[Open with shot of various managers and valets interfering in matches during the history of the IIWF: Miss Crystal clubs an unfortunate victim with an Academy Award; Aaron the Caddy clobbers a Barnacle Brother with a nine-iron; and Pizzazz and Medusa team up to cause trouble for another victim. A voiceover begins.] VO: Managers and valets have long played an important role in the sport of professional wrestling... [A shot of Victoria Secret throwing powder in the face of one of Flare's opponents flashes on the screen.] After all, it pays to have friends in low places. [Footage of Night Patrol storming to the ring to help former stablemates Pain Inc. rolls.] But the days of lawlessness are gone... [Cut to a shot of IIWF President Daniel Spreadbury wearing one of Brody Thunder's cowboy hats. His entire head fits inside the crown and he must push it back to see the camera. He tries to spit, but it dribbles down his chin and he wipes it away with his shirt sleeve. He walks through a dusty Western town toward a saloon.] Because President Dan is in town! [Spreadbury nails a piece of paper beside the swinging doors of the saloon. As he walks away, the camera zooms in on the writing.] -- TO: IIWF tag team handlers and agents FROM: IIWF President RE: New restrictions It has been decided that from today onwards, there will be strict limitations imposed on the number of non-wrestling personnel brought to the ring by the tag teams of the IIWF. Since the return to active duty of the head of the IIWF's Special Concerns Committee, Poutine Janois, following his period of convalescence, there have been ongoing discussions concerning the chaos that often surrounds the ring during tag team matches. On more than one occasion, there have been as many or more people on the outside as the four athletes in the ring, and this situation cannot continue. Not only does it make the job of the IIWF's security staff much harder, but it detracts the attention from the action and athleticism in the ring. Too many teams are now relying on outside interference for their success. The IIWF has, top to bottom, possibly the best tag team roster anywhere in the world of professional wrestling, and it is a poor reflection on the undoubted skills of all the great partnerships who compete here that so many matches are dominated by the action on the outside. As a result of these concerns, Mr. Janois has approached myself and other high-ranking IIWF officials with a proposal to shift the emphasis in tag team competition squarely back on the tag teams, and I hope that we can count on your cooperation in this new initiative. From today, only one manager [or managerial "unit", in the exceptional cases of the Harlequin valets of the Harlequins and the Gemini twins of the Zodiac Connection] or non-team-member may accompany any IIWF tag team to the ring for a match. Any attempt to flout this rule, for example, by having additional personnel run down to the ring during the course of the match, will result in the first instance in automatic disqualification, and repeated offences will be disciplined in the strongest terms possible. I apologise that there is a need for such draconian rulings, but I do believe that the escalation in external factors is symptomatic of the desire of all the IIWF's tag teams to succeed at the highest level, and there is very much a desire among the teams and their managers to "equalise" when one team is going up against another with more than one non-wrestling figure at ringside. I trust that myself and the IIWF Special Concerns Committee can count on your cooperation in this matter. Thank you for your time, Daniel Spreadbury IIWF President -- [Fade into a montage of IIWF action accompanied by hard rock music. The final chord lingers as Lord Byron whips Maurice McArthur into the corner. Suddenly, the screen explodes into a mass of fire and smoke, through which emerges the IIWF's familiar logo:] ##### ###### ### ########## ########## ########## #### ## ########## ########## ########## #### # #### ######## ##### ##### #### ## ##### #### #### #### #### ### #### #### #### #### ############# ######### #### #### ########### ######### #### #### #### #### #### ######### ######### ### #### #### ######### ######### ### ## #### ######## ######## ## # #### =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- ## =-=-=-= INTERNATIONAL INTERNET WRESTLING FEDERATION ================================================= "COUNTDOWN TO SATURDAY NIGHT" - April 18, 1997 ================================================= [Cut to the IIWF Studio. The remote camera zooms down the aisle as members of the studio audience scramble to get on camera. An older teenager proudly displays his "Gunther Fan Club" t-shirt. An attractive woman wearing a "Spuds MacKenzie" t-shirt spins to show an iron-on transfer of Marty Warnett on the back. And a 300-pound black woman waves a homemade poster which reads, "Derek Ain't Nothin' but a MOTA Mouth!" The camera zooms toward Larry Morton and Becky LaRue sitting at the broadcast desk.] LM: Hello again everyone and welcome once again to "Countdown to Saturday Night." I'm Larry Morton alongside my broadcast colleague Becky LaRue, and the action just gets hotter and hotter in the IIWF as we creep closer and closer to "Birthday Bash". BL: That word _creep_ just seems to fit you, 'Lar. LM: I'll have you know I've been getting more and more fan mail in the last week. A young lady from Poughkeepsie is even starting a fan club for all the L'il Mortonistas. BL: She's not just a client, she's also the president! LM: We're up to six members already! BL: The Mortonistas: A little bimbo and five guys named Harry Palm. Hehehehe... snort. LM: Ahem. The wrestling world is still aghast at the revelation that Spur was actually Billy Shakespeare. We heard from Shakespeare's doctor, Dr. Steven Thorson, on Wednesday night's show. He told us that this appears to actually be a case of multiple personalities. BL: It's just like Shakespeare to have _two_ personalities that no one can stand. LM: We hope to have the first live interview with Billy Shakespeare later in tonight's show. We know you fans will want to stick around for that. BL: Shameless plug! Shameless plug! LM: Well, as we saw at the top of the show, IIWF President Dan Spreadbury, acting on behalf of the IIWF Special Concerns Committee, has gotten tough with the managers and valets in the fed. BL: It's a pity all teams don't play as fairly as Brenda Hawkings and Night Patrol. LM: [raising an eyebrow] Uhhh-huh. Well a number of teams have expressed their displeasure with the new ruling, most notably the Prophets of Rage. BL: It figures. A good whine always has cheese nearby. LM: I was able to obtain a copy of the memo which Medusa Rage sent Spreadbury yesterday stating her team's case. I'll read a portion of it now: TO: IIWF President FROM: The Prophets of Rage RE: New restrictions With regard to your latest decision on the tag team ranks the Prophets of Rage must launch a formal protest on what is a glaring inconsistency in your ruling. While the Prophets of Rage have no problem obeying any rules sanctioned by the IIWF president they feel this ruling must be both broad-based in its application and deliver equal treatment to all teams affected. Our protest centers around your use of the term managerial "unit". There is no reason to see why the Harlequins' valets and the Gemini twins constitute a managerial unit while the Prophets of Rage's legitimate management team does not fall under this exception. On more than one occasion the Harlequins' valets have demonstrated free and independent thought and action. The same can be said of the Gemini twins. Pizzazz is Derek Rage's personal valet and trainer. Medusa Rage handles the responsibilities of preparing Shadoe Rage for his matches. This is a family unit. I do not see why it should be broken when it is not in the case of the two aforementioned teams. I must strongly protest this appearance of bias on your part in favour of the Zodiac Connection and the Harlequins. As remedy I ask that you dispense with the notion of managerial "units" altogether or reclassify the Prophets of Rage management team as a "unit", the definition of which you do not provide. BL: Is that all she wrote? LM: Well, it goes on a little bit longer: "blah, blah, blah... hugs and kisses." Something about french toast and penguins. You know, I think Medusa has a legitimate complaint with the wording of this ruling. What was the Special Concerns Committee thinking when it put that stipulation into the ruling? BL: I'm sure they have some perverted logic. LM: Uh, I think you mean _perverse_ logic. BL: You don't know the Special Concerns Committee like I do. LM: I understand the President and several front office members are steaming about the protests they've received from tag teams like the Prophets of Rage, and I can only guess what the outcome of this debate might be. But we'll keep you up to date on this story, fans. It will be interesting to see how the ruling affects action tomorrow night, but I think we would all like to see the action stay in the ring and keep managers and valets from determining the outcome of matches. BL: Did anyone "Ask Soundbite" what he thought? LM: I'm not sure anyone really _cares_ what Steve Roberts thinks. Quite honestly, I've always been a big fan of Christopher Reeve's and I think Steve's humor is disgusting. BL: Did you hear Christopher Reeve was gonna sue the horse he fell from? His lawyer said he didn't have a leg to stand on. BWAHAHAHA... snort. LM: Birds of a feather. Moving on, a mysterious videotape arrived at our offices early this morning. It was marked only by one word on the case: "Flatline". BL: If you're gonna show the damn thing, could we get on with it already? LM: Okay, okay. Just roll the videotape. [The screen goes black momentarily. Some garbled audio can be heard. It gives way to some music and then a shot of a cloaked figure standing in front of a burning castle can be seen. Quickly, it cuts to a wrestling arena in England. A wrestler