[Cut to fast-paced music, which is matched by equally fast-paced clips of IIWF action. As the final guitar chord is drawn out, Steve "The Fury" Kowalski bites El Poco Seguente on the nose as the screen explodes into a mass of fire and smoke through which emerges the IIWF's familiar logo:] ##### ###### ### ########## ########## ########## #### ## ########## ########## ########## #### # #### ######## ##### ##### #### ## ##### #### #### #### #### ### #### #### #### #### ############# ######### #### #### ########### ######### #### #### #### #### #### ######### ######### ### #### #### ######### ######### ### ## #### ######## ######## ## # #### =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- ## =-=-=-= INTERNATIONAL INTERNET WRESTLING FEDERATION ================================================= "COUNTDOWN TO SATURDAY NIGHT" - November 15, 1996 ================================================= [A remote camera zooms down the aisle as members of the studio audience scramble over each other to get on camera. A man wearing a "Tim Dross Hair Club for Men" t-shirt runs his fingers a head full of wavy hair -- unfortunately that hair belongs to the man sitting in front of him. A fat woman waves a can of Slim Slam Diet Drink and screams "This crap don't work!" A teenage boy holds up a sign that reads "My mother got drunk with the IIWF President and all I got was this lousy poster." Zoom to Tim Dross sitting at the anchor desk, adjusting his microphone and ear piece as the lighting rises.] TD: Good evening everyone, and welcome to "Countdown to Saturday Night." I'm your host Tim Dross, and we have a lot to cover tonight -- including an answer to what's up with Hakiro Matsuoko and the Syndicate, and an exclusive "Up Close and Personal" interview with the IIWF Tag Team Champions, Rising Sun Revolution, later in the show. [Switch the camera angle to get a different shot of Dross. He swivels his chair to accommodate the shot.] TD: But first, we have a challenge to "Big Bucks" Don McQueen from "The Enigma" Takezo Musashi. As you all know, McQueen and his Dark Disciples have put Musashi on a "hit list," promising to end his career. Rather than being the hunted, "The Enigma" would like to meet his pursuers head on. Take a look: [SCENE" "The Enigma" Takezo Musashi stands in the IIWF interview area.] TM: Is there any end to the level of tyranny in the IIWF? The powers that be are obviously trying to restore order to this once honorable federation, but to no avail. Each and every card has been marred with outside interference, foreign objects, gang warfare and sneak attacks. Is there any honor left among warriors? I warn you cheaters, miscreants, paid hit men and thugs, you will perish through the very lawlessness you wallow in. We, the wrestlers of the IIWF are the modern successors to the warriors of old, the Samurai, the Templar Knights and the Saracen. The Gods of War look down upon our generation and frown, for there are many who seek to dishonor the past and the ancient codes of combat through evil deeds. I have been granted the strength to triumph over the forces of evil, and I shall wreak my vengeance upon all those who stand against me. Dark Disciples, Kane and Wulf, you are the epitome of the sinister forces I speak of. You have sought to hinder me at every turn thus far and have failed to extinguish my spirit. I admit, I may have been troubled by your transgressions in the past, but no more. I have searched deep inside my soul and found the burning flame of courage you cannot hope to overcome. You have defiled my home with your evil rituals and battered my physical body with your treacherous attacks. These are deeds I cannot permit to go unpunished. Don McQueen, you are a man who does not possess even a shadow of dignity or honor. You still seek to harry me with your petty business concerns. I sent a message to you loud and clear when I savate kicked you across the ring. You are no longer my manager and never again shall be. Those papers you possess mean nothing, and to prove it I propose a challenge. I will face your henchmen, the Dark Disciples, in the ring with the tag team partner of my choice. Should I triumph, you must promise to rip up the contract papers and forget that we ever had any dealings with one another. Should the Dark Disciples triumph, I will leave the IIWF rings forever. I know that you are consumed with your hatred of me and cannot pass up this opportunity for vengeance, even though you know deep inside that you can never defeat me. "White Phoenix" Shinja Chow, you have been an honorable friend to me since you arrived in the IIWF, and I graciously request you to stand by my side once again. You have passed through the flames of the evil spirits unscathed, and your inner fire shall inspire us to a glorious triumph over the tyranny of the Dark Disciples. I know that you will not let me down in this, my greatest test yet in the IIWF. [Fade. Cut back to Tim Dross in the studio.] TD: That interview was taped Wednesday night, fans, and "Big Bucks" Don McQueen is standing by in our other studio with a response. Mr. McQueen, can you hear me? [Cut to Don McQueen standing in the IIWF interview area with Kane of the Dark Disciples as the IIWF interview crew finishes setting up their equipment. The camera points at the two men and wobbles around out of focus]. DM: Hurry up you imbeciles, I cannot afford to hang about all day, I have important affairs to attend to down in Wall Street -- not anything you would understand of course. [The interview crew focuses the camera and gives the "go ahead" signal. McQueen sighs.] Why must I suffer such incompetence? First of all I must apologize for the absence of Wulf today. He is still rather mad over the incident in the locker room with the Enema and the White Phoney, and it was necessary to forcibly restrain him in his padded cell. When we finally let him out he will have a few [heh, heh] matters to discuss with Shinja Chow. I assure you, you cheap reject from a bad kung fu movie, you are going to regret throwing that fireball at Wulf. The man is a beast, and even the idiot fans know that beasts go berserk when they encounter fire. He's gonna rip you limb from limb Chow. Now, onto the reason for this interview. Takezo Musashi, my traitorous ex-protege just made some rather reckless comments, and I feel I must respond with my voice of reason and wisdom. Enigma, you are sadly deluded. Your mindless drivel of warriors and deities will be of no aid to you when you face the Dark Disciples, the most ruthless and awesome force in the history of wrestling. The fact is, Takezo, you are living in the past. Your religious beliefs are nothing more than ancient myths and phantoms. The Dark Disciples are the real deal. They know the truth about the dark side. They have lived and breathed evil since birth. They are not here to play games Takezo, they are deathly serious. Perhaps you should leave the IIWF before your life becomes endangered. You have been shooting your mouth off without thinking, Enigma. Your foolish challenge will be your downfall. You may have had a few flashy victories over the sub-par competition in this crummy league in the past, but you have never faced a foe with the might of Kane or Wulf. Tell 'em big guy. KANE: Enigma, craven coward of false gods, your moment of doom has arrived in the IIWF. The Dark Disciples accept your challenge, and we shall look forward to sacrificing your soul before the masses. You say that the IIWF has fallen into lawlessness and evil, I say that it has not fallen nearly enough. Titles, fame, fortune, even victories mean little to us, Musashi. We exist for the sole purpose of spreading tyranny, destruction and bloodshed. Your devotion to honor disgusts me Takezo, and I will not be curbed until you have been crippled and degraded before the eyes of the world. Perhaps some of the wrestlers, fans and IIWF officials out there doubt my words. Perhaps they think that the Dark Disciples are merely adopting an evil image to garner attention. I assure you all right now that I mean every word I say. Every horror I speak of will become so. You see, to us, darkness and death are not mere playthings, gimmicks to bandy about and amuse the children as they are with Deathbringer or the late Prince of Darkness. To us, evil is our way of life, and we are never more satisfied, never more elated and never more triumphant than when we unleash pure, ruthless evil and satisfy our lust for destruction. We exult in the spilling of blood and in the