##### ###### ### ########## ########## ########## #### ## ########## ########## ########## #### # #### ######## ##### ##### #### ## ##### #### #### #### #### ### #### #### #### #### ############# ######### #### #### ########### ######### #### #### #### #### #### ######### ######### ### #### #### ######### ######### ### ## #### ######## ######## ## # #### =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- ## =-=-=-= INTERNATIONAL INTERNET WRESTLING FEDERATION =============================================== W + E + D + N + E + S + D + A + Y W + A + R R + O + O + M ----------------------------------------------- + 22 January 1997 + [Fade through to a darkened studio: two figures sit at opposite ends of a curved desk, behind which a large video wall, made up of a number of individual television screens, fades into life, each screen showing highlights from a different recent IIWF match. The studio lights rise, and the figures are revealed to be announcers Tim Dross and Becky LaRue. Dross looks up from his papers and speaks:] TD: Hello there, fans, and welcome to another edition of IIWF Wednesday War Room. I'm Tim Dross, and beside me, as always, is the beautiful Becky LaRue. In the next hour, we'll be bringing you the results of tonight's event from the IIWF Coliseum here in Portland, Oregon. As far as action in the ring is concerned, this has to go down as the hottest January on record, Becky. BL: Not least because of the return of the "Outlaw" J.W. Hardin, Timmy. TD: Well, we all knew that you in particular would be happy about that. BL: There ain't nobody quite like ol' J.W., believe me. TD: Remind me, Becky, what does the J.W. stand for? BL: That's for me and the Outlaw to discuss... at length... in the jacuzzi... TD: [interrupting] Okay, thanks, Becky. The "Outlaw" certainly sent shockwaves through the IIWF with his return last Saturday Night, but another athlete also made his first appearance for a number of weeks after being suspended for various international indiscretions. That man was the "Superstar" Stud Stetson, who made an explosive return by attacking "Spotlight" Billy Shakespeares. Stetson may have been having problems in the ring as of late, but he remains as arrogant and self-centred as ever. BL: And you really have to admire that in a guy, don't you? TD: Not particularly, Becky. In fact, Stetson made another reprehensible appearance tonight in the Coliseum before the action got underway. Let's go to footage of the dark match which opened things up tonight as the lighting and technical crews finished setting up for the show. Larry Morton and "Soundbite" Steve Roberts were ringside: [Cut to footage subtitled, "Earlier Tonight." A warmup match is going on between Nifty Ned Norton and "Spunky" Kiddie Koole while technical crews work on the lighting and cameras. Koole is a small-framed wrestler who looks very young and is wearing some rather flashy-looking tights. The crowd seems rathered uninterested, until "Superstar" Stud Stetson, along with Lace, makes his way down to ringside.] LM: Oh no... What does Stetson want down here? SR: With any luck, he'll come and kick your teeth down your throat. [Stetson also looks rather unimpressed with the action, and enters the ring to practice his baseball swing on the chests of the wrestlers. After Stetson clears the ring he motions for Larry Morton, who is at the broadcast table, to come into the ring.] SR: He's calling you out, Barry. LM: That's Larry, Steve. SR: Whatever. Get out of here. [Stetson is wearing his usual ripped black jeans, a black t-shirt with red lettering which says, "Watch Your Back, Here Comes A Superstar Attack", his black leather jacket and the phoney World Superstar Title securely around his waist. He has his long black locks in a ponytail, his goatee looks freshly trimmed and his baseball bat is at his side -- in other words, Stetson is looking his best. Lace is wearing a stunning jean dress which is, as usual, revealing.] LM: All right, Stetson, why did you decide to interrupt this match? SS: [glares at Morton for a few seconds] Because I was bored, and I thought this match needed a little added spice. Plus I haven't gabbed at ya for a while, Morton, and I was begining to miss ya. [begins to laugh] Okay, seriously. I have a few things on my mind that I feel all you freaks should know about. You see I have been thinking a lot lately, Morton. Thinking about my current status here. About the federation as a whole. What I am going to do to some unlucky IIWF wrestlers. And mostly about myself and what has happened to me. The fact is, the Superstar, has decided it's time for some change. It's time to let the real Stetson come through. In reality, it isn't so much a change but a return to who I was when I first started in this sport. I felt it was time to bring me back to what initially wanted the IIWF to sign me in the first place. But first things first -- and that's the two things that haven't ever changed, and never will change: that is, I still know I am the best in the world and I hate every single one of you. [points to the crowd to a substantial heel pop] LM: Okay, with that out of the way... SS: Morton, did I say you could speak? [before Morton can repond] NO, so shut the [BLEEP] up and hold the [BLEEP]ing mic. [Morton looks a little disturbed] Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot Mr. President Spreadbury doesn't like swearing. Well, I couldn't give a [BLEEP] [chuckles to himself]. Now it's time to get to the point of me coming out here. And that is to discuss the change or the return of the Superstar. Let's be honest, I may not be taken as seriously as I was a month ago. And I have definitely let my once-perfect record decrease drastically. That's becasue I had lost my edge. My focus. My