[Open with a familiar scene from the IIWF's public service message from Saturday night. Deathbringer approaches two drug users in a park and snatches the one who has just overdosed. Suddenly, the scene freezes and begins to disintegrate on the screen. As the scene melts away, an image of the Coroner forms on the screen.] TC: There is always one who fails to practice what he... preaches. If you step in the path of the Coroner and the Masters of Pain, you are doomed to eternal darkness. To hell with the IIWF's concern for public well-being! THIS message has been brought to you by the Coroner's health care project... and the Masters of Pain. [The Coroner's maniacal laughter trails off into the hard rock music of the opening montage. Fast-paced music is matched by equally fast-paced clips of IIWF action. As the final guitar chord is drawn out, El Super Gecko drop kicks The Prince of Darkness from the top turnbuckle and the screen explodes into a mass of fire and smoke, through which emerges the IIWF's familiar logo:] ##### ###### ### ########## ########## ########## #### ## ########## ########## ########## #### # #### ######## ##### ##### #### ## ##### #### #### #### #### ### #### #### #### #### ############# ######### #### #### ########### ######### #### #### #### #### #### ######### ######### ### #### #### ######### ######### ### ## #### ######## ######## ## # #### =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- ## =-=-=-= INTERNATIONAL INTERNET WRESTLING FEDERATION =============================================== "INSIDE THE IIWF" - November 5, 1996 =============================================== [Cut to the IIWF Studio. The remote camera zooms down the aisle and the studio audience do their best to get into the shot. A teenage boy holds up a "Becky LaRue...Roo...Roo" poster. An elderly woman screams "I KNEW BRUNO THE SANDMAN!" Two demented-looking men hold a homemade poster that reads "Happy Birthday President Spreadbury!" And a familiar-looking gentleman in the front row rocks back and forth in his seat while chanting "Can't Hurt the Lizard!" Zoom to Larry Morton and Becky LaRue sitting at the broadcast desk.] LM: Hello again, everyone, and welcome to another exciting edition of "Inside the IIWF." We've got bad blood, we've got more newcomers, we've got a missing superstar, we've got a title controversy, and this week we've even got my co-host Becky LaRue back from... assignment. BL: You just wish the suits in the IIWF front office trusted YOU enough to send you on assignment! LM: So where did you go? BL: None of your business. LM: Okayyyy. Anyway, we've got a lot to cover on tonight's show. I'm sure you're wondering about Deathbringer... BL: Not me. LM: [ignoring her] ...and his status following that brutal attack by the Masters of Pain and the Coroner at "IIWF Saturday Night." The Masters of Pain carried Deathbringer's body from the IIWF Coliseum and loaded it into a hearse outside the facility. That was the last we saw of them until we received the following tape, apparently from the Coroner, via Federal Express yesterday. Let's... BL: Oooh! Oooh! Let me say it! [Larry nods.] BL: Let's go to that footage now! [she whispers to Larry] I just love saying that! [SCENE: The mortuary. Everything is dark except for a dim light falling through the open door to the cemetery. Laughter and steps are heard from the outside. The sounds are getting closer and the camera moves over to the door, just in time to show the Coroner entering the mortuary, followed by the Masters Of Pain who carry the motionless body of Deathbringer on their shoulders] TC: [laughing maniacally] Yeah boys, come on, get him over here! [The Coroner steps over to the old Ring Wars II casket and opens the damaged lid] TC: I guess this is a suitable place for the dead guy. And I think we now finally can safely say that he`s a dead guy. Hahaha.... [The MoP carry Deathbringer toward the casket and throw him into it, face first. Chuck "Bodybag" Jones makes a motion as if to shut the lid] TC: Now come on, we need to show a bit more dignity, don`t ya think? CJ: Sure... hehehe..., Shi, give me that golden thing over there! Shi: That`s an urn, Chuck... here ya go! [Shi takes one of the urns standing on a shelf at the back wall of the mortuary. He hands it to Bodybag, who opens it and pours the ashes on top of Deathbringer.] CJ: Ashes to ashes... [The Coroner shuts the lid and shouts:] TC: ...and dust to dust. Hope ya don't rest in peace, Yawnbringer! Let's get outta here! [The MoP leave the mortuary with the Coroner almost singing the words "I'm out to destroy and I will cut you down". The camera moves toward the casket and the scene slowly fades out. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: Things certainly don't look good for the former IIWF Heavyweight Champion. We'll try to get more information on his condition. BL: He's DEAD, Larry. He's assumed room temperature. He's history. What part of that "condition" don't you understand? LM: I just refuse to believe that. Deathbringer has always been so... so... BL: Weird? LM: No! So... supernatural. It's almost like death was his natural state of being. BL: You've really gotta stop hanging out with these freaks, Larry. LM: [gives her a dirty look] Yes, well, we'll still try to learn more about this situation. We'll keep you up to date, fans. In the meantime, we have plenty to talk about during our: [Letters swirl around the screen, bashing into each other as if they are wrestling each other. Grunts have been added into the audio. Each of the letters slowly falls into place to form the title:] ************************************************************************** ---------------------- IIWF SATURDAY NIGHT REWIND ---------------------- ************************************************************************** LM: New wrestlers continue to pour into the IIWF. Two newcomers made an unscheduled appearance in the ring Saturday night, as "Thunderbolt Flash" Todd Franklin and "Blitz Lightning" Bobby Lincoln interfered in an early match between El Super Gecko and "Nifty" Ned Norton. BL: Yeah, and I was surprised that they decided to take on El Super Gecko after the week he had. Lincoln and Franklin call themselves the "Universal Powers" and tried to bust up Gecko, but we all know that... [The audience chants in unison: "You Can't Hurt the Lizard!"] BL; Hehehehe...snort. LM: Very funny. Anyway, the "Universal Powers" have issued their threat to the rest of the IIWF. Now we'll see how it is received. BL: As cheap as people are around here, probably C.O.D. LM: Well, there were plenty of REAL matches for us to discuss: [Larry and Becky do voice-overs as footage from the matches rolls.] *********************** LEGION, defeated MAGUS *********************** LM: It wasn't a particularly good night for The Dark Knights, but Legion did get the victory over the madman Magus. BL: I liked him better as the Archangel. There's just something about the name "Lesion" that... LM: Uhh, Becky, that's LEGION. BL; Oh. Hehe. Anyway, I think we've got an interview with him. LET'S GO TO THAT FOOTAGE! [SCENE: Legion stands clutching a sword in a barren wasteland.] LE: This is where I fought my greatest battle. I died on this field and became the Archangel. It is ironic that my even greater struggle would begin in the now wasteland of the IIWF. There are many great warriors there but with fatal flaws. Kauffman, your flaw is that you fear the unknown. Conquer that or you will be unworthy of the cause. Quigley, arrogance is your bane. That is why none of you so called faces are my stablemates. I have the perfect stable,the Dark Knights. Verhoeven is afraid of me. Why? Because I unlike others can stoop to his level and have no qualms about it. The Masters of Pain seek to teach a lesson? Well Legion is ready to learn and give some real responsive feedback. Magus was the first of many. Verhoeven is next. **************************************** THE WHITE PHOENIX defeated JUMPIN' JACK **************************************** LM: The fiery Phoenix continues his climb up the ranks of the IIWF roster... BL: You could say he's really been HOT lately. He's really been... hehe ...FIRED up. He's seeking... hehehehehe... FLAME and fortune. BWAHAHAHAHA... snort. LM: [ignoring her again] ...and Jumpin' Jack proved to be no threat to Shinja Chow. Up next for the Phoenix is a big challenge -- a Flaming Cage Match at Midweek Mayhem. ************************************************************************* THE HIGH PLAINS DRIFTERS defeated SCOTT "THE WHINE" BLOOM/MASKED MARAUDER ************************************************************************* LM: The Drifters seemed to have a new "all business" attitude as they easily dispatched of Bloom and the Marauder. I could swear I detected a vicious look on their faces as they executed the Hang 'em High Clothesline. BL: Josey Wales said last week that Pale and Easy are training themselves right now -- and we all know how mean you can get in the desert. Let's find out what they're up to now: [SCENE: The Groggy Steer, a cheesy Country/Western Saloon. A band, behind chicken wire, play covers of generic country songs. Seated up front are Pale Rider and Easy Rider... the High Plains Drifters.] ER: [after taking a sip of beer, which leaves a foam moustache over his real one.] Hot Damn! 