.------------------------------------------------------------------. | From the revolutionary force in e-wrestling entertainment! | `------------------------------------------------------------------' ##### ###### ### ########## ########## ########## #### ## ########## ########## ########## #### # #### ######## ##### ##### #### ## ##### #### #### #### #### ### #### #### #### #### ############# ######### #### #### ########### ######### #### #### #### #### #### ######### ######### ### #### #### ######### ######### ### ## #### ######## ######## ## # #### ## ###### ###### ###### ###### F ###### # # # # # # # # # # # ###### ######## ###### ######### O ######### # # # # # # # # # # # # # # ###### ###### R # # ###### ###### # # .-------------------------------------------------------------------. | LiVE + Saturday 12 October 1996 + LiVE | | Hoosier Dome, Indianapolis, Indiana | `-------------------------------------------------------------------' [Opening graphics shatter, to reveal an aerial shot of the interior of the packed Hoosier Dome, taken by the IIWF's new blimp, sponsored by Slim Slam low-calorie drink: "We have a blimp, so you won't have to be one!" More than sixty thousand fans are seated below, and a raised walkway can be seen leading from the locker room to the ring, which is in an unusually large enclosure. Cut to a shot of the blimp itself as it floats up in the rafters, and pan down to the announcers' table at ringside, at which stand Tim Dross, "Soundbite" Steve Roberts and Becky LaRue. Dross and Roberts have once again dug out their tuxedos, and Becky looks resplendent in a velvety cerise evening gown. She waves to her excited fans behind her.] TD: Welcome everybody to Indianapolis, Indiana! Welcome everybody to the jam-packed Hoosier Dome! Welcome to the very first IIWF Free For All! I'm Tim Dross, and beside me are my two broadcast colleagues, the beautiful Becky LaRue, and "Soundbite" Steve Roberts. We are just minutes away from the biggest event in wrestling history! You can cut the excitement in here with... SR: ...with precision atmosphere dissection equipment? Well, Dross, these morons have certainly got every reason to be excited, given the incredible turn of events we've seen in the past couple of days. TD: Absolutely, Steve. Due to injuries sustained on Wednesday night in the McNichols Arena, Denver, Colorado, at the Battle Lines Battle Royal, the Outlaw J.W. Hardin will not be facing IIWF World Heavyweight Champion Deathbringer tonight in that huge Casket Match! The IIWF President yesterday decreed that since Hardin isn't fit to compete, his shot should go to the #1 contender, and that man is Otto "the Butcher" Verhoeven, who won that huge Battle Royal -- although not without a little help from his friends, Becky. BL: That's something you wouldn't know about, Timmy, since you have no friends. Hell, even your dog doesn't like you. TD: That's not true, Becky. But I wouldn't ask my friends to come to the ring and attack my opponents, in any case. BL: You ought to -- you don't know what you're missing. SR: It doesn't really matter that Verhoeven's now in the main event instead of Hardin. Either way, that oversized zombie, Yawnbringer, is going to lose that shiny gold belt of his later on tonight. TD: We'll see about that. The other half of Ring Wars II's big double main event has also undergone some changes: Mr. Damage has joined the team captained by Casey "Blackheart" James due to the change in the Casket Match. Thankfully, Dan Kauffman has broken his ten-day silence, and he will captain his side to oppose the "forces of darkness", but who knows what state of mind he or his teammates will be in? Folks, we really have no idea what's going to happen out here tonight -- there are simply too many questions left unanswered. SR: I have a great feeling about tonight, Dross. I'd be on the edge of my seat already, if it weren't for the fact that I'm standing up. TD: Quite. But we'll have plenty of time to talk about Ring Wars II over the next hour as we count down to the big event with some fantastic action right here on the Free For All. Later on, I'll be conducting a face to face interview with two of the big names from the Wargames match, the Subway Psycho and Casey "Blackheart" James, and we will also be hearing from the IIWF Champion, Deathbringer, to find out how he's preparing for his new opponent. We've also got three matches coming your way: first up, we'll be seeing a newcomer here to the IIWF, a huge individual who goes by the name of Ring Warrior II, which is strangely appropriate. SR: From the little I've heard about this guy, Dross, he's a behemoth. I can't wait to see him in action. TD: In tag action, the Arabian Knights will battle the Aces of the Deep, and in another late change to the scheduled programme, Archangel will