[Open with a black screen. A small dot of light in the center of the screen grows larger and larger. Larry Morton's voice is heard.] LM: For months, the IIWF has been mired in a blackness which has no equal in professional wrestling. Death and destruction seemed to wait around every corner. But Saturday night in the IIWF Coliseum, everything seemed to be changing. [The dot expands to cover the entire screen in a burst of whiteness. Out of the picture comes a still-frame shot of Billy Shakespeare holding aloft the Intercontinental belt.] LM: Billy Shakespeare finally found justice and became the IIWF's first champion to hold two different titles. [The shot of Billy fades and is replaced by a shot of Hakiro Matsuoko attacking Tiger Claw and Casey James.] LM: The Syndicate continues to crumble before our very eyes. Hakiro Matsuoko has heard the pleas of his true friends... and has won their support in the process. [The shot also fades and gives way to a still-frame of the referee raising Dan Kauffman's arm in the middle of the ring.] LM: And from the darkness walks a new champion who has earned the respect of fans worldwide. But as quickly as the light arrived in the IIWF... [The screen goes black. Slowly, a frame of Cadaver and Deathbringer attacking Kauffman and the Subway Psycho appears on the screen.] LM: ...darkness has crept back into our very souls. And this time, darkness has a name... Deathbringer! [The shot lingers as the hard rock music of the show's opening plays. Suddenly, the screen explodes into a mass of fire and smoke, through which emerges the IIWF's familiar logo:] ##### ###### ### ########## ########## ########## #### ## ########## ########## ########## #### # #### ######## ##### ##### #### ## ##### #### #### #### #### ### #### #### #### #### ############# ######### #### #### ########### ######### #### #### #### #### #### ######### ######### ### #### #### ######### ######### ### ## #### ######## ######## ## # #### =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- ## =-=-=-= INTERNATIONAL INTERNET WRESTLING FEDERATION =============================================== "INSIDE THE IIWF" - November 12, 1996 =============================================== [Cut to the IIWF Studio. The remote camera zooms down the aisle as members of the studio audience scream and wave. A woman waves a "DAN IS THE MAN!" poster, while a man counters with an "OTTO WUZ SCREWED" poster. A teenage boy's t-shirt reads "You Can't Hurt the Lizard, but You CAN Spank the Monkey." Zoom to Larry Morton and Becky LaRue sitting at the broadcast desk.] LM: Hello again, everyone, and welcome to another exciting edition of "Inside the IIWF." Beside me, as always, is the lovely Becky LaRue, and we're just a few days removed from a "IIWF Saturday Night" that had all the action and intensity of an pay-per-view event. We have TWO new champions to talk about tonight, as well as an unhappy Chris Quigley and the stunning development concerning Deathbringer. What was he thinking? BL: Well, the guy was dead last week and then he had to make it to Saturday's card, so I imagine he was bit ticked off. Kauffman and the Subway Stinker just paid the price for screwing over Otto Verhoeven. LM: Well everyone involved in that match seems to have a plan. Hakiro Matsuoko has finally seen the light. Billy Shakespeare is the new IIWF Intercontinental Champion. Who knows what the next few weeks hold for the IIWF? Right now, let's answer one of those questions as we cut LIVE to Bulldog Brown, who is standing by with Chris Quigley after Quigley's workout at the IIWF Coliseum. Bulldog? [Cut to a concerned Bulldog Brown, who has a microphone in hand and is holding in an ear piece with his other hand. He is standing in front of a closed locker room door, with "Quickstrike" written on the outside.] BB: The situation right now is that I've been outside this locker room for about a half an hour, waiting for Quigley to emerge, so I can get a word with him, I haven't heard a sound coming from inside. I'm going to try to open the door... [Bulldog goes to open the door, but to his surprise it opens quickly and Chris Quigley, with a wrestling bag slung over his shoulder rushes out of the room and down the hall.] Chris! Chris! Wait! I... [Bulldog gives up and starts running after him, but stops after a few steps and takes a few deep gasps, before walking quickly after him. The camera catches up with Bulldog standing on the stairs, with the parking lot in the background.] Chris Quigley ignored my calls, ladies and gentlemen, and just got into a black Dodge Viper and screeched out of the parking lot. I don't know what's going on, but the hotel where IIWF wrestlers are staying should know something. I'll be back with more later! [Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: We'll try to get back to Bulldog later. But now, let's take a look back at EVERYTHING that went down Saturday at the IIWF Coliseum in the segment we so cleverly call: [Letters swirl around the screen, bashing into each other as if they are wrestling each other. Grunts have been added into the audio. Each of the letters slowly falls into place to form the title:] ************************************************************************** ---------------------- IIWF SATURDAY NIGHT REWIND ---------------------- ************************************************************************** *********************************************** SUBWAY PSYCHO defeated THE VENUSIAN DEATH CELL *********************************************** LM: The VDC was spitting mad after Don Antonio and Vinny Cappicola sprayed some green stuff in his face, allowing the Psycho to hit his new finisher, the Train Wreck, for the win. We'll hear from the Psycho a little bit later. ********************************* CASEY JAMES defeated THE SANDMAN ********************************* LM: Apparently Tiger Claw and Casey James are still two members of the Syndicate on speaking terms, as Claw's interference helped "Blackheart" defeat The Sandman. *************************************************** "BLITZ LIGHTNING" BOBBY LINCOLN defeated NICK NAME *************************************************** LM: Lincoln not only punished Nick, but he had to be restrained by our security team from administering additional punishment. Lincoln may have been sending a message to the rest of the IIWF that he isn't a wrestler to be taken lightly. Well, he hasn't faced El Super Gecko yet. ***************************************** PAIN INC. defeated THE BARNACLE BROTHERS ***************************************** LM: Morningstar still showed signs of that head injury he suffered at last week's Midweek Mayhem, but Hellraiser carried the team to the win over Popeye and Bluto. *********************************** MARTY WARNETT defeated FISTO FLASH *********************************** LM: This war between Onslaught and Fisto Flash _must_ come to an end soon. Onslaught nailed Fisto's knee from outside the ring, putting him at a distinct disadvantage when Warnett slapped on his figure four, "The End." The referee finally stopped the match. According to Onslaught, this is just the beginning: [SCENE: Onslaught is walking in the vast Mexican desert. The winds are swirling around him, bringing up clouds of dust. He appears to be headed to a large pyramid in the distance.] ON: Fisto Flash, you believe that I cannot survive. I am a survivor. When I learned that Tony Starks was in that plane crash many months ago I broke my wrestling engagements in Japan and came to see how my fallen comrade was. That plane crash was no accident Flash, you know that as well as I do. I know Kobiashi had something to do with the wreck. I plan to get all of you who were involved in the plan to destroy Starks. You will pay for your sins Flash. Remember that. Next time you see your former employer, tell him he and all his flunkies are going to go down in a firestorm. I told you Flash: you reap what you sow. Get ready. The gates to hell have just swung open. No one is safe. [Onslaught continues to plow on into the vast desert in search of his destination ahead. Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] *********************************************** NO CONTEST: DARK DISCIPLES vs. ARABIAN KNIGHTS *********************************************** LM: The tag team ranks are completely out of hand right now. This match never even got underway, as Domination jumped the Disciples backstage, and a brawl broke out which ended up in the Coliseum's parking lot. By the way, I've been told that information on any lawsuits regarding damaged vehicles must be submitted to the wrestlers' attorneys. Mr. Psycho and Monster have been wreaking havoc lately, and they say that more is on the way: [Domination are in their warehouse. The emergency railcar connection to the hospital has been set up, but it`s being overused by all the poor money seekers who spar with Domination]. MI: Mr.Psycho, I must say I`m impressed by how quickly your wound is healing! MP: Yeah, there`s not even going to be a scar, which I must say does disappointment me. That was a fun brawl with the Dark Disciples in the car lot. MO: Rooooaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. MP: Yeah, I know you enjoyed yourself too big guy. Heck, that was one busy night. We started off with Painless.Inc, then we stopped Dark Disciples from even getting to the ring and then we helped our best buds, RSR, keep the title. Now that I do like! MI: I hope you`re all learning out there! I hope you understand that whatever you dish out to Domination, we'll always give back double. MP: Triple from me. MI: Everyone out there, prepare to be Dominated. [Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] ****************************** G.W.R. defeated. THE ROTUNDOS ****************************** LM: It was a stellar debut for Spoiler and Loco of G.W.R., as they used their "End of the Line" to put away the Two Tons of Fun. The Players' Club made an appearance during the match, apparently to scout G.W.R., but fortunately there was no altercation for a change. Tim Dross chatted with Spoiler of G.W.R. yesterday, and we'll have those... lengthy... comments later in the show. ************************************************************** "LONE WOLF" BRODY THUNDER defeated "HIGH ROLLER" JOHN McCLAIN ************************************************************** LM: Brody Thunder reminds Tim Dross of Outlaw J.W. Hardin, and if an affinity for foreign objects in his trunks is any indication... BL: Hehe, I know for a fact that there was nothing foreign in Hardin's trunks. LM: Yes, yes, we all know about the night in Vegas. BL: You don't know ALL about it. Hehe. LM: Anyway, Brody Thunder gets the victory in the debut for both men, but you can bet that the "High Roller" has a little revenge on his mind. **************************** ROBSKI defeated MAN OF STEEL **************************** LM: Robski dominated this match, berating the Man of Steel verbally and beating him physically, in a match which thoroughly disgusted me. BL: Aw, what's the matter, Larry? Is it really that hard to believe that your hero really IS a drug-using alcoholic who preys on cheap women? LM: Well I still believe in the Man of Steel, even if many of the fans have deserted him. Steel may be out of action for awhile though, as he was stretchered from the ring after Robski delivered a devastating series of powerbombs. **************************************************** MR. DAMAGE defeated STEVE "THE FURY" KOWALSKI (DQ) **************************************************** LM: What a brawl this turned out to be -- a brawl ended only by the ring bell. BL: Yeah, except it was Mr. Damage's bell which was rung. Kowalski hit Damage time and time again with that bell. LM: Yes, it was truly a brutal and heinous attack perpetrated by.... BL: I think Kowalski could make me forget Brad Kinder. LM: I think he could make people forget a lot of things if he hits them in the head with the ring bell. In fact, the New Jersey Nightmare took the bell with him after the card: [SCENE: With his legs up on the table, Steve "The Fury" Kowalski sits at the Cobblestone Monk. This place has the kind of smell that peels paint off a new car. On the table in front of him is an old, dented ring bell. He has the bell hammer in his hand waiting to strike. DING!] SK: Music to my ears. It sounds even better when ya ring it on someone's noggin. But I don't have to tell that to Mr. Damage, now do I? You had skills now ya got _ills_! Not that I care about ya anymore. I got bigger goals to make 'n more prominent bones to BREAK! Namely, _every_ punk who's got a belt! [DING!] This is a' open letter to all ya _paper_ champions out there! Time to drop the _zeroes_, that bein' the jokes you've been defendin' against. And to get with the _hero_, that bein' ME! [DING!] _That_ is the sound you will hear as you fall ta my SKULLPUMP! [DING!] _That_ is the next sound you hear as struggle ta wipe the BLOOD from your face! [DING!] _That_ is the last sound you'll hear as I march away with your belt! Whoever you may be! 'Cause... y'know... it just doesn't matter WHO! [Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] ****************************************** IIWF INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: BILLY SHAKESPEARE defeated TIGER CLAW ****************************************** LM: Controversy continues to surround this match, as the IIWF's Special Concerns Committee made the first of two crucial decisions during the card. "Painbringer" Billy Sexton was hiding under the ring and kept Billy from re-entering the ring -- and Shakespeare was seemingly counted out of the ring. BL: What do you mean "seemingly." The ref counted to ten and Shakespeare wasn't back in the ring. It was over and Tiger Claw should have walked away with the belt. LM: Yes, BUT... Poutine Janois of the IIWF's Special Concerns Committee ruled that the match should go on because of Sexton's interference. Lau summoned Hakiro Matsuoko and Casey James to ringside, but Matsuoko tried to keep James from working over Shakespeare outside the ring. An argument ensued, which drew Claw's attention and gave Shakespeare an opportunity to roll up Claw for the win. Following the match, tempers flared outside the ring and Claw and James took on Matsuoko. Shakespeare -- and then Takezo Musashi -- came to Hakiro's aid. We have a lot to cover from this match, so let's hear first from the new Intercontinental champion, Billy Shakespeare. Tim Dross caught up with him Saturday night: [Tim Dross in the locker room with a sweating but invigorated Billy Shakespeare following the Saturday Night card. Billy shares a bottle of champagne with Ned Norton and Nick Name. Dan Kauffman's voice can be heard from the showers.] DK: Hey Shakespeare, who's the man? BS: You're the man, Dan. DK: No way, you are Billy. TD: First I want to say congratulations Billy... [Dross holds up his hand as Billy offers the bottle] ... oh no, nothing to drink for me. Billy, you're the new IC champ! BS: [Billy's voice is rough and rasping from the blow he received across the throat] I'm not sure why or how it happened, but this is great. "Put forth thy hand, reach at the glorious gold!"... TD: But it almost didn't happen. BS: I respect the rules committee. When Billy Sexton grabbed my ankle and begged for an ass-kicking I thought it was over. Sexton, you'll still get what you're asking for, don't you worry about that. TD: What about the other comments made on Saturday, namely by one Bobby Lincoln? BS: He said 'Blow-job', he must be hardcore. He "swears like a comfit-makers wife" and in my own opinion, "The lady doth protest too much". TD: Who gets the first challenge to your belt? BS: I'm sure Lau wants the belt back, and I want a piece of Casey James, but It'll be up to the competition committee. I know Sexton wants this belt, and hey, Randy Acorn, anytime you want me to unify the titles step into the ring. TD: What about... BS: [Interrupting, his voice nearly non-existent] I gotta go Tim before the Rotundos use up all the hot water. [Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] BL: Hot water? Seems like there was enough hot AIR in that room to... LM: As you can imagine, there were gasps from the fans and wrestlers alike Saturday night when Hakiro Matsuoko turned his back on the Syndicate. Matsuoko has always been a man of honor, and it appears that his honor has finally outlasted his "colleagues:" [SCENE: Hakiro Matsuoko's dojo in Japan, it is night and Hakiro is doing his kata. The lights of the lanterns dimly light the dojo. You can hear the breathing techniques Hakiro is using, as well as the sounds of his phantom punches and kicks.] HM: Confusion has brought many great men and nations falling to their knees. Confusion is running through the veins of the Syndicate right now. There has been miscommunication as of late and a lack of focus. I will work to make sure that it is destroyed very soon. Many years ago, I won my first fighting title at the Budokhan Hall in Tokyo. It was my proudest achievement, but that pales in comparison to the honor I bring to myself and my family when I won a belt here in the IIWF. I strive for that day to beckon me again. It will. My destiny has been written. Rising Sun Revolution, I see your words, I feel them. I meditate on them like meditating on the Zen of one hand clapping. My destiny has been written, but my future is up for grabs. My path will be shown to me when I discover it, no sooner, no later. The Angel will fly on flaming wings again. [Hakiro goes on and continues his kata into the night. Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: Matsuoko's actions did not set well with the Syndicate... BL: Oh, what a surprise! LM: ...and we'll hear from Brian Law and what's left of the Syndicate in a few minutes. ************************************************* IIWF WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: NO CONTEST: RISING SUN REVOLUTION vs. HEAVY METAL ************************************************* LM: Let there be no question that Domination is watching the backs of the IIWF Tag Team champs. Hellraiser of Pain Inc. attempted to help Heavy Metal get the win, but he was eliminated by Domination. The Dark Disciples also attempted to get involved, but were forced away by the crack IIWF security team. This was our second chaotic tag team match of the evening, and something must be done to restore order. BL: Hey, Larry, why don't YOU go tell Hellraiser not to come to ringside anymore during matches. LM: I MEANT, something administrative must be done. The tag ranks are in shambles. BL: Oh, are Aces of the Deep back? ******************************************* IIWF WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: DAN KAUFFMAN defeated OTTO VERHOEVEN ******************************************* LM: Dan Kauffman was not even scheduled to wrestle Saturday night, but he walked away with the IIWF Heavyweight Championship. BL: And Chris Quigley ain't happy about it. LM: I'm sure Kauffman was merely looking out for Quigley's best interests when he convinced the IIWF's Special Concerns Committee that Quigley was unfit to wrestle. BL: Or maybe he was jealous that Quigley had a shot at winning the title before him. Face it, Kauffman screwed over Quigley to get a shot at the belt -- and then he needed help to win. LM: That's not entirely true. The original match was declared a "no contest," but it was VERHOEVEN who demanded a victim.... BL: ...and that Pooter Jaundice guy gave the shot to Dan Kauffman. Apparently President Danny isn't the only executive accepting bribes. LM: Well Kauffman absorbed a tremendous beating, but who would have thought that a simple man from below the streets would affect the outcome of this match? Mench came to ringside and kissed Nurse Heidi full on the lips... BL: I really feel for you, sister. That guy looks like he hasn't bathed in months. LM: When Verhoeven attacked Mench, the Subway Psycho came to ringside and gained his revenge for the attacks on him and Mistress Sasha last week. The Psycho nailed Verhoeven with a chair, knocking him out. BL: And then Kauffman takes the tainted victory. HE didn't beat Verhoeven... the Psycho did. Kauffman is supposed to be all high and mighty, so how could he accept the belt? LM: He paid for it immediately following the match when the world of professional wrestling released a collective gasp. Cadaver came to ringside, but the lights dropped and Deathbringer appeared from the grave. Just when it looked like Cadaver and Deathbringer would come to blows, they BOTH turned on Kauffman and the Psycho. BL: Deathbringer and Cadaver together. Ain't life grand? LM: We have a lot of wrestlers to hear from regarding this match. We attempted to obtain an interview with Dan Kauffman following the match, but he was overcome with emotions and was unable to speak. Kauffman has promised to... BL: Spill his guts? LM: ...speak to the fans... BL: Damn! LM: ...tomorrow night LIVE at Midweek Mayhem and... ahem... _I_ will be conducting that interview. BL: [yelling off camera] Hey guys, don't we have an Otto Verhoeven interview to roll right about now?! Good! Roll that footage: [The scene: Otto Verhoeven's locker room after Saturday night. Heidi is busy bandaging the Butcher's head. She has tears in her eyes. Otto has an apathetic look on his face.] NH: [with a desperate, pleading voice] These... these bastards. They vill all pay. You vill make them pay. OV: Ja. NH: This is not right, just not right. Vere vas that precious executive council or vatever who change the outcome of about every match ven the beggar and Kauffman attacked you vith chairs? OV: I don't know. NH: What about that grotesque, homeless imbecile that assaulted me? OV: [his eyes focus on the camera] The stinking fool called Mench is already doomed. NH: [speaking faster] Ja, right, right, and the Psycho von't escape you, either. OV: [rage contorting his features] He is responsible for all this! This was planned all along by Psycho, Kauffman and that miserable whiner Quigley! They have conspired to take the title away from me! NH: Oh, ja, Liebling, that's right. I bet that that crooked president had his hand in setting up that trap, too. But you do not despair. After all, you are the German juggernaut, the Teutonic terror! OV: I will take them down, one after another. My revenge shall be grausam und schrecklich! They needed two of the very best in the whole federation to take me down, but no matter how hard they try, no matter how many cowards are involved in this conspiracy, they won't succeed in keeping the Butcher down! Quigley managed to save his career by running away from our confrontation, but he cannot hide forever. The unwashed beggar and his two friends will be my victims and my prey. NH: A new treatment for Mistress Sasha is already planned. OV: And Kauffman, he shouldn't fear Cadaver so much, because I will stop at nothing to win that title back for me and my German fans! Trust me, the IIWF will truly become a slaughterhouse when I begin my quest to regain my title! NH: You better believe it. My man is mad, and his fury will make him unbeatable! [Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: We have to hear from some of the other players in this match, though. The question being asked around the world since Saturday is: What happened to Deathbringer and why did he let down his Soldiers of Hell? BL: Gas pains? LM: [ignoring her] According to Deathbringer, he let no one down. Watch this interesting bit of tape: BL: [as an aside to Larry] He could have gotten hold of a bad burrito. [Cut to footage from "IIWF Saturday Night" as Deathbringer and Cadaver attack the Subway Psycho and Dan Kauffman. The voice of Tim Dross is heard:] TD: Have Cadaver and Deathbringer joined forces?! They're beating on the Psycho and Kauffman like there's no tomorrow! This is incredible! We need some help out here! Just listen to these fans... they can't believe what they're seeing, and nor can I! Deathbringer has turned on Kauffman and the Psycho... turned on all his Soldiers of Darkness... turned on the IIWF... [Sudden cut to the mortuary where Deathbringer stands behind the RWII casket. His pitch-black eyes do not even reflect a little bit of the surrounding dimmed light] DB: I did not turn on anybody... Especially not on my Soldiers of Hell... You mortals do not believe me? Then just listen to this... [Deathbringer raises his hands and the scene turns completely white. Scenes from Ring Wars II slowly become visible through the light. Deathbringer stands in the middle of the ring after the main event and he addresses some words to the fans:] Soldiers of Hell, I hope you do not think that I let you down. I will continue on my path and I hope you will walk at my side on this path... [Huge pop] ...and I hope you will stand behind me, whatever means I choose to destroy the evil roots here in the IIWF." [Deafening pop. The bright light appears again on the screen. The mortuary slowly becomes visibly through the light] There you have it... I asked for your support and you promised me to aid me on my quest. Now that I have chosen another path you suddenly let me down... You suddenly question my way. [Deathbringer steps beside the casket] However I do not care whether you support me any longer or whether you run to those mortal cowards who always hid behind me. Yes, I am talking about the likes of Dan Kauffman... Since I teamed up with him against the Syndicate he thought that I would be some kind of big brother to him. Whatever trouble he got in, he know that I would watch his back. But what did he ever do for me? Nothing! Where was he when the Outlaw nailed me from behind? Where was he when the Coroner and his Masters of Pain tried to destroy me?" [Deathbringer opens the RW II casket. Within lies something that looks like a man wearing a cowl lying on his chest] As a matter of fact the Coroner really succeeded in destroying a part of me. The part that caused me to protect those weak mortals... But now I have realized that my true being shall not be affected by allies or so-called partners. I now understand that I have to go back to the roots, walk my own path and do what I do best: to bring Death. IIWF, beware, for Black Death has returned to this league... and the Reaper is here for one reason and one reason only... To rule supreme. [A bell tolls as the scene fades. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: Whew! Is it me or did it just get very cold in here, Becky. BL: It's those cheap-ass IIWF suits turning down the heat to save money again! LM: Well, there is one additional person to whom we must speak about this situation -- none other than the Subway Psycho. BL: Oh great. At least the BO Train ain't in the studio. LM: The Psycho seemingly gained revenge on Otto Verhoeven by costing him the IIWF Heavyweight title, but he was also a victim of the attack by Deathbringer and Cadaver. The Psycho sent us the following comments on what happened Saturday night: [SCENE: A rainy night in New York City. A lone shadowy figure walks through a dark alley with his trench coat pulled up over his head to protect him from the rain. The man straightens up and the coat falls back into its correct place, revealing the face of the Subway Psycho.] SP: An old friend, a new enemy, and a nightmare from my past. That is the way last Saturday night ended. I once again made the mistake of trusting. Deathbringer... you played your cards well... you caught me when I least expected it. I began to trust you, as I had once in the past. But now your element of surprise is gone. I pinned you cleanly before... and I'll do it again. It's not a threat or even a promise... promises can be broken. It's a fact. Talk your talk of the dark side, evil, and death... I don't hide behind occult mumbo jumbo... I let my actions speak for me. Sometimes you feel as if some opportunities pass you by and then never will they return to you. But now, opportunity is back once again, knocking at my door. It is the knock of the Cadaver. The last time we met, Cadaver, you took something