[Fade up on a montage of famous moments from throughout the IIWF's history: Billy Shakespeare planting a kiss on Moondust; the Venusian Death Cell attacking Tim Dross; the Alphabet Boys in a roadside cafe, smeared with tomato ketchup. With each clip, snippets of the original commentary and crowd noise is heard. Soon, however, the soundtrack is drowned out by the introductory music kicking in, and the opening graphics explode onto the screen:] ##### ###### ### ########## ########## ########## #### ## ########## ########## ########## #### # #### ######## ##### ##### #### ## ##### #### #### #### #### ### #### #### #### #### ############# ######### #### #### ########### ######### #### #### #### #### #### ######### ######### ### #### #### ######### ######### ### ## #### ######## ######## ## # #### =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- ## =-=-=-= INTERNATIONAL INTERNET WRESTLING FEDERATION =============================================== C + L + A + S + S + I + C + S ----------------------------------------------- March 13, 1997 [Fade through to an IIWF studio. "Soundbite" Steve Roberts is seated at a desk in front of a bank of small video monitors, each of which is showing footage of various cataclysmic encounters from the IIWF's archives. The shot closes in on his face, and he speaks:] SR: Welcome, morons one and morons all, to another look back at some of the greatest moments in IIWF history. I'm "Soundbite" Steve Roberts, the finest damned announcer in the sport of professional wrestling, and this is IIWF Classics. We're now only just over a week away from Ring Wars III, and the excitement is reaching fever pitch -- not least because next Saturday night in the Toronto Skydome is the last time we're going to have to watch "Lame Duck" Dan Kauffman wrestle. Except, of course, on these money-spinning low-budget re-run shows. But I digress. Tonight, we're going to take a look at how all this petty jealousy and one-upmanship between ol' Danny Kauffman and "Dumbass" Chris Kick-me got started. The scene was the Indianapolis Hoosier Dome, the date October 12, 1996. The event was Ring Wars II -- and the match was that huge double ring steel cage elimination War Games match pitting Kauffman's team -- which included Betty Ford Clinic inmate the Man of Steel, Willie Pukespeare, braindead goodie-goodie gangster Vinnie Cappicola, the Subway Stinker, and the White Phoenix -- against the team captained by Casey "Blackheart" James, who was partnered by Syndicate stablemate and now gibbering vegetable Joe Latta, Mr. Damage, big league reject "Painbringer" Billy Sexton, the mysterious Sandman, washed up "Badboy" Randy Acorn, and the late not-so-great Robski... Okay, so that might not be the most incredible line-up of top-flight athletes in the history of the sport, but the match more than lived up to its billing. Let's go back and see how it all began -- I'm joined at the commentary table, as always, by that moron Dross, and the oversexed Becky LaRue. Roll it, guys: [Cut to footage subtitled, "October 12, 1996." The shot pans over the jam-packed Hoosier Dome, Indianapolis, Indiana, before coming to rest on the two steel-enclosed rings. The video wall at the head of the aisle displays a graphic of the match to follow:] =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= WAR GAMES MATCH: =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Dan Kauffman [C] vs. Casey "Blackheart" James [C] Man Of Steel Joe Latta "Quickstrike" Chris Quigley Mr. Damage "Spotlight" Billy Shakespeare "Painbringer" Billy Sexton Vinny Cappicola The Sandman The White Phoenix "Badboy" Randy Acorn Subway Psycho Robski --------------------------------------------------------------------- [Sparkplug Lee stands at ringside, dwarfed by the two rings, side-by-side, completely enclosed in a double steel cage. A referee stands in each ring. Spotlights swirl around the arena as he raises his microphone:] RA: Ladies and gentlemen, the following match is the first half of tonight's double main event! It's time for WARGAMES! [Big pop!] The rules of the match are as follows: one member of each seven-man team will enter the ring, and thereafter one member of each team will enter every