drive to strive to the top. I began losing my intimidation factor. I wasn't myself any more. For the first time in my life, I will admit that I wasn't performing like the Superstar I claim to be. I would also say I wasn't walking the walk as well as I was talking the talk, but in reality I wasn't talking either. Which, as you will back up Mr. Morton, is unlike me. [Morton nods] So it's time for me to start doing something about it. It's time to get my respect back. It is time to get back the status as being the number one BAD ASS in the sport. It is time to be taken seriously once again. [Unstraps his Superstar title and looks down at it for a small period of time. He takes a deep breath] And that means to get rid of this piece of [BLEEP]. That's right, no more of this stupid gimmickery. No more making a [BLEEP]ing joke of myself. It was this [BLEEP] that caused my downfall. Did you know I went on a tour for two weeks promoting this bogus [BLEEP]? This is what made wrestlers start seeing me as a joker rather than the asshole who whacked his Corvette right into Marty Warnett. I lost my matches to Casey James and Shakespeare becasue of this. James, I came into our match totally jet-lagged and unconditioned from having toured the world talking about a total piece of [BLEEP]. [Morton begins to look agitated] Morton, you don't like my language? Well, I never claimed to be a [BLEEP]ing English teacher. I am the baddest ass you will ever encounter. And this ain't church and you ain't my mom, so I'll talk exactly how I [BLEEP]ing want. Understand?! Now back to where I was. I don't need a hunk of metal to prove I am the best. And I don't need any catchy phrases. I ain't going to jump into any more stupid gimmicks. And I sure as hell ain't going to let the booking committee throw me into any more publicity stunts. I am going to do whatever I [BLEEP]ing feel like and if you don't like it then try and stop me! This is who I am and I am going to let everyone from here on in know exactly how I feel. I am going go out and do exactly what I feel like. If there's someone I don't like, I am going to let him know it. If I want a title, I'm going to go out and get it. If a match loses its lustre then I am going to end it. Fan pisses me off then I'll piss on him. [Heel pop escalates] You like that, huh? That's good. Becasue my goal is to become the biggest bad ass this sport will ever know. I was the man who introduced Marty to my Corvette. I was the man who beat up a fan for the fun of it. I am the man who busted up Billy last week. And I am the man who is going to start taking numbers. Marty, you say I am way out of the picture? I'm sure I can think of something to make myself get in the picture rather quickly. Mad Dog, you got in my way at Snow Brawl and soon I'm going to let you know how much that pissed me off. Subway, don't think you're safe either. I might not have got you at Snow Brawl but I'll get you soon enough. It's time to start up the mission I originally came here for. And that is to eliminate every stinking wrestler who gets under my skin. Shakespeare will be the first, and I ain't done with Warnett and every other popular wrestler. But does it end there? Oh no, all you self-proclaimed bad boys. Let me show you what bad is all about. I'm here for one reason and one reason only and that is to become the most hated man ever. If that means ending careers, if that means taking titles, if that means beating up old grannies, then I'll do it. And If anyone wants a piece of me then come and get it, I welcome it. It is time for me to be the guy I orignally was. It is time for me to get back my killer instinct. I am ashamed how I have kicked off 1997 but I can feel things getting a whole lot better from here on in. And if they don't, then everyone else is going to be just as miserable as me. LM: So are you becoming a "harcore" wrestler? SS: Hardcore? No, no, no. Too many [BLEEP]ing wrestler have taken that moniker. No, Kauffman is trying to be hardcore. I ain't looking for any cheap heat. I am just being myself and if that makes me hardcore then that's what it is. I am a Superstar, pure and simple, and I will let you know it. I don't want to be classified under any specific category. I am tired of all the gimmickery, I am me and that's it. And if anyone here thinks I am trying to bite their style then step on in the ring and I'll help you see it my way. This is the way things are going to be, and you're just going to have to live with it. LM: Now if you don't mind, I would like to get a word with Lace. LA: Well, Mr... SS: Yeah, I do. Let's go, Lace. [An annoyed look passes across Lace's face as Stetson takes her by the arm and leaves the ring to a big heel pop. Larry Morton shakes his head and bows out of the ring. Cut back to the studio.] BL: What a jerk. He didn't even let Lace speak, Timmy. TD: Stetson wants the spotlight all to himself, Becky. He's so egocentric, he thinks the world revolves around him. BL: Idiot. Everybody knows the world revolves around me. TD: [raising one eyebrow] Quite. Folks, it was quite a show in the IIWF Coliseum tonight. With some of the biggest stars taking the night off, it was a great opportunity for the rest of the roster to shine: [The video wall behind the desk shows footage from the night's matches: G.W.R. and Rising Sun Revolution slug it out in a wild four-man brawl in the ring.] TD: There was a wealth of tag team action in the Coliseum tonight. Former champions, Rising Sun Revolution, went up against the impressive G.W.R.... [Footage of Pale and Easy Rider taking a slug out of their bottles of Kessler's whiskey as they make their way to the ring, where Mr. Psycho and Monster await them.] BL: What needless product placement. TD: If it pays the bills, Becky... The High