dear to me, and I was robbed of a chance to ever get it back. But now you've returned to get the ass beating you deserved the first time around. The IHIW belt may no longer be involved but that no longer matters. I should have buried you the first time, but you've remained walking the Earth and I've been haunted by that fact ever since. I won't let this opportunity pass me by again. Now to my old friend Dan Kauffman. I'll let you know right here and now that I am not happy about our seemingly renewed alliance. I've grown weary of trusting everyone... but I also know that if we don't stick together both of us will be vanquished. And I know you know that better that I. So, old friend, I have your back and I expect you to have mine. [Psycho turns to walk off... but stops as he remembers one more thing. He turns back.] Then that leaves Tiger Claw. Claw... I identify with your past... your being an orphan, your hard youth on the streets... believe me, I know what that's like. I respect your wrestling abilities as well. What I don't respect is Brian Lau. You speak of how I won't face you one on one... I think you can ask anyone who's ever had a match against a member of the Syndicate that a match against a Syndicate member is never one on one. In our first match, Brian Lau kidnapped Sasha. In another match, Matsuoko interfered on your behalf. I was in disguise in our last match knowing that Lau would not waste his time trying to fix a match against a "jobber." I would very much like to fight you straight up one day... and have the winner and loser shake hands and congratulate each other at the end for a great match, but as long as Lau is around I doubt that day will ever come. [The Psycho turns again and walks into the shadows. Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: And now we... [he puts a finger to his ear piece and listens for a few seconds.] BL: That really IS rude, y'know. LM: I'm terribly sorry. But I'm being told that we have more information on Chris Quigley from Bulldog Brown at the IIWF Coliseum. Let's go there now. Bulldog? [Cut to Bulldog at a pay phone.] BB: Yes, what room is a Mr. Chris Quigley residing in? What do you mean there's no Chris Quigley registered? He HAS to be there. This IS the Holiday Inn on the corner of Lincoln street, isn't it? Well, the IIWF has these facilities in use for their wrestlers. Chris Quigley HAS to be there. Yes I want you to double check! Don't put me on hold! Son of a... well... at least the music is nice. Okay! Yes? He packed up and left his room? Did he say where he was going? He stopped... and asked for information about the quickest flight to Canada? Oh geez... well thank you. [Bulldog hangs up the phone and slowly looks back up at the camera...] Well I don't know what to tell you guys. Despite the fact the IIWF was scheduled to wrestle a few more house shows and maybe a TV taping here, Chris Quigley has packed up and LEFT! It looks like he went back to Canada, but it's unknown right now if he actually did get a flight. I'm going to sort through a few airlines and get back to you two. [Bulldog digs in his pocket for more change and starts dialing again. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: Hopefully we'll hear more from Bulldog before the end of the show. BL: Hopefully the roof will cave in first. ************************************************************************** --------------------------- IIWF TRASH TALK ---------------------------- ************************************************************************** LM: The Sandman, considered the leader of the Dark Knights, was one of those who was stunned by Deathbringer's turn Saturday night. The Sandman always seems to have a contingency plan, but I can't quite figure out what he'll do about this. Let's hear from him now: [SCENE: The Sandman is seated in the locker room. All the lights are off except for the one directly above him. He speaks quietly.] TS: I have seen a strange turn of events as of late. Two title changes and new mentalities in the minds of some of the IIWF stars. I was always one to believe that when you side with a man you stick with him. If you don't, you're less then an animal and you're finished! It looks like it's time for me to pick up my chips and find another game. This is not the end of anything, it's just the beginning... I am watching.... [The light goes out and his eyes glow and fade away. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: I promised earlier that we would hear some comments from the Syndicate about the events of Saturday night. BL: Is our censor standing by? LM: Don't worry, this is on tape. I WILL warn young and squeamish fans that there is some disturbing footage on this tape, though. Watch it at your own risk. BL: Shut the hell up and roll it already! [SCENE: Inside Brian Lau's office. Casey James, Tiger Claw, Brian, and Kenny Tanaka sit in chairs around Brian's desk. Everyone looks a bit upset.] KT: Hello, everyone... BL: Enough of the pleasantries. I've got some things to say... TC: No, _I_ do. There's a little matter of Hakiro Matsuoko. Matsuoko, I don't want you near me ever again. I should have known you couldn't handle life in the Syndicate. Go off and play with your little friends in that tag team, and don't come back here. If you do, you have me to contend with. BL: Yes, that's right. Matsuoko, you cost Tiger Claw the belt that he should rightfully hold. TC: Shakespeare, hold that belt with honor, or I'm coming to take it from you. KT: Wait a minute, what are you talking about? Don't you plan on getting it back? BL: Kenny, there's more in this world than the Intercontinental championship. There are so many other titles out there. Why, there's the Cruiserweight championship, which I don't think Tiger Claw would have any trouble obtaining. And now, there's the World Championship that is now held by Dan Kauffman. This was what we were waiting for. See, Otto Verhoeven was a great champion in our minds, but now that the belt is held by one of our enemies, it's fair game. We've got two men here that want to get their hands on Dan. Tiger Claw and Casey James. Casey, this is also your chance to win the belt that you've sought ever since you got here. I'd suggest that you get Dan's attention. CJ: I've already been working on it. I've got a video right here. You see, I took a camera crew to... well, hold on, you'll see. [Casey pops the tape into a VCR in one corner of the room, and hits play. On the monitor, a door with the number 319 on it can be seen. The camera swings around, to rest on Casey.] CJ: Ladies and gentlemen, I welcome you to a special edition of "The world according to Blackheart." Today, we've got something really frightening. Something that will make the stomachs of most of you at home turn. Today, we bring to you, "Profile Of A Loser." [Casey dramatically swings the door open, and the camera man steps in. The room is filled with four beds, curtains drawn over most of them. It's obviously a hospital room. Casey walks in, goes straight toward the bed in the far corner, and grabs the curtain.] CJ: People at home, if you're weak of heart, and I know you are, you may want to avert your eyes, because you're about to see the most sorry excuse for a man that exists. [Casey throws open the curtain, and there, lying in the bed, is Joe Latta. There are tubes coming from his mouth, pumping air into his lungs, and several intravenous lines in his arms. A machine beeps beside the bed, keeping track of his heart rate. Joe appears to be sleeping. Casey sits beside the bed, a cruel smile on his face.] CJ: [softly] Joe.... Joe.... Wake up.... Your friends are here. [Joe's eyes slowly open, and he notices Casey. Joe makes a muffled noise, and his breathing gets quick. The machine in the corner beeps a little faster, and the look in Joe's eyes is a mixture of hatred and fear.] CJ: Hi, Joe... Nice place you've got here. And what a stylish tube down your throat. I guess you need that to live, don't you? I heard I collapsed one of your lungs last week, so I guess it's kind of hard to breathe on your own. Joe, can you tell me something? Why are you such a loser? [Joe struggles, but can't get up, and can't say anything.] CJ: [imitating Joe] Because I'm just not good enough for the Syndicate, Casey. Besides, my girlfriend lusts after you. [If looks could kill, Joe would have murdered Casey by now.] CJ: I know, Joe... I knew all along. You see, Joey, me kicking your sorry ass into the hospital will build your character. No, really, it will. Hey, Joe... can you tell me something? [he pulls a pen knife out of his pocket] What would happen if I cut this tube? [Joe panics as Casey puts the knife across the tube, threatening to cut it.] CJ: Could you breathe without it? [Joe panics some more] CJ: Oh, stop it, you big baby. This isn't even about you. This is about your buddy, Dan Kauffman. Danny boy, I can come in here any time I want, and I can pretty much do anything I want to buddy boy over here. The Syndicate wants a title shot. If you refuse... well, just don't refuse, okay? [Casey looks down at Joe.] CJ: See you around, Joe. Try to aim into the bed pan, okay? [Casey gets up, and walks over to the intercom system, and pushes the "Nurse Call" button. A nurse answers.] NURSE: Yes? CJ: Umm, hi, there seems to be a real mess in one of the beds here. NURSE: A mess? What is it? CJ: Well, His name is Joe Latta. [Casey turns to the camera and laughs. Fade] [Casey hits stop on the VCR.] CJ: I think that will do it. BL: Casey, you're evil. Keep it up. So, we have to get a title shot now. In fact, I believe you'll see two coming our way. Tiger Claw deserves it, and Casey James demands it. Tiger Claw will take his rematch against Billy Shakespeare, and he will perform like a true warrior. But to be honest, there are bigger titles in the horizon. KT: Now there's one other title out there... The tag titles. BL: Yes, I know, and I want to issue this challenge to the Rising Sun Revolution. I am a little upset about what you've been doing to my stable. I want some payback. I want you to put your titles up against the tag team of my choosing on Saturday night. I'm sure you boys will agree that there's some business we have to take care of. If you refuse, then you show yourselves as the cowards that I know you are. Saturday night, you will face my tag team. KT: You have one? BL: I do. KT: Who are they? BL: I can't say. KT: Okay, Brian. I can see you're building up the suspense. For now, though, we have to get going. Fans, for the Syndicate, this is Kenny Tanaka saying so long! [Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: That's quite a challenge to the IIWF Tag Team champions. We've asked Ryudo and Hiroshi of Rising Sun Revolution to join us LIVE to respond to Brian Lau's challenge. Do we have them on? Ryudo? Can you hear me? [A technician dashes in front of the set and presses a button on the desk. Becky begins to laugh uncontrollably.] LM: I understand we can now switch to Ryudo and Hiroshi live to get their comments on Brian Lau's challenge. [The screen splits, with the interview team on one side and Rising Sun Revolution on the other.] Ryudo, Hiroshi! Welcome to "Inside the IIWF!" BL: [still laughing] BWAHAHAHAHA...snort. LM: Okay. Ryudo, I take it you heard the challenge from Brian Lau then? He's blaming you for what happened with Hakiro Matsuoko. RY: I'm glad Hakiro finally came to his senses. Hakiro is an honorable man, and I just wish that he'd done this sooner. If he'd stayed with the Syndicate, he could have easily been the next Joe Latta. LM: I don't think that's something you should joke about Ryudo. RY: I wasn't joking. I'm deadly serious. Brian Lau's the sort of man that, once he has no use for you, well... God help you. LM: Brian Lau is a dangerous man, I'll give him that much. But what about his challenge? Will you accept a match, against an unknown team, on Saturday? RY: I'll let Hiroshi answer that. [He translates for Hiroshi, who promptly flies into a rage. Even though he's talking in Japanese, the name Lau can be picked out fairly often, and it's usually accompanied with snapping or punching hand motions.] LM: Yes, well. Very graphic, at least. [Hiroshi grins] RY: Brian Lau, if you want us in the ring, bring it on. We don't care who it is you've got to face us. Bring it on. We'll dissolve the Syndicate for good. LM: Surely you must be slightly worried, Ryudo. Come on. Lau isn't exactly the man you want to cross. You can bet he'll have some sort of plan. RY: We know exactly what he's capable of, and don't worry, we're not going to take this guy lightly. Not at all. LM: Thanks Ryudo. We'll have to stop you there, I'm afraid. Good luck. RY: Thanks. [Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: The war of words between Lord Byron and Marty Warnett continues to escalate as we near their "Submission Finishers" match tomorrow night at Midweek Mayhem. We sent our Steve Roberts to New Orleans to get Lord Byron's thoughts before this match: [SCENE: Lord Byron's Louisiana mansion, where he is doing lengths in the indoor swimming pool. A somewhat awed "Soundbite" Steve Roberts is ushered into the room.] SR: [looking around him] This place is really something. [Byron stops at the edge of the swimming pool and pulls himself out. An attendant hands him a towel.] LB: Ah, Mr. Roberts. I've been expecting you. Would you like a drink? SR: [grinning] Sure. Got any Jack Daniels? LB: No problem. [He snaps his fingers, and the attendant hurries off.] SR: This place is fantastic. Makes you wonder how Warnett has the nerve to come up with his garbage. LB: [coldly] Oh come now, Mr. Roberts. Surely you can see through his petty little illusions? SR: I never doubted you for a second. The runt's just jealous, that's all. LB: [angrily] Jealousy I can handle, Mr. Roberts. Would that it were only that. You see, the little fool's attempts to discredit me, despite their falsehood, have made me the laughing stock of the British embassy. And I believe that is what he wanted all along. Postlethwaite, indeed! SR: Still, you'll get your chance to beat your revenge out on him in that submission match. LB: So I shall. Mr. Warnett, your mockery is starting to get just that little bit irritating. And so when we meet in the ring, I'm going to belt some respect into your worthless carcass. The IIWF has yet to see the devastating effects of the Aristoclutch, and I intend to make you the first victim. [The Lady DeWinter walks through the doors, and hands Roberts his drink. Byron takes her hand and kisses it, before turning back to the camera.] LB: Mr. Warnett, I am going to make an example of you to the entire federation. And should you come anywhere near milady... I will not be held responsible for the consequences. Mr. Roberts, if you will excuse us, I have some final preparations to make. It has been a pleasure talking to you once again. SR: [downing his drink] Same here. Just kick that kid's ass from pillar to post. LB: Indeed. Ciao. [Roberts leaves, Byron dives back into the swimming pool, and the scene fades. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: As for Marty Warnett, he's been doing some training at the base of the U.S. Federal Bureau of Investigation. We have this report: [Cut to shot of a forest and a rope bridge strung between two tall trees. Marty Warnett, wearing a sweat-drenched track suit, runs into the camera's view and pauses] MW: [wheezing, out of breath] Phew, to be the best, you have to train with the best. That's why I'm here, at the FBI Headquarters in Quantico. I've just completed the whole assault course in the fastest-ever time, by one second. I was invited here by a fan to work out and have a tour. She also said she had a surprise for me! See you when I've showered and changed. [Camera shot fades, then flashes a scene of Marty in an office. He is dressed in a suit, with an FBI visitor's card clipped to his pocket.] MW: Hey, I do wear things other than jeans and T-shirts, from time to time! [A secretary enters the room] SEC: Mr Warnett, Agent Mullally will see you now. [A beautiful blonde, looking like a hybrid between Gillian Anderson and Jodie Foster enters the room] AM: Hi Marty ... I've been a fan of yours for a while. Come with me, I can do something for you! [Marty wiggles his eyebrows at the camera as they both leave the room, following a maze of corridors and lifts until they enter a room filled with hi-tech computer equipment.] AM: Now Marty, I've digitized a shot of Lord Byron. Have you that photo of Mr Postlethwaite? MW: Yeah, I kinda wondered why you didn't want a photo of me.... [He hands her a photograph. Agent Mullally turns to the computers, scans the image in and presses a few keys. Within a few seconds, two revolving skulls appear on the screen] AM: You see, Marty, this computer software can help recreate faces from skulls found at crime scenes, and vice versa. So, I felt it would help expose Byron Postlethwaite ... or clear him. MW: Wow, and the result is? AM: The images match in 27 key areas. I would say it's 95% certain he's a Postlethwaite. Now just go out there and make him submit. MW: Byron, wherever, whenever, let's get it on, you stupid faker. [Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: Warnett and Lord Byron will hopefully settle this feud tomorrow night on Midweek Mayhem. We'll bring you all the action! BL: And speaking of action, we haven't seen much from the Arch... oopsie... I mean "Legion" lately. Let's see what he's "bone" up to: [SCENE: Legion stands in front of a pile of skulls.] LE: Syndicate, you seek to keep me from accomplishing my mission. Do you wish to have your skulls added to my collection? It seems that the Dark Knights are falling. Well, that is not true. I am now on a trail of war throughout the IIWF that will end with the DEATH of Herr Verhoeven. He should be impressed with my tenacity, I once slew Germanic warriors in the age of Rome. Casey James, you claim that Legion is some gimmick and that you are 100%. Well, we'll see once again. You could say I like to take pain. You can throw out as much as you want, but I'll still keep coming back. You needed your stoolie Tiger Claw to defeat Sandman. You'll need him to get past me. My name is Legion because I am many. The Dark Knights are on the rise and if it takes securing the skull of every wrestler in the IIWF, so be it. [Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: Tim Dross drew what was possible the most annoying assignment of the night, interviewing Superstar Stud Stetson. BL: Yeah, there aren't many people who _I_ even find obnoxious. LM: Let's cut to Tim Dross now: [SCENE: Tim Dross is seated in a fair sized room which is adorned with several posters, newspaper clippings, and