[Open with a set draped entirely in red satin. Suddenly, white flowers begin to drop and Sparkplug Lee prances onto the set dressed like Cupid. He wears what appears to be an adult diaper and carries a bow and arrow. As he notches an arrow, Sparkplug grins at the camera.] SL: Happy Valentine's Day from the IIWF! [Cut to a montage of IIWF action accompanied by hard rock music. The final chord lingers as the White Phoenix thrusts his flaming hand toward the ceiling of the darkened IIWF Coliseum. Suddenly, the screen explodes into a mass of fire and smoke, through which emerges the IIWF's familiar logo:] ##### ###### ### ########## ########## ########## #### ## ########## ########## ########## #### # #### ######## ##### ##### #### ## ##### #### #### #### #### ### #### #### #### #### ############# ######### #### #### ########### ######### #### #### #### #### #### ######### ######### ### #### #### ######### ######### ### ## #### ######## ######## ## # #### =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- ## =-=-=-= INTERNATIONAL INTERNET WRESTLING FEDERATION ================================================= "COUNTDOWN TO SATURDAY NIGHT" - February 14, 1997 ================================================= [Cut to the IIWF Studio. The remote camera zooms down the aisle as members of the studio audience scramble to get on camera. A man waves a "Becky, Be My Valentine" poster. A young boy waves his Armed Forces action figures. And a disturbed-looking girl wearing black holds a wilted black rose and chants "Serge is no Sychopath" over and over. The camera zooms toward Larry Morton and Becky LaRue sitting at the broadcast desk. Becky is surrounded by bouquets of roses.] LM: Hello again everyone and welcome to another exciting installment of "Countdown to Saturday Night." I'm Larry Morton, and I'm joined once again by the lovely Becky LaRue. We have another big show for you... [Larry is interrupted by a delivery man who strolls in front of the set and places another dozen roses on the desk near Becky. She plucks the card and opens the envelope.] BL: Ah, this one's from Marty Warnett. It ain't a Porsche, but what the hell, not everyone has the good taste of Brenda Hawkings. Put 'em with the others -- at least it will kill DeWinter to know where I go these. LM: I take it Valentine's Day is a busy day for you. BL: You betcha. But I'd return all these gifts if I could get that image of Sparkplug Lee in that diaper out of my mind. Who the hell came up with that lame idea? Speaking of lame, how are you doing on the candy and flowers front, Larry? LM: It's still early and.... [depressed] As I was saying, we have another big show... BL: Did the wife and kids even forget you? Jeez! Don't worry, I've got some caramel cremes from President Danny around here. You can have those. Danny knows I never _eat_ caramel. LM: Then what do you do with...? Um, never mind. It's been very odd around the office this week without our colleague Bulldog Brown. I can't believe he's really gone. Just last weekend he was interviewing Dan Kauffman. BL: It isn't the first time a Kauffman interview has killed someone. Hehe... snort. LM: That's not funny. Now as I was saying, we have another big show for you tonight, starting with news about an apparent split between the Venusian Death Cell and the Posse. You met with the Cell yesterday, didn't you, Becky? BL: Yes. He was mean... and he smelled bad. LM: Let's take a look: [SCENE: The IIWF Interview Studio. The Venusian Death Cell is with Becky LaRue.] BL: Vensy, what's up with you at the moment? Losing to triple M? I just don't believe it. VDC: [in a much deeper, more sinister tone than usual] What's the problem, Ms. LaRue? I lost by countout to McArthur. So what? When will you start listening to me, woman? Here,read my lips. [The Cell pulls the mask from over his mouth. His green, odorous skin is clearly visible. Becky steps back and then composes herself again.] I didn't care whether I won that match or not. I haven't cared whether I've won or lost over the past three months or not. You got that? BL: Gee, Celly, I didn't realise you were serious about that. I'm sorry. Is your little Becky Wecky forgiven? VDC: [looking puzzled] No, she most certainly is not. Cut that crap as well. As if anyone's really taken in by this act. First you lose me close on a million dollars and getting Dross put in the slammer and now you treat me like I'm some kind of play thing. Well it won't wash, Ms. LaRue, just ask Mr Wales. BL: Huh? What's Josey been up to now? VDC: Nothing. That's just it. He's done nothing for my career whatsoever. He's interested in himself and Pale and Easy only. Not me. I should never have joined their stupid group again in the first place. [The Cell makes a dreadful noise and then spits out a mouthful of green fluid. It hits Becky's shoe and she looks at him in disgust.] BL: Aren't you even gonna say sorry? VDC: Why should I? BL: I don't know what's gotten into you, Cell, but whatever it is, I hope it soon comes out again! VDC: Shut it, woman. I've had enough. [The Cell then leaves the interview area. Cut back to the studio.] LM: He certainly seemed to be in a bad mood. BL: Rude. Very rude. That's all I can say. LM: Well we have a lot to cover tonight, including a look back at Wednesday's results, a look ahead at tomorrow's big card, and trash talk from the stars of the IIWF. so let's get right to it: ************************************************************************** -------------------- IIWF WEDNESDAY WAR ROOM RECAP ---------------------- ************************************************************************** LM: It was yet another great night of action Wednesday as the first two teams advanced in the IIWF U.S. Tag Team Championship Tournament. Cold Spell and Night Patrol both battled their way to the second round. BL: Yeah, it was a good night for new tag teams. It really did my heart good to see those hard-working guys from Night Patrol pull out the victory. LM: Gee, that new Porsche wouldn't have anything to do with that attitude, would it? BL: Jealous? I think Brenda Hawkings said there's a repossessed Yugo waiting for you if you play your cards right. LM: I _already_ own one, thank you very much. We'll be hearing from Ms. Hawkings and Mr. Mic later in the show. But right now, let's take a look at all the results from the Wednesday War Room: WEDNESDAY WAR ROOM - FEBRUARY 5, 1997 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ JOE PETROW def. NED NORTON G.W.R. def. RISING SUN REVOLUTION COLD SPELL def. W & W EXPRESS MAURICE McARTHUR def. VENUSIAN DEATH CELL NIGHT PATROL def. NEW ARABIAN KNIGHTS DIRT DOG UNIQUE ALLAH def. CHESHIRE THE PLAYERS' CLUB def. THE HARLEQUINS SERGE ANNIS def. AMERICAN PATRIOT STUD STETSON def. RONNIE PARIS CREED def. HIGHWAYMAN LM: It's hard to believe that Majestic Maurice McArthur won his third match in the last month, but I'm beginning to wonder exactly what Joe Petrow has against the Majestic one. BL: It's easy to hate a loser. That's why you finished so low in the recent IIWF fan poll, Larry. LM: Wha-? I'll have you know two other broadcasters finished below me in that poll! BL: Yeah, one's an intern and the other has assumed room temperature. LM: Becky, that's cold. BL: So is Bulldog. Hehe. LM: [exasperated] We also saw the return of "Superstar" Stud Stetson, who seemed a bit... dejected after Lace apparently dumped him. BL: Well it sure didn't hurt his performance any. Maybe Stetson should have gone it alone before now. He really took it to Ronnie "Mighty Mite" Paris. I understand Dross "bumped into" Stetson earlier today and we'll see what "Superstar" had to say later in the show. LM: And how about that main event matchup we had Wednesday night as Creed and Highwayman battled in a classic matchup, with the gloved one finally earning the win. BL: It's clear that Creed has Marty Warnett on his mind. Or should I say, Marty Warnett's _belt_? I understand the big guy isn't real happy about Walnut's allegations of steroid use in the past two weeks. Marty, thanks for the roses. I'll be sure to place them on your grave when Creed buries you. LM: Indeed, Creed and "CEO" Jack Montgomery are not pleased. Let's go to this special footage: [SCENE: IIWF cameras return to the garlic fields of Central California and the secluded compound of the Corporation. We see the familiar converted hangar in which the makeshift ring lies dormant, the weights again at rest and the bleachers unfilled. Our attention is drawn to a barely perceptible whirring sound which is emanating from a small side room. We see a ceiling fan, almost painful in it's rotation, in this room which is really little more than a walk in closet; completely devoid of personal effects, save for what appears to be a small photograph of a wrestler taped to a mirror. Lying on the bare, concrete floor is Creed. He is dressed in heavy, black sweatclothing offset only by the red glove; and is doing a series of rapid fire crunches while soundlessly counting off the repetition, "311, 312, 313..." The scene then shifts to what seems to be a massive underground area... a film room... the walls are completely covered by enormous high-definition video screens. They encircle the seated figure of "The CEO" Jack Montgomery. On the screens is IIWF Intercontinental Champion Marty Warnett. There are quickly two successive shots of Warnett taped from "Countdown to Saturday Night" and Warnett uttering the words, "'roid freak Creed....'roid freak Creed." The screens then rapidly change, moving to shots of Creed at Snow Brawl, singularly battling Otto Verhoeven and Steve Kowalski. Flash back to Warnett: " 'roid freak Creed...'roid freak Creed." Then the wall changes again, even more quickly we see Creed on IIWF Saturday Night, in a rapid series of encounters with 12 IIWF superstars, culminating in a ferocious toe-to-toe brawl with Deathbringer. WARNETT: " 'roid freak Creed...'roid freak Creed" Now there are very quick shots on the massive screen, shots of Creed running on the beach - a weighted trap around his neck, shots of Creed battling multiple sparring partners, of Creed from just moments ago - doing an endless series of crunches. WARNETT: " 'roid freak Creed...'roid freak Creed" Faster and faster the screen changes. Now there are shots of Creed executing the Goodnight...Farewell...Amen on a number of opponents (Cheshire, Lord Byron, Highwayman) interspersed with shots of sports personalities condemning the use of steroids: Howard Cosell, Pete Rozelle, Tim Dross, Lyle Alzado, Steve Furness. WARNETT: " 'roid freak Creed...'roid freak Creed." Then - the shot changes. We now see what is clearly a home video, apparently a few years old. It appears to be of a Y.M.C.A type of establishment. Dozens of children, primarily African-American, aged from 6-16 are scurrying throughout the building. A man who appears to be a younger Jack Montgomery is carrying a clipboard and trying valiantly to keep them all in check. The camera focuses on a young boy in the corner, possibly 10-11 years old but with the musculature of an older teen. He is wearing only black shorts and a red bandage which completely covers his left hand. He is on the floor, doing a rapid series of sit-ups while soundlessly counting off the repetition, "111, 112, 113..." There is a desperation in the shot, the child's eyes so much older than his face; those eyes showing so little of his obvious physical strain - offset against his boisterous, playful peers. The screen shifts back...and the