outlaw's various heinous acts since the very beginning of the IIWF.] LM: Nobody has been able to stand up to the Outlaw -- not the men with whom he aligned himself [scenes of his split with the Horsemen, his double-crossing of the American Heroes], and not the men who now stand beside him in battle. He is undeniably the most dangerous force the wrestling world has ever seen. [Another flash reveals a montage of shots of Dan Kauffman: hi-fiving the crowd; performing his "Thunderstruck" legdrop; putting an opponent away with the "Powerplant" spinebuster; fighting alongside Chris Quigley and the Man Of Steel; battling against Deathbringer in the ring.] LM: One man claims that he is ready for a war, and ready for a war on Hardin's terms. That man has fallen at Hardin's hands before, but is determined not to fall again. That man is Dan Kauffman, and tonight, _LIVE_ from the Spectrum, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, he will face the Outlaw J.W. Hardin one-on-one in the ring. Are you ready for...? [The voice over is interrupted by the explosion of the opening graphics onto the screen.] ##### ###### ### ########## ########## ########## #### ## ########## ########## ########## #### # #### ######## ##### ##### #### ## ##### #### #### #### #### ### #### #### #### #### ############# ######### #### #### ########### ######### #### #### #### #### #### ######### ######### ### #### #### ######### ######### ### ## #### ######## ######## ## # #### =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- ## =-=-=-= INTERNATIONAL INTERNET WRESTLING FEDERATION =============================================== M + I + D + W + E + E + K M + A + Y + H + E + M ----------------------------------------------- * LIVE * The Spectrum, Philadelphia, PA * Wednesday 25 September 1996 [Fade up on a montage of interior shots around the Spectrum. A camera mounted above the ring shows the whirling IIWF logo cast by a spotlight into the centre of the ring, and then tilts and zooms at the ringside broadcast table, at which Becky LaRue and Larry Morton stand.] LM: Welcome everybody to another dose of IIWF Midweek Mayhem! I'm Larry Morton, and beside me, as always, is the beautiful and talented Becky LaRue. BL: Flattery will get you nowhere, you worm. LM: Er... okay, Becky. The IIWF's national tour continues right here tonight in the wonderful city of Philadelphia, and these fine people have made us feel right at home, just as everybody has all over this fine nation. BL: Now's not the time for a patriotic eulogy, Larry. LM: No, you're right, Becky. In one of the most shocking and unfortunate incidents in the IIWF, last night news reached us of a car accident involving the Man Of Steel. Without further ado, let's go to Tim Dross, who has an update on Steel's condition. Tim? [Cut to split screen: Larry and Becky in the arena on the left; Tim Dross standing in a corridor on the right.] TD: Good evening, folks. I'm standing here in the central hospital here in Philadelphia, and I have some good news, and some bad news. BL: Let me guess: the good news is that the puny Man Of Squeal broke every bone in his body in that car crash. TD: I'm afraid not, Becky. The bad news is that Steel has indeed broken his nose and cheekbone, and has a compression fracture in his right eyesocket, all injuries sustained in the car accident. However, the good news is that doctors have operated on the injuries, and they have been able to pin the bones back together. They're confident that Steel will make a full recovery in around two to three months. LM: Does this rule out a return to the rings any time soon, Tim? TD: Incredibly not, Larry. Although I haven't been able to speak to the Man Of Steel myself, I did speak with his consultant doctor just a few moments ago, and I was told that if Steel wears a special facial appliance to protect the damage to the right side of his face, he is more or less free to wrestle again as soon as he wishes, although the doctor was also keen to point out that he isn't encouraging such a hasty return. But we all know the Man Of Steel -- particularly in the light of the recent allegations made by Robski last weekend, he will no doubt be very keen to step back into the ring as soon as is humanly possible in order to clear his name. LM: Steel was originally scheduled to be in action this Saturday Night in Phoenix. What are the chances of him making that appearance? TD: Well, obviously the doctors will take each day as it comes, if there are no complications, Steel will be discharged on Thursday, and it's entirely possible that he'll push himself back into action in time for Saturday. I'll try to get a word with Steel's friend and trainer, Bibbo Bibowski, before leaving the hospital tonight, and I'll report back if I find out anything more. LM: Thanks very much, Tim. TD: No problem. [Cut back to a normal shot of the announcers' table.] LM: Fans of the IIWF can now rest easy in their beds, Becky, knowing that the Man Of Steel is going to be just fine. BL: How come nobody's addressing the real issue here: just how the Man In Tights came to have this accident. LM: What do you mean? BL: Well, I heard a rumour that he was under the influence behind the wheel. My sources tell me that he's been turning to the demon drink recently in an effort to cope with his ever-increasing feelings of inadequacy... both in the ring, and in other areas of athletics, if you get my meaning. LM: Becky, stop that! That's... slander... and... character assassination. All the things that the IIWF's legal department have warned you about before. BL: The fans have a right to know. LM: This simply isn't fair! The character of the Man Of Steel is coming under fire from all sides. Let's just wait until we hear exactly what's happening from the horse's mouth, okay? BL: Whatever you say, Larrykins. LM: Let's run down the card for tonight's show. As you've already heard, in tonight's main event, Dan Kauffman goes up against the deadly Outlaw J.W. Hardin. What a battle that's going to be, Becky! BL: If ever Kauffman's inordinate stupidity needed proof, then here it is. Only just over two weeks away from the most dangerous match of his career -- the Wargames match -- he signs for what can only be described as the second most dangerous match of his career, going up against Hardin one on one. He's no brain surgeon, Larry. LM: No, Becky, he is not. But Dan Kauffman is a tremendously courageous and competitive athlete, with a real fighting spirit... BL: ...and a really big mouth that just writes cheques his body can't cash. LM: We'll see. In other action, we could see some long-running disputes settled tonight: in a Texas Tornado match, the Arabian Knights battle Pain Inc., and we'll also see "Badboy" Randy Acorn face Prisoner #109 one last time. The Family is also back in action tonight, Don Antonio returning from injury to take on the Sandman, who's really been on a roll as of late, and Vinny Cappicola will be facing the Hangman. The bad news for the Hangman is that Fisto Flash is in the house -- and he's got a shiny new steel fist. BL: Don't you worry about the Hangman, Larry. He's more than able to take care of himself. LM: Plus Marty Warnett will take on Mr. Damage, and in a non-title encounter, IIWF World Tag Team Champions the Armed Forces will try to end the undefeated streak of Heavy Metal, Robo Stone's impressive duo of Atlas and Apollo Steele. And on top of all that, we'll have a very important announcement concerning the Tag Team Championship and Ring Wars II direct from the IIWF President right here later on! BL: Whoopeedoo. Fancy a beer, Larry? LM: No, not while I'm working, thanks. Before we go up to the ring for tonight's incredible live action, let's run down all the matches we've already seen before coming on air tonight: - As promised, we got our first look at the new ARCHANGEL as he pummelled "NIFTY" NED NORTON in tonight's opening encounter. He looked more aggressive in the ring, and -- dare I say it -- his new ring attire, all red and black, makes him look meaner, too. Norton seemed slightly awed by the big man, and it