##### ###### ### ########## ########## ########## #### ## ########## ########## ########## #### # #### ######## ##### ##### #### ## ##### #### #### #### #### ### #### #### #### #### ############# ######### #### #### ########### ######### #### #### #### #### #### ######### ######### ### #### #### ######### ######### ### ## #### ######## ######## ## # #### =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- ## =-=-=-= INTERNATIONAL INTERNET WRESTLING FEDERATION =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= "INSIDE THE IIWF" with Tim Dross Tuesday 22 April 1997 ----------------------------------------------- [Pearl Jam's "Go" pounds out as the shot opens on Studio 3 in IIWF0 Towers.  Veteran IIWF commentator Tim Dross is standing is front of a bank of monitors, each displaying a match from IIWF past or present. A number of IIWF news personnel are scurrying in the background as the music and matches fade as the shot zooms in on Dross.] Hello again, fans, welcome to Inside the IIWF; your weekly look at all the news, views, reviews and previews, highlights and sidelights, cheers and jeers; a look behind at the week that was and up ahead at the week that will be here in the finest wrestling federation in the world today... the mighty IIWF! I'm your host, Tim Dross, and we have a lot to get to this week, but first off, we know that we had some minor technical difficulties with IIWF programming on Saturday Night, so here's a quick look at the results from that big card: [P.J. Harvey's "Harder" plays over highlights from the Subway Psycho vs. Creed match as the results roll:] 1. Subway Psycho draw Creed 2. IIWF Heavyweight Championship: Tony Starks def. Casey James (countout) 3. IIWF Intercontinental Championship:   Lord Byron def. Steve Kowalski 4. Otto Verhoeven def. "Enigma" Takezo Musashi 5. Ronnie Paris def. Billy Shakespeare 6. Mr. Damage def. Deathbringer (DQ) 7. IIWF World Tag Team Championship:   Pain Inc. def. Armed Forces 8. Luke Steele def. Mad Dog Watkins (DQ) 9. Loser Leaves Town: Derek Mota def. Randy Acorn 10. The Last Resort def. High Plains Drifters ************************************************************************ ------------------------ SUPERSTAR OF THE WEEK ----------------------- ************************************************************************ This past week saw, as always, many great performances -- but it was a duo whose work stood out. The so-called "European Alliance", Lord Byron and Otto Verhoeven, dominated IIWF Saturday Night to an extent that should put all on notice that this will be a force with which to be reckoned. First, we saw the "Butcher" overcoming not only the always tough Takezo Musashi, but the ringside appearance of Tony Starks, to garner a victory over the Enigma.  What made this victory so impressive was the Butcher's continued use of actual wrestling maneuvers to keep Musashi off balance and score the win. We all know that Otto Verhoeven is one of the top brawlers in all the world, but since his recent alliance with Byron, the "Teutonic Terror" has shown an affinity for submission wrestling making the former Heavyweight Champion all the more dangerous.  Then it was Byron, marking his return to the IIWF ring with an impressive Intercontinental defense against Steve Kowalski.  The Fury gave Lord Byron all he wanted -- including a good bit that he didn't want -- but in the end it was the enzuigiri... and a little help from Shinja Chow... that kept the belt around the waist of the Englishman. Folks, I don't know about you, but the prospect of a teaming up of the IIWF's foremost brawler with the mat who many consider the finest technical wrestler in the world today has this reporter shaking his head in concern. Two men who should be concerned about this partnership: Tony Starks and Creed. Starks is set to take on Verhoeven in what could be a wild "German Death Match" at Birthday Bash, and Creed is the man with the Intercontinental shot on May 10... at least, he has that shot as of today. Congratulations to Verhoeven and Byron -- The European Alliance is your IIWF Superstar of the Week! ************************************************************************ ---------------------- TIM DROSS BREAKS IT DOWN ---------------------- ************************************************************************ [Tom Petty's "Breakdown" plays as Dross turns to face Camera 2.] THE BOYS GOT NO CONTROL ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Now, we all like a good feud.  This great sport is founded upon mano a mano conflict.  But right now the IIWF has not one, but two rivalries which threaten to spin right out of control. Few men in this sport are as volatile as Steve Kowalski; he lives his life at 100mph, both in and out of the ring -- but when he attacked one Joe Petrow with that IIWF gauntlet some two weeks ago, spoiling Petrow's chance to "Go For The Gold"... well, Steve Kowalski let the "psycho" out of "Sychosys". That attack we saw on Saturday Night, when Joe Petrow choked out the Fury with that plastic bag, uttering language that even the most seaworthy of Marines would find distasteful, has kicked this rivalry into hyper-gear. It encompasses not only the two wrestlers, but the rabid groups of fans that follow them.  