[Fade in on the view of the Hagerstown sunset, which turns the sky a deep pink and blue in color. The sky is seen overtop North Hagerstown High School's brick building, the glass shining the last of the sun's rays out across the field in front. Images start to superimpose on the school building: The Outlaw's three Cattle Buster DDTs on Kauffman at the first IIWF PPV, "Coronation Clash." Deathbringer's final tope dive onto Kauffman during the Deathmatch at Ring Wars I. Kauffman and Joe Latta brawling in center ring at a Saturday night show in July. Kauffman falling on top of Otto Verhoeven for a three count and the subsequent crowning of Kauffman IIWF Champion. Kauffman's staredown with Cadaver in late October. Finally, the images fade away, and from the front door emerges Dan Kauffman himself.] DK: Come on in, guys. There's quite a crowd gathered in here. [The camera zooms in from a distance as Kauffman walks back in the building, then another camera takes up the shot from inside, as Kauffman walks the corridors and into the NHHS Wrestling Room. Mats colored red and white for North's colors line the floor's entire area, and chin-up bars attach to the walls. Kauffman points to the chin-up bars.] I remember those dreadful things. When you are a 14-year old high school freshman and weigh 104 pounds, those chin-up bars looked like Satan's torture devices. But they were only the start of the pain I went through. [Kauffman walks along the red and white mats, nodding in memory of past amateur accomplishments.] These mats may look inviting, but trust me, the last thing you want to do is slide on these things. They put burns where you think you can't get burns, and bruises where you never imagined bruises could form. Not to mention the headaches, pulls, strains, tears and punishment dealt in this room. When you weigh a measly 104, this isn't the best place to come. But I was never the most brilliant kid in school. I had a dumb persistence that got me through the nagging injuries and small pains that ride your body in high school wrestling. Some people said I'd never be strong enough or smart enough to excel in the wrestling world. I mean, how could this scrawny weak freshman ever persist in this hostile environment? [Kauffman takes an outward glance at the state champions from North who have their picture lining the wrestling walls. There are four, the third in the line being that of a Senior, 145-pound Dan Kauffman holding up the state championship. The score underneath reads "Dan Kauffman over Scott Branden, Major Decision, 15-4, 1988." Kauffman smiles.] Scott was a great one. Beat me my junior year. Tore my rotator cuff. Now that was painful. If you think going head-first through a table is painful, try getting up after tearing a rotator cuff. It don't happen. But the injury gave me motivation. I was the talk of the state meet. The media in Baltimore kept asking "Where did this kid come from? He's not even ranked!" I've always loved the underdog role. Of course, the attention didn't hurt either, but it was success and determination that won me that championship. Now turn that camera off. I'm continuing this up in Portland. [The shot fades out. It is followed by a shot of an empty IIWF Coliseum, the ring missing its apron, but soon to be installed for the upcoming Saturday Night card. Kauffman sits up on the corner of the ring.] Then I turned pro in '95, and the doubts of many started kicking in gear again. "He's too nice to succeed", "He's too light, he'll get injured too easily!", "Forget it, kid... You've got to be mean to win at this level..." Boy, I heard it all. Never mind the fact that I'd trained for five years. People were already saying that I'd be out of pro wrestling before I ever got in it. Boy, were they wrong. I went from fed to fed in the early months, and everywhere I went, I started to succeed, and everyone started looking on their roster sheets... everyone started thinking, "Hey, who IS this guy?" And then I won my first title -- an IFWA World Championship. Mind you, the league folded the next week, before it had ever really begun, but it wasn't the league, it was how I'd won. I won that belt after 60 minutes of 20 guys pounding on me, and then after a singles match with a guy named Rano, who basically came at me with no caution. Then I caught him with a fallaway slam, and he never got up. Then I had the attention. Then I had the respect. Then... I was somebody. So I wind up seeing an ad in a local paper five months later about an upstart league starting in May looking for possible future superstars. Heck, I didn't even know the league's name. But the president sounded fair, and the competition, while not extremely noteworthy to me, seemed to be filled with guys who wanted their break. It looked like a good situation, and I went for it. That league was this league, and I went for what would turn out to be my best career decision ever. Eight months later, and here I am, the IIWF World Champion, the guy who wasn't supposed to ever recover from a torn rotator cuff. The guy who wasn't supposed to be able to win in the pros. The guy who was too small, too nice, too logical, too _normal_ to ever get to the top. I proved them all wrong. [Kauffman walks around the ring, pondering over his words.] There comes a time when you reach the pinnacle of your career, and things start turning downward. I've always considered this to be the time to walk away from the thing you loved. Better to step away and let the next underdog step into the sunshine no one thought he'd ever see. There are thousands of future Dan Kauffmans, each one with his own unique style and outlook. That's what makes the world special. When I won the IIWF World Championship, I reached the top of the e-wrestling world. And all the criticism stopped. Cold. No one had any doubts. I had stepped into a sport supposedly without reason, rhyme or rapport, and I made it to the top as a normal person. No one was supposed to ever accomplish that feat, but there I was. Unfortunately, once you reach the top, there's nowhere to go but down. And sadly, I fear that my career has started that downward path. When I attacked Quigley, sure, I was frustrated with the guy, but something just plain felt wrong. I didn't know quite what was wrong at the time, but I do now. I no longer have the desire or the determination to continue in a sport where the abnormal is the norm. Wrestling _was_ my love, but not now. [Kauffman paces a few steps, then looks squarely into the camera...] So here's what I'm going to do. In the next weeks, I will defend my IIWF Championship against all the wrestlers who have unquestionably earned a shot at the belt. These wrestlers include Marty Warnett, Billy Shakespeare, Serge Annis, Brody Thunder, Tiger Claw, the Subway Psycho, Otto Verhoeven, and Casey James. That's eight matches. I feel it is my duty to defend my title against the top competition, and that is what I will do. I have just one more goal in the world of wrestling. That goal is to face Chris Quigley one on one, to see who is the better wrestler. Chris and I have known each other more than 15 months, and we've both "grown up" in e-wrestling at about the same time. Many have said that a Quigley/Kauffman match would be the greatest match in the history of wrestling. I agree. And I plan on giving the world, and Quigley, the greatest match in the history of wrestling. I will meet Chris Quigley at IIWF's Ring Wars III, and if I am still the champion, I will defend the belt against him at that time. After the match, win or lose, I will retire from active participation in the sport of wrestling. I want to leave with the fans' respect -- the respect which I have recently lost... and rightfully so. When I attacked Quigley just one month ago. I will give Quigley a fair fight, and I hope the better man wins. Then I will say my final goodbyes, and I will disappear from the spotlight. The Player's Club has my support until Ring Wars III. They are my friends, whether liked or disliked, and I will help them in their battles. But they have let me free from the PC, and I plan on finishing my career the way I started it... looking for the respect that I have so desired for seven years. To the fans of the IIWF: don't give up on me. I'll make everything up to you in the weeks ahead. To my future opponents: I have a mission, and that is to prove I am the best. To Chris Quigley: I couldn't find a better man to wrestle my last match against. To the IIWF Community: it is not the end of an era, but the beginning of a new one come Ring Wars III. [Kauffman finishes and walks out of the ring slowly as the shot fades to black, with images of North High's building slowly appearing over the Coliseum shot, then fading to black with the Coliseum shot. Cut to the opening of "Countdown to Saturday Night" -- a montage of IIWF action accompanied by hard rock music. The final chord lingers as Mr. Psycho and Monster backdrop one of the Barnacle Brothers over the top rope. Suddenly, the screen explodes into a mass of fire and smoke, through which emerges the IIWF's familiar logo:] ##### ###### ### ########## ########## ########## #### ## ########## ########## ########## #### # #### ######## ##### ##### #### ## ##### #### #### #### #### ### #### #### #### #### ############# ######### #### #### ########### ######### #### #### #### #### #### ######### ######### ### #### #### ######### ######### ### ## #### ######## ######## ## # #### =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- ## =-=-=-= INTERNATIONAL INTERNET WRESTLING FEDERATION ================================================= "COUNTDOWN TO SATURDAY NIGHT" - January 24, 1997 ================================================= [Cut to the IIWF Studio. The remote camera zooms down the aisle as members of the studio audience scramble to get on camera. A young girl screams "I knew you could do it, Marty!" An elderly man waves his souvenir "Lord Byron Cane" at the camera. Another man has his face painted to make himself look like an illegitimate cousin of the Harlequins. The camera zooms toward Larry Morton and Becky LaRue sitting at the broadcast desk.] LM: Hello again everyone and welcome to "Countdown to Saturday Night." I'm Larry Morton, and beside me as always is the lovely Becky LaRue, and what news we have for you open this broadcast. BL: Fall on your knees and testify! We're finally gettin' rid of Kauffman! LM: _You_ may be the only one happy about that, Becky. But Dan Kauffman has officially announced that Ring Wars III will be the final event in his storied professional e-wrestling career. I'm told that match has already been signed for that evening and Kauffman will go out against none other than "Quickstrike" Chris Quigley. What a match that will be -- especially if the IIWF World Heavyweight Championship belt will be on the line. BL: Do you really believe Kauffman will keep the belt that long. Hell, he wasn't even able to keep it from Casey James, who wasn't able to keep it from my man J.W., who... hey, who has that damned belt now anyway? LM: Just for the record, "Outlaw" J.W. Hardin still has it. BL: That's right, I saw it hanging on the bedpost when... oops! LM: You really disgust me sometimes, Becky. BL: Gotcha beat! You disgust me _all_ the time! LM: I'm sure we'll be hearing more from Dan Kauffman in the coming weeks as he attempts to win back the respect of the IIWF's fans and go out the same way he came into the IIWF... BL: A blowhard! LM: ...A WINNER! And you can be sure that Dan will accomplish his goals in the next month and a half. Speaking of winners, we have the reaction of Kauffman's Players' Club colleagues, Danny Dynamite and Michael Reyna, to the news of his retirement: [SCENE: Rubidoux High School's wrestling room. Various plaques and banners hang. Some read "city champions" and "county champions," while other say "state" and "all league." Danny Dynamite and Michael Reyna sit on a couple of rolled-up mats.] DDD: Dan Kauffman. That name is on everybody's lips, and has been for the past 15 months. This kid, basically comes in, makes waves, wins titles, and says he's done. [a smile comes across Danny's face] Reminds me a lil of me. That point in time comes when a man thinks it's time for him to go, and it may very well be, then again, it may not. No doubt Dan has done just about all of it. Won a world title, been one of the top rated wrestlers, hung with basically the best. He says he's on his own until Ring Wars. No, 'cause myself and Michael will be behind him 135 percent, watching his back. Dan, don't worry about us, you study for what you need to. The Syndicate and all is OUR business. You concentrate on your title, and we'll back you up whenever and where ever we have to. REYNA: Its gonna come. The match everybody wants to see. Quigley/Kauffman. Chrissy, don't think its gonna be clean and easy. that match will have you seeing double and breathing so hard, you may think you've been at a Nevada whorehouse. That