didn't take Archangel long to put his opponent away with his Judgement Day Drop. What do you think about the new and improved Archangel, Becky? BL: New and improved my foot, Larry. This guy's so much hocus pocus phoney baloney... I just don't buy it. And how about his ring entrance, huh? LM: You mean the way the lights go out, a red cross appears in the ring, and a load of monks carry something resembling the Ark of the Covenant down to the ring, which Archangel burst out of? BL: Yeah. You were scared, weren't you, Larry? LM: Well... maybe a little bit. BL: Just as well his new attire doesn't make him look like a clown... LM: Where?! Where?! [Larry dashes out of shot.] BL: While Larry hyperventilates and has his little panic attack, allow me to apprise you of the events of other matches here tonight: - the HIGH PLAINS DRIFTERS made it 2-0 over the ACES OF THE DEEP, who continued to prove that they were dredged off the bottom of the gene pool in another limpet... I mean, limpid... performance tonight. They lacked sole... I mean soul... in the ring, and it was no surprise to see them flounder... ack... and go down to the Hang 'em High clothesline. - THE ZODIAC CONNECTION scored a lucky victory over THE BILL COLLECTORS, who continue to show promise but fulfill none of it. Scorpio and Taurus got the win with their Zodiac Splash rocket launcher. - FISTO FLASH decimated "NUCLEAR" JOHN BOMBER, proving that as far as any sentimentality towards the fist stolen from him by the Hangman last week goes, there's nothing to take your mind off emotional distress like beating the snot out of somebody like "Nuclear" John Bomber. Once more going out with more of a whimper than a bang, Bomber was pinned after the Knucklebomb. - JOE LATTA bounced back from his unfortunate defeat at the hands of that bigmouth Dan Kauffman last Saturday with an impressive victory over RON FIRE. Although the stuntman proved that he can give slightly less than half as well as he gets, he was never any match for the Syndicate's wonderboy, who put him away with the Shotgun suplex. After the match, the IIWF's lighting people proved their total ineptitude by illuminating the ring with a red cross. They may very well deny all knowledge, but we know better. - "PAINBRINGER" BILLY SEXTON took another step towards title contention with an easy victory over "all style and no substance" EL SUPER GECKO, whose wrestling might be awfully pretty -- although only if you go in for lots of meaningless arm waving and foot shaking from a guy so skinny and anaemic you have to wonder whether he always eats in the IIWF Cafeteria -- but is totally ineffective against a submission grappler like Sexton, who easily grounded his inadequate opponent with his armbar submission for the win. One event of interest was the arrival at ringside of the manager of the Arabian Knights, the Grand Vizier, who appeared to be scouting Sexton. He applauded when Sexton applied the armbar, and then wandered back from whence he came. - In another tiresome showing of the same old routine, IIWF World Heavyweight Champion Yaw... I mean, DEATHBRINGER... faced the man whose name is only slightly more ridiculous than his attempts to wrestle, LOUIE THE NINJA. Although I got a little excited when the oversized ninja turtle-wannabe hit a couple of moves on his zombiefied opponent, in the end, Yawnbringer hit the Burial for the victory. Hey, Larry, you feel any better now? [Larry rejoins Becky at the broadcast table, a glass of water in his slightly unsteady hand.] LM: Much, thankyou, Becky. I hope you've given the fans an objective, fair, open-minded and unbiased representation of the matches we've already seen here tonight. BL: My middle names are "Objective, fair, open-minded and unbiased", Larry. LM: Of course they are. [The timekeeper's bell rings.] LM: Saved by the bell. Let's go up to the ring for tonight's first live match! =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Marty Warnett vs. Mr. Damage -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= LM: This should be a fast-paced match, Becky. BL: Well, yeah it should be, but you never know what to expect here in the IIWF. Take Ring Wars II for example, anything could happen at that exciting pay-per-view which is why everyone should call their local cable operators right now and order this exciting event. LM: Wow, you actually read the promo. BL: Look Morton, I got it out of the way early. Don't push me! LM: Gulp... After Marty got his hair cut by Simon Lebec on Saturday Night, he really wasn't a happy bunny. Let's go to that footage now: [Cut to shots captioned "Backstage Last Saturday Night". Shaky camera work as crew rush backstage to see four officials trying to drag Marty away from a closed dressing room door, Marty banging and kicking the door brandishing a semi-broken chair from ringside.] MW: Lebec? Open this door, coward, get out here NOW!!!! Official: He's gone, Marty. Please leave the area immediately. MW: Don't b.s. me, man, I know he's in here, let's get it on! Official: Your bout is scheduled for Ring Wars II, leave it until then. [Marty turns, close to manhandling the official.] Official: Marty, calm down, you wanna be suspended? Marty: Hey, little man, he wants it this way. I can't wait 'til then. [turns attention to door] Lebec? Watch your back, no better still, watch your front, I'm coming for you! [Marty kicks the door open, only to find the room is empty. Cut back to the ring. Sparkplug Lee is trying to entertain a mother and her baby (who wears the toddler-sized "I'm for the IIWF Good Guys" t-shirt) sitting at ringside when the mic is turned on.] RA: And goobly goobly goo... uh, ahem. Ladies and gentlemen, this match is one fall. Introducing first, from Cardiff, Wales in the United Kingdom and weighing in at 245 pounds, he is the teen heartthrob of the IIWF [teenage girls begin releasing high-pitched screams only heard by dogs and cats outside The Spectrum], he is... Marrrrrrty Warnett! ["Cold Gin" by Kiss begins to play as Marty strolls into the arena. A group of young girls scream as Marty passes them and one wears a doctored IIWF t-shirt, having crossed out Brad Kinder's name and written in Marty's so that it reads: "Marty, I want your baby!" Warnett blushes as he heads to the ring.] LM: Well, Marty certainly has made a lot of fans here in the IIWF. BL: "Marty, I want your baby?" What kind of tramps do they have here in Philadelphia, anyway? No wonder welfare is in such bad shape in this country! [Cut back to Sparkplug Lee as "I Hate People" by New Bomb Turks begins to play.] RA: And his opponent, from Melbourne, Australia, and weighing in at 245 pounds, he is . . . Misterrrrrrr Damage! [Heel pop as Mr. Damage walks down the aisle, ignoring the fans who taunt him. He enters the ring and keeps his eyes on Warnett.] BL: Mr. Damage is coming off a big win over the Punster Saturday Night... LM: In which Robski interfered, I might add. BL: ...Larry, if you interrupt me again I shall hurt you. Now then... LM: Sorry about that. I was... Ow, ow, ow. Heel. Toe. Pain. BL: ...whereas Warnett seems to have all of his attention focused on Simon Lebec, who gave little Marty a trim Saturday night. I think Mr. Damage is going to pick Warnett apart here. You may speak now, Larry. LM: Urrgh. Arrrgh. [The referee calls for the opening bell: Ding! Ding! Warnett comes out on the offensive, hitting Mr. Damage with a series of drop kicks, arm drag takedowns, hip tosses and closes the flurry with a belly-to-belly superplex. Quick cover: 1 - 2 - kickout! Warnett lifts Mr. Damage and drops him straddling the top turnbuckle, then climbs to the top rope himself and executes a frankensteiner on Mr. Damage. Cover: 1 - 2 - kickout!] LM: It looks like Warnett is indeed focused on the match at hand. It's been all Marty in this contest. [Mr. Damage shuts Larry up with a thumb to Warnett's eye that temporarily blinds Marty and allows Mr. Damage to catch his breath. Mr. Damage hits Warnett with a European uppercut and then begins punishing the younger man with a high-impact attack that includes a superplex, a clothesline, and