[Open with footage of the Man of Steel beating up the imposter MOS in the ring. As Bibbo Bibowski looks on, Steel grabs the microphone from Sparkplug Lee and speaks to the crowd at Midweek Mayhem.] MOS: Now, I'm not the kind of guy to spread rumors, but, folks, it seems to me that the IIWF didn't _want_ me coming out here and unmasking this imposter. It seems to me that officials in the front office want to discredit the Man Of Steel. It seems to me that the lying toad that we are forced to call our President [big pop] wants to drag the Man Of Steel through the mud. Well, let me tell you something, "President" Dan. From this moment on, the Man Of Steel is back in the IIWF! [Cut to fast-paced music, which is matched by equally fast-paced clips of IIWF action. As the final guitar chord is drawn out, Robski kicks the Masked Marauder in the groin and the screen explodes into a mass of fire and smoke, through which emerges the IIWF's familiar logo:] ##### ###### ### ########## ########## ########## #### ## ########## ########## ########## #### # #### ######## ##### ##### #### ## ##### #### #### #### #### ### #### #### #### #### ############# ######### #### #### ########### ######### #### #### #### #### #### ######### ######### ### #### #### ######### ######### ### ## #### ######## ######## ## # #### =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- ## =-=-=-= INTERNATIONAL INTERNET WRESTLING FEDERATION ================================================= "COUNTDOWN TO SATURDAY NIGHT" - October 25, 1996 ================================================= [A remote camera zooms down the aisle, showing the studio audience in all their glory. A girl with purple hair holds a poster which reads "Black Death... Cool." A middle-aged woman halfway down the aisle proudly shows her "Subway Psycho Eye Black." In the front row, a man dressed in red, white and blue yells, "I believed in the Man of Steel!" Zoom to Tim Dross sitting at the anchor desk, adjusting his microphone and ear piece as the lighting rises.] TD: Good evening everyone, and welcome to "Countdown to Saturday Night." I'm your host Tim Dross, and as you saw in our lead-in, the REAL Man of Steel is back in the IIWF! For more than a month, fans and announcers alike have been casting aspersions because of the Man of Steel's seemingly heinous acts in the ring. Surprisingly, it turns out that Scott "The Whine" Bloom was actually posing as the Man of Steel and blemishing his reputation. Even more surprising is that "The Whine" was able to gain a few wins while posing as Steel. Tonight, I know I speak for millions of fans around the globe when I express my sincere apologies to the Man of Steel for ever doubting him. [Switch the camera angle to get a different shot of Dross. He swivels his chair to accommodate the shot.] TD: We have a lot to cover this evening, including a look at what may be a chink, no pun intended, in the armor of The Syndicate, a special interview with IIWF Heavyweight Champion Otto "The Butcher" Verhoeven, speculation on the feud between Chris Quigley and Dan Kauffman, a look back at everything that went down during Midweek Mayhem, and a look ahead to another big card coming your way tomorrow on "IIWF Saturday Night." Let's kick things off with: ************************************************************************** --------------------- IIWF MIDWEEK MAYHEM REWIND ---------------------- ************************************************************************** TD: It was a night of bad blood and great matches in the IIWF Coliseum as Larry Morton and Becky LaRue hosted another "Midweek Mayhem." Let's recap what happened: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ HEAVY METAL defeated ACES OF THE DEEP ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ TD: Atlas and Apollo Steele were neither flooded nor sunk as they sent the Shark and the Piranha sinking to the bottom of the IIWF. Now, Robo Stone's charges are prepared to help Pain Inc. finish off the Zodiac Connection: [Cut to the IIWF interview area. Robo Stone stands with HEAVY METAL, Atlas and Apollo Steele.] RS: There is no more time left for TALKING. It's time for DOING. My boys are on their way to an IIWF tag-title shot, but they're willin' to stop their journey to kick some major ZODIAC BUTT! AT: We are ACCEPTING Pain Inc.'s invitation to any eight-man tag match. We've formed an alliance, and the bond will hold till eternity. AP: PAIN! I LOVE IT! WHATTA NAME! That's EXACTLY what Pain Inc.is ALL about. They can do it themselves, but we're lookin' to do them a favor and help 'em out anytime. RS: You HEAR us, Pain Inc. and Mr. Mic! We accept, but be ready to repay us. HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! [Fade. Cut back to Tim Dross in the studio.] ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ FISTO FLASH defeated THE MASKED MARAUDER ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ TD: Fisto Flash seemed intent on sending a message to the crimson warrior Onslaught with a convincing win over the Marauder. Flash and Onslaught are on a collision course in what would be a main event match in any federation. I know that match is now on the minds of Fisto Flash and Robo Stone: [Cut to the IIWF interview area where Robo Stone and Fisto Flash stand.] RS: Onslaught, my boy's on a rampage, and SOONER OR LATER yo' gonna HAVE to meet 'im in the center a' the ring. FF: I know yo' TOUGH! I know yo' STRONG! But you ain't got the instincts to KILL!! I was born and raised on the streets a' Brooklyn; and I don't take [BLEEP] from ANYBODY! So one way or another, we're gonna settle this. RS: Preferably SOONER. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ THE WHITE PHOENIX defeated PRISONER #109 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ TD: It was another impressive win for Shinja Chow, who surpassed Deathbringer as the number one contender in the IIWF with the win. But the big news was that Prisoner #109 was taken into custody following the match and returned to the penitentiary. I understand the governor would like to put P-109 in the electric chair as soon as possible, so it's doubtful that we'll be seeing him back in the IIWF. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "PAINBRINGER" BILLY SEXTON defeated NICK NAME ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ TD: Billy Sexton is an equal opportunity offender, it seems. He has recently interfered in matches involving Simon Lebec -- costing Lebec his hair -- and Billy Shakespeare, whom he cost the IIWF Cruiserweight belt. Nick Name didn't stand a chance in this match, but "Painbringer" had better be looking over his shoulder. Still, Sexton has an opportunity to win the IIWF Intercontinental belt tomorrow night when he meets Tiger Claw and we'll hear from him a little bit later. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ NO CONTEST: ZODIAC CONNECTION vs. PAIN, INC. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ TD: The goons who seemingly have been hired by "Big Bucks" Don McQueen are quickly making names for themselves in the IIWF -- which is a good thing because we don't even KNOW their names. The two strangers punished Pain Inc. and the Zodiacs, then avoided our attempts to learn more about them. Calls to McQueen's office went unanswered again, but we're on the story and hope to have some more information on these two men for you in Tuesday's report. Pain Inc. have some words for them later in the show, but the Zodiacs want another shot at Pain Inc. Let's hear from Taurus and Scorpio: [SCENE: The Zodiac Connection stand in the IIWF interview area.] SCORPIO: Taurus, it seems that Pain, Inc. wants another piece of the Zodiac Connection. You know, big man, I think that they really enjoy getting run over by the bull and stung by the scorpion. Tell you what, boys.....I want this to be a match that is built for the Zodiac Connection because we look to the stars for guidance each and every single day. We beat you punks the last time we faced so this time since you want us again. YOU WILL HAVE TO PLAY BY OUR RULES BOYS! TAURUS: Heavy Metal, I hope you are watching since you have an offer from Pathetic, Inc. to form an alliance. Beware Heavy Metal, you will definitely pay the price for dealing with the Zodiac Connection.So enjoy the fun while you still can, Pain, Inc. -- that's all of the fun YOU WILL EVER HAVE! [Fade. Cut back to Tim Dross in the studio.] ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ NO CONTEST: MAN OF STEEL vs. MAGUS ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ TD: You already know how this one turned out, fans. The REAL Man of Steel unmasked the bogus Man of Steel, who turned out to be none other than Scott "The Whine" Bloom. Shocking. Simply shocking. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ MARTY WARNETT defeated CASEY "BLACKHEART" JAMES ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ TD: Marty Warnett wanted a shot at The Syndicate and he made the most of that opportunity -- helped largely by what turned out to be a very bad night for Joe Latta. I'll have more on that story later. Randy Acorn and Lord Byron attacked Warnett after the match, but Marty was saved by Takezo Musashi and Shinja Chow. Right now let's hear from the heartthrob of the IIWF, Marty Warnett: [Cut to Warnett standing in the IIWF interview area following Midweek Mayhem.] MW: Well, it seems three quarters of the Syndicate couldn't put me away. Hey, Lau, I truly am impressed. As for you Acorn, let's just say, if you're a nut, I'm a squirrel. When it's convenient, I'll return your favor. But now, I have other things on my mind - you should concentrate on your title. Claw, we will meet, but it'll be on my terms, not yours. Any mind games will come from me, not Lau. [Cut back to Tim Dross in the studio.] ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ RISING SUN REVOLUTION defeated ARMED FORCES ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ TD: What is the value of friendship? Quite possibly the IIWF Tag Team belts! The Armed Forces seemed intent on riding the strength of Aaron's golf club to regain the belts, but Domination stepped in, stopped Aaron, and actually hit NavCom with the club. It looks like Hiroshi and Ryudu have their backs covered. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ SUBWAY PSYCHO defeated MR. DAMAGE (DQ) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ TD: Talk about feuds that are coming to a head! The Psycho seemingly had Mr. Damage beaten when Tiger Claw interfered in the match, then helped Mr. Damage injure the Subway Psycho. Marty Warnett, who attempted to help the Psycho, was the victim of a Golden Tiger Strike outside the ring from the IIWF Intercontinental Champion. I understand the Psycho's injuries are not severe and he should be able to return to action next week. I wouldn't want to be Tiger Claw when the Psycho DOES come back. And there is also the question of Mr. Damage working WITH Tiger Claw. What's the deal there? We asked Mr. Damage for an explanation: [Cut to Mr. Damage in the IIWF interview area.] MD: The Big Buzz around the IIWF is that Mr Damage sold out to Brian Lau. I am going to say this.... Lau and I are on speaking terms but I don't think he is speaking my language. Money talks and bull[BLEEP] walks and I have a price. Although if working with Lau means I get to to beat up on the likes of SUBWAY PSYCHO and that ignoramus WARNETT I can give Lau big discounts on my price. In fact my price for belting the crap out of Psycho or Warnett is a bargain. So I suppose I am announcing to the IIWF and their moron fans that I am available as a hired gun, a hitman. And what better to have a the man with the [flexes biceps] Guns of Navarone behind him. I don't dance and prance around like a dimwit like Warnett or Lebec. I am not complete idiot like Dan Kauffman or Vincent Cappicola. And at least I don't play with matches like the White Phoenix. I have no limitations into what I would do to hurt someone, I know no boundaries. PSYCHO you were a lucky man at Midweek Mayhem. Not only would you be Little Miss Peoples Champion but if I had a chance you would have become Little Miss Intensive Care. I don't care if I win or lose as long I get to inflict pain, draw blood, cause heartache and smash heads. I think you get the idea where I'm coming from. [Fade. Cut back to Tim Dross in the studio.] ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ SANDMAN-LEGION defeated LATTA-MATSUOKO ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ TD: The Dark Knights are trying to do away with The Syndicate, but Brian Lau's team may be deteriorating from the inside. In an unusually sloppy match for The Syndicate, Hakiro Matsuoko was counted out of the ring. It may not have been the way The Knights wanted to claim the victory, but they won't turn it down: [SCENE: Sandman stands in the throne room of the Knights castle.] SM: Fighting with honor are we. Syndicate, you are a mockery of the word. If you had honor you would wrestle a clean match with out all the [BLEEP]! Honor is doing what you believe in and not what you're being paid for. You're a foul smell in the nostrils of a great wrestler. [he reaches to the camera in a grabbing motion, then slowly clinches a fist] I won't deny the fact that some of you are talented wrestlers. But that might be an overstatement. I see how you showboat your skills, it's just like laying all your cards on the table. It's easy to see whatcha' got, you're just like an open book. I'm a locked novel with an ace in the hole and with the Prince of Darkness, Legion and Deathbringer... I'd say the odds are with us. Brian Lau, just keep them coming. Keep sending in fresh meat to the lion den. I'm enjoying tearing them apart. Do whatever, send whomever. Like I said before, I'm standing right here.Shall I count you guys in? Or would it be safe to count you out? Ha ha ha ha ha ha! [Fade. Cut back to Tim Dross in the studio.] ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ OTTO "THE BUTCHER" VERHOEVEN defeated VINNY CAPPICOLA ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ TD: The Butcher's first title defense was a successful one -- and he used it to send a message to the rest of the IIWF. Not only did he end the match with a Slaughterslam on Vinny Cappicola, but he also chokeslammed Don Antonio, who attempted to protect his cousin Vinny. Some may doubt his claim to the IIWF's top title, but don't doubt Verhoeven's ability to injure people: ************************************************************************** ---------------- UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL: OTTO VERHOEVEN ----------------- ************************************************************************** TD: What makes a champion? I can tell you that it's much more than wearing a championship belt. Otto Verhoeven has made quite an impact on the IIWF since his arrival and took the IIWF Heavyweight title from Deathbringer at Ring Wars II. Is he worthy of wearing the belt? Time will tell as he defends it against the IIWF's top stars, but no one can debate "The Butcher's" desire. I had a chance to speak with him this week, up close and personal. Take a look: [SCENE: Tim Dross is standing beside an armed soldier in front of a large building. The black-red-golden flag show that it is the German Embassy in New York City. The rain is pouring down.] TD: [seeming quite desperate] Listen, soldier, we have an appointment with Mister Verhoeven. He allowed us to visit him in his apartment here. SOLDIER: Nein, I cannot let you in. Herr Verhoeven is on his morning jogging tour. TD: In this rain? [At this point Otto Verhoeven, wearing a black track suit and being drenched to the skin, jogs around the corner. The soldiers salutes formally.] SOLDIER: [shouting] Guten morgen, Feldwebel Verhoeven! OV: Guten morgen. These people are allowed to enter the embassy with me. I have informed Ambassador Mastheim of this. SOLDIER: In ordnung, Feldwebel! [Dross and Verhoeven enter the luxurious hall of the embassy, followed by the cameraman. While they talk, Otto leads the way.] TD: Good morning, Herr Verhoeven. Did I understand the guard right? Do you have a military rank? OV: [smiling] Ja, you are right. I hold the rank of a Feldwebel, the equivalent of a sergeant, in the Bundeswehr, the German army, which I joined right after leaving school. My skills were discovered there by Colonel Curt Frost, my personal boxing trainer. Well, I think you know the rest of the story. TD: Yes, I read it in your file. [They stop at a door on the second floor. Otto opens and they enter. The first room is also luxuriously furnished. A whole cupboard is filled with videotapes. Some posters hang on the walls. Most of them seem to be PPV advertisements, with Verhoeven appearing in the main events. There are posters from Germany, Japan, and some from the USA.] TD: You have quite a home here at the embassy. OV: Yes, I enjoy the full support from my country. Ambassador Mastheim is a personal friend of mine and a great wrestling fan. You should have come to the party we had to celebrate my victory at Ring Wars II... [he looks at Dross]... no, it's probably good you didn't come. TD: Er, right. [Heidi enters, wearing a yellow aerobic singlet. She carries a towel and throws it to Otto.] NH: Hello, Herr Dross. How nice that you pay us a visit. TD: Good morning, Heidi. Well, let's talk about recent events in the IIWF. OV: Ja, let's talk about my first title defense against Vinny Cappiwhatever. I made him and his friend examples for what will happen to everyone trying to take the title away from me: they'll end up on a stretcher, or in the hospital, or at the end of their careers. The Italo-American thugs experienced just that -- first-hand carnage delivered by the Butcher. TD: You surely made a statement when you deliberately tried to injure Vinny and Don Antonio. But you forgot to mention the appearance of Dan Kauffman and Chris Quigley. OV: [with a jovial smile] Oh yeah, those two airheads. Walking and talking piles of garbage, if you ask me. NH: And it is a vergnugen, ahhhh, a pleasure, to see those two idiots at each other's throats. OV: Quigley is a real thorn in my side, and I am sure Kauffman will show him his limits. We always like to watch matches and to raise the stakes a little. When Kauffman and the Q-ball clash, the winner will get a title shot. TD: [sarcastically] How gracious you are. Both of these men are dedicated and successful competitors and title shots have been waiting