dressed in all black is neckbreaking an opponent. Cuts to a shot of Killer Kowalski and the Great Muta yelling instructions. Cut to an extreme close up of two blood red eyes peering at the camera. Quick cut to a Japanese arena. The same dark figure is soaring from the top rope with a flying lariat. Shot of the Great Muta clapping. Quick cut to the cloaked figure viciously DDTing an opponent in the middle of the ring and a fade back to the burning castle. The shot goes black and the music slowly fades away. One voice can be heard before the end of the tape.] VO: My time is coming! [Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: Wait a minute -- was that the Sandman? BL: It sure looked and sounded like him. And wasn't he rumored to be training with the Great Muta and Killer Kowalski? LM: Yes, but the tape case says only "Flatline." Knowing the Sandman, he'd have his name tattooed all over it. Perhaps we'll uncover more of this mystery in the weeks to come. Right now, it's time to look back at Wednesday's War Room and run down all the results for those of you who may have missed them: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ IIWF WEDNESDAY WAR ROOM RESULTS April 16, 1997 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ CHESHIRE def. MAURICE McARTHUR W & W EXPRESS def. EL SUPER GECKO & JUMPIN' JACK THE LAST RESORT def. THE ROTUNDOS DOMINATION def. ZODIAC CONNECTION MR. DAMAGE def. BOBBY B. GOODE MARTY WARNETT def. MAURICE McARTHUR PROPHETS OF RAGE def. G.W.R. NIGHT PATROL def. DARK DISCIPLES REQUIEM def. DEREK MOTA NO CONTEST: CHESHIRE vs. SCOTT BLOOM NO CONTEST: SUBWAY PSYCHO vs. THE CELL LM: What a night of action we had! Cheshire battled Cheshire... that is, the real Cheshire battled the bogus Cheshire... that is... BL: [looking into the camera] Broadcasting is a skill best left to trained professionals. Kids, do not try this at home. LM: [scowling at Becky] Okay, Chris Herforth battled the bogus Cheshire who was only in the ring because the legal rights to the name no longer belong to Herforth or his father. BL: I knew you could do it. We sent little Stevie Summer to check out this story yesterday. Here's what happened: [SCENE: Steve Summer enters Chris Herforth's apartment. The main room is barely illuminated by sparse sunlight from between the curtains. Summer takes a look around until he notices the figure, who is half sitting on the sofa and half lying on the table, his nose pressing onto the table- top. Summer hesitantly approaches the man, who seems to be sleeping.] SS: Uuuhm, Mister Cheshire? [no response] Sir? CH: [his voice is low, dragging and mumbling] Shesire's not here. Shesire's gone to the dogs. SS: Uuuhm,... okay, Mister Herforth, are you able to, er, answer some questions? [no response] Sir? CH: Wha... do you want? SS: Well, we'd like to know the outlook for Cheshire's and _your_ future? [Herforth slowly rises from the table and leans back. He looks terrible. His eyes are red and swollen, his white smiley-T-shirt is stained with some yellowish liquid. His right hand, which holds a bottle of Kessler's, is trembling.] CH: [still mumbling] I told you, Steve, Cheshire is no more. SS: But what about Hinz? Will he now be the new Cheshire? CH. No, Steve. Neither him nor me... nor anyone else... will ever step into the ring unda tha' name again. [He briefly rubs his eyes and takes a long gulp from the bottle] Gaiser an' his lackey are back in Germany. Gaiser will pro... probably ruin mmmy father's circus completely and then clossit. Jjjust for fun. SS: But what about you? CH: [sighs] I dunno. Maybe I'll llleave the IIWF. [His face brightens up.] Nonononono. I'll stay. I still have to kick some budd here, hoho, rrrrigth, Stevie-boy? Hahaha! [He sinks back into the sofa, his face again expressing exhaustion and pain.] No, I cannot. [He raises his left hand and stares at it, wiggling his fingers.] I... I cannot feel my fingers. I... I cannot..., ooh why should I? [He starts babbling some coherent things.] ...like broken tools... useless... bud have to ged back to business... [Steve turns to the camera.] SS: I think we're finished here. Turn it off. [Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: Also Wednesday, Mad Dog Watkins and Brody Thunder continued their battle, brawling in the locker room area prior to the card. Will IIWF officials allow these men to finally settle their differences at Birthday Bash? Time will tell. BL: Domination made a surprising return to the ring in place of the unlucky Barnacle Brothers... you gotta hate that driver's ed program in Finland! It appears that Domination has joined Oak's little cult... LM: [whispering to her] We're supposed to call it a _sect_. BL: Well, if anyone knows anything about sects, it's me! [the crew begins to giggle] Hey, I know good sects! [The audience chips in with some laughter] I'll get you all the sects stories you want! What the hell are you all laughing about? LM: [wiping a tear from his eye] Oooh, hehehe... that was fun. But we have some disturbing footage involving Dani Jarvier later in the show that isn't quite as humorous. BL: Something involving a sects scandal? LM: Something like that. The Subway Psycho and Creed ended up in the ring together and no one is quite sure what to make of these two. We'll find out when they meet tomorrow night. BL: Duncan Macbeth amoss impayuled Derek Mota. Yuir gon' see sometin' when the two 'o dem meet. LM: That was horrible! BL: I'm givin' 'er all ah've got, Cap'n! The gen'rator's goin down an' we got no more dilithium crystals! These Folger's crystals dunna seem ta be workin' either! LM: And as if one crooked manager wasn't enough, Mr. Mic has to bolster Steve Roberts' ego by giving him a Porsche. BL: Yeah, real original, Mr. Mic! Brenda Hawkings has been there and done that! Still a step behind her, huh? LM: [under his breath] And I'm driving a 1977 Gremlin. Anyway, let's get right to the big card coming your way tomorrow night from the IIWF Coliseum: ************************************************************************** --------------------- IIWF SATURDAY NIGHT PREVIEW ---------------------- ************************************************************************** ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ * IIWF WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: CASEY JAMES vs. TONY STARKS ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ LM: Despite all the accomplishments Tony Starks can put in his biography, he can't claim the honor of being a IIWF champion. I have to believe that the IIWF's big belt was one of the things that kept Starks intense after being bedridden by the injuries he suffered in that plane crash. BL: You'd think Starks would learn that pain and injuries occur every time he goes after the IIWF World Heavyweight Championship. My man J.W. Hardin almost ripped his knee off. LM: But Starks has returned with a burning desire to hold the gold here in the world's number one wrestling organization. BL: That cheese fed in Connecticut didn't even make the rankings. Hehe. LM: If he is going to win the belt tomorrow night, Starks will have to contend with more than one man. Brian Lau, Brody Thunder, Tiger Claw, and the Dark Disciples will surely not be far away. But Starks is focused on the task at hand and feels confident his inner desire will pull him through: [SCENE: Late night in Staten Island, Tony Starks and some friends are chilling on a street corner. Starks is wearing a baggy white sweat suit with one of the legs rolled up and he has his towel on his head. He is on his cell phone, sitting on a chair outside a building. He finishes the call, and the camera tightens in on him.] TS: Big badass, Casey James. Look what happened while I was away, somebody came down here and made you world champ. Matsuoko taught you well as did Tiger Claw. That wont help you Saturday though. Last time I remember seeing you was when I was with Onslaught a few months back, I came backstage and you clocked me with a chair in the back. That almost ended my career. Do you believe in karma Cornball, or Blackheart or whatever the hell you are calling yourself this week, do you? I do. See every single act you do comes back on you, three fold. That little chair incident a few months ago, that is coming for you son, remember that. That gold belt you carry around that waist of yours has been all that I have dreamed about for years. It is what drove me to comeback to the IIWF, you just happen to be the bearer of that belt. Casey that is bad for you. You are in the final precious moments as champ, you got beat down by Creed last week and you are not going to make it to the Bash to wrestle Quigley. I am your demon James. You had better grab hold of these last dear moments, they will be your last. Nothing is going to stop me from becoming champ... nothing. The Syndicate does have a habit of getting into your matches. That shook chump Brody Thunder stopped Creed from winning last week. Brody, I am begging you, stick your nose in my business. It will get shot into that small pea brain of yours. Lau the same goes for you. I hit Otto's manager when she got in my business and don't think I won't snap your neck either. Casey, why do you think Brody wants you to keep that belt so bad? Do you think he likes looking at it on your waist? He wants someone weak to hold that belt so he can take it himself. There is no honor among thieves. Oh yeah, "The German Superman" Otto Verhoeven. I figured why you got such a chip on your shoulder -- you are still pissed that Hulk Hogan turned heel, right? Well, come Birthday Bash, you had better take your vitamins, work hard and say those prayers like a good little drone. 'Cuz I am coming for you son. You and the Alliance want to make a statement to finish me? To hell with all of you. Byron, the multi-federation champ, that trick you run with Heidi of the Hills you had better make those arrangements for some convalescent care after May 10th. You haven't seen hell yet, boys, not until you see Tony Starks in that opposite corner. James, your belt is mine, Otto, your life is mine. Get ready for hell, straight up hell. [The camera closes in on Starks' face with those words and that cold thousand yard stare rips through the camera. Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: Strong words from Tony Starks, but we've found that members of the Syndicate are not easily intimidated. BL: Especially the IIWF World Heavyweight Champion. Casey James eats punks like Starks for breakfast. LM: He may not have the street education that Starks received, but James certainly feels that he has something to prove tomorrow night -- all for the benefit of one Chris Quigley: [SCENE: Casey sits on a bench by a bus stop in downtown Washington D.C. He's wearing jeans, a leather jacket, combat boots, and black sunglasses. The sounds of the street he sits near are almost overwhelming.] CJ: The street... It's pretty hectic out here. Now, I'm not going to say that I'm a product of the street directly, and I'm not going to talk about how hard it was for me growing up. We've all had our problems, and sure, maybe I got to be the way I am now because of a few well placed beatings on the way home from school. I won't say this is where I'm from, but I do understand what the deal is. You see, Washington D.C. may be our nation's capital, but while the fat cats are sitting pretty up on that hill over there, there are people killing each other down here. You don't live in the murder capital for your whole life and not have it affect you. Starks, you know what I'm talking about. you might say we're connected in that aspect. But that wouldn't be the most important part of our stories which have crossed. One name comes up, and that's Mr. Kobiashi. Yeah, we both worked for him at one time or another. I don't know what you did for him, but my job with him was to take you out, and that's something I thought I had accomplished. Well, it seems that I didn't get the job done. Well, I have one more chance to try, but this time it's different. Back then I was just a hired thug. Now I'm the IIWF World Heavyweight Champion. There's a lot more on the line, isn't there? The result is going to be the same, though. With my friends behind me, there's nothing I can't do. Now, on to Birthday bash... Quigley... Quigley, Quigley, Quigley... You don't even understand what your problem is, do you? You know, people that create fantasy worlds can be physically harmed when those worlds come falling down. Think about it, kid. You might very well be a great technical wrestler, knowing some holds that I couldn't even name. But let's be honest, Chris, I can lift more with my arms than you can lift with your legs. I could power out of any hold you slap on me. You don't believe me? Let me show you. I'll show you that I can do whatever you do, only better. Starks, tape up that knee real good and do your stretches on your back, because this one could very well hurt. [Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ * IIWF INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: LORD BYRON vs. STEVE KOWALSKI ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ LM: Lord Byron has the privilege of claiming to be a champion in _two_ different federations right now. BL: Yeah, maybe _that_ will impress DeWinter enough to stay with him this time. LM: I understand the Lady DeWinter has experienced severe emotional distress as a result of the Marty Warnett incidents, but she seems to clearly be in the corner of Lord Byron now. BL: She'd better sharpen up a shoe, then, because her womanly wiles won't work on future Cruiserweight Champ Steve Kowalski: [SCENE: "Don't Fear the Reaper" begins as the screen fades from the IIWF control center to the shores of the Hudson River, just off the outskirts of Edgewater, New Jersey. Steve "the Fury" Kowalski is sitting on his hog, looking out over the murky, green waters.] SK: Limey, have ya ever wondered how long you were gonna hold on to that belt? I mean, I ain't gonna fall in love with yer whore an' I damned well ain't gonna let ya hook yer aristocrotch on me. So how are ya gonna escape the trip to boot camp is what I wanna know. [The New Jersey Nightmare breaks out a stogie and sparks it up. Relishing the stale smell, he puffs a few more times.] SK: I know yer an excellent mat wrestler an' ya beat Marty, somethin' the IIWF never put me in a position to do. So I don't want ya to think, I ain't aware of yer skills. But, buddy, I ain't blowin' smoke up yer ass either. I'm gonna rattle yer cage an' keep ya cryin'! Ya put me in an armbar and I will launch ya clear over the top rope! Ya try them sunset flippy things an' I'm gonna drop all 239 1/2 pounds of Fury down on ya like a ton of bricks! The storm is a comin', Junior! [Fury flips his stogie into the river and kick starts his Harley.] SK: Say goodbye to yer bitch, Byron. Yer in fer a whole lotta _hate_! [Kowalski rides off down the banks of the Hudson. Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ * IIWF WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: PAIN INC. vs. ARMED FORCES ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ LM: Mr. Mic may be giving away Porsches to broadcasters, but I truly doubt that the Armed Forces will be impressed tomorrow night. BL: Nav and Def have just been misguided since they dismissed Aaron. They're former World Tag Team Champs and they know what it takes to be on top -- even if they are from Omaha. LM: Omaha is a nice place. BL: I spent a week there one afternoon. LM: Nav and Def may not appreciate that. I met with the defenders of our country earlier today to discuss their title match coming up tomorrow night: [SCENE: A taped interview in the IIWF Interview Area. Larry Morton is joined by the Armed Forces, NavCom and DefCon.] LM: NavCom, thanks for joining me today. I'll start with you. You've been granted a championship match against your nemesis, Pain, Inc. Your thoughts? NC: Thanks, Larry. Well, for the first time in 1997, the Armed Forces will wrestle for the IIWF World Tag Team Championships. Not since winning by disqualification at Snow Brawl have the Forces received a shot at the gold, and you can believe me when I say that we're focused as ever at taking the titles away. DC: We've got triple motivation here, Larry Morton. First of all, we'll get a title shot which has been a long time coming. Second, we'll have the chance to be the first team amongst the IIWF ranks to hit the 20- win plateau... and finally, perhaps the sweetest of them all, we'll get into the ring with the team that cost us the shot at the titles back in December, Mr. Mic's forces, Pain, Incorporated. LM: You're ready for a fight, huh? NC: First and foremost, we're looking to steal away the IIWF championships, so we'll outclass them with technique and ring experience in an attempt to win the belts. However, if the tandem of terror decides to take a brawl to us, we _will_ be ready, and we _will_ prevail in that aspect of the match as well. LM: Then on to the big match with the High Plains Drifters... probably occurring at Birthday Bash? DC: I have no idea when that match will take place, but whether or not we've got 20 wins, or whether or not we are the World Tag Team Champions at the time, we'll face the Drifters... and defend the titles if we are in that situation. [Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: We know Pain Inc. won't give up the belts without a fight, just as they don't seem willing to accept the latest tag team ruling from the IIWF without a fight. Our Tim Dross has the story: [SCENE: Tim Dross in the training room in Mr.Mic's mansion. Pain Inc. is furiously working out in preparation for their tag-team title defense this Saturday. Hellraiser is doing one-arm chin-ups while Morningstar is performing various martial arts in the adjoining dojo. Hades is seen pacing the gym, he is visibly angered as he has a copy of an IIWF press release. Mr.Mic is overseeing the training as he paces the gym.] TD: Excuse me, Mr.Mic? MM: [turning to the camera] Yes, Dross what is it? TD: Just a couple of quest... MM: Make it snappy Dross, we've got training to do as you can see! TD: Of course, it seems that Hades is very upset. Could it have anything to do with the recent IIWF ruling against non-managerial persons at ringside. MM: [sarcastically] Oh brilliant. What were you before you were an announcer Dross? A psychic act on the streets of Vegas? OF COURSE THAT'S WHAT IT IS! The IIWF created this ludicrous rule for one reason. They want to make sure Pain Inc. doesn't hold the titles, so they bar Hades from ringside thereby allowing teams to storm the ring and attack the champions. It's disgraceful... [Mr.Mic starts laughing] ...it's disgraceful! [Mr.Mic is keeling over with laughter] TD: Mr.Mic are you okay? What's so funny? MM: Other than your toupee? Listen up, the IIWF has shot itself in the foot. In their memo it says that only the Harlequins and the Zodiac Connection may allow their sluts... I mean "valets" to ringside. Isn't it strange that this decision comes out now when: 1. Pain Inc. are the champs; 2. The Harlequins are the U.S tag champs right below Pain Inc; and 3. The Zodiacs are squawking about a title shot. TD: Mr.Mic, I'm sure that it's all coincidence. MM: Ha ha! [Mr.Mic pulls a legal sized document out of his suit pocket] The funny thing, Dross, is that you actually believe that. But I have an equalizer. [he holds up the document] TD: What is that? MM: This is a lawsuit filed on behalf of myself against the IIWF to nullify this decision. TD: On what grounds? MM: Simple, discrimination! TD: Discrimination?! Are you crazy? MM: Maybe, Dross, but think about it. The only sets of two allowed at ringside are women -- and I use that term very loosely. Fine, upstanding bodyguards like Hades are discriminated against because the IIWF feels they cause too much trouble. I would like to remind President Spreadbury that Comedy nearly took Icehawk's face off with a fireball. As much as I would have liked baked hawk I find that pretty dangerous. TD: Mr. Mic, you don't really think you can win this lawsuit do you? MM: Of