'Bout time we took a break! We've been working out 'round the clock for the last couple of weeks. PR: Now don't make any mistake... we do deserve a break, but the Whine Bloom and Masked Marauder weren't really much of a test for us. ER: Yeah...why they let us wrestle those two chumps anyway? Didn't they realize we'd kill 'em. PR: I guess they reckoned vultures gotta eat... same as worms. ER: When do we get our hands back on our belts? PR: As soon as we get back to the gym. Now let's finish these beers and get back to the gym. ******************************************* THE MAN OF STEEL defeated EL POCO SEGUENTE ******************************************* LM: I'm not sure what El Poco Seguente means... BL: The Little Weenie? LM: I... don't... think so. Anyway, it meant "defeat" Saturday against the Man of Steel, whose biggest battle Saturday was trying to win back fans after Robski's verbal barrage last Wednesday. BL: So, should the Man of Steel sue for defamation of character or DE-FAN-ATION of a character? Hehehe. I'm killin' tonight! ************************************************* THE PLAYERS' CLUB defeated THE BARNACLE BROTHERS ************************************************* LM: The Players' Club -- "Desirable" Danny Dynamite and Michael "Maverick" Reyna easily won their IIWF debut in the IIWF over Popeye and Bluto, and were joined in the ring following the match by Dan "Flash" Kauffman. It looks like the Players' Club will be a force to be reckoned with in the IIWF BL: I RECKON you're right! Snigger. ********************************************* NO CONTEST: THE ARMED FORCES vs. DOMINATION ********************************************* LM: Domination hasn't even been making it to the ring of late. Saturday night, it was the Armed Forces who attacked Domination in the aisle and then Pain Inc. joined the action. Surprisingly, it was the Alphabet Boys who came out to help Domination. As you can imagine, these sneak attacks are not pleasing Mistress, Mr. Psycho, and Monster. BL: Yeah, let's go to the tape for this week's Raaarrgghhh Report: [SCENE: Domination are chucking some wrestlers around the ring in their old warehouse training area. Some builders are busy constructing an emergency chute from Domination's "Dungeon" straight to the hospital. In the meantime, a series of ambulances have been parked outside and they quickly whisk the victims off to the hospital.] MI: Easy boys. At this rate we'll get through the next 100 by lunchtime. Slow it down. MP: We know, we know, but dammit, we`re pissed off. What is this now, a national sport? See how many times people can interfere in our matches? At least the Alphabet Boys know whose side to interfere on. A to Z geezers, we owe you one. If you ever need us, just call. MO: Raaarrgghhh. [Monster has his mouth around some jobbers leg] MP: No, you can`t eat him. He`s not getting paid for that. He`s getting paid for this... [Mr.Psycho headbutts the jobber on the nose and promptly breaks it. Medics rush the guy off to hospital.] MI: Pain Inc, you`re getting to be serious pains in the backside. It`s not because we can`t beat you. We can. But every time we even get close to the ring, we`re stopped by your cowardly cohorts. That`s why I hope you accept our challenge of a cage match. MP: Grrrrr.... MO: Raaaarrgghhhhhh MI: Get the message? **************************************** IIWF WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: RISING SUN REVOLUTION defeated PAIN INC. **************************************** LM: The Armed Forces were standing guard to keep Domination away from this match, but with all four men in the ring and Mr. Mic trying to turn the odds, Monster of Domination got past the Forces and chased off Mr. Mic. Hiroshi pinned Hellraiser for the win. BL: And more interesting was the scuffle between Pain Inc. and the Armed Forces. Is there trouble with the partnership between Aaron and Mr. Mic.? LM: Mr. Mic denies that there is any problem. Have a look at this footage: [SCENE: The Presidential Suite at the Plaza Hotel in New York. Hellraiser and Morningstar are seated on a couch staring at Mr.Mic and nodding. Mr. Mic is yelling at them.] MM: [screaming] Now let's get this straight. The Armed Forces had absolutely nothing to do with our "supposed" loss on Saturday. It was Domination's fault! Understand? [Both Hellraiser and Morningstar nod. Morningstar whispers something into Hellraiser's ear. Hellraiser then turns to Mr.Mic] HR: [his eyes as wide as plates] YES BOSS, THE FORCES ARE OUR FRIENDS... [he screams while clenching his fists] DOMINATION IS FINISHED! MM: Good! Now I have to conduct an interview. Go out onto the street and find two losers who even remotely look like Domination and give them the Simply Pain. [Pain Inc. get up, still obviously mad at Domination, as they walk away. Hellraiser screams and punches a thick marble column shattering it. He keeps walking without flinching. Morningstar squeals and does a karate chop straight through a solid oak dining table both men leave the room unfazed by the damage. Mr.Mic turns to the camera.] MM: Ya know, as much as Dross and the rest of the IIWF idiot brigade would like to think that Pain Inc. and the Armed Forces hate each other... it's just not true. Sure they shoved each other around after Saturday night but my men were very VERY upset and can you blame them? Pain Inc. had everything under control when those two idiots Domination came down to ringside. That creature laid his hands on me, something for which you will pay in the near future, and interferes in our match. Hellraiser comes over to see how I'm doing and one of the Sushi Boys attack him from behind, gets a fast count, and once again the IIWF has protected the RSR. Unbelievable, Domination you are a mosquito buzzing around Pain Inc. not posing any real threat but annoying the hell out of us. We're gonna tear your throats out and shove 'em up your [BLEEP]. Pain Inc. is gonna maim you beyond recognition. Forget wrestling. This is a street fight plain and simple. As for Saturday night, it seems that the Zodiac Connection would rather play Monty Hall than wrestle! Don't hold your breath waiting for some Emmys, you losers. You wanna spin the wheel? Go ahead. Don't tell me you're chicken? Just think, we could have a new sign of the Zodiac.... two weaklings side by side... no not Gemini, Chickenarius the sign of the Zodiac Connection. Ha Ha Ha. RSR and Domination how about an 8-man tag between you four wastes of skin and Pain Inc and the Forces? Spreadbury, you can't protect the RSR forever. [The hotel manager walks in] MGR: Mr.Mic, look what has happened here! That marble column cost $50,000 and that table was an antique. It will cost $100,000 MM: Oh wahhhhh. I'll bring you the money this afternoon. Cash if you prefer? MGR: Oh??? Certainly, thank you sir. My apologies for my rudeness. MM: I should hope so, now get the hell out. I'm paying for this room and you are not invited you working-class peon! MGR: Yes sir. [he leaves] [Mr.Mic picks up the phone] MM: Yes, Chase Manhattan Bank, I want to speak to the manager... NOW! BANK: Yes, sir Mr.Mic BANK MGR: Yes sir, what can I do for you? MM: Please have $150,000 in $1 bills sent to the Plaza hotel... to the attention of the Manager. [Mr.Mic laughs and looks at the camera.] [Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] ********************************** LORD BYRON defeated MARTY WARNETT ********************************** LM: Is Lord Byron really a noble -- or is he a Postlethwaite? There may be some question about his heritage, but there is no doubt about his ability to swing a cane. Byron nailed Warnett with his cane before the match and then a throat shot with the walking stick gave him the advantage he needed to claim the win. BL: But I'm sure I've heard people calling Lord Byron, "That Bastard!" LM: Yes, well... I'm not sure what they know. But I know we asked Tim Dross to get to the bottom of this story. Tim met first with Mary Warnett to get his side of the story: [SCENE: Marty Warnett and Tim Dross walk through a busy park.] MW: You know, Dross, I find it kinda funny Lord Byron states it wasn't him who refused to acknowledge his real heritage. Saying he lived in France... you know, everybody knows that is complete bull[BLEEP]. Instead, Byron Postlethwaite tries to pin it on Robski, trying to blame somebody else, weaseling out of his guilt. TD: It may be true. MW: Well, if so, why is a "true" Frenchman taking the name of a great English writer? TD: I don't know, Marty, but surely he'd know where he lived. MW: Indeed, Tim, and here our noble Lord, or is that Lard?, is hoisted by his own petard. TD: Pardon? MW: Yeah, I don't know what it means either. [he produces piece of paper] This, Dross, is