[Fade up on slow-motion footage of Dan Kauffman celebrating his IIWF World Championship victory against Otto Verhoeven. He holds the belt aloft as cameras flash all over the arena.] VO: It has been a long road for Dan Kauffman. Years of training, and six months of dedication and hard work, have taken him to the very top of the wrestling world. Just three weeks ago, he captured the ultimate prize in all of professional wrestling: the IIWF World Heavyweight Championship. By wearing that gold around his waist, he is a marked man. Challengers line up on all sides... and the shadow of death itself waits at every turn. [Cut to footage of Steve "the Fury" Kowalski in action against the Sandman, Mr. Damage, the White Phoenix; and cut to footage of Kowalski drinking beer in his dive bar.] VO: The antithesis of Dan Kauffman's work ethic may be found in one Steve "the Fury" Kowalski, one of the most dominating newcomers to arrive in the IIWF. Living up to his moniker every time he steps into the ring, Kowalski has risen to the top of the rankings in record time... but he's made a lot of enemies on the way. Tonight, he attempts to take the IIWF World Heavyweight Championship from Dan Kauffman. [Cut to an exterior shot of the Sombrero Dome, and generic footage of Mexican countryside.] VO: Tonight, Dan Kauffman and Steve "the Fury" Kowalski do battle on the first stop on the IIWF's world tour. Tonight, _LIVE_ from the Sombrero Dome, Mexico City, this is... [The opening graphics smash onto the screen.] ##### ###### ### ########## ########## ########## #### ## ########## ########## ########## #### # #### ######## ##### ##### #### ## ##### #### #### #### #### ### #### #### #### #### ############# ######### #### #### ########### ######### #### #### #### #### #### ######### ######### ### #### #### ######### ######### ### ## #### ######## ######## ## # #### =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- ## =-=-=-= INTERNATIONAL INTERNET WRESTLING FEDERATION =============================================== S + A + T + U + R + D + A + Y N + I + G + H + T ----------------------------------------------- + !LiVE! + Sombrero Dome, Mexico City, Mexico + + Saturday 30 November 1996 + [The opening graphics fade through to interior shots of the Sombrero Dome in Mexico. The huge arena is lined with thousands of fans, many wearing the special IIWF World Tour sombreros whipped up by the Marketing Department, and lots wave signs in incomprehensible Mexican dialects. The shot pans down past the huge lighting rig suspended over the ring to the broadcast booth, at which stand Tim Dross and "Soundbite" Steve Roberts, who sticks a false Mexican moustache to his upper lip and grins as the shot comes to rest on the duo.] TD: Welcome everybody to the first stop on the IIWF's whistle-stop world tour! Welcome everybody to the Sombrero Dome in Mexico City! Welcome to another live and loud edition of IIWF Saturday Night! I'm Tim Dross, and beside me as always, is "Soundbite" Ste... er, Steve. You've got something crawling on your upper lip. SR: Very funny, Dross. TD: What _is_ that supposed to be? SR: Hey, I'm just trying to blend in with the locals. Anybody got a poncho? TD: Please, Steve. There's no room for such blatant stereotyping in professional wrestling. SR: You just said a bundle there, Dross. TD: What a show we've got lined up for you tonight, fans! No less than ten huge match-ups coming your way over the next couple of hours, so don't move from your chair! SR: Unless you're going to get a beer and some tacos. TD: You heard at the top of the show about tonight's huge main event, pitting IIWF World Heavyweight Champion Dan Kauffman against newcomer Steve "the Fury" Kowalski, who has been absolutely red hot since entering the IIWF. SR: He sure has, Dross. Don't be surprised to see Kowalski pull off the title upset of the century tonight. No, scratch that -- Kauffman winning the title in the first place was the upset of the century. TD: Only for you, I think, Steve. But Kauffman is certainly a man under fire... not only does the spectre of death still haunt him in the form of Deathbringer, but Casey "Blackheart" James also seems to be developing an unhealthy fixation on Kauffman and his World title. SR: There's nothing wrong with a little ambition, Dross. The big title has eluded Brian Lau thus far -- you know it's only a matter of time before that belt finds its way into the Syndicate's hands. TD: That's what I'm afraid of, Steve. Two of the IIWF's other champions will also be in action tonight in non-title action. The injured Billy Shakespeare has been ordered to fulfil his contractual obligations and will wrestle tonight against nemesis "Painbringer" Billy Sexton. I must question the judgement of the front office in making Billy wrestle while his ribs are still injured. SR: I have no sympathy whatsoever. If Pukespeare wanted to stay out of the ring for a while, why the hell did he turn up as the White Phoney's corner man last Saturday Night? He's asking for trouble, and he's going to get more than he can handle when he steps into the ring with Billy Sexton tonight, Dross. TD: That may well be the case. Fans, I regret to inform you that tonight's scheduled eight-man tag team match pitting IIWF World Tag Team Champions, Rising Sun Revolution, and Domination against Heavy Metal and the Arabian Knights, has had to be postponed following a misunderstanding on the Mexican border. SR: What kind of misunderstanding, Dross? TD: Well, I'm not entirely sure, but the Arabian Knights were refused entry into Mexico for some reason. In any case, that match will now take place in the Michelin Centre, Paris, this Wednesday, and we'll bring you all the action on IIWF Wednesday War Room. Two other tag teams will also be in action tonight as they vie for a shot at ending the unbeaten streak -- and the title reign -- of Rising Sun Revolution live in London next Saturday Night. But can you pick a winner out of the High Plains Drifters and the Armed Forces, Steve? SR: Well, Dross, they're both past champions, and they're both great teams, but I'm going to have to go with the Forces. Aaron the Caddie has really brought them back into focus recently, and you can bet that they'll be on top form tonight. TD: Lord Byron finally steps into the ring with Harlequin Tragedy tonight. We found out yesterday that Tragedy's "little surprise" for Byron is actually a pretty _big_ surprise... his kid brother, Harlequin Chaos, will be at ringside tonight. SR: These Harlequins are popping up everywhere, Dross. They're going to build up an army and overthrow the entire IIWF. TD: I don't think so, Steve. Byron had better be prepared to cover all bases tonight, though -- Tragedy can mix it up in a scientific style, and he can also take to the air. Byron's a cagey veteran, but he'd better be prepared for attack from all sides in the ring later on. In other action, Tiger Claw will battle the White Phoenix following the debacle of last Saturday Night, when Claw posed as El Super Gecko and attacked the Phoenix as he tried to take the Cruiserweight Championship from Hakiro Matsuoko. Of course, a big question mark still hangs over Matsuoko's allegiance -- will we see him here in the Sombrero Dome tonight? SR: Matsuoko's a smart guy, Dross. I can't believe that he could turn his back on the man who turned his fortunes around. TD: The party maniac Marty Warnett will also take to the rings later on to face "Blitz Lightning" Bobby Lincoln, who has really been mouthing off about the Welsh wonder in recent weeks. But Warnett seems to have hit a rich vein of form in the ring, and it's going to be a titanic struggle between these two light heavyweights. SR: Titanic struggle?! Lincoln's going to make like an iceberg and sink Warnett, Dross, and that's all there is to it. TD: The Subway Psycho is also going to be in action here tonight, as he takes on the Antipodean athlete with an attitude, Mr. Damage, and "Lone Wolf" Brody Thunder will battle the self-proclaimed English sensation, Robski. On top of all that, Becky LaRue is promising an exclusive telephone interview with one of the IIWF's past masters, the Outlaw J.W. Hardin, in her Lair. SR: What a scoop that's going to be, Dross. I can't wait to hear what Hardin's been up to for the past couple of months. TD: There's a great deal to get through, so let's get up to the ring without any further ado for tonight's opening encounter: =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Zodiac Connection vs. G.W.R. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= TD: This opener should prove to be a real thriller. G.W.R. is a very highly acclaimed team throughout the wrestling world, but the Zodiac Connection pulled off an upset last weekend by beating the multi-federation championship tag team of the Players' Club. SR: What exactly is your point, Dross? TD: That despite on paper G.W.R. looks like the better team, you can't underestimate the Zodiac Connection. I wouldn't bet against Scorpio and Taurus. What about you Steve? SR: I think I'm going to go to that stand and try one of those burritos. TD: Steve, you can't leave the broadcast booth. SR: I'll be back right after this match is over. I can't stand either of these teams. Just about the only thing that could hold my interest in this match would be having Pain Inc. and the Armed Forces make a surprise appearance and take them both out. TD: [sigh] Let's go to Sparkplug. SR: I'll go to the taco stand. [Steve leaves the broadcast booth as Sparkplug Lee steps into the ring wearing a sombrero. He is cheered by the crowd.] RA: Ladies and gentlemen, tonight's opening match is a tag team contest scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, making their way down the aisle, from the streets of Hollywood, CA, and accompanied by their manager Dr. Insane, they are Scorpio and Taurus... The Zodiac Connection! ["East 999" by Bone, Thugs & Harmony blares over the PA system as Zodiac Connection come out to a decent face pop. Scorpio jogs down to ringside hi-fiving the fans while Taurus walks slowly behind with the giant bull mask on his head. The Zodiacs stop halfway down to ringside to acknowledge a "The Stars Say Success For The Zodiacs Connection" sign. ] TD: The Zodiacs look pumped, and this Mexican crowd seems to like these guys. RA: Their oppenants, from parts unknown, and accompanied by their manager, General Kane, here are Spoiler and Loco... G.W.R.! ["Steam" starts up over the PA system as G.W.R. quickly make their way down the aisle to a mixed pop which leans towards cheers. General Kane slowly makes his way down the aisle with a focused expression on his face.] TD: G.W.R. seem very focused after suffering that big loss to the Armed Forces last weekend. [Loco and Taurus are the first to start off for their respective teams. They begin with a test of strength which is won by Taurus. Loco seems rather upset and challenges Taurus again. This time Loco changes the lock to a headlock, and throws Taurus to the mat. He releases the hold and performs a quick go-behind on Taurus, delivering a belly-to-back suplex which has Taurus crashing hard to the mat. Taurus absorbs the blow and jumps up immediately but is caught in a belly-to-belly suplex. As Taurus makes his way back up, Loco hits him with a stiff clothesline. Loco then grabs Taurus and whips him hard into his corner. Loco makes a tag to Spoiler and they whip Taurus into the rope for a double clothesline attempt, but Taurus ducks and hits them with a double clothesline of his own. He scoops up Spoiler for a big slam, and then hits Spoiler with a series of clotheslines. Taurus grabs Spoiler by the throat in preparation for a chokeslam. Loco clotheslines Taurus from behind. The ref catches this and reprimands Loco, sending him back to his corner. The damage has already been done, allowing Spoiler to take advantage of the situation. Spoiler lands several kicks and forearm smashes upon Taurus before picking him up and Irish whipping him into the ropes and hitting him with a devastating Steinerline. Spoiler runs off the ropes and delivers a big flying leg drop, and then goes for the cover. The ref gets into postion - 1 - 2 - a thunderous kickout. Taurus makes his way back to his feet while Spoiler runs off the ropes. Spoiler goes for a cross body but is caught by Taurus who delivers a big powerslam.] TD: Wow, that was a devastating powerslam, but Taurus really needs to make the tag now. [Taurus goes for the pin - 1 - 2 - Loco comes into the ring and lands an elbow across Taurus' neck to break the count. Spoiler makes the tag to Loco who whips Taurus off the ropes and into a back bodydrop. Loco drops several elbowsmashes onto the prone Taurus.] TD: Taurus is in a lot of trouble. He has yet to make a tag to his partner, Scorpio. Things could end here in a hurry if... Wait