##### ###### ### ########## ########## ########## #### ## ########## ########## ########## #### # #### ######## ##### ##### #### ## ##### #### #### #### #### ### #### #### #### #### ############# ######### #### #### ########### ######### #### #### #### #### #### ######### ######### ### #### #### ######### ######### ### ## #### ######## ######## ## # #### =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- ## =-=-=-= INTERNATIONAL INTERNET WRESTLING FEDERATION =============================================== Control Centre Update - Tuesday 1 October ----------------------------------------------- [Fade up on Tim Dross seated in the IIWF's mobile Control Centre. Behind him, a bank of video monitors show scenes from recent IIWF events.] Hi there, folks, and welcome to another IIWF Control Centre update! It was another weekend of huge news and surprises here in the IIWF, and in today's update, I'll be bringing you up to speed on all that's happened. We're now less than two weeks away from IIWF Ring Wars II, and it seems that every day brings a new development that will affect this fantastic event. Of course, the big news of this past weekend has been the return of the Subway Psycho, and his reunion with his manager and confidant, Mistress Sasha. We'll have a very special interview with the Psycho later on today, plus I'll be: - running down all the events of last Saturday Night - looking ahead to tomorrow night's Midweek Mayhem - taking a look at the lineup for Ring Wars II - bringing you the latest rankings and more! So let's get straight to it. IIWF Saturday Night - 28 September 1996 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Originating live from the America West Arena, Phoenix, Arizona, the capacity crowd were treated to a tremendous event, despite the awful storms which threatened to make many wrestlers late for the show. Let's run down the results: 1. PAIN INC. defeated THE ROTUNDOS in quick time, applying the Simply Pain spike powerbomb on both of their overweight opponents. 2. ROBSKI defeated MAJESTIC MAURICE McARTHUR, pinning him after a powerbomb, but also took delivery of a collection of toenail clippings from his girlfriend, Jasmine, who still resides with the Punster. 3. THE WHITE PHOENIX defeated PALE RIDER of the High Plains Drifters with his deadly Phoenix Strike. 4. MAGUS defeated THE PUNSTER, thanks to the distractions provided by Robski at ringside. In the end, Magus was able to pin the off-balance Punster after a powerbomb. 5. "BADBOY" RANDY ACORN wasted no time in taking apart EL SUPER GECKO, forcing him to submit to his Newark Knife Texas cloverleaf. 6. OTTO "THE BUTCHER" VERHOEVEN destroyed "NUCLEAR" JOHN BOMBER in less than twenty seconds, using only three moves: a chokeslam, a powerbomb and his devastating Slaughterslam. If any further proof of the unprecedented dangers Verhoeven presents to opponents was needed, this match provided it. 7. IIWF World Tag Team Champions the ARMED FORCES defeated THE ZODIAC CONNECTION by knocking them about with Aaron the Caddie's golf club, before subjecting Scorpio to the lethal ICBM/AK47 combination for the pinfall. The Forces were scouted from the aisle by their two Ring Wars opponents, the High Plains Drifters and Stunt Team USA, who put an end to the Forces' assault of the Zodiacs by storming the ring. Together, the Drifters and STUSA cleared the ring, but the cooperation was shortlived, as Pale and Easy knocked Ron and Steve to the outside. 8. "QUICKSTRIKE" CHRIS QUIGLEY scored a great victory over JOE LATTA, despite the interference of both "Badboy" Randy Acorn, who again jumped out of the crowd in disguise, and clouted Quigley with an arm cast, and Otto Verhoeven, who wasn't given the chance to interfere, since he was nailed with a chair by Quigley. However, in the end, Quigley overcame the odds and slapped the "Quickstriker" on Latta for the submission win. Let's hear from Quigley now: [SCENE: "Quickstrike" Chris Quigley sitting back in the press box, watching the other matches on the card, after his hard fought win over Joe Latta. An sportswriter for a local newspaper walks up to him and introduces himself as David Jesso...] DJ: Mr. Quigley? Hi. I'm David Jesso with the Times... can I get an interview with you for the sports page? CQ: Uh, yeah, sure. DJ: Well first of all, tonight you wrestled INCREDIBLY! Despite Randy Acorn, and your arch-nemesis Otto Vorhoeven interfering, not to mention Brain Lau... you STILL defeated Joe Latta, one of the greatest wrestlers in the IIWF! Simply put... how did you do it?! CQ: Desire. Desire and never wanting to give up, never stopping, and never taking the mental pressure off myself. When I'm in the ring, I'm constantly talking to myself in my head, pushing myself onward. I get to the point where I nearly can't stand MYSELF for making me keep going, but I do, and that's what puts me a step above the rest. DJ: Now you get to face Randy Acorn in the next week. You must be happy about that. CQ: Absolutely. "Bad Boy" Randy Acorn, is first and foremost, a FRAUD! "Bad Boy" Mark Bagwell, as much as I hate him, is the ONLY true "Bad Boy" of wrestling. He's an all time great, over 25 titles in his career so far, and if I can beat HIM... there is no way I'm going down to a wannabe! DJ: Well... how about the next card after that, where a special battle royal will be held to determine the #1 contender to the World title? Are you in that? CQ: I can't say for sure, but yeah, I think I'll be in it, and it's a great chance for me. The first two titles I won in my career were won by winning Battle Royals. The Ringlord championship coming up is a battle royal, and I intend on winning THAT. Then you have this. A shot at the big one if you outlast everyone else. Battle royal's aren't about size... they are about stamina... and there is NOBODY in this league with more stamina than me. It's also about heart... there is NOBODY with more heart than me. My whole career I have NEVER, EVER submitted to ANY move ONCE! Not once! It's something I am KNOWN for. People try and they try, but lemme tell you something... you would have to crack my arms off and rip my legs out, and even then, you better hope I pass out, because I will NOT, no way, no how, EVER submit! THAT, sir, is HEART! DJ: Agreed. Okay... and then onto War Games... CQ: I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. Right now, I'm getting ready for Acorn, as well as getting ready for the battle royal, I'm just hoping I'm in it, although I can't see NOT being in it. And myself and Otto Verhoeven will be facing each other in the NCWF... yes, it's now an inter-fed feud, born right here in the IIWF. Now I can whip the Nazi's ass all over the world! As far as War Games goes... just look at the teams... and realize that only an IDIOT would bet against us! DJ: Thanks Chris... look for this in Wednesday's edition! CQ: I will. Later. [Jesso leaves the press box as Quigley focuses back on the action, ready in case anything happens where he might have to rush down to ringside... Fade] 9. CASEY "BLACKHEART" JAMES scored a tainted victory over the new and improved ARCHANGEL at the climax of a brutal match which saw more action outside the ring than in it. Joe Latta made his way down to ringside during the match, and threw a set of brass knuckles to Casey, allowing him to hit an even more devastating than usual Blackheart Punch for the victory. Archangel teams with Marty Warnett this Wednesday to face Joe Latta and the Sandman, in the hopes of getting a little revenge: [SCENE: Archangel, the Deacon, and Bishop Right sit in a circle surrounding a cross.] A: Joe Latta, you seem to like to play with foreign objects. Well look at mine! [Archangel tosses a steel cross onto the floor.] A: Casey James, once you stood for the light, now you oppose it with your "blackheart". You shall beg the Lord for forgiveness when I'm done with you. D: Joe Latta, I am impressed by your audacity. But it will get you nowhere. That's why the Church of the IIWF, challenges you to a Finisher's Match on Saturday Night. You will feel the power of the light or face eternal damnation. D: And finally Brian Lau, the leader of the Syndicate. I, the Deacon, challenge you to a match. Just a simple match no stipulations. BR: If you do not know this by now, this is Holy War. You will be stalked by the light till you submit. A: God takes care of old folks and fools, you guys are the fools. [Fade] Casey James and Joe Latta don't seem bothered by the Archangel's talk of Holy War: [SCENE: Casey and Joe Latta sit on a wooden fence at Josey Wales' ranch. They seem to be relaxed as they laugh about something. They both wear the new Syndicate shirts that state "There's two kinds of people: Syndicate members and people who wish they were."] CJ: But did you see that idiot fall to the ground when I hit him with that thing? JL: Yeah... You know, it just goes to show you that a flashy gimmick won't help you. Archangel, you can go around and claim that you're a messenger from the