##### ###### ### ########## ########## ########## #### ## ########## ########## ########## #### # #### ######## ##### ##### #### ## ##### #### #### #### #### ### #### #### #### #### ############# ######### #### #### ########### ######### #### #### #### #### #### ######### ######### ### #### #### ######### ######### ### ## #### ######## ######## ## # #### =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- ## =-=-=-= INTERNATIONAL INTERNET WRESTLING FEDERATION =============================================== "IIWF MONDAY MUSINGS" April 7, 1997 =============================================== ************************************************************************** ---------------------- IIWF SATURDAY NIGHT RECAP ----------------------- ************************************************************************** TAKEZO MUSASHI def. BILLY SHAKESPEARE THE WHITE PHOENIX def. EL SUPER GECKO THE HARLEQUINS def. NIGHT PATROL TONY STARKS def. OTTO VERHOEVEN PAIN INC. def. THE DARK DISCIPLES CREED def. CASEY JAMES JOE PETROW WINS GO FOR THE GOLD BATTLE ROYAL ************************************************************************** ------------------------ THE WRESTLERS SPEAK --------------------------- ************************************************************************** BILLY SHAKESPEARE ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ [Billy Shakespeare stands in the interview area holding a chair.] BS: A prop "Enigma"? "Thou wretched, rash, intruding fool! I took the for thy better." Hamlet. I do not mind the battle lost. Nor do I mind that we each own a win over each other. I don't even mind that I am out of the ESWP tourney. But to suffer at the end of such a petty prop... that gives me leave to vent mine ire. The next time you see this chair, I won't be sitting in it. [He carries the chair with him off camera. Fade.] ======================================================================= WHITE PHOENIX ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ WP: Gecko, I admire your spirit. You fought well. I know your cousin spirit, the Salamander... we share the power of fire. Learn from him. Kowalski, I do not know if you have slimmed down enough to qualify for the title shot...that's for Spreadbury to decide. One way or the other, though, if you want a fight with the Phoenix, I will meet you in the ring. Do you think your Fury can match mine? [Fade] ======================================================================= STEVE KOWALSKI ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ [Steve "The Fury" Kowalski is waiting for the camera man to set up for the Monday Musings spot. He crosses his arms in frustration, yelling at the camera man.] SK: Anytime today, pinhead. I ain't a public service announcement. I got words fer people. CM: We're ready, Mr. Kowalski. Go ahead. SK: No [BLEEP]. Aw'right, here it is. I got me a letter Sunday, written in crayon. So right away, I knew it was from "Space Cadet" Petrow. He wants to feel the SKULLPUMP, first-hand. You want it, you got it. The IIWF [BLEEP]'n Birthday Party, I'll bring the party favors. Next on the laundry list... The White Penis! CM: Wait a second...I don't think we... SK: Keep it rollin', squirt. White Penis, the 'Streamline Strap' just got too heavy fer ya to carry. I'll let ya wrestle "Crazy" Joe, 'cause it's non-title an' he needs human contact. Yer 15 minutes of fame are up! Yer lookin' at the next Cruiserweight champ... all 239 1/2 pounds of him! [Fade] ======================================================================= TONY STARKS ~~~~~~~~~~~ [SCENE: The IIWF Interview area, Starks is standing with his back to the camera, his head down with the white towel draped over his head, very calmly he speaks.] TS: Butcher, I don't eat meat but, it is plain to see that you must want me to break you off something. You call the holds I use restholds? That is interesting to say the least. My little restholds can break your arm, neck or leg anytime I want to, but I learned a long time ago that is not how to play the game. You gonna send me packing in a wheelchair huh? Yeah... I hear the suits on TV, they ask themselves "Why is Tony Starks going after Otto Verhoeven?" They say your name with such fear it makes me sick. Everybody knows about my health problems from the past, but that is just it, it is the past. You talk about how you are some kind of German Superman, I think even you believe all that too... well, das superman, go ahead and think you are indestructible. [Starks turns around and stares into the camera with a cold, intense glaze] Otto, this is not over... not even close. [Fade] ======================================================================= OTTO