[Fade up on footage from Wednesday night's Midweek Mayhem. Dan Kauffman stands in the parking lot arguing with an attendant about the slashing of the tyres on his car. Out of nowhere, Cadaver throws himself over the bonnet of the car and hits Kauffman with a clothesline. The colour drains out of the shot, and the image freezes as Cadaver stands over Kauffman's prone body.] VO: For weeks on end, the sinister being known only as Cadaver has haunted and stalked newly-crowned IIWF World Heavyweight Champion, Dan Kauffman. At every turn, Kauffman has been confronted by another assault from the man who walks with death at his right hand. There have been beatings. There have been threats. But there has been no end to the terror. Ever since being shut inside a casket by Cadaver, Kauffman has wrestled not only his opponents inside the square circle, but has also wrestled with the knowledge of his own mortality; that his life is fragile, and that his aspirations will be smashed by the inexorable progress of death. [Cut to slow-motion footage of Kauffman raising the IIWF World Heavyweight Championship belt in triumph.] Yet Kauffman's career has reached its greatest heights. Battling through the adversity of his waking nightmare, Kauffman has gritted his teeth, cast his fears aside, and captured the IIWF World Heavyweight Championship. But his horrors return to haunt him, and he knows that to banish his demons, he must face them. Tonight, Kauffman faces Cadaver one-on-one in the squared circle. Tonight, Dan Kauffman will fight for his life. Tonight, on... [The opening graphics explode onto the screen as the fast-paced title music kicks in:] ##### ###### ### ########## ########## ########## #### ## ########## ########## ########## #### # #### ######## ##### ##### #### ## ##### #### #### #### #### ### #### #### #### #### ############# ######### #### #### ########### ######### #### #### #### #### #### ######### ######### ### #### #### ######### ######### ### ## #### ######## ######## ## # #### =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- ## =-=-=-= INTERNATIONAL INTERNET WRESTLING FEDERATION =============================================== S + A + T + U + R + D + A + Y N + I + G + H + T ----------------------------------------------- + LiVE! + IIWF Coliseum + November 23, 1996 + [The opening graphics fade through to interior shots of the jam-packed IIWF Coliseum as the the title music is swamped by the excitied cheers of the twenty-thousand fans. Many wave home-made signs encouraging Dan Kauffman in his match against Cadaver. The shot pans down past a pocket of fans dressed all in black and each holding signs reading, "Cadaver for IIWF Champion!" Pan down past row upon row of fans to the ringside enclosure. At the broadcast table stand Tim Dross and "Soundbite" Steve Roberts.] TD: Welcome fans to the jam-packed IIWF Coliseum for another incredible night of live IIWF wrestling action! I'm Tim Dross, and beside me as always is my broadcast colleague "Soundbite" Steve Roberts. Steve, what a show we've got in store tonight! SR: For once, you're right, Dross. I'm itching to see Kauffman torn limb from limb by Cadaver in tonight's main event. TD: The IIWF World Championship won't be on the line in that huge main event, folks -- there's much more at stake. Possibly Kauffman's career, possibly even his life... SR: Oh, I sincerely hope so, Dross. This could be a great night. TD: Other incredible matches scheduled tonight include Hakiro Matsuoko's first defence of his newly-won IIWF Cruiserweight Championship belt as he faces the White Phoenix. Both men will have representatives in their corner to ensure fair play. Hakiro has chosen Ryudu of Rising Sun Revolution, while we are still in the dark as to who the Phoenix's choice might be. SR: It's obvious, Dross. He'll have the "Enema" down there with him. Fat lot of good it's going to do him, though. TD: What do you mean, Steve? SR: Well, let's just say that I've heard that Hakiro may have patched things up with Brian Lau. TD: I'll believe that when I see it. Who did you hear that from? One of the Coliseum cleaning staff? SR: Very funny, Dross. You'll be laughing on the other side of your ugly mug when Chow gets beaten to a pulp by the Syndicate. TD: I don't think I'd find that funny at all. In another tremendous match, Mr. Damage will be facing nemesis Steve "the Fury" Kowalski in a weapons match. It's going to be Australia's national sport versus the United States' -- Damage will be wielding a cricket bat, and the New Jersey Nightmare will be swinging a baseball bat. SR: We're going to see some broken bones in that match, Dross. It should be great. TD: In tag team action, the Dark Disciples will battle the unorthodox Alphabet Boys, and Domination will face the Arabian Knights, plus the Sandman will go up against Robski, and the "Enigma" Takezo Musashi pits his skills against the "Badboy" Randy Acorn, who's been very quiet since he dropped the Cruiserweight title last weekend. SR: Acorn always hits you just when you least expect it, Dross. I predict that the Enema is going to get a very big surprise later on tonight. TD: On top of all that incredible action, Becky LaRue will be playing host to Fisto Flash in her Lair, and we'll have an exclusive interview with the IIWF President, Daniel Spreadbury, who has some very important announcements about the IIWF and its future. SR: I hope this means he's going to resign. TD: I doubt that very much. All in all, fans, we've got a tremendous show in prospect. But before we get up to the ring for tonight's opening encounter, let's quickly recap on the action which has already gone down here in the Coliseum before we came on air: - "BLITZ LIGHTNING" BOBBY LINCOLN took out his frustrations at being cost his match against Takezo Musashi in midweek on tonight's prelim opponent, JUMPIN' JACK. Lincoln brought out all the big guns in his arsenal, hitting Jack with his Blitz Bomb somersault legdrop, his Tigerbite reverse powerbomb, and finished things off with not one but two Lightning Strike tilt-a-whirl swinging tigerbombs. Jack never even got in a single shot, Steve. SR: What did you expect, Dross. You get on the bad side of Bobby Lincoln at your peril. If his opponent this coming Wednesday wasn't that Welsh weakling, Farty Walnut, I'd almost feel sorry for the next man to step into the ring with Lincoln. TD: I'm sure Warnett will be able to hold his own against Lincoln, Steve. In other action: - MARTY WARNETT was also in action, although before he got to the ring, he bumped into Lincoln and Franklin as they made their way back to the locker room after Lincoln's match. A minor scuffle broke out, but was defused by the Jobber Justice Squad, and harsh words were exchanged before Warnett finally got to the ring for his match against EL POCO SEGUENTE, who he put away in double-quick time, finishing things off by forcing his opponent to submit to the Aristoclutch, Lord Byron's own finishing hold! Warnett was sending a clear message to Byron in the ring tonight, Steve. SR: Byron will reply in the squared circle, Dross. We all know that there's no way Walnut can even hold a candle to Byron's ring skills. He didn't even apply that Aristoclutch properly. TD: Let's move on. Otto Verhoeven was scheduled up for action against Legion. Let's hear some pretaped comments from the Butcher as he prepared for the match: [Cut to Otto Verhoeven standing in a large room filled with about a dozen big crates.] OV: Guten tag. I am pretty busy right now, so let's get it on. What you see here [points to the crates] is a present from my German sponsors. You will learn more about this next week. My next opponent is one of the crumbling Dark Knights, the one who calls himself Legion. He is a big man who has challenged me for some time now. I decided to shut him up once and for all this Saturday. I am more vicious and more determined then ever, as the Subway Beggar will soon have to realize, when I stomp his broken body right through the mat. Legion, let's see if you can back your brave words when you stand eye to eye with the German juggernaut, when you feel the cold hand of fear grab your heart, when you step into the Slaughterhouse... and become just another victim. [Fade] TD: - In one of the more bizarre displays we've seen, OTTO VERHOEVEN scored a countout victory over LEGION. The match was going on without incident until Verhoeven clotheslined Legion out of the ring to the outside, at which point a group of monks, led by Bishop Right and the Deacon, Legion's ex-managers when he was known as the Archangel, attacked Legion with a steel cross, apparently knocking him unconscious. Without so much as an apology to the Butcher, the Church carried Archangel out of the arena to a great deal of confusion. Verhoeven didn't look too pleased to see his opponent carried away like that, Steve. SR: Maybe not, but I think that's the last we're going to see of Legion. Verhoeven has bigger fish to fry than that overgrown geek. TD: "Superstar" Stud Stetson was also scheduled up for action tonight. Larry Morton... er, shall we say, caught up with Stetson outside the arena a little earlier on: [Cut to footage of Larry Morton outside the IIWF Coliseum, an hour or so before the show begins, hanging with some fans.] LM: We are only minutes away from what is going to be one of the biggest cards in IIWF history! [some cheers from the group of fans.] Tonight IIWF World Champion Dan Kauffman [loud pop from group of fans] will finally meet with the deadly Cadaver. Plus we will have... [Suddenly a Corvette speedily pulls up and nearly hits Morton and the group of fans. Morton looks visibly upset.] LM: What the HELL do you think you're doing!?! [He storms up to the vehicle, out of which climb Lace and "Superstar" Stud Stetson.] SS: Do we have a problem here, Moron? LM: In fact, we do. You may consider yourself a big superstar here in the IIWF, but that doesn't mean you are entitled to drive like a maniac! SS: Shut up, Moron. I'll do whatever the hell I feel like doing, whether it's jumping a IIWF superstar wannabe or beating up a fan to prove a point. LM: You wouldn't. SS: I could. I should. But tonight, I won't. Instead I will unleash all my fury on one very unlucky loser named "The Roll-Over" John McClain. LM: That's "High Roller". SS: That's not what his record says. This punk should be no problem for a superstar like myself. Afterall, I am the man who will lead the IIWF into the next millenium. Mr. McClain, I'm sorry, but tonight you will be rolling Snake Eyes. You've been losing alot at the tables lately, and I am going to personally give you the butt kicking out of here. And when it's all over you will know that when it comes to Superstars, I put everyone to shame. [Stetson takes Lace by the arm and begins to walk towards the entrance.] LM: Wait! Since you are here I would like your comments on your current vendetta with Marty Warnett. I would also like to hear what Lace has to say. [Stetson gives Morton