##### ###### ### ########## ########## ########## #### ## ########## ########## ########## #### # #### ######## ##### ##### #### ## ##### #### #### #### #### ### #### #### #### #### ############# ######### #### #### ########### ######### #### #### #### #### #### ######### ######### ### #### #### ######### ######### ### ## #### ######## ######## ## # #### =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- ## =-=-=-= H + O + T + L + I + N + E #1-900-325-IIWF =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= 23 February 1997 ----------------------------------------------- [click] --------------------------- OPTION #1: The Dross Report --------------------------- Hello there, folks, and thanks for calling the IIWF Hotline! I'm Tim Dross, and you've reached my Dross Report update for Sunday 23 February. It was another night of controversy and confusion in the IIWF Coliseum last night, and we once again saw new IIWF World Tag Team Champions crowned as the Dark Disciples regained the belts from the Zodiac Connection in an unscheduled title match. The Disciples jumped the Zodiacs early on in the evening, and the IIWF President made what must be considered a questionable decision when he allowed the Zodiacs to wrestle later in the same night against the Disciples, who are surely the most punishing and dangerous tag team in the IIWF right now. It was surely a foregone conclusion that if the Zodiacs stepped into the ring against the Disciples after the beating they took, they would lose the titles. It comes as no surprise to me to hear that as a result of this incident that the talk around the IIWF is once more that the IIWF President is corrupt. Early last week, everybody saw the anonymous interview screened on WrestleVision, the independent wrestling news network, accusing the IIWF of deep-set corruption, and also the strange footage of shady deals going on in IIWF Towers apparently involving somebody from Oakland, Oregon -- and it's common knowledge that the most prominent figure involved in the IIWF to hail from Oakland is none other than former Intercontinental and Cruiserweight Champion, "Spotlight" Billy Shakespeare. Now let me go on record right here and state that I have always found the IIWF President, and all his staff, to be individuals of the highest integrity and honour. There has long been a history of accusations of nepotism and bribery levelled at the administration of the IIWF, but none of it has ever stuck. I can't see this new outbreak of subversive whisperings having any effect other than generating a lot of negative publicity for the IIWF -- something which the IIWF President is going to have to address very carefully. Speaking of negative publicity, I have been asked to apologise on behalf of my broadcast colleague, "Soundbite" Steve Roberts, for his comments two weeks ago on Option #2 of the hotline. Steve himself was asked to retract his comments regarding former IIWF luminary "Painbringer" Billy Sexton, but refused point blank. The IIWF wishes to distance itself from Steve's comments, which inferred that Sexton had been guaranteed title success in the league in which he surfaced not long after departing acrimoniously from the IIWF after Snow Brawl last December. Incidentally, as a side note, Sexton last night had a shot at the World title in the league in question. No word yet as to how he fared. On the whole, however, the IIWF is now enjoying closer links with many other rival organisations than ever before -- hot on the heels of last week's announcement of a talent exchange agreement with ESWP, I can reveal that the IIWF has entered two of its premier tag teams, Domination and the Harlequins, in the inter-federational Porter Cup Tag Team Tournament which kicks off this Friday. However, the way the bracket has been drawn means that these two teams will face one another in the first round on March 9. I'll be bringing you updates on their progress in the coming weeks. I also understand that the IIWF President has been in negotiations with high-ranking officials in a number of other leagues in an effort to get the IIWF involved in the huge inter-federational event known as Summit '97, which is scheduled to take place at Wembley Stadium, London, England, from April 6 to April 10. Eight different promotions in total will be involved, including the so-called "big three", EWA, DPW and PCW. One of the highlights of the five-day