Lord Byron's biography for the IIWF Collectors Card Set. You know, the form we all had to fill out when entering the fed. Look carefully at the "Origin" box. [he hands the paper to Dross] See what I mean? [The camera zooms in to show:] ---------------------------- ORIGIN : Lancashire, England ---------------------------- MW: Now he claims he wasn't born in England. Hey, that's no problem, I can easily get hold of a birth certificate. Byron, you seem to have a distorted view of yourself. Heck, you claim to be the best technical wrestler but have to use a cane! So let's have a bout -- the winner will be the wrestler who gets a submission using the STF. Believe me, Byron, I don't respect real Lords, let alone phony wannabes that never will be. Milady, I offered the rose as an apology, for I was in the wrong. You interfered in the bout. That's your choice, but I have to say, from now on, ANYONE who pokes his nose into MY bouts will have to pay the price. TD: Of course, the self-proclaimed hitman wants you, too. MW: Yeah, I'm kinda curious about all of this, who could possibly want to hurt me? [chuckles] It's good to be mentioned in the same sentence as Dan Kauffman, tho. Mr. Damage, I never have worn makeup. You, however, will need to after I kick your [BLEEP]in' butt from pillar to post. [Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: Of course, Lord Byron laughed off Warnett's accusations... BL: That bastard! LM: Becky, please! Byron claimed that he grew up in France and it was all a case of mistaken identify. BL: I've found all Frenchmen to be bastards! LM: Becky! Sigh. Anyway, Byron had other topics on his mind when Tim Dross arrived -- much to Tim's dismay. BL: Tim's a bastard, too! LM: Just watch the footage: [SCENE: Lord Byron's study, just as Tim Dross enters the room. Lady DeWinter is there waiting for him.] DeW: [coldly] Good evening Tim. I'll warn you in advance, be very careful what you say to milord. He's not pleased with you as it is. And I'm not surprised, either. TD: Why? What have I done? [Lady DeWinter casts him a withering glance and looks away. The door on the other side of the study opens, and Byron enters, dressed in his riding leathers. He glares at Dross for a second, before sitting down.] LB: [snapping] For God's sake, sit down Tim. You remind me of my lawyer. [Tim hurriedly pulls a seat up to the desk and sits down.] TD: Now, Mr. Byron, about Saturday Night. I was wanting to ask you... LB: Shut up. TD: I'm sorry? LB: [sneering] I said shut up, Mr. Dross. You listen, and I'll talk. Firstly, I would like to extend my congratulations to Herr Verhoeven on another successful title defense. You are the talk of Europe, my friend, and you do us all proud. [Byron stands up and walks over to DeWinter, who is looking out of the window. He strokes her hair back, and she turns around with a smile.] LB: Secondly, I would like to extend my welcome to General Kane and G.W.R. at last a team worthy of some note has arrived in the IIWF. I wish you the best of success, and the sooner you remove those belts from those Japanese infidels, the better. [Byron walks up beside Dross and lifts his cane up under his chin. Tim gulps and freezes. Lady DeWinter looks around.] LB: And THIRDLY, Mr. Dross, I would like a full apology for your comments on Saturday night. It is only because you have shown me some measure of respect in the past that I am offering you this opportunity. TD: [looking confused] What...what comments? [Byron sighs in exasperation and produces a tape recorder and plays the following comment from Saturday night:] ** TD: At least Warnett shows affection to her. Byron treats her like garbage, as far as I've seen, Steve.** [Tim's face turns deathly white] LB: When, Mr. Dross, have you ever seen me treat Milady with anything less than the utmost respect? When have you ever seen me, as you say, "treat her like garbage?" TD: I... I... LB: [interrupting] Now if this was the [he sneers] "English Sensation" you were talking about, now that I could understand. Robski is the most disrespectful man I have ever seen. He treats Jasmine as though she were something to be used. As though she were someone whose feelings do not matter. He is a complete chauvinist. I'm surprised she doesn't leave him. No lady deserves that kind of treatment. DeW: Except Becky LaRue, of course. She'd probably enjoy it. LB: [lifting Tim's head with his cane] Exactly. Now, Mr. Dross. About this apology. TD: I... I'm sorry, Byron. LB: [quietly] And to Milady... TD: Milady...I'm sorry. I didn't mean those comments.... [Lady DeWinter looks away again. Byron snatches his cane away and sits back down ] LB: Much better, Mr. Dross. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some work to do. [Byron laughs] Family records, you understand. Not mine, of course. Ciao. [Lady DeWinter opens the door, and Tim leaves, adjusting his collar. The scene fades out.] LM: Ciao? We have an English lord who was raised in France, and now he's speaking Italian? BL: That bastard. And did you hear that little bitch talk about me? I guess when your man has such a "small cane"... LM: OKAY! THAT WILL BE ENOUGH! BL: Jeez, you don't have to yell... you bastard! **************************************************** "SUPERSTAR" STUD STETSON defeated THE SUBWAY PSYCHO **************************************************** LM: Little did the Psycho realize that the real threat was outside the ring when he faced newcomer Stud Stetson. Nurse Heidi came to ringside and began beating Mistress Sasha before the Psycho chased Heidi up the aisle. But Otto Verhoeven was waiting for him at the top of the aisle. Only Deathbringer saved the Psycho from serious injury. BL: And as you well know, Larry, the Psycho was out of control after the match. LM: I do, indeed. Watch this, fans: [Cut to tape of Larry Morton in the locker room area after IIWF Saturday Night.] LM: We're backstage where... whoa [a garbage can flies over Larry's head] even an hour after losing his match... the Subway Psycho is still irate! Psycho... Psycho! Can I get some comments from you? [The Psycho reaches up and punches out the florescent lighting...changing the locker room to blackness] SP: When I said I was back on track... when I said I was more focused now more than ever... when I said I would take the fight to whoever gets in my way harder than ever... I never realized how hollow my own words were. For as you all know, the Subway Psycho is most effective when he's angry. Rage fuels my engines, and hate oils my wheels! [The backdoor suddenly busts wide open and the shadowy figure of the Psycho bolts out to the parking lot] LM: [to the crew] Come on...we gotta get this! [The camera crew goes outside and pans up to the top of the IIWF Coliseum. The Subway Psycho stands atop it... his silhouette in sharp contrast to the full moon behind him] SP: It looks like I can still count on the Deathbringer... my Brother in Darkness... to be a man of integrity. He'll have me with him if he needs it. Stetson... it ain't over between us. Not by a long shot. Relish your tainted victory, because it's the only one you're gonna to get. OTTO... you've painted a big bullseye on your chest... and I'm coming to shoot you off the top of the hill. I'M GONNA BEAT YOUR ASS SO BAD YOU'LL BE THE ONLY GUY IN HELL WITH A WHEEL CHAIR! [The Psycho drops out of sight. Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: The Psycho is on a rampage once again -- and I've a feeling Stud Stetson will definitely be on his list when he sees the following tape from Saturday night: [Cut to Larry Morton backstage at "IIWF Saturday Night."] TD: I'm waiting for a few words from a newcomer who pulled off a stunning upset in his debut by defeating one of IIWF's top stars, the Subway Psycho. Here he is now, Superstar Stud Stetson. [Stetson cockily strides out into the hallway with Lace at his side. He is wearing a leather jacket with a white T-shirt underneath which reads "One and Only Superstar" and ripped blue jeans. Lace is wearing a very tight fitting and revealing red dress. ] LM: Welcome Stetson, I would first like to addr... SS: Hold it, runt! What is this about an "upset." Did I not tell you I would beat the Sewer Rat? I told you I am the only Superstar of the IIWF and would teach Subway what I was all about. LM: Uh-huh, but you have to admit it was a tainted win. SS: [looks rather annoyed] TAINTED?! I thought it was rather decisive. I kicked the Psycho's ass the whole match and he couldn't take it, so he fled. Like I said, I taught him what it was like to be with a real Superstar. LM: Come on, Stetson, let's be honest. He left the ring because Heidi viciously attacked Mistress Sasha. SS: That's what he might want you to think. But the real fact of the matter is this New York City street trash couldn't take me embarrassing him in front of these losers. He let down all his pathetic fans and let them find out that he didn't even deserve to be in the ring with me. But of course no one does. Anyway, why would he care about a slut like