single-handedly battle the Partners In Crime, Prisoner #109 and Magus. Of course, this match was originally to feature the huge Archangel tagging up with the Punster, but the Punster was injured quite severely on Wednesday night at the hands of Robski, Magus and the crazed ex-convict, so it's now left up to the Archangel to survive the odds. BL: I don't like his chances, Timmy. The bigger they are, the harder they fall. TD: We'll see about that, Becky. Right now, let's go backstage to Kenny Tanaka, who's with the Syndicate. [Cut to the locker room. Kenny Tanaka and Brian Lau stand off to one side, while the Joe and Casey sit on either side of a small brazier. There is another man in the room, who some people might remember as Tiger Claw's corner man in the martial arts challenge against Hakiro Matsuoko.] KT: Hello, folks. Guy: SILENCE! KT: [whispering] Sorry, folks, I'm going to have to quieten down a bit. The members of the Syndicate are in deep meditation. Brian, can you tell us what's going on? BL: Yes, Kenny. Tiger Claw and Hakiro Matsuoko are in solitary meditation, that's why they are not here. Joe and Casey need guidance, so I've hired on Kwon again to take care of training. You know, I think I've finally found a way to weed out all of the detrimental American training they had to endure growing up here. The short attention span, the weakness, the fast food "I want it done and I want it now!" mentality... It's all being peeled away to expose the warriors within. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised with the Syndicate tonight. KT: What about the threats of Shinja Chow? BL: Well, that's why I've got this cell phone... [holds up a cellular phone] At any time, I can get in contact with any of the members of my Syndicate. I'm not worried. KT: Thanks for your time. BL: No problem. I must be going. I have to find Hakiro so we can get ready for his match. [Cut back to the announcers' table.] TD: I hope the Syndicate wake up before they have to wrestle later on tonight. But now, without further ado, let's go up to the ring for tonight's first match! This crowd is ready for some action, IIWF-style! =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Ring Warrior II vs. "Nifty" Ned Norton -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= [Cut up to the ring. Fireworks explode high above the rafters, soliciting a huge pop from the excited capacity crowd, as Sparkplug Lee, shoes gleaming and hair combed, steps through the ropes into the ring.] RA: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the IIWF Free For All! [Huge pop!] Tonight's opening encounter is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, already in the ring, hailing from Sweet Home Alabama, weighing in at 265lbs, here is "Nifty" Ned Norton! [Moderate pop for Norton, who waves to the crowd. The camera pans round the ringside crowd. One fan, who is practically bald and has a goatee beard, holds up a sign which reads, "I'm Nifty Like Ned!"] SR: You're an inbred idiot, more like. TD: Steve, please be nice. RA: And introducing his opponent: making his first appearance here in the IIWF, weighing in at 332lbs, hailing from parts unknown, here is Ring Warrior II! [Generic rock music plays as the doors at the head of the raised walkway open to reveal the huge frame of the Warrior. He stands at well over six feet tall, and is very well-built indeed. He raises his arms to the sky, and two balls of flame shoot from his wrists.] TD: Wow! An explosive opening to tonight's action! SR: I'm more interested in whether the guy can wrestle. [The initial pop dies down as the Warrior walks unhurriedly down to the ring, apparently focused only on the ring. He sheds his excess padding as he climbs the ringsteps, then steps through the ropes and makes a beeline for Norton, immediately raining down punches and forearm blows on the beleaguered athlete. The crowd starts to jeer the Warrior as he relentlessly batters Norton into the mat.] TD: This Ring Warrior doesn't look like the most gifted technician in the world. BL: When you can pound a guy into the mat like that, who needs a butterfly suplex with inside cradle and a side serving of mayo? TD: Er... Quite. [The referee calls for the break, and the Warrior backs off for a moment, but as soon as Norton gets to his feet once more, the Warrior issues a stiff boot to the midsection, doubling Norton over. The Warrior executes a neat swinging neckbreaker, and Norton goes down, clutching at his neck and head. The Warrior immediately starts stomping away at Norton, who rolls from the ring to collect himself. The referee tries to prevent the Warrior following him out, but the big man simply steps through the ropes to the outside. He rams Norton's head into the ring apron, and then into the steel crowd barrier, before executing a