[A split screen shows the four IIWF titleholders, each holding their belt aloft. Voice over:] TD: For the men who have risen to the top here in the IIWF, all roads lead to Ring Wars II, as they prepare for the most dangerous title defences of their lives. However, tonight, _live_ on IIWF Saturday Night, three of these men face tests of their drive, their desire to be champion. [With a flash, the split screen image is replaced by shots of "Painbringer" Billy Sexton on an offensive flurry against a hapless opponent.] TD: IIWF World Heavyweight Champion Deathbringer is still reeling from the events of this past Wednesday, when his nemesis, the Outlaw J.W. Hardin revealed a ghost from Deathbringer's past, back to haunt him. He must put that out of his mind tonight as he faces the dangerous "Painbringer" Billy Sexton. [Another flash. The Zodiac Connection are seen, performing their Zodiac Splash.] TD: IIWF World Tag Team Champions the Armed Forces will face two teams simultaneously in only two weeks at Ring Wars II. Tonight, they defend their titles against the promising new duo of the Zodiac Connection. [Another flash. "Showstopper" Simon Lebec is shown, locking his Antagonist spinning toe-hold onto a screaming opponent.] TD: IIWF Cruiserweight Champion Billy Shakespeare will be in the double steel cage Wargames match at Ring Wars II, and he's set out a challenge for "Badboy" Randy Acorn -- should Acorn pin Billy in the cage in the Hoosier Dome, he becomes the Cruiserweight Champion. However, Shakespeare faces a tough challenge tonight from the "Showstopper" Simon Lebec. [Another flash. Return to the split screen view of the four champions.] TD: IIWF Intercontinental Champion Tiger Claw will also be in action here tonight. Fuses are running short, and all roads lead to IIWF Ring Wars II. Tonight, _live_ on IIWF Saturday Night, the future of the IIWF's championships will take shape. [The opening graphics explode onto the screen.] ##### ###### ### ########## ########## ########## #### ## ########## ########## ########## #### # #### ######## ##### ##### #### ## ##### #### #### #### #### ### #### #### #### #### ############# ######### #### #### ########### ######### #### #### #### #### #### ######### ######### ### #### #### ######### ######### ### ## #### ######## ######## ## # #### =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- ## =-=-=-= INTERNATIONAL INTERNET WRESTLING FEDERATION =============================================== S + A + T + U + R + D + A + Y N + I + G + H + T ----------------------------------------------- LIVE + America West Arena, Phoenix, Arizona Saturday 28 September 1996 [Fade through to exterior shots of the America West Arena as the daylight fades. Rain beats down on the scene.] TD: Welcome everybody to Phoenix, Arizona! Welcome everybody to the America West Arena! Welcome to another live edition of IIWF Saturday Night! As you can see, the weather hasn't been kind to us here in the state associated with desert. The fans continue to pour into the arena, having made their way here through the torrential downpours, and a few of the IIWF superstars themselves are still to arrive. [Cut to interior shots of the now nearly full arena. Pan down past row upon row of excited fans to the ringside enclosure and the broadcast table, at which stand Tim Dross and Steve Roberts.] TD: Hi, folks! I'm Tim Dross, and beside me as always is the inimitable "Soundbite" Steve Roberts. We've got a tremendous show tonight, Steve, although the weather is conspiring against us. SR: I can tell you this much, Dross: tonight's going to be a real washout for the IIWF Champion, Deathbringer. Not only has he got to contend with the "surprise" from "Painbringer" Billy Sexton, but from what I hear, the Outlaw J.W. Hardin is in the arena tonight. Wasn't it great on Wednesday night?! TD: I assume you're referring to the match between Hardin and Dan Kauffman, which saw the sinister Cadaver make his first IIWF appearance, standing at Hardin's side to dethrone Deathbringer? SR: [sarcastic] No, Dross, I was talking about Princess Di's breakfast at the White House... you idiot! Of course I'm talking about Cadaver! Deathbringer's days with that championship belt are numbered. In fact, his number could very well be up here tonight! TD: Certainly there's a great chance that we could see some silverware change hands tonight, with three of the IIWF's four championships on the line. But we've also got some other tremendous matches in store, including "Quickstrike" Chris Quigley taking on Joe Latta. SR: Last week, "Hot air" Chris Quigley cost Joe Latta his match with Dan Kauffman, and tonight, he's going to mete out some justice, Syndicate style. TD: We'll see about that. Another Syndicate member, Casey "Blackheart" James, will also be here tonight, taking on the new and improved Archangel. SR: Who cares about that oversized religious fanatic?! The church of the IIWF is about to hit the great schism. TD: What on earth is a schism?! SR: It's when something is torn limb from limb, Dross, and there's nobody more qualified for the job than Casey James. And speaking of ol' "Blackheart", he'll be here with some very interesting comments about his good friend, the Man Of Steel. TD: That's right, folks, the smear campaign against the Man Of Steel continues here tonight. Although I still haven't spoken with Steel personally in the aftermath of the car accident earlier this week... SR: [interrupting] ...when the Man In Tights was driving blind drunk, I might add. TD: Stop that, Steve. That's a total lie, and you know it. May I continue? SR: Be my guest. TD: As I was saying, in the accident, Steel sustained several facial injuries, and he has undergone surgery to repair the damage. He was instructed by his doctors to remain in hospital in Philadelphia until this morning, and I can confirm that he was given the all-clear to return to the ring, provided he wears the heavy-duty facial appliance that has been provided for him by his specialist. From what I gather, he hasn't yet arrived here in Phoenix due to the difficulties in the weather, but we're hoping he'll arrive in time for his match with Sabin Figaro live later on. SR: The question is, will he be able to stand up for all the alcohol pumping around his body? Apparently, the police were surprised by the amount of blood in his alcohol-stream when they found him after the accident, his face all smashed up. TD: Steve, will you stop?! Before we go up to the ring for tonight's first match, let's recap the action we've already seen before coming on air: - PAIN INC. defeated THE ROTUNDOS in less than two minutes, and the victory could have come far more quickly if Mr. Mic had not instructed Morningstar and Hellraiser to toy with their obese and overweight opponents. In the end, they finished Rotundo #1 off with the Simply Pain, although Mr. Mic demanded that they also perform the devastating spike piledriver on the other Rotundo. SR: I'll tell you what impressed me about that match, Dross, and that was the fact that Pain Inc. were even able to lift the Rotundos. Each of those guys must weigh close to 450lbs... I hope they both die of heart disease. TD: Gee, what a nice sentiment. Let's move on: - ROBSKI, the man responsible for starting all the malicious gossip about the Man Of Steel, was in action earlier as he defeated MAJESTIC MAURICE McARTHUR. The Punster came down to the ring after the match with a small package, which he threw at the victorious English sensation, nailing him with it. When Robski opened it, he discovered what looked like a number of toenail clippings. SR: What kind of a sicko is the Pukester anyway?! Sending Robski a package containing Jasmine's toenail clippings... he's a seriously weird guy. TD: Indeed. Although apparently, Jasmine is settling into her new home with the Punster quite peacefully. SR: Peacefully?! Only because the Punster has her bound and gagged! There are laws against abduction and holding people against their will. And it's probably even worse if you cut their toenails without their permission. The Pukester's in for a lot of trouble when Robski gets his hands on him. TD: I think it says a great deal about Robski's attitude towards Jasmine that he's more interested in spreading lies about the Man Of Steel than getting Jasmine back. SR: Well, Jasmine's only a woman, Dross. TD: [shocked] Steve! I do apologise for that little outburst, folks. SR: What?! What did I say? TD: Let's move on: - THE WHITE PHOENIX put on a superb display as he faced PALE RIDER. He was explosive and exciting -- and that was just his entrance. SR: [sarcastic] Oh, ha ha, Dross. TD: Shinja Chow defeated the High Plains Drifter with his Phoenix Strike, a phenomenal flying spinning back leg kick in the corner, right out of a backflip, straight across the ring, one corner to the other. Amazing. SR: The only amazing thing about Shinja Chow is the way that he goes around trying to stir up trouble with Brian Lau, accusing Lau's father of some heinous deed or other. I mean, can you imagine anybody of Lau's honour and integrity having a criminal for a father? TD: Absolutely not, Steve. The thought never even entered my mind. Let's move on. Magus considers Phoenix to be his home, and before arriving at the arena tonight for his match with the Punster, he had these comments: [SCENE: Magus is standing in front of the America West Arena.] MAGUS: I am finally home..... Phoenix. I haven't been here in YEARS. They... SHIPPED me out of my home... took me to Boston... AND I HATED EVERY SECOND OF IT!!! BUT NOW I AM HOME!!! AARRRGGGHHH!! FINALLY!! It has been too long... I am so happy I could scream... but I already did that, so I don't need to, RIGHT?!?! And now I see it is The Punster who I get to go up against. You interfered in my match with Bomber, and you cost me an EASY victory... YOU WON'T GET AWAY THIS EASILY!!!!!!! AAAAARRRRRRRGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!! I MAY BE THE ONE IN THE STRAIGHTJACKET NOW, BUT COME TOMORROW, HERE IN THIS ARENA, IT WILL BE YOU IN THE STRAIGHTJACKET!!!!!!!!! And then I see for Midweek Mayhem, I gotta face Dan Kauffman. You think you're all