a minute, it seems somebody is coming down to ringside. Oh, great. It's Aaron the Caddie. You just know G.W.R. won't like this, since he cost them a victory last weekend. [Aaron struts down the aisle to a large heel pop. He stops halfway down the aisle and leans nonchalantly on his golf club. Meanwhile, G.W.R. continue to take control of the match as they double team Taurus. They seem oblivious to the fact Aaron the Caddie is in the arena. Loco hits Taurus with a devastating brainbuster which makes the Zodiac convulse in pain. Loco tags out to Spoiler who drags Taurus up and whips him into the ropes, delivering an amazing frankensteiner. He quickly rolls up Taurus - 1 - 2 - kickout! Spoiler makes a tag back to Loco as they scoop Taurus up for a double bodyslam, but Taurus flips over both wrestlers and hits them with a hard clothesline, taking both members out.] TD: This is Taurus' big chance! He's got to make the tag! [Scorpio is eagerly jumping on the ring apron in anticipation of finally getting into the ring. Taurus slowly makes his way to the corner but Spoiler grabs a hold of Taurus' leg while Loco finally gets up and drops a big elbow drop. Loco picks Taurus up and delivers a backbreaker but instead of dropping Taurus, he lifts him up again for a second backbreaker. He is about to make the cover when he notices Aaron applauding in a mocking manner in the aisle.] TD: Uh oh. This may be what Aaron wanted all along -- to ruin G.W.R.'s focus. [Both Spoiler and Loco begin yelling at Aaron. The General finally tells his men not to worry about it and convinces then to get back to the match. Loco finally turns around but walks right into the waiting arms of Taurus who delivers a sloppy, but still effective, tombstone piledriver.] TD: Taurus couldn't get the maximum effect out of that move since he has taken such a beating in this match, but it should give him enough time to finally make that tag. Come on, big man! [Taurus groggily makes his way over to his corner while Loco rolls over towards Spoiler. Loco makes the tag first as Spoiler races towards Taurus, but just before Spoiler catches him, Taurus makes the tag to a fired up Scorpio. Scorpio jumps over the ropes, hitting Spoiler with a high dropkick to a fair sized pop. Scorpio hits Spoiler with several armdrag takedowns. He hits several dropkicks and clotheslines. Loco, seeing his partner in trouble, attempts to come to his aid, but is met by a flying elbowsmash which sends him flying over the top rope.] TD: The Zodiac Connection finally have a offense going, and things don't look good for G.W.R. [Scorpio whips Loco off the ropes and nails him with a flying sidekick. He scoops the shocked Spoiler back up for a snap suplex. He runs off the ropes and hits Spoiler with a flying forearm, which send him to the outside.] TD: I don't like the action going to the outside with Aaron out there. You never know where the Armed Forces could be and what they have in store for G.W.R. -- or the Zodiac Connection, for that matter. [Scorpio runs off the ropes, diving over the top rope onto Spoiler, receiving a large pop from the crowd. Scorpio rolls Spoiler inside the ring but is met by an elbow to the face on his way back in. Spoiler then makes the tag back out to Loco who delivers a hard knee to Scorpio's midsection causing Scorpio to bend over, allowing Loco to catch Scorpio in a DDT. The crowd begins to buzz as Loco points to the top rope.] TD: Loco going airborne? This could be a huge mistake at this stage in the match. [Loco slowly makes his way to the top rope but gives Scorpio enough time to recuparate and dropkicks Loco while he is standing on the top rope, thus causing Loco to fall and straddle the top turnbuckle. Gasp from most male fans in the crowd!] TD: That is a position any man fears to be in. [Scorpio then scurries up the turnbuckles and attempts for a superplex but Loco proves to be too heavy. Instead, Loco reverses the manoeuvre into a front suplex, causing Scorpio to crash face first into the canvas. Loco then makes his way off the turnbuckle and tags to Spoiler who delivers a knee to the back of Scorpio and rolls him over for the pin - 1 - 2 - 3! A fair sized pop from the crowd as Spoiler, Loco and Kane celebrate as Taurus and Dr. Insane tend to Scorpio. Loco and Spoiler look at Aaron who looks on for a few short seconds and then walks back towards the dressing room.] RA: Ladies and gentlemen, here are your winners, by pinfall - G.W.R.! TD: Well, luckily Aaron came without incident. That was a great win for G.W.R. They used a variaiton of their finisher known as the Terminus. The Zodiac Conneciton put on a great performance but in the end it was the team who cut off the ring and made more tags that pulled it off, which is what tag team wrestling is essentially all about. [Steve Roberts returns to the broadcast booth with a handful of tacos and burritos.] TD: Gee, nice to have you back. I can't believe you left me alone in the broadcast booth. SR: Well, I can't believe you wear that thing you call hair. You think you would be grateful that I brought back enough tacos for both of us. TD: Has Christmas come early? Steve, you're actually going to share with me? SR: I didn't say that. I just said I brought enough for the both of us. You don't think I would actually share with you, Dross?! TD: Of course not. What was I thinking?! Folks, let's get back up to... no, hang on, I understand there's been a disturbance in the locker rooms. There's a camera back there. [Cut to a backstage corridor. The shot moves inside a locker room which is now filled with officials and security staff. In the middle of the confusion stands a pained Marty Warnett, who is clutching his leg. He yells various uncharitable things about Bobby Lincoln.] SR: Geez, what's going on here? Did Warnett fall over again? TD: Shush, Steve. I'm just hearing what's going on... Apparently, Bobby Lincoln and Todd Franklin broke into Warnett's locker room a little earlier on and tried to attack him with a baseball bat... They got in a couple of shots to Warnett's leg, but Marty fought back, and security were on hand within a few moments to defuse the situation. SR: That's great! Don't you just love the Universal Powers, Dross? TD: No, I do not, Steve. You can bet that they'll be receiving a fairly hefty fine from the IIWF President for that little attack. It seems just about everybody is trying to stop Warnett's recent winning streak by fair means or foul -- between Byron, Lincoln and "Superstar" Stud Stetson, it seems can't even turn around without being attacked by somebody. I hope his leg isn't too badly damaged... we'll have an update on Marty's condition later in the show, folks. [Cut back to ringside.] TD: Up next, we're going to see the undefeated Brody Thunder in his rematch against Robski, whom he faced a couple of weeks ago. I was sent to visit Thunder at his ranch earlier this week, and it wasn't an entirely pleasant experience. Let's go to that footage: [Cut to a lonely dirt road about noontime. In the distance a car careens towards the camera, leaving a jetstream of dust in its wake. The car skids to a dusty stop. A door opens and Tim Dross appears to be almost shoved out.] TD: [coughing] Hey, I thought you said you'd take me to the T-Bolt Ranch? [cough] What's the deal? [A voice from inside the car is heard.] VOICE: I said I'd SHOW you to the ranch. TD: Yeah... well? [A bony hand emerges from the car window and points up a narrow drive.] VOICE: Down that road. Have a nice day. [The vehicle speeds off leaving Dross in a cloud of dust.] TD: [cough] Thanks... give my regards to Andy and Goober.. [cough] Well, might as well get started [cough]. [Cut to approximately two hours later. Dross is carrying his suit coat and is drenched in sweat. Soon a Jeep Ranch Cherokee pulls up to him.] VOICE: Get in, Dross. [Dross squints into the vehicle.] TD: Brody... Brody Thunder? BRODY THUNDER: Yeah... now get in. C'mon, I ain't got all day. [Dross enters the vehicle and it speeds off. Cut to twenty minutes later. Dross and Thunder are seated in Thunder's video library room. On the big screen TV is a match between Man of Steel and Robski. Brody shuts off the VCR. The screen blinks and is then filled with the intro of Baywatch.] BT: So what does El Presidente Spreadbury want? I know you didn't come all the way out here to watch TV. TD: [somewhat distracted[...ah..okay...well..actually...um.. [Brody shuts off the TV. Tim recovers quickly.] TD: Yes... I mean _no_... he didn't send me. Actually I'm here to do an interview piece for an upcoming IIWF report. I've got a few questions I'd like to ask you. BT: Well, whatcha waitin' fer, son? Spit 'em out. TD: Okay. First let me recap a bit. You're on a little winning streak here in the IIWF. You debuted in a match with another IIWF newcomer by the name of "High Roller" John McClain. You defeated him with alarming ease in somewhat controversial fashion... BT: Controversial in yer world only, Dross... TD: Right, well, next you faced Robski and wound up out cold on the mat. BT: Courtesy of that freak o' nature VDC. I fixed that problem real quick... TD: That's right... You faced Venusian Death Cell last week and came out victorious. This week you've got the rematch with Robski. What do you plan on doing to continue this winning streak? BT: That's it? That's yer question? Hell son, I plan on plantin' Mr Robski through that mat come Saturday night. Next? TD: You seem pretty confident about a victory. Don't you feel you might be taking Robski a little too lightly? BT: Look Dross... this is the way it is. I beat McClain. A rugged competitor, but I still beat him. The WIN over Robski... which you CONVENIENTLY left out.. TD: You're right... it was a DQ win on your part. BT: ...a win is a win. They all look the same in the book, Dross. VDC stuck his nose in my business an' I pinned his shoulders to the mat for my third win. These are facts, Dross, plain an' simple. Now ol' Robski an' I are gonna hook 'em up again this Saturday night an' I plan on gettin' the same result minus the Excedrin headache afterwards. TD: Alright, then. _If_ you get past Robski, what are your plans? Who else do you see in the future as your opponent in the IIWF? BT: Don't get me wrong, Dross. I don't expect a cakewalk when I meet Robski. I just believe that I have what it takes to come out on top. As fer who I'd face next... I wanna get to that next level o' competitors who seem to be wrapped up in their own world. I'm talkin' bout the White Phoenixs, the Chris Quigleys an' the Steve Kowalskis of the IIWF. I'm aimin' at that 10 lbs o' gold that keeps Kauffman's waist warm. I realize the IIWF wants ol' Lone Wolf to prove himself worthy o' bein' up there. That's okay. I'll wait. I'll keep pilin' up the bodies until it's impossible to ignore me. I'm sure there's a man amongst the Stetsons, Subway Psychos, an' Marty Warnetts o' this fed that'll step between them ropes with me. It's all timin', Dross. I'll be patient... fer now. TD: You seem awfully cocky. What do you say to those who think you're "all sizzle and no steak"? BT: Look, Dross, let me lay it out fer ya, an' I'm dead serious now. [Brody looks directly into camera.] I ain't yellin'. I ain't screamin'. I don't do a lot o' cutesy stuff an' I ain't a babyface greenhorn. I'm shootin' straight from the shoulder when I tell you I AM the best in this sport today. Don't believe me... just try me. An' I don't just mean in the ring. I mean ANYWHERE. I mean I'M-JUST-THAT-GOOD. You've heard me say it before. I'm the best there is at what I do. Others may try an' tell you the same, but the plain truth is I've said that fer years. Check the FWLI. Check the NAWA. It's a stone cold fact. An' Robski you better get yerself a dictionary an' learn how to spell THUNDER, son, cuz it's gonna be yer epitaph. We're done, Dross. Pack it up. TD: Oooo-kay... uh, thanks for your time. [Brody gets up to leave.] BT: Right. [Dross gives the cut sign to the camera which abruptly goes to black. We can hear Tim Dross as it cuts out.] TD: So can I get a ride....? [Cut back to ringside.] TD: I don't know why I always get sent on that kind of assignment, Steve. SR: I think ol' Dictator Danny is hoping that one of these days, some unsavoury type is going to stop you returning from assignment. TD: That's not a very nice thing to say, Steve. SR: The truth hurts, doesn't it, Dross? TD: [sighs] Let's get back up to the ring. =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- "Lone Wolf" Brody Thunder vs. Robski -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= TD: Thunder has really been on Robski's case as of late. SR: Well, I guess Robski really got on Thunder's nerves. Thunder is a tough hombre, and he's got a mean streak at least three miles wide. TD: J.W. Hardin's been giving you cowboy lessons