match will be 100% clean, no interference on our parts, and we'll be watching for ANYBODY to come down and TRY to interfere. Cause if they do, it'll good night for you. P.C. style! DDD: Dan, you say its gonna be a match of the year -- you and Quigley. That may very well be so. But, brother, friend, I've fought Michael before, and it's been hell. Dan, I ask of one favor from you. Straight up, after its all done with, you and me, just for fun. After you take on all you want, give me one shot. REYNA: And, for all who think the P.C. is disbanding. Think again. We've got more members than the NRA. We'll come back like we have before, and prove that not only we are the best in this federation... DDD: ...but we are, simply, the BEST! And how you ask? REYNA: By taking for good, the IIWF tag titles, and showing the world that it STARTS and ENDS with The Players' Club.. DDD: And don't you EVER forget it! [Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] BL: If Kauffman really wants to accomplish something, why doesn't he just buddy up to "The CEO" Jack Montgomery. That guy can buy all the accomplishments he wants. Jeez, he bought all the tickets for tomorrow night's card and then handed them out to the feebs at Wednesday's card. [she turns to a side camera and winks] Jack, hon, between us, there are better ways to spend your money. LM: Yes, I understand penicillin is getting expensive. Harhar... snurt! BL: So are painkillers... LARRY! LM: Um, yes... sorry. Anyway, Montgomery may be hoping the crowd will be rooting for Creed in his Terrordome match against the Sandman tomorrow night. Still, buying all the tickets seems like an extreme measure. BL: Nothing is too extreme for Montgomery and Creed. Look at this: [SCENE: IIWF cameras are in Cabo San Lucas, on an expanse of meticulously kept beach, bone white sand stretching as far as the eye can see. The camera pans the area: dozens of young, attractive men and women, clad in next to nothing frolic in the surf. They are engaged in the traditional beach activities; swimming, volleyball, sunbathing, etc. Two men, however, stand out. One, in the background, is Creed. The big rookie wrestler is in a full sprint, up and down the beach. He is wearing only black shorts with red trim -- along with his ever present left-handed red glove. Draped over his back appears to be a red lobster trap, in which sits 150 lbs. of freeweights. The other man is "The CEO" Jack Montgomery. The CEO is in the foreground, sitting on a chaise lounge in his customary tailored grey suit and blood red tie. The CEO is working on his PowerBook.] CEO: Cabo, some might call it paradise. A series of exclusive playgrounds for the rich and beautiful. This particular beach belongs to me. How can I afford such an expensive tract of land? That's not really any of your concern. Actually, this is my first time down here and I don't believe I'll be returning soon. Perhaps it's the heat, the nubile bodies, the inviting surf; but there is a quantifiable sense of leisure wafting from this white sand. I don't believe in leisure. I'll rest when I'm dead. There is something about being of this place, being of the beach - of the sand -- that speaks of a fundamental weakness. A feebleness of mind, a softness of heart. A man born of the sand is filled with such softness. A man born of the sand knows nothing of the fire that fuels a champion, of the rage that is locked inside a man like Creed. [Creed now joins "The CEO", sweat beading off his muscular torso, his powerful, black frame in sharp contrast to the glistening white sand. Creed's eyes bore through the camera as his manager continues.] Sandman, when you step into the ring with this man on Saturday night, when you look into the eyes of Creed, you will see that rage. You will feel that rage. And you will know what it is to be filled with something else, Sandman. You will know what it is like to be filled with terror. It's not personal, Sandman. It's just business. Welcome to the Terrordome. [Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: A beach? You call a beach _extreme_? BL: I call it _extremely_ nice! [to the side camera] Jack, hon, if you're not using the Cabo cabana next weekend... LM: Don't forget, Creed still has to get past The Sandman in one of the most dangerous matches in the IIWF. Few men have ever escaped the Terrordome without shedding blood, and The Sandman seems to actually be looking forward to it: [SCENE: A shot of the Sandman inside the Terrordome cage. One spotlight illuminates the mysterious one.] SM: Creed, I notice that you're ablaze these days in the IIWF but I'm the man who's going to stop that. It will be just like blowing out a match. Those with a quick rise have the quick fall. History shows it and history always repeats itself. Creed, do you know what it feels like to have your face smashed against raw steel? You will. [he runs his hands across the chain links] You see, the Terrordome is unforgiving, the chain links are raw, and I am evil. There's no way out, two men enter and one man leaves, I've never lost this match and I never will. Vengeance will be sweet. I'll see you in HELL! [The spot light fades out and is followed by a deep laugh. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] BL: Uh-huh. Now as I was saying, CEO hon, I've got some vacation time coming up and Cabo really looks like a nice... LM: [interrupting] We have a show to get on with here, so let's start with a recap of everything that went down in the Wednesday War Room: ************************************************************************** -------------------- IIWF WEDNESDAY WAR ROOM RECAP --------------------- ************************************************************************** LM: What a show it was as some newcomers showcased their talents... BL: WHEN? HOW DID I MISS THAT?! LM: ...their _wrestling_ talents, the tag team action remained quite unpredictable, and the brawl between Serge Annis and Steve Kowalski was everything we expected. Let's get right to the action. ***************************** ALEX RIO def. EL SUPER GECKO ***************************** LM: The newcomer Alex Rio didn't make any fans with his stalling tactics, and "Superstar" Stud Stetson seemed to take exception to something Rio said to him after the match. BL: We all saw Stetson trash the "Superstar" belt Wednesday night and declare that he's going back to being the bleeping bleep that every bleeped a bleeping bleep in the bleepin' IIW bleepin' F. LM: Well, I interviewed him and I can guarantee you that he didn't say "bleep." BL: Rio will be lucky if he can say anything after Stetson gets his hands on him. It took Rio more than eight minutes to beat the Gecko... LM: Who was _not_ hurt, by the way. BL: And Stetson ain't no Gecko. I'd be running if I were Rio. LM: But Rio appears to be standing his ground against Stetson: [SCENE: Alex Rio stands in IIWF studios, in front of a giant IIWF logo. He's wearing a white half shirt, featuring Studly Alex on it, along with badly cut off jean shorts, and black knee pads. His long blond hair is down and he looks a little bothered.] AR: Hey Stetson... WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM?! I'm out there putting on a nice match for my trillions of fans, worldwide, and you come out and ruin it. Well, I got a little news for you. [he smiles] First of all, if you're not a transvestite, then I don't know what's up with you. You're listed as being from Everyone's Deepest Desires. Hey, I don't know what kind of application you had to fill out to get your job at The Tool Box, but this is a very different place, my friend. That spot is to list a CITY, where you're from, not where you tell your buddy Pedro you're from. Just thought I should clear that little matter of business up for you. And Lace... Baby... I've told you a million times, either me or him, I'm tired of being the other man. If you wanna continue to ride Alex's Roller Coaster of Love, then you're gonna have to ditch Boy Toy Stetson. And Stetson... I suggest you drop the Stud part along with the Superstar part, 'cause you ain't no stud and you're certainly not a superstar. Everybody knows that I'm MUCH more studly than you are, especially, the love of my life, Lace. [Rio looks at his watchless wrist.] Oh my God! Look at the time! I was supposed to pick up Lace thirty minutes ago! Don't worry, baby, I'll be right over. [Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] ************************************ MAJESTIC MAURICE McARTHUR def. SPUR ************************************ LM: We were all baffled by the mysterious behavior of this newcomer Spur. He punished Majestic Maurice McArthur, only to finally walk out of the ring. He was counted out, giving the Majestic One his first IIWF victory. BL: Maybe Spur is really McArthur's mother, who wanted to get him a win. LM: We don't know much of _anything_ about Spur, and he eluded our cameras backstage following the match. He's a very... strange individual. BL: Takes one to know one! ******************************** ZODIAC CONNECTION def. PAIN INC. ******************************** LM: Gemini have really turned the fortunes of Taurus and Scorpio lately. BL: Yeah, their peroxide stock has soared. LM: But it was a steel chair that turned Scorpio's fortune on Wednesday night. Mr. Mic couldn't distract the official, who saw the blatant chair shot and disqualified Pain Inc. BL: One little chair shot. Jeez, these officials are so picky. ************************************ NO CONTEST: DOMINATION vs. HIGH PLAINS DRIFTERS ************************************ LM: The feud between the Posse and the Hangmen is heating up quickly. Those six-men will meet tomorrow night in what could become a war in the ring. BL: The Hangmen got early points for jumping the Drifters Wednesday night, but they didn't expect Domination to side with the Drifters. Then the VDC came down to help his teammates -- like the sweet guy he is -- and things got ugly. LM: As they tend to do when the Cell is around. BL: Hey, watch it Morton! LM: Anyway, it should be quite a battle between the Hangmen and the Posse tomorrow night. Josey Wales apparently has his men ready: [SCENE: Josey Wales' ranch in Arizona. The High Plains Drifters sit in the background in rocking chairs, discussing wrestling strategies.] JW: You know, I hate days off. It lets the mind and the body get soft. I like to get my boys up and wrestlin' every couple of days. That's why we're facing you next, Domination. You boys are just a tune up for the HPD and the IIWF front office knows it. So don't feel bad when you lose. It was meant to be. On to other business. My old friend's son, J.W. Hardin is back in the news! Good for the youngster! Between you, me, and the cactus, I'll let you know that I've met with Hardin a couple of times this week, as well as Brody Thunder. As far as I'm concerned, Hardin's interests are our interests. And let me not forget the Hangmen. You boys are a class act all the way, and great wrestlers. You were all once part of the Posse, but no more. You refused my invitation to rejoin the Posse, an invitation the VDC did not refuse. As a full member of the Posse I must, as manager, take into account the feelings of my clients. VDC wanted to stomp a mud hole in the Hangmen... so there goes the rest of the Posse. It's one big family of brotherhood: blood, muscle, and knuckles. [Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] ******************************** NO CONTEST: RISING SUN REVOLUTION vs. G.W.R. ******************************** LM: Abie and Zed -- The Alphabet Boys -- seemed to take exception to Loco and Spoiler's new aggressive offense, Becky. BL: Only because it didn't involve sugar-filled Elvis lamps. LM: I think it was more because Hiroshi was struck with a chair. Things deteriorated from there with all three teams in the fray. The referee had no choice but to throw out the match. BL: And RSR has no choice but to throw out the A-Boys. Abie and Zed have been nothing but an albatross to the Revolution in the past two months. LM: As much as I hate to say it, I agree with you on this one. BL: Of course you do. ***************************************** DIRT DOG UNIQUE ALLAH def. BOBBY B. GOODE ***************************************** LM: Allah is crushed by the injury Medusa suffered at the hands of Joe Petrow last week. BL: Not to mention the fact that the beaver has been put on the endangered species list. LM: It has? BL: Jeez, work with me here, Larry! LM: Well the Dirt Dog was in no mood to discuss wildlife Wednesday night as he took the fight to Goode and notched an impressive win. It will be interesting to see how Allah teams up with a madman of Petrow's caliber -- I'm speaking of Serge Annis -- tomorrow night against Highwayman and Nightwing. BL: I imagine he'll be a mad dog on the loose. The Dirt Dog doesn't seem to want to work with _anyone_ these days: [SCENE: The Dirt Dog Unique Allah stands in the IIWF interview area, glaring