for them, anyway. You only want to intensify their feud and... OV: [getting agitated] Shut up, you wimp! I do what I want because I am the World Heavyweight champion! TD: Other wrestlers and announcers alike doubt your qualifications as a World champion, saying that you lack the talent and only defeated Deathbringer with Hardin's help. OV: [glaring menacingly at Dross] Listen you little worm, whatever those idiots claim, I will show them what I am able to do! I will silence the doubters, especially that stinking beggar Subway Psycho or that brainless inbred from Domination! NH: Vat asylum released these clowns? OV: The Butcher is going to stay on top, and all my victims will be dragged into the... SLAUGHTERHOUSE! NH: The interview is over, Herr Dross. [Fade. Cut back to Tim Dross in the studio.] TD: One thing I know is that Otto Verhoeven has a nasty temper and it seems to get the better of him at times. If he loses his focus for a simple three count, the belt could change hands on any given night. Time will tell. ************************************************************************** --------------------------- IIWF TRASH TALK ---------------------------- ************************************************************************** TD: Fans, two of the IIWF's belts will be on the line Saturday night. In what should be one of the best matchups of the night, new Cruiserweight Champ Randy Acorn will take on challenger The White Phoenix. This is a great opportunity for Shinja Chow, but Acorn does not plan to give up his title without a fight: [SCENE: Randy Acorn sits in a nice leather chair with a fireplace in the background. On the mantle of the fireplace lies his IIWF Cruiserweight Title. Randy has a smile on his face as he begins to speak] RA: This Saturday night, the pukes of the IIWF get to see a match that many have been hoping to see. It's the match of the technician vs. the high flyer. Well Mr.White [BLEEP], I am going to go out there and keep you grounded as much as I can because even I know that's the only way that I can win. This title that I have obtained has given me a new perspective on my wrestling lifestyle. Now instead of thinking that I'm the most talented wrestler out there, I know I am. And it will be the bird man who will be the first one to get a look at this new attitude, although believe me, I haven't changed that much. I see that The White [BLEEP] has done well for himself in the IIWF. I guess you could say that he's been on fire as of late. Well when he steps into the ring with me, you can bet that his hopes of taking this title will go up in flames. [Randy's expression changes as does the tone of his voice as he seems to become angrier] Now I will comment on that [BLEEP] Marty Warnett. You've been running your mouth a lot since your stint in the IIWF. In fact I think that we've been here about the same amount of time, the only difference being the gold that I have around my waist and the look of jealousy on your face. I have gone through the best to get where I'm at and some little punk like you is not, I repeat, NOT going to take this away from me. When you came down and started staring at my gold, yeah I got mad and you can believe that if I didn't have the class that I do have that I would've kicked your ass all over the place. And if you ever put your eyes on my title again, I assure you I'll rip them out of their [BLEEP]ing sockets and stick one on each strap. Don't get in my face and you won't get hurt you [BLEEP]ing hippie. [Screen fades to black as Randy stands up, stretches, and leaves the room after grabbing his title. Cut back to Tim Dross in the studio.] TD: Also on the line Saturday night will be the IIWF Intercontinental Championship. As I said earlier, "Painbringer" Billy Sexton has earned a shot at Tiger Claw's belt. Sexton has upset both Simon Lebec and Billy Shakespeare in recent weeks, and now he's taking aim at The Syndicate. Let's hear from the challenger: [Scene: Billy Sexton is standing in the middle of a ring. He turns to the camera and speaks.] BS: "O, beware, my lord, of jealousy! It is the green-eyed monster, which doth mock the meat it feeds on." Othello Act 3, Scene 3. You see, Shakespeare, I know your game. I understand now why you dislike me so much. It is because you are jealous of me, my ability, my charm and my intelligence. Billy boy, soon you will get a taste of the pain. Soon your career will be over. As for you, Lebec, you better keep your mouth shut. When we tagged together, I carried the team. I took Starks out of action and I got us the 1-2-3. So don't be running home to momma just because you got a little haircut. But on to more important matters. A long time ago, I was taught the ways of the ring. How make a person submit in under a minute. I have been in many ring wars and now the greatest challenge of my career awaits. For a long time it has been my dream to be the Intercontinental champion, but that dream was always pushed aside. For the powers that be didn't want me to have a title shot. They were all afraid that once I got the belt, I wasn't going to give it back. Now it comes down to this... it's me and you Tiger Claw. The two greatest wrestlers in the world today will step into this ring. And only one shall be champion. Let me tell ya something, punk. Many years I have waited for this chance. I will not let this pass me by. Like it or not, I will be the IIWF Intercontinental Champion. And there isn't a damn thing you can do about it. OH YEAH! [Fade. Cut back to Tim Dross in the studio.] TD: Another feud that seems to be coming to a head is the one between "Quickstrike" Chris Quigley and "Showstopper" Simon Lebec, who will meet tomorrow night. But now... sigh... we have yet another installment of Lebec's journey to Newfoundland. We're legally obligated to run this footage, so let's go to it now: [SCENE: "The Showstopper" Simon Lebec and entourage are surrounded by the nothingness that is Newfoundland. Premier Brian Tobin is with them.] BT: Mr. Lebec, you's has been some good to us, I'se gonna grant you your wish. I appoints you da new mayor of Corner Brook]. SL: HA! Look at me, ma! Who'd have thought I'd be a