[Open with a montage of IIWF action accompanied by hard rock music. The final chord lingers as Wulf chews on a Rotundo's nose. Suddenly, the screen explodes into a mass of fire and smoke, through which emerges the IIWF's familiar logo:] ##### ###### ### ########## ########## ########## #### ## ########## ########## ########## #### # #### ######## ##### ##### #### ## ##### #### #### #### #### ### #### #### #### #### ############# ######### #### #### ########### ######### #### #### #### #### #### ######### ######### ### #### #### ######### ######### ### ## #### ######## ######## ## # #### =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- ## =-=-=-= INTERNATIONAL INTERNET WRESTLING FEDERATION ================================================= "COUNTDOWN TO SATURDAY NIGHT" - March 14, 1997 ================================================= [Cut to the IIWF Studio. The remote camera zooms down the aisle as members of the studio audience scramble to get on camera. A small group of fans wave steel pipes and cheer the Zodiac Connection. A man proudly displays his "I brake for President Spreadbury" t-shirt. And a familiar 200-pound woman in fishnet stockings smiles and waves a homemade poster which reads, "Stetson, Baby, I Got Yer Boiler Room of Love." The camera zooms toward Larry Morton and Becky LaRue sitting at the broadcast desk.] LM: Hello again everyone and welcome once again to "Countdown to Saturday Night." I'm Larry Morton alongside my broadcast colleague Becky LaRue. BL: Whatever. LM: In a mean mood tonight, Becky? BL: Just test me, pencil neck. LM: I'd rather not. But I will tell our viewers what a great show we have tonight as we approach the one-week countdown to Ring Wars III. Fans, we'll be coming to you LIVE from SkyDome in Toronto, Canada, next Friday night for our big "Road to Ring Wars III" preview show. I understand we've booked the entire Hard Rock Cafe in SkyDome for that show. Reminds me of your life story, Becky. BL: Oh yeah? LM: Yeah, between a hard rock and a place. Wait, that wasn't right.... BL: I'm sure the LOOP Feds would appreciate you, Larry. LM: Anyway, tonight we'll be bringing you a preview of the final card in the IIWF Coliseum before we pack up the trucks and head for Toronto. It's a long trip, so there will be no Wednesday War Room next week as we prepare for Ring Wars III. BL: Call your cable operators... because _I'll_ be there. LM: We'll have interviews and a whole lot more coming your way tonight. But first, we saw the tape for the first time Wednesday night of derogatory comments made toward the IIWF by the vice president of the PCW... BL: PCW? You mean Pus[BLEEP]s Can't Wrestle? LM: Becky, please! We're on the air! BL: If our spineless front office staff won't say anything about these LOOP [BLEEP]s, I sure will. Now I know why they're called Loop feds -- because they keep going around in circles, just like a dog chasing its tail. And they remind me of something that would come out of a dog's tail. LM: Well, I think you've pretty well covered... BL: And that little Romper Room Reject "Jackoff" J.P. Steele who couldn't even beat one of the IIWF's "also rans," what right does he have to run his mouth? I tell ya, Larry, they're a [BLEEP]ing bunch of [BLEEP] [BLEEP] [BLEEP]ing [BLEEP]s. LM: Finished? BL: I just thought I'd put it in terms they could understand. What a bunch of [BLEEP]ing gutter mouths they have in the Loop. LM: [eyeing her suspiciously] Uh-huh. Let's just move away from that whole topic and take a look at the _wrestling_ results from Wednesday night's action at the IIWF Coliseum: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ IIWF WEDNESDAY WAR ROOM RESULTS March 12, 1997 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ RONNIE PARIS def. JUMPIN' JACK THE SANDMAN def. BOBBY B. GOODE CHESHIRE def. NED NORTON ARMED FORCES def. THE ROTUNDOS MR. DAMAGE def. THE CELL OTTO VERHOEVEN def. MAURICE McARTHUR HIGH PLAINS DRIFTERS def. W & W EXPRESS BRODY THUNDER def. EL SUPER GECKO DOMINATION def. THE HANGMEN DIRT DOG UNIQUE ALLAH def. RANDY ACORN LM: What a night of action it was as Brody Thunder actually closed out his match with Billy Shakespeare's finisher, the Curtain Call. BL: And Thunder did it better than Pukespeare. LM: I don't know about that. We'll see if he can hit that move _on_ Billy Shakespeare Saturday night. Lord Byron seemingly lured back his ward Lady DeWinter, Joe Petrow turned up the heat on Dirt Dog Unique Allah by handcuffing himself to Medusa... BL: Like it's the first time either one of them have been handcuffed! LM: In public, anyway. The High Plains Drifters resorted to their old tricks by using a steel plate to defeat the W & W Express in a taped fist match, and the Zodiac Connection attempted to gain the support of the Armed Forces -- steel pipes and all -- in an eight-man match against Team Brutality at Ring Wars III. BL: It won't happen because Night Patrol will be wrestling for the U.S. Tag Team Championship at Ring Wars III. Brenda told me so. LM: Maybe... maybe not. Let's go to some tape from Wednesday night to hear Nav and Def's response to the Zodiacs: [SCENE: The locker room. Following their match with the Rotundos, the Armed Forces are in the back, pumped up for an interview. Steve Summer sheepishly enters through the door, somewhat overwhelmed... again. He takes the mic and approaches the Forces.] SS: Well, gentlemen, what can I say? Uh, a big win tonight over the Zodiac Connection... what about it? DC: We didn't wrestle the Zodiac Connection, Stevie. We beat the Rotundos. The Zodiacs just showed up for the postgame party. NC: Yeah, I know what everyone is thinking: "The Rotundos, not exactly prime candidates for a title shot around here." And you're all right. They're not primetimers. But, you know something... right now, neither are we. We've struggled a bit as of late, and it's just like we said before... DC: Hit the nail right on the head, Nav. Just like we did say earlier, we're willing to work our way back up the ladder to success. If that means facing lower-ranked teams, so be it... even if it is the Rotundos. SS: Ah, yes, the Zodiacs were there to ask you a question... so, will you be facing them for the titles at Ring Wars? [Def grabs Steve and shakes him hard.] DC: [yelling] HELLO! WE'RE NOT WRESTLING THE ZODIACS. NC: C'mon, guy! The Zodiacs were here to ask us a question... and we're here to answer it. Taurus, Scorpio, we've walked the aisle with you boys before. We've had our scuffles with Pain, Inc., Night Patrol, and you've stood by us... as we've stood by you. When you won the IIWF World Tag Team Championships, we were thrilled for you. When you needed someone to watch Hades and Mr. Mic, we were there for you then. DC: What Nav is trying to say is that, YES, we would be proud to walk the path with the Zodiac Connection in a big eight-man war with Team Brutality. And Night Patrol, Pain, Inc... we're not just showin' up for exercise. You boys are all goin' down. [NavCom picks up a steel pipe which was supplied by the Connection earlier in the evening.] NC: Night Patrol's got their nightsticks, I don't see why we shouldn't wield a little metal ourselves. See you boys in Toronto. [Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] ************************************************************************** --------------------- IIWF SATURDAY NIGHT PREVIEW ---------------------- ************************************************************************** ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ * IIWF UNITED STATES TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP SEMI-FINAL MATCH: THE HARLEQUINS vs. PROPHETS OF RAGE ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ LM: Our two finalists in the IIWF United States Tag Team Tournament will be decided tonight, and I have to believe the champion will come from this matchup. BL: I've already told you that Night Patrol is going to win. Weren't you listening? LM: I was listening, but The Prophets of Rage obviously haven't heard any stories to that effect: [SCENE: The Prophets of Rage are seated on twin thrones of hand-carved gold with plush purple velvet cushions. Pizzazz sits in Derek's lap, her legs draped across the other throne into Shadoe's lap. She puffs her long slender cigarette in its holder, running a hand through Derek's short afro.] P: Mes rois, vous dites quoi a propos de vos opposes le samedi prochain? DR: A bunch of stinkin' clowns is what the IIWF is sendin' at us now? Y'all got to realize something. We been in five straight matches and whipped everybody's ass, right. You think that's a fluke? Hell no? So now you go and bring us some clowns to face. You know what? We ain't so dumb as to think they're jokers. Harlequins, Tragedy, Chaos, the Prophets of Rage have taken notice of you. We know what you can do. We're sure you ain't as bad as you look. But Chaos, boy, you better take your Prozac because you're gonna need to be focused for us. The prophets of Rage are on a mission. We ain't about embarrassing ourselves or coming up short in the clutch. No, we're all about winning. Staying perfect. This is a nasty team you're going to face. One that's coming at you from all angles. P: Exactement. Harlequins, we know zat underneath ze mask of ze clown rests ze mind of evil. Ze zad and pathetic men. Zat iz ze truth. SR: Harlequins, understanding is power. You have to be able to get under the skins of your opposition. Get inside their heads and take them apart piece by piece. See, the fact is people are not even talking about us really, but they talk about you. Because you're bizarre. You want to know why the Prophets came to the IIWF? Because we heard it was the best damn thing going in the world today. Well, we're here and we're on top, proving just who the best of the best is. And they don't realise that we got you all beat because we own the mental game. You ain't bigger than us. You ain't faster. You damn sure ain't smarter. What you got left? Nothing. Because this is an unstoppable force. An innovative, creative team. The people want us. The front office is thanking its lucky stars that the Prophets are here and we're bringing something to you clowns that you haven't seen before. COMPETITION. Saturday Night is going to be something special, boys. There's gonna be fire and brimstone. And Harlequins when the chaos is over there'll only be tragedy left for you. Comedy, Melody, you better start coming up with ways to cheer your men up, keep them focussed and bright, because after we beat them, after we break their spirit we're going to demand the best from them. You're veterans in this sport, try to stay on top. And prepare yourselves, Clowns, you've just entered the Age of the Rage! And here it is all death and darkness! P: I pity ze four of you. Zis will not be plaisant. DR: [scowling] Man, the new jacks is takin' over. You're done and finished. Prophets, we out like beehives. [Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ * IIWF UNITED STATES TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP SEMI-FINAL MATCH: COLD SPELL vs. NIGHT PATROL ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ LM: Our other semifinal matchup pits one half of Team Brutality against one of the hottest teams in the IIWF. BL: Actually, any team in Team Brutality _is_ the hottest team in the IIWF. Those fine police officers will be clubbing baby icehawks tomorrow night: [SCENE: Night Patrol and Assistant DA Hawkings walk out of Precinct Headquarters as a steady cam stays in front.] DK: Cold Spell, you've just picked the wrong night to rumble with the wrong cops! JB: I hope you suckas are ready to get busted! I've seen you punks training in the cold. That's not gonna help you against some Houston Heat! BH: A sissy gymnast and a degenerate sailor do nothing but cheapen the image of the IIWF. I hope you two have purchased tickets for Ring Wars III, because that's the only way you'll see us win the U.S. Belts! DK: [closing in on the camera] I'd better not catch either of you two resisting policemen! [He smashes the lens with his night stick and the screen goes to snow. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ * BRODY THUNDER vs. MAD DOG WATKINS ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ LM: This would be a main event matchup in any arena in the world, especially after Watkins interfered in Thunder's match last weekend. BL: I think you can expect less of a wrestling match and more of a brawl when these two hook up. LM: That seemed to be what Thunder has in mind when we caught up with him earlier this evening: [SCENE: Brody Thunder is standing under the IIWF arena's marquee which reads: "Brody Thunder vs Mad Dog Watkins" among the matches listed. Brody is dressed in street clothes and black hat. A cigar is clenched in his mouth. He is leaning against the building with one foot resting on it and the other on the ground. He looks into the camera.] 24 hours. 24 hours until ya step in the ring with me, Mad Dog. That is if ya have the guts ta show up. Naw.., I know you'll show up. We'll get in that ring an' go toe-to-toe, just like the IIWF wants. Fine by me. I never turn down a paycheck. Or a good scrap. Pack a lunch, Dog, cuz yer gonna be there awhile. This ain't 'bout no win. This ain't 'bout no ranking in the IIWF. This is about one thing an' one thing only. Respect. You want it. I want it. Tomorrow night, one o' us will have it. I'm bankin' it's me. All you gotta do is somethin' few men can brag about in this here sport. An' that is... [Thunder strikes a match against the wall and lights the cigar.] ...puttin' my shoulders ta the mat fer three seconds. It ain't gonna be easy. It ain't gonna be pretty. But it is gonna be one helluva fight. See ya there, son. [Thunder walks off as the camera pans back up to the marquis. Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ * OTTO VERHOEVEN vs. RANDY ACORN ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ LM: Randy Acorn has been a changed man in the last month and no one is quite sure what to make of it. BL: It's a deep, dark malaise found only in native Ugandans. LM: And I think... huh? Well, something has Otto Verhoeven upset as well, as evidenced by the punishment he doled out to Maurice McArthur Wednesday night. Herr Verhoeven is clearly getting psyched up for Ring Wars III. BL: I thought it was "syched" up. LM: Only in certain circles: [SCENE: Otto Verhoeven and Nurse Heidi are in their locker room in the IIWF Coliseum after Wednesday War Room. Heidi is rubbing his chest with a towel.] OV: [with a wicked grin] I guess I was again a little too rough on McArthur. Poor guy's ribs broke after the second Slaughterslam. [he shakes his head] Perhaps Spreadbury should call in some tougher preliminaries, the hospital bills have to be tremendous. NH: Tell them vat you vill do to Acorn, liebling. OV: Oh, ja, naturlich. Randy Acorn, former cruiserweight champion, professional master of sneak attacks, now full-time loser. The poor hundesohn never recovered from losing to Musashi and has struggled ever since to regain his old format... Nun, Acorn, it seems that somebody in the booking committee holds a grudge against you, because you happen to be on the wrong side of the Wildcard match at Ring Wars III, and I am going to make sure this Saturday that you won't be a factor at the PPV. Once I have wrapped my hands around your throat and execute one of my devastating chokeslams, you will never be the athlete you have once been. Fear will cloud your minds and you shall never forget the pain brought to you by the Butcher! You have shown your soft, weak side in recent weeks, and that won't be enough to stop me, not even slow me down. NH: [with a dead serious look on her face] And don't even think of trying one of those disguise tricks on us. I vill be vatching... OV: Acorn, welcome to what could well be the final match of your career, welcome... to the SLAUGHTERHOUSE! [Fade to black. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ * REQUIEM vs. SERGE ANNIS ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ LM: These men are one-half of the lineup for our "Dead Man Rising" match coming your way at Ring Wars III, so each may try to keep the other from even making it to Toronto. And I wouldn't put anything past Annis, who is now calling himself the "sin eater." BL: He's been to the IIWF Cafeteria, huh? LM: He's a nut! BL: Everyone knows Annis isn't quite right in the head, but I think Requiem is the looney for stepping into the ring with Serge this close to Ring Wars III: [SCENE: The camera fades in on a cemetery off in the middle of the woods with no roads around. It is Serge Annis's now familiar personal playground. The camera pans around showing the 40 or so graves and the thick, dark forest surrounding the cemetery. There is a tree in the middle, and out of that tree swings one Serge Annis, who plots himself atop a tombstone, kneeling.] SA: Breathe the cool, crisp air of midnight... ahh.. it fills your body with a rush does it not? Hehe, the sin wars have begun, so says the Deathbringer... it is time for him to regain what is rightfully his. Never before have I seen such ignorance. Dead Man, is it not a fact that you look by all your opponents? Not just me, not just Requiem and Highwayman, but everyone! You always tell everyone that you are unstoppable, and that the time has come, etcetera, etcetera. It is getting a tad repetitive dead man... [Annis looms over the tombstone, and the name is now shown as saying BISHOP. Annis quickly snaps his head up and stares to the camera] Ahh, Bishop.... remember him Kauffman? He taught me well... and now, Bishop and I have some sort of a twisted alliance... this man of, [Annis spits] God taught me something... he always preached about the good book. One day I was bored, so I looked over this good book, The Bible. I must say, I have never read a more humorous book in my life! But I did learn a few things... The sin wars have begun so says the dead man... well I am the Sin-Eater Deathbringer. 'If the righteous are repaid on earth, how much more the wicked and the sinner!' Proverbs 11:31. Highwayman and Requiem have sinned, Deathbringer... so have you, so have I. But as the Sin-Eater, I am beyond sin... 