two minutes, according to who wins the toss of a coin. The match will continue until one team has been completely eliminated, either by pinfall or submission. Introducing the first team: led to the ring by Casey "Blackheart" James, here are the Blackheart Team! Joe Latta... Mr. Damage... "Painbringer" Billy Sexton... The Sandman... "Badboy" Randy Acorn... and Robski! [The seven-man team is greeted with a huge heel pop as they walk down to the ring to the thrashing of "Foul Taste of Freedom". Casey and Latta lead the way, and their teammates follow behind.] TD: A more unsavoury group of individuals you couldn't hope to meet. SR: Except perhaps at a Dross family reunion. [The Blackheart team take their places on the far side of the steel cage and appear to be discussing last moment tactics.] RA: And introducing the opposing team: ["Call the Man" by Celine Dion starts up over the PA to a mammoth pop] Here is the captain of the "sheriffs"... Daaaaaaaaan Kaaaauuuuffmaaan! [Kauffman appears at the head of the aisle. He stands at the entranceway and looks around the sea of faces before making his way down to the ring. He applauds the crowd as he arrives at the cage door.] RA: IIWF Cruiserweight Champion, "Spotlight" Billy Shakespeare! [Big pop for Billy as he jogs down to the ring.] The Subway Psycho! [Huge pop for the Psycho. The lights drop and the Psycho walks down to the ring, illuminated by a single spotlight, accompanied by Mistress Sasha.] Vinny Cappicola! [Cappicola walks straight down to the ring, business-like.] "The White Phoenix" Shinja Chow! [Fireworks shoot up from the head of the entranceway into the dome of the arena as Chow walks calmly down to the ring.] The Man Of Steel! [Mixed reaction for Steel as he appears at the head of the aisle. Still masked, he slaps a few hands on his way down to the ring.] And "Quickstrike" Chris Quigley! ["For Those About To Rock" kicks in over the PA, and all eyes turn expectantly towards the head of the aisle. The music plays for a few more seconds, but there is still no sign of Quigley.] SR: Heh, Quigley's turned chicken. TD: No, Steve. Remember that he's wrestling with a concussion here tonight, and that brawl he had with Francois earlier on tonight could have put him out of action. [Eventually, Quigley appears at the head of the aisle to a big pop. He jogs down to the ring, hi-fiving fans as he goes. His teammates welcome him and pat him on the back, except for the Man Of Steel, who appears to be something of an outcast in the team.] TD: It looks like Kauffman and his comrades still don't trust the Man Of Steel, Becky. BL: Would _you_ trust a man who wears his underpants over his trousers? [The two referees signal for the first two men to enter the ring, and the bell rings. Dan Kauffman enters straight away, and Joe Latta enters from the opposite side. The two men head towards the ropes where the two rings converge, Latta shouting abuse at his former friend.] TD: These two have certainly had their differences in the past. This could be interesting. SR: Kauffman's gonna get his butt kicked very early on here. [Kauffman and Latta take swipes at each other from their respective wins, until Latta drives his shoulder into Kauffman's stomach, stunning the captain. Latta suplexes Kauffman into his ring, and begins working him over with punches and kicks. He attempts to drop a leg on Kauffman, but Dan rolls out of the way and pulls himself to his feet, shaking off the effects of the attack. Latta also gets to his feet, and charges in. Kauffman clips Latta with his knee, and he goes down. Kauffman locks on a Texas Cloverleaf.] TD: Kauffman's going for an early submission here! That Texas Cloverleaf is a very painful hold indeed. Now the critical thing is who wins the toss for the next entrant into the ring. We're coming up to the two-minute mark, and if one of Kauffman's team wins the toss, Latta can kiss his chances goodbye. [The bell rings for the two-minute mark, and Casey James enters the ring. He immediately stamps on Kauffman's back, forcing Dan to break the hold. James whips Kauffman into the ropes. Dan ducks under a clothesline, and fires back with a flying fist. He spins around to deal with Latta, and