a long hard glare and then gives a little chuckle before entering the arena.] LM: Okay, maybe not. [Cut back to arena.] TD: - "SUPERSTAR" STUD STETSON defeated "HIGH ROLLER" JOHN McCLAIN, who really seems to be having difficulty finding his feet here in the IIWF. The crowd were solidly behind McClain throughout the match, but it wasn't enough, and when he was distracted by the scantily-clad Lace on the outside, he was blindsided by Stetson for the quick roll-up and pin. - The ZODIAC CONNECTION scored what might be seen as something of an upset victory over the PLAYERS' CLUB. "Desirable" Danny Dynamite and "Maverick" Michael Reyna looked tired and overstretched in this match -- probably as a result of their extensive commitments outside the IIWF. The fresh Zodiac Connection took advantage of their opponents' preoccupations, and finished Reyna off with the Zodiac Splash rocket launcher at the climax of an impressive display for the Zodiacs, but an unbelievably disappointing one for the Players' Club. SR: I wonder whether this is an omen, Dross? We all know who the third member of the Players' Club is, and if the other two have already gone down tonight... TD: Dan Kauffman is at the top of his game right now, Steve. The Players' Club clearly weren't. Moving swiftly along: - In the final match before we came on air tonight, the ARMED FORCES scored a tainted victory over newcomers G.W.R. Something has been upsetting Spoiler and Loco recently, and their tempers can't have been improved by tonight's loss to the ARMED FORCES, thanks once again to Aaron's judicious use of a golf club. He distracted the official while NavCom came off the top rope and hit Loco with the golf club to score the pin. After the match, General Kane and Aaron the Caddy had some harsh words, and I don't think we will have heard the last of this situation. [The timekeeper's bell rings.] TD: Okay, folks, it's time to get up to the ring for tonight's first match, as the Sandman takes on Robski. Let's get things rolling here on IIWF Saturday Night! =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Robski vs. The Sandman -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= TD: This is an intriguing match, Steve, as we have Robski taking on Sandman, in a battle of the big men. SR: I may not like the Sandman, but I have to say that he's my pick for this one, because in my experience, those guys from Parts Unknown are always toughies. RA: This match is scheduled for one fall, with a 20 minute time limit. Introducing first, accompanied to the ring by his manager Max Clifford, from Birmingham, England, weighing 335 pounds... here is RRRROBSKIIII!!! [The fans respond with a fair sized heel pop, as "Keep Right On 'Til The End Of The Road" blares over the PA system, and the duo make their way down the aisle, with Robski swatting at young fans reaching to touch him.] TD: This is one disgruntled individual. SR: With good reason. Hell, he was kicked off his football team for a bad kick! TD: He was fired from the team for kicking the ball? SR: No, he kicked his teammate in the face. RA: And his opponent... from Parts Unknown, weighing 275 pounds... here is THEEE SAAANDMAAAN!!! ["Concerto of the Desperado" by The Roots starts up, and the fans reply with a big pop as this mysterious wrestler walks the aisle slowly, gazing upon Robski the whole time.] TD: The Sandman is one of the most dangerous athletes in the IIWF. I'm actually surprised he isn't somehow a part of this whole alliance between Deathbringer and Cadaver. SR: Hmmmm... you may be onto something here for once, Dross! [The bells sounds and The Sandman immediately bounds forward, shoving Robski in the corner, and begins to unload with a flurry of left and right hands, then he grabs Robski's arm and whips him to the opposite corner, and charges in with an avalanche. Robski staggers to the center of the ring, as Sandman goes to the top rope and takes him down from behind with a flying bulldog! Sandman begins stomping away on the fallen Robski, and then drops a knee across his throat. Sandman picks him up to his feet and whips him to the ropes, and meets him with a flying lariat, nearly taking Robski's head off! Mixed crowd pop!] TD: The Sandman is off to a great start here, as Robski has yet to show us any offense. SR: He better do something fast, or it's nighty night for him! [Sandman grabs Robski by the neck and winds him around, planting him with a reverse neckbreaker, and then drapes himself over Robski for the cover. 1 - 2 - kickout! Sandman wraps an arm around Robski's throat and begins wrenching away with a reverse chinlock. After about a minute, Robski begins to elbow out, getting to his feet, and whipping Sandman to the ropes, meeting him with a brutal spinebuster slam! Mixed crowd pop! Robski executes a gutwrech suplex, and then picks him back up and hooks on a sleeper. Sandman drops to the mat, nailing Robski with a jawbreaker, and breaking the hold! The Sandman gets back to his feet, and charges the stunned Robski, who dodges, and as Sandman turns around to try again, Robski kicks him in the midsection. He gives the sign for the Jackknife powerbomb. He goes for it, but Sandman backdrops him over, just as "Lone Wolf" Brody Thunder appears in the aisle, and comes to ringside!] TD: What's Brody Thunder doing here?! This isn't good for Robski, who appears to have this match in the bag! SR: Like Robski has a chance anyway. [Robski, undaunted, continues his assault on Sandman, ripping a barrage of right hands to the cranium of his opponent, and then whipping him to the ropes, but Sandman reverses it, and Robski goes into the ropes. As he bounces back, Brody Thunder hooks his ankle, sending Robski down hard. Robski gets back up and turns around, yelling at Thunder! Meanwhile Sandman walks up behind Robski pointing at his "Sleeper" tattoo! Thunder slaps Robski, and Robski spins around, only to have Sandman's huge palm wrapped over his face! Sandman lifts Robski high, and slams him into the mat headfirst, and gets the easy 1 - 2 - 3!] TD: And now Brody is walking back down the aisle, satisfied with himself and what he's done. I never thought I'd take Robski's side in anything, but I do here. RA: The winner of this match... The Sandman! [The crowd replies with a big pop, as "Concerto of the Desperado" plays again and the Sandman exits the ring, while officials help an angry Robski to his feet.] SR: Sandman proved just what he's made of as well, though. Countering that dangerous Jackknife, and lifting a man of Robski's size into the Nightmare chokeslam was impressive! TD: I'm not denying that, but Robski was robbed, if you'll pardon that pun. SR: You see it your way, I see it mine, Dross. TD: Okay, folks, without further ado, it's time to get back up to the ring for our next match. [Suddenly "Rain Will Fall" by I Mother Earth starts blaring over the PA.] TD: That's "Superstar" Stud Stetson's theme music! What does he want out here? SR: I've no idea, Dross. But whereever Stetson is, Lace isn't far behind. [Lace appears at the head of the aisle and makes her way up to the ring. She beckons for Dross to join her.] SR: I can't believe it. She's calling _you_ out, Dross! Some women just have no taste. TD: That's something of an arguable point, Steve. [Dross leaves the broadcast table and joins Lace in the ring, holding a microphone.] TD: Lace, what brings you out here tonight? LA: There have been some things that have really been bothering me lately, Tim. I feel that the fans here in the IIWF have the wrong idea about me. And I admit, I have peformed some things that would allow the fans to see me this way. TD: What exactly are you trying to get at, Lace? LA: You see, Timmy, honey, I've been doing things here in the IIWF that I am really ashamed of. I have said some rude things to various fans, wrestlers, managers and announcers here in the IIWF. And I want you to know that I'm not really like that, and I am very sorry. I'm sorry about all the things I have been involved with here. I am sorry the way I have used certain people. Most of all, I am sorry about the way I treated Marty Warnett. They way I used him a week ago was totally uncalled for. And the attack last Wednesday broke my heart, Timmy. I want him to know that I was totally against it and it was all Stetson's idea. I want to publicly apologize to Marty here tonight. TD: What does Stetson think about this? LA: I don't care what Stetson thinks. I feel bad about all the awful things I've done. I would like Marty to come out here tonight so I can publicly apologize to him and hopefully get his forgiveness. Please, Marty, you don't understand how sorry I really am. SR: [over the headset] I can't believe my ears! Either Lace has something up her sleeve her, or she's really lost it. TD: Well, I'm not sure if Marty Warnett is ready to forgive you, Lace. You not only totally used him, but you also had some rather harsh words towards him. LA: I know... and that is why I feel so bad and need his forgiveness. [A huge pop begins as Warnett walks down the aisle, looking very unimpressed with the whole situation.] LA: Marty, please, I am so so sorry. [Marty just looks at Lace while she continues to plea her case.] LA: I know what I did was wrong, but that really isn't me. What I did was the most sickening thing ever. What happened on Wednesday was the most disgusting act I have seen. You deserve better, Marty. I am not expecting anything from you but forgiveness, if you can find in yourself. [Tears begin to well in her eyes]. SR: [over the headset] Wow, she's really laying it on thick. LA: I was so mean to you. Marty, please realise -- that's not me. I'm not like that. I would never treat someone like that. I wasn't myself. Stetson was manipulating me. [She begins to cry while Marty continues to look on.] TD: So, are you going to forgive her, Marty? [He continues to look for a few minutes and finally holds Lace up close to him so she can put her head on his shoulder. She slowly begins to calm down.] TD: Well, I guess the apology is accepted. MW: Lace, you really did hurt me. But I'm a trusting person, and if my fans can forgive you, then who am I to disagree? [Big pop while the two hug each other.] LA: Oh, Marty, thank you so much. You make me feel so much better. You are a modern day saint for forgving me after all I did. SR: [over the headset] I think I'm going to be sick. MW: Lace, I don't know what to say... LA: Don't say anything... you've done enough already. I have something for you. [Lace reaches for something in her skirt. Lace then pulls out a can of Mace and attempts to spray it in Marty's eyes. Warnett dodges out of the way, however, and grabs Lace's arm. He looks furious. The crowd cheer as he shouts at her in words that the microphones fail to pick up.] SR: [over the headset] I knew it! That was such a corny set-up, not even Walnut was going to fall for it. [Suddenly Stetson runs into the ring and attacks Marty Warnett from behind, landing several kicks and