'When I whet my flashing sword and my hand takes hold on judgement; I will take vengeance on my adversaries... and will repay those who hate me.' Deuteronomy 32:41... I am the lethal protector sinners. Perhaps being the Epitome of Evil makes me beyond sin and evil, who knows, and who cares. But be sure of this Requiem and Highwayman, I will repay those who hate me, and quite frankly... hehe, I don't feel a lot of love from you two... [Annis hops down off the tombstone and looks at the camera with a smirk] I can say I am going to suck out your whole spinal cord, or even perhaps eat your brains, but a simple snap your neck and spit on your soul will suffice... and I simply say to myself, 'You shall give chase to your enemies, and they shall fall before you by the sword.' Leviticus, 26:7, and with that i shall arise and simply snap the next one's neck, and then the next until victory is at hand... and justice is prevailed. [Annis walks towards another tombstone] 'Let the high praises of God be in their throats and the two-edged swords in their hands.' Psalms 149:6, fools and hypocrites all... in the end they were all sinners... and as such they will be consumed by a fire started by Serge Annis, and the fire will burn off the fear, burn of the ignorance and simply feed off the hatred. All those things the IIWF will never lack... [Annis stops off at a grave marked death] Ah... here we are. Deathbringer, this does not apply to you. This applies to the real, legit thing. I do not believe there is such thing as death itself, but I know I cheated death... and looked into the eyes of God... and was shunned, and turned away when I needed him most. I cheated death, and am not afraid to admit so. Sometimes I wish it had conquered me when it had it's chance... but now, alas. It is too late. The Epitome of Evil is TOO STRONG NOW TO DIE! THE HELL I HAVE MANIFESTED CALLED A LIFE... has sentenced me to fates worse than death, and worse than heaven or hell... and that is where I shall send Dead Man, Requiem and Highwayman... I lived a life time through it, and they will not be able to last a day... 'I will make my arrows drunk with blood... and my sword shall devour flesh.' Deuteronomy 32:42. My swords lies within my own two bare hands. And after a chokeslam sentences you to Serge Annis's hell, you will wish it had cut through your neck like a sword for then you would not feel the pain. [Annis walks away after spitting on the death tombstone. Such names are passed as Youth Gone Wild, Dan Kauffman, Alex Kidd and Daniel Spreadbury. Annis stops at Deathbringer's tombstone.] Deathbringer, you claimed the sin wars, thus making me the Sin Eater. You made my mission to eradicate the sins of a corrupt humanity. A HUMANITY TO WHICH YOU BELONG! YOU ARE A MORTAL AS I... after I snap your spine, and dine on your soul Deathbringer, I shall make sure to leave enough left behind that mask of yours, to identify your carcass. Beneath those eyes lie a mad man, a delusional man. Serge Annis will wake you up. Just the same goes for you Highwayman. Perhaps you are five hundred years old, or whatever you claim to be... sentence is little past due. Deathbringer, again, you try to reverse your mind games and allow mine to have their way with me. That is not the smartest thing to do as I only grow stronger with the more hatred I feel for you and your kind... damned kind that is. Oh gosh, you did not like my present of the black roses? Perhaps my mind games have no effect after all... you fool... that is not a mind game. A black rose does not signify death you fool, but rather luck. Good luck in your match, good luck in your life... but all the luck in the world is not enough to sway the Epitome of Evil from his goal... of winning the Dead Man Rising match. 'I WILL DRAW MY SWORD, MY HAND SHALL DESTROY THEM!' EXODUS 15:9... hehehe... damn that book is funny... I shall not only destroy you, but lay you to whatever rest it is you curse us with Deathbringer... Serge Annis will be victorious if not in the match, but in the retribution of all three of your sins... [Annis looks into the camera with no emotion showing. The camera pans into his blue eyes which are picked up by the camera's lights] Perhaps if not looking into the eyes of a mad man and seeing your own demise is not effective on you dead man... but it will work when you look into mine eyes once again... with my hand wrapped around your neck.. and your sins wrapped around your soul... hehehe... read the book people, it is hysterical...hehehe... [Fade to black as Annis steps out of sight. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ * DAN KAUFFMAN vs. DIRT DOG UNIQUE ALLAH ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ LM: This match was a late addition to tomorrow night's card, presumably to give Dan Kauffman one final match in the IIWF Coliseum. BL: Break out the hankies. LM: You don't think there will be a dry eye in the house? BL: No, I think the Dirt Dog will beat the snot out of Kauffman. Hehe! LM: I think Kauffman has other plans: [SCENE: Within the confines of Hell's Abyss... the old training area... Dan Kauffman sits on a rocking chair... the only thing left in the room. The concrete floor is barren, the trophy case is cleaned out, and all the equipment is gone. Even the ring... once the symbol of the room and Kauffman himself... has been taken apart and hauled out. Kauffman simply speaks.] DK: Chris, no more talk about you until after Saturday. Then... well, there will be lots of talk, but it won't be by my mouth. In any case, see you at Ring Wars 3. Dirt Dog Unique Allah, I speak to you. This is sweet and short... You cost ME the knowledge of who the better man was between Petrow and myself. Granted, you have a score to settle with petrow. But Petrow was MY responsibility on Saturday, not yours. You had no right interfering in a match like that. You cost me an opportunity. There are some things which can not go unseen. Dirt Dog, tomorrow night, I will make you see your flaws... ALL of your flaws... in person. Petrow and I put on a wrestling clinic. Tomorrow, I give you a wrestling clinic. And Dirt Dog, you will realize that you should have never stepped in the ring at the same time I was in it. Allah, the time has come for you. Bring your best. [Kauffman walks out of the room as the shot fades. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ * THE SANDMAN vs. THE HIGHWAYMAN ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ LM: With Steve Kowalski and the Sandman both in the building tomorrow night, perhaps we'll see a preview of their "Toronto Street Fight" coming up at Ring Wars III. BL: That would make tomorrow night a "Portland Indoor Coliseum Fight". LM: Perhaps we should try to keep them away from each other and hope the Sandman focuses his attention on the Highwayman: [SCENE: The Iron Den. The Sandman faces the camera.] SM: [in a sarcastic voice] Hey Fury, I'm sooooo scared. You punk, your idle threats mean nothing to me. It's as pathetic as the IC title on Byron. At Ring Wars, it's gonna be a whole new ball game. I'm going to take the NIGHTMARE straight to New Jersey! Kowalski, just keep a close eye on what I do to the Highwayman on Saturday, then at Ring Wars find out the meaning of PAIN! Highwayman, it's nothing personal, but I'm gonna make an example out of you. It will be just like jackhammers on an old road... pure destruction! You've got an impressive record here in the IIWF but I've been around a lot longer and I know what it takes to get the win. In short, I'm going to rip your eyes out and shove them down your pants so you can watch me kick your ass! [Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ * CREED vs. STEVE KOWALSKI ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ LM: Creed continues to build a lot of momentum as he marches toward Ring Wars III and his big match with Mad Dog Watkins. BL: So what's he thinking getting in the ring with a killer like Steve Kowalski this close to the PPV? Even if he manages not to lose, he'll be so bruised that he won't even heal in a week. LM: I think you're underestimating Creed. He's a tough man from the streets himself, and he can deliver the punishment as well as he can take it. BL: You're starting to sound as bad as Tim Dross. What a couple of Creed suck-ups you guys are. LM: Let's just hear from the big man: [Fade in on the familiar garlic fields of Central California and the converted Air Force base known as the Corporate Camp. An eighth Canary Island palm tree has been imported, taking its rightful place outside the gate. The cameras move to the hangar where Creed stands in the makeshift ring with a 270 lb. masked sparring partner, only his tattoos evidence of his identity. The words of Mad Dog Watkins, "It's business - and it's personal," are scrawled in black on the far wall. Creed releases his opponent from a painful texas clover leaf, spits out his black mouthguard and addresses the camera...] CREED: Let me guess. Somebody thinks I'm about to get [SKULLPUMPED]. Matter of fact, I bet somebody's so sure I'm gonna get [SKULLPUMPED] that he can't stop talking 'bout how Creed's gonna get [SKULLPUMPED]. [Creed then retakes hold of his sparring partner, maneuvering him into every position about which he speaks:] Don't know if we're gonna get to see all that. But you know what, Kowalski, here's what I think we might see.. I think Steve Kowalski might be put in a [STANDING SIDE HEADLOCK]... then I think Steve Kowalski might get [IRISH WHIPPED]...then I think Steve Kowalski might [DUCK UNDER] a [LARIAT] and then [BOUNCE OFF THE FAR SIDE ROPES]...then maybe you'll see Steve Kowalski... [Creed grabs the sparring partner...and whips him nearly 180 full degrees to the mat in a vicious spinebuster. Creed then scoops up the 270 lb. masked man quickly, sending him to the ropes and then into a whirling, spinning left handed chokeslam that rocks the ring support. Creed stands over the prone body of his sparring partner and coldly re-addresses the camera.] Maybe you'll see Steve Kowalski's shoulders pinned to the mat. 1 - 2 - 3. Maybe that's what you'll see. Hey, Kowalski, bring your drinking buddy along with you. Tell him I got something for him. [Fade out on Creed as the big rookie slowly mouths the words... eight days... eight days. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: What do you have to say to that, Becky? BL: I would [RETCH] if my finger weren't already [SHOVED] down my throat listening to that blowhard [RAMBLE]. LM: You're impossible! BL: And so are the odds of Creed beating Steve Kowalski: [SCENE: It's 4 a.m. and The Amber Bug has just closed its doors. Even malcontents like Steve "The Fury" Kowalski have to go home sometime. As the self-proclaimed "baddest man in wrestling" strolls out of his favorite watering hole, the ever vigilant IIWF camera crew is waiting to get a few words. The New Jersey Nightmare acknowledges the crew as he straddles his Harley.] SK: Don't ya guys ever sleep? Ya know, ya could've just come inside. CM: Well, we were but... but this guy kept urinating on the camera tripod when we were setting up before you got here. I asked him to stop, but he just did the same on my leg. I've got sensitive skin and I didn't want to get a rash... SK: Okay! Jus' don't tell me the rest of the story. Get on with it. CM: Could you give us a few comments about Sandman? SK: Sure, he sucks. I said my piece 'bout him on Wednesday. If he doesn't know he's headin' fer a train wreck now, he never will. Next question. CM: Okay... what about the Thunder match last week? Watkins made his presence felt. Did he owe you one from the Ronnie Paris attack? Or do you have an alliance? SK: I ain't runnin' with no one, kid. The ol' dog had a hunger fer cow poker, so I let him bite. As far as Brody... well, we all found out it'll take more than a Cattle Buster to put down the Fury! On the other hand, the SKULLPUMP is still the fastest way to an early grave. CM: What about all the hub-bub about you going cruiser? Is that possible? You would have to lose like 28 pounds. SK: [Smiling] Shhh... Hehehe. That's my secret diet. Can't give it out. There ain't a title that I ain't the number one contender fer. CM: I can see you're not going to give anything away yet. So what about the match? Creed-Kowalski. That screams main event on any other card. SK: Oh yeah, it does. I've been runnin' the competition like a hot knife thru butter fer the past two weeks. I beat Sandman fer like the 100th time, opened him up like a stuck pig. Q-ball got it after my own "Quickstriker", to a SKULLPUMP. An' [BLEEP], Thunder got dropped last Saturday. CM: No doubt, Mr. Kowalski, but Creed is awesome. Ripped, intense and intelligent. SK: Damn fine observation, hammerhead. But I think there's jus' too much hype on this Creed guy myself. It's kinda like "Mr. APB" Spider O'Brien used to say, "Ya can only stack [BLEEP] so high, 'fore it comes tumblin' down on ya!" Creed, I think yer stacked too damn high an' I'm gonna knock ya down. "Anyone"... "Anytime"... "Anywhere"? How 'bout me? Saturday night? In the middle of the ring? 'Cause that's where I'll doin' my ass kickin'. Later, kid. Get something fer that rash. CM: Yes, sir. [Kowalski kick starts the hog and rides off in a cloud of fumes. Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ * CHRIS QUIGLEY vs. MARTY WARNETT ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ LM: Talk about a main event matchup anywhere in the country! BL: Warnett certainly has something to prove heading into Ring Wars III after dropping the Intercontinental Championship AND the little English tramp to Lord Byron. LM: But Quigley must prove that he is ready to face Dan Kauffman next Saturday. BL: Quigley has already proven he's so stuck up that he'll only grant interviews during cards. Well you know what, Lar? I say the hell with him. I've decided to root for Kauffman next week. I'll even give Marty a thrill and root for... the roof to cave in on the ring during this match. LM: And he always speaks so highly of you. If it's Friday night, we have no comments from Chris Quigley, so let's hear from "The Party Maniac" himself, Marty Warnett: [SCENE: Cut to a shot of a deserted corridor, with a large wooden door at the end. The lights are dimmed, but a chink of light appears from under the door. A 'thud, thud, thud' sound is heard. Tim Dross steps into the picture.] TD: Fans, Marty Warnett has been missing for the last couple of days... not returning calls, even failing to turn up for an autograph session. I've heard he's rented this school gym till Ring Wars III, so let's find out what's happening. [Dross approaches the door and knocks. There is no reply. Dross stands there, looking slightly foolish. Eventually he opens the door. Warnett stands inside on the basketball court.] MW: Hey, Dross, don't interrupt me when I'm working on my jump shot. [Marty is dressed only in shorts and trainers, and is shooting hoops. Having been disturbed by Dross, he places the ball down, grabs a towel and ushers Dross over to a bench.] TD: We thought you were preparing for Ring Wars III? MW: Yeah, basketball's a great sport. Improves the cardiovascular conditioning, agility, hand speed, everything you need in the ring. Heck, you need strength to absorb a Barkley charge. Basketball stars could make great wrestlers ... TD: What everybody wants to know is, what happened on Saturday night? MW: Well, firstly, Dross, congratulations on your new style... going for the youth market, huh? Saturday night... well, you see, Dross, yet again, Byron came out whilst I was wrestling. Now, I don't mind that. What I minded was he fact that he played head games with DeWinter. Byron, are you so full of class that you'd even consider hitting a woman? Is that how you claim to be so much better than I? Byron, by that, you've shown yourself to be lower than a snake's belly... heck, I bet you're really a redneck from a trailer park. TD: But didn't he really play games with you? MW: Dross, you should never start a sentence with the word 'but'. Byron isn't the educated one round here. Yes, he did play games. He knew the way I'd react, big deal. You see, Byron refers to our previous bouts, and so far, Dross, in every single bout, I have outwrestled Byron. Period. And yet every single bout has featured interference against me, usually with that damned cane. So, Dross, given that every _single_ bout against him the odds have been stacked against me, who is ahead at the moment? TD: Byron has the belt, though... and the woman. MW: Whoaaa there Timmy. You really know how to hit a nerve, don't you? The belt, well, it fit me pretty damn well. Yes, Byron has the belt, and DeWinter is back with him. Dross, Byron was banking on me still being a mess, that I'd go to pieces, do an Allah or Stetson and hit the bottle. No way. DeWinter gave me peace of mind, a calmness, a reason to be focused. That's why, with a ninety thousand sell-out crowd, with no tickets given away, I might add, fully behind me, the belt is coming home, because it looked so damn good around my waist. As for Milady, Dross, before all this, we used to talk, y'know, about anything and everything. Right now, everything crazy that's gone on over the last couple of months, she's confused. I don't know, it's crazy. She showed a lot of her character, her personality to me, and at this moment, I just want to hold her and tell her everything will be fine. Byron's using her to get to me, a user is all he is. He verbally abuses her, criticizes her, even threatens to slap her, yet she goes back simply because of her feelings for him. It took her a lot of guts to leave him in the first place, but, Milady, I know you're watching this, and I know, despite what Byron tries to brainwash you into thinking, I know you have feelings for me. Now, whatever happens in the ring, remains in the ring. If you take Byron's side against me, I know it's nothing personal. Just remember, though, that whatever happens, whatever happens, I'm here for you. [Dross looks emotional, almost on the verge of tears.] TD: Marty, that was... beautiful. Now, you have Quigley this week. MW: Yeah. I wanted a tough bout before Ring Wars to shake of some of the rust I still have, my timing's still a bit off. And let's face it, besides Super Scott, who has the biggest mouth around here? There are many great Canadian athletes, personalities, but none so egotistical than Quigley. He complains about interference against him causing him his losses. Heck, I've been more interfered against than a Catholic choir boy, Chris, [BLEEP] happens, get on with your life, pal. TD: Marty, we're out of time, thanks for your comments, good luck preparing for Ring Wars III. MW: Thanks, Dross. Oh, by the way, Quigley, Byron, Scott, take a look at this ... [Marty gets up, takes the ball, dribbles up the court and drills a three pointer. Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ * THE WHITE PHOENIX vs. THE SUBWAY PSYCHO ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ LM: The Psycho has a tough task ahead as he prepares for his IIWF World Championship matchup next week. BL: You'd think the Psycho would want to wrestle someone more like James to get a feel for his style. The Phoenix isn't exactly the brawler Casey can be. LM: Maybe not, but perhaps the Psycho has some new skills he'd like to test tomorrow night. With Tiger Claw in his corner, you can never tell: [SCENE: A catacomb deep beneath the streets of the city. Overhead the noises and vibrations of passing trains rattle pipes and bricks almost out of their settings. As the camera zooms in, an area becomes illuminated by light provided by three torches. A make-shift ring becomes visible and two dark figures come into focus. Their shadows are thrown against the wall flickering, and larger than life. It is the Subway Psycho learning some new moves from Tiger Claw.] SP: White Phoenix... we have never met and I have nothing against you... but you should fear me. Once you step into that ring with me on Saturday night all pleasantries go out the window. I don't know what you expect from me... pure power, perfect technique, aerial assault? Well it's all there and now with the help of Tiger Claw you can add Thai boxing. You're an awesome athlete Phoenix, and I respect your talents so I have a little advice for you... do yourself a favor and go down quick. I really don't want to have to end a promising career. Now to the more important matters. At Ring Wars in Toronto the future of the IIWF hangs in the balance. The IIWF has burst upon the global scene and is getting the respect it deserves. Billy Shakespeare gets to carry the torch for all of us at Wembley Stadium in April. I think we can all agree that Billy will do us proud. But everyone knows a federation is only as good as its heavyweight champion. As we enter into this new era... ask yourselves who do you want as YOUR champion? Do you want a bloated opportunist representing the IIWF? Or do you want someone who has stood for the same principles since day one of this federation? A man who has a victory over every other man who has ever held the world title... Deathbringer, Outlaw, Kauffman, Verhoeven, I've beaten them all! So that leaves the current champ, Casey James. If beating Casey is what I have to do to re-affirm that I am the man to be looked to to lead the IIWF into the interfederation battles then that is what I will do. IIWF is my home and my passion and I will let no one else carry on pretending to be its champion when I know in my heart that it is I, and only I who is worthy of the honor. [Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] ************************************************************************** --------------------------- IIWF TRASH TALK ---------------------------- ************************************************************************** LM: Let's move on to what is personally my favorite part of this show -- interviews with wrestlers who WANT to be heard. BL: Not unlike certain balding broadcasters. LM: Deathbringer is preparing for the "Dead Man Rising" match at Ring Wars III. He'll take on Requiem, Serge Annis, and Highwayman, but it is Requiem who seems to intrigue the Dark Destroyer right now: [SCENE: A dark dungeon. Barely anything is visible, except for Deathbringer, who is standing in the corner of a stone-built wall. Strange sounds are heard from deep within this vault and the wind is making whistling-tunes as it finds its way through the black corridors. Deathbringer begins to slowly walk towards the camera. He then comes to a halt and begins to speak with a calm and growling voice which is just as loud as a whisper.] DB: Darkness... This is were it all starts... And this is where it all comes to an end... Requiem, you say my soul is tinged with darkness... And what else could one expect from the Reaper himself... But tell me, Requiem, what does this darkness mean? What does it mean to me, and what does it mean to you? Is it a sign of evil? Is it a sign of the deep terrors that lurk within everyone's heart? Or is it no sign for anything at all? [As Deathbringer speaks on, several pairs of red eyes appear in the background, and sounds of gnawing and scratching are heard] Even I cannot explain where the darkness came from, nor whether it was separated from the light at some point... But I do know about the essence of this so called 'spring of evil'... and believe me when I say that I know more about it than any other living creature in this universe... Darkness can be like a blanket, that protects you and holds you warm... it can be like a friend when you are sorrowful and seek for help ... and it is the place where you come to a final rest when you are tired of walking on the never ending path of life... Requiem, I cannot see anything evil here... as a matter of fact I do not even see any connections between darkness and evil at all... [At least a dozen new pairs of red eyes have show up in the background.] Maybe the darkness is a thorn in the eyes of the mortals, because they do not know enough about it's nature... And these unknown things scare mortals... now they try to find reasons just _why_ they fear the darkness... and they come to the solution that it is because of the _evil_ that just _has_ to lurk right there... But now it is your turn, Requiem, tell me where you can see evil here in this vault... or anywhere for that matter... [As Deathbringer has finished the last sentence, one of the pairs of eyes begins to move towards him. It is too dark to exactly say what it is that is crawling into the view, but it seems to be as big as a mid-sized dog, with long nails at the paws and saliva dripping from its rat-like snout. Deathbringer bows down to the creature just as if to caress it, but the strange being flees back into the darkness and with it all the other pairs of red eyes leave the scene. Deathbringer looks into the corridor, then back into the camera] Are they evil, just because they are what they are? Are they evil, because they are different from the animals you know? I do not think so... Yet they live down here, deep below the mortuary and mortals would certainly fear them... However, let me come to an end... Requiem, from now on, when you talk about darkness, do not use it any more in the meaning of evil or anything related to that... those are just separate things and therefore 'a soul tinged with darkness' does not have any meaning at all... Farewell, my friend, and may you soon find the right path, to join me on my quest... [Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: Another big match next weekend will pit a clown against a Native American for an eagle and a German doctor. BL: What's the punch line? LM: It's no joke. It's the "Tar and Feathers" match between Cheshire and Nightwing. Each wrestler holds something the other wants, but there is a lot of pride at stake in this match as the loser gets tarred and feathered. BL: I think Cheshire cares more about not getting tarred and feathered than getting Dr. Hinterhalt back: [SCENE: Cheshire sits on a chair in the middle of the interview area, grinning nervously and speaking hastily.] CH: So, my Indian friend. I think that's what Americans call tit for tat. I stole your bird Chipchop so you stole my dear Doctor Hinterhalt. Haha. You think I cannot make it without him, EH? YOU THINK I WILL EXCHANGE YOUR GODDAMN TURKEY FOR MY TRAINER, EH? ... BUT I'll TELL YOU SOMETHING, CHICKENWING: forget it. I won't let my game be disturbed by such an incident, no. No, I don't _care_ what you do with him. Invite him for lunch, or make him your lunch, there's no difference for me. You see, _I_ am not spirit bound to that guy. No, _He's_ not as important to me as your bird is for you. You won't see your birdie again until you've beaten me at Ring Wars. Well, ehm, that probably means never. So, come to terms with it, bye. [Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: The Native American Nightwing doesn't seem ready to give up on getting his eagle back that easily. BL: The question is whether or not Dr. Hinterhalt will be in one piece when Ring Wars III rolls around: [SCENE: Fade in on a mountain clearing surrounded by dark woods. A hooded figure is tied to a post near the center of the clearing. Zoom in on Nightwing, who stands holding a large bow approximately 50 yards from his prisoner.] NW: Only eight moons now stand between our destinies at Ring Wars III, Cheshire. [Nightwing pulls a arrow almost from thin air and notches it in his bow. He pulls back the bowstring and the arrow cuts through the air, coming to rest in the post... six inches from Dr. Hinterhalt's head. The hooded figure begins to squirm.] Eight moons that shall be tinted blood red as a reminder of what awaits you at Ring Wars III. [He notches another arrow and quickly releases the bowstring. The arrow slams into the post, just three inches from Dr. Hinterhalt's head. The hooded figure begins to kick and scream.] Eight moons that call to the brother eagle to be free! [In a rage, Nightwing produces an arrow, notches it and fires in seemingly one swift motion. The screen goes black as a scream is heard... but it is quickly replaced by an eagle's cry. When the shot returns to the screen, the lower arrow has been split by Nightwing's final shot. Zoom back to Nightwing's face, which still shows his controlled rage.] In eight moons, Cheshire, _you_ will be the