[Fade up on a montage of famous moments from throughout the IIWF's history: Tony Starks' knee being wrenched by the Outlaw in a figure four leglock; the Hangman attacking the Venusian Death Cell in the stands; Louie the Ninja unmasking to reveal the Subway Psycho. With each clip, snippets of the original commentary and crowd noise is heard. Soon, however, the soundtrack is drowned out by the introductory music kicking in, and the opening graphics explode onto the screen:] ##### ###### ### ########## ########## ########## #### ## ########## ########## ########## #### # #### ######## ##### ##### #### ## ##### #### #### #### #### ### #### #### #### #### ############# ######### #### #### ########### ######### #### #### #### #### #### ######### ######### ### #### #### ######### ######### ### ## #### ######## ######## ## # #### =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- ## =-=-=-= INTERNATIONAL INTERNET WRESTLING FEDERATION =============================================== C + L + A + S + S + I + C + S ----------------------------------------------- March 20, 1997 [Fade through to a makeshift IIWF studio, one of the executive boxes in the Toronto Skydome. "Soundbite" Steve Roberts is seated at a desk in front of a window which overlooks the arena floor, on which the IIWF ring is already being set up. Technical crews are visible scurrying around fixing up lighting rigs and speaker systems. By his side is a small monitor, which shows various highlights from past IIWF matches. The shot closes in on his face, and he speaks:] SR: Welcome once more to IIWF Classics. I'm "Soundbite" Steve Roberts, and you're not. Well, all you peons out there in TV land, here we are in the Skydome in, uh, lovely Toronto, Ontario, Canada, just two days removed from what the marketing goons are calling the "biggest night in wrestling history". But what do they know? The biggest night in wrestling history was the night I raised that Mid-Western World Championship title for the first time, a title I was destined to hold for more than two years, until it was stolen from me... Ah, the memories. But the majority of you morons probably call another night the most memorable in wrestling history, and that night could well be June 29, 1996. We've already dipped into the very first Ring Wars a number of times on this cheap, money-spinning re-run vehicle, but now, only two days away from the third incarnation of the benchmark pay-per-view event in the wrestling world, Ring Wars III, seems an even more aposite time to take a look back at one of the pace-setting encounters from that balmy June night in the IIWF Coliseum. In two days' time, that degenerate rat, the Subway Stinker, will challenge Casey "Blackheart" James for the IIWF World Heavyweight Championship, attempting to secure his second tenure as the top dog -- or should that be rat? -- here in the IIWF. He doesn't stand a chance, of course, but then again, that's precisely what I said when the Stinker had his first chance at the gold at Ring Wars back last June as he attempted to depose the greatest IIWF Champion of all time, the Outlaw J.W. Hardin. As we all know, the Stinker defied the odds that night to take the title from the Outlaw, but lightning doesn't strike twice. So enjoy this footage of the sewer rat with the belt, because you sure as hell won't be seeing that in the future, and certainly not this Saturday Night. Joining me at the broadcast table are the obese Tim Dross and the obsequious Becky LaRue. Bon appetit, morons. [Cut to footage subtitled, "June 29, 1996." Sparkplug Lee climbs into the ring in the IIWF Coliseum and raises the microphone to his mouth.] RA: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is tonight's main event! It is scheduled for one fall, and it is for the IIWF World Heavyweight Championship! [Big pop] Introducing first, the challenger. Hailing from the subways of New York City, and weighing in at 255lbs, here is: the Subway Psycho! [The lights in the arena drop to almost total darkness. "Crazy Train" blares out over the PA, and the single headlamp of a racing subway train illuminates the silhouetted figure of the Subway Psycho as he appears at the head of the aisle. He receives a huge pop as he comes down the aisle, hi-fiving the fans as he goes.] RA: And introducing his opponent: coming down the aisle, weighing in at 353lbs, and