devastating powerbomb onto the arena floor. Big heel pop!] TD: A totally dominating performance from this masked superstar. I can't see Norton recovering from this onslaught. SR: I really don't know why that guy doesn't just give in and retire. Every time he comes out here, he gets his ass kicked. [The Warrior rolls Norton back into the ring, then follows him in, ignoring the protestations of the referee. He drags Norton to his feet, and then whips him into the ropes, executing a high-impact chokeslam on the return! Big heel pop! The Warrior makes the cover - 1 - 2 - 3! Ding! Ding! Ding! The referee tries to raise the Warrior's arm, but he pulls it away, gives Norton one last kick, and heads back up the aisle to the jeers of the crowd.] RA: Ladies and gentlemen, here is your winner by pinfall: Ring Warrior II! TD: Poor Ned once again goes home with the loser's share of the purse money. SR: And some more attractive bruises and internal injuries to add to his collection. Thank heavens for the miracles of medical science, huh? BL: I could swear that there's something very familiar about that Ring Warrior guy. I never forget a face. TD: I didn't think the faces were of much concern to you, Beck -- oof! BL: Oh, I'm sorry, was that your stomach? TD: [winded] Aaak... BL: Hey, look, it's Larry Morton! What's he doing out here? SR: He's interviewing the IIWF World Heavyweight Chump, Yawnbringer. BL: That figures. Two big babies in the ring together. They're perfect for one another. [Larry climbs the ringsteps and enters the ring, clutching a microphone.] LM: Ladies and gentlemen, it is my pleasure and my privilege to welcome at this time the man who will be doing battle with Otto "the Butcher" Verhoeven later on tonight in the huge Casket Match! [Pop] Please welcome the IIWF World Heavyweight Champion.... DEATHBRINGER! [The crowd pops large as "The Reaper" kicks in, and the lights in the arena drop. The red glowing eyes of the Champion appear on the video wall above the doors at the head of the walkway, and a few moments later, the lights rise once more. Larry starts slightly as he notices Deathbringer standing behind him. He waits for the crowd noise to die down before addressing the big man:] LM: Whoa... What an entrance! Welcome to Ring Wars II, Deathbringer! DB: Greetings, Morton. [Deathbringer turns towards the crowd] DB: Greetings, Soldiers of Hell... [The crowd goes crazy] LM: The fans are certainly behind you tonight as you go into your match with Otto "the Butcher" Verhoeven. It must have come as quite a surprise to find out that you wouldn't be facing the Outlaw here tonight. DB: It might have been a surprise, but it did not throw me off the track. Maybe you remember me saying that it is written down in the book of history that Death himself will turn down another challenger. No matter whether this is the Outlaw or the Butcher or anybody else, this fact will come true. LM: What do you think about "Herr" Verhoeven? He has been quite impressive since his debut here in the IIWF. DB: Indeed. He participated in some great battles. And he showed a lot of cruelty and brutality. But this will only make him yet another victim of the Reaper. I am still on my mission and I can now pick him as my next target. I do not think that this match will be easier than it would be against the Outlaw, but as I prepared well for the Outlaw, I will be as well prepared for the Butcher. LM: Is there a special strategy that you`ll try to use against that German powerhouse? DB: He might be strong... he might be big... he might be mean... [Deathbringer's eyes begin to glow more intensely] But so am I... [huge pop] I will approach this match with the same strategy as I would for any other competitor. Otto Verhoeven may call himself a European, a Teuton, a German... but I just call him a mortal. And that is just what he is. And therefore he will become my victim, he will become my prey... Verhoeven, bereite dich darauf vor, deinem schoepfer gegenueber zu treten... LM: You speak German? DB: As a matter of fact I only speak one language... The language of Death, and this is understood anywhere by anyone... LM: Alright, any last comments? DB: Just a promise to all my Soldiers of Hell: After tonight's main event you all can celebrate the final rise of darkness here in the IIWF... and that darkness will prevail... [With these words, the lights drop once more. The crowd pops huge as they rise again a few seconds later, and Deathbringer is gone. Larry leaves the ring and heads back up the aisle.] SR: Deathbringer says darkness will prevail here tonight, Dross, but I have a feeling that it's going to be a different kind of darkness to the kind he's thinking of. TD: Well, we'll see. The IIWF World Heavyweight Champion certainly looks ready for action. And speaking of action, let's get straight