darkening of hearts. Now there is another matter I must speak of. There is a new tag team in the IIWF which has interfered in our affairs too many times now. A team which claims to be crazed and fearsome but who are really nothing more than the lickspittle of women. I speak of the tag team known as Domination. Fools and weaklings that you are, you cannot hope to understand the consequences of your meddling. Soon you will discover the darkest regions of the netherworld when Wulf and I pound your flimsy skulls into the darkness of a coma. You have challenged us to a cage match? Let us alter the challenge some what. Let us make it a cage of no escape, let us forgot petty rules such as tagging in and out. We shall battle two on two until one side has suffered such a beating they are rendered unconscious. Only then shall a victor be declared. So come Takezo Musashi, Shinja Chow and Domination, we beckon you to the ring to face your hour of destruction. Like lambs, you shall come to the slaughter. [Fade. Cut back to Tim Dross in the studio.] TD: Takezo Musashi's future may be on the line here in the IIWF. We'll keep you up to date as that match develops. Now, it's time to take a look back in our: ************************************************************************** --------------------- IIWF MIDWEEK MAYHEM REWIND ---------------------- ************************************************************************** TD: Larry Morton and Becky LaRue were at ringside for another exciting edition of "IIWF Midweek Mayhem." Let's take a look at the events of this wild Wednesday: [Dross does the voice-over as footage from each match rolls.] *********************************************** STEVE "THE FURY" KOWALSKI defeated THE SANDMAN *********************************************** TD: Mr. Damage spoiled The Sandman's impressive showing and a chance at revenge when he ran down to the ring and attacked Kowalski. *********************************************** DOUBLE COUNT-OUT: "SUPERSTAR" STUD STETSON vs. HARLEQUIN TRAGEDY *********************************************** TD: It was a matter of time before the burgeoning bastion of balets, er... I mean _valets_ forced the outcome of a match. Lace taunted Comedy throughout the match, and the catfight that seemed inevitable finally broke out at ringside. Stetson and Tragedy both left the ring and were counted out. *************************************************** "HIGH ROLLER" JOHN McCLAIN defeated EL SUPER GECKO *************************************************** TD: McClain "rolled" his first victory in the IIWF, and it was an impressive on over one of the hottest wrestlers in the IIWF -- El Super Gecko. The "High Roller" got the win with his Royal Flush finisher. *********************************************** THE ARABIAN KNIGHTS defeated THE PLAYERS' CLUB *********************************************** TD: The taunting of The High Plains Drifters finally got the attention of TPC, but it also cost them the match when the Knights hit their Dust Devil on Dynamite. *************************************************** VENUSIAN DEATH CELL defeated DON ANTONIO (DEFAULT) *************************************************** TD: It appears that Don Antonio and Vinny Cappicola have bolted the IIWF, true to their word. The VDC was not happy about the Don skipping town, and he raised holy hell backstage, injuring two security guards and brawling with Legion. You might say he was "spitting" mad. Hehe. ********************************************************* OTTO "THE BUTCHER" VERHOEVEN defeated "NIFTY" NED NORTON ********************************************************* TD: "Nifty" Ned has taken abuse from the best in the IIWF over the course of his career, but he had difficulty getting up from four Slaughterslams from Otto Verhoeven. The Teutonic Terror obviously has not been a happy camper since losing the belt to Dan Kauffman: [SCENE: An exclusive restaurant. The camera focuses on Otto "The Butcher" Verhoeven in a perfectly fitted three-piece suit and Nurse Heidi in a stunning, white evening gown. They are waiting for dinner.] NH: Vat a hellhole this restaurant is. How did it get five stars? OV: I suppose it is alright with these American ignoramuses! NH: I hope that stupid vaiter vill soon bring us our drinks. Let's talk about Saturday, instead. The Psycho is scheduled for the beating of his life. OV: Ja, the Subway Psycho, the stinking beggar who caused my loss to Kauffman. What makes him tick, Heidi? He seems to seek the attention of the masses to forget his, let's say, unpleasant past as a sewer dog. But why did he attack me? Was it revenge for the two chokeslams I already gave him? NH: Nah, he could have done that much earlier. I think that he wants to avenge that tramp Sasha. Believe me, come Saturday she will be in a whole new world of pain. OV: Do to her what you want, but... NH: Oh, and her unwashed friend. Should he show his ugly visage again... he is going to have need surgery when I am finished with him. OV: No. The one called Mench is my business. No one abuses my beloved fiancee and walks away to brag about it. He... [A young waiter approaches the table with a beer for Otto and wine for Heidi. Otto tastes the beer, then spits it out and pours the beer all over the shocked waiter. Heidi laughs out loud.] OV: What foul brew was that? Bah, in Germany we would burn down a place where this [bleep] is served! WAITER: Uhhh... uh... sorry sir, I'll bring you a new... OV: Away with you, stupid Amischwein, bring the food we ordered half an hour ago or I will demolish this run-down den. [The waiter runs off.] NH: Calm down, liebling. They are only American idiots, nicht wahr? OV: Yes, anyway, I think that the Psycho envied my title. After all, he, the self-proclaimed "people's champion," was strapped of it, and he knew he had no chance in beating me. So he decided to aid Dan Kauffman in stealing my belt because he believes he can defeat nice Dannyboy... but he won't be able to ever wrestle for a title when I am through with him. The first step to redeem myself is "stopping the train". I am stronger than him and smarter than him, and I have the better support. NH: [smiling viciously] He has just the unwashed masses, but you can trust me. OV: I know. The Psycho is the first step to redeeming myself -- the first of the three boy scouts who will pay for the trick they played on me. He has felt my chokeslams before, and come Saturday he will have to suffer again. His defeat will be the foundation on which I will build my second title reign. He... [An elderly man, the maitre d, and two rather large men, obviously bouncers, approach the table.] Maitre D: [interrupting Verhoeven] Excuse me, sir, but would you be so kind as to leave this establishment? We do not want any trouble here. OV: Shut up, you pathetic wimp, we want our food. [One bouncer grabs Otto's shoulder, but the Butcher sends him to his knees with a vicious kidney punch. Fade to black as shrieking people scatter from the "battlefield" and Otto powerbombs the other bouncer through a table. Cut back to Tim Dross in the studio.] ******************************************** THE ARMED FORCES defeated THE ALPHABET BOYS ******************************************** TD: The Armed Forces once again proved that a foreign object, namely Aaron's golf club, beats a warped mind -- or even two warped minds -- as they claimed the victory. Not ones to be overly disappointed about the outcome, Abie and Zed chewed open a sofa backstage and created their own little snowstorm with the stuffing. *************************************************************** TAKEZO MUSASHI & WHITE PHOENIX defeated THE DARK DISCIPLES (DQ) *************************************************************** TD: Wulf and Kane had been quiet of late, but they made plenty of noise against Musashi nor Chow. "Big Bucks" Don McQueen showed that his men will stop at nothing -- including a loss by disqualification -- to hurt an opponent. In fact, The Dark Disciples seemed to enjoy issuing the punishment in this match. Fortunately, neither "The Enigma" nor The White Phoenix was seriously injured. Now Musashi has put his career on the line against these monsters. I'm not sure that was such a wise move. ********************************** SPECIALITY MOVE SUBMISSION MATCH: LORD BYRON defeated MARTY WARNETT ********************************** TD: What a controversial ending to this contest. Superstar Stud Stetson and Lace could not help but interject themselves into the