again, hasn't he? SR: Hardin's in Europe, ya geek... Why, I oughtta... TD: Well, anyway you slice it, this one's going to be a... SR: Glockenspieler... TD: Slobberknocker, Steve... It's slobberknocker. RA: Ladies and gentlemen, this match is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, hailing from Birmingham, England and weighing in at 335 lbs, Here is the English Sensation, Robski! [The crowd gives a moderate heel pop as Robski walks down the aisle. He looks completely bored with the situation he's in, and quietly enters the ring.] TD: Robski looks bored, Steve. SR: He'd better light up real soon, because he's going to be in the ring with Brody Thunder in a moment. RA: His opponent, weighing in at 276 lbs and hailing from Tombstone, Arizona, here is "Lone Wolf" Brody Thunder! [The crowd gives a heel pop for the cowboy, except for a few "heel favouring" fans near the aisle. Thunder walks out carrying a leather strap in his two hands. He folds the strap over, making snapping noises with it as he walks to the ring. He points at Robski, brandishing the strap.] TD: What's this all about? SR: Thunder is the master of the Tombstone Strap Match. TD: Says who? SR: Says him. TD: So, it's not official. SR: I'm not about to question him. Perhaps you care to step into the ring and prove him wrong? TD: Ummm, perhaps not. [Thunder drapes the strap over the post in his corner, then turns to attack Robski. Robski is ready, though, and the two trade hard punches. Thunder quickly switches to elbows, which seem to make more of an effect on Robski. Robski staggers back, and Thunder capitalizes with a short clothesline, flooring the Englishman. Thunder raises his fist for the crowd, then uses the same arm to drop an elbow. Thunder locks a headlock on Robski, who fights to his feet. Robski throws Thunder into the ropes, and attempts an elbow smash on the return, which is ducked. Thunder comes off the ropes and hits a nicely executed swinging neckbreaker. Robski holds the back of his head on the mat, and Thunder stomps him a few times. Thunder drags Robski up and tosses him over the top rope. Good pop. Thunder follows Robski out, and bulldogs him on the floor. A few fans at ringside try and pat the hurting Robski on the back, and Thunder throws him into the ring post. Robski hits hard.] TD: Oh, my! You could feel that all the way over here! SR: Thunder doesn't even need a strap to punish an opponent. He could easily be the master of any kind of match. [Thunder picks up the ring steps, and throws them down on top of Robski. Thunder then rolls into the ring to break the count, then rolls back out. He drags Robski up, and throws him into the ring, then follows in. Robski tries to use his position for an advantage, but is easily knocked back down to the canvas by Thunder. Thunder drags Robski up again and throws him into the corner. He then smiles, and adjusts his elbow pad. Thunder runs into the corner, attempting a clothesline, but Robski moves out of the way. Thunder hits the turnbuckles pretty hard, and Robski throws him into the opposite corner. Thunder reverses somewhat awkwardly, and throws him into a neutral corner, right into the ref. The ref hits the mat, and Robski staggers away. Thunder, seeing the ref go down, runs to his corner and grabs the strap. He wraps it around one fist and punches Robski with it, then proceeds to whip the Englishman across the back. The crowd gives a heel pop, and Thunder wraps the strap around Robski's neck. Thunder throws Robski over the top rope again, but keeps a hold of the strap, hanging Robski by the throat.] SR: There's that brutality you like so much, Dross. TD: This is so unnecessary. SR: Dross, you whine so much that I wonder if you wear diapers. [Robski grasps at the strap around his throat, but it doesn't give. Thunder laughs as the crowd boos. The ref staggers to his feet, and Thunder notices him. He lets go of the strap, letting Robski fall to the floor. Thunder quickly exits the ring and removes the strap from Robski, then rolls him into the ring. Thunder follows in, and throws Robski into the ropes. He hits Robski with a clothesline so hard that the Englishman flips backwards, landing on his front. Thunder rolls him over and covers with one foot. The ref gets in position for a slow count... 1 - - 2 - - 3!! Ding! Ding!! Mixed pop!] TD: Thunder completely dominated that one, but I don't think the hanging was really in order. SR: Brody is sending out a message, Dross. Ya don't mess with the West. TD: You're not going to go on about pulling capes and spitting in wind, are you? SR: I could... TD: Please don't. Well, folks, it's time to go over to Becky LaRue for her exclusive interview with the Outlaw J.W. Hardin. SR: I can't wait... this is going to be great! [Becky struts out and the crowd goes crazy. She blows kisses to the audience. She drapes herself across her lounge chair, she holds up a telephone, then signals for silence.] BL: Today we have a special treat for you all. Through a special source, I have learned the whereabouts of one of the IIWF's most popular warriors. So today, by satelitte link-up... "The Outlaw" J.W. Hardin! [The crowd explodes. A graphic of the Outlaw appears on the lower corner with the legend: "live from Tokyo, Japan". Becky listens to the phone in her hand.] PHONE: Hello? This is Madame Fong's house of Geisha.... BL: This is Becky LaRue calling for J.W. Hardin. PHONE: One moment please... BL: [To crowd] She's getting him now. [There is a long span of time during which Becky twiddles her thumbs. Finally the phone connection returns.] PHONE: Mr Outlaw, he no answer. He just laugh long time. He say that while you pretty, he sit in hot tub with three young ladies and no offer you make any better. Thank you. [The phone goes dead. Becky sits stunned in silence, flustered and insulted] BL: [To stage manager] Quick, we've got to save this. Who's backstage? [The stage manager returns. He whispers something in her ear which she doesn't want to hear.] What!? No way! There's nobody else? You're kidding me, right? Not even Ned Norton? Very well, bring them out. [To crowd.] Ladies, Gentlemen, fans of the IIWF, please welcome...sigh...the Alphabet Boys... [The crowd pops. Abie and Zed wander out, more than a little bit confused. They both rush for the chair, and there is a brief stuggle which ends when Becky forces both of them to sit on the floor.] BL: Do either of you have any idea what is going on? ABIE: Zed does. BL: You came back to the IIWF from Paraguay. Why? ZED: Paraguay is good country. There was plenty of sugar... ABIE: ...and they love Elvis. ZED: And they love the IIWF. For all those months we saw Armed Forces on the television set. I don't know what they were saying, because it was in Spanish, but every time they said "Alphabet Boys" they were laughing. I knew they were boasting. We came back to shut them up. BL: But you really haven't done that, have you? ABIE: Their little dwarf hit me in the head...! BL: All that time in Paraguay, and you can't understand Spanish? ABIE: Lo comprendo, pero Zed no hablo. [The crowd laughs] ZED: Quit that! BL: You two really haven't made any attempt to win the title belts. ZED: Title belts? BL: Yes! Wrestling... matches... opponents... winning? ABIE: We just fight who they tell us to. BL: So you aren't going to avenge your loss to the Dark Disciples? ZED: Are they the guys who are albino? Or are they the devil worshippers? Or are they the really evil guys? Or are they the sailors? I can't keep them straight. BL: This is beyond useless. Say goodbye and leave. ZED: Goodbye and leave. ABIE: Adios! Te amo! ZED: I told you not to do that anymore! ABIE: Lo siento... [Zed places Abie in a side headlock. He rubs his knuckles into his scalp. Before any combat can begin, Becky rudely shoves them backstage.] BL: Once again I apologise for the content of this program. I thought all the turkeys would be gone after Thursday. Next week I plan to interview another tag team... one that actually asked the vice-president how to get on my show... you know who you are, guys. I say tootle-loo and send you back to the IIWF's very own turkeys. "Soundbite" Steve Roberts nominated for "Best announcer", my butt. [Cut back to the announcers' table.] SR: [brushing it off] Ha, that Becky, she's such a tease. TD: You two are like a couple of kids. That was possibly the most unique interview I can remember Becky conducting. Well, let's get back up to the ring to see the Subway Psycho take on Mr. Damage. =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Subway Psycho vs. Mr. Damage -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= [Sparkplug Lee steps into the ring once more.] RA: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, coming down the aisle, hailing from Melbourne, Australia, and weighing in at 245lbs, here is... Mr. Damage! [Big heel pop as the spotlights turn to the head of the aisle. Mr. Damage steps out into the arena, and flexes in the glare of the lights.] TD: There are those guns of Navarone, Steve. SR: I hope the Subway Stinker gets a good look at them, at point blank range. [Mr. Damage makes his way down the aisle, ignoring the hostile reaction of the fans. He climbs the ringsteps, and steps through the ropes.] RA: And introducing his opponent: ["Crazy Train" starts up over the PA. Huge pop!] hailing from the subways of New York City, and weighing in at 255lbs, here is the "People's Champion"... the Suuubwaaaay Psssyyyyccchooo! [The lights in the arena drop, and the single headlight of the speeding subway train illuminates the video wall. Just as the train seems to smash through the wall, the figure of the Subway Psycho appears at the head of the aisle, silhouetted against the bright white light. He raises his arms to the appreciative crowd before making his way down the aisle to the ring, being swamped by the hands of the fans as he comes.] TD: These people sure love the Subway Psycho! SR: I guess there's a certain similarity between that sewer-dwelling no-hoper and these morons... TD: Please, Steve, try and be nice. We're visiting a very fine country. [The bell rings and the Subway Psycho immediately charges at Mr. Damage, pounding him to the mat with vicious forearms, and then stomping him down as well. Damage slowly tries to get up, but is met with a running kneelift by Subway that sends him back down again. Subway Psycho picks him up and bodyslams him, and then drops an elbow across Damage's chest.] TD: Subway Psycho is obviously trying to send a message to Otto Verhoeven in this match. It's been all Psycho so far. Sasha's absense at ringside isn't hindering him at all. SR: Of course not, Dross. Sasha, just like every other valet in the sport, is merely a burden and a distraction... although when it's a moron like the Stinker in the ring, at least Sasha gives me something to look at. [Subway grabs Damage and sends him to the ropes, meeting him with a reverse elbowsmash. Subway sends him to the ropes one more time, and ducks down for a back bodydrop, but he telegraphs it too early, and Damage sends a kick right into his face, straightening him up! Damage bounces off the ropes and takes the Psycho down with a lariat, before sitting down on his back and locking on a camel clutch. Subway struggles like a demon to reach the ropes and finally break the hold, as Damage begins working over his back with stomps and double axehandle chops. Damage picks Subway Psycho up and tries for a suplex, but he can't get him up. He tries again, but again he's denied by the Psycho blocking the attempt. Subway takes him over with a suplex of his own, and both men are laid out on the mat.] TD: The ref's putting the count on both men now, after that reversed suplex by the Subway Psycho. SR: You do realize he got that name because he was the first man to order hot peppers on his submarine sandwich, don't you? TD: [sighs] Whatever, Steve. [Both men get up at around the same time and meet each other with lefts and rights, an exchange that Subway gets the better of, before whipping Damage into the ropes and nailing him with a spinebuster slam! Subway gives the high sign for the Derailer and climbs the ropes, but he is suddenly distracted by the video wall flickering into life.] TD: Why's the Psycho hesitating?! SR: Hey, Dross, look at the video wall! [The video wall shows a disturbing scene, with Otto Verhoeven and Nurse Heidi in the locker room, harrassing the defenseless Sasha. Subway Psycho wastes no time in leaping from the ring and tearing up the aisle.] SR: This is a big mistake by the Psycho. He's got Damage beat, and he's going after the Butcher... TD: What would you do, Steve? Let your confidant and friend be attacked? SR: Hell, yeah. TD: You're disgusting. [A few seconds later, the Subway Psycho bursts through the door in a violent rage, and runs