Isn't it ironic, don't you think, that in the week that President Daniel Spreadbury banned excessive traffic from ringside during tag-team matches, that it was the fans who interjected themselves into the action -- both with a passed hammer to the Fury and then that plastic bag to Petrow. And on May 10 both the Sychopaths and the Furies will not only be in the house, but part of the game; permitted to pass any and all objects to their respective favorite for use in that big match. I cannot imagine that IIWF security will ever have a busier evening... ...Unless it will be next Saturday Night when Mad Dog Watkins and Brody Thunder meet for the third time to settle their differences once and for all. That's right; like the quarterback and the head cheerleader at the junior prom, these two "bad boys" can't keep their hands off each other. Brawling in the ring.  In the stands.  In the aisle and in the parking lot.  I do not believe a week has gone by since these two men first hooked up that they have not had some type of altercation, be it physical or otherwise, and that propensity to violence has led a very busy IIWF front office to issue a directive that these two warriors not wait until Birthday Bash -- that they get their business done right now. It is the rare rivalry that seems based not on personal animosity, but on the intensity of competition, on the desperate need that both of these men have to win at all costs. It is hard to see either man being the same again when Mad Dog Watkins and Brody Thunder hook up for the thrid time this Saturday Night. WHICH SIDE AM I ON AGAIN? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A man whose actions are increasingly difficult to figure out is one, "Quickstrike" Chris Quigley, who was more than a little responsible for the retaining of the IIWF Championship belt by Casey James on Saturday Night.  In fact, I don't think it is a stretch to say that were it not for Quigley... and once again, for Brody Thunder... it would be Starks who sits tonight as IIWF Champ. Why?  Certainly there is no affection whatsoever between Chris Quigley and Casey James, in or out of the ring.  But yet it was Quickstrike who ensured that he indeed will face James and not Starks on May 10. Quigley a rulebreaker?  I don't know, folks, but I do know that Chris Quigley has developed a kind of "bunker mentality" here in the IIWF. The quick grin and snappy one-liner have been replaced by a man who believes himself to be constantly under attack... forces beyond his control trying to keep the one prize which has always eluded him from his grasp -- the IIWF World Heavyweight Championship. Will he do anything -- to anyone -- to win that belt? Only Chris Quigley can answer that question, but when I spoke with Tony Starks on Monday, he very quietly indicated to me that he has some questions of his own coming very soon for the "Quickstrike". Also showing a degree of teamwork on Saturday Night were partners turned rivals Creed and Subway Psycho.  These two men put on a blistering performance Saturday Night, each man looking to out high-impact the other. In the end it was the red-gloved rookie who seemingly had the match in control after executing that whirling chokeslam... until, of course, a Syndicate run-in led to a no-contest decision.  However, these two proud combatants then seemed able to put their personal animosity aside -- beating back the challenge of the three men and ending the evening once again standing face-to-face.  Two times, Creed and the Subway Psycho have met in the squared circle... two times outside interference has prevented a decisive conclusion.  One must wonder if the third time will be the charm -- and if that match will finally prove which of these two men stands atop the "high impact" ranks in the IIWF. CUBS WIN!  CUBS WIN! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Not only did this past weekend finally bring victory to the long-suffering fans of Chicago's north-side professional baseball team, but there was a string of inexplicable victories for a few of the IIWF's least likely superstars. At the top of that list: Mr. Damage. Not only does he garner one of the very few wins ever against the Deathbringer, who is no longer the IIWF's top-ranked singles wrestler, but Mr. Damage remains unbeaten in 1997.  Now, the question is: is it a paper streak?  Yes, Damage did get a disqualification victory, but if he is a legitimate contender, then it is time to put up that sparkling streak against some of the IIWF's big boys.  Has Mr. Damage, after so long here in the IIWF, finally earned a legitimate shot at the gold? Another in the trilogy of stunners had to be the victory over Mad Dog Watkins by the "Real Deal" Luke Steele.  Yes, the match ended by... well, by one of the oddest decisions seen on Saturday Night -- with Watkins disqualified for supposedly "instigating" a fight with Brody Thunder... but it was the aftermath that was truly bizarre.  Luke Steele, not exactly a top contender at the moment, handled both Brody Thunder and Mad Dog Watkins, in fact, affixing a "dog muzzle" to each of them and leaving them in the middle of the ring. It was certainly a moment of triumph for the "Real Deal", but you have to wonder if even he is prepared for the extent to which payback is certain to follow. Finally, we cannot forget The Last Resort. A hard-working, if not particularly fluid, new tag team in the IIWF.  