[Open with a montage of IIWF action accompanied by hard rock music. The final chord lingers as Night Patrol clock The Rotundos with their nightsticks. Suddenly, the screen explodes into a mass of fire and smoke, through which emerges the IIWF's familiar logo:] ##### ###### ### ########## ########## ########## #### ## ########## ########## ########## #### # #### ######## ##### ##### #### ## ##### #### #### #### #### ### #### #### #### #### ############# ######### #### #### ########### ######### #### #### #### #### #### ######### ######### ### #### #### ######### ######### ### ## #### ######## ######## ## # #### =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- ## =-=-=-= INTERNATIONAL INTERNET WRESTLING FEDERATION ================================================= "COUNTDOWN TO SATURDAY NIGHT" - February 21, 1997 ================================================= [Cut to the IIWF Studio. The remote camera zooms down the aisle as members of the studio audience scramble to get on camera. A teen wearing an "X Files" t-shirt waves a poster which reads, "The Zodiacs are out of this World!" A man doing his best Creed imitation scowls at the camera and screams "Anyone... Anyhow... no wait!" And a man who looks a bit too much like Dirt Dog Unique Allah swings a paper bag at the camera and yells, "Git ya muhfuh doogit inna shabazz! Yow, Shakeema!" The camera zooms toward Larry Morton and Becky LaRue sitting at the broadcast desk.] LM: Hello again everyone and welcome to another exciting installment of "Countdown to Saturday Night." I'm Larry Morton, and I'm joined once again by the lovely Becky LaRue. BL: Why thank you, Larry. And you know I've always considered you an ignominious sphincter. LM: Well thank you, too. BL: Hehehe... snort. [laughter can be heard from off camera] LM: What? What?! Well, we have a big show tonight because a lot has happened since we last joined you. At the top of that list must be the crowning of new IIWF World Tag Team Champions. I'm speaking, of course, about The Zodiac Connection, who won the belts from the Dark Disciples just last weekend in the IIWF Coliseum. BL: Why didn't the Sham Committee just give the belts to Domination? _They're_ the ones who forced the loss. LM: I don't think... BL: That's your problem, Larry, you _don't_ think! What, do you honestly believe that a Zodiacs-Barnacle Brothers main event at Ring Wars III will help the buy rate at all? LM: You've got to admit that the Zodiacs have as good a record as any team since Gemini joined them. BL: So Bore-Us and Slurpio are learning about _earthly_ delights for a change. If someone doesn't calm the Disciples, there won't be enough of the IIWF Coliseum left to hold tomorrow night's show. LM: The loss of the belts has certainly put the Disciples in an ill mood. Let's show you some footage from a non-televised IIWF card held earlier this week in the Coliseum: [SCENE: The locker room area. The room is in a sorry state, with lockers overturned and broken furniture everywhere. The Dark Disciples are running amok, ripping chunks out of everything in sight. Don McQueen is standing around looking furious.] DM: I see the snooping reporter types have found us once again. Can't my men be allowed time to destroy things in peace? Well for once you've made yourselves useful, because I have a few things I want to say. [Kane and Wulf pace around the room, but with nothing much else left to damage, they are reduced to flanking Don McQueen and staring balefully at the camera. Wulf breathes hard and foam bubbles from his mouth, he looks like he is just itching for something to destroy.] DM: First up, Zodiac Connection! Don't think for one moment that your title victory was something else besides a freakin' fluke! You guys are the least talented bums ever to step foot in the tag team ranks. You shouldn't have even been given a title shot, but my boys were lusting after some blood. You were supposed to be a breather from the Players' Club and Domination, and then you go and pull off a stinkin' upset! It's an aberration, and if you guys have one iota of sense you'll simply forfeit those belts and won't even bother showin' up for the rematch. On second thought, do show up! It will be a pleasure to see you get pulverized before the belts are strapped back around the waists of their rightful owners once again. Domination! [Wulf snarls at the mention of this name] If it wasn't for you simpletons we would still be the champs today. You guys got frustrated 'cause you couldn't take those belts off of us, so whaddaya do? You interfere in our match and make nuisances of yourselves. Looks like a classic case of sour grapes to me. If you wanted our attention, ya' sure as hell got it, but in the next few weeks you'll be wishing that we'd just forget about ya'. It ain't gonna' happen though, chumps. You'll pay the price of your meddling in pints of blood! Now, about the Players Club... [Suddenly there is an interruption and all eyes turn to the doorway as Jumping Jack, returning from an early match, enters the locker room. He looks a little shocked at the disarray around him, and a squeak escapes from his throat as he sees the Dark Disciples hulking right in front of his eyes.] JJ: [in a meek voice] Umm, excuse me fellas, mind if I get past to my locker? I mean, that is if it's okay with you guys. I don't want to be in the way or anything. [Kane's eyes narrow to slits as he stares coldly through Jumping Jack. Wulf's eyes light up with hideous pleasure, now that he has another target for his rage]. DM: It appears there isn't much left of Jack's locker, but what the hell, why don't you lend the man a hand? KANE: It would be our pleasure... [The Dark Disciples grab Jack by the throat and dangle him in the air for a while, before heaving the jobber into his battered looking locker on the far wall. Jack makes a big dent with his head on the metal door and then crumples into a little heap on the floor. Kane and Wulf eagerly set to stomping poor Jack into the ground as the shot fades. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: I can't help but believe that the Disciples were sending a message to a few teams with that little act. BL: Yeah, but McQueen has to get his men a shot at the belts. There are a lot of other teams who want a first shot at the Zodiacs because they know that's the only chance they'll get to win the belts. If Kane and Wulf get them back... watch out. LM: We'll keep an eye on that situation in the coming weeks, but there is sure to be plenty of action tomorrow night on "IIWF Saturday Night." Because of our network's special airing of the Hairball Kennel Club Cat Show, "Wednesday War Room" was not held this week. That means we can jump directly to a look at tomorrow's big program. ************************************************************************** --------------------- IIWF SATURDAY NIGHT PREVIEW ---------------------- ************************************************************************** ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ * "BADBOY" RANDY ACORN vs. NIGHTWING ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ LM: The origins of this unlikely rivalry actually go back a few weeks, to January 22, to be exact. That's when Randy Acorn disguised himself as Nightwing and attacked Joe Petrow in the locker room. BL: Yeah, but the little eagle scout just had to stick his nose in the match between Acorn and Petrow later that night. In fact, he cost Acorn the match. LM: Acorn did mock the Cherokee people -- which is something Nightwing obviously takes very personally: [SCENE: A mountain at dusk. The camera follows a lone eagle soaring over the trees before panning down to the solitary figure of Nightwing sitting in front of a fire, his back to the camera. He wears no shirt and his long, black hair is braided. An eagle cries in the distance and Nightwing keeps his back to the camera as he speaks.] NW: The spirits speak of a man with no name... a man named Randy Acorn. How is this possible, you may ask? Randy Acorn may have once been a champion in the IIWF. He may have once worn the belt for which so many yearn. He may have once stood at the brink of a fortune which no man alone could have counted in a lifetime. [The cries of two eagles can be heard echoing in the mountains.] But Randy Acorn is a man with no name. He dares to mock my people when he, himself, is a mockery of the human race. We seek to be recognized as individuals and bring honor to our tribes... our people. Randy Acorn hides his true self behind disguises and brings only dishonor to himself in the process. Go in search of your name, Randy Acorn... but first, you must pass by me. [The cries of several eagles fill the air.] The spirits say that even a serpent without fangs must pay for its sins, Randy Acorn. When you mocked my people, you made a deadly mistake, for I am the guardian of my people. You shall feel the wrath of Nightwing as none other in the IIWF has. When the spirits put dreams inside your head tonight -- when your belly meets the dirt; when you cannot feel your arms; when your vision is poor and your forked tongue flicks at the air -- yes, when you sleep tonight and know that you are indeed that serpent, you will also know that the eagle which is about to sink its talons into your scaly flesh... [The cries of what seems like hundreds of eagles echo in the mountains.] ...is Nightwing! [For the first time, Nightwing turns toward the camera. His face is covered in war paint and his steely eyes are fixed on the camera. Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: However, Tim Dross was scheduled to interview Randy Acorn earlier today, but it appears that the "Badboy" has been the victim of a vicious attack, and he may be in no shape to wrestle tomorrow night. BL: Let's roll that footage! [Cut to the IIWF Interview Area. Tim Dross is seen sitting in a chair with another placed next to him. He seems a little impatient, as he looks at the camera and begins to speak:] TD: I'm supposed to be interviewing Randy Acorn, but I'm not quite sure where he is. I'll give him five minutes to be here, and if he's not, then he doesn't get an interview. As you all know, Randy is facing Nightwing tomorrow night... a feud that has been built around Acorn's arrogance. He has insulted Nightwing's heritage one too many times... [All of a sudden screams are heard as Randy Acorn comes onto the scene, bloody and bruised. He falls right in front of Dross... unconscious. Dross is shocked.] TD: GOOD GRIEF! SOMEBODY GET AN AMBULANCE! [General commotion as staff rush into the frame and surround Acorn] Ladies and gentlemen, I don't know what to say. It seems that Mr. Acorn has been attacked. But by who and for what reason? I don't know, but this looks very serious. He may not be able to participate in the match tomorrow night. I can assure you that the IIWF will look into this attack. [At that moment, a siren is heard. After a few more seconds, a pair of paramedics dash into the frame.] TD: Only time will tell whether Randy Acorn's wounds will heal quick enough for him to wrestle tomorrow night... but it doesn't look good at all. [Dross continues to look on, concerned. Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ * IIWF UNITED STATES TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP FIRST-ROUND: ALPHABET BOYS vs. PAIN INC. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ LM: We will also see two more teams advance in our IIWF U.S. Tag Team Tournament. How can you pick a winner in a match involving these two teams? BL: Simple. You recognize the fact that the Alphabet Boys don't even know what day of the week it is and that they'll get their butts kicked. LM: I wouldn't be so sure. The Alphabet Boys have been working out with Rising Sun Revolution. BL: Yeah, and what have _those_ two won lately, huh? LM: Well Tim Dross learned earlier this week that Pain Inc. -- and Team Brutality as a whole -- have gold in their eyes: [Cut to Mr.Mic's mansion. Seated outside in the gazebo are the full compliment of Team Brutality: Pain Inc, Mr.Mic, Night Patrol and Brenda Hawkings. Tim Dross strolls up to the gazebo.] TD: Well, well, the gang's all here. MM: That's right, Dross. A gang. A gang of tough, smart, and very well financed athletes. Team Brutality! TD: Your "stables" haven't held very well for you in the past now have they Mr.Mic. MM: Dross, last week you saw Pain Inc. come out for the match between the Arabian Knights and Night Patrol, right? TD: Yes. MM: [whispers to Brenda Hawkings] His grasp of the English language is impeccable. [Hawkings laughs] Well, Tim, you know about the bad blood between the Knights and Pain Inc. right? TD: Yes. MM: Did my team attack them? Did they cause Night Patrol to get DQ'ed? No, they are a smarter team now. Just as powerful and now deadlier because of their new "attitude," if you will. TD: I did see a change in your team but time will tell. How about the new IIWF tag-team champs the Zodiac Connection? They and the Armed Forces seem to want an eight-man tag match against Team Brutality at Ring Wars III? MS: Wake up Mr. Dross, each belt should be cut in half and given to Domination, as well. The Dark Disciples were the best IIWF tag-team champions in history. Now Team Brutality is going to hold the IIWF tag-team championship AND the U.S. tag-team championship. MM: That's right! The Zodiacs and the Army Brats want us in an eight-man tag match? YOU GOT IT! One condition, though -- you defend those belts against Night Patrol either the week before or at Ring Wars! BH: My men took care of you scum as an announcement of Team Brutality. Now, after we take both the U.S. Tag Belts and World Tag Belts, due respect will be paid to our managerial and wrestling prowess. TD: I'm not denying your early success as a team, Ms. Hawkings... BH: [cutting him off] But what you have done is slander my officers, accusing them of corruption! The Department and the District Attorney's office will protect the right to free speech, but doesn't care for libelous comments made by broadcast zealots! My men are good cops! [heard in background: "Yeah, good cops!"] BH: We've come here to take care of the trash in the IIWF on the tag team level and to cooperate with law-abiding and police-supporting citizens like Becky LaRue and Steve Roberts! We have adhered to every ethical and legal statute here in the IIWF, and if your slander continues, I'll see you in court! MM: Remember Armed Forces, Zodiacs. You gotta respect the law 'cause you fought the law and the law WON! Nobody, and I mean nobody, beats Team Brutality. [Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ * VENUSIAN DEATH CELL vs. "NIFTY" NED NORTON ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ LM: The Venusian Death Cell has been a difficult one to figure out lately. BL: You're telling me. You know, that green crap doesn't... [she yells off camera] hey, can I say "crap" on the air? No? Okay, thanks. [she turns back to the camera] You know, that green crap didn't come out of my shoes last week either. The guy spits everywhere. That's not sanitary, not to mention polite. LM: Yes, well I'm sure you know all about that. The Cell continued his odd behavior earlier today when Steve Summer tried to get a word with him: [Cut to Steve Summer standing with the Venusian Death Cell in the IIWF interview studio.] SS: With me at this time, fans, is the deranged lunatic known as the VDC, the Venusian Death Cell. Welcome Cell. VDC: Summer, I don't got the time to speak to you right now. I understand you've got something for me, so just hand it over, OK? SS: Huh? What are you talking about? [The Venusian Death Cell then picks Summer up, walking out of the room with him over his shoulder while pushing the cameraman to the floor. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: Odd. Very odd. BL: I hope he didn't spit on Summer, because that green crap don't come out! LM: Tsk. Such language. BL: Shut up, you flatulent mongoose! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ * STEVE "THE FURY" KOWALSKI vs. THE SANDMAN ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ LM: In the relatively short time Steve Kowalski has been in the IIWF, he's managed to hook up with the Sandman three times and got the better of him on all three occasions. Of course, one of those matches was a Lethal Lottery tag match at Snow Brawl. BL: But they were all held before the Sandman adopted this new attitude. He's all business these days, even after Kowalski tried to burn his locker room. Hehe, I guess the Fury didn't know about the Iron Den: [SCENE: The Sandman sits at a bench press in the famous Iron Den.] SM: You know what I've heard, I've heard they call New Jersey the armpit of the U.S. After listening and beating on Kowalski I know that's true 'cause look at all the trash he produces. Your big mouth supersedes your skill. I have no need to talk the trash when I can prove it in the ring. So Stevie, you tried to be the top dog and barge into my locker room. What a chump, don't you know the place for champions is the Iron Den? Just ask the "Outlaw" J.W. Hardin or Brad "Bodybag" Kinder. Since I'll be the next Intercontinental Champion that's where I choose to be. As for tearing apart a concession stand, I vowed to wreak havoc for ol' President Dan to take me seriously. I will continue to do what I please until I have that title! So if you see me coming you better step aside or I'll run right through you! This Saturday, I'm gonna take the Fury out of Kowalski. On March 1st, I'm gonna take the title away from Warnett. [Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ * BOXING MATCH "REAL DEAL" LUKE STEELE vs. MR. DAMAGE ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ LM: What a special treat it will be to see the art of pugilism practiced in a IIWF ring tomorrow night. BL: Art of pugilism? Is Pugilism the guy who painted Whistler's Mother? LM: No, that was Whistler. Pugilism is... oh, never mind! BL: I thought Steele and Damage were gonna box. LM: They are! BL: Whew. I almost knew what it felt like to be an Alphabet Boy there for a minute. Didn't Steele say last week that he didn't want to box Mr. Damage? LM: I suppose the front office convinced him. Tossing a few extra bucks into the contract can do that. BL: Gee, I wouldn't know about that. Hehe. But I know Mr. Damage is ready for this fight: [SCENE: Mr Damage is inside a meat locker, pounding on a couple of beef carcasses.] MD: Basically I'm gonna keep this short and sweet cos it's too bloody cold in this here meat locker. I've been at the IIBF World Heavyweight Champ Sugar Ray Tyson's gym the last couple of weeks to prepare for this boxing match. I must admit I've learned a bit from "the Greatest" and adding that to my knowledgeable wrestling skills, I think this "Real Deal" is going to be KOed quick smart. In fact, "Real Deal" Luke Steele, I am in such peak physical condition I could beat you with one arm tied behind my back. Did you hear me ONE HAND TIED BEHIND MY BACK. I have prepared for this match very seriously. I ain't treating this as some novelty match, I'm deadly serious about this. You said you want to wrestle me again, I already beat you once, convincingly, and you want more. Greed is what is going to bring you down. You stuffed up royal last week with Ronnie Paris, I'm sure he's gonna kick your ass too. I'll hold ya down while he lays the boots in, it would be my pleasure. I'm not gonna wrestle you tomorrow night, I'm simply gonna pound you into oblivion. I've had a few sparring partners and put them down to the mat quickly, I'll name them: The Prince, Hank Bruno, Evander Holyfeel, Cassius Bay and Iron Spike. They'll attest to the punishment I gave them. Boxing has rules and the hardest battle for me will be keeping into those guidelines. You, on the other hand, are no problem at