that, huh Kauffman? You're in a Wargames match at Ring Wars II. Well, as Outlaw J. W. Hardin said, WAR IS NOT, IN NO WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM, A GAME!!!!!!!! I AM FURIOUS, AND I DON'T KNOW WHY, BUT PUNSTER, KAUFFMAN, YOU WILL BOTH WISH I WASN'T!!!!!! [Fade] SR: [whistles] Wowee, he's a coiled spring, isn't he, Dross? TD: I'm not sure I know any adjectives that would be appropriate in describing Magus. Nevertheless: - MAGUS scored a shock win over THE PUNSTER when the witty wordsmith was distracted by the arrival of Robski at ringside. It was hard to tell who was the more insane in this match, with both Magus and the Punster exhibiting certain signs of deep-rooted psychological trauma, Magus in the form of psychosis, and the Punster in the form of that awful ring attire. Each man appeared to be trying to out-insane the other, and in the end, the Punster got Magus so wound up that he just snapped, surprising the Atlantan with some devastating offense. When Robski came down to the ring, the Punster was thrown even more off balance, and Magus was able to pin him after hitting a powerbomb. - "BADBOY" RANDY ACORN scored a comprehensive victory over EL SUPER GECKO, the uninspired aerialist who never really got off the ground in the arena here tonight. Acorn worked him over with a number of devastating suplexes, and then applied the Newark Knife cloverleaf for the win. - OTTO "THE BUTCHER" VERHOEVEN destroyed "NUCLEAR" JOHN BOMBER in less than twenty seconds, in one of the most totally dominating displays I think I've ever seen in all my years in the sport. Verhoeven simply walked straight out to the ring, climbed the ringsteps, and chokeslammed Bomber, powerbombed him, and then applied the Slaughterslam for the victory. Bomber had to be helped out of the ring afterwards. SR: What do you expect from the king of destruction here in the IIWF, Dross?! He's simply the most punishing athlete in the sport today, and it won't be long before he's got some gold around his waist. TD: We'll see about that, Steve. I think he needs a change of mental attitude to this great country and its great heritage before he's going to get a chance at a champion in these parts. [The timekeeper's bell rings.] Okay, it's time for the first championship match of the night, as the Armed Forces defend their tag team titles against the Zodiac Connection. SR: [yawns] TD: What, are you saying that this one's going to be boring? SR: No, no... I'm just tired... Because of the IIWF budget, I've been forced to share a hotel room with that idiot Larry Morton. I can't sleep at night because he keeps having nightmares or something... Spends all night screaming about clowns... Just last night, someone put a pair of clown shoes at the end of his bed, so when he looked down, it looked like his feet were clown feet. TD: And I guess you didn't find that funny? SR: Are you kidding? it was a riot! But he spent the rest of the night whimpering... TD: Anyway, down to business... =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= IIWF WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Armed Forces vs. The Zodiac Connection --------------------------------------- [Sparkplug Lee is radiant in the glow of the spotlights.] RA: Ladies and gentlemen, tonight's opening encounter is scheduled for one fall, and it is for the IIWF World Tag Team Championship! Introducing first, the challengers, hailing from Hollywood, California, at a combined weight of 575lbs, along with Dr. Insane, here are Scorpio and Taurus: the Zodiac Connection! ["East 1999" starts up over the PA, and the lights dim. Signs of the zodiac swirl around the arena as Scorpio, Taurus, and Dr. Insane make their way down the aisle. The fans give a moderate pop, and the team tries to slap hands with as many people as they can.] TD: The Zodiacs have made quite a few friends here in the short time they've been in the IIWF. And they seem to have had some prior contact with the White Phoenix. Recently, they told Shinja Chow to beware the letters DM. Let's hear Chow's response now: [Cut to a split screen; live action on the right, and the White Phoenix standing in a studio on the left.] WP: Zodiac Connection, I heard what you said about an old adversary. I can only assume you are referring to the Deathmaster whom I did battle with in another federation. I don't know what he's been telling you, but listen to me, Taurus and Scorpio, and listen well... for the sake of your own souls, do not trust him. He is the twisted mirror image of our own champion, for as the Deathbringer still does battle with the darkness in his soul, the Deathmaster lost that war long ago. He is evil, he is darkness. And he will betray you, family or not. Deathmaster, if it is you and if you can hear me, let it be known now that I do not trust you. If I encounter you or your old lackey the Tax Collector, I will destroy you. You tried to quench my fire before and failed, and I cannot believe that you have reformed yourself. I still count you among my most feared enemies, Deathmaster, and it will take much to change that opinion. [Cut back to live action.] SR: Well, that went straight over even my head, Dross. TD: Mine too, Steve. But the Zodiac Connection have the chance of a lifetime here tonight. Even though they've only been here a short while, they get a shot at the world tag titles. SR: They won't win it... Come on, the Armed Forces are champs for a reason. They earned it. RA: And introducing the champions: hailing from Omaha, Nebraska, and weighing in at a combined weight of 643lbs, accompanied to the ring by Aaron the Caddie, here are NavCom and DefCon: the Armed Forces! [A big heel pop is almost drowned by the cacophony of machine gun fire and sirens as Aaron the Caddie, golf club aloft, leads the champions down to the ring. Fireworks explode all over the arena in a manner similar to anti-aircraft fire.] TD: Wow... What an entrance... SR: Hey, they're the champs! [The Forces sneer at the fans as they climb the ringsteps and enter the ring. Handing the belts to the referee, they disrobe and prepare to square off with the Zodiacs. NavCom elects to start for the Forces, and Taurus for the Zodiacs.] TD: Just look at the size of Taurus. He certainly earned that name. SR: They say Taurus is like a bull. Well, if you ask me, the only kind of bull Taurus comes close to is bullsh... TD: [interrupting] Okay, thanks, Steve. [NavCom charges Taurus, and bounces straight off. He bounces against the ropes and shoulderbarges his opponent for a second time. Again, he bounces straight off, Taurus not being budged an inch. The third time he attempts the shoulderbarge, Taurus floors him with a big clothesline. Pop! NavCom rolls to his corner and tags in DefCon.] TD: This should be interesting. DefCon is a slightly larger man than Taurus: will he have the edge in terms of power? SR: Does it matter? He's certainly got the edge in brains. [DefCon steps up to Taurus and raises his arms, challenging him to a test of strength. Taurus looks out to the crowd, who encourage him, and the two men link hands. Immediately, it appears that DefCon has the upper hand, forcing Taurus down onto one knee, but Scorpio gets the crowd whipped up by stamping on the apron, and a "Taur - us! Taur - us!" chant spreads through the arena. Taurus seems to draw energy from the crowd, and pushes himself back to his feet. He seems to be getting the upper hand, and in turn forces DefCon almost down onto one knee, but DefCon drives a boot into Taurus' midsection and floors him with a clothesline. He stays on top of the big man, working him over with kicks, elbowdrops and punches. Meanwhile, there is a heel pop as the High Plains Drifters appear in the aisle, their counterfeit belts glittering around their waists. They stand, arms folded, in the aisle, and appear to be conferring about the match at hand.] TD: Oh-oh. This spells trouble for both teams, Steve. SR: I don't know, Dross. I think the Drifters are just here to take notes on their Ring Wars opponents. [DefCon hits a piledriver on Taurus, and goes for the cover - 1 - 2 - kickout! DefCon drags Taurus to his feet and whips him into the ropes. Taurus ducks under a clothesline, and charges in with a football tackle, taking DefCon down to the mat. Pop! Taurus dives for his corner and tags in Scorpio, who leaps immediately to the top rope and hits a moonsault onto DefCon. Big pop! Scorpio goes for the cover - 1 - 2 - kickout! He drags DefCon to his feet, and peppers him with a volley of punches, a dropkick and a flying headscissors. Big pop! DefCon rolls out of the ring under the bottom rope, and Scorpio throws himself over the top after his opponent, but Aaron the Caddy pushes DefCon out of the line of fire, and Scorpio crashes down to earth. Taurus enters the ring to demand that the Forces be disqualified, but only serves to distract the official from Aaron the Caddy, who strikes Scorpio repeatedly over the back with his golf club. Big heel pop!] TD: This is disgusting! SR: Correction, Dross: this is great! [Pop as Stunt Team USA appear at the head of the aisle, but they make it no further towards the ring than where the Drifters stand, and a face-off between the two teams ensues.] TD: Oh boy! This is a potentially volatile situation! Both these teams are fighting against the champions at Ring Wars II, and I'm sure that they aren't going to be too friendly about it! SR: Calm down, Dross. I'm sure these guys are professional enough to save it for October 12. Well, I know that the High Plains Drifters are. The fact that Stunt Team USA trains with a storybook wizard is a point against them in the professional game. [The Drifters and STUSA start to argue once Pale Rider tells Steve and Ron to get lost. The two teams seem ready to come to blows when STUSA put their hands up and move away from HPD. They remain at the head of the aisle, just out of the HPD's way. Meanwhile, Dr. Insane pulls Aaron the Caddy away from Scorpio, but gets a crack to the ribs with the golf club for his trouble. The manager crumples to the floor. DefCon rolls Scorpio back into the ring and drags the semi-conscious athlete so that