a back breaker. Cover: 1 - 2 - kickout! Mr. Damage whips Warnett into the ropes and plants a boot in his face, then goes to the top rope and hits a flying headbutt on Warnett. Cover: 1 - 2 - Warnett gets a foot on the ropes.] LM: What a see-saw battle we've got going on here. Both men have battled back in this match! BL: Is it safe to drink the water in Philadelphia? LM: Wha...? [Mr. Damage again whips Marty into the ropes, but Warnett slides between his opponent's legs on the return, then rolls back and plants both boots squarely on Mr. Damage's jaw. He follows up with a leg drop, but Mr. Damage counters with an attempted shot to the midsection that is a bit low. Warnett, and most of the males in attendance, cringe in pain.] LM: Oh my, that's... gotta hurt. BL: They don't call him Mr. Damage for nothing. [Warnett slowly recovers from his injury as Mr. Damage applies a side headlock. Warnett shakes off Mr. Damage into the ropes and hits a high backdrop, but a huge heel pop follows as Simon Lebec walks down the aisle and stops midway. Warnett sees him as a spotlight falls on Lebec, who pulls out the hair he cut from Warnett on Saturday and begins tossing it into the crowd.] LM: I don't think this is a smart move by Lebec. BL: No kidding! He could probably charge those little teeny-boppers $50 each for that hair. [Visibly angered, Warnett leaps from the ring and charges up the aisle. The referee begins the count on Warnett. Lebec slips on a pair of brass knuckles and is waiting for Marty, knocking him cold with a hard right hand. He then pulls out a pair of scissors and cuts several locks of Warnett's hair and tosses them in the aisle. Lebec laughs and heads back to the dressing room as the referee continues his count on Marty: 7 - 8- 9 - 10! Ding! Ding! Ding!] RA: Here is your winner by countout, Misterrrr Damage! [Heel pop as Mr. Damage raises his arms in victory. He leaps from the ring and walks back up the aisle, stopping to deliver a few kicks to Warnett along the way. IIWF officials rush to push Mr. Damage away and help Marty back to the locker room.] LM: That was disgusting. That was deplorable. BL: That was the shape of things to come, Larry. Face it, the "sheriffs," as Kauffman likes to call them, are losing the battle here in the IIWF. And I love it! LM: Sigh. Let's get back up to the ring. =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- "Badboy" Randy Acorn vs. Prisoner #109 -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= LM: We've see these two go at it before, and there wasn't much control in their first meeting. BL: These two don't like each other at all. They've each interfered in each other's matches constantly... Kind of like what Dan Kauffman does to Joe Latta... LM: Let's not get on that topic, okay? Before we go up to Sparkplug Lee for the introductions, let's go to some rather unusual pre-taped comments from the "Badboy" Randy Acorn: [Cut to Randy Acorn sitting in a wheelchair. He's looking at his watch and then he looks up at the camera with an arrogant smile on his face.] RA: Guess what folks, it's time for the Randy Acorn Show. And who's my special guest, you ask? Well none other than my good friend -- PRISONER #109!!!! [Randy applauds as a teenage boy carries out a scarecrow covered with orange prison-like clothing. The boy runs away right when he sits the scarecrow down.] RA: Welcome to my show Prisoner #109. You know what, it just seems so weird calling you that. Can I just call you dip[bleep] for short?? I can, well that's good. Oh sorry, the people watching this probably can't understand what he's saying, but that's okay, because I'll translate. Okay dip[bleep], I've been wondering why you think you can beat me in the wrestling ring? What did you say? Because you wrestled a lot of dicks in prison, so I should be no problem. Well, I don't think this is the kind of wrestling you did in prison, so let's keep it that way. Ok, before I kick your sorry ass out of here and move on to bigger and better things, I have one more question. How do you plan on beating me tomorrow night?? What?? Oh, there's a logical response. For those who don't know, he says he'll just do it. Well I can see that you put a lot of thought into your wrestling so I think it's time for you to go. [At that moment, Randy stands up and kicks the scarecrow's head off, before picking up the scarecrow and firing it offstage. He takes his seat back in the wheelchair and begins to speak again.] Okay, now that I'm done with that, I will move on to my little pay-per-view matchup. You see, this WarGames match really doesn't mean a whole lot to me as long as I get my hands on Billy Shakespeare. I'm not saying that I won't try and win everything because as everyone knows, I'm a natural born winner, but my number one priority is getting my hands on the wrestling poet or the poetic wrestler. Either way, I'm going to be the one handing down some poetic justice on his ass. So tomorrow, I'll see Dip[bleep], aka Prisoner #109, and then... anyone who wants a [bleep]ing piece of me. [Randy wheels away letting out a sarcastic laugh. Cut back to ringside.] LM: You can call Randy Acorn many things -- foul-mouthed, cocky, arrogant -- but shy and retiring aren't... er... two of them. *Ahem* I believe Sparkplug Lee is ready for the introductions. BL: It's hard to believe that you're as stupid as you look, but you are. RA: Ladies and Gentlemen, this next match is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, weighing in at 280lbs and hailing from the Department of Correction, Prisoner #109!! [P109 cautiously walks down to the ring, but nobody seems to jump out of the crowd at him. Still, he takes his time, and finally climbs the ring steps into the ring. He looks suspiciously at Sparkplug Lee, who motions that he's clean.] RA: And introducing his opponent: from Newark, New Jersey, weighing in at 245lbs, here is "Badboy" Randy Acorn! [The initial heel pop subsides as not one, not two, but three figures dressed in Acorn's ring attire appear at the head of the aisle. P109 gazes up at them in confusion. Suddenly, Randy Acorn rolls out from under the ring and grabs P109's foot, pulling him out of the ring under the bottom rope.] LM: Hey! I'm beginning to wonder whether Acorn will just walk down the aisle and get into the ring for a match... BL: You've got to admit, though, Larry, he makes life more interesting. [Acorn slams P109's head into the ring steps, and P109 goes down with a clatter. The crowd pops, and Acorn picks P109 back up and throws him into the ring. Acorn waits on the apron for P109 to get up, and executes a springboard dropkick into the ring. P109 catches it full force in the face, and falls to the mat. Acorn showboats to the crowd, who pops soundly at his brutality.] LM: You've got to wonder about this Philly crowd. They just seem to love this violent stuff. BL: Brotherly love gets really tired really fast, Larry... Sometimes you just feel like wanting to smack that brother in the head. [P109 tries to crawl to the ropes, and Acorn follows him, kicking him along the way. Acorn finally picks P109 up, who tries to stick his fingers in Acorn's mouth for the Prisoner Execution. Acorn dodges the attempt, and gets a "now you've done it" look on his face. Acorn slaps P109 across the face, which gets a good reaction from the crowd. P109 recoils, but on the return, he locks on the mandible claw maneuver. The crowd pops, and Acorn goes down. Luckily for him, he grabs the ropes, and the ref calls for the break. P109 refuses, and the ref lays a count on him. The ref reaches 5, and P109 begins to break the hold. Just before he removes his fingers from Acorn's mouth, Acorn bites down on them, and P109 screams in pain. P109 desperately tries to get his fingers free, but Acorn just keeps his teeth clamped on them.] LM: This is brutal! I've never seen this happen! BL: It's only a matter of time when your finishing hold is sticking your fingers in someone's mouth. It's kind of like headbutting someone's foot. [The ref begins to lay a count on Acorn's bite, so Acorn begins to take some free