at the camera.] UNIQUE: All you dirty bastards better listen real good. I mean ... real, real close. You don't seem to understand one thing that needs to be said. And that's that I'm pissed at all y'all muhfuhs for what you did to my 'dusa! She's just a lovely girl with a damn fine booty that didn't need to be hospitalized like that! I mean what the hell was you thinkin'? I was on my way to a booty call and everythin, man! Well, I've just about, just about had too much of enough, you know what I'm sayin? I had a dream and y'all took it away. So right about now I'm telling you just one little thing. Don't eff with the Dirt Dog again. Don't ever do it! Because we aren't the ones to be messed with. We don't appreciate it. [Sucks back something from a brown paper bag.] We're really not. And I'm sure I don't mean to be fa ... facee... facetitious. I... I ain't jokin' about this stuff here no more. Cause from a bad action, y'all comes a bad reaction. And we gon' see who the baddest muheffer in the IIWF is and we gon see it be me. The Little Dirty Doggie! YEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Shout outs to Patti LaBelle ... Ms. Tina Turner ... YEAHHH! Ol' Millie Jackson... and the Temptations... Luther Vandross... Medusa! And all that ill na na that Lady DeWinter got! Girl, you got me kind a sweet on you! [Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] BL: Hey, why didn't he mention me? LM: Even Dirt Dogs have some self-respect. Ouch! **************************** LORD BYRON def. THE SANDMAN **************************** LM: His lordship looked like a different man without Lady DeWinter by his side. BL: Maybe he's rejoicing over not having to look at pantyhose over the curtain rod. LM: I'm pretty sure that's not the case. But he _isn't_ rejoicing over the Subway Psycho's interference. The Psycho and Byron will hook up tomorrow night, and gave the fans a preview of that battle. Byron looked like he may have gotten the better of the exchange. BL: The Sandman sure wasn't happy about being disqualified, though. I guess he'll try to take it out on Creed in the... buh-wah-haha... Terrordome match tomorrow night. ******************************* DOUBLE COUNTOUT: SERGE ANNIS vs. STEVE KOWALSKI ******************************* LM: Forget wrestling when these two men are matched up. They were in the crowd, they were at ringside, they were in the aisle, and they were finally counted out. BL: Both of those guys seemed to love it, too. LM: As did Ronnie Paris, who watched this battle carefully. BL: Widdle Wonnie doesn't want any part of Kowalski right now. After losing the belt to Marty Walnut, "The Fury" is more than just a nickname for Kowalski: [SCENE: The camera slowly pushes its way through a door. The dressing room is in shambles, torn apart. The mirror is smashed, the lockers are kicked in and there are numerous destroyed items thrown about. In the corner of the room, his chest still heaving from his tirade, Steve "The Fury" Kowalski sits. With his knees up and a broken chair in one hand, he practically snarls at the camera.] SK: I guess ya got me this time, Spreadbury. I save ya ass and wrestle _three_ [BLEEP]in' at Snow Brawl. Sexton didn't have the balls to face Shakes, so ya came beggin' to me for a favor! I bet ya didn't expect me to take the belt. But I did! When ya found out that there was no friggin' way anyone was gonna take it from me, the triangle match was thought up. Two men against the Fury. [The New Jersey Nightmare gets up and starts to walk toward the camera.] Well, we saw how that one panned out for the ol' Fury. Now I'm calling on that favor ya owe me, Spreadbury. I made Snow Brawl for ya, now ya make the rematch for me! Me and Walnut one more time! 'Cept this time, its straight up! No more stupid [BLEEP]in' specialty matches to sell for ya [BLEEP]DAMN ratings! I've filled the seats for ya since day one. All ya have to do is fill the ring with Walnut and my belt. I'll take care of the rest. [Kowalski is walking out the door, but turns around in time to speak to the camera.] Don't feel left out "Party Enema," I ain't forgot about yer part in all this. I ain't denyin' yer a better wrestler than I am, but do ya have the heart to hold on to that belt? It takes a big man to stare me in the eye and take me down. And buddy, you ain't done that yet. Ya know it and I know it. 'Til then you haven't earned that belt. [He closes in on the camera.] Don't ya think its about time ya prove it to me, prove it to the IIWF and most of all, to _yerself_ that yer the real champ? Ya know where I'll be. [Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] **************************** JOE PETROW def. RANDY ACORN **************************** LM: Randy Acorn continued to show his mastery of the art of disguise when he posed as Nightwing and attacked Joe Petrow before the match. Petrow turned the tables, however, posing as the Masked Marauder and defeating Acorn with the assistance of the _real_ Nightwing. BL: I'm having trouble keeping track of what's real and what isn't around here. LM: I understand your dates have the same trouble, Becky. BL: I'm warning you, Morton! LM: Sorry, I didn't get much sleep last night. That crazy Petrow called a press conference for... well, just see for yourself: [SCENE: A ragged Larry Morton sits alone in the IIWF Coliseum locker room. He is wearing wrinkled shirt and pants without a tie, and there are noticeable bags under his eyes.] LM: Fans, I apologize for my appearance now, but this is a rather unusual situation here. Thursday night, "Sychosys" Joe Petrow called the IIWF front office, and informed them that he was holding a press conference in this locker room... at 3:37 AM! The general feeling in the news room is that while Petrow is a certifiable nut, he has been making quite a name for himself in a short time here in the IIWF, and that at least one of us should be here to hear what he has to say. And as you can probably tell, I'm the one who drew the short straw. I still say that Dross cheated, but I can't figure out... VOICE: THIS PRESS CONFERENCE WILL NOW BEGIN! [From out of the showers, "Sychosys" Joe Petrow appears. He is dripping wet, and wearing only a white towel around his waist. He heads to the front of the room, with about as much of an official aire as his attire allows for.] JP: [looking out at the empty chairs on either side of Larry Morton] Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to thank you all for coming out here this morning. There are a lot of questions going around about what agenda Sychosys is on, and I hope to address whatever questions you might have at this session. But first, I would like to comment on something I find somewhat distressing. It seems that lately, there are a few sick, twisted, demented, and definitely beyond-help souls in the audience, that are actually CHEERING...for Sychosys!? This goes counter, to every impulse in human nature I can think of! You realize now, what you're jumping onto here, I hope? Because if you're going to be one of my little Sychopaths, there are some responsibilities that go along with it! And I'll explain those responsibilities in just a moment. Right now, I'd like to open the floor for questions. LM: Yeah Joe, I wanna know about... JP: WHOA WHOA WHOA! Mr. Morton, I don't know what barn you were raised in, but we have rules to follow at a press conference! You were sent a proper invitation to this press conference, with a list of rules you were requested to follow. And if this doesn't go by the book, then I'm outta here! LM: But... JP: Fine... [Joe goes to leave] LM: ALRIGHT!, ALRIGHT ALREADY! [Morton raises his hand] JP: [Joe looks over] Yes, Mr. Morton. LM: Yes, this is Larry Morton, from the IIWF Broadcast Team. I have a question for the former IIWF World Tag Team Champions, "Sychosys" Joe Petrow. JP: [Joe smiles] Yes, Mr. Morton, please ask your question. LM: [lets out a deep sigh] Mr. Petrow, the rumors flying around the IIWF are that you are about to join The Players Club organization. In lieu of your recent action of presenting the tag team title belts to Danny Dynamite and Michael Reyna, those rumors seem to have been confirmed. Could you please elaborate on your involvement with the Players Club? JP: An excellent question, Larry. Yes, it is no secret that I have in recent weeks been wined and dined by the elite wrestling group known as The Players Club. A group that has established itself in many, many wrestling organizations. And yes, I did walk into the proverbial lion's den of the Syndicate, take those God-awful freaky yet so cool-looking belts, and present them to Danny and Mike. And there was a very good reason for that. Actually, two of them. I'm sure all of the intelligent Sychopaths know what my intentions are already, but now, I will break it down for the rest of you. Reason number one, is that Sychosys, loves complete and utter chaos! And I think my little stunt brought that about quite nicely. But the main reason for my actions, was to prove, without a shadow of a doubt, that my giving The Players Club the tag team title belts on a silver platter... is the ONLY way they'll ever get their hands on them! Reyna and Dynamite... you two bumbling morons have made complete asses of yourselves in every federation you've joined. And you've really outdone yourselves in the IIWF! I checked out of the superficial world you two live in long ago, and until I decide I want to suffocate myself with human waste like you two trade school dropouts, me and the Sychopaths are going to stay in the shadows by ourselves, where we can still breathe! But this idea couldn't have been hatched by those two. They needed someone who hasn't been around them long enough to know how to be that stupid. That's where the Kauffman formerly known as a man steps in! Kauffman, you were an honorable, respected IIWF World's Champion. And you gave it up for what? To become a tool for the two best walking advertisements for outlawing marijuana? Dan Kauffman, for you to become a full-fledged member of the Players Club, you'd have to memorize the unabridged dictionary of four letter words until you spoke an obscure dialect of Ebonics! You'd have to enter 12 leagues just to make sure you prove how mediocre you are to every man, woman, and antelope on the face of the earth! You'd have to whack yourself in the head with a frying pan until "yu sturted mispilling and misprnoncing evary werd yu sey!" And so far, Kauffman, I'd say you're a model student! But you still have your wits about you enough to realize one thing: that sooner or later I'm going to be the biggest threat to your little world. So you tried to pacify me to nip this threat in the bud. Sorry Danny boy, it might work with your new mental midget friends, but that'll get nowhere with me! But chill out Danny, you can relax for a while. My reputation precedes me, but I still haven't proven myself in the IIWF yet. And I'll be the first to admit, that I don't deserve a World's title shot just yet. So I'm not gonna keep harping on it. But I'm not gonna let you forget about me either! That's where my little Sychopaths come in. You wanna be down with Joe Petrow? Well, a little black glove isn't gonna do anything for me. If you want the benefits of supporting me, you've gotta give me something in return. I'm not asking for you to give me your life. Yet. I'm not asking for you to sacrifice your body in any way. All I'm asking for, is for you to sacrifice a little personal refreshment. You know those 2-liter cups of soda you buy at the wrestling shows? You know, the ones you know you'll never finish, but you buy it anyway, just because you can? From now, until I get into the ring with the IIWF World's title on the line, every time you see Kauffman coming to the ring, or standing anywhere near you during a match, I want you to aim that drink right at his pretty face! Every man who hits a bullseye gets a "Get Out of Hell Free" card courtesy of Sychosys! Kauffman, I won't say a word about you again. But you'll feel me inside of you when the cold liquid races down your trunks, when your comb gets stuck in the sticky syrup when you try to comb your hair. And maybe you'll grow a new backbone when the caffeine starts to ooze into your pores. Players Club, you make whatever threats you want. I'm gonna keep doing what I want, when I want, and for whatever reasons I want! The rest...depends on how badly the Sychopaths want it! Next question. LM: What about your relationship with Brody Thun... JP: Morton, again with the manners problem! Don't you know the proper press conference etiquette that you wait until someone else asks a question before you try again? Now, any more questions? LM: But... JP: Well then, I thank you all for coming! I would just like to say that I will NOT be wrestling on this next IIWF Saturday Night broadcast. I may not even be in the building! But rest assured, the presence of "Sychosys" Joe Petrow will be felt yet again! In