match, setting up Marty for an attack. Harlequin Tragedy occupied Stetson, but the referee determined that Warnett, who was in the Aristoclutch, could not continue -- thus giving the win to Lord Byron. As you can imagine, Warnett was not pleased with the decision when we caught up with him after the match: [SCENE: Backstage at the IIWF Coliseum, just after the Warnett-Byron submission bout. Marty Warnett enters the medical room, aided by an official.] MW: Get the [BLEEP] away from me, you [BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP], I didn't quit! REF: Hey, I HAD to make that call. You.... MW: I didn't quit, I never quit. I never will quit. Get outta here. Get that [BLEEP]ing camera outta here! [The IIWF doctor examines Marty's knee, Marty visibly winces when his knee is touched] DOC: You should rest that injury, the ligaments seem either strained or torn. MW: No way, Doc, to take me out of the ring, you'll have to kill me. I'll be in the ring for Mr. Damage on Saturday. Byron, you're just digging yourself a bigger hole. I didn't realise you needed others to help you out. Stetson, I want you next wednesday. And tell that two-bit slut of yours to prepare herself for her return to the gutter when I retire you! Don't fear the Gecko, fear me! [Fade. Cut back to Tim Dross in the studio.] TD: Stetson and Lace also had some words for Marty: [Cut to Stetson and Lace standing side by side in a locker room decorated with posters of Stetson.] SS: [laughing] So Walnut, how is the old leg? [Steson's face becomes more serious ] Poor party boy, you have to understand it wasn't anything personal, it's just business. And my business is to make the lives of the fans and their heroes of the IIWF miserable. You being a man with the ladies made you a perfect target. Plus, you exemplify the ultimate snot nosed punk like all your fans. You party, you drink, you get high and sleep with any slut possible, and worst of all you freely show it. Don't say I didn't give you fair warning though, I did say I was going to pull off something big and I promised the fans wouldn't like it. You must admit though, it was a masterpiece. Unfortunately for you, when I am finally finished you will have a worse headache than from any hangover you have gotten. And I will give you a bigger high then any drug and the side effects will be deadly. When it is all said and done, your partying days will be gone. It is a pity I will have to do this to an up and comer like you, but it is your fault after all. You didn't have to be so fan friendly. You shouldn't have been such an annoying punk. LA: Did I not give a performance of a lifetime? I bet the Harlequins only wish they could pull off such a role. Let me tell you it isn't easy trying to pretend to have the hots for trash like Warnett. Sorry, Warnett honey, but it is true. SS: Speaking of the Harlequins, where the HELL did you come from. Who do you think you are sticking your big fat noses in my business. Are you all of a sudden buddies with the burned out now? Is he your source for your drugs or something? Why else would you care if I am teaching a punk like that a lesson? It is such a Tragedy that the Harlequins had to interfere in my meddling because they have now just been put on the Stetson hit list like all the rest. You in reality should be rather happy, since it is not often I pay attention to such nobodies. What do you have to offer me? You still are looking for your first win and the fans could care jack about you. I must give you some credit though, it isn't often that after I whip an opponent's ass the first time, they come back for more. I promise the next time we meet I am going to kick you and your whore's ass back to the run-down theater you came from. LA: Stetson, it just seems everyone wants a piece of the Superstar and the goddess of wrestling. SS: After Walnut and that Tragedy of a wrestler are added to my list of battered fools I will continue my journey of teaching all these wannabes how a Superstar really performs. Most importantly, Mr. Kauffman, I hope you keep my title all nice and shiny because it is just a matter of time before I come to pick it up. Very soon I will show you all why I am the next leader of the IIWF. After all, like you all should know by now, when it comes to Superstars, I put you ALL to shame. [Stetson then runs his thumb across his neck giving a slicing the throat motion. Fade. Cut back to Tim Dross in the studio.] ********************************************************************* TIGER CLAW & CASEY JAMES defeated BILLY SHAKESPEARE & HAKIRO MATSUOKO ********************************************************************* TD: It appears that Hakiro Matsuoko and the Syndicate are more devious than we had thought. What looked like a dream tag team -- Matsuoko and Billy Shakespeare -- turned into a nightmare for the IIWF Intercontinental Champion when Matsuoko turned out to be no partner at all and Shakespeare felt the full wrath of the Syndicate. The Subway Psycho finally saved Shakespeare, who came away from the match with sore ribs. As for Hakiro, he claims he is now his own man. Take a look: [SCENE: Larry Morton stands in the locker room, just after Midweek Mayhem. Everyone is gone, except for Hakiro Matsuoko, who is in prayer near his locker.] LM: Hakiro, I would like to get a word with you on what happened here tonight. Why did you do what you do? [Hakiro does not respond. He keeps meditating.] LM: Hakiro? [Hakiro speaks quietly.] HM: In my life, I have traveled many paths. In the beginning, I walked the side of a fan favorite. I then went with Brian Lau. When I went with Brian, I turned my back on fans, they turned their backs on me as well. It is to be expected. The words Rising Sun Revolution spoke were true. For many nights I meditated on what they said. My path now is of my own. I fight for no one except myself. That is the way it should have always been. I hold no loyalties. LM: But, you left Billy there to get mauled! HM: I have nothing against Shakespeare. I chose not help him, I have no reason to... LM: But, he saved you the other night. HM: That was his choice. I made my choice. One cannot be betrayed if one has no one to be betrayed by. I see that now. My goal is to regain my honor and the honor of my Matsuoko Clan. The only way of doing that is to be true to myself and regain a championship here. I have fought long and hard for this moment, I will capitalize on it. Is there any doubt as to my capabilities? I was in the finals of the Cruiserweight tournament and I was the first Intercontinental Champion. I will regain my honor. [Hakiro just walks away] LM: Well, I am still going to get to the bottom of this. See you later, fans! [Fade. Cut back to Tim Dross in the studio.] TD: But what of Billy Shakespeare? He joins me now LIVE via our IIWF mobile link hookup from his hospital room. [Cut to a split screen with Tim Dross on one side and Billy Shakespeare on the other.] TD: Billy, can you hear me? BS: [Voice still gravelly from Wednesday's beating] Loud and clear Tim. TD: What's your condition? BS: Well, I'm relaxing in the Dan Kauffman Suite at County General. I'll be ready to wrestle tomorrow. TD: That's not what your doctor had to say. This is video we recorded earlier: [Tim is replaced by the vision of an important looking doctor. Shakespeare is unimpressed] DOCTOR: In the matter of Mr. Shakespeare wrestling in the near future, I would say that is improbable. He has suffered multiple internal contusions, a fractured and cracked rib as well as possible organ damage and internal bleeding. If he were to wrestle again in the next few weeks, it would be against strong opposition from the doctors. BS: Well Tim, as the old saying goes... the show must go on. [he begins a coughing fit that only ends when he spits up blood.] Damn, blood. People will start confusing me with VDC. TD: [Reappearing on screen] Are you sure this isn't more than just a title defense? BS: I won't hide it, I'm pissed at James, at Claw, at Lau and especially Hakiro. Why am I not surprised that I'm in the hospital right now? Brian Lau would beat his own grandmother to win a match. [another coughing fit] I'm just surprised that Bobby Lincoln didn't join in the fun. TD: Any response to the accusations from the family? BS: You don't let up, even when a man is dying, do you Tim? Very well. [his voice is almost a whisper.] As said in As You Like It: There go "a pair of strange beasts, which in all tongues are called fools." One word from me and they would stay? I think