back to it, as the Aces of the Deep take on the Arabian Knights. =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Aces of the Deep vs. The Arabian Knights -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= [Sparkplug Lee steps into the ring.] RA: Ladies and gentlemen, the following tag team encounter is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, making their way down the aisle, accompanied by the Grand Vizier, hailing from Ar Riyad, Saudi Arabia, at a combined weight of 595lbs, here are Prince Abdul Akmar and Omar, the Arabian Knights! [Big heel pop as the Knights appear at the head of the aisle. The Grand Vizier leads the way down the walkway, making abusive gestures at the crowd as they come.] TD: The Arabian Knights have certainly made quite a name for themselves in the short time they've been here in the IIWF. SR: They've notched up some very impressive wins, and out of seven matches, they've lost only two. BL: And one of them was to the Aces of the Deep, thanks to Pain Inc. Somehow, I don't think those fishy freaks are going to be so lucky tonight. RA: And introducing their opponents: coming down the aisle, hailing from Depth City, USA, weighing in at 529lbs, here are Sam "Shark" Summers and Peter "Piranha" Pouls, the Aces of the Deep! [Moderate pop as the Aces appear at the head of the aisle. Special lights cast slowly shifting, wobbling blue hues on the walkway, reminiscent of water's surface. The theme from "Jaws" accompanies the two athletes as they make their way to the ring, hi-fiving the fans as they come.] TD: It looks like Shark will start things off here against the Prince. I've always wondered: is he really a prince? SR: Are you really the best play-by-play man the IIWF can find? TD: What's that supposed to mean? SR: Shut up and call the match, Dross. [The Prince and Shark lock up, and Shark takes the early advantage, sending the Prince for the ride. The Prince ducks under a clothesline, but is caught on the return by an armdrag. He gets up and charges again, only to be armdragged again. He charges a third time, and once more gets armdragged. This time, Shark stays on him, applying a hammerlock. The Prince reaches for the ropes, and finally grabs them, forcing Shark to break the hold. The referee calls for a clean break, but the Prince sticks his thumb in Shark's eye behind the official's back. The Prince clotheslines Shark to the mat, and then tags in his huge partner, Omar.] TD: Shark doesn't want to be in the ring with this powerhouse. He'd better make the tag, or he could be squashed right here. [Omar immediately descends upon Shark with a chokehold, which he releases just before the referee's count reaches five. Omar yells something in Arabic at the official, and returns to the chokehold. Again, he breaks it just before the count of five, but pulls Shark to his feet by his hair. Omar whips his opponent into the ropes, and catches him in a bearhug, lifting Shark right off the mat like a ragdoll.] SR: Look at the sheer strength of Omar. Shark's going to be unconscious before you can say, "I'm a gibbering moron," Dross. TD: I'm a gibbering moron. There, see? Shark's still fighting it. SR: You really take the biscuit, Dross. TD: Biscuits? Where? [In the ring, Shark is fading. His partner begins stamping on the apron in an effort to get the crowd behind him. A chant of "Ace - s! Ace - s!" slowly spreads throughout the crowd as the referee moves in to check on Shark. He raises his arm once -- it falls to his side. He raises his arm a second time -- again, it falls to his side. He raises Shark's arm for the third and final time -- and it stays up! Pop! Shark tries to wriggle free of the hold, and peppers Omar with blows to the head. The big man eventually releases the hold. Shark bounces against the ropes, and hits a dropkick. Omar is staggered, but doesn't go down. Shark bounces against the ropes again, but is swatted to the mat by a clothesline from the big man, who shakes off the effects of Shark's attack, and drops a leg on his prone athlete. He goes for the cover - 1 - 2 - kickout!] TD: Shark may be down, but he's not out. BL: More's the pity. This little weed's giving away more than 150lbs to Omar... he can't last much longer. SR: From what I hear, you enjoy wrestling with guys 150lbs bigger than you, Becky. BL: That's none of your business, Steve. SR: Now _that's_ what I call a pity. TD: Excuse me, you two, but there's a match going on here. [Omar picks Shark up and executes a piledriver. Heel pop. He goes for the cover - 1 - 2 - Piranha makes the save! The referee forces the illegal man out of the ring, and Omar immediately whips Shark over to the Knights' corner, where he and the Prince work him over with punches and kicks. Omar tags the Prince back in, and the Knights whip the Shark into the ropes, nailing