But with the High Plains Drifters clearly focused on "bigger" matters, it was El Diablo and the Masked Avenger who were able to keep their unbeaten streak alive. I don't know how successful this duo will be here in the IIWF, but personally, I enjoy the Last Resort, and feel that they have the opportunity for a nice career here in the world's foremost wrestling federation.  ************************************************************************ --------------------- BITE ME: Ask the Soundbite --------------------- ************************************************************************ SL: [taped] Ladies and gentlemen... Steve "Soundbite" Roberts!! [The crew begins a "Sound-bite! Sound-bite!" chant as Roberts enters the shot. Soundbite is wearing his navy Hugo Boss blazer over a t-shirt with a picture of a bloody gauntlet under which is the caption: "The IIWF:  Our big boys don't play" Roberts spreads his arms wide to accept the applause and then begins...] SL: All right, morons, you can put down your remote control, let go of the fast forward button on your VCR -- "Soundbite" is here to save another dead half-hour of IIWF programming.  If Morton could tear himself away from his video of Delta Force, he'd realize I'll be running "Countdown" by the end of the month. I got a letter, if I feel like it I'll read it.  First, I have to say goodbye, on behalf of the whole IIWF, to a few superstars who have decided to seek greener pastures. In other words: losers who couldn't cut it anymore. Randy Acorn's gone.  Derek Mota scared him half to death for a month then ran his ass clean out of town.  Acorn used to be able to go, but, let's face it, the guy's been on his back more often than a two dollar hooker. G.W.R. has left. I don't know who that is. And hey, get this, folks: Domination has hightailed it out of the IIWF.  Jarvier was always a damn waste -- but I sorta liked Monster -- maybe we can get him in the booth for Birthday Bash instead of Kauffman. Hey Monster, what do you think of that greco-roman knucklelock?  [The crew in unison yells "Rooooaaaaarrrr!"] Damn better than anything Martina "Flush" Kauffman will have to say.  And... and, I've been asked to give my take on IIWF Saturday Night. First of all, I ain't doin' those prelim matches anymore. Just forget it. If I have to spend one more minute of my life watching the Last Resort stumble their talentless asses around the ring, I swear to God I'm gonna start bringing liquor out to the announce table.  Maybe a skin mag. too.  Like that "Celebrity Playboy". Hey, Dross, when are the valets around here gonna start earnin' their keep?  Tell you what, Paris, you want a little push around here?  Get the broad a Stairmaster, maybe some Nair, and take a couple of Polaroids of her. Better yet: you can borrow the ones I already got of her. Ha! Okay, the other thing is Luke Steele.  Listen, Steele, I don't have anything against you, really.  I mean, I always figured you were too dumb to get yourself into any real trouble -- anyone who'd rip off the theme song of the second most overrated wrestler of all time can't have a lot going on upstairs. But you really aren't the sharpest arrow in the quiver, are you baby dolls? You want trouble with Watkins and Thunder?  Watkins and Thunder? What the hell is going through your mind, Steele?  You got a Nightwing, jobber-suicide thing going on? Hale-Bopp is gone, Steele.  When Thunder and Watkins get ahold of you, the only rocketship you're gonna take is the one back to the junior high girls soccer team that you used to coach back in Cleveland. Oh, I'm sorry.  Did I say "coach"?  I meant to say "stalk".  I always get those words mixed up.  [Dross walks into the shot.] TD: Steve, the letter? SR: Screw it.  Hit the music, Pablo! [Again, the Sparkplug tape plays as Roberts exits to the cheers of the crew, his arms upraised in a regal fashion.] SL: The Soundbite has left the building!  The Soundbite has left the building! TD: Remember folks, the views of Steve Roberts are his own, and not endorsed by the IIWF, or Inside the IIWF. If anyone... and I stress the word... anyone... has a question which he would like answered on "Ask the Soundbite", please send it directly to my assistant Mr. Jimmy at brokeback@webtv.net. ************************************************************************ ------------------- SUMMERTIME: with Steve Summer -------------------- ************************************************************************ [Iggy Pop's "Lust for Life" begins as the camera now moves to a seated Steve Summer, who is wearing a "Mongo Fears Marty" t-shirt under his IIWF blazer.] SS: Hello... Hello... Hello sports fans, it is Summertime, I'm Steve Summer, and I got the news on your favorite new IIWF superstars. First, what about my boy Ronnie Paris?  Huh?  Huh?  Did I tell you about Ronnie Paris?  I don't know what's goin' on with Billy Shakespeare -- if he's got melancholia or the infinite sadness or he's just havin' himself a little ol' brokedown.  But good, bad or indifferent, he got popped by Ronnie Paris one, two, three, right in the middle of the ring... just like the Psycho would have got after the chokeslam by Creed.  You know it, Subway: he's the man -- move on back to number two. And you know what made me pop like crazy? Derek Mota. Yeah! De-rek F'n Mota! New Blood, baby!  