##### ###### ### ########## ########## ########## #### ## ########## ########## ########## #### # #### ######## ##### ##### #### ## ##### #### #### #### #### ### #### #### #### #### ############# ######### #### #### ########### ######### #### #### #### #### #### ######### ######### ### #### #### ######### ######### ### ## #### ######## ######## ## # #### =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- ## =-=-=-= INTERNATIONAL INTERNET WRESTLING FEDERATION =============================================== "IIWF MONDAY MUSINGS" May 5, 1997 =============================================== ************************************************************************** ---------------------- IIWF SATURDAY NIGHT RECAP ----------------------- ************************************************************************** 1. LUKE STEELE def. CHRIS HERFORTH 2. NIGHTWING def. MARTY WARNETT 3. NIGHT PATROL def. ZODIAC CONNECTION [DQ - Run-in by the Dark Disciples] 4. COLD SPELL def. THE HARLEQUINS [DEFAULT - Cold Spell earns the right to face The Prophets of Rage for U.S. Tag Team Championship at Birthday Bash] 5. RONNIE PARIS def. TAKEZO MUSASHI 6. DEATHBRINGER def. HIGHWAYMAN 7. STEVE KOWALSKI def. THE WHITE PHOENIX [Steve Kowalski wins the Cruiserweight Championship] 8. SUBWAY PSYCHO/ CASEY JAMES/ CHRIS QUIGLEY def. TIGER CLAW 9. DOUBLE COUNTOUT: CREED/TONY STARKS vs. OTTO VERHOEVEN/LORD BYRON ************************************************************************** ------------------------ THE WRESTLERS SPEAK --------------------------- ************************************************************************** [The lights rise on the IIWF interview area as clips of the wrestlers' interviews roll:] CHRIS HERFORTH ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ [Chris Herforth is wearing an indigo track-suit and has thick bandages around his wrists. He looks thoughtful as if it were hard for him to say the following.] CH: Steele, Shakespeare, I owe you guys something. That psycho would probably have crushed my hands if you hadn't been there. So whenever there's a madman coming for you to break your bones, you can count on me. [His voice becomes sarcastic] Annis, you're a real hero, aren't ya? Pummeling a floored man with a steel chair is a truly courageous deed that certainly arouses respect in your enemies. [he slowly shakes his head.] Man, you've lost so many times before, and you will lose many times more in the future. There has to be a point, when you come to terms with it. ======================================================================= HIGHWAYMAN ~~~~~~~~~~ HWM: Herforth, you admitted last Monday you toyed with the thoughts I proposed, you allowed them _one_ second of your time, a whole second, you do yourself an injustice. You knew, as I think did I, when you entered the ring with me that the second had long since passed and in retrospect you view that second as being "wasted". It is the very fact that for a second you saw an alternative to your actions that has renewed my hope in your soul. You look back, see the milestones of your life, and see your follies laid bare, mocking the ignorance of your inexperience. You know in your heart that your actions were despicable, yet you have issued no apology. Now you challenge me to a third match after viewing my win over you as disrespectful, but I have no reason to accept, I have beaten you twice, I have nothing to prove, nothing to win, nothing to gain and everything to lose. Make my acceptance worth my while Herforth and you will have your re-match, I am a man of my word and if your offer is worthy I will step into the ring with you again. The ball is in your court, Herforth: what do you offer me? ======================================================================= NIGHTWING ~~~~~~~~~ [Sweat drips from Nightwing's face as he looks into the camera.] NW: Marty Warnett, you proved yourself to be a worthy competitor in the ring, but you and the rest of the IIWF now see the future of this federation... the future of The Alliance. Takezo Musashi, the spirits warned me to beware of one who walks two paths at once. Shinja Chow speaks of you with respect, but which of you does he know? I... Musashi... _I_ would gladly kill two identical serpents to rid my village of the one with poison. Like the Great Thunder Spirit in the distance... let this be a warning to you. ======================================================================= ZODIAC CONNECTION ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ [The Zodiac Connection face the camera. The Gemini Twins are not present] TAURUS: You know something? The Zodiac Connection has tried time and time again to play by the rules. If we hadn't played by the rules during the match against Night Patrol, we could have probably won the match. SCORPIO: You know, Dark Disciples, we all know the bad blood that exists between the four of us. So anytime you morons want to get into the ring against us, we all know that we would