course I do, moron. It's a classic case of discrimination. My lawyers filed the motion in a London court today! TD: Last question, what about your attempts to join the Syndicate? MM: Dross, it's simple. The Syndicate is a first class organization. All of us here have talked about it and we would like to become members if they'll have us. If not, so be it. Just think what a managerial team myself, Mr. Lau and Mr. McQueen would make. TD: [sarcastically] Oh yeah, just think! MM: Mr. Dross, that comment will cost you this interview. Goodbye! [Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ * SUBWAY PSYCHO vs. CREED ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ LM: Who knows what is boiling between these two athletes? The Psycho recently attempted to come to Creed's defense, only to have the big rookie turn on him and leave him to the Syndicate. Wednesday night, it was Creed who came to the Psycho's defense, but was clipped by an errant blow by the "People's Champion". BL: Errant blow? The Stinker clearly took a cheap shot. LM: The world has already seen what a lethal tag team these men can make. I'd like to see them patch up their differences. BL: No one cares what you'd like, Larry. Besides, I think there's more at stake in this match than just a couple of cheap shots. Creed is part of the "new guard" in the IIWF, while the Stinker is among those old guys past their prime. Creed wants to send a message to the Stinker tomorrow night... and he wants it to be loud and clear: [SCENE: April 15, 1997. Shea Stadium - Flushing, New York City. Reporters from across the country, based not only in sports but news as well, are wandering throughout the visitors clubhouse following the New York Mets 3-0 victory over the Los Angeles Dodgers. The story, however, is the stirring tribute to the 50th Anniversary of Jackie Robinson's having broken the color barrier in Major League Baseball. A select few high profile professional athletes of past and present were invited to the celebration, highlighted by a fifth-inning speech by United States President Bill Clinton - and the retiring of Jackie Robinson's #42, by all of major league baseball. One of those athletes in attendance... is Creed. The big rookie is holding court to a sizable gathering of those reporters in the auxiliary media section of that visitors clubhouse. The powerfully built Creed is a stunning vision in an elegant bone white suit which offsets his ebony skin....accompanied, of course, by the everpresent red left glove. Creed, his soft voice in contrast to his intimidating presence, is concluding his answers to the questions of various reporters.] CREED: ...Sure, I think Tiger should have been here, when the President calls - you go - particularly for something this important. I have my own thing going on in Portland on Saturday Night...but this is the place to be right now. You got to respect a guy like Jackie Robinson...putting up with the way things were back then...I know I wouldn't be here today without what he did. I admire the guys who came before, who made my road a little easier, particularly in my sport... like Ernie Ladd, Rocky Johnson and Mad Dog Watkins. [there is noticeable murmuring from the press corps.] Yeah, that's right. Mad Dog Watkins. Look, I'm a man. If I'm wrong I step up to it. The Dog isn't my father - I was wrong. Now, we ain't ever gonna be friends or nothing - but I know that a lot of the stuff he said before Ring Wars was just part of the business. Just the way things gotta be. I'm learning that. [Dodger right fielder Raul Mondesi walks up to give Creed a quick hug and quietly wish him luck with his upcoming matches.] Yeah, you be good too, man. Just don't hurt my Giants too bad, right. [Creed returns his attention to the reporters.] REPORTER: Creed, I'm Mike Lupica with the Daily News, you're meeting a pretty popular man around here - the Subway Psycho - on Saturday Night - what are your thoughts about "The People's Champion"? And what about that unbelievable 12 match unbeaten streak of yours? CREED: Yeah, this is a good example of what I was talking about earlier. There gonna be a day when I get beat. Everybody gets beat - even Jackie Robinson didn't get a hit every time. And in the IIWF - there a lotta guys who can go - like Steve Kowalski, Byron, Brody Thunder and that damn Mad Dog sure as hell can go. But I gotta tell you straight up...the Subway Psycho ain't never gonna beat me. I'm not saying he wasn't a good champion - or that he oughta retire. But his best days are behind him. I'm younger... I'm stronger... I'm faster... and I'm smarter than the Psycho. His day has come and gone. It's my day now. So, I want him to come hard on Saturday Night. I want the best Subway Psycho has to offer. I want him to fight me like he's taking his last breath. I want him to fight me like it's his last damn match ever in the IIWF. I want him to forget about Tiger Claw, forget about the woman, forget about everything else in his damn life and just focus for 20 minutes on Creed. And if he does that...if he does all that and give me everything he's got... He still won't beat me. Not Saturday Night. Not a month from Saturday Night. Not ever. [Many reporters "ooooh" as Creed steps away from the mic., adjusts his left glove - and glares at the camera as the shot fades. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: Wow, just like "Broadway" Joe Namath, who used to play in Shea Stadium, predicted a victory for the Jets in the Super Bowl, Creed promises he won't lose to the Psycho tomorrow night. BL: And the Psycho is old enough to remember that Super Bowl! Creed was just a twinkle in his Daddy's... whoever that may be... eye in the late 60's. LM: It's fairly clear that Creed and the Subway Psycho are not going to settle their differences outside the ring: [SCENE: A subway platform in Manhattan. The Subway Psycho stands with his face hidden ever so slightly by shadows. Tim Dross is there.] TD: Psycho, a word please. This sudden feud between you and Creed has me boggled. This all started a couple of weeks ago when Creed, from what I could tell, mistook you for a member of the Syndicate and let you have it. Now Creed comes to save you on Wednesday War Room and you lay him out. Now you to will face each other on Saturday. I have to admit Psycho, maybe your missing who the real enemy is... the Syndicate. Creed was once your partner, and that comment about his mother... you couldn't possible have meant it in the way it came off. SP: [visibly disturbed and angry] Are you saying I don't mean what I say? Dross you have known me a long time and have I ever once opened my mouth without knowing what I'm talking about? TD: Well, no. But.... SP: Creed, I don't know what you thought you were doing in the ring on Wednesday. The damage has been done and there is no redemption for you. I'm not going to lose any sleep over that comment about your mother. I never had a mother so forgive me if I'm a little cold towards parental units. The streets are my parents and they are hard and unforgiving. That's me... unforgiving. Now Syndicate, Tim here brings up an interesting point. You are my number one enemy. I don't care how many of you there are, or how many times you jump me. Syndicate members come and go, you're all a dime a dozen... but there's only one of me and I'll be here long after you're all gone. Come on out to the ring Saturday, come on. I know you'll run in at me eventually. I'm calling you all out... if you can take the time off from sucking each other's [BLEEP] in the back! TD: That will be quite enough of... hey! [Psycho turns and jumps down off the platform and disappears into a tunnel. Dross looks at the camera in confusion. Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ * OTTO VERHOEVEN vs. TAKEZO MUSASHI ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ LM: Takezo Musashi has been rather quiet since he dropped the IIWF Cruiserweight Championship to Shinja Chow at Ring Wars III, but his actions have spoken louder than words. His all-out attack on Billy Shakespeare recently turned some heads. The "Enigma" even used a chair on Billy. BL: Too bad Spur didn't come to Billy's aid. Hehehe. LM: Apparently several fans have been questioning Musashi's tactics in that match, but the "Enigma" is making no apologies: [SCENE: The "Enigma" Takezo Musashi is hard at training in his dojo. He strikes at a wooden mannequin without pulling his blows, and seems to be aiming for pressure points on the human body. Takezo gives the mannequin one last shuddering kick, making a crack on its midsection, before ending the workout. His face shows an uncharacteristic expression of anger and defiance as he turns to face the camera.] TM: Well, some of you fans out there may have a few questions to ask of the "Enigma". You may have watched my match with Billy Shakespeare and wondered to yourself what was going on. You saw me bust Billy boy across the head with a steel chair and kick him in the throat and you were shocked. I don't have to apologize for that and I don't have to make excuses. I did what I had to do to win; so what's your problem with that? Shakespeare has gone soft both in the mind and the body; I made him pay the price for his weakness. So now I'm slated to face Otto Verhoeven tomorrow night, and I know I'm going to have to put up with all the usual crap: that I'm too small to beat a juggernaut like Otto, that I can only be successful in the Cruiserweight division. You know the score, you've probably said it to yourself already. Well listen up and learn your history! I've already beaten Verhoeven and I did so with ease; while I was still a green rookie! And you only have to watch my match with Shakespeare to prove how far I've come since those days. How far have _you_ come since that time, Otto? Your enemies hit you with the force of a tsunami and you got swept under the tide. I'm stronger than you, Verhoeven, maybe not physically but certainly mentally. I can take it further; I can take the fight to the depths of your endurance and come back fighting