##### ###### ### ########## ########## ########## #### ## ########## ########## ########## #### # #### ######## ##### ##### #### ## ##### #### #### #### #### ### #### #### #### #### ############# ######### #### #### ########### ######### #### #### #### #### #### ######### ######### ### #### #### ######### ######### ### ## #### ######## ######## ## # #### =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- ## =-=-=-= INTERNATIONAL INTERNET WRESTLING FEDERATION =============================================== "IIWF MONDAY MUSINGS" April 14, 1997 =============================================== ************************************************************************** ---------------------- IIWF SATURDAY NIGHT RECAP ----------------------- ************************************************************************** HIGH PLAINS DRIFTERS def. THE HARLEQUINS THE WHITE PHOENIX def. JOE PETROW MAD DOG WATKINS def. THE HIGHWAYMAN STEVE KOWALSKI def. RANDY ACORN BRODY THUNDER def. MARTY WARNETT RONNIE PARIS def. LUKE STEELE DRAW: CHRIS QUIGLEY vs. DIRT DOG UNIQUE ALLAH NO CONTEST: DUNCAN MACBETH vs. IKE SAMPSON NO CONTEST: NIGHTWING vs. REQUIEM ************************************************************************** ------------------------ THE WRESTLERS SPEAK --------------------------- ************************************************************************** JOE PETROW ~~~~~~~~~~ [Sychosys stalks into the interview area, a crimson bandage covering his injured shoulder, and a brace hanging off of Petrow's knee, no longer serving any useful purpose after being stretched too far. He stares about a foot below the camera lens as he speaks.] JP: Kowalski...the Blowaway Diet did wonders for you, you look fantastic! Y'know, I could respect a good sneak-attack ass-kickin'. I could respect a man with a soul as black as night coming out and costing me my first pinfall loss in the IIWF. I could respect you making _me_ play the fool for a change. I could respect all of that except for one thing: [Joe stares directly into the camera with wide eyes afire] YOU MADE ME BREAK MY PROMISE! [Joe returns his eyes to his original position] I can't make it right now. But I can make it hurt. You wanted my full undivided attention? You got it. Ask the Dirt Dog how that feels. You said you're gonna bring the party favors to Birthday Bash? Nah, you don't need to do that. It's the fans party, let them bring the goods. You wanna bring the Cruiserweight title, that would be nice. But all I really want you to bring is that 239 1/2 pound ass of yours, all shined up and ready to make a foot-deep crater in the IIWF Arena. [Joe finally gives a noticeable wince, and limps off the set.] ======================================================================= STEVE KOWALSKI ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ [The IIWF crew unroll the IIWF backdrop and stand back as the baddest man in wrestling makes his way in front of the podium. Steve "the Fury" Kowalski begins his specch.] SK: First off, I'd like to thank the White Penis fer folding under one shot from the gauntlet an' allowin' me to make my words heard. Hah. Haven't heard anything, yet. Ya writin' up the contract yet? Second. Derek Mota gets a big thumbs up fer realizin' Acorn was waste to this fed an' lettin' him know it. Who said a chair can't solve a problem? Thirdly. "Crazy" Joe gets a thumbs up, too. I know, I know. Ya probably sayin'...What the [BLEEP]! He gets a thumbs up fer comin' back out an' getting a little payback. If he wasn't man 'nuff to be pissed, I wasn't gonna grant him the "Birthday Bash" match. But, since he found his balls in time, ITS STILL ON! So heal up, "Crazy", 'cause Fury's in the house! An' nobody makes ya bleed the hardway more then Fury! ======================================================================= BRODY THUNDER ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ [Brody Thunder steps into view in the IIWF interview area. He's fresh from his match with Marty warnett. He's drenched in sweat and still feeling the effects of Warnett's actions. he walks to the back of the area,shaking loose the obvious cobwebs. He wheels around to see the camera. He composes himself and begins to speak.] BT: Fer those with gold an' keepin' score... [Thunder rubs both hands over his head,front to back.] ...I'm gainin' on ya. [deep inhale] Tonight, Marty Warnett found out... what it's like ta be in the path o' a hurricane. I tol' ya I wasn't kiddin' around anymore an' I meant it. I got me a date with destiny that ends with a belt 'round my waist. [deep inhale] Oh... it's gonna happen. Bank on it. I don't care if I gotta go through all o' these so-called "superstars" that seem ta wanna duck the Lone Wolf. Well boys, don't worry bout comin' after me... [Thunder swallows hard,still breathing somewhat heavy.] ...cuz when ya turn around I'll be standin' right behind ya. Don't believe me? Don't much matter. Cuz pretty soon some belt is gonna be around the waist o' a true champion. A man who'll bring the respect ta that belt that it deserves. A man who'll show ta the entire wrestlin' world jus' what a real champion is supposed ta be. That man is Brody Thunder. Ya can like me... ya can hate me... an' ya can fear me... but there's one thing ya can't do, amigos... [one long deep inhale and exhale] ...an' that's BEAT me. [Thunder walks off the set.] ======================================================================= RONNIE PARIS ~~~~~~~~~~~~ [Ronnie Paris and