##### ###### ### ########## ########## ########## #### ## ########## ########## ########## #### # #### ######## ##### ##### #### ## ##### #### #### #### #### ### #### #### #### #### ############# ######### #### #### ########### ######### #### #### #### #### #### ######### ######### ### #### #### ######### ######### ### ## #### ######## ######## ## # #### =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- ## =-=-=-= H + O + T + L + I + N + E #1-900-325-IIWF =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= 9 March 1997 ----------------------------------------------- [click] --------------------------- OPTION #1: The Dross Report --------------------------- Hello there, folks, and welcome to the Dross Report update for March 9, 1997. I'm Tim Dross, and I'm still reeling after the events of this past weekend. We saw a new Intercontinental Champion crowned in highly controversial fashion, and in an unsanctioned match, Billy Shakespeare, who will be representing the IIWF in the upcoming Superstar Summit, apparently pinned Mr. Robinson, the undefeated "franchise" of the so-called "loop", who once again made their presence felt in the IIWF Coliseum last night. In fact, from what I understand, there were some fairly ugly scenes in a bar in downtown Portland last night after the show. It's no coincidence that Mr. Robinson is associated with one of the IIWF's rival wrestling organisations, known as PCW, which is based right here in Oregon, and when some of the IIWF's athletes headed off to a bar after wrestling last night, they came up against some pretty unhappy "loop"ers. Police had to be called to the scene to break up the melee -- and it will come as no surprise to learn that the two IIWF stars right at the centre of the fray were mean Mad Dog Watkins and Steve "the Fury" Kowalski. It appears that the IIWF's spot in the Superstar Summit may be in jeopardy in the aftermath of the various incidents last night. The "loop" leagues are said to be extremely unhappy -- both in public and behind the scenes -- with the manner in which Super Scott turned his back on his legacy. However, from what I've heard, they could have been given a whole lot _more_ to be unhappy about. According to my sources, Super Scott originally intended to take the microphone and unleash a verbal tirade against the "loop". The censors have already expressed their concerns that the IIWF is treading the line between good and bad taste in recent weeks, and I, for one, am glad that Scott restrained himself -- I guess actions speak louder than words, and forcing Mr. Robinson to fall to defeat, albeit an unsanctioned one which won't appear on any records, certainly shouted his message loud and clear. Sadly, however, the "loop"'s disdain for last night's events extend to an industrial tribunal being called to investigate the "match" between Mr. Robinson and Billy Shakespeare. Apparently, some kind of agreement had been reached between the IIWF's Board of Directors and Mr. Robinson following the "loop"'s first invasion last week, which explains just how Robinson and Scott were able to gain entrance to the IIWF Coliseum two weeks running. It seems that this decision went over the head of the IIWF President, since apparently it was also agreed that if Robinson was to wrestle in an IIWF ring, it would be against prelim athletes in order to ensure that his undefeated record remained untainted. Mr. Robinson, of course, certainly didn't trust the Board of Directors, and as a result he hired a couple of bodyguards to accompany him to the Coliseum last night. However, while security staff were happy to overlook the admittance of Robinson and Super Scott, they prevented the bodyguards from entering the arena. Now this is where things get _really_ interesting. Although I have yet to receive confirmation of this, I surmise by Super Scott's actions last night that he too had reached an agreement with the IIWF's Board of Directors -- an agreement about which Robinson knew nothing. Hence, he ensured that Robinson made his entrance when Billy Shakespeare was in the ring, in full knowledge that Robinson wouldn't back down from the challenge. Don't quote me on this, folks, but it appears that the Board of Directors attempted to set Robinson up in order to give him a loss and thus make the IIWF's athletes seem superior to those of the "loop" in the run-up to the Summit, thus boosting interest in the IIWF's product over and above its rivals. I find that hard to swallow, but the paymasters of the IIWF have been known to stoop to great depths in order to boost ratings and buy rates. At any rate, going on the numerous incidents over the past couple of weeks, I think it is fair to say that the IIWF hasn't seen the last of the "loop" -- and I'll be keeping my ear to the ground to bring you more developments as they arise. Let's quickly discuss the Superstar Summit itself. The IIWF's representative, Billy Shakespeare, has been bracketed with the PCW's Extremist, the PIW's Slade, and NPWA's "Gentleman" Jack Butler in the first round-robin stage of the Summit Cup. Shakespeare will wrestle each of those individuals in