room is filled with the loud voice of the Intercontinental Champion: WARNETT: " 'ROID FREAK CREED....'ROID FREAK CREED. Suddenly, the screens go black. The room is completely dark and the only sound is the whirring of that ceiling fan. Then, the cool words of The CEO:] CEO: Marty Warnett, on February 22, leave your belt at home -- and remember, no matter what happens -- it's not personal. It's just business. Finally, the unmistakably calm, deep voice of Creed: CREED: Anyone. Anywhere. Anytime. [Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: It will surely be a main even matchup when Marty Warnett and Creed hook up. And we have not shortage of main event caliber matchups coming your way tomorrow night in the IIWF Coliseum. Let's get right to our preview: ************************************************************************** -------------------- IIWF SATURDAY NIGHT PREVIEW ----------------------- ************************************************************************** ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ * SPUR vs. RONNIE PARIS ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ LM: Spur seems to have taken a special interest in two wrestlers here in the IIWF -- Billy Shakespeare and Ronnie Paris. BL: Which tells us only that Spur has bad taste. LM: Well the stipulation in this match is that, should Spur defeat Paris, he will get to pick the next opponent for Paris. That's a strange stipulation for a strange wrestler: [SCENE: Spur is in the locker room rummaging through an open locker. He turns to address the camera.] SP: Hey, Ronnie Paris, am I having fun yet? [He slams the locker. The camera picks up the name "B. Shakespeare" stenciled on the outside before Spur throws a jock over the camera lens. Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: What a bizarre man. BL: Yeah, he's growing on me. LM: Well everyone's favorite third-generation wrestler Ronnie Paris is not intimidated. Steve Summer journeyed to El Paso to get his comments: [SCENE: The floor of Ronnie Paris' gym in El Paso. A few moderately sized men are rolling up the wrestling mats, while Paris chats with one man who looks particularly familiar. IIWF intern Steve Summer approaches the two with a microphone as the camera zooms in slightly.] SS: Excuse me, could I get a word gentlemen? [under his breath] I wish they'd stop sending me down here. There are other interviews... RP: Sure, Steve, that's what I'm here for. Well, actually I'm here to train, but you come in second. [The familiar looking man chuckles, while Paris keeps a poker face. It's difficult to tell whether he was joking or not.] SS: All right. First of all, I'll let you explain who this man [points to familiar man [henceforth to be known as MAN]] is, then we'll talk about Spur. RP: Sure thing. You may remember that I was scheduled to wrestle "Spineless" Steve Roberts a few weeks back, and I was rightfully worried about outside interference. I brought a friend to watch my back, and this is that friend. It was a mistake I don't intend to make again, as my success and failures ultimately must come from myself. Which is why blaming Spur for my loss to Stud Stetson would be the easy way out. Stetson was aggressive and focused, I lost my focus. If I'd been focused on the task at hand, Stud Stetson would be cashing the loser's purse right now instead of me. I don't want excuses, so I'll never ask Kevin here [points again to MAN] to watch my back again. SS: Speaking of Spur, he has been strangely interested in your career as of late. You've already faced him in the ring, and he just walked out. But now, he's been watching your matches. RP: I got a cheap win over Spur, and I lost a cheap one against Stetson. The Spur giveth, and the Spur taketh away. He does have an advantage most men don't have on me, and that's the element of surprise. It's tough to do homework on a mystery man... [MAN nods, and then indicates by pointing to the door that he has to leave. Paris just nods, and waves goodbye. The MAN walks away as Paris continues to talk.] But, I know better than anyone how to get the element of surprise back. Would you like me to demonstrate? [Summer is barely done nodding yes when Paris grabs his leg with one arm, and his head with the other. In one swift motion, Summer is cradled down onto one of the few remaining mats, and held there for several seconds. Paris suddenly lets go and bolts back up, while a winded Summer struggles to his feet. Paris picks up the fallen mic.] RP: That was at least three, right Steve? I can pin anyone, anywhere, at any time. That includes masked men, clowns, Superstars, Venusians, whatever the IIWF can throw at me! Now, I don't always win, I don't always succeed, but I'm always just three seconds away from ruining your day. Remember that, Spur, when your three seconds come and go. [Fade to black as Summer finally gets to his feet, a bit perturbed at being taken down. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ * REQUIEM vs. THE HANGMAN ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ LM: Another mysterious wrestler is Requiem, who I understand will be involved in a rather unique match at Ring Wars III. But more on that as President Spreadbury shares the information. BL: President Danny is gooood at sharing. LM: Er, uh, whatever. This is a match that Requiem requested -- and The Hangman accepted the challenge. It seems Requiem has an agenda. BL: Maybe he'll find it at the end of a noose: [SCENE: Midnight on a deserted road. Overhead, storm clouds huddle together, darkening the night sky and throwing an ominous shadow over the road below. The roar of a powerful motorcycle engine can be heard from afar, closing rapidly. Suddenly a swiftly moving black projectile hurtles over the horizon, a beam of blinding white light probing the night ahead of it. The camera is temporarily dazzled by the intensity but quickly recovers. It is a night black Harley Davidson, travelling at tremendous speed. The camera closes in on the driver: It is Requiem, his face grimmer than usual, his eyes hidden behind mirrored sunglasses, and his usual ankle length coat replaced by a black leather jacket with the words "Dark Angel" written on the back in letters of crimson flame. His night black guitar strapped to the back of the Harley, the Music Of The Unknowingly Damned still pierces the night sky, it's mournful melody emanating from the Harley's radio. Ahead, the night sky's clouds begin to form into shapes. The Hangman, head thrown back and laughing. The Hangman executing the Hangman's Noose on a faceless opponent. The Hangman dragging another faceless opponent, securely bound but kicking and screaming, up the stairs of a scaffold.] REQUIEM VOICE OVER: The Hangman. A big man. A strong man. Ruthless. Cruel. He dispenses his justice without benefit of judge or jury. But within him lurks a darkness. A darkness that cannot be permitted to hold any man in thrall. A darkness that threatens to overcome the light. The Darkness of the Soul. The darkness that it is my duty to destroy, for it cannot be permitted to prosper. The only question is - can the destruction of the darkness be achieved without the destruction of the man? On Saturday I shall climb into the ring with this man to find out. In the centre of the ring I shall stare into his soul and know the truth. Is the soul of the Hangman redeemable, or must I be forced to utterly destroy him? On Saturday, win or lose, I shall know. Get down on your knees and pray, Hangman. Pray, if you can remember how, that your soul is not yet lost. [The clouds begin to darken, thunder roils from overhead, and a bolt of lightning streaks downward from the heavens, striking a route sign that explodes into a shower of molten metal just as Requiem speeds past it.] The very heavens cry out in anticipation of this match, Hangman. It is said that Heaven is merciful, but not so I. Mercy is for the innocent. I am a Fallen Angel, a Dark Angel of Destruction, and I have no mercy for the damned. No remnant of humanity shall stay my hand. If I judge you accursed on Saturday night, there will be no mercy. Only the Music Of The Unknowingly Damned. Only the Final Lament. Only your ... Requiem. [Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ * MAD DOG WATKINS vs. BRODY THUNDER ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ LM: Brody Thunder made a public show of accepting Mad Dog's open contract last weekend. It will be interesting to see these two men slug it out. BL: Yeah, you can throw the wrestling rule book out the window for this match. Thunder wants to prove he's the biggest bully on the block, and I hear through the grapevine that Watkins wants to impress Brian Lau. Hmmm, maybe the Syndicate will replace the Kitty Cat's Claw with a real Mad Dog. Hehe. LM: Not if the big cowboy has anything to say about it. Tim Dross will have a special LIVE interview with Thunder and "Outlaw" J.W. Hardin coming up in a few minutes. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ * DAN KAUFFMAN vs. SUBWAY PSYCHO ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ LM: Dan Kauffman continues to take on the best wrestlers the IIWF has to offer as he winds down his career. That match last weekend with Billy Shakespeare was a classic, and this week's match will pit two former IIWF World Heavyweight Champions. BL: Yeah, but neither one of them wanted to talk to us, so let's just move on. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ * CHRIS QUIGLEY vs. DEATHBRINGER ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ LM: Chris Quigley is coming off an embarrassing evening in which Joe Petrow _and_ Casey James worked him over. To add insult to injury, one of Petrow's demented fans actually hit Quigley with a soft drink. As "Quickstrike" told Tim Dross earlier this week, he's tired of this nonsense both in and _out_ of the ring. BL: Chris "I only give interviews during cards because I'm better than everyone else" Quigley thinks the Sychopaths are bad? Wait'll he gets a load of Deathbringer's Soldiers from Hell. Better yet, wait'll he gets a load of Deathbringer himself: [SCENE: Deathbringer is standing in the IIWF interview area. He's alone and the area seems darker than usual] DB: You mortals might be surprised to find me here in the IIWF's own interview area. Now there is a simple reason and this reason is you, Quigley. You say you do not believe in my immortality, you do not believe that I am Death himself ... and of course you do not fear the Reaper. Well, Quigley, I do not want to repeat myself and I will not. As a matter of fact, you have got quite some competition lying ahead, and Dan Kauffman certainly is not the last one whom I see making you some trouble. No, I do not want to intimidate you with my dark powers, even though I know that you would be intimidated by them quite well. But the books of history spelled problems for my last matches and I guess that it is about time to return to full strength and show all the wrestling world that I do not need to take use of my powers. [The area lightens up as Deathbringer makes a step towards the camera. He continues to speak with an almost friendly sounding voice] After all maybe I am just too nice for this world and especially my job... There will be no interferences in our match, at least not from my side... And as I gave you my word right now, you can count on it. And I am sure the same goes for you... Let us make this a fair match... No cheap shots, no running away, just a fair match. And may