Mistress Sasha? But then again, I guess he has to settle for that since Lace is already taken. [he puts his arm around Lace ] LA: Sorry Sub, honey, but I only stay with winners. And Stetson qualifies as that. Now as for that slut... LM: Alright, I think we went far enough with that topic. Now in the ring after your match there was a big smile on your face. Why? SS: Morton, are all the announcers as stupid as you or are you something special? LM: [begins to respond ] SS: Shut up Morton, you've already made enough of a fool of yourself to last a lifetime. Let me speak. The reason I was happy in the ring was because the fans weren't. I talked the talk and walked the walk at the same time. I backed up my words. I proved I really was a Superstar. I showed that the wrestlers they look up to, like Psycho, just cannot compare to myself. And if you think things where bad before, the troubles in the IIWF have just got a lot worse. A lot of feds haven't been able to handle me and we will soon find out if the IIWF can take the heat. LM: That's another thing I wanted to ask about. You talk of all these accolades you possess from other federations, but before you came here I really hadn't heard of you. SS: Did I say you could open your trap? SHUT UP! The reason you maybe haven't heard of me is I don't stay in one place too long. I either dominate it too quickly and get bored or the fed heads can't handle me and kick me out. Remember Dross, when it comes to Superstars I put the IIWF to shame. [he takes Lace by the arm again and leaves the area.] LM: I still I have some more questions! Well, I suppose this interview is over. That's all from here as we are still left with some mystery on this cocky new "Superstar" and his beautiful but devious manager. [Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] **************************************************** IIWF INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: DRAW: TIGER CLAW vs. "SPOTLIGHT" BILLY SHAKESPEARE **************************************************** LM: Tiger Claw had a scuffle with The Sandman backstage earlier in the evening, but that was nothing compared to the brawl we had _outside_ the ring during this match involving Billy Sexton, Don Antonio, Vinny Cappicola, Casey James, and Hakiro Matsuoko. A sloppy bridge led to a controversial decision by the referee in favor of Shakespeare, but the IIWF's new Special Concerns Committee, headed by Poutine Janois... BL: Isn't Poutine Janois the father of Lord Byron? LM: [ignoring her yet again] ...overruled that decision. BL: Yeah, just when it looked like a IIWF committee was about to make a good call, they screwed it up. LM: The IIWF's Special Concerns Committee determined that, due to the inconclusive nature of the match, the Intercontinental Championship has been vacated until Tiger Claw and Billy Shakespeare meet in a rematch this Saturday night. With the IIWF Intercontinental Championship on the line, what a match that should be! BL: Yeah, but I understand Tiger Claw and Brian Lau were not happy with that decision. In fact, they jumped on a plane Saturday night after the match for a few days off. We received a tape from Kenny Tanaka with all the details. LET'S GO TO THAT FOOTAGE NOW! [SCENE: The First Class section of an airliner. Brian Lau sits with Tiger CLaw and Kenny Tanaka.] KT: Hello, folks. I'm coming to you from a plane en route to Bangkok, Thailand. Many of you may know that this is Tiger Claw's place of birth. Now, Brian, I'm sure there's something you'd like to say. BL: You're right. Claw and I have left the Dojo in the capable hands of Hakiro following the miscarriage of justice that took place on Saturday. The last I heard, a champion had to be beaten by pinfall or submission. I have never seen a champion beaten for the title on a draw. I don't know who that Poutine Janois thinks he is, but he's definitely not on the top of my list of favorite people. KT: But why the sudden trip? BL: Tiger Claw is a little annoyed at his own performance lately. He feels that his edge has been blunted slightly due to life in the states. He wants to go back and find his roots in the clubs and dojos in Bangkok. I mean, Billy Shakespeare is a great competitor, no doubt. But Tiger Claw feels that he made a few mistakes that he really shouldn't have. We have the next few days off and don't have any commitments until Midweek Mayhem. KT: Yes, I heard about that... I'm still a little annoyed that I didn't get the interview. BL: Kenny, I don't pay you to get annoyed with me. Remember that. KT: Sorry, Brian. I'm still upset about Saturday... It's not you, it's me. [Tiger Claw glances over with a disgusted look on his face.] BL: It's okay, Kenny. Anyway, what we plan on doing is visiting a Muay Thai gym that Tiger Claw partially owns. This will give Claw a chance to check up on his property, and perhaps find whatever it is he thinks he lost. Hopefully the visit home will rekindle his flame. KT: That's a sound strategy. Are you going to be planning while you're in Thailand? BL: Oh yes... We plan on Tiger Claw holding that title for a fourth time. I have just one thing to say for Mr. Shakespeare. Train hard, Billy, because it's not going to be so easy the next time you meet in the ring with Tiger Claw. KT: What about Subway Psycho's threats to cost Tiger Claw the IC belt? BL: We're taking measures to keep that from happening. An idiot could notice that this is the perfect opportunity for him to get involved, but I'm getting in contact with a few others that may be sympathetic to our cause. That's enough for now... KT: Okay, Brian. Thanks for the interview. Fans, for Brian Lau and Tiger Claw, this is Kenny Tanaka saying so long everybody! [Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: As for Billy Shakespeare, he seems to be very relaxed about his shot at the Intercontinental belt. In fact, he has his attention focused on other foes: [SCENE: Billy Shakespeare on a stage. The spotlight picks him up.] BS: This one's for the Punster: "To Be or not to Be." I'm having a litle "B" problem right now. Billy Sexton, Brian Lau, "Bad Boys" Acorn and Bagwell... even "Blitz Lightning." "Words, words, words." as Hamlet lamented. Braggarts all of you. Sexton, you said you'll end my career, yet we've yet to meet in the ring. Bagwell, "Blitz" I've seen a cast of characters such as yourselves step on the IIWF's stage, full of sound and fury, but signifying nothing. Exit: Stage right. [Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] ********************************************************** IIWF WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: NO CONTEST: OTTO "THE BUTCHER" VERHOEVEN vs. DEATHBRINGER ********************************************************** LM: What was shaping up as a classic power battle turned into a nightmare as the Coroner and his Masters of Pain came to ringside and wreaked havoc. They pummeled Deathbringer, The Sandman, and Legion, and then carried the bloody, beaten, and lifeless form of Deathbringer on their shoulders out of the coliseum. BL: Yeah, so the question now is: what else does the Coroner want in the IIWF? He's obviously put Deathbringer on ice, so does he have any other plans for the Masters of Pain? LM: I suppose we'll learn the answer to that soon enough, Becky. We've sent our correspondent Bulldog Brown in search of the Coroner to get some information. BL: It figures you would send "Braindead" Brown to the cemetery. He isn't smart enough to be afraid out there. LM: Well hopefully, Bulldog will come back with some answers for Friday's "Countdown to Saturday Night" with Tim Dross. In the meantime, we have a special in-studio guest standing by with Tim Dross. It's the IIWF Heavyweight Champion, Otto Verhoeven. Tim? [Cut to the interview area in the studio. Tim Dross stands with Otto "the Butcher" Verhoeven and Nurse Heidi.] TD: Herr Verhoeven, Nurse Heidi, I understand you want to make a statement about your unprovoked attack on the Subway Psycho and Mistress Sasha. OV: [smirking] I think that the foolish beggar now realizes who he really messed with. All his little insults could only lead to this. If he considers himself to be a worthy contender, let's see how he copes with this. The Butcher is no kid to be scared by some tunnel-dwelling freak. I am the one to be feared, and now he knows it, too. TD: But why did Heidi... NH: Vat did I do? Sasha seemed to think that she was untouchable, the vay she humiliated Herr Lau and the whole Syndicate. Nobody crosses our allies vithout paying a price and I hope I can lock that dumme kuh, uh, vat are the American vords, lieber? OV: Stupid cow. NH: Exactly, I will lock her into the Sedative, just a little treatment from your friendly nurse. TD: Any comments about your match with Deathbringer? You again failed to defeat him clearly. OV: What are you talking about, du kleiner Schwachling? Why don't you say once he didn't beat me, either? It's not my fault that the "Slim Weeper" has more enemies than a comic-book hero? Look at the match again, Dross, I