[Fade up on videotaped footage. Sunday Morning. 4:00am Pacific Time. The darkened Portland, Oregon street outside of the home of veteran IIWF commentator Tim Dross. Dross stumbles blearily, suitcases in hand, into the shot. He hands his bags to a burly man in a blue jacket and stands in front of what appears to be a moderately sized school bus - on which are painted the words "IIWF Express - Skydome or Bust!"] TD: Well, good morning fans, as you can plainly see I am not coming to you live - it is in fact last Sunday morning, just a few meager hours following that big, big IIWF Saturday Night. Behind me you see the IIWF Express, captained by veteran IIWF busdriver Nils. Now, what we're about to do folks is board the Express and drive all the way from gool ole' Portland - right out to Skydome in Toronto, where hopefully, due to the magic of videotape, you will be seeing me absolutely live and direct from The Hard Rock Cafe - in just a few moments. But, we're bringing IIWF cameras along for this trip. And what you are about to see now are the highlights from, well... from what hasn't happened yet. You are gonna see 2633.1 miles of IIWF country, from the Rocky Mountains to the Heartland to the Great Lakes... all the way to Skydome and Ring Wars 3 - oh, it's exciting! So, [Dross boards the bus and slaps the back of Nils who waits at the wheel] enjoy a few moments of my trip - and the next time I come back on your screen it will be live - Tuesday night and Inside the IIWF will come to you direct from Skydome and The Hard Rock Cafe! [Dross gives a thumbs up through a side window on the bus, and with a Nils honk of the horn, the IIWF Express drives away and the shot fades... "Road to Nowhere" by Talking Heads kicks in over the highlight package compressing the time between the Portland departure and the live Tuesday evening broadcast. The IIWF Express is shown on Interstate 84, Nils honking the horn as the "Welcome to Idaho" sign comes into view. There's Tim Dross at an Idaho Waffle House, giving a thumbs up over a jumbo western omelette as he signs autographs for a number of young men sporting "Jobber Justice Squad - 4 Life!" t-shirts. The IIWF Express is back on the road, now on I-80 as it heads toward the sign welcoming motorists to the state of Wyoming. A red convertible, driven by a woman who looks strikingly like veteran supermodel Christie Brinkley, drives by, honking and waving at the suddenly shy Dross. She winks, purses her lips and then mouths the words "Go Byron Go" as she speeds off, a sign visible now from the back of her car reading "Just Married... No, Wait..." There's Tim Dross again, this time at a Wyoming Waffle House, giving a thumbs up over a heaping plate of hash browns smothered in cheese and onions. He poses for a couple of quick snapshots with an elderly couple who wave their official "Quickstrike" baseball caps toward the camera. Back on the road, Nils honking as he sees the "Welcome to Idaho" sign, followed closely by the sound of the brakes slamming and the Express slowly moving into reverse. The boys get back on I-80 East, driving over the mountains of Wyoming and through the plains of Nebraska, their exodus to the local Waffle House interrupted by a parking lot skirmish between a group of predominantly young black men wearing "Anyone...Anywhere...Anytime" t-shirts and a corresponding group of older men shouting taunts of "Who's Your Daddy? Who's Your Daddy?" Now an interior nighttime shot of the bus, Tim Dross curled up in a ball, sleeping peacefully... hair maneuvered into an angle that makes it seem almost natural. Almost. Then a shot of Nils at the wheel, he also appears asleep as the Express motors down the Interstate... but then he opens an eye and winks at the camera.. The unmistakable voice of David Byrne, "Take you there/Take you there" is heard as the Express passes an exit for Nebraska City, Nebraska, Dross is heard to yell "How many damn bottles of beer are on the wall..." as the Express suddenly lurches at an intersection...and dies. There's a tow truck... haggling... a mechanic... more haggling... some pushing and shoving between Dross and Nils... more haggling... and a shot of Dross resignedly checking into a room at the Nebraska City Vagabond Inn. A middle-aged maid kisses Dross on the cheek, and shows him the Otto Verhoeven tattoo that generally doesn't see a lot of sun, oooh, that's one for the blooper reel. The woman leaves and Dross shakes his head at the camera... closes the hotel door... and the highlight package ends. The opening graphics explode onto the screen:] ##### ###### ### ########## ########## ########## #### ## ########## ########## ########## #### # #### ######## ##### ##### #### ## ##### #### #### #### #### ### #### #### #### #### ############# ######### #### #### ########### ######### #### #### #### #### #### ######### ######### ### #### #### ######### ######### ### ## #### ######## ######## ## # #### =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- ## =-=-=-= INTERNATIONAL INTERNET WRESTLING FEDERATION =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= "INSIDE THE IIWF" with Tim Dross Tuesday 18 March 1997 ----------------------------------------------- [Fade in now on a LIVE shot, Dross is seated at the edge of his bed, earpiece and microphone at the ready as he begins the show...] TD: Hello again, fans, and welcome to Inside the IIWF. I'm Tim