hunted. [Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: Both of those men have something to prove at Ring Wars III, as does third-generation rookie superstar Ronnie Paris. He'll be a part of that big Wild Card match. BL: Paris has proven that he can't win on Saturdays, so I expect him to get knocked out early. LM: What kind of logic is that? His team may be a bit eclectic, but Ronnie Paris is going to Toronto to win: [SCENE: Fade in to a dingy, drab looking room with bare walls, save for a large map of North America on a far wall. The grey decor does nothing to enhance the badly lit room, which contains a desk and a small chair. To call it spartan would be generous. Suddenly, Ronnie Paris walks into view.] RP: Welcome to the bowels of my gymnasium, so to speak. I've never allowed a camera here, into this part of the gym. This is my "study", if you would, where I prepare myself mentally. The next room is where I sleep... yes, this is my home when I'm not on the road. I've said it before, wrestling is my life, and my life is this gym and the IIWF. [Paris sits in the chair, and opens the single drawer in the desk. Inside are a few scattered coins, a pile of papers, and a large red marker. Paris picks up the marker and closes the drawer carefully. He walks over towards the map.] I like to make the most of my life. I like to be prepared. [Paris circles the city of Toronto in red with the marker, putting a dot right in the middle of the circle.] In about a week, I'll be in this city, Toronto, for a Wild Card match at Ring Wars III. I'll team with a few people I don't particularly like, and one surprise partner. I'll be facing a lot of talented wrestlers and Luke Steele. There'll be a German in the ring, an Aussie, a bum, a "Hangman", a no-talent "Real Deal" hack, and of course there'll be me. I will give 110 percent at Ring Wars III, and I will do everything it takes for Ronnie Paris to get his hand raised. Any other questions about this match may go unanswered, but I am the one man who is not a question mark. You can count on me to do what I say I will, unlike a certain wrestler who claims more with his nickname than he's ever accomplished. No hints, but I'll just say that the "Real Deals" don't have to advertise what they are... and I come with no hype. Make of that what you will... [Fade to black as Ronnie glares into the camera with a look of determination on his face. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: I never realized Ronnie lived in such drab surroundings. BL: Maybe Stud Stetson can move in with him. Hehehe... snort. LM: I don't know about that, but Paris earned a measure of respect last weekend from Takezo Musashi, the IIWF Cruiserweight Champion. Those two staged a great match Saturday night. BL: But it's far from what Musashi will see from the White Phoenix at Ring Wars III: [SCENE: Taped backstage at one of the IIWF's house shows. The "Enigma" Takezo Musashi is in the locker-room area, performing his pre-match stretching exercises. He is dressed in full wrestling regalia, with his face painted in the traditional silver and blue. Cub reporter, Steve Summer enters the scene.] SS: Hello fans, we're backstage at the L.A. Sports Arena, moments before Takezo Musashi's dark match against the Brooklyn Basher. Let's get the scoop from the Enigma himself. TM: First of all Steve, before you ask me any questions I would like to extend my congratulations to Ronnie Paris, who fought like a true warrior last Saturday night. Paris, you may be a rookie, but you gave me the sternest challenge for my Cruiserweight belt yet. This time out you came up just short, but I'm sure this belt [gestures to the Cruiserweight title lying on the bench] will be strapped around your waist one day. Don't lose faith in your abilities Ronnie, a treacherous path lies ahead of you, but it is one you have the talent to climb. SS: One surprising factor during your match with Paris was the appearance of Steve Kowalski, who seemed to have a few words for you. TM: Well, I was just as surprised Kowalski's appearance as everybody else. I thought we were on completely separate paths in the IIWF, Kowalski was in hot pursuit of the Intercontinental title and I was busy defending my Cruiserweight belt. Sometimes fate works in strange ways, the convergence of two such wildly divergent destinies can only end in chaos. Kowalski, you may have called me a "little man", but the worth of a man lies not in his physical stature, but in the size of his fighting spirit. You may find Kowalski, that this is one "little man" you cannot handle. I won't try to insult anybody's intelligence by claiming that I'm physically stronger than you, but mentally, you are not in my league. When it comes down to a test of wills, and to a test of raw courage, you will be found lacking "Fury". I have never had any trouble with the "bullies" in the past. In fact I handle the big guys, like Prince of Darkness, with greater ease than I do the smaller wrestlers, like Billy Shakespeare. My speed, agility and technical skills have always been enough to counter any brawling offensive I've faced, it won't be any different if I meet Kowalski in the ring. SS: This situation is complicated by the fact that, somewhat bizarrely, Kowalski has been making noises about challenging for your Cruiserweight title. TM: I won't back down from any challenge, and I'm perfectly willing to put my belt on the line against Kowalski. I'd defend my belt against Otto Verhoeven if I could. The problem is, I doubt the championship committee would sanction such a defence. It would be hard to take a Cruiserweight championship seriously if a man weighing 270 lbs is wearing the belt. I really don't know what Kowalski's motivations are on this one. He's got something up his sleeve, and I'm going to be keeping a close eye on him in the future. SS: Okay, thanks for your time "Enigma". Any last words before we go? TM: Shinja Chow, I haven't forgotten you. You presence still invades my every thought. I have something you want, and I know that you shall come for it, with your mind clouded by darkness and your soul burning with hatred. I have been preparing for you White Phoenix, I have driven the thought of your destruction so deep into my mind that I shall step between the ropes at Ring Wars like a walking time bomb. Shinja, the explosion will be more than you can bear... [Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: Another man hoping to make a name for himself is "The Real Deal" Luke Steele, who was called out by "Jackhammer" J.P. Steele Wednesday night. BL: Don't forget that Luke Steel beat "Jackoff" at Snow Brawl. Now J.P. is a bigshot in the Loop? Just tells me that the Loop's stars can't even hang with the boys in the IIWF's basement. LM: Well "The Real Deal" would like another shot at J.P. Steele: [SCENE: Fade up to "The Real Deal" Luke Steele, inside a locker room at the IIWF Coliseum. Steele is agitated over the appearance a few days ago by J.P. Steele, the DPW's "Jackhammer".] LS: I guess bein' a rookie really makes you look through the world with rose-colored glasses. Hey Baby Dolls, the Deal's trying to figure out what J.P. Steele's big problem is. Sure he lost his chance to enter the IIWF, but he lost it fairly. Remember the contract match at Snow Brawl? I pinned his hide to the mat and rightfully got the contract, but he doesn't remember it that way. J.P. made quite a few comments on Wednesday. [Cut to footage from Wednesday War Room, during J.P. Steele's unannounced visit to the Coliseum:] JPS: Well, look what the cat dragged in...Some of us from the "loop" have class. I got permission from ol' Danny Spreadbury to speak my mind. What I'm here to do is make some sorta' challenge for Superstar Summit. I'd like to represent my home turf of the Dawg Pound of Wrestling and face anybody the IIWF would like to throw at me. Why? Well, to earn some respect.... Remember Snow Brawl? I outclassed Luke Steele, and fell victim to one stinkin' mistake... Now, before I snap off and go bonkers, lemme' make this clear... Hey, why don't you send that Luke fellow to face me? Oh wait, I forgot, he's not doin' anything to earn such a thing. He flopped, and look at me. IIWF, you missed the boat. IIWF, send your best. J.P. Steele'll take care of the rest! [Cut back to Luke Steele.] LS: J.P., I used to have respect for you. Granted, you are one of the best wrestlers in the world, but outside of your ring abilities, you're nothin' more than a whiner. Let's get one thing straight, right now! You did not outclass me, as you put it. That match was even until the end, and I pinned your shoulders, your back, your ass to the mat. I earned that contract, and if there's anyone who's not getting respect, it's me from you. Accept it, Jerkhammer, I beat you in the middle of the ring. Your little challenge for the Superstar Summit, consider it accepted by the Real Deal. If the IIWF gives me the say-so, then let's do it again at the Summit. I'll prove to the IIWF again, and now to all the other leagues who the Real Deal is. But J.P. already knows it, he just won't admit it. If President Spreadbury agrees to let me represent the IIWF, then hell, J.P., you got yourself an ass-kickin' at the Summit. Later, Baby Dolls. [Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: That's an odd situation between the IIWF and