him with a double clothesline. The Prince makes the cover - 1 - 2 - he pulls Shark's head up from the canvas!] TD: What arrogance from the Arabian Knights! The referee ought to disqualify them! [The Prince bodyslams Shark, and drops an elbow on him. He drags him to his feet again, and whips him into the ropes once more. He hits a flying forearm, laying Shark out once more, and goes to the Aces' corner to taunt Piranha, who tries to enter the ring. The referee is distracted by trying to remove him, and his back is turned while the Knights once again doubleteam the Shark. The Prince covers Shark in the middle of the ring, but the referee is still concerned with removing Piranha. When finally he turns, he counts - 1 - 2 - Shark somehow gets a shoulder up! Pop! The Prince begins arguing with the referee, and Shark drags himself to his feet. He scoops up the Prince from behind for a small package! Count - 1 - Omar enters the ring to make the save, and the Shark releases his grip on Akmar. Omar crashes down with an elbowdrop on his own partner! Big pop!] TD: That tactic backfired in a big way! Omar's beside himself! The Shark must make the tag right now! [Shark crawls towards his corner, and just as the Prince is getting to his feet, he tags in Piranha, who storms the ring, clotheslining the Prince out of the ring over the top rope! Omar enters the ring, but is met by a series of dropkicks from the fresh Deepster, sending him through the ropes to the outside. Piranha sizes up the Prince on the outside, bounces against the ropes, and leaps out of the ring between the top and second ropes... but the Grand Vizier pushes the Prince out of the way, and Piranha clatters into the steel crowd barrier. Big heel pop! The Prince rolls Piranha back into the ring, and makes the cover, putting his feet on the ropes for extra leverage - 1 - 2 - 3! Ding! Ding! Ding! Big heel pop! The Prince rolls from the ring, and raises his arm in victory. The Vizier helps Omar to his feet, and the trio immediately begin to make their way back up the aisle amid the jeers of the crowd.] TD: What a despicable performance from the Knights! The Aces of the Deep are left decimated in the ring... SR: Let's face it, Dross, they're all washed up. BL: They're shark bait! SR: They've haddock enough! BL: They were in the wrong plaice at the wrong time! Hehehehehe... snort. TD: Oh yeah, you two are a real riot. Folks, up next, I'm going to be interviewing the captains of the two teams in that huge Wargames match coming up as part of that huge Ring Wars II double main event. You two can just stay here and make fish jokes, okay? SR: That's just brine and dandy by us, Dross! [Dross sighs as he leaves the broadcast table and climbs the steps to the interview stage. Casey James and Subway Psycho sit at tables facing each other. On the tables are pitchers of water with matching glasses. Microphones sit on the tables as well, and a crowd has gathered to see the interview.] TD: I'm proud to present to you two of the biggest players in tonight's main event, The Subway Psycho, and... CJ: Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Casey James, as if you didn't know, and I just want to say something right now. As much as the Subway Psycho is an enemy of the Syndicate, I want to take this time to thank him. Without the Psycho, I wouldn't be who I am today. If the Psycho had only agreed to come to my aid in my fight as an American Hero, I might not have realized how worthless and weak the people of this country are. The Psycho also helped me to realize how screwed up the people of this country were, because he was a criminal, and everyone loved him. He became the so called People's Champion, even though he took part in vandalism, breaking and entering, and destruction of property. Without you, Psycho, I wouldn't be the better man that I am now. Of course, this doesn't change the fact that I, along with my team mates, are going to whip your ass from pillar to post. [Dross tries to speak, but is cut off.] SP: Let's get one thing straight, right off the bat. Don't try to spin your own inadaquacies back onto me. You were a loser as a face and and you're a loser now. I don't pretend to be anything I'm not. I just win, and if that's what the people like, then so be it. You're a worthless midcarder who's only drawn attention to himself now because of your big "heel turn." I'm gonna make you famous for something else...I'm gonna make you cry uncle at Ring Wars. Bet on that. [Dross puts his finger up, as if to emphasise a point, and is about to say something, but is interrupted.] CJ: Loser? You think I'm a loser? Does this look like a loser to you? [Casey stand up and flexes his arms] Kid, this took years of training to get. My dedication is not the quality of a loser. The only losers here are the people who