closing, I would like to present the viewing audience with an incredible special opportunity. In the past, there were women who literally RIPPED off my clothes... just to get a look at Mr. Happy! Well now... I'm gonna show him off to the world! [Petrow reaches down to undo his towel.] LM: NO! STOP! Guys, get the censor button ready! JP: That's right! I know you all want to meet Mr. Happy! And I know Becky wants to see him again! So ladies and gentlemen, HERE HE IS! [Petrow takes off his towel revealing... a pair of white boxer shorts with a yellow and black smiley face on the front.] JP: Thank you. Have a nice day! [Petrow leaves Morton alone again] LM: I'd better get overtime pay for this! [Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] BL: So Petrow _won't_ be joining the Players' Club? Looks like Dross missed another one. Ha! LM: Who knows what that certifiable lunatic will do? But he doesn't appear to be siding with Kauffman and the Players' Club. In fact, he seemed hostile toward them. BL: Join the crowd, Joe, join the crowd. ************************************************************************** --------------------------- IIWF TRASH TALK ---------------------------- ************************************************************************** LM: Fans, it was a terrible sight Tuesday night when Billy Shakespeare held a press conference to inform the media about his medical condition. Let's go back to that footage and see what happened: [A scene from Billy Shakespeare's press conference Tuesday night rolls. Brody Thunder moves around to face Billy with his back to the camera. He puts his finger right on Billy's chest.] BT: ...let me just straighten you out on a few things. First off, I said I'd watch yer back... true enough. Does that mean I gotta babysit ya every flamin' minute? I was takin' care o' business with Claw figgerin' you could handle yerself. I thought you were a pro. I turn my back fer a second an' yer countin' the lights like some prelim bum. Secondly, don't EVER question MY word, son. When I say I'm gonna do somethin' there ain't but one thing that'll stop me an' that's death itself. An' lastly, y'know Hardin tried to tell me that you weren't nuthin' but a loser. I said "Nah the kid's got heart." He said you'd get me crippled fightin' yer battles. I said "I can handle myself." He said I'd regret bein' yer errand boy. He called that one right. As far as I'm concerned as of right now, yer on yer own. Ya wanna play martyr? Be my guest. I'm sick o' gettin' my head tattooed just to save yer ass. I'm outta here... [Cut to footage of Shakespeare being attacked by Brody Thunder. The shot freezes as Thunder powerbombs Billy through a press table.] LM: As you saw Billy Shakespeare was attacked Tuesday night by the very man he trusted... a man he PAID to guard his back. Obviously Brody Thunder has shown another side of himself that, quite frankly, is detestable. I'm sure that when the tape is viewed by IIWF President Dan Spreadbury that... [Larry looks off to his left and gets a nervous look as J.W. Hardin and Brody Thunder barge onto the set] Now wait a minute. We're on the air here. [he stands up and yells to a director] I thought we had extra security tonight! [Hardin winks at Becky, then puts his large arm around Morton's shoulder] JWH: Settle down, Lar. Your "extra security" is just back there takin' a 'lil nap. See, them boys didn't believe we was here as Becky's personal guests, so we had to do some convincin'... if ya know what I mean. LM: Yes, I think I do. What are _you_ doing back here, anyway? JWH: Aw, don't use that tone, Little Lar. I might just think ya really didn't miss me or sumthin. [he gives Morton a little slap on the cheek] It's real simple, Morton. The "Lone Wolf" needed a little help takin' care of a problem he's been havin' with the Syndicate. LM: But you were working _with_ the Syndicate when you left. JWH: A lotta things can change in four months -- just ask Brian Lau. I trusted him to hold the alliance together when I left, but the first thing he does is recruit new members for the Syndicate and start another power play. Well I take that kinda personally. What the Outlaw created, no man should have put asunder. LM: And the two of you are going to... JWH: Maybe it's the two of us... maybe it's more. I been talkin' to the big man here [he points to Thunder] about that very thing. We plan to have a little... I reckon you could call it a "business proposition" tomorrow night. LM: Business proposition? For whom? JWH: Tomorrow night, little man. Tomorrow night. Now that the little punk Shakespeare is out of the way... LM: Yes, what about that? Surely Thunder will be facing fines and a suspension and... [Brody Thunder steps in and gets in Larry Morton's face.] BT: Y'know I heard ya shootin' off yer mouth 'bout what the President oughta do, Morton. But y'know what? President Spreadbury ain't gonna do squat an' ya wanna know why? Because I ain't done anything wrong, son. LM: You call powerbombing an already injured man, Billy Shakespeare, through a table nothing?! BT: Shut yer piehole, Morton, an' let me finish! The fact is I was leavin' an' he attacked me! I was just defendin' myself! You saw the tape, he tried to attack me... ain't that the truth? Well ain't it?! Yer damn right it's the truth! LM: I believe he was just trying to get an answer from... BT: Ya can believe in the Easter Bunny fer all I care, Morton, but what ya better believe is me when I tell ya that ol' Billy-boy an' I ain't finished yet. LM: Well fine... thank you... now please just... BT: Ya know why he ain't out here? Do ya really know why? Because the boy's a flat out coward. Why do ya think he had to hire me to do his dirty work? Cuz he ain't man enough to do it himself, Morton. THAT'S why. An' what did I get fer my trouble? A buncha stitches in my squash an' some losses that never shoulda happened, that's what! LM: He PAID you to watch his back and you failed to do it. [Thunder becomes incensed now and grabs Larry's lapel with his left hand while threatening to strike him with the right.] BT: HEY! Let me tell YOU sumthin ya two-bit mic jockey. I ain't NEVER failed at anything in my LIFE, ya unnerstan' that, ya blamed idjit! I did my job. _I_ didn't get MY shoulders pinned in that ring Saturday night, now did I? Answer me! [At this point the IIWF security team enters the scene and separates Morton and Thunder before anything happens. Hardin tweaks Becky's chin and whispers something to her while Thunder faces the camera.] BT: Shakespeare, yer days are numbered, son. I'm gonna make it my personal mission to put you outta this sport fer good. Get ready friend, cuz I'm comin' fer ya! Alright, alright get offa me. We're leavin' already. Jeez can't a guy do an innerview anymore? [Hardin and Thunder are "helped" from the set by the security team. The camera cuts back to Larry Morton who is trying to compose himself. He glances over at Becky LaRue, who simply smiles back at him. Finally, Larry sits back down.] BL: I think you handled that quite nicely, "Lar." Hehee... snort. LM: [sarcastically] And thank you very much for your assistance. [He tugs at his jacket and huffs.] BL: Don't blame me. I didn't rile them up. If you want to get mad at anyone, get mad at the Syndicate. You ought to hear the nasty things J.W. calls Brian Lau in his sleep... oops, there I go again. LM: The Syndicate seems to be a problem for a lot of people these days: [SCENE: Brian Lau's office, where Don McQueen, The Disciples, Casey James, who sports a few bruises on his face, and Tiger Claw sit. There is quite a bit of work being done around the Dojo after it was trashed on Sunday, and Brian seems to be laying into a familiar carpet installer.] BL: ...and if you give me any lip this time, I'll have you caned for sure! INSTALLER: Yeah, yeah. Sit down and get out of my way. I'm a union man.... [The installer goes back to fiddling around with his fingernails.] BL: You... you... Get the hell out of here! INSTALLER: Make me. You can't. I'm in the union. BL: Kane, Wulf? Care to help me out here? WULF: [with a mad gleam in his eye] Union? Are you too a member of the Demonic Soul Possession Union? Greetings brother, I did not see you at the last sacrifice. There was much blood to be drank... [The installer hurriedly leaves the office with a horrified look on his face.] BL: That's better. Now, I'd like to apologize to the fans at home for the mess here. You see, whenever the Syndicate has someone on the ropes, they feel that it's prudent to come to the Dojo and trash the place. What they seem to forget is that I can afford to restore our headquarters. It just gives me a chance to redecorate. Of course, this will not go unpunished, Players' Club. First you rob Casey of the World Title, then you steal the Tag Titles from Kane and Wulf, and now this. We've got a plan for you people. First, let's talk about what's going to happen to Dynamite and Reyna... DM: That pair of yella' chumps. They were too lily-livered to step up to the Dark Disciples in the ring so they took the title belts the only way they could, by stealin' 'em from us. Then they scurried away like Larry Morton from a clown, baby. Yeah that's right, they ran like two snot-nosed kids from a school yard bully. Well, Dynamite and Reyna, I can assure you Kane and Wulf will be back to reclaim what is rightfully theirs, and they won't be content to just hold those belts in their hands once again. Oh no, they'll be laying down judgment day on your heads, and the verdict is already decreed, the hot fires of hell will be comin' right at ya' baby! Tell 'em Kane. KANE: Dynamite, Reyna, perhaps you think you have won a small victory by stealing our championship belts, perhaps you think you have gained by this foolish exercise. Yes, I can see that you are wearing smirks of satisfaction, you are proud of this insignificant "achievement". But in your arrogance you fail to realize your position. You are merely pawns of the eternal struggle, soon to recede into dust and insignificance. You are foolish children meddling with our plans, and you cannot be allowed to go unpunished. You see, to you, the tag team championship signifies the highest pinnacle of achievement. It is your life-long goal to prove yourselves worthy of those belts. To Wulf and I, those belts are mere playthings for our amusement, an insignificant factor in our diabolical plans. Any victory you feel you have accomplished over us by stealing our belts is merely an illusion, and one which you will soon see shattered in shards of pain and blood. The trouble is, we have taken rather a shine to our playthings. We enjoy parading them around and showing all the world that evil rules supreme. We enjoy taking on our simple and meek challengers, trampling them into the dirt and breaking their bones. So, Dynamite and Reyna, we must take our playthings back, and unfortunately for you, we must take your blood as well... BL: Domination will be facing the same punishment. That last match might have been an official draw, but we know who the _real_ winners were! DM: Domination, you boys were real lucky to escape with a draw last Saturday night! Personally, I'm sick of seeing that fat fool albino and his clumsy oaf of a partner waddling around the IIWF. Psycho, Monster, you guys think you like to play rough, well just how rough do ya' wanna' get? How about a no-rules, no-escape steel cage match? You guys against Kane and Wulf, no tags, no pins, just two on two carnage until one team can't go on any longer. Come on, what dya' say? I bet you're too stinkin' yella' to even consider it! BL: And what's to become of Dan Kauffman? CJ: I'm a-gunna kick his ayy-ass. Dan, I don't know what you think you're doing, but I can tell you that it's not going to help. You know, it takes more than a bit of facial hair to be a badass. Personally, I'm more impressed by the clean shaven type. It shows me that they know how to use a blade. Sure, you had reason to be a little mad about me taking Bosco, sure. But he showed up on your doorstep a few weeks ago, didn't he? That's right, he did. You had no place attacking our little refuge here. Just remember that I know where _you_ live, Dan. In fact, I guess I should apologize for the cigar burn in your carpet. I was watching one of those Comedy Central specials and I was just laughing so hard that I dropped my stogie. It's okay, though, I patched it up the best I could... DM: Kauffman, who the hell do ya' think you're kidding? We all know that you're not man enough to grow facial hair. That stupid bit of of goat's hair you have glued to your chin does not make you look hardcore, it just makes you look damned stupid! And anyway, isn't it about time you stopped calling yourself a champ and recognise the REAL World's Champion Casey James? It's pretty obvious to me that you paid the ref off to stop that match when the going got too tough for ya', even though it was supposed to be no DQ. Why dontcha' stop