towards Verhoeven, who is ready and sidesteps the charge, sending Subway into the lockers face first, as Sasha screams. Verhoeven kneels down and starts nailing Subway with lefts and rights, but Subway reaches around with his hand and grabs hold of a barbell that was laying on the floor, and quickly smacks Verhoeven over the head with it, sending him sprawling. Subway grabs Verhoeven and slams him straight through the wooden bench, before grabbing a locker and throwing it on top of him.] TD: This is dreadful! We need some help back there! [He's about to do more when Nurse Heidi blindsides him and takes him down with a swift kick to the groin. She helps Verhoeven to his feet and tries to get him to leave, but Verhoeven will have none of it, grabbing the locker that was just tossed on him and driving it down into the ribs of Subway Pyscho three times. He is about to do it again when the IIWF security team and the Jobber Justice Squad make their appearance, yanking the locker away from Verhoeven's grip and forcing him and Nurse Heidi out of the locker room. All the while, Verhoeven yells choice words at the fallen Subway Psycho. The attendants check on him, and before they can really do anything, he slowly gets to his feet and groggily goes after Verhoven, but is easily held back by security. Sasha tries to calm him down. Cut back to the ring, where the referee has raised Mr. Damage's arm in victory.] RA: Ladies and gentlemen, here is your winner, as the result of a countout: Mr. Damage! [Big heel pop!] TD: Well, it's a mark in the win column for Mr. Damage here tonight, but he didn't earn his victory. The Psycho had him laid out but Verhoeven's distraction tactics were highly effective, as always. SR: The guy's a tactical genius, Dross. He knows just which buttons to press with the Stinker, and it's plain to see that the German juggernaut has got the better of that sewer rat. I love it! TD: Well, I don't, Steve. Folks, up next, Bobby Lincoln is scheduled to meet Marty Warnett in the ring. As you will remember, earlier on tonight, Warnett was attacked backstage by Lincoln, and I have heard from the medical team that Warnett sustained some bruising and a mild sprain. He has been keeping his knee on ice for the past half hour or so, and he has decided to wrestle. SR: What an idiot. He has an injured knee, and he still wants to get in the ring with one of the Universal Powers? TD: That's the kind of competitor Warnett is, Steve. Let's get back up to the ring. =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Marty Warnett vs. "Blitz Lightning" Bobby Lincoln =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= TD: I'm not sure about Warnett's chances in this match after the vicious attack that took place earlier this evening. SR: If I had a dime for every excuse I heard in the IIWF, I'd be rich. TD: Well, Steve, I think this one is well founded. You saw what Lincoln did to Warnett earlier. SR: Yes, I did. And it's Warnett's own damn fault he didn't try and attack Lincoln first. TD: Are you suggesting that it becomes survival of the nastiest here? SR: Sure. It'd be fun. TD: Well, let's just hope President Spreadbury keeps that from happening. Let's get down to ringside. RA: Ladies and gentlemen, this contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, weighing in at 347 lbs and hailing from Pacific Palisades, California, here is "Blitz Lightning" Bobby Lincoln! [Lincoln comes out to the aisle to a substantial heel pop. He's got a smirk on his face, and slings out a few insults to various people in the crowd.] TD: Look at this guy... He almost looks proud of what he's done so far. SR: And he should be. He basically guaranteed himself a win tonight. I can hardly wait for Warnett to get beaten. RA: His opponent, hailing from Cardiff, Wales and weighing in at 245lbs, here is Marty Warnett! [The fans cheer as soon as "Cold Gin" begins to play. Warnett limps out to the head of the aisle. A small group of young girls hold up a banner that reads "Party with us, Marty!" Warnett gives them a little wave, and one of them nearly faints from excitement. Warnett continues on his way to the ring, favouring his leg. Lincoln points at him and laughs, imitating the limp.] TD: Classy guy... SR: What do you know about class, Dross? Look at that rat pasted to your head! TD: Enough with the hair, okay? [Warnett gets into the ring, and Lincoln immediately rushes over and lays a boot into his injured leg. Warnett nurses the injury, and Lincoln continues his assault. Lincoln jams his foot into the back of Warnett's knee, and the rocker falls forward onto the mat. Lincoln grabs on to Warnett's foot, places his foot on the back of Warnett's knee again, and drives the knee into the mat, using the foot to strengthen the force. Warnett shouts out in pain and rolls away, holding the knee. Lincoln comes off the ropes and drops a forearm onto Warnett's leg. Warnett tries to get to his feet, but Lincoln catches him and throws him into the ropes. Warnett stumbles and falls before reaching the ropes, and Lincoln turns to the crowd and mocks concern for Warnett, getting a large heel pop for his efforts.] TD: Not only is he injuring Warnett, he's mocking him! SR: You realise this is pro wrestling, right? [Lincoln closes in to collect Warnett, but Warnett fires a right hand into Lincoln's jaw. Lincoln staggers back, and Warnett gets to one knee. Lincoln comes in again, and Warnett slams a shoulder into his midsection. Lincoln doubles over, and Warnett scoops hics legs out from under him. Lincoln falls back, and Warnett rolls him up for a pin... 1 - kickout by Lincoln. Warnett quickly lays a fist into Lincoln's head, and locks on The End, Warnett's figure four leg lock. Lincoln shouts out, but soon just sits there with a confused look on his face.] TD: Oh, no. It would appear that Marty's knee is too weak to apply the pressure that hold needs. SR: What a genius Lincoln is! [Lincoln starts to laugh, and Warnett's face shows a mix of concern and concentration. Lincoln flips the hold over and pushes his torso up, effectively reversing the hold and putting all the pressure on Warnett's bad knee. Warnett shouts out in pain and works towards the ropes. The crowd gives a confused murmur as a stretcher is brought out to ringside, along with a few medical staff members. The staff just stands at ringside as Warnett finally gets to the ropes, and the ref calls for the break. Lincoln breaks on the count of four, and notices the stretcher. Lincoln looks at the crew and laughs, pointing at Warnett. Warnett fights to one knee again, and waits for Lincoln to come back. Lincoln does, and Warnett executes a sort of martial arts footsweep, causing the surprised Lincoln to fall to the mat. Marty quickly wraps Lincoln in a small package, and the ref counts... 1 - 2 - 3!! Ding! Ding!] TD: I don't believe it! Warnett pulls a rabbit out of the hat! SR: Oh, come on... That was so cheesy. [Warnett staggers to the corner, and raises his arms while Lincoln gets up in a rage. He attempts to come after Warnett, but the ref gets in his way. The ref says a few words, and Lincoln storms from the ring. Warnett moves over to where the medical crew stands, and the video wall at the head of the aisle flickers to life. Stud Stetson's image fades in.] SS: Hey Walnut!!! [Warnett looks at the video wall] Yeah, that's right over here. You may wonder why that stretcher is at ringside. It's simple. Myself being such a great guy has taken the courtesy to make sure everything will be ready in case a serious injury may occur. [chuckles] You see Warnett, you never know when I may decide to strike again. You never know when I will be ready to take you out one more time. You see, I have your number, Warnett, and the next time I get you will be the last time. And I want to make sure a stretcher and qualified medical attendants are ready to wheel you out to the nearest hospital. I'm not sure what damage I may inflict, but let me warn you -- it will be very serious, and it will probably end your career. The good news, of course, is that I took the precautions of making sure it won't end your life. Beware Warnett, you never know when I may strike. You never know when your time has come to hang up the boots thanks to my own actions. This is just a little warning, party animal. [Stetson rolls out from under the ring behind Marty and hits the distracted Warnett in his smarting leg with an aluminum baseball bat. He then winds up and cracks the bat over Warnett's head. After landing a few kicks on Warnett, he rolls him onto the stretcher. The crowd are on their feet with a huge heel pop. Stetson takes the mic:] SS: Warnett, that's just a taste of what I will do to you when you finally decide to meet me in the ring. Next time I'm going to finish the job. Your days are numbered. [looks at the medical attendants] Now get this white trash outta here! [The crew begins to stretcher Warnett out as Byron poses in the ring with the bat, before taking off into the crowd.] SR: What a move! This guy is cagey, I'll tell you that. TD: That was disgusting. There's no call for behaviour like this. SR: Dross, I'm starting to think you're in the wrong profession. TD: It's not the profession that's my problem, Steve. It's these newcomers with their brutality. It's just not needed. SR: Oh, please. If you can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen. [There is a huge heel pop as Lord Byron comes down the aisle.] TD: Hang on... Not Byron as well?! This is just going to add insult to injury. SR: No, hopefully, further injury to injury, Dross! [Byron takes the microphone as Warnett is wheeled up the aisle on the stretcher.] LB: Mr. Warnett... Mr. Warnett. Wait a moment, please, sir. Would you mind if I just spoke a few words? [Warnett signals for the stretcher bearers to hold in the aisle. He grimaces at Byron from the aisle. Byron smiles a sick smile and continues.] LB: Why, thank you, Mr. Warnett. You and I have been at each other's throats ever since I first arrived in this federation. You would think that after two straight defeats in singles competiton, you may actually have learned your lesson. [Big heel pop from the crowd. Byron ignores it.] LB: Instead, Mr. Warnett, you continue to push both your luck and my patience to breaking point. Firstly your accusations of my parentage. [Byron sneers] Even I would be reluctant to stoop to such levels to gain attention. I have beaten you twice, Mr. Warnett, twice. And they were fairly solid victories as well. Yet you CONTINUE to dispute just who is the better wrestler. [Another heel pop. Warnett tries to get up from the stretcher, but collapses on his weak leg.] LB: And that is exactly your problem, Mr. Warnett. You are young, reckless and NOT ready for the big time. You want me to prove my technical ability? I need prove NOTHING to you! But if you insist on this course of action, then listen to this. I challenge you, Mr. Warnett, right here, next week, to a Pure Science match. In this match, a rule infraction of any sort -- [Byron sneers] EVEN A CLOSED FIST -- will result in not only a disqualification, but a full-fledged loss. And to settle this once and for all, the loser HAS to acknowledge the winner as the superior athlete. In front of the entire federation. [Byron's words draw a huge mixed pop from the crowd.] LB: Are you up to a match like that, Mr. Warnett? I know I am. With your leg in such [sneers] an emaciated state, I doubt it. I'm prepared to admit that you have some degree of talent, maybe even championship material. But are you willing to let the stakes go this high? I'll be waiting for your answer, Mr. Warnett. Take your time and mull it over. Ciao. [With that, Byron drops the microphone and leaves the ring, making his way past the stretcher in the aisle. Warnett swipes out with one fist, but Byron easily dodges and laughs as he makes his way back up to the locker room. Huge heel pop.] TD: What a match that could be, folks. Next Saturday, we will be coming live from the Royal Albert Hall, in London, England... those two British superstars meeting up in the main event would be a tremendous attraction. But will Marty's sprained knee be up to it? SR: Walnut's such an idiot, he'd wrestle even if both his legs had fallen off. He'll do anything for the adoration of his prepubescent fans, and on his home territory, too... TD: Please, Steve. SR: Pity English girls are so ugly, really. TD: Steve, that's not fair. SR: Mind you, at least they don't have warts and moustaches like these Mexican women. TD: Steve, that's enough! Folks, up next is the big tag team battle to decide which team will become #1 contenders to Rising Sun Revolution's World Tag Team Championship belts for a shot in London next Saturday Night. Two former champions, the High Plains Drifters and the Armed Forces, prepare