Plains Drifters squared off against Domination, who are coming off the back of a big match with the Tag Team Champions. [Footage of Morningstar and Hellraiser doubleteaming Scorpio while the referee forces Taurus out of the ring.] TD: And Pain Inc. were their usual brutal selves as they went up against the Zodiac Connection. [Footage of Alex Rio walking down the aisle. He has long dirty blonde hair, an average build, and wears a loose white half-shirt along with ripped up faded blue jeans. The jeans have large holes in both knees and one on the back, just below his ass.] TD: We'll also hear about the debut of IIWF newcomer, Alex Rio, as he faced off against El Super Gecko. BL: I don't know which of those two guys is more of a lizard. [Footage of Lord Byron and the Sandman standing in the ring, facing the video wall.] TD: The "CEO" Jack Montgomery had a message for everybody in the Coliseum, particularly Lord Byron and the Sandman. [Footage of Dirt Dog Unique Allah stumbling to the ring, angry and alone.] TD: While the cat's away, the dog will play. Dirt Dog Unique Allah was in action minus the injured Medusa Rage tonight. We'll see how he fared on his own. [Footage of Serge Annis and Steve "the Fury" Kowalski brawling all over the ringside area.] TD: Things didn't stay in the ring for long when the wild Steve Kowalski and the unpredictable Serge Annis went at it tonight. [Footage of Joe Petrow standing in the aisle, pointing at a small group of fans who are waving home-made signs and cheering in support of "Sychosys".] TD: The number of "Sychopaths" continues to grow with every passing day, and Joe Petrow was out to please his fans tonight as he locked horns with the "Badboy", Randy Acorn. [Footage of the masked newcomer, Spur, coming to the ring. He wears mustard-colored tights, a few bits of fringe hang on the right leg, a heraldic rooster on the other. His half mask is the same color yellow, a black diamond around the left eye only. He also wears black knee boots.] TD: And we also got our first look at the mysterious newcomer, Spur. All that and more coming up here tonight, folks! Guiding us through the action will be our broadcast colleagues... BL: Surely you mean "performing monkeys"? TD: No, Becky... our colleagues Larry Morton and "Soundbite" Steve Roberts, who are in the Coliseum right now. Larry, Steve, can you hear me? [Tim and Becky turn to face the video wall, on which appear Larry Morton and Steve Roberts standing in the locker rooms of the IIWF Coliseum.] LM: Yes, Tim, we can hear you. It's been quite an eventful night here in the Coliseum... SR: Yeah, because Sally here... LM: That's Larry, Steve. SR: Whatever. _Larry_ finally figured out how to tie his shoelaces. [Larry flashes Steve a reproachful glance.] TD: Good to see that you two are getting on as well as ever. LM: Naturally, Tim. In any case, we'll be bringing you the details of all the exciting and unusual happenings that went down over the course of the evening. Right, Steve? SR: If you say so, Bob. LM: That's Larry, Steve. Back to you in the studio. [The IIWF logo fades back onto the video wall. Tim and Becky turn back to face the cameras.] BL: Not exactly rocket scientist material, are they? TD: Not exactly, Becky, no. Okay, fans, without further ado, let's get to the recap of tonight's action, starting with an IIWF debut. [Images of the wrestlers and their stats fade onto the video wall:] =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Alex Rio vs. El Super Gecko 228lbs, 6'1" 225lbs, 6'1" =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= TD: Cocky newcomer Alex Rio showed us more of his stalling talents than his wrestling skills in his IIWF debut tonight. The limber lizard, El Super Gecko, was frustrated by Rio's attempts to humiliate him, such as slapping him round the face and then ducking through the ropes like a coward to avoid any retaliation. Once the match finally got underway, Rio really began to annoy the crowd in the Coliseum. BL: Hell, I wasn't even there, and he annoys me already. TD: With every move he successfully executed on the Gecko, Rio would waste time with pointless showboating, such as high-fiving himself, performing an amusing little tap dance, pretending to tie his boots, and going to sit in the corner. However, we can't take anything away from his offense, which consists of some very impressive kicks -- enzuigiris and reverse savate kicks to name but to -- and some dangerous power moves, like a powerbomb off the top rope. However, with all of Rio's posing and preening, the match was paced very slowly, and the crowd began to get restless. This brought one Stud Stetson back out into the aisle again, and he watched Rio with disgust from the aisle. Rio pointed at Stetson and kissed his hand, then slapped his behind. BL: Gee, I wonder what _that_ gesture means. TD: Stetson didn't take too kindly to that, but Lace persuaded him to stay in the aisle as Rio finished the Gecko off with his Diamond Cutter modified DDT finisher. On his way out of the ring, Rio jawed a little with Stetson, but as soon as Stetson wound up to hit Rio, he was out of there like a shot. Something tells me this athlete is all bluff, and no stuff. Nonetheless, a pinfall victory in the win column for Alex Rio. [WINNER: Alex Rio by pinfall in 8:12.] =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Spur vs. Majestic Maurice McArthur 230lbs, 6'2" 245lbs, 6'2" =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= TD: The mysterious Spur, who is contracted on a match-by-match basis, made his debut tonight against Majestic Maurice McArthur. I understand that the front office wanted to put Spur up against a prelim opponent before a crowd to guage their reaction. Their verdict? The crowd, like myself, are bewildered