nails his former friend with a standing dropkick. The crowd pop as the Syndicate both charge Kauffman from both sides, and Dan steps out of the way, ramming their heads together. Latta goes down, and Kauffman executes a crucifix on James. Cover - 1 - 2 - Latta makes the save! Casey and Latta whip Kauffman into the ropes, and hit with a double clothesline. They drag Kauffman to his feet and send him for the ride once more, this time both hitting with a knee to the midsection, sending Kauffman through 360 degrees. James and Latta hi-five in the ring, and Latta applies a figure four leglock on Kauffman, while Casey stamps away at Kauffman's upper body.] TD: This is horrible! There's no way Dan Kauffman can survive these odds. He'd better pray that the next man to enter the ring will be one of his allies! [The bell rings for the four-minute mark, and "Quickstrike" Chris Quigley storms the ring. As he clambers through the ropes into the second ring, where his partner is captive to Latta's leglock, he is set about by Blackheart, who peppers him with kicks and punches. Quigley slugs it out with Casey, blocking a right hand, and firing back with a volley of his own. He whips Casey into the corner of the ring and follows him in -- but Casey sticks his leg up, and Quigley runs headlong into Casey's boot. Quigley staggers backwards, and Casey floors him with a big clothesline. Meanwhile, Kauffman manages to turn over onto his stomach, so reversing the leverage of the Figure Four, and Latta soon has to break the hold. Kauffman struggles to his feet, but Casey sets about him once more with kicks and punches. Latta drags himself to his feet and signals for Casey to hold Kauffman. Latta reaches inside his tights for a set of brass knuckles, and charges Kauffman -- who ducks out of the way! Casey goes down, and Kauffman nails Latta in the stomach with his shoulder, grabbing the brass knuckles. Quigley, meanwhile, makes the cover on Casey - 1 - 2 - James kicks out by the narrowest of margins! Big heel pop!] TD: We've got two on two right now -- but we're coming up to the next entry. It looks like Kauffman's team has won this toss... SR: These tosses are fixed, I tell you, Dross. It'll be three on two! [The bell rings; the White Phoenix enters the ring and bounds to the turnbuckles. He leaps and catches the groggy Casey James with a flying sunset flip off the top! Big pop! Cover - 1 - 2 - Latta makes the save! Latta and Chow begin brawling, while Kauffman and Quigley double team Casey, throwing him into the ropes and hitting him with a double boot to the face. Latta gets the upper hand against Chow, and executes a tilt-a-whirl powerbomb on the Phoenix, dropping him hard to the mat. Kauffman attacks Latta, saving Chow, and whips him across the ring, where he is clotheslined by Chris Quigley. Quigley locks on the Quickstriker scorpion deathlock, and Kauffman keeps Casey at bay while the referee goes to check on Latta. Casey and Kauffman brawl in the centre of the ring, and Quigley puts as much pressure as he can on Latta's back. The referee signals for the bell! Big pop!] RA: Ladies and gentlemen, Joe Latta has submitted! [The next toss is made, and the Blackheart team wins. Mr. Damage is sent into the fray, and he immediately starts working Quigley over, sticking a thumb in his eye, and forcing him back into the corner with a series of European uppercuts. Mr. Damage mounts the second turnbuckle and begins pounding Quigley's head.] TD: This is awful! Quigley's suffering from concussion, and that kind of impact could injure him very seriously indeed! BL: You could say he's suffering from brain damage! Hehehehe... snort. [Chow approaches Damage from behind, and pulls him away from Quigley, executing a back suplex into the ring. Mr. Damage shifts his weight, and lands on top of Chow, but the Phoenix wraps Damage up with his legs, rolling over backwards once more, so that Mr. Damage is pinned - 1 - 2 - 3! Ding! Ding! Ding!] RA: Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Damage has been pinned by the White Phoenix! TD: Well, for all the talk of dissent in the ranks of the "forces of light", they're doing pretty well so far here tonight! SR: It's just bad