That's what I'm talking about.  He's only been here a couple of weeks, an he's gotten rid of one of the old guys. I love it!  Hey, Mota -- you the man, baby.  You the man.  I'll tell you what, Sampson and Macbeth, you guys had better step in on up a couple of notches if you're gonna hang with Mota. And is it a coincidence that he's the one who interviewed with Steve Summer? Oh yeah, what about the Last Resort? Yeah... you all know I'm a mark for Cold Spell -- hey, Icehawk, I'm still looking for that interview time, brother. You ask around, Steve Summer's the guy -- but I sort of like this Masked Avenger. If you ever want to tell anyone who you are, big guy, remember Steve Summer. That's it... damn, sorry, Mr. Dross, I gotta watch my language around here -- especially since last week! Wow! What are you smokin' Petrow? You can't say that kind of stuff in the IIWF.  I mean, Mr. Roberts says way worse than that -- but not on camera. And that ain't half of it -- the Fury is gonna be pissed... damn, sorry again, Mr. Dross.  Look, all I'm saying, Sychosys, is watch your back.  And your knees.  And your head.  Man, just watch out -- the Fury will come back hardcore... I guarantee it.  Okay, that's really it. So, remember to stay cool, everyone, because in the IIWF -- it's always Summertime! ************************************************************************ ----------------- FIRST LOOK: This week in the IIWF ------------------ ************************************************************************ Folks, once again we'll have tremendous action coming to you direct from the IIWF Coliseum this week -- and here is your First Look at both the Wednesday and Saturday matchups. WEDNESDAY 23 APRIL: - Mad Dog Watkins vs. El Super Gecko [J] - "Quickstrike" Chris Quigley vs. Majestic Maurice McArthur [J] - Billy Shakespeare vs. Jumpin' Jack [J] - The Cell vs. Scott "the Whine" Bloom [J] - Serge Annis vs. Barnacle Brother Bluto [J] - NON-TITLE: = Casey James vs. Bobby B. Goode [J] - Ike Sampson vs. Tiger Claw - Night Patrol vs. The Last Resort - Zodiac Connection vs. W & W Express - [ESWP] Junior Heavyweight Championship Tournament Match: = "Enigma" Takezo Musashi vs. Victor Killjoy Some solid action this Wednesday, folks.  Young Ike Sampson has his toughest test thus far when he meets the former three-time Intercontinental Champion, Tiger Claw. And we have two intriguing tag team matchups coming your way: former US Champions Night Patrol will meet the odd pair known as The Last Resort, and a team which is slowly making their way through the ranks, the W & W Express, will take on the former IIWF World Tag Team Champions, the Zodiac Connection. SATURDAY 26 APRIL: - "Lone Wolf" Brody Thunder vs. Mad Dog Watkins - "Quickstrike" Chris Quigley vs. Subway Psycho - Creed vs. Requiem - IIWF CRUISERWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: = White Phoenix [c] vs. Dirt Dog Unique Allah - IIWF UNITED STATES TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: = The Harlequins [c] vs. Prophets of Rage - Duncan Macbeth vs. Otto "the Butcher" Verhoeven - Highwayman vs. Chris Herforth - Cold Spell vs. Rising Sun Revolution - Joe Petrow vs. The Cell A legitimate triple main event headlines the big card on IIWF Saturday Night. Brody Thunder and Mad Dog Watkins have moved their Birthday Bash clash up two weeks to the Saturday Night, and the Coliseum is sure to pop when these two warriors meet for the third, and presumably, final time. Also, what a match it's going to be... what a match it's going to be when "Quickstrike" Chris Quigley meets another long-time fan favorite, Subway Psycho.  These two men have long ruled the IIWF roost, each man a highly-acclaimed wrestler, each man with something to prove as Birthday Bash closes in.  What a moment it will be when these two men finally square off this Saturday. And what about this match, folks... what about this match? The red-gloved rookie Creed will put both his unprecedented thirteen-match unbeaten streak, and his Birthday Bash Intercontinental Title shot on the line, against the seven-foot tall Requiem. Hard to imagine that any match could be more explosive than this one! We'll also see superstars like Otto Verhoeven, the ex-Cheshire, Chris Herforth, the return to Saturday Night of Rising Sun Revolution, Crazy Joe Petrow... and a big night... a big Saturday Night is ahead for the "Age of the Rage". Dirt Dog Unique Allah will get his first opportunity at Federation gold when he challenges Cruiserweight Champion The White Phoenix -- and his stablemates, the Prophets of Rage, will battle for the US Tag Team belts against the Harlequins.  