heavens. You can go around claiming that you are to punish the evil forces in the IIWF, but you will never be able to get it accomplished. You see, we are too strong. As it stood a month ago, the Syndicate was the most powerful force in the IIWF. The Senate was a formidable force, and the Posse... Well, let's just say that the Posse was almost as good at bringing the gold home as the Syndicate. But now, not only are you still facing the all powerful Syndicate, but you're facing a new alliance of the Senate, the Posse, and many of the free agents in the IIWF. When I say free agents, I'm talking Otto Verhoeven, I'm talking Randy Acorn, I'm talking The Sandman. Oh, but it seems that The Sandman is not alone any more. It seems that the Knights are getting back on track. My congratulations go out to the Sandman. In the face of adversity, he came out on top. It just makes us stronger. All of us. CJ: Archangel, I think I showed you what a real man is capable of. I beat you into the dirt. To be honest, though, it didn't give me the pleasure it could have. You see, my man Joe wants a piece of you, and I didn't want to completely finish you off. I wanted to save a piece for him. Do you get what I'm saying, big man? I didn't even go all out on you, and I kicked you from pillar to post. Joe is just as intense as I am, and you can believe he's not going to save your sorry ass for anyone else. You've angered the Syndicate, and that's a big old mistake. [Casey hops off the fence and gets closer to the camera.] CJ: Now, there's the little matter of Man Of Steel. I saw him pound on Sabin Figaro on Saturday, and I was pretty impressed. It seems that those drugs and that booze have made him a better man. Way to go, Steel, you're on the road to a great recovery from the disease called patriotism. It's a twelve step program, though... The first step you've gone through. The next eleven are enforced by me. That's the amount of times you beg me to stop beating you before you realize that it's doing you no good. You see, Steel, even though you may have realized that the rules are meant to be broken, I still have my problems with you. I'm not backing down an inch when I get my hands on you. Joe and I are going to put our team into tip top shape. I look at this team not as a captain, but as a mate. Joe and I are leading our team to victory, and it's that simple... Because if the left one don't getcha... JL: The right one will! We're going to be raising these arms in vicotry come October 12, you can count on that! Come on, Casey, let's go into town and show 'em all how to have a good time. CJ: Yeah... Beating up on vagrants... It'll be practice for when I get my hands on MOS. [The duo laughs as the shot fades.] 10. TIGER CLAW believed he was going into an easy victory when he signed for a match against LOUIE THE NINJA in non-title action. However, he was over-confident, and Louie frustrated him throughout the match, putting him off-balance to such an extent that he was able to pin him after a devastating legdrop from the top rope, which looked familiar -- with good reason, for after the match, Louie unmasked himself, revealing him to be the Subway Psycho! Not content with dropping one bombshell on the IIWF, the Psycho was then reunited with Mistress Sasha, his former manager and friend, who had been coerced into working with Brian Lau. It was an emotional moment for everybody in the arena, and we'll hear from Sasha and the Psycho a little later on, but Brian Lau is a very unhappy man right now: [SCENE: Brian Lau's office. Kenny Tanaka and Brian are present.] KT: Hello, folks! I'm... BL: Kenny, be quiet. KT: What? But... BL: Let me spell it out for you. I talk, you sit there and shut up. I want to talk about the blatant prejudice against the Syndicate on Saturday night. Tiger Claw was scheduled to fight Louie The Ninja, not Subway Psycho. Now, I do not know if Louie the Ninja was Subway Psycho all along, but it really matters not right now... You see, Psycho, I did you a favour by taking that world title from you without having you get in the ring with Tiger Claw. I did you a favour by not having Tiger Claw beat you and take the world title from you himself. Now you've done it, though. Tiger Claw wants you bad. You've upset him, which makes the drive to win even more powerful. You think you've outsmarted me by getting Sasha back? I got what I wanted out of her, and that was ruining you. It seems that she was not able to help me do it completely, so I was to get rid of her soon anyway. I can assure you that she has no information that would be useful to you, as I was careful not to reveal any of our secrets to her. There's all this speculation that I was blackmailing her, of course, and I can say that is not true. It is some lie made up by Subway Psycho to nurse his bruised libido. Psycho, that woman is fickle, and as one professional to another, I wouldn't trust her if I were you. Psycho, you might have bruised the record of Tiger Claw, but records mean nothing. What makes a difference is who is dominant in the ring. The officials here have some other agenda, and that's making people like you look good. You may have won this little battle, Psycho, but I assure you, you won't win the war. Our rivalry is one that has filled the history books, and it will continue to do so. The beating you recieved at the hands of those who ally with me will look like a spanking compared to what will happen to you. You caught us with our guard down once, but I can guarantee that we will not repeat our mistake. We learn from our losses, Psycho. We have learned to cover our weaknesses, and we have learned how to finish you. Put you affairs in order and contact your next of kin. Kenny, I'm done. Go away. KT: Okay, folks, that's all for today. Good Bye. [Fade] 11. SABIN FIGARO was expecting a typical clean, sportsmanlike match from his opponent, the masked MAN OF STEEL, but he was very unpleasantly surprised by Steel's demeanour in the ring. Recovering from a car accident, which it has been alleged was caused by drunk driving, and constantly under fire from men like Casey James, who maintains that Steel is also fighting a drug addiction, Steel was like a completely different man in the ring, using all manner of underhand tactics to guarantee victory. As of yet, we've still been unable to get comments from him about his actions, or, indeed, about the accident. 12. In possibly the match of the night, "SPOTLIGHT" BILLY SHAKESPEARE was disqualified in a defence of his IIWF Cruiserweight Championship against "SHOWSTOPPER" SIMON LEBEC when "Badboy" Randy Acorn made his second unscheduled appearance of the night, this time masquerading as a woman at the timekeeper's table. Acorn attacked Lebec, thus ensuring that Shakespeare would retain his title. However, Lebec still had some reasons to be unhappy: firstly, a DQ victory doesn't get you a championship; and secondly, during the match Marty Warnett came down to the ring and shaved the head of Lebec's manservant, Francois. However, Lebec, typically, is more concerned with his latest vacation than his hair. We'll hear from him in a moment -- first let's hear from the frustrated champion: [SCENE: Billy Shakespeare backstage after Saturday Night's frustrating and infuriating interference loss.] BS: "By the pricking of my thumbs, something wicked this way comes." No, no wait... it's just Randy Acorn in a dress. Yet it is another of Macbeth's quotes that comes to mind. "The attempt and not the deed,confounds us." Badboy Acorn, I don't know your game. Nor do I think I care to. Only understand that the fate you are sealing is your own. You want me in top condition at Ring Wars? You will rue that day. You have cost me a victory over Lebec, a man my inferior, who, through intervention, continues his winning record against me. Acorn, heed the words of King Lear: "Stand not between the dragon and his wrath." [He waves the camera away. Fade] Now let's go to Lebec's comments as he recovers from a strenous vacation: [SCENE: Simon Lebec in a bathtub, soaking his body.] SL: Crystal!!! More bath crystals!!! More shampoo!!! More of everything!!! I need to wash the damn Newfie smell off myself!!! NEVER again will I simply point to a globe to plan a vacation!!! For those of you who have never gone there, you're lucky. Here's some footage that Francois took of it all. Here!! See for yourself!!! [Cut to clips of Lebec's vacation. Opens with Lebec standing in the wilderness.] SL: Well, Francois, here we are... surrounded by absolutely nothing!!! I'm here for ten minutes and I already want to leave!!! My bags were lost by the idiot Newfies at baggage claim, my hotel is an absolute disaster, and I've already learned that this is the cradle of idiocy for our civilization. [Lebec gets on hs cellular phone and begins talking.] WHAT???? WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE RUNWAY IS CLOSED?????.... HOLDING AIRWAY FOR A MOOSE CROSSING??????? [He hangs up.] Come on Francois. We'll take a boat!!! I