accept the opportunity. Instead, you chose a path that cost us a very important victory and I assure you that you will have to pay dearly for involving yourselves in Zodiac business. TAURUS: I am telling you all right now! There is no reason for any of you to believe that we are going to be able to control Cancer forever! That man believes in retribution far more than we do. If the only way we can deal with the problem that we are facing at the present time is to let the man loose, there is no guarantee we won't do it! And Violence Unlimited, we would love to accept your challenge. We are in a violent mood ourselves. ======================================================================= COLD SPELL ~~~~~~~~~~ [Icehawk and Edmund Fitzgerald face the camera] ICEHAWK: Okay, Stupidity Unlimited, you win round one. We were expecting to wrestle the Harlequins, not two walnut-brained dinosaurs, and you did a number on us. But we'll accept your challenge, and by the time we get there, we'll have our shiny new US Tag Team belts to put up against your money. Right, Fitz? FITZ: Jaguar and Mutilator, you are indeed two awesome wrestlers. And it will indeed be a great challenge to wrestle you. But you will have to forgive me if I'm not thinking too much about you at the moment. In all the confusion last night, everyone seems to have forgotten that we now have a date with the Prophets at Birthday Bash. But I haven't forgotten. Since our teams entered the IIWF, I've known that you would be one of our biggest obstacles as we climbed the ladder, and I've been getting ready for the day when it was time to face you. We'll be ready. More ready than we have ever been. ICEHAWK: But how am I supposed to be able to concentrate on the match? The love of my life is gone! Comedy married Tragedy, and now I shall be alone for the rest of my life! Oh, woe is me! I can not go on without her! [Icehawk grabs his chest and falls to the ground with great dramatics. Fitz looks down at him with amusement.] FITZ: Are you done? ICEHAWK: [getting up] Yup. I learned that from watching William Shatner on Star Trek, you know. FITZ: I was afraid of that. I do have one question about that wedding, though. ICEHAWK: What's that? FITZ: How did Comedy wear white and not get struck by lightning? ======================================================================= RONNIE PARIS ~~~~~~~~~~~~ [Ronnie Paris is standing with a badly concealed grin on his face. He paces for a few seconds, and then turns to face the camera.] RP: You know, Billy Shakespeare, for someone who doesn't like me, you sure have been friendly to me lately. I've strung together three straight wins against some pretty stiff competition, yourself included, of course, and every time you helped me out. You threw in the towel for Steele... you screwed up with the Enigma... and of course, you wrestled me and couldn't get the job done. Actually, you did get the job done, but you want to pretend you weren't trying. Fine by me... I'm man enough to admit it that when Hakiro Matsuoko beat me in my debut, it's because he had a better match then me. When Mad Dog Watkins beat me, it's because he's still a better wrestler then me. If you want to act like a five year old and play make-believe, be my guest. I'll meet you in the real world someday. Oh, and Takezo... my respect is not easily earned, but you had it. Note I said _had_ it. I don't like to get into Steve's "New Generation" vs "Old Generation" stuff, but I will get into Paris vs. "The Lost Boys". You guys seem to think all this "I've lost my way, watch me be nasty" BS will get you somewhere, and I proved you wrong. Live with it. ======================================================================= CHRIS QUIGLEY ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ [Camera is on the IIWF interview area, backstage from IIWF Saturday Night, which ended approx. 5 minutes ago. "For Those About to Rock" can still be heard faintly, as Quigley finally emerges past the curtain back into the backstage area, after celebrating with his loyal fans, perhaps the most loyal fans in the world these days. He brings with him a definite aura of satisfaction and confidence, after his victory tonight.] CQ: The Syndicate! The "all powerful" Syndicate! For a long time the IIWF has been wondering who could actually bring them all to a grinding halt, and tonight, that question was answered! I beat Casey James and Tiger Claw by _myself_! Subway Psycho took off to God knows where, but it didn't matter, he doesn't need me, and I sure as hell don't need him! Casey James, tonight I had you pinned. _Twice_! That, and the fact that last week, you were locked in the Quickstriker with nowhere to go, has to be eating away at you! The fact that I'm better than you is finally sinking into that thick skull of yours, and when you come down the aisle at Birthday Bash, that belt is gonna seem like five tons around your waist! You know it's over at Birthday Bash! Your little ride as