hailing from parts unknown, here is the IIWF World Heavyweight Champion: the Outlaw! [Big heel pop as the Outlaw appears at the head of the aisle and slowly walks towards the ring, abusing the fans as he goes.] TD: Well, here comes the champion, and he's without the other Horsemen again. SR: He wants to prove a point here tonight. I know he's discussed this match with the other Horsemen - he's told them that he can beat the Psycho on his own. He didn't like Blackjack Haley's interference costing him the victory against Casey James on Saturday Night last week, so he's made it clear that they don't have to be at ringside. BL: The Outlaw's a natural loner. And he's a big boy, too. There's quite a size difference between these two guys - the Psycho's giving away five inches in height and almost one hundred pounds in weight. I think we're going to see a power display by the Outlaw here tonight. SR: And maybe afterwards I could give you a display of my own, Becky... [Becky giggles again] TD: [interrupting] I've told you before, Steve. Later! We've got a score to settle in the ring. [The Outlaw enters the ring and disrobes, handing the championship belt to the referee, who holds it aloft. Big pop. The official signals to the time keeper for the beginning of the match. Ding! Ding! Ding!] TD: Okay, we're underway! [The two men square up in the ring, the Outlaw's bulky figure making the Subway's muscular build look positively wiry. The two men exchange comments of some kind, and then the two man lock up collar and elbow. The Outlaw pushes the Psycho away. They lock up again, and again the Outlaw breaks the hold by pushing the Psycho away. He looks out into the crowd, who cheer encouragingly. The Psycho again steps up to the Outlaw, and gets in his face. The Outlaw throws a right hand, which the Psycho blocks, and counters with numerous punches of his own. The Outlaw throws another punch, which is also blocked. The Psycho has the Outlaw reeling, but he doesn't go down, so Subway bounces off the ropes, and hits the champion with a clothesline, and the Outlaw goes down. He rolls from the ring, clutching the back of his neck. The Psycho raises his arms, and receives a big pop. He bounces off the ropes again and then throws himself through the first and second ropes onto the Outlaw, knocking him down. Big pop as the Psycho pounds on the champion on the arena floor.] TD: There's that fire and intensity showing through! The Psycho's got the Outlaw reeling! [The referee begins to count both men out, and the Psycho steps back between the ropes. The Outlaw stalls on the outside, and the Psycho keeps breaking the count. Eventually, the Outlaw gets up onto the ring apron, and the Psycho tries to suplex him in, but the champion drives his shoulder into the Psycho's midsection, before sunset-flipping into the ring. He pulls the Psycho over for the pin - 1 - kick out!] TD: Only a one-count! And the Psycho's back on his feet already. [The Psycho and the Outlaw slug it out again in the centre of the ring. The Psycho whips the Outlaw towards the side of the ring, and the Outlaw grabs the ropes. However, the Psycho runs in and clotheslines him, the momentum carrying both men out of the ring to the outside. Big pop.] SR: That little move backfired on that idiot, the Stinker - the Outlaw landed right on top of him! [The Outlaw drags the Psycho to his feet and whips him into the steel ring steps. He picks him up like a rag doll and runs against the ring post, the Psycho hitting hard. Big heel pop. The Outlaw rams the Psycho's back into the ring apron repeatedly, before throwing him into the ring between the second and third ropes. The champion follows the Psycho back into the ring, and sits him up facing away from him. He puts his knee in the Psycho's back, and pulls the Psycho's arms back behind him.] TD: A very painful submission hold applied by the Outlaw! BL: That's straining the muscles in the shoulder area, and exacerbating the damage already done to the Psycho's back. The Outlaw's a smart wrestler. SR: I'm amazed he can stay that close to the Stinker without passing out. Who's forcing who to submit?! TD: Steve, will you please stop?! [The crowd begin to chant "Psy - cho! Psy - cho! Psy - cho!", which only causes the Outlaw to increase the pressure on Subway's shoulders and back. He screams in pain, but refuses to