need out of here!! [He dials up again and begins talking. Lebec begins studying a map.] PORT AUX BASQUES?????? THAT'S ACROSS THE ISLAND!!! ISN'T THERE ANOTHER FERRY??? YOU'RE [bleep]ING ME!! [He hangs up again.] Francois!! Rent out a car. We're heading across Newfoundland. The sooner the better!! [He dials once more...] WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU HAVE NO AUTOMOBILES????? WHAT KIND OF BACKASS PLACE IS THIS????.... DOG SLED????? OKAY, I'LL TAKE IT!! HARNESS THEM UP!! I'LL BE THERE SOON!! [He hangs up.] Let's go, Francois. We're outta here!! [Cut back to Lebec in the tub.] SL: Urrggggghhhh!!! Just the memories alone make me want to vomit!! That wasn't the end of my journey. I'll tell you all about it later. Thinking about it anymore might make me puke!! [Fade as Lebec continues to scrub his body.] Randy Acorn, on the other hand, is very pleased with his unscheduled participation in the goings-on in the America West Arena: [SCENE: Randy Acorn is seen sitting in the locker room after a very involved day in the IIWF. He has an arrogant smile on his face and is throwing fake punches in the direction of the camera.] RA: Man, I am good. Noone knows where or when I'm going to pop up. Oh my, noone is safe....safe from the BADBOY!!! At the front of the gates, they should put up a sign that says "Now appearing......well wherever the hell he wants, RANDY ACORN!!" Quigley, you were just a man that got on my nerves and I had to cast-arate you. HAHAHA!! I also realize that you will be in WAR GAMES, so I had to make sure that you weren't quite a hundred percent for my buddy Otto. Don't worry, I may or may not mess with you again, probably the latter since you're a pointless waste of my time. And Lebec, you are merely a man that was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Of course, I would have no problem kicking your ass anytime you wanted it kicked but at the current time, I have no beef with you. You just can't take what is rightfully mine and that's the Cruiserweight Title. So if you have any thoughts of challenging, think again and spend your time focusing on long-haired hippies. [Randy stands up and opens a locker. He pulls out a high school yearbook, opens it and points to a pimple faced kid.] Shakespeare, I bet right about now you're having flashbacks of your youth, a time of mistreatment, a time of unpopularity. You see, I know what you once were and still hold close to you on the inside. You claim to be true to your fans, the people of the world, when in truth, you haven't even been true to yourself. I have already shown what you looked like as a kid but now, I will show you something to shock the world and make people wonder about the man behind the myth. [Randy takes a few steps back and motions to someone behind the lockers to come forward. A very timid, unpleasant looking woman comes forward, almost crying. Randy looks directly into the camera and begins to speak again.] RA: Ah yes, I know that Billy knows who this is but now it's time that I unveil her name and why she is here to the world. Her name, Samantha Lee, now hear her story and boo Billy as he walks the aisles. Samantha, let them feel your pain and mine as well. [Randy lets out a chuckle as the timid young lady steps forward and begins to speak softly] SL: Billy, I never wanted to turn against you but Mr. Acorn made me realize that I must do this to satisfy my true feelings. RA: Hurry up, tell them what he has done to you. It personally makes me sick. SL: Okay...okay. Billy, we once had a love in high school that was unbreakable. One that I thought would last forever. That was until after high school. You took up the sport of wrestling in college and slowly began to slip out of my life. When you saw me, you continued to tell me that you loved me but I knew that it had become a lie, not only to me but to yourself. You also became a popular young man and one day told me that you had to go and fulfill your dream of wrestling and that you would be back for me so we could share the fortunes of your fame, but come back, you never did. I cried and cried and sat alone in my house for years. You had broken my heart and my will to communicate with anyone else. I still care for you but I see you wrestling and saying that you care for the fans when I know what you have done to me. I wasn't going to do anything until the other day when Mr. Acorn knocked on my door. He sat down with me and told me not to be afraid to expose. At first I would have none of it but then I realized that it must be done so the fans could know who you truly were and what you were really about. So there it is, my story, now you know, and now I hope you look at Billy with no respect and spit in his face, because that's what he basically did to me. [Randy begins to clap as the woman begins to cry and runs out of the locker room. Randy looks into the camera, a glimmer in his eye.] RA: Now the world knows what I have known since I first set a glance on you. You may be the great whatever of a famous person, but that's the only greatness that you will ever achieve again in anyone's book because they now know what kind of sick individual you are. Watch where you walk, because now, the world is on your heels and it's not to get your autograph, it's to get a piece of your ass. HA! HA! HA! See ya at WAR GAMES. [Screen fades to black as Randy casually walks out of the locker room and out into the sunlight.] Folks, I'm sure there's no truth whatsoever to that ridiculous tale, and I'm sure Billy will answer Acorn immediately. We'll have more on this in Friday's report. 13. There wasn't even a match between IIWF World Heavyweight Champion DEATHBRINGER and "PAINBRINGER" BILLY SEXTON. As 'Bringer made his entrance, he was attacked by Sexton's new allies, the Arabian Knights. Eventually, the champion rallied and chased his attackers up the aisle, but he was waylaid at the head of the aisle by another brutal attack from the Outlaw J.W. Hardin and Cadaver. Cadaver performed the Death Drop on the champ, and Hardin executed his Cattle Buster DDT, laying 'Bringer out long enough for Cadaver to remove the championship belt from around his waist and strap it around Hardin's. Security eventually cleared the area, and Deathbringer got up in hot pursuit of the terrible twins. The IIWF is in a state of shock concerning the arrival of Cadaver, but the mysterious and sinister interloper has yet to break his silence about his purpose here. Let's hear first from the new alliance: [SCENE: outside the IIWF headquarters with "Painbringer" Billy Sexton and the Arabian Knights.] Vizier: In our short time here in the IIWF we have learned that for you to make it anywhere you have to make a few friends, with people to watch your back there will be less chance of interference costing you a victory. And with out growing number of friends we are going to be a real power to be reckoned with..... Prince: I myself disagree with the Vizier, I think that the Arabian Knights need no help to become tag team champions, for it has already been written that it will be. But I trust in the judgement of the Grand Vizier for he is rarely wrong. [A very arrogant look forms on the Prince's face.] Prince: I see that we have a match against the Heavy Metal this Saturday night, you may be two big impressive physical specimens but I seriously doubt that you have any brains to back it up and after the recent turn of events I wonder if you are ready the feel the FULL FURY OF THE ARABIAN KNIGHTS! That you chose to sign this match at this time was a very foolish move by your manager Mr Stone........ So prepare for the JIHAD, prepare for WAR! Vizier: As you can see our numbers are growing fast, and I hope to make further announcements of additions to our group very soon. I must say that I am very happy that "Painbringer" Billy Sexton has decided to join with us. It makes me wonder why it is that this man does not have a Championship belt round his waist? Surely there cannot be a better submission wrestler anywhere! We are going to make sure that Billy Sexton gets all the help that he needs to secure the Intercontinental Championship Belt. For too long has that belt been round the waist of Tiger Claw, who has only managed to hang on to the belt through the interference of his manager Brian Lau and all his assorted cronies. And as for the Family -- well, we find them laughable, they spend too much time sticking their noses into other peoples' business to be a threat to the new Intercontinental Champion elect, "Painbringer" Billy Sexton!!! [The Grand Vizier reaches into his pocket and pulls out a set of car keys, which he hands to Billy Sexton, the Vizier then points to a brand new Ferrari standing in the parking lot behind them.] Sexton: The whole world is wondering, what happened to Billy Sexton. Well baby I'll tell ya. I got wise, wise to the fact that right now as it stands, I should be the Intercontinental Champion. But the powers that be do not want to give me a title shot. Everyone here in the IIWF is afraid to have me as their champion. 