by Spur. BL: Natty rooster on his tights, though. TD: That's as maybe, but who knows what lurks behind his mask? Spur certainly knows his way around the ring, as he efficiently disabled McArthur with such moves as a tilt-a-whirl Mexican armtoss, a jumping bulldog, and a scissors heel kick. This man is perpetual motion in the ring, and would match up well with the White Phoenix, Billy Shakespeare, or any of the other cruiserweights here in the IIWF. However, once he looked to have McArthur down and out, Spur simply left the ring and inexplicably headed back up the aisle, thus losing the match by countout. BL: So Triple M scores his first ever victory in the IIWF! TD: Yeah, very impressive. He must be about 1-30 down by now. Who knows what Spur's agenda might be, folks? I'll be following this story with a great deal of interest. [WINNER: Majestic Maurice McArthur by countout in 6:55.] =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= PAIN INC. vs. ZODIAC CONNECTION Morningstar & Hellraiser Scorpio & Taurus comb. 585lbs comb. 575lbs =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= TD: The arrival of Gemini, the enigmatic twins who now manage the Zodiac Connection, has certainly turned around the fortunes of Scorpio and Taurus, who despite being well-loved by the fans, and doing substantial work as good will ambassadors for the IIWF, have struggled in the all-important department of wins and losses. BL: They stink. Plain and simple. And those peroxide blondes make me sick. TD: Pain Inc., on the other hand, have made quite a name for themselves simply by beating people up, and they went into this match with the same mindset. Let's go over to Larry Morton, who has the details: [Larry Morton appears on the video wall, standing in the aisle of the empty IIWF Coliseum.] LM: Thanks, Tim. With Hades and Mr. Mic on the outside, Morningstar and Hellraiser really did a number on the Zodiacs, and ended up getting themselves disqualified when they attacked Scorpio -- who bore the brunt of their assault throughout the match -- with a steel chair on the outside. Their doubleteam tactics, so effective right from the beginning, backfired when Mr. Mic failed to distract the official, and he got a great view of Scorpio being waffled with the chair. Pain Inc. were incensed by the decision, and continued to beat on the Zodiacs, which brought out none other than the Armed Forces to make the save! BL: That proves it. The Forces have lost their minds. LM: The crowd didn't agree with you, Becky. NavCom and DefCon received a warm reception from the fans here in the Coliseum, and they certainly saved the Zodiacs from serious injury. Perhaps the Armed Forces are finally going to represent the services in a manner which befits our great military. BL: Our military aren't losers, Larry, and that's what the Forces are. LM: I really don't think so, Becky. The Forces are scheduled to meet the Players' Club on Saturday Night, and I predict that we'll see a changed team in action. TD: Thanks, Larry. We'll come back to you a little later on. [The IIWF logo fades back onto the video wall.] [WINNERS: The Zodiac Connection by disqualification in 14:33.] =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Dirt Dog Unique Allah vs. Bobby B. Goode 238lbs, 6'2" 230lbs, 6'2" =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= TD: Following the brutal attack of Medusa Rage by "Sychosys" Joe Petrow last Saturday Night, the Dirt Dog Unique Allah is, as he would put it, one angry muhfuh. Let's hear from him now: [Cut to footage subtitled, "Earlier This Week." Medusa Rage is in her hospital bed, wrapped in bandages after being hit by Joe Petrow. She looks groggy. She blinks open her eyes and looks around until she sees Unique sitting by her bedside. She reaches out a hand to him.] Medusa: [hoarse] Did you win? Unique: I got out of the Bullet Train just like you showed me, but he threw me to the floor. I just couldn't get up in time. I just couldn't get up right away. I'm sorry ... I ... I [sniffs and sobs] I don't mean to cry and such, but that Joe Petrow ... he's a dirty, vicious man ... how he could just up and hit a woman like you like that? I mean that's low down and dirty. Medusa: So what are you going to do about it? Unique: The Dirt Dog is on a mission! Yeah, they gon' see who lives low down and dirty! They gon' find out what it means to be a bastard. Yeah, I promise you that, Medusa. Medusa: [smiling] Good. Now you're ready. Unique: Uh, Medusa? Medusa: Yes, Unique? Unique: [scratching his hair] I mean I know now might not be the right time and such, but your injury? Does that mean I won't be gettin a l'il summin' summin, you know what I mean? Medusa: Yes it does, Unique. Unique: Awww, damnnnnnnn!!!! Well ain't this about a bitch! I'm tired of them laughin' jackasses in the IIWF now! They done took sumpin from me better than gold! I don't get no ill na na because a Petrow. Petrow, you wannabe dirty bastard, let me tell you this ... payback's a muhfuh and this muhfuh right here gon kick your dirty a$$ right out into the cold! You hear! YEAAAHHHHHH!!! [Cut back to the studio.] TD: That fury carried over into the ring tonight, and the Dirt Dog made very short work indeed of young Bobby B. Goode. In fact, we saw a much more vicious Unique, staying on his opponent and wrestling with far more focus than we've seen up until now. Unique finished Goode off with his Fatal Flying Guillotine in less than three minutes. Quite a performance. BL: Three minutes isn't much of a performance where _I_ come from, mister. TD: Er... no, I suppose not. [WINNER: Dirt Dog Unique Allah by pinfall in 2:44.] =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= DOMINATION vs. HIGH PLAINS DRIFTERS Mr. Psycho & Monster Pale Rider & Easy Rider