not. Thank them? Sure, but it sure looked to me like they had their own agenda. That's the way things work in this fed. You never know if someone is helping you or getting into it with their own enemy. [His ire is up] The Family did good work while they were here, [A spittle of blood appears on his lip] but only a coward takes the last shot then runs away. I hope they do come back, I'll give them a big-old spotlight hello. [he coughs again] I do thank Subway Psycho. You saved me guy, and you've done it once before. That's two I owe you. TD: One last thing... BS: [croaking] No Tim. I'll see you on the morrow, and to the Syndicate: "I wish you all the joy of the worm." [The split-screen fades and goes to a full-screen shot of Tim Dross.] TD: I'm no doctor, but I fear for Billy's health should he attempt to wrestle tomorrow night. This may be something the IIWF's Special Concern Committee should investigate, because we know Casey James and the Syndicate would not hesitate to inflict additional harm on Billy in tomorrow night's match: [SCENE: Inside Brian Lau's office. Casey and Tiger Claw sit off to the side. Lau is on the phone.] BL: Well, yes... Of course! Would I offer if I didn't mean it? Yes, there's definitely potential for growth in this market... Well, no... No, that's already being taken care of... Well, let's just say that I like to keep all the bases covered. You never know when something unexpected might happen. So everything is okay? Great. I'll meet with you tomorrow to make it all official. Okay? Okay, wonderful. It's a pleasure doing business with you, Mr. Vice President... Ha ha... That's right. Okay... Bye. [Kenny Tanaka moves into the shot.] KT: Syndicate business, Brian? BL: Yes, Kenny. I'm always on my toes. This organization is great for opportunities, that's for sure. KT: Can you shed some light on what the results of this deal might be? BL: Well, I'm afraid I can't do that just yet. You see, there are some parties involved that would rather keep this quiet for the time being. Don't worry, the whole world will see the results soon enough. Let's just say I'm doing my part to broaden the horizons of the Syndicate. Enough of that, though. I have some other things I want to say. Tiger Claw, Casey, come here. [Casey and Claw get up, and stand on either side of Brian. He pats both of them heartily on the shoulder.] BL: The world saw exactly what these two men are capable of on Wednesday night. We sent a message to the Intercontinental Champion that I'm sure will take some time for him to forget. Shakespeare has been softened up sufficiently for our plan to go into motion. It would be hard enough for Shakespeare to retain the title at full health against Casey, but now that his ribs have been battered, I don't think he stands a chance. CJ: Ever since I've come to the IIWF, I've been on a quest to capture a title. I've been here longer than almost everyone else, and how many shots have I gotten? Well, not many. This may not be the world title, but it's a very valuable prize. Shakespeare, you tasted Black Death on Wednesday, and you're going to get another taste of if when we meet in the ring. First, though, I'm going to soften you up like I did to Joe Latta. I'll slam my fist into your chest and knock you out, then cover you and take that belt. Nobody can deny that I have the skills to do it. Tape up those ribs, Billy. It won't help your chances much, but it might make you feel better. BL: Of course, speaking of that match, there's the subject of Hakiro Matsuoko. Hakiro, it looked like you were a little uncertain about the path you've chosen. I can understand that you made a mistake, and you're welcome to come back any time you wish. You have a title match on Saturday as well, so I understand that you're training hard and focused on defeating Randy Acorn. That's no problem. Listen, give me a call and we'll talk. KT: After all that's happened, you still want him back? BL: Of course. Sometimes, crazy ideas get into people's heads. Harsh words are spoken, and a problem arises. I realize that much of what happened was done in anger, and I realize that I was guilty of a few impulsive actions. I apologize for that, and as a man of honor, I hope that Hakiro can accept that. KT: You're so forgiving, Brian. BL: It's good business. KT: What about the tag match this Saturday? BL: Well, it seems that the Rising Sun Revolution has walked right into the trap I've laid out for them. As champions, they should know that it's not wise to go into a match in which you have no idea who your opponents are. Because of that, I don't think they deserve to wear those titles, and I think my team will be victorious this weekend. KT: Can you give us a clue as to who these guys are? BL: Why would I do that? I just talked about how the element of surprise worked in our favour, and you want me to spill the beans? No, Kenny, I think not. KT: Well, it's my job to ask... BL: I know what they told you Kenny, but you really shouldn't listen to them. Let's just say that the men I have lined up for the title shot are ring veterans, and should have no problem keeping Rising Sun Revolution off balance. I fear that I've said too much already. We'll see how it turns out on Saturday night. KT: And what a night for the Syndicate. An IC title match for Casey, a tag title match for your mystery team. It should be a night of glory. Until then fans, keep an eye out for any new news breaks from the Syndicate, because I know there will be many. For the Syndicate, I'm Kenny Tanaka saying so long! [Fade. Cut back to Tim Dross in the studio.] ************************************************************************** ----------- UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL: RISING SUN REVOLUTION -------------- ************************************************************************** TD: When the IIWF first started, way back at the first Coronation Clash, a pair of Japanese athletes took the tag team ranks by storm. The exciting combination of a high-flying youngster and a powerfully built grappler quickly became one of the most popular tag teams in the IIWF. The fans here appreciated their teamwork, ability and clean fighting style. When they defeated Steamroller to win the tag belts, everyone thought they were seeing the IIWF World Tag Team Champions for the foreseeable future... [The scene cuts to clips of Rising Sun Revolution in action: Ryudo squaring off against Brassow and Tora Tora Tora at Coronation Clash, Hiroshi catching Pale Rider with a devastating superkick, both men battling Steamroller, and both men finishing off Taylor of Steamroller with the Naginata Nightmare. Finally, the picture changes to an overjoyed Rising Sun Revolution holding the Tag Team Championship belts in the air at Ring Wars I. The image freezes, then fades to black and white.] TD: ...but it was not to be. Two days after winning the Tag Team Championship, Rising Sun Revolution encountered problems with their work permits and were forced to vacate the belts and return to Japan while the problem was cleared up. Three months later, at Ring Wars II, Ryudo and Hiroshi made an unexpected return. [The scene changes to clips from Ring Wars II.] RYUDO: [to the crowd] Well, how about it? Do you want to see the Revolution in action? [Massive crowd pop!] Here? [The crowd pops even louder!] TONIGHT? TD: Ryudo and Hiroshi had won their way into a four-way match for the World Titles. However, the decision was not a popular one, especially for the former champions. [Cut to scenes of the Armed Forces arguing with the match official] TD: The Dragon and the Demon then went on to defeat the Armed Forces and win back the titles they were forced to vacate only a few months earlier. Tonight, we're proud to present a look at the IIWF Tag Team Champions, Rising Sun Revolution... Up Close and Personal! [The scene switches to an interview room, where Hiroshi and Ryudo are sitting with Tim Dross. The World Titles lie on the table in front of them.] TD: Ryudo, Hiroshi, lets kick things off with the World Titles. How disappointed were you to have to vacate them, after such a tough match back at Ring Wars I? RYUDO: Well, it's a lot easier to look back now and say that it's in the past, but at the time, we were devastated. We had worked so hard to win the titles, and to have to give them up in such a way.... [he shrugs] We threw ourselves into our training, hoping that the bureaucratic problems would eventually work themselves out, and that we'd get the chance to wrestle here