What makes that match so intriguing is the mandated absence of the ringside personnel which have been so vital to the success of both of these teams... particularly of the Prophets, who I understand are more than a little exorcised over the possibility of going into this big matchup alone. Be sure to join us for all the great action! ************************************************************************ ---------------- UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL: Duncan Macbeth --------------- ************************************************************************ One of those newcomers who has made quite a stir, and who almost stirred Derek Mota permanently last Wednesday Night, has been Duncan Macbeth -- and I travelled to his native land of Scotland on the other side of the Atlantic to speak with him: [Cut to a red tartan background, as "Scotland The Brave" begins to play and various IIWF action shots of Duncan Macbeth float across the screen. Several of them show the 270-pound Macbeth performing some impossible-looking aerial maneuvers, with the last showing Macbeth putting out Ned Norton's lights with an especially vicious-looking Claymore frankensteiner. Finally, a slow-motion shot of Macbeth striding down the aisle in his kilt freezes with a gripping shot of the Scot's piercing green eyes and determined countenance. Across the top of the screen appear the words "UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL", and at the bottom of the screen, in Celtic script, "DUNCAN MACBETH". The picture cross-fades into a wide-angle shot of the Scottish Highlands. It is a fine, clear day, and the bright sun and deep blue sky provide stark contrast to the dark green expanse of mountains rising high above the black waters of Loch Shiel. From the camera's vantage point high above the small town of Glenfinnan, the rugged terrain of the Highlands seems to stretch on forever. The camera pans across the landscape, picking up a spectacular shot of the sun-drenched Hebridean sea and its hundreds of islands, and finally comes to rest on Tim Dross, who is dressed as an absurd approximation of a Highlander, with a green tweed jacket, a very loud orange-check tartan kilt, and mustard-yellow knee socks with brown hiking boots. Behind him, a large stone house looms in the distance.] TD: Hello everyone, and welcome to another edition of Up Close And Personal. I'm Tim Dross, and I'm standing here on the edge of the Macbeth lands outside the town of Glenfinnan, Scotland, where in a moment we'll be visiting with Duncan Macbeth, one of the brightest young newcomers to arrive here in the IIWF. [Dross pauses as a stiff gust of wind threatens to undo his hairpiece, quickly reaching up with his free hand to hold it down. He takes a look around his wilderness ssurroundings before continuing.] TD: Folks, I have to say, in all my travels as a member of the IIWF broadcast crew, I don't think I've ever seen more natural beauty than I've seen here in these mountains and glens of Caledonia. This certainly is a beautiful and unspoiled place, almost unchanged from medieval times, but it is also a hard, rugged place, and it takes a certain sort of individual to be able to live and thrive in these parts. I gotta tell you, I'm _still_ panting from that hike up the mountainside to get here! And as you can see, being an experienced traveler, I've taken it upon myself to observe the native customs of the Scottish people, and I've elected to conduct this interview in the traditional clothing of the Highlanders. [Dross does a little twirl for the camera. The edge of his rug starts to fly up again, and he hastily pats it down.] TD: In this get-up, you'd never guess that I wasn't Scottish, would you? I'm sure that Duncan will be _very_ impressed! He'll probably think I'm one of his neighbours... heh heh... well, let's go over to the house and get things going, shall we? [Dross and the crew proceed to the front door of the Macbeth house, and Dross lifts the heavy iron knocker and lets it fall with a loud crack. As the group waits for an answer, Dross practices a bad Sean Connery impression. Finally, we hear footsteps approaching from inside the house, and the large oak door begins to swing inward with a creak. Dross draws himself up in anticipation.] TD: Top o' the morrrrnin' to yiu, Mishtirrrr Macb..... [The door swings open, and in the doorway stands a dumbfounded Duncan Macbeth, who can only stare at Dross in disbelief. Dross' voice tails off into a groan of embarrassment, and he visibly deflates at the young Scot's confused expression. Macbeth is wearing jeans, cowboy boots, and a Harley-Davidson T-shirt. His long reddish-blond hair is loose, and he brushes it away from his eyes as if it were responsible for the sight in front of him.] DM: Dross... WHA' in th' name o' JAYSIS are ye WEARIN', man?! 'Tis a bit early fer Hallowe'en, wha'? TD: Ah, well, you see, I thought that... well, somebody told me that everybody here... um, can you give me a minute? [As Macbeth looks on from his doorstep, barely concealing his amusement, a red-faced Dross hurriedly makes his way back down the steep hillside to the IIWF camera van, where his regular clothes have been left. As the scene fades out, we hear Dross muttering under his breath.] TD: I'm going to kill that Steve Roberts...... [Fade. Cut to a montage of scenes from Duncan's past, underscored by "Rhythm Of My Heart", by Runrig. At the bottom of the screen, a small disclaimer reads, "All copyrighted footage used by permission". A teenaged Duncan, slimmer and shorter-haired, ducking under a clothesline and nailing his opponent with a well-placed dropkick on the rebound; the huge Andrew Macbeth, Duncan's cousin, in tag team action, Andrew pressing Duncan high over his head and slamming him onto an opponent; Duncan, his face a mask of blood from a bad forehead wound, rolling up CRL TV champ Shadowfire for the three-count and the title; Duncan leaping high in the air to perform the Claymore on Vandall Kaos, seated upon Andrew's shoulders, and win the IWA