champion will finally end, and then it's all downhill from there, James! Not only am I going to end your title reign at Birthday Bash, I'm going to subsequently end your career! ======================================================================= CREED ~~~~~ [Jack Montgomery stands, slightly shaken, in the IIWF interview area. His suit is disheveled and his cellular phone rings unanswered in the background. Obviously, Montgomery has not had a moment's sleep since the brutal Saturday Night attack by the European Alliance upon Creed.] CEO: Uh, I've been asked by IIWF Administration to inform you that, upon initial medical examination, a small tear has been found in the medial collateral ligament of Creed's right knee. There has apparently been some damage done to Creed's anterior cruciate ligament... the extent of which is still undetermined. Immediate surgery has been advised by the medical staff, such action would prohibit Creed from challenging Lord Byron for the Intercontinental Championship at Birthday Bash. At this time... no final decision as to Creed's status has been reached. ======================================================================= TONY STARKS ~~~~~~~~~~~ [Tony Starks is still sweating from his match with Byron and the Butcher. He has his towel draped over his head and stands with his back to the camera. He calmly speaks.] TS: ...Otto, only one week away. Have you made that call to the lawyer yet? Maybe you should go ahead and marry Heidi now, before it's too late. Think about, muscle head. Everyone is talking about my back, yeah, it may be hurt or it may not. You think too much about my back Das Reich and you are going to find your trick weeping over you in that cage Saturday night... whining about how Otto wont be able to chew food and such. Otto... when I am done with you, you are going to think that I am riding shotgun with the Devil himself... cuz, son, hell doesn't even describe what is in your future. [Starks turns around, looking into the camera] Say goodbye to life, Otto... kiss it goodbye. ======================================================================= OTTO VERHOEVEN ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ [Otto "the Butcher" Verhoeven and Nurse Heidi are flanked by IIWF officials and Dennis "Griff" Griffing himself. Verhoeven flicks some sweat at the officials and laughs at them while Heidi is busy discussing something with Griffing.] OV: What an interesting night this has been. First the European Alliance is cheated out of certain victory after pummeling our seriously overmatched opponents during the entire match. Double countout? Bah, I don't believe it. Both Creed and the gutter-runner were down, barely breathing! Then Lord Byron and I did what we promised we would do, we completely devastated those hundesoehne. I heard Creed begging for mercy as the best technical wrestler in the world showed him how invincible he really is. And I saw the crumbled form of the slum- dweller Starks, who would have suffered worse if Herr Griffing here would not take his job so serious. Can you imagine the carnage at Birthday Bash, when those arrogant Americans will have to face the European Alliance once again? I am looking forward to the German Deathmatch, Tony, I am looking forward to see you enter the ring, with wobbling knees, a back which is as fragile as glass. I am looking forward to seeing the fear in your eyes, because you know that this may very well be the last time you will be able to wrestle. WELCOME TO THE SLAUGHTERHOUSE! [He scatters the officials with a threatening gesture and leaves the set with Heidi.] ======================================================================= JOE PETROW ~~~~~~~~~~ [Joe Petrow walks onto the set, still in his street outfit he was wearing earlier, a few beads of sweat falling down his face, smacking the IIWF gauntlet covered hand against his other, wearing a cocky smirk across his war-scarred face.] JP: Another Saturday Night, another crowd-involving brawl with The Fury. But it wasn't supposed to be that way. The Phoenix and I were supposed to get the job done a week early; leaving Kowalski to swim downstream in his own blood straight out of the IIWF. But Chow...you did the one thing worse than making a pact with the devil... [Joe smacks the gauntlet hand hard into his other] ...YOU BROKE IT! [Joe stares intently into the camera. The camera pans back to show both of Petrow's hand clinched in rage, as blood begins to drip from the ungloved hand. Joe takes a few breaths, and resumes speaking] Chow, you tell the people what you want, but the fact is that this was YOUR idea Chow! YOU were the one who asked me to come down, and YOU were the one who agreed that tonight, we'd get the job done! Then you cop an attitude, and try to make me look the fool! NOBODY makes Sychosys look like a fool in front of his fans! Next thing you know...heh...the Phoenix went supernova. So now I hear you're thinking of going back to Japan? Well my