##### ###### ### ########## ########## ########## #### ## ########## ########## ########## #### # #### ######## ##### ##### #### ## ##### #### #### #### #### ### #### #### #### #### ############# ######### #### #### ########### ######### #### #### #### #### #### ######### ######### ### #### #### ######### ######### ### ## #### ######## ######## ## # #### =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- ## =-=-=-= H + O + T + L + I + N + E #1-900-325-IIWF =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= 12 January 1997 ----------------------------------------------- [click] --------------------------- OPTION #1: The Dross Report --------------------------- Hi there, fans, and thanks for calling the IIWF Hotline! I'm Tim Dross, and each and every week I'll be hosting this marvellous new service, bringing you up to speed with what goes on behind the scenes in the IIWF, forecasting the future, and revealing the rumours that could shape the future. First up, I can reveal that high-level negotiations are currently taking place concerning the IIWF's next pay-per-view spectacular. I understand that an official announcement will be made within the next couple of weeks, but I can exclusively reveal here on the Hotline that Ring Wars III will originate live from the Skydome, in Toronto, Canada on Saturday 22 March. I hardly need to remind you that past Ring Wars events have brought us some of the IIWF's classic encounters, including the titanic clash between the Subway Psycho and the "Outlaw" J.W. Hardin, the Deathmatch between Dan Kauffman and Deathbringer, and the huge Wargames Match. No contracts have yet been signed for this card, but my sources tell me that the main event should bring a certain IIWF superstar close to home. More news as I get it. While we're on the subject of future events, I hear that the IIWF is planning to celebrate its first birthday, rather arbitrarily fixed as May 7 to commemmorate the date of the first IIWF broadcast, in style. I understand that discussions are already underway concerning the foundation of the IIWF's Hall of Fame. I have heard from various sources that only the most successful of the IIWF's past masters stand to be inducted, and we'll hear more about the nominations in future weeks. Why did the "Painbringer" Billy Sexton decide to quit the IIWF? It came as something of a surprise to front office staff when Sexton walked into IIWF Towers here in Portland, Oregon, this past Thursday and handed in his notice. In fact, from what I hear, Sexton didn't so much hand in his notice as shred his contract before their very eyes. I called Sexton late Thursday night, and he simply informed me, somewhat cryptically, that he "moves on in the world of wrestling," before hanging up. Perhaps his decision was influenced at the actions of Steve "the Fury" Kowalski, who managed to manoeuvre himself into title contention at Sexton's expense thanks to an elaborate scam, but it's always been more Sexton's style to settle things in the ring. My sources indicate that the more likely reason behind Sexton's sudden departure was the offer of improved contractual terms from a rival wrestling organisation, and that the legal department are considering suing for breach of contract if Sexton shows up anywhere else in the next sixty days. In fact, rival organisations are becoming bolder as the IIWF's stock continues to rise. I have heard direct reports from a number of IIWF superstars -- including former Intercontinental and Cruiserweight Champion, "Spotlight" Billy Shakespeare -- that other organisations have repeatedly made them offers to join their ranks. Two other IIWF superstars have moved on to pastures new in the past seven days. The crimson warrior, Onslaught, fulfilled his final contractual obligations last night when he defeated the Venusian Death Cell in the IIWF Coliseum by disqualification only to be brutalised by the Posse, and he'll be heading off to Japan, apparently still in hot pursuit of Mr. Kobiashi, the mysterious and sinister individual who was apparently behind the so-called "accidental" plane crash which left former IIWF great Tony Starks crippled. The injuries he sustained last night were serious enough to delay his travel plans, but he will be discharged from hospital by the end of next week, and from what I understand, the front office is only glad that it doesn't have to foot the medical bills. The other departee is former Intercontinental and Cruiserweight Champion, "Angel of the Sun" Hakiro Matsuoko, whose contract expired at the beginning of January. The most successful of the IIWF's Oriental imports, Hakiro has landed a lucrative contract to wrestle in both Mexico and Japan. From what I hear, he was willing to sign a new IIWF contract in order to get his hands on the White Phoenix, who attacked him at Snow Brawl, but the front office wasn't willing to match the terms of his other offer, and it was simply an offer too good to turn down. Another IIWF superstar who could be on his way out for the time being is "Superstar" Stud Stetson. It appears that his past actions have finally caught up with him, and although it has taken a while, he has now been charged by police in London and Rome for his various indiscretions while the IIWF was on tour -- and those indiscretions included the attempted murder, or at the very least, serious injury, of one Marty Warnett -- as a result, I understand that the IIWF President may have suspended Stetson until he is cleared of the charges. Something tells me that we won't be seeing him in action again for some time -- and whether he'd have the guts to show his face after last night's defeat to Billy Shakespeare is open to question in any case. While on the subject of comings and goings in the IIWF, word reaches me that a past short-lived IIWF superstar may be in negotiations to return for a limited time in order to prove a point to somebody with whom he shares a great deal in common. That's all I can say at the moment. Before I leave you, allow me to comment on Creed. This big newcomer apparently made a lot of waves in the front office following his performance last night. We know that the "CEO" Jack Montgomery is concerned that Creed isn't getting a fair shake of the stick here in the IIWF, but after Creed proved that he's able to mix it up with just about anybody as he stood guard ringside last night in the Coliseum, I hear rumours that