World tag titles; a shot of the cousins celebrating in the ring after the pin, holding their new belts high; an enraged Duncan outside the ring, bludgeoning Suicidal Tendency with the ring steps during the ICE Independent Title tournament, which he won; a breathtaking shot of Duncan coming off the top turnbuckle to nail ICE Mayhem champ Jack Ov with a flying bulldog, in a match where Duncan would walk away with both the victory and Ov's title; and finally, the events of the last two weeks: Derek Mota, taunting Duncan and Ike Sampson as they lie spent on the mat during a grueling match; Duncan, teeth bared in a vicious snarl, his hands locked in a death-grip around the throat of Mota, as he is clotheslined from behind by Sampson; and finally, a closeup shot of Macbeth's claymore, embedded in the ring, with an out-of-focus but obviously unsettled Mota visible in the background. The final image freezes and cross-fades to a sitting room inside the old Macbeth house, filled with antique furniture. Paintings and old relics adorn the walls, and over a large stone fireplace can be seen over a dozen title belts, interspersed with framed photographs from the Macbeths' careers. Duncan Macbeth is sitting in front of the fireplace on a rough oaken chair, the wall of titles over his shoulder, with Tim Dross, now looking more conservative in a turtleneck fisherman's sweater, chinos, and the same green tweed sport coat, seated on a small chesterfield to one side of the hearth.] TD: You have quite an impressive collection of titles on that wall, Duncan. As I sit here, I'm struck by how young you are, yet you have over a decade of experience in the squared circle. What prompted a teenager from a small Scottish town to become a professional wrestler? DM: 'Twas a number o' things, Dross. First off, me ma died when I was but two years old, still a bairn, really, an' 'twas left t' me pa t' raise me on 'is own. Pa was th' biggest man in Glenfinnan, an' 'e took nae guff from nobody. He'd go down t' town fer a few pints, get in a donnybrook, an' th' coppers wouldn't even go in t' th' pub t' break it up, fer fear o' gettin' their lumps too! They'd wait 'till 'e'd finished everyone off first, then they'd go in an' haul 'im off. Some o' th' auld ones in town still will nae mention 'is name, an' I get me share o' grief just fer bein' 'is son! Can ye believe tha'! Anyhow, Pa was nae one fer mollycoddlin', if ye ken wha' I'm sayin', so I was raised hard, but 'e raised me right, God rest 'is soul. [Macbeth pauses for a moment, a faraway look momentarily clouding his green eyes, then he catches himself, looks around the room for a moment, and continues.] DM: Pa passed away when I was fifteen, an' all o' this became mine. Imagine tha', fifteen years old, an' I've got me own house, land, cars, an' a big fat bank account from th' insurance! I was still in school, an' O-levels were comin' up, an' I couldn't ha' cared less anymore. I couldn't ha' cared less about _anythin'_, actually. I had everythin' fer th' moment, but I had nae future - I could see meself finishin' school, goin' on th' dole, an' losin' th' lot o' th' estate when th' taxman came a' callin'. TD: I understand that you were what we Americans refer to as a straight-A student in school up to this point, and your teachers believed that your IQ level was in the neighbourhood of genius. Obviously, you were dealing with a lot of problems during this time, and I can understand your losing interest in school. What did you do after you decided to drop out? DM: Well now, Glenfinnan's nae London or New York, mind, there's nae too much fer a young lad t' do 'ere, so I took t' followin' in me pa's footsteps, walkin' in t' pubs an' stirrin' up trouble, just fer a bit o' fun. Well, 'twas nae too long a'fore th' coppers got wind tha' another Macbeth was runnin' amok in th' town, an' I was essentially banned from every public establishment in Glenfinnan. All at th' age o' seventeen! I had nae job, nae friends, nae place t' go, nae family - or so I thought. Me only livin' relative was me cousin Andrew, who was a wrestler, an' 'e was kickin' th' arses o' everyone in this promotion overseas in Canada, in Calgary. Andrew's th' spittin' image o' me pa - tall, brawny, red-bearded bastard - an' 'e's fergotten more about wrestlin' than I'll ever ken. 'E'd been over t' Japan foolin' about wi' this promoter's daughter, an' managed t' absorb pretty much everythin' t' ken about th' Japanese style, t' go wi' wha' 'e'd already learned in th' Canadian an' US feds. I went t' visit, saw wha' 'e did fer a livin', an' th' rest is history. Och, but I've been runnin' on 'ere! Ye still awake, Dross? TD: Yes, I am, and don't worry, this is fascinating. So your cousin taught you the ropes, so to speak, and you made your professional debut when you were eighteen years old. Do you remember your first match? DM: I remember me _second_ match better! Me first match was 'gainst this huge bloke called th' Hatemonger, a righ' bastard, 'e was. I was a green rookie, I wanted t' show th' world every hold an' move in th' book, an' 'e just pulled out one dirty trick after another, an' I lost. Well, I've always been a man who kens which way th' wind blows, an' th' followin' week, we were rematched, an' I put 'im down wi' a roll o' quarters an' a handful o' tights. I gave away quite o' bit' o' weight