friend, you better stop thinking and DO it! Because from this day forward, your IIWF career is OVER! You've just joined Randy Acorn and Danny Dynamite in the Washed Up Bums Society. You could have still been the champion, but now you are nothing. Go back home to die. And die quickly. And as for you, Kowalski, don't think that Cruiserweight title of yours is gonna distract me from my mission. Yeah, that belt will look great around my waist, but my mission is still the same: kick your bloated, over-rated ass back to New Jersey where it belongs! I've wasted the last month on you already, and Birthday Bash is where it all ends. Spreadbury, you'd better make sure this match ends it all, because at the rate this war is escalating between myself, Kowalski, the Sychopaths, the Furies, everyone... if we don't get this done next Saturday, someone is gonna get killed. [Petrow walks back to the wall, and slides his hand along the wall, leaving a bloody streak in its wake. Petrow then holds his hand up to the camera.] ...and their death will be on your hands. ======================================================================= BILLY SHAKESPEARE ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ [Billy Shakespeare leans against the wall, his face a sweat streaked mess of tragi-comedy makeup. The Ronnie Paris and "Enigma" Musashi match can be heard in the background. He turns to address the camera.] BS: Luke Steele... I never called you friend, I never called you foe. After tonight I just hope to call us even. Ronnie Paris... I tire of this need for props to enhance my performances. You have something that I need. Something I gave to you during a troubled time: my dignity. I'm not sure how to get it back, but I'm gonna start by beating it out of you. Am I comedy? Am I tragedy? I am Billy Shakespeare. [He grabs a chair and exits towards the ring.] ======================================================================= DUNCAN MACBETH ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ [Duncan Macbeth storms into the IIWF interview area, hair tangled, a small trickle of blood running down his forehead, and a frightening, homicidal glitter in his green eyes. He directs his intense gaze into the camera, spitting his words out through an animal-like snarl.] DM: So this is th' sad state o' affairs in th' IIWF - a noble sport reduced t' th' level o' a kindergarten sandbox! Well, 'tis fine wi' me, 'cause as a gillie, I RULED th' sandbox! Sampson, Mota, yuir time is comin', an' all yuir grandstandin' an' whingin' an' back-alley bollocks will be worth NOTHIN' once th' twa o' ye step in th' ring wi' me at th' Bash! In me last twa matches, one or both o' ye have tried an' failed t' put me down, an' why is tha'? I ken well th' answer - yis're SCARED, an' rightly so! Both o' yis ken who th' man t' beat is, an' I confirmed yuir worst nightmares las' week, when I pinned Verhoeven, a former World champ, righ' in th' middle o' th' ring! Now th' whole o' th' IIWF kens tha' I've got th' tools t' beat Byron, or James, an' anyone else I bloody well please! What have th' twa o' ye done t' compare? NOTHIN'! Nothin' but talk! Well, keep talkin', tossers, an' after th' Bash, yis'll have all th' time in th' world t' talk about how Duncan Macbeth beat th' twa o' ye within an inch o' yuir pathetic lives! ======================================================================= DIRT DOG UNIQUE ALLAH ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ [Unique Allah paces back and forth. Medusa has him on a leash, but Unique is champing and pulling.] DDUA: I'm tired of all this muhfuhing ish. You know? They trying to hold the Dirty Doggy back. But I got my Dirty Doggies in the crowd. I'm outwrestlin' every muhfuh they let me face and people still tryin' to hold me back. They tryin' everything they can to keep me off balance. Now y'all know who the best there was is. Y'all know who the best there is is. But what y'all don't know is that the Dirt Dog Unique Allah will be the best there ever will be. Yeah, yeah, yeah, see see see, y'all think I should just be happy because I'm in wrasslin and not living like some dirty bum, right? Aw, hell no. I got dreams. And I'm livin' 'em. See, see, see, this is my reality right here. And I've got to realise it. KnowwhutI'msayin'? Tragedy been with me too long. Now all you stinkin' devils that been holding the Dog back. Y'all's about to feel the bite. I ain't no cartoon. I ain't no joke. I'm the best there ever will be in the IIWF. I'm tired of seeing muhfuhs I beat and outwrestled a long time ago get title shots and win glory here. It's my turn. Nightwing, your win over Warnett was nice. But you didn't beat me. And you should thank your lucky stars for that. Cause I'm gonna go crazy at the Birthday Bash. Yeah, Birthday Bash, the day the Doggie is born! And Nightwing, I promise you. I promise you this, muhfuh, don't ever put your hands on Medusa again. All right? Cause from a bad action comes a bad reaction. And you started