the better man win... [Deathbringer pauses for a few seconds then begins to laugh a bit] I almost can see your face right now. You wonder what I am up to, why I am that friendly... and most of all why I do not talk about you being taken six feet under... Do not worry, Quigley, I am just showing you my real character right now... I am not evil... I am a nice guy... [Suddenly a very loud sound rocks the scene, the lights go out and just the two piercing red eyes of Deathbringer remain on the screen. He continues to speak with his growling, now extremely evil sounding voice] But then again... maybe I am not... Quigley, prepare to meet your maker... [Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ * IIWF WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: CASEY JAMES vs. DIRT DOG UNIQUE ALLAH ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ LM: We'll be checking in with the entire Syndicate later in the show, but can you even imagine Dirt Dog Unique Allah with the IIWF World Heavyweight Championship belt? BL: Apparently the Dirt Dog has no trouble imagining it: [SCENE: Unique Allah is trying on gold belts. Medusa stands behind him, giggling as he puts on a woman's sequined belt.] MR: You look ridiculous. UA: Just getting a feel for them, 'dusa. Yeah, Saturday night I'm going to have a nice shiny new one. Yeah, that's gonna be superlogical! Yeah. MR: What? UA: You know what, 'dusa? I've realised something. Wrestling is like a woman. MR: Really, Unique? How's that. UA: You gotta try to get in there. Use all sorts of different approaches! You gotta treat it with respect! Caress its hair! Talk about its needs! You know what I'm sayin? MR: No. UA: Aw, man, you disappoint me sometimes. I don't think James treats this sport well enough. He's like the O.J. of wrestling! And I don't like that. You know. The IIWF should have a champion who'd take the belt out to a nice dinner and such. MR: [laughing] Unique, what have you got into this time. UA: Naw, I'm serious. I'm speaking literally metaphorically. You know? You gotta get specific to be general. Or is that vice versa? MR: Boy, let's get you to detox. UA: Man, I don't want no more shots! No more shots, 'dusa! [Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ * IIWF WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: DARK DISCIPLES vs. ZODIAC CONNECTION ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ LM: And the IIWF World Tag Team belts will also be on the line tomorrow night when... BL: Hehe... snort. LM: What's so funny? BL: The very thought of the Zodiacs getting a title shot when real teams like Domination... and especially Night Patrol... are more qualified. Just goes to prove that if you hang out with a couple of blonde chicks, you'll get good matches. LM: That's not quite fair to Gemini. BL: And just like blonde chicks, Taurus and Scorpio will wake up the next morning wondering what happened to them. Hehe. LM: Sigh. You're impossible. We'll hear from the Dark Disciples and the rest of the Syndicate shortly. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ * IIWF UNITED STATES TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP FIRST-ROUND: ARMED FORCES vs. PROPHETS OF RAGE ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ LM: The Armed Forces may be going through a difficult time right now... BL: They really suck without Aaron the Caddy. LM: ...but they're hoping to turn their fortunes around in the U.S. Tag Team Tournament. Their first-round opponents are no pushovers, however, and it's clear that the Prophets of Rage have been doing their homework. [SCENE: The Prophets of Rage visit a military base. The flamboyantly- dressed wrestlers walk through the operations of the drab green-dressed soldiers as they perform their duties. Shadoe watches intently. Derek gives them cursory glances.] SR: The military mind is so clean and precise. Prepared for anything, right? Armed Forces, you had better be. You had better be because there's a real danger of us just rolling right through you if you're not. DR: See, we know you from a long time ago. We know you well. Soldiers, going through the drear _robata_ of life. Well, you're gonna face something different this Saturday Night. IIWF, there's going to be a war as the forces of man go up against the forces of nature. NavCom, DefCon, bring all your weapons, your missiles your tools of destruction. Bring them all. You ain't got a damn thing in this world that can stop us from marching through you to take the U.S. tag titles. SR: The Prophets of Rage are a DefCon 5! Yeah! We're World War III -- a holocaust. Call all your generals, call all your men. Armed Forces, we'll take you apart never to be together again! DR: Man, get ready to get your head wrecked. [Fade to black as Derek covers the screen with his hand. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ * IIWF UNITED STATES TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP FIRST-ROUND: HIGH PLAINS DRIFTERS vs. THE HARLEQUINS ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ LM: Our other first-round tournament match pits former IIWF World Tag Team champs the High Plains Drifters against the always unpredictable Harlequins: [SCENE: Comedy is sitting in her room -- a multicolored place strewn with balloons and streamers. She is going through her "BAG O' TRICKS"] COMEDY: [shuffling through the bag] No, No, No, No. It's gotta be in here somewhere! [Comedy continues to sift through the bag.] COMEDY: I coulda sworn it was in here! Maybe I left it on the nightstand! [Comedy turns to the nightstand and sifts through some stuff. The Happy Hammer falls on the floor with a "squeak"] COMEDY: Darn it! Where in the world... [Her eyes drift to somewhere off camera. Her faces lights up with joy.] COMEDY: HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA! There it is! HAHAHAHAHAHA! [Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] ************************************************************************** --------- SPECIAL LIVE INTERVIEW: J.W. HARDIN & BRODY THUNDER ---------- ************************************************************************** LM: We mentioned earlier that "Lone Wolf" Brody Thunder will be challenging Mad Dog Watkins tomorrow night. It's a big match, obviously, made bigger by the fact that the Syndicate apparently is interested in Watkins. Our Tim Dross is standing by in our other studio with Thunder and "Outlaw" J.W. Hardin. Let's go to him now. Tim? [Cut to Tim Dross standing alone in a studio. Suddenly, "Outlaw" J.W. Hardin leads Brody Thunder onto the set. As they join Tim Dross, Hardin's eyes shift from right to left as if watching out for something or... someone. As Dross raises the microphone Thunder steps in.] TD: Good evening, gentlemen. I think we'd all like to know... [Thunder grabs the microphone from Dross and stares into the camera.] BT: Looks like the winter's heatin' up here in the IIWF. Good. Things have been kinda slow lately. So Hoss an' I need to set a few people straight. We got the Players' Club tryin' to make up their minds on whether or not they wanna join our fun in puttin' the numb on Brian Lau's Syndicate. Well boys... the train's about to leave the station so if ya wanna get on board then ya'll better get a move on. Next I got me a little debt to settle with ol' Billy Shakespeare. Son... what do I have to do to get it through that thick skull o' yers that if ya step in that squared circle with me again, ya ain't gonna wind up with a quick trip to General Hospital,son. Yer next trip is to the morgue. I ain't kiddin' with ya Billy-boy. Ya know me well enough now to know I'm as serious as a rattler's bite. I'm lookin' ya straight in the eye,friend,an' I'm tellin' ya like it is. I may not be the number one name on yer so-called hitlist right now...but I'm sure as hell gonna be number one in yer mind the next time we meet -- whether it be in the ring, in the parking lot or outside that precious little mansion o'yers... count on it. An' finally the Mad Dog. Ya talked a lot about respect Watkins. Well Saturday night we're gonna found out how far that respect will go. I'm comin' to that ring to prove I'm exactly what I say I am. The best there is in this sport today. Saturday night yer gonna find that out, son... [Brody lights up a cigar.] ...the hard way. Tell 'em Hoss. [Hardin steps to the forefront and takes the microphone. He pauses for a moment.] JWH: I was sittin' at the ranch last night with Becks when all of a sudden we were interrupted by this new IIWF program. Well Becks downshifted her hormones into neutral and we watched a memorable event known as Cor'nation Clash. When that show was over and I was walking down that aisle with ten pounds o' gold strapped round my waist, Becks and me did a little more celebratin' It brought back some good memories. But that's what they were... memories. That was then and we've all done a lot of livin' since. I may not be the most intelligent hombre who ever tangled with the devil, but I know how to get a job done. Players' Club, you want me and Thunder to contact you about how to get rid of the Syndicate? Boys, I'm gettin' a mite old to be schemin' bout how to take out Lau and his snakes. So consider yerselves contacted right now! Players' Club, Lau, Syndicate... it's goin' down tomorrow night at the IIWF Coliseum. Reyna and Dynamite, you boys show up if you wanna. If not, me and the big man [he hoists a thumb at Thunder] will do the job. And Lau... give my regards to Satan when you see him. [Hardin drops the microphone and he and Thunder walk off the set. Dross picks up the mic and speaks into it, but it is obviously broken. Quick cut back to Larry and Becky at the desk.] LM: Wow, it looks like we're going to need extra security in the building tomorrow night. BL: If J.W. and Thunder say they're gonna do something, then consider it done. LM: We'll keep an eye on that situation tomorrow night, fans. ************************************************************************** --------------------------- IIWF TRASH TALK ---------------------------- ************************************************************************** LM: One of the big controversies from last weekend was the Sandman's interference in the IIWF Intercontinental Championship match between Marty Warnett and Steve Kowalski. The Sandman floored both men before leaving the cage. BL: We have comments from all three men tonight. Let's start with the instigator -- the Sandman: [SCENE: The Iron Den. All the lights are off except for the one in the practice ring which highlights the mysterious one. SANDMAN: Last Saturday I came out and cracked a couple of skulls. This week, I heard Kowalski cry. You know what, big guy? You should have finished me off when you had the opportunity cause the only thing you did was piss me off. Yeah you can talk your talk with all your famous bleeps but it doesn't faze me. Cause you know what? I've been there and I've done that. So now you're all in a hissy fit cause you think I interfered with you winning the IC title. Son, that title should be mine! I'll prove it to you, I challenge you to a match next Saturday and show you why I deserve a shot. I want all the IIWF executives to pay close attention. I'll continue to stir a ruckus until the title is mine. Warnett, Kowalski, Byron...I don't care....give me the shot and I'll win me the title! [Sandman gestures a title around his waist and the light dims to black. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: It became evident rather quickly that Kowalski and Warnett would deal with the Sandman in their own ways. BL: Kowalski just has a more... _direct_ approach: [SCENE: The Sandman's dressing room. It appears to be a still shot, until a boot kicks in the door. Steve "The Fury" Kowalski walks through the splintered entrance, surveying the area.] SK: Figures ya wouldn't be here. Probably tellin' ghost stories to 12 year olds. Tellin' them how he's the Sandman, how he's got the Nightmare slam. [kicks over a chair] What a joke. Punk makes up crap about himself, now he thinks he's the devil's strong-arm. [Kowalski sparks up a fat stogie and puffs a few times.] Ya may be able to rattle twigs like Dross, but ya ain't been able to handle the Fury! I'm gonna stuff my fist so far down yer piehole, yer gonna smell my armpit! I'll rip you up so bad, you'll be beggin' Lucifer to send ya to hell. [He flips his cigar into a trash can, which eventually catches on fire.] By the way, when ya get to hell, tell the devil I'm gonna kick his ASS too! [The New Jersey Nightmare walks away, as the room is set aflame. Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: I'm glad to say that emergency personnel immediately extinguished the flames. BL: There's a lesson here, kids -- don't smoke. LM: Uh-huhhhh. Anyway, the Sandman controversy adds one more problem to Marty Warnett's life. The champ is also trying to prepare for a title defense at Ring Wars III against Lord Byron, and is attempting to deal with the advances of Byron's ward, Lady DeWinter. BL: Bitch. LM: Let's just hear from Marty: [SCENE: Marty Warnett walking through a park, where children are playing and laughing. One spots Marty, and runs over, asking him for an autograph, which he gives, smiling. Dross then walks into camera shot.] TD: Marty, it's good to see you happier than you have been lately. MW: Yeah, Tim, it is. I kinda feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders, just being able to be honest about my problems. TD: What exactly happened, Marty? [Marty pauses, and looks down at the ground.] MW: Well, Dross, all this travelling doesn't really help. I guess I've suffered from depression most of my life, but I just blanked it out, you know, not really seeing how bad the problem was? Before one bout, I was lacing my boots up, and just started crying, and that was the scary part, not being in control or able to stop. The doctor wanted me to take anti-depressants, those were the ones in the locker. And I just felt worse, like things were getting too much. So I stopped taking them. Hence the recent mood swings. TD: And now? MW: Tim, I'm not one hundred percent. Maybe I never will be. But I'm getting counseling, which helps. It's a chapter in my life which I hope has a happy ending. TD: So do the IIWF staff, and your many fans. Let's talk about the IC Title. MW: Yeah, it's good to be facing Byron again. We have... unfinished business to deal with. TD: And the attentions of his ward? MW: I hadn't really noticed that, when I'm in the ring I tend not to notice what's going on outside. Reviewing the tape from the other evening, Byron, you will never raise your hands to any young lady, especially your ward, somebody you have a duty of care towards. Still, I guess that public school upbringing of yours means you don't know how to handle female emotions, so ... TD: And yet again a bout with Kowalski descends into chaos. MW: [laughing] Yeah, anybody would think that was symbolic of my life! Sandman, do you really think that you can interfere in my title defense and that I won't care? Now, I'll tell you what, Mr. Morpheus, you can have a title match. Saturday, the first of March. You know why I'll pin him that day, Dross? TD: Tell me, Marty. MW: Because it's the holiday in Britain for Saint David, the patron Saint of Wales. Of course, I have somebody else to deal with in the meantime. TD: Creed? MW: No flies on you, Timbo. You see, I hear Creed can't speak because the cat got his tongue. Montgomery, you have an extremely big, big mouth. Yes, Creed has an impressive physique, in a Scott Steiner manner of speaking. Guess those big ole veins come in handy, eh? You want a piece of me, that's fine. Your big mistake is not wanting the title on the line, because Creed, as big, bad and mad as you are, when I pin you once, I will always pin you. Montgomery, you may have the company, but I have the franchise, your lease, and more importantly, Saturday, yeah, Saturday, your assets' worth will depreciate. Rapidly. TD: Thanks for your time, Marty. MW: Always a pleasure, never a chore, Tim. Your hair's looking good today. [Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: It would seem that Lord Byron could care less about Warnett and the Sandman. The events surrounding Lady DeWinter and Warnett may be another matter: [SCENE: The study of Lord Byron's New Orleans mansion. Byron is stood in front of the window, looking out at the pouring rain. IIWF senior reporter Tim Dross is shown in by a manservant.] LB: Mr. Dross. Punctual as usual, I see. I take it your journey wasn't too unpleasant? TD: No more than usual. LB: [sneering] That's what I like to see, a positive attitude. I take it you have some questions prepared? [Byron steps past Tim and walks over to a drinks cabinet, pouring himself a measure of brandy. He walks back across to his desk, and sits down, watching Tim with a smirk.] TD: Of course. You and DeWinter had yet another run-in on Saturday night. I couldn't here what you were saying, but it left DeWinter fairly upset. LB: Upset? Her? How do you think I feel? I am the laughing stock of the embassy. My ward is running around like a schoolgirl after some Welsh ignoramus. [Byron sneers] You want to know why she was so upset? I cut her allowance. If I were Mr. Warnett, I would keep a close eye on my wallet. But then again, DeWinter always did go in for the "tortured soul" type. TD: That "tortured soul" also happens to be the IIWF Intercontinental Champion. And despite his personal problems, he's done an excellent job of holding onto the title. LB: [sneering] Oh yes. A truly professional job, I'm sure. Coming to the ring like he's been dragged off the streets, brandishing a lethal weapon, I can imagine that the IIWF top brass consider him a sterling champion. If it were not for the Sandman's untimely interference, Warnett would be gone and forgotten now. TD: Fortunately for you, he isn't. And currently you are scheduled to face him for that very title at Ring Wars III. LB: I shall look forward to it immensely. Warnett and I have unfinished business left from the Royal Albert Hall... where DeWinter cost me the match? [Byron sneers] Just how far back does her treachery stretch, I wonder? Whatever the case, I will look forward to deposing her new idol. Maybe seeing me humiliate him once again will finally teach her some sense. And if that doesn't, maybe the loss of another meal ticket will. Warnett, you have felt the old Aristoclutch before. At Ring Wars III, you'll feel it again. Count on it. Mr Dross, your time is up. I have work to finish. Ciao. [Byron presses a buzzer and the retainer enters the room, and leads Tim out. Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: Is it really over between Byron and Lady DeWinter? BL: Of course it is. Byron finally realized that DeWithered was no good for his career. That and she's as frigid as a... LM: Well, we just heard from Byron, and we'll finally get to hear her side of the story now, thanks to the wonders of modern satellite technology. BL: Oh, joy. [The screen splits as the satellite connection is received, and focuses in on the image of a somewhat tearful Lady DeWinter.] LM: Hello? Miss Dewinter? Welcome to "Countdown to Saturday Night." BL: [under her breath] Sucker... LM: Now, Miss DeWinter, the controversy surrounding your and Byron's apparent split continues to grow, and it has been fueled immensely by your appearances at Marty Warnett's matches. One question, Milady: Why? DeW: It's... really quite simple. It's... Marty... He's everything that Byron is not... warm... caring... sensitive... BL: A IIWF champion... [DeWinter flashes Becky a hateful look] LM: I apologise for my colleague's bluntness, Milady, but it does seem strange that you chose to leave Byron at such a time. DeW: No. Really... it's nothing like that at all... Byron... he's just not the man I originally thought he was... BL: Hehehe... snort. DeW: I had my doubts about Byron for a long time. It wasn't an instant thing... it's been building up ever since we came to the IIWF. I'm sure Marty will understand... BL: So the fact that Byron's cut your allowance has nothing to do with it then? At all? Huh? DeW: No... you don't understand... BL: Admit it, Missy, you're a leech. At the first sign of trouble you turn tail and run -- especially the "tail turning" part. LM: Becky! Please! [The damage has been done. DeWinter runs off camera, crying.] LM: Well, thanks to my colleague here, it looks like we won't be getting much more from the Lady DeWinter today. BL: [grinning evilly] No need to thank me Larry, it was a pleasure. LM: Let's jump to a completely different topic before you get us into any more trouble. Mr. Damage has issued a challenge to "Real Deal" Luke Steele to meet him in a boxing match next week. And it appears that Mr. Damage is taking this challenge very seriously, indeed: [SCENE: Mr. Damage stands in the IIWF interview area with four-time Australian World Boxing Champ Jeff Fenech.] MD: Listen Up Real Deal, I called up this Boxing Match so I can knock you senseless and into next week. JF: I love youse all!! MD: When I finish with you I might even go after "the Prince" and humiliate him just as I am about to do to you. JF: Youse are the best youse really are and I love youse all! MD: What do you think Jeff how many rounds till I put the Real Deal to sleep. JF: Youse really is the Best Mr. Damage, I'm predicting a first round knockout. And I love the crowd and all youse at home! MD: Enough of the "I Love Youse." I don't celebrate Valentines Day! I'm here to put the Real Deal Luke Steele to SLEEP and I'll read him a story and tuck him into bed -- a hospital bed! JF: Could you read him my autobiography? It's called "I Love Youse All" and it's available at all good bookshops. MD: [shaking his head] I told you not to plug your book. Oh well, Real Deal I'll see you in the ring. [Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: Mr. Damage may be jumping the gun a little bit with his challenge. BL: Everyone knows boxing is for wimps... even the "Real Squeal:" [SCENE: Luke Steele stands on a street corner in Cleveland, Ohio. Just off in the distance, Gund Arena can be seen.] LS: Hey there, Baby Dolls. It's me, the Real Deal once again. I know it's gotten repetitive, but once again the Real Deal's gotten the Raw Deal. American Patriot, it wasn't your fault man. That Damage guy coldcocked me, and cost me yet another match. Damage, it's come through the grapevine that you want me in a boxing match. Well big man, bring it on. Luke Steele is definitely not afraid of a little Damage, and he intends to give as much back, and more. You know, I was at the NBA All Star Game last weekend, and I had a chance to talk to the San Antonio Spur's David Robinson. He's been out for a while with an injury, and he told me to keep my head high, and keep on doing what I'm doing. Sooner or later the Spurs'll get to the Finals, and sooner or later Luke Steele's gonna get the last laugh on Minor Damage. Once I polish him off