[Fade up on a split screen: in monochrome slow motion, on the left, "Showstopper" Simon Lebec can be seen, applying the Antagonist on a helpless opponent; on the right, "Quickstrike" Chris Quigley locking the Quickstriker on an opponent. Forboding pulsing music beats in the background as a voice over speaks:] VO: "Showstopper" Simon Lebec... the Californian bit-part actor with the buzzcut. Lebec may have nemesis Chris Quigley to thank for his new hairstyle, but he doesn't sound particularly grateful: [A cutaway shot shows Lebec giving an interview with Tim Dross:] SL: I don't get mad, I get even. For this reason, I feel it's my moral obligation to the people to seek action. To think I tried out of the goodness of my heart to help out his race of illiterate savages, and this is the thanks I get! [Another cutaway shot shows the Newfoundland Premier, Brian Tobin, standing on an iceberg. He speaks, but his comments are dubbed over by the voice over:] VO: Lebec sought the help of Premier Brian Tobin, and had Quigley's citizenship of Newfoundland revoked. Quigley snapped... but Lebec was ready for him. [Further shots show footage of Lebec and Quigley brawling in the locker room, Lebec smashing Quigley's head into a mirror, and throwing a row of lockers on him.] VO: "Quickstrike" Chris Quigley... battered and beaten, his sense of national pride in tatters. But he vows to fight on: [Cutaway shots of Quigley standing in LaRue's Lair. He speaks:] CQ: Simon Lebec has NO idea what he's getting into when he's messing with me! You revoked my citizenship, huh? Well, I'm gonna go one better, you asshole, and I'm gonna revoke your CAREER! [Big pop!] [The cutaway shots slide off the screen, and the split screen fades into colour.] VO: Tonight, weeks of resentment and anger come to a head. Tonight, Chris Quigley and Simon Lebec mix it up in the ring. [The opening graphics smash through the split screen, and the music picks up tempo:] ##### ###### ### ########## ########## ########## #### ## ########## ########## ########## #### # #### ######## ##### ##### #### ## ##### #### #### #### #### ### #### #### #### #### ############# ######### #### #### ########### ######### #### #### #### #### #### ######### ######### ### #### #### ######### ######### ### ## #### ######## ######## ## # #### =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- ## =-=-=-= INTERNATIONAL INTERNET WRESTLING FEDERATION =============================================== C + L + A + S + S + I + C + S ----------------------------------------------- April 10, 1997 [Fade through to an IIWF studio. "Soundbite" Steve Roberts is seated at a desk in front of a bank of small video monitors, each of which is showing footage of various cataclysmic encounters from the IIWF's archives. The shot closes in on his face, and he speaks:] SR: Hello there, morons one and morons all -- and the "L'il Soundbiters" too, of course -- to another thirty minutes of IIWF Classics. I'm "Soundbite" Steve Roberts, the finest damned announcer this sport's ever seen, and tonight, we'll be taking you back to last October 26, for an infamous encounter from IIWF Saturday Night. Last week, I showed you that Hair vs. Hair match between witless Welsh wonder Farty Walnut and the "Showstopper" Simon Lebec. If you remember, "Quickstrike" Chris Kick-Me was responsible for Lebec getting an impromptu haircut at Ring Wars II, and Lebec vowed revenge. Tonight, partly because I just love seeing Kick-Me stretchered out of an arena, and partly because I'm a benevolent kind of guy, I'm going to show you that revenge. But before I do, a little story. Fans will remember that Mr. Lebec was packed off to Brazil only a couple of weeks after the match you're about to see, having kicked up an almighty fuss over some backroom wrangles. Well, I can only surmise that they do indeed have cable down there in the wilds of that land of coffee and cocaine, because after the show last week, I received a call from Lebec himself, asking that I should show this very match on the next show. Now don't get me wrong. I'm no fan of Lebec's -- hey, anybody who thinks they're a bigger star than the "Soundbite" sure has a lot to learn -- but I couldn't resist the opportunity to show you one of the finest butt-kickings Chris Kick-Me has received since he's been in the IIWF. So kick back with those biscuits, get an extra serving of gravy, and settle down for a great moment in IIWF history. Joining me at the broadcast booth is my fulsome friend, my toupeed tag team partner, Tim Dross. Enjoy, morons. I'll