VERHOEVEN ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ [SCENE: Otto Verhoeven, slightly limping, storms on the set of the IIWF interview area, Heidi trailing close behind him with a pack of ice in hand. His face is red with rage.] OV: [pointing at the camera] STARKS! Since Griffing and his security idiots won't let me near your locker room because they are afraid what I could do to you let me tell you on this way that you are DOOMED! [Heidi kneels before him and puts the pack of ice on his knee as Otto continues.] You made the biggest mistake of your miserable, slum-dwelling life when you put your stinking, unwashed hands on my fiancee and hurt her! Threw her straight out of the ring. [Heidi winces when that is mentioned. Verhoeven looks at her with a helpless look on his face and strokes her hair gently.] Do you think that it will end like this a second time, with an imbecile American like you humiliating me in the middle of the ring? You cannot even imagine the pain and suffering that I have in store for you. I will follow the example of J.W. Hardin who took you out oh so easily. [The camera zooms in on Verhoeven's eyes, which seem to burn with intensity.] On Saturday, I simply wanted to defeat you, but when we meet next, I will rip your head off and feed it to my dog! I won't rest until you know that you never, ever hit a German woman unless you have a death wish! Believe, Starks, this could well have been the final nail in the coffin you call your career and your ticket straight to one of these little houses in Florida. [Camera again shows the whole scene. The Butcher seems to have calmed down.] Oh, and Creed. Do you still want to play sheriff in the IIWF? Don't you have enough enemies already? Or did you just want to attack Lord Byron? Revise your strategy, Creed, the European Alliance does not tolerate cowardly sneak attacks! [Fade] ======================================================================= MR.MIC: ~~~~~~~ MM: Ha ha! I said it and I did it. Say it with me, boys and girls: THE NEW WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS... PAIN INC.! However, Saturday Night has created quite a few enemies for Team Brutality -- namely the Syndicate. Tiger Claw and Brody Thunder stuck their noses in Team Brutality's business. That will be a very costly mistake. Harlequins, those belts belong to Night Patrol and I demand that they be given a rematch. As for what you did to Ms. Hawkings, I assure you that revenge will be sweet -- Team Brutality style. [Fade] ======================================================================= CREED ~~~~~ [The red-gloved rookie Creed stands with surprising calm in the IIWF Interview Area, just moments following his disqualification win over Casey James in the IIWF World Heavyweight Championship Match.] CREED: I hear a lot about how I never learn anything. Lot about how I don't seem to care 'bout nothin' but me. I learned something tonight, Champ. Learned I'm better than you. James -- you keep that belt and hold onto it real tight... because when I spinebustered you and pinned your shoulders in the middle of the ring -- I became convinced of something: That you're only holding that belt for me. Whether it's you... or the guy who beats you... or the guy who beats him... I'm gonna take that belt. I'm gonna take that belt and I'm gonna wear that belt and I'm gonna keep that belt as long as I damn well want. I'm better than you, James. I learned that lesson real good. [Creed puts on his "Anyone... Anywhere... Anytime" t-shirt and pauses, still eerily calm considering the evening's events.] Oh yeah -- if any of you other Old Dogs want some... Verhoeven... Byron... Psycho -- I don't care nothin' 'bout any of you -- you all want some... come get some. [Creed gives an almost imperceptible smile as the shot fades.] ======================================================================= SUBWAY PSYCHO ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ SP: Creed... I'm going to make this very short and simple. You are a gutless coward. You and I have fought together before. Foolish me thinking that there may still be a trace of allegiance still there. I can accept you taking one swing at me it the confusion of the moment... but when you looked me in the eye, kicked me in the stomach, and powerbombed me, you made a conscious choice to get on my bad side. Then you walked up the aisle leaving me to the Syndicate, the vultures that they are. "Anyone, anytime, anywhere" didn't apply in that situation, I guess. You had a battle that we never finished... next Saturday we'll finish it. You're standing on the tracks and the train is coming through. Whether Sasha