punches. He then hoists Warnett up and military presses him before dropping him on his knee. Dross has already fled the ring and left his mic behind so Stetson picks it up.] SS: Now, how's that for a rejection, Marty?! The sweet thang and myself suckered you again, punk. That's strike two -- and come strike three, you'll be outta here. [Lace grabs the mic.] LA: Marty, Marty, Marty, did you think I would really hook up with a burned out adolescent boy boy like yourself?! Stick with the late movies, kid. I'm with the real deal. [Lace then snuggles with Stetson while they make their way back to the locker room. Dross rejoins Roberts at the broadcast table while Marty picks himself up and furiously makes his way back up the aisle in pursuit to a huge pop.] TD: What a disgusting display, Steve! SR: You're kidding me, Dross. That was great! TD: You have a sick sense of humour. You can bet that if Warnett gets his hands on Stetson backstage, we're going to have a war. Folks, we must move on. Our next match pits Domination against the Arabian Knights. Let's get back up to the ring. =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Domination vs. Arabian Knights -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= TD: With Pain Inc. back in Jakarta, we'll finally get to see Domination in a match where they don't get jumped. SR: I think the Knights will do a good job of taking care of Domination anyway. I think Domination talk a lot more than their abilities should allow. TD: What are you talking about? SR: Well, they always have an excuse when they lose. Have you ever noticed that? TD: Well, rightly so. Pain Inc. always interfere with their matches! SR: Your point being? TD: [sighs] Never mind... RA: Ladies and gentlemen, this next tag team bout is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, hailing from Ar Riyad, Saudi Arabia and weighing in at a total combined weight of 595 lbs, here are Prince Abdul, and Omar, the Arabian Knights! [The crowd gives a heel pop as the Arabian Knights make their way down the aisle. Abdul mouths off to the fans, and Omar just walks quietly, looking menacing.] TD: What a pair these two are. SR: Where? Where are the pair? TD: Not _THAT_ pair, Steve... My goodness... You have a one track mind. SR: What pair? RA: Their opponents, hailing from parts you don't want to know, at a combined weight of 620lbs, accompanied to the ring by Mistress, here are Mr. Psycho and Monster -- Domination! [The crowd pops huge as Domination come out into the aisle. They high five members of the crowd along their way to the ring, stopping to accept pats on the back from their many fans. They approach the ring, and Hellraiser and Morningstar roll out from underneath the ring and run at Monster and Mr. Psycho. Huge heel pop!] TD: Hang on! That's Pain Inc.! I thought they were supposed to be in Jakarta! SR: I guess Mr. Mic lied. [Pain Inc. are holding baseball bats, and use them to clothesline the two members of Domination. Monster and Psycho go down to the floor, and Pain Inc. use the bats to jab at them. The crowd's heel pop is almost deafening, but Pain Inc. continue their assault. Monster fights to his feet, and somehow manages to grab the bat from Hellraiser. Hellraiser takes a few steps back, and makes a run for it. Monster then turns to Morningstar, who is still attacking Mr. Psycho. Monster hits Morningster with the bat, and MS goes down. The two members of Pain Inc. scramble and head back up the aisle. Monster helps Mr. Psycho up, and the crowd pops. Both men look rather beat up, but they enter the ring anyway.] SR: Oh, and I'm sure this will be another excuse for them if they lose. TD: And well it should! They just got hit with bats! SR: Whine, whine, cry, cry. [Monster starts off the match against Omar. Omar takes an early advantage by punching at Monster's ribs, which show marks from the earlier attack. Monster doubles over, and Omar powerbombs him. The crowd gives a heel pop as Omar drags Monster up and locks on a bear hug. Monster yells out in pain and bites Omar's head. Omar lets go of the hold, and Monster falls to his knees. He then crawls over to his corner and tags in Psycho. Psycho staggers into the ring, still suffering from the beating from Pain Inc. Omar clotheslines Mr. Psycho, then drags him to the corner. He throws Psycho into the turnbuckles, then turns to Monster. Omar taunts Monster, and Monster tries to enter the ring. The ref cuts him off, allowing Abdul to choke Psycho out. Omar drives a few punches into Psycho's torso at the same time. Finally, Monster leaves the ring, and Abdul lets go of Psycho. Omar drags Psycho out of the corner, and tags in Abdul. Omar locks on a full nelson, and Abdul executes the superkick. The kick snaps Psycho's head back, and Omar drops him to the mat. Abdul goes for the cover as Omar clocks Monster right off the apron. 1 - 2 - 3! Ding! Ding! Ding! Heel pop!] TD: Well, Domination tried their hardest, but that attack really took its toll on them. SR: You're going to run out of excuses soon, Dross. [Abdul and Omar head back up the aisle, celebrating their victory amidst an angry heel pop. Mistress enters the ring and tries to help Domination get to their feet. The crowd pops as Monster and Psycho once again stand up.] TD: These guys are real fighters, Steve. It's just too bad they can't be in a clean match. SR: Nobody likes a whiner, Dross. [Domination look furious as they leave the ring and head up the aisle, Mistress following behind with a concerned look on her face.] TD: Now it's time for tonight's edition of LaRue's Lair. Becky's guest tonight is the Iron Destroyer, Fisto Flash, who went down in defeat to Onslaught this past Wednesday in one of the more remarkable incidents in IIWF history. Over to you, Becky. [Becky enters to an overwhelming chant of "Beck-y! Beck-y!" She executes a runway turn then drapes herself across the chaise longue. She pulls a letter from her pocket.] BL: Needless to say, fan mail has been pouring in. Which is cold comfort since my social life is history. Nobody, repeat, NOBODY works on Friday AND Saturday Nights. Well, nobody but Larry Morton, and that sums everything up right there. But back to my mail. Little Suzie Owens in Backwoods, North Carolina, sends me this note. "Dear Becky, I want to be like you when I grow up. I also want you to stop interviewing wimps like Kauffman, Quigley and Subway Psycho. I want a rough guy." Oh Suzie, we're more alike than you think. Well tonight we will talk with a rough guy: Fisto Flash, and his manager Robo Stone! [Fisto Flash comes out to some heat. He raises high his fist, and Robo Stone points at it. Stone takes the seat, leaving Fisto standing.] BL: Tony Starks, just a little suprised? FF: That STUPID fool is injured and SHOULDN'T come back to wrestling. If he feels he can mess with me or ANYBODY in his condition, then so be the SECOND end of Tony Starks. BL: Well, that's succinct. What about Onslaught? You had the runt crushed, but then he spat something in your face. Is he on "The Fist List"? RS: OF COURSE! NOBODY disses the Iron Destroyer and gets away with it! FF: I don't let ANYBODY disrespect me like that! Anybody who messes with THE most brutal force in wrestling gets taken care of. BL: How about this big comeback? FF: He's fat, he's old, and he's crippled. He means NOTHIN' to the superstars here in the IIWF. BL: I was sort of refering to _your_ proclaimed comeback, but I'll take that as a yes. In all sincerity, what do you think of the majority of the idiots who wrestle in the IIWF? FF: They mean NOTHIN' to me! I AM the STRONGEST! I AM the toughest! And, by all means, I AM the MEANEST. BL: I doubt none of those statements personally. Now then, you've wrestled all the belt holders at one time or another, how over-rated are they? FF: VERY overrated. They're all champs 'cause they can talk well in the interview area. But when we step in the ring -- NO QUESTION ABOUT IT! I'M THE BEST! And they sure as hell know it. BL: The "Fist List" is becoming a little long, when do you start erasing the names? FF: When they're COMPLETELY... FINISHED. I don't EAT, I don't SLEEP, and I don't STOP TRAINING until the top name is DONE. BL: Who's name is number one on that list? FF: No doubt about it, it's Onslaught. OUR feud has gone on LONG ENOUGH! Sooner or later we're gonna settle our war. And believe me, crimson punk, it's gonna be SOONER! BL: You had your share of bouts with Man of Steel. Any last words? FF: Yeah, he's a tights-wearin' DORK! He was a GOOD wrestler, but when speakin' style, he's a geek. And without style, you're nothin' in the high ranks of the IIWF. BL: What happened to the fist that was stolen from you and sold? FF: I don't know. That nerd, Hangman took it and left to South America or somethin'. He's scared, that's all. But, most surely, the Hangman is STILL on the Fist List. BL: So, you're eagerly awaiting the return of The Hangman? FF: DEFINITELY. I'm gonna end our feud ONCE... and for ALL. BL: Why has Fisto Flash been cheated out of the gold for so long? FF: 'Cause President Spreadbury's scared a' my power. You see, he knows that he HAS to keep me down 'cause if the Iron Destroyer get's the gold, he ain't NEVER givin' it back! HA! HA! HA! HA! RS: Are you kidding me? To get the gold you have to be the best. And when my boy will get the gold, he'll be at his best. And then he'll be UNSTOPPABLE, INDESTRUCTIBLE, and UNBEATABLE! HA! HA! HA! BL: Do you get along with "Heavy Metal"? It seems Robo Stone is more preoccupied with their careers. FF: Yeah, sure. It's just that I'm fightin' two-rate punks like Onslaught; while my bros are fightin' for the championship all the time. But don't you worry, Becky, 'cause as soon as I move up the IIWF mountain, Robo will be right where he started, in MY corner. BL: I'm sure Steve Roberts is quivering at the thought. Speaking of quivering, describe for me what you would do if Larry Morton accidentally bumped into your car with his Pacer? FF: Well, since he's my friend, I'd give 'im a chance to apologize and to buy me a new car. But if he doesn't, I'll CRUSH 'im! BL: Morton's a friend? Geesh, it's time to end the interview now. There has got to be something you've always wanted to say to the IIWF crowd... what is it? FF: That's EXACTLY right, Becky. Soon the crowd will have a treat. When I SHOOT up... no... SKY ROCKET up the rankings a' the IIWF, I'll get my chance to win gold. And after I win the belt, the audience will have a chance to watch the GREATEST combatant of the squared-circle stand on top 'a the hill! BL: One last thing which I've been wondering about. Is there anything... um... "special"... you can do with that hand that we don't know about? FF: Yeah, well, I could put you on my _other_ Fist List and show you... RS: [interrupts quietly as sound goes out] Hey, Becky, I'M pretty good with my hands too... [Cut back to the announcers' table.] TD: I think the less said about that last exchange, the better. Folks, up next we're going