'Cause when I get the title I ain't letting go. [Sexton looks staight into the camera.] Many of you might be asking yourself: why join forces with the likes of the Grand Vizier and the Knights? Well, I'll show ya. [Sexton points back to the Ferrari.] You see, the Grand Vizier has promised me money, he has promised me fame, and most of all he has promised me the Intercontinental Title. Tiger Claw, your days are soon numbered. That gold that sits around your waist is mine. TIGER CLAW I AM THE INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION. THE GRAND VIZIER AND THE KNIGHTS WILL SEE TO THAT! OH YEAH! [Fade] Let's also get comments from the IIWF Champion, who despite having lost the belt, still holds the title: [SCENE: The mortuary. Deathbringer is standing in a very dark corner. If it wasn't for his piercing red-eyes you possibly wouldn't notice him at all.] DB: Outlaw... At last you dropped your masquerade. I always said that it was not the true prize you wanted, but the common one. And I was right. This weakens your position. After all, you have got nothing in your hands against me. And that, what you have at your side, will betray you faster than you can even imagine. In just about two weeks you will meet the Grim Reaper one on one. Will you survive? Answer this question for yourself. Go out into the night, enter the outer regions of my realm and ask your ancestors about their experiences with Death himself... [Pause] You now hold the title in your hands. But you are a bit rash. Maybe you think that you already won our battle by introducing Cadaver. Now I do not care about Cadaver, at least not for now. It would not make any sense for him to interfere in our confrontation. He would not gain anything. He would not engulf the IIWF with darkness. He could not destroy me by supporting a mortal. So better do not count on him to help you when you are down. In fact, he could not help you even if he wanted to. Noone can escape the scythe of Death. Your blood will cover the canvas when I cut you down. It will be to your best, even if you do not understand it right now... [Pause] At Ring Wars II your fate shall be sealed. This way it is written in the book of eternity. There is no way around it. At Ring Wars II you will fight for death or glory and you will die in pain and anger... But before then, this Saturday will be your last chance to profile yourself. The man in black waits behind this last task. Expect him to watch you closely. Outlaw, prepare to meet your maker... [Fade] All in all, it was a tremendous night of wrestling entertainment, and there's more to come tomorrow night on Midweek Mayhem! Special Interview: the Subway Psycho ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Much to the delight of his hordes of fans, the People's Champion returned to the IIWF this past weekend, and has been reunited with his manager and confidant, Mistress Sasha. I was invited up to Sasha's offices in the Trump Tower for an exclusive interview: [SCENE: Tim Dross enters Sasha's office suite located inside Trump Tower.] TD: Hello again wrestling fans! I'm here at the office of Sasha, the controversial Valet/Manager of the Subway Psycho, then partners with Brian Lau, and now seemingly back with the Psycho. I'm here to get to the bottom of all this. So without further delay, let's see what she has to say. [Dross enters the suite and is meet by a receptionist who after some discussion on an intercom allows Dross to pass into the main office] Sasha: Welcome Tim. Please sit down. You're no doubt here to find out exactly why and how I've been reunited with the man you call the Subway Psycho. TD: Yes, that's exactly what I want to know. How can he trust you after all that you've done? How could he ever take you back on as his manager? Sasha: Why don't you ask him yourself? [She points to a dark corner of the room, where a shadowey figure can barely be seen.] SP: Hello, Tim. Long time, no see. TD: Psycho? Is that you? What's been going on here? There's so many questions I want to ask you! Why have you come back? How have you worked out things with Sasha? What was with this "Louie" gimmick? What was... SP: Hold on Tim. I'll make it easy on you. I'll start from the beginning and you just sit there and listen. When I announced my retirement, I meant it. Like I said before I left, I was tired of the soap-opera atmosphere in the IIWF. I was tired of seeing people I trusted turn against me. I was frustrated with the offices of the IIWF for their inability to stand up to men like Lau, but they were quick to take my title from me. It seems the "heels" have all the power in IIWF. I was tired of it all. I didn't have the desire to compete any longer. Then one day, about two weeks later, Mench came to me a said he had someone who wanted to meet with me. I thought it was going to be you, or Larry, or even President Spreadbury. To my surprise it was Sasha. When I first saw her down in the tunnels all sorts of thoughts went through my mind. My overwhelming emotion was rage. She had been the catalyst for my downfall. Sasha: You see, Tim, my collaboration with Lau was not by choice. There is a certain part of my past which I am not proud of. A very dark past, which I thought I left behind forever. Lau discovered certain documents which could have really ruined me. He was black-mailing me. I had no choice but to do as he said. Then one day, at ringside, Vinny from the Family delivered to me a strange envelope. This envelope was part of the package that was delivered to Don Antonio as part of the infamous IC belt/Dojo break in. Appearently whoever broke in to the Dojo found the documents that Lau was using against me. Once in my possession again, I was freed from Lau's control. SP: After Sasha explained everything to me and showed my the documents, we burned them and set out on devising a plan for me to return. Sasha came up with the ridiculous idea of "Louie the Ninja." This way I could be involved with all the action, and keep tabs on everyone. It also gave me a huge advantage over Tiger Claw in our last meeting. He wasn't expecting Louie to kick his ass. TD: That's an incredible story! So you're here to fight side by side with the "forces of light" of the IIWF at Ring Wars against the growing solidarity of the "forces of darkness" SP: Let's get one thing straight... I fight for me now. I made the mistake of relying on others in the past, and that path failed me. The fans have always backed me because they know I fight from the heart and give 150% every time out. As for the suits of IIWF, a more spineless group of two faced wimps you'll ever want to see. TD: Whoa... that's a pretty serious comment. SP: Yes it is Tim, and this is a serious subject with me. When the IIWF took the belt from me, I didn't complain. I thought that the IIWF was going to start to stand up for itself. Stick to its own rules and and policies. Send a message to everyone that run-ins and actions outside of the ring will have ramifications. But appearently I was the only one that was to be made an example of. It's almost like the IIWF suits are on Brian Lau's payroll. So President Spreadbury was all quick and happy to announce the I was the seventh man in the big War Games match. Well I'm sure that the idea of my presence in the event made President Spreadbury's eyes light up, knowing that the PPV buy rate will go through the roof. Well, I'll fight in the War Games match, but I'm not doing it for Dan Kauffman, MOS, the IIWF or anyone else. I'll do it as a chance to get my hands on Joe Latta, Otto "the Butcher" and Casey James. I still have a few bones to pick with them. [The Psycho steps up and speaks directly into the camera now] I will enter that cage with only one ally. My ally is rage. Part of that rage is vengeance, and in a war fueled by venagence there are casualties of both dark and light. A fire fueled by rage burns indiscriminately and without remorse. The only way for the fire to be extinguished is for it to burn all who have wronged me. Claw and Lau were only the start, War Games is next, and then I will deal with Outlaw and his new buddy, Cadaver. I remember you Cadaver! I remember you better than most! Hardin! You thought you got rid of me? I'm back to kick your ass one more time big man! I did it before and don't think for one second that I wont do it again! Deathbringer... that belt you have around your waist is rightfully mine and if you survive Ring Wars and you still have the belt, I'm coming for you! I don't care about our past together, I'm not in this to make friends. The title is all that matters to me now. Sasha: Thanks for dropping by, Tim. Goodbye. [Sasha leads Dross out the door and closes it behind him. Fade] So there you have it, folks! A new attitude from the Psycho -- focused, determined and single-minded in his quest to rise straight back to the top here in the IIWF. It's great to have him back. IIWF Midweek Mayhem - 2 October 1996 