a bad action. It gonna bust your balls, son. YEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! [Dirt Dog faces the camera and smiles wickedly.] Y'all ain't seen nothin' yet. ======================================================================= PROPHETS OF RAGE ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ [The Prophets of Rage look rather amused. Shadoe is dressed in a fur coat and shiny gold sunglasses. Derek wears a more conservative, but innovative five-button fuschia suit. Pizzazz stands between them, smiling brightly, puffing on her cigarette.] PZ: It seems we 'ave a very special new team in ze IIWF. DR: Mutilators, we like your style. Rough up them muhfuhs all you want. It seems somebody finally realised just how dominant the Prophets of Rage are going to be here in the IIWF and brought in the big guns. Well, that's all right with us. I promise you, we'll meet shortly after the Birthday Bash. There's no way we're missing a date with you boys. SR: But we got a little business to deal with before that. Cold Spell, you must be feeling pretty good about yourselves, just walking into a match with the Prophets like that. But you've really got to wonder what the hell you're going to be seeing. It would have been brilliant if you had an adjustment match in the Harlequins before hand. But Icehawk, Fitz, you've never faced a team like the Prophets. You've never faced us. And if you think you've got the edge because those suits upstairs are trying to ban Medusa and Pizzazz, think again. They will be there. They will play a role. Bank on that. DR: Birthday Bash is our moment to shine, boys. And I promise you we will. So, take this knowledge as born. There will be no chance of you winning at Birthday Bash. We've finally seen a real challenge on the horizon. And it's the Mutilators. SR: That means Cold Spell, we're going to wipe you out just like that. PZ: It would be my plaisir. [Pizzazz takes a deep drag from her cigarette and blows a cloud of smoke at the camera.] ======================================================================= THE ARMED FORCES ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ [NavCom stands alone, his steely blue-grey eyes fixed upon the camera.] NC: Well, boys, once again you couldn't get the job done. Yep, you know I'm talkin' to you... Pale, Easy, Josey. You're all sittin' around at the Lazy [BLEEP] Ranch watching this, hoping that you finished DefCon's eyes for good. Looks like you three are gonna be a little bit disappointed. DefCon wasn't blinded by this attack. In fact, he's been envisioned by it. He now sees a power greater than one he's ever seen before -- revenge. When the Armed Forces finally do meet the High Plains Drifters in the ring, revenge will be the theme... and DefCon will be the reaper. We're as focused as we've ever been, and all that focus is upon beating you to become the first IIWF team to the twenty-win plateau. We've met numerous times in the past, and more times than not, we've beaten you like the dogs you are. We took the titles from you, we beat you by DQ in the return match, we beat you again when you were the champs -- but never got the titles because Mr. Mic's bunglers got in the way. You have but one victory over us. We have three over you. And the next time we meet, we'll improve to an impressive four and one in the series. We'll be in touch. ======================================================================= THE W & W EXPRESS ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ WAYNE: Every week it seems like somebody new gets involved in our matches. Dark Disciples, you guys made a huge mistake attacking us. We don't care if the IIWF suits let you morons run around here rampant doing anything you please. We are not going to stand for it. WATSON: Then there are these morons called Violence Unlimited who are starting to shoot their mouths off about how big and bad they are. If you guys want a piece of us, bring it on. We don't back down from challenges like some people around here. WAYNE: Cold Spell got the [BLEEP] kicked out of them on Saturday Night and they're getting a U.S. title shot at the Bash? If I recall the last time we fought Cold Spell, we came out on top. WATSON: We have been beating the best the IIWF has to offer. Not by using outside interference or deadly weapons, but by out WRESTLING people. WAYNE: That title shot at the Bash should be ours. It looks like for the IIWF suits to give us a title shot, we got to beat every team in the fed. If that's what it takes, that's what we'll do. [Fade] +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= I * I * W * F =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+ | President: Daniel Spreadbury | Vice-President: Steve Owens | | univ0322@sable.ox.ac.uk | sowens@admin.presby.edu | | iiwf@sisko.demon.co.uk | IIWFadmin@aol.com | +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- http://www.sisko.demon.co.uk -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=+