to see two great high-flyers in action, as the "Enigma" Takezo Musashi takes on the "Badboy" Randy Acorn. Let's get back up to the ring. =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- "Enigma" Takezo Musashi vs. "Badboy" Randy Acorn -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= [Sparkplug takes to the mic.] SL: Um... hello? CROWD: Hello Sparkplug! SL: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, from Tokyo, Japan, weighing in at 211 pounds, the "Enigma" Takezoooooo Mushashi! [The lights dim and the crowd pops as the Enigma enters to good support. He climbs the ringpost, balances his way to the center of the top rope, and triple somersaults into the ring.] TD: That was the Starsault press. We could see that again later tonight. SR: Another little leaping Oriental runtweight. Big deal. Who's in charge of booking this fed? We should see someone like Robski wrestle more often. SL: And introducing his opponent: hailing from Newark, New Jersey -- the man called "Badboy" Randy Acorn! ["If I Ruled the World" begins to play. There is a scattered wave of half-priced "Randy Acorn: Cruiserweight Champion" banners. Acorn himself enters dressed in stereotypical "Dr. Fu Manchu" garb. He bows sloppily to the audience. Takezo does not appreciate the insult. As Acorn enters the ring, Mushashi rips off the fake moustache, causing Acorn some pain. The bell rings.] TD: Acorn is the kind of wrestler that you should like, Steve. SR: I did. But I should have been wary of a guy who puts on dresses. This guy doesn't have it anymore. After he embarrased Pukespeare, he lost his edge. [Shouting] Hey Acorn, where's your dress? [Acorn can't hear him as Takezo is striking him in the ear with his foot. Acorn eventually gets his balance back. He tosses the Enigma to the ropes by the leg. He catches him with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker, and follows up with a spinning neckbreaker, tossing Takezo into the corner. Acorn closes, and Takezo lands a savate kick. The "Badboy" ducks a forearm blow, then drives a knee which doubles over Takezo. Randy DDT's Takezo into the mat. He stands and poses, then places one foot on the downed Mushashi. 1 - 2 - Rollout!] TD: You can't deny that combination of moves. SR: Yeah, yeah they're good and all, but we haven't heard a peep from Acorn since he gave away the belt. He's lost his guts. Even Pukespeare could probably beat him. TD: Did I really hear you say that? SR: What's the matter, you got toupee stuck in your ears? [Acorn drags Takezo to his feet for a sidewalk slam. He throws Takezo by the hair to the ropes, catching him with a high back drop which flips the "Enigma" onto the mat with an audible bang. Acorn climbs the ringpost, flying off with a knee drop. Musashi raises his foot and Acorn lands on it, chin first. "Badboy" staggers back into the corner where his head strikes the ringpost.] SR: I bet _he_ wishes he had a toupee to soften that blow. TD: Can we please not talk about hair?! SR: We aren't. TD: It appears that the "Enigma" is about to mount an offensive. SR: Oh, he's offensive already. That's why that Oriental kicking is so dangerous -- they don't wash their feet. TD: I don't think you have the proper respect for the Oriental fighting arts. SR: They're all girls, kick... kick... kick. TD: Would you say that to Tiger Claw's face? SR: Tiger Claw isn't Oriental, he's from Thailand. TD: [sighs] [Takezo carries Acorn up the turnbuckle. He adjusts, but Acorn repositions and lifts a towering doble arm suplex which throws Musashi over the rope to the outside. Acorn loses his perch, falling and straddling the turnbuckle.] SR: Ouch. Now he really is going to need to wear a dress. [The ref begins the count. It reaches seven before Takezo rolls into the ring. Acorn closes slowly. He begins to wrap up his Texas cloverleaf, but his groin injury prevents him from getting any real pressure, and Musashi is able to break the hold.] SR: This Acorn is more of a pansy than the Oriental guy. [Takezo lands a reverse side kick which sends Acorn against the ropes. On the rebound, Musashi throws him to the ropes and snaps him with a hurricarana that causes the crowd to gasp. Acorn rolls, grasping his head. The "Enigma" climbs the ropes and launches the Starsault Press, sommersaulting three times before crashing onto Acorn. He hooks the leg - 1 - 2 - 3! The bell rings. Acorn powers out too late. Takezo bows to his opponent and Acorn takes a swipe which misses. As Takezo exits, Acorn pounds the turnbuckle with his fists.] TD: Acorn doesn't look happy. SR: Oh, big man, beats up the ringposts, but can't beat up the Oriental guy. He's hopeless. [Suddenly, the camera zooms through the crowd and comes to rest on a 6'9" man. He wears a Detroit Red Wings hat, and a IIWF t-shirt and jeans. He sees the camera, and waves for it to get a close-up.] TD: Hey, I recognise that guy. That's the rookie guy, what's his name? It's J.P. Steele. I've seen him around IIWF Towers a lot in the past couple of weeks. I heard he's been trying to get signed for a few weeks. SR: Why don't you go and talk to him then, Dross? He looks like he's on roughly your intellectual level -- subterranean. [Dross gets up from the broadcast table and walks to the crowd barrier, beckoning Steele over.] TD: You're J.P. Steele, right? [Steele nods.] TD: Well, what brings you here to this great IIWF event? JPS: For the past few weeks, I've been watching IIWF very closely. The Syndicate, Billy Shakespere, Dan Kauffman, Rising Sun Revolution, I've seen 'em all. Great wrestlers here in IIWF, especially Kauffman, Shakespere and RSR. I've seen everything that went down in the past weeks, and I knew that the IIWF was the place I wanted to be. I called up to headquarters, seeing if I could join. Well, after I told 'em of all the titles I've won in the past months, and tried convincing them, we hit a snag. Seems the roster is full, no more room for me. But, the second a roster spot opens up, hopefully I'll be the one to grab it. Until then, which may be days, weeks,or even years, I'll be here each and every card scouting the action. As a fan, and as a hopeful future wrestler for IIWF. Maybe one of the stars will let me be in their corner even! Wow, imagine that. Me walking alongside a legend like Billy Shakespere or Dan Kauffman, or even Subway Pyscho! Wow, that'd be incredible. IIWF, J.P. Steele is watching you! [Steele smiles at the camera before returning to his seat. Dross rejoins Steve at the broadcast table.] SR: What a goofball. TD: Not at all, Steve. It's great to see enthusiasm in young athletes. Men like J.P. Steele are the Dan Kauffmans of the future. SR: What an awful thought. Perhaps I'd better go over there now and put him out of his misery. TD: You stay right there, Steve. Let's get back up to the ring for some more tag team action, as the unpredictable Alphabet Boys go up against the dastardly Dark Disciples. =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Alphabet Boys vs. Dark Disciples -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= TD: Well, the beginnings of the story between these two teams began last week. The Dark Disciples jumped the Alphabet Boys after they started beating up on Kenny Tanaka. SR: And those nut bars deserved it. Brian Lau hired them to fight the Rising Sun Revolution, and they totally screwed it up. TD: I think it was because they didn't like Brian's style of managing. Apparently, they also had a problem with Kenny's announcing. SR: Well, who doesn't? TD: Good point. RA: Ladies and gentlemen, this next tag team contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, at a total combined weight of 589 lbs, here are Abie, Zed, The Alphabet Boys! [The crowd pops as the two lunatics come out from the lockeroom area. Zed drags Abie down the aisle with a side headlock, and Abie can be heard screaming "The HEAD! The HEAD!" Zed looks in the crowd for someone, but doesn't seem to find them.] SR: What a pair of units... TD: Units? SR: Hurting units. TD: Huh? SR: Never mind. RA: Their opponents, accompanied to the ring by Brian Lau and Don McQueen, at a total combined weight of 615 lbs, here are Kane, Wulf, The Dark Disciples! [Ominous chanting begins to wash over the crowd, and the lights go dim. A pentagram bursts into flames over the curtain to the locker room area, and The Dark Disciples begin to walk out. Lau and McQueen walk out a few moments afterwards, discussing some kind of business deal.] TD: Look at those two. They're both scheming, backstabbing criminals. I'm surprised they're not related. SR: That's what makes the Syndicate so strong, Dross. Cagey business sense. [The Disciples get into the ring and immediately charge the Alphabet Boys. Kane goes after Zed, punding him with forearm after forearm, and Wulf goes straight for Abie, booting him in the stomach. Wulf follows up with a DDT, and drives Abie's head into the mat. Abie stands right back up again, yelling "Not the HEAD!" Abie freaks out and begins to lay a series of shots into Wulf's head. Wulf staggers backwards, and Abie comes off the ropes with a double axehandle, causing Wulf to fall over the top rope and onto the floor outside. Abie follows him out while Kane continues to pound on Zed. With only two people in the ring, the ref calls for the bell, starting the match.] TD: So much action, and the match wasn't even underway! [Kane lifts Zed up in a piledriver, and drops him down. The crowd gives a solid heel pop. Abie seems busy looking into the crowd, and Wulf gets some pointers from Brian Lau and Don McQueen. In the ring, Zed doesn't seem affected by the piledriver like he should be, and staggers to his feet. Kane locks on a chokehold, and the ref calls for the break. The ref counts to five, and Kane releases the hold. Outside, Wulf sneaks up on the distracted Abie and clips his legs out from under him. Abie falls to the floor, smacking his head on the crowd barrier on the way down. Abie holds his head, moaning "My precious, precious melon" as Wulf beats on him. Kane works over Zed, but Zed seems unaffected by the shots. Zed blocks one punch and begins to fight back with punches of his own. The crowd rallies behind Zed.] TD: I think Zed has a fighting chance here! SR: But he won't be able to tag out... Look at that freak Abie on the outside. He's totally useless right now. [Zed gets the upper hand and hits with a gutwrench suplex. Big pop. Outside, McQueen starts helping Wulf beat Abie, and the ref tries to end the melee. Brian Lau jumps up on the apron, and yells something to the fallen Kane. Kane gets dragged up by Zed, but Lau throws Kane a roll of quarters. Zed throws Kane into the ropes, and goes for a clothesline. Kane ducks, and clocks Zed on the rebound. Quarters spray everywhere, but the ref seems busy with the fight on the outside. Kane sweeps the quarters out of the ring with his foot, and pins Zed. The ref still tries to stop the double team on Abie. Brian goes over to the referee and spins him around, and the ref counts... 