event will be the Summit Cup, an eight-man round-robin tournament featuring a single representative from each promotion battling it out in two groups of four to determine the highest-ranking wrestler in each group, who then face off against one another to determine an overall winner. There is no word as yet who will be approached to represent the IIWF in this event, but I understand that when news of this likely agreement hit the locker rooms earlier this week, it prompted a buzz of excitement -- a number of IIWF superstars believe that participating in the Summit Cup would enhance their careers greatly. Certainly the eight men involved receive substantial exposure, but the sting of defeat can be even more bitter in front of a live crowd of more than eighty thousand, and a world television audience of several million. The IIWF is also expected to sanction two or three other matches to take place at the Summit, including a World Heavyweight Championship defence. More news as and when I get it. This past week also saw the release of the long-awaited RSPWF 200, a list which purports to rank the top two hundred athletes in the world of wrestling today. IIWF stars past and present made a strong showing, with no fewer than sixteen entries on the list. Past luminaries honoured in the list include: Fisto Flash, ranked at #158, despite no longer being active; Sabin Figaro, ranked at an erroneously high #80; one-shot IIWF wrestler "Jackhammer" J.P. Steele, now making a living by brown-tonguing his way through the "big three" and subsequently ranked #62; and the equally short-lived "Bad Boy" Mark Bagwell, one of the best-known characters in the wrestling world, comes in at #12. Current IIWF stars fared well, most notably soon-to-be-retired Dan Kauffman, who is surprisingly ranked #4, the highest non-"loop" participant, on the strength of his reign as IIWF World Champion, and "Quickstrike" Chris Quigley, ranked #8, isn't far behind. The first IIWF Heavyweight Champion, the "Outlaw" J.W. Hardin, now on his way back to Europe, is ranked #96 -- not bad for a guy who hasn't wrestled in the States since last October. Established journeyman, the American Patriot, is ranked at a respectable #152, "Badboy" Randy Acorn comes in at #116, "Lone Wolf" Brody Thunder at #113, the "Enigma" Takezo Musashi at #102, Otto "the Butcher" Verhoeven at #98, Billy Shakespeare at #52, Deathbringer at #42, Serge Annis at #11 -- although this ranking has little to do with his IIWF performances to date. News reaches me that "Sychosys" Joe Petrow is lobbying the front office for his new tag team partner, Majestic Maurice McArthur, to receive a shot at the Intercontinental Champion, Marty Warnett, in the near future. Petrow insists that McArthur is currently the hottest wrestler in the IIWF, since he is 4-1 in his last five matches, with his only loss being to Ring Wars III main-eventer, the Subway Psycho. I'm not convinced by that argument, folks -- McArthur has only been winning matches thanks to Petrow's interference, and his overall record is more like 4-40. I doubt we'll be seeing him challenge Marty Warnett in the near future. On the subject of tag teams, it seems that the Players' Club will be taking some time away from the IIWF after the injuries sustained last night at the hands of the vicious cowboys, Brody Thunder and J.W. Hardin, and the Syndicate's kingpin, Casey "Blackheart" James. Danny Dynamite and Michael Reyna contacted the IIWF President this morning and asked for compassionate leave, which was granted without question. There is no word yet how this will affect the ongoing tournament to crown the first IIWF United States Tag Team Champions, since the Players' Club were scheduled to face the Zodiac Connection this Wednesday night in their first round match. It now seems likely that the Zodiacs will receive a bye straight into the second round to face the Prophets of Rage on March 8 -- which should also give them the chance to heal up after their recent beatings at the hands of the Dark Disciples. That's it from me for now, folks. With all the changes going on around the IIWF at the moment, things are sure to get even more interesting over the coming weeks. I'll be back right here on the Hotline next Sunday with more behind the scenes news and rumours. Until then, this is Tim Dross, saying: so long, everybody, and thanks for calling! ----------------------------- OPTION #2: "Soundbite" Speaks ----------------------------- Hey, losers, welcome to your weekly brush with greatness. That's right, you've reached "Soundbite" Steve Roberts, without a doubt the greatest announcer and the greatest wrestler the world has ever seen. There are a few things on my mind, so settle down and listen up. The suits have been trying to persuade me to tone down my talk on this hotline, since the front office have received a few phone calls over the past week accusing me of trying to undermine the credibility of other wrestling organisations. The fact of the matter is that I'll say what I damned well want to say, and if you don't like it, you can stick it. And if these other organisations want to make something of it, then they can come down here to Portland and just try it. As Brody Thunder has often said, we're not hard to find -- just hard to beat. A few locker room whisperings that might be of interest to you moronic inbreds: there could be some real friction between Dan Kauffman and Chris Quigley in the next couple of weeks; Kauffman apparently feels that Quigley has gotten stuck in a rut, always saying the same things, becoming a caricature of himself. Hey, if you ask me, Kick-Me was never anything more than a laughable caricature, and the same could almost be said of Kauffman. It seems that the negative feeling between those two has almost fizzled out, which is a pity, since the main event for Ring Wars III is a non-starter at the moment. At least if the match had taken place a couple of months ago, Kauffman and Kick-Me would have tried to kick each others' heads in... now it looks like we're condemned to a resthold-filled yawn-fest. Boy, I can't wait. At least the rest of the Ring Wars III card is a little more promising. Seeing the Subway Stinker get his ass kicked by Casey James will cheer me up no end, but I'm a little upset that little Willie Pukespeare, who, as we all know, is one of my all-time favourite IIWF athletes, has chickened out of facing the "Lone Wolf" Brody Thunder. Mind you, after being put through a table by the big man, it's no surprise that Pukespeare is doing his best to hide behind injuries and his "hunter, not the hunted" attitude to try and stay out of Thunder's way. But one of these days, Thunder is going to get his hands on Pukespeare again -- be it in the parking lot, the wrestling ring or the locker room -- and when he does, we'll be saying goodbye to Pukespeare for the last time. Team Brutality are apparently considering bringing in more members, and right at the top of their list are the High Plains Drifters, those two crazy cowboys who roped up the Harlequins last Saturday Night. I doubt that ol' Josey Wales would let his boys hook up with a couple of ex-cops and two Indonesian lunatics, but stranger things have happened. I wasn't surprised to hear that the Players' Club have scuttled out of the IIWF for a couple of months after the tail-kicking they received last night in the Coliseum at the hands of those two ornery cowboys, Brody Thunder and "Outlaw" J.W. Hardin. For all their reputation and titles elsewhere, the acclaimed Players' Club just haven't cut it here in the IIWF yet -- and I'll be waiting for them to step back into the ring and prove why I should respect them. I'm tired of talking to you inbreds. I'm out of here. Call in again next week for more words of wisdom. Until then, screw you all. Goodnight. ----------------------- OPTION #3: Can We Talk? ----------------------- Hi there, everybody. I'm Larry Morton, and as usual, I've been trailing the IIWF superstars over the past week to get their thoughts on a topical question. This week's poser: WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE TELEVISION SHOW? W & W EXPRESS: "Other than IIWF Saturday Night, We'd have to say Baywatch. The babes, the beach, the sand. If they're lucky, maybe we'll make an appearance on Baywatch one day." "QUICKSTRIKE" CHRIS QUIGLEY: "Hmmm... I don't really watch much television, but I do watch Hockey Night in Canada pretty faithfully. And of course Letterman is always good for a few laughs." "SUPERSTAR" STUD STETSON: "Favorite television show? In order to have a favorite show you have to have a television, and I don't see any television in the boiler room. Then again, I always did like Bugs Bunny. Hey, don't laugh! IIWF Saturday Night ain't too shabby either -- any show featuring myself