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The days might be getting shorter, and the nights may be drawing in, but what better way to warm yourself up on a fall evening than with a hot and heavy dose of IIWF Midweek Mayhem! Let's take a look at the complete lineup for tomorrow's card: Stunt Team USA vs. Arabian Knights [D] Ron and Steve are headed for their big shot at the IIWF World Tag Team Championship in less than two weeks at Ring Wars II, and they've committed themselves to taking on some of the toughest teams in the IIWF in preparation. The Arabian Knights, who have been on a roll here as of late, could be their toughest test to date. Let's go to comments from their manager, the "Wizard" Belgarath McEndeavour: [SCENE: The Wizard stands on the outside of the training gym in which Ron and Steve try to solve the task of hitting the football.] BM: Greetings... The High Plains Drifters will become the new IIWF champions. The Armed Forces will keep their belts. Stunt Team USA will rule supreme on Ring Wars II. That makes it three possibilities. Will the Armed Forces really keep their belts? [Cut to shots of the High Plains Drifters and Stunt Team USA attacking the Armed Forces and removing them from the ring.] BM: I guess they are outnumbered. So I shall answer this question with a clear _NO_! So we still have got the Drifters and my knights. You, Drifters, made a serious mistake when you attacked the dragonslayers last Saturday night. They'll now, hopefully, be more careful than they've been ever before. They now know that they can`t trust anybody. [Belgarath looks through a window into the gym, then turns back to the camera] BM: I just hope they soon learn that they can trust themselves... [Fade] Hakiro Matsuoko vs. The Punster [D] The Punster has been coming up short recently in the rings, suffering from some very bad luck. His dispute with Robski is ongoing, and he's said to be a little unhappy with Magus following the events of Saturday Night. Hakiro Matsuoko, on the other hand, is focusing all his attention on his upcoming epic battle with Takezo Musashi at Ring Wars II -- the incredible Log Scaffold Match. The Butsumetsu Drop has served him well in past weeks, and he's promising to give the Punster a dose of bad luck all to himself. Let's hear from Matsuoko as he prepares for Musashi: [SCENE: Somewhere in the badlands. Hakiro sits alone at the top of a pillar of stone. The rock formations around him cast eerie shadows across the landscape. A fire burns near Hakiro, and a blue smoke rises from the coals.] HM: Many have noticed that I have been quiet as of late. The reason is simple. I am about to face a ghost from my past. A man that tried to steal my thunder by going behind my back and sticking a knife into it. I was robbed of the chance to attain my goals and realize my destiny of becoming the greatest Warrior in the world. Takezo Musashi has the training, and he has the Starsault Press, but he doesn't have the attitude. That place with the Grandmaster was meant for me. I posess the warrior soul, and I alone possess the skill to completely dominate Takezo Musashi. We will meet one last time on a log suspended 20 feet above the ring, and the last person standing upon it will be declared the winner. But what is a mark on a piece of paper? The IIWF may recognize those marks as a way to rank a person's skill in the ring, but you all know as well as I that these marks are meaningless. The person who will be the real victor will be the man who can still walk from the ring that night. The real victor will be the man who capitalizes on the weakness of his enemy and crush him. Takezo, there is still much for you to learn, and I shall be the teacher. I will open your eyes to vast worlds of pain. [Hakiro thrusts his hand into the fire, and pulls out a burning coal. He holds it in his hand for the camera to see.] Pain... What is pain? Is it a primitive response to an outside stimulus? Some believe this is so. Some believe that it is a warning signal that some part of the brain uses to tell the body that it's going too far. Most people are ruled by their pain, while I have embraced it. [There is a sizzling sound as Hakiro closes his fist on the coal] I know that the human body is a tool, the potential of which has not been fully tapped. Through centuries of weakness, we have forgotten what we are capable of. I am forcing my body to remember what it can do, and as a result, the pain I feel just encourages me to push harder. And what makes the pain go away? [Hakiro opens his hand, and the dust from the crushed coal blows away in the wind.] Destroy that which strives to cause that pain. That is what I shall do with you. I will allow you to encourage me, and then crush you like an insect. I will throw you off our battle ground, and when you hit the floor and your bones snap and you find it hard to stay conscious... [Hakiro stands, and the shot widens. He jumps from the pillar and flips several times in the air, landing on his feet on the ground 20 feet below.] HM: I see Butsumetsu in your future. Your unluckiest day is upon you. I am the bearer of your misfortune. The bad Karma of your disloyalty to me shall come back to you in full all in a brief moment, and the human body, no matter how well trained, can withstand such an attack. Your journey has finished, Takezo Musashi, and mine has just begun. [Fade] Prisoner #109 vs. "Quickstrike" Chris Quigley [D] The rabid ramblings of Prisoner #109 have been strangely absent in the past few days, and in fact, no IIWF representative has managed to make contact with the crazed ex-convict. I have heard a rumour that he has been returned to jail once more, but I cannot confirm it at this time. If he makes it to the ring tomorrow night, he might wish that he hadn't, as he goes up against Chris Quigley, who's coming off the back of a great victory on Saturday Night against Joe Latta. Quigley's determined to get himself into the best frame of mind for the Wargames match coming up on October 12, and what better way to do it than to face more tough competition in the ring? NON-TITLE: "Spotlight" Billy Shakespeare vs. El Super Gecko [J] [D] Following his disappointment at the weekend, when "Badboy" Randy Acorn cost him a victory against Simon Lebec, Billy Shakespeare is determined that nobody is to steal his show. Tomorrow night, the Cruiserweight Champion will be in non-title action with a little work-out against El Super Gecko. Billy has also vowed that should Acorn interfere tomorrow night, he'll wish he hadn't. NON-TITLE: Tiger Claw vs. "Nuclear" John Bomber [D] Tiger Claw, too, was on the receiving end of something unexpected at the weekend when he unknowingly faced the Subway Psycho. It seems that the Psycho's return has really put Claw off balance, and the almost legendary rivalry between these two IIWF superstars looks set to rear its head once more. However, Claw must stay focused on keeping his Intercontinental Championship, and if he doesn't, he could very well find himself coming up short against Don Antonio in the steel cage at Ring Wars II. "Nuclear" John Bomber, however, doesn't have the opportunity to take the title from Claw, since this will be a non-title match, but he does have the opportunity to embarrass the champion, and Bomber will be out to do just that. Pain Inc. vs. Aces of the Deep Mr. Mic doesn't believe for one moment that he's fallen under the curse of the Arabian Knights, and he's challenging teams in the IIWF left right and centre to go up against his impressive duo of Morningstar and Hellraiser. The fishmen, Sam "Shark" Summers and Peter "Piranha" Pouls can't wait to get back into the ring: [SCENE: the Aces of The Deep resting at the side of a pool. Sam "Shark" Summers jumps on the water, and Peter "Piranha" Pouls is drinking a juice.] Piranha: Well, Arabian Kinghts, we had our match... We subestimated you. This was a good lesson for us. Next time, we will not be such easy prey for you... ["Shark" exits the pool and approaches the camera.] Shark: Now, we must punish the team who made us lose... Pain Inc.!! You interfered in our match against Arabian Knights... We hate when somebody interferes in our matches!!! Piranha: Calm down, partner! Pain Inc., we are challenging you. Accept if you're man... Refuse if you're chicken!!! Shark: Yeah, WE'RE GONNA MAKE YOU FLOOD!!! Piranha: HEY!!! I told you, that quote is stupid!!! Shark: But my agent said... Piranha: Forget your agent!! He also told us to forget pro-wrestling and start a career as tourist guides in Sea World!! Shark: But... [Fade] We sent "Soundbite" Steve Roberts to catch up with Mr. Mic and Pain Inc.: [SCENE: the IIWF interview area. "Soundbite" Steve Roberts is seen speaking with Mr. Mic. Pain Inc. are on either side of him.] SR: So, Mr. Mic, Pain Inc. is quickly moving up the tag team ranks! MM: Good observation Steve! That's right, my Pain Inc. are now the #3 contenders for the IIWF tag-team titles, if ya think we're slowing down think again!!! SR: Tell me