##### ###### ### ########## ########## ########## #### ## ########## ########## ########## #### # #### ######## ##### ##### #### ## ##### #### #### #### #### ### #### #### #### #### ############# ######### #### #### ########### ######### #### #### #### #### #### ######### ######### ### #### #### ######### ######### ### ## #### ######## ######## ## # #### =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- ## =-=-=-= INTERNATIONAL INTERNET WRESTLING FEDERATION =============================================== C + L + A + S + S + I + C + S ----------------------------------------------- 22 May 1997 [Fade through to an IIWF studio. "Soundbite" Steve Roberts is seated at a desk in front of a bank of small video monitors, each of which is showing footage of various cataclysmic encounters from the IIWF's archives. The shot closes in on his face, and he speaks:] SR: Hey, morons, it's Thursday, it's late, and it's time for the "Soundbite" to take you by the scruff of the neck and drag you -- or hey, maybe I'll just kick you in the behind -- deep into the vaults of the IIWF's archives for another look at a great moment in wrestling history. At least that's the theory. However, the match we're going to be replaying for you in this shoddy excuse for a show is not what I would even begin to think about calling a "great moment in wrestling history". Tonight, you will see a match all the way from August 26, 1996, live from the IIWF Coliseum in the balmy days of late summer: the Armed Forces take on IIWF World Tag Team Champions, the High Plains Drifters. I barely need mention that this match has a certain historic significance, and that this match will be reprised this Saturday Night some nine months down the road. However, this time there will be no titles on the line -- instead, it comes down to pride, which is something that the Armed Farces have lost in recent months. Ever since Aaron the Caddy was packed off to an office instead of being at ringside with those golf clubs, the IIWF's answer to Dumb and Dumber simply haven't been the same. On the other hand, the Drifters are also a shadow of their former selves recently; perhaps that kid Steve Summer has something with all this talk of the IIWF's new generation. This Saturday Night, one of these two teams will walk away with bragging rights and a historic twenty victories. The other -- may well walk away for good. I'm through talking about this damned match. Here's the clip; I'm joined at the broadcast table by that Hair Club for Men reject, Tim Dross. [Cut to footage subtitled, "IIWF Saturday Night, 26 August 1996." Twenty thousand fans cheer as a wide-angle shot shows the scene in the IIWF Coliseum. Graphics flash up onto the screen:] ======================================= IIWF World Tag Team Championship Match: High Plains Drifters vs. Armed Forces ======================================= [Sparkplug Lee takes to the ring.] RA: Ladies and gentlemen, the following tag team match is scheduled for one fall, and it is for the IIWF World Tag Team Championship! [Pop] Introducing first, the challengers: accompanied to the ring by Aaron the Caddy, at a combined weight of 643lbs, here are NavCom and DefCon: the Armed Forces! [Big heel pop for the Forces as they head down the aisle. They seem visibly agitated as they stop at a fan who holds up a sign which reads: "Armed Forces? Shooting Blanks!" Aaron the Caddy grabs the sign and shreds it before throwing it back in the fan's face and coaxing his men to continue to the ring.] SR: Here they come, Dross! The guys who've beaten every major IIWF tag team that they've faced... hey, they were the ones who scared the Alphabet Boys out of the league, and even if you don't appreciate them for any other reason, you've got to thank them for that. TD: I shall do no such thing. These men disgust me. How can they serve their country with such vigour for so many years, and then suddenly become such self-serving, egocentric pigs? The Forces and Casey "Blackheart" James have a lot in common, Steve. RA: And introducing the champions: led to the ring by the "Outlaw" Josey Wales, at a combined weight of 502lbs, here are Pale Rider and Easy Rider: the High Plains Drifters! [Equally big heel pop for the Drifters as they appear at the head of the aisle. They hold their belts aloft before making their way to the ring, Josey Wales bringing up the rear. Pale and Easy climb the ringsteps and enter the ring. They stare across at the Forces, who respectfully keep their distance. The Drifters hold up their belts once more, and then hand them to a ring attendant on the outside. While they are bent through the ropes, the Forces blindside them, and knock the Drifters to the outside. NavCom, the smaller of the Forces, is launched by his partner over the ropes and onto the stunned Drifters. Pop!] TD: A perfect example of what the Forces are about, right off the bat. [NavCom rolls Easy Rider back into the ring, but continues to beat on Pale on the outside. The official attempts to separate Pale and NavCom, while DefCon goes to work on Pale. Pale is immediately choked by the big army man, until the referee turns and sees the offence. He calls for the break, and DefCon steps away. NavCom and Pale Rider return to their corners as DefCon whips Easy into the ropes. He hits with a hard side suplex and goes for an early cover - 1 - 2 - kick out! DefCon whips Easy into a neutral corner and follows him in with a charge - Easy Rider raises his boot, and DefCon crashes into it! Easy bulldogs the stunned DefCon into the centre