the hopes of racking up the best points total in the group in order to go on to face the winner of the other bracket -- featuring big names like the EWA's Magus, MLWO's Jack Martin, and yet to be named representatives for DPW and PTWL. The IIWF President is apparently going to make an appearance, along with Billy Shakespeare, at a press conference along with their opposite numbers in the other leagues involved in the Summit in the next few days to make further announcements -- however, the conference has already been delayed twice, and my sources indicate that this may be in no small part due to the events in the IIWF Coliseum over the past couple of weeks. In any case, we'll be bringing you footage of that conference when it happens. There's plenty of action within the ranks of the IIWF, too -- last night we saw Lord Byron take the Intercontinental Championship away from Marty Warnett, and the IIWF President commented that he would be looking into ways to ensure that outside factors were removed from their match at Ring Wars III, an encounter which has now taken on a completely different complexion. The current rumour is that Warnett has demanded the IIWF President stipulate that Lady DeWinter will be cuffed to none other than Becky LaRue for the duration of the match. Quite whether that will happen remains to be seen. Finally for this week, a disturbing rumour to report: the Players' Club, "Desirable" Danny Dynamite and "Maverick" Michael Reyna, who departed the IIWF temporarily a couple of weeks ago on compassionate leave, have been no-showing events in other promotions over the past fortnight. In fact, nobody has heard from them for some time -- and when IIWF reporters called on the Minnesota home of Dynamite, there was no response. Have we seen the last of the Players' Club? Only time will tell. Okay, folks, that's it for this week. I'll be back next Sunday night with a special Ring Wars III preview Dross Report. Until then, this is Tim Dross, saying: so long, everybody, and thanks for calling! --------------------------- OPTION #2: Soundbite Speaks --------------------------- Okay, morons, before I get started this week, a word to a prelim bum I wrestled about six years ago, a guy called Mick McKenzie. This guy holds the honour of defeating me in the shortest match of my whole career. He beat me in under two minutes when he blasted me with a set of brass knuckles. For the past six years, he's been parading around saying how he took the "Soundbite" down. McKenzie, you may have only just hung up your boots, but your best days were behind you before you even stepped foot in the ring... And I should know, I asked your wife, and your momma too. You see, folks, McKenzie's just landed himself a job with a two-bit regional promotion called [CENSORED]. I had the misfortune of turning on the cable and coming across this promotion's mothership show -- I think it must have been on the public access channel, the production values were so low -- and who should I see grinning at the screen and bad-mouthing me but McKenzie. McKenzie, you're welcome to sit there in that Bible belt hellhole, North Carolina, and get those rednecked fans behind you. You're welcome to claim that any fed that employs me can't be the best there is. You can stick it right up your [BLEEP] as far as I'm concerned. Bring your sideshow to the West Coast and we'll see who's got what it takes. Right, I've got that off my chest. In case you've still not figured it out -- and if not, why not? -- you're listening to the finest damned announcer in the business, "Soundbite" Steve Roberts, and although the suits banned my comments last week, I'm right back at ya tonight. My option was pulled last week because of my comments directed at the so-called "loop". Last night in the Coliseum, we were treated to a display of just what the "loop" is all about -- egos, back-stabbing and mindless violence. Hey, I can relate to the latter two, but I prefer to see them backed up by real talent, not just an attitude which results from being carried to the top of the game not by ability in the ring, but in ass-kissing. "Super" Scott may have turned his back on that loser Mr. Robinson last night, but he's got a long way to go to gain the respect of the "Soundbite". The facts of the matter are simple: any given IIWF athlete -- even Pukespeare -- could beat any given "loop" athlete on any given night of the week. End of story. Now I've heard Dross rabbiting about conspiracy in the upper echelons of IIWF Towers to allow the "loop" into the Coliseum. Frankly, I don't give a rat's ass about how the "loop" are here. I don't give a rat's ass about them crying and whining about getting beat. They simply don't have what it takes to cut it in the finest league in the world. Period. A few locker room whispers for you that I've gleaned over the past seven days: the White Phoenix's mentor, Sun Tsi, may be pushing his man too hard; the American Patriot may be on his way out of the IIWF permanently; Tiger Claw may even be out of his cast before March 22 -- just in time to be put in a full body cast by Casey James; Steve Kowalski and