about last night's match. MM: MATCH!!! MATCH!!! It wasn't even a contest...the only reason my boys had the match go two mintues was to send a message to the rest of the tag teams in the IIWF. Those two tubs of lard were no match whatsoever for Pain Inc., they should even of been allowed to step into the same ring as these two powerhouses. SR: What's next, how about a match with Tim Dross???? MM: Sorry Steve, I don't hit ladies... SR: [laughing] Good point. MM: Actually, Steve, I have a message for President Spreadbury. I understand that the 7-11 Knights have petitioned you for a match against us for Ring Wars II. NO WAY!!! we have given the Camel Connection challenge upon challenge, match upon match. We want the Zodiac Connection in that Steel Cage Russian Chain/Texas Bullrope Match. The 7-11 Knights are yesterday's news, noone wants to listen to 'em or watch 'em. We proved after the Texas Tornado match who the better team is and that's US!!!! [Fade] Dan Kauffman vs. Magus Dan Kauffman has been working out for as many as seven hours in one sitting following his defeat at the hands of the Outlaw last Wednesday. He's determined that he won't be caught napping again, and he's refused to be interviewed by the IIWF several times in the past few days. However, he'll be wanting to send out a clear message to his Ring Wars opponents tomorrow night when he steps into the ring to face the maniacal Magus. Magus may have defeated the Punster on Saturday Night, but he'll have to be very sharp indeed to get past Kauffman. "Enigma" Takezo Musashi vs. Prince of Darkness The Prince of Darkness returns to the ring with a big match tomorrow night, going up against the award-winning Takezo Musashi, whose following amongst the fans of the IIWF just continues to grow and grow. The Dark Prince isn't impressed by any of that fan support, but he knows he's in for a rough ride: [SCENE: Prince of Darkness stands in a subdued IIWF interview area.] PoD: Tiger Claw. Back in the saddle once again. Just waiting for another dance with you. After Ring Wars, I've got you all to myself, one more time. Same stips. Now, I got a tough challenger on Wednesday night. Watch and learn... putting yourself in his shoes. My quest for the Intercontinental title has consumed my every thought. If it means beating one man or a thousand men to take that title, I will... or face the consequences. One thing about Darkness: It may fall, but it always comes around again... blacker than ever. Sleep well, knowing that the "Boogie Man" is alive and well. [Fade] The Enigma realises he's up against it in this match: [SCENE: Takezo Musashi stands in the IIWF interview area.] TM: I see that before my titanic clash with my nemisis, Hakiro Matsuoko, another monumental task lies ahead of me. I shall be looking forward to it, the Enigma thrives when the odds are stacked against him! The task of which I speak is the confrontation with Prince of Darkness on the next Midweek Mayhem. Some may think that I do not have much of a chance against this evil brute because of his gigantic size. But it is not the size of a mans physical proportions, but the size of his heart which will determine victory! PoD, I wrestle with far more courage and skill than you could ever possess, you rely merely on sheer size and brutality to win your matches, and I assure you, superior skill and strategy will always overcome size! My warrior ancestors have proven this in the past, when Japan turned back a horde of barbaric, Mongol invaders. The spirits of those who died in battle will be with me, and my fighting spirit will prove the strongest! Some wrestlers may be intimidated by your obsession with the dark side Prince of Darkness, but the Enigma's spirit has travelled far, into many mystic dimensions, I have seen the paths of darkness and stood steadfast where many before me have quailed with fear! So it will be with you Prince of Darkness, for take away the intimidation of your size and your evilness and you have nothing left, where as I possess the speed and aerial ability of a comet! Prince of Darkness, you will merely become another stepping stone on my journey of glory. [Fade] Before we leave the subject of the Enigma, his former manager, "Big Bucks" Don McQueen has a few words for us: [SCENE: Don McQueen is dressed in an expensive Armani suit and is looking very pleased with himself.] DMcQ: Well, well, well fans of the IIWF, you thought you had seen the last of me, you thought I was a man who could not back up his words, you thought I was just gonna fade into history after being betrayed by that sushi munching shrimp Takezo Musashi. Well guess what, you completely deluded your pathetic little selves! Don McQueen is back in on the action, and pretty soon he is going to have the whole of the IIWF cowering before his power! While I was absent I did a little scouting around, and I found the two most ruthless, the most savage, the most depraved and evil men I have ever encountered, and let me tell you something, when I was working for the Maf.. ahem, never mind that, but Don McQueen has met some pretty ruthless men in his time, believe me baby! These two guys are modelled after Don McQueen's own heart, they've got the win at all costs attitude to make it in wrestling, they don't worry about the kind of nonsense the Enema is obsessed with, talking BS about outdated codes of honour and spiritual mumbo jumbo. So everybody in the IIWF pay attention, soon yours trully is gonna unleash the most ruthless and violent tag team in wrestling history! [Fade] I have no idea what or who McQueen is talking about, but no doubt we'll find out in the near future. ============================================== IIWF WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: ============================================== Armed Forces vs. Don Antonio & Vinny Cappicola The Armed Forces are going into a match in which they're at a real disadvantage at Ring Wars II, but they're not through with the challenges that pave the way to the Hoosier Dome yet. Although the Family's declared goal is to rob Tiger Claw of the Intercontinental title, you can bet that the Don and Vinny would love nothing more than to take the tag belts away from the Armed Forces. Tomorrow night, that's exactly what we could see, although some of the other competitors in the IIWF think their chances are slim: [SCENE: Close up of the faces of the Atomic Destroyers] Larn: Vinny, do you really think you can win this match with the phoney champs the Armed Forces? I think not. My feeling is you have gotten yourselves in a little deep here. You have stepped in the middle of a war that for sure you can not win. Steriod and I should have had that shot. So Vinny I suggest that when you think you are about to win, maybe you should just leave the ring. Steriod: Larn is right, gentlemen. It is our duty to make sure that Armed Forces win this match. The only match they will not win is the one with the Atomic Destroyers. Vinny, take the clue from Larn, leave... because if you are still around the arena after we get done with our mission and you are still there, you too can taste the power of the alliance. [Camera pans to the face of The Senator] TS: Settle down, boys, your chance is coming. The bookers at the IIWF cannot overlook your skills in the ring forever. Maybe the matchmakers are afraid of the carnage that always follows you in the ring. The wars with our new friends HPD are written in the history books for all to see. Well, boys, from now on, just so we get a little notice here in the IIWF I want you to turn it up a notch. I want people in the Hospital. I want the others to be so scared of what you two are capable of that they have to be forced to take a match with you. Oh and one last thing. Armed Forces prepare yourselves, because your little trip down the road to Hell has just begun. [Camera fades to black] The Armed Forces, too, are pretty confident that they've got a victory in the bag: [SCENE: The Omaha Civic Auditorium. NavCom and DefCon are standing in the bleachers with Aaron the Caddy.] NavCom: What is up with this garbage? I mean, come on. They put us up against the Stargazers on Saturday, and now we've gotta defend these titles against Don Antonio and Vinny Spicollia? DefCon: Astronomers...he he. You guys are pathetic. I mean, you're like 1-3 now? And you got a title shot? I think not. IIWF Chump Committee, listen up. Next time you feel like handing out random shots, call us first. It's getting a little old. Aaron: I know exactly what's going on, Danny. You're getting us into numerous matches...getting us jumped by the Drifters...making us work hard every card. Well, this is bull. I'll tell you something...you're not going to soften us up. You want these jobbers to just work away on us, piece by piece until we're on our last string going into Ring Wars. DefCon: Yeah, you want us weak when we walk into Ring Wars 2. But you've got something else coming if you're thinking like that. We're tough. We've battled card after