dominated for a very long time, nearly broke his back. I have not met this Coroner-fellow yet, but I saw him on some tapes and always liked his style and I sincerly hope he took out Deathbringer once and for all. If this is not the case, there is always a place for him in the... SLAUGHTERHOUSE! NH: Bet your soul on it... [Cut back to Larry and Becky.] ************************************************************************** --------------------------- IIWF TRASH TALK ---------------------------- ************************************************************************** LM: The mysterious man in crimson, Onslaught, is still intent on settling an old score with Fisto Flash, but he has an opportunity to pick up some gold along the way. He'll be taking on IIWF Cruiserweight Champion Randy Acorn tomorrow night at Midweek Mayhem. BL: Yeah, he's got a title shot, but this guy can't get his mind off Fisto Flash. What a buffoon! LM: Let's hear from Onslaught now: [SCENE: The jungle near the ancient Mexican ruins. Onslaught stands at the base of an old stone structure, which is covered with overgrowth. Onslaught walks into the mouth of the structure, grabbing a torch on the wall and lighting it before going down the corridor. He enters a vast room that has an altar, stained crimson. Snakes and spiders crawl over the skulls and bones that cover the floor. As Onslaught walks towards the altar, the bones break beneath his feet.] ON: Flash, I am glad to see that we both agree this is not over. I share the same hatred for you that you have for me. You should have never taken that money from Kobiashi to take out Starks. You two had a history but, blood money will line your broken body when I am finished. Do you see this altar? It is stained with the blood of many fallen enemies. I have taken my blood vow to destroy you. There is only one way to finish this Flash, when one of cannot walk away. Anything goes, I made my career by the high risk style. The veins of this altar will once again run deep with the blood of an enemy, you. I will fulfill my vow to my God and to my fallen brother. I will destroy you. Your fate is sealed. You reap what you sow, Flash, you reap what you sow. No one is safe. [The torch goes out and the screen goes black. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] BL: Ooh, I hear they have ghost clowns roaming around those old Mexican caves. LM: Would you STOP!? BL: Hehe. LM: Maybe it's a good thing Onslaught isn't looking past Fisto Flash, because it's very clear that Onslaught is on Fisto's mind: [Cut to the IIWF interview area where Fisto Flash stands with Robo Stone.] RS: These past couple a' weeks, me and my boy have been tryin' to figure out what's been goin' on. Now, Fisto loves a good fight, but he would like to know WHO he's fightin'. So this red punk came along and started to mess with the Iron Destroyer. Now I thought that it was some useless youngster tryin' to make a name for himself by fightin' THE best brawler in the IIWF. But, OH NO. It was a man that we've ALREADY seen. A man who we've known since Fisto's early days as a boxing champion. This man is a blast from the past, but his defeat is gonna be Fisto's rocket to the future. FF: Onslaught, I should have finished you LONG AGO when I had the chance. But I was busy with Tony Starks. That man was a disgrace to the fightin' world. He was a wimp, a punk, AND a sissy all rolled into ONE LOSER. Thank god he's gone. And believe me, you'll be joinin' him soon. [Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: Another IIWF superstar's mind who has been occupied with multiple tasks of late is Dan Kauffman. He has enemies coming at him from every angle and has not even been on very good terms with his friends. But I understand he's close to patching things up with "Quickstrike" Chris Quigley, just in time for Quigley's IIWF Heavyweight title shot against Otto Verhoeven this Saturday. We caught up with Kauffman at a FoPEW event... BL: Oh, so NOW he's too good to even come to the IIWF interview area. We have to send cameras to other feds to track him down. What an egomaniac! LM: Just watch the tape: [SCENE: A FoPEW event. Dan Kauffman watches the action from a second-level seat, taking notes and scouting the competition. There's a very good Cruiserweight match going on, but the participants can't be made out from that distance. It's interesting to note that no one is within 20 yards of Kauffman.] DK: Well, since this IS the FoPEW, I should start thinking logically before I go back to IIWF grounds and Cadaver country, for my own good. I don't like what I'm seeing or hearing when I'm out of shock, either. First off, let me address these two talk-all-day cheap-shot artists known in the FWLI -- and now the IIWF -- as the Universal Powers. Here's a public warning to the censor: you've got your hands full, pal! Here's a warning to wrestlers: the Powers NEVER approach from the front, and foreign objects are their specialty. Got that, now? As far as actual wrestling ability, why do you think they cheat so much? Hell, if they wrestled as well as they slander and accuse people, they'd be World Champions in every major league -- the NCW, the FWLI, the NCWF, the GCW, FoPEW. But enough of that talk. I mean, IIWF IS the premier league. [He looks at a FoPEW fan who walks past] Hey, FoPEW is great as well, don't get me wrong... [he turns back toward the camera] But see, Franklin and Lincoln, you guys need to understand that in order to succeed in the IIWF, you HAVE to get your asses kicked. It's gonna happen sooner or later, trust me. You guys may dish out some hurts, but in this league, everything has a reaction. You guys will be lucky to find that there are real good medical technicians in the IIWF. Take that to heart... if you guys have one. NEXT... this SS guy... Stud Stetson? I haven't heard of him before. That's pretty strange. Usually, I at least see the guys BEFORE they enter the IIWF. But now he goes and runs his mouth off saying that, and let me quote... "Dan Kauffman... I'm gonna kick his ass!" Well that's great, Steve Aus... I mean, Stud Stetson. But here's a little notice -- more than 13 guys have told me that they were gonna kick my damned ass! Only three have succeeded. You hear that? That's a small 23 percent there, SS. Now I'm not saying that you don't pose a threat. Since I don't know you, I have to assume that you are the BEST wrestler in the world! But son... Eww, now I'm sounding like Steve Austin... Hell... SON! Beating me, and kicking my ass are two different things. Unless you have the blood of Cadaver in your veins... and I know you don't... you'd better hope that Cadaver interferes. That's your only shot at kicking my ass. FINALLY... Mr. Damage, WHO was lying on the mat when I was so rudely interrupted by a big black man with a nasty sense of humor? That's a REAL nasty sense of humor, but hey, Cadaver probably finds it funny. Anyway, Damage, you ARE an underestimated wrestler, I'll give you that. You have some good skills, and some real good moves. Hell, I was a hurtin' in that match of ours for the beginning few minutes. But plain and simple, I had you beat. That's not bragging, that's the truth, and you know it. But I'll give the devil his due... oh god, I just quoted Hogan. [Kauffman shakes convulsively in a fake-disgust.] Ick. The first match did end inconclusively. But you want a rematch? And I can set the stipulations? Well in that case, I have to find out how good you really are. Damage, on Wednesday Night at Midweek Mayhem, you and I will meet in what is known as a "Four Corners" match. That is, you have to drag me to all four corners before winning. That ain't gonna happen, pal. But there you go. I'll see you in the ring, Mr. Damage. bring everything that you have. Two last statements. First, wherever the Player's Club goes, I'm with them, and vice versa. I hope everyone understands that concept. And Cadaver... I don't even like to mention your name, but given a chance, I'll find a way. Win, lose, draw, even if you end my damned career, you will NOT walk over me when the time comes. You are a damned devil, and I promised my mother that if the devil came after me, I'd meet it head on. You get the point. [Kauffman looks back down to the ring, where the match is still underway. Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio. Becky is making chattering motions with her hands.] BL: [imitating Kauffman] And them I'm gonna do this! And then I'm gonna do that! And then I'll see Cadaver and I'll fall down and wet my pants! Ha! He probably can't hurt the lizard, either! LM: [glaring at Becky] That's NOT even funny. Moving on, it's apparent that newcomer Steve "The Fury" Kowalski is ready to take on all comers. In fact, Becky, he took exception to comments made by Mr. Damage during your LaRue's Lair segment. Watch this: [The New Jersey Nightmare, Steve "The Fury" Kowalski is sitting at Maggie O'Byrns Bar & Grill watching highlights of the most recent IIWF card. He lazily passes the time drinking a Watney's Stout and carving his initials in the bar. He is barely paying attention to the program until he hears Mr. Damage answer a question about the Fury put to him by Becky LaRue. Kowalski yells at the bartender to turn up the volume as Mr. Damage speaks.] MD: "Who?! He must be a jobber or something. My guess is we will meet in the ring sooner or later. But he won't have the guts to take me on... he'll probably wimp out or ask for mercy in the ring. If he does take me on, he is one dumb son of a bitch. When I wrestle, I wrestle by my rules. He has something to prove to the IIWF, but if he steps in the ring with me, he will get a wrestling education. I will prove to Kowalski that he can't mix it up in the big leagues of wrestling." [Kowalski gets up at this comment and starts raving.] SK: A jobber? Did that punk call me a jobber?! Big leagues?! Who does this Australian dingo [BLEEP]er think he is?! I've never been confused with a rocket scientist, but I do know two things. I _AM_ the meanest son of a bitch to walk the earth and I _WILL_ cart this "down under douche bag" STRAIGHT TO THE HOSPITAL! [Kowalski watches the rest of what Mr. Damage has to say.] MD: "He can go back to New Jersey and wrestle 80 year-old ladies in their homes, just like he was doing previous to the IIWF. Honestly I don't know how the IIWF finds some of these idiots to put up against me. But I take everyone at their merits, find a weakness and go to work on it. That's how I put these peasants in the hospital." [At this point there is no holding back as the Fury pulls the TV from the wall and launches it through the picture window of Maggie's. The rest of the customers scatter as Kowalski howls...] SK: I'll tell ya how IIWF finds _idiots_ like me. They put up the bail! I don't care if your mother was a crazy [BLEEP]! I don't care if you changed your name to some bull[BLEEP] comic book character! I _really_ don't care if you've named those little chicken wings you call biceps "The Guns of Navarone!" It seems to me, ya piece of [BLEEP], you're livin' in a little fantasy world. Let me give you a shot of reality. The Fury is as real as it gets! I am a hurricane of pain! And buddy... I AM COMIN' YOUR WAY! President Spreadbury, get a pen and some paper.You have ta write a contract for me... and a eulogy for Mr. Damage. [Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] BL: Wasn't that incredible? LM: It sure was. He threw that television right through.... BL: No, you moron! I meant isn't it incredible that I can still look so good on a bar television? I'm telling ya, LaRue's Lair is already the most popular segment in the IIWF. LM: Mmmm hmmmm. Anyway, it's been awhile since we've heard from Casey "Blackheart" James, the member of the Syndicate who was responsible for the heinous attack on Joe Latta. It's clear that James feels absolutely no remorse for that attack. Take a look: [SCENE: Casey is sitting on a cot in a room. By the decorations, it looks like the room is a part of the Dojo. Casey is doing curls with a dumbbell.] CJ: I figured I should say something about the stuff that's happened lately. Everyone's going on and on about how evil I am for snuffing out the flame of my friend's career. It's this simple: Hakiro and Tiger Claw felt that there was only room for one of the American members of the Syndicate. Based on Joe's performance, they decided that Joe was out. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to lay blame on anyone. When I was told my task, I was happy to do it. [Casey switches his workout to his other arm.] CJ: Joe was getting weak. We all saw that. I was happy to put him out of his misery. And what do I see later that week? I see Dan Kauffman at his bedside. Good. Those two losers were made for each other. It seems like little Danny-boy is having a bit of trouble lately. First he gets a glimpse of death, then his buddy wants to kick his ass, and now he's nursing an old friend back to health. Don't worry, Dan, I made sure that Joe could still function as a normal person. He may be a little slower after all this, but he'll survive. Keep in mind that I could have made it worse. And remember, Kauffman, if you feel the need to come after me with some revenge vibes, I'll put the hurt on you so bad you won't even remember how to take a leak without help. [Casey puts down the dumbbell.] CJ: Here's the final word. I'm looking to make my name one of those that people talk about in federations across the world. People will get hurt. People will suffer. People will weep. It's all a part of Black Death, baby, and not that watered down crap Deathbringer is going on about. Any moron can run around pretending to be Cadaver. I know and you know that there's only one real deal. I worked with Cadaver, and I know that Deathbringer ain't him. Maybe ol' Deathbringer will be the next to fall at my feet. Let's see what makes that big oaf tick. Whatever it is, I'm going to pound on it and take him out. [Casey flexes for the camera.] CJ: I am power personified. All you folks would be best to stay out of my way. [Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] BL: I think everyone had better steer clear of Casey James or they're gonna get hurt. LM: Speaking of getting hurt, let's roll this obligatory self-serving promo and then we'll be back to hear from some of the IIWF's great tag teams! [Cut to grainy video footage shot in small, dark arenas. The Hangman displays his trademark noose on a variety of wrestlers as The Senator does the voice-over.] TS: Well, IIWF, here is just a little of what The Hangman has been up to on his tour of the African countries. So far, The Hangman has wrestled 25 times here against the best that could be mustered. A few have even given him a match. However, in the end, the Noose prevails. [In the video, The Hangman holds the South African Champion over the top rope in one hand and the SAC Belt in the other hand. The crowd, seated in what appears to be a high school gymnasium, is cheering and going wild.] TS: IIWF, take a look at this. The Hangman has captured and eliminated another former champion of the SAC. This guy they called The Racist and now he is just a memory. The Hangman used his trademark after winning the match and his skills at hanging are being displayed on all TV channels here in South Africa. The actions of Hangman and the IIWF style of wrestling has never been seen or felt here. But The Hangman is vacating the Title here and moving on to greater things. The IIWF style of wrestling is wrecking havoc where ever The Hangman goes. [Cut to a closeup of The Hangman.] IIWF, beware. The Hangman is returning to your nightmare in the near future. [Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: It appears The Hangman is wowing the crowds on his world tour. BL: World Tour? Did you see the size of those arenas? I've had apartments larger than that! I'll bet The Senator can't wait to bring his men back to the IIWF. LM: I'll bet you're right! But now it's time to bring everyone up to date on the IIWF Tag Team scene. We heard from Domination, Pain Inc., and the High Plains drifters earlier in the show, but there is one other IIWF tag team that has its eyes on the titles. I'm speaking of Heavy Metal, and Robo Stone has his men thinking about another metal... gold: [Robo Stone stands with Heavy Metal, Atlas and Apollo Steele, in the IIWF interview area.] RS: You know, ALL good things must come to an end. And the winning streak of Rising Sun Revolution is ridin' on thin ice! AT: We ARE the number ONE contenders! We've been waitin' for our title shot for a LONG time. And now we deserve it. AP: We've rampaged all through the pathetic ranks of the IIWF, and now it's time to prove why HEAVY METAL is THE dominant force in e-wrestling. RS: RSR, we're gonna take you APART! HA! HA! HA! HA! [Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: Apparently, Rising Sun Revolution will not duck the challenge of Heavy Metal. I caught up with Hiroshi and Ryudo over the weekend: [SCENE: A sprinting track. Rising Sun Revolution are preparing for their next title defense. Hiroshi is timing Ryudo as he sprints around the track, and Larry Morton waits with him. Hiroshi says something in Japanese to Larry and hands him the stopwatch.] LM: I'm sorry? [Ryudo runs up to the two, and waves to Larry, and wipes his face] RY: Hiroshi..