is always great." THE WHITE PHOENIX: "I always try to watch the local news programs... there are always such wonderful pictures of houses on fire... buildings on fire... cars on fire... oh, and Rescue 911." STEVE "THE FURY" KOWALSKI: "I ain't got a favorite show. But I do like them crazy-ass nature programs. Y'know the ones with the tigers an' [BLEEP] eatin' gazelles or whatever they're called." THE "CEO" JACK MONTGOMERY: "A lot of people think that all the big man does is train. Actually, I know for a fact that Creed sneaks in his share of TV time during the week. He watches "Inside the IIWF", "IIWF Classics", "Countdown to IIWF Saturday Night" and the occasional re-run of "Family Ties." I think the big man has a little crush on Justine Bateman." "SYCHOSYS" JOE PETROW: "Jigoku Sensei Nuubee! Or, for the Japanese illiterate, 'Nuubee, the Teacher from Hell!' Hey Hiroshi, has that new tape arrived yet?" TIGER CLAW: "That Tai Chi guy that gets put on the local cable station..." CASEY "BLACKHEART" JAMES: "Anything where people get hurt... Homicide, NYPD Blue, those hospital shows... Anything where people bleed. I bet a lot of guys said they don't watch television... Yeah, they're so cool, aren't they? Too good for TV, hey guys? How come? You were all raised on it by your fat lazy parents that made this country what it is, so what's the problem? Oh, I like that Politically Incorrect show too." "THE ENIGMA" TAKEZO MUSASHI: "I do not own a television set. Watching TV is a soul-deadening waste of time. If I had to pick a favourite show, however, it would of course be IIWF Saturday Night." DARK DISCIPLES: Wulf: TV is for wimps! The censors are so weak they don't permit anything I like to see on the air. I usually forget TV all together and settle down with another viewing of my "Blood Sucking Freaks!" video. Kane: ...Well, that was when the TV was still working properly. It just doesn't seem the same after we threw it out of the window, in the hopes of _accidentally_ hitting Mrs. Miggins of 12B. OTTO "THE BUTCHER" VERHOEVEN: "Favorite television show? None of the American television shows have the quality of German entertainment programs, so I mostly watch the sports channel. The only show I moderatly enjoy over here is "Tales from the Crypt", it's just too damn funny." "LONE WOLF" BRODY THUNDER: "TV show? D'ya think I got time to watch that boob tube?! When yer dealin' with folks like Watkins, Petrow, Player's Club an' ol' Billy "I'm Too Scared Ta Fight Ya" Shakespeare ya don't spend yer time watchin' TV. Ya better be trainin' an'preparin' or ya ain't gonna last in this here federation. There's yer soundbite, now get outta my way, son..." COLD SPELL: Fitz: "MacGyver." That guy knew how to survive. Icehawk: I don't watch much TV, especially since I can never find soccer games. That redhead in "Orleans" is really cute, though. But the greatest TV event of all time was the Olympic Triplecast. I wish they had done that again in Atlanta. I love the Olympics. DEATHBRINGER: "I used to watch 'Tales From The Crypt' for some time; however, after a while in reality, TV is not too interesting any more..." MR. DAMAGE: "That's an easy one. I am a couch potato at heart, and I watch lots of shows. I really dig M*A*S*H* -- that's where I got the idea for the chloroform on the boxing glove! I also like 'Laverne and Shirley' 'cos Laverne is the most beautiful woman in the world! [whispers] Don't tell the wife! I also like Oprah as she always has her finger on the pulse. But I can't stand 'Melrose Place'. My other favourite was IIWF Saturday Night, watching Luke Steele, his coach and the ref go down at the sight of my boxing glove. It looks as if I'll have a bit of vacation time coming up... The Caribbean looks nice!" MR.MIC, manager of Pain Inc.: "Easy, COPS..." THE SANDMAN: "I wrestle, I don't watch TV. When I'm not beating up Kowalski or Warnett, I'm training in the Iron Den." SERGE ANNIS: "Isn't it obvious? The Brady Bunch... hehehe..." [click] +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= I * I * W * F =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+ | President: Daniel Spreadbury | Vice-President: Steve Owens | | univ0322@sable.ox.ac.uk | sowens@admin.presby.edu | | iiwf@sisko.demon.co.uk | IIWFadmin@aol.com | +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- http://www.sisko.demon.co.uk -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=+