pansying around with Chris "I'm not known for being humble" Quigley and face some real competition? You've lost it Kauffman. You can't take the pressure anymore and you're ripe for the pickings. BL: With that taken care of, I just want to say something to the CEO, Jack Montgomery. Jack, I heard your comments about the Syndicate being midcarders. I can only assume that you are basing this on the win/loss records of our men. Montgomery, listen to me. When you've been here as long as Casey and Tiger Claw have, you lose some matches. It happens. Who are you hearing about most in the IIWF? Who is in the top story of almost every report? That's right, The Syndicate. Win/Loss records do not make main event talent. Headlines do. Tiger Claw is a three-time IC champ, Kane and Wulf are tag champs, and Casey has Dan Kauffman's number. That doesn't sound mid-card to me. Montgomery, you call yourself a CEO. I assume you think you have some kind of business savvy. Jack, I'm afraid I wouldn't buy any stock in your company, because if you had any business sense at all, you would have proposed a merger with the Syndicate as soon as you got here. I try not to have anything to do with poorly run Corporations. DM: Montgomery, you've got a lot of nerve accusing _us_ of being mid-carders. The Syndicate has already proven itself as the most dominant and successful stable in wrestling. We could sail off into the sunset tomorrow and we'd still go down as the greatest rulebreaking team in history. There's been more titles in our camp than investment deals you've flunked, Montgomery, and from what I hear down on Wall Street, that's plenty. You seem to think that your protege is the future of the IIWF, well let me wise you up a little. The Syndicate controls the past, the present _and_ the future! We've already proven that. How many wrestlers can dominate the Intercontinental title like Tiger Claw did? How many tag teams become World champs within two months of their debut like the Dark Disciples? Creed ain't proved nothin' yet Montgomery. He's been whipped more times than Becky LaRue's boyfriends. If he messes with the Syndicate... well, if you've studied your IIWF history, you know what to expect. BL: Now, we're going to have to talk about someone else who just made some waves recently, and that's J.W. Hardin. Hardin, you really threw me for a loop when you showed up on Saturday night. I didn't expect you to be anywhere near an English speaking country for some time. No matter. You're here, so you have to be dealt with. I don't know what your problem is. We've worked together before, and you seem upset that it was _I_ that ruined the alliance of the stables. Wrong again, cowboy. How was I to keep the alliance together when all the other stables were too weak to stay in existence? If you had stuck around, you might have been able to keep it together and rally the troops, so to speak. The alliance was your baby, not mine. I went along because it was profitable to me. When you left, so did the morale of the troops. I don't know what it is about you, Hardin, but you have the power of influence. When you left, the others might as well have left as well. In fact, the Syndicate also almost died after you left. Thanks to my tactical genius, though, we remain strong. We have fought through a lot in the past, and we can deal with you. CJ: Hardin, I'm not too happy about getting rammed into the floor. I got a little upset... [footage rolls of Casey trashing his locker room, beating up security guards, beating up the Jobber Justice Squad, and driving his rental car into a wall.] These bruises aren't from you. They're from me. I needed to remind myself that pain is only a state of mind. That state of mind can be covered with other states of mind. The state of rage suits me fine. Hardin, you once helped open my eyes and let the fans go to hell. Yeah, that was you. Now you come back and try to make a name for yourself again? Not on my time, buddy.... TC: And Thunder... BL: Hold on, Tiger Claw. Thunder, You didn't beat Tiger Claw. You never beat my man Tiger Claw. He was counted out. You can't be happy with that victory. I'm hearing whispers that you want a Tombstone Strap Match. Apparently, you've never lost one of these. Well, there's a first time for everything, isn't there? [Brian pauses, as if to let Tiger Claw speak, but Claw just glares at him.] BL: Go ahead, Claw, say what you want to say. [Tiger Claw glares for a little longer, then leaves the room.] BL: Claw? Claw, come on! [Brian goes to follow him, then turns to the camera.] BL: This interview is over. Turn that off! [Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: Is there still trouble between Brian Lau and Tiger Claw? The Syndicate can't afford to have any internal strife with everyone chasing them -- especially with Claw facing Brody Thunder tomorrow night in Thunder's specialty match. Thunder has never lost a Tombstone Strap match and another loss could really deflate Tiger Claw. BL: Brian Lau is a master of personnel moves. You can bet that he'll do whatever it takes to keep Claw in the Syndicate. LM: Well, with as many people chasing the Syndicate, even more are hunting the Players' Club. You've got Casey James, the Dark Disciples, Chris Quigley, apparently Joe Petrow now... so who are Dynamite and Reyna concentrating on? Would you believe... the Prophets of Rage? BL: Who? LM: The new guys. BL: Oh. [SCENE: Open with a slow-motion scene of the Prophets of Rage interview from Tuesday night. Cut to a shot of Dynamite and Reyna standing in the IIWF interview area.] DDD: [laughing to himself] The IIWF is the last stop of the "Age of Rage" world tour? How does that Tupac song go? [starts to sing] "Every other city we go, every other video, no matter where we go, we see the same ho's...." Rages, we are SICK of seeing your worthless hides.. Every fed we go, you follow like two bent school girls in love. One way or another, boys, one of us will be OUT of wrestling before it's all done. REYNA: Derek... Shadoe... right now, we have more important things to do than watch your goofy asses try to become contenders. We are here to take what we want, when we want it, and NOBODY says different. And that includes YOU! DDD: Rages, don't stick your noses in our business. Take those words and follow them, or you're gonna get hurt... AGAIN! [Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: I think I'd be a bit more concerned with the Armed Forces if I were the Players' Club. Those teams will hook up tomorrow night in what should be a great tag team tilt. BL: And even without Aaron, the Forces are doing okay in the ring. Go figure. LM: I met with Nav and Def to discuss tomorrow's match: [Scene: The locker room at the IIWF Coliseum. The Armed Forces, NavCom and DefCon, are joined by Larry Morton for an interview. NavCom is wearing a shirt which reads, Ring Wars III, March 1997.] LM: I'm here with the Armed Forces as we count down to a big encounter Saturday night with the Players' Club, Danny Dynamite and Michael Reyna. Your thoughts, gentlemen? DC: Larry, we have faced the Players' Club in the past on numerous occasions... one time here in the IIWF, and we've had nothing but success against them. We beat them here, and we'll beat them again tomorrow night... just for the sake of setting them straight. LM: You speak of setting them straight... it seems as if, lately, you've been going straight. Don't get me wrong, I'm not going to complain, but why the sudden change? NC: I recall just a little over a month ago... Def and I were two of the dirtiest that the IIWF had to offer. But something woke us up. Snow Brawl did. When we walked into that arena in Alaska, and heard all that crowd noise for us... I was overwhelmed. We can get used to that. And we want to. We're going out there every night from now on, working hard and looking to win matches... fair and square. DC: Zodiacs... we once screwed you two out of a match or two. We feel bad about that... and I hope our kindness Wednesday night will help us get back on the right foot. Now, Players Club. Things with you have gone a bit astray as of late. The one thing off of which you've fed for so long won't be with you. It'll be with us. That one thing... fan support. Can you do without it? Can you fight against it? You'll find out tomorrow night. LM: Quickly, fellas, Pain, Inc... do you expect to see them tomorrow night? NC: Morningstar... Hellraiser... you guys come down the aisle and interfere in an Armed Forces match... then you'll have more than NavCom and DefCon mad at you; you'll have the entire US Armed Forces... and they're pretty nasty. DC: I'd like to thank all the people at the Red Cross of America quickly. They were great the other night at that benefit. I hope you raise many many more thousands of dollars... and anytime you need a friend... LM: Thanks gentlemen. [Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: The Players' Club had also better keep an eye on Chris Quigley. After all, he scored the victory over Dynamite last Saturday, and now he has Dan Kauffman squarely in his sights. BL: But wasn't it great watching Otto Verhoeven kick Quigley all over the ring after the match? LM: "Quickstrike" wasn't too thrilled with it. Take a look: [SCENE: "Quickstrike" Chris Quigley is sitting in his locker room, wearing just jean shorts and a Nike hat turned backwards. He's watching a tape of Verhoeven's attack on him from Saturday night. Quigley turns to face the camera.] CQ: Another historic IIWF Saturday Night. Another win. Another brutal attack leaving me beaten in the middle of the ring. So what else is new? If there's one thing the rulebreakers of this federation lack, it's originality. How many times can they beat me up in non-sanctioned matches before they get sick of it? I guess it's somewhat satisfying beating on a guy who would tear them apart if they faced him in a real match. I wouldn't know... that's just a guess. [Quigley stands up, revealing some finely tuned abdominals, and a gold ring in his bellybutton.] Did I expect Otto Verhoeven to run in and hug me and lift me high on his shoulders after I won that match? Yeah, right. What I did expect was for him to show a bit of a spine, and walk away. But you know, it doesn't really matter. He got his ass kicked by Subway Psycho later on. As for the Player's Club... damn that felt good pinning you Dynamite. One on one, there's nobody better than Chris Quigley, and you found that out. I hope Danny was watching, because the same thing is waiting for him. You can act as badass as you want to act Danny. You can strut around hiding behind the Player's Club, the IIWF head offices, whatever you want to hide behind, but sooner or later, you've gotta come out. When you do, I'll be right there ready to pounce. [Quigley cracks a smile and turns around, to a different camera angle.] Speaking of guys who hide in the shadows watching the other men in the IIWF, how are ya doing, Warnett? Nice little win there on Saturday Night, eh? Damn, you're just improving by leaps and bounds. Only one problem... you just don't fit the image of a tough guy. You come across as a prissy. Maybe we oughta change your image. Hell, a scar, a black eye, some dirty torn clothes, and you'd look like you knew your way around a fight. I could make all those changes for ya, Marty! Just think of how nice it'd be to be able to walk into the men's room without getting carded! Get back to me on that one, just leave a message on my machine. You know the number, you are the one who left me all those messages of heavy breathing, aren't you? [Without letting his smile fade, Quigley lets go with a vicious superkick, knocking the TV off the table, and crashing to the floor.] So you're probably asking yourself why I'm acting like this... why I'm talking like this. Usually, I'm not so... light hearted. Well what else can I [BLEEP]ing do?! You get attacked, you get stabbed in the back, you get slandered each and every day of your life, there ain't anything else you can do but laugh about it! Everyone else, they want to be the best, but they know they can't! At least not while I'm still around! And I just love proving it, time and time again! [With that, Quigley puts on a Dan "Flash" Kauffman t-shirt, flashes another smirk at the camera, and walks out of the room as the shot fades. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: Wow, Chris Quigley with some strong words for Marty Warnett. Do you think Quigley is eyeing the Intercontinental Championship as well? BL: If he's smart he is. After all, it's gotta be easier to get the belt from Walnut than Kowalski. LM: I disagree -- and I think Tim Dross would also. Tim joins us now LIVE via satellite from "Discs A Billion" in Los Angeles where the new IIWF Intercontinental Champion Marty Warnett is making a special appearance tonight: [SCENE: A crowded record store in downtown LA. A mass of heaving humanity is gathered around a table, where Marty Warnett sits, flanked by two bodyguards wearing IIWF T-Shirts, jeans and leather jackets. Marty is dressed in a suit and tie, with his hair tied back. Tim Dross is lurking behind the table, with a microphone.] MW: Okay, okay! C'mon guys, calmed down, I can only sign one thing at a time, y'know. Jeez ... YOUNG FEMALE: Marty, I think you're so great, the best in the IIWF! MW: [Signs a program from the IIWF Coliseum] Yeah, yeah, don't we all? YOUNG MALE: Marty, when will you beat Kauffman for us? MW: For you? Look, kid, I'm the IC title holder. That means, I'm defending this belt. My belt, my title. Kauffman's another battle for another day, even though he appears to be bottling it. [Dross pushes the microphone into Marty's face. Marty reacts angrily, pushing the mic away.] TD: Marty? Can I have a quick word? MW: Yeah, why not. I mean, it's not like I'm busy or anything. [Dross appears flustered and uncomfortable] TD: Marty, how do you feel now that you're a champ? MW: Correction, Dross, I'm THE champ. You see, I'm _the_ champ in the IIWF. Look at the World Title! Does Kauffman want to defend it or be with his buddies? Look at the Cruiserweight Title -- either it's held by an Oriental wrestler, a cross-dresser or a Doink wannabe. The IC Title has a champion who actually gives a damn about the belt, who will hold it for as long as he feels like it. TD: That's as maybe... MW: No, Dross, that's a fact. Take it to the bank. [Dross seems puzzled, as though something is wrong.] TD: Marty, you don't normally dress this way, or indeed act this way. MW: Act? You mean, put on an image for other people's benefit? Am I supposed to dress a certain way all my life [chuckles to himself] Dross, you have a lot to learn about psychology. [he looks down] A damn lot. TD: Why did you leave that press conference? MW: Simple, ask dumb questions, get no answer. Y'know, I'm surprised they still send _you_ to interview me these days. Why is it you and not Becky or Steve? TD: I just thought... MW: Bad move, my friend. [Two teenagers come up to Marty.] TEEN #1: So, you're facing Quigley, huh? TEEN #2: Yeah, I think Chris'll kick your ass. MW: YOU WHAT? [Marty gets up and lunges across the table, nearly throwing the table over. The two teenagers run away, scared. The bodyguards calm Marty down, as Dross looks worried.] MW: Damned punks. TD: Easy, Marty. You're scaring me. MW: Dross, I damn near scare myself. And you, Quigley. TD: A tough first defense for you this Saturday. MW: What? Yeah, Quigley can wrestle, and yeah, he can take a beating, which is what he's always done here in the IIWF. And it's what he's going to get on Saturday night. You see, a big mouth isn't guaranteed success, Quigley. You started this with those flapping, jabbering lips of yours, [Marty looks agitated, and starts breathing hard] and Thickshake, you think I'm some kinda person who relies on luck and flukes, hell, Quigley, YOU'RE GONNA WISH I WAS KAUFFMAN! [Marty storms out through the back of the store, as Dross looks bemused] TD: Fans ... I... I just don't know what to say. That isn't the Marty we've seen in the IIWF. I just, I just don't know. Back to you, Tim and Becky. [Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: Thanks Tim. Quite an ugly scene at "Discs A Billion" tonight. Marty didn't quite seem himself. BL: He said it himself -- it's all because _I_ wasn't doing the interview. Marty is finally coming to his senses. LM: Uh-huh. Well, Marty would be well advised to keep his focus as the IIWF Intercontinental Champion, something Ronnie Paris said Wednesday night that Steve Kowalski was unable to do. We sent Bulldog Brown to El Paso to find out exactly what Ronnie Paris -- who is preparing to meet "Soundbite" Steve Roberts tomorrow night -- meant by that statement. [SCENE: The now-familiar gym in El Paso where Ronnie Paris trains. The shot zooms up to an outside window, and then peers through it to see Paris talking to IIWF reporter Bulldog Brown. Suddenly, the shot switches to another camera inside the building. Brown looks over at the camera, and nods.] BB: Well, it looks like we're ready to go, Ronnie. I see the signal... hey, before we start, why didn't you get Steve Summer to interview you again? Don't you usually talk to him? RP: I'm having enough troubles with guys named Steve as it is, I don't want to push my luck. Firstly, I have "Soundbite" Steve Roberts to deal with on Saturday Night. Let's talk about the Soundbite, if you don't mind. BB: Sure. What is your plan of attack against a veteran like Steve Roberts? RP: Good question. Well, I need to stay as technical as I can, and I need to stay focused to beat him. BB: Focus... you mentioned focus on Wednesday. What did you mean by that? [Paris stops for a moment, concentrating on what he's about to say.] RP: I have nothing bad to say about Marty Warnett, in fact I like the guy a lot. But I kind of feel bad about how Steve Kowalski lost the Intercontinental title to Warnett. It seems that just before his big match, the Fury took an interest in me, and my matches. An already busy man took on more worries and more challenges by attacking me, and that little bit of lost focus on the title, that bit of a thought in his mind about me, might have just cost him the title. It only seems fair to me to give Kowalski the chance for a match with me, if he's not above it. I may very well be the reason he's not a champion today, because I can focus and he can't. [Paris reaches into his pocket and pulls out a 5 dollar bill.] But I'll bet you this money here, Bulldog, that Kowalski doesn't want to wait. He, or someone else whose eye I've caught, might appear during my match with Steve Roberts. Because I am so focused on the task at hand, and so focused on Roberts, I'll be easy prey to a sneak attack. Unless, of course, I've done my homework... BB: Have you? RP: You'll see Saturday night. One thing I can assure you I have been doing, though, is keeping a watchful eye on one particular IIWF superstar. I can't say who it is, but I'm learning a lot from him, and all will be revealed soon enough. [Paris reaches for the mic that is currently in Brown's hand.] May I sign off? I've sorta taken a fancy to this journalism thing. BB: [shrugs] Sure, what the heck? [he hands the mic to Paris.] RP: From El Paso, Texas, this is Ronnie Paris reporting. Back to Larry Morton and Becky "Backseat" LaRue in the studios. [Cut back to Larry and Becky.] LM: Hehe... "Backseat" Becky? BL: That's where they keep widdle Wonnie's booster seat so he can look over the dashboard. Some day, he'll actually be old enough to drive -- maybe even date. I'll bet he's had some fun evenings with Rosie Palm and her five sisters. LM: That will be enough of that. Ronnie Paris is a great competitor, just like IIWF Cruiserweight Champ Takezo Musashi. The "Enigma" will put his title on the line tomorrow night against the bizarre cl... cll... cllll... BL: C'mon, say it Larry... CLOWN! That therapy is doing absolutely no good. Takezo Musashi will face Cheshire the CLOWN! LM: Stop it! Just go to the footage: [SCENE: Doctor Hinterhalt's high-tech gym. Cheshire is hanging head down on the wall and watching Takezo Musashi's fight from Saturday on an expensive television set. The doctor is sitting on a stool beside him, scribbling something on a clipboard.] CH: [bored] What a pathetic show. Even those face-painted buffos outside the ring couldn't spice it up. There! There! That's when I come into action! DH: I still don't know why you interfered in that match. Making enemies with a party of such wretched individuals as the Harlequins, is not very advantageous in view of your title match against the Enigma coming up Saturday. CH: Hmm, yeah, but... I just couldn't help it. It was really strange. It was somehow... as if I was just... a character in some odd roleplaying game, but in the hands of the wrong player. [he gives a strange look into the camera, maybe to someone in particular.] But it was funny anyway, hehehehe, if only that damn hammer had worked. I didn't mean to hurt you, Takkie, I just wanted to be sure that I had to use that switch before hitting the Tragedy. But anyway, hehe, say "thank you, Cheshire, that I may hold this title for just another week." Heeehe. [He grabs the high bar and climbs down.] DH: I think that action was superfluous. There is no big difference between fighting Takezo Musashi or Harlequin Tragedy. So why did you "help" the Enigma? CH: Hmmmaybe it's because... I like him? [Hinterhalt raises a brow.] CH: Hahaha, just a joke, doc, why don't you laugh? No really, he's by far a greater challenge. DH: If I may remind you of the fact that it was the harlequin who dominated the match before your interference. My records and calculations reveal that the winner of that encounter would have been Tragedy. CH: Yeah, you're right, Doc, but beating Takezo physically, is not the only thing I'm going to do Saturday Night. Are you listening, Takkie? You say you've lost your patience with me, eh? Ha, you'll lose a lot more than that when you step into the ring with me. You'll lose your pride, your teeth, your mental balance and maybe even your sanity. Haaahahahaa. But the thing you will definitely lose, is the title! Randy Acorn... is history. He had a chance to strip that title shot from me, but... hehe... he screwed it up. The Tragic Harlequin... man, that guy is just too stupid to deserve that title. Hihihi. The only one who really deserves it, is me. Here, Takkie, look, I even bought a wooden man! [he walks over to the traditional wooden martial arts apparatus, two "arms" of it are obviously broken off] But as you can see, hahaha, not even solid oak can stand my vicious fighting technique. Heheee. Remember, Takkie, on Friday the 14th I promised to crush your bones and mind. Well, hereby I repeat my promise. This time, when you wake up in your hospital bed, you'll find that you are a completely different man. Believe me, Takkie, You'll find a completely new aim in your life, uhm... like learning to walk again or something like that. Gnhnhnhnhahahahaha! [Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio. Larry is wiping his brow.] LM: Someone who I'm sure will be watching that match very closely is the White Phoenix. That's right. Although he has been in China for the last month, Shinja Chow is ready to return to the IIWF with a new mentor and a new attitude. Take a look at this tape we received in a package postmarked "Chantai, China." [SCENE: An image flashes on screen and quickly focuses. The White Phoenix is seated on the ground in the center of a seven-pointed star; a candle burns at each point of the star. In the background, a figure is seated in a wooden chair, his face hidden by a shadow; he is wearing a long orange robe.] WP: Get ready, IIWF, for the Phoenix is returning. My trip to China has been rewarding; I have trained long hours, under the instruction of an old friend and mentor. [He gestures toward the shadowy figure.] I hear that Hakiro Matsuoko has left... a pity. I had hoped for one last chance to destroy him. The beating that I gave him, the punishment which I delivered, at Snow Brawl must have been a bit too much for him. I wish him the worst of luck in all his future endeavors, and I truly hope to meet him on the other side so I have another opportunity to kick his teeth in. Musashi, remember that the belt that you hold, I gave to you by taking out Matsuoko. And, I will return to claim it. The title is rightfully mine, and I would have it now if he had not interfered in my matches. I know that you have a fight against Cheshire coming up, and I know that you will destroy him. You are the most skilled fighter in the IIWF today. But I will ultimately defeat you, for I have the fire of will. And speaking of fire, I must say something to Serge Annis... you are a fool. Not only did you incite my wrath with your action at Snow Brawl, but I see you have angered Deathbringer as well. To have incited both the Dark Destroyer and the Firebird... whatever were you thinking? If you wish to play with fire, come to my domain. Fight me in a flaming steel cage. You can ask the Tiger Claw about the dangers. Fight me, and meet the Death-Beast which commands the Bringer, the Final Spirit which I defeated and walked away from. Let me introduce another who walked away. [The robed figure stands and walks into the light, bent with age; he kneels down, and the light reveals a face severely fire-scarred. His right eye is melted shut; his long, grey hair is tied back in a style similar to Chow's.] This is Sun Tsi, my mentor, my master, who I thought died many years ago. He contacted me, told me to return to China to receive my final training. I did so, and he granted me the mark of honor. [Chow extends his right hand to the camera. On the palm is a scar in the shape of a bird.] He will return with me to America, to watch my progress, to inspire me. Beware, warriors. I will be back soon, though I travel light; I carry only my vengeance. [Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: Another IIWF superstar who has his eyes on a belt in 1997 is the Subway Psycho. And he doesn't want just any belt: [SCENE: A dark tunnel deep beneath the city of New York. Candles illuminate a creepy chamber, deep beneath the labyrinth that is the city. The Subway Psycho steps into the shot.] SP: I may very well be coming off the greatest victory in my lifetime. But you know what, it doesn't feel that way. You know why? It's because I don't have a strap of gold around my waste. When I had that belt, I CHERISHED IT. I allowed the IIWF Championship Committee to take it away from me because I cherished what it stood for, MORE THAN THAT... IT STOOD FOR ME ALONE! Now Dan Kauffman, our so-called champion, lets his belt be worn by others. DANNY BOY, IF YOU'RE NOT MAN ENOUGH TO HOLD ONTO THAT BELT I KNOW SOMEONE WHO IS! Let's not forget, Danny boy, who gave you that title. Yeah that's right, I gave you that victory over Otto, to give you that title. I thought you would uphold the honor and tradition of the IIWF as I have. But you let me down. For weeks now, the championship belt has been passed around like some cheap whore Simon Lebec would visit. I won't let this prostitution of MY BELT go any further. I've defeated every man to ever wear the IIWF Heavyweight Championship Belt. That includes Otto Verhoeven, Deathbringer, and even The Outlaw J.W. Hardin! Dan Kauffman, you're the only one left. Shape up or get out of my way! Lord Byron, you're an unfortunate bystander in the greater scheme of things. Forgive me when I drive your skull into the mat. I intend to restore the luster and pride in the IIWF Heavyweight Championship... even if it means taking out Dan Kauffman, or whoever else tries to to step up to the plate with me. [The Psycho turns back into the shadows and vanishes. Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: Whew. Another big match tomorrow night will pit Mr. Damage against Harlequin Chaos in a best of three falls match. If Harlequin Chaos wins, Mr. Damage will release Harlequin Melody from her hypnotic trance. If Mr. Damage wins, Chaos must be his slave for a week. There's a lot riding on this match and both men are getting ready in their... own special ways: [SCENE: Mr Damage is reclining in a banana lounge chair with a Victoria Bitter in one hand and a television remote in the other. He is surrounded by friends having a barbeque. Harlequin Melody is giving him a foot massage.] MD: There I was watching TV last Wednesday and look what this moron had to say to me. [he turns on the television. Cut to footage subtitled, "Earlier Tonight." Harlequin Chaos, his face scarlet with rage, screams into the microphone in the middle of the ring, his brother beside him.] CHAOS: DAMAGE! I KNOW YOU'RE LISTENING DAMAGE! I know what you've done to my friend, and believe me pal, I am very, very, VERY PISSED OFF! [Crowd pop] CHAOS: You have to be a very sick individual to do what you have done to Melody. And believe me, I know a sick mind when I see it. I'M THE EXPERT ON SICK MINDS! Back at the institution, they used to give me a few "time outs" when I was being unruly... and when I was really acting up, that's when the electroshock was pulled in! I've had enough volts put through me to light up the entire state of Texas! And it helped a little! So I was thinking, what would be better to cure that head of yours than to put about ten million volts of electricity through you?! [Huge crowd pop] CHAOS: An Electroshock Therapy Match! Loser gets lit up like a light bulb! Be a man for a change! And I'll throw YOU on the barby! [Mr. Damage calmly turns off the television and looks at the camera.] MD: I was once described a poster boy for poor mental health. I would tend to agree with that. The hard part is admitting that you have a problem. I admit it in public everyday. I can also control my mental health. I have psychopathic and sociopathic tendencies that I can control. What I'm trying to say is that I'm cold and very calculating, and Chaos, you are falling right into my game plan. Look at you, BOY. You're a mess and you want me in an electric shock therapy match? I don't think so, BOY. Firstly you are in no place [raising his voice] NO PLACE to add stipulations, you have nothing to bargain with. I have everything to lose and you have everything to gain. Why would I jeopardize my grand plan and put the pendulum in your half? I have a lot riding on this match -- more than you could ever know. Why don't you get some Prozac or something? I chose a best of three falls match so I would have the advantage. The longer a match goes, the more the pendulum swings in my favor. On Saturday, I'm predicting you will probably even get the first fall as you will come out totally insane and try to tear me apart, but that boy, is going to be your downfall. You are going to lose the plot. I can guarantee you WILL NOT GET THE LAST TWO FALLS. Since I have had Melody here with me, I have treated her with respect, I have never been heavy handed with her and never asked her to do anything she didn't want to do, She wanted to clean my toilet, do my dishes, cut my toenails and pluck out my nasal hairs, In fact Mrs. Damage and Melody have been getting on like a house on fire. They talk and giggle and enjoy watching that despicable Melrose Place, Chaos you have to learn to respect Melody I'll be surprised if she will go back to you when I release her after this weekend. Win, lose or draw. Now if you think that I am flatly refusing to go for this Electroshock Therapy match, you are gravely mistaken. I am refusing it this weekend, but I'm sure in the near future, and I pray that the IIWF will sanction such a match, I will sign the dotted line in a second. But Chaos there is one thing to remember, you brought all this on yourself, We could have had title shots by now but you being the immature BOY that you are, you threw all that away. We had the Subway Psycho and Mad Dog Watkins beat at Snow Brawl and you just gave in. And walked away. You quit, just like I am going to make you quit when I slap the figure four on those massive legs of yours. You will be lucky if you just lose and avoid being in hospital. Saturday Night is D-Day... and you are going to be destroyed. [Mr Damage's friends clap as the shot fades. Cut immediately to a different scene, one of Chaos crouching by a wire fence. An open book is on the ground beside him. Chaos touches the fence and sparks fly.] CHAOS: Ow! [Chaos touches the fence again. Again, sparks fly.] CHAOS: Ow! [Comedy walks up and sits down beside Chaos.] COMEDY: What are you doing? CHAOS: I'm preparing for my match [touches the fence] Ow! COMEDY: You know, you're killing the lights back in the house. Trag doesn't mind but... CHAOS [touches fence] Ow! COMEDY: Stop that! Hey, Melody is my friend too. Don't worry, we'll get her back! CHAOS: Oh I'm not worried about that [touches fence] Ow! COMEDY: Excuse me? An Electroshock Therapy Match?! Concentrate on the best two out of three falls match tomorrow. If you don't win, Mel will be gone forever. CHAOS: No she won't [touches fence] Ow! COMEDY: Okay, you have really lost me now! [Chaos gets up.] COMEDY: Where are you going? CHAOS: To check the circuit breakers. I think I shorted out something. Be right back. [Chaos walks away. Comedy looks puzzled then picks up the book on the ground. She begins to read in then starts laughing.] COMEDY: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh this is sweet! Chaos come back! [Comedy gets up and runs after Chaos. Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: What do you think was so interesting in that book? BL: Knowing the Harlequins, they probably just want to find out if Jack and Jill get up the hill. LM: I think they're more interesting in getting Harlequin Melody back safe and sound right now. We'll find out tomorrow how they fare. We'll also see how newcomers Nightwing and Highwayman fare against two of the more unusual personalities in the IIWF -- Dirt Dog Unique Allah and Serge Annis. BL: I'm betting Annis and Allah will come out hot! They'll be smoking! They'll hit the ring on fire! They'll... LM: We get the picture. Nightwing is counting on he and Highwayman giving Annis and Allah a pretty good match. BL: Match! That's funny! [SCENE: Bright colored lights swirl through heavy fog as strange guitar music blares. Suddenly, an eagle's cry overpowers the music, which gives way to silence, and Nightwing steps through the fog as silence fills the stage. The colored lights dance off his ceremonial Native American wardrobe.] NW: The bizarre. The chaotic. The disarray. This scene, this fog, and this music is like the minds of too many in the IIWF. The thunderstorms rage in their brains and they cannot escape to the reality that is their destinies. Randy Acorn, your first mistake was trying to impersonate me. Not only do I consider that an insult to me and my people for which you must pay, but Joe Petrow -- one man whose troubled spirit will not rest -- did not fall for your ploy. He exacted his revenge... and I shall have mine. [A drum pounds in the distance and another eagle's cry is heard.] Dirt Dog Unique Allah, you are strong of body yet weak of mind. The only spirits you worship are in a bottle and the lure of a woman's flesh drives you mad. You know not of love... only lust. Serge Annis, the gods of fire watch you carefully as you mock them. Your people say that he who plays with fire will get burned. My people say that he who mocks the spirits of flame are destined to be engulfed by them for eternity. [The drum's pounding gets louder and an eagle's cry is deafening. Suddenly, the colored lights are replaced by a brilliant white light. As the light reflects off the fog, it is almost blinding. Nightwing holds out his arm and Chiquoit the eagle lands skillfully on it. Nightwing seems engulfed by the bright fog.] Saturday night, I will step into the ring with Highwayman. The spirits tell me that Highwayman is exactly that... a man. But he is a special man -- a man who has seen many moons in many places. He is a man with a warrior's spirit... but a troubled soul. I place my trust in the spirits that Highwayman will stand beside me in battle, with the honor and courage that he has displayed in whatever life or lives he has led. Should this battle help soothe the Highwayman's troubled soul, then perhaps it shall be for the good of my people someday. [The brilliant light continues to grow to the point that Nightwing can barely be seen.] "Thiqua ni bull chumani, thiqua nu parknow." Highwayman... so the spirits have spoken, so it shall be done! [Nightwing is engulfed by the brightness and the shot finally fades. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: Let's hear from the man Nightwing will be teaming with tomorrow night, Highwayman: [SCENE: A calm day. A few small clouds struggle for life while an unforgiving sun drenches the sky with brilliant light. A large wheat field sways in a gentle breeze like waves rolling onto a shallow shore. In the distance a combine harvester crosses the field, thrashing everything before it and leaving a naked path in its wake. A hazel hedge surrounds the field like the frame of a painting. Highwayman sits astride his black stallion by a gate to the field, a large birch tree nearby leaving him in shadow. He stares into the field for a long moment before facing the camera with an almost pained expression on his face. His voice betrays a tinge of regret.] HWM: My family were all farmers. I would still be a farmer if... if things had been different. All my ancestors farmed the land, squeezing life from the soil, working the fields 15 hours a day. They struggled against the land, fighting to bring in every bushel of wheat, every ear of corn. But for all their struggles, they understood something: They knew they had to give back what they took, they understood their role as caretakers of the land, they understood life. My father taught me many things before he died, one such lesson comes to mind now: Remember Adam, you only reap what you sow. It's a lesson I learned the hard way, it's a lesson that many in the IIWF would do well to heed while they still can. Storm clouds are coming, change is in the air, and all you rulebreakers had better take a long hard look down the road you've travelled. Have you taken any shortcuts? Have you taken anything you've not earned? If the answer to either of these questions is yes, just remember when the storm hits: you only reap what you sow. [Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: Your buddy the Venusian Death Cell will also be in action tomorrow night with the other members of the Posse, Becky. BL: I'd be more worried about what the Cell may do _outside_ the ring if I were a spineless broadcaster like... oh, say... TIM DROSS. LM: Are you still in on this "poisoning" scam? BL: Scam? Just check this out, pal: [Cut to Becky LaRue in the IIWF interview