1 - 2 - 3! Ding! Ding! Huge heel pop! Kane gets off Zed and begins punching him repeatedly. Lau joins in on the beating of Zed as well. Abie seems not to be faring too well against McQueen and Wulf, as Wulf bites Abie's head with his sharpened teeth while McQueen kicks him repeatedly.] TD: This is insane! They've won the match, what more do they want? SR: You can bet that Brian Lau wants revenge for last week. [The crowd pops as Rising Sun Revolution run down to ringside. Hiroshi clocks Don McQueen and pulls Wulf away from Abie. The two big men stare each other down. Ryudo dropkicks Lau, which sends the manager flying out of the ring. Big pop. Ryudo then kicks at Kane, causing him to roll out of the ring. The Disciples, Lau, and McQueen regroup a little way up the aisle, making threatening gestures at RSR. RSR tend to the two fallen Alphabet Boys.] TD: It's a good thing that Rising Sun Revolution came out to make the save. SR: No it wasn't... I wanted to see the Disciples do what they do best... Make people bleed. TD: You're a sick man, you know that? SR: Why? Because I like a little ketchup with my fries? [Security come down to ringside and remove the remaining athletes. The crowd begins to settle as the last wrestlers are trooped back out to the locker rooms. Suddenly there is a disturbance as Bobby Lincoln and Todd Franklin make their way down the aisle and arrive at the broadcast table. Dross holds out a microphone, and speaks over the PA.] TD: Oh no. It's the Universal Powers. What do you want?! [Lincoln grabs the microphone, crushing Tim's hand.] BL: Listen up, Dross. We came down here to talk, so shut the hell up and listen. Yes, I was fined, by that no-working, protect-my-friends, fine-all-their-enemies President of the IIWF, for destroying the back. Shakespeare, if you have a match tonight, you won't have your trademark spotlights THANKS TO ME! I used that Norton idiot as a bowling ball, and TOOK THEM ALL OUT! [Dross attempts to pull his hand free of Lincoln's grip, and finally manages it, but is then shoved back into his seat by Franklin. Big heel pop.] SR: Hey, watch it, Dross! [The Powers take to the ring to the jeers of the crowd.] TF: You see, we don't need any of these IIWF losers, getting involved in OUR broadcast, but we have a few things to talk about today. BL: Wulf, Kane, whoever the hell interfered in MY match on Wednesday. You EXPECT to interfere with MY match and LIVE TO WALK? I hope you have your health insurance paid up, because I've already petitioned that bitch Spreadbury to let my partner in for awhile, so we can KICK YOUR ASS! [Another big heel pop] TF: Speaking of bitches, where did that faggot moron, "Queer-strike" Quigley disappeared to? BL: Todd, Todd, Todd... you don't get it, do you? He RAN from US! What do you expect from a homosexual, spineless jellyfish, like he is? Look back a few months, Quigley couldn't take the heat after Lebec took his town over, and then stretchered his ass the next week. He's just running from us. You know it, he knows it, EVERYONE KNOWS IT! Hell, Quigley's probably thanking whatever God he worships that he doesn't have to be in the SAME BUILDING as us. TF: Finally, "Target-light" Billy Thompson. [Big heel pop.] BL: Ah, [bleep] you all! It's Thompson, NOT Shakespeare! Shakespeare, I've already taken your "spotlights," and you're next! Remember Shakespeare, you can't hide like Quigley, forever. Eventually, you WILL have to enter the ring with me, and when you do... I'll have a special EMT crew ready... TO STRETCHER YOUR ASS PERMANENTLY TO A HOSPITAL BED! [Lincoln throws the mic down and together he and Franklin leave the ringside area to a big heel pop, heading back up the aisle to the locker room area. Cut back to the broadcast table, where Dross is recovering.] TD: What a great couple of guys. They hurt my hand, Steve. SR: Oh, what a shame, I don't think. TD: Well, let's move on, folks. Up next is that special weapons match between Steve Kowalski and Mr. Damage. The Fury had a few comments about this match -- let's go to them now: [Cut to Steve "The Fury" Kowalski playing chess against an old man in the Amber Bug. The New Jersey Nightmare is dominating, as he collects piece after piece of his opponent's figures. The television is on and it's showing the bar's favorite program "IIWF Countdown to Saturday Night".] SK: [Capturing even more pieces] I'll take your rook. We'll name him Sandman. Your move, Oscar. , old man! I said its your move! OS: [Grumbling] I don't even know why I play with you. You know my hearing isn't good. [Moving a piece] There. Who is that fool on the TV? SK: [Looking up at the set] That's the Outback Nut Sack, Mr. Damage. He's always complainin' 'bout me. [The camera focuses on the television set where Mr. Damage is raving on about Kowalksi.] MD: "As you morons out there in TV land know, I like to study my opponents. That's why I'm in this stinking hell hole that the New Jersey Nightgown calls Home Sweet Home. What a cess pool of muck and filth. Kowalski, you are all talk. Who in the hell do you think you are?! Kowalski, you have got something coming to you.... the most hellacious beating you are EVER going to receive. I'm going to send you back to the gutter where you belong." OS: What did he say? He longs for you? Does he like men or something.? SK: I really don't pay attention to him anymore. Ha! [Capturing another piece] Oscar, I'm tearin' ya a new one! We'll name this piece White Phoenix. Ya really suck today. OS: Only reason is, I'm watching this idiot on the box. I can barely make out what he says. MD: "I'm going to finish you with your own move -- a SKULLPUMP. Kowalski, you are going to get your comeuppance. Kowalski, pay up your medical insurance because otherwise it is going to cost you a lot more than just piercing, excruciating pain. And believe me -- I know how to put the hurt on." OS: Did he just say, "I know how to play with a hard on"? What kind of pervert is he? SK: The kind that ya mamma warned ya about. [Smiles evilly] Check. OS: [Looking over the board, sighs] You got me. Why don't you just take the piece? SK: [Pointing to the king] 'Cause this is Shakespeare... and he's livin' on borrowed time. The time I'm lendin' him. OS: Maybe you should worry about that clown on the TV. He looks pretty pissed. SK: [Hefting his trusty Louisville Slugger onto his shoulder] I got some All American skull crackin' for that ramrod! He can bring that toothpick. I got the national pastime on my side! VIOLENCE! [Fade] SR: That Steve Kowalski is my kind of guy, Dross. TD: What more is there to say after that? Let's get back up to the ring. =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- WEAPONS MATCH: -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Mr. Damage vs. Steve "the Fury" Kowalski ---------------------------------------- TD: This is going to be brutal. I can't understand why this is even being sanctioned. SR: Because the majority of us like to see brutal beatings, Dross. We're not all little girls like you. TD: I just don't see how you could enjoy watching someone get injured. SR: I can hardly wait! TD: Wait a minute... There seems to be a disturbance in the crowd. It's Kowalski! He's not even waiting for the ring announcer. SR: Looks like ol' Sparkplug is going to introduce him anyway. RA: Ladies and gentlemen, making his way through the crowd, hailing from Newark, New Jersey, and weighing in at 268, here is Steve, "The Fury," Kowalski! [Kowalski makes his way through the crowd to a good heel pop. He wears a baseball cap with the logo for Minor League team Trenton Thunder, and carries a baseball bat over his shoulder. He displays the bat for everyone to see. The camera gets a close up of it.] TD: It says... Cricket... Sucks. Oh, nice. SR: Well it does... I mean, baseball is the sport of choice in the States. TD: Some would beg to differ. [Kowalski stands nonchalantly by the timekeeper's table, lazily swinging his bat.] RA: His opponent, coming down the aisle, hailing from Melbourne, Australia, and weighing in at 245 lbs, Mr. Damage! [Damage steps out to the head of the aisle, and recieves a solid heel pop. He carries a cricket bat with him, and threatens nearby fans with it. He looks to the ring, but doesn't see Kowalski. Quickly, he looks over his shoulder, then walks to the ring, looking confused.] TD: This match will be pinfalls only. No DQ, no countout, no submission. This is going to be brutal, folks, so if you are easily offended by violence, then I suggest you excercise viewer discretion. SR: Yadda, yadda... Just shut up and watch the beatings. [Damage reaches to the ring, and Kowalski quickly hits the bell with his baseball bat, starting the match. Kowalski slides into the ring and swings at Damage, who blocks the shot with the cricket bat. The two men weild their bats like longswords, swinging and parrying, but not connecting. Kowalski takes one huge swing, and Damage blocks, but the force of the impact forces the bats from the wrestlers' grasps. The two nurse their hands, which seem to be in pain, and Kowalski quickly capitalizes on the situation with a clothesline. Damage goes down, and that's just what Kowalski needs to go to town. Kowalski straddles Damage, throwing punch after punch into Damage's head.] TD: Well, at least those bats are out of the way. SR: Don't count them out yet... They're still in the ring. [Kowalski continues his assault on Damage, getting up and kicking him. Kowalski drags Damage to his feet, and throws him into the ropes. Kowalski hoists Damage up on the rebound, and falls back, clotheslining Damage on the top rope. Kowalski stands back up and looks to the crowd, who boo him for his troubles. The boos turn to cheers as Shinja Chow walks down the aisle.] SR: What's he doing here? TD: I guess he's a little unhappy about his loss to Kowalski. Maybe he want's to scout this match or something. [Kowalski spots Chow, and points at him, yelling to him to go away. Chow yells a few insults back, and the two begin to argue, Chow on the outside, Kowalski in the ring. Damage fights to get to his feet, holding his throat. Kowalski leans over the ropes to try and grab at Chow, but Chow sidesteps and executes a flying kick to Kowalski's head. Kowalksi is rattled by the kick, and turns around to meet Mr. Damage holding on to his cricket bat. Damage clocks Kowalski across the head with the bat, and Kowalski falls to the mat. Chow, satisfied, walks back up the aisle, nodding his head. Damage goes for the cover, and the ref counts... 