his head is between his legs. The crowd jeers as DefCon executes his ICBM powerbomb near the Forces' corner. DefCon tags in his partner, who climbs to the top rope and performs his AK47 splash. He goes for the cover - 1 - Taurus attempts to make the save, but is met by DefCon - 2 - 3! Ding! Ding! Ding!] RA: Ladies and gentlemen, here are your winners, and _STILL_ IIWF World Tag Team Champions, the Armed Forces! [DefCon nails Taurus in the midsection, and in an impressive display of power, executes his powerbomb on Taurus as well. Big heel pop as the Forces spit on the downed Zodiacs.] TD: Now there was no need for that! Another disgusting display from the Armed Forces! SR: But they've still got the titles, Dross, and that's what matters. [NavCom jumps up and down, shaking his fists in victory, then turns to the teams in the aisle. He beckons them to come into the ring and take them on while DefCon beats up on Scorpio and Taurus, ejecting them from the ring. DefCon joins in the beckoning. The HPD and STUSA look at each other. Easy Rider shrugs to the STUSA, and all the other men nod. As a group, they storm into the ring and attack the champions, who seem overwhelmed.] TD: I think that's a good strategy for October 12, Steve. Both teams should try and team up and work against the champions to eliminate them, then have a good old fashioned tag match against each other. SR: Sure, but can Blunt Team USA keep up with the High Plains Drifters? I doubt it. STUSA would just screw it up. [The four men of HPD and STUSA pound on the champs. Pale and Easy Rider set NavCom and DefCon for an Irish whip, and Ron Fire and Steve Forget wait by the opposite ropes. The HPD throws the Armed Forces toward STUSA, and STUSA back bodydrops both men of the Armed Forces out of the ring. The champions crash to the floor, then hurriedly leave the ringside area, grabbing their belts on the way. STUSA watches them go, cheering with the fans. Behind them, Pale and Easy look at each other, then smile. Fire and Forget turn to celebrate with the HPD to catch two clotheslines, sending them both over the top rope. Pale and Easy both raise their arms as the STUSA crash to the floor and hit the crowd barrier. Fire and Forget seem to be hurt by the attack, and stay down. The HPD flaunt their non-sanctioned belts as they leave the ring to a pretty big heel pop.] SR: Well, Tim, there's your idea. Both teams ganged up on the Armed Forces, and once they were taken care of, Blunt Team USA forgot where they were and got nailed by the High Plains Drifters. I think we've seen who the next -- and two time -- tag champs will be. TD: We'll see about that. I think Ron and Steve learned a valuable lesson here tonight. SR: What, to beat that little wizard freak with that football? TD: No, Steve... They learned the lesson that you should never trust the High Plains Drifters. These guys will use whatever they need to get them to the top, and discard it when they're done. SR: What's your point? What's wrong with that? TD: I should have expected as much from a guy who won't even recycle. SR: Re-what? TD: While we get the ringside area cleared up, let's go to comments from the IIWF World Heavyweight Champion, Deathbringer, who is preparing to face "Painbringer" Billy Sexton later on here tonight: [Cut to a dim locker room. Deathbringer stands in the shadows, his World title belt glinting. His red eyes glow as he speaks:] DB: Sexton, you are here tonight to capture the gold. It seems as if some very mighty forces plan to fulfill this task as well. But it is you who has the chance of his life in just a few minutes. I will take you all the way to the dark side and back. Sexton, be prepared for the ultimate punishment. May your soul be cleaner after this night. Sexton, obey the reaper! [Cut back to ringside.] TD: Now that the detritus has been cleared away following that last match, I'm told that we've got to go up to Kenny Tanaka, who's going to conduct an interview with Casey "Blackheart" James and Brian Lau. SR: Great! I've been looking forward to this, Dross! [Kenny Tanaka stands in the ring] KT: Hello, everyone! I'd like to take this moment to introduce two men that I respect without a doubt, and you should too. Here is Brian Lau and Casey "Blackheart" James! [Brian and Casey come down the aisle to "Foul Taste of Freedom" blaring over the speakers. Casey holds a paper bag, and when people begin to throw trash at the duo, he reaches into the sack and begins throwing trash of his own. After a bit of this, Brian and Casey reach the ring.] KT: Brian, thank you for coming out tonight. What can we expect from the Syndicate in the near future? BL: Well, there are the matches tonight. Joe gets to fight that loudmouth Quigley, Tiger Claw gets a chance to make his win/loss record better, and Casey is facing the Archangel, and so on, and so on... That's not what we're here for tonight, Kenny. We want to address the tragedy that has befallen Man Of Steel. CJ: Yes, Brian... I feel really sorry for what has happened to the Man Of Steel because it's really my fault. Ever since I left him to be pounded on in the ring at Midsummer Madness, he's been a broken man. [The crowd jeers] The streetfight match was the final straw, and it appears that Man Of Steel has been addicted to painkillers for some time [The crowd really gets mad at this one, and the trash begins to fly. Brian takes Casey's collection of trash and starts slinging back]. TD: Oh, give me a break! SR: Shut up, Dross! CJ: We all know how it is... One drug starts being taken on top of another, and Man Of Steel was no stranger to the harder stuff. I remember when we were a team, Man Of Steel used to want to party all night long, smoking god-knows-what and sticking all kinds of things into his arm. It doesn't surprise me that something like this has happened, because I always knew it was only a matter of time. Man Of Steel, I'd like to take this opportunity to help you sober up. The method is simple... [Holds up both fists] Take two of these every five seconds... I'll be happy to put you through my program at Ring Wars II when we meet in that main event. KT: This is quite the news! So Man Of Steel is a hopeless addict? CJ: Yes, Kenny. I wouldn't be surprised to see Man Of Steel try and stumble through his match tonight only to embarrass himself even more. Unfortunately, I won't be available to beat on him for making a mockery of our sport because I have to fight this big lumbering oaf Archangel. I'll get my chance, though, You just wait and see. KT: Thank you very much, Casey. I appreciate you giving me this interview. [Casey's music begins to play again, and the three men leave the ring to a shower of trash. Casey laughs and flexes for the fans, who boo solidly.] TD: I've never heard such lies and nonsense! These fans here don't believe it for a minute, and nor do I. SR: I don't know, Dross. I mean, think about that musclehead, Bibbo Blubberkins or whatever his name is... TD: Bibbo Bibowski, Steve. SR: Whatever. Anyway, Bilbo Baggins even talks like a regular junkie. I wouldn't be surprised if he turned out to be leading Squeal astray. TD: Please stop that, Steve. It's not true, and you know it. SR: My, my. An alcoholic, a drug addict, and a cripple. You wouldn't think that life could get any worse for the Man Of Steel, would you, Dross? Well, it will when Casey James gets his hands around his scraggy little throat at Ring Wars II. TD: I don't know what to say, folks. Before we go back up to the ring for our next match, which sees "Quickstrike" Chris Quigley battle Joe Latta, let's go to an interview I conducted outside earlier on tonight with the Quickstriker himself: [Scene switches to "Quickstrike" Chris Quigley, pulling into the covered unloading area at the back of the arena in a beautiful black Dodge Viper, as Metallica's latest CD can be heard blasting from within. Tim Dross walks out to meet him:] TD: Chris Quigley! I'd like to talk to you about tonight's big match against Joe Latta... CQ: No prob. TD: Well, first of all, this is gonna be one helluva match, we all know that. And Latta seems to hold YOU responsible for his loss to Dan Kauffman the other night. How have you prepared for this match, and do you feel you cost him that match? CQ: First of all, it was his choice to turn around and jaw at me. I wasn't there to attack him, I had found out I was slated to face him very shortly, and I wanted to get a closer look. He cost himself that match, bottom line! And what have I done to prepare? Nothing out of the ordinary. Watched some tapes, wrestled a few sparring matches with guys who match up with Latta very nicely, it's all a part of being number one. TD: Funny you should mention that. You recently were knocked out of the #1 ranking spot here in the IIWF. Are you looking to regain that? CQ: Yeah, of course I am. No matter what the ratings say, I am the best wrestler in the IIWF today. I know it, the fans know it, and all the other wrestlers know it. And I think YOU know it as well Tim. And tonight will just be another opportunity to prove that to everyone, Joe Latta... and even Otto Verhoeven! TD: Well again... funny you should mention HIM. Do you think he is going to play a role in the match tonight? CQ: If Otto Verhoeven was a smart man, he would NOT get in my face tonight. That's why I have the feeling Otto Verhoeven WILL get in my face tonight! But as time goes on, Verhoeven is gonna realize how pointless it's all been. At Wargames, I'm gonna take him apart bit by bit! TD: What about Nurse Heidi? Do you think she'll stay away? CQ: I trust Nurse Heidi about as far as I can throw her. And believe me, if that plough horse Heidi lays a hand on me one more time, I WILL throw her! TD: Well, Chris, best of luck tonight against Joe Latta. CQ: I've said it before, and I'll say it again. Luck has NOTHING to do with it. It's a matter of who's the best in the ring, and let's just say things are NOT looking good for Mr. Latta! [Quigley locks up his Viper as Dross walks back inside the arena, followed by Quigley carrying his Quickstrike equipment bag. Cut back to the announcers' table.] SR: What a moron. Things are