harder. Otto, it's time for you and the rest of the IIWF to face up to the facts, I am the most talented wrestler ever to step foot in this organization and I will not be denied any longer! [Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: That's a very... uh, _confident_ and outspoken Takezo Musashi. BL: He'd better be quiet. If he says anything to infuriate a guy like Otto Verhoeven, he _may_ live to regret it. Then again, Verhoeven may just do away with him. LM: Don't underestimate the "Enigma". Remember, like he just said, he already owns one victory over Verhoeven. BL: Verhoeven hasn't forgotten it, which is one reason I'm certain the Teutonic Terror will wipe the mat with the "Enema" tomorrow night. LM: Thank you for _that_ mental picture! Steve Summer caught up with Otto Verhoeven earlier this week right here in Portland to get his comments on this match: [SCENE: Otto "the Butcher" Verhoeven, wearing a finely tailored pinstripe suit, is standing in front of a little cinema in downtown Portland with Steve Summer, who sports his "Creed...Anyone...Anywhere...Anytime" shirt. Nurse Heidi can be seen in the background, munching some popcorn and looking at Bruce Lee-posters which hang on the walls.] SS: Um, hello, Herr Verhoeven. Why did you want to do this interview here, in front of this old cinema? I mean, it isn't even a multiplex? Why do people go here? They don't even show Beverly Hills Ninja or Karate Kid V or... OV: [glaring at Summer] You talk too much, wimp. I am here to watch some old classics and to get in the right spirit before my match with little Takezo Musashi. SS: "Little" Musashi? He is a former Cruiserweight Champion, after all and... OV: ...and do you think that a Cruiserweight Champion would impress me? That title has absolute no meaning for me. It is worthless, a title that only schwachlinge, I mean, weaklings may even contend for. [he motions to the Bruce Lee posters behind him] I am here to get into the spirit for a duel of two true warriors, skilled and brave men throwing everything they have to prove who has the superior abilities and who deserves to be called "master of the ring". I would have preferred some Akira Kuroosawa movie like "Seven Samurais", but your American cinemas do not seem to appreciate true masterpieces. SS: Wow, this sounds more like some yin-yan stick than some hardcore kung fu action. Hey, I know that Akira movie. A cartoon, right? [Verhoeven grimaces, but Summer doesn't notice] It's so cool when they blow each other off those mega-bikes and those freaky psychic powers of that other guy really... OV: Are you really earning money with this? SS: Of course! Come on, I am a wrestling capacity. But this is actually a rematch, right? The Enigma has pinned you after his fabulous Starsault Press. Mister Dross told me to ask you about this and wha... OV: Shut up. That was many months ago and if you remember it correctly while I was pinned that damned Chris Quigley held down my legs. I did not forget that, Musashi, and neither did you, I'm sure of that. I promised back then that I would avenge myself, that I got some payback in store for you. I respect your culture, I respect the honor you people revere so much and your wrestling ability, but when you accepted that tainted victory you became a target in my book, and I am going to let you feel the wrath of a cheated man. SS: Yeah, that will be a real scooterrobber or whatever Mister Dross calls those great matches. But what about Tony Starks? There are some hefty rumors flying around for Birthday Bash. OV: If Tony Starks dares to show up during my match there will be hell to pay. Heidi and I are really upset about his comments last week, and at Birthday Bash I will make sure that little ghetto kid will learn to respect women. Oh, and the self-styled master of submission holds should better watch how I devastate Musashi tomorrow, he might learn something. NH: [shouting from the entrance] Ze movie starts, Liebling. OV: Musashi, Starks, beware. The Butcher is on the prowl, and you will be dragged, screaming and helpless, into the SLAUGHTERHOUSE! [Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ * DEATHBRINGER vs. MR. DAMAGE ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ LM: As much as it pains me to say it, these two athletes seem to be headed in different directions. BL: Deathbringer seems to be almost jealous of Requiem these days. Let's face it, Requiem has gained the fan support, he's on a winning streak, and he turned Nightwing into the "Little Injun that Could". Hehe... snort. LM: I'm not sure Deathbringer is capable of emotions like jealousy. BL: He ought to be jealous of Mr. Damage. The man we once called the "Blunder from Down Under" has turned his career around in 1997. He hasn't lost a match this year. I think he's the hottest property in the IIWF right now -- and that includes Creed. LM: I'm sure even Tim Dross would agree with you on that. BL: One thing is for sure: Mr. Damage isn't planning on having that streak broken tomorrow night: [SCENE: A Graveyard. Time: Midnight - The Witching Hour! A man dressed in black as a druid with a hood over his face stands alone in front of a Cenotaph. Haunting organ music starts in the background. The man raises his left arm and begins to speak.] DRUID: Tomorrow night Deathbringer, vengeance WILL be mine. [A man who looks like a movie director walks into the scene with a megaphone.] DIRECTOR: CUT, CUT, CUT! That is not in the script. Where did you find those lines, you fool? [The Druid takes the hood off, revealing none other than Mr. Damage] DIRECTOR: Hey, you're not Val Kilmer! Somebody call security! MD: Nobody is going to call anyone, just keep the film rolling little man! DIRECTOR: Oh Mr. Damage, I am very sorry -- please forgive me! I heard you were in Hollywood meeting with producers, aren't you going to be the bad guy in the new James Bond film? MD: No [very sarcastic], I'm here in Hollywood for a new original film about a man who is divorced and misses his children so much that he dresses up as a nanny so he could be close to his children. Its a romantic comedy! It's called Little Miss Crossfire. To be honest I'm here on official IIWF business, I'm not here for movies or screen tests. DIRECTOR: And where's Val Kilmer? MD: Don't you worry about Val, you just keep that camera pointed at me and listen to what I have to say. Deathbringer, on Saturday Night we shall collide in the ring once again. It's been a long time since we met. I was just a rookie, you were about to win your first World Title. Well, as I see it since then I think a lot of water has flowed under the bridge, you lost your title, I just kept plugging away, getting wins here and and getting disqualified there, but always smacking a few heads along the way and making my very presence felt. Then the new year started, I made a promise to myself -- that I am here to win gold. Since I made that promise I am unbeaten. No one has pinned my shoulders on the mat. Instead of being the "Hired Gun" I once was, I started thinking for myself, I started focusing on the job at hand because it was more important to me. Saturday Night is very important to me. I have wanted a rematch for a long time. I see you as the best wrestler in the IIWF, other than me of course, your win/loss record is nothing short of amazing... and very lucky. Tomorrow night is the night where I show the world just what I am out to achieve. If I can beat you I can beat anyone. Deathbringer you are a RUNG on my way to the top of the LADDER, and I don't care who I have to STEP on to get to the top. Whether it is you, Musashi, Watkins, Psycho, I really do not care. But Deathbringer, your time has come. [Mr. Damage then slowly proceeds out of shot. Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ * RONNIE PARIS vs. BILLY SHAKESPEARE ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ LM: If ever there were grounds for a grudge match, this would be it. The only question is whether or not Ronnie Paris will be trying to exact his revenge on the right man. BL: The right man? Hey Larry, Spur was Shakespeare. Shakespeare was Spur. Do I need to continue? LM: But Shakespeare's doctor said Billy wasn't consciously aware of this alter ego named Spur. BL: Do you think he'll be consciously aware of Widdle Wonnie beating on his head tomorrow night? LM: Let's switch to our other studio and find out if... wait, I'm being told Billy Shakespeare has not yet arrived for his interview. BL: Maybe he was hoping to catch a ride to the studio with Spur. BWAHAHA... snort. LM: That's not funny. Multiple personality disorder is a very serious thing. BL: Says you. And you. And you, too! LM: I can see you have no sympathy for Billy Shakespeare, and it appears Ronnie Paris won't when he meets Billy in the ring tomorrow night. Paris is eager to exact revenge for all the humiliation and pain Spur... er, Billy caused him: [SCENE: Steve Summer stands in the middle of the Paris Gym in El Paso, with Ronnie at his side, smiling. Maggie Collins is nowhere to be seen, and other than these two and the cameraman, the gym seems to be empty.] SS: I'm on location in El Paso, with my man Ronnie P., to talk about an upcoming challenge in the ring, and some stuff from outside it as well. [Paris puts his hand on the mic, and Summer gives no resistance as it is taken away.] RP: First off all, I'd just like to talk about a few "surprises"... they were supposed to be, but you can count on Steve here to break the big stories! [Summer flashes a goofy grin, and gives a thumbs up to the camera.] Yes, I am getting married to Maggie the week after Coronation Clash, on the Thursday to be exact. It's a busy time... right now Maggie's checking out all the caterers in town. Do you know how hard it is to find a catering crew that can make a wedding cake in the shape of a wrestling ring? SS: I can't say I do. Although I was once at a stag party where the cake... RP: [interrupting] Maybe that story's better for another time, Steve. Anyway, I don't know about my brother showing up, though, but it could happen... but