see you again next week. [Cut to footage subtitled, "26 October 1996." A jam-packed IIWF Coliseum.] =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= "Quickstrike" Chris Quigley vs. "Showstopper" Simon Lebec =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= [Sparkplug Lee drags his heels as he steps into the ring. The crowd applaud him, but he simply smiles weakly before raising his microphone to speak:] RA: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is tonight's main event, and it is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, coming down the aisle, accompanied by Francois and Miss Crystal, hailing from Hollywood, California, and weighing in at 239lbs, here is the "Showstopper"... Siiiimoooon Lebeeeeeec! [Big heel pop for Lebec as he appears at the top of the aisle, flanked by his valet and his manservant, whose hair is only just beginning to grow back. He has an arrogant, confident smirk on his face as he walks to the ring, his sparkly costume glimmering almost as much as Miss Crystal's spangly, slinky evening dress. He climbs the ring steps, and enters the ring with Crystal, who disrobes him, removing his hat, then his sparkly jacket, and finally his sunglasses, before running her hands through his long, blonde hair, and planting a kiss on his lips.] SR: What a woman! TD: What an arrogant man. Lebec is oozing confidence here tonight, folks, but you can bet that Quigley won't take any of Lebec's antics lying down. RA: And introducing his opponent... [The crowd explodes as "For Those About To Rock" blasts out over the PA, and Sparkplug has to raise his voice to be heard] Hailing from Corner Brook, Newfoundland, Canada, weighing in at 238lbs, here is... "Quickstrike" Chriiiiis Quiiigleeeey! [Huge pop as the spotlights swivel to the aisle and cast the Quickstrike logo in haphazard fashion on the walkway: ______ / _ _ \ / / \/ \ \ | \_/\_/ | \ /\ / |______| |||||||| ________ |______| ________ /_____ /______ ______\ _____\ /______ /__\ ______\ ____/ ____ \_____ /_______\ /_______/ Huge pop as Quigley appears at the head of the aisle. He seems to ignore the fans, most of whom are on their feet. Rockets shoot up from above the entrance curtain to the rafters of the Coliseum, where they seem to spark off a chain reaction, and soon explosion after explosion shake the fans in the arena. Quigley makes his way down to the ring and climbs the ring steps. Lebec bails out of the ring as Quigley removes his jacket and shades, handing them to a ringside attendant.] TD: Why isn't he giving his shades to a young fan like he usually does? SR: Well, you saw what kind of an ingrate Quigley can be on Wednesday night when he kicked his fellow egotist Dan Kauffman back to the locker room. TD: I guess so... Quigley certainly seems to have forgotten about the fans for the time being, but I think it's more to do with his focus on getting even with Lebec and his rivalry with Kauffman than anything else... hey, what's this? [The music and fireworks stop, and the video wall at the head of the aisle flickers into life. Quigley turns to watch. The screen shows Lebec and his entourage in a school, as young girls are being hustled along.] SL: I told you already, Francois!! Throw the ugly ones in Deer Lake!! HA!! Wh....why, hello, people of the IIWF!! You may be wondering why this is showing, aren't you Quigley? Well, as acting mayor of your hometown, I have officially decided to close down the public school system. These children are deprived enough. Since I'm such a great guy, I have decided to take a select few with me. BRIAN TOBIN: He's so good to us. Mr. Lebec has once again proven his generosity, by giving these girls jobs. GIRL1: I can't wait to leave this iceberg!! Tell us about your private school, Simon. What did you call it... an "Escort Service" school??? SL: Yes, my dear. You'll get all the education you need from that school, let me tell you!!! It's called "escort" because I'm escorting you away from this dreadful place. See? [they nod] GIRL2: And what about the bar that I'll be waitressing in? SL: Oh, my buxom little Newfie cutie, my L.A. bar is the hottest one in town!! So hot, you'll probably have to shed that heavy winter parka, among other things. Don't worry though, I'm buying an air conditioner. [Another girl walks up to him] GIRL3: What about me? My parents' igloo melted and I'm homeless. SL: What's your name, my love? GIRL3: Nanuktuit Quigley. Perhaps you've heard of my brother Chris. He's a big star, but he never has the time for me these days. SL: Well, would you look at that? Some guys have all the luck. Yes, my love, I think I could find a job in our Corner Vending department for you, since your brother is a good friend of mine and all. [Lebec laughs as he begins massaging Nanuktuit Quigley.] You see Quigley, whether you like it or don't like it, I'll always be better than you. Oh, by the way, turn around!!! [As Quigley turns around, he is caught unawares by Lebec, who has rolled under the bottom rope to attack his nemesis. Lebec nails Quigley with a blackball, and Quigley goes down hard. Huge heel pop as Lebec showboats to the crowd.] TD: Give me a break! What a disgusting display from Lebec! SL: [wiping tears away from his eyes, laughing] Haha! Lebec's a genius, Dross! [Lebec stomps away on Quigley, kicking him in the head. Quigley fights to his feet, but is whipped into the ropes by Lebec and backdropped, hitting the mat hard. Lebec continues to work on Quigley, picking him up and executing a piledriver, before going for the cover - 1 - 2 - kickout! Lebec drags Quigley to his feet again, and tries to whip him into the ropes; Quigley reverses and sends Lebec for the ride. Lebec grabs the ropes, and stops dead at the side of the ring, and Quigley hurls himself at Lebec, clotheslining him over the ropes. He overbalances, however, and follows Lebec to the outside. Big pop! Quigley seems to be as stunned as Lebec, and both men take some time before getting to their feet. They begin slugging it out on the outside, Lebec taking the upper hand, ramming Quigley's head into the ring apron, and then whipping him into the steel ring post. Quigley staggers backwards, and is caught in a back suplex by Lebec, slamming him to the arena floor with tremendous impact. Big heel pop!] TD: All these blows to Quigley's head can't be doing him any favours, given the severity of the concussion he suffered just over two weeks ago in the Battle Lines Battle Royal. SL: Lebec's not just going to beat Quigley, Dross, he's going to maim him. This is great! [Lebec rolls into the ring to break the referee's count, and then rolls back out to continue working on Quigley. He drags Quickstrike to his feet and whips him into the steel crowd barriers. Quigley goes down again, and Lebec shoves an official from his chair at the timekeeper's table, grabbing it and folding it up. He brandishes it above his head, but just as he is about to strike Quigley, the referee grabs the chair from the ring and pulls it out of Lebec's hands. Pop! Lebec begins a slanging match with the official, giving Quigley precious moments to recover. By the time Lebec turns to his opponent again, Quigley is up on his knees. Lebec slams Quigley in the head with his boot, and Quigley goes down once more, rolling up the aisle a little way. The official leaps from the ring and forces Lebec to get back into the ring. The referee lays the count on Quigley from the ring, and the crowd begins to work itself up to a frenzy as the seconds tick by. On the count of five, Quigley begins to drag himself back towards the ring.] TD: This looks bad... but Quigley won't give up. SR: Even if he makes it back to the ring, he's in no shape to carry on wrestling, Dross. TD: You might be right... the referee's reached the count of seven, and Quigley hasn't even got himself up onto the apron yet... Eight... Nine... Quigley rolls in under the bottom rope! That was close! And straight away, Lebec goes back to work on his opponent. Quigley's in big trouble here. [Lebec drags Quigley into the centre of the ring and applies a reverse chinlock. Quigley's face contorts in pain as he struggles to breathe. The referee checks on Quigley, who attempts to break the hold in vain for a few moments, but soon he appears to succumb. The referee checks on Quigley, and raises his arm... it drops back to the mat. He raises it a second time... again, it drops back to the mat. The crowd chant "Quig - ley! Quig - ley!" as the referee raises his arm a third time... this time, Quigley holds it in the air, and the crowd give a big pop! Quigley fights his way out of the hold, and struggles to his feet. The two athletes slug it out in the centre of the ring -- Lebec attempts a hard right hand, Quigley blocks and counters with a volley of punches of his own, staggering Lebec. He whips the "Showstopper" into the ropes, and executes a Fisherman's suplex on his opponent. He goes for the cover - 1 - 2 - kickout! Lebec is quickly to his feet, and Quigley takes him down to the mat once more with a Russian leg sweep, and then goes