1 - 2 - 3! Ding! Ding! Mixed pop from the crowd. Damage gets up and brandishes his cricket bat, holding it aloft. The crowd gives a heel pop for that, and Damage waves them off. He leaves the ring and walks up the aisle, a smile on his face.] TD: Mr. Damage sure is happy with himself. SR: Chow hit Kowalski! You saw that, right? Mr. Damage should have been disqualified! TD: Ummm, there was no disqualification. SR: Oh, come on. Chow kicked Kowalski in the head. Damage didn't win this! TD: Well, as far as the officials are concerned, Damage won. SR: Bah... [The official helps Kowalski to his feet, and the Fury suddenly looks like he will start living up to his name. In his frustration, he grabs the referee, nails him in the stomach with a hard knee, and executes his devastating Skullpump double underhook piledriver on the official! Huge heel pop! Kowalski yells in anger at the hostile crowd as security personnel descend on the ring.] TD: Kowalski has just secured himself a very big fine indeed, folks. You do _not_ touch an official here in the IIWF. He's going to find himself in the President's office on Monday morning. SR: That match never even got started, Dross. You can understand why Kowalski's frustrated. And you can also bet that he's going to get his own back on Chow. [The security team drag the furious Kowalski from the ring and back up the aisle. Cut to the broadcast table.] TD: Speaking of Chow, before we get back up to the ring for tonight's big Cruiserweight Championship match, let's go to the locker room to hear from the challenger, the White Phoenix himself: [Cut to the locker room area, where The White Phoenix is training before his match. He throws three quick punches into the air, followed by a wheel kick, then a backflip kick.] WP: Hakiro Matsuoko, I don't know whether you are a friend or foe, an ally or an obstacle. You have broken away from Brian Lau, and for this I applaud you. But since then, your actions have been inexplicable. You have become an enigma like your rival Takezo Musashi. However, I do know one thing for certain. You stole my chance to win the title you now hold when you interefered with my match against Randy Acorn. You pulled me away from my match at War Games. You believe you have defeated me. It is time for my revenge. Rest assured, I will take that belt from you. I have some surprises for you, also... a new finisher, just for you, for example. And I cannot wait to see the look on your face when you meet my cornerman. Hakiro, your actions have fanned the flames of anger and rage in my soul. Prepare to face the consequences. [Cut back to ringside.] SR: Well, that proves it -- what other cornerman could upset Matsuoko more than the Enema? TD: I really don't know, Steve. I guess we'll find out one way or another in just a few short moments. Let's get back up to the ring. =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- IIWF CRUISERWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Hakiro Matsuoko vs. The White Phoenix -------------------------------------- TD: So who do you think will be Chow's corner man, Steve? SR: Well, it's obviously going to be that Mishi-Mashi kid. TD: Why do you say that? SR: Because they're friends... Duh. TD: Well, on the other side of the coin, I'm hearing from the back that Hakiro is scrambling around for a corner man. SR: I guess that Rising Sun Revolution aren't as keen on Hakiro as he is on them... TD: It would seem that way. Let's hope he can come up with someone. RA: Ladies and gentlemen, the following match is scheduled for one fall, and it is for the IIWF Cruiserweight Championship! [Pop] Introducing first, hailing from San Fransisco and weighing in at 220 pounds, "The White Phoenix" Shinja Chow! [The lights drop, and flames erupt around the entrance to the aisle. The crowd pops as rocket flares shoot up the aisle and over the ring, setting off a reaction, and causing flares to go off at each of the corner posts. The form of Shinja Chow appears in the center of the ring.] SR: How'd he do that? TD: I don't know... I can just make out someone coming down the aisle now and taking his place in Chow's corner... Who is that? [The flares burn out, and the lights come up. Billy Shakespeare is standing in the corner, and the crowd pops even more.] TD: Billy Shakespeare! Of course! I guess he's repaying Chow for saving him from The Syndicate. SR: That little puke... He can't keep his nose out of anything, can he? RA: His opponent, hailing from Tokyo, Japan and weighing in at 215 pounds, the IIWF Cruiserweight Champion, Hakiro Matsuoko! [The sound of Kodo drums boom over the PA, and Hakiro walks out with the Cruiserweight belt draped over his shoulder. He gestures, and out of the locker room area leaps El Super Gecko.] TD: Why? SR: Maybe he took some advice from Brian Lau... This seems a lot like hiring on the Alphabet Boys as your championship team. TD: Well, El Super Gecko has been ending some careers of late... Maybe Hakiro feels that this could swing in his favour. SR: I think he's just getting desperate. [Hakiro says a few things to Gecko, and Gecko nods his mask-covered head. Hakiro gets in the ring, and the ref starts the match. Chow and Matsuoko circle each other in the ring, assuming the strict stances of their respective martial arts. Matsuoko unleashes a kick, and Chow blocks. The two men lock up, but Chow gets the upper hand. He locks on a wristlock, and Hakiro drops to the mat and flips over, relieving the pressure on his arm. Chow leaps up, bounces his legs off the top rope, and flips back, once again twisting the arm of Hakiro. Matsuoko shouts out and kicks out the knee of Chow, causing the hold to be broken. Matsuoko comes off the ropes, and launches himself through the air, head first, towards Chow. Chow falls to the mat, and Hakiro sails over him. He tumbles, breaking his fall and leaping to his feet. The two men stare at each other for a few seconds before locking up again.] TD: These Oriental wrestlers never cease to amaze me. SR: But who really got hurt in that exchange? Nobody. We could be here for a while unless Hakiro lets that fierce side loose. [Chow locks on a side headlock, and Matsuoko throws him into the ropes. Matsuoko hits with a dropkick that floors Chow. The crowd gives a mixed pop, but it soon turns into a heel pop when Brian Lau and Casey James walk down the aisle to the ring. Matsuoko locks a half crab onto Chow's leg, applying the pressure. Billy Shakespeare rallies behind Chow, and notices the disturbance in the aisle. Gecko walks up the aisle to meet Lau and James, and motions that they should leave. He points dramatically to the back, and wildly shakes his head. A little pocket of Super Gecko fans wearing "Can't Hurt The Lizard" T-Shirts cheer him on. Super Gecko does his signature waddle, and tells the two men to leave once more. Casey James moves forward, fists raised, but Lau stops him. Lau nods his head, and both men walk back up the aisle. Gecko waddles back down the aisle to the corner. Shakespeare comes over to Gecko's corner. In the ring, Chow fights his way to the ropes, and the ref calls for the break.] TD: A good job by Super Gecko, getting the Syndicate away from the ring. SR: That was kind of strange. It's not like Brian Lau to give up so easily. TD: Maybe it was the waddle. SR: I think Gecko's off his game tonight... That waddle looked stiff. [Matsuoko releases the hold, and allows Chow to get up. As he does, Matsuoko uses a roundhouse kick to hit Chow's upper leg. Chow howls in pain. Shakespeare reaches the corner where Gecko is, and begins talking to him. In the ring, Matsuoko throws Chow into the ropes, but Chow stumbles, thanks to his leg. Outside, Gecko appears to be avoiding Shakespeare's questions, trying to widen the space between himself and Shakespeare. In the ring, Matsuoko stomps on Chow's knee. Outside, Shakespeare seems to be getting more and more annoyed with Gecko, and finally spins him around by the shoulder. Gecko comes around with a knee right to Billy's ribs, and Shakespeare goes down, holding his side, and wincing in pain. The crowd gives a solid heel pop. In the ring, Matsuoko goes to execute a splash on Chow's leg, but Chow raises a foot to catch Hakiro in the face. Hakiro falls to the mat, and Chow rolls out of the ring to where Gecko stands over Shakespeare, taunting him.] TD: What is with El Super Gecko? SR: I guess he wants to make a name for himself. TD: Wait a minute... _Another_ Super Gecko is coming down the aisle! [Gecko #1 argues with Chow as Gecko #2 runs in between them both. The two Geckos begin to argue, and finally, Gecko #2 pulls the mask off Gecko #1, revealing Tiger Claw. Chow points towards him, and Claw, realising "The jig is up," leaps towards Chow, hitting with a knee to the side of his head. Claw turns his attentions to the real Super Gecko, and floors him with a shin kick to the head. Claw rolls Chow into the ring and follows, then executes a hard Tiger Driver on him. The ref frantically calls for the bell. Chow lays on the mat, and Shakespeare and Gecko both lay outside the ring, nursing their wounds. Claw leaps to the top rope and hits the Golden Tiger Strike on Chow. Tiger Claw runs over to the barely conscious Hakiro and helps him out of the ring. Claw hurriedly takes him back up the aisle. Hakiro is quite groggy, and doesn't appear to know where he is.] TD: I guess we know where Hakiro stands now! SR: Not really. It all depends if Hakiro knew that his Gecko was an impostor or not. TD: Well, _we_ were fooled! SR: Exactly. I guess we're going to have to find out ourselves. TD: Well, I guarantee that this is one story I'll be looking at in depth in the new IIWF Tuesday night programme! SR: Always looking for a plug, aren't we? [Shakespeare gets to his feet, and give a kick to El Super Gecko.] TD: I don't think Shakespeare knows what just happened! He still thinks that it was El Super Gecko that attacked him! SR: Well, it was... kind of. [Shakespeare gets into the ring and tends to Chow, who lies unconscious in the middle of the ring.] TD: We're just minutes away from tonight's huge main event, folks. But before we see Dan Kauffman face his destiny, it's time to go across live to the offices of the IIWF President, who has some very important announcements for us. [Cut to a split screen: on the left, the announcers' table; on the right, IIWF President Dan Spreadbury at his desk.] TD: Mr. President, thank you very much for taking time out of your busy schedule to join us here tonight. DS: It's my pleasure, Tim. I regret that I've been so quiet recently, but I want to assure the fans of the IIWF that I have been slaving away in the background, working on some very big developments. Foremost among them has been the restructuring of the IIWF from the ground up. TD: Perhaps you wouldn't mind clarifying the situation for the IIWF's fans. DS: Due to certain financial difficulties, the IIWF has been forced to temporarily cut back on its broadcasting budget, which has led to the termination of our live midweek card and a reduction in our outside broadcast capacity. Fans need not worry, however, since our commitment to providing the very best in wrestling entertainment and action remains unaltered. TD: Is there any truth in the rumour that the pay demands of certain IIWF superstars or broadcasters has prompted this reconsideration? DS: [smiles] I'm afraid I'm not at liberty to discuss that at this time, Tim. But enough