all! [Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ * IIWF UNITED STATES TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP FIRST-ROUND: G.W.R. vs. JOE PETROW & MYSTERY PARTNER ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ LM: Our other IIWF U.S. Tag Team Tournament match pits an established tag team against a lunatic and a mystery partner. BL: Mama always said not to bet against a lunatic in a fair fight: [The darkness of a snow covered Portland side road is broken only by the occasional street light, as a figure appears in the distance. It is the figure of "Sychosys" Joe Petrow, looking as inconspicuous as possible given the circumstances in a black leather jacket, pants, and worn sneakers. The wind carries Petrow's hair in unusual directions, and his face reads only the slightest awareness of the cold of night. Once he nears the camera, it continues to follow him as he begins to speak.] JP: Konbanwa, minna. Genki kai? Gotta practice my Japanese, been spending too much time in the States lately. Dammit, where's Hiroshi when I need him? [lets out a slight grin.] Yeah, I am in a good mood. I'm back in my element, back in the dark dank night, where nobody judges me or cares what I do, basking in the mental calm before the storm this Saturday Night. This reminds me of when I first came into the IIWF, and I spoke metaphorically about walking down the road of life, and seeing Brody Thunder ahead of me no matter what direction I turned. But you know, I hadn't seen him up there lately. I figured that palling around with that goof Shakespeare, that old-timer Hardin, and the Mental Retardation Club had finally changed the man I thought I knew. But then the other day, I happen to turn around and look back. And there he was, way off in the distance. I could just get a glimpse of him getting his brain busted by a gang of egomaniacs I dealt with years ago. I wonder how he got away from me like that. I ain't forgot about you Thunder. I learn a lot about myself by watching you, but maybe it works the other way too. Maybe if you don't want to end up like this [uses some fingers to point out the scars on his face] you oughta pay attention to what's going on with Sychosys. I'm still waiting for that shake. I haven't decided yet whether it'll be the hand or the throat, but regardless, I'll be looking forward to it. There's a lot more I could talk about tonight. Of course, there's the Dirt Dog and his Amazon freak she-male Medusa, there's Casey James admitting in public that he fears Petrow, there's Randy Acorn coming out and saying that I have cooties, or something like that. But the only thing that matters this Saturday Night is the United States tag team tournament match. I'm facing some team named "Gwar" or something like that. Well guys, if it's a gwar you want, then it's a gwar you'll get when Team Sychosys steps into the ring to take you out. The way I see it, there ain't no better way to tick off the anal management of this league than to have my way with the U.S. Tag Titles, so that's what I aim to do. Oh, my tag partner? If you Gwar guys were so tough you wouldn't give a Portland-sized rat's ass who he was. But suffice to say, I've found the "perfect" partner for my needs. [smiles into camera, stops walking] Sorry if you were expecting a crazy, rambling interview from the Sychster. But ask yourself this, my friends. When the lunatic is in his element, is he really a lunatic? When the sane man is in the back seat of Becky's Porsche, is he really sane? Does it really matter anyway? Come Saturday, and later down the road, Gwar and all the other tag teams will find out. Cause y'see, we're not hard men to find... [Joe fixes a cold stare at the camera for a couple of seconds] ...we're just hard men to beat. [Joe walks away and escapes back into the night. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: Has Petrow really been in the back seat of your Porsche? BL: Get real! Those are leather seats! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ * NON-TITLE MATCH: MARTY WARNETT vs. CREED ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ LM: What a matchup this will be! These two have been eyeing each other for weeks and trading verbal barrages, but they'll step into the ring and square off against each other for the first time tomorrow night. Our Tim Dross met with Marty Warnett and found him ready for the challenge: [Cut to the IIWF Interview Area. Marty Warnett stands there, the gold of the IIWF Intercontinental belt belt gleaming over his sweat-drenched bare shoulder. He's dressed in his usual wrestling gear, with a bandana holding the hair back.] TD: Marty, tomorrow night you face the impressive Creed. Your comments? MW: Well, well, well. So, Creed, tomorrow night is the night. Maybe you can't realize the hold Montgomery has over you, or you're too stupid to see you're being used. What, all that Icopro burn a few neurons out of your head? [Marty shakes his head.] You see, big guy, muscles do not maketh the Intercontinental champion. Wrestling ability does. A gloved hand and a chokeslam are impressive, and no doubt painful, but, Creed, as I've shown in the past, I can wrestle in different styles; in the air, on the ground. In short, negate your power, and I'll wear you down. It should be a good, no, great bout; you are a tough guy, and an ideal opponent as I get back on track for Ring Wars III. TD: And of course, you were missing for Saturday night's card. MW: Heck, no, Dross. I do have a kinda life outside wrestling. [Dross looks shocked by that very comment.] TD: Yes, Byron was outspoken. You were at dinner with DeWinter? MW: Yes, indeed. We got talking backstage, and figured, hey, we were both at a loose end that night, why not go out and get some chow? She's a really nice person deep down, y'know. All that interference on Byron's behalf, she felt she owed him for all he did for her in the past, after her parents died. She's a deep person, cute yes, definitely interesting. TD: And yet, Byron claims she's a gold-digger. MW: Ha, seen my IIWF contract? After Becky, ahem, earned her pay raise my salary resembles more lead more than gold. Apparently Becks is getting a new office in the basement with an elevator. TD: I hadn't heard ... MW: Yeah, Prez Man Dan likes it when Becks goes down, allegedly. [Dross stands there open-mouthed.] MW: Hey, you catching flies or something? TD: Er... no. MW: To get back to your question, the real reason Byron keeps going on about Milady is that he's jealous. TD: Jealous? MW: Yeah, he figured she'd be so grateful to him that she'd do almost anything for him. It's pathetic, she was telling me he was always putting the hard word on her. Oh yeah, Byron, I reject any stipulations you want about 'getting the girl'. Milady is just that, a lady, with feelings and emotions, not a piece of meat. TD: Anyway, the Intercontinental title scene seems to be in disarray; your view? MW: Not at all; contenders to the left of me, contenders to the right of me. And all know they have no chance of taking this title, as there's no way I'm leaving due to a, ahem, serious knee injury. Sandman, I offered what you wanted, a title shot, yet you'd rather prove yourself by facing Kowalski. Gee, Sandy-babes, are you like, incredibly stupid? Fury, stop whining and get on with life. And Byron, when you wrestle for that other federation's title, the IIWF Intercontinental title won't be on the line. You won't be holding it. [Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: You're getting an office in the basement? BL: Yeah, I want to be close to Warnett's career. Of course not, you moron. He's Welsh. You know you can't trust anything a guy from Wales tells you. Good words to live by, DeWinter! LM: I don't know if we can believe those allegations by Marty that Creed uses steroids. After all, IIWF wrestlers are tested regularly. BL: Abie scored a zero on the Scholastic Aptitude Test. LM: But don't you get 400 points just for writing your name? BL: Yep. He got the "A" right, but they wouldn't give him 100 points. LM: We're off the topic here. I was talking about _drug_ testing. And Creed seems eager to administer a test of his own to Marty Warnett tomorrow night: [SCENE: A black and white shot of a wrestling ring, seemingly existing out of nothingness - the sharpness of the apron... the ropes... the mat in almost violent contrast to the black void which surrounds it. Standing in this ring is Creed, adopting his familiar pose of the warrior; arms at his side - red glove twitching ever so slightly. The camera swirls around the ring, encircling the big rookie like a vulture, as the voice over by The CEO is heard.] CEO: Cheshire questioned his intelligence... [Cut to a shot of Cheshire buried in the mat - then back to the black & white of Creed.] CEO: Sandman questioned his manhood... [Cut to a shot of Creed pummeling Sandman inside the Terrordome - then back to the black & white of Creed.] CEO: The Highwayman suggested he was overrated... [Cut to a shot of Creed flying to the mat with the 285 lb. Highwayman tucked in powerbomb position - then back to the black & white of Creed.] CEO: And Lord Byron said he was too young and inexperienced... [Cut to a shot of Creed, standing with his arm raised in victory over the motionless form of Lord Byron -- then back to the black & white, this time with the encircling camera moving more and more rapidly, almost as if to swoop down upon him.] CEO: Men with strong words. Men whose words were met with a similar response from Creed... [A loud BANG -- and the camera stops dead in a tight shot on Creed's face.] CEO: Flying Super Power Bomb. Marty Warnett - you've done your share of talking. Are you ready for a response? [The camera closes in on only the cold, hard eyes of Creed - and then the shot snaps to black. It is the big man's voice which is then softly heard.] CREED: Goodnight. Farewell. Amen. [There is a second BANG -- the shot fades. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] BL: BANG! [Morton jumps, obviously startled.] LM: Would you stop that?! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ * NON-TITLE MATCH: "ENIGMA" TAKEZO MUSASHI vs. LORD BYRON ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ LM: Two of the IIWF's great ring technicians will tangle in this matchup. BL: It's great to see Byron finally finding success after that DeWinter person held him down for so long. LM: Well no one is holding Takezo Musashi down, but he's troubled these days by his own thoughts. BL: Sparkplug has that same problem. LM: Just roll the tape: [SCENE: The camera shows Takezo Musashi hard at training in his dojo. Sweat is pouring from his brow and he seems unusually frustrated. He strikes at his martial arts training aids and wooden blocks with his usual intensity, but a close observer would recognize that the necessary fluidity of movement and accuracy are missing. Finally Takezo strikes wildly with a kick, barely grazing a wooden target mannequin. The Enigma shakes his head in disgust and slumps down on a bench. He wipes himself down with a towel, his usual calm and focused expression crinkled with a frown. Cub reporter Steve Summer enters the scene.] SS: Hi fans, I'm here at IIWF Cruiserweight champion Takezo Musashi's dojo. The Enigma has been unusually quiet lately, and we're here to find out what's on his mind. Takezo, can we have a few words please? [Musashi gives a brief nod, barely seeming to register Summer's presence.] You have been penciled in to face Shinja Chow at Ring Wars III. Care to comment on the White Phoenix situation? TM: It weighs heavy on my mind, Steve. It is disturbing my sense of focus and I fear it may affect my performance in the ring. It should not be so. I should be able to deal with this adversity as I have in the past, but somehow, this time it burns more deeply. SS: It is a well known fact that you and the White Phoenix teamed together on several occasions, you also helped each other out when you were both first starting in the IIWF. But, did this partnership extend outside of the ring? Were you close as friends? TM: I am a solitary man, Steve. I prefer the silence of my meditation chamber to the clamour of company. But, in Shinja Chow I found a kindred spirit, a comrade at arms, a man with the same sense of honor and warrior soul as my own. It is hard to believe that he was seduced by his dark spirits, he betrayed me and his code of honor. SS: Why do you think Shinja made this shocking change? TM: He coveted what I have and what he could never possess as long as I competed in the IIWF -- the Cruiserweight title. He began to envy the gold strapped around my waist. The seeds were sown when Chow was passed over for the title shot at Snow Brawl in favor of me, then he watched from afar as I notched victory after victory and his jealousy grew in the darkness. There is also his mentor, Sun Tsi, a man who claims to be a Grandmaster, yet is more interested in his own twisted goals than in attaining enlightenment. I do not know exactly what he has done to the White Phoenix, but he has assuredly cultivated Chow's bitterness into something evil and strong. Perhaps he has allowed Shinja to become possessed by a demon. SS: Some say Shinja Chow is better off with his new attitude. After all, he beat Deathbringer, one of the IIWF greats. TM: Shinja has indeed grown stronger, but I wonder at what price. Is he really his own man now? Or is he a puppet of Sun Tsi and his twisted machinations? You can only dance with the evil spirits for so long before they envelop you. Shinja has made a pact. He has sacrificed his soul for the might of a demon, but it may not be long before he is consumed in his own fire. SS: Well, er... I'm not sure if I follow you there, but do you think you can beat the White Phoenix? TM: The matter is unclear to me. I have meditated for many long hours, searching for the answer deep inside myself, but none are forthcoming. I have been shaken by this incident, that I shall admit, but whether I will have regained my warrior courage by Ring Wars III, that I do not know. White Phoenix, I have what you want, and you are coming for me. I promise you that when the time comes, I will be ready for battle. When the carnage is clear, well... [Takezo's words trail off and he is lost in thought for a few moments.] SS: Now, onto more immediate matters. Tomorrow night you are slated to face Lord Byron in a non-title encounter, any comments? TM: At any other time, I would have been looking forward to this match. Lord Byron is a true great, one of the finest, if not _the_ finest technical wrestler in the world. I do not like his attitude at all, but I do respect his ability. It would be an honor to test myself against him. However, with my mind distracted as it is right now, I just don't know how effective I will be in the ring. SS: Okay, thanks for your time Enigma, we'll let you get back to your training. [Takezo does not appear to be listening, and his face wears a concerned expression as the shot fades. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: "Enigma" Takezo Musashi seems troubled by the loss of an old friend, but Byron seems less concerned with the loss of his ward: [SCENE: The entrance hall of the Washington British Embassy. A clutch of reporters stand by the entrance, arguing with the reception staff. IIWF senior reporter Tim Dross steps through them with a grimace on his face, shows a pass to the receptionist and is led through to a side room. Lord Byron is at the far wall, studying an ancient portrait.] LB: So glad you could make it, Mr. Dross. I do hope you had no problems at reception. TD: [brushing his jacket off] Seems like you're becoming quite a popular man with the media. LB: [turning around with a sneer] Indeed. It's amazing what a difference one week can make. TD: Okay, let's start at the top. You have a non-title match this Saturday against the "Enigma" Tazeko Musashi, the current Cruiserweight champion, and a man you've faced before. LB: And a man who I would have beat before, had it not been for some unfortunate interference from the likes of Marty Warnett. The Enigma narrowly escaped defeat once. This time he will have no such luck. Musashi, this Saturday night it's your turn to suffer the Aristoclutch. TD: Now let's talk about the big news of the week: The signing of not only your Ring Wars III title match against Marty Warnett, but also, only one week later, you will face "The Spartan" Troy Walters for the ESWP European Title in what will be the first of a series of inter-federation matches. LB: [smirking] Let's take things one step at a time here, shall we? Firstly, we have my old friend Mr. Warnett. A young upstart whose fortunes appear to have increased tenfold since I lost interest in him a while back. [Byron sneers] I wonder why? But then, just when his future is starting to look somewhat brighter, the young pup finds himself once again the object of my undivided attention. I am so glad he considers the Intercontinental title to be the only stable feature of his life; it will make it infinitely more enjoyable to be the man to take it from him. TD: And what of your ward? It was rumored that you intend to challenge Warnett not only for the title, but to determine her future... LB: [feigning shock] Milady is her own person! I would not dream of making her do anything against her will! [Byron sneers] But I know her, Mr. Dross. Once I have humiliated Warnett once more, she will come running back to the hand that feeds her. TD: We'll see about that. But let's move on now to the Interfederation challenge match. March 29, you will be representing the IIWF in a match against the ESWP's newly crowned European champion, Troy Walters. LB: It will be an honor to be the first to represent the IIWF in such an event. I assure you, I will not let the federation down. Mr. Walters' title will make an excellent addition to my trophy cabinet, I'm sure. Keep an eye on ringside, Mr. Walters. [Byron sneers] I will be keeping a careful eye on you from now until "What the World is Watching III." [Byron turns away from Dross, who turns to leave.] LB: Mr. Dross. One last point, directed towards the Enigma. You may think that I may be too concerned with looking ahead, what with one thing and another. You may even believe that I will have my mind on other matters. Not true. Once we meet in the ring, it will just be you and me. And that is the way it will be all the way up to Ring Wars III, and beyond. [Byron waves Dross away] Ciao. [Tim Dross leaves the room, and the shot slowly fades. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ * "QUICKSTRIKE" CHRIS QUIGLEY vs. OTTO "THE BUTCHER" VERHOEVEN ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ LM: Both of these men are gearing up for Ring Wars III by taking on the toughest challengers they can find. I suppose it was inevitable that they would meet on the march to that big pay-per-view spectacular. BL: Yeah, and unfortunate for Quigley: [SCENE: New York City, Central Park by night. Rain is pouring down and the scene is illuminated by occasional lightning. The trees are bent down by chilling wind. A lone figure runs through the park and approaches the camera. It is Otto Verhoeven, wearing a soaking wet track suit. He stops in front of the camera, his face a bearing a determined and grim expression.] OV: Chris Quigley, you say you have waited months for our conflict to be resolved. We have clashed often in these past months, and more often than not you had to be stretchered out of the arena, because of injuries to your knee, your back or your head. [lightning] But each time you come back [thunder], more arrogant, more self-assured, more determined to gain the two prizes you seek, respect... and the IIWF World title. On Saturday, you once again have to step into the ring with the Butcher, and many people actually think I am the underdog, because you are so motivated, so keen on proving your worth for the Ring Wars III main event [lightning]. You showed your determination already last week versus Deathbringer [thunder], and even I have to admit you had a good night, but I have much more reason than the dead guy to hate you. You see, I am going to make sure that you, snot-nosed punk, will NOT be able to leave the ring on your feet. [he raises his right fist] I am going to make sure that you will NOT be able to boast after the match that you are "the best wrestler in the world today", because you will be resting in a hospital bed, bandaged from head to toe. I am going to make sure that you will NOT be able to defeat me because you can't. What you will experience will be the most painful, bone-crushing, skull-smashing, lesson you have yet to endure. The most dangerous man in the IIWF is on the prowl again, and you are the unlucky victim out of whom I will make an example to show the public that Germany's finest athlete is still a force to be reckoned with. Raw strength [lightning] will prevail. Cunning [lightning] will prevail. Determination [lightning] will prevail. The German juggernaut will prevail. [Deafening thunder. Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] BL: Wow, that thunder was deafening! LM: We will now go to an interview conducted with "Quickstrike" Chris Quigley in an empty Toronto SkyDome just last night by our own Steve Roberts! BL: I pity poor Steve... maybe after this bad assignment I'll give him a belated Valentine's present... LM: I don't want to hear about it. Let's go to the SkyDome! [Camera cuts to an empty SkyDome, expect for two figures standing on the main floor. Quigley is wearing street clothes, and a leather jacket, while Roberts wears his usual garb. Behind them a crew dismantles a wrestling ring and packs it away...] SR: So Quigley, from what I hear you just wrestled a 55 minute match against Kurt Manning to defend another federation's World title here tonight, but that doesn't really matter does it? That was a great match for you in SkyDome I bet, but the one against Kauffman is the big one, right? CQ: There's no comparison. Both matches are important, but there's something special about facing Dan Kauffman here in my home country, in his final match, and specifically in the match to determine just who is the better man, and subsequently the best wrestler in the world as far as I'm concerned. But there's a time and place to talk about that match, and this isn't it. SR: For once, you're right. You're probably more concerned with the man who is going to squash you like a bug on Saturday Night. The man who nearly ended your career earlier this year... Otto Verhoeven. CQ: Yeah, Otto Verhoeven is a real bad ass, no doubt about it. But the only difference between him and me is the fact that I can wrestle, and he comes up short in every category against me! There is no doubt in my mind that tomorrow night, I'll settle the score against Verhoeven once and for all! I'm 100% determined to put him down! SR: In case you forgot, Mr. mental giant, you get to choose a time and place to meet either Joe Petrow or Casey James, after what happened two weeks ago on Saturday Night. Have you decided yet or what? CQ: I've got an idea in mind, but I'm not saying anything right now. I'll just say this, the match will occur on the Saturday Night after Ring Wars III, but the circumstances, and the opponent will be announced by me in a live interview in three weeks on IIWF Saturday Night! Then and only then will you find out my business, Roberts! [Quigley then walks away from Roberts and out of the camera's view.] SR: "Kick Me" Chris Quigley is getting ready for yet another beating. He's going at a break neck pace, and even someone as bad as Dan Kauffman is going to have an easy time against him if he keeps this up. [Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ * NON-TITLE TRIANGLE MATCH CASEY JAMES vs. BRODY THUNDER vs. DANNY DYNAMITE ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ LM: We can probably sum up tomorrow night's main even match in one word: unpredictable. BL: How about bloody? Violent? Uncensored? LM: I think we get the picture. Brody Thunder and "Outlaw" J.W. Hardin have been planning to eliminate the Syndicate for the past few weeks... BL: And they would have done it last weekend if those fools Dynamite and Reyna hadn't butted in. LM: I seem to recall the cowboys _inviting_ the Players' Club to participate in that attack. Anyway, with Hardin's time running out here in the IIWF, there's no telling what lengths he and Thunder will go to in an effort to make this the Syndicate's final match. For all we know, those two may be negotiating with Dynamite and Reyna well into the night working on a plan. BL: Not tonight. I've got dibs on J.W. tonight. LM: The IIWF has dibs on him tomorrow night: [The video opens with a shot from ground-level up at "Outlaw" J.W. Hardin and "Lone Wolf" Brody Thunder. Thunder is leaning on a shovel, smoking a cigar. Hardin stands behind him staring at the camera. The sky is black and a full moon can be seen over Hardin's shoulder.] BT: United we stand... divided we fall. Plain an' simple. Players' Club, we had an agreement. We'd all take out that no-good Brian Lau an' his pack o' dogs the Syndicate together. Then comes Saturday night an' your little "misunderstandin'." "It was a mistake," ya said. Fine. Everybody makes one now an' again, just so long as we're all on the same page now. Now this Saturday night it's gonna be me, Dynamite an' that paper champion Casey James in a triangle match. This is what we wanted an' now we got it. Y'see Brian Lau, yer boy is in there with not just one guy who'd like ta end Casey's career, but _two_! Ya think Dynamite an' I care 'bout winnin' that match? Hell all we wanna do is put a stain on James that Ajax won't take out. He ain't gettin' outta that match alive an' that's a fact, son. An' since this here's gonna be the Outlaw's farewell appearance 'fore he goes back to Europe, I can't figger any better goin' away present than to kick the tar outta the Syndicate's shinin' star... Casey James. Tell 'em, Hoss. JWH: [after a momentary pause] The Outlaw giveth... and the Outlaw taketh away. [raising his voice] I spoke those words a long time ago in this federation. [louder] I gave three Cattle Busters to Dan Kauffman and I took the IIWF World title. [even louder] I gave the Horsemen the beating of their lives and took their pride! [lowering his voice almost to a whisper] I gave the IIWF its first breath... and then I took its soul. Players' Club... only one man ever struck me and walked away. He later ended up in a cold, dark place... that man I called Daddy. But Thunder reminded me of what brought me back to the IIWF -- a pact that the Outlaw gave; a pact that Brian Lau took away. I told you the night I returned, Brian Lau, that there are certain things you don't do in life. Taking somethin' from the Outlaw is one of them. Darkness once descended on the IIWF and you were a _part_ of it, Brian Lau. Tomorrow night, that same darkness will _consume_ you. [Cut back to a shot of Thunder.] BT: The way we see it Lau... it ain't gonna be no victory fer the Syndicate. No sir. This Saturday night, it's gonna be... [Thunder sticks the shovel into the ground with a sickening "chunt".] ...yer funeral. [The camera pulls back to reveal a fresh empty grave. The shot fades to black as the unmistakable voice of J.W.Hardin is heard.] JWH: Like an old friend o' mine says... ashes to ashes, dust to dust. Mebbe you know him. Mebbe you will again. [Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: Those words... those words were always spoken by Cadaver! You don't think... BL: That's the beauty of the IIWF, Larry. You never know. ************************************************************************** ---------------- SPECIAL INTERVIEW: AARON THE CADDY -------------------- ************************************************************************** LM: Former IIWF World Tag Team champs the Armed Forces have become something of an enigma since they pushed Aaron the Caddy "behind the scenes." BL: There's no mystery to it. They stink now. LM: I wouldn't go that far. But the Forces haven't fared well in the past six weeks and there are even rumors that they will be leaving the IIWF. We sent Steve Summer to Florida to interview Aaron and get his thoughts on this matter: [SCENE: Outside Aaron the Caddy's mansion in Coral Gables, Florida. The camera pans on a beautiful house complete with a four-car garage, a swimming pool, and, of course, a golf course right across the street. IIWF intern Steve Summers stands in front of a big front door.] SS: Hello, everyone. I'm on assignment in Coral Gables, which is a tropical paradise, I might add. The only problem with this "vacation" -- I'm here to interview Aaron the Caddy for the first time since the Armed Forces dumped him in January. Let's hope this goes well, huh? [Steve takes a deep breath and knocks on the front door. A voice can be heard from inside, "Try the intercom, moron!" Summers sheepishly grins and presses the white button on the intercom.] SS: Hello? This is Steve Summers with IIWF. I'd like to get a word with Aaron -- DOORMAN: [over the intercom] Yeah, I know who you are... just a second. [The door swings open and Steve is led inside by the doorman. He is taken upstairs through a beautiful Victorian style mansion. When they reach the end of a hallway, Steve is beckoned into a reading room by Aaron the Caddy.] ATC: Hello. SS: Hi, Aaron. ATC: Sit down. [Steve sits down across a coffee table from Aaron the Caddy. Aaron is sporting a business suit, and is sitting in a maroon leather chair. Steve has been graced with a folding chair.] SS: I'd like to ask you a few -- ATC: Thanks, guy. I'll take it from here. I've got some things I need to say, and an interviewer with questions isn't necessary. All I need is some camera time. [The camera focuses on Steve, who raises an eyebrow.] In the past month and a half, since I left the IIWF as a manager, things have just gone straight to hell. The Armed Forces are now doing things like running to the aid of jobbers, worrying about others, and letting friendships come before personal glory. Dan Kauffman is retiring, and the Zodiac Connection, a team that _my_ Armed Forces took the initiative to beat on, holds the IIWF World Tag Team Championships. The great Bulldog Brown is gone, and now we've got some secondary title out there... the US title. And who the hell are you? SS: I'm Steve Summer, IIWF Intern Reporter, sir! [Aaron the Caddy rolls his eyes and continues, as if he didn't hear the reply from Summers.] ATC: What I'm getting at is that the IIWF, and the Armed Forces in particular, has been crap since I left. And the rumors of the Forces leaving? All true. They called me a couple of weeks back and asked, "What should we do, Aaron? Our careers are taking a serious plunge." All I could say was, "Well, short of bringing me back... retire." I don't know what they'll do. It sometimes seems as if they're going to breakthrough and return to Fall 1996 form, but then they just do something stupid again. Maybe they'll get recalled... maybe they'll quit. I don't know. I don't care. [Steve extends a hand to Aaron the Caddy, who shakes it. The doorman leads Steve outside. Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] ************************************************************************** --------------------------- IIWF TRASH TALK ---------------------------- ************************************************************************** LM: We're just a month away from Ring Wars III, and one of the main event matches will pit the Subway Psycho against IIWF World Heavyweight Champion Casey James. This is a chance for the Psycho to become the IIWF's first two-time heavyweight champ and he's receiving some help from a well-informed source... BL: You mean _traitor_. LM: I mean _Tiger Claw_. And he's giving the Psycho some interesting insight into the Syndicate: [SCENE: Tiger Claw stands outside of a makeshift ring in a dark tunnel. He holds himself up with crutches and he has a cast on his leg. Inside the ring, the Subway Psycho spars with a jobber-type partner, while four other jobber types, two dressed in suits, two in tights, stand outside the ring. One of the jobbers in a suit jumps onto the apron, and the Psycho turns to attack, allowing the jobber in the ring, along with one of the ones on the outside to tap the Psycho on the shoulder from behind.] TC: [to Psycho] You see? That is the purpose of Lau and McQueen... to run interference. While they jump on the apron, they attract the attention of the referee, along with your attention. While nobody is watching, Casey and the Disciples will attack you from behind. Don't bother with Lau or McQueen. They will not attack you unless you are defenseless on the ground, at which point you have no alternative to taking their attacks. Don't worry, though. They are businessmen. Men who work with pens. They lack the strength to injure a man by physical means. Anyway, keep your eyes on Casey. He is the one you have to beat for the title. SP: Right, Casey is the one I have to beat. I don't know why I have to learn to deal with all this other crap. I don't have anyone causing distractions for me. I don't know why he gets to have this advantage. It should only be me and Casey. TC: It should, but unfortunately, this is how the Syndicate works. Instead of stooping to their level, we should work on battling it. Perhaps a no DQ stipulation would be prudent. We both know that the Syndicate is not afraid to take a DQ loss to keep a title. SP: Whatever it takes. Of course I don't intend on letting them slip out of Ring Wars with a DQ. His fat ass will be squarely pinned to the canvas. TC: Back to training, my friend. If you want that title, you're going to have to beat not only Casey James, but the whole Syndicate as well. We must continue today's lesson, and that is countering the effects of the outside players. Keep in mind I will do my best to help you, but with this cast, my mobility is reduced. We will now work on being thrown outside the ring. Let us say that James has thrown you outside of the ring... [Psycho leaves the ring, and the two men in tights close in, one on each side.] TC: These men are the Disciples, treat them as such! [Psycho keeps an eye on each man in turn as they close in. Suddenly, the man in the ring executes a plancha onto the Psycho.] TC: Stop! Okay, this is another lesson. _Never_ take your eyes off of the man in the ring. This is a common tactic of the Syndicate. With so many men on the outside, it is easy for the opponent to forget about the man still in the ring. Your attention gets taken from him, and he attacks. Divide your attention into as many parts as there are people. Never take your attention away from anyone. This lesson also displays another thing. Casey James, while large, is still capable of some stunning maneuvers. These are maneuvers that _I_ taught him. He can actually execute the plancha you just saw. While this style is not his strong point, he can pull out these moves to surprise the opponent. Thrust kicks, reversals, roundhouses. These are all part of his arsenal. SP: In other words... stay in the ring at all costs. The numbers are in my favor in the squared circle. On the outside, more things can go wrong. TC: Try and keep it so that Casey is always off of his game. When he expects you to go to the mat, go to the air. When he expects you to go to the ropes, lock on an arm bar. Keep him guessing just as he tries to keep you guessing. When Casey is confused, he tends to stick to one style. Remember that. SP: Confusing Casey should be about as hard as tying my shoe. Nobody has ever mistaken Casey for a scholar. Whatever style he tries to employ, it won't really matter. One on one, I am superior. It's all the other "outside" factors that are in his favor. TC: Do not sell him short. Casey is a very talented athlete, and not as thick as he would let you believe. I taught him myself. The worst thing you can do is to underestimate him. He is smart, he is skilled, and he is ruthless. He will take advantage of the smallest mistake and punish you for it. That is why I am here. To make sure you make no mistakes. SP: I appreciate this Claw. You, probably more than anyone, know my temper and how easily I let my emotions dictate my actions in the ring. With your help I believe I'll be able to stay focused enough to let my wrestling ability carry me, not my temper. TC: I have no doubt that you will be victorious at Ring Wars III. However, we have much to cover. Come, let us look at the possibility of a new member to the Syndicate... [Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: It appears as though Tiger Claw and the Subway Psycho are covering all the options. BL: Do you think Tiger Claw was the brains behind the Syndicate? He can't think the way Brian Lau does, and even if he's able to figure it out then Lau will know it and do something else. The Psycho is in for a world of hurt at Ring Wars III. LM: Many of the stars in the IIWF are just hoping to _get_ to Ring Wars III the way things are going these days. The Hangman has clearly not forgotten the defeat he suffered at the hands of Requiem last weekend and he vows to avenge it: [Judge Roy Bean and The Hangman stand in the IIWF interview area.] JRB: Requiem you think you have escaped. My friend there is no escape from the gallows of the Hangman. Hangman is not here to make friends or influence anyone, including Dross. Hangman will take your challenge to step into the ring with you. This time Hangman will face you one on one. The Hangmen will not be with him when he comes to the ring. Hangman will watch your eyes bug out of your head. The Noose is a perfect fit. TH: Requiem, like Judge Roy Bean says, the next time I meet you it will be just me and you. The boys have other things to take care of, with the U.S. Tournament and all. So Requiem prepare well, I have only your retirement in mind. [Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: Another wrestler who literally holds another's fate in his hands is the mysterious Spur. His tainted victory over Ronnie Paris last weekend means Spur gets to choose the next opponent for Paris. And Spur seems to be milking it for all it's worth: [SCENE: Spur lounges backstage. He wears a "Dan Kauffman: Lord of the Ring Wars" t-shirt. He chuckles.] SP: Who's it gonna be Ronnie? I bet you'd love to know, but waiting makes the payoff so much sweeter. Have patience. You're mine soon enough. Oh, Mr. Steele... sorry about those tights, I must have slipped. Hey, Shakespeare... you're next. [Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: Unlike Spur, who seems to pick his opponents methodically, Serge Annis is... BL: Hehe, you said Annis. LM: [ignoring her] ...is an equal opportunity offender. However, one wrestler in particular has drawn his attention of late. Let's hear from the Epitome of Evil: [Serge Annis stands in the IIWF interview area. A red light is shown on him, and he sports black jeans, and a black Dan Kauffman t-shirt.] SA: The attitude in the IIWF really sickens me. The amount of ego is astronomical. Well, it is time for a reality check to some of the so called superstars in the IIWF... who all suffer illusions of grandeur. And one, Steve Kowalski, the name is Annis, and I fail to see any humour in your pathetic Anus remark. That is my point... it just shows the attitudes of the superstars.. either you are full of yourself, or you are a walking dead man surrounded by mystery... and someone who right now is a walking dead man... is none other than The White Phoenix.. Phoenix, I have something very important to say to the likes of you. This should appeal to the