luck, Dross. Their luck will change, I guarantee it! TD: Casey's in there on his own now... I can't see the captain of the Blackheart team lasting much longer. [Quigley slumps in the corner, looking extremely dazed, while Kauffman and Chow go after Casey, who rolls under the ropes into the other ring. Kauffman suddenly goes down on all fours in the ring as Chow bounces against the ropes, and Chow uses Kauffman as a launch pad to fly over the ropes into the other ring, hitting Casey with a flying clothesline! Huge pop!] TD: What a tremendous move by the White Phoenix! Casey's in a whole world of trouble right now! [The ten-minute mark is reached, and "Badboy" Randy Acorn enters the ring. He immediately makes a beeline for Quigley, who is still recovering in the corner. He snapmares Quigley into the ring, and stamps on his head. He drags Quigley to his feet again, and executes a belly-to-belly suplex before going for the cover - 1 - 2 - Quigley kicks out! Meanwhile, Kauffman, Chow and Casey James go at it in the other ring. Acorn pulls Quigley to his feet again, and whips him into the ropes. He tries to kick Quigley, but Chris grabs his foot. Acorn leaps and hits a well-executed enzuigiri which sends Quigley crashing to the mat, turning through 360 degrees as he does so. Acorn showboats to the crowd before making the cover - 1 - 2 - kickout!] TD: Vital seconds wasted by the "Badboy" there, Steve, but Quigley's in big trouble. SR: And all because he thought he'd be a hero. Well, Quigley, have I got some news for you -- your team doesn't need a hero, it needs a miracle! [Acorn continues to work on Quigley, and Casey starts firing back in the other ring, knocking Chow and Kauffman down with a double clothesline. The bell rings for the next entrant, and the Sandman enters the cage, immediately attacking Quigley. Together, Acorn and Sandman set him up for a spike piledriver, and drive his head into the mat with tremendous force. Sandman makes the cover - 1 - 2 - kickout! In the other ring, Casey whips Chow into one corner, and charges in after him. Chow tries to leap backwards over Casey as he runs in, and is caught in position for a powerslam. Casey slams him to the mat, and goes for the cover - 1 - 2 - Kauffman makes the save! Casey gets to his feet, and whips Kauffman into the ropes with tremendous force, so much so that Kauffman actually hits his head on the steel cage as he bounces back, and he goes down, clutching his head. James beckons for Acorn to assist him, and the "Badboy" climbs through the ropes into the other ring, where he immediately applies a camel clutch on Kauffman. The referee checks on Dan, but the team captain refuses to submit. Casey continues beating on Chow, and the Sandman whips Quigley into the ropes in the other ring. Quigley ducks under a clothesline, and there is a huge pop as he hits with a flying forearm. He makes the cover - 1 - 2 - kickout!] TD: There's so much action going on here, I can't call it all! SR: Be honest, Dross, you can't call any of it. You have trouble calling the action when a guy's bending down to tie his shoelaces. [The bell rings again, and the Man Of Steel enters the ring. He looks at the fate of Kauffman, still trapped in a camel clutch, and elects instead to go over to where Casey is beating on Chow -- and puts the boot in himself! Huge heel pop!] BL: It seems that Steel is so drunk, he can't remember that this is a team event. SR: Maybe he's hallucinating. Maybe he thinks Chow looks like your mother, Dross. TD: There's no call for that, Steve. I can't imagine what's going through the head of the Man Of Steel right now... [Kauffman struggles to break free from the camel clutch, inching agonisingly towards the ropes. Acorn tries to increase the pressure on the hold, and Kauffman appears to be flagging. Suddenly, however, he has a burst of energy, and pushes himself up onto his knees, thus reducing the leverage of the hold, and drives an elbow into Acorn's midsection. Big pop! Acorn releases the hold, and Kauffman gets to his feet. He scoops Acorn up and bodyslams him, but then falls to the mat himself, clutching the small of his back. Meanwhile, Chris Quigley applies a figure four leglock on the prone