of that. I'm really here tonight to announce the first details of a whistle-stop world tour, and also of the IIWF's next Pay-Per-View spectacular. TD: A world tour? DS: That's right, Tim. Beginning next Saturday, the IIWF will be taking its unique style of action to venues all over the world, culminating in a return to the United States for the next Pay-Per-View. Next Saturday night's show will emanate from Mexico City, and over the subsequent weeks, the IIWF superstars will visit Paris, London, Berlin, Rome and Tokyo. TD: That's a very impressive itinerary, President Dan. DS: Indeed it is, Tim. But the arrangements for the next Pay-Per-View spectacular are possibly even more impressive. On Saturday 21 December, live from a US Air Force base in the wilds of Alaska, we will be bringing you IIWF Snow Brawl! SR: Alaska?! You've got to be kidding me. It'll be freezing up there! DS: No expense has been spared in fitting out a disused aircraft hangar, Steve. The base provides a unique opportunity for both the superstars and fans of the IIWF to really experience a true Snow Brawl! TD: Any news of matches signed for this great event, President Dan? DS: Of course. Although discussions are ongoing, I can confirm the following: firstly, all four of the IIWF's championships will be defended at Snow Brawl. I will be announcing these matches over the next couple of weeks. Secondly, the rest of the card will be made up of "lethal lottery" tag team matches. The names of twenty-four of the IIWF's top superstars will be drawn as random pairings and put up against one another in six great "lethal lottery" tag team matches. Who knows what kind of pairings we're going to see here? We could see the Subway Psycho and Tiger Claw forced to team up against Casey James and Deathbringer, for example. TD: Wow! What a match that would be! DS: Exactly. The athletes will have to put past differences behind them and work together to win their match, because the winning pairings will then go on to participate in a battle royal free-for-all to compete for a shot at the IIWF World Heavyweight Championship. The last man standing in the ring at the end of the over-the-top-rope battle royal will get that shot, while the last man to be eliminated will receive a shot at whomever the IIWF Intercontinental Champion might be. Both title matches will take place on the next live card after Snow Brawl, which will be on January 4, 1997. TD: That's a great line-up in prospect, President Dan. Any word on participants in the "lethal lottery" yet? DS: I will be announcing the twenty-four participants over the next couple of weeks, but I'll get the ball rolling with the announcement of the first six athletes to be put into the draw: the Sandman; "Blitz Lightning" Bobby Lincoln; Marty Warnett; Casey James; Onslaught; and the Venusian Death Cell. I'll announce a further six competitors later in the week. TD: Anything further to add, Mr. President? DS: A couple of things: firstly, there will be an IIWF Free For All immediately preceding the Snow Brawl Pay-Per-View itself, featuring more great matches which will be announced over the next couple of weeks. Secondly, concerning the status of "Quickstrike" Chris Quigley in the IIWF. I notice that front office discussions about the possible termination of Quigley's contract have been leaked, and I feel some comment is needed at this time. TD: Is there any truth to the rumours that Quigley has been fired? DS: None at all. It is true that discussions are ongoing at the moment, but I do not anticipate the termination of Chris Quigley's contract at this time. There is a 30-day non-appearance clause written into the terms, which stipulates that Quigley must fail to appear for scheduled IIWF duty for forty days before action can be taken, and I intend to honour the terms of the contract. Incidentally, that period expires in two weeks' time. Obviously, we remain concerned for Quigley's well-being, and hope that he will contact an IIWF official as soon as possible. TD: I think you echo all our feelings there, Mr. President. SR: All of us, except me. I hope Quigley never comes back. DS: Now, now, Steve. I think that's all for now, gentlemen. I'll be back with more names for that "lethal lottery" draw later in the week. TD: Thanks very much for joining us, President Dan. DS: It's my pleasure, Tim. Goodnight, gentlemen. [Cut back to normal shot of the broadcast table.] SR: You really have a brown tongue, Dross. TD: [sticking his tongue out] I do? SR: That's not what I mean, you moron. I mean that you're always licking Dictator Danny's ass... TD: [interrupting] That's quite enough, thank you, Steve. Well, folks, Snow Brawl is only four weeks away, and what an event it promises to be! Right now, though, it's time for tonight's main event. Dan Kauffman faces the sinister Cadaver in what could prove to be a terminal match. Let's go backstage to the locker room, where Larry Morton is going to get a few words with Kauffman: [Cut to Larry Morton backstage near the locker rooms.] LM: I've been back here for about an hour now, and the tension can be cut with a knife! I'm telling you guys, something big is going to happen when Kauffman meets Cadaver, and Kauffman knows it too. I had a chance to talk to Kauffman, but he flew right by me, only pausing long enough to say off-camera that "I've been waiting for this day. Destiny and Fate don't often clash." I don't know what he meant, but all this talk about destiny is really eerie. One thing's for sure... Kauffman is in the building, and he will meet Cadaver in just a few minutes. Back to you! [Cut back to ringside.] TD: So no words from Kauffman, but it's clear that he believes himself ready for this match. Let's get back up to the ring for the introductions. =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Dan Kauffman vs. Cadaver -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= [Sparkplug Lee steps into the ring, and as he does so, the lights in the arena drop, blue lighting dimly illuminating the ringside area. Sparkplug looks around nervously and raises his microphone:] RA: Ladies and gentlemen, it's time for tonight's main event. [Pop!] The following contest is scheduled for one fall, and it is a special one-shot deal non-title encounter. Introducing first, from parts unknown, and weighing in at 335lbs, here is the man known only as... Cadaver! [A chill seems to run through the crowd, who erupt with a huge heel pop as the frame of Cadaver appears silhouetted at the top of the aisle. Without so much as glancing at the fans, the huge man makes his way down to the ring. He stands at around 6'8", and is very bulky; his lack of muscle definition belies his impressive upper body strength, and he is agile for a man of his size. His face is obscured both by a featureless black mask, and his stringy, manky black hair, which hangs down in front of his visage. He stalks down the aisle, and the fans in the front rows seem held in awe by his presence.] TD: [after a long pause] This man is terrifying, Steve. SR: He sure is, Dross. I've never known any wrestler to have an affect like this on a crowd. Cadaver is just ice cold. TD: This man isn't all bluff and no stuff, though, and Kauffman had better be prepared for a real fight. Cadaver is a former world champion, and he can come at you with high-impact offense, with brawling tactics, and even from the top rope. SR: The only area where Kauffman is going to have an advantage over Cadaver is in speed. TD: He also has the support of every person in this building, and millions all over the world, Steve. SR: Yeah? Well, he doesn't have my support, Dross. [Cadaver climbs into the ring, and simply stands on the far side of the ring, facing the head of the aisle. Sparkplug Lee regards the huge man nervously before speaking again:] RA: And introducing his opponent... [the crowd begins to roar, and a "Kauff-man! Kauff-man!" chant immediately erupts] TD: Wow! Listen to these people! SR: Do I have to?! RA: ...hailing from Hagerstown, Maryland, and weighing in at 230lbs, here is the IIWF World Heavyweight Champion... Daaaaaan "Flaaash" Kaaaaauuuufffmaaaaaaan! [The crowd pops huge, but quickly hushes as the lights in the arena turn an even deeper hue of blue, and dry ice begins to emanate from the head of the aisle. Slow, soft rhythmic Asian music plays. Dan Kauffman emerges from behind the curtain, bedecked from head to toe in a black outfit, save for the glinting gold IIWF World Heavyweight Championship belt, and kneels at the head of the aisle, his head down. He performs some elaborate hand gestures.] TD: There are those hand katas. Kauffman is trying to harness some kind of objective form and concentration with those gestures, Steve. SR: Last time I saw Kauffman wave his hands like that was against Deathbringer back at Ring Wars I. And we all know how much good it did him. TD: That's not fair, Steve. Kauffman was only very narrowly defeated at Ring Wars, and that was after having been attacked earlier in the event by Tiger Claw. [Kauffman stands, and focuses his eyes on Cadaver, who still stands motionless in the ring. The champion walks down the aisle, keeping his eyes locked on the ring the entire time. The crowd remains hushed, and he pays them no attention as he walks to ringside and climbs the ring steps. He steps between the ropes, and the lights rise as he hands his championship belt to the referee. He stands toe to toe with Cadaver, who towers a good six or seven inches above him. The atmosphere is electric.] TD: It feels like every member of this crowd is holding his or her breath, Steve. [The officials signals for the bell, which jangles out like an explosion of noise into the hushed arena. It is all the encouragement Kauffman needs, and he immediately launches a right hand at Cadaver, who seems slow to react, and Kauffman gains the upper hand right from the get-go. He staggers Cadaver with a series of punches, and then bounces against the ropes, hitting with a shoulderblock. Cadaver stays on his feet, so Kauffman attempts a second shoulderblock. Again, Cadaver stays on his feet. Kauffman goes for a clothesline, but is swatted to the mat by Cadaver, who immediately drops on Kauffman and begins choking him out, grasping his neck with both hands. The referee gets in Cadaver's face and lays the count on him, but Cadaver is unrelenting, breaking only on the count of four. He stands, and Kauffman rolls over to the ropes, gasping for breath. As he tries to stand, Cadaver stamps down on the back of his neck, choking Kauffman on the bottom rope. Again the referee gets in Cadaver's face, and this time, the sinister one turns to the official and looms above him, threatening. Meanwhile, Kauffman clutches at his throat, and rolls to the outside, where he slumps to the floor, trying to breathe.] SR: A great gameplan from Cadaver here, Dross. If Kauffman can't breathe, how can he fight? TD: This is disgusting, Steve. Cadaver's breaking every rule in the book -- and now