stand against me, and that includes your little team tonight. I gave up my inadequacies when I stopped listening to the fans. I've had nothing but success since joining the Syndicate. I'm on the rise, while you continue to fall lower and lower. Tonight is going to be the event that finishes you for good, because we're going to town on your sorry lot. And one more thing. I'd never show submission to a sorry sewer dweller like you. TD: Ummm, guys? SP: [Laughing] Uh.. put those arms down before small animals start dropping. You mention the Syndicate... that's interesting. I don't know if you've noticed this by now, but the Brian Lau looks out for Tiger Claw, and then maybe Matsuoko. They didn't even support Hardin on the eve of his appearent return to the crown. Claw double crossed him. You're down on Lau's list of priorities buddy. Don't expect Lau to get you any major title shots. That's why I look out for my own. I'm going in with a team that's full of question marks. Kauffman's only just shown his face again, let's hope he's not trying to pull some last minute heroics, because its already been done...Man of Steel, hmm, was it him? was it an imposter? I don't care! I'm not relying on my teammates. I've been stabbed in the back too many times. If I have to go in and take care of all seven of you, then I'll do it! And believe me, there isn't a doubt in my mind that I can. But there is still Billy Shakespheare, whose career I've watched from the beginning. I can say with reasonable assurance that he'll get the job done. Same goes for Vinny Cappicola. I'm not too familiar with Quigley, but if these three guys hold up their end of the bargain, it will be a romp. Oh, and Casey, I will make you cry. I'll make you wish you we never born. I'll have you curse your mother for giving birth to you and you'll curse your father for helping to concieve you. I'm going to take personal pride in seeing this through. TD: Okay, guys, let's settle down... [Dross is pushed aside by Casey, who stands up again.] CJ: Leave my parents out of this, you little puke. You listen to me. There is no way that you could take even me on, let alone my entire team. I know who I can count on, but you don't. As for my standings in the Syndicate, you're right. I do stand under Tiger Claw and Matsuoko. Do you want to know why? Because I'm still earning Brian's respect. It's typical of Americans to assume that they deserve utmost respect right off the bat. If I'm such a low priority, then why is it that Brian let me captain the team? Hmm? If I'm such a low priority, then why is it that I've learned so much from them? A man doesn't teach you his secrets if he doesn't see any potential in you. I'm going to use those secrets to crush you. I can overcome you physically, I can overcome you in intellect, and I can overcome you psychologically. There's nothing you can do about it, punk. Interview over. I've seen enough of this geek's face. Oh, and I'd like to say something in defence of my parents... [Casey grabs the pitcher of water beside him and throws it at Psycho, just barely missing him. Psycho jumps up, and officials immediately jump in to separate the two. They yell insults at each other. Finally, the two men are taken out of the interview area. Dross shakes his head and returns to the broadcast table.] SR: Nice work, Dross. TD: I just couldn't get a word in edgeways. Rather like sitting here with you two, in fa-- BL: What say we go to some comments from the manager of Pain Inc., the incorrigible Mr. Mic, whose team will be facing the Zodiac Connection in a Texas Bullrope Match later on tonight? SR: Great idea, Becky. TD: [sighs] [Cut to pretaped footage. Mr.Mic is seen standing on the outskirts of Indianapolis, with the "Welcome to Indianapolis" sign behind him.] MM: Ahhh, Indianapolis... Home of the Indy 500, the pathetic Colts, David Letterman -- a personal friend of mine -- and the Zodiac Connection's graves... Most people say they see a sign before they pass away, usually a white light. People have been trying to unlock that mystery for years. [He whispers to the camera] Wanna know something? I've unlocked the mystery for two men: Taurus and Scorpio, forget the white light [he points to the "Welcome" sign behind him]... _THIS_ IS THE SIGN YOU'LL SEE BEFORE YOU DIE! [Suddenly a 1996 Porsche 911 squeals up and Pain Inc. get out and start smashing the "Welcome" sign with their bare hands and feet, all the while shrieking and screaming.] MM: ZODIAC CONNECTION, YOU WANNA TRY AND STOP THESE MEN? EVEN WITH TEXAS BULLROPES, IT'LL BE IMPOSSIBLE!!! AND THERE'S A STEEL CAGE SO YOU CAN'T GET AWAY.....HA HA HA! I'M GONNA ENJOY WATCHING EVERY LAST BREATH BE POUNDED OUT OF YOUR BODIES! HA HA HA! Finally since this is the home of David Letterman I thought I would pay him a tribute in my own sick way. [He summons a truck which is carrying a large billboard upon which are inscribed the numbers 1 to 10.] MM: Here is my Top 10 Reasons why the Zodiac will not beat Pain Inc.: 10. With Halloween coming up they don't want to get their makeup smudged 9. Taurus is too stupid to realize that Texas Bullrope doesn't mean having a tug-of-war while covered in Bulls-eye BBQ sauce 8. Both Zodiacs combined only equal the strength of Bob Dole 7. 