the Loop feds right now. And speaking of odd, I saw The Cell and that Oak person leaving your office the other day. What was that all about? BL: What a coincidence! They just happened to have a camera crew tagging along. Look for yourself: [SCENE: Cut to The Cell and Oak wandering around IIWF Towers.] OAK: Look Cell, you're going to _have_ to apologise to Dross. CELL: But I didn't do anyth.... OAK: Shhh. Cell, you know _I_'ve been fined in excess of two hundred thousand dollars over the past month. The money that goes into the Sect's funds isn't just to be wasted on fines like this. If we apologise, I'm sure Dross has enough clout with Spreadbury to be able to talk him round if there's a next time. CELL: I'm sure there will be... OAK: No, Cell, there _won't_ be. We just can't afford it. [The two men make it to the office with the name "Mr T. Dross" etched on the window of the door. Oak knocks. Dross tells them to wait a moment -- then some shutting of desk drawers can be heard -- then he shouts "Enter!" Oak enters, followed by the Cell.] OAK: Mr Dross, I have had extensive discussions with this man, the Cell, and he has persuaded me to allow him time off from his duties at the mansion to apologize to your good self about the unsavory chain of incidents which occurred last month. TD: Involving the alleged poisoning you mean? OAK: Yes. The Cell assures me that he does not believe for one minute that you did actually try and poison him and would like to apologize most profusely. [Dross rubs his hands in glee.] TD: Go ahead, Cell. [The Cell attempts to lunge at Dross, but Oak holds him back with ease. He looks at him and raises his finger.] CELL: Mr Dross, I'm really truly sorry about the allegations I made against you last month. I realize they were totally unfounded. I'm very sorry. [Dross, gets out of his seat and extends his hand to him. The Cell looks at Oak and then shakes Dross' hand.] OAK: Again, Mr Dross, we're very sorry for what happened and can assure you we will treat you with the respect you deserve in the future. TD: Don't worry about it. I'm glad we got it sorted out. OAK: So are we. Now if you'll excuse us... TD: Of course. [Dross shakes hands with Oak and then with the Cell again. Oak and the Cell leave the office.] OAK: Right, now it's time to apologize to the lovely Becky LaRue. CELL: Why? OAK: Because you never sorted things out with her. That's why. [They walk along to the door marked "Ms. B. LaRue" and Oak knocks. They are greeted with a "YEAH?!" and Oak enters. He then shuts the door behind him quickly and looks at the Cell.] OAK: Did you actually get anywhere with her? CELL: Erm... OAK: [sternly] Cell, answer me. CELL: No. She wasn't interested. OAK: It could be my lucky day. [Becky then shouts for them to enter.] BL: Sorry about that, Oak, isn't it? [Oak smiles and Becky flutters her eyelashes. The look soon turns to a scowl.] Oh, you brought _him_ with you. OAK: Ms LaRue, let me apologize for bursting in on you like that. BL: That's okay. I'm sure the pleasure was all mine! I had a ladder in my stockings. OAK: Oh... I see. [Oak smiles knowingly at Becky. Becky smiles back.] BL: So to what do I owe this pleasure? OAK: Before the Cell came under my tutelage, you may remember an incident involving his spitting some of his horrendous phlegm onto your shoes. BL: Yeah, they cost me three hundred bucks. They were ruined. OAK: Please let me reimburse you the full cost. [Oak takes out his wallet and opens it up. It is full of fifty dollar bills.] BL: Oh no. I couldn't do that. OAK: But please. I insist. [Oak thrusts six of the bills in front of Becky's face. She looks at them, accepts them and then puts them down her cleavage.] BL: Why thank you. Here, let me give you this in return. [Becky hands Oak a business card.] BL: There's details of how to join my fan club on there. But maybe we could sort something out about that. [Oak pretends to be slightly offended. Becky senses this.] BL: Oh, I'm sorry. Of course, a man like you wouldn't be interested in anything like that now... would he? [Becky smiles again.] OAK: No, Ms. LaRue. BL: Please, call me Becky. OAK: Okay Becky. [uneasy pause] Cell, don't you have something to say to Ms LaRue....sorry, Becky? [Becky glares at the Cell. He looks straight through her.] CELL: I'm sorry for all the trouble I caused you Becky. I wish... OAK: I think we should go now. Thanks for your time, Becky. Please feel free to come round to the mansion any time. BL: Only if you promise me it'd be worth my while! OAK: I'll see what I can do. [Becky proffers her cheek to Oak, which he kisses. As they leave, she waves at him. He pretends he doesn't know what to make of it and just leaves. Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: We heard from Luke Steele a bit earlier. He has his sights set on J.P. Steele right now, but he will be of the participants in the Wild Card match at Ring Wars III. BL: Not if Mr. Damage has his way. LM: Indeed. I met with Damage yesterday at The One-Legged Roo, a local bar that caters to blokes from down under: [SCENE: Mr. Damage at a bar being interviewed by Larry Morton.] LM: I'm here tonight with Mr. Damage, and how are you tonight? MD: I'm always in a foul mood, now what's the next question. LM: [almost chokes on his drink, coughs] OK, I'm going to mention a few names and I want you to answer in short sentences, firstly Otto Verhoeven? MD: The man that should be World Champ but gets a raw deal from everyone. LM: The Hangman? MD: A trusted friend and ally. LM: Real Deal Luke Steele? MD: All fart no [BLEEP]! LM: Ronnie Paris? MD: As above! LM: Superstar Stud Stetson? MD: All hot air, his comeuppance is due. LM: Badboy Randy Acorn? MD: I have a lot of respect for him as wrestler but he is not as good as me. LM: Mystery Partner? MD: Come on Morton. do you really think I'm that stupid? LM: Sorry I'm just reading it off this sheet of paper. It's your team and your opponents for the upcoming Match at Ring Wars 3 on March 22nd -- another IIWF PPV extravaganza! Contact your local cable company! MD: Tell me something I don't know, Morton. Actually I want to say something about that. As you know some idiot in the IIWF Booking committee booked Luke Steele to be on Otto's team, I hope he has been given the heave-ho by the IIWF bureaucrats. I have said this once before -- I am not letting Luke Steele near the ring. He WILL NOT be taking part in this match, that's a promise. LM: But he's on your team. You have to work together. MD: I don't have to do anything. LM: I have one more name for you... Spur? MD: I was hoping you were to speak the name of this hobo, do I get more than one sentence? LM: Well, actually I was kinda hoping... [gets cut off by Mr. Damage] MD: Too bad! Spur, you have been saying a few things that I do not appreciate. I was fighting Ronnie Paris to help YOU out and you come out when all the Damage was done and hit me with a chair and said it was a wake up call. For that Spur, you are going to get your face smashed in courtesy of the Guns Of Navarone. Spur, I guarantee you are going to jingle jangle jingle. LM: Mr. Damage, please calm down, do you want another drink... I'll pay. MD: Give me a Gatorade Margarita. LM: A what? MD: Two parts Gatorade, two parts Tequila and spoonful of TANG. LM: Oh! Well thanks for joining us, but just one more question what do you think about the LOOP invasion? MD: As long as the IIWF keeps sending me opponents, the more bones I get to break and that's what I like to do. Just send them my way. [Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: The Dark Disciples are just a week away from making what may be their toughest-ever title defense. They'll take on Domination in Toronto, and you'll recall that Monster and Dani Jarvier nearly took the belts from Wulf and Kane a few weeks ago, right after Jarvier joined the team. BL: _Almost_ doesn't win you belts. With Don McQueen in their corner and the backing of the Syndicate, the Disciples will have the belts for a long time. LM: Perhaps, but Team Brutality is also on the trail of the Disciples. I have to feel that some team is going to catch up with them soon: [SCENE: The Dark Disciples stand with Don McQueen in their lair - a dingy, damp flagstone cellar. Various torturing implements array the room. Most of the devices look like they would need a sick mind to determine their function.] DM: Well simpletons, you haven't heard from us for awhile. My boys had a spot of legal bother to sort out involving the Springvale Memorial Baptist Cathedral and a gallon of gasoline. Nothing my lawyers couldn't bribe... er... I mean legally fight our way out of. Now, onto the real business, we've been so busy in the courtrooms we haven't had a chance to officially welcome Brody Thunder to the Syndicate. Brody, we know that you're the toughest damn hombre in the IIWF and we're glad to have you on our side, right boys? KANE: Indeed. It was a great moment in the history of this meagre federation when Brody smashed Billy Shakespeare through a table, turning him into a pile of splintered bones. That proved to me Brody has what it takes to hang with the Syndicate. Ruthless, lawless, and without any redeeming moral features whatsoever, he's my kind of ally. WULF: The Syndicate is the worst hive of scum and villainy ever assembled in the history of wrestling, Brody