Dross and over the next 30 minutes we'll take a special look at all the news, views, reviews and previews; the week that was and the week ahead here in the finest wrestling federation in the world today... the mighty IIWF! [Dross runs a weary hand through his... hair.] TD: Well, folks, as you can plainly discern -- this isn't the Hard Rock Cafe. As you've just seen on the videotaped package, the IIWF Express broke down here in Nebraska City, Nebraska -- home of the National Arbor Day Foundation, incidentally. So, we've spent the day here, at the Vagabond Inn. Thanks, President Dan. Fortunately, Nils the bus driver is with the mechanic and with any luck we'll be on our way to Toronto right after the show. Until then, we've established a live satellite hook up with IIWF Studios in Portland -- and we'll be going live to... well, to someone who can play the highlight packages and that new bumper music that so many of you seem to like. And -- I'll do the report. Right here from my very own... uncomfortable hotel bed, I won't even mention what it's doing to my lumbar, thanks Vice-President Steve. So, without further adieu, here are the all-important headlines... [There is no music, Dross waits, sighs and then swirls to his left, looking for Camera 2... which isn't there... and then pivots back, seated at the edge of his bed, and begins.] ************************************************************************ ----------------------------- HEADLINES ------------------------------ ************************************************************************ AGAIN, they came last Saturday Night. I am, af course, speaking about the "loopers", that gang of merry miscreants that seem to take delight in airing their dirty laundry on IIWF airwaves. Now, I must admit, I have been one of the voices within the "inner sanctum", if you will, who has consistently stepped forward with the belief that inter-fed competiton could do nothing but benefit the IIWF. However, after yet another week of what strikes me as little more than Family Feud, I am beginning to reconsider my originally staked out position. Although I remain excited about the coming Summit Cup, the backjumping of Billy Shakespeare and then the endless, well, I'll say it... the endless whining by Mr. Robinson and his compatriots is beginning to convince me that the IIWF maybe is better served as an entity unto itself. Sure, there are many interesting and talented wrestlers who practice there talents in a multitude of federations -- and I'm all for increasing the competitive level in the IIWF to a point such that we as a Federation are beyond reproach... but doggone it, these "Loop" guys are starting to do more than just tick me off... They're starting to bore me. And in speaking with a number of you great IIWF fans during our aborted travels, I know many of you feel the same way. ************************************************************************ ---------------------- TIM DROSS BREAKS IT DOWN ---------------------- ************************************************************************ [Cut to IIWF Studios... and Intern Steve Summer who is seated in Dross' chair, spinning around and around while Dross waits patiently on the split screen.] SS: Woooooooo! All night long! Hello, Memphis! TD: Steve...? SS: # Simpson, Homer Simpson / He's the greatest guy in history # TD: Steve. SS: # From the / town of Springfield / He's about to hit a chestnut tree. # Hah! TD: Steve! [Summer hears the shattering noise through his earpiece and then, as the proverbial kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar, looks at the camera...] SS: Uh, sorry, Mr. Dross. Hey, how's Nebraska? Husked any corn? TD: Steve, hit the highlights. SS: Yes sir. ["Flash Gordon" by Queen pumps out over the highlight package from IIWF Saturday Night: Sandman brawling on the outside with Highwayman, then getting disqualified with a punch to the groin... the wild 10 man brawl, including Cell powerbombing Monster atop the shocked American Patriot... Medusa hitting Tragedy with a chair, Derek Rage dropping a leg atop Melody... Keene's legdrop on Icehawk... Requiem riding down the aisle with an albino and a Harley, Requiem hitting the rocker dropper on Serge and getting a cover... Watkins and Thunder brawling on the outside, then into the crowd... Shinja Chow quickly hitting a top rope dropkick and then a Phoenix strike onto Subway Psycho, followed by the Psycho executing a Train Wreck and getting the pinfall... Thunder and Watkins brawling their way to the aisle where they meet Creed and Kowalski... Watkins and Creed standing toe to toe in the middle of the ring... Marty Warnett DDT'ing Chris Quigley, kissing Lady DeWinter and then getting hit along with DeWinter with a lightning strike... Then finally to Dan Kauffman... entering the ring, landing a flying forearm, being sent by Dirt Dog Unique Allah to the ringpost, hitting a jawbreaker and then applying a Quickstriker for the submission victory. There's Dan Kauffman, his arm raised in victory -- and there's Chris Quigley, staring at him from the aisle. The results from the card then crawl across the screen...] Dan Kauffman def. DDUA Chris Quigley def. Marty Warnett Steve Kowalski draw Creed Subway Psycho def. Shinja Chow Mad Dog Watkins def. Brody Thunder Highwayman def. Sandman (DQ) Randy Acorn draw Otto Verhoeven Prophets of Rage def. Harlequins (US Tag