Maggie Collins are standing in front of the makeshift Monday Musings set. Paris has a pained look on his face, but he's grinning and bearing it. The two are holding hands.] RP: Another week comes and goes, and it's time to review the "list of enemies". Luke Steele, you and I haven't seen eye to eye for a long time, and maybe we never will. But you proved something to me tonight, and you earned my respect as a competitor. As a person, I think you stink, but maybe we should just agree to disagree. The ball's in your court, Luke. Steve Roberts, by all rights I should be furious at you for what you said about me and Maggie, and that stunt you pulled with that... whatever that thing was on Tuesday. But I'm not. In fact, it's kind of amusing how pathetic and jealous you are, how you wish you could every have the kind of love that Maggie and I have. That's what it is, no matter how you try to hide it, that's what it is. And that doesn't bother me, because it's you that shows what a shallow person you are. It doesn't reflect badly on me. [Paris gives Maggie's hand a reassuring squeeze, and glances lovingly at her before continuing.] And then there's Billy Shakespeare. Dross can spout any bull he wants about multiple personalities or theatrics, it ain't gonna make me feel any pity for you. I don't intend any mercy on the man who made my life hell for three months. I don't know why you put on the mask, and I don't care... you're gonna start to feel what it was like. I never liked this nut in the first case, pretending he was the descendant of the Bard. I knew he was a nutcase from the start, with no grounding in reality. I knew a long time ago that you weren't all there, but now whatever is there is gonna get its ass kicked! I'm not following your script anymore... I'm getting ready for a rewrite. Exit stage left. [Paris and Collins do indeed exit to the left of the set, as we fade.] ======================================================================= LUKE STEELE ~~~~~~~~~~~ [Fade up to the IIWF interview area, where "The Real Deal" Luke Steele is standing. Only a few hours removed from his clash with Ronnie Paris, he's still pretty livid. On the other hand, he's also in a state of disbelief.] LS: Hey Baby Dolls. Is it me, or did the IIWF just get dumped on its ear? If anyone didn't catch the end of the towel match, allow me to clue you in: Spur is none other than the scholar of the squared circle, "SPOTLIGHT" BILLY SHAKESPEARE?! Come on, what is your problem Billy? Not that it matters, because you cost me a win over Paris. 'Spur' has been a thorn in my side for a few months, and the only thing that's different is that he's maskless. Spotlight, you sir are in trouble. And Ronnie, I will give you this... you put up one hell of a fight and deserved to win. HOWEVER, so did I, and I had your cornerwoman ready to throw in your towel. But since this little feud ignited between us, both of our records have taken a nosedive. I don't give a damn whether you've got a win over me, this argument ends here. Mr. Damage and I are living proof that a feud can stop in the blink of an eye, and now it's OVER between us too. Because of this joker with an accent I've got a .500 record, and you don't even have that. Just stay outta my way and I'll stay outta yours. Better yet, if you want revenge on Little Willy then agree to end this thing and we can take Pukespeare out together. He's as much a thorn to you as he is to me, so you've got as much right to go after him as I do. IIWF, get ready for a whole new Real Deal, and this one's a helluva lot more focused. ======================================================================= DIRT DOG UNIQUE ALLAH ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ [Dirt Dog sits in the IIWF interview area after his match with Chris Quigley. He's got a towel over his head. There's a book open on his lap. It's the Oxford Unabridged Dictionary. On closer inspection, it's upside down.] DDUA: [closing the book] All hail and welcome to the home of the Dirt Dog! I was just spending some time reading like I normally do after a match. It keeps me focussed. Keeps me loose. Gives me some energy where I can transfer it because it sure as hell goes to my libido otherwise. And let me tell you that's a bad thing when the sexiest woman next to you can bodyslam you, you know? That Medusa. Man, she's sumthin' crazy! She's somethin' insane! I love her! Yeah, I love her! But anyway, I suppose all y'all want to hear me speak about what my match with Quigley means. If you ask me, it's something that should be taken notice of by all the IIWF people. See, I'm not the kind of man who should be ignored. And I won't be ignored no more. It's my time to shine. Yeah, 1999. No, '89. No. '97 I'll be in heaven! ======================================================================= CHRIS QUIGLEY ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ [Scene is the IIWF interview area where a sweat soaked Chris Quigley stands, the straps from his tights not pulled down but _ripped_ off his outfit. He holds the microphone tight in his hand as he moves some hair out of his face.] CQ: Y'know, everyone's been saying a whole lot about me lately. How I've been whining, crying, and bitching about everything! To be honest with ya, I had no clue what they were talking about! In fact, I made an effort to do the _exact_ opposite, even after what happened last week! But it seems that somewhere, somebody wants me to be frustrated 