Sandman, and sits back, straining his opponent's knee as much as possible.] TD: If the Sandman can just hold on, help could be on its way in a matter of moments. It seems that the Blackheart team has indeed won the toss -- and it's Robski coming into the ring! [Robski charges the ring and nails Quigley with a kick to the head, forcing him to release the leglock, but the English sensation continues into the other ring, where he attacks the Man Of Steel.] TD: Hang on... I'm confused. The Man Of Steel was just helping Casey beat on the Phoenix, and now Robski's attacking the Man Of Steel? I don't get it... SR: Dross, you're the kind of guy who doesn't get chicken jokes. TD: Chicken jokes? SR: You know, like, "why did the chicken cross the road?" TD: Why _did_ the chicken cross the road? SR: To get to the other side. TD: [pause] What? BL: Oh, just watch the match, Timmy, and if you're good, Auntie Becky will buy you an ice cream. TD: Can I have a Billy Shakespeare ice cream bar? BL: We'll see. [The Sandman whips Quigley into the ropes, and both men are knocked to the mat as they each hit with a clothesline. Exhausted, they lie entangled in the centre of the ring, and Quigley stirs first, wrapping his legs round the Sandman's. He stands up, and twists the Sandman over into the Quickstriker! Big pop! The Sandman struggles against the pain for a few seconds, but is ultimately forced to submit. Ding! Ding! Ding! Big pop!] RA: Ladies and gentlemen, the Sandman has submitted! [Chow fights to his feet, and chops Casey James with a number of martial arts thrusts, before whipping him across the ring into the opposite corner. He sizes up his opponent, and performs his patented back flip into spinning leg lariat combination, known as the Phoenix Strike. Casey slumps into the ring, and the Phoenix makes the cover - 1 - 2 - Acorn makes the save! Robski throws Steel into the other ring, and follows him through. He ties Steel up in the ropes, and begins stomping away at his midsection. Quigley comes to his partner's aid, hitting Robski from behind with a German suplex - cover - 1 - 2 - kickout! Quigley frees Steel, and Steel clotheslines Quigley to the mat! Big heel pop!] SR: Well, that's a pretty good way to express your gratitude to an idiot like Quigley. I'm beginning to like the Man Of Squeal's new attitude. Hey, anybody who beats up on Quigley is a friend of mine. [There is a commotion at the head of the aisle as a figure in street clothes pushes his way down to the ring. Security teams try to keep him back, but the burly fellow pushes them aside.] TD: That's Bibbo Bibowski, the Man Of Steel's trainer and friend! Hang on -- he's entering the ring! [Bibbo dodges the crossfire as he enters the cage and crosses to the ring where Steel is choking Quigley down on the canvas. He grabs Steel by the neck, and appears to be shouting fairly abusive words at him. He throws Steel out of the cage, and proceeds to shove him and throw him back up the aisle, to the confusion and surprise of the crowd, and his teammates.] TD: I guess that ends Steel's involvement in that match... wow, that was weird. I've never seen Bibbo manhandle the Man of Steel like that before. BL: It must be past his bedtime. Still, never mind... at least he's already wearing his pyjamas. [The bell rings again, and Vinny Cappicola enters the ring, and immediately makes a beeline for Casey James. He backs him up into a corner, and yells, "Dis one's for da Don!", nailing him. The fans pop as Casey staggers a few steps into the ring, and then falls on his face. Quigley battles it out with Robski, and whips him into the ropes, clotheslining him on the rebound. He climbs to the top turnbuckle, and stays poised on the top buckle. Robski staggers to his feet, and Quigley launches himself with a flying fist from the top rope. He makes the cover - 1 - 2 - 3! Ding! Ding! Ding!] RA: Ladies and gentlemen, Robski has been pinned by "Quickstrike" Chris Quigley! TD: That's Quigley's third elimination here tonight. For a guy wrestling against doctor's orders, he's doing phenomenally well! [Kauffman fights it out with Acorn in the other ring, and he whips him into the ropes. Acorn grabs hold of the ropes, signalling