shots on P109 while he has a hold of P109's hand. Acorn punches and kicks at P109, then focuses on kicking the knee. The ref reaches 5, and Acorn lets P109's fingers go. P109 holds his hand, and Acorn chop blocks him down to the mat. Acorn quickly locks on the Newark Knife, and the ref goes to P109 to check for the submission. P109 tries to move to the ropes, but Acorn has good leverage and won't allow him to move. Finally, P109 submits to a big pop from the crowd. The ref calls for the bell. Acorn keeps the hold on, and the ref repeatedly calls for the break. The bell rings over and over again, but Acorn keeps the hold on. P109 is screaming in pain by this time, and Acorn laughs hysterically. Finally, Acorn releases the hold, and lets P109 hold his knee. Acorn issues a few more kicks before leaving the ring, and P109 kind of yelps with each shot. Acorn leaves the ring, holding his arms up in victory. The crowd is behind him as he leaves.] LM: Well, it wasn't too hard to see who was dominant in that one. The psychotic Philly fans are really into the Badboy! BL: He's got talent, Larry. It's unfortunate that he hasn't been able to show it too much. We saw that he can hold his own in a straight out brawl, though. LM: That was an electric match we just saw... BL: Are you reading this from cue cards? =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Vinny Cappicola vs. The Hangman =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= RA: This match is one fall. Introducing first, from parts unknown and weighing in at 295 pounds, accompanied to the ring by his manager Salvatore Fiorello, he is... Vinny Cappicola! [Face pop as Vinny and Fiorello stroll down the aisle looking very businesslike. They enter the ring and chat in the corner as Sparkplug again raises the microphone.] RA: And his opponent, hailing from Laredo, Texas, weighing 322 pounds and accompanied to the ring by his manager, The Senator, he is . . . The Hannnnngman! [Heel pop as "Desperado" plays and the Hangman, respelendent in his black hood, holds the hangman's noose high above his head as he and the Senator walk down the aisle. A boisterous fan wearing a homemade "Vinny's Right Hand Man" t-shirt yells at Hangman, who threatens to clock the fan with the cow bell on the end of his rope. The fan backs off and the duo head to the ring.] LM: The Family have vowed to clean up the IIWF and they can start here tonight with the Hangman. BL: Get real. If Vinny Cappicola and Don Antonio wanted to clean up the IIWF, they'd spend less time whining and more time doing it. Personally, I think they're both "pasta" their prime. Hehehehehehe... snort. [The referee calls for the opening bell: Ding! Ding! The men lock up in the middle of the ring, but Vinny gains the the early advantage with several forearm blows and a fireman's carry takedown. Vinny locks on an arm bar and holds it until the Hangman is able to get to the ropes. Hangman kicks Cappicola in the midsection and follows up with a sloppy DDT. He covers: 1 - kickout!] LM: Hangman really didn't get much on that DDT. He needs to follow up if he hopes to... BL: Hey Larry, there's a clown under your chair! LM: Aaaaugh! [Hangman whips Cappicola into the ropes, but both men hit simultaneous clothelines on the return. The referee begins the count on both men, but Vinny is on his feet by the count of 7. As Hangman staggers to his feet, Vinny hits him with a clothesline and applies the figure four leglock. Hangman refuses to submit, and after nearly 30 seconds he rolls it over and forces Vinny to break the hold.] LM: Does that hold really hurt? BL: Remind me to show you sometime. [Vinny closes in on Hangman but is met by a roundhouse right. The Senator pounds on the ring apron as Hangman delivers blow after blow, then lifts Vinny and hits a powerbomb. Cover: 1 - 2- kickout! Hangman follows with a tombstone piledriver and another cover: 1 - 2 - kickout! The Senator yells something to Hangman, who slaps the Hangman's Noose sleeper on Vinny.] LM: He's got the Hangman's Noose on Vinny Cappicola. We've not seen anyone escape from this hold yet. BL: You wanna see if that hold hurts too, Larry? LM: Uh, no, I think I'd rather... hey, what's this? [Heel pop as Robo Stone walks halfway down the aisle alone. He carries an annoying bullhorn and he isn't afraid to use it, yelling over the din of the crowd.] RS: You know, one would wonder why the most powerful force in wrestling ISN'T THAT POWERFUL. Well I don't have to wonder. I KNOW the answer. FEAR! That's what the wrestlers here are all about and that's what the president is all about. They know that my boy is very brutal and they don't want to let 'im loose. BL: Are you following any of this, Larry? LM: Nope. How about you? BL: Uh-uh. [Robo Stone turns toward the ring and shouts at Hangman, who drops Vinny Cappicola.] RS: Now my boy ain't here right now, but he would LOVE to start the war before Ring Wars II. He knows exactly how you fight and how you cheat. But too bad that he can't show you how to fight right now, 'cause if he was here then yo a$$ would be grass! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! [The Hangman and the Senator are somewhat bemused by Robo Stone's annoying laughter and do not notice Fisto Flash sneak to the ring behind them. Fisto Flash slides under the bottom rope and grabs the noose from the corner, sneaking up behind the Hangman and clubbing him with a new metal hand. He repeatedly hits the Hangman with the cow bell as the referee calls for the bell: Ding! Ding! Ding! Fisto Flash continues to club the Hangman, then slips the noose over Hangman's neck and drags him around the ring.] LM: Fisto Flash is out of control here! We need some help in the ring! BL: And here it comes... from the Senate and the Posse! [The Atomic Destroyers and the High Plains Drifters storm down the aisle and into the ring. Fisto Flash prudently decides to bail out and disappears into the crowd as both tag teams help the fallen Hangman.] LM: What a mess. Let's get the official result from Sparkplug Lee. RA: The referee has declared this match a no-contest. [Boos filter down from the crowd as Hangman is helped from the ring and back to the locker room. Salvatore Fiorello also helps Cappicola to the locker room.] LM: That obviously was not how the fans wanted to see this match end. BL: Hangman and the Senate may have gotten in the first shot on Fisto Flash, but the Stone Stable just exacted some revenge. I've a feeling this war is just getting started. LM: There seems to be a lot of that going on in the IIWF right now. And I don't feel very good about it. =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= TEXAS TORNADO MATCH: =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Arabian Knights vs. Pain Inc. ------------------------------- LM: This one's going to be a Texas Tornado match. All four men will be in the ring at once. This could mean a lot of doubleteaming. BL: Doubleteaming... I like the sound of that. LM: Well, from what I heard coming out of your hotel room last night, that's not all you like the sound of. BL: What were you doing listening at my hotel room? You little pervert, I oughtta... LM: Ummm, let's go backstage to see how these two teams are preparing for this match. [Cut to the Arabian Knights in their locker room.] Prince: Pain Inc., prepare for the beating of your life! We will get our revenge for your attacks and insults, we will destroy you, so get ready for the JIHAD -- because it's going to be war!!! Vizier: Don't think that we have forgotten about you, Mr Mic... I have something very special in store for you..... [The screen spins and cuts to Pain Inc. in their locker room. Mr. Mic addresses the camera while Morningstar and Hellraiser don their chainmail masks.] Mr.Mic: Oh, 7-11 Knights, my you have been busy, haven't you? Let's take a look. Mr.Dick, huh? Pretty funny for a trio of guys whose I.Q is a combined 34!!!! You also called my boys Drain Inc....well that is true, 'cause in Philly my boys are gonna drain the life outta ya. Hey, Prince, you seem pretty tough with that sword in your hand, and