submit. Eventually, the Outlaw releases the hold, and kicks the Psycho in the head. He stands up, and drags up the Psycho with him. He whips the Psycho into the ropes, and hits him with a boot to the face as he comes off the ropes. Big heel pop. He goes for the cover - 1 - 2 - Kick out! Again, he drags the Psycho up and whips him into the ropes. This time, he catches him with a big lariat, that sends the Psycho spinning through 360degrees. The Outlaw bounces off the ropes and drops a leg on the Psycho - 1 - 2 - kick out! He drags the Psycho to his feet for a third time, and again whips him into the ropes. The Outlaw executes a big powerslam on the Psycho, and goes straight for the cover - 1 - 2 - kick out! The crowd are popping hugely each time the Psycho's shoulder shoots up from the canvas.] TD: What intestinal fortitude we're seeing here from the Psycho! SR: I can't believe that the Outlaw hasn't put him away yet! Let's have the Cattle Buster! Come on, champ! [The Outlaw drags the Psycho to his feet, and puts his head under one arm. With his free arm he signals for the Cattle Buster. Big heel pop. However, he hesitates for one moment too long, and the Psycho finds the strength to rush the Outlaw backwards into a turnbuckle with force. Huge pop! The Psycho begins pounding on the Outlaw, somehow finding his second wind. He sizes up the Outlaw, and leaps with a head-scissor takeover on the big man. Big pop. He climbs to the top rope and bides his time, waiting for the Outlaw to get to his feet. He launches himself with a double axe-handle, but is caught in midair by the Outlaw, who slams him to the canvas with a belly-to-belly suplex. Huge heel pop.] SR: Well, that little revival by the Psycho didn't last long, did it? [The champion goes for the cover - 1 - 2 -- kick out by the narrowest of margins. The Outlaw stands up and stomps on the Psycho in frustration. He flips him over so that he is lying on his stomach, and applies a camel clutch on the Psycho, who again screams in pain.] BL: Again, the Outlaw goes for the back area. Keep the Psycho weak, and victory is in sight, no matter how resilient he is. SR: The Psycho's like the smell he carries with him everywhere he goes - violent, and difficult to get rid of. TD: Steve, there's no need for that. [Again, the crowd begin to chant "Psy - cho! Psy - cho! Psy - cho!", and the Psycho begins to power out of the hold, getting to his knees and dropping the Outlaw over backwards, breaking the hold. He fights to his feet, and the crowd pop hugely. The Outlaw staggers to his feet, and moves towards the Psycho. He swipes with his right hand, and the Psycho ducks the blow. He attacks with a series of right hands of his own, and sends the Outlaw reeling with European uppercut forearms. He whips the Outlaw into the ropes. Again, the Outlaw grabs the ropes, but the Psycho grabs him from behind and applies a belly-to-back suplex. Big pop! Cover - 1 - 2 - kick out! The Psycho stays on the Outlaw, dropping an elbow on him, before climbing the buckles. Cameras flash as the Psycho launches himself with a moonsault onto the Outlaw, connecting with force - cover - 1 - 2 - kick out! The Psycho stands and looks out into the crowd.] SR: He knows it now! There's nothing he can do to pin the Outlaw! Look at the look on his face! This is great! Come on, champ! [The Psycho climbs to the top rope again, but the Outlaw manages to get to his feet, and climbs to the second rope himself. He grabs the Outlaw and climbs to the top rope. Big crowd buzz as both men balance on the top turnbuckle. The Outlaw hooks the Psycho's arm over his head, and then launches himself backwards in a back suplex - huge pop as the Psycho alters his balance so that he lands squarely on top of the Outlaw. He hooks the leg - 1 - 2 -- kick out! The entire arena seems to exhale!] TD: This is such a nail-biter! You could cut the tension in here with a knife! [The Psycho nails the Outlaw with another elbow drop, and then climbs to the top rope again. He signals for the de-railer - huge pop! The Psycho launches himself into his flipping leg drop - but the Outlaw rolls out of the way! Huge heel pop as the Psycho hits the canvas with incredible velocity. The fans are out of their seats as the Outlaw rolls across and lays an arm across the Psycho - the referee counts - 1 - 2 -- kick out!] TD: Unbelievable! We've seen so many