to the second turnbuckle. He launches himself with an elbowdrop, and connects! Again, he goes for the cover - 1 - 2 - kickout!] TD: Lebec's hanging on for dear life here, Steve. He should have put Quigley away earlier when he had the chance. "Quickstrike" seems to have hit his second wind. SR: That guy is always full of wind, Dross. [Quigley drags Lebec to his feet and attempts to whip him into the ropes, but Lebec reverses and sends Quigley for the ride, causing him to slam into the referee as he careers across the ring. The referee tumbles through the ropes to the outside, and Quigley turns to look at the injured official, allowing Lebec to jump him from behind once more. Lebec unwraps some tape from his wrists, and chokes Quigley with it, dragging him into the centre of the ring.] TD: Give me a break! What a despicable display from Lebec! SR: Well, Quigley deliberately knocked out the official, so Lebec's just defending himself. TD: He did not! What match are you watching, anyway?! Hold on... hang on, Otto "the Butcher" Verhoeven is coming down to the ring! SR: Yes! I love it! [Huge heel pop as the IIWF World Heavyweight Champion lumbers down to the ring and joins with Lebec in beating on Quigley. He grabs Lebec's previously discarded steel chair, and brings it down with tremendous force on Quigley's head. Quigley crumples at the blow, and the chair is heavily dented as Verhoeven throws it from the ring. The crowd are practically on their feet as Quigley is laid out in the ring, apparently unconscious. Verhoeven goes to the outside and attempts to revive the referee, rolling him back into the ring. Lebec makes a nonchalant cover on his opponent as the groggy referee makes a very slow count.] TD: No! Don't let it end this way! One.... Quigley's not moving! Two.... this is dreadful... three! It's over! Lebec's got the victory, but how tainted it is. RA: Ladies and gentlemen, here is your winner by pinfall: "Showstopper" Simon Lebec! [Verhoeven pulls the referee from the ring and knocks him to the floor before rolling back under the bottom rope and continuing to attack Quigley along with Lebec, who celebrates his win by stomping all over his beaten and unconscious opponent.] TD: Somebody's got to put a stop to this! This is disgusting! SR: Correction, Dross... this is great! Finally, Simon Lebec will start to get the recognition he deserves! TD: Recognition as one of the dirtiest players in the IIWF, maybe... hey! It's Dan Kauffman! SR: Oh, give me a break! [Big pop as Kauffman charges down the aisle to the ring, clotheslining Lebec out over the top rope, and setting about Verhoeven with equal gusto. Kauffman dropkicks Verhoeven through the ropes to the outside, and then tends to his fallen friend and rival. The Jobber Justice Squad, along with more officials, also run down to the ring to drag Lebec and Verhoeven back to the locker room area.] TD: When Quigley needed him, Kauffman pulled through and came to his aid. The relationship between these two superstars has been rocky as of late, but Kauffman has remained true to his friend, regardless of their differences. SR: Please, Dross... I think I'm going to puke. Anyway, if Kauffman's such good friends with Quigley, and he was in the arena, why didn't he come out here earlier? Why did he wait until Verhoeven and Lebec had beaten him unconscious before coming to be the "great hero"? TD: Steve, that's not fair... SR: It isn't? Just think about it, Dross. These two try and keep up the outward pretence of their friendship, but their egos are just too big. These two morons hate each other's guts, and secretly, Kauffman's celebrating that Quigley could be seriously injured here. TD: Steve, please. Quigley does seem to be in trouble here, folks. He's taken an unbelievable beating to his head, and with his recent injuries, it's bound to take its toll. But for now, as the medical team tend to Quigley, for "Soundbite" Steve Roberts, this is Tim Dross, saying: so long, everybody! [Cut to an aerial shot of the ring. Kauffman looks on, along with the concerned fans, as Quigley is lifted onto a stretcher. Fade] +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= I * I * W * F =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+ | President: Daniel Spreadbury | Vice-President: Steve Owens | | univ0322@sable.ox.ac.uk | sowens@admin.presby.edu | | iiwf@sisko.demon.co.uk | IIWFadmin@aol.com | +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- http://www.sisko.demon.co.uk -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=+