card after card, and we've kept coming back for more. So putting us in all these matches don't phase us one bit... NavCom: We're just building up a lot of momentum toward the big match. And when we get there in 12 days, we'll have the titles...and the edge. The competitive edge it takes to win...the edge we've had over all these teams from day one. We're not necessarily the toughest or biggest or quickest tag team in the IIWF.... DefCon: Well.... NavCom: But we're much smarter than anyone else, and we know how to win. We prepare so hard for each match, and we're not afraid to beat some face in. Aaron: So, when we get to Ring Wars, expect us to start kicking butt. DefCon: Start? No...continue is a better word. We've been taking people out since the first day on the job. Ask the United Nations. Ask the Guiding Lights. Ask the Alphabet Boys. NavCom: And one thing for those Drifters. You want to run in and jump us from behind? No big surprise. Jump us from behind. Fine. But on the 12th...ha ha...we'll be focused on you and the Bunglers...and we'll keep these titles, and walk out with your People's Choice Awards. How's that? Aaron: Well, this week, what do we got? DefCon: Okay, Spaghetti Cousins. Idiot Italians, whatever. You're singles wrestlers first of all. NavCom: Not very good ones either. DefCon: Agreed. Okay, so Linguini Lamers, listen to me. You've got nothing going for you. You're slow, you're stupid, you're not used to tag teaming, and, the most important thing: YOU'RE IN THE RING...WITH US. You won't walk out with those belts...in fact, you may not walk out. Aaron: Period. Nice job men. Let's get out of here. [Fade.] Subway Psycho vs. "Badboy" Randy Acorn The Subway Psycho returns to action tomorrow night here in the IIWF with a match against the troublesome master of disguise, Randy Acorn. You can guarantee that the Psycho, now reunited with his manager Mistress Sasha, will be 110% focused as he prepares for the Wargames match. However, he's going to have to watch his back, since Acorn is highly unpredictable, and the Syndicate is sure to be nearby... Sandman & Joe Latta vs. Archangel & Marty Warnett This tag attraction promises to be a really hot encounter. With four individuals who really don't like each other much in the same ring, anything can happen. Archangel, who has declared a state of Holy War in the IIWF, is confident that he and Warnett will be prepared for every eventuality: [SCENE: The Deacon and Bishop Right sit in the pulpit of the Church of the IIWF.] D: Steve Roberts doesn't like us. I suggest he puts up or shuts up. BR: Maybe he'll like to meet the Archangel on Judgment Day. D: Judgment Day for the Syndicate is here. Archangel meets up with Joe Latta and the Sandman on Wednesday. Then the Outlaw wishes to risk eternal damnation on Saturday. All in all, it could be a blessed week for the Church. [Archangel appears out of nowhere.] A: Outlaw, you have finally answered my challenge. But you will face me on my terms. We collide in a battle of wills but in the end there shall only be the light. You make the mistake of bringing the Cadaver with you. Can't you see that Deathbringer is not without his own allies and suprises. You will find that I am not some jobber you faced in the past. Prepare to be judged. D: As for you Brian Lau, I want you in the ring. No interference, no holds barred. Just me and you. A: In the end there is only light. [Fade] There may very well only be light for Archangel, and Marty Warnett has been feeling a little light on top as of late, thanks to the unwanted attentions of Simon Lebec and his hairdressing skills: [SCENE: a busy shopping mall in the heart of the US. Marty, dressed in jeans, ripped T-Shirt, trainers and Jack Daniels bandana breaks off an autograph session to speak to the camera.] MW: Okay, son, I'll just sign after this interview ... [A few disgruntled groans for young teenagers occurs] Well, well, well, it seems there are a hack of a lot of grapplers wanting a piece of this 'ole party animal, so let's discuss a few people and things. [Marty gets up from behind the table and walks towards the camera] Magus, or is that Magoo?, you are indeed a heavy hitter. I certainly don't expect no fancy dan Mushashi type moves. That, funnily enough makes you too predictable. Too one-faced, and indeed too one brain celled. Stupidity can be no excuse when you step in the ring with somebody looking to take the express elevator to greatness. You've challenged me to a pinfall only bout, although tying your shoelaces is your idea of a challenge. Okay, let's make it this Saturday. Right now I have somebody on my mind, or more accurately, in my hair, but I'll beat you again - before was the pain of the End of the party, next will be a pin. That means, Magus, I have to hurt you to wear you down. Your choice. Mr. Damage. I have the utmost respect for the Aboriginal tribes, the true Australians. You are a good wrestler, but you wrestle for others, not yourself. You run down Wales, yet know nothing about the music, the poetry, the language or the famous Coal mining industry, now sadly departed. Also, you should really take use of the IIWF research department when making your props - my great grandmother wasn't buried, she was cremated. [produces small cask from rucksack] Here she is, in fact, Great Gran in a Can, if you will! [A slightly morbid "can't help laughing at sickish joke" reaction comes from the crowd.] You won, due to LeBec appearing with those knucks. Now, I know you didn't plan it, but we will meet again, at some point, and believe me, the result'll be different. This Wednesday, I'm with Archangel, with my skill and his power, Sandman, Latta, be prepared to fight, cause right now this bod's on fire! [Large pop from pro-Marty crowd] And finally, you, Mr. LeBec. Let me say something simple, for you to understand easily, without straining that thing between your ears. STOP PICKING YOUR NOSE!!!! [Cue laughter from largely teenage crowd, Marty removes bandana revealing hair visibly shorter and thinner.] Seriously, last week, you cut my hair. Now, I don't know what your IQ is, but are you so stupid you didn't realise the hair vs hair bout is next week at Ring Wars II ??? Hello, earth to planet stupid. You'd better enjoy that moment, for here I promise to all my family, friends, trainers, and all you great fans that have given me so much enjoyment and support, both in the IIWF Arena and here on the road, you will NEVER get that opportunity again. Oh, by the way, how is that valet of yours, is it Francois or Baldy-baldy-slap-slap? [Huge crowd pop] Yeah, thanks guys... Simple Simon, I wet myself laughing at your advert last week. My goodness, my gracious, it really did confirm my suspicions about your monkey-spanking activities, huh, huh! [General laughter abounds] Why don't you face Archangel? You could attack his manager, do some serious Bishop-bashing! [As the laughter increases, Marty finds it impossible to keep a straight face] I really, guffaw, guffaw, am speechless, the whole "concept" is so terrifying, I really can't "swallow" the idea! [Marty takes time to wipe tears of laughter away, motions to the crowd to quieten down] Good God alive, LeBec, you should train twice as hard as usual. And then twice as much again. Because otherwise, you might come to a sticky end!!! [Laughter erupts yet again, Marty completely cracks up and the camera pans away, catching two very old female pensioners. The microphone just manages to pick one saying to the other, "I think it's disgusting -- they never had sex in my day..." Fade.] IIWF Saturday Night - 5 October 1996 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ This Saturday's event will originate live from the Delta Centre, Salt Lake City, Utah, and the following matches are already confirmed: - Heavy Metal vs. Arabian Knights - Chris Quigley vs. "Badboy" Randy Acorn - The White Phoenix & "Enigma" Takezo Musashi vs. Tiger Claw & Hakiro Matsuoko - Fisto Flash vs. Mr. Damage Let's hear from Mr. Damage, as he prepares to take on Fisto this Saturday Night: [SCENE: Mr. Damage stands in the IIWF interview area.] MrD: Mr Damage still has something to prove against that upstart WARNETT. I want another shot at that Welsh Indignitary. I would also like LEBEC to keep his big nose out of Mr Damage's business. If I see the likes of you near any of my matches again I will personally sign your death certificate with your blood. Remember this, Lebec, I have been keeping an eye on you and I will dispose of you in the proper fashion. And talking of disposal, Fisto Flash, you're going out like the trash this Saturday Night. [Fade] More matches will be signed in the next couple of days, and I'll have the complete rundown in Friday's report. IIWF Midweek Mayhem - 9 October 1996 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Next week's Mayhem is going to be the last live IIWF event before Ring Wars II, and we're going to be treated to a tremendous special match on this card: the 14-man over the top