24 hours a day! Dirt Dog Unique Allah was _pinned_! It was over! He wasn't gonna move an inch! How many times has this happened? I can remember facing Deathbringer, he was in the Quickstriker and going _nowhere_, and the bell rings! Time limit draw! Then tonight, Unique Allah pinned for a two count and about to be a three count when the bell rings! Another time limit draw! The clock should be stopped during pin or submission attempts! It's such a joke! Everyone knows who was better tonight, and everyone knows who was better against Deathbringer, so why make it such a mystery?! I'll tell ya why. Because maybe I don't have the charisma of Billy Shakespeare, or the attitude of Joe Petrow! Maybe I wouldn't sell as many t-shirts as Deathbringer! They're losing sleep at nights figuring out ways to hold me back, I guarantee you! But you listen to me, and you listen damn good... Casey James! At Birthday Bash, I am going to WIPE YOU OUT! There isn't gonna be a piece of you left to ask for a rematch, because this time the victory is gonna be _definite_! No questions asked! [Quigley throws down the microphone and storms off the set] ======================================================================= CASEY JAMES ~~~~~~~~~~~ [Casey James stands in the IIWF interview area.] CJ: Heh, Heh... Well, Chris... I heard some crap coming from you about how I don't know what you're about. Quigley, what is there to know? You're just another egomaniac that can't think for a minute that he has a weakness. I see you week after week walking around on an ankle that you should be resting. I remember you once pushed yourself so far that you had to leave the IIWF because your brains were about to spill out. _That's_ your weakness, butthead. The fact that you just don't know when to step back and calm down for the greater good of your career. You tell me I don't know you, but you're acting exactly how I predicted. See, even in your last interview, Quigley, you're talking about _when_ you beat me, and not _if_ you beat me. What's going to happen to you when you lose? Are you going to go back to that jerkwater home of yours in Canada? Are you going to disappear again? Oh, I know you, Quigley. You're a little boy with a big ego who goes running away when the game doesn't go his way. You will lose. You know why? You're underestimating me, Quigley. People have been underestimating me from day one, and they've paid for it. But you're so set in your ways that you'll never understand. I won this belt because Kauffman underestimated me, and I'm going to keep it because you're doing the exact same thing. ======================================================================= IKE SAMPSON ~~~~~~~~~~~ [Ike Sampson stands in the IIWF interview area.] IS: Oh boy, Mota, did you just mess up. You know what you did, boy?! You just cost me a shot to move up the ladder, a shot to get one step closer to greatness. And I ain't too happy about that. And MacBean, I ain't too happy with the way our match turned out on your part, either. You gave me a good match, I have to admit that, but when I go pillar to post with someone for that long, something's gotta happen. We gotta have a winner. I gotta prove myself the better men. So we'll meet again. You can bank on that. The only problem is, who do I want first? MacBean, to finish proving myself, or Mota, to teach him a lesson about minding his own business. Hell, I don't care, I'll take 'em both on. Bring it on, boys. I got something for the both of ya! ======================================================================= DEREK MOTA ~~~~~~~~~~ [Derek Mota storms into the IIWF Interview Area immediately after the Steve Kowalski - Randy Acorn match on IIWF Saturday Night. Derek sets up the steel chair he brought from ringside and sits down, brushing off his jacket.] DM: So, no matches for Derek Mota tonight, but it's still been a pretty busy night for me, hasn't it? Here we got Ike Sampson and Duncan Macbeth tryin' to play off how they're the future of the IIWF, how the winner of their match is gonna come off with the momentum and be the one to rise to the top of the IIWF. Well, hate to tell you guys, but Derek Mota's the man in action, and I just made sure that neither one of ya are the future of the IIWF. You try keepin' me outta this match, well your plan backfired. You want another match? You want me to stay away? Tell ya what. We fight our fight, a triangle match at Birthday Bash, and find out just who is the future of the IIWF. After that, you guys can fight all the clean matches in the world and I won't interfere. Of course, I'll have kicked you all around the ring so many times by then that no one will care about you anymore! The rule of the game tonight is NEVER ignore Derek Mota. And you just saw what happens when you do. I just wanted to congratulate The Fury on his hard fought win tonight [Mota laughs] against "Badboy" Randy Acorn! Kowalski, you're a good man, and I'd like to fight you in the ring someday for the Cruiserweight Title, but for now I'm happy to help guys like you get rid of the CRAP that's hogging the spotlight like Randy Acorn. Acorn, you've been keepin' REAL silent lately. Scared to show up anywhere I might be, huh? You won't have ta worry about that for too much longer, kid. Saturday Night, you and me, right in the ring. I drove you outta the NLWP, and I'm gonna do the same for the IIWF. See ya there. ======================================================================= CREED ~~~~~ [Creed is seated on a stool in the IIWF interview area, alongside is a television monitor atop a videotape machine. Creed, clad in black streetclothes, save the lethal red glove, calmly hits the play button on the VCR.] "Countdown to IIWF Saturday Night - April 11, 1997" SUBWAY PSYCHO: Creed, you're roadkill number one... I've been in battles so horrific that your MOTHER would make you go to bed before she let you watch! [Creed calmly clicks off the videotape... and stares with his dead black eyes into the camera... 