how clever he is, but he's promptly attacked from behind by Quigley, who holds him in place while Kauffman charges, planting a boot in Acorn's midsection. The "Badboy" is doubled over, and tumbles through the ropes into the second ring. Kauffman follows him through, and hoists him into position for a powerbomb. However, as he lifts Acorn up, he catches Quigley in the face with Acorn's boot, and "Quickstrike" goes down. Kauffman nearly puts Acorn through the mat, and makes the cover, but he is immediately pulled off Acorn by an irate Quigley, who berates Kauffman for his clumsiness. Kauffman shouts back at Quigley, and the two engage in a shoving match. Dan shoves Quigley, who retaliates with a hard right hand. The two squabbling athletes don't see Casey James coming, and as Kauffman knocks Quigley back with a punch of his own, James grabs Quigley's tights, pulling him over backwards and cradling him. The referee counts - 1 - 2 - 3! Ding! Ding! Ding! Kauffman merely shrugs his shoulders and turns away.] RA: Ladies and gentlemen, "Quickstrike" Chris Quigley has been pinned by Casey "Blackheart" James! [In all the confusion, few notice "Painbringer" Billy Sexton, the last of the Blackheart team, entering the ring. Quigley gets to his feet and again goes after Kauffman, this time demanding to know why he didn't make the save when James blindsided him. Kauffman, clearly irate, shoves Quigley away. A brawl between the two men breaks out, and the referee forces Quigley to leave the ring. Quigley, however, drags Kauffman with him, and the two men continue their dispute outside the ring.] TD: This is extraordinary. We all thought that Kauffman and Quigley would be the most effective partnership in this Wargames match, but it seems that their tempers are getting the better of them. SR: No surprises there, Dross. The ring couldn't hold both of their egos... [A team of officials come down to ringside to escort Quigley away. Meanwhile, in the ring, the sixth member of the "sheriffs" enters the fray. The Subway Psycho heads straight for Casey James, and begins pummelling him with right hands. Dan Kauffman reenters the ring, and is met by a clothesline from Randy Acorn. Chow and Cappicola come to Kauffman's aid, and a brawl between all of them breaks out. There is another commotion at the head of the aisle as Hakiro Matsuoko calmly pushes past the security team and makes his way down to the ring. He shouts abuse in Japanese at Chow from the arena floor, and the Phoenix stops to shout back at his fellow countryman. Hakiro challenges Chow to come out of the cage, and Chow wastes no time in racing out of the cage to attack Matsuoko. The two martial artists brawl on the outside, Chow ramming Hakiro into the cage, and Hakiro whipping Chow into the steel crowd barriers. A security team again descends upon the ring area, and attempts to escort Hakiro back to the locker room area, but Chow continues to sporadically break through the security personnel's human barrier, and the enemies brawl all the way back to the locker rooms and out of sight.] TD: This is chaos, folks! The Blackheart team is down to just its captain, "Painbringer" Billy Sexton, and "Badboy" Randy Acorn, and the "sheriffs" are down to four men, with Quigley, the Man Of Steel, and now Chow, all being taken out of the picture for various reasons, and Billy Shakespeare is just entering the ring! This match has been going for nearly half an hour now, and Kauffman and James are both still in there. [Shakespeare makes a beeline for Acorn, and the two immediately get into a brawl. Acorn, who has been in the ring for a substantial part of the match, cannot compete with the freshness of Shakespeare, who very aggressively pursues Acorn, hitting him with forearm after forearm. He forces Acorn back into the corner, and flips up, performing a flying headscissors and sending Acorn into the ring. Billy jumps to the top turnbuckle and launches himself with a reverse moonsault. The crowd gives a huge pop! Shakespeare goes for the cover - 1 - 2 - Sexton drops an elbow on Shakespeare's back to make the save. Sexton is immediately descended upon by Kauffman and friends, but the wind is suitably taken out of Billy's sails