likes of one, Billy Shakespeare... "I am a Jew. Hath not a Jew eyes? hath not a Jew hands, organs, dimensions, senses, affections, passions? fed with the same food, hurt by the same weapons, subject to the same diseases, healed by the same means, warmed and cooled by the same winter and summer, as a Christian is? If you prick us, do we not bleed? if you tickle us, do we not laugh? AND IF YOU WRONG US, SHALL WE NOT REVENGE? If we are like you in the rest, we will resemble you in that. If a Jew wrong a Christian, what is humility? REVENGE! If a Christian wrong a Jew, what should his sufferance be by Christian example? Why...REVENGE! THE VILLAINY YOU TEACH ME I WILL EXECUTE... and it shall go hard...BUT...I will better the instruction." William Shakespeare wrote those very words 400 years ago in The Merchant of Venice... and how true to life they are today... Phoenix, I may not be Jewish, and I do not know if you Christian. But that is not important. I hope you see what I am getting at... you committed a grave error by sticking your nose into my business... and the very villainy you teach me.... I will execute... whatever happens Phoenix, you bestowed upon yourself... I am not responsible for what may come out of my deserved revenge... in the end of The Merchant of Venice however... Shylock unfortunately did not get his revenge on Antonio... but Shinja SHow... I will. And after I am done with you... hehehe... you will wish I had taken the pound of flesh in which you owe me.. hehehe... [Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: Wow, he's quoting Shakespeare now. I had no idea that Serge was so well-read. I thought most of his books still came with crayons. BL: Hey, Shakespeare and crayons. Nice segue into our next flash: [SCENE: Billy Shakespeare stands at his locker. He looks at a contract which sits atop a sack of fan mail. Brody Thunder's signature appears large on the contract.] BS: "What! Has this thing appear'd tonight?" Thunder, thy bravado walks boldly before you. Are you sure you want to follow it? I told you I've got a list of men I want to meet... and you're number two on the list. I don't see any reason why I should elevate you above Kowalski. You're lucky I don't place you beneath Acorn, after all, he won my belt. Be patient. I know you are drawn by a chance at the Spotlight, by your chance at fame. But the Spotlight is not as forgiving as you may believe: The glare blinds, it bewilders and amazes. Be content to watch: All the world's my stage... but there is only room for one in the spotlight. Born to Perform, partner. [He reaches into the mailbag and pulls out a letter reading in crayon: "Maine loves Billy more than Barney!" Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: What an odd letter from Maine. BL: The crayon doesn't surprise me, but I didn't know people in Maine could write. Hehe... snort. LM: Don't offend our fans in New England! BL: Hey Lah-ry, get me a lob-stah! Get me some chow-dah! BWAHAHA! LM: Stop that! BL: Can I at least tell my Barney joke? LM: That seems safe enough. BL: Okay. What's the difference between Barney and Pee Wee Herman? LM: Uh... what? BL: One is a big purple public jerk... and the other jerks big purple in public. BWAHAHAHA! LM: Could we get some medication on the set? Better yet, let's just go to our next flash, one from the Highwayman who seems to be forming some sort of alliance with Nightwing: [SCENE: Another day draws to a close as the sun completes its slow decent from the sky towards a horizon of rocky peaks, turning the high nimbus clouds a vivid fiery red accentuated by brilliant oranges and yellows. The sky, a tapestry the majesty of which even Ted Turner could only dream of capturing. In the foreground is the lonely figure of Nightwing sitting crossed-legged on a patterned blanket, motionless except for his long black hair stirring in a soft breeze, silent except for the rustling of the feathers on his boots. Almost sixty feet away stands Highwayman, absently leaning against a large boulder staring over towards the Native American, whispering so as not to disturb him.] HM: When I listened to your comments a few weeks ago, I thought you were insolent. What did you know about my "troubled soul"? How can you know what _I_ feel. But the spirits that counsel you know me better than I know myself. My present is haunted by the spirits of my past, but they do not serve me as do yours. They do not counsel me, or provide me with companionship, they just serve to remind me of a past long dead, of a time when my life had purpose, and that purpose brought happiness to those who were in most need. In those days I did not have time for the grief of a lost parent, I was too busy ensuring that the loss I had suffered would not repeat itself in the lives of my neighbors. My life had purpose, and I knew when I had reached the end of my chosen path that my actions had made a difference, lives had improved, suffering had ended. I try to channel my grief constructively as I did back then, allow it to drive me to counter the injustices that man perpetrates on man... but it is difficult. I see Deathbringer, Brody Thunder, Otto Verhoeven, and in them I see the same evil that I have struggled against all my life, and I wonder; "Is there any point to it all"? If they were gone, how soon would it be before someone replaced them? So you see Nightwing, my soul _is_ troubled. Once again I must push aside my grief while I do battle with those who care nothing for their fellow man, sure in the knowledge that no sooner has one gone, another will take his place, then another and another. Our paths have crossed once Nightwing, I hope it will not be too long before they cross again so I may stand alongside you and see our hands raised in victory again. Your spirits are indeed wise, heed their counsel well Nightwing, but I fear this soul is beyond soothing. [Highwayman takes one last look at the last dying embers of the sun dipping below a distant peak.] But thank them for me anyway. [He turns away and begins his long trek downhill, being careful not to make any noise, while the Native American smiles enigmatically and whispers to himself.] NW: I will. [Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: The Highwayman seems to be on a road to finding himself and his purpose, but he certainly is not the only one in the IIWF with that goal right now. BL: I can only guess that you're talking about Stud Stetson, the once-proud wrestler who has become Portland's resident bum. It's probably no accident that Dross is the one who keeps "bum"ping into him. After all, Dross hangs out in those low-life places. LM: It seems Stetson has actually been living in the boiler room in the IIWF Coliseum lately. BL: Did we evict Sparkplug? LM: Let's go to the tape: [SCENE: The confines of the dimly lit IIWF Coliseum Boiler Room. The room would be silent if not for the hum of the radiator. A door slowly creaks open as Tim Dross makes his way down the stairway to the musty room. Dross, in his usual IIWF duds, looks around the room until he spots Superstar Stud Stetson sitting in the far corner. He is in his same torn jeans and t-shirt that he has worn since his match with Ronnie Paris. His hair is terribly greasy and matted, as is his goatee. Once again the leather strap is held firmly in his hands. At his side is a blue sleeping bag and a pillow in a black case. Also several beer cans can be scattered around the area along with empty chip bags.] TD: [looking at Stetson with pity] Alas, poor Stetson, how far you have fallen. What are you doing down here? SS: [looks up at Dross with painful eyes and speaks once again with a very calm and quiet voice] Where else do you expect me to go? [looks down and then back up] We have already gone over this Dross, I have nothing left. Nothing at all. But despite losing everything what pains me most is the absence of Lace. I could have gone through all these same pains but if Lace was here it would be alright. TD: Excuse me for saying this, but you look terrible. You're wearing the same clothes you wore the last two times I have seen you and it looks like you have forgotten what a bath is. Worse of all it looks like you taken up some habits I thought you would never have. Drinking? Junk food? Is this the same health freak I once knew? SS: A lot has changed Dross since we first met. But this is all old ground and I have already spoken about this. Dross, it seems my sense of reason is fading. Last week when we spoke, I told you how I realized how much of a jerk and fool I was here in the IIWF but was afraid that if everything got back on track that I would just turn right back into that mold. Well, it seems I've lost some of that knowledge. TD: You don't seem to be that egotistical jerk. SS: [slight chuckle] I guess I deserve that after all I have done. No, that is not what I mean. I have lost some of my common sense. I have tried to drink away my bitterness and pretty much let this body go to waste these past few weeks. [seems to ponder for second] Let me be honest to you for a minute. Even though last Wednesday was the first time you saw me in this shape it has been going on for awhile. Ever since my last match before that day, where Alex Rio cost me my victory, things fell apart. Lace got mad and my payroll got cut because I was losing my billing with my ever-creeping losing streak. And nobody wants to be with a bad-ass freak who can't back up his words. No promotion would sign me, so no money came my way. After losing my home, gym, and supposed friends I began losing it. But I didn't really fall off the wagon until Lace hit the road, [shakes his head in dismay] I'm sorry Dross, last thing you want to hear is me rant on about my troubles again but that's all that is really on my mind. TD: Stetson, it seems last week you had gained some confidence and guaranteed you would not only win back respect here in the IIWF, you would win back