looking great for Latta tonight. He's gonna smash Quigley right into the mat, you mark my words. TD: We'll soon find out. Let's go up to the ring! =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= "Quickstrike" Chris Quigley vs. Joe Latta =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= [The timekeeper's bell rings to calm down the still irate crowd. Sparkplug Lee steps into the ring and raises the microphone to speak:] RA: Ladies and gentlemen, the following encounter is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, accompanied to the ring by Brian Lau, hailing from Hagerstown, Maryland, weighing in at 265lbs, here is: Joooooeee Laaaattaaaa! [Big heel pop as Brian Lau leads Latta down to the ring. Spotlights cast the words "The Master" down into the aisle as Latta walks nonchalantly to the ring, ignoring the jeers of the crowd. He climbs the ringsteps and enters the ring, raising his arms to the fans, who give him another loud heel pop. He laughs their reaction off.] RA: And introducing his opponent: from Corner Brook, Newfoundland, Canada, weighing in at 238lbs, here is "Quickstrike" Chriiiiss Quiiigleeeeey! [Huge pop for Quigley as he steps out into the aisle. Rockets on either side of the walkway shoot up into the rafters of the arena as Quigley raises his arms to the crowd. Spinning Quickstrike logos are cast onto the aisle by spotlights as Quigley makes his way to the ring, hi-fiving fans as he comes.] TD: Just listen to this reception for Quigley! You'd have to go a very long way to find a guy who cares more deeply about wrestling than Chris Quigley. SR: You'd have to go a pretty long way to find a guy who yaks about how great he is as much as "Hot air" Chris Quigley too, Dross. TD: Quigley has more than enough to back up his talk, Steve. I dare say that if Otto Verhoeven hadn't stuck his nose in where it wasn't wanted, Quigley could have been the IIWF Cruiserweight Champion by now. SR: Yeah, right. [Quigley does a circuit of ringside, and stops by a young fan, to whom he gives his trademark sunglasses. As he turns to get into the ring, he is leaped on by Latta, who throws himself over the top rope onto Quigley. Huge heel pop! The referee hurriedly signals for the bell, and then leaves the ring to try and separate the two warring athletes.] TD: Latta's wasting no time in getting this one started. And, of course, he attacks from Quigley's blind side. SR: Don't start, Dross. [Latta pulls Quigley's jacket over his head, obscuring both his upper body movement and his vision. He clotheslines Quigley to the padding outside the ring, and threatens the referee, who is still trying to separate the two men. The referee moves out of the way, and Latta steps in towards Quigley, who shocks Joe with a kick to the lower midsection. Latta doubles over as Quigley gets to his feet and performs a kneelift on Latta, who hits the mat hard. Quigley quickly throws his leather jacket down to the ground, and puts the boot into Latta, before the referee forces him away. Brian Lau sneaks up behind Quigley and spins him around. Quigley raises his fist to Lau, who steps backwards, his hands raised in defence. Big pop as Quigley looks out to the crowd, and Quigley strikes Lau with a punch, knocking the manager to the floor. However, as he turns, he is met by a hard right-hand from Latta, sending Quigley clattering into the steel crowd barrier.] SR: What a great competitor Quigley is, Dross, striking a manager in an unprovoked attack. TD: Quigley's got to keep his eye on Lau. We all know that Lau's always got something up his sleeve, and Quigley's got enough on his plate with Latta to worry about Lau as well. [Latta nails Quigley with a few more kicks and punches, and then rolls him into the ring under the bottom rope. He follows Chris in, and drags him to his feet. He whips Quigley into the ropes, and hits a flying clothesline. Big heel pop. Latta goes for the cover - 1 - 2 - kickout! Latta again drags Quigley to his feet, puts his head between his legs, and executes his trademark tilt-a-whirl powerbomb. Huge heel pop as Quigley hits the mat with tremendous impact. Latta wastes precious seconds showboating to the furious crowd before covering Quigley - 1 - 2 -- kickout! Latta appears to be losing patience with Quigley, and starts putting the boot in. Quigley rolls to the ropes, and the referee calls for the break. Quigley fights to his feet, and as Latta charges him from the other side of the ring, he backdrops the Syndicate member over the top rope and to the outside! Huge pop! Latta clatters into the steel barriers at ringside, and Lau hurries round to tend to his man, while Quigley slumps to the mat inside the ring.] TD: What a tremendous move by Quigley! But it looks like he's too tired to capitalise on the damage he's done. [Quigley shakes off the cobwebs and gets to his feet as Lau drags Latta to his feet on the outside. Quigley sizes his opponent up, bounces into the ropes, and slides out of the ring feet first, catching Latta flush under the chin. Latta's head snaps back, and hits the steel crowd barrier as he goes down. Big pop.] SR: No way! Disqualify Quigley, referee! That was an illegal move! Quigley could have broken Latta's neck right there! TD: That did look like a nasty bump, but Latta seems to be moving... and Quigley's staying on top of him. [Quigley drags Latta to his feet and holds him at arm's length as he swings wildly with his fists. He clotheslines Latta to the mat as the referee counts out both men - 4 - 5 - Quigley reenters the ring, and is distracted by Brian Lau leaping up onto the apron. Huge pop as Quigley grabs Lau by the suit lapels. The referee lays the count on Quigley, buying Latta valuable time on the outside. Quigley releases Lau, and the manager shouts some kind of insult at Quigley, who, despite the protestations of the referee, follows the manager out of the ring. The referee despairs of the situation, and leaves the ring to check on the slowly-recovering Latta. Meanwhile, there is a huge heel pop as a figure in the crowd with an arm in a cast sheds a long-haired wig and leaps over the barrier, attacking Quigley from behind.] TD: No! It's Randy Acorn! He's done it again! SR: This guy's great, Dross! You just never know when he'll strike next! [Acorn lays Quigley out flat with his cast, and then leaps back over the crowd barrier into the crowd, making a hasty exit. Lau laughs down at Quigley, and puts the boot into him.] TD: I can't believe it! The referee didn't see that brutal attack! [The referee tries to help Latta to his feet, but Latta refuses the assistance and pushes the official away. He makes his way around to the side of the ring where the semi-conscious Quigley is and rolls him into the ring. He follows his opponent in, drags him to his feet, and whips him into the ropes. As Quigley flies across the ring, he is sent into the path of the official, who is knocked out of the squared circle between the ropes. Lau nods to Latta, who leaves the ring and heads for the timekeeper's table.] TD: Latta did that deliberately! He purposely threw Quigley into the path of the official! SR: I didn't see that, Dross. TD: Which match are you watching?! [Latta pulls an official from a chair, and folds it up, carrying it with him into the ring. He drags Quigley to his feet and whips him into the ropes, wielding the chair for his return. Quigley somehow ducks under the swing, stops behind Latta and nails him with a dropkick, sending the chair flying out of his grip. Big pop! However, the crowd soon notices the huge frame of Otto Verhoeven, illuminated by a spotlight as he makes his way down to the ring.] TD: No! First Randy Acorn, and now the Butcher... You can bet he's not just out here to watch. SR: Brian Lau's a genius! With the referee *ahem* accidentally out of the picture, he can eliminate Quigley for good! [Quigley gets to his feet and grabs the steel chair as he notices Verhoeven heading for the ring. He bounces off the ropes, chair in hand, and performs a plancha dive onto Verhoeven, over the ropes and to the outside, the chair connecting with Verhoeven with a huge smack. Massive pop!] SR: No! TD: Inredible! I don't think I've ever seen that done before! Verhoeven took the brunt of the impact of that chair... look at the dents in it! [Quigley throws the chair away, and reenters the ring. He is met by a groggy Latta, and he executes a Russian leg sweep on him. The referee crawls back into the ring as Quigley slaps the Quickstriker on Latta. Joe resists submission for a few moments as Brian Lau beats on the ring apron, but within fifteen seconds, the referee signals for the bell, forces Quigley to break the hold, and raises his arm in victory.] RA: Ladies and gentlemen, your winner, by submission: "Quickstrike" Chris Quigley! [Huge pop as Quigley celebrates his win. Noticing Otto Verhoeven begin to stir on the outside, Quigley decides to make a quick exit, and makes his way up the aisle to the cheers of the crowd. He stops at the head of the aisle and gives a wave to the fans before disappearing back to the locker room.] TD: What a match! The combined efforts of Joe Latta, Brian Lau, Otto Verhoeven and Randy Acorn weren't enough to stop Quigley tonight. He certainly seems to have shaken off the beating he took in the tag match at the hands of the Butcher last week. SR: He won't be so chirpy when Verhoeven gets his hands on him again, Dross. Nobody knocks Verhoeven out with a steel chair and lives to tell the tale, I guarantee it. TD: While Brian Lau clears up the ring, let's go to an interview I conducted earlier today with the Hangman. [Cut to Tim Dross standing with the Hangman in the locker room.] TD: Hangman, I'm glad you agreed to talk with me. There have been a lot of bad feelings between us, and I want to get it cleared up. TH: Dross, I only agreed to talk with you because I want you to get your stories correct when it comes to me and anyone else I might be sided with. TD: Okay then, any comments about your Noose Lumberjack Match with Fisto Flash at Ring Wars II? TH: First I have a few words for that fool Vinny whats-his-name. Vinny, your comments after our match