7-11 Knights have been giving them wrestling lessons 6. Zodiacs won't show, as it's their night to man the phones at the Dial-a-Freak 5. Zodiacs not allowed to show due to Indiana's "nobody with I.Q under 3 allowed in state" bye-law 4. Scorpio's too stupid to realize that Steel Cage match doesn't mean first team to rip off a chain-link fence and bring in back to the arena wins. 3. [sarcastically] What?! Have them wrestle and miss a re-run of Murder She Wrote?! No, No... the Zodiacs could never do that!! [he laughs] 2. Dr.Insane not there to provide guidance as he is selling his body to science and has to pick up his $1.50 1. WELL, THEY JUST PLAIN SUCK!!!! [Mr. Mic erupts into hysterical laughter. Cut back to the announcers' table.] TD: [sarcastically] Oh, ha ha. Excuse me while my sides split. SR: You just don't have a sense of humour, do you, Dross? No, wait a minute, you must have one... I mean, look at that toupee! TD: Can we please leave my hair out of this, just for one night? SR & BL: [in unison] Nope. TD: [sighs] Okay, let's get back up to the ring for the last match on tonight's Free For All... the Archangel single-handedly takes on Magus and Prisoner #109. =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= HANDICAP MATCH: =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Archangel vs. Magus & Prisoner #109 ----------------------------------- RA: Ladies and gentlemen, the following encounter is a special Handicap Match! Introducing first, at a combined weight of 583lbs, here are the Partners in Crime: Magus and Prisoner #109! [Spotlights illuminate the head of the aisle as the theme from the shower scene of "Psycho" blares its disjointed dissonance across the Hoosier Dome. However, there is no sign of either P109 or Magus.] TD: Well, where are they? Don't tell me there's been another unscheduled change in the scheduling. [Suddenly, spotlights swing around to an area in the front section of the crowd. There is a commotion as two figures fight their way through the fans towards the ring. Magus and P109 leap over the railings and enter the ring, looking about cautiously.] SR: Those two have probably run clear across the States from Colorado to Indianapolis since Wednesday night. TD: You know, you could be right. Apparently, Prisoner #109 is still wanted for questioning in three states, and as for Magus... well, a more hopeless case of paranoia you couldn't hope to meet. BL: Oh, I don't know. What about Larry and his clown fixation? TD: Good point. Let's go back up to Sparkplug. RA: And introducing their opponent: hailing from Purgatory, and led to the aisle by Bishop Right and the Deacon, weighing in at 400lbs, here is the new and improved Archangel! [The lights drop in the arena, save for a pair of strobe lights mounted above the entranceway. Four monks appear at the head of the walkway, carrying a replica Ark. The Deacon and Bishop Right walk behind in procession. The thudding bass of his entrance music builds as the monks approach the ring. Magus and P109 bail out. The monks set the ark down at ringside. Bishop Right and the Deacon lift the lid, and a gold-clad Archangel steps out to a big pop. The monks take the ark back up the aisle as Archangel climbs into the ring.] TD: The Partners in Crime won't be too eager to get into the ring with Archangel following the events of Wednesday night. [Footage from Midweek Mayhem rolls.] Prisoner #109 brought Magus down to the ring with him for a match against "Nuclear" John Bomber, and the terrible twins attacked Bomber after the match. Had it not been for Archangel arriving when he did, Bomber could have been seriously injured. Later on, the Punster, Archangel's original partner for tonight, was in action with Billy Shakespeare, when Robski and the Partners in Crime came to the ring and attacked the witty wordsmith, putting him in the hospital and out of action. Again, had it not been for the Archangel, who knows how serious the injuries could have been? [Cut back to live action.] SR: And we'll never know. Robski, P109 and Magus could have rid us of that infuriating Pukester for good, but that do-gooder just had to interfere. TD: Archangel's becoming something of a force to be reckoned with here in the IIWF -- standing at 7'3" and weighing in at 400lbs, that's not much of a surprise. [As the lights come back up, Magus and P109 storm across the squared circle, setting