for now, I have a big problem to worry about. SS: Billy Shakespeare, right? How do you intend to deal with a great guy, and a former champion like Little Willy? RP: First of all, Spur or Billy or whatever the heck he's calling himself this week caused me a lot of trouble and a lot of pain. I don't like that very much... I don't like it at all. I don't know his motivations, but I sure as hell don't believe any quack he pulls out to help him pretend it's some kinda mental disorder... what a load of bull that is! SS: But Ronnie, what if he really is a schizophrenic? RP: Then I'll be getting revenge on two guys instead of one... but he's lying, so I don't have to worry about that. Little Willy, I've known since day one that something about you was just a little off, but it didn't bother me. Until now. I don't care if it's this Saturday, in the parking lot, out here in my gym, at Birthday Bash, _anywhere_, the next time you see me, you'll be looking up at me. You can cry about multiple personalities all you want, all I know is that you've hit me with chairs, cost me matches, and made me enemies. I also know that it's payback time for the man putting on the greatest performance of his life. SS: [slightly distressed] But Ronnie, I really think that doctor guy sounded legit. Billy may really have this disorder... he may not have known he did it. RP: Steve, no offense at all to you, but I don't think so! We've all seen and we all know that Shakespeare prides himself on being an actor, which is why this little farce looks so damn believable. Well, it's the fifth act now, and I intend to make sure this ends up as a tragedy for you, Shakespeare. I may not be the biggest man you've ever fought, or the toughest, or even the smartest. But I keep my word better than anyone, and my word is this; I'm gonna make you feel the pain I felt! Payback's a bitch, and so am I... [Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] BL: And so is his fiancee. LM: Becky! You don't even know her! BL: [imitating Paris] "Do you know how hard it is to find a catering crew that can make a wedding cake in the shape of a wrestling ring?" Gee, that would make it a square cake. Duh! Caterers in El Paso must be really.... LM: I hope we'll be able to get that LIVE interview with Billy Shakespeare later in the show. For now, let's just move on. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ * LUKE STEELE vs. MAD DOG WATKINS ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ LM: These are two more athletes who have been headed in different directions lately. BL: Mad Dog Watkins has been a new man since losing to Creed at Ring Wars III. It's almost like he feels he has something to prove after being beaten by the younger man. LM: Luke Steele _may_ have something to prove. It's been nearly two months since he last won a singles match. He'll have a tough time claiming the win tomorrow night. BL: But he's one of many IIWF wrestlers who decided to take in a baseball game this week: [SCENE: A Cleveland Indians game. As the camera pans the crowd, we see the biggest Indians fan wearing a Cleveland jersey. It's the "Real Deal" Luke Steele, and he's happily cheering on his hometown team. He sees the IIWF logo on the camera, and speaks right at it.] LS: Hey there kiddies, it's the Deal again. Just enjoying a few days off before I'm scheduled to fight next. I hear ol' Billy's back to normal. Well that's swell, but it doesn't mean that he's off my hit list. Ronnie P's got him first, and I've got the Bow Wow Tower of Power, Mad Dog Watkins. Whoo Doggy, we're gonna rumble this Saturday. I owe you, among others, for taking me out of the battle royal a few weeks ago. And believe me when I say it, payback is hell. You've got problems with Brody Thunder, well pal so do I. Thunder, if you stick your nose in my business this weekend, expect it to get bitten off. I'm not playin' anymore, it's time to get down to business. I'm going to go out and focus on winning the match, not getting caught up with Shakespeare, Paris, or Thunder. Baby Dolls, from now on you're gonna see a new side to the Real Deal, one that's strictly business. It's my time to go out and fight tooth and nail, the only way you can beat Mad Dog Watkins. Watkins, prepare to get muzzled! [Fade out on Steele, who leaps out of his seat as David Justice cracks a home run. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ * DEREK MOTA vs. RANDY ACORN ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ LM: There's no arguing the fact that Randy Acorn has been off his game lately. He's only mustered a win over Ned Norton in recent weeks. BL: The arrival of Derek Mota, with whom Acorn has feuded in another fed, seems to have thrown the former Cruiserweight Champ off. LM: The arrival of Derek Mota has thrown a lot of people off. Mota has wasted no time making his presence felt in the IIWF. He attacked Ike Sampson and Duncan Macbeth, then felt the wrath of Macbeth Wednesday night. BL: [in her painful brogue] Perd'n me, master Mota, be that me sword stickin' out yeself or ere ye jus' happy ta see me? Heheeeeee.... LM: Oh, you're a funny one. Why don't you go to the zoo and turn a heat lamp on the penguins? BL: Hey, I hadn't thought about that one. Can we speed things up a little bit? [yells off camera] What time does the zoo close? LM: Sigh. Let's hear from Derek Mota as he prepares for this matchup: [SCENE: Footage subtitled "EARLIER THIS WEEK". Steve Summer and a cameraman are making the long trek up to the 500 level of the Skydome in Toronto, Ontario. The cameraman is obviously getting quite tired, but Summer is pushing him on.] SS: Come on, buddy! I promised Mota that I'd make him a star tonight. If we make him look good then maybe I'll get that raise that Mr. Spreadbury was talking to me about! [The cameraman picks up the pace a little, but is still dragging behind. They finally make it to the top, where you can finally see the baseball field, and the ball game being played.] SS: Ok, it's over there... oh, there he is! [The camera zooms in on Derek Mota sitting in the bleacher seats, far away from the other fans. Mota is looking relaxed, watching the ball game, but his mind is obviously on something else.] SS: Hey Derek, I told you you'd come around! You could use a guy like me to push you up in the ratings! DM: Summer... SS: Hey man, I thought your match against Requiem last night was cool. How you got up from some of those power moves, man, and then you were flying around and stuff, and you had me going, and you had the crowd pumped, and Macbeth man, he was cool, and... DM: Summer! [Steve Summer finally realizes that he's hogging the conversation, and shuts up.] DM: I bet you're wondering why I called you here. You see, I love watchin' a good ball game, but that's not the reason. You feel this? [Mota points his arm around the stadium.] DM: Those are the last remnants of Ring Wars III. You can still feel the presence. You know, this is where I signed my IIWF contract. The suits had seen me around in other leagues, but when they saw me up here in the stands, they knew they had a chance ta sign me. And they did. So I come back here once in a while to pick up some of the original feeling. One day it's gonna be me in the ring at Skydome, and I'll have 90,000 people either cheerin' me or booin' me, I don't care. [A legion of kids run by to catch a foul ball hit WAY hard by Jose Canseco, and a few of them notice Derek Mota and quickly get his autograph.] DM: Let me talk to you about Requiem, Summer. The guy put up a fight. He put up a great fight. Let me tell you one thing. I never told anybody that I was unbeatable. I'm human. I win some, I'll lose some. But everyone saw how I gave Requiem one of the toughest matches of his life. Big man, I'll take you in the ring again when I'm ready. Let's see, what have we learned so far? My soul is tainted, I can agree with that. And I need to be saved. Requiem, please save me! [pleading tone in his voice - Mota's voice becomes serious once more] More to come... SS: Hey Derek, what about the sword? How it dropped from the sky and almost killed you, people thought it was wicked! Well, not the killing part, but you gotta admit it was cool! DM: Macbeth, I'll give you a point for that one. But you did make one mistake. You missed me. You had your chance ta take me out, and ya missed. Tell ya one thing. The IIWF isn't about messin' around. You play for keeps, or ya GET THE HELL OUT! I'm still tryin' to figure out just where you fit in there. You're willing to put Ike Sampson behind? You want to get in the ring with me instead? Sign the line, buddy, sign the line. Right now you got my attention, and that's NOT WHAT YOU WANT TO DO! You saw what I've been doing so far in the IIWF. You want to be the focus of my attention? You're it. If this is a game we're playing, then it's my turn to one up ya. SS: You haven't talked about your match on Saturday against "Badboy" Randy Acorn. What's up with that one? DM: Acorn's been on the wrong side of my boot for months now. He wants to rock and roll for another night, well he's in for a rough ride. Acorn, I know there's a great wrestler under all that crap. Bring him out, kid, and let's fight like we've never fought before. I'm in the mood to go all night, and I ain't gonna do it on my own. You and me, we got a lot in common. We're both small guys, but we got lots of guts. The problem for you is, yours'll be spilled on the mat after the match! Give me the fight of your life, Acorn, let's see if it's good enough. Come at me, kid. Come at me. SS: Okay, we're outta here, Derek! We got a blockbuster here! We'll see you on Saturday night! [Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: That Steve Summer was a busy little beaver this week. BL: Hehe... are you gonna feed me those straight lines all night? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ * THE LAST RESORT vs. THE HIGH PLAINS DRIFTERS ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ LM: This will be another meeting of the "new guard" versus the veterans. The High Plains Drifters are former IIWF World Tag Team Champions who know what it takes to get a win. BL: Not to mention that they'll be going for win number twenty tomorrow night, just like the Armed Forces. And the Drifters will have a much easier opponent. LM: I take it you weren't impressed with the Last Resort's debut on Wednesday night? BL: Impressed? When it comes to tag teams, these guys live up to their name. Let's see, they've got a manager named after a character in "Robinson Crusoe"... LM: His name is Mr. Friday. BL: Some Mexican guy whose name means "horny man"... LM: El Diablo means "The Devil". BL: And a masked guy who looked so bad Wednesday night that Ned Norton could have beaten him. LM: He didn't look _that_ bad. But the Resort's decision to dress up like cowboys after the match and mock the High Plains Drifters did not go unnoticed by the former champions: [SCENE: An Arizona desert night. Three figures stand silhouetted by the moon. The carcasses of dead cattle lay strewn around. The only light other than the moon is the cigar of Josey Wales.] JW: Well I told y'all we'd be the first team to twenty. Last Resort is that victim. You youngsters like to play cowboys? You like to pretend that you're us? We're going to show y'all how it can hurt to mess around with a cowboy. DON'T EVER MESS WITH A COWBOY BECAUSE WE'LL CUT YER [BLEEP]IN' HEARTS OUT! Armed Forces, what can I say? I wish you guys had been number twenty, but it doesn't look like that will happen. Take a number for the one you want though, 21... 22? Whatever... we're ready to oblige. [Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] BL: Oooh, they're mad. The Last Resort is gonna pay big time! LM: The Last Resort may not have looked great in their debut, but it takes some time for great tag teams to get used to working together, as Tim Dross learned when he dropped in on a Last Resort training session: [SCENE: Tim Dross walks into the Gym where the Last Resort are training. Mr Friday, their manager, is speaking into a mobile phone. In the background, El Diablo can be seen teaching the Masked Avenger the finer details of a leglock on a hapless jobber.] TD: Ahem. [Upon seeing Dross, Mr Friday finishes his call.] MF: Ah, Tim, nice to see you again. One match, one win. I hope you were impressed by what you saw. TD: Not exactly, while El Diablo looked to be an accomplished wrestler, his partner Masked Avenger seemed to be rather lacking in the skills department. [In the background, El Diablo seems to be getting more and more frustrated with the Masked Avenger who seems to be having difficulty in getting the leglock hold correct.] MF: Admittedly he is a little raw and it will take time for him to reach his full potential, but I'm sure that with the blend of talents that both men possess and there will to win, they will be able to overcome any obstacles that stand in their way. TD: While the Rotundos aren't exactly Tag Team champion material, the High Plains Drifters should prove to be a lot tougher opponents. They're veterans of the tag team scene here in the IIWF and they are looking for their 20th win. [There is a shout of joy from the background as the Masked Avenger finally manages to get the leg lock applied correctly. ] MF: They will prove to be tough opponents to beat, but I don't believe they are the team that they once were, they may be spurred on to be the first team to achieve 20 wins but I do not believe it will be at our expense. As you can see my boys are training hard now and as we speak they are perfecting some new moves for this Saturday night. [The Masked Avenger gets up and comes over to where Mr Friday and Dross are standing ] MA: Did you see that? I finally managed to get the leg lock right and after only a week of training! [Mr. Friday rolls his eyes] MA: So then Drifters, you best be ready for Saturday cause that's when we're gonna kick your... [Mr Friday grows angry] MF: Get back to your training, NOW! [Masked Avenger walks away] TD: So what next? Will you be aiming for the titles? MF: In time but first we need to get a few more matches under our belts, you have to remember the boys have not been working together for long. I'm not really looking beyond our next opponents -- the Drifters, but I want my boys to see as much action as possible so we would be willing to face anybody. I do hear that those beach bums the W & W Express want to face off against us. Well boys anytime, anyplace, you know the number. [Mr Friday's phone rings and he answers it.] MF: Sorry Tim, important call. You'll have to excuse me. [Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: Fans, it promises to be another great night of action in the IIWF Coliseum tomorrow night and we know you'll want to be with us. BL: Why are you stalling? LM: I'm waiting for word on our Billy Shakespeare interview. He's supposed to be with us in the studio tonight and... [Larry presses his finger to his ear piece] Fans, I'm sorry but there is still no sign of Billy Shakespeare in the studio. If he arrives, we will surely cut in with the interview. BL: Maybe we should have invited Spur. At least _he_ was punctual. LM: For now, let's hear from some of the other IIWF superstars. ************************************************************************** --------------------------- IIWF TRASH TALK ---------------------------- ************************************************************************** LM: Marty Warnett has apparently overcome his bouts of depression and his bouts of Lady DeWinter to become the Marty Warnett of old. BL: He's back to liquor and teenagers, huh? LM: Well, he's certainly back to the hard-living and hard-training lifestyle that helped him rise to the top of the IIWF. And perhaps we should begin referring to him as the "Nature Boy" Marty Warnett: [SCENE: An empty IIWF Interview Area. In walks Marty Warnett, wearing a whitish/blonde wig, sunglasses, and a sparkling purple and white sequined robe.] MW: Well, it seems we have some people here in the IIWF afraid to meet the Party Maniac at Birthday Bash... so I guess that while you're all getting hot and sweaty, the main man'll just be making some young lady very happy, and I'll be stylin' and profilin' the whole night away... [Marty looks down, and then looks back up again.] Everybody has an agenda here in the IIWF. And right now, my little eye is set on you, Chris Quigley. Cute comment, about the WWF, my friend. After all, you obviously have taken quite a shine to WWF images. [Marty takes off the sunglasses, his eyes expanding. He then points a taped finger at the camera.] Chris, whether you like it, brother, or whether you hate it, you're going to learn to love it ... whooooooooooooooo! Never write off one of the four donkeymen ... because you sure as hell ain't a crippler. [Fade. Cut back Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: Marty Warnett... a donkeyman? BL: Why not? He's been making an ass of himself for the last six months. BWAHAHAHA... snort... snort. LM: Hehe... now _that_ one was pretty good. BL: Glad you liked it. Now go get me some biscuits! LM: Get your own biscuits! We may have to get members of Domination some psychiatic help if they don't escape the grasp of Oak. BL: I'm sure Billy Shakespeare could recommend a good professional. I hear Dr. Thorson is running a special this week: two personalities for the price of one! LM: This is no laughing matter. Fans, this next clip is disturbing. Please view it at your own discretion: [SCENE: A darkened room. A dark-robed figure can barely be seen laying in the corner, on a bed of broken glass. The camera moves in closer, and a chanting can be heard...'Oak...Oak...Oak...Oak...Oak' The camera moves in closer on the face... it is Dani Jarvier. He stops chanting and stares intensely into the camera, burning into the eyes of all those who are watching.] DJ: The pain. It purifies me. All pain purifies me now. Zodiac Connection, the pain we caused you was not of the purifying kind. It was a special pain, the beginning of a barbed tree of pain we are growing for all in the IIWF. The tree is growing fast, as are the number of people following the guidance of Oak. How many in the IIWF? Six, ten? I`m losing count. But I am gaining strength. Oak has made me a stronger being. Oak will guide us to the World tag titles. The IIWF will be truly dominated. Oak...Oak...Oak...Oak...Oak...Oak...Oak... [Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] ************************************************************************** ------------------- LIVE INTERVIEW: OAK AND THE CELL ------------------- ************************************************************************** LM: There is certainly a lot of mystery surrounding Oak and his sect right now, especially with the question of how many IIWF stars are involved with him. BL: It's been more than a month since The Cell joined forces with Oak, and the results have been mixed. There seems to be trouble with El Spitto Verde and Randy Acorn, Sr. these days. LM: Randy Ac... oh, Acorn Senior... Oak. Very funny. BL: At least you _got_ that one! LM: Let's go over to Steve Summer for a special LIVE interview. [Cut to the interview set. The Cell and Oak are standing alongside Steve Summer.] SS: Wrestling fans, with me at this time is the man turning heads for the wrong reasons, The Cell, along with his manager, for want of a better word, Oak. Welcome gentlemen. OAK: It's a pleasure to be here, Steve. Let me just set you straight on one matter though. I am _not_ this man's manager. I am simply his 'guide'. When he feels he needs help and, obviously, guidance, he comes to me. For that matter, when _I_ feel he needs help, I do my best to set his mind at ease and help focus it. Mind over matter, Steve, mind over matter. SS: [bemused] Hmmmm, I see.. OAK: Very quickly, I'll just clarify that if I may...? SS: Go ahead. OAK: When this man sought my help all of two months ago, I had to decide whether I could help him or not. Being the kind of man I am, I told him that I could, as long as he worked with me. His poor results, largely due