[he says something in Japanese, and points to his wrist. Hiroshi shrugs and points at Larry.] RY: Larry... what... was... the time? LM: Sorry? Oh, right! [He looks at the stopwatch] Hey! This thing isn't even on! RY: What?! I was going for a personal best! [Hiroshi laughs and walks off, Ryudo shakes his head] RY: I still can't understand that guy's sense of humour. Anyway Larry, a busy week in the IIWF tag team scene. First of all, just when are the tag teams here going to learn that if they play fair, so will we? Heavy Metal, you're the number one contenders right now, so you've got your chance to take the belts. If you're wise, you won't throw it away like the Armed Forces and Pain.Inc did. LM: And the new teams in the IIWF? RY: [looking thoughtful] The Player's Club. What can I say? We've heard of these guys. From all accounts, they've caused a storm in the leagues they've visited, and from what we've seen, they'll be a real threat here as well. We'll be looking forward to locking up with them. [Hiroshi walks back over, carrying something. Ryudo grins.] HI: A-boys! [He grins and holds up an Elvis lamp, giving a thumbs up.] RY: Welcome back, Abie and Zed. Strange as it may seem, we've really missed you guys. LM: And G.W.R? RY: We've heard of these guys before, but we'll reserve our judgement until we've seen them in the ring. But first up are Heavy Metal -- both big guys and they work well as a team. Like we said, you've got your shot at the belts. The Dragon and the Demon are waiting. Atlas, Apollo, we'll see you in the ring. [Both men high-five, and Hiroshi sets off around the track. Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: And that match has since been signed for this Saturday night. What a matchup that should be! Moving on, the Armed Forces have had their share of run-ins with The Alphabet Boys during our last two cards, and Aaron and his boys are ready to do something about it: [Scene: The locker room after the tag team brawl on "IIWF Saturday Night." NavCom and DefCon, the Armed Forces, are storming back and forth and screaming in despair. Aaron the Caddy is on the phone.] ATC: That's right, we want it as soon as possible. Yep. That's right, anywhere, anytime, just soon, real soon. We want to pay them back for their interferences. Thank you. Goodbye. NC: What was that all about, Aaron? ATC: I just called the IIWF offices and requested a match with the Alphabet Boys. NC: Good. I'm sick of those lunatics coming down and sticking their noses where they aren't wanted. I mean, we don't jump them from behind, why would they jump us? DC: They're just not too bright. When they screwed us over backwards at Midsummer Madness, deprived us of a shot at that title, and then when we challenged them, they ran off. Now they're back with chairs and what-have-you to beat our brains out. Well, listen up, Abie, Zed. We're sick of fightin' in the aisles and on the apron. We want you two, in the ring, with no interference. NC: Yeah, and speakin' of interference, we've been, uh, getting the shaft over backwards as of late because of guys like Domination and now the Boys running down to ringside. Well, let me tell you this, Domination. We were scheduled for a match with you two tonight, and we never got it. But, don't think that this is over. Your day in the ring is coming, too. You'll see. You'll see. ATC: Okay. We've been on a bit of a slide as of late. In fact, we've lost many matches recently. Usually to two teams at a time, maybe three. A whole bunch of thugs sprinting down to ringside and jumping us, and then the referee conveniently turns around to see us defend ourselves, and it's "ding ding ding" DQ the Forces. Well, screw that. We want the Alphabet Boys in the ring, next week...Mayhem, Saturday Night, it doesn't matter. And I'm sure that if any outsiders show up, we'll have the our good buddies, Pain, Inc., running down to the ring to save our backs. I've talked to Mr. Mic, and everything is cool... it was just a couple of big egos clashing out there, but things are cool...I'm sure of it. [Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: The Armed Forces complaining about attacks. How ironic. BL: Hey, Abie and Zed had no place attacking the Forces on Saturday night. They deserve everything they have coming to them. LM: But will they realize that? BL: Hmmm, you have a good point for a change. LM: Fans, it's been a few weeks since we've heard from The Arabian Knights. BL: You might say they "DESERT-ed us. Hehehe. LM: Well, YOU might say that. But I understand that Prince Abdul's father is doing much better now and we will be seeing the return of the Knights very soon. In fact, we have some footage tonight on their return. BL: LET'S GO TO THAT FOOTAGE NOW! [SCENE: A desert. The sand is swirling in the wind. Two figures can be seen slowly approaching the camera, fighting against the wind. One man is much larger than the other and they are completely covered, their features hidden and protected from the wind. The two figures stop in front of the camera and the wind dies down. The smaller of the two men removes a scarf from his face -- it is Prince Abdul of the Arabian Knights ] PA: So the time has come for us to return to the land of the infidel pigs and bastion of corruption. The worries that we had before have now simply ceased to be and we can now concentrate on our goal -- that of winning the tag team championship! For too long have we allowed ourselves to be distracted, let ourselves get involved in petty feuds, and get cheated out of victories. Well this _WILL_ now cease! [The Prince pauses as the wind stirs the sand.] Although we have been away, we have been keeping up to date with the developments in the IIWF. We see that there are many new tag teams, I wonder why most of them have bothered. The Players Club -- what a joke. Todd Franklin and Bobby Lincoln -- more cretinous windbags full of their self-importance... or is that impotence? The deranged and idiotic Alphabet Boys, who have decided to return. And Mr. McQueen and his Dark Disciples. Some things, though, still remain the same. Yes, Pain Inc. are still losing despite teaming up with the Armed Force and Heavy Metal [he laughs], but no more of them. Rising Sun Revolution are still tag team champions. I have noticed that our champions always have their associates Domination at their side. It is obvious that they are too scared to face anyone on their own, especially us, for they know that if they do, the tag team championships will no longer be theirs! We tire of having to wait in the wings. We are once again eager to step into the ring and grace the fans with our presence. They do not often get the chance to see true royalty! [The Prince pauses and raises his arms] So as the sands shift and consume everything in their path, leaving nothing but a desolate landscape behind them, so will we. So will we.... [The wind suddenly whips fiercely, sending swirls of sand into the air and completely obscuring the picture. After a few moments, the wind dies down and the two men are nowhere to be seen. Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: The new tag team G.W.R. is ready to get its IIWF career underway and has issued an open contract. We'll see if any other teams pick up that contract, but in the meantime let's hear from G.W.R.: [The camera pans around. It is outside, and given that it is autumn, leaves have fallen everywhere. Spoiler is seen raking them up as he comes into view. He stops as he realizes that the camera is there. He leans on the rake as he speaks to the camera. In the background, Loco carries on raking up leaves and sticking them in a pile. He doesn't even seem to acknowledge the camera.] SP: Hi. Before anyone says anything, this isn't some sort of weird training ritual. You know, Wax on, Wax off -- that sort of thing. And it isn't intended to put you at ease and show me in a gentle gardening light or anything quite so daft. This, quite simply, is something that needed to be done, so we're doing it. That's it. Right. [He pauses for a second, thinking about what to say next.] We know for a fact that some of you here already know of us. We've had one or two run ins with people here back in FWLI. [He pauses, smiling, and starts waving at the camera] You know who you are and yes, the General is here too. He's just too busy to speak to anyone right now. He's signing contracts or something. But that's something you might learn more about later. Anyway, for the rest of you -- those of you who might be in the dark about us and about the general -- this is to put you fully in the picture. We've already said that we won't come in and say "give us titles." We won't. We will work our way up. We will. As of this precise moment in time, we don't really care who we wrestle. We suspect that this will probably change in a bit, once we find our feet and stuff, but for now we've got open contracts. Any team that wants to sign them can. We will wrestle them. We're not going to dodge anybody. As for everything else, well, wait and see. Wait and see. [The camera pans away as Spoiler returns to raking leaves. Cut to a shot of a study. The shot lingers on the expensive books, passes over a window onto an expansive garden, then pulls to a stop as it approaches a desk. It slowly pans across the desk, revealing a chess set and some odd ornaments, then pans back to reveal the suited figure of General Kane seated at the desk. He is still wearing his sunglasses. He puts a pen down and leans forward.] GK: All of a sudden, things get a lot more interesting. Two federations at once, two sets of pieces to balance and counterbalance. Hard, but not impossible. [He pauses] Forgive me I have not introduced myself. I am General Kane. Those of you who have been