in those days, but I've since remedied tha' somewhat. TD: Indeed. You're listed at 270 pounds, yet you move with the speed and agility of a cruiserweight, and some of your aerial moves seemingly defy the laws of physics. What's you're training regimen like? DM: I've been doin' gymnastics since me ninth year. I loved th' vault an' th' horizontal bar -- always wanted t' fly, y'see! In football I was always th' goalkeeper, 'cause I had good reflexes an' wasn't afraid o' takin' a ball in th' face. When I started t' gain weight, I added more power moves an' mat techniques t' me repertoire, but I worked hard t' maintain me aerial moves as well. Nowadays, I work out a bit wi' th' weights, but I spend more time on flexibility an' endurance, which is why I still 'ave me neck! When Andrew's 'round, we'll spar, an' 'e's always got somethin' new t' show me - even retired, 'e still stays on top o' th' game. TD: What do you believe the key to your past successes has been? DM: Versatility, without question. If there's one thing I've learned in this way o' life, it's not t' limit yuirself t' one style. I consider meself a well-rounded wrestler, an' I have nae trouble switchin' gears in th' middle o' a match. If yuir man wants t' take th' match t' th' mat, I'll go t' th' air, an' if 'e wants t' fly, I'll ground 'im -- or maybe I won't, either! Versatility an' unpredictability -- not a bad combination, an' it's worked fer me so far. TD: It certainly seems to be working in the IIWF as well. You handled Ned Norton with no trouble, and seemed to have a good plan of attack going in your match with Ike Sampson before Derek Mota interjected himself into the proceedings. You wasted no time turning the tables on Mota, in what has to be one of the most talked-about events in the IIWF in recent weeks. What were you thinking when you dropped that claymore from the rafters of the Coliseum? DM: Honestly? "Please dinnae get in th' way, Mota!" [laughs] A wee bollix like 'im's nae worth th' jail time! Everyone's talkin' about how I tried t' kill Mota, but all I was doin' was showin' th' tosser how easy it is t' get people's attention withou' actually steppin' in t' th' ring! ANYONE can cause a scene, an' maybe people'll talk about ye fer awhile afterwards, but I ken tha' wha' KEEPS people talkin' 'bout ye is how well ye perform in th' squared circle, nae how well ye perform fer th' camera! I ken withou' a doubt tha' I've got all th' tools t' take me t' th' top o' th' IIWF; obviously, Mota kens it too, or he would nae ha' interfered in me match wi' Sampson, which surely would ha' put me even farther ahead o' 'im in th' rankin's! All 'e succeeded in doin' was showin' the whole o' th' IIWF tha' 'e's afraid o' Duncan Macbeth, tha' 'e considers Duncan Macbeth a threat t' his own title aspirations! Well, at least 'e was righ' about THA' much! An' besides - if I'd really wanted t' kill 'im... I'd ha' used me hands! TD: Derek Mota challenged both you and Ike Sampson to a "triangle match" at Birthday Bash, to which you responded by altering the terms, demanding that Mota meet you alone in a "Highland strap" match. Do you expect him to answer the challenge? DM: Either 'e will, or 'e'll not, 'tis nae matter t' me. At th' moment, we're even -- e' attacked me, I attacked 'im, 'e challenged me, an' I challenged 'im. 'T'would nae surprise me if 'e didn't answer th' bell, but tha' does nae mean I'd nae enjoy kickin' th' Holy Jaysis out o' 'im at th' Bash! I've much bigger fish than Derek Mota t' fry 'ere, but if 'e wants t' jump in th' pan, so be it. TD: We've seen the way you prepare for matches, spending hours going over footage of your opponent and looking for weaknesses. You're a voracious student of the sport of wrestling, and you'll practice a manoeuvre or technique again and again until you've perfected it. You're obviously in outstanding physical condition, which you spend a lot of your time maintaining. What does Duncan Macbeth do in his spare time? DM: Dross, th' only spare time I 'ave is spent sleepin', an' even THA's a luxury! [laughs] I do 'ave an auld Bentley out in th' garage tha' I'm slowly restorin', an' I am a bit o' an amateur chef. 'Tis said tha' th' way t' a man's heart is through 'is stomach; well, I'm happy t' say tha' th' same goes fer th' ladies as well! An' if yuir Becky LaRue was 'ere, Dross, I'd serve 'er a little somethin', ye can be sure o' tha'! TD: Yes, well, her schedule's quite tight as it is... um, moving on... you've been perceived as both a fan favourite and a heel during your career. How important is fan support to you? DM: Wha' can I say, 'tis always a thrill when ye go out t' wrestle, an' ye've got thousan's o' fans cheerin' ye all th' way, an' there's nae one man tha' appreciates tha' more than Duncan Macbeth. But I cannae let th' fans dictate me career fer me, an' there's always goin' t' be times when t' fans dinnae understand wha' I'm doin', dinnae ken me motives, an' they may nae support me. I'm prepared fer tha', an' it does nae trouble me one whit. I've me own agenda t' follow, an' nae wrestlers nor fans'll e'er prevent me from fulfillin' it! ["Rhythm Of My Heart" by Runrig begins to fade up in the background audio, as the picture switches to a tight close-up of Macbeth, staring intently at Dross as our host delivers his final question.] TD: [off-camera] And