Tourney) Night Patrol def. Cold Spell (US Tag Tourney) Requiem def. Serge Annis ************************************************************************ --------------------- FIRST LOOK: Ring Wars III ---------------------- ************************************************************************ [Cut back to Dross in his motel room.] Now folks, I don't think I need to remind any of you that we are now five short days away from Skydome and Ring Wars 3. And if the good Lord's willing, and the creek don't rise -- I might even be out of this hotel room by then. The plan was to provide a predictions segment here, breaking down each Ring Wars match one by one for you great fans. Well, given my less than exhaustive resources... [Dross waves at the velvet painting of Elvis husking corn on the near wall.] ...we're gonna have to modify that plan somewhat, but here's just one man's thumbnail look -- a snapshot, if you will -- of each match that will be coming your way on pay-per-view this Saturday Night -- at Ring Wars 3. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Submission Match: DAN KAUFFMAN vs. CHRIS QUIGLEY ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Folks, this is the big one. Slice it anyway you like, these are two of the most honored, most respected wrestlers in all the world - and they will meet at Ring Wars 3 for the first... and most likely last time. We all know the story between the two men, the uneasy friendship lost in the fever of competition and then buried by a spike piledriver by the former champ with some help from his former stablemates. Both men look now to be approaching their top form, Kauffman has spent his final months in the IIWF competing in a series of stirring matches - which culminated over the last three weeks with submission victories over Serge Annis and Dirt Dog Unique Allah, which sandwiched a tremendous disqualification loss to Joe Petrow. Quigley as well picked up his game just last week, with a powerful victory over the former Intercontinental Champion, Marty Warnett. The key here is that newly-added stipulation - this is a submission match. That means that in the biggest match in the careers of each of these men... in what is a match that will forever define the historical place for not just the winner but for the loser... in a match that marks the end of the great IIWF career of Dan Kauffman and the possible ascendancy to the throne of Chris Quigley... one of these two men is going to say "I Quit". One of these two great champions is going to give up, right in the middle of the ring, at Ring Wars 3. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ IIWF World Heavyweight Championship Match: CASEY JAMES vs. SUBWAY PSYCHO ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Given all the attention paid to that top half of this big double main event - the IIWF title match has been relegated by some to second class status. Well, this in my view is a mistake. There is a history between these two men as long as the existence of the IIWF itself - in fact, it could be said that this is the quintessential IIWF match, perhaps the two figures most readily identifiable with the IIWF, Casey James and the Subway Psycho, are going to hook it up for the most coveted prize in the world of wrestling - the Heavyweight Championship of the IIWF. It may even be more than that, folks. The IIWF is clearly at a crossroads, with the burgeoning underclass of "New Generation" IIWF superstars knocking at the main event door of men like James and the Subway Psycho -- these two great competitors have got to be aware of the constant drumbeat of time. If Quigley/Kauffman is the definitive moment in each of their careers, then James/Subway Psycho is the crossroads match. One man will continue his hold on IIWF glory -- will establish himself in the coming absence of Dan Kauffman as the man at the head of the table. But for the other... for the other... he may see his grip on that top rung slip, he may see that his midsummer night at the dance is finally coming to an end. Factor in the ringside appearances of the powerful Syndicate and on the opposite end, its former standardbearer Tiger Claw, we have all the ingredients for a classic championship tilt. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ IIWF Intercontinental Championship Match: LORD BYRON vs. MARTY WARNETT ------------------------------------------------------------------------ It is a rivalry which has existed virtually since the outset of the IIWF careers of each of these men. From the "Pure Science Match" to the departure of the winsome Lady Dewinter from the arm of one man to the lips of the other... to the shocking title switch of two short weeks ago as the Lady herself seemingly knocked out her paramour with the brass topped walking stick of the haughty Englishman... these two men are constantly in each other's way. The question then is begged - what's it gonna be, the Lady or the belt? These are, without question, two gifted individuals. Two men, who absent outside distractions, would prove worthy of challenge from any corner of the wrestling world. However, each man, in his own unique way, appears to exhibit genuine affection for the fetching Dewinter. If it comes down to a choice... if each of these two men has to look down deep into his soul... what will be the outcome? When women are involved, you throw out your preconceptions and just sit back and watch. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ IIWF Cruiserweight Championship Ladder Match: "ENIGMA" TAKEZO MUSASHI vs. THE WHITE PHOENIX ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Many wrestling fans consider the Ladder Match the most dangerous - and therefore the most exciting - match in this great sport. This one should be no exception, as two of the pre-eminant high-flyers in all of wrestling will meet in what is certain to be an all-time classic. The key here just might be the man on the outside, however. Shinja Chow's mentor Sun Tsi, who certainly has led his charge to even greater feats of daring than even the most ardent Phoenix supporter could have predicted, may just be the man who decides the outcome of this match. The White Phoenix comes into this match with a string of brilliant, audacious performances; defeating the mighty Deathbringer on IIWF "Rage In The Cage" Saturday Night -- and dominating another much larger man, the Subway Psycho, just this past week. But there's the rub. Chow was defeated at the hands of the "People's Champion", and not due to a distraction by the veteran Musashi, but by the constant pushing of Sun Tsi himself -- who asked for one maneuver too many. But at Ring Wars 3, the risk is all the greater. "The Enigma" Takezo Musashi is not a man who needs more than one opening, more than one chance to capitalise on a weakness. Will Shinja Chow take the sort of chances for which he has become known... or will he hold back, the thoughts of last Saturday Night intruding upon his game plan? One thing's for sure, when the Ladder is up... the IIWF will see some things that it has never before witnessed. Well folks, that's the top of this great card. All three singles belts on the line and of course, that historic submission match. Before we move to the next series of great matches, let's take a moment and check on young Steve, back in the IIWF studios. [Cut to Steve Summer, now standing with his back to the camera, making the International bodily gestures for "I'm A Little Teapot." ] TD: Steve, Steve. Steve! SS: [leaping into the air] Yessir, Mr. Dross. TD: Steve, I'm just about to start going over the middle of that big card at Ring Wars 3, the last match being the Toronto Tower Fight between Steve Kowalski and The Sandman. If you get a second -- I'd like you to do the analysis for that match, Steve. SS: [gulping hard] Will do, Chief! Kowalski vs. Sandman... gonna be a... slobberknocker! [Steve gives a sheepish grin.] TD: That's good, Steve. I'll come back to you in a few moments. [Cut back to Dross in his hotel room.] ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Falls Count Anywhere: CREED vs. MAD DOG WATKINS ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Over the last couple of months, it's been difficult to say the name of either of these two warriors without immediately thinking of the other. Creed and Watkins have been on an inexorable path to Ring Wars 3, almost from their entrances in the IIWF, only three days apart last December. As each man made a quick climb to the top of the IIWF rankings, Creed by defeating both Lord Byron and Marty Warnett, and Mad Dog with his victories over Takezo Musashi and Brody Thunder; they simultaneously became embroiled in a very personal feud. With the chants of "Who's Your Daddy?" ringing in his ears, Creed has managed to keep his explosive rage contained inside the squared circle, actually refusing to attack Watkins dispite given numerous opportunities -- and despite being jumped from behind by the veteran Mad Dog on two separate occasions. It is a classic matchup. The angry, ever so gifted young Creed pitted against the wily veteran Watkins. Will the fire of youth be served -- or does man to whom Creed refers as "Old Dog" have a few new tricks up his sleeve for the rookie? With the entire Toronto Skydome as their stage, the final act of this Sophoclean-esque drama is certain to thrill -- and possibly chill -- the fans of the IIWF. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Winner Must Use Loser's Finisher: BILLY SHAKESPEARE vs. BRODY THUNDER ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Pound for pound, these are perhaps two of the most talented wrestlers in all the world, and given the long-simmering bad blood between the two, this is a match that would be a pay-per-view main event in any Federation anywhere at anytime. The wild card, however, is that stipulation. "Winner Must Use Loser's Finisher". That means there will be no pinfalls, no submission, no disqualification... the only way to win is for one man to use the patented finish of the other. For Shakespeare - it means he will have to put the larger Thunder in that torture rack/backbreaker known as the Thunderbolt - a daunting task without question. However, the challenge for the up-and-coming Thunder is even more implausible - he must perfrom that daredevil, high risk aerial maneuver the Curtain Call, on the originator of the move himself - in order to get the win. If you are looking for two supreme athletes, if you are looking for what should be a highly entertaining, unpredictible match -- then this is the one for you. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Seven Tables of Fear: JOE PETROW vs. DIRT DOG UNIQUE ALLAH ------------------------------------------------------------------------ The same could be said for this match... in fact, if you do want a prediction, a dark horse if you will... I believe that this matchup here might just steal the whole show on Saturday Night. I have had occasion to watch this rivalry develop particularly closely... from the plancha crossbody "Sychosys" landed on Medusa Rage, to the controversial dog collar match, to the mutual, almost overbearing, interference by each man in the matches of the other. It has been something -- and with the bizarre stipulations to this match, that the winner is the one who can put the other man through four out of the seven ringside tables -- I have got to believe that this match will live up to everyone's expectations. These are two of the most underrated wrestlers in the world, folks. Be sure to have the VCRs rolling for this one. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Toronto Tower Match: STEVE KOWALSKI vs. SANDMAN ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [Shot of Steve Summer back in the IIWF Studios, he has thrown a tie on over his official Ring Wars 3 t-shirt and fidgetedly sits at the desk.] TD: Okay, Steve. Batter Up. SS: ThankssomuchMr. Dro... er, thanks Tim. IIWF fans -- you've gotta love this one. Gotta, gotta love it. The {SKULLPUMPING} Fury just {SKULLPUMPING} away up in that big tower. What's it? The CNN Tower? "This is CNN." Hah! "I am your father, Luke." Hey, Mr. Dross -- that's sort of like Creed and Mad Dog. You think he's really Creed's father? I think it's a scam... TD: Steve... SS: Yeah, right... you know, the Sandman's shown a lot of... focus... over the last couple of months, and he's got that bloody mask and that's pretty cool and he likes to hurt the people and it's gonna be a slobberknocker -- that's all I'm saying. So, from IIWF Studios -- this is Steve Summer saying, "Good night... and let the Good News Be Yours!" [Cut back to the hotel as Summer makes an exaggerated salute to sign off.] TD: Very nice job, Steve. I gotta admit, I like that kid. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ IIWF World Tag Team Championship Match: DARK DISCIPLES vs. DOMINATION ------------------------------------------------------------------------ The tag team scene in the IIWF may never have been in quite as healthy a condition as it finds itself in now -- and these two teams are a big reason why. There is no subtlety at all to Don McQueen's Dark Disciples. Kane and Wulf are two snarling, nasty beasts who have held the tag ranks in a veritable death grip since entering the IIWF. The one team which has legimately proven itself as worthy contenders to the throne would be this "New" Domination. Following the injury of Mr. Psycho, Monster was able to attract the attention of a new partner, well-known in wrestling circles, "Perfect" Dani Jarvier, whose ring generalship contrasts nicely with the brute force of the big albino. All you can be certain of in this one, is that two powerhouse teams will go at it hammer and tongs for the IIWF gold. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ IIWF United States Tag Team Championship Tournament Final: PROPHETS OF RAGE vs. NIGHT PATROL ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Make that... four teams will compete for IIWF gold. Something's got to give in this battle between these highly regarded newcomers which will serve as the culmination of the inaugural US Tag Team Championships. The Prophets of Rage are a powerhouse of a team, having defeated two former IIWF Tag Champs -- The Armed Forces and the Zodiac Connection, along with the crafty Harlequins, to gain this spot in the final. Known throughout the wrestling world for their high impact offense, you have to be impressed by the work they've done in the IIWF thus far. Equally as impressive has been the quick rise of Night Patrol. This nightstick toting crew led by Brenda Hawkings have inserted themselves quickly into a number of IIWF disputes, most importantly being their Team Brutality alliance with veteran IIWF tag team Pain Inc. And it was Morningstar and Hellraiser who lost the coin flip in Round 2 -- permitting Night Patrol to move forward in the US tag tournament, with that win sandwiched around ones over the woebegone Arabian Knights and Cold Spell. It's sure to be a hotly contested, fitting end to this exciting tournament when these two teams meet at Ring Wars 3. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Dead Man Rising: DEATHBRINGER vs. SERGE ANNIS vs. REQUIEM vs. HIGHWAYMAN ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Folks, the big boys get a seat at the Ring Wars 3 table as well, and for those of you who like sheer, raw power -- brute power -- well, this is a big on big contest that'll satisfy even the heartiest of appetites. The question in a match like this is, which man is willing to put himself through the brutal punishment that the other three are sure to dish out? Will Deathbringer -- a man who has been to the top of the IIWF mountain -- fight with every muscle in his body to maintain his longstanding role as the Baddest Big Boy on the IIWF block? A loss here could take away his status of invincibility forever. Will Serge Annis, feared in Federations worldwide, be able to piece together enough of that fight which earned him such reknown elsewhere -- and once again establish himself as "The Epitome of Evil"? Will Requiem and Highwayman, two newcomers with stalwart win/loss records, be able to handle the pressure of their first ever IIWF pay-per-view -- not to mention the heat which will bear down on each of them by the veterans who are each looking for one more notch on their storied belts. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Wild Card: OTTO VERHOEVEN/MR. DAMAGE/LUKE STEELE/HANGMAN vs. RONNIE PARIS/STUD STETSON/RANDY ACORN/MYSTERY PARTNER ------------------------------------------------------------------------ This Wild Card eight-man tag match certainly should live up to its name. The headliner here is obviously the "Butcher", Otto Verhoeven, who has shown few signs of slowing down since his Championship reign of last year. The question though, is teamwork. Will the singular talents of Verhoeven be able to surmount the obvious dissention on his team between Mr. Damage and Luke Steele? And what about their opponents? You will rarely find three men as diverse as Paris, Stetson and Acorn -- not to mention that, since the brutal injuries to the American Patriot -- that they are unaware of just who their fourth man will be. Will anyone be able to work together in this match -- or will it become a full scale eight-man brawl? At least one man, one Ronnie Paris, has his eye on the ball in this match. He sufferred a minor knee injury in his attempt to wrest the Cruiserweight title from Takezo Musashi of two weeks ago, but yet will strap it on, as will so many of the great superstars of the IIWF, for this big eight-man tag at Ring Wars 3. Finally, folks, we have our two Free For All matches; ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Tar and Feathers: NIGHTWING vs. CHESHIRE Steel Cage: ZODIAC CONNECTION vs. PAIN INC. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Both of which are certain to be a more than worthy kickoff to this big, big show. Cheshire sounded the declaration of war against Nightwing, with the pilfering of his beloved eagle Chiquoit, followed by Nightwing's foray into criminal activity himself -- with his role in the disappearance of Dr. Hinterhalt. The Zodiacs' brief reign as IIWF tag champs may have come to an end, but their feud with Pain Inc certainly has heated up, and will come to a smash-mouthed head in the confines of a steel cage at Ring Wars 3. A question persists, however, around Pain Inc., that being the noticeable recent disappearance of Mr. Mic's longtime bodyguard Hades -- one has to wonder if his muscle will reassert itself this Saturday Night. [Dross mops his brow and takes a swig of his nightstand lemonade.] TD: Whew! Now that's a big show folks, be darn sure to make that all important call, call your cable company right now and be sure to order Ring Wars 3 -- you'll never forgive yourself if you're the only one at the office Monday morning who missed out. ************************************************************************ ---------- UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL: STEVE "THE FURY" KOWALSKI ---------- ************************************************************************ TD: I had a chance to meet with Lord Byron immediately following IIWF Saturday Night -- folks, I have to say that this man is not only one of the finest technical wrestlers in all the world -- but one of the more interesting as well. I know the videotape is ready -- here's what the Intercontinental Champion had to say. [Cut to the empty stands of the IIWF Coliseum. A ring crew is busy dismantling the ring to pack it up and take it to Toronto. Lord Byron is seated in one of the ringside seats, another chair beside him, on which lies the gleaming Intercontinental Title, folded neatly. Across from him sits the figure of Tim Dross.] TD: Lord Byron. Since you arrived in the IIWF at Ring Wars II, you've amassed an excellent record and your skills in the ring have become well known, but very little is known about you personally. Thanks for taking the time out to agree to this interview, on the eve of your anniversary here. LB: My pleasure, Mr. Dross. There's been a lot of speculation about my history in the past, and I feel it's time to put some of the rumours to rest once and for all. TD: First of all, have you any word on the condition of the Lady DeWinter following the incidents of earlier tonight? Is she alright? LB: Milady will be discharged from hospital in the next couple of days. The staff are keeping her in overnight through fear of concussion. [Byron takes a deep breath] I am happy to say that she will make a complete recovery. The hospital stay is more a precaution than anything else. TD: I'm glad. Will she be accompanying you to Ring Wars III? LB: I advised against it following the accident, but she is adamant. She will be with me, yes. I am just sorry that I allowed the incident to occur in the first place. TD: I don't think you can blame yourself for the accident, Byron, it was her feelings for Warnett that led her to ringside... LB: [eyes narrowing] What would you know about her feelings? [Byron's face darkens] I advise you change the subject, Mr. Dross, and quickly, unless you want this conversation to end right now. TD: [clears his throat] I'm sorry, Byron. I didn't mean to cause any offence. Now, some would say that you've led a sheltered life, and your upbringing seems to prove that to be true. How did a man of your social stature get into the sport of wrestling? LB: Through sheer natural ability. I