rope Battle Lines Battle Royal, the winner of which gets a shot at the IIWF Champion the weekend after Ring Wars II, whomever he might be. The competitors in this great match will be announced tomorrow night on this week's Mayhem, and I'll bring you more details in the coming days. IIWF Ring Wars II - 12 October 1996 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ If you haven't already called your cable operator to order this great event, do so right now! Coming live from the Hoosier Dome, Indianapolis, Indiana, this promises to be a fantastic night of action that you just can't afford to miss. Let's run down the card: =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= IIWF WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP CASKET MATCH: =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Deathbringer vs. Outlaw J.W. Hardin ------------------------------------------------- =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= WAR GAMES MATCH: =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Dan Kauffman [c] vs. Casey "Blackheart" James [C] Man Of Steel Joe Latta "Quickstrike" Chris Quigley Otto "the Butcher" Verhoeven "Spotlight" Billy Shakespeare "Painbringer" Billy Sexton Vinny Cappicola The Sandman The White Phoenix "Badboy" Randy Acorn Subway Psycho Robski --------------------------------------------------------------------- -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= IIWF INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP CAGE BASEBALL BAT MATCH: -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Tiger Claw vs. Don Antonio ---------------------------------- =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= THREE-WAY IIWF WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP ELIMINATION MATCH: =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Armed Forces vs. High Plains Drifters vs. Stunt Team USA ------------------------------------------------------------- =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- LOG SCAFFOLD MATCH: =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- "Angel of the Sun" Hakiro Matsuoko vs. "Enigma" Takezo Musashi -------------------------------------------------------------- =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= HAIR vs. HAIR MATCH: =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= "Showstopper" Simon Lebec vs. Marty Warnett ------------------------------------------- =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= LUMBERJACK RULES NOOSE MATCH: =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= The Hangman vs. Fisto Flash (w/Atomic Destroyers) (w/Heavy Metal) ------------------------------------------- Matches for the IIWF's first ever Free For All will be announced by the IIWF President live on Midweek Mayhem tomorrow night! Don't miss it! Latest Rankings ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ This week has seen some departures make dents in both the singles and tag team rankings here in the IIWF. Brad "Bodybag" Kinder has put his plans to return to the rings on hold indefinitely, and his contract has been terminated by the front office. Rumour has it that a nagging injury is behind his departure. In the tag team division, the Bill Collectors walked out last week, and this week, former IIWF World Tag Team Champions Steamroller, have parted company with the IIWF, following what I am told by a front office spokesman was a "stony silence" from Taylor and Brassow concerning the renewal of their contracts. Whether or not the front office will reopen the rosters for new entries once more is unclear, but I know that President Dan has ordered the IIWF talent scouts to be on alert for top names to lure into the fed. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Name F/H Fought W L D Win% Ranking (old) new ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Deathbringer F 18 14 2 2 83% (WC) WC Tiger Claw H 23 13 9 1 59% (IC) IC Billy Shakespeare F 17 13 4 0 76% (CW) CW ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Outlaw J.W. Hardin H 15 11 2 2 80% (1) 1 Otto Verhoeven H 8 6 2 0 75% (3) 2 The White Phoenix F 4 3 1 0 75% (7) 3 Dan Kauffman F 18 12 4 2 72% (2) 4 Chris Quigley F 7 5 2 0 71% (6) 5 Subway Psycho F 15 10 4 1 70% (4) 6 Vinny Cappicola F 10 5 2 3 65% (8) 7 Billy Sexton H 16 10 6 0 63% (5) 8 Hakiro Matsuoko H 15 9 5 1 63% (9) 9 "Enigma" Takezo Musashi N 8 5 3 0 63% (10) 10 "Badboy" Randy Acorn H 8 4 2 2 63% (12) 11 Don Antonio F 13 8 5 0 62% (11) 12 Simon Lebec H 17 10 7 0 59% (14) 13 Robski H 14 8 6 0 57% (15) 14 Casey James H 16 8 6 2 56% (16=) 15 Man Of Steel F 22 11 9 2 55% (18) 16 Fisto Flash H 15 7 6 2 53% (16=) 17 Prince of Darkness H 15 6 6 3 50% (19) 18 Mr. Damage H 10 5 5 0 50% (21) 19 The Sandman H 8 4 4 0 50% (22) 20 Joe Latta H 16 7 8 1 47% (20) 21 The Hangman H 10 3 4 3 45% (25) 22 The Punster F 11 4 6 1 41% (24) 23 Archangel F 5 2 3 0 40% (23) 24 Marty Warnett F 8 3 5 0 38% (26) 25 Magus H 11 4 7 0 36% (28) 26 Prisoner #109 H 7 2 4 1 36% (27) 27 "Nuclear" John Bomber F 10 2 8 0 20% (29) 28 Sabin Figaro F 5 1 4 0 20% (30) 29 ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Name of team F/H Fought W L D Win% Ranking (old) new ------------------------------------------------------------------------ The Armed Forces H 11 8 2 1 77% (WT) WT ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Heavy Metal H 6 5 1 0 83% (1) 1 High Plains Drifters H 16 12 4 0 75% (2) 2 Pain Inc. H 4 3 1 0 75% (4) 3 Stunt Team USA F 15 10 5 0 67% (3) 4 The Arabian Knights H 5 3 2 0 60% (5) 5 Atomic Destroyers H 10 5 4 1 55% (6) 6 The Zodiac Connection F 5 2 3 0 40% (7) 7 Aces of the Deep F 5 2 3 0 40% (8) 8 ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Rising Sun Revolution F 4 4 0 0 100% (10) 9 ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Next Report ~~~~~~~~~~~ Well, folks, that just about wraps it up for today's update! Don't forget to join Larry Morton and Becky LaRue tomorrow night for another tremendous edition of IIWF Midweek Mayhem, and I'll be back at you this Friday with another IIWF Report, and news of some important changes to the IIWF's twice weekly update, as the IIWF's new fall season kicks in! Until then, thi-- hang on... I understand that we've just received some comments from the Outlaw J.W. Hardin and Cadaver! Well, I'll leave you with that footage now, folks. This is Tim Dross, saying: so long, everybody! [Fade in on a foggy moor. Two figures cut through the murky darkness toward the camera and they emerge from the fog -- Outlaw J.W. Hardin in his familiar dustcoat and hat pulled low, and Cadaver dressed in his familiar black outfit and mask. Hardin opens his dustcoat to reveal the IIWF World Title belt strapped around his waist.] JWH: [speaking quietly and businesslike] Some might call this a place of foreboding, but they also say that about the desert, don't they? Some have questioned my... shall we say "partnership"... with Cadaver, but the bottom line is that we both have unfinished business with certain parties in the IIWF. Deathbringer, you asked for trouble when you beat me at Midsummer Madness because with that loss came understanding -- the understanding of who I am and who you are. You learned on Saturday night the price you must now pay. CADAVER: [in his raspy voice] All men must pay eventually... and it is Cadaver who collects the toll. Deathbringer, we have met before and our business was left incomplete. Why do I now come to IIWF to reap my rewards? That is for us alone to know. This man [he points to Hardin] has found a long-lost side of himself and you must pay the price for that awakening. For when you defeated him at Midsummer Madness, you took what was left of any compassion that remained in his body. You may as well have taken his soul that night. JWH: I've said all along that this war was not about belts or championships. It's about battle lines and the blood that must be shed to advance those lines. But when I see how much this IIWF World Belt [he points to the belt around his waist] means to you Deathbringer, I _knew_ it would be ours. Kauffman stepped in my path and paid the price. You have one beaten general laying at your feet. Now you seem to have another ally I must deal with before Ring Wars II... and I shall. CADAVER: The message is written in blood and it shall be delivered the same way. Be warned, IIWF: the graves have been dug... prepare to be buried. Ashes to ashes, and dust to dust... [The fog gets heavier until the two men can no longer be seen. Fade.] +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= I * I * W * F =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+ | Send mail to iiwf@sisko.demon.co.uk with the subject lines: | | "send faq" for the FAQ + "send singles" or "send tag" for the | | rosters + "send handlers" for a list of handlers | +------------------------------------+---------------------------------+ | URL: http://www.sisko.demon.co.uk/ | President: Daniel Spreadbury | +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+