to do battle. Let's get back up to the ring. =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= High Plains Drifters vs. Armed Forces =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= TD: The winner of this next match will face the Tag Team Champions! SR: Don't get so excited, Dross, your rug may fall off... TD: What is it about my hair that you need to go on about it all the time? SR: Well, it's fake... And not a particularly good fake, either. TD: [sighs] RA: Ladies and gentlemen, this next tag team match is scheduled for one fall and is for the privilege to meet the IIWF tag team champions! [pop] Introducing first, accompanied to the ring by Outlaw Josey Wales, here are Easy and Pale Rider, the High Plains Drifters! [The crowd gives a mixed pop as the three men make their way down the aisle. Pale and Easy walk with their arms around each others shoulders, and Josey chomps on a cigar and chuckles.] TD: Pale and Easy look fairly close tonight. SR: I think it's that whiskey they're endorsing... I wonder how many free cases they got. RA: Their opponents, being led to the ring by Aaron the Caddie, NavCom and DefCon, the Armed Forces! [The crowd gives a certain heel pop as these three men walk the aisle. NavCom and DefCon point at the HPD, yelling "We beat you before!" Aaron saunters down the aisle with his trademark golf club. He gestures to the back, and out comes Hades, the new bodyguard of Mr. Mic.] TD: Both these teams are ex-champions, Steve. They both know what it's like to hold the gold. SR: And these days, it's not odd for a singles or tag wrestler to hold the same belt at two different times. I think the Forces have the advantage, though, with more men on the field. TD: We've come a long way since Coronation Clash. SR: Well, some of us have... You still wear a rug on your head. [Hades calmly stands facing the locker room area. The bell rings, and NavCom and Pale Rider start things off. The two circle each other, then lock up. Pale Rider twists NavCom's arm, and NavCom reverses. Pale forces NavCom into the ropes, and the two fight for superiority again Pale surprises NavCom with a stiff elbow to the butt of the jaw, and NavCom recoils. Pale comes off the ropes with a dropkick, and NavCom goes down. NavCom rolls to his corner and tags in DefCon. DefCon comes in and tries to grab Pale Rider, but Pale dodges and hits with a punch to the face. Again, DefCon tries for a grab, but again, Pale dodges and punches. This continues for a third time, when Pale punches again, and again, and again, staggering DefCon. Pale comes off the ropes and leaps into a flying cross body block, but fails to get DefCon off his feet. DefCon powerslams the smaller man into the mat. Heel pop.] TD: Speed is a good attribute to have, but you have to keep in mind that if you get caught by a big man, you're in trouble. SR: You speak as though you've had experience in the matter, Dross. [DefCon drags Pale Rider up and throws him into the corner. He plants his boot across Pale's throat, and pushes. The ref counts the choke, and DefCon is forced to break at 5. DefCon throws Pale into the opposite corner, and follows in with a splash. Pale moves, and DefCon is stunned. Pale leaps for the tag to his partner, and Easy Rider comes in to match size with DefCon. There is a mixed reaction as G.W.R. come down the aisle, and Hades stands at the ready. In the ring, Easy Rider tackles DefCon, and both men hit the mat. Easy locks on an armbar. G.W.R. reach Hades, but the big man refuses to get out of their way. They try and get around him, but Hades uses his size to block them off. DefCon fights to his feet and bounces Easy off the ropes, and attempts a clothesline. Easy ducks, and comes back the opposite direction. DefCon catches Easy in a big spinebuster, and the Drifter is laid out on the mat. DefCon notices the commotion on the outside, and goes to the ropes to see what's going on. NavCom leaps from the apron and stands with Hades, engaging in a shouting match with G.W.R.] TD: What is going on here? SR: I don't know, but the Forces had better get their minds back on this match. [The ref tells DefCon to get back into the match, but is ignored. Josey Wales hands something to Pale Rider. Easy staggers to his feet and stumbles into his corner, but doesn't tag out. DefCon seems to be confident that everything is under control, and goes to collect Easy Rider. The ref directs his attention at the shouting on the outside. DefCon grabs a hold of Easy to pull him out of the corner, and catches a loaded fist to the temple. He hits the mat, and holds his head. Pale Rider hands the object back to Josey Wales. Easy tags in Pale Rider, who leaps to the top rope, then onto Easy's shoulders. He launches himself into a splash onto the fallen DefCon. The ref turns just in time to see the cover, and counts... 1 - 2 - 3!! Ding! Ding! Ding!] TD: The High Plains Drifters win a shot at the title! SR: Yeah... The Forces kind of beat themselves, didn't they? [On the outside, G.W.R. make their way back to the dressing rooms, and Aaron and NavCom turn their attentions back to the match in time to see Pale and Easy having their arms raised in victory.] TD: That's the way things go in the IIWF, it seems. SR: Well, yeah... If you can't keep track of what's going on, then you get beat... Simple as that. TD: Of course, if it weren't for G.W.R, the result might have been different. SR: But they did, and we've got the result we got. Case closed. TD: That match between the High Plains Drifters and Rising Sun Revolution will take place live next Saturday Night from the Royal Albert Hall, London. What a match that's going to be! But for now, we must move on. Now this next match has the potential to be a terrific match. Both Claw and The White Phoenix are highly respected competitors here in the IIWF, and on his current form, it seems to be only a matter of time before the Phoenix captures a title. SR: If we're talking titles here, don't forget that Claw has held the Intercontinental Title on _three_ different occasions. He's got the experience and the skill to tear the Phoenix apart. TD: We'll see. Let's go up to Sparkplug for the introductions. =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Tiger Claw vs. The White Phoenix -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= RA: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, hailing from Thailand and weighing in at 220lbs, accompanied to the ring by his manager, Brian Lau, here is... Tiiiggggeeeeer Clllaaaaaaww! [The chaotic Thai boxing music starts up over the PA system, and Tiger Claw steps into the aisle to a big heel pop. Lau leads his man to the ring, giving him last minute instructions and advice. Claw enters the ring and raises his arms in the air, nodding his head, before using the ropes to stretch and warm up.] TD: Claw definitely looks psyched up for this match here tonight. The Syndicate appear to have fallen on bad times at the moment. No doubt Lau's anxious to turn that around. SR: They will, Dross, mark my words. It's only a matter of time before the Syndicate - and this man in particular - get back on the title trail. Claw's one of the longest serving competitors in the IIWF to date. There's no way Chow can match that experience. RA: And his opponent... [the crowd gives a huge pop, and Sparkplug strains above the noise] weighing in at 220lbs, hailing from San Francisco, California... here is the White Phooeeeeeeenixx!!!!! [A gong sounds, followed by an eagle's cry, and Shinja Chow streaks down to the ring to a huge pop, and he vaults over the top rope and attacks Claw straight away. The bell rings and Sparkplug quickly gets out...] TD: Whoa! Chow's anxious to get things underway here! SR: He's just trying to catch Claw off guard. He knows he doesn't stand a chance if he plays it fair... [The Phoenix has Claw backed into a corner, and lays into him with a quick punch combination and some roundhouse kicks, before following up with a huge jumping spin kick to a big crowd pop. Claw flops out of the corner to the canvas, and the referee tries to calm Chow down, to no avail. Claw staggers to his feet, still looking dazed, and Chow comes off the ropes and connects with a flying elbowsmash. Claw instantly rolls outside the ring, looking to regroup.] TD: Claw taking a breather early here. I don't think he expected Chow to be this aggressive... look out! [Chow comes flying across the ring, and leaps over the top rope, swan-diving on top of Claw. Huge crowd pop! Both men crash into the steel barriers, and Chow begins hammering away at Claw's head, before picking him back to his feet and rolling him into the ring. Chow leaps up to the apron, then climbs to the top rope, and as Claw gets to his feet, Chow almost takes his head off with a flying clothesline. A cover - 1 - 2 - Kickout!] TD: Kickout by Claw at the last second! And Chow has got Tiger Claw in trouble here straight away! SR: And Lau's not happy about it at all... [Chow comes off the ropes running, and nails Claw with a somersault bodysplash, to another big crowd pop. Chow picks Tiger Claw up, whips him into the ropes and connects with a double palm strike that knocks the wind out of him. Another quick cover - 1 - 2 - kickout by Claw! Lau hammers on the canvas in Claw's corner, trying to rouse his man, who seems caught off balance by the ferocity of the White Phoenix's offensive. As Claw rises to his feet, Chow comes off the ropes and connects with a cross body block - 1 - 2 - Claw kicks out again. Chow picks him back to his feet, and starts laying in more roundhouse kicks. Claw tries to cover up, and Chow hits him with a side kick flush on the jaw. The crack is heard around the arena.] TD: That was practically a knockout blow! Lau's beside himself! SR: Come on, Claw! That overgrown firebug can't beat Tiger Claw! [Chow vaults to the top rope as Claw rolls to one knee. Chow waits patiently as Claw gets to his feet...] TD: Chow coming off with a flying chop... No! Claw caught him in the midsection with a back kick, and Chow looks hurt! [Claw drops to his knees again, as Chow rolls on the canvas behind him, his face a mask of pain. Claw shakes his head to clear the cobwebs, and gets to his feet. Brian Lau urges him on from the corner. Claw measures the prone Shinja Chow, and drops a hard elbowdrop onto his sternum with a yell. Chow doubles up.] SR: I think Claw may have cracked a rib or two with that kick.... Chow's not in good shape at all... [Claw picks the Phoenix back to his feet and whips him to the turnbuckles with authority, following up with an elbowsmash. The referee tries to get Chow out of the corner, but Claw pushes him out of the way, and starts slamming his shoulder into Chow's midsection. The referee warns him and pulls him away from the corner, but Claw shrugs him off and moves forwards again, repeatedly striking Chow in the midsection with his Knee Fury, before yanking Chow's head down and finishing with a strike to the head.] TD: Claw definitely starting to target the ribs. SR: Good strategy. It makes it much harder to put up a fight if you can't get your breath. TD: Experience from your days in the ring? SR: Sure. I used to knock the wind out of the best of them. TD: Of course, you never had that problem yourself, I take it? SR: And just what is _that_ supposed to mean? [Claw snapmares Chow out of the corner, before yanking his head back to the mat by the hair and rolling across him with another hard elbowsmash. He covers - 1 - kickout by the Phoenix at two, and Claw looks irate. He picks up Chow, who fights back with a couple of hard punches and a kick which doubles Claw over, before running to the ropes. Claw drops to the canvas, and flips back to his feet as Chow comes off the opposite ropes, Claw attempts a clothesline, only to get caught by a crucifix...] TD: Claw staggering now, the Phoenix is trying to pull him over into the pin.... SR: And Claw drops right on top of him! [Tiger Claw picks Chow back to his feet and sends him to the ropes, before hitting him hard with a backheel kick to the ribs. Claw grins sadistically, to a big heel pop. Chow crumples to his knees, gasping for breath, and Claw raises his hands to the crowd. Lau slams the mat, and yells at him to concentrate on Chow, and Claw turns, only to get caught by a punch to the gut.] TD: Chow, trying to get back on the offensive.... punch to the gut... and another.... and another.... Chow to his feet and off the ropes... Claw up and catches him with a hotshot! SR: That's right, Claw, stay on him! [Claw moves across to Chow, who is still draped neck first over the top rope, and proceeds to choke him on the rope. The referee gives him a warning count, and Claw breaks, before going straight back to the choke. Again the referee counts, and again he breaks. This time, though, Claw goes for an