room. The Venusian Death Cell walks in.] BL: Hi, Cell. Thought you were gonna stand me up there for a moment. VDC: No, never. Sorry I'm late. I've just been sorting a few things out with Josey. BL: Everything's okay, I take it. VDC: Well, at last, I seem to have fully recovered from the poisoning. BL: Uh, sorry to interrupt Cell, but you should really say "alleged poisoning." Dross'll have his lawyers taking you for all you've got if he hears anything like that. VDC: I realize that may have been the case last time we spoke, Becky, but I received my test results back from the hospital today. Take a look. [The Cell hands her an envelope. She can't resist looking at the name on the front. She giggles. The Cell looks at her.] BL: Sorry. [Becky then looks at the contents of the envelope and browses through about ten pages. The Cell points to the relevant information.] BL: So, it seems that Tim "Straight" Dross isn't so squeaky clean after all. I just knew he'd be found guilty. VDC: Well, that's the next step. I've been in contact with my lawyer and he's currently contacting Dross' so-called "the best money can buy" lawyers. Not even they will be able to get him out of this one. The court hearing will be arranged and hopefully I'll get Dross put away on charges of attempted murder. BL: Wow. Attempted murder. He could get life. VDC: If he's got any sense he'll realize his best option is just to admit it and go to jail. Because life won't be worth living if he gets off. If the IIWF authorities think they can keep me away from him for much longer, they're mistaken. If they say I'll be fined so much or maybe even banned from this federation, they won't stop me. I'm out to destroy Tim Dross. BL: Hehehehe... snort. This is just great. It's just like in the movies, but with wrestlers! VDC: Dross, I offered you the chance to settle out of court before I even got the results back. Why didn't you accept? Ask him for me please, Becks. BL: Sure thing, Vens. Back to the ring though. I'll only get into trouble if I don't get some feedback on last week's performance. VDC: I understand. Wednesday night, I went up against The Highwayman. He beat me. What can I say? "Well done" I guess is the most apt, but these Hangmen are taking things too far. Saturday, will we meet in the ring, three-on-three. The Posse dominated before and it's going to dominate again. Trust me on that one. BL: You're not implying you're lining up other members are you? VDC: Becky, you know I've got no problem telling you my business, but if I tell you anything in private, I'd prefer you keep it to yourself. BL: Well, I haven't told them anything yet, have I? VDC: Shhhhh. I'll talk to you later. [The Cell leaves the interview room. Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] BL: Ha! Have fun in prison, Dross. Don't drop the soap in the shower! LM: You just.... hold on! I'm being told that Otto Verhoeven is in a... seedy side of town and demanding air time. BL: He must be over near your house, Larry. LM: I don't know what he wants... do we have a camera there? We do. Okay, well let's go to that feed: [Cut to a dark, dirty alley. Several shabby men stand in a circle around a burning cardboard box to warm themselves in the chilling night. They stare curiously at the camera. Then Otto Verhoeven steps into the picture. He is wearing an expensive looking black leather trenchcoat and carries a brown paper bag in his right hand. The fire casts dancing shadows on his face and makes his expression somewhat creepy.] OV: [in a hoarse voice] Nun, Psycho, you defeated me, you really taught me a lesson in your own game, I have to admit that. Do you know what went through my mind in that long three seconds, when the electricity and the pain raced through my body [he looks at his hands] turned my whole body into a firework of agony? There was one single word during that inferno that shone so bright inside my head it made me forget my pain. It was "revenge." [One of the men comes closer to take a look at this strange visitor. His gaze is fixed on the brown bag, though. Verhoeven continues.] What can I do to pay you back? [he smiles] Naturlich, I could just jump you during your next few matches, beat you into a bloody heap on the floor and make you the laughing stock of the IIWF for the next few weeks. But that wouldn't be enough. You already removed your high- society chicken from ringside, so you eliminated another suitable way of avenging myself. When I limped out of the Coliseum, and the brain dead people [he looks around as if he can see the fans] jeered me, the doctors swarmed over me, I knew the only way to hurt you, the only way to get one final time under your skin is to beat you in the middle of the wrestling ring, pin you for the one-two-three just like in Berlin. I know that really upset you, the first "real", clean loss in your whole career. You felt useless, humiliated and inferior, and I am going to bring all of these feelings back to you. I have an offer for you... choose a kind of match: Either a best-of-three match or some kind of strap match. It is your choice, underground dweller, choose the tiebreaker. This fateful next match shall decide our little war for the time being as we both strive for a bigger prize... [The homeless man now stands beside Verhoeven. He is a white man. His age is hard to tell, since his face is smeared with dirt and his red hair is greasy and entangled. He wears a worn out army coat and smiles a toothy smile, displaying yellow teeth.] MAN: Yo, big guy, let me haff a good loo at cha. [He extends his hand] Ya know, ol' Robbie ere can help ya with everything ya need. But what da ya have in dat bag there, friend? Could it be some liddle spirits for some desperate fel... OV: Shut up, scum. Psycho, you call yourself the "People's Champion", the valiant fighter for the mass. But these [he nods towards Robbie], these are your true people. Losers from the pit of society, useless dirt eaters and hopeless drinkers. ROBBIE: Hey, ya can't talk like dat abut poor ol' Robbie. It was not my... [Verhoeven pulls a bottle of whiskey out of the bag and gives it to Robbie, who just stares at it with tears in his eyes.] OV: This is your origin, Psycho, you are nothing but a stinking gutter rat who got lucky to have some success in sports, but you remain a stain of dirt in the IIWF, a stain I plan to remove. [He turns to Robbie, who is busy opening the bottle with shaking hands] Tell me, worm, do you know the man who claims to fight for your cause, for your honor? Do you know the Subway Psycho? ROBBIE: Da friggin' Subway Psycho? Of course I know him, he's da guy who pays for... [a dirty smile crosses his face and he looks at the bottle again] he... hung around dis alley and beat da odder bums up to steal dere money and stuffy, you know. Wanna hear more? OV: [shakes his head and turns back to the camera] As I told you, Psycho, the other alley maggots do not care about you or your quest. They sell your trust for another sip of whiskey without giving a second thought. You mean nothing to these pathetic, typical Americans and I am going to... ROBBIE: [tugging at Otto's arm] Bro, what about some more Kessler's? I could tell ya more about dis Subway guy, in front of dat camera dere and... [The Butcher sends Robbie sprawling to the ground with a casual blow] OV: [muttering as he leaves] Filthy maggot dared to touch me. [The other homeless people swarm over the unconscious Robbie. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: That was disgusting! BL: It sure was. Can you imagine being _touched_ by scum like that? LM: That's not what I meant. I'm sure the Subway Psycho will have something to say about that little scene. BL: Yeah, like "Wow that Verhoeven sure has a good punch!" Hehehe... snort. ************************************************************************** --------------------- IIWF SATURDAY NIGHT PREVIEW ---------------------- ************************************************************************** SINGLES MATCHES ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ * Casey James vs. "Nifty" Ned Norton * Ronnie Paris vs. "Soundbite" Steve Roberts * Lord Byron vs. Subway Psycho * TWO OUT OF THREE FALLS: Mr. Damage vs. Harlequin Chaos * TERRORDOME MATCH: Sandman vs. Creed * IIWF INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: Marty Warnett [c] vs. "Quickstrike" Chris Quigley * IIWF CRUISERWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: "Enigma" Takezo Musashi [c] vs. Cheshire * TOMBSTONE STRAP MATCH: Brody Thunder vs. Tiger Claw TAG MATCHES ~~~~~~~~~~~ * Highwayman & Nightwing vs. Dirt Dog Unique Allah & Serge Annis * Armed Forces vs. Players' Club * SIX-MAN TAG TEAM MATCH: The Hangmen vs. Venusian Death Cell & High Plains Drifters ************************************************************************** --------------------- LATEST IIWF SINGLES RANKINGS --------------------- ************************************************************************** ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Name F/H Fought W L D Win% Ranking (old) new ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Dan Kauffman H 25 18 5 2 79% (WC) WC Marty Warnett F 27 18 9 0 67% (IC) IC "Enigma" Takezo Musashi N 23 18 5 0 78% (CW) CW ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Deathbringer H 25 20 3 2 84% (1) 1 Mad Dog Watkins H 5 4 1 0 80% (2=) 2= Cheshire H 5 4 1 0 80% (2=) 2= Chris Quigley F 16 12 4 0 75% (4) 4 The White Phoenix F 15 11 4 0 73% (-) 5 Dirt Dog Unique Allah N 7 5 2 0 71% (8) 6 Otto Verhoeven H 22 15 6 1 70% (5) 7 Steve Kowalski H 13 9 4 0 69% (6) 8 Subway Psycho F 25 16 7 2 68% (7) 9 Lord Byron H 15 10 5 0 67% (11) 10 Casey James H 29 18 9 2 66% (9) 11 Billy Shakespeare F 29 18 10 1 64% (10) 12 Brody Thunder H 11 7 4 0 64% (12) 13 Creed N 7 4 3 0 57% (13) 14 Tiger Claw H 40 21 17 2 55% (14) 15 Harlequin Tragedy N 10 5 4 1 55% (15) 16 The Sandman F 25 13 12 0 52% (16) 17 Mr. Damage H 22 11 11 0 50% (17) 18 Venusian Death Cell H 14 7 7 0 50% (18) 19 Stud Stetson H 11 4 5 2 45% (19) 20 The Hangman H 13 4 6 3 42% (20) 21 "Badboy" Randy Acorn H 5 2 3 0 40% (29) 22 Ronnie Paris F 5 2 3 0 40% (21=) 23 Harlequin Chaos N 5 2 3 0 40% (21=) 24 ------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Sychosys" Joe Petrow N 3 3 0 0 100% (24=) 25 "Real Deal" Luke Steele F 2 2 0 0 100% (24=) 26= Highwayman F 2 2 0 0 100% (24=) 26= Nightwing F 2 2 0 0 100% (24=) 26= Alex Rio H 1 1 0 0 100% (-) 29 Serge Annis N 4 2 1 1 63% (28) 30 Spur H 1 0 1 0 0% (-) 31 ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ************************************************************************** -------------------- LATEST IIWF TAG TEAM RANKINGS --------------------- ************************************************************************** ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Name of team F/H Fought W L D Win% Ranking (old) new ------------------------------------------------------------------------ The Dark Disciples H 7 4 2 1 64% (WT) WT ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Rising Sun Revolution F 13 10 3 0 77% (1) 1 Domination F 7 4 1 2 71% (2) 2 The Armed Forces H 24 16 7 1 69% (3) 3 High Plains Drifters H 26 17 8 1 67% (4) 4 The Arabian Knights H 14 9 5 0 64% (5) 5 The Hangmen H 14 7 5 2 57% (6=) 6= The Alphabet Boys F 14 7 5 2 57% (6=) 6= The Players' Club F 9 5 4 0 56% (8) 8 The Zodiac Connection F 16 8 8 0 50% (11) 9 Pain Inc. H 15 7 7 1 50% (9) 10 G.W.R. N 8 4 4 0 50% (10) 11 ------------------------------------------------------------------------ The Harlequins N 1 1 0 0 100% (12) 12 Prophets of Rage H - - - - - (-) - Night Patrol H - - - - - (-) - ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ************************************************************************** ----------- COMING TUESDAY: "INSIDE THE IIWF" WITH TIM DROSS ----------- ************************************************************************** LM: Be sure to catch up on all the IIWF news and notes on "Inside the IIWF" with your host Tim Dross, coming your way Tuesday night along most of these same stations. Tim, myself and Steve Roberts will call all the action tomorrow night on "IIWF Saturday Night." Becky and I will be back with you next week for more news and interviews right here on "Countdown to Saturday Night." Until then, this is Larry Morton for Becky LaRue saying: so long, everyone! [The remote camera zooms back up the aisle as the man with the souvenir "Lord Byron Cane" whacks the bogus Harlequin over the head. The credits roll by too quickly to read. Fade.] +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= I * I * W * F =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+ | President: Daniel Spreadbury | Vice-President: Steve Owens | | univ0322@sable.ox.ac.uk | sowens@admin.presby.edu | | iiwf@sisko.demon.co.uk | IIWFadmin@aol.com | +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- http://www.sisko.demon.co.uk -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=+