Mad Dog Watkins apparently enjoyed their rumble in a Portland bar last night, and may go looking for more action. I'm done with you losers. I'll be back next week with some predictions for Ring Wars III. Until then: sianara, morons. ----------------------- OPTION #3: Can We Talk? ----------------------- Hi there, everybody. I'm Larry Morton, and as usual, I've been trailing the IIWF superstars over the past week to get their thoughts on a topical question. This week's poser: WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THE "LOOP" INVASION? THE SANDMAN: "They can all kiss my ASS! I don't really care about them. If they're not IIWF, then they're nothing! If they get in my way of the IC title then we'll throw down. But until then, "loop"ers, I'll give you a stiff warning: if you get in my face, that will be the last thing you do, 'cause everybody has NIGHTMARES!" TIGER CLAW: "It's completely uncalled for. I've heard a lot of crying about the IIWF being voted the best wrestling federation in the world, but I never thought it would go this far." BRIAN LAU: "Not even worth the time for me to address it." CASEY "BLACKHEART" JAMES: "What do I think? I'll tell you what I think! It pisses me off! You see, when you come in here and insult the IIWF, you insult me. Why? Because I'm the champ, and no matter what you may think of me, I still feel the responsibility of this belt. I represent the IIWF by holding this title. Why, I have half a mind to go over to _their_ house and kick their asses. Of course, I'd probably get arrested, because they must have a better security staff than we have here." OTTO "THE BUTCHER" VERHOEVEN: "You want to know about the "Loop"? I can tell you about that. I was there, back when DPW was still a regional fed and Super Scott was banned from competing in the squared circle. I was there when DPW became independent, was there during the DPW/EWA war, and I defeated one of their all-time legends, Hollywood, in one of the most brutal matches in the world of wrestling ever to become the second ever DPW Network champion. Believe me, a confrontation with these guys will be tough. Some of them, including Scotty Hibbs, are without a doubt deadly to the extreme. Gunnar Gaines, Drac Dravin and the lot possess tremendous skills, but believe me, when the IIWF stands united against all of these perverted weirdos, we cannot lose... Oh, and if you meet someone called Jim Russ -- run for your life." CREED: "Anyone...Anywhere...Anytime. Not just words -- I live the life. There's a lot of locker room talk about this "Loop"... of course, not many guys doing anything about it. Lot of guys like to talk about how "they're all IIWF" but then sneak off to win some cheap belt someplace else. You "Loop" guys want a fight? Bring it. Just bring it at someone whose best fight is still in front of him -- not someone who's living off an over-rated yesterday. And if you so-called IIWF veterans don't like that -- you know where to find me." SERGE ANNIS: "Loop invasion? Quite frankly I could not be bothered with such ignorant fools... it is good to see someone tear up the IIWF... but they better not get involved with me, because I may be hazardous to their health... hehehe..." "QUICKSTRIKE" CHRIS QUIGLEY: "Oh hell, I really wish I had more time to talk about this, but I'll keep it short. As far as I'm concerned, 97% of the so-called "Loop" are talentless drug users who wouldn't know a wrestling move from a hole in the ground. There are a few exceptions, and if those few guys showed up here in the IIWF, I'd welcome the competition. But so far, I've seen nothing but guys that are on a one way trip to being shut up by me, and maybe the rest of the IIWF. I've really got quite an opinion on this... ask me again during an interview or something, would ya?" NIGHTWING: "My people know of invasions and the devastation which can be caused by them. My white brothers now recognize how it feels to be on the other side. We will fight this invasion together... and together we will defeat our common foe. We should begin by offering Cheshire as a human sacrifice to the spirits of war." OAK: "I'm not a man to take much interest in the activities of others. This man right here -- the Cell -- is all I'm bothered about. If any of those guys even considered getting in his way, I'm sure I'd have a few words to say then. But until then, it is not of my concern." MONSTER, of DOMINATION: "Roaaaaarrrggghhhh!" "BADBOY" RANDY ACORN: "Personally I kinda like the guys... they come in here telling everyone that they're going to take over... reminds me of myself. Too bad I'd kick anyone of their butts all over the ring. In fact... Super Scott... BRING IT ON! The Badboy's going to stand up for the IIWF, I mean, I made it... why not protect it?" "SYCHOSYS" JOE PETROW: "I've been in this business three years, and I'm a two-time former World's Heavyweight Champion in one of the largest wrestling organizations in the world. And I didn't lose that title, they took it from me! So I don't want to hear NOBODY saying anything about being better than the IIWF, and they sure as hell better not think themselves