to allow the shell-shocked Acorn to get back to his feet and begin working his nemesis over.] TD: Don't forget, folks -- if Randy Acorn pins Shakespeare in the Wargames match tonight, he will become the new IIWF Cruiserweight Champion. It's like a little match within a big match, really. SR: What a wonderfully eloquent way of putting it, Dross. TD: Was that a compliment, Steve? SR: [flatly] No. TD: Oh. [Acorn whips Shakespeare into the ropes, and kicks him in the midsection before executing a swinging neckbreaker. He goes for the cover as the crowd give a big heel pop. The referee counts - 1 - 2 - kickout! Acorn picks Shakespeare up and lifts him onto the top turnbuckle. He climbs up himself behind him, hoisting Shakespeare up so that both men are standing precariously on the top rope. Acorn jostles for the optimum position, but wastes precious seconds, and Shakespeare nails him with an elbow that sends Acorn crashing into the ring. Shakespeare regains his balance, and without even looking, launches himself with his reverse backflip crossbody block as the "Badboy" struggles to his feet. Huge pop as Shakespeare makes the cover - 1 - 2 - 3! Ding! Ding! Ding!] RA: Ladies and gentlemen, "Badboy" Randy Acorn has been pinned by "Spotlight" Billy Shakespeare! [Vinny Cappicola and Dan Kauffman whip Billy Sexton into the ropes and nail him with a double spinebuster. Kauffman makes the cover, while Cappicola guards from Casey James - 1 - 2 - 3! Ding! Ding! Ding!] RA: "Painbringer" Billy Sexton has been pinned by Dan Kauffman! [The pop for the previous two sudden pinfalls has barely died down when the Subway Psycho snapmares Casey James near the corner and climbs to the top rope. Cappicola drops an elbow on James and rolls out of the way as the Psycho launches himself with his flipping legdrop! He makes the cover, and the crowd chant along - "1! 2! 3!" Massive pop as the bell rings and Kauffman, Psycho, Cappicola and Shakespeare celebrate in the ring!] RA: Ladies and gentlemen, here are your winners: Dan Kauffman, the Subway Psycho, Vinny Cappicola, and the IIWF Cruiserweight Champion, "Spotlight" Billy Shakespeare! [The Subway Psycho is first to leave the ring, refusing to shake the hands of his teammates, and heads back up the aisle. Kauffman follows not far behind, looking not as elated as somebody who has just scored a famous victory normally looks. Somewhat frustrated by the attitudes of their teammates, Shakespeare and Cappicola bring up the rear, accepting the cheers of the crowd and hi-fiving the fans. Cut to the broadcast table.] TD: In the blink of an eye, it's over! What an unbelievable match that was... And the "sheriffs" triumphed, as I always knew they would! SR: Maybe they've won the smaller battle, but there's far more than a single match at stake here, Dross. What about Quigley's childish squabble with Kauffman? What about the madcap Man Of Squeal? What about Chow walking out on his teammates? TD: Granted, there are questions that need answering, but... BL: [interrupting] The so-called "forces of light" are in disarray, Timmy. That much can't be denied -- these little idiots are too concerned with their own egos to see the bigger picture. TD: And what would that bigger picture be? SR: It's simple, Dross: night follows day. Where light goes, darkness inevitably follows, and the shadows are lengthening right now. TD: I have no idea what you're talking about, Steve. Nevertheless, I'm sure these men will be able to sort out their differences. After all, if they're too busy fighting amongst themselves, how can they hope to take on the combined forces of the Syndicate, Senate and the Posse? BL: He's finally catching on! [Cut to a wide-angle shot of the Hoosier Dome as technicians begin to dismantle the steel cage. Fade.] +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= I * I * W * F =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+ | President: Daniel Spreadbury | Vice-President: Steve Owens | | univ0322@sable.ox.ac.uk | sowens@admin.presby.edu | | iiwf@sisko.demon.co.uk | IIWFadmin@aol.com | +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- http://www.sisko.demon.co.uk -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=+