politician? Well, Quigley, it looks like I'm the new mayor of your hometown! As my first act, I hereby claim the property and possessions of your parents' igloo for failing to pay back taxes on hard biscuits and molasses purchased at the local mercantile outlet in June, 1992. I have already sent Francois, the new deputy mayor, to the site, where he will claim their fishing nets by order of the town, as well as melt their igloo with my hairdryer. As for you, I'll get my piece of you on Saturday night. I've got a little surprise for you, my friend. [Fade. Cut to Dross in the studio.] TD: A somewhat classier gentleman is Lord Byron, although you certainly couldn't tell it by his actions during the last week. He's already had a pair of run-ins with Marty Warnett, but his focus MUST be in the ring on Saturday when he takes on a popular young star, "The Enigma" Takezo Musashi. Byron says he is up for the challenge: [SCENE: Lord Byron is sitting in the study of his New Orleans home. For once, Lady DeWinter is nowhere to be seen.] LB: [sneering] Well, well, Mr. Warnett is quickly becoming one of the most popular punchbags in the federation, I see. I hope you are enjoying your beatings, pup, because the way you're going you might not be around to enjoy them for much longer. But I'll come back to you in a minute. [Byron sighs, and turns his famous brass topped cane over in his hands, before hitting his palm with it.] Enigma. Yet another idiot who doesn't know when to keep quiet. Mr. Musashi, I'm afraid that you are not that much of an Enigma to me. You see, I have had considerable experience wrestling in the Japanese leagues, and I know exactly what people of your ilk are capable of. I believe we are to meet in the ring Saturday night. But you are lucky; unlike some, I have no need of any help to dispatch your worthless carcass. Still, with your newfound "friends" after blood, I would be surprised if you even made it to the arena. [Byron stands up and walks over to the window.] Finally, Mr. Warnett. I may have other commitments on Saturday, but don't think I've forgotten about you. Once I have destroyed the Enigma, you're next in line. Ciao. [Fade. Cut back to Tim Dross in the studio.] TD: Fans, I've been hearing good reports about a newcomer to the IIWF, Steve "The Fury" Kowalski. At least the reports on his WRESTLING have been good. I can't vouch for his personal habits or his attitude, but we'll get our first look at Kowalski tomorrow night. We also received the following... somewhat disturbing footage: [The stink of the Amber Bug Public House on the south edge of Bayonne, New Jersey, can be compared to a urinal. Only the lowest forms of life dwell here. Amid the smokey bar can be seen a man of intense presence. Sitting at a circular table, with his feet up on another chair, Steve "The Fury" Kowalski passes the time with a bottle of Old Grandad. A trashy little waitress struts up to the table.] WAITRESS: Here's the sugar you wanted. What is it for? Put it in your drink or something? SK: Or something, Sweet cheeks. I use it to play a game. [Kowalski sets a piece of paper on the center of the table, spits on it and pours the sugar on top of the spittle and begins to draw a knife out of his boot.] WAITRESS: Hey! Wh-what is that for? I don't make that much in tips and... [Kowalski waits as a buzzing fly lands on the sugar. Suddenly he buries the knife through fly, paper and table. The waitress is petrified and can only slowly back away in fear.] SK: It's called SPLIT THE FLY and it looks like I got me one. Sittin' here waiting to split my first IIWF skull, biding my time. I'm tired of waiting for the booking committee to set up the first victim, so I'll leave them a message. Something to remember me by. [Kowalski drops a few bucks, turns on his heel and heads for the door. No one gets in his way as he leaves. The final image seen is the knife driven through an OPEN CONTRACT with The Fury's signature. Not to mention two halves of a fly. Fade. Cut back to Tim Dross in the studio.] TD: Yeeech! Tell you what, fans, while I try to keep my dinner down let's take a quick commercial break and then we'll hear what some of the IIWF's top tag teams are up to. [Cut to commercial break: The scene is stereotypical Americana. Two boys sit on a porch step in their blue jeans, an old dog lies lazily nearby. The bells of an ice-cream truck can be heard in the background. The two boys work feverishly to unwrap a number of small packages in their laps.] BOY1: Deathbringer... Ned Norton... BOY2: DefCon... Sandman... Marty Warnett... BOY1: Scott Bloom... Magus... And wow! Billy Shakespeare! BOY2: "Spotlight" Billy?! I'll give you a Randy Acorn and a Billy Sexton for him. BOY1: No way. Both those guys combined aren't worth one Billy Shakespeare. [Billy Shakespeare suddenly appears in the scene.] BS: Yea, you speak of that rightly. BOYS: WOW! "Spotlight" Billy Shakespeare! [Even the dog perks up] BS: Everyone wants Billy Shakespeare, and now you can get him too with IIWF action trading cards. [He holds up a pack for the camera] They're readily available everywhere, and you don't have to cheap shot the storekeeper with your belt to get them. [The three laugh as the dog chews up the Sexton and Acorn cards. An announcer quickly reads the following disclaimer: "IIWF trading cards are a division of IIWF Marketing Corp. All rights reserved. Wrestlers' names, and the IIWF logo, are trademarks and registered to their respective parties. .00001 percent of all sales goes to the wrestlers' retirement fund." As the scene fades, one of the boys can be heard offering a Becky LaRue card for trade. Cut back to Tim Dross in the studio.] TD: Fans, during that commercial break I was informed that the Arabian Knights won't be wrestling here in the IIWF during the next couple of weeks. I'm told we have a phone hookup with their new manager, Mr. Kaseem, who may be able to explain the reasoning behind this. [Tim touches the speaker-phone button on the desk.] TD: Hello, hello...? Mr Kaseem...? [Fuzz, crackle] MK: Hello Tim, Mr Kaseem here.... The line is pretty bad, you'll have to speak up. TD: MR KASEEM CAN YOU TELL US THE REASON FOR THE ARABIAN KNIGHTS' PROPOSED