comb. 620lbs comb. 503lbs =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= TD: This encounter looked on paper like one of the highlights of the evening, and fans weren't disappointed. Domination, having survived the onslaught of the IIWF World Tag Team Champions, the Dark Disciples, with a draw this past Saturday, are looking for another title shot, and they saw victory over the Drifters as essential. However, certain other individuals in the IIWF had other ideas. Let's go over to Steve for the details. Steve? [The image of Steve Roberts standing at ringside in the empty and dimly-lit Coliseum while ring crews work behind him fades onto the video wall.] SR: Yeah, I'm here. No prizes for guessing who came out to give the Drifters hell in this one. Domination, to their credit -- and my praise don't come easy, so enjoy it while it lasts, boys -- wrestled a strategically sound match. They started things off slow, Mr. Psycho using his speed to stay out of the way of the aggressive Drifters, and attacked when they were off-guard, often using slightly illegal manoeuvres, like chokes and so on. TD: How can something be slightly illegal, Steve? SR: It's more legal than taking a shotgun and blowing your opponent's head off, Dross. TD: Er, is it? SR: Shut up, you idiot. When "Soundbite" talks, the toupeed fat ass listens, understand? TD: [meekly] Yes, Steve. SR: In any case, Domination governed the early going, but the Drifters didn't seem to tire as quickly as they hoped -- that's the Kessler's for you... BL: [interrupting] And there we go again! More advertising! SR: Kessler's is great stuff, Becks. Ask for it by name. As I was saying, the Drifters staged a late comeback, and were right into the match, when the Hangmen suddenly appeared from out of the crowd and jumped Pale and Easy. They tried to rope 'em up -- and I'm talking round the necks here -- but Domination surprisingly came to the Drifters' aid and helped eject the Hangmen from the ring. The Venusian Death Cell then lumbered down the aisle, saw Domination standing over the beaten Drifters with the Hangmen on the outside, and took it upon himself to attack Domination. What a moron. BL: Hey, watch it, buster! SR: Sorry, Becky, am I insulting your pet monster? You know how he got the name "Cell", don't you? It's because he's only got _one_ brain cell. BL: Oh, ha ha. Very droll. SR: Anyway, the Cell clears the ring of Domination, who don't look too pleased, and everybody goes home unhappy. The referee calls the match a no contest, and the Drifters and the Single Brain Cell go up against the Hangmen this Saturday Night. I'm outta here. [The IIWF logo fades back onto the video wall as Tim and Becky turn back to face the cameras.] [Match ruled a NO CONTEST at 17:18.] =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Lord Byron vs. The Sandman 265lbs, 6'4" 290lbs,6'7" =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= TD: What have Lord Byron and the Sandman got in common? They've both taken beatings from one of the hottest properties in the IIWF at the moment, Creed. Tonight, as they prepared to square off one-on-one, Creed's manager, the "CEO" Jack Montgomery, had a few words for the two athletes, and the crowd... [Cut to footage subtitled, "Earlier Tonight." Lord Byron steps into the ring, where the Sandman is already waiting. Suddenly, the Intermezzo from Karelia Suite is stopped, and the video wall at the head of the aisle flickers into life. On it appears the "CEO" Jack Montgomery:] CEO: Good evening. I am "The CEO" Jack Montgomery. I hope you are all enjoying tonight's fine card. The IIWF has many great superstars who give their all for you, the finest fans in all of professional wrestling! [Pop!] However, there is a man who is not competing this evening. A man who is rapidly becoming one of the hottest wrestlers in the world today. It is the man with the lethal left hand -- it _is_ Creed! [Big pop as Creed walks into the frame.] But this Saturday night, this Saturday night, that will be corrected. This Saturday night, Creed will walk into the IIWF Coliseum -- and walk into a Terrordome Match! [Pop!] I know many of you fans have attempted to get tickets for this Saturday Night and have found that they are sold out, have found that you will be unable to see Creed vs. Sandman, live and in person. [There is discernible crowd disappointment.] Well, on behalf of the entire Corporation, I would like to cordially invite each and every person in the arena tonight to attend this IIWF Saturday Night -- on us! [Big pop!] That's right, you will all receive your ticket as you leave the arena tonight, and please enjoy IIWF Saturday Night -- and the Terrordome Match -- compliments of the Corporation. Oh yes - Sandman, please remember, whatever happens Saturday night is not personal. It's just business. [The shot of the two men is replaced by slow motion footage from last week's IIWF Saturday Night, over which Beethoven's Ninth is played. Creed is seen unloading a barrage of left hands on Lord Byron, then powering Byron down with a left handed chokeslam - and finally driving Byron into the mat with the top rope flying powerbomb. The crowd noise grows louder as the music stops and the arena suddenly goes pitch black, illuminated only by the red lettering which appears on the video wall with the accompanying voice over by Creed;] CR: Anyone... Anywhere... Anytime... [The video wall returns to displaying the IIWF logo. Cut back to the studio.] BL: How the hell did Montgomery manage to buy up all the tickets for Saturday night's show? TD: I have no idea, Becky, but seeing the Sandman take on Creed in the IIWF's first Terrordome Match promises to be a great encounter. Let's not get ahead of ourselves. Fans were also treated to a tremendous