[Open with Camcorder footage from Wednesday night. "Superstar" Stud Stetson props Marty Warnett up against the wall before getting back into his new sports car. He attempts to ram Warnett into the wall with the car, but Warnett summons his last ounce of energy, and dives out of the way. Stetson's car hits the wall with force, seriously denting the front of it. Stetson gets out of the car to survey the damage.] SS: Huh, only a car. Look at Warnett! So, IIWF, how does your hero look now? Let this be a lesson to you all. No one messes with the destiny of Stud Stetson! Now let's get the hell out of here, Lace! [The camera is dropped to the floor, and static fills the screen. Cut to a montage of IIWF action accompanied by hard rock music. The final chord lingers as El Super Gecko misses a la plancha dive and ends the career of a IIWF camera man. Suddenly, the screen explodes into a mass of fire and smoke, through which emerges the IIWF's familiar logo:] ##### ###### ### ########## ########## ########## #### ## ########## ########## ########## #### # #### ######## ##### ##### #### ## ##### #### #### #### #### ### #### #### #### #### ############# ######### #### #### ########### ######### #### #### #### #### #### ######### ######### ### #### #### ######### ######### ### ## #### ######## ######## ## # #### =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- ## =-=-=-= INTERNATIONAL INTERNET WRESTLING FEDERATION ================================================= "COUNTDOWN TO SATURDAY NIGHT" - December 13, 1996 ================================================= [Cut to a makeshift IIWF Studio in Germany. The remote camera zooms down the aisle as members of the studio audience scream and wave. A group waves a banner declaring themselves "The Otto Verhoeven Fan Club." A teenage boy with a gleam in his eye screams "BECKY LaRUE IST DER FRAULEIN FOR HANS." Another group of teens wear official Steve Kowalski "You Gotta Bleed to Lead" t-shirts with their lederhosen. Zoom to Larry Morton and Becky LaRue sitting at the broadcast desk.] LM: Hello again, everyone, and welcome to Germany for another edition of "Countdown to Saturday Night," international style. I'm your host Larry Morton, and beside me is my broadcast partner Becky LaRue, who seems to have quite a few fans in Germany. BL: Y'know Larry, it's amazing how many ways there are to say "frankfurter" in this country. LM: Perhaps that explains your popularity here. BL: So many wieners, so little time. LM: [blushing] You saw at the top of the show just a brief clip of the brutal attack on Marty Warnett perpetrated by Stud Stetson and Lace Wednesday night in Rome.. BL: What do you mean ATTACK? Jeez, it was a simple accident. LM: How can you call running into someone with a sports car an accident? BL: Those crazy Italians drive on the wrong side of the road. Stetson's used to driving on the right side, and then that... squirrel, yeah, that's it... a squirrel darted in front of him and he tried to avoid it, but hit Warnett instead. I'd say that's a fair trade. Hehe. LM: That's not funny. Anyway, Stetson was fined heavily by Rome police officials for disturbing the peace, although Warnett chose not to press charges of his own. Apparently Marty wants to take care of business his own way. BL: Face down on the pavement? LM: [ignoring her] Tim Dross caught up with Marty Warnett at the hospital Wednesday night to check on his condition: [SCENE: Tim Dross stands in a darkened hospital hallway, waiting for Marty Warnett after the events of Wednesday night.] TD: Fans, I'm here to check on the condition of Marty Warnett after the disgraceful murder attempt on Wednesday by Stud Stetson. As you know by now, he suffered... oh, wait, here he is now! [Marty shuffles into view, limping heavily and favouring his ribs. He has a bandage on his head and his nose is covered by plasters.] TD: Marty, how are you? MW: [glaring at Dross] How do you dink? Jusd as id seems dings can'd ged any worse, dis happens. Sdedson not only dried to kill me, he damn near dook oud a fan, and yet he's sdill in dis fed? TD: President Spreadbury is looking into the incident even as we speak. MW: Yeah, well, de only jusdice I seem do see around here is nadural jusdice. Sdedson, you dink you've come up wid de uldimade plan do dake me oud of de Loddery, you failed. Led's face id, Dross, I have virdually no chance of even making it de de Baddle Royal, led alone winning a shod ad eidder didle. TD: You will be able to compede, sorry, compete? MW: I'll be dere, Dross, even if only do even da score. If I can'd ged da shod, I'll sdop Sdedson in his dracks. Sdedson, you go afder me wid da car, hey, we're in Alaska, look oud for any speeding Snowploughs. And LaRue, you cancelled my inderview ad da lasd minude, wad, you dalking to Sdedson? [Marty hobbles away, then turns back after a pause] MW: Dross, why is id dad Spreadbury suspends Kowalski for douching his die, yed does nodding aboud Sdedson's addack? TD: I, umm, I don't know MW: Me neidder. [Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: Did you really cancel Marty's scheduled appearance on "LaRue's Lair" tomorrow night? BL: [she mimics Marty] Yed. I didden tink eddyone in Dermany would udderstad Marddy wid his nodes all wapped up. Hehehe...snort. LM: You really disgust me sometimes, Becky. BL: Hah, you disgust me _all_ the time. LM: Moving on, we also learned Wednesday night about a suspension handed down to Steve "The Fury" Kowalski after an attack on "Nifty" Ned Norton and threats made toward IIWF President Dan Spreadbury. BL: Kowalski has a point. After all, he beat "Painbringer" Billy Sexton recently, but the suits give Sexton the title shot against Billy Shakespeare? It stinks, I tell you... or is that your new cologne, Larry? Get it... Cologne. Damn, I LOVE German puns! LM: And I'm sure they love you, too. Brian Lau isn't pleased about Sexton getting that title shot either, and we'll hear from him later in the show. But for now, Kowalski has been sent home from the current IIWF World Tour and will not wrestle again until December 21st at Snow Brawl. He's scheduled to participate in the Lethal Lottery, but won't get his title shot. BL: Maybe he should have roughed up Spreadbury a little more. LM: When will guys like Kowalski learn that you don't get anywhere in the IIWF by putting your hands on the President? BL: Hehe... I wouldn't say that's true for everyone. _I_ got a "LaRue's Lair" segment after putting _my_ hands on the Prez. LM: And I think that's more than we needed to know. Anyway, Kowalski has been sent home from the current IIWF World Tour and will not wrestle against until December 21st at Snow Brawl. He's scheduled to participate in the Lethal Lottery, but won't get a title shot that night. Let's go to comments from Kowalski now: [SCENE: A camera focuses in on a parking lot outside the IIWF arena. On top of President Spreadbury's Volvo GL 940 sits Steve "The Fury" Kowalski. Kowalski's boots scratch the hood of the car as he stretches out.] SK: Best seat in the house. It's almost time for the Lethal Lottery. I'm so in' scared! It wasn't named the Lethal Lottery 'til they signed me to it. As far as I'm concerned, this is just a stop off 'til I get to Shakes City! Sexton can have his shot. It don't make no difference to me. Shakes'll weasel outta win. The championship committee always lets him. But, scumbag, you can't weasel away from me. [The Fury slides off the car slowly, allowing for more scratches.] SK: Back to the matter at hand. If I get stuck with some as my partner, they better get ready to brawl. With me or 'gainst me, I don't care. Watkins, little dog better stay in his junkyard. White Phoenix, ya better be prayin' to your ancestors that you don't hook up with me. Partner or not, I will ya up six ways to Sunday! The rest o' punks have jus' been tossed to the wolves! Hell hath no FURY like Lethal Lottery. I'm outta here, ers! [He turns around and kicks in the passenger side window. A minute after he walks away, a young parking valet runs up at the sound of the car alarm.] PV: OH ! Mr. Spreadbury's going to kill me! [Cut back to the studio. Larry frowns.] LM: Fortunately for Steve Kowalski, that was only the IIWF President's company car. However, "the Fury" seems determined to wreak as much havoc as he can, both in the wrestling ring and out of it. There was plenty of action _inside_ the ring as well Wednesday night, so let's go to our weekly recap: ************************************************************************** -------------------- IIWF WEDNESDAY WAR ROOM RECAP ---------------------- ************************************************************************** LM: As Tim and Becky reported on Wednesday, the action was hot and heavy in the War Room. Let's check out the great matches held in the Piazza Dome in Rome, Italy: **************************************** Armed Forces def. The Barnacle Brothers **************************************** LM: Bluto and Popeye have not fared well since their Nordic Tour, and went down again Wednesday night. BL: The Forces looked good as they easily put away the Brothers, but Nav, Def, and Aaron are not happy about being screwed out of a title shot at Snow Brawl: [SCENE: The film room at Aaron the Caddy's offices in Coral Gables, Florida. NavCom and DefCon, the Armed Forces, sit on beanbag chairs watching a TV screen as Aaron the Caddy operates the VCR. Outdated posters of the Armed Forces with the titles decorate the walls.] ATC: Okay guys, I kept you two in training for an extra 30 minutes tonight. As a result, we missed the IIWF Report. NC: Great. DC: Wonderful. Now we missed Dross talking about the injustice in our match with the Drifters. NC: At least they won the titles. I'd rather see our mortal enemies, Pale and Easy with the titles than those two foreigners. I've still never forgiven them for Pearl Harbor, an event which just celebrated its 55th anniversary, I might add. ATC: Chill out, guys. The old man taped it. NC: You're only eight years older than we are. ATC: True. Anyway, here's what they had to say. [Footage of the memo General Kane sent to the Report, talking about his "British" military affiliation.] ATC: What the heck is all this garbage? Great Britain has a military? NC: Uh huh, they have one. They are the people who are in charge of calling the United States Department of Defense whenever they get into a small scuffle. DC: He he. Yeah, and they are the ones who sit idly by as the Irish Republican Army bombs the hell out of Big Ben in London. He he. ATC: Oh, thanks for reminding me. [More footage about GWR and The Armed Forces' feud.] NC: I don't know what the deal with Dross is. We've already faced GWR, and we beat 'em in the center of the ring. Why must we continue to look at them, when they're not even in our league? DC: Yeah, as if we need to go through those punks to get a title shot or something... it's pathetic. Let's just have a quick match, we kick their butts, and then we go after the Tag Titles against the Drifters at Snow Brawl. ATC: Uh, guys...speaking of Snow Brawl... [Aaron hits the button on the remote again, and soon the Snow Brawl card appears on the screen.] NC: What?! How in the heck? Rising Sun Revolution gets the shot at Snow Brawl? No, no... you gotta be kidding me. DC: We demand that shot! That is OUR title shot! For crying out loud, where is the JUSTICE? ATC: I know, I know. NC: No you don't understand, Aaron. We poured everything we had into getting back up to the top, and now that RSR had seemingly been taken out, we get the shaft over. It's just not fair. It's just not fair. [NavCom and DefCon storm out of the room, disgusted. Aaron shrugs and turns off the TV set. Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: General Kane had a few words of his own for The Armed Forces, and we'll hear those a little bit later. ******************************* The Sandman def. John McClain ******************************* LM: The Sandman has a new attitude of late and he certainly showed it against the luckless gambler John McClain. BL: Yeah, The Sandman attacked and it was nighty-night McClain. I really like this new attitude Sandman has. LM: You would. ************************************** The Harlequins def. The Alphabet Boys ************************************** LM: We had our first look at Harlequin Tragedy and Harlequin Chaos as a tag team Wednesday night, and they were impressive, to say the least. BL: Impressive? How impressive do you have to be to watch The Brain Dead Boys be counted out while they're cooing over Rising Sun Revolution? LM: The Alphabet Boys actually seemed to be a bit disappointed over the setback after the show: [SCENE: The Alphabet Boys are in the IIWF locker room during the world tour. They sit in front of an open locker, in which hangs a framed painting of Elvis on black velvet. Candles are burning in the shrine.] ZED: Elvis... ABIE: ...the king. ZED: We have always patterned our careers after his. But something has gone wrong. ABIE: Wrong? ZED: We have not yet reached his heights. Players' Club called us "Sideshow Freaks." ABIE: Hee hee. ZED: We will find someone else. The King will be our spiritual guide, but we need a wrestling hero. [Abie whispers something in his ear.] Yes! If we are like them, we too will become champions. ABIE: Hee hee. ZED: We will watch them. Protect them. Fight who they fight. We will become them! [The two begin to laugh hysterically. The camera man becomes afraid and runs away. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] BL: [sarcastically] Gee, I WONDER who they could be talking about. [muttering to herself] What a couple of dolts. LM: Let's hear from the ABoys' victorious opponents, the Harlequins: [SCENE: Tim Dross steps back onto the abandoned amusement park that the Harlequins call home.] TD: [to the cameraman] Now be careful. You remember what happened to us last time we were here! CAMERAMAN: Why are we back here? TD: Because I want to know what's going on with these guys! They're acting more and more peculiar with every single... VOICE: YO, TIMMY! TD: Oh no.... [Comedy bounces over to Tim Dross and the cameraman] COMEDY: Timmy! You came back! TD: Hello, Comedy. I was hoping to get a word with you and the other Harlequins. COMEDY: Linoleum! TD: What?! COMEDY: You wanted a word, I gave you one! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! TD: Very funny, now may I please speak to Tragedy. COMEDY: Sure, walk this way! [Comedy does an impression of the "Silly Walks" sketch from Monty Python's Flying Circus. Dross follows her into the Haunted House.] TD: Why am I not suprised that he's in here... COMEDY: Watch your step Timmy! TD: What?...Whoa! [Dross falls through a rotten floorboard, but is caught by Harlequin Chaos.] TD: Whew! Thank you, Chaos. CHAOS: The structural integrity of this domicile is greatly in question. Why my elder fraternal sibling would choose such a location for his personal domicile is an enigma. TD: Uhhh, excuse me? COMEDY: What the hell did you say? CHAOS: I don't like this place. TD: I don't like it very much either, now can you please tell me where Tragedy is? CHAOS: There [points to a large door. Light can be seen coming from between the cracks.] TD: Thank you, now if you'll excuse me. [Dross steps through the door into a room where the only light comes from hundreds of television sets stacked up against the far wall. In the center of the room stands Tragedy watching them. Each set shows a different professional wrestler from the IIWF as well as other leagues.] TRAGEDY: Come in, Mr. Dross. TD: Thank you for giving me this opportunity, Tragedy. What is all this? TRAGEDY: You may call this my....Hall of the Damned. TD: Okay, well first of all, I wish to congratulate you on your tag team victory this past Wednesday. TRAGEDY: Thank you, I believe you will be saying that a lot from now on. TD: I see, would it be safe to assume that you are still interested in the singles scene then? TRAGEDY: We have unfinished business with the singles competitors. Business which will be taken care of shortly. TD: How so? [The screens all change to an image of the Sandman. Chaos steps into the room.] TRAGEDY: My brother, this man has annoyed me like a fly annoys a picnic. CHAOS: You want me to swat him? TRAGEDY: Please. CHAOS: It will be my pleasure big brother! [The screens now change to an image of Otto Verrhoven.] TRAGEDY: What do you see, Mr. Dross? TD: I see Otto "The Butcher" Verrhoven, the former IIWF World Champion. TRAGEDY: No Mr. Dross, that's not what you see. What you see is a man whose inability to finish me has caused him to speak without thinking. TD: With all due respect Tragedy, but Verrhoven gave you a pounding at your last encounter. TRAGEDY: Did he pin me? TD: No, he wasn't able to.... TRAGEDY: Did he get me to submit? TD: Well, no one has done that! TRAGEDY: The only way Verrhoven, or any of my opponents, was able to gain the advantage was when there was outside interference. He's incapable of defeating me by himself. But when the contract I've just signed gets cleared, that's what he will have to try to do. [Tragedy hands some papers to Dross who reads them.] TD: A cage match! You're not serious? TRAGEDY: No one gets in, No one gets out. One on one. There's no way he can escape. TD: You actually want to get into a cage with him? TRAGEDY: No, Mr. Dross. I'm not getting into a cage with him. He will be getting into a cage with me. [The screens go dark. Tragedy turns around and heads for the door. The only thing visisble in the room is the light from Tragedy's eyes.] TRAGEDY: That's all I have to comment on, Mr. Dross, I believe you can find the exit. [Dross stands alone in the dark room.] TD: Wait! I can't see anything! Tragedy?! Comedy?! Chaos?! Melody?! ANYBODY!! [Fade. Cut back to the studio.] BL: I bet Timmy wishes he'd opted for the "glo-in-the-dark" toupee rather than the laughably artificial-looking hairpiece he currently sports. LM: That's not nice, Becky. BL: And your point is...? ******************** Creed def. Cheshire ******************** LM: Last Saturday's match between these two newcomers was interrupted by the return of Chris Quigley, but the rematch was everything we expected it to be. The rather... unique... Cheshire gave Creed all he wanted, but fell just short. Creed and CEO Jack Montgomery were pleased with the victory, but now have their sights set on another opponent: [SCENE: A IIWF camera crew has come to a small town nestled somewhere near the garlic fields of Central California. The crew is inside a large hangar in what appears to be a converted Air Force base. The camera takes a wide shot and shows several hundred men and women sitting on bleachers around a wrestling ring. Perched in a tower of sorts, high above the ring, is Jack Montgomery.] CEO: Mr. Quigley, I have taken the opportunity to procure the services of two men, two... specialists, if you will. Perhaps you are familiar with them. They seem to know a good deal about you. [Inside the ring is Creed, working intensely down on the mat, going hold for hold against two men, neither of whom we are able to discern clearly. One appears to be a mid-size wrestler -- obviously with great technical gifts -- wearing white trunks with the Union Jack visible on each leg. The other is a larger, barrel-chested fellow, enormously strong and quick tempered. He is clad in pink and black. Each man is wearing a mask and drawing huge face heat from the decidedly partisan spectators, who are hurling not only epithets at Creed but all manner of debris as well. Through it all, Creed remains calm, completely focused on his opponents, disregarding not only the crowd, but the shrill sounds of the AC/DC music which is periodically pumped through the hangar. This is some type of sparring session, with each masked man occasionally stopping the action to forcefully explain a technical point to the attentive Creed. However, the ring work is not pro forma, the two men are really trying to work Creed over, using double teams and the odd foreign object. The session finally breaks as the smaller man has placed Creed in a submission leg hold, cinching it up while the bigger man slaps Creed repeatedly across the face and laughs hysterically. In a sudden, almost cataclysmic rush of ferocity, Creed pushes off the mat with his right hand and -- utilizing it for one of the few times all day -- snatches the smaller man with his gloved left. By his throat. Creed lifts the mid-size wrestler up high into the air and then receives, courtesy of his larger opponent, not one, not two, but three shots to the back with a steel chair. Seemingly unphased, Creed returns the mid-sized wrestler to the mat and turns to face his partner. Creed quickly grabs the chair... ...and places it on the mat. Creed shakes the hands of both men, stares for a moment at the astonished crowd -- and quietly leaves the ring.] CEO: You made a mistake, Mr. Quigley. And it will be remembered. [The arena suddenly goes black, the quiet, unmistakable voice of Creed is heard over the loudspeaker, barely whispering the simple words:] CREED: Anyone. Anywhere. Anytime. [Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: Montgomery and Creed will get their wish tomorrow night in The Kohl Center when Creed faces "Quickstrike" Chris Quigley. What a matchup that should be! BL: Cheshire wasn't too broken up by the loss -- if that inane laughter is any indication. He'll have a shot to get his first IIWF victory tomorrow night against a tough customer... Mr. Damage. And speaking of damage, IIWF intern reporter Steve Summer nearly learned about it firsthand this week with Cheshire: [SCENE: The camera pans to a three-foot thick and 25-foot broad concrete wall in the middle of a large, empty parking-lot. Cheshire, with an excited grin on his face, clad in a white overall, leads IIWF intern Steve Summer, who is blindfolded with a red cloth, towards the wall.] SS: Now, what is that surprise you wanted to show me? CH: Hehe, be patient, Stevie. Here we are. Just stand right here. SS: [leaning against the wall] Where are we, anyway? CH: Just stay there, exactly at that spot... hehehe... and don't cheat, Stevie! DO NOT, whatever happens, DO NOT TAKE OFF THAT CLOTH [he taps Steve on the forehead] until I say it. Got that? It would screw up my surprise, you see. Hehe. Oh, I'm sorry, of course you don't. Ha! SS: [obviously nervous] I have that unpleasant feeling that you have something very nasty in mind. I'd appreciate it if we could just do the interview. [he starts to remove the cloth but Cheshire grabs his hand] CH: Nonononono. Don't be such a spoilsport, Stevie. It will be fun... hehehe... trust me. Now stay here, I'll be right back. Heheheheee. SS: Whe... where do you go!? H... Hey, wait! CH: Trust me, okay, Stevie? Stay where you are, and DON'T MOVE! Hehehe. [Cheshire walks toward the camera and passes it to the right. Summer nervously shifts from one foot to the other.] SS: Ummm... Mister Cheshire? [As he gets no response his hand slowly rises towards the cloth covering his eyes. Suddenly Cheshire's head pops in from the right.] CH: DON'T YOU DARE TO REMOVE THAT BEFORE I TELL YOU TO DO SO! Or I'll be forced to hurt you, Stevie. [He vanishes again, and this time Summer seems to follow his instructions. The camera zooms out to about 30 meters distance. The starting and roaring of a car can be heard, as well as the screaming of wheels as it launches off. It obviously accelerates quickly and suddenly races past the camera toward the wall. Summer stiffens. Cheshire leans out of the driver's window and screams "NOOOWW!" and quickly withdraws back into the car. The perspective switches and the camera shows Summer from the roof of the metallic-green car. As he grabs the cloth and pulls it off, his eyes nearly pop out, but he doesn't move an inch. A loud CRASH is heard and the screen simultaneously turns black. A second later, what is left of a formerly brand-new BMW is seen. Its front is completely smashed, the hood is hanging loosely and totally deformed to the side of it. Gray smoke rises from what was the motor and splinters of glass are scattered all over the car, as well as over Steve Summer, who sits shivering beside the car, with widened eyes and sweat glistening on his pale face. The bent door of the car slowly opens, and Cheshire crawls out, bleeding from the corner of his mouth, but still grinning.] CH: Howow, huhuhu, airbaggin's cool. [cough, cough] Gotta try that again sometime. Huhuhu. Hey, Stevie. [He sits down beside Summer.] Whassup, pal? You look pale. Are you sick or something? And you're shaking like a leaf. Man, you oughta stop drinking that extra-strong coffee. I remember when I... SS: You... YOU [BLEEP]! YOU TRIED TO KILL ME! CH: Hell, NOOO! That was an just experiment and I thought you'd like to share that experience with me. SS: WHAT EXPERIENCE?! CH: The Taste of Death! Remember? Creed wanted me to taste death, and so... wwwellll [he picks a splinter of glass out of his hair] huhuhu, I bet he can't surpass _that_. SS: Okay! [he stands up] I've had enough! If you want to kill yourself, go ahead, BUT KEEP ME OUT OF THAT! [he storms off] CH: But... Hey, Stevie! What about my