you cut that cardboard cutout of me in one swipe, personally I didn't think you had the strength to do it!!! Ha Ha Ha. I'm at the limit of my imagination???? No, not even close! My imagination has just started to think up ways for Pain Inc. to beat the life out of you in Philadelphia. As for my TV appearances, it's obvious you're just jealous, because the only show that wants you is AMERICA'S STUPIDIEST PEOPLE for the Prince and THE LATE SHOW WITH DAVID LETTERMAN for Omar's stupid pet tricks. Pray for the light boys, 'cause the men who are the epitome of evil are coming to tear you apart!!!! [Cut back to ringside. Becky continues to glower at a nervous Larry Morton.] LM: Er... I think Sparkplug Lee is about to introduce the teams, Becky. [Cut to a shot of Sparkplug Lee standing in the ring.] RA: Ladies and gentlemen, this Texas Tornado tag match is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, at a combined weight of 585 lbs and hailing from Jakarta, Indonesia, here are Morningstar and Hellraiser, Paaaaaaaaainnnnn Innnncorpoooooraaaated! [Pain Inc. along with Mr. Mic, come down to ringside with their music playing. They look all business, and ignore the fans along the way.] RA: Their opponents, at acombined weight of 595 lbs and hailing from Ar Riyad, Saudi Arabia, accompanied to the ring by the Grand Vizier, here are Prince Abdul Akmar and Omar: The Arabian Knights! [The lights go down and the theme from the Arabian Knights starts to play. A red light shines on the aisle as the Arabian Knights enter, and the red light moves down the aisle ahead of them, imitating the unrolling of a red carpet. The Grand Vizier leads the way, apparently using a stick to help himself walk. The Prince follows, while Omar brings up the rear, checking behind him all the time. As the Prince climbs the ringsteps, Pain Inc. charge, and a slugfest between the two teams breaks out. The Knights seem to come out on top as the rabid crowd chants the name of some local wrestling organization. Abdul pairs off against Morningstar, leaving Omar to deal with Hellraiser. Abdul uses forearms to whittle away on Morningstar, and drops him with a dropkick. Omar slugs away on Hellraiser with punches, And executes a swinging neckbreaker. Both men pick up Pain Inc. simultaneously, and throw them into each other. The ref stands in one corner, not wanting to get near any of the scuffle. Pain Inc. ram into each other, and they both fall down. On the outside, The Grand Vizier inches over to Mr. Mic. In the ring, Omar picks Morningstar up in a powerbomb, and Abdul adds extra force to the move by pushing Morningstar into the mat. While this goes on, Hellraiser fishes around in his trunks for something.] LM: What's Hellraiser doing? BL: I really don't think you'd be able to handle it if I told you... [Hellraiser pulls out a taped set of brass knuckles and stumbles over to the corner, waiting for someone to come near. Abdul runs over to ram a shoulder into Hellraiser, but HR dodges out of the way, tagging Abdul with the loaded fist. Omar fails to see the attack, and continues to work on Morningstar. Abdul crashes to the mat, and HR hits him a few more times in the head with the knuckles, opening Abdul up. Omar moves to throw MS into the ropes, but HR runs over and clocks him before he can pull the move off. Meanwhile, on the outside, Mr. Mic has seen The Grand Vizier's approach, and pulls a roll of quarters from his pocket then proceeds to threaten Vizier with it. Vizier backs off a bit, and Mr. Mic starts to move towards him. In the ring, HR helps his partner up while the members of the Arabian Knights lay in the ring, not moving a lot.] LM: Come on! Why isn't the ref doing anything? BL: I really don't think the ref wants to get involved. There's just too many big men in there to start going around and enforcing rules. [Vizier tries to jump onto the ring apron, but the ref moves to keep him from entering the ring. HR throws the brass knuckles to Mr. Mic andgoes back to pick Abdul up off the mat. MS leaps up to the top rope, and HR lifts Abdul into powerbomb position. MS leaps from the rope to land on Abdul, and MS slams Abdul to the mat. MS goes for the pin, but the ref is still arguing with Vizier. HR goes over and grabs the ref by the shoulder and turns im in the direction of the pinfall. The ref counts... 1 - 2 - 3!! Ding! Ding! Vizier is beside himself as Mr. Mic rushes up and punches him with the roll of quarters, spraying the quarters all around ringside. Mr. Mic then jumps into the ring and celebrates with his men. The Arabian Knights are kicked out of the ring by Pain Inc.] LM: What a disgusting display... They wouldn't have won without cheating. BL: Yeah, yeah... Whatever. It's the results that count. The rankings don't have a column for "winning by cheating," do they? LM: Well, no... BL: Then a victory should be obtained by any means necessary... Done deal. [The Grand Vizier climbs onto the apron and puts the badmouth on Mr. Mic, who comes over to return the favour. However, the Vizier lets fly a clowd of blue powder into Mic's face, forcing him to stumble backwards, temporarily blinded. Morningstar and Hellraiser tend to their manager while the Knights make their way up the aisle.] LM: What was that stuff? BL: Ground navel fluff. LM: That's disgusting, Becky! BL: It sure is. You ought to pay more attention to your personal hygeine habits, Larry. LM: I don't know what you mean. Let's go back up to the ring for our next match. =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Don Antonio vs. The Sandman =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= LM: Well, the Sandman has been having a rough time lately in the IIWF. His Dark Knights have been dropping off like flies. First the Phantom, then... BL: Not Brad Kinder! He'll be back, just you wait! LM: As of now, Brad Kinder seems to be out of action, so it doesn't look too good for him... Anyway, with the Prince of Darkness' career in limbo following the events of Saturday Night, it seems like the Dark Knights are having a rough ride. BL: Not as rough as the Family. First off, that Vinny was born stupid. The Don isn't much better off, but he has the added disability of having his ribs broken by Tiger Claw. Can we show footage of that? LM: No, we can't, Becky. This is the Don's first match since that injury at the hands of the Intercontinental champion. Time will tell if he spent enough time recuperating. RA: Ladies and gentlemen, this next match is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, weighing in at 275 lbs and hailing from Sicily, Italy, former Intercontinental champion, Donnnnn Annnntoniooooo! [The crowd pops as Don Antonio comes down the aisle. His ribs are taped, and he is all alone. He slaps the hands of fans on the way to ringside, and shakes the hands of a group of people who pat him on the back.] BL: Who are they? His bookies? LM: No, Becky, they're his fans. Don Antonio is doing this for the fans, that's for sure. It's for those fans that he's going to go against Tiger Claw at Ring Wars II for the IC belt! BL: Yeah, right. Don is too stupid to wear that belt. I mean, look at him now. He's coming to the ring alone? What is he thinking? LM: He wants to show the fans that he's recovered enough to win this match on his own. BL: Well, they're going to be disappointed. RA: His opponent, coming down the aisle, weighing in at 275 lbs, here is the Saaaannnnndmannnn! [Mr. Sandman begins to play, and the Sandman walk out to the head of the aisle. He holds his hands out, and Brian Lau and Victoria Secret come out behind him. The crowd boos at the sight of Brian Lau, but Brian just laughs. The trio head down to the ring.] LM: What are Lau and Victoria Secret doing with the Sandman? BL: Oh, come on, Larry. Don't tell me you haven't noticed the hints that the Sandman has been dropping lately. Besides, there's a big summit going on where all the "heels" are working together. You were on that ranch. What did you think you were there for? Time off? LM: Well, I had some days saved up... So is The Sandman going to be part of the Syndicate