encounter between Lord Byron and the Sandman tonight, watched from the aisle by the Subway Psycho, who will be facing Byron on Saturday Night. The Peoples' Champion came out to his usual incredible response, but his presence seemed to anger Lord Byron, who was once again without the Lady DeWinter. BL: That's not surprising, Timmy, after the way he's treated her. TD: Perhaps because of the Psycho, perhaps because of DeWinter, Byron seemed to turn things up another gear, and wrestled an even more aggressive match than usual against the Sandman. Towards the end of the match, he had the Sandman down and was taunting the Psycho from the aisle before going for the Aristoclutch. The Psycho seemed to lose his cool, and charged into the ring as Byron put the Aristoclutch on the Sandman, thus getting the Sandman disqualified. Byron and the Psycho brawled around the ringside area until the Englishman managed to grab his cane, and cracked the Psycho in the jaw with it, knocking him to the floor. Byron then proceeded to attack the Psycho further with the cane, until he was chased up the aisle by the Sandman. When Byron and the Psycho get it on this Saturday night, expect sparks to fly! [WINNER: Lord Byron by disqualification in 13:34.] =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Serge Annis vs. Steve "the Fury" Kowalski 293lbs, 6'8" 268lbs, 6'4" =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= TD: Two of the more, er, fiery competitors in the IIWF locked horns in this encounter. Let's get some comments from the former Intercontinental Champion, Steve Kowalski: [Cut to footage subtitled, "Yesterday." At the Amber Bug, Steve "The Fury" Kowalski discusses his "respect" for Marty Warnett with the bartender. Oscar Smile bursts through the front door.] SK: Warnett is a pickle licker without a cause! If he had even one nut, he'd face me on the street. OS: FURY! Hey, you hafta wrestle tomorrow! I just got a last minute call from the bookings office. We got to get to the airport. SK: Relax there, geritol-boy! Now then, did I get the Warnett rematch? OS: Uh... no. You have a match against Serge Annis. SK: What the ! What is this ! Walnut gets to parade 'round with my belt and I hafta lock up with "Serging Anus"! [Throws a bar stool to the back of the bar] Okay. The bookers want a match, I'll give' em a DAMN bloodbath! Anus, I hope ya mother lights a candle for ya in church. 'Cause the Fury is gonna end it all for ya! Punk! [Annis storms out of the bar. Cut back to the studio.] TD: Between them, these two athletes combine sociopathic and pyromaniac tendencies, so the security staff were on extra alert throughout this match, if "match" is the right word for a wild brawl which never really made it to the ring. Kowalski, living up to his nickname after losing the Intercontinental Championship to Marty Warnett last Saturday, jumped Annis from behind in the aisle, and the two wrestlers brawled down to ringside. Finally, both briefly rolled into the ring, and the referee was able to start the match, but both men showed blatant disregard for the rules, choking each other and using closed fists at all times. Less than two minutes into the match, watched from the aisle by a thoughtful Ronnie Paris, Annis and Kowalski brawled back outside the ring once more, and both men were counted out. The referee was unable to gain control even after the closing bell, and eventually had to call in the Jobber Justice Squad and security to separate the two warring wrestlers. BL: What was widdle Wonnie Pawis doing out there, Timmy? Looking for his mummy? TD: No, Becky. He was out there scouting Kowalski. Before he left the aisle, he said, "Steve Kowalski lost focus, and I'm not gonna let that happen to me. You'll see what I mean Friday night..." So we'll be waiting for Paris' comments on Friday's report, won't we, Becky? BL: Oh yeah. I can't wait. No, really. [Match ruled a DOUBLE COUNTOUT at 2:45.] =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= RISING SUN REVOLUTION vs. G.W.R. Ryudu Kenjinata & Hiroshi Kasai Loco & Spoiler comb. 570lbs comb. 545lbs =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= TD: With their number one fans, the Alphabet Boys, in tow, Rising Sun Revolution attempted to take another step towards regaining the IIWF World Tag Team Championships. However, as has so often been the case in recent weeks, they found their efforts hampered by the Alphabet Boys. G.W.R. have been exhibiting a more aggressive style as of late, and that certainly continued tonight. While Spoiler and Ryudu mixed it up in intense, high-flying style on the outside, General Kane directed Loco to take a shot at Hiroshi with a steel chair. Loco was only too pleased to oblige, and this was more than the Alphabet Boys could bear. They launched themselves into the fray with a passion, and the result was a wild brawl involving all six men. The referee called for the bell, and ruled the match a no contest, but that didn't help separate the warring factions, who had to be pulled apart by a large contingent of security staff. [Match ruled a NO CONTEST at 15:45.] =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= "Badboy" Randy Acorn vs. "Sychosys" Joe Petrow 227lbs, 6'3" 227lbs, 6'3" =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= TD: What a controversial match this turned out to be, folks, with both wrestlers trying to outdo one another before the event even started! Before we get down to the details, let's hear from the "Badboy" Randy Acorn: [Cut to footage subtitled, "Earlier This Week." A field with a few dozen trees surrounding. Standing in the middle of the field is Randy Acorn. Randy is just looking around like a lost soul. As the camera comes closer to him, it becomes clear that Randy is in a good mood because