interview! Heeey! [he runs after him] Steve! Heeeey! Oooh come on. Don't be a frog, Stevie. Aren't you able to take a little joke, or what? Hey, STEEEVIEEE! [Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: What a strange little man. BL: I KNEW you'd never like Steve Summer! ********************************************* Dirt Dog Unique Allah def. "Nifty" Ned Norton ********************************************* LM: The... ugh... Dirt Dog... was expecting to face Marty Warnett Wednesday night, but Marty was obviously incapacitated following the attack by Stud Stetson. BL: And Ned Norton may have been in no better condition after the shots he took from Steve Kowalski Wednesday night, but Norton fought gamely... until the opening bell rang. Hehe. LM: Nevertheless, it was an impressive win for the newcomer and his manager Medusa. ******************************* Serge Annis def. El Super Gecko ******************************* LM: Speaking of impressive newcomers, Annis was all offense against the Wonder Lizard. He also drew the attention of IIWF World Champion Dan Kauffman, who watched the match from the stands and had a few words for Annis after the match. BL: Annis wants a shot at Kauffman, but I don't know that there will be anything left of Khaos... oops, I mean Danny... after Deathbringer gets finished with him at Snow Brawl. If there is, Casey James and Chris Quigley have first dibs. I just LOVE seeing people line up to beat the snot out of Kauffman. LM: Becky, please! BL: Not even if you beg, Larry. LM: *ahem* Let's hear from the self-monikered "Lethal Protector" now: [SCENE: an open grave in a cemetary. The camera looks down and focuses on the open grave. Smoke pours out of the grave as a hand reaches out. A reddish colour of smoke pours out now. The hand grabs the camera and yanks it into the grave, the colours swirl all around. The shot then becomes black. It fades away, but instead of a grave, blue eyes are seen. The camera pans back more and the face of the Epitome of Evil is seen. Serge Annis grins. He is standing allone in an empty warehouse. Smoke fills the air, and a garbage can is on fire in the background. Serge starts walking.] SA: So many spines to snap, necks to strangle, souls to collapse... yet so many rely on the Lethal Protector for their own demise... Perhaps Serge Annis isn't ready yet... isn't ready... to destroy everyone... not just yet... I DON'T THINK SO! I don't destroy people because they come to me.... I go out and destroy people because I want to! The reputation that I bring to the ring is enough to make a grown man cry.... but the punishment... the torture I dish out is enough to drive a man mad.... [Serge passes by another flaming can, with several homeless people around it warming up. He kicks over the can onto a person's lap. The man screams in pain and fear. The others get up and run.... but Serge catches one and holds him up in position for a chokeslam.] As I look into this worthless soul's eyes... I see through more than just the retina... the eyes are the window to the soul... Dan Kauffman... lookee what ol' Serge did... hehehe... Kauffman... soon... I will crack your windows... I will shatter them... thus cutting off your soul, condemning you to a life of much more worse than delusions and lies... I will condemn you to the world I emerged from... the world you are banished to... a world where fear is your best friend... and there are no friends... a world where things are so horrible...pain is the only thing you can find pleasure in... and I will see to it you are painless... as I stare into this pathetic individual's eyes... I see a reflection of you...burning...up.... [Serge chokeslams the homeless person into a pile of garbage aflame from the spreading fire caused by the tipped cans. Two other bums pick him up and run. Annis continues walking.] But it is not just Dan Kauffman that will feel the Wrath of Annis. It started with that Gecko..... and is nowhere near close to stopping... as i continue on my journey into IIWF... I am not taking friends... but victims.... not enemies... but souls... and they say I have the darkest soul around... I didn't condemn people to what I lived through... but now... it's MY turn! My turn to dish out the pain I endured... dish out the torture which I uniquely survived... and It's time for people to visit to my side of Hell... THE SCARIER ONE!!! THE ONE WHERE A PERSON'S THOUGHTS ALONE CAN KILL YOU!!! [Serge is now surrounded by fire, but he doesn't run. The fire is not touching him. He looks at the camera. The camera pans to his baby blue eyes again.] Whether it be Dan Kauffman... or any of these pathetic "supernatural" beings like Deathbringer and company... or be it the man with whom I have no problem whatsoever... all will pay.. all will suffer... AND WHEN IT COMES TIME FOR THE LETHAL LOTTERY... I will fit right in... because that is what I am... The Lethal Protector... I AM LETHAL! And for those of you that doubt Serge Annis in the tag team part.... I assure you.....my word...is my bond.... and I _NEVER_ break my word... hehehehe... whoever my partner is... you can... trust me... hehehehe.... at... SNOW BRAWL!! [As Annis's last words are screamed, the camera quickly pans out of the blackness of his eye and comes from out of the grave where the smoke still pours out. Serge Annis can be heard laughing as a crow comes and sits on the grave, the name on the tombstone reading "ANNIS." Fade. Cut back to the studio.] ************************************ Lord Byron def. Venusian Death Cell ************************************ LM: In what proved to be one of the hardest-fought matches of the evening, Lord Byron showed his ability to reverse holds and barely pinned the Cell. BL: It's all that poison Dross is pumping into the Cell. It's slowing his reflexes. LM: Hmmmm. Anyway, it was an important showing for Byron after that embarrassing loss to Marty Warnett last weekend in London. Our camera crew caught up with a despondent Byron and Lady DeWinter after that match: [SCENE: Lord Byron's locker room following his loss to Marty Warnett Saturday night. He holds his head in his hands, while the Lady DeWinter is pacing, visibly upset.] LDW: Milord.... Byron.... You have to forgive me... please. LB: [coldly] Milady, how many times do I have to say it? There is nothing to forgive. It wasn't your fault. LDW: [almost crying] But it was! I caused this to happen... LB: It was my own fault. I should have seen this coming. I should have been prepared for all contingencies. I should have stuck to my game plan. I shouldn't have been so damn proud! [Byron raises his head, and stares at the ceiling]. I had it all worked out. I had Warnett sized up perfectly. I KNEW what I had to do to win the match. And what do I do? I ignore my game plan. I get into the ring, see Warnett, get cocky, and make the same mistake that Tragedy made when I fought him. I should have left you in the dressing rooms. [DeWinter starts to cry. Byron looks over, shakes his head and stands up, kissing her lightly on the forehead.] LB: I didn't mean that. You know I didn't. [DeWinter embraces Byron, and he holds her for a second before shrugging her off.] LB: And it's my own fault I now have a mountain to climb again here in the IIWF. Damnation! [Byron kicks the seat, causing DeWinter to jump. Byron looks up, his eyes glittering] No. This is nothing more than an inconvenience. A slip up. My record here is still exemplary. I remain unpinned. I have not suffered a clean loss. [Byron turns around, snatches up his brass topped cane and storms out of the room, with DeWinter trailing behind.] My priority is now Snow Brawl. I'm not done here yet. Not by a long shot. [Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: It was a tough loss for the Cell, who has fallen on hard times. BL: If someone was drugging _you,_ you'd fall on hard times too. I think it's disgusting the way Timmy has to slip things in the big guy's drinks -- all because he's afraid to interview him. LM: We have absolutely NO proof of that, Becky, but we DO have an interview Tim Dross conducted with the Cell last weekend in London. Let's go to that now: [SCENE: The Venusian Death Cell is in the bar of an unknown London Hotel wearing his wrestling attire -- dark marble green tights and a mask.] VDC: [to the barman] Give me a pint of that "bitter" stuff now... BARMAN: Yes, sir. However, before I serve you, I must add that masks of any description are not usually allowed in here, and we also ask for a suit and black shoes. [The VDC stares right at him and spits some green fluid onto the bar] BARMAN: However, in your case we're more than happy to make an exception. [under his breath] Maybe after this you'll be happier to comply. VDC: What? BARMAN: Oh, nothing. [The barman pulls the pint of Worthington and then, as he's topping it up due to the size of the head, he drops something in it.] There you go, sir. That's £2.45 please.. [The VDC snatches the drink from him and downs it, basically pouring it down his throat as has become the custom.] VDC: I'll pay later. Put another one in there. [As the barman begins to pull the pint, Tim Dross appears on the scene] TD: Hello, Cell, fancy seeing you here! [he looks at the barman who nods] VDC: I thought you were a teetotal, Dross. What brings you here? TD: I thought we could sit at a table and have a quiet chat. VDC: No chance, Dross. I'm drinking alone tonight. I'm going to try out these English ales. See if they're as good as they're cracked up to be. TD: I'm sure they are, Cell. [The barman hands Cell another pint and the Cell again downs it.] VDC: Ugh. [The Cell starts spitting a darker green fluid, mixed with the brown color of the pint] VDC: That stuff sucks. The first one wasn't too bad. Tasted like that redcurrant cordial you gave me last week actually Dross. That tasted of yeast or something like that. TD: Sorry to hear that Cell. VDC: Don't worry about it Tim, it's my problem really. TD: Well, I'm interested in your well being obviously, Cell. Wouldn't want to see one of the IIWF's premier athletes being sick everywhere would I? VDC: No, Tim. Thanks for the compliments. TD: It's a pleasure. Anyway, I think we should talk about your recent ring exploits. Great victory against the Sandman. VDC: [grinning] Yes..but I wasn't so keen on the salt in the eyes. I was blinded for about an hour after the match. Apparently I went wild in the locker rooms. Sorry about that if you're watching at The Albert Hall. TD: I'm sure they won't mind. They've only got the London Philharmonic Orchestra in tonight.. VDC: Oh no... don't rub it in, Tim. I said I'm sorry. TD: Yes you did. I'm sorry. VDC: Don't be. TD: Okay. It looks like your revival is taking a turn for the better as well. I'm glad to see that. VDC: So am I, Tim. Soon I'll be back to my best and ready to take on the best again. Taking nothing away from the Sandman, it was an easy match. Thunder, I see you didn't manage to take Shakespeare's title from him. Step in the ring with me again on Saturday Night. If you were the number one contender, I'll beat you and put myself in that spot, then Shakespeare, it'll be time to take that title off you. I've been after it for six months or more, on and off, and if I don't get a shot soon, well... I won't be responsible for my actions. TD: Okay, Cell. I can see you're very annoyed. I don't know what I can say... VDC: Don't say anything, Dross. You've said more than enough already. [Dross looks at his watch] TD: Oh my, is that the time? I'd better be on my way. I've got some sightseeing to do. VDC: I don't care what you've got to do, Dross. I'm talking. It's rude to interrupt someone like that. And you know what I think of rude people don't you? TD: No, and I don't want to find out either. I'm outta here. [Dross leaves as the Cell breaks the glass by squeezing it. He drops it to the floor with a green liquid oozing out of his hand. He demands another drink from the landlord. Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] BL: Do you need MORE proof, Sherlock? LM: [under his breath] Hmmm, looks like Tim needs to increase the dosage. **************************************** Chris Quigley def. "Badboy" Randy Acorn **************************************** LM: Chris Quigley returned to action and looked like he hadn't been out of the ring at all. He had a counter for every move Acorn threw at him. BL: Yeah, he wasn't bad. But I was a little disappointed in his happy little interview with Dross. I think that "focused intensity" he showed last Saturday will get him farther in the IIWF. LM: And Chris Quigley has decided to accept the bye into the Lethal Lottery Battle Royal at Snow Brawl, so he'll have a chance to earn a World title shot on December 21st. ******************************* Casey James def. Brody Thunder ******************************* LM: Brody Thunder learned the travails of being a "lone wolf" in the world of professional wrestling when you go up against a pack like the Syndicate. BL: Hey, Thunder is tough, but he wasn't ready to meet a competitor like Casey James... LM: AND his taped fist? AND the other members of the Syndicate. I think the odds were definitely stacked against Brody Thunder as he suffered his first loss in the IIWF. BL: Besides, Casey was too interested in learning more about Danny Khaos... oops, I mean Kauffman: [SCENE: A wobbly shot of a hallway. It's obvious that the shot is taken with a hand held video cam, and the person filming isn't exactly using a tripod. Several doors are passed, each with numbers on them. The shot rests on the door marked 114. the camera spins around and Casey James is seen filming himself.] CJ: Well, here we are in Rome, the city of... ummm... what is it the city of? I can't remember. Oh yeah, the city of poor architecture. These guys can't even get a tower to stand up straight. The pizza's good, though. But every time I ask for cake for dessert I get laughed at. Anyway, we're in the hotel the IIWF decided to shack us up in, and I'm right here at Dan Kauffman's room. Let's see what he has to say tonight... [Casey knocks on the door and waits. There's no answer.] CJ: I could have sworn he'd be here. Maybe he slipped and fell in the shower. Maybe I should go in and see. I'd hate for the IIWF champ to get hurt! [The camera is set on the floor, and it can just be made out that Casey is fiddling with the door. The door opens and Casey grabs the camera before walking in. The room is fairly neat, and a suitcase rests on the bed.] CJ: What a neat boy Dan is. It looks like Dan isn't even here. I guess he's out for a night on the town or something. Well, let's take a look at the champ's personal affairs, shall we? I know the fans want to get a good look at what Dan is all about, and quite frankly, so do I. [Casey sets the camera down to get a good shot of the bed. Casey sits next to the suitcase, and opens it quietly. He puts a finger to his lips, making a "shhh" gesture. The suitcase is opened, and Casey rummages through it.] CJ: I knew it... briefs. I always knew that Dan was a briefs man. What else do we have here? What are these? Pajamas? Dan wears jammies to bed? Isn't that cute. What else do we have here? Hmmm... Boring stuff... clothes, toothpaste, towels, hairbrush.... This isn't exciting at all. Oh, wait a second... what's this? [Casey pulls out a booklet and leafs through it.] CJ: Hmmm... It's Dan's address and phone book. Well, well. Danny Boy's got quite a few friends... This should come in handy... [Casey pockets the book.] CJ: Well, that was boring. Let's see... it doesn't even look like Dan got unpacked. Well this is really disappointing. I was hoping to dig up some dirt on the champ. [There is a knock at the door.] CJ: Hmm... who could that be? [Casey turns the camera around to see the door, then answers it. A woman in provocative clothing is at the door.] CJ: [Almost overacting] Ummm, yes? WOMAN: [With an Italian accent] Ummm, I'm here for Dan Kauffman? CJ: Dan Kauffman? Why would you be here looking for him? WOMAN: He's... client? CJ: A client? You don't mean... [Casey turns around to look at the camera with an exaggerated look of shock on his face.] CJ: A woman of the night?! Begone, foul woman. Dan doesn't need any problems with you! [The woman looks at him, a little confused, but Casey motions to her, holding a finger up. Casey nods slightly, then closes the door. He then turns back to the camera.] CJ: [In a fatherly tone] Dan, I'm a little disappointed in you... looking for comfort in the arms of a... business woman. I don't think the fans would be too keen to know about this, so it's probably a good thing I turned her away. [Casey looks at his watch.] CJ: Well, it would seem that it's time to go. It's been a slice, but I only have so much time, you know? So until next week... Take it easy! [Casey grabs the camera and heads out the door where the woman is waiting. Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: I find THAT little bit of tripe hard to swallow. BL: Think about it, Larry. How well do we REALLY know Dan Kauffman? Casey James is doing everyone -- Kauffman included -- a great service. LM: Oh please! ******************************************** Mad Dog Watkins def. "Enigma" Takezo Musashi ******************************************** LM: What an up-and-down week it has been for Takezo Musashi. Last Saturday, his career was saved when Hakiro Matsuoko interfered in his match with the Dark Disciples. On Wednesday, Matsuoko went after Musashi and helped Mad Dog Watkins end "The Enigma's" win streak. Tim Dross caught up with Musashi to get his comments: [SCENE: The now familiar sight of Takezo Musashi's dojo. The "Enigma" is vigorously working out, performing chops and kicks on wooden martial arts contraptions]. TD: Ahem, are you ready for your interview now, Takezo? [Takezo notices Tim Dross standing there and turns towards him. He bows and smiles]. TM: Forgive me, Tim, I did not notice you. I was focused on my training, for my mind and body must always remain sharp. What is it you wanted to ask of me? TD: First of all, allow me to congratulate you on your victory over the Dark Disciples last Saturday night. There are many who thought you didn't stand a chance against those thugs, but the fans are pleased your career has not come to a premature close. TM: Thank you, Tim. I did not expect it to be a simple task. It was a sore test of my spirit. There were times during the battle I thought I could no longer endure, but there was a force inside of me that would not permit the "Enigma" to admit defeat. I have come so far in the IIWF, and I simply could not allow myself to throw all that hard work and success away so easily. Also, I knew that all the fans out there were counting on me to pull through, to prove to them that the forces of tyranny and evil cannot be permitted to run amok unchecked. Of course, much of the credit lies with my partner Shinja Chow, he stood by me with all of the courage in his soul and has proven to be a true friend. TD: There are a few people saying that you are extremely lucky to still be in the IIWF today, and that if it were not for Hakiro Matsuoko's interference the Dark Disciples would have emerged the victors. TM: Well, everybody should examine the facts and acknowledge them. Wulf was out cold on the canvas. I had just hit him with the Starsault Press, and there is not a warrior I have faced who has managed to recover from the jewel of my arsenal. At that moment the referee called for the DQ as my old foe Hakiro Matsuoko treacherously struck Shinja Chow. All that means is that we emerged victorious three seconds earlier than expected. Of course, I would have much preferred the clean victory, but I have now proven to myself that I am a superior warrior to the Dark Disciples. TD: Speaking of Hakiro, there are obviously still unresolved issues between the two of you, judging by his interference during your match with Mad Dog Watkins. TM: Well Tim, I must admit I did not expect the Angel of the Rising Sun to strike at that moment. As a warrior I must be ever vigilant, and I was unwise to let my guard drop even for a moment. I had deceived myself that the matter between Hakiro and myself was over, but I see now that the anger still seethes within his tormented soul. What was his motivation at that moment? Perhaps he was jealous of my recent winning streak in the IIWF, he was ever envious of my talents in the past. Perhaps he wanted the "Enigma" to drop down the rankings out of contention because Hakiro knows that I am the biggest threat to his Cruiserweight title reign. Mad Dog Watkins is a cagey veteran, and he knows how to utilize his natural power to its full potential, but I know that I possessed the will to turn our match around and emerge victorious. That is, until Hakiro played his treacherous hand. It becomes apparent to me that we must face each other once again, and prove who is the mightier warrior once and for all. TD: You mentioned the Cruiserweight title, and it must bother you that although you have been one of the most successful and well-known stars since your arrival in the IIWF some time ago, you have never managed to capture the gold for yourself. TM: That is because the right opportunities have yet to present themselves Tim. It seems that many nefarious forces have lurked in the background and forced me to sidetrack from my destiny, which is to reign in splendor as a wrestling champion. I suspect that Don McQueen has been responsible for this, using his hold over my contract to influence the IIWF booking committee. However I must question why Tiger Claw has been granted the title shot at Snow Brawl over myself, when I have clearly been the top ranked Cruiserweight contender for many months now. I have been very patient so far and wrestled whomever the booking committee has put before me with excellent results, but now is my time to shine. TD: One match I am really looking forward to seeing, and I am sure most of the fans would agree with me on this one, is your upcoming non-title clash with World Champion Dan Kauffman this Saturday night. That has the potential to be one of the best matches yet seen in the IIWF. TM: I, too, am very excited about this one. Dan Kauffman has been one of the greatest wrestlers to emerge over the last few years. He has held prestigious titles in countless federations, his face is recognized all over the world, and he is held in awe by many talented athletes. Undoubtedly, against the IIWF World Champion my technical skills would be tested to their utmost limits, and it shall be my honor to step in the ring with Dan Kauffman. Like me, he has had to face his demons in the ring. I faced the Dark Disciples and found the courage to overcome, Dan Kauffman faced the spectre known as Cadaver and stood triumphant where others have fallen into despair. But as I said before, now is my time to shine, like a blazing comet I shall soar over the IIWF. I am convinced that I have the ability to beat Dan Kauffman, though I know that it shall be a formidable task. Should I succeed the IIWF championship committee will be unable to deny me any longer. I will have proven before the world that I have what it takes to be a champion. TD: That is all for now. Thank you for your time, Takezo Musashi. TM: [he bows] It has been an honor, Tim. [Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: However, Mad Dog Watkins isn't interested in proving himself as championship material -- he thinks he already has: [SCENE: The locker room of Mad Dog Watkins, approximately 30 minutes after the end of the recent Wednesday Night house show in Rome, Italy. Watkins is just about finished dressing -- he sports an all-black ensemble... boots, black pants, t-shirt, and leather jacket. He is packing his bag, while watching the replay of Steve "The Fury" Kowalski placing the Texas Cloverleaf on Nifty Ned Norton earlier tonight. He laughs a quiet laugh, and shuts off the television set.] MD: That kid's more and more like his ol' man everyday. [Watkins grabs his bag, turns, and walks out of the locker room door into the corridor where the IIWF touring staff is busy cleaning the arena and loading the trucks. He walks quietly towards the arena door, but is stopped by an IIWF intern before he gets there.] IN: Mr Watkins! Sir... we've got a limousine waiting for you around back. If you would just follow me. MD: Limousine? I guess somebody up in the front office paid attention to the match tonight. IN: Uhm...sir? MD: The crowd was rocking tonight, kid. Gotta think to yourself that ol' Mad Dog had something to do with that. How many of these other newcomers to the IIWF do you think really could excite the crowd and beat the last breath out of a wrestler like the Enigma like I did tonight? And do it for thirty minutes? That's right -- you can't name one. Glad to see that the suits can see that. I guess the limo is a suitable reward. IN: Sir... I do believe that it is company policy to provide comfortable and safe transportation to all of the IIWF superstars. MD: Sure it is, kid. Superstars. Notice the choice of words. You think that I got a limo ride last week when I had to take on Triple M? Nah. Just me on a Harley... and I kinda prefer it that way, but at least you boys have started to respect ol' Mad Dog. IN: Yes, sir. MD: You got those tapes I asked for? IN: [Reaching into the travel bag he is carrying] Oh, yes sir. I've got them right here. You'll see that it's got the majority of the particpants in the Lethal Lottery recent matches. MD: Good. Can't go into a war without a plan of attack. Not if you want to win anyway, and you know that's what I'm all about. Placed your bets yet, kid? IN: [Opening the limo door for Watkins] No sir. It's against company policy to... MD: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ain't nobody an angel son. I sure as hell ain't. And come Snow Brawl, the rest of the IIWF is going to find that out. Give me a partner -- don't matter to me. I know that there's only one man that I can trust, and you're looking at him. And you know what? Mark it down and take it to the bank when I tell you that December 21st will belong to me.... [Shuts the limo door on the intern, and the limo slowly pulls away. Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] ************************************************************************** --------------------------- IIWF TRASH TALK ---------------------------- ************************************************************************** LM: As we speak, the IIWF is holding a press conference in The Kohl Center to introduce some of the great stars in the IIWF to the German media. Let's cut over to our camera at The Kohl Center and see what's happening: [SCENE: The IIWF tour press conference in the Kohl Centre, Berlin. Several IIWF stars are in attendance, for example Dan Kauffman, Tiger Claw, the High Plains Drifters and Rising Sun Revolution. Tim Dross is standing on the platform.] TD: ...and we all feel that this tour has been a huge success for the IIWF. We're confident that tomorrow's show will live up to the high standards our fans demand from the IIWF. REP1: How do you explain the IIWF's huge popularity in Europe, especially in Germany? TD: The IIWF has the finest talent pool in the business and we present action of the highest quality. The fact that we have many international superstars who appeal to our worldwide audience, like Lord Byron, Onslaught and, of course, Otto Verhoeven. Would you come up here, Otto? [The German reporters clap their hands as Otto and Heidi make their way to the podium.] REP2: Herr Verhoeven, how does it feel to be back in Germany? OV: It is great. I am at home here and the people, for whose pride and glory I wrestle, greet me with respect and admiration. REP3: You have earned it, Butcher. You are already one of the most successful German wrestlers in history. How do you evaluate your opponent for tomorrow night, the Subway Psycho? OV: He is only a penner, a bum, with only basic knowledge of wrestling and come tomorrow night, I will not disappoint my fans. You see, I am stronger than him, smarter than him and, this time, I have the people behind me. Maybe for the first time in his career he is not the fan favorite. This is my home country, and the Psycho will have to suffer and endure pain like he has never before! The Butcher knows no mercy, and for getting in my way, he will pay dearly! Once he is out of my way, I will once again enter the struggle for the big gold! REP4: Wait a moment. Don't you have some comments about the return of Chris Quigley to the spotlight? What about that match he talked about where he nearly killed you? OV: That match took place in NCWF, and, as you can all probably imagine, things were totally different. I dominated the match and threw him out of the ring, where he got lucky, reached a chair, and knocked me out with it. Great effort, Quigley. NH: Ja, he is a covard, and they can only stop the German juggernaut with a chairshot these days. REP2: Or so it seems. OV: You will see that. At Snow Brawl I am sure I'll get a shot at Quigley during the Battle Royal, and he will regret ever insulting the Butcher. REP5: Any predictions on the Deathbringer-Kauffman match? OV: [looks over to Kauffman] I think that nice old Dannyboy will defeat the 'Bringer. [surprised murmur] I always admitted that he is an able wrestler, and that dead guy is too occupied with his mumbo-jumbo that Kauffman will upset him. Nevertheless we all know that the "Flash" stole the belt from me, and he too will visit me in the slaughterhouse. REP6: One last question to your fiancee. Heidi, many experts think that Sasha has an advantage because no one has actually seen her wrestle. Her style will be unpredictable and you are not able to prepa... NH: Shut up! Unpredictable style... who cares? That spoiled brat has never entered the ring, never has never felt the full pover of a submission move. She will begin to cry after two minutes. I am one of the finest females in the business, and Sasha is doomed. This von't even be a contest, just a humiliating slaughter. Her stinking friend varned her, but at Snow Brawl she vill valk right into the cave of the lion, and believe me, she von't be able to walk out of it again! OV: Deutschland, du kannst stolz auf mich sein! [Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: Care to translate Otto Verhoeven's final comments, Becky? BL: He said, "Excuse me, but you're standing on my pretzel." LM: Uhhhhhh-huh. Verhoeven versus the Subway Psycho tomorrow night. What a match that will be. BL: It's what he said! LM: Well Otto Verhoeven was correct with one statement -- he will undoubtedly have the fans on HIS side for this match. Tim Dross spoke with the Subway Psycho about that earlier today: [SCENE: Tim Dross skulks around the basement of the hotel where the IIWF stars are staying while in Germany.] TD: I wanted to get some comments from the Subway Psycho, but Sasha said not to look for him in his room, but down here. As you can see it's dark down here and I've yet to find him.] SP: [From behind, hidden in shadows] Hello Tim. TD: Whoa... I really hate meeting you like this. You always spook me. SP: It's my nature. I can't help it. What do you need Tim. TD: Briefly, what are your thoughts on your upcoming match with Otto? SP: It promises to be a difficult one. In the States I'm usually cheered, but this is Otto's backyard. I expect to get little support from the fans. He'll be able to get away with anything. I'll have to take everything he can throw at me and remained focused. I'm going to have to play it smart and not let my emotions dictate my actions like usual. I'm going to look for my time to explode on him. I need to win this match so hopefully we can get Sasha out of that Valet match at Snow Brawl. If this feud with Otto is settled by then, maybe it won't have to come to that. TD: Do you really think it will be finished this Saturday? SP: No. Not really. We have a lot of hate between the two of us, enough to last us our lifetimes. Sooner or later one of us is going to have to give... and you know me, Tim, it won't be me who gives. TD: Thank you Subway... I expect it to be an unforgettable match. [Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: With just over one week remaining until Snow Brawl, people are beginning to wonder if Billy Shakespeare will be able to defend his IIWF Intercontinental Championship. Have Billy's ribs sufficiently healed for him to step into the ring with "Painbringer" Billy Sexton? Shakespeare won't say, believing that what he doesn't say won't hurt him. BL: Maybe YOU should follow that strategy, Larry. LM: Very funny. Let's hear from the IIWF Intercontinental Champion: [SCENE: Billy Shakespeare sits watching a videotape of Billy Sexton in action.] BL: Do mine eyes deceive me? Indeed, the noble visage is mine own. Perhaps what is said is true. HA! Alas.. "the retort courteous... the quip modest... the reply curlish... the reproof valiant... the countercheck quarrelsome... the lie circumstantial... the lie direct." Sexton, all forms of sound and fury signifying nothing. You have captured me in visions of lights and shadows, but never in the flesh. Your chance has come at Snow Brawl. Am I still injured? Come find out. Have I bribed the officials? Such humor is to laugh at. Regardless, I will extract my pound of flesh for the cost of the insult. Kowalski, I have not forgotten ye. I fear that your intent is injury. I am taking precautions to insure that you will not. Your time before the footlights draws near. First, I must dispose of yon curlish knave, Sexton. Avoid the "Spotlight," for I'm "Born to Perform". [Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] BL: Hehe... did he say "curlish knave?" LM: I believe so, yes. BL: ...snort. LM: [sarcastically] I find it ever so difficult to believe that you ever traveled with a carnival. Moving on, Tiger Claw is gearing up for his shot at Hakiro Matsuoko's Cruiserweight Championship belt at Snow Brawl, and he is hoping not to slip up tomorrow night against the tough newcomer... would you say it, Becky? BL: Dirt Dog Unique Allah! LM: Yeech, I hate that name. BL: Allah isn't a bad name. LM: Let's just hear from Brian Lau and Tiger Claw: [SCENE: A hotel room in Rome, Italy. Tiger Claw and Brian Lau sit in front of the camera.] BL: Hello, everyone. As you can see, tonight the Syndicate is tending to their separate affairs. Don McQueen is focusing on the training of his men, Kane and Wulf, and Casey is continuing his research on Dan Kauffman. This gives me the opportunity to focus on the cornerstone of the Syndicate, Tiger Claw. Of course, here in Italy, there are no adequate training quarters, so we've been forced to make use of the mobile IIWF training centre. Believe me when I say that working out in a trailer is not my idea of adequate either, but it's all we have. Of course, had the IIWF gone to Thailand... well, we all know that's not happening on this tour. You'd think we could have skipped one of these backward cities on the tour so far and make a stop in Thailand. At least there, Tiger Claw would be appreciated. Anyway, that's not going to happen on this tour, but you can be assured that we will next time. [Tiger Claw restlessly flips through the channels on the television, but seems unsatisfied with the shows until he finds a channel playing the ending scenes from "Casino" dubbed in Italian. Tiger Claw laughs heartily as Joe Pesci's character gets beaten with a baseball bat.] BL: Ahhh... Memories of Don Antonio! TC: [mimicking Antonio] Corruption! Conspiracy! Brian, you're a bad, bad man! BL: [laughing] Stop! Stop! I'm trying to do an interview over here! [Brian composes himself] BL: Okay... Speaking of accusations of conspiracies, I bring my attention to one Billy Sexton. Mr. Sexton gets an IC title shot at Snow Brawl? Just because he cries out that someone is on the take? Had I known that this was the way to get ahead in the IIWF, I would have been crying at every turn! It would seem, though, that the IIWF seems to be in the practice of throwing title shots at those who accuse the officials of corruption. We saw it with Don Antonio, and we're seeing it with Billy Sexton. Everyone seems to have forgotten the rematch that Tiger Claw is owed for the title. It would also seem that Shakespeare won't have the chance to grant my man the rematch, since he will surely lose the title at Snow Brawl. Sexton, I want you to remember one thing: when you're in the ring facing that crippled buffoon who dishonors the belt as we speak, remember who gave you the advantage in that match. It was none other than Tiger Claw who injured Billy Shakespeare. Remember who to thank when you have that belt around your waist. Enough on the IC title for now, though. Tiger Claw has a shot at another title. The Cruiserweight belt held by Hakiro Matsuoko. Hakiro has used up his last chance with us, and now we turn our backs on him. At Snow Brawl, Tiger Claw will defeat Matsuoko just as he did at Ring Wars. In less than two weeks, Tiger Claw will hold another belt, and he will definitely show his dominance in that weight class -- just as he did in the Intercontinental class. Hakiro, I said this to you when you held the IC title, and I'll say it in regards to the CW title. You only hold that belt because we let you. When Tiger Claw steps into the ring with you, the fairy tale will be over. You will leave that ring a broken man, with no title to speak of. And after all is said and done, when you come crawling back spouting apologies, you will know that you are truly alone, for we will not be there to pick up the pieces for you. Tiger Claw has been quite quiet in terms of performance as of late, but that time is over. Nobody is safe. I have no doubt that gold will