axe kick over the ropes onto Chow's head...] TD: And Chow just barely got out of the way in time! If Claw had nailed him with that, he would have knocked his head off!!! [Claw whips his leg back over the top rope, follows Chow, who has backed himself into the corner. As Claw approaches, Chow kicks out at him, but Claw catches his leg and drags him out of the corner. Chow feints an enzuigiri, and Claw ducks. As he straightens back up, Chow nails him, and Claw is whipped 360 degrees onto his back, clutching at the back of his head. Huge crowd pop.] TD: Great thinking by Chow! He timed that enzuigiri to perfection! SR: He got lucky. [Chow holds one hand in the air, steps onto the ring apron and climbs to the top rope. Claw staggers back to his feet, and looks around. Lau hammers on the mat, yelling at Claw to turn around. Claw does, and is caught by a high cross body block by Chow, who covers - 1 - 2 -] TD: Three! It's over! SR: No! Claw's got his foot on the ropes! He got his foot on the ropes! [The referee notices Claw's foot at the last second, and tells Chow, who picks Claw back to his feet and whips him into the ropes, before catching him with a spinning leg lariat on the rebound. Again he leaps to the top rope, and this time goes for a body splash. Claw rolls out of the way at the last second, and Chow hits the mat hard, drawing a gasp from the crowd. Chow doubles up again, and the referee begins counting both men down on the mat...] SR: Claw's stirring first... I think Chow's damaged his ribs again on that last move.... [Claw drags himself to one knee as the referee's count reaches 7, and noticing the injured Chow, holds his hands in air before moving towards the corner. The referee checks on Chow, who is still down clutching his chest....] TD: Claw's climbing to the top rope. We could be about to see the Golden Tiger Strike. SR: That's it, Claw! Finish him! [Claw reaches the top rope, and leaps off with a flying elbowdrop, crashing down into Chow's ribs. He rolls onto Chow, hooking the leg - 1 - 2 - Chow gets his foot on the ropes.] TD: Not the Tiger Stike, but still very effective... that may have been desperation by Chow there... [Claw sees Chow's foot, and hooks both legs. The referee counts again - 1 - 2 - kickout by Chow at the very last second. Claw looks at the official, and slams his hand down on the mat three times angrily. He picks Chow back to his feet and whips him hard into the ropes. As Chow comes back, he puts his head down for a backdrop....] TD: Spinning neckbreaker by Chow out of nowhere! And the referee is counting both men out again! SR: This is unbelievable... What a match. [Chow starts to stir as the referee's count reaches 6, and rolls over, covering Claw with one arm. The referee counts - 1 - 2 - and Claw kicks out.] TD: And now it's Claw's turn to show his stamina! [Chow rolls onto his knees, shaking his head in disbelief. He slowly gets to his feet, pulling Claw up with him, and signals to the crowd. Huge pop, followed by another huge mixed pop as Hakiro Matsuoko comes racing down the aisle....] TD: The Phoenix hasn't seen Hakiro... he whips Claw to the turnbuckle... Here comes the Phoenix Strike! He nails it! Hakiro's in the ring! SR: Yes! He just whacked Chow with that Cruiserweight belt! This is great! TD: Oh come on! There's nothing cruiserweight about that belt -- that's a dozen pounds of gold right on the noggin! Each athlete has given it their all in this match. Don't let it end like this. SR: I _knew_ that Hakiro hadn't turned his back on Lau! [The referee signals for the bell, while Hakiro begins to pound away on the prone Shinja Chow. Tiger Claw pulls himself to his feet using the ropes... Brian Lau leaps to the ring apron and begins shouting at the referee... Hakiro nails Chow with his belt again, and then begins climbing the turnbuckles... "The Enigma" Tazeko Musashi races down to ringside...] TD: The referee's lost control here... Oh no... Hakiro's signalling for the Butsumetsu Drop. But the Enigma shoves him from the buckles! [The bell rings again, and the Enigma rolls into the ring. Hakiro nails him as he comes in under the bottom rope. He picks the Enigma up, and whips him into the opposite ropes, before swinging the Cruiserweight belt at him on the rebound. The Enigma ducks under it, comes off the opposite ropes and nails Hakiro with a flying dropkick that sends both Hakiro and the belt flying. Tiger Claw staggers over to the Phoenix, and picks him to his feet, swinging a fist. Chow ducks, and nails Tiger Claw with an inverted atomic drop, and follows with a clothesline that sends him to the outside. The Enigma picks up Hakiro, and both he and Chow whip Hakiro into the ropes, and nail him with a double clothesline. Hakiro rolls out of the ring, slamming his hands on the apron, before backing off up the aisle. Claw and Lau join him, and Lau takes his arm, saying something, but Hakiro shrugs him off, angrily. Claw steps towards Hakiro, but Lau holds him back, letting Hakiro leave on his own.] RA: Here is your winner as a result of a disqualification... "The White Phoenix" Shinjaaaaaa Chooooooooowww!!! TD: The Phoenix wins this bout, but the contest could have done without the Angel of The Sun interfering. It was a good job the Enigma came down when he did, or things could have looked pretty bad for Chow... But why did Hakiro attack Chow if he's not siding with the Syndicate? SR: I guess he just doesn't like him very much... [The Enigma raises Chow's arm, who is still clutching his ribs, and both men leave the ring and head back off up the aisle.] TD: Wow... what a match that was. We've barely got time to catch our breath before getting back up to the ring for our next encounter, and this one promises a great deal, too. Intercontinental Champion Billy Shakespeare faces Billy Sexton in a non-title match, after the front office forcefully reinstated Shakespeare to active duty. SR: It's no more than the little puke deserves after feigning his injuries. Pukespeare wanted to hide from this match, but Prez Dan made him come out and fight anyway. Maybe the suits aren't as corrupt as they act. TD: This is still a non-title match. SR: Sexton doesn't need a title as an excuse to hurt Shakespeare. =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- "Spotlight" Billy Shakespeare vs. "Painbringer" Billy Sexton -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= [Sparkplug Lee steps back into the ring.] RA: Ladies and gentlemen, the following non-title match is scheduled for one fall. Coming to the ring, weighing in at 245lbs, from Wawa, Ontario, Canada... here is "Paaainbringer" Billy Sexton! ["TNT" blasts from the sound system. A crowd at ringside begins to headbang. A hand-made sign reading "There's a conspiracy against me too" is waved in front of Sexton's face. Sexton delivers a crippling sneer at the signholder. He mimes cinching on his armbar then climbs in the ring.] RA: His opponent, hailing from Ashland, Oregon, and weighing in at 227lbs, here is the IIWF Intercontinental Champion: "Spotlight" Billllly Shakespeare! [The crowd goes wild. A chant of "Bil-ly! Bil-ly!" begins. An errant ice cream bar flies from somewhere in the crowd. Shakespeare executes a grand bow at the head of the aisle. He winces noticably.] TD: It appears that Shakespeare is experiencing some pain. SR: That'll feel good compared to when Sexton gets a hold of him. TD: You saw the photo, Steve, do you believe Sexton's "Conspiracy"? SR: If you recall, Simon Lebec made the same accusations, and now he's out of the IIWF. Shakespeare has been lucky up till now. Did you hear how Spreadbury tried to save Shakespeare? Did you hear him pleading and apologizing on Wednesday? Yeah, Shakespeare's guilty. [The bell rings. Sexton signals to the referee that the match can't begin yet.] TD: What's going on here? [Sexton argues with the official, and points at the timekeeper. The referee looks disdainful, but Sexton goes and sits down in the corner of the ring, folds his arms, and refuses to wrestle. Big heel pop. Billy speaks with the official, who shrugs his shoulders. The referee once again tries to engage the two wrestlers, but Sexton goes to the outside and grabs the microphone.] BS: Listen up, 'cause the "Painbringer" is in town, and he ain't taking requests... he's giving orders! We all know that these officials have been paid off by Shakespeare... [big heel pop] We all know that the IIWF is conspiring against me... And I ain't wrestling this no-good sack of shit until these officials are replaced. I want a new referee, and a new timekeeper! [Big heel pop!] TD: I apologise for Billy Sexton's language, folks. This is ridiculous. You're kidding me... the referee is leaving the ring! I can't believe this! The officials are acquiescing to Sexton's demands! SR: Acquie-what?! Speak English, Dross. TD: A new referee and another official are on their way down to ringside. I have never seen anything like this. [The officials arrive in the ring. Sexton seems satisfied, and signals that the referee is free to start the match. Ding! Ding! Ding! Sexton feigns an attack, Shakespeare dodges. Sexton tries a drop toe hold, Shakespeare evades again.] SR: This is great! Pukespeare is running scared! TD: I'd say he's just wrestling defensively. SR: I'd say he's a wimp. [Sexton throws Shakespeare to the ropes. Shakespeare launches back with a high boot. Sexton catches the foot and Shakespeare delivers a spinning enzugiri kick which lands upside Sexton's head. Both men slam to the ground. Sexton is back on his feet, but Shakespeare continues to roll on the ground, clutching his ribs. Sexton drives a foot to the midsection, then steps back, shouting at Shakespeare to stand.] TD: The champion is in pain! I don't think he's getting up. SR: This is great! I wish I were in there right now! ["Blitz Lightning" Bobby Lincoln walks ringside. He points at Shakespeare, taunting Sexton to finish him off. Sexton invites Lincoln to step into the ring, but Lincoln blows him off with a wave of his hand, and exits. Sexton begins a boston crab, but finds Shakespeare completely unresponsive. He tosses Shakespeare back on the mat, kneels across his shoulders, hooks a leg. The ref counts 1 - 2 - 3! Ding! Ding! Ding!] SR: Hurt him! Hurt him more! TD: Steve! SR: You're no fun, Dross. [Sexton stands. He kicks Shakespeare twice more in the ribs and spits for good measure. He exits, obviously unsatisfied. The crowd begins to boo, but he relishes the attention. Moments later, Shakespeare staggers to his feet. There is some confused applause, and the ref helps him out of the ring.] SR: This is great! He can try to hide, but he'll never be able to defend his belt at Snow Brawl. TD: Steve, you're despicable. SR: And that's why these Mexican women like me. TD: [sigh] Well, that wasn't much of a match, folks. Shakespeare is clearly hurting in a big way, but at least he'll live to defend his title another day. The challengers are certainly lining up. It's time now to go to the offices of the IIWF President at IIWF HQ for more news on Snow Brawl. [Cut to split-screen; on the left, Steve Roberts and Tim Dross at the broadcast table in the arena; on the right, IIWF President Dan Spreadbury seated in his office.] TD: Welcome to the show, President Dan. It's good to have you here. DS: It's good to be here, Tim. How are you enjoying Mexico? TD: It's a beautiful country, Mr. President. DS: Indeed it is. But down to business: I'm here to announce the next six additions to the Lethal Lottery draw at IIWF Snow Brawl, which is now only three weeks away! Joining the twelve names already announced for this tag team elimination event are the following IIWF superstars: Lord Byron; Steve "the Fury" Kowalski; "Lone Wolf" Brody Thunder; Harlequin Tragedy; "Badboy" Randy Acorn; and "High Roller" John McClain. TD: That's eighteen names -- only six more remain unannounced. DS: And we will know the complete lineup by the end of the week. I will also be announcing the challengers to the IIWF's championships at Snow Brawl right here next Saturday Night. For now, though, that's all I have to say. TD: Thanks very much for joining us here tonight, Mr. President. DS: My pleasure, Tim. Goodnight, gentlemen. [Cut back to a normal shot of the announcers' table.] TD: That Lethal Lottery is shaping up to be a fantastic event in its own right, and we're still waiting to find out just who the champions will be defending their titles against. Snow Brawl promises to be the greatest pay-per-view spectacular yet here in the IIWF, folks, and you can order it by ringing your local cable operator right now! Up next, we're going to see the long-awaited match between Lord Byron and Harlequin Tragedy. Let's go backstage to hear from the Harlequins: [Cut to the locker room with the Harlequins.] COMEDY: So! Buyrate has accepted the challenge! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! I can't believe he fell for it! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! TRAGEDY: Byron, you will soon learn that when you mess with one of the Harlequins, you mess with _all_ of the Harlequins. And it will be a lesson you'll remember the rest of your life! COMEDY: Both seconds of it! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH! [Comedy doubles over holding her sides laughing as the camera fades out. Cut back to ringside.] SR: Wow, she needs to cut down on her caffeine intake. I swear, Dross, those Harlequins are the strangest things I've ever set my eyes on. Oh, except for your wig, of course. TD: Can we leave my hair out of this?! Let's get back up to the ring. =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Lord Byron vs. Harlequin Tragedy -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= [The spotlight clicks on Sparkplug as he crawls in to the ring. He tries to act nonchalant, as if his tuxedo isn't snagged on the turnbuckle.] RA: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall. Coming to the ring, originally from Lan-ca-shi-re England, accompanied by the Lady DeWinter... at 6' 4" and 275 pounds... Lord Byron! [Sibelius plays as Lord Byron strides in. He stops to teach Sparkplug the correct, English, pronunciation of "Lancashire". He flicks Sparkplug under the chin as he passes. Lady DeWinter does the same as she goes by.] TD: This is the kind of match that I look forward to. Two men at the peak of their technical wrestling skills. SR: Since we're here in Mexico City, it's only appropriate that I add: El perro es un bocadillo. TD: The dog is a sandwich? SR: It loses something in translation. RA: And introducing his opponent... Hailing from Sleepy Hollow, Illinois, and weighing in at 220 pounds... Harlequin Tragedy and his companion Harlequin Comedy! ["Piece of Heaven" by Garbage begins. Tragedy and Comedy enter down the aisle, and two more harlequins follow behind them.] SR: I'm seeing double! I didn't drink _that much_ tequila! TD: Do you know who that is? SR: Obviously not, Dross. TD: Those are Harlequins Chaos and Melody. Chaos is Tragedy's brother... I've heard that he's a little... um... unstable. SR: As the Mexicans say: Cuando baile en la mercado, come pescado! TD: When you dance in the market, eat fish? [Tragedy enters the ring while his entourage stays in his corner. Byron appraises him, and at the bell, the two circle the ring. They lock up collar and elbow. Byron adjusts to a side headlock, Tragedy hooks Byron's leg and the two fall, hold broken. They roll away, and Byron politely tips his head in respect to his opponant. The Harlequin merely looks back impassively. Tragedy ducks under, twisting Byron's arm along the way. Byron gets a reverse and tosses Tragedy with a Japanese arm drag. Tragedy is immediatly on his feet and lands a flying drop kick. He catches Byron in a full nelson, Byron's frustration is evident. He backs Harlequin into the turnbuckle, smashing him until the hold is released. Byron circles, running his hand through his hair, regaining his composure. Tragedy mimes a tear running down his cheek.] SR: Mi cabeza es una tasa de pollo. TD: My head is a cup of chicken? Steve, you really need to check what you're saying. SR: You don't hink that Becky made a mistake when she wrote up this list of Spanish phrases for me, do you? TD: Oh... no... everyone can trust Becky. [Byron has Harlequin backed into the corner. He delivers a series of back elbow blows before Harlequin slips out. Byron elbows the ringpost. Harlequin slips around, grabs Byron's shoulders, leverages his feet against the Lord's chest, and falls backwards, monkey flipping the Englishman. Harlequin closes, Byron armdrag flips him twice before wrapping up Harlequin's arm into a cradle behind his head. He winches on the pressure.] TD: I don't know the Lord well... SR: You mean "at all". TD: ... but I'd say that he was trying to make an impression on his upcoming opponent: Marty Warnett. SR: Warty Walnut? The only thing that could make an impression on him would be an anvil. [Tragedy is able to get Byron's head in a legscissor. While the hold isn't much, it is enough to make the Lord let loose. Byron retreats back to his corner, pausing to exchange words with Lady De Winter. Byron feigns a punch, but instead leg sweeps Harlequin, immediately he executes a legbreaker, stretching the knee and tendons.] SR: Oh yeah, baby. That's how it's done. He's going to work on the leg he injured last time he fought Harly. TD: You have to be impressed with his ability to dissect an opponant. SR: You could say he is "un campasero frio". TD: A cold farmer? SR: Yeah, that's what I meant to say. [Byron adjusts the hold, increasing the pain, but getting no reaction from Harlequin. Tragedy reaches out and is just able to grab the ropes. Byron immediatly breaks clean. Once Tragedy stands, Byron tries to take him down with a roll. Harlequin leaps over and hip tosses the lord. The englishman immediatly changes his mode, unleashing a series of slaps and chops. He pushes Tragedy to the ropes then doubles him with a knee to the midsection. He hoists the smaller man and delivers a towering vertical suplex. Byron tosses Harlequin to the ropes, but is suprised when Tragedy reverses, then flattens Lord Byron with a well-timed superkick. The crowd cheers Harlequin who remains unresponsive. Tragedy closes, but falls as Byron pulls him from his vertical base by the leg. There is a scrabble as Byron tries to bend the leg backwards, but Harlequin is able to defend.] TD: The crowd seems to have a liking for this Harlequin Tragedy. SR: Whaddya expect? These bean eaters like their wrestlers all covered with masks and paint and costumes and jumping and leaping all the time. How else do you explain that idiot Onslaught? TD: You're not exactly a good will ambassador, are you? The first "I" in IIWF _is_ "International". SR: Oh, I like International... as long as it's in the United States. Since when were wrestlers included in NAFTA? [Harlequin takes the offensive with a series of moves that do more to infuriate than harm Byron: a trip, another hip toss, a side sault, finally a snap mare. Byron is finally able to drive his shoulder, throwing the smaller man into the ropes. He bends for the backdrop, but Harlequin leaps, coming over the top for the Sunset flip. 1 - 2 - Byron powers out. Byron attempts a lockup, Harlequin wraps around, Byron gets a neckbreaker in before rapidly moving into a sleeper hold. Harlequin flails. Byron sacrifices the hold in the interest of hooking the leg and flopping backwards. Harlequin quickly rolls out of the ring. His brother Chaos quickly comes to his aid to where Tragedy limps on the outside. Chaos threatens Byron, who ignores him. Byron watches Harlequin try to enter the ring with steel eyed determination. Byron tries to lockup before his opponant can get through the ropes, but Harlequin drives his head into the Lord's stomach, momentarily leaving him gasping for breath. Tragedy vaults over the ropes with a dive, and the two wrestlers fall in a ball.] SR: You know what else I hate about Mexico... TD: No, Steve. I want to hear what you _like_ about Mexico. SR: Hmmm... that's a tough one...nachos, I like nachos. And Corona beer, and Tiajuana... and pizza, yeah, I really like pizza. I gotta thank these Mexicans for pizza. TD: [Shakes his head and says nothing] [Harlequin arm whips Byron into the corner, he hits with a bang. Harlequin follows up, but Byron steps away from the turnbuckle and Harlequin stops himself by jumping up on the middle rope. Byron grabs him in a bear hug. The referee orders the release since Harlequin still stands on the rope. Byron breaks clean, but immediatly fires back with a slap. Harlequin places his hands on Byrons head and vaults over him. As soon as he lands, Byron lays him out with a forearm. Outside, Chaos paces the apron, stopping to slam the mat, then paces again. He kicks the ring steps.] TD: I'm not sure how long that young man can control himself. It's said he's a little mentally unbalanced. SR: Takes one to know one. TD: I thought I'd heard the last of that when I left third grade. SR: Bet you heard it a lot there, didn't you Dross? TD: Let's go back to the action... SR: You're squirming, Dross. [Byron unleashes a double underhook suplex, then throws Harlequin so hard to the corner he bounces back, right into a pile driver. Byron steps over and bends Harlequin into a camel clutch. Both men remain stoic as the hold continues.] TD: We could be here all night. I don't think Tragedy is going to submit. [There is a shout as Harlequin Chaos breaks free from where Harlequin's Comedy and Melody are trying to restrain him outside. He leaps on Byron's back, raining down with fists on the Lord. He drags Byron into the corner where he slams the Endlishman's head into the ringpost. The Ref signals the disqualification: Ding! Ding! Ding! Chaos cannot be swayed as he sandwiches the ring rope between his elbows and Lord Byron's neck. Byron chokes and reaches for help. Outside, Lady DeWinter does her best to free her man from the rampant Chaos. It takes Harlequin Tragedy to pull his litle brother away. The Harlequins exit up the aisle with their female counterparts, Tragedy limping noticably. The ref raises Lord Byron's arm in victory, but Byron pulls it from his grasp. He sneers, tosses his head back and stands. Lady Dewinter takes his hand as he exits out of the ring and up the aisle.] TD: It's a victory for Lord Byron, but he doesn't look happy about it. He wanted to wrestle a clear victory tonight. SR: A win's a win. Byron will get over it. Hey Dross, you know what I just found out? You can't get pizza here at the Sombrero Dome. What's with that? TD: You're something else, Steve. Folks, we're just moments away from tonight's big main event. Dan Kauffman will face red hot newcomer Steve "the Fury" Kowalski in his first World Championship defence. Let's go backstage and hear from Kowalski now: [The camera is focused on the Steve "The Fury" Kowalski's dressing room. There are numerous fans waiting for the New Jersey Nightmare to make an appearance before his title match with Dan "Flash" Kauffman. There is all sorts of riff-raff about calling out his name, banging their fists on the walls and ripping up various Kauffman T-shirts. One youth is holding up a video tape to the camera. It's the #1 selling IIWF video "NJ the Hard Way: Fury's Greatest Hits". The door bursts open and everyone falls back as the New Jersey Nightmare himself is seen kicking it open. The fans give out the "Fury" chant as he moves down the hallway.] SK: [To the cameraman] I hope ya can keep up. I got a champ to chump! [Keeps moving down the hallway, getting hi-fives from some of the heel wrestlers] It's comin' _down_ tonight! I'm gonna serve Kauffman some HOLIDAY HELL! I'll be carvin' his in' ass! [Kowalski walks past Kauffman's dressing room and bangs as he goes. The fans are still in tow.] SK: Hurry up bitch! I haven't got all in' night to punk ya! I'll be waitin' in the ring. [As Kowalski makes his way to the to the arena floor. Shouts can be heard from Kauffman's dressing room, but are drowned out by Fury's maniacal fans. He turns to the camera, slowly backing up, with some parting comments.] SK: Pain! That's what I see in the forecast! Kauffman on his knees, beggin' me not to end it! SKULLPUMP! [Nearby hardcore fans go wild] _So_ busy worryin' about Cadaver! Ya never thought it was gonna be me that ed up your life! But as the French say, "Say La in' Vie, Scumbag!" [Kowalski raises his arms and makes his way to the ring. Cut back to ringside.] TD: Wow, Kowalski's on his way. Let's get back up to Sparkplug. =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- IIWF WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Dan Kauffman vs. Steve "the Fury" Kowalski ------------------------------------------ [Sparkplug Lee stands in the spotlight as "Don't Fear The Reaper" kicks in over the PA. The crowd gives a huge mixed pop, and Sparkplug strains over the noise.] RA: Ladies and gentlemen, it's time for tonight's main event! The following contest is scheduled for one fall, and it is for the IIWF World Heavyweight Championship! Introducing first, hailing from Newark, New Jersey, and weighing in at 268lbs, here is... Steve "the Fury" Kowalski! [Kowalski steps out into the glare of the spotlights at the head of the aisle and immediately makes a beeline for the ring. Some over-zealous members of the crowd attempt to throw objects at the Fury, and Kowalski reacts by threatening the fans and making obscene gestures at them. He climbs the ring steps and steps between the ropes.] RA: And introducing his opponent... [Huge pop as "Zero" starts up over the PA] Hailing