ABSENCE FROM THE LEAGUE? MK: There is no need to shout! Well Tim, the other night, the Prince's father took ill and we were all very concerned. We thought that our only course of action was to get back to Saudi Arabia as soon as possible. President Spreadbury has been very understanding about the whole incident. TD: So when do you expect to return? MK: Did you say return? The line is really bad. LM: YES, RETURN! MK: You are shouting again, Tim. Well, the Prince's father is now making quite a good recovery and we expect to be back in a couple of weeks. [Fuzz... crackle... hummmmmmmm] TD: We appear to have been cut off, but there you have it folks. The Arabian Knights should be back in the IIWF within a couple of weeks. And we wish the Prince's father the best in his recovery. The news of the Knights' absence probably won't please Pain Inc., but if Don McQueen's two hired goons show up again, then Pain Inc. will probably be occupied anyway. Speaking of Mr. Mic's troops, let's hear from them: [SCENE: Mr.Mic's mansion in England. He is wearing a Heavy Metal T-shirt and has a set of golf clubs next to him. He is smiling from ear to ear. Pain Inc. are behind him dressed in jeans and their chain mail masks, they are staring at the camera.] MM: Oh you little morons in TV land are in for a real treat. I have a lot to say today. Let's start off with the new manager of the 7-11 Slurpee boys. First off you say you want to continue the feud with Pain Inc.? That seems strange 'cause WE ENDED IT! If you want to have your losers put forth into even more humiliation, then bring it on CAMEL BOY. Soon after that you say you don't want to waste your time with us... which translates into... lemme check here... um. yeah... YOU'RE FREAKIN' TERRIFIED OF US! No problem, Slurpee boy, most teams are scared of us. Finally, my business relationship with Mr.Stone and Heavy Metal is none of your [BLEEP]ing business. I don't turn my back on business associates. I am indebted to Heavy Metal and plan to help them out any way I can. Now on to those two fools in black who interfered in our match on Wednesday. How dare you interfere in a match which didn't concern you?! My boys are very VERY upset with you. You can talk the talk but can ya walk the walk? I don't think so. Hey guys, [they look at him] what do you think about McQueen's "hired help?" [Pain Inc. start squealing and breaking masonry blocks with their fists and feet] Uh oh, you've gone and made Pain Inc. mad. Never make the mistake of showing up around us again! Now on to more important business. Aaron the Caddy, thank you for your generous offer. You are a man who has earned my utmost respect. I think the IIWF owes you an apology after Ring Wars II. I mean, you beat both teams on the original contract and you should therefore still be the champs. Hey if your lawyers aren't getting the job done lemme know I got a couple of real good ones that President Spreadbury knows quite well [He laughs]. I like your idea of an eight-man tag. How about this: the Armed Forces and Pain Inc. vs. the IIWF cheatin' champs, the Rising Sun Retards, and Dork Nation... oh sorry, the Dominoes or something like that. Rising Sun Retards you guys stole those titles from the Armed Forces and it seems that you can't beat 'em fair and square. You need help from your girlfriends Dominatrix or something. Listen losers, I know you're new here so I'll give you some advice: DON'T MESS WITH PAIN INC OR THE ARMED FORCES. Finally, Mr.Stone and I have a great business relationship. I don't want any teams thinkin' they can interfere with Heavy Metal. They are headed to the top. You wanna mess with Heavy Metal? Well then, you gotta mess with Pain Inc. Somethin' you just don't wanna do. [he laughs] Until next time, morons... that means you too, Dross! [Fade. Cut back to Tim Dross in the studio.] TD: Hmmph! At least I bathe regularly! Let's move on to Aaron the Caddy, whom I believe is standing by with some words from The Armed Forces: [Scene: The IIWF Coliseum. In the ring, NavCom and DefCon are sparring. They are against their usually hired jobbers, just kicking and stomping away as usual. Aaron the Caddy is in the bleachers watching. NavCom is in the ring, holding onto a front facelock.] ATC: Here we are, back at the Coliseum. Ah, what a wonderful place. For it was right here just two months ago, when my Armed Forces stormed the ring under my brilliant guidance, and surgically took the High Plains Drifters apart to win the IIWF World Tag Team Titles. [In the ring, it appears the Armed Forces have finally grown bored with the jobbers. NavCom applies a Cobra Clutch and the man submits. The Forces throw their opponents to the floor and leave the ring to talk with Aaron the Caddy.] ATC: Another fine butt-kicking, gentlemen. Make this short, we've got a meeting with Mr. Mic... NC: That's right, just like we took the Zodiacs to school on Saturday night, we whaled on these punks. No big surprise. But, we're after a little more... DC: Every single match we've wrestled in the IIWF has been for one thing...the titles. When we started off, we beat the lesser teams to build toward a shot. When we got a title match, we wrestled to win 'em. And when we had the belts and defended them, we gave all we had to ensure that those titles stayed with the Armed Forces, where they belonged. But we were attacked from behind by a team who wasn't even supposed to be on the continent at the time. NC: Yeah, Spreadbury, whose antics have been a little...uh, shaky as of late, lets the Rising Sun Revolution into the big match. And, after we beat the two teams who belonged in the match, the third team, the team that didn't belong, Pearl Harbored us. A cheap pinfall, and the belts change hands. Well, we're gonna get those titles back! ATC: Alright, sorry this was so brief, but all you great fans, never fear, because we're working on a very special segment about the childhoods of the Armed Forces for an upcoming show. [Aaron the Caddy winks at the camera. Fade. Cut back to Tim Dross in the studio.] TD: And don't YOU fear, fans, because we'll be sure to edit out any segments about the Armed Forces' childhoods. [Dross winks at the