what is that agenda? Why has Duncan Macbeth come to the IIWF? DM: I've spent me whole life climbin', Dross. Climbin' these Grampian mountains around Glenfinnan, an' climbin' t' th' top o' federation after federation. An' now I'm faced wi' th' toughest climb o' all -- climbin' t' th' top o' th' IIWF! As far as I'm concerned, there's nae greater challenge, a challenge tha' I just cannae resist! From th' summit o' th' IIWF ye can look down on all o' wrestlin', 'cause it truly is th' highest point in th' entire sport! THA'S me objective, Dross, th' one an' only reason I'm 'ere -- an' mark me words, nae matter how long it takes, nae matter who I have t' go through -- I'm goin' t' GET THERE! [As 'Rhythm Of My Heart" fades in, the camera freezes with a shot of Duncan Macbeth's confident, smiling visage, the determination and will to win burning in his green eyes. The shot cross-fades to a spectacular shot of a huge crimson sun slowly setting over the deep indigo outlines of the Hebrides, which slowly fades out with the music.] ************************************************************************ ----------------------- IIWF SINGLES RANKINGS ------------------------ ************************************************************************ as at 19/4/97 ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Name F/H Fought W L D Win% Ranking (old) new ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Casey James H 37 21 14 2 60% (WC) WC Lord Byron H 22 17 5 0 77% (IC) IC The White Phoenix F 22 15 6 1 70% (CW) CW ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Creed N 14 11 3 0 79% (1) 1 Deathbringer H 31 22 6 3 76% (2) 2 Requiem F 6 4 1 1 75% (5) 3 Steve Kowalski H 19 14 5 0 74% (3) 4 "Enigma" Takezo Musashi F 29 21 8 0 73% (4) 5 Derek Mota H 5 3 1 1 70% (30) 6 Subway Psycho F 32 21 9 2 69% (7) 7 Otto Verhoeven H 30 20 9 1 68% (10) 8 Chris Quigley F 25 16 7 2 68% (9) 9 Mad Dog Watkins H 12 8 4 0 67% (6) 10 Highwayman F 9 6 3 0 67% (11) 11 Billy Shakespeare F 37 24 12 1 66% (8) 12 "Sychosys" Joe Petrow N 12 7 4 1 63% (12) 13 Brody Thunder H 21 13 8 0 62% (13) 14 Marty Warnett F 38 23 15 0 61% (14) 15 Mr. Damage H 30 18 12 0 60% (16) 16 Nightwing F 10 6 4 0 60% (15) 17 Dirt Dog Unique Allah N 17 9 6 2 58% (17) 18 "Real Deal" Luke Steele F 9 5 4 0 56% (22) 19 Tiger Claw H 43 22 19 2 54% (18) 20 Cheshire H 13 7 6 0 54% (19) 21 The Sandman F 32 16 16 0 50% (20) 22 Ronnie Paris F 14 7 7 0 50% (24) 23 Serge Annis N 11 5 5 1 50% (21) 24 The Hangman H 17 6 7 4 47% (23) 25 The Cell H 21 9 12 0 43% (25) 26 ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Duncan Macbeth N 1 1 0 0 100% (27=) 27= Ike Sampson F 1 1 0 0 100% (27=) 27= Tony Starks F 4 3 1 0 75% (29) 29 ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ************************************************************************ ----------------------- IIWF TAG TEAM RANKINGS ----------------------- ************************************************************************ as at 19/4/97 ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Name of team F/H Fought W L D Win% Ranking (old) new ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Pain Inc. H 22 13 8 1 61% (WT) WT The Harlequins N 9 6 3 0 67% (US) US ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Prophets of Rage H 8 7 1 0 88% (1) 1 Night Patrol H 7 6 1 0 86% (2) 2 Domination F 11 7 2 2 73% (3) 3 Cold Spell F 7 5 2 0 72% (4) 4 Rising Sun Revolution F 16 11 5 0 69% (5) 5 The Armed Forces H 30 19 10 1 65% (6) 6 W & W Express H 8 5 3 0 63% (8) 7 High Plains Drifters H 32 19 12 1 61% (7) 8 The Hangmen H 20 10 8 2 55% (9) 9 Dark Disciples H 16 8 7 1 53% (10) 10 The Zodiac Connection F 23 11 12 0 48% (11) 11 ----------------------------------------------------------------------- The Last Resort F 2 2 0 0 100% (12) 12 ------------------------------- on leave ------------------------------- The Players' Club F 14 6 8 0 43% (-) - ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ************************************************************************ ------------- COMING FRIDAY: Countdown to Saturday Night ------------- ************************************************************************ Well, that's all the time we have for you this week, folks. Be sure to tune in tomorrow for all the coverage from the IIWF Coliseum on the "Wednesday War Room"... then, join my tag-team colleague, Steve "Soundbite" Roberts, on Thursday for a look back on "IIWF Classics". Then, of course, comes Ms. Becky LaRue and my good friend Larry Morton -- save me some of that french toast, Larry -- and the finest pre-game show in the business, "Countdown to Saturday Night"; which will be followed by the best two hours of wrestling action anywhere in the world: IIWF Saturday Night. So, for everyone here at "Inside the IIWF", I'm Tim Dross, saying: good night! [Paul Simon's "Slip Slidin' Away" plays as Dross shakes the hand of Steve Summer and the shot fades.] +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= I * I * W * F =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+ | President: Daniel Spreadbury | Vice-President: Steve Owens | | univ0322@sable.ox.ac.uk | sowens@admin.presby.edu | | iiwf@sisko.demon.co.uk | IIWFadmin@aol.com | +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- http://www.sisko.demon.co.uk -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=+