to the fact that he didn't care if he was disqualified - or even pinned - as long as he caused his opponent more pain than he suffered himself. The name of the game in wrestling, though, is not to cause pain and lose, but to cause minimal pain and win. Or at least that's how I see it. Win win win. I drummed this into his mind and things started looking up. In the space of four months he had moved from bottom of the rankings to mid-table and was picking up some impressive wins. However, he took it upon himself, with the help of Monster of Domination to, by whatever means necessary, injure, almost fatally, the American Patriot. I tried to stop him, but with his strength, what could I do? [Summer nods along to his every word then shrugs his shoulders.] I'll tell you what I could do: I decided to let him fend for himself for a while. I purposefully stopped giving him the help he needed. I let him 'do his own thing.' I didn't want him at the pay-per-view, but he wanted to be there, so be there he was. Frankly he disgraced himself, myself and all the other members of my sect, and also the fans. They expected a man who just three months previous had been at the top of the rankings to put up a better effort than he did. [Summer keeps nodding, not daring to interrupt the great orator.] After he was eliminated, he dejectedly came backstage and we sat in silence for a good two hours. He knew how disappointed in him I was, and to be fair, he knew he'd let everyone down. I, along with my fellow members - not 'cloakers' as your broadcast colleagues will insist on calling them - took the opportunity of meditating, and praying, not for ourselves, but for the Cell. We felt we had almost lost one of our most valued members. He seemed to be rebelling against us. [Summer nods again. Oak pauses.] SS: Yes, then what? OAK: Steve, he stood up and walked out of the locker room. He didn't appear at the house in Oakland for an entire week. SS: That presumably includes the Wednesday War Room card, right? OAK: Right. We decided to turn up to give him moral support even though he hadn't asked us. He had previously taken out a whole lot of anger on Creed just days before he came to us and we knew Creed would want to make up for that. I hadn't been able to speak with the Cell for about five full days and knew he'd be defeated in that particular match. Result-wise, I was not disappointed, but performance-wise, how could I be anything else? [Summer again shrugs his shoulders.] You know as well as I do Steve that he's as powerful as anyone else in the IIWF. [Summer nods.] The problem at that time was he didn't. Again we sat in the locker room in silence, probably for almost an hour. Eventually he looked up at us all - we were all just staring at him, praying he'd see sense eventually - walked over to me and gave me a hug, asking me how he could have been so foolish and that he wanted me to aid him again. They're my words not his you understand. [Summer nods.] SS: So what have you been doing for the past two weeks then? Surely not meditating and praying? Heh heh. OAK: As a matter of fact, mainly, yes we have. We have spent a lot of time together recently and I believe he is as focussed now as he ever has been. SS: Is that right Cell? [The Cell looks into Summer's eyes for what seems an eternity, then slowly nods his head four or five times.] OAK: You'd better believe it Steve. And fellow wrestlers of the IIWF, this man is back, and winning is his sole priority. Underestimate him at your peril. [Pause.] SS: We just saw some wicked footage of Dani Jarvier. What is your connection with Domination? OAK: The men you call Domination are becoming strong of mind and spirit. That is all you need know right now. [Another pause.] SS: Okay-dokey! That's it from here, 'Lar and Becks! [Cut back to Larry and Becky at the broadcast desk.] LM: Thanks, Steve. BL: Hey Summer, if you ever call me _Becks_ again, you'll be doing a very good Christopher Reeve impression. LM: Would you stop already? BL: Psst, it's time to cut to the rankings. ************************************************************************** ------------------------- IIWF SINGLES RANKINGS ------------------------- ************************************************************************** ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Name F/H Fought W L D Win% Ranking (old) new ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Casey James H 36 21 13 2 61% (WC) WC Lord Byron H 21 16 5 0 76% (IC) IC The White Phoenix F 22 15 6 1 70% (CW) CW ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Creed N 14 11 3 0 79% (1) 1 Deathbringer H 30 22 5 3 78% (2) 2 Steve Kowalski H 18 14 4 0 78% (3) 3 "Enigma" Takezo Musashi F 28 21 7 0 75% (4) 4 Requiem F 6 4 1 1 75% (6) 5 Mad Dog Watkins H 11 8 3 0 73% (5) 6 Subway Psycho F 32 21 9 2 69% (7) 7 Billy Shakespeare F 36 24 11 1 68% (8) 8 Chris Quigley F 25 16 7 2 68% (9) 9 Otto Verhoeven H 29 19 9 1 67% (10) 10 Highwayman F 9 6 3 0 67% (11) 11 "Sychosys" Joe Petrow N 12 7 4 1 63% (12) 12 Brody Thunder H 21 13 8 0 62% (13) 13 Marty Warnett F 38 23 15 0 61% (15) 14 Nightwing F 10 6 4 0 60% (14) 15 Mr. Damage H 29 17 12 0 59% (17) 16 Dirt Dog Unique Allah N 17 9 6 2 58% (16) 17 Tiger Claw H 43 22 19 2 54% (18) 18 Cheshire H 13 7 6 0 54% (19) 19 The Sandman F 32 16 16 0 50% (20) 20 Serge Annis N 11 5 5 1 50% (21) 21 "Real Deal" Luke Steele F 8 4 4 0 50% (22) 22 The Hangman H 17 6 7 4 47% (23) 23 Ronnie Paris F 13 6 7 0 46% (24) 24 The Cell H 21 9 12 0 43% (25) 25 "Badboy" Randy Acorn H 11 4 7 0 36% (26) 26 ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Duncan Macbeth N 1 1 0 0 100% (27) 27= Ike Sampson F 1 1 0 0 100% (28) 27= Tony Starks F 3 2 1 0 67% (30) 29 Derek Mota H 4 2 1 1 63% (29) 30 ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ************************************************************************** ------------------------ IIWF TAG TEAM RANKINGS ------------------------- ************************************************************************** ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Name of team F/H Fought W L D Win% Ranking (old) new ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Pain Inc. H 21 12 8 1 59% (WT) WT The Harlequins N 9 6 3 0 67% (US) US ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Prophets of Rage H 8 7 1 0 88% (1) 1 Night Patrol H 7 6 1 0 86% (2) 2 Domination F 11 7 2 2 73% (4) 3 Cold Spell F 7 5 2 0 72% (3) 4 Rising Sun Revolution F 16 11 5 0 69% (5) 5 The Armed Forces H 29 19 9 1 67% (6) 6 High Plains Drifters H 31 19 11 1 63% (7) 7 W & W Express H 8 5 3 0 63% (9) 8 The Hangmen H 20 10 8 2 55% (10) 9 Dark Disciples H 16 8 7 1 53% (8) 10 The Zodiac Connection F 23 11 12 0 48% (11) 11 ----------------------------------------------------------------------- The Last Resort F 1 1 0 0 100% (-) 12 ------------------------------- on leave ------------------------------- The Players' Club F 14 6 8 0 43% (-) - ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ************************************************************************** ---------------------- UPCOMING IIWF PROGRAMMING ----------------------- ************************************************************************** LM: I'm told that we've received a tape from Billy Shakespeare during that last segment. Apparently, he has opted not to make a personal appearance here tonight, but... [off camera] are we going to show the tape? Okay. Okay. Fans, I'm being told are _are_ going to see the tape. BL: Get on with it already! LM: Roll the tape, guys: [SCENE: Billy Shakespeare sits in the ring, his legs hanging over the apron, his head bowed. In one hand he clutches Spur's mask] BS: "I am but mad north-north-west; when the wind is southerly, I know a hawk from a handsaw." What next role is there for Billy Shakespeare? What is left when the actor removes the costume only to find that he was not playing a role at all? Am I mad? Was Hamlet? Alas, as always, it is up to the audience to decide for themselves. Ronnie Paris, I offer no apologizes... nor to you Steele and Damage. I have played this role, and as Lear cried "I am tied to the stake, and I must stand the course." Spur has reminded me that the other side of comedy is tragedy. Every production does not have a happy ending. I am still 'Born to Perform', though I am no longer sure what the production is. Only at the end of the show can the truth be revealed. [He lifts his head slightly. It is obvious that he wears some makeup on his face, but the camera cuts away before his visage is fully shown. Fade. Cut back to Larry and Becky in the studio.] LM: Billy Shakespeare... obviously a troubled man right now. BL: He'll be troubled when he sees the line of guys waiting to kick his... LM: Fans, we know you'll be with us tomorrow night for what promises to be a great card. Call the IIWF Hotline on Sunday for the latest news and rumors, and don't forget to tune in Monday for "IIWF Monday Musings." "Inside the IIWF" comes your way on Tuesday, and then "Wednesday War Room" heats up the middle of the week. As always, it will be followed by "IIWF Classics" on Thursday. It's "all IIWF... all the time!" BL: And we give you action... which is more than I can say for a two-bit fed from Connecticut disguised as "sports entertainment". LM: So before the lawsuits are filed, this is Larry Morton for Becky LaRue saying goodnight wrestling fans! [The remote camera zooms back up the aisle as the fat woman with the "Mota Mouth" poster screams what can only be translated as "Yabbbba Scaaabbbba Dabba Yaaakkkk"! The other fans wave their signs and t-shirts as the credits roll by too quickly to read. Fade.] +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= I * I * W * F =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+ | President: Daniel Spreadbury | Vice-President: Steve Owens | | univ0322@sable.ox.ac.uk | sowens@admin.presby.edu | | iiwf@sisko.demon.co.uk | IIWFadmin@aol.com | +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- http://www.sisko.demon.co.uk -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=+