he may be primed for a title run sooner than expected. As for which IIWF superstar will step forward to answer Creed's open contract for next Saturday night's live show... according to locker room rumours, a certain newcomer will demand that Creed stand and deliver in the ring next week. Fans, that's all from the Dross Report this week. I'll be back with you next week with more behind the scenes news. Until then, thanks for calling. ----------------------------- OPTION #2: "Soundbite" Speaks ----------------------------- Okay, morons, you're lining the pockets of the IIWF suits to hear my words of wisdom, so shut your traps and listen up. I'm "Soundbite" Steve Roberts, and on this option I'll be bringing you my inimitable and informative insights into the world of the IIWF. First up, locker room whisperings suggest that we could be seeing a change in a certain high-profile tag team very soon. We heard last week that Aaron the Caddy will no longer accompany the Armed Forces to the ring for their matches, instead taking up a more advisory role. Well, far be it from me to put the cat among the pigeons, but my sources indicate that there is far more to that decision than meets the eye. From what I hear, NavCom and DefCon feel they don't need Aaron any more, and are trying to find an excuse to lose him permanently. I also hear that a certain member of the broadcast team might be the subject of an obsession from the Venusian Death Cell. All I can say is that Dross's attempts to poison the Cell must have done something to the big guy, since he seems to go dewy-eyed whenever the name "Becky LaRue" is mentioned. Enough said for now. A little bird tells me that rookie Ronnie Paris is keeping a close eye not only on the impressive Mad Dog Watkins, but also a certain upper crust IIWF sensation. Speaking of the Mad Dog, word reaches me that he has been seen drinking with Intercontinental Champion, Steve "the Fury" Kowalski, in one of the Fury's favourite dives. Were the two of them reliving the antics of Kowalski's famous father, Bruno the Sandman, or is something big on the cards? I've heard that Watkins and Kowalski haven't exactly been on the best of terms in the past, so make of that what you will. The Players' Club have done their best to make a splash in the IIWF in the past couple of weeks, but it seems that IIWF Chump Dan Kauffman's new attitude doesn't extend outside the IIWF, since he's still cheered elsewhere. I have noticed an interesting correlation -- wherever Kauffman is cheered, he loses matches. Perhaps little Danny Boy had better wise up and realise where his future lies. There's a great deal of speculation that the Players' Club might be joined by new members here in the IIWF in the coming weeks. Last night we saw them scout both the impressive Brody Thunder, and newcomer "Sychosys" Joe Petrow. There's an interesting pattern here, folks -- The Players' Club hate the Syndicate, Brody Thunder hates the Syndicate, and Petrow certainly has some undisclosed intentions towards Thunder. This could get messy very quickly. This is one of the more outrageous rumours I've heard this week, but I understand that the Players' Club are even considering drafting Marty Warnett into their ranks. I hope you're not really that desperate, boys. Speaking of rank, I was channel-hopping back at the Roberts ranch a week or so back, and first of all, let me say how appalled I am by the crap that gets put out on cable these days. But second of all, and more importantly, I came across a wrestling show from another organisation, which shall remain nameless... nah, that's no fun. It's called the [CENSORED] and its stars include some guys called the Awful Alliance and about thirty guys called Chris, as well as a number of wrestlers who also compete in the IIWF. First up, little Danny Kauffman had to be stretchered from the ring after a match with some guy called Dokuhebi, and boy was he taken to the cleaners. No surprise there, but I was rather surprised to hear one of their so-called announcers -- hell, even Larry Morton can do a better job than the jokers they had out there -- say the following: "Kauffman is a second-rate wrestler winning titles in a second-rate federation", with reference to his IIWF Championship reign. While I probably wouldn't dispute the claim that Kauffman is a second-rate wrestler -- I'd rather see Otto Verhoeven or Brody Thunder with the IIWF Championship -- I obviously have to dispute the claim that the IIWF is a second-rate federation. The IIWF isn't the league that's so disorganised it rarely gets enough wrestlers in the same place at the same time to actually put on any matches. All bluff, no stuff, folks. Incidentally, other IIWF stars in action in this other organisation included Lord Byron and Dirt Dog Unique Allah squaring off, with Byron taking the victory thanks to the Aristoclutch -- the Dirt Dog certainly learned from that experience and pulled off a sensational victory over Byron last night in the Coliseum -- G.W.R. took a countout loss in a six-man match, Chris Quigley was narrowly defeated in a title match and so won't be adding to his silverware for a little while, Otto "the Butcher" Verhoeven decimated some oversized zombie -- no, not Deathbringer -- and the Players' Club won some more tin straps. At least, that's what I hear. I was so bored, I fell asleep before the pay-per-view even started. Finally for this week, let me just say a few words to little Ronnie Paris, who probably woke up in early hours of this morning in a cold sweat. This is the guy who came down to the ring in the Coliseum last night and challenged me to a match, folks. Now, I'm only too happy to kick Paris' butt all over the Coliseum on January 25, but, Paris, if you're having second thoughts about challenging me, I'll understand. Of course, you have good reason to be worried, Paris. If you step into the ring with me, I'm going to knock your teeth so far down your throat you'll be able to chomp cigars with your ass. So if the nightmares are driving you crazy, I'll have mercy on you. But be warned, show up on January 25, and you'll be leaving the Coliseum on a stretcher. Okay, that's enough pearls of wisdom for one week. As always, the pleasure has been all yours. This is "Soundbite" Steve Roberts, the finest announcer in the history of professional wrestling, signing off. 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