again. TD: When you got back to Japan, how did the public treat you? RYUDO: [smiling] They were terrific. The fans there, they didn't think of how we lost the titles. The fact that we had won them -- that we had been the champions -- was enough. They treated us like national heroes. TD: I understand that during the summer, you were invited to take part in an invitational tournament, representing the IIWF. How did you get on? RYUDO: We got to the semi-finals, we had a great time, and we helped raise more than $500,000 for charity. It was an interesting tournament. There were teams from all around the globe competing there, and we learned a lot from the experience. TD: When you received your new work permits and arrived back in America, did you plan your return to the IIWF at all? RYUDO: It was sort of a spur of the moment thing, really. We decided to wait until Ring Wars II to make our return, kind of ironic, considering our last match was at Ring Wars I. TD: Of course, it was at Ring Wars II that you caused a scandal by demanding entrance to the Tag Team Championship match, and going on to win it. How did you handle the controversy that followed? RYUDO: [grinning] Well, Hiroshi wasn't to pleased at first... no, we realized as soon as we made the challenge that there would be objections, and despite what some of the other teams in the IIWF think, there were no deep conspiracies. I'm sure that the President was as surprised to see us there as everyone else. It's like we've said time and time again, we're going to try to be worthy champions. We won't back down from anybody. We'll defend the belts against every team that wants a title shot, and we're not going to give them up easily. TD: Now, Ryudo, you and Hiroshi both hail from different parts of Japan. Where did you learn to speak English? RYUDO: University. I was born in Tokyo, but I transferred to an American University, where English was my major. TD: And haven't you persuaded Hiroshi to start taking English lessons yet? [Ryudo translates it for Hiroshi, who bursts out laughing, and shakes his head, before saying something in Japanese.] RYUDO: He says he does his talking in the ring. I've tried to get him to take lessons, but he just doesn't seem interested. He'd much rather work out in the gym. I wish he would learn though, it'd make my job a whole lot easier. TD: Now, since you've arrived in the IIWF, you have occasionally been referred to as the Dragon and the Demon. First of all, which one of you is which, and how did you get the nicknames? [Ryudo translates for Hiroshi, and both men start laughing] RYUDO: We got the nicknames while wrestling in Japan, and they were made as references to our fighting styles. You've heard their Japanese versions already, 'Tatsu' and 'Daioni'... TD: Ahh... RYUDO: In Japanese mythology, a Tatsu, is a "wingless dragon," which was the nickname the fans gave to me. [Ryudo grins] Daioni, on the other hand, literally translates as "Great Demon," and Hiroshi is called that because he fights like one. TD: [laughing] Now, Ryudo, there's been a great deal of trouble in the tag team ranks lately, the majority of which has focused on title shots... what do you think about the level of interference in the tag team matches at the moment? RYUDO: [shaking his head] I think Mr. Mic coined it when he said we should be fighting in cage matches. At least then we'd be almost assured of a trouble-free match. But something definitely has to be done. Domination have helped by watching our backs, but just for once we'd like to have a match without trouble at ringside. TD: You've said time and time again that you intend to be fighting champions here in the IIWF, and that you'll defend the belts against any team that asks for a shot. Who do you consider to be the major title threats? RYUDO: [smiling] Heavy Metal. Pain. Inc. The Armed Forces. The Alphabet Boys. The Arabian Knights. Domination. Brian Lau's team. Every team here in the IIWF is a potential title threat. We don't intend to take anyone here lightly. But that is what being champions is all about. TD: Ryudo, thanks for your time and good luck in the future. RYUDO: No problem. [The scene switches back to the picture of Ryudo and Hiroshi holding the tag team championship belts in the air, and Tim Dross again provides the voice over.] TD: And so once again the Japanese superstars have the gold... but with a multitude of new teams arriving in the IIWF and a host of established teams all looking to end RSR's unbeaten record, just how long will they be able to hold onto the titles? Time will tell. ************************************************************************** --------------------------- IIWF TRASH TALK ---------------------------- ************************************************************************** TD: The IIWF World Heavyweight Championship picture remains muddled nearly a week after Dan Kauffman won the belt from Otto Verhoeven with the assistance of the Subway Psycho. The match obviously has been one of the topics on Kauffman's mind: [SCENE: The familiar background of "Hell's Abyss" comes into focus. Off to the side, a brand new wooden oak door is resting comfortably on its hinges. The heavy-bag has been moved to the far corner and into a more open space. A new "Dummy" is seen laying in the ring, another workout tool. Free weights and the bench press both lie where they have for a decade. The one other noticeable change is the other wooden-oak part to the room... the shelf above the trophy case where the IIWF World Championship belt rests in a glass casing. Dan Kauffman stands off to the side, doing aerobic conditioning.] DK: There's nothing like a motivational workout to wipe out stress. College taught me that fact of life. College also taught me how to make use of free time to work in even _more_ free time to do the common "nothing" chore, but that's another story which I'm sure should be saved for another time. I wouldn't want to _bore_ anyone to death, now would I? Well, actually, I wouldn't mind if I did that to Becky... but again, that's getting off the subject. We all know that Becky's too good for me anyway. [he rolls his eyes] On to business. I've already hit on Cadaver and Deathbringer, so we'll leave that alone for now. All I have to say on that route is that, for once in my life, I actually have a little hope in my affairs with Cadaver. I must be missing something god-awful... But enough of that. First on my list of things to speak about is the Subway Psycho, who I suppose should really be credited with the win over Otto, and not myself. Oh well, I'll take wins any way I can. Especially over the likes of Verhoeven. Subway, we've walked the path together before, and I know that I can trust you farther than I can anyone else as of now. So I'll cover your back if you cover mine. After all, we won't get far unguarded, and that goes for BOTH of us. In return, after we come out of the mess we're in alive, you will get a shot at that belt. That's a promise. Otto Verhoeven, you are first priority as of the next week... name the date of the return match, and you shall have it. That's only fair, now is it not? But be forewarned, Otto... I know the tricks of your kind, and I know how to use your anger and viciousness against you. If you want that belt again, you might as well be told to come to the ring prepared. I may be preoccupied with other worries, but one thing I can do is wrestle, and you have to beat me to win that gold belt. You've been cautioned. Chris Quigley... it seems as if our relationship, whatever it was... has been completely severed. Hell, for all I know, you may have left the IIWF altogether. But I have a feeling you're not done yet. I know you a little too well to think that you won't return. Listen, whether you want to say it or not, you were in no shape to wrestle on Saturday. The only thing on my mind was making sure that you were safe. You weren't capable of wrestling, and I only tried to save you from serious harm. I know you want the World title, and I know you're mad that you didn't get the shot. I'd feel the same way. But what happened, happened. That's all there is to it. Gee, I've only been on for two minutes, and I'm running out of issues. Ah, there is one more. Those last two members of the Syndicate seem to want to fit into the title mix. Well Lau, you can choose your day for a match, and I'll oblige you as well. Bring Casey James to me. Bring Tiger Claw to me. Hell, it's time I faced Claw after that attack way back at the first Ring