once again come to the Syndicate, whether it be the World Championship, the Cruiserweight Championship, or the Tag Team Championship. We are still the most powerful group in the IIWF while everyone else is too busy bickering amongst themselves. Our unity will bring us victory. [Tiger Claw laughs as DeNiro's car gets blown up.] BL: And the instinct of the warrior will bring us respect. This Saturday, Tiger Claw faces this Unique Dirty Dog fellow. Unique, you are in for the beating of your life, as you are just another rung on the ladder to our success. I pity you, but you will feel no mercy. See why a drunk is no match for the Muay Thai master. On Saturday, the IIWF will fear us once more. [Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: Tiger Claw's opponent at Snow Brawl, Hakiro Matsuoko, will also be in action tomorrow night in a non-title matchup with newcomer Ronnie Paris. We'll have more on Paris shortly, but let's hear from Matsuoko now: [SCENE: Hakiro Matsuoko is in the locker room, getting dressed after a match.] HM: Tiger Claw, the rematch we have all been waiting for is coming up in just over a week. It was months ago that my title reign was stopped by you. I hope you remember that match. I do. I remember it all. I remember that moonsault and then Lau taunting me after the match. The intensity level is going to get kicked up a few notches and the outcome will be totally different this time, I assure you. Shinja Chow, so you now follow my path, do you? Well, don't tell me, let your actions speak louder than your words. You say some powerful things about my life, you should be careful whom you speak to. I will not go down so easily as you think. My cruiserweight title is going to stay around my waist for a long time, rest assured. All questions will be answered at Snow Brawl. Tiger Claw, I DO remember what happened in our last match, and those who don't remember the past are condemned to repeat it, I have broken my chains and will take out all my aggression on you. [Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: Speaking of aggression, that seems to be a good word to describe Onslaught right now. The Mexican Marauder is on a one-man campaign to avenge Tony Starks and rid the IIWF of Mr. Kobiashi: [SCENE: A Staten Island gym. Onslaught is working with Tony Starks, spotting him with some weights. Tony lifts as much as he can, then puts it down, Onslaught gives him a few encouraging words and then turns to the camera.] ON: Kobiashi, you will never win. You need to get that through your skull right now. Whoever you paid off to take me out isn't getting the job done. Casey James is too worried about Kauffman and Tiger Claw is getting ready for his match with Matsuoko. You just cannot win, don't you know that? You have tried it all: paying wrestlers, even making a plane crash, hell, you burned down my training facility. Like I told you before, I will not stop until I destroy you and all your flunkies. Do you understand this? TS: That is damn right. Kobiashi, I talked to my family and my doctors a few weeks ago. They all said that I should just retire and let bygones be bygones. Let it go. My doctors said that I could be crippled or even die if I ever get back in the ring. Well, I can't just let things go. If it takes every ounce of energy I have, I will make sure you never get to walk away from this. If I got back in the ring and was crippled it would be worth it, just to know that I got you first. There are things here that I want to accomplish: I want to destroy you and I want to get a shot at the title. I will be back Kobiashi, you can bet on that. Lau, you are in for it, too. I will have Cornball and Claw crying for what they tried to do to me. ON: I am the sword. I will cut deep into your hearts. Like we say Kobiashi, no one is safe. Those are words to live by, or the cases of those who are my enemies, words to die by. [Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: We mentioned earlier about Takezo Musashi's escape from the clutches of Don McQueen. As you can imagine, McQueen and the Dark Disciples were not happy about Hakiro Matsuoko's interference costing them the match. BL: Yeah, and YOU had to go talk to them about it... hehe. LM: Yes, the following footage is painful for me to watch, but roll it anyway: [SCENE: Last weekend following "IIWF Saturday Night." The camera wobbles alarmingly as Larry Morton and the IIWF camera crew hurry down the backstage hallway to the locker rooms. Larry Morton speaks over his shoulder to the camera as he scurries down the corridor]. LM: We have just received reports of a commotion in the locker room. Apparently the Dark Disciples are upset with their DQ decision against Takezo Musashi and Shinja Chow. It appears they are doing what they do best, creating mayhem! [The camera crew rounds the corner into the locker room area, just in time to witness Wulf snarling as he lifts a big metal locker over his head and smashes it into a shower stall. Kane is busying himself stomping the wooden benches into splinters. Don McQueen is pacing about furiously, unaware of the camera crew's presence]. LM: Don! Can we get a few words on the events that went down tonight? [Don looks up irritably] DM: What? Oh it's that idiot from the broadcasting team. What the [BLEEP] do you want? LM: Well Don, it appears that your conniving plans have come to nothing but ruins. Not only did the Dark Disciples lose tonight, you have lost control over Takezo Musashi's contract. [Don McQueen storms over and jabs his finger at Larry Morton's face. His face is beet-red with anger]. DM: Shut up! Shut up! The Enema's contract doesn't mean a damn thing to me ya hear? Me and my boys had that shrimp scared out of his mind, you can't tell me he'll ever come back one hundred percent after the beatings Kane and Wulf have laid on him! We messed with his head so bad that fool doesn't know which way to launch the Starsault Press! I don't care what anybody says, my revenge is complete! Now it's time to focus on more important matters, like getting those fat fools Domination out of the way and landing our mitts on the tag team belts. [McQueen jerks away and begins pacing again, furiously lost in thought.] DM: [as an aside] Kane, get this jive reporter the [BLEEP] outta' here! [Wulf is cracking dents in the wall with his head. Kane tears his attention away from toppling lockers to attend to Larry Morton. He lunges forward and grips the hapless announcer by the throat and lifts him into the air so that his feet are dangling off the ground. Kane stares up at his face with a hideous grimace]. KANE: You tell everybody Morton, you tell them this message! The Dark Disciples are coming! We don't care who gets in our way, the fans, the officials or the wrestlers, they shall all be destroyed. Rest assured, nobody takes the name of Kane in vain, the time has come for the darkness to blanket all things. Each and every wrestler in turn shall know his fate, and his soul shall be crushed in the vice. Now get the [BLEEP] outta here! [Kane shoves Morton into the rest of the camera crew, causing them all to fall in a heap and the camera to spin wildly around the room. Just at this moment the camera catches a glimpse of the jobber justice squad running in to prevent the mayhem. Kane and Wulf set too, dispatching the jobbers with frightening ease. Wulf slams the heads of the Barnacle Brothers into the wall simultaneously, and Kane rams El Super Gecko and Ned Norton with one of the lockers to a resounding clatter. As the men brawl around the room somebody accidentally steps on the camera, and suddenly static replaces the mayhem taking place on screen. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] BL: BWAHAHAHA... they busted your chops! LM: Well, I will also say that McQueen and the Dark Disciples have been heavily fined for laying their hands on a IIWF broadcaster. I mean, driving a car at an intern is one thing, but... BL: Oh, get over it, Larry! LM: Okay. Rising Sun Revolution are just one week removed from their first IIWF loss -- and a controversial one at that. Rumors remain about troubles in the friendship between RSR and Domination, but both teams vehemently deny that. Let's hear first from Hiroshi and Ryudo: [SCENE: Tim Dross steps into a training gym in Rome. Ryudo and Hiroshi are sitting by some of the equipment, discussing strategy.] TD: Hey Ryudo. Hiroshi. RYUDO: [managing a smile] Hey Tim. TD: Well... it happened. RYUDO: Yeah. You know, it wouldn't have been so disappointing if it hadn't ended like that. It seemed as though every team in the IIWF was conspiring against us! TD: [smiling] What makes you think they weren't? RYUDO: Don't start trying to lay the blame on Domination. From what we saw, they were trying to cover our backs. We haven't heard from them yet, but if they say it's an accident, then we'll believe them, and that'll be that. TD: And the High Plains Drifters? RYUDO: Like we said before the match, they're probably the most experienced team in the IIWF at the moment. I think that showed through in the match more than anything else. TD: And what's next for the Dragon and the Demon? You've got a rematch at Snow Brawl... RYUDO: [smiling] Then we'd better get training, hadn't we? And I can promise the fans this: You've been with us from day one here in the IIWF. We're grateful for that, and whatever happens between now and Snow Brawl, you can bet that when we step into that ring, we're going to be just as focused, just as prepared, just as hungry for success as ever. We're not going to let you down. Count on it. TD: Thanks Ryudo. We'll be looking forward to seeing you in action again. [Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] BL: Domination say they're still the Revolution's buds, but how can you trust guys with names like Monster and Mr. Psycho? LM: Just roll the tape: [SCENE: Steve "The Wonder Intern" Summer stands with Mistress and Domination in the IIWF interview area.] SS: Mistress, Domination has been fairly inactive as a team lately, can you give us any insight as to why? MI: Quite simply, Mr.Psycho has had a problem with his neck, and we've had to let it heal. As soon as that is totally healed, hopefully in time for Snow Brawl, we'll be back in action. However, the doctor believes he may be out until mid-January. I disagree, personally. He will be back at Snow Brawl for the tag team battle royal. He will fight through the injury, if necessary. SS: Now, there has been a lot of controversy over your involvement in the defeat of RSR. Did you deliberately cost RSR the world title? MI: I'll let Monster answer that one. MO: Raaaaarrrggggghhhhh. SS: Ah, I see. Um... Mr.Psycho. MP: Shaddup and go away. I'm in no mood to talk. SS: Um, okay. So, Mistress, there is no conflict between Domination and RSR? MI: No, there isn't. RSR are our friends, and we will continue to be their friends. SS: And now the High Plain Drifters have the titles. MI: We'll just be happy to relieve them of that burden. SS: And finally, a word on your new entrance music -- "O Fortuna" by Orff. Don`t you think it is a bit demonic? It was the music used in the "Omen" films, and has a very... evil... feel about it. MI: It was time for a change. What more can I say? SS: I could ask you questions all day, but I`m afraid we haven`t got the time. Mistress, Domination, thank you. MO: Rooooaaaaarrrggghhhh. [Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: So all appears fine between Rising Sun Revolution and Domination, but it's a different matter when we speak about G.W.R. and The Armed Forces. Aaron and General Kane have been waging a war of words lately, and it appears these teams are headed for another showdown: [SCENE: Outside at an army assault course. In the background, several people are running back and forth, trying to complete it. Three men are standing near the camera.] GK: You know, people have been asking us a couple of questions recently. The first is, why didn't you say you saw the Armed Forces as a team to beat? SP: The answer is... because we don't. You see, they're just a nuisance, nothing more, nothing less. And they are a nuisance we shall deal with by beating them. Beating them will just make us feel a bit better. GK: The second is: how do you respond to Aaron's remarks? SP: Well, you know the answer to that by now. Like the boss man said, he never claimed to be an American General. And, as for the fact that we're a foreign team. Well, that rather depends on your point of view. To many people _they're_ a foreign team. We don't see the need to bring up where you were born. But, if he wants to, let