now? BL: Just because Brian is at ringside for your match doesn't make you a part of the Syndicate. It's the training with the other members, the meditation and chanting, and the carefully planned out diet that make those men superior to people like Don Antonio... LM: So what you're saying is that the training, the prayers, and the vitamins make the Syndicate tick? BL: Shut up... [Both men stand in the ring, and Don Antonio makes threatening gestures to Brian Lau. The bell sounds, and the two atheletes circle each other. They lock up collar and elbow, and Antonio shoves Sandman to the mat. Sandman gets up, and they lock up again. Again, Sandman is shoved to the mat. Sandman rolls out of the ring, and Brian Lau gives him a few pointers. Sandman enters the ring again, and the two men go to lock up again, but Sandman plants a kick into Antonio's ribs. Don falls to the mat, clutching the tender area, and Sandman follows up by locking on a body scissors. Don screams out in pain and tries to drag himself to the ropes, but Sandman stays put. Meanwhile outside the ring, the camera picks up a fairly large man repeatedly smacking himself in the head with a plank of some kind.] LM: Oh, great... There's one of the atheletes from the local wrestling circuit... What a freak. BL: Don't they wrestle out of a pinochle joint? [Don Antonio works at loosening the hold he's in, and finally the body scissors is broken. Sandman quickly gets to his feet and kicks Don in the ribs a few more times. There is a large heel pop as Tiger Claw walks down to the ring holding a baseball bat. Brian Lau greets him, and they discuss something while Don Antonio rolls out of the ring on the opposite side. Sandman taunts Antonio, who nurses his ribs. Finally, Antonio gets back into the ring, and Sandman goes for a shoulder block on Antonio as he enters. Don sidesteps, and kicks Sandman's legs out from under him. Sandman goes down, and Antonio follows up with a few stops, then an elbow drop. Don goes for his finishing move, but in the act of lifting Sandman up, causes more pain to his side. Antonio instead drops Sandman, which seems to hurt Sandman just as well. Antonio holds his side as he notices Claw outside the ring waving the bat and smiling. Don runs over and begins to shout at Claw, and the ref comes over to stop him from leaving the ring. Claw shouts back, and pops Antonio in the head with the end of the bat. The ref calls for the bell...] LM: Can't Tiger Claw leave Antonio alone for one moment? This is ridiculous! BL: Did you hear the sound that bat made against Antonio's skull? That was almost humorous! [Sandman gets up from the mat as the ref rules against him by DQ, and leaves the ring to where Claw, Lau, and Secret are standing. Sandman yells at Claw for losing him the match, and Claw stares at him, not showing any emotion. Brian steps between them and begins to calm the Sandman down. He seems to reach an agreement with him, and says "okay?" to Sandman and Victoria Secret. They both nod, and Brian relaxes a bit. He turns to Tiger Claw and motions toward Antionio laying in the ring, holding his head. Tiger Claw gets a look on his face like an excited little kid and jumps toward the ring with his bat. There is a huge pop as Vinny runs down the aisle and into the ring. Claw leaps off the apron to join Lau, Secret, and Sandman on the outside. Vinny stands guard over his fallen partner, and the quartet leave the ringside area. Lau continues to talk to the Sandman about the match.] LM: Thank goodness for Vinny. I thought we were going to see Tiger Claw finish Antonio off there. BL: So did I. Imagine my disappointment. [Vinny helps the Don up and begins to help him out of the ring. Don yelps and grabs his ribs, but then nods that he's okay. Big pop as the two men leave the ringside area.] LM: Well, hopefully Don will get payback when he faces Tiger Claw at Ring Wars II in a steel cage. Say it, Becky. BL: [grumble] And it's only on pay-per-view. Call your local cable operator for details. LM: You're getting better at that, Becky. BL: Shut up before I make you eat that headset. LM: [gulp] You're not kidding, are you? [Becky glares at him.] No, thought not. Okay, let's move swiftly on to our next match, which sees the Armed Forces taking on Heavy Metal. =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Armed Forces vs. Heavy Metal -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= LM: This next one is a non-title match, so if Heavy Metal win, they won't become champions. BL: Thank heavens you're here, Larry... I wouldn't have known the definition of a non-title match otherwise. LM: I'm just spelling it out for some of the viewers at home, Becky. BL: The term "non-title" match is fairly self-explanatory... Much like the term "self-explanatory." LM: Which would mean something that explains itself, right? BL: You're doing this on purpose, aren't you, you little feeb? Try this on for size... LM: [gasps] My eye... My eye! Right in my eye! BL: Let's get up to the ring... RA: Ladies and gentlemen, this next non-title match up is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, accompanied by Robo Stone and weighing in at a combined weight of 660 lbs. They hail from Olympia, Washington. They are Atlas and Apollo Steele: they are Heeeeeavy Meeetaaaal! [Heavy Metal's ring music plays, and Robo Stone leads his team down the aisle. They make title belt motions around their waist, and the microphones pick up them saying something about being new champions.] BL: It seems that Robo has neglected to tell his team that this one is a non-title match. Care to tell us what that means, Larry? LM: The agony... Going to pass out! BL: No, it means that the titles aren't on the line... Oh, it seems like you've got something in your eye... Let me take it out for you. LM: [whimpering] RA: Their opponents, at a combined weight of 643 lbs, they are the IIWF world tag team champions, NavCom, DefCon, The Armed Forces! [The tag champions come to the ring to a sizable heel pop. They flaunt their belts as they walk the aisle, and they enter the ring, holding their belts right in front of Heavy Metal.] BL: Not such a good move on the part of the Armed Forces. Heavy Metal are two big guys, while the Armed Forces are a big guy and a not so big guy. Right Larry? LM: OOOooooohhh... BL: Good point. [NavCom starts against Atlas as the bell rings. Atlas flexes towards NavCom, and NavCom waves him off and points to the belts in the corner. The two men lock up, and Atlas easily gets the upper hand by wringing NavCom's arm. Atlas drives an elbow into the arm, then gives a double axehandle across the back of the head. NavCom goes to the mat, and Atlas picks him up for a suplex. Atlas sends NavCom crashing to the mat, and goes for the cover... 1 - 2 - Kickout by NavCom. Atlas locks a side headlock onto NavCom, who fights to his feet and throws Atlas into the ropes. NavCom also comes off the ropes and executes a flying clothesline on the big man. Atlas is staggered, and NavCom follows up with a spinning leg lariat from a standing position. Atlas falls to the mat, and NavCom tags in DefCon. DefCon picks Atlas up and throws him into the corner, following up with an avalanche. Atlas takes the full force of it and slumps to the canvas. DefCon picks him up and pushes him into the Heavy Metal corner. Atlas tags in Apollo. Apollo makes his way into the ring, but DefCon throws a knee into the side of his head as he does. Apollo stumbles into the ring, and DefCon throws him into the ropes. Apollo reverses, and sends Defcon for the ride. Apollo executes a spinning powerbomb on the rebound, and the crash echoes through the Spectrum.] BL: I just love watching the big guys. Look at all that meat. What about you, Larry? LM: I... I... Oh... [Apollo flexes to the crowd, and picks DefCon up for a suplex. DefCon crashes to the mat again, and Apollo lands a nice elbow drop. Apollo picks DefCon up on his shoulder and tags in Atlas. Meanwhile, NavCom goes to fetch his title belt. Heavy Metal get ready to execute the Olympic Slam on DefCom as NevCom steps into the ring. At the same time, Robo Stone jumps onto the apron to warn the ref, but just succeeds in distracting the ref from seeing NavCom clock Apollo with the belt in the back of the head. Apollo falls, leaving Atlas with Defcon on his shoulders. The sudden shift of weight causes Atlas to lose his balance, and a shot to the head with the tag belt helps him along his way to the canvas. DefCon lands on top of Atlas, and NavCom scoots out under the bottom rope as the ref turns to begin a count... 