Wars anyway. You want the World belt? Come and get it. As the world turns, my friends. As the world turns... [Kauffman resumes his conditioning training as the shot fades to black. Cut back to Tim Dross in the studio.] TD: Where _is_ Chris Quigley? That a valid question -- one which we have been unable to answer since he bolted on Tuesday's show. Calls to Quigley's home have gone unanswered and Bulldog Brown has come up empty in his attempts to locate "Quickstrike." One man who is not running from anything is the Subway Psycho, whose goals apparently are now very clear: [Scene: A forgotten catacomb deep beneath New York City -- far from the recesses of the noise of the numerous subway trains passing overhead. The chamber is lit by a single candle light. A shadowy figure sits with his back turned to the camera.] SP: Time... it is a fascinating concept. We gaze upon it with expectations of hope and prosperity and yet every moment passes us by...never to be relived...never to be changed. Time is the father of regret. It is also the mother of revenge. You see revenge cannot take place without the passing of time. Revenge is its own living breathing entity. Only when it is fully grown and mature does it achieve its full potency. Otto Verhoeven, while still new to the IIWF, took part in a plot to get rid of me. He thought he could hold the IIWF title unmolested. Part one of my revenge against him was to knock him off his high horse and make him lose the title that he was not fit to wear. The second part is for me to finish him off... ONE ON ONE. [Psycho turns to the camera... his figure is backlit by the candle, so only a silhouette is seen] This Saturday the Subway gets officially back on track. Next stop... the World Title... no matter who holds it. [Fade. Cut back to Tim Dross in the studio.] TD: And controversy continues to swirl around former heavyweight champ Deathbringer, who apparently has now decided to take the solitary path back to title contention: [SCENE: The mortuary. Deathbringer once again stands behind the Ring Wars II coffin] DB: Mortals. They accuse me of turning on them, but they never ask the reasons why. Let me pick an example: Dan Kauffman. He claims to never have trusted me and he speaks of knowledge and understanding. Just a second after that, he tells the whole world that I am a man who stands on his own... well, obviously he was right. At Ring Wars II, I was standing within that squared circle against Otto Verhoeven. Everything was about to be just as I had promised. Then the Outlaw suddenly appears in the aisle, makes his way to the ring, and attacks me from behind. In that brief moment, when the Outlaw hit me with that steel chair, I realized that I really was on my own... [pause] I had battled my way through the rings for quite some time before I finally got my hands on the IIWF championship belt. As I captured it, I got it for all those fans out there and I got it for all the worthy wrestlers as a sign that they were fighting on the right side. However, in that brief moment of betrayal at Ring Wars II, I understood that they were not worthy at all. As a matter of fact, they were all too busy fighting their own battles... or perhaps they were just too afraid to help me against the Outlaw... One way or another, I decided to give them another chance and I intensified my effort to recapture the belt. Last Saturday was the night on which Death should rightfully have regained control of the IIWF. But then, out of nowhere, the Coroner appeared. Together with his Masters Of Pain, he tried to destroy me. Once again, there was no one there to help me. Once again, I realized how worthless my deeds must have been. No Dan Kauffman. No Subway Psycho. No one was on my side... On that very day, I realized that there is no sense in doing battle for mortals. I realized that the time to destroy the evil roots had not come yet... and I realized that I was on my own again, that I had been on my own the whole time. When I was locked in this casket, [he makes a motion towards the Ring Wars II coffin] I decided to leave everything behind me that could affect me on my future path -- like the wish to help you mortals to get back on the right path. Within this coffin lies everything that I left behind. Take a good look at it... [Deathbringer opens the lid, revealing once again the hooded form of what looks to be a corpse wearing a cowl. He stares into the casket for a few seconds and then makes a motion as if to close the lid. But something catches his eye] DB: Now just look at this... a piece of paper. [Deathbringer takes a piece of paper out of the casket and looks at it.] DB: Something is written on it... in blood. Let me read it to you: "Kauffman, Psycho, where were you when I needed you? Everything is lost now... Farewell." [Deathbringer looks up to the ceiling of the mortuary as if expecting to see something or someone there. Then he starts to laugh in his diabolic way. Fade. Cut back to Tim Dross in the studio.] TD: Yet another wrestler who has his eye on Kauffman is Mr. Damage. However, it seems that Damage is still more interested in fulfilling his "contract" on Kauffman than winning the IIWF belt. If he had a chance to pin Kauffman and win the belt, would he pass up that opportunity to actually end Kauffman's career? That would be an interesting decision for one Mr. Damage: [SCENE: Mr. Damage stands in the IIWF interview area.] MD: I would like extend my congratulations to DAN "NO GIMMICK" KAUFFMAN on capturing the IIWF World Heavyweight Title. Kauffman, you are a good wrestler, not a great wrestler. I respect you very much. But plain old Dan Kauffman is just too boring and bland. You need your image boosted -- you need a gimmick! You can't have a World Champ without a gimmick. I had some of my friends in the IIWF Art Department doll up a few pictures for you to choose from. First, DAN "PRETTY BOY" KAUFFMAN. [a picture comes on the screen of Marty Warnett's body with Kauffman's face] That will make the girls swoon won't it Dan? We'll have to change the DAN to DANNY though. Next, DAN "OUTLAW" KAUFFMAN. [a picture of Outlaw J.W. Hardin's body with Kauffman's face and a cowboy hat] This gimmick isn't taken anymore! Following that, we have DAN "The Embalmer" KAUFFMAN. [a picture of Deathbringer's body with Kauffman's face] That's a deadly one -- you'll knock em dead with this one.. Here are a couple of my own: "Mr.S&M" DAN KAUFFMAN. [a picture of a woman in leather riding a censored, but obviously naked KAUFFMAN who has a leather bridle around his face] Wow DAN I didn't think you had it in you. And finally my personal favourite: DAN "the HOSPITAL PATIENT" KAUFFMAN. [a picture of DAN with bandages all over his body, broken arm and legs in traction] Maybe this is crystal ball gazing. Kauffman we have some unfinished business to attend to. Moving along to Steve Kowalski, maybe you need a new gimmick as well. Here's one for you: STEVE "The Impaler" KOWALSKI [a CENSORED picture comes up on the screen] Whoops, maybe that picture of you and Marty Warnett was a little bit too hot for prime time! Kowalski there was a line and you stepped over it. That's why I did what I did at Midweek Mayhem. You have wrestled four times in the IIWF and you're already asking for a title shot. That takes some balls buddy. But you lost the match on Saturday, so how can a loser like you get a title shot? Kowalski, this thing between us is not over not by a long shot. On Saturday, I once again cross swords with Marty Warnett. Warnett you are going to go down. Warnett, Kowalski has lit a fire in me that I didn't know I had, and I'm more than happy to have you as a punching bag to take out my frustrations on. And Kowalski, if you are thinking of involving yourself in this match, you had better think again, because I will be waiting with my good friend Stuart Surridge and Sons. [he holds up a cricket bat] [Fade. Cut back to Tim Dross in the studio.] TD: Casey James will be taking aim at the injured Billy Shakespeare and the Intercontinental Championship tomorrow night, but "Painbringer" Billy Sexton is waiting in the wings should Shakespeare somehow escape tomorrow's title defense: [SCENE: Billy Sexton walks down a street in Stratford, Ontario -- home of the Shakespeare Festival. Sexton walks over to a stage and stands in the middle. He looks directly at the camera.] BS: Take a good look around, Shakespeare, and what do you see? Nothing but disgust and filth. Shakespeare, you are nothing but a shell of a man. You have no drive... no