about their huge opponent with gusto. Archangel is battered down to one knee by their flurry of blows, but springs back to his feet and clotheslines both men to the mat! Big pop! P109 rolls from the ring, and Archangel turns his attentions to Magus. He drags the maniac to his feet, and sets him up for a chokeslam, but as he lifts Magus up, he is attacked from behind by the recovered P109, and Magus falls unharmed to the mat. The Partners in Crime once again begin working over the Archangel with kicks and punches, and the big man is beaten down to the canvas.] TD: Archangel's certainly up against the odds here tonight. Either one of these men can be a handful in the ring, but taking both of them on simultaneously... SR: The guy's like a dinosaur -- a brain the size of a walnut, and soon to be extinct. [Archangel rolls from the ring to collect himself, but is quickly followed by his assailants. Magus whips Archangel against the ringpost, and P109 grabs a chair. He swings wildly at the big man's head, but the Archangel dodges out of the way, and the chair hits the post with force, the vibrations forcing P109 to drop it. Archangel grabs the chair and jabs Magus in the ribs with it, before going after P109, who staggers backwards, begging for mercy. The referee jumps from the ring and steps between Archangel and P109, giving Magus time to jump his opponent from behind with a double axe-handle from the apron. Archangel is staggered, but doesn't go down.] TD: Archangel can certainly take the punishment! It seems that nothing P109 and Magus can throw at the big guy will slow him down for long. [Archangel grabs P109 and Magus by their necks, and bashes their heads together. Big pop! Archangel rolls P109 into the ring, and whips him into the ropes. He executes a vicious chokeslam on the convict, and makes the cover - 1 - Magus attempts to make the save, but the Archangel rolls out of the way, and Magus drops an elbow on P109! Archangel executes a devastating powerbomb on the stunned Magus before kicking him out of the ring under the bottom rope. The crowd pops as the Archangel hoists P109 up over his shoulder and places him on the top turnbuckle. Archangel follows him up to the top, but takes an age to do it.] TD: It doesn't matter how many times I see it -- watching Archangel climb to the top rope is a unique sight. The man's a seven-foot-plus monster, and he's going to the top! [Archangel drags P109's head inbetween his legs, and balances precariously for just a moment before bringing P109 up to his shoulders, and powerbombing him into the ring! He follows his opponent down with some force, and covers as the crowd pops - 1 - 2 - 3! Ding! Ding! Ding!] RA: Ladies and gentlemen, here is your winner: the Archangel! TD: The Judgement Day Drop is one of the most impressive finishing moves in the IIWF, Steve. SR: And also one of the most risky, especially for a clumsy great oaf the size of the Barfangel. [The lights drop in the arena once more, and the carcass of Prisoner #109 falls under the glow of a red cross cast in the centre of the ring. There is suddenly a commotion in the aisle as a security team attempts to restrain Joe Latta, who is yelling at Archangel and trying to get to the ring. Archangel climbs down from the ring and heads up the aisle, staring straight at Latta, flanked by his two holy companions.] TD: Archangel has declared Holy War on Joe Latta, and the Syndicate's wonder-boy is fairly open about the hostilities. SR: Get those security people out of here! Let's see Latta and the Archangel go at it right now! [The security team succeed in pushing Latta backstage towards the locker room before Archangel reaches the head of the aisle. The big man continues straight back to the locker rooms himself in pursuit.] TD: Joe Latta had better hope the Archangel doesn't get his hands on him before that Wargames match later on tonight. Folks, we are now literally moments away from the explosion that will be Ring Wars II! We're going to see all four IIWF Championships on the line, each in extraordinary circumstances -- Deathbringer will face Otto "the Butcher" Verhoeven in a Casket Match, Tiger Claw will battle Don Antonio inside a steel cage in a Baseball Bat Match; the Armed Forces will have to defend their tag belts against two teams simultaneously; and if Billy Shakespeare is eliminated from the Wargames main event by Randy Acorn, he will lose his Cruiserweight Championship! These fans are ready for Ring Wars II -- are you? SR: Oh, come on, Dross. Enough of the hype. Let's get to the action. [Spotlights swirl in the ring as Sparkplug Lee begins a one-minute countdown to the beginning of the PPV. The crowd chants along with him.] TD: Stay tuned, folks! The battle lines are drawn -- here comes Ring Wars II! 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