1 - 2 - 3!! Ding! Ding!] LM: Cheating... Cheated... BL: What was that, Larry? LM: Belt... BL: No... You're not serious... [DefCon rolls out of the ring and joins his tag partner as Robo Stone goes into the ring to tend to his team. The Armed Forces make their way back up the aisle, but the High Plains Drifters stop them midway, flaunting their non-sanctioned belts. HPD hold their belts up and threaten to hit the champions with them. In the ring, Heavy Metal are recovering, and they begin to go after The Armed Forces. DefCon and NavCom begin to look nervous and they squeeze past HPD and run to the locker room area. Pale and Easy Rider watch them go, and laugh before they go through the curtain as well. Heavy Metal run through the curtain as well, chasing after the champions.] BL: Well, Heavy Metal can't be too happy about their winning streak ending like that. And in a non-title match, too... LM: No fair... Ahh... Can see again.... BL: Really? Are you okay? LM: Well, thanks for ask... BL: [interrupting] Right, what's next on the card here? Oh, only a segment with the IIWF President. How dull. LM: This isn't dull at all, Becky. Let's go live to the office of IIWF President Dan Spreadbury to find out what's cooking in the front office... er, kitchen. No, office. BL: Subject of autopsy: Larry Morton. Let the records show that brain death set in during a broadcast of Midweek Mayhem... LM: Stop that, Becky. Let's join President Dan now... [Cut to split screen: the broadcast table on the left; the office of the IIWF President on the right.] LM: President Dan, great to have you here with us tonight! DS: My pleasure, Larry. Good to see you too, Becky. BL: [humph] DS: Okay... I'm here tonight to make an announcement concerning the IIWF World Tag Team Championship match at Ring Wars II. As you will remember, I announced that the Armed Forces would defend against challengers who would be named at a later date, and that date has come. On October 12, in the Hoosier Dome, Indianapolis, Indiana, the Armed Forces will defend their IIWF World Tag Team Championship belts against the High Plains Drifters and Stunt Team USA. LM: Er... the High Plains Drifters _and_ Stunt Team USA?! DS: That's right, Larry. The Armed Forces will defend against both teams simultaneously in a three-way elimination tag team match. The rules are as follows: two men are allowed in the ring at any one time, and they must make contact with one another before tagging out, and they may tag out to any wrestler who is outside the ring. So NavCom could, say, tag in Pale Rider, and Easy Rider could tag in Ron Fire, that kind of thing. All the usual methods of elimination are valid, including countout, disqualification, pinfall and submission, and the match continues until two teams have been eliminated. The last team remaining take home the tag gold! LM: Well, that's certainly a great match in prospect, President Dan! DS: Indeed it is. There's more news forthcoming on Ring Wars II this Saturday Night, but that's all for now. LM: Thanks very much for being here, Mr. President. DS: My pleasure, as always, Larry. Bye-bye, Becky. BL: [humph] [Cut back to a normal shot of the ringside announcers' table. Becky throws her hair back indignantly.] LM: What's with you, LaRue? Hey, that rhymed! BL: Shut it, you infantile little geek. LM: Aargh! Foot! Pain! BL: You just gibber away quietly while I tell the fans about another little bit of personal misfortune. Earlier on tonight before we came on air, I nearly tripped over a piece of garbage in the locker room area, but when the garbage moved, I realised that I'd made that age-old mistake of confusing Dan Kauffman with a piece of trash. Anyhow, I was forced to conduct an interview with him then and there: [Cut to Becky LaRue backstage in one of the corridors as Dan Kauffman rounds the corner heading for his locker room. LaRue stops him...] BL: Well, lookey here, it's the "Hero" Dan Kauffman getting ready to face the Outlaw one on one. How many allies will you need this week, huh? How many bones do you think will be broken in that body of yours? How long will the hospital stay be th... [Kauffman calmly takes the microphone from LaRue's hands. LaRue decides to be silent as Kauffman speaks...] DK: Becky, trust me, the thought of injury has already crossed my mind. If I get hurt in the match, so be it. As far as being a hero... I'm only doing what I feel is best. BL: Okay, but after that battle with Joe Latta, you can't be at 100% for this match... DK: [pauses] True. Very true. And yes, that poses a major problem. But still, I think you know me well enough to know that I always stand a chance of victory in the ring. BL: Not against the Outlaw, Kauffman. DK: So you think. Outlaw, for all the things you have going in your favor in this match, you really don't understand why I'm combatting your force. You say that I've put all my trust in the Deathbringer. Wrong. The only men I'm putting any trust into are my Wargames teammates and myself. The Deathbringer walks the line between the forces of good and evil, and to me, that only makes him a potential victim. No offense to 'Bringer, but no man has ever come out on top while walking the line between opposing views. You know, Outlaw, we've met before. But it wasn't you that put me away... It was Tony Starks -- not you -- who threw me 12 feet through a ringside table at Coronation Clash. But it _was_ you that Cattle Bustered my head into the mat three times after the fact. I've never forgotten that attack. Outlaw, war is never a pretty sight. You may come out of this battle the winner... But it will not be a massacre. For all your advantages, realise that I'm coming into the ring on a mission... today, that mission is to prove that it is possible for our force to defeat your force. That's all I want to do tonight. The next time we meet... and there will be a next time... the mission may be different. BL: You're going to need all the luck in the world to even get out of Philadelphia alive, Kauffman. DK: This is Philadelphia... what more do you expect? Hardin, let's see just how powerful you really are... after tonight, reality is going to hit you hard... I may be a mess after our match, but I guarantee you, you're not going to walk through unscathed. I hear the thunder rolling over the mountains... Kind of fitting for a war of such magnitude. Hardin, I hope you're ready for one hell of a battle. [With that, Kauffman leaves LaRue behind and heads out of shot, motioning with his hand for someone to follow. Cut back to the announcers' table. Larry looks less pained.] BL: I thought I'd never shut that idiot up. I expect he's still back there with his legless donkey... LM: I don't know whether it's women in general, or just you, Becky, but sometimes I don't even have the slightest idea of what you're talking about. Anyway, it's time for tonight's main event! =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Outlaw J.W. Hardin vs. Dan Kauffman =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= LM: What a main event we have for you tonight! This match was demanded by Outlaw J.W. Hardin on Saturday night and gallantly accepted by Dan Kauffman. BL: Gallantly? I think you mean stupidly. Joe Latta should have finished off Kauffman Saturday night, but noooooo. Kauffman got lucky. LM: I think there was more than luck to it. But this matchup could have direct implications on Ring Wars II because both men are major players in that exciting pay-per-view event coming your way on October 12. Who knows what will happen tonight? BL: One prediction: pain. LM: With that in mind, let's go up