left a lot to be thought about. Well fool, If you go back through the history books around here you will find that I have eliminated more wrestlers then anyone else. You are going to feel the noose around your neck -- and just a warning to you, Dross, it will not be a pretty sight. Cappicola, I do not care where you are or who is in the ring with you. I am planning a little neck tie party for you. Look in the mirror, because that will be the last time you see your face. The noose [Hangman holds up a brand new Hangman's rope] I hold in my hand was made just for your size neck. When it tighten and your eyes pop out of your head, darkness will set in and another wrestler will be retired. TD: Some pretty strong comments, Hangman. Vinny is sure to have help around in the shape of the rest of the Family. TH: He can bring anybody he wants. You must remember a few of my friends and I always invite my friends to my Hangings. Now on to a much greater problem. Fisto, Ring Wars II is fast approaching. I have had offers for your fist, but so far it is still locked away in the Mansion. Soon though the right price will be paid. Now you have another fist, The new fist of Fisto. Well let me tell you, the last one was easy enough to take, but I do believe this one will be a little harder to get. I am having a special surprise made for you. So make sure you have thought of everything you can to keep that fist on. Lumberjacks can work to one's advantage as well as cause a loss. Losses are not important to me anymore, I am out to retire as many wrestlers as I can. The record book is mine. TD: What can you tell me about the new alliance? TH: Nothing, Dross. When the time is right the Big Three will tell you what you need to know. [Hangman walks away. Cut back to the announcers' table.] SR: What a shame he didn't try out that new noose of his on you, Dross. Perhaps he should go for the record of retiring annoying, wig-wearing announcers. TD: I don't think that's a very good idea, Steve. Well, let's go back up to the ring for our next match. =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Casey "Blackheart" James vs. Archangel -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= [Sparkplug Lee steps into the ring.] RA: Ladies and gentlemen, the following match is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, representing the Syndicate, hailing from Washington DC, accompanied to the ring by Brian Lau, here is Casey "Blackheart" James! [Big heel pop for Casey as "Foul Taste Of Freedom" shakes the arena. Casey carries a burning US flag with him down to the ring, much to the dismay of the capacity crowd.] TD: Would you look at that?! Unbelievable! How can anybody have so little respect for old glory?! SR: Apparently, that's one of Robski's old flags. Clearly his urine's just as good as paraffin. TD: Will you stop?! [Casey enters the ring, the burning flag still in his hand, and stamps out the flames in the ring before spitting on the remains of the stars amd stripes, which are removed by the referee.] RA: And introducing his opponent, accompanied to the ring by Bishop Right, hailing from Purgatory and weighing in at 400lbs, here is the new and improved Archangel! [Moderate face pop as the lights in the arena turn a deep shade of crimson, and a parade of monks emerge into the aisle, led by Bishop Right, carrying a replica of the Ark of the Covenant. They set the Ark down at ringside, and a glowing red cross appears on the canvas of the ring. Suddenly, the Archangel opens the Ark, and climbs up onto the ring apron. The lights come up again as the monks close the lid of the Ark, but before Archangel can step through the ropes, Casey charges him, knocking him from the apron and straight through the lid of the Ark, splintering the wooden lid into hundreds of pieces! Big heel pop! Casey jumps to the outside and drags Archangel out of the shattered Ark.] TD: Oh my! What a despicable display by Casey James! SR: Clearly Brian Lau doesn't take kindly to the kind of attention that Archangel's been giving the Syndicate in recent weeks. This is great! [Casey bodyslams Archangel to the arena floor, and then unfastens one of the ringside floor pads. He exposes an area of concrete floor, and positions Archangel ready for a piledriver. Big pop as Archangel blocks the move, and backdrops Casey onto the bare floor! Archangel drags Casey to his feet and rolls him into the ring before following him in. He whips Casey into the ropes, and hits a chokeslam. He goes for the cover - 1 - 2 - kickout! He drags Casey to his feet, and Blackheart takes a few swipes at Archangel, but the big guy easily steps out of the way. Archangel hits a belly-to-belly suplex and goes for the cover again - 1 - 2 - Brian Lau leaps to the apron, distracting Archangel momentarily. Bishop Right hooks Lau's leg with his crozier and drags him from the apron, and the two managers begin to argue. Meanwhile, Archangel's attention continues to be diverted by the presence of Joe Latta, who makes his way down the aisle to the ring.] TD: This could spell trouble for Archangel. He mustn't lose his focus here, or the Syndicate could make him pay dearly. [Archangel steps through the ropes and makes his way towards Latta, who continues unabated towards the huge seven foot monster. They meet at the bottom of the aisle, and Latta looks up without fear into Archangel's eyes. Without taking his eyes off Archangel, Latta throws an object past the huge man to Casey in the ring. James, who has got back to his feet, catches the object and shields it from the referee's field of vision.] TD: Did you see that? SR: Did I see what? TD: Latta just threw something to Casey. SR: He did? Wow, you must have eagle eyes, Dross. [Archangel steps backwards and grabs Latta by the neck, and Latta frees himself by nailing Archangel in the midsection with an elbow. Casey grabs Archangel's hair from the apron, and drags him back into the ring. He suplexes Archangel over the top rope into the ring, and then appears to be fumbling with something on his hand. With the referee unsighted, as Archangel staggers to his feet, Casey executes the Blackheart Punch on Archangel, and then throws whatever object he had in his hand back to Latta on the outside. Latta laughs and heads back up the aisle, ignoring the jeers of the crowd. Meanwhile, in the ring, Casey covers the winded Archangel - 1 - 2 - 3! Ding! Ding! Ding! Big heel pop! RA: Ladies and gentlemen, here is your winner as the result of a pinfall: Casey "Blackheart" James! [Brian Lau suddenly seems to tire of his heated discussion with Bishop Right, and shoves him to the floor before joining Casey in the ring.] TD: What a despicable display by the Syndicate! Casey used brass knuckles or some similar foreign object to garner the win... SR: A victory's a victory, Dross. And Casey just scored a big one. The larger they are, the harder they fall, and Archangel has just fallen on very hard times. [Casey and Lau head up the aisle congratulating one another on the result, while Bishop Right tends to Archangel in the ring.] TD: Well, fans, you can bet that Archangel is going to be looking for a rematch with Casey James, and he's also going to want a piece of Joe Latta once he sees the videotape of this match. I, for one, wouldn't want to be in the Syndicate's shoes when Archangel comes calling. Okay, let's move on... =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Tiger Claw vs. Louie the Ninja -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= TD: Brian Lau's certainly a busy man tonight. The third of his men's matches for tonight is a little tune-up match for Intercontinental Champion Tiger Claw, as he faces Louie the Ninja. SR: I hope Claw isn't so paralysed with laughter at the sight of his goon that he's unable to wrestle the match. TD: Don't sell Louie short. Okay, so he's had a rough start here in the IIWF, but he stands at around 6'7" and weighs about 250lbs. He's not your average small guy. SR: Yeah, but his physique leads one to believe that his muscular frame would be supported by considerable wrestling skills, but sadly he has shown himself to be lacking in that department. [Sparkplug Lee steps into the ring. Louie the Ninja is already in the squared circle, standing in the corner.] RA: Ladies and gentlemen, the following non-title match is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, currently in the ring, weighing in at 255lbs, here is: Louie the Ninja! [The crowd laughs at Louie as he performs a sloppy hand kata to the fans.] RA: And introducing his opponent, making his way down to the ring accompanied by Brian Lau and Mistress Sasha, weighing in at 220lbs and hailing from Thailand, here is the IIWF Intercontinental Champion: Tiger Claw! [The Syndicate trio make their way down to the ring, ignoring the not insubstantial negative reaction from the crowd. Lau walks arm in arm with Sasha, who is wearing a spangly and slinky evening dress.] SR: Wow. Feast your eyes on Sasha, Dross. TD: She's not really my cup of tea, Steve. SR: Oh yeah, I guess you prefer a woman with a little less hair, huh? TD: Stop that, Steve. As everybody will remember, Tiger Claw defeated the Prince of Darkness last week, and it looked like the Dark Prince's IIWF career was over, but due to a contractual loophole opened by Brian Lau, he's still here. SR: Yeah, and just listen to how grateful he is. [Cut to a split screen: live action on the right as the Syndicate continues down the aisle; the Prince of Darkness in a studio on the left.] POD: I'M BACK!!! Claw, it's time for the POD to get dirty. All the stips in the world won't save that title of yours. The match is signed for after Ring Wars. Me and you, one more time. You threw everything you had at me and you STILL couldn't beat me cleanly. From now until our match, rest assured, I'll be on you like a lesion on an AIDS patient. [Cut back to live action.] TD: I do apologise, folks. That was in very bad taste. [Claw climbs the ringsteps and enters the ring. Lau points at Louie and says something to the IC champ, who laughs. He hands his title belt to a ringside assistant, and prepares to square off with the Ninja.] SR: Start your stopwatches, folks. We could see the shortest match in IIWF history right here! [Claw and Louie lock up, and Claw pushes Louie into the ropes. Louie ducks a clothesline, and bounces back again. Claw this time attempts a leaping spinning leg lariat, but Louie stops just short of the kick, and Claw crashes to the mat. Louie leans comically back against the ropes, and some fans cheer.] TD: The fans are starting to warm to Louie here, Steve. SR: Yeah, and I detect Tiger Claw's temperature rising too. This ninjitsu nincompoop is making a huge mistake if he thinks being a smartass is going to help him beat the IC champ, he's got another thing coming. [Claw quickly picks himself up and charges at Louie, who nimbly steps out of the way, and Claw crashes into the corner. Louie executes a neat belly-to-back suplex, and showboats to the crowd as Claw rolls out of the ring under the bottom rope to get some pointers from Brian Lau. The referee lays the count on Claw, but as Claw gets up onto the apron to get into the ring, Louie nails him with a punch, knocking him back to the floor. Claw is clearly frustrated, and jumps to the apron once more. This time, as Louie lunges, Claw slides between his legs and nails him from behind with a dropkick. Big heel pop as Louie tumbles out of the ring and to the outside.] SR: It's over for that oversized clown now, Dross. Watch Claw take him apart piece by piece. [Claw follows Louie out of the ring, and whips him first into the steel ringsteps, then into the steel crowd barrier, and then executes his punching fury. Big heel pop. Claw rolls Louie back into the ring and follows him in, catapulting himself over the top rope and dropping a leg on Louie. He goes for the cover - 1 - 2 - kickout!] SR: What?! What's going on?! Phooey the Ninja kicked out! TD: It looks like Tiger Claw's got more of a fight on his hands than he realised here! [The crowd pops as Claw once again begins putting the boot into Louie, who pulls himself to his feet on the ropes before firing back with a volley of rights and lefts that staggers the IC champ. Louie nails Claw with a hard running clothesline, and then nimbly climbs to the top turnbuckle.] TD: What's going on here?! [Louie sizes up his opponent, and launches himself with a forward flipping legdrop from the top rope. Stunned pop from the crowd!] SR: What???!!!! TD: Tha.. that was like the Derailer! [Louie goes for the cover on Claw as Lau stands at ringside, his jaw dropped. The referee counts - 1 - 2 - 3! Ding! Ding! Ding! Huge pop!] RA: Ladies and gentlemen, here is your winner: Louie the Ninja! [As the referee raises Louie's arm in victory, he turns to Brian Lau and pulls his mask off, revealing -- the Subway Psycho! Massive pop from the crowd!] TD: It can't be! It is! It's the Subway Psycho! Listen to these people! SR: No way! I thought Hardin and Claw had rid us of that moron forever! [Lau staggers backwards in shock, and leans on Sasha for support. She turns to Lau, strokes his face in comfort, and then nails him with a huge slap! Another huge pop! The Psycho beckons to Sasha, and she climbs the ring steps. He holds the ropes open for her, and she enters the ring. The two embrace. Massive pop!] TD: How about that! The Subway Psycho and Mistress Sasha reunited! SR: What?! How can this be?! I don't... What...? How...? [The Psycho kicks Claw out of the ring and parades around the ring with Mistress Sasha, cameras flashing all over the arena. "Crazy Train" starts up on the PA, and Brian Lau rushes round to Tiger Claw. Backing up the ring together, both of them make threatening gestures to both Sasha and the Psycho.] TD: I don't know what's transpired here, folks, but clearly something big has just happened! If Louie has been the Psycho in disguise ever since his first appearance, then the Psycho never really left the IIWF... and somehow, he and Sasha have been reunited! All I can imagine is that this must have something to do with the envelope handed to Sasha a couple of weeks ago by Vinny Cappicola here on Saturday Night... Wow. It's great to see the Psycho back, and to see him reunited with Mistress Sasha is just wonderful. [The pair step down from the ring and make their way up the aisle, both of them hi-fiving the crowd as they go.] SR: This makes me sick, Dross! I can't believe it! TD: Believe it, Steve! The "forces of light" here in the IIWF just struck a blow for freedom from Hardin, Lau, the Syndicate, the Senate and their ilk. What a night of mixed fortunes it has been for the Syndicate -- first Joe Latta falls to Chris Quigley, then Casey scores a victory of sorts over Archangel, and now Tiger Claw has been caught napping by Louie the Subway Psycho, with Mistress Sasha returning to the side of her man! SR: Don't remind me... Lau is going to be steamed later on tonight, Dross. TD: That's as maybe, Steve, but it's too late now. I love it! Okay, the Man Of Steel is scheduled for action up next, and I believe he has arrived in the building as of a few minutes ago. Before we go back up to the ring, let's get comments from the motormouth of the tag team division, Mr. Mic: [SCENE: The IIWF interview area. Mr. Mic is seen with Pain Inc. He speaks into the camera:] MM: Now to answer the big question... Is Mr. Mic okay? Listen, punks, the cloud that the Grand Vissier shot at me wasn't some mystic powder....he just lifted his arm and aimed his armpit at me.... Phew!! [Laughs] Don't worry I sent him a case of Speed Stick. Okay, that's the past... Let's look to the present... THE RODUMBOS... you boys deserved an ass whoopin' just for havin' that name alone. Does the name police know about you two losers? Apparently there is some mystery surrounding the Rotundos' first names... I know their names... c'mere and I'll tell ya [he whispers to the camera while looking left and right] THEIR NAMES ARE BEATEN AND BEATEN UP! HA HA HA HA..... Now to the future: Zodiac Connection, you guys wanna go again? Sheesh, some guys just won't learn. Now you say you're gonna do things by the book....They make a book of how to get the crap kicked out of oneself? I didn't know that, but -- hey -- you two idiots seem to have read it cover to cover... twice. Let's make this interesting....I, Mr.Mic, offer this challenge to the Zodiac Connection...at Ring Wars II....Pain Inc. vs. the Zodiac Connection in a combination Russian Chain/Texas Bullrope match in a Steel Cage!!!! Zodiac Connection, do you accept? Roblundos, Phoenix we're gonna leave you two wastes of skin for the vultures. Zodiac Connection welcome to hell accept the match so we can put you out of your misery!!! [Cut back to the announcers' table.] TD: Thank heavens that's over. Between Mr. Mic and the Armed Forces, I think the tag team division of the IIWF is responsible for putting more carbon dioxide into the atmosphere than any amount of greenhouse gases. SR: Oh, ha ha, Dross. Leave the funnies to me, huh? TD: Sure, Steve. It just seems that since the Subway Psycho came back, you're not in much of a mood for one-liners. SR: Yeah? Well, how's this for a one-liner, Dross? Shut your stinking trap! TD: [pauses] Er... no, I don't get it. SR: [fuming] Dross, you're a moron! TD: No, that's not funny either. Let's go back up to the ring. =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Sabin Figaro vs. Man Of Steel =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= TD: Man of Steel is competing against doctor's orders tonight. He just can't be kept from the ring. SR: Too bad. Apparently he's going to have some hardware on his face to go along with his stylish ring attire. Has anyone bothered to tell this guy he looks like a moron? TD: I doubt it, because it's just not true. SR: Sure thing, Dross... Yeah... RA: Ladies and gentlemen, this contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, Weighing in at 330lbs and hailing from the Valley of the Shadow of Death, "The Royalty of the Street" Sabin Figaro! ["Gangsta's Paradise" plays over the PA, and Sabin Figaro steps out into the aisle. The fans give a moderate pop. Sabin slaps the hands of fans on the way to the ring.] SR: I can't believe this guy is still around... TD: Why not? He's a great competitor! I'm sure he'll give Man of Steel a run for his money tonight. RA: His opponent, weighing in at 227 lbs and hailing from Kansas, here is The Maaaaaannnn of Steeeeellll! [MOS's ring music plays, and he comes out from the locker room area. He is dressed in his normal attire, but he also wears a bulky mask over his face for protection. All that is visible are the eyes of the American hero. MOS goes through the motions of slapping the hands of the fans who pop wildly for him.] SR: Well, there's a look. I can't even see his face. TD: Well, you can be rest assured that it's him. Nobody can electrify a crowd like the Man of Steel. SR: Sure thing, there, buddy boy... TD: As our fans well, know, Man of Steel was in a terrible car accident, and the injuries sustained to his face require him to wear this protective gear. SR: I think it's just a liquor induced delusion... TD: Oh, come on! [Steel gets into the ring, and the ref calls for the bell. Sabin Figaro steps up to MOS and holds his hand out to him. Steel looks to the crowd, then kicks Figaro in the stomach. MOS rocks Figaro with a European uppercut, and Figaro stumbles back towards the corner. Steel follows Figaro in, and Figaro tries to mount an offense. Figaro musters up a few punches, but seem not to have an effect on the masked MOS. MOS repeatedly punches Figaro with a series of roundhouse rights, and Figaro slumps lower and lower in the corner. MOS showboats to the crowd, and then locks on a chokehold.] TD: What's going on? Man of Steel never used to use holds like that! SR: Well, you know how those drugs and booze can change a person's personality... Mood swings, irrational actions... That's Man of Steel for you... I mean, come on, Dross... I know you'd have to get _me_ liquored up to dress like that in public. [The ref counts to five, and MOS breaks the choke. He argues with the ref and then salutes the crowd. Most of the crowd begins to boo, and MOS laughs. Meanwhile, Figaro pulls himself to his feet in the corner. MOS runs and lands a dropkick in the corner, and Figaro's head snaps back, hitting the turnbuckle. MOS lifts Figaro to the top rope with a little trouble, and then follows up. He then gets Figaro in position for the Doomsday powerbomb.] TD: There's no way he can lift the big man up in that move... SR: You'd be surprised what liquid courage can accomplish... It's not just Man of Steel lifting Figaro... It's a tag effort with Jack Daniels. TD: Stop it! Just stop it! [MOS drives Figaro down to the mat and goes for the cover... 