camera] ************************************************************************** ------------------- IIWF SATURDAY NIGHT: A PREVIEW --------------------- ************************************************************************** TD: You've heard about some of the matches coming your way on "IIWF Saturday Night," but let's take a look at the complete lineup: DARK MATCHES: * Domination vs. High Plains Drifters * Mr. Damage vs. [J] * Don Antonio vs. Fisto Flash * Onslaught vs. [J] LIVE MATCHES: * Steve "The Fury" Kowalski vs. [J] * Ring Warrior II vs. Marty Warnett * Chris Quigley vs. Simon Lebec * Lord Byron vs. "Enigma" Takezo Musashi * SIX MAN TAG MATCH: The Syndicate vs. The Dark Knights * CRUISERWEIGHT TITLE MATCH: Randy Acorn vs. The White Phoenix * INTERCONTINENTAL TITLE MATCH: Tiger Claw vs. Billy Sexton ************************************************************************** --------------- A SPECIAL DROSS REPORT: THE SYNDICATE ------------------ ************************************************************************** TD: Fans, I think the events of Wednesday night involving The Syndicate warrant us taking a closer look at this group. Brian Lau and his men have had a hold on the IIWF for months, whether that has meant drawing new members into The Syndicate, keeping the Intercontinental Championship, or making allies to accomplish their goals. Seemingly, no outside group has been able to penetrate the armor that surrounds this stable. But I've never seen members of The Syndicate act look as disorganized and unfocused as they did Wednesday night. The center of attention must be Joe Latta, who drew the wrath of Casey James after Latta attempted to hit Marty Warnett with a chair, but instead nailed James. That cost James a decision to Warnett and a bruised ego. Later in the evening, Latta teamed with Hakiro Matsuoko and dropped an elbow on his partner when The Sandman rolled out of the way. He was out of position and brawling with the Prince of Darkness later in the match when Hakiro needed to make a tag. Finally, The Syndicate team was counted out of the ring. It was not an intelligent match on The Syndicate's part and Hakiro Matsuoko was visibly angry. What does this mean for The Syndicate? Possibly nothing, because Brian Lau is a master of personnel. But he is also a businessman who does not take kindly to foolish acts that cost him purse money. Joe Latta has been an inconsistent performer since joining the IIWF as Dan Kauffman's pupil, and he has not responded well to the lessons taught by his fellow members of The Syndicate. Let's take a look at how all four members of this group have fared in the IIWF: ------------------------------------------------------------------ Name F/H Fought W L D Win% Ranking ------------------------------------------------------------------ Tiger Claw H 26 15 10 1 60% IC Hakiro Matsuoko H 19 11 7 1 61% 10 Casey James H 18 9 7 2 56% 12 Joe Latta H 19 9 9 1 50% 18 TD: On the surface, Tiger Claw is easily the group's top performer as the Intercontinental Champion. But take a look at the winning percentages and you'll see that Hakiro Matsuoko is atop The Syndicate's statistics. The group's mission has clearly been to keep the Intercontinental belt in the stable, but how can a man as proud as Matsuoko feel about protecting Tiger Claw -- a man who was once his sworn enemy? Are there cracks in the fortress of The Syndicate? Possibly. I was approached this week by the new IIWF Tag Team Champions, Rising Sun Revolution, who were approached by Brian Lau about joining The Syndicate two weeks ago. They asked me to play the following tape on tonight's show, and I abide by their wishes: [SCENE: A small dojo-style gym. Rising Sun Revolution, Hiroshi and Ryudu, stand watching a television with a dejected look on their faces.] RYUDU: You know, it seems to me, Brian Lau, that you can't take "no" for an answer. First you say that you respect our decision not to join your "Syndicate," and then you warn us that if we continue to refuse, there will be trouble ahead. I'm sorry, Lau, but we are our own people. You cannot subvert us. [Hiroshi shakes his head and says something in Japanese, looking visibly upset. Ryudu nods.] And then of course, you point to Hakiro Matsuoko. When we returned to the IIWF, we were both in complete shock. We RESPECTED you Hakiro. You are one of the most gifted wrestlers in the IIWF, and we respected you because you always fought fairly and cleanly and gave it your very best. Then imagine just how much of a shock it was for us to return and see that you had sided with a man who was once your worst enemy. [Ryudu picks up a remote control, and plays various clips on the television.] Way back at Coronation Clash... [The image shows Hakiro, in the IIWF World Title tournament, pinning the Outlaw. Tiger Claw comes off the top rope with a devastating leg drop right across the back of Matsuoko's neck. The Outlaw wins.] The feud continued up to the first Ring Wars... [The crowd are going crazy as Claw rolls over, and lays one arm over Hakiro Matsuoko. The referee makes the count - 1 -- 2 -- 3! Ding! Ding! Ding! Lau taunts Matsuoko, who is still lying out cold on the canvas. Claw wipes the sweat from his brow and flicks it onto Matsuoko before leaving the ring.] Hakiro, I don't know whether it was the loss of your title that caused your change of attitude, but please, listen to us now. Claw has never respected you, as a wrestler, or as a person.. Lau, I fear, is the same. you claim to have seen the light, but he's doing to you now exactly what he would do to us. He's using you Hakiro, he has been all along. Claw has had the belt three times now, mostly due to the interference of the Syndicate. The time you won it, you defeated all comers under your own power. Lau has been using you to run interference for Claw. He has been making sure that one of the few men with the ability to defeat Claw is safely in a position where he could never get to do so again. Is this what you really want Hakiro? Is this why you came here? We know you are a good man inside, we know it because we've seen it. Don't let Brian Lau abuse your skills like this, you're a better man