is behind me or not, whether Claw is lurking around the ring or not, I will teach you some respect by beating it through your thick skull. [Fade] ======================================================================= JOE PETROW ~~~~~~~~~~ [Closeup on a black leather glove, with the letters "IIWF" in big gold studs, balled up in a fist. The camera pulls back to show that the glove contains the hand of "Sychosys" Joe Petrow] JP: Everybody else I'm gonna be facing for the next month is gonna be carrying some sort of trinket around with them, so I figure I should have one of my own! The Sychopaths wanted it, so the Sychopaths got it! Starting next week, I am going to be carrying this gauntlet to my matches with the big guns of the IIWF! The three champions of the federation are each gonna try to stop the spread of Sychopathos! But one by one, and then altogether, they're gonna find out what we already know: resistance is FUTILE! Next week, the White Phoenix! Cameramen, get out your wide angle lens, you're gonna need it! Cuz in the words of one of my idols, heh, it's gonna be a war, the toughest match of my career. But I'm gonna win anyway! [winks into the camera] [Fade] ======================================================================= DIRT DOG UNIQUE ALLAH ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ [Dirt Dog Unique Allah stands reflecting on the night's events. He has a paper cup in his hand and slurps at it eagerly.] DDUA: Go for the Gold! Yeah! The Dirty Doggy don't get to go for no gold, but I did last til near the end, didn't I? That's right. And I owe it all to my special friend... the Sychotik one hisself ... Joeeeeeeee Petrowwwwwwww! And ladies and gentlemen, for your interviewing pleasure tonight, I'm gonna tell ya exactly what the Dirt Dog has in store for everybody in the IIWF after this. But hold on a second. I don't really know what to say so I'm gonna have to read this. [Unique digs in his pocket and produces a small sheet of paper. He unfolds it.] Dirt Dog, here's your interview for tonight. All right, it seems tonight I have ruined people on the general concept of battle royals by having my friends and compatr ... compatriots ... out there to help me. Well, let me just tell you something, you stinkin' muhfuhs... that's right! This is the birth of a new doggy! I'm a nasty muhfuh! Ain't I? Yeah, and I be sniffin' around you ready to take a bite out of your dreams! I got to say people been lovin' me a lot and I likes that. That's good! That's good! But it's time for the Dirt Dog to get down to some business. As many of you may or may not know, my marriage to Shakeemah is apparently over. When a woman writes you saying "Go to hell, you bastard." I take that as a kinda strong sign that she done with you. But that's aight, ain't it. 'Cause I'm just gonna keep coming back strong at you muhfuhs until you hate me! You know it's a thin line between love and hate! And I'm on the line! I hate Joe Petrow! I hate him so much it feels good! It feels like I'm lying in a tub of hot chocolate pudding with Tisha Campbell! You know what I'm saying? Naw, you can't know that feelin' -- puddin' all through your toes. ADRIAN! YO, ADRIAN! Next time you run right past that muhfuh! You hear me! Yeah! Signed. Medusa. No wait, I just broke kayfabe or somethin' didn't I? I'm supposed to be the author a this here, right. Yeah. Presented by yours truly, the Ol' Dirty Doggie!!!! [Fade] ======================================================================= MAD DOG WATKINS ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ [SCENE: Backstage at the IIWF interview area, everyone's favorite "rankings challenged" wrestler, El Super Gecko, is recording his comments on his match earlier in the evening with The White Phoenix, where the lizard-man fell a bit short of achieving his dream of becoming IIWF Cruiserweight champion.] ESG: Whiiiiitte Phoeeeeeniixxxxxx....hssss...ssssssso closssssse... [Suddenly, an angry Mad Dog Watkins storms onto the set and pushes Gecko off camera, crashing loudly over a rack of folding chairs. Watkins is still dripping with sweat from participating in the battle royal earlier in the evening, and carries with him a sheet of white paper in his left hand. Watkins stares into the camera momentarily -- a cold, icy stare of determination. Off camera, a voice is heard yelling.] VOICE: Hey! You can't hurt the lizard! [Watkins simply acknowledges the protest by reaching off camera and pulling the production assistant from which the complaint came into the shot. The man trembles with fear as Watkins, surprisingly, does not strike him, instead choosing the reach into the man's front shirt pocket and