purpose in life. You walk around now saying that you're on top of the mountain. Quoting some old bard who is irrelevant in today's society. Shakespeare, I have decided to take you off that mountain. I am going to make your life a living hell, baby. The time for games is over. I am going to end your career. And to quote the great new bard, from the play I entitled "Death to a Shakespeare:" [Sexton takes a book from his pocket and begins to read.] For I what I saw that day I cannot explain. Billy Shakespeare's career was over and Billy Sexton became the King. [Fade. Cut back to Tim Dross in the studio.] TD: AND, should Sexton not be able to get the job done, Bobby Lincoln will be next in line for a title shot. Needless to say, Billy Shakespeare has his work cut out for him: [SCENE: A southwestern California junkyard, where Bobby Lincoln is jogging alone. He stops and looks around, then stares at the camera.] BL: Many people say I am nothing without my brother, Todd Franklin, but they are wrong. I destroyed, this chump, Nick Name, with relative ease, just like the rest of the IIWF. But today, I'm going to talk about a few things. [Bobby begins to walk along some junked cars.] "Spotlight" Billy Shakespeare, notice how your mistress, Mr. Spreadbury, literally GAVE you that title, with the help of HIS partner in the Ambiguously Gay Duo, that French-Canadian whatever the hell his name is. Look at you, Shakespeare. Harlequin masks, spouting Shakespeare, spotlights, WHAT THE HELL IS THIS CRAP?! You're a wrestler, it's about damn time you act like it, son. You're acting more like a gay fairy than what I am.....A WRESTLER! [Bobby puts his hand on a junked '84 Ferrari.] You see this, Shakespeare? This is like many wrestlers in the IIWF. In 1984, this was the style, the "in-thing," the "babe magnet," the REAL sports car of the '80s, but like most things, Shakespeare, they just rust and become JUNK after someone ruins them. Shakespeare, like the rest of the IIWF, this will be your fate, with one exception: you're going to be in the hospital being fed intravenously through a tube, because when I'm through with you, your brain will be silly putty. And you'll spout Shakespeare, like a BABY does. [Bobby continues to walk along the junkyard, picking up an old soda can.] Another good example of wrestlers in the IIWF... take the soda can. [Bobby holds it up.] When it first came out, it was a wanted item, but once it's used, you throw it away. Sounds like a lot of wrestlers here, don't it? For example, the Amazing-Disappearing, "I'm disguising the fact that I'm REALLY gay" Chris Quigley. Quigley, do us a favor, and keep RUNNING! Because that's all you are, is a sore LOSER! Get used to that word, LOSER, Quigley... because it's all you'll ever be. [Bobby throws the can asunder and walks out of the junkyard's entrance. He looks the south and Palisades Avenue.] Just remember this, IIWF: when the New Dawn Fades on you, I WILL KICK YOUR ASS! LEBEC FOR IIWF PRESIDENT! [Bobby ignores the camera and continues jogging to the south. Fade. Cut back to Tim Dross in the studio.] TD: [muffling a laugh] Lebec for President! I'll bet Lincoln actually voted for Ross Perot. Hehe. [composing himself] Ahem. Now then, the battle between Fisto Flash and Onslaught has not been forgotten by either man. And Fisto would like to press the issue: [Fisto Flash and Robo Stone stand inside a ring in an empty stadium.] RS: Ya know, Onslaught, there are many different kinds a' people in this dog-eat-dog world. There are losers, and there are winners. There are fighters, and there are lovers. There are whiners, and there are screamers. And, most definitely, there are wimps and there are bullies. Before you got here, crimson boy, my boy was the TOUGHEST and MEANEST man in ALL of the IIWF. But now things have changed. FF: NOBODY, and I mean NOBODY pushes me around! I AM the Iron Destroyer! The PAST is gone! Now it's time to look into the future! And the future is MY DESTINY! To be world champion in the IIWF has been my goal since I got here; but the gold has eluded me. NOW it's time to play MY game! With MY rules! And in MY playground! You WANT it, you GOT it, Onslaught! No DQ! No CO! And Falls Count Anywhere! LET'S ROCK! [Fisto Flash poses. Fade. Cut back to Tim Dross in the studio.] TD: Of the recent newcomers to the IIWF, one of the most impressive has been "Lone Wolf" Brody Thunder. I had an opportunity to chat with Thunder Wednesday night following "Midweek Mayhem:" [Cut to Tim Dross and Brody Thunder in the locker room area. Brody is dressed in black jeans, a red long sleeve shirt,a black cowboy hat and a black vest with the obligatory red thunderbolt emblem on the left front.] TD: Joining me now in the locker room is a newcomer in the IIWF -- the "Lone Wolf" Brody Thunder. I guess the first question is... what is your impression of the IIWF so far? [Brody rubs his jaw...] BT: Well... I'll say this much -- you sure got a lotta yappers. Seems like everyone an' his brother likes bumpin' their gums tryin' to build up their already over-inflated egos. You got this guy jumpin' that guy. These two guys teamin' up and backbitin' that guy. It's every man for himself... just the way I like it. TD: You've already got one win under your belt after defeating "High Roller" John McClain last Saturday night -- in rather questionable fashion, I might add. Who's next? BT: Dross, the only thing questionable 'bout that win was just how quickly I'd get the one-two-three. That's all. TD: Well... BT: As far as who's next, well there's a few fellas out there who seem to be spoutin' off louder than the rest about needin' some competition. First we got some yahoo calls himself the 'Sandman' tellin' us "he's watchin'". Hell son this ain't no spectator federation.Instead o' sittin' on yer ass, why don't ya lace 'em up an' get in the ring with the "Lone Wolf?" I ain't hard to find. I got me an open contract here in the IIWF an' I ain't partial to who I beat up. I'm an equal opportunity tail-kicker. TD: The Sandman is not a man to be taken lightly. He's a virtual legend in the sport. BT: Yeah, well, if he ever goes toe-to-toe with me he'll be a virtual corpse. TD: Who else would you like to face in the ring? BT: Well if you'd shaddup an' let me talk, you'd find out. You got some "guy," for lack of a better term, who calls himself the Venusian Death Cell? What the hell is that all about? Ain't no grade B horror monster ever put my shoulders to the mat an' you ain't about to be the first. You want a fight? I'm standin' right here with two big soupbones to put upside yer squash if ya have the guts to sign the line. TD: The VDC is near the top of the IIWF rankings. He'll be a world title contender if... BT: If he faces anyone one but Brody Thunder. That's a fact,Dross... look it up. TD: Anyone else? BT: Yeah... there's one guy here who really annoys me.I'm talkin' to you, "Superstar" Stud Stetson. What do you do to your opponents son...talk 'em into submission? Maybe I should just get you some cheese an' crackers for that whine o' yours. You come out here cryin' 'bout not havin' any competition. You must be blind as well as stupid, cuz friend, yer lookin' at 267 pounds of competition callin' you out. All you gotta do is just put yer John Hancock on the dotted line an' we can get down to business, son. I guess it's time to put up or shut up... either way, I win. But if you're the man you think you are, then you bring that flappin' piehole o'yours an' get in the ring. Win, lose or draw I'll guarantee you one helluva fight you won't soon forget, boy. I'm bettin' I walk outta there the winner, and all you've got to do is prove me wrong... if you can. TD: Well you heard it straight from the "Lone Wolf" of the IIWF... Brody Thunder. [Fade. Cut back to Tim Dross in the studio.] TD: Let's take a quick commercial break to pay some bills and then we'll hear from a couple of the IIWF's tag teams. [Cut to commercial break: Pale and Easy Rider are in a saloon. Pale grabs a glass from the bartender.] PR: [downing a shot] Yee-haa! What was that? I'm all fired up now! ER: [holding a bottle up for the camera] Why, you just took a shot of Kessler's Special Blended Whiskey... the official whiskey of the High Plains Drifters! [Pale Rider runs his finger across the bottom of the glass and licks it.] PR: What in tar-nation makes it so damn good? [Easy looks caught off guard by the question, but Pale nudges him and winks toward the cue card off camera.] ER: Uh... it's the special distilling process