in the boxing match, I want to face him in a regular wrestling match. The reason for that is simply this -- boxing is a great sport, but I don't want my fists to have any padding when they hit his face. Damage, it's on between us, so bring the noise! [Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: Serge Annis isn't a happy man lately... BL: Gee, did the fact that he has "HATE" written across his face tip you off? LM: Just a bit. Well Annis has a few things on his mind, which means we're about to hear them. BL: Hehe... you said Annis. [SCENE: A warehouse. The shot is in black and white. In the empty, abandoned warehouse is nothing, with the exclusion of about 10-15 oil drums, all burning. A figure appears, walking toward the camera. A voice is picked up.] VO: Something that I have always prided myself on... is credibility. How much you can back up your mouth. And that is what I have always done. I've always gone out and done what I said I would do. [The figure stops at an oil drum and gazes into the fire. The face still cannot be made out, but the voice is becoming more recognizable.] VO: And something I try to gain is a little respect... I am not talking about the kind of respect your fan favorites want... What I want... is for people to cringe in fear when they hear the name, Serge Annis. And most people do. But in the IIWF, my name is something people merely ignore... or laugh at... [The camera suddenly pans right up to Serge Annis' face. He has a scar on the right side of his cheek, and slight burn marks on his other side. He is wearing a black muscle shirt and black jeans. Annis stars into the camera.] You can call me Serge Anus, or whatever else you want, but be forewarned your humour is not taken lightly. But what is in a name? Surely the name The Epitome of Evil suggests something... Listen up Deathbringer, I won. I may have won the match via a disqualification, which is not the way I wanted it to end. But you see, Dead Man, I was never in the match to pin your shoulders one, two three... I was in it to show you I have no fear of you, or any other spectral beings the IIWF may have... I won the mind games Dead Man... like I said I would... I respect your talent Deathbringer... but pity your 'poser' soul... [Annis starts walking. His eyes are fixed on a fire in a oil drum he walks past.] It seems that a lot of people in the IIWF seem to think that I know not what I am doing... well let me ask you... what business of it is yours? White Phoenix, you are a very very dumb individual. I took your first comments with a hearty ho ho and a polite warning. Your second warnings were justified as you pushed it. But your third attack, which won me my match, drew an invisible line... you think you know all about fire? Well I am sure you do... I do not... nor do I care... fire is what saved me from an eternal damnation... from a dungeon of doom so to speak. I do not disrespect or abuse it. I proved to you that I do not need it. The crimson blood that flowed showed a new Serge Annis... one that you, I am afraid, do not want to see, Chow. You think your escapades go unanswered? You will pay... now you want to team with Deathbringer himself against me... do you really think it bothers me... no Shinja Chow, there are many things you yet do not understand. But I would be happy to show you, to teach you your own ignorance... perhaps then you won't be as cocky, or pig-headed. Make up your mind Phoenix... do you want Serge Annis... do you want Takezo Musashi... or do you want your soul, for I will not only claim that but which you do owe, but that which you must see...I accept your challenge Phoenix... but what makes you think you understand me... or have a hope in hell of beating me...? [Annis kicks over the drum. He continues walking.] Congratulations Dan Kauffman... you have yet again earned my utter most respect... you no longer hide behind your IIWF world title... you hide behind your abilities which is something that is much to be desired from people in IIWF... but now, there are no more excuses. I came to the IIWF looking for you Kauffman, I called you out. But I said to wait... wait until you lost that world title, wait until you are ready to leave. But hear this Dan, you have my respect, but don't blow it. Come Ring Wars, I will have had my promised match with you to settle the score... you Daniel Kauffman are my one true concern... I may not be yours as I understand... but deep back in your mind, you better begin to concern yourself with Serge Annis once again. [Annis stops and suddenly stares into the camera] Phoenix, I pity you for you are no more than an ignorant fool. May what ever god you believe in have mercy on your soul... for God turned his back on Serge Annis a long time ago, and I do not forgive and forget... instead I will send you into the personal Hell I overcame. But with one slight difference... you simply will not.. survive... hehehe...heh.. Phoenix... I think it is time you woke up.... and smelled the trouble you are in... for the smell will be your rotting carcass as I turn your body into a charcoal... and your soul... hehehe... [Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: Annis is one of many odd characters running around the IIWF these days. BL: No one can accuse Otto Verhoeven of being odd, though. And Timmy Dross learned that you don't call "The Butcher" a cheater: [SCENE: Otto Verhoeven's private gym. "The Butcher" is pounding away on the heavy bag which swings wildly back and forth. Sweat runs down his forehead and he has a grim expression on his face. Heidi, wearing an expensive looking jade-green dress, watches him with a smile. Tim Dross approaches the German, looking slightly uncomfortable.] TD: Good morning Mi... Herr Verhoeven. I heard you want to make some statements. [Verhoeven ignores him and just strikes the heavy bag harder.] TD: Er, do you want to talk about a particular wrestler? [Verhoeven stops abruptly, takes a deep breath, and slowly turns to Dross.] OV: First, I want to talk about you, you annoying wimp. [Tim's face turns pale.] How can you dare to spread the rumor that I intend to keep even one cent of the $300,000 purse? TD: I... it's only what I heard from... OV: SHUT UP! Do you know how long it takes the IIWF suits to give me the purse, eh? Do you know? Once I have it, I'll send it over, along with the rest of the money. The 75,000 $ were just the first, quick rate. Do you understand this, you bloated worm?! Do you?! [Dross just nods] OV: In ordnung, okay then. But don't make this mistake again. It got you into trouble before, and it could hurt you again, hurt you badly. But let's talk about the "best wrestler in the world today." Let's talk about Chris Kickme. TD: Yes, he challenged you to a match next week. After all, your conflict was never resolved due to his injury. OV: Come on, Dross, we all remember what happened. Quigley ran away from me, scared to death. I was on top of my game at that time, and only Kauffman and the Psycho together managed to defeat me and steal my title. TD: That was indeed one of the most controversial title changes in IIWF history, but Quigley did not ran away, he... [A menacing glare from "the Butcher" silences him.] OV: Think what you want, I know the truth. And now, as he prepares for the anticipated "farewell-match" he tries to get back on track versus Deathbringer and me? Who does he think he is, Superman? The dead man is more than able to deal with that snot-nosed punk, and if he is still able to walk after that match I will make it my personal duty to squash him like a bug. He never stood a chance against me. In all of these months I gave him more beatings than his mother, and in recent weeks he turned into the federation's favorite whipping boy. Deathbringer, Herr James, Herr Petrow and Herr Manning pounded him into a bloody pulp for weeks now, and I am more than willing to continue this new tradition. Quigley, it won't be a happy end for you, count on that! [Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: Another former champion who hopes to reverse his fortunes is "Badboy" Randy Acorn, who had the following to say: [SCENE: Footage subtitled, "Earlier This Week." The shot is focused on the back of a man sitting in a chair facing a wall with graffiti all over it. After a pause, the man pops out of his trance and turns around to face the camera. The man is "Badboy" Randy Acorn. He rises from his chair and walks over to face the camera from a few feet away. He gives a slight grin and then begins to speak:] RA: There's been a lot of speculation going on around here about what's wrong with me and whether I'm ever going to be the same again. Well, I never really changed... the only problem has been that I haven't been too focused lately and that has caused me to lose some matches. Now, I have realized that I must do something that I never thought I would have to do. I must ask for help. This is to all the stables, managers, and so on that are looking for someone with talent... yes, I still have that, to help them win a title. Now, of course for me to join, I still have to respect you and even though I hide it a lot, there are a few wrestlers out there that I still flat out respect. Well, now that's done and I can start talking bad about people. I like this part. [Randy walks back towards the chair that he was sitting in earlier and spins it around so he can sit in it facing the camera. He sits down in it, keeping his grin and begins to speak again.] "Sychosis" Joe Petrow, a very outspoken man like myself. Had these been different circumstances, there is a possibility that we may have gotten along quite well, but... NO! You instantly came into this league thinking you were the man and came after the "Badboy". While it's true that I may not be the best around right now, and I'm not even at the peak of my own level of talent, I think I may just be able to muster up enough energy to kick your butt. Remember, Petrow... confidence will get you far, but only talent will take you all the way. And Petrow, put on some deodorant... you smell like an elephant's ass. Well, there's one more subject that I must get to before I go for today, and that's everybody's favorite Native American, Nightwing. Well pal, it seems we're having a little disagreement. I know where I stand, but where do you stand? I mean, you think that I'm just going to let you attack me and get away with it? You are mistaken if that's true. Sure I dressed up like you, but that's no reason to get all pumped up and attack me. Hell, all the clothes and feathers came from the dollar store. Let me tell you something... you are a cheap man [snickers]. I'm interested in how you plan on beating me. Tell me... better yet, show me. I'm challenging you to a match on this coming Saturday. Do you wanna wrestle... or do you want to hide in the shadows, attacking me like a punk again? Stand up to me and find out how well your threshold for pain holds up against my Newark Knife. Well kiddies, time's up for now but you can bet I'll be back. [Screen fades to black as Randy Acorn gets up out of the chair and walks from the view of the camera. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: We told you earlier that Tim Dross found "Superstar" Stud Stetson in a rather non-superstar setting earlier today. BL: How the mighty have fallen. LM: Take a look, fans: [SCENE: The outskirts of Portland, in which can be seen a fairly large forested area with a small back road travelling out of it which leads to an old, rusty, metal structured bridge. The rain quickly pours on this early Portland morning as an IIWF company car then pulls up beside the bridge. Tim Dross, dressed in an official IIWF raincoat with his IIWF duds underneath, steps out. Dross walks up to a certain individual who is sitting on the railing of the bridge. This person is in terribly torn blue jeans, a ripped, stained white t-shirt, dirty and soaked long hair and a leather strap is held tightly in his hands. This individual is a very distraught Superstar Stud Stetson. He is looking down below the bridge until Dross walks up to his side. Then Stetson looks up at him.] TD: Stetson, it's pouring down rain and you're in a t-shirt and jeans. Why are you out here? SS: [in a surprisingly -- for Stetson -- calm and quiet voice] There is nowhere else to go Dross. [slight pause as he looks back at the ground] I've lost it all. Lost my respect. Lost my home. Lost my fame. No more riches. Hell, not even any friends. Most importantly no more Lace. [he then seems to fade off as if talking to himself] Called her house last night and this other girl answered the phone. Said she was a friend of Lace and that Lace had moved out and returned home. I really miss her [another pause] [looks back up at Dross, seems to be back in touch] I messed up big this time Dross. Don' have anything left. [looks back at the ground] All because I lost my focus. Got a little too egotistical for my own good. Thought I was above it all. I was taking Lace for granted but I screwed up one time too many and now she has hit the road. [takes a deep breath] Things have really changed these last few months Dross. Came here a few months ago higher then a cloud thinking I was the hottest thing since the good ol' television. Thought I was above everybody. And at first things couldn't have been better -- I was a top contender and drawing more heat than asphalt on a hot sunny day. I was being one vicious SOB, like when I was whamming Warnett with a car. [begins to chuckle] Now things have really made a turn for the worse. Brought out that junky piece of metal and called it a belt and from there went on one hell of a losing streak. Then I tried to get refocused and that's when everything fell apart [looks straight at Dross]. I began taking her for granted Dross. While trying to become a badass, I was treating her worse then my opponents. She was getting tired of hanging with somebody who couldn't get a win if it was handed to him. [brushes his hands through is soaked hair] Tired of being with a joke. And Dross lets be honest that's what I had became. Nobody was taking me serious anymore. I had lost all fear I once attained. I had become a pathetic wannabe, Dross. [he stops and looks around and then continues to speak] Then came my rumored departure of the IIWF, with that everything finally crumbled. Lace couldn't believe I would contemplate leaving without her, she knew with my current record no fed would want me anymore. The bank payments didn't come in so I lost my private gym. I gambled away my home and all my money once I started to get real desperate. Of course without money you don't have friends, or least a jerk like me doesn't. With that, Lace said it was over and she wouldn't come back until I earn respect back here in the IIWF. But things don't look good. TD: You did get a win last Wednesday. Maybe things will begin to pick up. SS: [looks off into the rainy scenery] No, no, no. Sure it was good to finally get a win. It was good to break my losing streak but my luck hasn't changed any. Beating Ronnie isn't going to help my rankings. Not going to strike fear in the competition or earn me a title shot -- not that those matter anymore other than for respect. It ain't going to help me find a place to live. Most of all it ain't going to make Lace want to come back. You see Dross that is what it all comes back to. All I care about now is making Lace want to come back. And in order to do that I have make it back to the top of the IIWF. [looks back at Dross, with tears in his eyes] The only way of making it back to the top of the IIWF is to start wising up. Start to get my killer instinct back and my focus. I've got to stop talking big and actually breaking punks' bones in the ring. I can be a tough talker but that doesn't matter if I am not a big walker, if ya no what I mean. [pausing again seemingly deep in thought] [staring into space] I have to stop wanting to be badass -- stop wanting all this attention and start get down and dirty. Get back to business, so to speak. Worry more about making an impression on the IIWF booking committee with wins rather then make an impression on my opponents with my Corvette. [gives a slight chuckle] It seems Lace leaving me has woke me up in way. I realize now what I was doing before was going to hurt me in the long run. It was time I matured and gave serious thought on my sport. Now don't get me wrong, I ain't going soft. I am still as intense as ever but this time my intenseness will be focused on getting the win in the ring. Because getting the win leads to what this sport is all about. Respect. Dross that is all its about now. It's going to be a rough ride but I think I am ready for it. TD: Stetson, you may have been possibly my least favourite star here in the IIWF but your recent turn of luck has made me rather sympathetic. [reaches in his wallet, and pulls out some cash] Here, this is everything I have in my wallet -- it isn't much but it is all I have on me. I hope it helps. SS: [he waves the money away] No Dross, I don't want your money. You say you're sympathetic for me? Well, if you take away the sym what do you have, Dross? That's right, pathetic. And if I take your cash that is what I have become. I don't want your charity. I don't need your pity. I am the same [BLEEP] I was a few months ago just I am now in pretty bad shape. I'll be honest Dross if I do get everything back, I'll probably just turn back right into the man I once was. Pathetic isn't it? Let's just call this a moment of reasoning. While I am down, I have realized my mistakes and the fool I was. I realize how great Lace was. But now that is just a little late and even if things do look up -- like I said -- it will just be the same again. A tragedy if I do say so myself. [with that Stetson looks down at the strap in his hand] You know what, Dross, you can do something for me. Convince Mr. Spreadbury to sign a match between me and Mr. Shakespeare at that big upcoming PPV, Ring Wars III I think it is. Put a a lot of publicity in it like you always do. Give it a real big billing too. That way maybe it can catch Lace's attention and she can see me avenge her embarrassment. [he tightens the strap and looks straight into the camera] Shakespeare, I have never said this to anyone before -- but in this current state I feel a bit humbler -- and that is I respect you. I think you are one hell of a wrestler. Shakespeare if you agree, I promise I'll give you the best match the IIWF has ever seen. This match is for all the marbles. This match is the match I seek respect. It's the match I try to win Lace back. It is the match I seek vengeance. For one of us this match will be a Tragic Ending. [Stetson then begins to smack the strap against his arm while the rain begins to finally settle down] TD: And with that we have seen a changed Stud Stetson. It will be interesting to see how Stetson's career goes from here. [Cut to a closeup of Stetson's face] SS: Lace, I won't let you down. I promise. [Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: Let's turn our attention to the IIWF tag team ranks for a few minutes, which of course means checking in with the Syndicate, which has all of the IIWF's World Champions in the stable. BL: That means it's time for "Spotlight on Brian Lau!" LM: Indeed it does: [SCENE: Brian Lau, Don McQueen, Kane, Wulf, and Casey James all sit on one side of the room, and seem to be looking at something on the other side Brian looks over a piece of paper, Don, Kane, and Wulf stare as if they can't believe what they are seeing, and Casey sits with his hand over his mouth, trying hard to stifle his laughter.] BL: Okay, now it says here that the name you wish to use is... [Off Screen]: The Mariner, matey... [The shot widens to show one of the members of the Barnacle Brothers in an old fashioned captain's uniform with a rope tied around his neck. On the other end of the rope is tied a rubber chicken.] BL: Okay... Now, why do you think you'd be right for the Syndicate? M: Well, matey, I'm confident in my new gimmick. BL: Ah, yes... Your new gimmick. You used to be one of the Barnacle Brothers, correct? M: Aye. Me bruther has wished me well on me quest fer success in singles action. BL: And as one the Barnacle Brothers, your win/loss record was less than impressive. M: I believe tag action fer me was like being out of water for a fish, sir. Besides, nobody would be able to stand up to me new finisher... [Casey squeaks, his face goes red, and looks about to lose control of his laughter.] BL: Your new finisher. That would be...? M: The Albatross, matey. [At that point, Casey bursts into laughter, holding his stomach, and doubling over. The rest of the Syndicate laugh a bit, too, but Casey really takes the cake as far as obnoxiousness goes.] BL: Okay, thanks, umm, Mariner, we'll get back to you... M: Thank ye, Mr. Lau. D'ya mind if I get me a glass of water? I'm a wee bit parched. BL: Whatever... Just go. [Mariner leaves, and Casey just barely gets control of his laughter, giggling every so often...] BL: Well, these auditions are really taxing. It seems that there are so few athletes in the IIWF worth even looking at. DM: We're looking for very particular specifications and most of the trash floating around in the IIWF these days just doesn't fit the bill. We need men with exceptional talent, a desire to win at all costs, and most importantly, they must be utterly ruthless! We have a few candidates in mind, not that we care to share them with all the plebeians out there. Tim Dross has been opening his big trap, the scandal sheets have been spreading rumors, but nothing has been decided yet. We'll be choosing our new members when we're goddamn good and ready! BL: Well, let's concentrate on our members right now. Don, The Disciples did really well in defeating Domination. Whenever I see them compete in the ring, I am reminded of why I approached you for membership into the Syndicate. DM: Thanks Brian, its been a pleasure working with you. Nobody can doubt that we have built the most dominant stable in history. Big, bad Casey James, the mighty Dark Disciples, our managerial brilliance, an unbeatable combination! And anyone who doubts us, well just look at our trophy case at the moment. [Don gestures at a cabinet on the far wall, prominently displaying the singles World title and the defaced tag team titles.] BL: Much blood has flowed since you guys came into the IIWF, and it makes me happy. Keep it up guys. WULF: Well, there is nothing I like to see more than blood pouring from every pore of our screaming victims! We've sent the High Plains Drifters packing, squashed the Players Club and thoroughly dominated Domination. So what meat does the championship committee throw to the lions next? A pair of new age hippies going by the name of the Zodiac Connection. Well listen up Taurus and Scorpio! You think that gazing up at the stars to check whether Cancer is moving through Uranus is gonna save your souls when you've picked a