photos of Superstar Stud Stetson, along with several trophies and championship titles. ] TD: I am at the location of Superstar Stud Stetson's office of his privately-owned gym, where I have the inevitable job of interviewing a man who is possibly the most conceited wrestler ever in IIWF history. [The gorgeous Lace then enters the room wearing a extremely tight jean outfit which shows off her amazing body. } TD: WOW! Uh, Lace..where is... um... Stetson. [Dross seems a little distracted] LA: He will be here in a second hon. [Lace adjusts Dross' tie which makes him blush] A little nervous, Timmy? Don't worry I don't bite. TD: So Lace, what is a girl like you doing with a guy lik.... [At that moment Stetson enters the room wearing his usual leather jacket and ripped jeans. Underneath the jacket he is wearing a white t-shirt which reads in read letters "Yes, I Am A Superstar."] SS: Like who? TD: Nothing. SS: Alright, Dross, so what is it you want to talk about? I hope you are more competent then that moron, Morton. TD: Well, I first would like to... SS: Just a minute Dross, nobody cares about what you have to say. You just sit there and keep your trap closed while everyone listens to the reason they tuned in. Myself. Dan Kauffman and Billy Shakespeare I would like to congratulate you on your title wins.. TD: [sarcastically] That's surprisingly nice of you. SS: Shut up, Dross. You didn't let me finish. I would _like_ to congratulate you but I can't. Because those title wins are useless because you haven't beaten the one man that matters. You haven't beaten wrestling's only Superstar. Kauffman, I would like to teach you how a true champion should act, but knowing the stupid fed heads here in the IIWF they would make it a non-title match since they probably feel I haven't proven myself. We all know I don't have to since I am the best but that's beside the point. The fact is I don't want to fight you until you have something to offer me and that's when you are willing to put up the titles. You see if I am going to grace you with my presence in the ring and put my reputation on the line, I think you should give something up too despite how pathetic it might be. TD: You talk a good match but... SS: Dross, Dross, didn't your mother teach you any manners? You don't speak until I say you can. LA: Naughty, naughty boy. We might have to punish you by cancelling this interview. Or maybe I will have to wear some more discreet clothing. TD: Do us all a favor. SS: Now as I was saying, since I go a step down every time I enter the ring with all these hapless losers, I feel I should get something in return. But I must admit I get pleasure every time I whip all you superstar wannabes and teach you how a real Superstar performs. I enjoy disappointing your millions of fans and showing them who really is the leader of the IIWF. TD: How can you say that? You have only wrestled one match and it was rather controversial at that. SS: DROSS! You speak when spoken to. But I will answer your question despite how stupid it is. It may have only been one match but I truly dominated the man you even said yourself was one of the best wrestlers in the IIWF. So what does that prove? I am fully prepared to beat up punks like those greasy Italians, or that Welsh runt, that stupid Canuck who thinks he is the Hitman, that Roll Over McClain and all those other losers those morons you call fans cheer for in order to prove what you should all know by now. LA: It seems the IIWF is trying to keep me and my man out of the main picture in fear of the damage we will do. But let us warn you that the IIWF, like all the other feds, will feel a Superstar Attack. And you may all be lucky enough for me to pick up the pieces after my man is finished. TD: I have an important question. Lace, you have had some rather harsh words toward Mistress Sasha and I want to know if you are ready to pay for the consequences. SS: Lace, don't even answer that stupid question. Dross, I have already given the Psycho a beating of a lifetime and no matter what we say about Sasha, there is no way he will be stupid enough to enter the ring again to receive an even more vicious ass whipping. After all, IIWF, remember when it comes to Superstars, I put you all to shame. [Stetson gets up and takes Lace by the arm and leaves the room.] TD: There you have it fans -- Freud Lite... all of the ego and none of the id. [Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: Let's take a quick commercial break and come back with a look at what's happening in the IIWF Tag Team scene. BL: I understand the suits have a new advertising agency with some good copy writer. Let's see what he came up with. [Cut to scenes from Ring Wars II as an announcer does the voice over.] VO: There's only one thing the Superstars of the IIWF do better than wrestle... [Cut to shots of Dan Kauffman and Shinja Chow with party hats on their heads. They are holding glasses of milk and laughing. Kauffman has a microphone in his hand.] VO: ...and that's PARTY! When they're not in the arena, you can be sure that the IIWF's stars are in the karaoke Bar! Now you can buy the best of "IIWF Karaoke" on compact disc, cassette tape, or video. For fans of Larry Morton, a limited run of 8-track tapes have been produced. You'll hear your favorites sing the favorites of yore: [Cut to brief snips of each star singing a portion of a song.] Shinja Chow sings "Burnin' Down the House" Otto Verhoeven is inspiring on "Deutchland Uber Alles" Kauffman sings not one, not two, but all THREE of his theme songs A Young Casey James does "America the Beautiful" The Armed Forces perform "The Ballad of the Green Berets." Kauffman returns with the entire score to "In a Gadda Da Vida" The Sandman sings the '40's classic "Mr. Sandman" Subway Psycho bops to "Louie, Louie" And you can't miss Marty Warnett leading everyone in the "Macarena!" And to prove they can do more than talk, don't miss the IIWF's announcers: [Cut to a shot of the members of the IIWF broadcast team standing around a microphone.] Steve Roberts' convincing turn on "Do Ya Think I'm Sexy?" Becky LaRue's stirring rendition of "Do You Think I'm a Nasty Girl?" Tim Dross lends his voice to the theme from the musical "Hair." Larry Morton wows an empty bar with his version of "Feelings." And Sparkplug Lee rocks the house on "Groove Thing." [Cut to a scene of an arm from off camera holding "Nifty" Ned Norton off the ground. Ned holds a microphone.] Order now and receive a bonus track of The Outlaw J.W. Hardin forcing "Nifty" Ned Norton to sing Pat Benatar's "Outlaw Blues." [The ordering information pops onto the screen. The telephone number flashes.] Call now to order! 1-800-303-IIWF. All major credit cards accepted. A $8.49 shipping and handling will be added to each order. Call now! [Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio. Becky is giggling uncontrollably.] LM: I thought I brought new depth to that song. BL: BWHAHAHA... "Nothing more than..." hehehehe... "feelings." SNORT! LM: Ummm, moving on.... We have footage of a press conference held by Pain Inc. yesterday and I shall preface this footage by saying that we have a record of one "Morningstar" being treated for a head injury at the Free Clinic downtown last week. Is Mr. Mic getting too cheap to send his men to REAL doctors? We'll get to the bottom of it. BL: If you want to get to the bottom of it, you'll need to see a proctologist. BWAHAHAAHAHAHA! Talk about "nothing more than feelings!" BWAHAHAHAHA! LM: Let's just go to the footage: [Cut to the National Sports Center in Jakarta, Indonesia. There are about 50-60 reporters sitting in front of a small podium. CNN, NBC, ABC, CBS etc all have cameras there. Suddenly the talking stops and flashbulbs go off everywhere as Hellraiser comes out from the back. He is wearing an elaborate Oriental robe and his trademark chain mail mask. He sits down next to the podium, he stares coldly to the back of the room. Reporter upon reporter are trying to ask him questions: "How is Morningstar?" "Is Pain Inc. going to retire?" are heard. Soon after the reporters heads turn as Mr.Mic walks out from the back. He is wearing his patented black Armani suit. He also wears a pair of Oakley sunglasses. He approaches the podium with a very angry expression on his face as the flashbulbs go wild yet again. The crowd becomes quiet as Mr.Mic adjusts the microphone.] MM: Is everyone here? GOOD you know how I HATE latecomers! I have called this press conference to answer some questions and to tell the world about what exactly is going on in the IIWF! [The crowd starts to whisper amongst themselves] SHUT THE HELL UP!!! YOU LOSERS SHOULD KNOW BY NOW THAT WHEN I TALK PEOPLE SHOULD DO TWO THINGS: 1]LISTEN AND 2] SHUT UP! Alright, let's have those questions [All the reporters put up their hands] Okay... CNN what's on your mind? CNN REPORTER: Mr.Mic what is the status of Morningstar and what do you plan to do about the continued attacks by Domination? MM: Good question, first of all Morningstar was shaken up a little by the sneak attack but not injured. Tim Dross commented that Morningstar was ineffective and Hellraiser carried the match. Dross doesn't know a thing about wrestling, he's never been in the ring, and he doesn't understand strategy. Dross is so stupid he once studied for a urine test...AND FAILED. I was keeping Morningstar out of the ring as a