that's been used for over a hundred years by the Kessler family -- people who know how to make whiskey. [Easy takes a shot, then grabs the bar patron next to him and executes the Unforgiven through a table.] PR: Whoooo-eeee! Kessler's Special Blend Whiskey is like no other! BEATEN BAR PATRON: [before passing out] Uh... you'd better believe it. [The Drifters smile at the camera and hold up a bottle. As the shot fades, Pale grabs the bottle and takes a swig. Cut back to Tim Dross in the studio.] TD: And the government doesn't think liquor advertising belongs on television? Ha! While we're on the subject of the High Plains Drifters though, our Larry Morton caught up with Josey Wales yesterday to see what he has planned for Pale and Easy: [Larry Morton calls to Josey Wales following a High Plains Drifter workout. Wales walks over to Morton with an impatient look on his face.] JW: I ain't got much time, Morton. What do ya want? LM: The Drifters, while still being successful, seem to be on the outside of the tag team title feuds right now. What gives? JW: Larry, it's all in the timing. There is nobody out there right now who doesn't consider the Drifters the greatest tag team in the IIWF right now. We have more victories than anyone. Our time will come and when it does, we will be ready. Until then, wannbes like the Alphabet Boys, Armed Forces, and Heavy Metal can knock themselves out. The cream rises to the top and scum sticks to the bottom. I call the shots and we pick our spots... don't overlook HPD because we can have OUR belts back anytime we want. [Cut back to Tim Dross in the studio.] TD: One of the more interesting tag team matchups tomorrow night should be the Zodiac Connection taking on Domination. These teams could easily be allies, but you may recall that Domination cost the Zodiacs a possible victory recently when they stormed the ring to beat up Pain Inc. The Zodiacs have not forgotten: [Cut to Taurus and Scorpio in the IIWF interview area.] SCORPIO: We have come here to speak because we have a lot on our minds at the moment! There are a few tag teams which need to learn that we mean business. TAURUS: Let's start with Pathetic, Inc. SCORPIO: The stars have made it clear that we are far from done with you boys. The last two matches have featured outside interference and I know that we don't need that to beat you clowns in the ring! We definitely want another match against you clowns. TAURUS: Next up.... Arabian Punks! SCORPIO: You know, boys, I think we have a date in the future very soon! You have been running your mouths about how great you are, but yet I don't see you across from the Zodiac Connection. TAURUS: Finally, we have Domination. SCORPIO: As few face teams as there are here in the IIWF, it would seem perfectly logical if we all joined forces to unite against the chumps that compete here. That would definitely mean that we would maintain contact with one another and STAY OUT OF EACH OTHER'S BUSINESS UNLESS WE ASKED FOR YOUR INVOLVEMENT! Now, we have Saturday Night's event coming along featuring us and you! I think we need to make things clear -- and to teach you the importance of looking to the stars of the Zodiac for guidance! [Cut back to Tim Dross in the studio.] ************************************************************************** ------------------- IIWF SATURDAY NIGHT: A PREVIEW --------------------- ************************************************************************** TD: There is nothing like the thrill of seeing the IIWF's superstars in action LIVE -- so we hope you've already bought your tickets and will join us tomorrow night in the sold-out IIWF Coliseum. What a card we have for you! Dark Matches: * Marty Warnett vs. Mr. Damage * Zodiac Connection vs. Domination * Heavy Metal vs. High Plains Drifters * Pain Inc. vs. G.W.R. * Onslaught vs. "Superstar" Stud Stetson * The Sandman vs. "Painbringer" Billy Sexton * Robski vs. [J] Live Matches: * Deathbringer vs. [J] * Venusian Death Cell vs. Legion * Steve "the Fury" Kowalski vs. "High Roller" John McClain * Otto Verhoeven vs. Subway Psycho * IIWF Tag Team Title Match: Rising Sun Revolution vs. Brian Lau's Mystery Team * IIWF Cruiserweight Title Match: Randy Acorn vs. Hakiro Matsuoko * IIWF Intercontinental Title Match: Billy Shakespeare vs. Casey James LM: Plus, the Subway Psycho will be Becky's special guest on "LaRue's Lair." Don't miss it, fans! ************************************************************************** --------------------- LATEST IIWF SINGLES RANKINGS --------------------- ************************************************************************** ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Name F/H Fought W L D Win% Ranking (old) new ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Dan Kauffman F 20 14 4 2 75% (WC) WC Billy Shakespeare F 23 16 6 1 73% (IC) IC "Badboy" Randy Acorn H 13 6 5 2 54% (CW) CW ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Deathbringer F 20 15 3 2 80% (1) 1 The White Phoenix F 10 8 2 0 80% (2) 2 Lord Byron H 5 4 1 0 80% (4=) 3= Steve Kowalski H 5 4 1 0 80% (4=) 3= Venusian Death Cell H 5 4 1 0 80% (4=) 3= Otto Verhoeven H 13 10 3 0 77% (3) 6 Onslaught F 4 3 1 0 75% (4=) 7 Chris Quigley F 11 8 3 0 73% (8) 8= "Enigma" Takezo Musashi N 15 11 4 0 73% (10) 8= Subway Psycho F 19 13 5 1 71% (9) 10 Billy Sexton H 18 12 6 0 67% (11) 11 Casey James H 22 12 8 2 60% (14) 12 Tiger Claw H 31 17 12 2 59% (13) 13 Hakiro Matsuoko H 22 12 9 1 57% (12) 14 Robski H 18 10 8 0 56% (16=) 15 Vinny Cappicola F 12 5 4 3 54% (18) 16 Marty Warnett F 19 10 9 0 53% (16=) 17= The Sandman F 15 8 7 0 53% (15) 17= Mr. Damage H 15 8 7 0 53% (20) 17= Man Of Steel F 25 12 11 2 52% (21) 20 Don Antonio F 20 10 10 0 50% (19) 21= Legion F 12 6 6 0 50% (22) 21= Fisto Flash H 22 9 11 2 45% (23) 23 ----------------------------------------------------------------------- "Badboy" Mark Bagwell H 1 1 0 0 100% (24=) 24= Bobby Lincoln H 1 1 0 0 100% (24=) 24= Brody Thunder H 1 1 0 0 100% (24=) 24= Stud Stetson H 2 1 0 1 100% (24=) 27 John McClain F 2 1 1 0 50% (28=) 28 Harlequin Tragedy N 2 0 1 1 0% (28=) 29 ------------------------------------------------------------------------ The Hangman H 11 4 4 3 50% (-) - ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ************************************************************************** -------------------- LATEST IIWF TAG TEAM RANKINGS --------------------- ************************************************************************** ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Name of team F/H Fought W L D Win% Ranking (old) new ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Rising Sun Revolution F 7 7 0 0 100% (WT) WT ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Heavy Metal H 8 6 2 0 75% (1) 1 The Alphabet Boys F 9 5 2 2 71% (2) 2= High Plains Drifters H 19 13 5 1 71% (3) 2= Pain Inc. H 10 7 3 0 70% (4) 4= The Arabian Knights H 10 7 3 0 70% (5) 4= The Armed Forces H 18 11 6 1 65% (6) 6 The Zodiac Connection F 11 5 6 0 45% (7) 7 ------------------------------------------------------------------------ GWR N 1 1 0 0 100% (9=) 8 Domination F 2 1 0 1 75% (8) 9 The Dark Disciples H 2 1 1 0 50% (9=) 10= The Players' Club F 2 1 1 0 50% (9=) 10= ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Atomic Destroyers H 12 7 4 1 63% (-) - ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ************************************************************************** -- COMING TUESDAY: "INSIDE THE IIWF" WITH LARRY MORTON & BECKY LaRUE -- ************************************************************************** TD: Steve Roberts and I will bring you all the action from the IIWF Coliseum tomorrow night on "IIWF Saturday Night," but be sure to join Larry Morton and Becky LaRue here next Tuesday for all the highlights and interviews on "Inside the IIWF." So until tomorrow night, this is Tim Dross saying goodnight everyone! [The remote camera zooms back up the aisle. The fat woman hurls the can of Slim Slam Diet Drink at the camera, shattering the lens. The screen goes black and the credits roll by too quickly to read. Cut.] +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= I * I * W * F =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+ | President: Daniel Spreadbury | Vice-President: Steve Owens | | univ0322@sable.ox.ac.uk | sowens@admin.presby.edu | | iiwf@sisko.demon.co.uk | IIWFadmin@aol.com | +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- http://www.sisko.demon.co.uk -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=+