fight with two drooling, blood-crazed maniacs like me and Kane? KANE: It seems that the Zodiac Connection have been messing with too many mystic crystals, it is starting to affect their brains. Zodiacs, you are living in delusion if you believe that the Universe is arranged in any kind of order. You can no more predict the future by gazing at the sky than you can defeat us in the ring. Chaos is the only law that exists in the Universe, and we shall demonstrate that to you on Saturday night. While you're staring up at the sky like a couple of amateur UFO spotters, we'll run over you like a steamroller. This will be our easiest defense yet. BL: Now, Casey, it would seem that we've taken care of one problem. CJ: Which creates another. I have to be honest with you, I didn't even mean to break Tiger Claw's leg, but I guess I just don't know my own strength. Of course, it could all be explained by the fact that Tiger Claw has not only gone soft in mind, but in body as well. I don't care... I'm just happy to put someone out, no matter who it is. But now, he's got that whole revenge vibe going on, and now he's going to train Subway Psycho in what he calls "The ways of the Syndicate." Sure thing, there, buddy boy. It doesn't matter what you do, Tiger Claw, because no matter what you train the Psycho to do, I'm still going to be able to overcome it. Besides, I've got my own plan. BL: And what could that be? CJ: Well, I can't go into it on international television, otherwise it wouldn't give me the advantage, would it? But I can tell you about something else. Remember Sasha? Oh, yeah, we all remember Sasha. Psycho, you remember Sasha... She doesn't come around any more, does she? Oh, yeah, you told everyone that you wanted her to keep away from ringside for her safety. Yeah, she was hoping you'd take it that way. BL: [in mock surprise] You mean that is not the case? CJ: Well, it might be for her own safety, but not physical. Psycho, I'm sure you remember Sasha's little stint with the Syndicate, which you wanted everyone to believe was a result of blackmail, a charge which we deny.Did you know, though, that she was totally into what she did here? She really enjoyed our company. So much, in fact, that she got close to one of us. Now, I know she came to the ring with Brian, but there was someone else who had her interest. Now Tiger Claw and Hakiro Matsuoko were all caught up in their arts or whatever, and Joe Latta was practically married, tied down with a whip. So who does that leave? Yup, that's right, me. She was a cutie, that's for sure, and she had, well, interesting tastes. I won't go into it, but I can show you this videotape... You see, she liked to... BL: Wait, Casey, you can't show that tape... CJ: Why not? BL: It's international television! It won't get past the censors even if you did show it! CJ: You're right... Well, I guess I'll have to describe it... Psycho, you know that trick Sasha does with her... BL: Casey! CJ: Oh, yeah... Well, I've got a few souvenirs here, maybe... BL: I'm afraid you can't do that, either. CJ: Oh, come on! What can I do? BL: Unfortunately, this show is taped, and is not _live_ like Saturday Night. See, before this show is aired, the censors go over it. On a show that is live, like Saturday Night, the censors usually don't have a chance... See, on a _live_ show like Saturday Night, anything could happen. CJ: Ahh, yes... Okay, well, I'll keep that in mind the next time I wish to go over anything. Anyway, Psycho, it seems that we have a lot in common. The World Title, which I now hold, and you _used_ to hold... Then there's Sasha, who used to favor you, but now calls me late in the night when she needs a man. Oh, yeah, that's right... We still get together, because she can't forget a real man like me, especially now that I have the World title. The chicks dig it, you know. Anyway, Psycho, at Ring Wars III, I'm going to make the cycle complete. I took the belt which used to be yours, I took the woman that used to be yours, and now I'm going to take away the career that used to be yours. It's about time the Subway Psycho bowed out of action for a while, and I'm going to be the one to help him along. BL: Casey worked hard to get this title, Psycho. He's not going to give it up without a hell of a fight, and that's something that you're just not capable of. Casey, you're going to hold that belt for a long time, I promise you. With that, it is time that we ended this interview. There is some training that we must finish. [Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: We promised that you would hear more from "Team Brutality," which already has one team in the second round of the IIWF U.S. Tag Team Tournament. BL: And the prospects for Pain Inc. making it to the second round look pretty good, too. Brenda Hawkings and Mr. Mic make a great team, don't you think? LM: Actually, no I don't. But they don't seem to care what I think: [SCENE: Backstage after Wednesday Night's card. Night Patrol is giving high-fives to Pain Inc. Mr.Mic is seen talking to Brenda Hawkings. He sees the camera crew and turns to face the camera.] MM: [he pretends to be scared] Oh no, 7-11 Knights, YOU HAVE SOMETHING IN STORE FOR TEAM BRUTALITY!!! Lemme guess... would that be the Vizier who got sprayed with pepper and handcuffed to the ringpost?! Ya almost had us except for that one little detail... [he rubs his chin] ...now what was that... oh yeah... the Vizier met his match in Brenda Hawkings! One half of Team Brutality is on to the next round and next week we will be joining them. [Morningstar and Hellraiser walk over to Mr.Mic.] Okay, boys, next week we've got the Alphabet Boys and you know what that means right? MS: Yes, Mic, that means we have to wrestle a couple of morons but very unorthodox and capable morons. MM: That's right, I don't want you or Hellraiser getting too overzealous and getting yourselves DQed. Understand? MS: Got it. MM: Hellraiser? [Hellraiser just stares at Mr.Mic and nods his head. He then whispers something into Morningstar's ear] MS: Boss, the big man wants to make sure we can still pound Abie and Zed into the mat? [Mr.Mic grabs both men around the neck] MM: Hey, you two are called Pain Inc. and that's what you give out PAIN! I should hope that Abie and Zed are going to need some help leaving that ring next week, but I don't want any disqualifications. [Hellraiser nods his head] Let's get an official word on next week's match. [Night Patrol comes over to the camera] Gentlemen and of course Ms. Hawkins, what do you think of tonight's match and what do you see in store for the Alphabet Boys next week? BH: I see nothing but woe in store for those mental ward escapees Alphabet Boys. You may have gotten past our felony charges with that insanity plea, but that's where Team Brutality comes in...in the IIWF, there's no pleading for mercy, because Pain Inc. doesn't have any! KEENE: In any case, Alpha Punks, just stand aside and let Pain Inc. move ahead. You don't want to deny the fans a good solid quarterfinal match between these two teams you see here! [Everyone laughs. Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: It's been a tumultuous week for Rising Sun Revolution, which had a spat with former friends Domination, fielded questions about an alleged deal with Mr. Mic., and then actually heard some boos from fans at the IIWF Coliseum Wednesday night. BL: Maybe they were just chanting "Ryuuuuuudo." Hehe. LM: I don't think so. It seemed to unnerve Hiroshi and Ryudo a bit, so we sent Steve Summer to get the scoop: [SCENE: Rising Sun Revolution's training gym. Unusually for the gym, it's fairly quiet. Ryudo and Hiroshi are training alone. IIWF intern reporter Steve Summer walks in.] SS: Hey guys, how's it going? [Hiroshi looks up from the bench press and frowns. Ryudo throws down his training gloves and walks across, looking fairly dejected.] RY: Not too good Steve. Not too good at all.. everything seems to be going wrong at the moment. SS: I take it you're referring to the split with Domination, and your less than enthusiastic performance Wednesday night. RY: [half smiling] Could you have been a little less caustic? SS: Sorry. RY: No, don't be. You were right. Since we first arrived in the IIWF, almost a year ago now, we've had the fans 100% behind us. The fan's loyalty was what drove us on to capture the titles for the first time, and what brought us back to win them again. The fans support was what helped us go nine matches unbeaten in one of the toughest leagues in the world. Wednesday, that support, the support we'd thrived off, it just wasn't there anymore. SS: You're not blaming the fans for your defeat are you? RY: Of course not, Steve. After the comments our friend Jarvier made, I'm not surprised that they were wary. We've seen time and time again in the IIWF just how anything can, and does happen. But I'm going to tell you this, right now. There is no way in the world we would betray the fans' trust. Everything we've achieved here, we owe to them. There is no way we would sell out to Mr. Mic. Brian Lau tried to tempt us once, he got a flat refusal. To tell the truth, we have heard absolutely nothing from Mr. Mic. And we have no idea why they said those things. [Hiroshi sits up, and growls some comments to Ryudo.] RY: You know, Monster and Hiroshi used to get on like a house on fire. Don't know why, neither had a clue what the other was saying, but they always used to watch each other's backs. There was a time when we would have done anything that Domination asked of us. They watched our backs time and time again, and we watched theirs in return. I heard Mistress complained about how we never gave them a title shot? We defended against all the number one contenders as champions. Yeah, Domination asked us for a shot. And we said that we'd give it them. But it didn't turn out like that in the end. We didn't deliberately duck them, and we definitely didn't try to hold them back. SS: What about Jarvier's comments about your laughing at him in training? RY: I wish I could say it didn't happen, Steve. We were admittedly ribbing Jarvier slightly, and I guess he took it too much to heart. We didn't intend to insult him. And because of our past friendship, we intend to make it up to them. The door is open, Domination. OK, we may have been wrong. Please, we've been friends too long to end it like this now. Next Saturday night, we'll be in the arena. If you walk to talk things over then, just give us the word. Let's clear the air. SS: OK. Thanks guys, I hope it works out. [Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: Even if RSR loses all of their other fans, they'll still have Abie and Zed to fall back on. BL: Oh yeah, that's some consolation. LM: The Alphabet Boys are still in the running for the IIWF U.S. Tag belts, and apparently RSR have helped them with some training tips: [SCENE: Steve Summer stands outside a neon pink trailer that is immediately recognizable as the home of the Alphabet Boys.] SS: We have received word that the Alphabet Boys are undergoing an training procedure as recommended to them by Rising Sun Revolution. There was no answer when we knocked at the door, so we're going in. [He opens the door. The camera picks up views of empty pizza boxes, empty sugar sacks, paintings of Elvis on velvet, mummified newspapers, and postcards thanking for their interest in Russian Mail-order brides. The camera pans around to find Abie and Zed sitting, lotus position, in front of the television. On screen, David Carradine practices martial arts in the old west as part of the "Kung-Fu" television series of old.] CAMERA MAN: Whoa. SS: I understand they've been like this for three straight days. CAMERA: Whoa. SS: There it is. Training ABoys style. [The picture holds for a moment until it fades. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: And we have one final report on a team vying for the IIWF U.S. Tag belts -- a team that must overcome a mystery team if it hopes to advance to the second round. I'm speaking, of course, about G.W.R., and they don't seem to be having much luck figuring out this mystery team either: [SCENE: A room somewhere. On a flipboard is the bracketing in the U.S. title tournament. Kane, Spoiler and Loco are standing around, looking at the bracketing. Tim Dross comes forward.] SP: No, the Players' Club are there. Look [he points to the bracketing.] Look, this isn't going to help. We can't work it out from here. [He turns around as the camera crew approach] Oh hello, Tim. Any word on who this mystery team is yet? TD: No. I have heard a few whispers, but... SP: Yeah, a thousand different names, all of them completely implausible. Everyone knows someone who knows someone who can say that it's most definitely going to be... [he pauses] Yeah, I know the story. You might as well pick a name out of hat as trust those rumors. [he pauses and looks back at the chart] Ah well. I suppose we'll find out in due course. It doesn't seem to be anybody currently in the IIWF at any rate. [pause] Unless the world champs plan on entering. TD: I don't think so. SP: No, neither do I. TD: What do you think about Domination's decision to pull out of the tournament? SP: It's an interesting one, I'll say that. I wonder if they pulled out before or after they saw the bracketing? [he pauses, looking back at the board] Whatever. [he pauses again] They say they pulled out because they want to concentrate on the world belts right? TD: Yes. SP: Well, fine. But if they're concentrating on the world belts, why are they going on about R.S.R? TD: I don't really know. SP: No, neither do I. But whatever they're really up to, they've pulled out and we've got a mystery team. TD: You seem to be taking this rather well. SP: You expected something else? TD: Well, yes. SP: You expected us to jump up and down and complain about how this was unfair, and why we should be given a bye? That it? TD: More or less. SP: Yes. Well, you see, if we were just interested in the belts, then yeah, we'd jump up and down a lot. But that's not what this is all about. You see, this tournament is a chance to prove how good we are. Now, what better way to prove how good we are than by beating a mystery team? TD: Risky though, isn't it? It could be anyone. SP: Yes, but then there's an element of risk in everything. [he pauses and looks back at the bracketing] Oh well. I don't think this was all you wanted to talk about. TD: Well, it was, actually. SP: Oh, right. Oh well, in that case... [Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: And finally, I'm not entirely sure what a strange message we received earlier this week has to do with the IIWF, but we sent IIWF intern Steve Summer to check it out: [SCENE: Cut to a stately rural house, apparently in the middle of nowhere. Faces appear at the window as the cameraman and Steve Summer make their way up a stone driveway and the door is opened. A man, aged about twenty five, wearing a white cloak, beckons the cameraman and Summer to follow him and quietly says "This way." They follow him up two flights of stairs and then through some double doors. The man then says "He's in there" and points at one of many doors along the corridor. Summer looks at the camera, shrugs his shoulders and then knocks on the door. A loud "Come in!" can be heard and Summer opens the door, allowing the cameraman through first. A thirty five year old man, also wearing a white cloak, with long brown hair tied back, a goatee and round spectacles, is sitting at his desk. As Summer walks in, the man shakes his hand and then pulls him close, hugging him. Summer then takes the seat the man offers him.] MAN: Ah, welcome. You must be from the IIWF, correct? SS: Yes, sir, that's us. I just wish I could say I knew who you are... MAN: Oh, I am sorry. My name is Oak. I thought we informed you of that when we arranged for you to visit. SS: I think you did, but we just assumed it was a typing error of some kind. OAK: Some error that would have to be! What else could it have been? Oat? Jak? [He laughs, as does Summer.] SS: Heh. I guess you're right. [Summer stops laughing and puts on his recently perfected serious look] Seriously, though, we believe that this residence is the home of some kind of religious cult. Is this correct? [Oak smiles.] OAK: No, to be honest it isn't. It is true that we do have our own beliefs, but the word "cult" makes us look like there's some money- driven tyrant at the top brainwashing people who then follow him. Does that appear to be the case here? SS: Well... I guess not. So let me get this straight. You're not a cult, but you are a.... OAK: Call us a sect. It's a much more apt word. SS: Fair enough. So what exactly do you want with the fans of the IIWF. OAK: Well, nothing as such. I would just like to say while I've got the chance, though, if anyone out there wants to come and have a chat with me, maybe if they feel there is something lacking in their lives, or they feel lonely, or rejected, our door is always open for you. And I mean YOU. [Oak points into the camera as he says this, and then smiles. Just give the IIWF HQ a ring and they'll pass on our address and phone number. Summer looks at the camera, puzzled.] SS: Is there a subscription fee out of interest? OAK: A nominal one, yes, just to keep us in food and drink etcetera. SS: Hmmmm. OK. So, is it the IIWF wrestlers you're interested in then? You surely don't want to recruit them, do you? OAK: I see a lot of lost souls in this federation. This is a plea to them, not for my sake, but for theirs. I believe that with our help, those wrestlers who seem to have lost their way, can re-find it. Believe me when I say this. Every one of you will be welcomed with open arms. SS: Let's not go overboard here, Oak. This is valuable time we're taking up here. OAK: I'm sorry, Steve. SS: In fact I do believe we're out of time. OAK: This isn't live is it? SS: No. OAK: Then we must have just a few more seconds, surely. SS: OK, then. Finish it off quickly, though. OAK: Wrestlers of the IIWF, I reiterate my message to each and every one of you. I am waiting to hear from each and every one of you, especially those who feel they need to speak to others in a similar situation. I'll leave some business cards with Steve here and he'll give one to each of you. If you do not want it, please don't throw it away, keep it. You never know when you may need it... SS: Thanks a lot, Oak. Now how do I get out of here?! [Cut back to the studio as Oak rings a bell for one of the other members to escort Summer out.] BL: Did we just give free advertising to a cult? LM: He said it was a sect. BL: Sometimes I really question the people running this organization. ************************************************************************** --------------------- LATEST IIWF SINGLES RANKINGS --------------------- ************************************************************************** ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Name F/H Fought W L D Win% Ranking (old) new ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Casey James H 31 20 9 2 68% (WC) WC Marty Warnett F 29 19 10 0 66% (IC) IC "Enigma" Takezo Musashi N 24 19 5 0 79% (CW) CW ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Mad Dog Watkins H 6 5 1 0 83% (1) 1 Deathbringer H 27 20 5 2 78% (2) 2 The White Phoenix F 17 12 5 0 71% (3=) 3= Lord Byron H 17 12 5 0 71% (3=) 3= Steve Kowalski H 14 10 4 0 71% (5) 5 Dan Kauffman H 27 18 7 2 70% (6) 6 Otto Verhoeven H 25 17 7 1 70% (7) 7 Dirt Dog Unique Allah N 10 7 3 0 70% (9) 8 Chris Quigley F 19 13 6 0 68% (8) 9 Creed N 9 6 3 0 67% (13=) 10 "Sychosys" Joe Petrow N 6 4 2 0 67% (15) 11 Billy Shakespeare F 31 20 10 1 66% (10) 12 Subway Psycho F 28 17 9 2 64% (11) 13 Brody Thunder H 14 9 5 0 64% (12) 14 Serge Annis N 7 4 2 1 64% (16) 15 Cheshire H 9 5 4 0 56% (13=) 16 Mr. Damage H 24 13 11 0 54% (18) 17 The Sandman F 27 14 13 0 52% (19) 18 The Hangman H 14 5 6 3 46% (22) 19 Stud Stetson H 13 5 6 2 46% (23) 20 Venusian Death Cell H 16 7 9 0 44% (21) 21 Ronnie Paris F 7 3 4 0 43% (20) 22 American Patriot F 8 3 5 0 38% (24) 23 "Badboy" Randy Acorn H 6 2 4 0 33% (25) 24 ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Requiem F 1 1 0 0 100% (27) 25 Highwayman F 4 3 1 0 75% (26) 26= Nightwing F 4 3 1 0 75% (28) 26= "Real Deal" Luke Steele F 4 2 2 0 50% (29) 28 Spur H 2 0 2 0 0% (30) 29 ------------------------------- injured -------------------------------- Tiger Claw H 42 22 18 2 55% (17) - ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ************************************************************************** -------------------- LATEST IIWF TAG TEAM RANKINGS --------------------- ************************************************************************** ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Name of team F/H Fought W L D Win% Ranking (old) new ------------------------------------------------------------------------ The Dark Disciples H 9 6 2 1 72% (WT) WT ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Rising Sun Revolution F 15 11 4 0 73% (1) 1 The Armed Forces H 26 17 8 1 67% (2) 2 Domination F 9 5 2 2 67% (3) 3 High Plains Drifters H 27 17 9 1 65% (4) 4 G.W.R. N 10 6 4 0 60% (8) 5 The Alphabet Boys F 14 7 5 2 57% (6) 6 The Arabian Knights H 16 9 7 0 56% (5) 7 The Hangmen H 16 8 6 2 56% (7) 8 The Zodiac Connection F 16 8 8 0 50% (9) 9 Pain Inc. H 15 7 7 1 50% (10) 10 The Players' Club F 13 6 7 0 46% (11) 11 ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Prophets of Rage H 3 3 0 0 100% (12=) 12 Cold Spell F 2 2 0 0 100% (14=) 13= Night Patrol H 2 2 0 0 100% (14=) 13= The Harlequins N 4 3 1 0 75% (12=) 15 W & W Express H 2 0 2 0 0% (16) 16 ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ************************************************************************** ---------------------- UPCOMING IIWF PROGRAMMING ----------------------- ************************************************************************** LM: Fans, we know you'll be with us tomorrow night for what promises to be a great card. Call the IIWF Hotline on Sunday for the latest news and rumors, and don't forget to tune in on Monday for "IIWF Monday Musings." "Inside the IIWF" and "Wednesday War Room" will be pre- empted next week by the Hairball Kennel Club Cat Show from Walla Walla, Washington, but we'll be back with "IIWF Classics" next Thursday. Until then, this is Larry Morton for Becky LaRue saying... BL: Nighty-night! [The remote camera zooms back up the aisle as the Serge Annis fan glares at the camera with an evil look in her eyes. The credits roll by too quickly to read. Fade.] +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= I * I * W * F =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+ | President: Daniel Spreadbury | Vice-President: Steve Owens | | univ0322@sable.ox.ac.uk | sowens@admin.presby.edu | | iiwf@sisko.demon.co.uk | IIWFadmin@aol.com | +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- http://www.sisko.demon.co.uk -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=+