the little fellow have his fun. We don't really care. GK: The third is, when do you want to meet the Armed Forces in the ring? SP: The answer to that is ASAP. But, we're not going to simply step in the ring with them. We're going to ask for some stipulations. We've already had a simple normal match with them, so we're going to ask for a special match with them, if they have the guts to accept. I think you would call it a Texas Death match. We don't. It's similar though. We knock seven bells out of each other until one of us can't get up after being pinned. No DQ, and no countout. If you've got the guts, sign the match. And prepare to lose. Badly. [Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: Finally, the new IIWF Tag Team Champions High Plains Drifters are ready for a non-title match with Domination tomorrow night, but they've had a little trouble adjusting to life in Germany. Take a look: [SCENE: A night club in Germany. At a table in the corner sit Pale Rider and Easy Rider -- the High Plains Drifters. Their cowboy hats, chaps, and shiny IIWF Tag Team Championship Belts contrast strongly with the near all black attire of the others at the club.] ER: Uh... let's get the hell out of here, Pale. These people are what's wrong with America. PR: We're not in America you dolt. This is Germany... part of the IIWF's world tour. You gotta admit its good beer. Just sit back and let's enjoy our second reign as champs. ER: Alright... ha, it feels good to have these around our waists again. This time we're not gonna let 'em go either. Rising Sun... do you have a desire to have two losses on your record? Your sun has set, no more championship reign for you. You got off easy last week. At Snow Brawl the snow is going to be covered with your blood! PR: [Lights a cigar] As for the other teams out there... Armed Forces are bitchin' that we cheated them. Let me tell you something, cheating will get you everything and nice guys finish last. If you can't deal with our tactics, shut up and wallow in your own mediocrity. This Saturday we got a non-title match against Domination. The IIWF Championship Committee realized that these losers don't have a chance in hell of beating us so they didn't even bother to sanction the fight. It's gonna be a squash. [A skinny man/woman transvestite club goer walks up to the table and starts dancing.] ER: THAT'S IT! WE'RE OUTTA HERE! [Easy picks up the person and throws him/her through the store front window. The High Plains Drifters exit through the new opening] ER: See, I told you that place was creepy. I need to get back to Arizona. [Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: I can see the look in your eye, Becky, and I'm not going to even let you start to think about saying what I think you're going to say to that. Let's move straight on to comments from the Arabian Knights, who face former tag champs Rising Sun Revolution tomorrow night: [SCENE: A room in complete darkness. A voice starts to speak:] VO: The sun is no longer in its ascendancy and dusk rapidly approaches, and what follows dusk? Night. [The voice grows louder and more malevolent.] VO: But not just any night for you, Rising Sun Revolution... but the Arabian Knights. [An eerie green light rises, highlighting the leering faces of the Arabian Knights, Prince Abdul and Omar, and their manager Mr. Kaseem.] MK: Rising Sun Revolution, you have picked a very bad time to meet the Arabian Knights. They are seething over recent events that have occurred here in the IIWF over the last few weeks. You were very lucky to be on the winning side in the 8-man tag team match, but we were handicapped from the start having to team up with those cretinous infidels, Heavy Metal. Now they have gone and they certainly shall not be missed. PA: Your fall from grace shall continue when we subject you to the thrashing of your lives, the reign of the fallen champions will definitely be over, and you shall be exposed for what you truly are. And Players' Club, don't think that we've forgotten about you either, I think you fail to realise what you have actually done. I have rarely seen Omar in such a mood. When he gets like this even I have no control over him; you have awoken the demon inside, and it will not be calmed until he has extracted his revenge. [Omar grins menacingly.] PA: There is only one question that you will have to ask yourselves, Rising Sun Revolution, and that is whether it will be the Dust Devil or the Jihad... either way victory will be ours! [The light suddenly goes off return the room to darkness. Cut back to the studio.] LM: The Arabian Knights certainly seem determined to get back on track and challenge for the tag titles once more, Becky. BL: Well, duh. You don't say, Larry. ************************************************************************** --------------------- IIWF SATURDAY NIGHT PREVIEW ---------------------- ************************************************************************** LM: The IIWF World Tour takes us to The Kohl Center right here in Berlin tomorrow night, and what a lineup we have in store for you: * MAIN EVENT: Otto "the Butcher" Verhoeven vs. Subway Psycho * NON-TITLE: Dan "Flash" Kauffman vs. "Enigma" Takezo Musashi * NON-TITLE: High Plains Drifters vs. Domination * NON-TITLE: Hakiro Matsuoko vs. Ronnie Paris * Chris Quigley vs. Creed * American Patriot vs. The Masked Marauder * Arabian Knights vs. Rising Sun Revolution * Mr. Damage vs. Cheshire * "Superstar" Stud Stetson vs. Serge Annis * Tiger Claw vs. Dirt Dog Unique Allah LM: Be sure to join us for all the action! Now, let's check out the rundown on the IIWF's upcoming pay-per-view as we cut to Steve Roberts in "Snow Brawl" Control Center: ************************************************************************** --------------------- "SNOW BRAWL" CONTROL CENTER ---------------------- ************************************************************************** [Cut to Steve Roberts wearing a parka on a winter set. A foam rubber igloo sits to his left, and plastic polar bears and penguins are scattered about. Plastic "snow" covers everything, including Steve Roberts' hood. As he shakes his head, flakes fall to the floor.] SR: Hah! Looks like dandruff. Tim Dross would kill to have that problem! Welcome to what is quite possibly the cheesiest set and the most embarrassing moment of my broadcasting career. The suits have the nerve to call this the Snow Brawl Control Center, so I guess I'll have to live with it. Anyway, I'm here to bring you the update on the big pay-per-view coming your way on December 21st from some Air Force Base in a god-forsaken part of Alaska. This is the point where Dross would start babbling about calling you local cable operator, but you know it's gonna be a great event so just order the damn thing! Okay, on to the matches: * IIWF WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: Dan Kauffman defends against Deathbringer * IIWF INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: Billy Shakespeare defends against Billy Sexton * IIWF CRUISERWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: Hakiro Matsuoko defends against Tiger Claw * IIWF WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: High Plains Drifters defend against Rising Sun Revolution * SNOW BRAWL LETHAL LOTTERY Battle Royal winner gets a IIWF World Title shot Runner-up gets a IIWF Intercontinental Title shot: 24 Participating Wrestlers: 1. Steve Kowalski 13. Onslaught 2. Marty Warnett 14. Cheshire 3. Venusian Death Cell 15. Brody Thunder 4. Mr. Damage 16. Mad Dog Watkins 5. Chris Quigley 17. Harlequin Chaos 6. Creed 18. Casey James 7. White Phoenix 19. Serge Annis 8. American Patriot 20. The Sandman 9. Lord Byron 21. Dirt Dog Unique Allah 10. Harlequin Tragedy 22. The Hangman 11. Subway Psycho 23. Otto Verhoeven 12. Stud Stetson 24. Ronnie Paris * TAG TEAM BATTLE ROYAL Winner gets a IIWF World Tag Team Title shot: Participating Teams: * Arabian Knights * Armed Forces * Pain Inc. * G.W.R * Dark Disciples * Alphabet Boys * The Hangmen * The Players' Club * Zodiac Connection * The Armed Forces * VALET MATCH: Mistress Sasha vs. Nurse Heidi * WINNER GETS A IIWF CONTRACT MATCH: "Jackhammer" J.P. Steele vs. "The Real Deal" Luke Steele SR: You know all about the Great Alaska Gold Rush -- or at least you morons who didn't fall asleep in school do -- but the Great Alaska Steele Rush hits the state during the "Winner Gets a Contract" match between J.P. Steele and "The Real Deal" Luke Steele. Both men get one shot at each other, with the winner earning a IIWF contract and the loser earning a one-way trip home. I understand "Jackhammer" J.P. Steele is standing by with some comments: [SCENE: J.P. Steele is standing in front of an IIWF camera, a black backdrop behind him. He is wearing a flannel over a t-shirt, and blue jeans. He takes a moment to part his blond hair down the middle. After getting a cue from the camera man, he begins addressing the camera] JPS: Well, well. It seems there's another man by the name of Steele looking to join IIWF other than me. Luke Steele, huh? Well, I never heard of him, and he's probably never heard of me. But at Snow Brawl, the free for all before... me and him will meet in the ring. From my understanding, whomever it is that comes away with the win will stay. The loser... well I don't even wanna think about that. For many, many weeks I've lobbied to get a chance in the IIWF. And now, it looks like I will get it. One match to show the world what I can do if I want to be a part of the greatest league in professional wrestling. I made an interview in the stands in November 23rd's Saturday Night for one reason -- to spread the word that the Jackhammer is a guy willing to work his butt off, anywhere and anytime, to prove I am quality and IIWF material. Well, Luke Steele, I respect you... and I know it's not gonna be a cake-walk. [He pauses for a moment.] But believe you me, I want to win this one just as much, maybe more, than you. This is the one shot I asked for. It's make or break time for one of us. Only one Steele is gonna be around after Snow Brawl... and if there is any justice in the world it will be me. I will be training hard, scouting long hours. Every chance, I will get an IIWF camera man here to interview. It seems that good talkers and good wrestlers go hand in hand. Believe me, I can be both. I'm a rookie, but with a lot of experience. Four high school state titles in amateur, three NCAA championships. I trained five years after college, debuted this June. I've made a pretty big dent in the wrestling word in a short time. But whatever I did elsewhere means diddlysquat here. And I wouldn't have it any other way. A clean slate, and fresh start. My skills are getting better by the minute, my crowd support growing. Come Snow Brawl I will show the world which Steele will stay. December 21st, in Alaska. Before the brawl in the snow gets started, Luke and myself meet in a battle of newcomers. And I will make good on my promise. J.P. Steele is here to stay... and it's only a matter of time before Luke and the rest of the IIWF see just why I came here in the first place. One sentence sticks in my head. Shortly after my November 23rd interview on Saturday Night, Tim Dross -- the great announcer that he is -- said, "Men like J.P. Steele are the Dan Kauffmans of the future." I feel that is the greatest compliment I can receive. IIWF, get ready to feel the wrath of the Jackhammer! [Fade. Cut back to Steve Roberts at the Snow Brawl Control Center.] SR: Did he say he respects Luke Steele? Sheesh, do we really need another goody two-shoes like Kauffman? Yakkity yakkity yak. Maybe this other Steele has some promise: [Cut to the football stadium on the Syracuse University campus. "The Real Deal" Luke Steele is seen in the foreground but in a long sweeping shot. He is tossing a football around with the head coach of the Orangemen football team and is wearing a custom Syracuse football jersey with the name Steele and the number 1 on the back.] LS: Hey there, IIWF fans. It's the "Real Deal" again baby, Luke Steele. Looks like the latest IIWF pay-per-view should be from Pittsburgh, cause the Free For All at Snow Brawl will be Steele-town! There's me, and another Steele, a guy by the name of J.P. It's me and the Jackhammer, one on one. I haven't got a problem in fighting for admittance. I've always come out and said that I can beat anybody, anytime. Mr. Steele, I'm sure you're a great guy but if this is the only way to get into the IIWF, then you'll have to start looking again. I've waited to come to the IIWF for a long time, and this