in, or seen, FWLI will know something of me. For those of you who have not, I am the manager of G.W.R. there and here. Those of you who know the rest of my stable need not fear. They, as of now, are not coming here. They have their own priorities. G.W.R. on the other hand are here. They wanted more matches, more competition, and the IIWF has agreed to provide that. [He reaches forward and moves one of the pieces on the chess board] For now, they are the sole focus of my attention here. But, like all things, that could be subject to change. [Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] ************************************************************************** -------------------------- IIWF NEW BLOOD ------------------------------ ************************************************************************** LM: We met the rather odd Harlequin Tragedy and Harlequin Comedy at "IIWF Saturday Night" when they literally dropped in for a chat with Tim Dross. BL: Yeah, great. We REALLY need another looney running around with a slut valet. We could have a "Valet Must Leave" match on every card for the rest of the year and not clean out the IIWF. LM: Do I see the green-eyed monster rearing its ugly head? BL: [pointing at Larry's suit] Only if that's what you call that thing on your shoulder. LM: [frantically brushing at his shoulder] Yeeeaaaggghhhh! BL: While Larry prepares to fumigate the studio, let's take a look at what we know about these newcomers: Harlequin Tragedy ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Height: 5'10" Weight: 220lbs. Orientation: Neutral Manager/Valet: Harlequin Comedy Origin: Sleepy Hollow, Illinois Appearance: Tragedy wears tights that are blue on the left and red on the right, and a sleeveless shirt that is red on the left and blue on the right. Black boots, armpads and a black leather trenchcoat. He also wears a polished steel "tragedy" mask which he removes to reveal a face painted like a skull that is blue on the left and red on the right. He has blond hair and glowing green eyes. Comedy wears a one piece swimsuit that is blue on the left and red on the right. White boots, gloves and vest. And a steel "comedy" mask which she removes to reveal a face that is painted like a mime. She has red hair and green eyes. Theme Music: "Piece of Heaven" by Garbage Five favourite moves: 1. Dragon suplex 2. Superkick 3. Plancha dive 4. Knee breaker 5. Figure four leglock Finishing move: The Tragic Ending - scorpion deathlock Primary Attributes: 1. Technical 2. Endurance 3. Aerial Profile: The son of the legendary Puppet Master, Tragedy uses his jester-like appearance to hide his otherwise dark soul. Most opponents are surprised to find out that this man does not clown around inside or outside of the ring. Former WFSW World Champion and ESWP TV Tag Champion (with his brother Chaos). He is always accompanied by Comedy, who loves him unconditionally. [Handler: David Lawson ] ************************************************************************** --------------------- IIWF MIDWEEK MAYHEM PREVIEW ---------------------- ************************************************************************** LM: Let's take a look at the LIVE matches we have scheduled for tomorrow night's Midweek Mayhem: * Marty Warnett vs. Harlequin Tragedy * "Badboy" Mark Bagwell vs. [J] * The Zodiac Connection vs. Pain Inc. * FOUR CORNERS MATCH: Dan Kauffman vs. Mr. Damage * FLAMING CAGE MATCH: White Phoenix vs. Tiger Claw & Hakiro Matsuoko * IIWF CRUISERWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: Randy Acorn vs. Onslaught LM: And we'll also have plenty of dark matches for the fans in the IIWF Coliseum tomorrow night: * Legion vs. Casey James * Chris Quigley vs. Fisto Flash * The Alphabet Boys vs. The Players' Club * Steve "The Fury" Kowalski vs. Man Of Steel * Lord Byron vs. Don Antonio BL: So make plans now to join us in person to catch ALL of the action! ************************************************************************** --------------------- IIWF SATURDAY NIGHT PREVIEW ---------------------- ************************************************************************** LM: Another great night of action is planned for "IIWF Saturday Night," including three big title matches that have already been signed: * TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH: Rising Sun Revolution vs. Heavy Metal * INTERCONTINENTAL TITLE MATCH: Tiger Claw vs. Billy Shakespeare * WORLD TITLE MATCH: Otto Verhoeven vs. Chris Quigley LM: And that's not all! We'll see the debut of G.W.R., as well as the Man of Steel getting a shot at Robski. BL: And as always, you'll have to show up at the IIWF Coliseum to see the following dark matches: * Venusian Death Cell vs. Subway Psycho * The Sandman vs. Casey James * "Blitz Lightning" Bobby Lincoln vs. [J] * Pain Inc. vs. [J] * Marty Warnett vs. Fisto Flash * Dark Disciples vs. Arabian Knights BL: What a night that promises to be! Of course, everyone will be there to see "LaRue's Lair," but the matches probably won't be too bad. ************************************************************************** --------------------- LATEST IIWF SINGLES RANKINGS --------------------- ************************************************************************** ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Name F/H Fought W L D Win% Ranking (old) new ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Otto Verhoeven H 11 9 2 0 82% (WC) WC Vacant - - - - - - (-) IC "Badboy" Randy Acorn H 12 5 5 2 50% (CW) CW ------------------------------------------------------------------------ The White Phoenix F 8 7 1 0 88% (1) 1 Deathbringer F 20 15 3 2 80% (2) 2 Billy Shakespeare F 21 15 5 1 75% (3) 3 Dan Kauffman F 19 13 4 2 74% (4) 4 "Enigma" Takezo Musashi N 14 10 4 0 71% (6) 5 Chris Quigley F 10 7 3 0 70% (7) 6 Subway Psycho F 18 12 5 1 69% (5) 7 Billy Sexton H 18 12 6 0 67% (8) 8 Lord Byron H 3 2 1 0 67% (21) 9 The Sandman F 13 8 5 0 62% (9) 10 Hakiro Matsuoko H 20 11 8 1 58% (10) 11 Tiger Claw H 28 15 11 2 57% (IC) 12 Man Of Steel F 23 12 9 2 57% (12) 13 Don Antonio F 18 10 8 0 56% (11) 14 Legion F 11 6 5 0 55% (20) 15 Mr. Damage H 13 7 6 0 54% (13) 16 Vinny Cappicola F 12 5 4 3 54% (14) 17 Casey James H 19 9 8 2 53% (15) 18 Robski H 17 9 8 0 53% (16) 19 Fisto Flash H 20 9 9 2 50% (18) 20 Marty Warnett F 16 8 8 0 50% (17) 21 ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Venusian Death Cell H 3 3 0 0 100% (23) 22 Onslaught F 3 3 0 0 100% (24) 23 Steve Kowalski H 2 2 0 0 100% (25) 24 Stud Stetson H 1 1 0 0 100& (-) 25 Harlequin Tragedy N - - - - - (-) - "Badboy" Mark Bagwell H - - - - - (-) - Bobby Lincoln H - - - - - (-) - ------------------------------------------------------------------------ The Hangman H 11 4 4 3 50% (21) - ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ************************************************************************** -------------------- LATEST IIWF TAG TEAM RANKINGS --------------------- ************************************************************************** ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Name of team F/H Fought W L D Win% Ranking (old) new ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Rising Sun Revolution F 7 7 0 0 100% (WT) WT ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Heavy Metal H 8 6 2 0 75% (1=) 1 The Alphabet Boys F 8 5 1 2 75% (-) 2 High Plains Drifters H 19 13 5 1 71% (3) 3 Pain Inc. H 9 6 3 0 67% (1=) 4= The Arabian Knights H 9 6 3 0 67% (4) 4= The Armed Forces H 17 10 6 1 62% (5) 6 The Zodiac Connection F 10 5 5 0 50% (6) 7 Domination F 2 1 0 1 75% (7) 8 The Dark Disciples H 1 1 0 0 100% (8) 9 The Players' Club F 1 1 0 0 100% (-) 10 GWR N - - - - - (-) - ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Atomic Destroyers H 12 7 4 1 63% (-) - ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ************************************************************************** ----- COMING FRIDAY: "COUNTDOWN TO SATURDAY NIGHT" WITH TIM DROSS ------ ************************************************************************** LM: Be sure to catch up on all the IIWF news and highlights on "Countdown to Saturday Night" with Tim Dross, coming your way Friday night along most of these same stations. Becky and I will be back with you tomorrow night on "Midweek Mayhem," so until then, this is Larry Morton for Becky LaRue saying... BL: Nighty-night everyone! [The remote camera zooms back up the aisle as the screaming fans try once again to get on camera. The man in the front row still rocks back and forth chanting "Can't Hurt the Lizard!" The credits roll by too quickly to read. Fade.] +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= I * I * W * F =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+ | President: Daniel Spreadbury | Vice-President: Steve Owens | | univ0322@sable.ox.ac.uk | sowens@admin.presby.edu | | iiwf@sisko.demon.co.uk | IIWFadmin@aol.com | +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- http://www.sisko.demon.co.uk -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=+