taking his pen. Watkins then spins the man around, shoves him to the floor, and places the sheet of paper upon the man's back. Watkins quickly writes on the paper and picks the man up by his shirt collar when finished. After a low angry growl from Watkins, the assistant quickly scampers away, leaving Watkins alone once again in the camera's lens. Watkins stares momentarily -- his chest expanding and relaxing as he breathes heavily -- then he simply walks away, allowing the paper to fall to the floor. The camera is quick to focus in on the paper as it settles to the floor -- a paper which noticeably has the signatures to make everything official and whose banner reads: IIWF BIRTHDAY BASH MAY 10, 1997 SPECIAL IRONMAN CHALLENGE MATCH - NO DQs, NO COUNTOUTS BRODY THUNDER vs. MAD DOG WATKINS [Fade] ======================================================================= BRODY THUNDER ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ [Thunder saunters into the IIWF interview area still in wrestling gear and sweating profusely. He is laughing heartily as he rubs his chest. He pauses then turns to the camera.] BT: Heh, heh, heh. Didn't I tell ya things were gonna start lookin' up? Whoo-ey! This was one helluva night fer the Syndicate an' the Wolf. Tonight the IIWF found out that Brody Thunder ain't foolin' aroun' anymore. [Thunder wipes the sweat off his brow and flicks it away.] Watkins, Kowalski... you fellas are startin' ta git on my nerves. If ya step in my path again yer gonna get run over, son. I ain't got time ta play. If ya wanna git it done, let's get in the ring. You know where ta find me. Quigley... son... you jus' made the hitlist. Ya wanna stick yer nose in my business an' cost me a shot at some gold? Guess you ain't much on career longevity are ya, boy? Cuz you jus' made yerself a target. An' yer lookin' at the man who'll put an' end ta the urban myth o' Chris Quigley. Don't like it? [Thunder spits on the ground in disgust.] I don't care. Wanna do sumthin' about it? [An evil grin slowly appears on Thunder's face.] Then c'mon down ta my 18' x 18' office. My hours are real flexible an' I'm an equal opportunity tailkicker. Chris... THAT I guarantee. [Thunder rubs his chin hard.] An' Petrow... I don't know exactly what yer story is, my friend. But I know ya got what rightfully should be mine... a shot at the gold. Yer a beneficiary o' the numbers game, Petrow... plain an' simple. While I was in there throwin' out all o' these so-called superstars, you were in the back waitin' ta reap the fruits o' MY labor. [Thunder reaches down and picks up his black cowboy hat.] Well enjoy it, my friend. 'Cuz somewhere down the road we ARE gonna meet again an' next time, ya won't have eighteen other guys ta help ya out. It'll jus' be you an' the best there is in this sport today... "Lone Wolf" Brody Thunder. Again... ya don't believe me? Well, don't worry... you will... an' soon. [Thunder puts on his hat and walks into the camera as it fades to black.] ======================================================================= CHRIS QUIGLEY ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ [IIWF Saturday Night has now been over for about 20 minutes. The other wrestlers have had their say for Monday Musings. As a few technicians are seen getting ready to close up the set, Chris Quigley storms the set still sweat soaked and wearing his wrestling attire, with the straps yanked down off his shoulders. He's not in the greatest of moods as he shoves a protesting official out of the way and gets in front of the camera. Quigley starts talking loudly, seemingly a little out of breath.] CQ: That was the biggest joke I've ever seen in my life! There is no way in hell Petrow won that God damn battle royal! [Quigley runs his hands over his hair and face] I don't know what kinda garbage is going through the minds of the so-called unbiased referees, but just because some people can't handle the way I work here "behind the scenes" they decide to give an [BLEEP] like Joe Petrow the benefit of the doubt and say he won the thing! Hell, I don't care! I don't know why I entered that damn battle royal to begin with! I've got my deserved title shot at Birthday Bash! And if Petrow thinks he's getting that title from James? He's got another thing coming! This is a _joke_! [With that, Quigley shoves the camera with his hand and walks off the set.] ======================================================================= SPUR ~~~~ SP: I don't get you Paris. I've insulted you, humiliated you, and kicked your butt in the ring. Who are you concerned with? "Corn Meal" Luke Steele. I was going to give you a shot to prove that you have more than a sock