1 - 2 - 3!! Ding! Ding! MOS gets up and raises his arm, refusing to let the ref touch him. He gives Figaro a few shots before leaving the ring, and the crowd solidly boos the American hero.] TD: I don't know what to say... That was terrible. SR: Well, I must say that I liked the style, but I'm not too thrilled with the reason. I mean, for an athlete to come to the ring so obviously under the influence... TD: Come on, Steve... It's bad enough that Casey was out were slinging mud, do you have to as well? SR: What do you mean? Casey was Steel's _tag_partner_. They were close. They had to be. I'd believe anything Casey says about Steel. TD: Wonderful... Journalistic integrity at it's best... Well, folks, I don't know what's got into the Man Of Steel, but I'll try to get comments from him later on tonight, and I'll bring you the lowdown as soon as I can. Right now, we've got to move straight on to our next match, the second of tonight's championship matches. Billy Shakespeare's about to put his Cruiserweight Championship on the line once again. =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= IIWF CRUISERWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= "Spotlight" Billy Shakespeare vs. "Showstopper" Simon Lebec ----------------------------------------------------------- TD: Cruiserweight action coming up. Shakespeare is definitely holding that title with pride, Steve. SR: That's luck, not pride, Dross. Pukespeare lucked into that belt... You know, if my back... TD: Yes, Steve, we know... But you'd never get in that weight class, anyway. SR: What's that supposed to mean, Dross?! TD: Er, well, it's just that you're not exactly in the same shape you were when you wrestled. You must have put on about thirty pounds. SR: [through clenched teeth] What was that you said, Dross? TD: [nervous] Er, I said that you must work out like a demon to stay in the shape that you're in now. Why, you're in the best shape of your life. SR: That's what I thought you said. Let's go up to that moron, Fartplug Pee. TD: That's Sparkplug Lee, Steve. SR: Whatever. [Sparkplug Lee looks around ringside for Lisa, but can't find her. Instead, he eyes a new woman sitting at the timekeeper's table.] RA: Hmmm... Oh... Ladies and gentlemen, this Cruiserweight title match is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, weighing in at 239 lbs and hailing from Hollywood, California, escorted to the ring by Francois, "Showstopper" Simon Lebec! [Lebec comes out to the aisle wearing a new flashy hat, and Francois follows closely behind. Lebec shows off a few more of his trophies - in the form of locks of Warnett's hair - to the crowd.] TD: You know, I get the feeling that Lebec is going to regret cutting Warnett's hair like he did. The only role that Lebec is going to be able to get after RWII is in some cheap Kojak remake. SR: Please, Dross... Lebec is a much better tactician than Warnett. That rookie is too busy catering to screaming teens and partying all the time. TD: Don't let that look fool you, Steve. Warnett has some definate skill under that facade. RA: His opponent, weighing in at 230lbs and hailing from Ashland, Oregon. He is the IIWF Cruiserweight champion. He is Billllyyyyyy Shaaaaakespeeeeearrrre! ["Little Willie" begins to play, and Shakespeare leaps out to the head of the aisle and bows to the fans. The crowd pops for the champ, and he drinks it up.] TD: This man is having some troubles of late with one Randy Acorn. Let's hope that man won't interfere tonight. SR: Well, Shakespeare better concentrate on Lebec tonight. These two guys have had their differences in the past too, you know. [Billy enters the ring and the bell sounds. The two men lock up, and Lebec shoves Billy away. Lebec shouts insults at Shakespeare and flexes his arms. Again, the two men lock up, and again, Lebec pushes Shakespeare away. Lebec laughs at Billy and holds his hands up for a test of strength. Billy obliges, and the two men battle for an upper hand. Lebec shows signs of weakening, so he plants a boot into Billy's midsection. Billy doubles over, and Lebec comes off the ropes with a knee lift. Billy is snapped back, and Lebec issues a snap suplex. Billy hits the mat, and Lebec goes for the cover... 1 - 2 - Kickout by Shakespeare. Lebec brings Billy up to his feet and executes an atomic drop, then sweeps Billy's leg out from under him. Lebec grabs the leg and falls back with it, stretching the hamstring. Billy holds his leg in pain, and Lebec stomps it a few times .] TD: Good strategy by Lebec here... If he takes out Shakespeare's leg, then he won't have to deal with the fast paced action that Billy is known for. SR: Not to mention the fact that it's really fun to see Pukespeare in pain... Go Simon! Go! [Lebec gives the thumbs up to Francois, who returns the gesture. Billy tries to get up from the canvas, but Lebec gives a chop block to the bad leg. Billy goes down, and Lebec locks on a half crab. The crowd begins to pop a little louder as Marty Warnett comes down to the ring holding a pair of shears. Lebec thinks the pop is for him, and nods in approval. Billy tries to power out of the hold, but is pushed back down. Francois watches the action with his back to Warnett, and Warnett sneaks up on him. The crowd's pop gets louder as he taps the servant on the shoulder. Francois turns, and is clocked by a right from Warnett. Francois goes down and is out, and Warnett looks to the crowd, holding the shears up. In the ring, Lebec bathes in the crowd pop, still thinking it's for him. His back is to Warnett, so he misses the attack on Francois. Outside, Warnett turns the shears on and begins to work on the hair of Francois. Warnett seems to have the shears on a very close setting, because it leaves trails of shiny baldness wherever it goes on Francois' head. Warnett finishes shaving the head of Francois, and heads back up the aisle, clutching fistfuls of hair. In the ring, Billy begins to power out of the hold again, and the crowd rallies behind him.] SR: What the hell was that? What does Warnett think he's doing!? He thinks he can just come down here, attack Lebec's servant, then walk away? He's got another thing coming! TD: Ummm, Steve? He just did... Could you point out the "other thing" that's to come? SR: Shut up, Dross, or I'll tell the fans about your addiction to toupee glue. [Billy gets to the ropes, and the ref calls for the break. Lebec releases the half crab, but the hold has definately taken it's toll on the champ. Lebec brings the champ to his feet, and Billy wraps him up in a small package. The ref counts... 1 - Kickout by Lebec. Lebec seems steamed at Billy and goes to drop an elbow, but misses. He gets up quickly, and tries again, but misses again. Billy kips up to his feet, but is still favouring his leg. Billy throws Lebec into the ropes and nails a beautiful dropkick to Lebec's face. Lebec goes down to the mat near the ropes. Billy runs twoards him and jumps up to spring off the second rope staight up, and splashes Lebec. The ref counts as Billy takes the cover... 1 - 2 - Kickout by Lebec. Billy gets up and moves to the top rope, but Lebec gets up and shakes the ropes, causing Billy to lose his balance and tumble out onto the floor.] TD: Oh, my! A bump like that can end a man's career if he falls badly. SR: Well, let's just hope and pray that Billy fell correctly. TD: Seriously? SR: Yes... Right onto his head. [Lebec leaves the ring to pound on Billy some more, and notices the unconcious Francois on the floor. He curses, and sends the champ into the timekeeper's table. The officials, including the new woman, scatter from the table as Shakespeare crashes into it. Lebec seems anxious to end the match, and throws Billy back into the ring, and begins to climb back in as well. The new woman rushes towards Lebec, and pulls him off the apron. Lebec turns around annoyed, and the woman punches him with a gloved fist. The ref sees this and calls for the bell. The woman hits Lebec again and again, and in her fury, her wig falls off, exposing a Randy Acorn-like head. Acorn tears the dress off to get more freedom of motion in his very masculine street clothes. Acorn pounds Lebec to the floor until it looks like Lebec won't get up for a time.] TD: Again! Acorn pulls the disguise trick again! SR: Disgusting. TD: Yes, that was a digusting attack. SR: No, I mean it was disgusting that Sparkplug Lee found Acorn in drag attractive. RA: Ladies and gentlemen, your winner, as a result of a disqualification, "Showstopper" Simon Lebec! [Crowd boos.] However, since the belt cannot change hands through a disqualification, the IIWF Cruiserweight champion remains Billy Shakespeare! [big pop] [Shakespeare baulks at the announcement, and seems not to know why he was disqualified. He then notices Randy Acorn on the apron beckoning to him. Acorn points to himself, then his eyes, then at Shakespeare, then begins to walk up the aisle. Shakespeare is obviously upset about losing the match, and goes out to check on Lebec. Billy helps him up, and Lebec holds his head. Lebec, seeing who is helping him, pushes Billy away, and points at him, telling him to stay away. Shakespeare tries to explain, but Lebec has none of it. Lebec moves over to tend to Francois, who is still unconcious. Lebec picks up Francois and begins to drag him up the aisle. Shakespeare just stands at ringside, showing his anger.] TD: Wow, what was that all about? SR: Well, it would seem that Acorn wants Shakespeare at 110% at Ring Wars II, so he's watching the Puke King's back. I don't balme him. Acorn wants Billy's belt, and he wants to make sure that