he has a huge grin on his face. The camera zooms in on Randy as he begins to speak:] RA: After all the things that are going on in my career -- especially the IIWF -- the question right now is not what am I going to say but its where am I going to start? I guess I'll take you back to last week when I made the statement that if I couldn't beat a jobber like American Patriot, then I would quit the IIWF. Had I lost, I would have held true to my word. But some people have made the comments that I'm just a whiner and can't hang with the rest of the IIWF. Well, I don't want to mention any names... yeah I do. Takzeo Musashi, you are asking for a beating. You're so high off the fact that you've beaten me. Well, you keep your high running off that because I guarantee the next time we meet, you will not be so lucky. This is not a challenge because I am not ready for a shot at the Cruiserweight Title right now. That brings me to my next subject... [Randy becomes a lot more serious as his grin turns to a frown and he begins speaking again.] Someone made the comment earlier on that maybe I was trying to return to the ranks too fast after my short hiatus. Well, whomever said... I will say thanks, because you've made me see my true goal before I start my climb to the top again. It's not to feud with Musashi or Quigley or anyone with a big name. Right now, my job is to clean out the garbage of the IIWF. This means people like the American Patriot, whom I have already cleaned out, and anyone else that I decide to challenge in the future. Sure, these won't be the greatest matches of my life... but who gives a [BLEEP], I'll be doing what I love the most... hurting people. [Randy pauses for a moment and reaches down to grab a dandelion. He grabs it and holds it in front of the camera as he begins to speak again] A true challenge is the man that I face tomorrow night. Joe Petrow, I've heard of you. Not just here but everywhere. You're some kind of cult favorite or something, but that makes no difference to me. I'm a legend, a man that can never and will never be duplicated. You can be. It's kinda funny... we match up perfectly on paper. We're the exact same height and weight. You have some serious mental problems and, well, it's no secret that I've had mine. Now the true question is to be answered tomorrow night. Can we live up to the expectations of the fans or will you cause a disappointment? Why do I ask if you'll cause a disappointment? Because I have confidence in myself and know that such a mistake cannot be made by me. Petrow, don't come in thinking you're going to be taking advantage of a down on his luck Badboy because if you do such a thing, you may very well end up like this poor little dandelion... WITH YOUR HEAD POPPED OFF! [Randy pops the head of the dandelion off. Cut back to the studio.] BL: I think Petrow's head is slightly more difficult to pop off than a dandelion's, Timmy. Acorn really must be losing his edge if he's spending his time flower-arranging. TD: Er... possibly, Becky. With the details of this match, let's go over to Steve Roberts, who's standing backstage in the Coliseum: [The image of Steve Roberts in the locker rooms fades onto the video wall.] SR: This locker room was the site of what at first appeared to be a highly-uncharacteristic attack. About an hour before the show began tonight, _Nightwing_, of all people -- well, when I say "people", I mean "painted idiots with turkeys for best friends" -- broke into this locker room and attacked "Sychosys" Joe Petrow. Apparently there was quite a brawl between the two men, with Petrow coming off worse thanks to the surprise element. However, when officials came back here to clear things up, they found that it wasn't Nightwing who had attacked Petrow at all, but in fact Randy Acorn himself, pulling off yet another of his famous sneak attacks! Petrow was walking wounded, but I spoke to him before the show and he told me he was used to being jumped, and that Acorn would pay. Nobody knew quite what he meant. Without wishing to sound too cheesy, over to you, Wally. [The shot cuts to show Larry Morton standing at ringside.] LM: That's Larry, Steve. When it was time for the match, it was announced that Petrow had been too severely injured by Acorn earlier in the evening, and wouldn't be able to wrestle. Acorn was just about to leave when it was also announced that he would wrestle a substitute opponent -- the Masked Marauder. Acorn was annoyed, but stuck around, and out came the Marauder. Acorn seemed wary of the Marauder, who had long hair flowing out the back of his mask -- which looked a lot like Petrow himself, in fact -- but still managed to take the upper hand in the match. At that point, Acorn was distracted by _another_ announcement, this time from Petrow himself, over the PA. [Cut to footage subtitled, "Earlier Tonight." Acorn knocks the Marauder off his feet with a hard lariat, and is pulling him to his feet when an announcement comes across the PA. Acorn drops the Marauder back to the mat and turns to face the head of the aisle.] PA: Hahahahahaha! Randy Acorn, you stupid fool! Did you really think you would have it this easy with me? Do you really believe that that is actually Sychosys in the ring? Well, guess what? IT IS! [Suddenly, the masked man attacks from behind, and takes off the mask, showing that he is indeed Sychosys. Cut back to Larry at ringside.] LM: So after that little double-cross, the match continued with Petrow solidly in the driving seat. However, at one point he inadvertently found his shoulder rammed into the corner post -- possible separation is the diagnosis -- and Acorn once more took control. However, who should then come down to ringside than the _real_ Nightwing! The Native American tried to trip Acorn