Thunder should fit right in and we're looking forward to stomping some heads with him. The Dark Disciples brawled with Brody many times when he was hanging with the Player's Club. We were putting knots in each others heads, cracking skulls, the best fun I've had since I ran through the IIWF cafeteria wielding a meat cleaver! [demented cackle] DM: Let's talk about some unfinished business we have from last Saturday night. Mr. Mic, you've been quite an annoying little insect recently haven't you? You've been mouthing off big, bragging about those two vacant apes you call a tag team, insulting my managerial ability. Well Mr. Mickey, lets check the facts shall we? What the hell have you ever accomplished in this fed? Pain Inc. have been around almost since the IIWF's inception, and they still haven't managed to win the gold! They've lost more matches than an armless man trying to light a bonfire! I come in here, assemble a prime fighting unit like the Dark Disciples and snap up those titles within two months! In fact, we've won those belts twice now in half the time you guys have been here! Let's face it Mickey, your skills as a manager leave a lot to be desired. And another thing, you seem to have this obsession with startin' some fisticuffs with me. I stepped up to ya' last Saturday night and ya' ran like a Nun from a whorehouse! Look Mickey, we're managers, we're supposed to leave the fighting up to our wrestlers and act like professional businessmen. That's the way I prefer it but I'm warnin' ya', if you step up to me one more time I'll knock you on your ass Mickey boy! KANE: Well, well, Pain Inc. you managed to escape our wrath last time we fought. You bought yourself a DQ and got the hell out of the ring before we could stomp your heads through the mat. Soon you shall regret disrupting the affairs of the Dark Disciples. When our prey has escaped we do not stop until it has been hunted down and slain. Pain Inc, you have become our prey! You foolishly brought this upon yourselves by incurring our wrath, and now you must pay dearly for your transgressions. WULF: Night Patrol, don't think we've forgotten about you pigs! We no longer have any patience for this Team Brutality charade. The Dark Disciples will take on all four of you in one night and crush you all! You can come at us one at a time or all at once, it doesn't make any difference to me. The more teeth we have to crack, the more kneecaps we've gotta break and the more blood we have to spill, the stronger we get! Lets bring it on Team Brutality, we'll settle this business the bonecracking way we know best! DM: Alright, we've said all we're gonna' say for now so get this jive camera crew the [BLEEP] outta' here! [Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: A team that would like to be in the tag team title hunt is the High Plains Drifters. However, they've been embroiled in a battle with the W & W Express. BL: Not to mention bar fights: [SCENE: A western style saloon. The place is a wreck. Tables and chairs are broken and overturned, along with various bar patrons writhing on the floor. One table still stands. The High Plains Drifters sit at it, along with their manager Josey Wales.] ER: Ha, ha, ha... we got 'um good. We beat up on them double-ya's real good. JW: That you did, boys, Drifter style. PR: What do you have planned for us next boss? JW: [takes a long puff on his cigar] Well boys as you know there's that damned US Tag Title Tournament going on...and look at the teams left in the pot... the Harlequins, Cold Spell, Night Patrol, the Prophets of Rage... what a damn joke. ER: Ha, ha, that's a good one... [Pale Rider hits Easy over the head with his hat] PR: It's not that type of joke, you moron. Sorry boss, go on. JW: Oh sure, those teams have nice, pretty little win/loss records, but they ain't been through the wars like us. They ain't been around like we have. One of them is going to win those damned second rate belts and think their [BLEEP] won't stink. I'm tellin' y'all right now, whoever wins those titles is marked for a beatin' by the HPD. We don't want those titles, no sir, we'll fight y'all for nothin' but the right to humiliate ya. PR: Well, that won't be until after Ring Wars III. JW: True. Until then I'll set a little goal for ya. Become the first team to 20 victories in the IIWF. The way I see it, your only competition is those damned Armed Forces. Rising Sun ain't got a shot at it. I claim that 20 victories is more of a bragging right than any US Tag Title... or World Tag Title for that matter. You boys have piled up more victories than most teams combined. You boys are the real deal. ER: What about the other cowboy you've been watchin'? JW: Shut up, boy! Damn... that was supposed to be a secret. Shut that camera off! [Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] ************************************************************************** ------------------------- IIWF SINGLES RANKINGS ------------------------- ************************************************************************** ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Name F/H Fought W L D Win% Ranking (old) new ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Casey James H 34 21 11 2 65% (WC) WC Lord Byron H 20 15 5 0 75% (IC) IC "Enigma" Takezo Musashi N 26 20 6 0 77% (CW) CW ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Highwayman F 5 4 1 0 80% (1) 1 Deathbringer H 29 21 5 3 78% (2) 2 Steve Kowalski H 16 12 4 0 75% (3) 3 Creed N 11 8 3 0 73% (4) 4 The White Phoenix F 18 12 5 1 70% (5) 5 Billy Shakespeare F 34 23 10 1 69% (6) 6 Otto Verhoeven H 27 18 8 1 69% (9) 7 Subway Psycho F 30 19 9 2 67% (7) 8 Dan Kauffman H 30 19 9 2 67% (8) 9 "Sychosys" Joe Petrow N 9 6 3 0 67% (11=) 10= Mad Dog Watkins H 9 6 3 0 67% (11=) 10= Chris Quigley F 22 14 7 1 66% (13) 12 Marty Warnett F 34 22 12 0 65% (14) 13 Brody Thunder H 17 11 6 0 65% (10) 14 Dirt Dog Unique Allah N 14 9 5 0 64% (15) 15 Serge Annis N 9 5 3 1 61% (16) 16 Mr. Damage H 27 15 12 0 56% (17) 17 Cheshire H 11 6 5 0 55% (21) 18 The Sandman F 30 16 14 0 53% (18) 19 Stud Stetson H 14 6 6 2 50% (20) 20 "Real Deal" Luke Steele F 6 3 3 0 50% (23) 21 The Cell H 19 9 10 0 47% (19) 22 Ronnie Paris F 11 5 6 0 45% (26) 23 "Badboy" Randy Acorn H 9 4 5 0 44% (22) 24 The Hangman H 15 5 7 3 43% (24) 25 Nightwing F 7 3 4 0 43% (25) 26 ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Requiem F 3 2 0 1 83% (27) 27 Spur H 4 1 3 0 25% (28) 28 ------------------------------- injured -------------------------------- Tiger Claw H 42 22 18 2 55% (-) - American Patriot F 9 3 6 0 33% (-) - ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ************************************************************************** ------------------------ IIWF TAG TEAM RANKINGS ------------------------- ************************************************************************** ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Name of team F/H Fought W L D Win% Ranking (old) new ------------------------------------------------------------------------ The Dark Disciples H 12 7 4 1 63% (WT) WT ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Prophets of Rage H 5 5 0 0 100% (1) 1 The Harlequins N 6 5 1 0 83% (2) 2 Domination F 10 6 2 2 70% (5) 3 Rising Sun Revolution F 16 11 5 0 69% (3) 4 The Armed Forces H 28 18 9 1 66% (4) 5 High Plains Drifters H 30 18 11 1 62% (6) 6 G.W.R. N 12 7 5 0 58% (7) 7 Pain Inc. H 19 10 8 1 56% (8) 8 The Hangmen H 19 9 8 2 53% (9) 9 The Zodiac Connection F 19 10 10 0 50% (10) 10 The Alphabet Boys F 16 7 7 2 50% (11) 11 ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Cold Spell F 4 4 0 0 100% (12) 12 Night Patrol H 3 3 0 0 100% (13) 13 W & W Express H 5 2 3 0 40% (14) 14 ------------------------------- on leave ------------------------------- The Players' Club F 14 6 8 0 43% (-) - ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ************************************************************************** ---------------------- UPCOMING IIWF PROGRAMMING ----------------------- ************************************************************************** LM: Fans, we know you'll be with us tomorrow night for what promises to be a great card. Call the IIWF Hotline on Sunday for the latest news and rumors, and don't forget to tune in Monday for "IIWF Monday Musings." "Inside the IIWF" comes your way on Tuesday, but don't forget that there will be no "Wednesday War Room" next week as we prepare for Ring Wars III. "IIWF Classics" comes you way next Thursday, then Becky and I will be back with the entire crew LIVE from SkyDome in Toronto just one week from tonight for a special preview show. So for now, this is Larry Morton, for Becky LaRue, wishing you all a good night. [The remote camera zooms back up the aisle. One of the Zodiac fans accidentally hits another with his steel pipe, causing a small disturbance. The credits roll past too quickly to read. Fade.] +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= I * I * W * F =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+ | President: Daniel Spreadbury | Vice-President: Steve Owens | | univ0322@sable.ox.ac.uk | sowens@admin.presby.edu | | iiwf@sisko.demon.co.uk | IIWFadmin@aol.com | +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- http://www.sisko.demon.co.uk -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=+