10--15 seconds go by - and then the rookie purposefully speaks.] CREED: Psycho - you know that's a mistake, right? That's a mistake you can't come back from. You over, old man. You over. [Creed continues his stare into the camera - as the shot fades away.] ======================================================================= THE ARMED FORCES ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ [NavCom stands in the IIWF interview area.] NC: And so the score is tied at nineteen apiece. Wonderful. I'll tell you right now, Pale, Easy, I am impressed. Once again you were able to keep the referee detained as your fleet of imbecilic cronies stormed the ring to gain you a victory. But don't you think we'll be prepared for that, boys? Don't you think that by now we expect chicanery from you two? We had the guts to get rid of Aaron... because we want to fight our battles fair and square, in the ring, men against men. Not men and some more men and some golf clubs and a over the hill manager and the time bell versus men. So, bring all the foreign objects, all the helpers you want... but we'll have true friends not far from the ring. A bull and a scorpion. Watch your backs. The Zodiacs will be there. They always have been. The Armed Forces have regained every last bit of that competitive fire that took them to the IIWF Tag Team Championships back in August. And they may be coming for a second reign. You're victims number twenty. See you in the ring. ======================================================================= PROPHETS OF RAGE ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ [Derek and Shadoe Rage glare into the camera.] DR: Harlequins, this is just one more step in the big payback. You want to cost us the U.S. titles, well look at what you'll get in return. We're going to do you a damage so bad that it'll be terrible. We're going to maim you. SR: Big man, you're starting to sound like me! I like it! Harlequins, Tragedy, Chaos. That's exactly what you're facing. You don't know the Age of the Rage. You don't know how to survive in the jungle that we created. Oh, you're gonna get hurt. And we're gonna enjoy every minute of it. Die in Darkness, you stupid clowns. ======================================================================= THE ZODIAC CONNECTION ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ [Gemini has walked into the IIWF interview area. Cancer is joining them. There is no sign of either Taurus and Scorpio]. GEMINI: Pain, Inc. I can see the fear in your eyes.... I know that you will do everything in your power to avoid the Zodiac Connection. We know that you fear having to face us when your friends, the Night Patrol have abandoned you! We know that it would be hard for you to face the Zodiac Connection when Hades will not be able to aid Pain, Inc. without having to deal with Cancer! We know that when you are backed into a corner you will turn and run like yellow-bellied cowards. Oh don't worry Pain, Inc.-- we know that matters will not be resolved between us until one set of wrestlers has been forced out the federation. In the meantime, Taurus and Scorpio have asked me to ask the officials of the IIWF to allow them to sanction their next match... against whomever it may be, as a best-of-3 falls match. The Zodiac Connection wishes to challenge themselves to the limit and they wish for the opportunity to see what those limits are! We hope it is not an inconvenience to the IIWF. Oh and Hades... remember... Cancer is watching you! ======================================================================= W & W EXPRESS ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ [Wayne and Watson stand in the IIWF interview area.] WAYNE: Yeah, yeah, yeah the Express keeps moving along. Cold Spell got warmed up a bit. WATSON: Did they ever. While all these other teams are worrying about love interests and their little groups, We are concentrating on kicking ass and busting people's heads in. WAYNE: Icewimp is in love with one of the Harlequins, Oh how sweet. This is wrestling gentlemen, not Love Connection WATSON: Then you got the Night Patrol who seem to become more cowardly by the minute. Their little group broke up, Too bad. They might now have to rely on their wrestling ability. I guess their up the creek without a paddle WAYNE: We are just gonna keep beating people, a go straight to the top. Whoever the suits wann throw at us. Armed Forces, Drifters, even the new guys Last Resort. WATSON: They are all the same. They are just victims to us. [Fade] +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= I * I * W * F =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+ | President: Daniel Spreadbury | Vice-President: Steve Owens | | univ0322@sable.ox.ac.uk | sowens@admin.presby.edu | | iiwf@sisko.demon.co.uk | IIWFadmin@aol.com | +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- http://www.sisko.demon.co.uk -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=+