is my chance. [In the background, the quarterback for Syracuse lets a long pass go, and yells for Steele to duck. Instead of ducking, Luke spins around and jumps, catching it perfectly.] That's the stuff, man. Keep throwing them like this and you're gonna be national champions. And Jackhammer, I hope for your sake that you're a little less predictable than this. [Fade out on the scene as Steele tosses it back to the quarterback, who is taken down by the force of the throw.] SR: Hmmm, Syracuse huh? They're no Ohio State... my alma mater, but they ain't bad. I say we let "The Real Deal" in and... [he listens to his earpiece] What? What do you mean _I_ don't get to pick the winner? If I've got to sit on this cheesy winter set and do these stupid promos then I think.... [Roberts' audio trails off as the shot cuts back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: Well, Steve certainly seems to be into the holiday spirit. BL: More like he's been hitting the holiday _spirits_ today. Hehe. LM: We'll continue to keep you updated on the great matches coming your way in just over a week. And remember to call your local cable operator today! ************************************************************************** -------------------------- IIWF NEW BLOOD ----------------------------- ************************************************************************** LM: Tim Dross mentioned on Tuesday about some of the "hardcore" wrestlers who have recently made their way to the IIWF. Tonight, we have information on two wrestlers who may have something to say about that in the future. BL: Yeah, like, "I hope the IIWF has a good medical plan for me." LM: I think you may be surprised, Becky. The American Patriot and Ronnie Paris are both ready to debut -- and both will be in the Lethal Lottery at Snow Brawl. BL: [sarcastically] Whoopty-doo! LM: Let's learn more about these two newcomers, first The American Patriot: [SCENE: The American Patriot works out at Gold's Gym in San Diego.] AP: I've got these new contracts coming in to my offices left and right. In the last two days, BBW and WCWF have asked me personally to join their feds. [A courier strolls through the gym a stops beside the Patriot.] COURIER: Mr. Patriot? I have a registered letter here for you. AP: Oh really? Who's it from? COURIER: Um... not sure. Just sign here, please. [Patriot signs and takes the package] AP: Hmmm.... let's see here. Another contract, this one from the IIWF. Let's take a look at it. I like that... Love that part... Shortage of faces? Well, it looks like they need some help. And what better way to get better and better than by joining one of the top feds in the world? SURE I'LL JOIN! [Patriot signs the contract and sticks it in the envelope provided. He turns to the courier.] Here ya go, sir. Can you mail this off for me? COURIER: Sure thing. AP: Thank you. IIWF -- you better watch out, because the American Patriot is coming after you! [The following statistics roll on the screen:] American Patriot ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Height: 6'11" Weight: 285 Orientation: face Origin: San Diego, CA Appearance: Red, white, and blue mask and tights. Fairly well built, but not too muscular. White man. Theme Music: "Stars and Stripes Forever" Sousa Favourite moves: 1. Clothesline 2. Dropkick 3. Bulldog 4. Full nelson 5. DDT Finishing move: Patriot Missile - flying forearm smash Primary attributes: 1. Intelligence 2. Technical 3. Mat Profile: 9-time world champion, also has held other titles, such as the WAR!/RAW InterFed Title [first ever to hold it], now called Unified Title. [Handler: Will Bumgardner ] LM: The Patriot will step right into the fray at Snow Brawl, as will Ronnie Paris. Let's meet him now: [SCENE: Two men are in a makeshift wrestling ring. One man is large and has the other in a quite complicated looking leglock. The second man is smaller, about six-feet tall, and seems to be in a lot of pain. The camera zooms in on his clean-shaven face and then freezes on that frame. Suddenly, a voice with a Texas twang can be heard. It is Ronnie Paris.] RP: A lot of newcomers to the IIWF will tell you about all the titles they've won, and why they deserve everything right now. A lot of newcomers will make threats, and issue challenges. Ronnie Paris is not going to do that. What I am going to do is tell you a little story about myself. All I ever wanted to do was wrestle. When you come from the Paris family, that's a given. My father, his father, and even his father before him were all championship wrestlers in Texas. There was no reason to believe I wouldn't do the same thing. I had all the experience, knew all the moves and countermoves, and I had the connections. [The tape begins to play again, and the smaller man tries to roll over his opponent to no avail. The tape again freezes.] So I started small, wrestling all the Southwestern indies like my father did 20 years ago. I won some belts, and had some classic matches, but I never really caught on. "You're not interesting," they'd say. I didn't wear face paint, I wasn't seven-feet tall, and I didn't do moonsaults off cages, so people didn't pay a lot of attention to me. But eventually, I did make the big time. A major fed wanted me, but they said I needed some kind of gimmick. Something to draw the kids. So I became "The Golden Boy" Ronnie Paris. And it worked... for awhile. [The tape plays again, and the smaller man looks as if he is about to give up. His mouth is just forming the word "quit" when the camera freezes.] I came out strong, and I got cocky. I went all the way, too, with a valet and fireworks and everything. But then, all of the sudden, it stopped. I lost 12 matches in a row, no one would return my calls, and quite frankly I got canned. But hey, I was "The Golden Boy," right? Someone would want me, right? Wrong. I had nowhere to go but back home, but back to my roots. [The tape plays for a final time, with the smaller man suddenly throwing his arm between the shoulderblades of his larger opponent, and reversing the move into a cradle. He holds it for a few seconds, and then gets up and shakes hands with his vanquished foe. The shot freezes on the smaller man raising his arm in victory.) I'll admit that I'm not flashy, and that I don't do anything daring. But I get the basics done right, and I never give less than one hundred percent. In fact, some say that I may be the next Dan Paris. No offense dad, but all I can be is Ronnie Paris. That's good enough for me, and I intend to prove that it's good enough for the fans of the IIWF. You have my respect, fans of the IIWF. Now let me earn yours. [The following statistics roll on the screen:] Ronnie Paris ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Height: 210lbs Weight: 6'0" Orientation: face Origin: Texas Appearance: Ronnie does not have the build of a pro wrestler at all. He is short and relatively unmuscular. He keeps his brown hair closely cropped, and his face [no pun intended] is a bit stern-looking. A look of supreme concentration has been super glued onto Ronnie's face, he almost never smiles. He wears as ring attire a plain red singlet, and white wrestling boots. Theme Music: "We Are The Champions" Queen Favourite moves: 1. Russian legsweep 2. German suplex 3. Northern lights suplex 4. Sleeperhold 5. Texas Cloverleaf Finishing move: Texas Twister - A stun gun onto the top rope. Paris will land outside the ring, and re-enter to pin [presumably] his downed opponent. Primary attributes: 1. Technical 2. Mat 3. Intelligence Profile: Ronnie Paris comes from a long line of both amateur and pro wrestlers, all residing from his home in El Paso, Texas. Ronnie himself is detached, and some might say cold, but he respects his fans, and has a very strong sense of honour which prevents him from rulebreaking. Ronnie does not hand out his respect easily, but is very loyal to friends once he trusts them. He will never waste time in the ring or elsewhere flaunting victories, or even just fooling around, he's always very intent on the job at hand. Finally, he feels as if he's let the fans down if he ever has to submit to another wrestler, as he views quitting quite lowly. [Handler: John DeWolfe ] ************************************************************************** --------------------- LATEST IIWF SINGLES RANKINGS --------------------- ************************************************************************** ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Name F/H Fought W L D Win% Ranking (old) new ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Dan Kauffman F 22 16 4 2 77% (WC) WC Billy Shakespeare F 26 17 8 1 67% (IC) IC Hakiro Matsuoko N 25 14 10 1 58% (CW) CW ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Deathbringer H 24 19 3 2 83% (1) 1 Brody Thunder H 6 5 1 0 83% (21) 2 The White Phoenix F 14 11 3 0 79% (3) 3 "Enigma" Takezo Musashi N 20 15 5 0 75% (2) 4 Chris Quigley F 12 9 3 0 75% (4) 5 Otto Verhoeven H 16 11 4 1 72% (5) 6 Steve Kowalski H 10 7 3 0 70% (6) 7= Lord Byron H 10 7 3 0 70% (8=) 7= Subway Psycho F 22 14 6 2 68% (7) 9 Onslaught F 9 6 3 0 67% (8=) 10 Billy Sexton H 22 14 8 0 64% (11) 11 Marty Warnett F 24 15 9 0 63% (12) 12 Casey James H 26 15 9 2 62% (13) 13 The Sandman F 20 12 8 0 60% (14) 14 Venusian Death Cell H 10 6 4 0 60% (8=) 15 Stud Stetson H 6 3 2 1 58% (15) 16= Harlequin Tragedy N 6 3 2 1 58% (16) 16= Tiger Claw H 34 18 14 2 56% (17) 18 Mr. Damage H 18 9 9 0 50% (18) 19 ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Mad Dog Watkins H 2 2 0 0 100% (23) 20 Harlequin Chaos N 1 1 0 0 100% (22) 21= Creed N 1 1 0 0 100% (-) 21= Serge Annis N 1 1 0 0 100% (-) 21= Dirt Dog Unique Allah N 1 1 0 0 100% (-) 21= Cheshire H 1 0 1 0 0% (-) 25 American Patriot F 0 0 0 0 0% (-) 26= Ronnie Paris F 0 0 0 0 0% (-) 26= ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Vinny Cappicola F 12 5 4 3 54% (-) - Don Antonio F 20 10 10 0 50% (-) - The Hangman H 11 4 4 3 50% (-) - ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ************************************************************************** -------------------- LATEST IIWF TAG TEAM RANKINGS --------------------- ************************************************************************** ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Name of team F/H Fought W L D Win% Ranking (old) new ------------------------------------------------------------------------ High Plains Drifters H 22 16 5 1 75% (1) WT ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Rising Sun Revolution F 10 9 1 0 90% (1) 1 Domination F 5 3 1 1 70% (2) 2 The Armed Forces H 22 14 7 1 66% (3) 3 Pain Inc. H 12 7 5 0 64% (4) 4 The Arabian Knights H 13 8 5 0 62% (-) 5 GWR N 5 3 2 0 60% (5) 6= The Dark Disciples H 5 3 2 0 60% (6) 6= The Alphabet Boys F 14 7 5 2 57% (7) 8 The Zodiac Connection F 14 6 8 0 43% (8) 9 The Players' Club F 6 2 4 0 33% (9) 10 ------------------------------------------------------------------------ The Harlequins N 1 1 0 0 100% (-) 11 The Hangmen H 12 7 4 1 63% (-) - ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ************************************************************************** ----------- COMING TUESDAY: "INSIDE THE IIWF" WITH TIM DROSS ----------- ************************************************************************** LM: Be sure to catch up on all the IIWF news and notes on "Inside the IIWF" with your host Tim Dross, coming your way Tuesday night along most of these same stations. Tim and Steve Roberts will call all the action tomorrow from Berlin on "IIWF Saturday Night," and Becky and I will be back with you next week for more news and interviews right here on "Countdown to Saturday Night." So until then, this is Larry Morton for Becky LaRue saying... BL: Ooh, lemme do it in German... guten nighty-night. LM: Tim Dross was right, you're impossible. BL: Tim Dross? You mean HERR LESS? BWAHAHAHAHA... SNORT. [Becky's convulsive laughter trails off as the remote camera zooms back up the aisle. A brawl breaks out between the lederhosen-clad Kowalski fans and the "Otto Verhoeven Fan Club" as the Becky LaRue fan begins sneaking toward the broadcast set. The credits roll by too quickly to read. Fade.] +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= I * I * W * F =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+ | President: Daniel Spreadbury | Vice-President: Steve Owens | | univ0322@sable.ox.ac.uk | sowens@admin.presby.edu | | iiwf@sisko.demon.co.uk | IIWFadmin@aol.com | +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- http://www.sisko.demon.co.uk -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=+