near falls in this match! SR: That was such a slow count, Dross! What biased officiating! [Both men stagger to their feet. The Outlaw whips the Psycho into the ropes, and attempts a clothesline. The Psycho ducks, performs a quick go-behind, and leaps up with a crucifix on the champion. The Outlaw tumbles down, his shoulders on the canvas - 1 -- 2 -- 3! Ding! Ding! Ding! The crowd pop like they've never popped before!] TD: Yes! Yes! Yes! The Psycho wins! RA: Here is your winner, by pinfall, and _NEW_ IIWF World Heavyweight Champion - the Subway Psycho! SR: No way! No way! That was a fast count... he had a handful of tights... the Psycho paid off the official... the... the... I can't believe it! BL: The crucifix is a great move - it holds your opponent's shoulders down to the mat with your whole bodyweight, and also eliminates any upper body leverage they might have because their arms are stretched out across the canvas. I just never thought I'd see a loser like the Subway Psycho use a hold like that! [The Outlaw lies in the ring, his chest heaving, as the referee straps the IIWF World Championship belt around the Subway Psycho's waist. A spectacular firework display erupts as the Psycho's arms are raised in victory. He goes to each corner of the ring, climbs the buckles, and poses for the adoring crowd.] SR: Aw, please! I'm going to be sick again! [Slowly, the Outlaw gets to his feet and stands in the ring watching the Psycho's celebration. The Psycho gets down from the fourth turnbuckle, and turns to face the Outlaw in the centre of the ring. "Crazy Train" fades as the Psycho extends his hand to the Outlaw. The crowd hush.] TD: Is the Outlaw going to accept this display of sportsmanship? [There is a pause which seems to last for an eternity, but eventually the Outlaw shakes the Psycho's hand, and raises it in victory! He receives a pop of his own. "Crazy Train" begins once more as the Psycho leaves the ring and starts hi-fiving the fans around ringside. He vaults the crowd barriers and is surrounded by fans as they celebrate his victory.] TD: Well, I think I've found new respect for the Outlaw here tonight. And look at the Psycho out there with the fans! Hang on - what's this? [Flare, Brad "Bodybag" Kinder, Blackjack Haley and Miss Victoria Secret walk down the aisle. They enter the ring, and begin to comiserate with the fallen Outlaw. Suddenly, Kinder, Flare and Haley turn on the Outlaw, beating him viciously with punches and kicks.] TD: What the hell's going on?! SR: There's no room in the Horsemen for losers - and especially not sportsmanlike losers. I can't believe that the Outlaw actually shook hands with the Stinker! [As the Outlaw is knocked down, Flare applies the figure four leglock on the ex-champion while Haley and Kinder stomp, choke and punch him. The fans pop hugely as Casey James and the Man of Steel fly down the aisle to the Outlaw's rescue, clearing the ring.] TD: Thank heavens for the American Heroes! SR: Argh! You can't go anywhere without those two do-gooders sticking their noses in! [Flare, Kinder and Haley bail out, and back up the aisle while Casey and MOS guard the Outlaw. The fans cheer, and the music resumes once more. Cut to the announcers' table.] TD: Well, folks, thank goodness that justice has prevailed here tonight! I don't know quite what's going on with the Horsemen, but what I do know for sure is that we've seen a night of wrestling action tonight quite unlike anything in history. We've got three new champions, and we've enjoyed some of the most spectacular matches of all time! But we're out of time. SR: I need a beer. You coming, Becky? BL: Sure, Steve. Bye, Timmy. [Becky and Steve put down their headsets and leave the booth. Tim Dross watches them go. Cut to the Subway Psycho still working his way through the crowd, surrounded by fans congratulating him on his victory. Pan up to shots of the fireworks at the roof of the IIWF Coliseum. Fade] +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= I * I * W * F =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+ | President: Daniel Spreadbury | Vice-President: Steve Owens | | univ0322@sable.ox.ac.uk | sowens@admin.presby.edu | | iiwf@sisko.demon.co.uk | IIWFadmin@aol.com | +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- http://www.sisko.demon.co.uk -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=+