Lace. Where has that all gone? SS: To hell, Dross. It has all gone to hell and is burning right now with all the other hopeless things of this world. [deep breath] Sure I started thinking I could get back on track. I ended my losing streak and had some inspiration. I thought I could win back my killer instinct but I realized the IIWF isn't going to let a washed up never been a chance to reach glory he almost once had. As much as I beg and plea it doesn't seem like I will be able to get back to my form. Because I can talk all I want about being the man again and how I will make Lace come running back. But it all comes down to if the IIWF doesn't want me in the big time then I ain't getting there. TD: So that's it? You're just going to quit. SS: [looks down at the strap] All my hopes lied in this. This was my motivation. This was what I thought would take me out of my rut. [to himself] This would bring it all back. Most importantly the girl who means everything to me. TD: I am not quite sure I understand. SS: Then you have a bad case of short-term memory Dross. A week ago I challenged one Billy Shakespeare to a match at Ring Wars III. A match in which we both could get our revenge. Or better put, vengeance for Lace. This man embarrassed Lace and I felt if I could beat him then maybe I could get Lace's respect back. [he stops and thinks, then becomes more animated] Respect. Most important word in the world. Most important word in the sport. You can talk all about the money and titles you won, or all the injuries ya' caused but what it all amounts to is respect. Respect is want makes the world go around, not money. We only desire money and all these material things in the name of respect. Everyone wants someone to look up to you. To fear you. To acknowledge your accomplishments. Dross that is why I am in the shape I am in. I lost all that and I can't blame anyone but myself. I got caught up in my own self indulgence and worrying about being the biggest bad-ass possible. This caused everyone to get a win on me because I was focused more on hokey titles and who I would hit with my car next rather then that always important win. Wins aren't everything but they lead to respect. And to make a long story a little shorter it was that respect factor that left me off the card and gave my spot to Mr. Thunder. Thunder knows all about the respect game and this tough SOB has earned it from every sorry soul who has crossed his path. He is a sweet talker and a big walker and the bookers like that and know he has himself my match. [looks hard at the strap] But it is time for me to stop crying. Desperate men do desperate things. We all know what a cat does when he is cornered; he scratches his way out and makes everyone rather messy looking. Well, I see myself as a sly cat and I am going to begin to claw. [picks up a beer can and throws it against the wall] And enough of this. It's time I grow up and begin doing something about my misery. It's time I get back the biggest prize in the world. Something only a few truly can get and that is respect. And if I never do get Shakespeare in the ring then it is time I find someone with the very thing I want. And when I find that person, he will be in a whole world of hurt. Because Stud Stetson is going to come back and Lace will be mine again. It's time for the pain game to begin. TD: It seems Stetson is once again motivated but how long will it last this time. And can he really get back on track. We will see in the upcoming weeks. SS: [close up on Stetson's face] I am for real. Believe me. I am for real. [Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: Stud Stetson apparently has a long road to walk to get back to his previous status, but he seems intent on making that journey. Before we leave this segment, I want to share a bit of footage taped earlier this afternoon. It was quite odd and I'm not sure who is involved or what it means, but let's roll it now: [Cut to Larry on camera apparently making his way to the IIWF Interview Studio. As he walks, he speaks to the cameraman. Then he stops and puts his head against a door coming out of which dulcet tones can be heard. He tells the cameraman to get his OB mic out and to press it hard against the door. The voice can be heard more clearly but cannot be identified.] VOICE: Yes, when can I come round? [Pause] VOICE: Tonight is fine. Just give me directions again. [Pause] VOICE: And that's Oakland, California, right? [Pause] VOICE: Heh. Yeah, imagine if I turned up at someone's place in Oakland here in Oregon! [Pause] VOICE: Yes. Okay, I'll be there. Ten thousand bucks? No problem. Expect me around seven. Right. Bye. [Pause] Sure. Bye. [Larry and the cameraman wait for the person to leave the room, but he doesn't. Larry attempts to open the door but it is locked. As he fumbles for his master key, Larry looks up at the camera and speaks.] LM: Wow, fans, this would be a major scoop if only we knew who the heck it is in there. [Larry knocks on the door. The voice answers.] VOICE: Who's there? LM: It's Larry. Larry Morton. Are you okay in there? [There is the sound of movement inside the room. Larry uses his key to open the door, but as he enters the room he is greeted only by an open window. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: We were very close to solving that mystery this afternoon. BL: If our studios weren't on the ground floor, I think it would have already been solved. Wiiiiiish.... splut... right out the window. LM: Sigh. We'll try to learn more and keep you up to date, fans. ************************************************************************** --------------------- LATEST IIWF SINGLES RANKINGS --------------------- ************************************************************************** ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Name F/H Fought W L D Win% Ranking (old) new ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Casey James H 32 21 9 2 69% (WC) WC Marty Warnett F 29 19 10 0 66% (IC) IC "Enigma" Takezo Musashi N 24 19 5 0 79% (CW) CW ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Deathbringer H 28 20 5 3 77% (2) 1 The White Phoenix F 17 12 5 0 71% (3=) 2= Lord Byron H 17 12 5 0 71% (3=) 2= Steve Kowalski H 14 10 4 0 71% (5) 4 Mad Dog Watkins H 7 5 2 0 71% (1) 5 Otto Verhoeven H 25 17 7 1 70% (7) 6 Dan Kauffman H 28 18 8 2 68% (6) 7 Chris Quigley F 20 13 6 1 68% (9) 8 Brody Thunder H 15 10 5 0 67% (14) 9 Creed N 9 6 3 0 67% (10) 10 "Sychosys" Joe Petrow N 6 4 2 0 67% (11) 11 Billy Shakespeare F 31 20 10 1 66% (12) 12 Subway Psycho F 29 18 9 2 66% (13) 13 Dirt Dog Unique Allah N 11 7 4 0 64% (8) 14 Serge Annis N 7 4 2 1 64% (15) 15 Cheshire H 9 5 4 0 56% (16) 16 Mr. Damage H 24 13 11 0 54% (17) 17 The Sandman F 27 14 13 0 52% (18) 18 Stud Stetson H 13 5 6 2 46% (20) 19 Venusian Death Cell H 16 7 9 0 44% (21) 20 The Hangman H 15 5 7 3 43% (19) 21 Ronnie Paris F 8 3 5 0 38% (22) 22 American Patriot F 8 3 5 0 38% (23) 23 "Badboy" Randy Acorn H 6 2 4 0 33% (24) 24 ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Requiem F 2 2 0 0 100% (25) 25 Highwayman F 4 3 1 0 75% (26=) 26= Nightwing F 4 3 1 0 75% (26=) 26= "Real Deal" Luke Steele F 4 2 2 0 50% (28) 28 Spur H 3 1 2 0 33% (29) 29 ------------------------------- injured -------------------------------- Tiger Claw H 42 22 18 2 55% (-) - ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ************************************************************************** -------------------- LATEST IIWF TAG TEAM RANKINGS --------------------- ************************************************************************** ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Name of team F/H Fought W L D Win% Ranking (old) new ------------------------------------------------------------------------ The Zodiac Connection F 17 9 8 0 53% (9) WT ------------------------------------------------------------------------ The Harlequins N 5 4 1 0 80% (15) 1 Rising Sun Revolution F 15 11 4 0 73% (1) 2 The Armed Forces H 27 17 9 1 67% (2) 3 Domination F 9 5 2 2 67% (3) 4 The Dark Disciples H 10 6 3 1 65% (WT) 5 High Plains Drifters H 28 17 10 1 63% (4) 6 G.W.R. N 10 6 4 0 60% (5) 7 The Alphabet Boys F 14 7 5 2 57% (6) 8 The Arabian Knights H 16 9 7 0 56% (7) 9 The Hangmen H 16 8 6 2 56% (8) 10 Pain Inc. H 15 7 7 1 50% (10) 11 The Players' Club F 13 6 7 0 46% (11) 12 ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Prophets of Rage H 4 4 0 0 100% (12) 13 Cold Spell F 2 2 0 0 100% (13=) 14= Night Patrol H 2 2 0 0 100% (13=) 14= W & W Express H 2 0 2 0 0% (16) 16 ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ************************************************************************** ---------------------- UPCOMING IIWF PROGRAMMING ----------------------- ************************************************************************** LM: Fans, we know you'll be with us tomorrow night for what promises to be a great card. Call the IIWF Hotline on Sunday for the latest news and rumors, and don't forget to tune in on Monday for "IIWF Monday Musings." "Inside the IIWF" comes your way every Tuesday, followed by "Wednesday War Room" and then "IIWF Classics" on Thursdays. It's all IIWF, all the time! BL: And far too much Larry Morton. LM: Until next time, this _is_ Larry Morton for Becky LaRue saying... BL: Nighty-night! [The remote camera zooms back up the aisle. A man drops his pants and moons the camera, which picks up writing on his butt. It reads, "Invade _this_ ECW!" The credits are interrupted as the shot goes black.] +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= I * I * W * F =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+ | President: Daniel Spreadbury | Vice-President: Steve Owens | | univ0322@sable.ox.ac.uk | sowens@admin.presby.edu | | iiwf@sisko.demon.co.uk | IIWFadmin@aol.com | +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- http://www.sisko.demon.co.uk -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=+