from Hagerstown, Maryland, weighing in at 230lbs, here is the IIWF World Heavyweight Champion.... Daaaan "Flaaaaash" Kaaaauuuffmaaaaan! [The crowd erupts and most of the fans are on their feet as Kauffman steps out into the head of the aisle. Fireworks explode on either side of the entranceway as he raises his arms above his head. The IIWF world title glints around his waist. He wears a modified Deathbringer T-shirt; on the front, it reads "Deathbringer: your worst nightmare?" Kauffman spins for the crowd, and on the back, it reads, "Not mine!" Big pop!] TD: [laughing] Kauffman really is back to his old self, Steve. SR: More's the pity. I kind of liked the shit-scared version better, myself. TD: Please, keep a civil tongue in your mouth. This feed doesn't have a ten-second delay so that the censors can bleep you. SR: Does this mean we'll be taken off the air in Canada and replaced with old repeats? Hey, Quigley would love that! TD: Listen to these Mexican fans! Hang on, Kauffman's beckoning to somebody... It's Onslaught! The home-town hero makes an appearance at last! This crowd is on its feet! [Kauffman and Onslaught make their way down the aisle, hi-fiving the excited fans as they come. They finally reach the bottom of the aisle, and Kowalski appears to have lost patience with his opponent's showmanship. He launches himself at the ropes, and performs a stunning tope onto Kauffman on the arena floor! Huge heel pop! Kowalski pounds on Kauffman's head, then drags him to his feet, rams it into the apron, and is attacked from behind by Onslaught. Huge pop! Kauffman shakes off the cobwebs, and also goes to work on Kowalski. He removes his T-shirt and his title belt, then rolls Kowalski into the ring and jumps to the apron himself. The referee signals for the bell as Kauffman goes to enter the ring, but is met by a headbutt from Kowalski, who then suplexes Kauffman into the ring. Big heel pop!] TD: Wow! These guys just can't wait to go at it here tonight! This is tremendous! SR: Hey, Dross, in the aisle... It's Casey "Blackheart" James! [Casey James saunters down the aisle, still carrying his camcorder. He ignores the jeers of the fans, and takes a few moments to put the badmouth on Onslaught before heading over to the broadcast booth. He jostles Dross aside and puts on the spare headset.] TD: Casey James... What a... *ahem*... pleasure to have you with us out here tonight. CJ: Shut your mouth, Dross. I talk, and you listen. SR: Yeah, you tell him, Casey. So, what brings you here? CJ: Well, little old Danny boy is fighting in a moment, and I want a good look. TD: Are papers even signed for your title shot? CJ: No. The championship committee thinks that my rankings are too poor. So I'm going to have to impress someone to get it. I've chosen Dan himself. He's going to be begging to meet me in the ring when I'm done with him. SR: How do you figure? CJ: I'm glad you asked, Steve... Here's some pictures for you. TD: What are those for? CJ: Steve? SR: Ummm, well, these are nice... Whose pool is this, and why are you relieving yourself in it? CJ: It's Dan's... TD: You urinated in his pool?! CJ: Well, I was just making sure it was filled up... SR: Ha! This is great! [In the ring, Kowalski gains a quick advantage on Kauffman. He hotshots the champion on the ropes, and continues to choke him down on the canvas. The referee warns the Fury, and lays the count on him. Kowalski breaks on four, but goes straight back to the choke. Kauffman lashes out with a thumb to Kowalski's eye, and fights to his feet as the Fury staggers backwards. Kauffman pulls himself up on the ropes, and dodges out of the way as Kowalski throws himself at him. The Fury tumbles through the ropes to the outside. Big pop! Kauffman attempts to regain his composure in the ring. The referee begins counting Kowalski out - 1 - 2 - 3...] TD: A smart move by Kauffman there, buying himself a little time to recover from that early attack. [Kowalski picks himself up and climbs to the ring apron. Kauffman attempts to suplex Kowalski back into the ring, but the Fury blocks, nailing Kauffman in the gut before sunset flipping himself over the champion, pulling him over for an attempted pin. The referee counts 1, but then Kauffman levers himself with his legs, reversing the pin, and Kowalski finds his shoulders pinned to the mat. The referee counts 1 again, and Kowalski kicks out. Both men are quickly to their feet, and begin slugging it out in the centre of the ring. Kauffman gains the advantage, managing to trap Kowalski in a standing side headlock. The Fury breaks free, pushing Kauffman into the ropes, and attempting a clothesline on the rebound. Kauffman ducks under, and grabs the ropes as Kowalski attempts a dropkick. Kowalski hits nothing but mat, and Kauffman is quickly on top of him, this time with a reverse chinlock.] TD: Kauffman is frustrating Kowalski here, keeping him out of his rhythm... CJ: See, Dan has this thing about playing to the crowd... That'll be his downfall when he meets me. I'm going to take his title... TD: I don't know if you've thought of this, Casey, but Deathbringer might have that title by the time you get to Dan. CJ: Yeah, right... Deathbringer's new attitude is better, but he's still the same old guy... Whining and crying about how nobody helped him when things were getting tough... I've been doing things on my own since the start. TD: What about Man of Steel? CJ: Don't make me laugh, Dross... TD: Hey, hang on -- the video wall... Look at the video wall! [There is a big heel pop as the video wall flickers into life with images of Kauffman being attacked by Deathbringer and Cadaver; the devastating spike piledriver is repeated again and again. Kauffman releases the hold on Kowalski and turns to face the video wall.] TD: What's this in aid of? Kauffman doesn't need to be reminded of that heinous attack! [The image on the screen appears to be consumed by flame, and as the fire overwhelms the video wall, the arena echoes with the voice of Deathbringer. Big heel pop!] DB: Kauffman... you said that Cadaver was your worst nightmare... so you tried to defeat him and failed. But Cadaver is gone now and I come to rule... I will show you _who_ your real nightmare is and always was... [Scenes of the Deathmatch at Ring Wars I appear on the screen] This was fun for you... but now you are going to pay the ultimate price... Await your future with patience and fear... [An image of Kauffman lying in the casket appears on the monitor wall] Kauffman, prepare to _finally_ meet your maker... [The video wall fades, but Kauffman is given no time to reflect on what he has just seen, because he is attacked from behind by Kowalski, who nails him across the back of the head with a double fist. Kowalski whips Kauffman into the ropes and floors him with a running lariat, then picks him up again and immediately executes a Tiger Driver. Big heel pop! He makes the cover - 1 - 2 - kickout! Kowalski stays on Kauffman, dragging him to his feet and signalling for the Skullpump. He places Kauffman's head between his legs, and underhooks one arm, then attempts to hook the other, but Kauffman wriggles free, and drives his head into Kowalski's gut. He hits a kneelift on his stunned opponent, and both men fall to the mat. Kowalski is first to his feet, and stomps Kauffman, who rolls to the outside. Onslaught tends to the champion while the referee attempts to restrain Kowalski, but the Fury follows Kauffman to the outside, and shoves Onslaught out of the way. Big heel pop! Kowalski goes to work on Kauffman, ramming his head into the steel crowd barriers, but is attacked from behind by Onslaught, who leaps to the apron and launches himself with a front somersault onto Kowalski. Big pop!] SR: Oh, come on, give me a break! This isn't a handicap match! The referee should get that Mexican jumping bean out of there! TD: If you recall, Steve, it was Kowalski who took the first shot at Onslaught. SR: What's your point, Dross? TD: Well, Dan Kauffman is definitely the champion's champion. You won't find him cheating like that. CJ: What the hell is that supposed to mean? Steve, what's with this guy? SR: Don't ask. Well, Casey, I do hope you get your title shot. CJ: Well, I basically have a two pronged plan. If Dan can't bring himself to give me a shot, then I'm just going to have to win Snow Brawl. TD: That's a bit easier said than done, Casey... CJ: You think so? Look at me, Dross. Do you think I'm going to have any problems? SR: What if they tag you up with the Subway Psycho or something? CJ: Won't happen. I'll be tagged with a friend, I know it. TD: How can you know that? It's a random draw! CJ: So? I have faith that if I want something bad enough, I'll get it. I'm going to get a great partner, I'm going to win Snow Brawl, and I'm going to take that title from little Danny Kauffman. TD: Well, thanks for your comments, Casey. CJ: The pleasure was all yours. [The referee leaves the ring and attempts to restrain Onslaught. Kauffman stirs, and rolls Kowalski back into the ring. He covers the Fury, but the referee is still on the outside remonstrating with Onslaught. Eventually, the official gets back into position, and makes the count - 1 - 2 - Kowalski kicks out! Kauffman argues with the referee, and is surprised by Kowalski, who nails him from behind once again. Kauffman careers into the official, who falls awkwardly and appears to hurt his ankle. He signals for the bell. Ding! Ding! Ding!] TD: Hang on -- what's going on here?! Kowalski was playing possum, and then deliberately knocks Kauffman into the official... what's the official decision here? [Kowalski doesn't seem to care that the match is over, continuing to attack Kauffman with punches and kicks. He drags the champion to his feet and puts him in position for the Skullpump. Huge pop as Onslaught makes the save, hitting Kowalski with a double axe-handle from the top rope. Kowalski and Onslaught go at it in the ring, and the Fury manages to gain the upper hand, nailing Onslaught in the midsection and doubling him over, enabling him to hit the Skullpump. Huge heel pop! Kowalski revels in the incredible heat he receives from the Mexican crowd, and then picks Kauffman up to dish out more of the same. Kowalski executes the Skullpump on Kauffman as well, and the crowd are on their feet, hurling objects into the ring.] TD: This is completely uncalled for! Kowalski has laid out Kauffman and Onslaught... [Kowalski looks down on the two carcasses with disdain and leaves the ring, heading up the aisle to a huge heel pop. Cut to the announcers' table. Casey James is grinning broadly.] TD: Casey, this isn't funny. CJ: You don't know how wrong you are, Dross. There's no sight sweeter than seeing Kauffman laid out on the mat unconscious. And you'd better get used to it, because it's something you're going to see a lot more of, when he gets a taste of my Black Death. I've seen enough for tonight... See you later. It's been a blast. [Casey James puts down his headset and heads up the aisle, turning back to look at Kauffman and Onslaught, who are beginning to stir in the ring.] RA: Ladies and gentlemen, here is your winner, as the result of a disqualification, Dan "Flash" Kauffman! [Kauffman drags himself to his feet, and tends to Onslaught, as "Zero" once again plays over the PA. Cut back to the announcers' table.] TD: Well, another mark in the win column for the IIWF World Champion, but I'll bet he doesn't feel like a winner at the moment. He took quite a beating at the hands of Kowalski, and most of it is thanks to the distraction tactics employed by Deathbringer. SR: It doesn't take much to distract Kauffman, Dross. Give him a plastic toy out of a box of cereal, and he's happy for hours. TD: That's not nice, Steve. Folks, we're right out of time for tonight's show. What a night of action it's been... and there's more to come over the next couple of weeks. Next Saturday Night, we'll be coming at you live from the Royal Albert Hall, London, England, and this Wednesday, the IIWF superstars will be stopping off in Paris. I'll be back with all the latest news on everything in the IIWF this Tuesday, but until then, for "Soundbite" Steve Roberts, this is Tim Dross, saying: so long, everybody! [Cut back to the ring, where Kauffman helps Onslaught to his feet. They raise each other's arms in victory. Fireworks explode in the rafters of the Sombrero Dome. Fade] +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= I * I * W * F =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+ | President: Daniel Spreadbury | Vice-President: Steve Owens | | univ0322@sable.ox.ac.uk | sowens@admin.presby.edu | | iiwf@sisko.demon.co.uk | IIWFadmin@aol.com | +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- http://www.sisko.demon.co.uk -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=+