than anyone in the Syndicate. Think about what we've said, and you will see we speak the truth. [Both Ryudu and Hiroshi leave the room in silence. The scene fades out. Cut back to Tim Dross in the studio.] TD: Is the balance of power shifting in the IIWF? Is Hakiro Matsuoko listening? Time will tell, fans. Time will tell. ************************************************************************** --------------------- LATEST IIWF SINGLES RANKINGS --------------------- ************************************************************************** ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Name F/H Fought W L D Win% Ranking (old) new ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Otto Verhoeven H 11 9 2 0 82% (WC) WC Tiger Claw H 26 15 10 1 60% (IC) IC "Badboy" Randy Acorn H 11 5 4 2 54% (CW) CW ------------------------------------------------------------------------ The White Phoenix F 6 5 1 0 83% (2) 1 Deathbringer F 20 15 3 2 80% (1) 2 Chris Quigley F 9 7 2 0 78% (3) 3 Billy Shakespeare F 20 15 5 0 75% (4) 4 Dan Kauffman F 19 13 4 2 74% (5) 5 Subway Psycho F 17 12 4 1 74% (6) 6 "Enigma" Takezo Musashi N 12 8 4 0 67% (7) 7 The Sandman H 11 7 4 0 64% (10) 8 Billy Sexton H 17 11 6 0 65% (9) 9 Hakiro Matsuoko H 19 11 7 1 61% (8) 10 Don Antonio F 17 10 7 0 58% (13) 11 Casey James H 18 9 7 2 56% (12) 12 Man Of Steel F 22 11 9 2 55% (14) 13 Marty Warnett F 13 7 6 0 54% (19) 14 Vinny Cappicola F 12 5 4 3 54% (11) 15 Simon Lebec H 19 10 9 0 53% (16) 16 Robski H 17 9 8 0 53% (18) 17 Joe Latta H 19 9 9 1 50% (17) 18 Fisto Flash H 18 8 8 2 50% (21) 19 Mr. Damage H 12 6 6 0 50% (15) 20 The Hangman H 11 4 4 3 50% (20) 21 Archangel F 8 4 4 0 50% (23) 22 Prince of Darkness H 16 6 7 3 47% (22) 23 Magus H 15 5 10 0 33% (25) 24 "Nuclear" John Bomber F 12 2 10 0 17% (26) 25 Ring Warrior II H 2 2 0 0 100% (27) 26 Onslaught F 1 1 0 0 100% (28=) 27= Lord Byron H 1 1 0 0 100% (28=) 27= Steve Kowalski H - - - - - (-) - ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ************************************************************************** -------------------- LATEST IIWF TAG TEAM RANKINGS --------------------- ************************************************************************** ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Name of team F/H Fought W L D Win% Ranking (old) new ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Rising Sun Revolution F 6 6 0 0 100% (WT) WT ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Heavy Metal H 8 6 2 0 75% (2=) 1 Pain Inc. H 8 6 2 0 75% (2=) 2 High Plains Drifters H 17 12 5 0 71% (1) 3 The Arabian Knights H 9 6 3 0 67% (5) 4 The Armed Forces H 16 10 5 1 66% (4) 5 Atomic Destroyers H 12 7 4 1 63% (6) 6 The Zodiac Connection F 9 4 5 0 44% (8) 7 Aces of the Deep F 10 2 8 0 20% (9) 8 Domination F 1 1 0 0 100% (10) 9 ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ************************************************************************** ----------------------------- IIWF MAILBAG ---------------------------- ************************************************************************** TD: The IIWF made a promise always to listen to its great fans. The following letter was faxed to our offices Thursday morning and I'd like to read it now: To Mr.Larry Morton: We take exception to your words on this week's Mayhem: 'Ladies and gentlemen, my guests at this time are one of the most impressive -- and eccentric -- tag teams to ever compete in the IIWF. Along with the lovely Mistress, they are Mr. Psycho and Monster... Domination!' As is well remembered by long time fans, The Alphabet Boys were by far the most eccentric tag team ever to compete in the IIWF. Sincerely, The remaining six members of The Alphabet Boys Fan Club" TD: There you have it, fans. Abie and Zed may be gone, but they are not forgotten! ************************************************************************** ------------------------- IIWF FAN OF THE WEEK ------------------------- ************************************************************************** TD: In addition to reading selected letters from fans, the IIWF front office has asked that we periodically name a "IIWF Fan of the Week." Tonight, I'm proud to announce that Esther Osterhout of Acorn Springs, Colorado, is our very first fan of the week! We caught up with Esther during our last U.S. Tour and she told us that her favorite IIWF wrestler has always been the Outlaw J.W. Hardin. Well, Esther, we're sorry that the Outlaw has moved on, but we're sure you'll find another IIWF star to cheer for very soon. In the meantime, we hope you'll enjoy the Ring Wars II Fan Package we're sending your way -- complete with a video of that great pay-per-view, a cap, and a t-shirt. In honor of Mr. Hardin, we'll also send you a copy of the late Lewis Grizzard's book "Daddy Was a Pistol and I'm a Son of a Gun." Thanks for being a fan of the IIWF, Esther! ************************************************************************** -- COMING TUESDAY: "INSIDE THE IIWF" WITH LARRY MORTON & BECKY LaRUE -- ************************************************************************** TD: We're gearing up for an exciting "IIWF Saturday Night" as Steve Roberts and I call all the action from the IIWF Coliseum. Larry Morton and Becky LaRue will be here to bring you all the highlights and interviews next Tuesday on "Inside the IIWF." So until tomorrow night, this is Tim Dross saying goodnight everyone! [The remote camera zooms back up the aisle. One woman screams "Screw Esther, I'm the fan of the week!" A young boy is throwing souvenir "Sandman Sleepy Dust" into the row ahead of him, and a teenage girl shows off her Marty Warnett t-shirt. The credits roll by too quickly to read. Fade.] +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= I * I * W * F =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+ Send mail to iiwf@sisko.demon.co.uk with the subject lines: "send faq" for the FAQ + "send singles" or "send tag" for the rosters + "send handlers" for a list of handlers +------------------------------------+---------------------------+ URL: http://www.sisko.demon.co.uk/|President: Daniel Spreadbury +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+