superior to ME! If the "loopsters" want to jump on Sychosys, they're gonna find themselves falling down the elevator shaft to obscurity REAL FAST!" MONSTER, of DOMINATION: "Growwwlllrrrroooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar!" "LONE WOLF" BRODY THUNDER: "I've always found it was easier fer folks ta talk a good fight then ta put up a good fight. These LOOP curs ain't foolin' anyone. But if they wanna see if they measure up, the Lone Wolf'll be more'n happy ta hand someone their head. Ya tell 'em _THAT_, Spreadbury!" W & W EXPRESS: Wayne: The "what" invasion? A "loop" invasion. If you look up "loop" in the dictionary, it means crap. Watson: These are the wrestlers who aren't good enough to make it to a real fed so they are bringing their circus acts to bingo halls and grade schools. NIGHT PATROL: Keene: "Loop" Invasion? That sounds like what Jack and I had to do to smuggling suspects during a full-cavity search. Hawkings: If any of those felons should cross the IIWF again, I wouldn't even mind it if my men joined up with the Zodiac Connection to take them out. Air should be illegal if they breathe it. GEMINI, managers of the ZODIAC CONNECTION: "The Zodiac Connection does not care about an insignificant event such as the "Loop" invasion! All we care about is dealing with the forces of evil which seek to rewrite the laws of destiny. Hellraiser was our first student, but he will not be our last!" MAD DOG WATKINS: "I feel like I would if someone came into my house and started running their mouth about me. I can feel an ass-whoopin' coming on, and their going to wish they had stayed where they belong." STEVE "THE FURY" KOWALSKI: "[BLEEP] them! This ain't their fed, it's _mine_! If a couple o' them pricks try to screw with my matches, I'll lay them the [BLEEP] out! Send that to the "loop" leagues." DAN KAUFFMAN: "Well... I know both Mr. Robinson and Super Scott on a professional level, and they have the freedom to do what they please. Hey, it's pro wrestling... the "loop" guys make things interesting, and I for one am not opposed to them being here. Now if they want to argue about the "loop" this, the "loop" that, and claim the IIWF as inferior... or if they mess with me personally... that's when I have a problem. 'Til then... I'm just going to watch, and get some laughs out of it." "ENIGMA" TAKEZO MUSASHI: "The "loop" feds are renowned in our sport for world class competition. I hope that I will soon have the opportunity to battle some of their finest warriors. Despite their athletic ability, however, I hold little respect for men such as Super Scott and Mr. Robinson. They hide their talent behind glib words and big mouths, they do not appreciate the true meaning of combat. One thing I must teach them, that is to respect the IIWF." DARK DISCIPLES: KANE: I have heard that the lemmings of the "loop" feds possess a reputation for brutality unsurpassed in any other leagues in the world. Well, whoever spoke such words obviously did not look very far. To find the true masters of pain, the true connoisseurs of torment, you must cast your feeble glance towards the IIWF... the chosen carnage ground of the Dark Disciples. WULF: If the meek fools of the EWA and their hangers-on want to invade our 'hood, they must be prepared to face the consequences. And as any of our cowering opponents in these parts will readily let them know, the consequences of getting in the way of these two drooling, blood crazed maniacs do not bear thinking about... the mere thought will have you waking up screaming in the middle of the night, drenched with sweat, your mind unhinged. Soon the weaklings of the loop feds will learn to bemoan their fate. MR. MIC, manager of PAIN INC.: "This "Loop" invasion... ha... maybe they should learn "Would you like fries with that?" That'll be their only job after Team Brutality gets done with them." REQUIEM: "It does not make a difference to me who competes in IIWF. If they look toward the light I applaud them. If, however, they ally with the darkness, they will be destroyed. That is my task, my duty, and no 'invasion' can deter me. Bring them on." DEATHBRINGER: "Invasion? What invasion? I could just see two mortal loudmouths bragging about how great their "loop" leagues are... One of them says he has a record of twenty wins with no defeats... Well, if that little kid had been here in the IIWF it would certainly had looked right the other way round... twenty defeats with no wins... I do not know whether I will participate at the Summit, but let me tell you one thing... Those preliminary mortals should pray to their god for mercy that I will _not_ participate there as I indeed have some more bodybags to fill..." [click] +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= I * I * W * F =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+ | President: Daniel Spreadbury | Vice-President: Steve Owens | | univ0322@sable.ox.ac.uk | sowens@admin.presby.edu | | iiwf@sisko.demon.co.uk | IIWFadmin@aol.com | +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- http://www.sisko.demon.co.uk -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=+