stuffed in your tights, but now I don't think so. I didn't know the IIWF had opened up a ladies' division. At least Mr. Damage, as pitiful as he may be, is willing to haul his into the ring against me. [Spur exits, shaking his head.] ======================================================================= NIGHTWING ~~~~~~~~~ [Nightwing, bruises and bloods blending into the war paint on his face, staggers into the IIWF interview area.] NW: It appears that the so-called "men" of the IIWF are incapable of finishing a job. [sarcastically] I thought the mighty Syndicate would take pride in eliminating the last Cherokee. Thunder, Deathbringer... you all had your chance in the battle royal. And Harlequins... all talk. Cheshire, you continue to intrigue me. I sensed your warrior's spirit at Ring Wars III. Perhaps you are the one I seek to end my pain. Perhaps. [Fade] ======================================================================= LUKE STEELE ~~~~~~~~~~~ [The camera fades up to the IIWF interview area. Luke Steele has not waited for the battle royal to finish, he's too angry to wait.] LS: Little Ronnie... Mad Dog Watkins... Brody Thunder... these men all proved one thing just now... it takes three men to get me out of the ring. If the IIWF allows it, I want the three of you in successive matches on the next three Saturday Night events. And that starts with the Parisian Prince. Ronnie, you want to step into the ring with me? I'm really getting ticked off with you, Opie. You are so blinded by your arrogance that time and time again you fail to recall so many months ago when this thing got started, I came out to help you. Apparently you don't realize that friendship was offered back then and you turned it down flat. Well that's fine buddy boy. We've gone back and forth costing each other matches, and it's gotta stop. Like you or not, I respect your ability in the ring. You put me through hell in the wildcard match at Ring Wars, and you ultimately were the one to knock me out tonight. By the way, how ya doin' now Paris? For all I know you're still in the ring. When they wake you up after the match, know this -- I ACCEPT YOUR TOWEL MATCH! Next week we're gonna get it on, and the only one that's going to win is the one with the more loyal corner man. You've already showed your corner man -- excuse me, not terribly PC of me -- corner person. Who will I choose? That won't be revealed till next week. Maybe I'll choose a guy like ol' Sychosys Joe, someone that neither of us has ties to. Maybe I'll choose a guy outside of wrestling, or maybe I'll choose someone that dislikes me and hates you. It's my call either way pal. Ronnie baby, I'll see you Saturday night so book a hospital room for the first of the following week. To the great fans of the IIWF, make sure you've got your refreshments and have gone to the bathroom before the match, 'cause you won't want to miss it. Later Baby Dolls! [Fade] ======================================================================= DEREK MOTA ~~~~~~~~~~ [Derek Mota is standing in the IIWF Interview area. He has let his shoulder length black hair hang in front of his face, his eyes barely showing through. Mota is wearing a custom Randy Acorn t-shirt.] MOTA: So that's what the IIWF is all about, huh? Not bad, I gotta say. Perfect chance for me to mess it up with the top guns in my first week in the league. But Acorn, you and me got thrown out at the same time. Let me teach you a lesson kid. You're walkin' on a thin line with the IIWF, Acorn. This is your chance right now. You can either ride with me to the top if you can keep up, or you let me whip your pansy ass right outta here! I think everybody knows what the outcome's gonna be. But I got better things to do. If I'm associated with trash like you for too long, people are gonna classify me in the same range as you, and Acorn, that AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN. A couple of thoughts to throw around to the other guys in the Battle Royal. Petrow, congrats for winning the thing. You're a tough guy, a bit nuts, but there's not many who can claim to be better. Brody Thunder, you and me, we've been linked together through some strange ties in the past. But listen to this, HE might have something against you, but me and him, we're the same blood, but we're not the same person. I respect you for all you've done in the IIWF, and I ain't got nothin' against you. Finally comes Deathbringer. Big man. Did I say something to tick you off? I sure hope so. Looks like you got something against me already. Ya gotta love it. See ya around, dead guy. [Fade] ======================================================================= JOSEY WALES ~~~~~~~~~~~ JW: [puffing on a cigar] Well, hot damn if that was excitin' as sittin' on a hot branding iron in the middle of a stampede! I'm not gonna use a lot of high-pullutin' talk here. There are just some people whose style I like... and that's any hombre who knows how to rope a steer or drink his whiskey straight from the bottle. The cowboy is a dying breed... cowboys need to stick together. [Fade] ======================================================================= PROPHETS OF RAGE ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ [Derek and Shadoe Rage glare into the camera.] DR: Jealousy's a muhfuh! And you all are some jealous muhfuhs! Y'all couldn't stand to see the Prophets take their place as the most dominant team in the IIWF! No, y'all had to go and mess with us. Dark Disciples, we talking to you. Too bad you couldn't even hang on to your belts, though. Now what you got to bring us? Not a damn thing. So sit down and shut up before we hurt you one good time. SR: See, all you out there. You don't know us. Night Patrol. You think it's done between us? Hell no. Harlequins. The mess you started is never gonna stop. It is never gonna stop. So get ready to re-up. Cause the stakes is gettin' higher and higher. You know that, don't you? You know that. Wipe the pee off the floor and take all the prozac you can because no amount of happy hammers, marbles, or trick flowers can save you from the fury that is going to descend on the IIWF after this day. You want to try to screw us twice? Bad decision. You'll see. You're living in the Age of the Rage! DR: And in that age everybody suffers! SR: Die in darkness! [Fade] ======================================================================= ZODIAC CONNECTION ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ SCORPIO: Well, there have been a few people wondering what we have been doing to occupy our time! My answer is... the only people who need to know are already members of the Zodiac Connection. TAURUS: Congratulations to the new world tag team champions Pathetic, Inc. Now, if you had any guts, you would go straight to the IIWF offices and demand one final battle with the Zodiac Connection. Two vs. Two -- what do you say? And actually we want to wrestle the former U.S. Tag Team Champs, the Night Patrol, as well. [Fade] ======================================================================= W & W EXPRESS ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ WAYNE: Slowly, but surely, the Express is moving up the tag team ladder. While everyone else is worrying about all these other so called top teams, they are forgetting about the Express. WATSON: The most dangerous animal is the one that goes unnoticed. G.W.R. found out, boy did they find out. WAYNE: We are the sleeper team of the IIWF. While everyone else is prima-madonna-in at the top. We are going out every night and kickin' the faces in of whoever we can get our hands on. WATSON: We'll wrestle anywhere, any time, against anyone. Whether it's the Drifters, Cold Spell, the Harlequins, or whoever the suits wanna throw our way. We are ready for anything. WAYNE: The W & W Express is here to stay. [Fade] ======================================================================= THE HANGMAN ~~~~~~~~~~~ [Judge Roy Bean is seen standing in the shadows of the interview area talking to The Hangman.] JRB: Now that Ring Wars is finished, it is time for you and The Hangmen to fulfill your promises to Dad. You have learned the new hold, taught to you by the Master of the Heart Punch. With this hold you my friend have the best 1 - 2 punch in the game today. I am going to request of the powers in the IIWF an open contract be put on the table and invite all comers to try to defeat you. TH: Bring them on. You hear me, IIWF? Bring it on. Any and all of you. You have only seen the beginning of the end. I made a promise to The Senator some time before his death, and now I plan to keep that promise. I will stop at nothing to get to the top. If you all think you have seen it all, you are mistaken. I do not care who you are or where you have been. If you think you are ready, try me on for size. I have signed many open contracts and they are in the hands of the powers. All you have to do is sign. [Fade] +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= I * I * W * F =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+ | President: Daniel Spreadbury | Vice-President: Steve Owens | | univ0322@sable.ox.ac.uk | sowens@admin.presby.edu | | iiwf@sisko.demon.co.uk | IIWFadmin@aol.com | +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- http://www.sisko.demon.co.uk -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=+