took up amateur wrestling as a child, mostly through the prompting of my father, and my sharp mind quickly helped me to become one of the best at my school. I had attended the Thorncliffe private school in Lancashire, and by the age of fourteen I was representing the school and my country at International level. A prodigy, they called me. I would have even made it into the junior Olympic team, but unfortunately, the trainers found me too hard to work with. [Byron smirks] Can you believe that, Mr. Dross? TD: I can believe that you caused them a few problems. [Byron laughs quietly] You then went to train in Japan, is that right? LB: Correct. When my mother died, I had nothing left to tie me to my country. I sold off most of the property, finished my education and left for Japan, where I quickly made my mark in the professional leagues. I picked up a lot there, learning from a variety of styles. Amateur, Greco-Roman, catch-if-catch-can and even some Aikido and Judo, I took the best techniques from each and merged them into my own style. [Byron sneers] Of course, I was despised as a foreigner, but frankly, I couldn't care less. What I wanted was the fame, the prestige... [Byron smirks] and the respect. And believe me, Mr. Dross, I got it. TD: You have in the past claimed to be one of the best technical wrestlers in the world, and even some of your former opponents in this federation have attested to your abilities. LB: As well they might. My ability comes from a great deal of natural talent -- a sharp eye, lightning fast reflexes, co-ordination and timing, and an excellent understanding of what I do. From the very beginning, I focused myself on not just learning a lock hold or throw, but mastering it in every possible way. I practised until my repertoire became second nature, and I could turn almost any situation to my advantage. The Aristoclutch is the product of years of work and practice, and my pride and joy. It has been copied in the past, but only one man has truly mastered it, and that is its creator: Me. TD: Let's talk a little more about your past. You were born in Bordeaux, France, of a father who was then a Field Marshall in the British Army, and a French Countess, is that correct? LB: Perfectly. Due to his work in the army, my father was rarely able to stay in the same place for any amount of time. I was sent to live in England, at the family home in Lancashire. My father had decided I needed a "proper English" education, which meant that I saw very little of either of my parents. My father died in the Falklands conflict, and I lost my mother during my final year at Thorncliffe. TD: I'm sorry. LB: [shrugging] As I said, I saw very little of them. Most of my time was either spent training or studying. [Byron smirks] Mostly training. TD: How did you become to be acquainted with the Lady DeWinter, and become her guardian? LB: When I was twenty, and living in Japan, the word came through that Milady had lost her parents. I won't go into the details, but her family were good friends of mine, and I had knew her for a long time. As she was still too young to live on her own, I took her as my ward. It was either that, or let her be taken into care. [Byron's face darkens] I wasn't about to let that happen. In any case, it was for the most part just a matter of names on paper. I was busy in Japan, and she was finishing her own education in England. It was only when I came to America that she decided to join me. TD: Let's talk about your time here in the IIWF. You've made a number of enemies since your arrival, and we all know of your rivalry with Marty Warnett. The two of you seemed to take an instant dislike to each other. LB: [smirking] "He who surpasses or subdues mankind, looks down on the hate of those below." [Byron shrugs] One of my favourite quotes from my namesake. I'm sure that the entire federation is well aware of our history by now, Mr. Dross. The extent of our dislike for each other has been seen time and time again. I for one would have been more than willing to let this go a long time ago, but no, the runt keeps bouncing back for more. Maybe we'll finally bury the hatchet once and for all at Ring Wars III, and leave with a mutual respect for each other. [Byron sneers] Maybe, but I wouldn't count on it. TD: Aside from Warnett, you've been involved with a number of other superstars. You had a short feud with Harlequin Tragedy, and two incredible matches with the Enigma. Are there any loose ends that you would like to see tied up? [Byron's face darkens] LB: Only two people have scored pinfall victories over me here in the IIWF, and I look back on both occasions as serious errors of judgement on my part. Mistakes, Mr. Dross, mistakes I intend to right, and mistakes that I am determined will not happen again. TD: A certain "Perfect" Dani Jarvier had a few words for you yesterday as well. I take it there is some history there? LB: [sneering] Not at all. Dani Jarvier is quite simply an immature little pup who has been hanging off my coat-tails ever since he first arrived on the scene five months ago. He seems to think he can somehow compare himself to me, but while I ply my trade against the top athletes in the sport, he satisfies himself by making two-bit promotions and tired regional set-ups his stomping ground. [Byron sneers] I'm sure Steve Roberts can give you the details, if you really need to know. TD: And what for the future of Lord Byron? Obviously, you have the title defence at Ring Wars III coming up, and then the big inter-federational match against the "Spartan" Troy Walters, but have you any long term goals here in the IIWF? LB: [tapping the IC belt] To keep doing what I do best, against the toughest competition there is. [Byron smirks] What else is there? TD: Lord Byron, thanks very much for your time. [Byron nods and picks up the Intercontinental belt. Cut to graphics:] ************************************************************************ ----------------------- IIWF SINGLES RANKINGS ------------------------ ************************************************************************ as at 15/3/97 ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Name F/H Fought W L D Win% Ranking (old) new ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Casey James H 34 21 11 2 65% (WC) WC Lord Byron H 20 15 5 0 75% (IC) IC "Enigma" Takezo Musashi N 26 20 6 0 77% (CW) CW ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Highwayman F 6 5 1 0 83% (1) 1 Deathbringer H 29 21 5 3 78% (2) 2 Steve Kowalski H 16 12 4 0 75% (3) 3 Creed N 11 8 3 0 73% (4) 4 Mad Dog Watkins H 10 7 3 0 70% (10=) 5 Billy Shakespeare F 34 23 10 1 69% (6) 6 Otto Verhoeven H 27 18 8 1 69% (7) 7 Subway Psycho F 31 20 9 2 68% (8) 8= Dan Kauffman H 31 20 9 2 68% (9) 8= Chris Quigley F 23 15 7 1 67% (12) 10 "Sychosys" Joe Petrow N 9 6 3 0 67% (10=) 11 The White Phoenix F 19 12 6 1 66% (5) 12 Marty Warnett F 35 22 13 0 63% (13) 13 Brody Thunder H 18 11 7 0 61% (14) 14 Dirt Dog Unique Allah N 15 9 6 0 60% (15) 15 Mr. Damage H 27 15 12 0 56% (17) 16 Cheshire H 11 6 5 0 55% (18) 17 Serge Annis N 10 5 4 1 55% (16) 18 The Sandman F 31 16 15 0 52% (19) 19 "Real Deal" Luke Steele F 6 3 3 0 50% (21) 20 The Cell H 19 9 10 0 47% (22) 21 Ronnie Paris F 11 5 6 0 45% (23) 22 "Badboy" Randy Acorn H 9 4 5 0 44% (24) 23 The Hangman H 15 5 7 3 43% (25) 24 Nightwing F 7 3 4 0 43% (26) 25 ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Requiem F 4 3 0 1 88% (27) 26 Spur H 4 1 3 0 25% (28) 27 ------------------------------- injured -------------------------------- Tiger Claw H 42 22 18 2 55% (-) - ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ************************************************************************ ----------------------- IIWF TAG TEAM RANKINGS ----------------------- ************************************************************************ as at 15/3/97 ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Name of team F/H Fought W L D Win% Ranking (old) new ------------------------------------------------------------------------ The Dark Disciples H 12 7 4 1 63% (WT) WT Vacant (US) US ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Prophets of Rage H 6 6 0 0 100% (1) 1 Cold Spell F 5 4 1 0 80% (12) 2 The Harlequins N 7 5 2 0 71% (2) 3 Domination F 10 6 2 2 70% (3) 4 Rising Sun Revolution F 16 11 5 0 69% (4) 5 The Armed Forces H 28 18 9 1 66% (5) 6 High Plains Drifters H 30 18 11 1 62% (6) 7 G.W.R. N 12 7 5 0 58% (7) 8 Pain Inc. H 19 10 8 1 56% (8) 9 The Hangmen H 19 9 8 2 53% (9) 10 The Zodiac Connection F 19 10 10 0 50% (10) 11 ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Night Patrol H 4 4 0 0 100% (13) 12 W & W Express H 5 2 3 0 40% (14) 13 ------------------------------- on leave ------------------------------- The Players' Club F 14 6 8 0 43% (-) - ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ************************************************************************ ------------- COMING FRIDAY: Countdown to Saturday Night ------------- ************************************************************************ Well, folks, the IIWF Express is all gassed up and ready to go -- Nils is at the wheel, and I'm packed and ready. Remember, there is no Wednesday War Room this week -- but be sure to tune into Thursday's IIWF Classics, hosted by my tag-team colleague, Steve "Soundbite" Roberts -- and then to the big, big, really big Countdown to Ring Wars 3, hosted live from the Hard Rock Cafe in Toronto by my good friend Larry Morton and Becky LaRue -- who knows, maybe Nils and I will have pulled into town by then, and I'll be able to throw my two cents into the mix... and then... just in case you've forgotten... Saturday Night is the pinnacle, the war to end all wars -- live from Toronto's Skydome is Ring Wars 3. You can't miss it, folks. Trust me. [Dross grabs his bags as Nils honks the horn and heads for the door.] So, for all of us here in the finest wrestling organization known to man -- the mighty IIWF -- I am Tim Dross, saying: so long, everybody! [Dross boards the IIWF Express, slaps Nils on the back, sits down and gives a weary -- but sincere -- thumbs up to the camera... and the Express drives away. Willie Nelson's "On The Road Again" is heard as the Express goes off into the distance... and veers to the nearest exit, presumably under the direction of the sign... "Waffle House - This Exit" Fade.] +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= I * I * W * F =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+ | President: Daniel Spreadbury | Vice-President: Steve Owens | | univ0322@sable.ox.ac.uk | sowens@admin.presby.edu | | iiwf@sisko.demon.co.uk | IIWFadmin@aol.com | +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- http://www.sisko.demon.co.uk -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=+