Pukespeare still has it when they face each other. It would seem that Lebec doesn't share my powers of perception, though... He thinks it's all a cunning plan to cost him the shot at the belt. I'm sure he's not too happy about Francois' head either... TD: Steve, you astonish me sometimes. You seem to have figured that one out fairly well. SR: That's because I'm a professional journalist, unlike you. [Eventually, Billy shakes his head and makes his way up the aisle, half-heartedly slapping the hands of some of his fans on the way.] TD: Well, we're just a few moments away from tonight's main event, with IIWF World Champion Deathbringer in action, but before we go back up to the ring, let's get the latest news on Ring Wars II direct from the IIWF President himself. [Cut to split screen. On the left, Roberts and Dross at the announcers' table; on the right, President Dan seated at his desk in his office.] TD: President Dan, it's an honour to have you here tonight. DS: Thanks, Tim. I'm going to have to keep this short -- the phones have been ringing off the hook here, and about 80% of the calls have been from Brian Lau, who is not a happy man after the events of earlier on tonight. However, the fans of the IIWF should be very happy about what transpired with Tiger Claw's match, because the return of the Subway Psycho will have direct ramifications on the lineup at Ring Wars II. TD: Really? In what way? DS: Well, clearly the Subway Psycho is itching to get right into the thick of things here in the IIWF once more, and I'm going to give him the chance to get right into the action, by making him the seventh and final member of the team captained by Dan Kauffman in the Wargames match at Ring Wars II. TD: That's tremendous news! The Subway Psycho will be in Ring Wars II! DS: That's not all. I am also able to announce that the seventh and final addition to the opposing team in the Wargames match, captained by Casey "Blackheart" James, will be Robski. Now we know just who will be in that double steel cage in the Hoosier Dome on October 12, and the complete card will almost definitely be finalised by this Wednesday. TD: There are more matches to be signed? DS: Possibly, Tim. As you heard earlier tonight, Pain Inc. have lobbied me for a match with the Zodiac Connection at Ring Wars II, but the Arabian Knights have also lobbied me, demanding another match against Pain Inc. This is a situation that I hope to have resolved in the next couple of days, and I should be ready to make the final announcements on Mayhem this Wednesday. However, I can also reveal that negotiations between the IIWF and some former stars to return at Ring Wars II are also in progress. TD: Former stars? Can you name any names? DS: It would be inappropriate at this stage. I don't want any of the negotiations to hit snags, so I must remain tight-lipped. Of course, I will also be announcing the matches for the IIWF's first ever Free For All this coming week. TD: Every day seems to bring new surprises here in the IIWF, Mr. President. DS: That's absolutely the case. On the subject of surprises, very quickly, I just want to pass comment on the appearance of Cadaver earlier this week. No formal agreement between Cadaver and the IIWF exists at this time, and nor is it likely to, for him to wrestle. In fact, due to the volatile and dangerous nature of his character, which I am all too familiar with, I have asked the IIWF's security to escort him from any IIWF venue, should he appear. That's all I wish to say for now. [The phone rings] Excuse me, gentlemen. Duty calls. TD: Of course. Thanks for being with us, President Dan. [Cut back to a normal shot of the announcers' table.] TD: Well, what do you make of all that, Steve? SR: Does it matter? It's getting late, and we've still got Yawnbringer's match to go. I'd like to stay awake to see Billy Sexton win the World Title if at all possible. TD: Alright then, let's go back up to the ring for tonight's main event. =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= IIWF WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Deathbringer vs. "Painbringer" Billy Sexton ------------------------------------------- [Sparkplug Lee steps into the ring once more.] RA: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is tonight's main event, and it is for the IIWF World Heavyweight Championship! [Big pop] Introducing first, the challenger: making his way down the aisle, hailing from Wawa, Ontario, Canada, and weighing in at 245lbs, here is: "Painbringer" Billy Sexton! [Big heel pop for Sexton as he saunters coolly down the aisle, in no hurry at all to get into the ring. Red and white lights swirl above the ring in time with his ring music, "TNT". Finally, he steps through the ropes and lounges nonchalantly in one corner.] TD: I can't believe how relaxed Sexton looks. He's going to fight _Deathbringer_, for heaven's sake. SR: Who's afraid of the big bad Deathbringer, Dross? Not me. And not Billy Sexton -- especially when he's promising us a big surprise. TD: It'd be a plenty big enough surprise to see Sexton wrestle a clean match for a change. SR: We're talking about surprises here, Dross, not miracles. RA: And introducing the champion: hailing from the dark side, weighing in at 324lbs, here is the Deathbringer! [Massive pop as the lights drop out totally. A red glowing pair of eyes illuminates the video wall for a few moments, and then the lights rise again, only to find that Deathbringer is not alone in the ring! The Arabian Knights are there, with the Grand Vizier at ringside, and together, the Knights and Sexton are putting the boots into the champion! Huge heel pop!] TD: Oh my! Where did the Arabian Knights come from?! And what do they want with Deathbringer?! SR: This is it! This is Sexton's surprise! This is great! Kick his ass, boys, and kick it good! TD: Steve, please try and keep a civil tongue in your head! This is awful! [Deathbringer rallies from the attack, but three on one presents odds that even the IIWF World Champion finds difficult to beat, and it takes the arrival of a number of other officials to eject the Knights and Sexton from the ring. Deathbringer is laid out flat in the ring. The appointed referee motions to Sparkplug Lee to make an announcement.] TD: Deathbringer's out! This could mean big trouble for the IIWF World Champion! RA: Ladies and gentlemen, due to the interference of the Arabian Knights before the match has even formally begun, the referee has disqualified "Painbringer" Billy Sexton by defau-- [Sexton grabs the microphone away from the announcer and climbs the ringsteps, from which vantage point he addresses the crowd.] BS: What you have seen tonight has shocked the wrestling world. FOR THE FIRST TIME BILLY SEXTON HAS MADE SOME FRIENDS. Three of them so far: the Grand Vizier, and the Arabian Knights. They have promised me the Intercontinental Title. Baby, I'm going to get it weather these people like it or not. [Big heel pop] TD: We'll see what Don Antonio and Tiger Claw have to say about that. SR: Shut up, Dross. Just listen! BS: You see, people kept on sticking their noses in my business. In doing so I lost matches... that's where the Knights come in to play. The Knights will be at ringside for all my matches. Mr. President, for far too long I have been pushed aside for my title shot. Well, baby, not any more. I want my title shot and I want it after Ring Wars. Members of the IIWF behold... A new alliance has been formed. PREPARE TO SUFFER THE PAIN. OH YEAH! [A big heel pop greets Sexton as he raises his arms to the jeering crowd. He turns on the steps, and stops dead, dropping the microphone with a loud bump as the previously motionless figure of Deathbringer suddenly sits up. Huge face pop! Deathbringer gets straight to his feet and heads after Sexton, who turns tail and heads up the aisle, pushing past the also retreating Arabian Knights.] TD: Wow! Nothing can keep the IIWF Champion down for long! He's going after Sexton for a little revenge! [Deathbringer continues to stalk Sexton and the Knights up the aisle, the crowd cheering their encouragement.] TD: Well, folks, we're right out of time here tonight, but what a show it's been! The Subway Psycho has returned, we've seen all four of the IIWF's Champions in action, and we've witnessed some shocking new developments in the Man Of Steel saga. It's been a pretty eventful ni-- No! Hang on! Stay with us! Look at that! [The crowd erupts into a huge heel pop as Deathbringer is suddenly waylaid at the top of the aisle, attacked by the Outlaw J.W. Hardin and Cadaver. Cadaver hits the Death Drop on the IIWF Champion, and Hardin executes his Cattle Buster, both moves driving Deathbringer's head straight into the arena floor. Cadaver unstraps the IIWF Championship belt from around Deathbringer's waist, and ceremonially presents it to the Outlaw.] TD: This is outrageous! This is... SR: ...GREAT! Looks like the true champion has the belt back at last! [Within moments of Cadaver fastening the belt around Hardin's waist, a security team rushes out from behind the curtain and tries to drag the pair away. Chris Quigley, the White Phoenix and other IIWF superstars also dash out into the arena to tend to Deathbringer.] TD: It seems that Deathbringer is never safe from the evil plans of Hardin and Cadaver. We really are right out of time, folks. I'll be back on Tuesday for another Control Centre update, and I'll bring you all the latest news on the situations developing here tonight. Until then, for "Soundbite" Steve Roberts, this is Tim Dross, saying: so long, everybody! [As various allies help Deathbringer back out to the locker room area, fade.] +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= I * I * W * F =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+ | Send mail to iiwf@sisko.demon.co.uk with the subject lines: | | "send faq" for the FAQ + "send singles" or "send tag" for the | | rosters + "send handlers" for a list of handlers | +------------------------------------+---------------------------------+ | URL: http://www.sisko.demon.co.uk/ | President: Daniel Spreadbury | +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+