preventative measure besides Hellraiser loves a handicap match..heh heh heh [Hellraiser smiles while continuing to stare to the back of the room] Morningstar is being looked over by my personal doctor as we speak and he assures me that there are no residual effects of the attack. Morningstar is fine to return to the ring and trust me HE CAN'T WAIT! As for Domination, I want to know from President Spreadbury as to when he is going to start fining and suspending these two jokes? They seem to want to attack every tag team here in the IIWF! An extremely poor career move I might add. Morningstar's injury was a cheap shot, plain and simple, they don't have the balls to face us in the ring like real men! They would rather attack us and attempt to injure us because deep down they know that the only way to stop Pain Inc. is to KILL THEM! Trust me Domination is going to get theirs! Okay NBC you're next. NBC REPORTER: Mr.Mic I understand you have something to say about the Rising Sun Revolution as well? MM: Yes, I do. The Japanese Sun Jerk-offs are the biggest jokes ever to hold the IIWF tag-team titles. They are not worthy of those belts. They cheat, they interfere, and Spreadbury just let's them. Domination is allowed to do anything they want because they are associated with the JSJ -- Japanese Sun Jerk-offs. Domination does anything they can to help the JSJ hold on to those belts. The Forces had them 2 weeks ago, Pain Inc. had won the titles last week, and finally Heavy Metal was pounding on them on their way to victory until Domination and those moronic Alphabet Idiots came out. All of this was condoned by the President. I think if the JSJ is all they say maybe they should have a steel cage match against either the Forces, Pain Inc, or Heavy Metal. All of us deserve rematches without the interference of those lower-class, no ability idiots Domination. Okay next question ESPN. Hey I remember you I saw you in Vancouver a couple of months ago. Any permanent injury plate glass window boy? Ha Ha Ha ESPN REPORTER: Very funny, I hear you're making some allegation about President Spreadbury's "supposed" questionable activities? MM: You're right again, tackle dummy ha ha. Look at last Saturday night there's all the damn proof you need. Spreadbury rips off Tiger Claw, the greatest I-C champion in the history of the IIWF, and gives the title to that loser "Headlight" Billy Shake-N-Fake. Claw won the match by DQ and was given the belt. Shake-N-Fake wasn't the champ and since the match was to give the belt to the winner Claw should have won but no this "Special" Committee gives the belt to Shake-N-Fake. I am willing to bet money that Spreadbury created this committee to get the heat off his back and then pays 'em off. Another example is "Dorky" Dan Kauffman supposedly "winning" the World title. Is it just me or does just watching this moron make you sick! Otto Verhoeven, in my mind, is still the IIWF World Champion not this pseudo-champion in Kauffman. Spreadbury is picking his favorites and then giving them titles. Verhoeven was a class act, a great champion but if the Pres doesn't like ya you can see your title reign lasting for about a week or so. Next question ABC REPORTER: What's next for Pain Inc? MM: Well, as soon as I have 100% assurance that Morningstar is okay then I want to challenge the JSJ and Domination to face the Armed Forces and Pain Inc. in a steel cage. After that I want another title shot without the interference of Domination so I challenge the JSJ to a lumberjack match. JSJ, you won't know what hit ya. You bring Domination, The Alphabet Idiots, and the Zodiac Boys. I'll bring the Forces, Heavy Metal, and whoever else hates you, which shouldn't be too hard. That's enough questions, get lost! [Cut back to the studio, where Larry and Becky both have their heads on the desk. A technician tosses a wadded-up piece of paper that hits Morton in the head.] LM: Huh? Wha--? Oh, is it over... already? [he looks at Becky and nudges her.] BL: Mmmph... wanna sleep some more, mom. LM: In that case, I think we should go to the interview Tim Dross taped with G.W.R. yesterday [Morton puts his head back down on the desk]: [The camera pans around a small dining room. It's late, and the only three people there are G.W.R. and Kane. Spoiler stands over a table, a cup of coffee in his hand. Seated on either side of the table are Loco and Kane. They are playing chess. Every so often, Spoiler bends down and suggests a move to Loco. The camera moves in as Tim Dross enters the room.] TD: Can I get a quick word? SP: [not looking at him] Yeah, sure, shoot. No, that to there! [He points the move out. Loco shakes his head and makes a completely different move. Kane looks at the move, puzzled, while Spoiler just shakes his head. He turns back to Tim Dross.] I think we'd better go and sit down. [he moves over to a nearby table, still shaking his head as he sits down. Dross sits down opposite him.] You wanted a word? TD: Yes. A number of things, first of all the player's club... SP: What about them? [he drinks from his cup] TD: You had a confrontation... SP: We had a conversation. Different thing. TD: All right, you had a conversation. What did you say to each other? SP: [chuckling slightly] No comment. TD: No comment? SP: We could tell you, but this is a family show. TD: Can you give us some sort of idea? SP: All right. Hold on a second [he stands up, moves over to the chess set and says something to Loco, who shakes his head. Spoiler mutters something and comes back.] Sorry. Where was I? Oh yes, the Players Club. All right, let's just say this: We don't like them, but we do respect them. Hey, you've got to respect someone who has done what they've done. But let's put it this way, they're the last people we'd go to the pub with. It's pointless trying to reconcile our differences with them, because they're fundamental. We have a different philosophy, different outlook on wrestling... there are a lot of different things. TD: Are you going to wrestle them? SP: Eventually, yeah. TD: Eventually? SP: Whenever the boss man, or someone else gets around to making the match basically. [he takes a sip from his coffee, then looks down at the remains of a cup] Sorry, forgive my manners. Do you want a cup? [Dross shakes his head] What about you? [The camera shakes as the cameraman shakes his head.] All right, I'm going to get another cup anyway. [He stands up, walks to a coffee pot and pours himself another cup. As he comes back, he stops at the chess board, and frowns. He walks back over, shaking his head. As he walks back over, you can hear him muttering: "Told him, I told him."] Right. Next question. TD: You were welcomed rather warmly by Lord Byron. SP: What can I say, the man knows talent when he sees it. TD: Is there anything else involved there? SP: Such as? No, don't bother. Byron and the boss man know each other. They've talked, they've even played chess once or twice. [he pauses] Actually, I'm struggling to think of someone who hasn't played chess against the boss. If you want a game . . . TD: No thanks. I don't think I'm good enough. . . SP: All right. [He looks across at the chess game and then makes a noise of disgust.] Next question. TD: The tag team situation currently... SP: Bit of a mess right. [Dross nods] Yeah, we've been watching things. Can't say I like it much. Listen [Pause] it's one thing wresting whoever is in the ring with you. It's another thing wrestling two or three teams. It's a different thing wrestling the whole tag scene at once. Those sort of odds are... [he pauses, censoring himself] ridiculous. Something has to be done about it. TD: Who is going to clear things up though? You? SP: No. That's not our job. That's what the officials are paid for. TD: All right, staying on the same sort of theme, what do you think about the teams here? SP: There's some talent here, that's without doubt. But at the moment, it's not getting the opportunity to shine. The tag team division is getting bogged down in this mess. Once that's sorted out, you might well get to see the best out of teams here. TD: Moving on, from what we've heard, you've had a run in with the Universal Powers. SP: Who told you that? TD: A journalist has to protect his sources. SP: Yeah right. Let me guess, Kauffman or Quigley. No, we've had no "run in" as you put it with the Universal powers. TD: Didn't you say that they had the [Dross looks down at a piece of paper] "Maturity of a bucket" SP: You're trying to stir up trouble aren't you? Well, just for the record, yeah, we did say that. And it's true. We've got no particular love for Kauffman, we've got no particular love for Quigley, and, to be honest, if they were to disappear from wrestling we wouldn't be overly sorry, but the powers... [pause] ...we'll be even less sorry if the powers just crawled back under the rock from whence they came. Somewhere along the line, the powers failed to grow up. They're acting like spoiled brats. We had a better grasp of how to insult when we were three, for crying out loud. Actually, we knew a couple of kids in our school who were just like the powers. Whenever they didn't get their own way, they had a temper tantrum and started throwing things. The powers could be great superstars in wrestling. All that they need to do is grow up, and get some focus. [Spoiler sips his coffee, and looks across at the chess game. As he does so, Kane makes a move, smiles and says "check mate." Spoiler frowns.] Now, if you'll excuse me... [Dross nods, and Spoiler heads over to the chess set. Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky, both of whom are now snoring, in the studio.] LM: GRRRRZZZKKKKKK! GRRRRZZZKKKKKK! [The same technician tosses an old microphone that hits Morton in the head.] LM: OW! What the he... Oh. Are we still on the air? [he blushes and nudges Becky.] Hehe. Well I know something that will keep everyone awake -- an interview with the Alphabet Boys: [The Alphabet Boys at their Trailer Home. No one stopped the newspaper delivery before their unexpected vacation to South America and the floor is dominated by yellowed, soggy papers. The camera crew attempts not to gag at the smell of soured milk coming from the refrigerator.] ZED: We have some unfinished business. ABIE: Yeah! ZED: Before the little accident which placed us on a plane to Paraguay... ABIE: Gate 11, Gate 111, anyone could make that mistake. ZED: I wouldn't have. [he smacks Abie with a wet newspaper] Before we left there was one team that we wanted to fight... we had BIG problems with them... but we never got the chance. ABIE: And that team was...[Abie is interrupted by the arrival of a very loud, very feisty, Chihuahua. Abie dives to protect his Elvis lamp from the rampaging animal.] [Zed continues to talk but his words cannot be heard above the dog barks. The beast has locked its jaws onto the camera lens, and for a few moments all that can be seen is miniature slavering dog jaws. The camera shuts off. Cut back to Larry and Becky, who is also now awake, in the studio.] LM: I understand Bulldog Brown has some more information for us on Chris Quigley. Let's go back out to the IIWF Coliseum: [Cut to Bulldog Brown again. He is standing next to the phone with a worried look on his face.] BB: This is getting stranger all the time guys! I've talked to every airline from Delta to Air Jordan, but none of them have sold a ticket to Chris Quigley, BUT something very interesting developed as I talked to an airline that rents private jets. Apparently, someone who loosely fits Quigley's description was seen boarding a private jet booked by one Miss Stephanie Manning. I have no idea what the story is on this, or if it was even Quigley. They did not say where the jet was headed, since it was a privately rented jet and it's confidential information. All I can say is, Chris Quigley is NOWHERE to be found around here. His locker room is cleaned out, his hotel room is cleaned out, and I got a license plate scan for the plate "QckStrke" on his black Viper, and no trace of it has been found within this area. What could be running through his mind right now? Does he feel cheated by Dan Kauffman, who prevented his title shot and then won the title himself? Is he angry at IIWF officials for calling off the match? Has he finally crossed over that line of bitterness that he has been walking on recently and decided to quit wrestling altogether? This is all I could dig up right now, but I'll try to keep you updated on his intriguing development in the weeks to come. Back to you, guys. [Camera cuts from a concerned Bulldog back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: Wow! Chris Quigley is now missing in action -- and we have several house show appearances lined up for him. BL: [in a loud voice] Ladies and gentlemen, Chris Quigley has left the building! ************************************************************************** --------------------- IIWF MIDWEEK MAYHEM PREVIEW ---------------------- ************************************************************************** LM: Let's take a look at the LIVE matches we have scheduled for tomorrow night's Midweek Mayhem: * Otto Verhoeven vs. [J] * Don Antonio vs. Venusian Death Cell * "Enigma" Takezo Musashi & White Phoenix vs. Dark Disciples * Armed Forces vs. Alphabet Boys * Billy Shakespeare & Hakiro Matsuoko vs. Tiger Claw & Casey James * FINISHERS SUBMISSION MATCH: Marty Warnett vs. Lord Byron LM: We'll also have that special LIVE interview with new IIWF Heavyweight Champion Dan Kauffman. And we'll also have plenty of dark matches for the fans in the IIWF Coliseum tomorrow night: * Harlequin Tragedy vs. Stud Stetson * John McClain vs. [J] * Arabian Knights vs. The Players' Club * The Sandman vs. Steve Kowalski BL: So get those tickets now and plan to join us for all the action. Attendance is way down for Midweek Mayhem since there is no "LaRue's Lair" and the suits are getting nervous. ************************************************************************** --------------------- IIWF SATURDAY NIGHT PREVIEW ---------------------- ************************************************************************** LM: Several matches have already been signed for "IIWF Saturday Night," which is coming your way along most of these stations this weekend. Here is a look at what we have so far: Dark: * Marty Warnett vs. Mr. Damage * Zodiac Connection vs. Domination * Heavy Metal vs. High Plains Drifters Live: * Venusian Death Cell vs. Legion * IIWF Cruiserweight Title Match: Randy Acorn vs. Hakiro Matsuoko * IIWF Intercontinental Title Match: Billy Shakespeare vs. Casey James LM: And Deathbringer will also be in action. Don't miss it, fans! ************************************************************************** --------------------- LATEST IIWF SINGLES RANKINGS --------------------- ************************************************************************** ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Name F/H Fought W L D Win% Ranking (old) new ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Dan Kauffman F 20 14 4 2 75% (4) WC Billy Shakespeare F 22 16 5 1 75% (3) IC "Badboy" Randy Acorn H 13 6 5 2 54% (CW) CW ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Deathbringer F 20 15 3 2 80% (1) 1 The White Phoenix F 9 7 2 0 78% (2) 2 Otto Verhoeven H 12 9 3 0 75% (WC) 3 Onslaught F 4 3 1 0 75% (5=) 4= Lord Byron H 4 3 1 0 75% (5=) 4= Steve Kowalski H 4 3 1 0 75% (23=) 4= Venusian Death Cell H 4 3 1 0 75% (23=) 4= Chris Quigley F 11 8 3 0 73% (7) 8 Subway Psycho F 19 13 5 1 71% (9) 9 "Enigma" Takezo Musashi N 14 10 4 0 71% (8) 10 Billy Sexton H 18 12 6 0 67% (10) 11 Hakiro Matsuoko H 21 12 8 1 60% (12) 12 Tiger Claw H 30 16 12 2 57% (13) 13 Casey James H 21 11 8 2 57% (14) 14 The Sandman F 14 8 6 0 57% (11) 15 Marty Warnett F 18 10 8 0 56% (18=) 16= Robski H 18 10 8 0 56% (18=) 16= Vinny Cappicola F 12 5 4 3 54% (16) 18 Don Antonio F 19 10 9 0 53% (17) 19 Mr. Damage H 15 8 7 0 53% (20) 20 Man Of Steel F 25 12 11 2 52% (15) 21 Legion F 12 6 6 0 50% (21) 22 Fisto Flash H 22 9 11 2 45% (22) 23 ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Stud Stetson H 1 1 0 0 100% (25=) 24= "Badboy" Mark Bagwell H 1 1 0 0 100% (25=) 24= Bobby Lincoln H 1 1 0 0 100% (-) 24= Brody Thunder H 1 1 0 0 100% (-) 24= Harlequin Tragedy N 1 0 1 0 0% (27) 28= John McClain F 1 0 1 0 0% (-) 28= ------------------------------------------------------------------------ The Hangman H 11 4 4 3 50% (-) - ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ************************************************************************** -------------------- LATEST IIWF TAG TEAM RANKINGS --------------------- ************************************************************************** ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Name of team F/H Fought W L D Win% Ranking (old) new ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Rising Sun Revolution F 8 8 0 0 100% (WT) WT ------------------------------------------------------------------------ The Alphabet Boys F 8 5 1 2 75% (2) 1 Pain Inc. H 11 8 3 0 73% (4) 2 High Plains Drifters H 19 13 5 1 71% (3) 3 Heavy Metal H 9 6 3 0 67% (1) 4 The Arabian Knights H 9 6 3 0 67% (5) 5 The Armed Forces H 17 10 6 1 62% (6) 6 The Zodiac Connection F 11 5 6 0 45% (7) 7 Domination F 2 1 0 1 75% (8) 8 The Dark Disciples H 1 1 0 0 100% (9) 9 The Players' Club F 1 1 0 0 100% (10) 10 GWR N 1 1 0 0 100% (-) 11 ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Atomic Destroyers H 12 7 4 1 63% (-) - ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ************************************************************************** ----- COMING FRIDAY: "COUNTDOWN TO SATURDAY NIGHT" WITH TIM DROSS ------ ************************************************************************** LM: Be sure to catch up on all the IIWF news and highlights on "Countdown to Saturday Night" with Tim Dross, coming your way Friday night along most of these same stations. Becky and I will be back with you tomorrow night on "Midweek Mayhem," so until then, this is Larry Morton for Becky LaRue saying... BL: Nighty-night everyone! [The remote camera zooms back up the aisle as the screaming fans try once again to get on camera. The man in the front row still rocks back and forth chanting "Can't Hurt the Lizard!" The credits roll by too quickly to read. Fade.] +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= I * I * W * F =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+ | President: Daniel Spreadbury | Vice-President: Steve Owens | | univ0322@sable.ox.ac.uk | sowens@admin.presby.edu | | iiwf@sisko.demon.co.uk | IIWFadmin@aol.com | +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- http://www.sisko.demon.co.uk -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=+