to the ring. [Sparkplug Lee is brushing some dandruff from his shoulder as the spotlight falls on him.] RA: Ladies and gentlemen, this is your main event for this evening! Introduding first, from Hagerstown, Maryland, weighing in at 230 pounds, he is the man known as "Flash," he is . . . Dannnnnnn Kaufffffman! [Big pop as "Call the Man" plays and Kauffman enters The Spectrum clapping his hands and making fists as if he is eager to get the match underway. He keeps his eyes on the ring as he walks briskly down the aisle, passing several "You Da Man, Dan" souvenir posters which were printed in Wednesday's edition of The Philadelphia Inquirer.] LM: Dan Kauffman is all business here tonight, Becky. He even has the local newspaper behind him! BL: That may not be an advantage. Did you read that rag this morning? [The music changes to Pat Benatar's "Outlaw Blues" as Sparkplug raises the microphone.] RA: And his opponent, from parts unknown, weighing in at 353 pounds, he is the man known as the Outlaw, he is . . . J.W. Harrrrrdin! [The dark figure of Outlaw J.W. Hardin is greeted soundly by boos. Hardin's cowboy hat is pulled low and he directs his stare on the ring as he walks down the aisle, ignoring the fans drawing battle lines in the stands. Some fans wave, "Dark Side Rules" posters to counter the Dan Kauffman posters. Hardin steps into the ring and removes his hat and vest, then motions at Kauffman to bring it on. The referee calls for the opening bell: Ding! Ding!] LM: These guys seem almost subdued going into this match. I expected them to be at each others' throats. BL: They've both been in big matches. You don't get wins by losing your head and letting your temper get the best of you. [Kauffman motions back at Hardin, who charges and is brought down with a Russian legsweep. Both men are quickly to their feet and the Outlaw nods and applauds Kauffman's move, which draws jeers from the crowd. The two lock up in the middle of the ring, but Hardin powers Kauffman into the corner. He attempts to follow him in for a splash, but Kauffman deftly moves out of the way as Hardin slams into the turnbuckle. Big pop. Kauffman slips behind Hardin and hits a belly-to-back suplex into a bridge for the count: 1 - 2 - kickout!] LM: That's what makes Dan Kauffman such a tough competitor. He can beat you in the blink of an eye, which Joe Latta learned Saturday night. BL: Well, it's no knock on Joe Latta, but he doesn't have the experience of J.W. Hardin in the ring. Latta _did_ let his temper get the best of him Saturday night. [Kauffman attempts to follow up but walks into a closed-fist punch from the Outlaw. The referee warns Hardin, but is pushed away. Hardin whips Kauffman into the ropes and nearly flips him with a punishing clothesline. He powerslams Kauffman, then kneels over him and begins punching him in the face. The referee pushes Hardin away, giving Kauffman, who holds his hand to his nose and notices a trail of blood, time to recover. As Hardin closes in again, he is met by a boot to the midsection and a leaping kick to the back of the head. Cover: 1 - kickout!] LM: It looks like the Outlaw has made Dan Kauffman mad! BL: Yeah, he's also bloodied him up a bit. Okay guys, lets get some good tight shots of the blood. LM: We'll do no such thing! Keep the shots wide, guys! BL: Spoilsport. [Kauffman hits a quasar DDT, then goes to the top rope and drops an elbow across Hardin's head. Cover: 1 - kickout! Both men get to their feet and Hardin notices a trickle of blood from a cut above his eye. He smiles at Kauffman, which seems to upset Dan even more. The ring mic picks up Hardin saying something about Latta, and Kauffman answers with an expletive.] LM: I'm very sorry about that language, folks. That really isn't like Dan Kauffman. BL: Looks like Kauffman may have a dark side himself, eh Larry? Hey, look at this! [As the two wrestlers lock up again, Outlaw Josey Wales, Brian Lau, and The Senator push a closed casket down the aisle toward the ring. They stop at ringside, near the announcers' table and smile as they head back up the aisle.] LM: What the heck is _this_ all about? BL: Maybe the IIWF executives have finally figured out what your commentary is doing to this show, Larry. Or maybe Hardin is getting some practice for his Casket Match coming up at Ring Wars II. [Hardin whips Kauffman into the ropes and presses him above his head, then drops him so that Dan's neck snaps against the top rope on the way down. Hardin follows up with a reverse neckbreaker and covers Kauffman: 1 - 2 - kickout! Hardin signals for the Cattle Buster DDT, but Kauffman pushes him back into the ropes and hits a clothesline on the return. The crowd pop as the lights drop and two glowing red eyes appear on the video wall. When the lights rise, Deathbringer stands at ringside watching the action.] LM: The IIWF World Champion is in the house! BL: [sarcastically] Oh, be still my beating heart. [Kauffman whips Hardin into the ropes and delivers a backdrop, but is distracted when the casket's lid begins to rise. Deathbringer also looks over and sees a masked figure dressed in black rise from the casket and jump to ringside. The figure approaches Deathbringer and they meet eye-to-eye.] LM: I don't believe what I'm seeing! That's... that's.... BL: That's the "man" they call Cadaver. The battles are legendary from another league between Deathbringer, Cadaver, the Outlaw, and others. LM: But why would he be helping Hardin? BL: Who knows? But who else knows more about death than Cadaver? Ha! This is great! [Cadaver and Deathbringer are separated by IIWF officials and security outside the ring before they can come to blows. Kauffman, standing near the ropes watching the events unfold, does not see the Outlaw run behind him and deliver a vicious double ax-handle. Hardin turns Kauffman around and lands a Cattle Buster DDT, quickly making the cover: 1 - 2 - 3! Ding! Ding! Ding!] RA: Here is your winner by pinfall, the Outlaw J.W. Hardin! [Huge heel pop as Cadaver slides into the ring and joins Hardin. Cadaver looks at Kauffman and the ring mic picks up him saying: "Ashes to ashes... dust to dust." The lights suddenly drop and the video wall seems to burst into flames. When the lights rise, Cadaver and Hardin are gone from the ring. Deathbringer climbs into the ring to assist Kauffman.] LM: I don't believe what I just saw! Cadaver has returned... seemingly from the grave... and he's sided with Outlaw J.W. Hardin. BL: Well, Deathbringer said he was ready for a war, but this changes the battle strategy a bit, doesn't it? With the bad guys aligning themselves and Hardin and ol' Spook Boy leading the way, the forces of darkness are beginning to control the IIWF. LM: That should make Ring Wars II all the more important. This is one pay-per-view you can't miss, folks. In fact, the shockwaves of what we've just seen transpire here tonight will continue to reverberate around the IIWF for goodness knows how long. I can't believe... wow. Well, folks, we're right out of time here tonight from the Spectrum in Philadelphia, but we'll be back at you, live and loud, with more incredible IIWF action from the America West Arena, Phoenix, Arizona this Saturday Night. With all that's going on in the IIWF right now, you won't want to miss it! For now, though, this is Larry Morton, for Becky LaRue, saying: goodnight, everybody, and thanks for joining us! [The overhead camera above the ring shows Deathbringer tending to Dan Kauffman on the blood-spattered canvas of the ring, and the confused murmurings of the capacity crowd accompany the shot as it fades.] +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= I * I * W * F =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+ | Send mail to iiwf@sisko.demon.co.uk with the subject lines: | | "send faq" for the FAQ + "send singles" or "send tag" for the | | rosters + "send handlers" for a list of handlers | +------------------------------------+---------------------------------+ | URL: http://www.sisko.demon.co.uk/ | President: Daniel Spreadbury | +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+