he's going to the outside. [Cadaver climbs from the ring and drags Kauffman to his feet. Hoisting him easily above his head, he proceeds to drop him throat-first onto the steel crowd barriers. Huge heel pop. The referee lays the count on both men as Cadaver drags Kauffman to his feet once more and whips him into the steel ringsteps.] TD: This is awful. Kauffman can't breathe! The referee has to stop this match right away! Hold on -- it's the Subway Psycho! The Subway Psycho is coming to ringside! There's no love lost between Cadaver and the Psycho, Steve. SR: There sure isn't. Cadaver defeated the Psycho for a world title a long time ago, and the whining sewer rat still complains that he was never given a chance for a rematch. [The Psycho sprints down to ringside to a huge pop and immediately starts slugging it out with Cadaver. The sinister one is rocked by the Psycho's assault, and the referee leaves the ring to try and break up the squabble. The official finds himself shoved out of the way, however, and the Psycho and Cadaver continue to go at it. Kauffman, meanwhile, begins to catch his breath, and pulls himself to his feet using the ring apron. The crowd erupts once more as another figure lumbers down to ringside.] TD: It's Otto Verhoeven! Give me a break! This wasn't supposed to be a lumberjack match! [Verhoeven immediately blindsides the Psycho, and holds him for Cadaver to hit him in the gut with a hard right hand. The Psycho is doubled over, and Cadaver sets him up for the Death Drop, but the Psycho has the presence of mind to drive himself backwards, catching Verhoeven with an elbow and escaping Cadaver's grip. The man in black turns his attentions back to Kauffman, who has climbed back into the ring, and steps back to the apron. He is met by a shoulder to the stomach from the champion, who then proceeds to suplex Cadaver back into the ring over the top rope! Huge pop! Kauffman waits for the sinister one to get back to his feet, and then launches himself with a flying forearm which knocks Cadaver to the mat once more. Kauffman makes the cover - 1 - kickout!] TD: It's going to take a great deal more than that to take Cadaver out, Steve. SR: You're telling me, Dross. I can't recall ever having seen this guy pinned. [Both men get back to their feet, and Kauffman charges Cadaver as he pulls himself upright using the ropes, clotheslining the big man out of the ring! Huge pop as Kauffman is also carried over the ropes to the outside by his own momentum! Kauffman lands hard on Cadaver, but pulls himself to his feet as the big man lies stunned on the arena floor. Kauffman climbs to the ring apron, and runs along it, launching himself with a splash on Cadaver, which he connects. Big pop! While Verhoeven and the Psycho continue to brawl on the other side of the ring, Kauffman picks up a section of the steel ring steps, and throws it down on Cadaver with tremendous force. Huge pop!] TD: Wow! What a shot... hang on, Cadaver's just pushing the steps off himself and getting to his feet! SR: He's one tough nut to crack, Dross. I don't know what it is about these dead guys, but they can sure take it as well as they dish it out. [Kauffman seems only mildly surprised that Cadaver has shaken off his attack, and immediately goes to work again, ramming Cadaver's head into as many ringside surfaces as he can -- the apron, the steel crowd barriers, the ringpost, and then sends him careering over the ring steps. Big pop! However, Cadaver once more gets to his feet. Kauffman reenters the ring to stop the count, and bounces off the ropes, throwing himself between the top and second ropes with a cross-body block on Cadaver, knocking the big man down. Both men end up some way up the aisle. Kauffman is quickly to his feet, and returns to the ring. On the outside, the Psycho and Verhoeven continue to brawl. Kauffman launches himself over the top rope, landing a kick on Verhoeven, knocking the Butcher to the floor. However, he turns his attentions away from his opponent for a few moments too long, and Cadaver pounces from behind, clubbing Kauffman on the back of the head, and hauling him back into the ring.] TD: Both men have taken a huge amount of punishment in this match, Steve. I can't see it going on much longer. [Cadaver whips Kauffman into the ropes, and attempts a clothesline, but misses, and Kauffman counters with a flying cross-body block which knocks Cadaver off his feet. Kauffman goes for the cover - 1 - 2 - kickout! He drags Cadaver to his feet again and whips him into the ropes, executing his "Powerplant" spinebuster on the return! Huge pop!] TD: Wow! It's over! Kauffman hit the "Powerplant" -- he makes the cover... One! Two! Th... No! Cadaver kicked out! Unbelievable! I've never seen anybody kick out of that spinebuster! [As Cadaver pulls himself to his feet, Kauffman looks momentarily taken aback as the crowd expresss its disbelief, but then looks determined once more and climbs quickly to the top turnbuckle. As Cadaver lumbers towards him, he executes his "Lights Out" flipping clothesline from the top rope. Cameras flash all over the arena! Huge pop! Kauffman makes the cover once more - 1 - 2 -- still Cadaver kicks out! Huge disappointed pop. Kauffman gets to his feet, suddenly looking exhausted and deflated.] TD: Don't give up now, Dan! You so nearly had him! SR: No way, Dross. Kauffman _can't_ pin Cadaver. There's no way he can do it. [The crowd begins chanting "Kauff-man! Kauff-man!" in encouragement once more as Cadaver pulls himself to his feet. Kauffman seems to draw energy from the crowd, and lays into Cadaver with a series of hard right hands. He whips the sinister one into the ropes again, and attempts a clothesline. Cadaver ducks underneath, and stops dead, spinning Kauffman around and flooring him with a short-arm clothesline of his own. Big heel pop! Cadaver stomps away on Kauffman, and drags him to his feet, hitting him with a hard shot to the lower abdomen. Kauffman is winded, and doubles over.] TD: Come on, ref! That was a low blow! SR: Cadaver hit him in the stomach. Perfectly legal. TD: Are you watching the same match, Steve? [Cadaver places his leg over Kauffman's bowed head, and executes the Death Drop on his opponent. Huge heel pop!] TD: That's it! It's over now! Nobody's ever gotten up from the Death Drop... hang on, Cadaver isn't covering him. What's he doing? [Cadaver slowly climbs to the top turnbuckle, his back to the ring, while lies motionless on the mat behind him. Cameras flash as Cadaver stands on the top buckle, and then throws himself backwards with a reverse moonsault, crashing down on Kauffman! Huge heel pop!] TD: That's more than three hundred pounds crashing down with incredible impact. There's no way Kauffman's getting up after that, Steve. SR: Foregone conclusion, Dross. TD: Listen to this crowd. It's deafening in here! Folks, the Psycho and Verhoeven are still brawling somewhere up in the stands... but here comes Cadaver with the cover! [Cadaver covers Kauffman - 1 - Cadaver pulls Kauffman's shoulders up from the mat! Huge heel pop! The referee gets in Cadaver's face, and the big man threatens the official. There is another huge heel pop as the massive frame of Deathbringer appears in the aisle.] TD: Oh no! Not Deathbringer! Please, no! SR: Oh yes! It looks like the fun is just beginning for Kauffman, Dross! [Deathbringer ignores the negative reaction of the crowd and makes his way down to the ring. Without so much as a pause, he steps between the ropes and drags Kauffman to his feet. The referee signals for the bell as Deathbringer hoists Kauffman onto his shoulder and executes a Tombstone piledriver. Huge heel pop! Kauffman lies motionless in the ring, and Cadaver drags him to his feet once more. Picking him up as if he weighed nothing, Cadaver goes to the second turnbuckle, and hoists Kauffman into position for a piledriver. Deathbringer joins Cadaver in the corner, and the two men execute a spike piledriver on Kauffman! Huge heel pop!] TD: No way! The spike piledriver was outlawed years ago! That move has ended the careers of dozens of wrestlers! SR: And you can add Kauffman to that list! Look at him in there -- he's motionless! [The official attempts to keep the two men in black away from Kauffman, but with little success. The crowd's jeers suddenly turn to cheers as a flood of wrestlers dash down to the ring -- the Sandman, the Enigma, the White Phoenix, Onslaught and a large number of the Jobber Justice Squad storm the ring, with a team of security personnel not far behind.] TD: Here come the cavalry, Steve. Kauffman has taken a victory by disqualification here, but he may well have been seriously injured by the attack of Deathbringer and Cadaver. Will these demons ever be laid to rest? SR: As long as man lives, Dross, there will be a fear of death. And as long as man fears death, men like Cadaver and Deathbringer will have a hold over us. TD: That was very poetic, Steve. SR: Yeah, I think I read it on the back of the official IIWF Deathbringer Breakfast Cereal packet. TD: Of course. These wrestlers have managed to clear the ring of Deathbringer and Cadaver, folks -- and these two men don't look happy about it. [Cadaver and Deathbringer stand side by side at the foot of the aisle, looking up into the ring, where a horde of wrestlers stand, warding them off. The men in black turn and walk up the aisle, ignoring the jeers of the fans as they go.] SR: This war will be settled another day, Dross. I guarantee it. TD: Not by Cadaver it won't be. I sincerely hope that this is the last we see of that monster. [In the ring, the wrestlers tend to Kauffman, and help him to his feet. Huge pop as Kauffman appears to be responding to questions from the official.] TD: Incredibly, Dan Kauffman appears not to be seriously hurt. Wow, what a battle. RA: Ladies and gentlemen, here is your winner, as the result of a disqualification: Daaaaaann Kaaaaaaauuuuuuffmaaaan! [Another massive pop for the World Champion as he continues to be tended to by officials and comrades. Cut to the broadcast table.] TD: What a match that was. But will Kauffman feel that he has proved his mettle against death once and for all? That remains to be seen. Folks, we're right out of time here, but I'll be back with you this Tuesday for an in-depth look at all the developing situations we've seen tonight. Until then, this is Tim Dross, for "Soundbite" Steve Roberts, saying: so long, everybody! [Cut to an aerial overhead shot of the ring, filled with all the various officials and wrestlers. Freeze and fade] +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= I * I * W * F =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+ | President: Daniel Spreadbury | Vice-President: Steve Owens | | univ0322@sable.ox.ac.uk | sowens@admin.presby.edu | | iiwf@sisko.demon.co.uk | IIWFadmin@aol.com | +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- http://www.sisko.demon.co.uk -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=+