from the outside, and as Acorn turned to yell at Nightwing, Petrow caught him from behind and hit a German suplex, taking Acorn by surprise and bridging for the three count! This was a tremendous match, folks, and you can bet that Acorn is going to be baying for Nightwing's blood after tonight! Back to you in the studio! [Cut back to Tim and Becky in the studio as the IIWF logo fades back onto the video wall.] TD: Well, folks, we're almost out of time here for tonight, but before we leave you, let's take a quick look ahead to Saturday Night's stellar event. One of the premier encounters will be the long-awaited six-man tag match pitting the combined forces of the Venusian Death Cell... BL: Yay! TD: ...and the High Plains Drifters against the dangerous Hangmen. As we heard earlier, the Hangmen attempted to hang the Drifters a few days ahead of schedule, and as they make clear in the following pretaped comments, they won't be happy until some necks are snapped: [Cut to footage subtitled, "Earlier This Week." The ring at the Olympic Auditorium in Los Angeles. All three Hangmen are in the ring working out.] TH: Mr. Wales, have you forgotten that a truce was called and worked out among us? It seems that your word has fallen by the wayside. We believe that signing the VDC and bringing him to the six-man tag match this Saturday is a step in the wrong direction. The three of us have had many meetings about the war that is escalating between our camps. Mr. Wales, do not go where there is no return from. [The camera zooms in on one of the Hangmen, who has a noose around the neck of the other Hangman.] TH: For the last couple of months we have been putting The Senator's plan to work. Here you see just one part of it. These ropes have been around our necks so many times that it would take someone with more talent with these ropes then you could ever hope to find to do any damage to us. [As The Hangman speaks we see the Hangman with the noose around his neck tie the noose rope to the top rope and jump over.] TH: Mr. Wales, is not a hanging a beautiful sight? Do you think your men are ready for this type of brutality? [The Hangman who is just hanging, looking back at the camera, laughs the sick laugh of The Hangmen.] TH: After this match, I do believe that all of us -- including you, Mr. Wales -- will be visiting the Hospital. Any match that we have ever had has ended this way. If you are not careful, you could be visiting the morgue instead. Your Posse is treading on thin ice, sir. [The hanging Hangman grabs the rope and pulls himself up onto the apron, and then walks towards a scaffold erected next to the ring.] TH: Mr. Wales, watch. What you are about to see is the future... your future. [The Hangman walks up the steps to the gallows and puts his head in the noose. One of the other Hangmen pulls the lever and the trap door opens. The Hangman is left swinging, and all the while laughing.] TH: Think hard about this, Mr. Wales. Are your men ready to give up all they have worked for? [Cut back to the studio.] TD: Those three guys give me the creeps, Becky. BL: Between you and Larry, the psychotherapy industry has enough traumas and neuroses to last a lifetime. TD: Well, excuse me for being intimidated by a trio of three hundred pound plus men who enjoy hanging each other. We're also looking forward to the match between Ronnie Paris and our broadcast colleague, "Soundbite" Steve Roberts, who'll be returning to the ring for the first time in some four years after his career-ending injury. I have to question Steve's wisdom in agreeing to step back between the ropes, but I guess the man's just got too much pride to let Paris' comments slide. BL: I can't wait. Widdle Wonnie Pawis is going to beat the snot out of Steve Roberts! What could be better? TD: So you're actually going to be cheering Paris, Becky? BL: No, of course not, Timmy. I just can't wait to see Steve trip over those feather boas of his. TD: I think perhaps he might give the boas a miss on Saturday, Becky. In any case, we'll also see new Intercontinental Champion, Marty Warnett, make his first defence as he goes up against a resurgent "Quickstrike" Chris Quigley. In a Terrordome Match, the Sandman faces Creed, and in a two out of three falls match, Harlequin Chaos will attempt to win back his valet and confidant, Harlequin Melody, from her captor, Mr. Damage. The Subway Psycho will face Lord Byron, and the Armed Forces will face the Players' Club in tag action. Plus on top of all that, we'll see a third encounter between Tiger Claw and the "Lone Wolf" Brody Thunder -- this time in a Tombstone Strap Match. Who knows what kind of brawl that's going to be? BL: And you can guarantee that the "Outlaw" J.W. Hardin will be in the house... TD: All the top superstars of the IIWF will be gathered in the Coliseum on Saturday Night, folks, so don't you dare miss one moment of the action! Before that, Larry and Becky will be back on Friday with another Countdown to Saturday Night, and myself, Larry and Steve will be ringside on Saturday Night to call all the action. Until then, this is Tim Dross, for Becky LaRue, Larry Morton and "Soundbite" Steve Roberts, saying: so long, everybody! [The studio lights dim as Tim and Becky have a conversation off microphone. Becky screws up a piece of paper and throws it at Tim's head as the shot fades.] +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= I * I * W * F =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+ | President: Daniel Spreadbury | Vice-President: Steve Owens | | univ0322@sable.ox.ac.uk | sowens@admin.presby.edu | | iiwf@sisko.demon.co.uk | IIWFadmin@aol.com | +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- http://www.sisko.demon.co.uk -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=+