of the ring and tags in Pale Rider. Pale enters the ring and sizes up DefCon. The army man staggers to his feet, and is immediately knocked straight back to the mat by a superkick from the champion. Pale bounces off the ropes and drops a leg on DefCon before applying a side headlock.] TD: The Drifters are settling into their rhythm now, after an early scare from the Forces. Cheats never prosper, Steve. SR: You're so trite, Dross. TD: Wow, you agreed with me?! SR: No, you cretin. I said "trite", not "right". Moron. TD: Oh. [Pale Rider releases the headlock on DefCon and drags him to his feet. He whips the big army man into the ropes and hits a flying headscissors. DefCon rolls out of the ring under the bottom rope and wanders a little way up the aisle to collect himself. Huge pop as Pale throws himself over the ropes onto DefCon with a huge flying splash! Pale pounds away at DefCon's head. Aaron the Caddy sneaks up behind Pale, but is intercepted by Josey Wales, who knocks Aaron down with a swift blow to the midsection followed by a kneelift. Pale drags DefCon back to the ring and rolls him in under the bottom rope. Pale climbs to the top rope and launches himself with an elbow smash. He goes for the cover - 1 - 2 -- kick out! DefCon gets a shoulder up. Pale again drags DefCon to his feet and whips him to the ropes. He attempts another flying headscissors, but DefCon grabs the ropes, and Pale crashes to the mat. DefCon lunges to his corner and makes the tag to NavCom, who charges the ring.] TD: An impressive display there from Pale Rider, but he telegraphed that last move and paid the price. [NavCom stomps away on Pale Rider, but the referee forces him back. Pale Rider staggers to his feet, and NavCom pushes the official aside, grabbing Pale and driving his head down to the canvas with a DDT! Big pop. NavCom covers - 1 - 2 - kick out! Pale rolls toward the side of the ring, clutching his head, but NavCom stops him from escaping and drags him to his feet once more. He whips Pale into the ropes and hits a big flying clothesline. NavCom covers - 1 - 2 - another kick out! NavCom drags Pale over to the Forces' corner and tags in DefCon. He holds Pale while DefCon attacks with jabs to the rib and kidney areas.] TD: Pale Rider's absorbing a lot of punishment here -- he needs to tag out to his partner. [DefCon snapmares Pale into the centre of the ring as NavCom steps through the ropes. He attempts an elbowdrop -- Pale rolls out of the way. DefCon tries again with a legdrop -- again, Pale moves out of the way. The army man tries again with a second elbowdrop, but Pale dodges once more! DefCon loses his rag, and grabs Pale Rider by the leg. He drags him back into the centre of the ring, and snaps Pale's leg over, pulling the hamstring. Pale yelps in pain. DefCon continues to pull on Pale's leg, and also drives a boot into Pale's lower abdomen.] TD: Come on, ref! That was below the belt! SR: How can you tell from here, Dross?! It looked like a perfectly legal kick to me. TD: What match are you watching, Steve?! [DefCon grabs Pale's other leg, and in a surprising display of agility, rolls over forwards so that he hooks Pale's legs with his arms, and his back pins Pale to the mat. The ref counts - 1 - 2 - Pale kicks out. DefCon drags Pale to his feet, and peppers him with European uppercuts. Pale slumps against the ropes. DefCon takes advantage of the situation, and although the official protests, ties Pale's arms up in the ropes. He runs against the ropes and drives a boot into Pale's gut. He runs to the ropes a second time, but as he launches himself at the champ, Josey Wales manages to free Pale, and he drops to the mat. DefCon careers into the ropes, overbalances, and tumbles to the outside. Big pop.] TD: This is Pale Rider's chance! He's got to tag out to Easy Rider now! [Pale inches towards his corner as Aaron the Caddy dashes around to tend to DefCon. He helps DefCon to his feet, but isn't able to prevent Pale from reaching his corner and tagging in Easy, who immediately steps out of the ring. He nails Aaron with a right hand, and then drives DefCon's head into the steel crowd barrier. Pop! He rolls DefCon back into the ring, and then whips him into his corner so that he can tag in NavCom!] TD: This could be a mistake by Easy Rider! He's allowing the fresh man on the opposition back into the ring! SR: Easy Rider's on fire right now, Dross! It wouldn't matter if twenty men stormed the ring -- Easy could take all of them! [NavCom charges Easy, and is backdropped halfway across the ring.] TD: Wow! What elevation on that backdrop! [Easy hoists NavCom up into position for his Unforgiven piledriver. Cameras flash as Easy brings NavCom crashing down to the mat headfirst. DefCon storms the ring, and Easy knocks him over the top rope with a boot to the head. DefCon clatters against the steel crowd railings. Easy drags NavCom to his feet and whips him into the corner. The navy man staggers backwards, and Easy deftly ducks underneath him, standing up with NavCom on his shoulders! He returns to his corner and tags Pale, who immediately leaps to the top turnbuckle.] TD: Here it comes! The Hang 'em High clothesline! NavCom's in big trouble right now! [Easy Rider positions himself in front of the corner where Pale is perched on the top buckle, but Aaron the Caddy craftily uses a golf club to pull on the top rope out of the official's field of vision. Pale falls so that he painfully straddles the top buckle. The official turns to question Aaron, but his attention is directed back into the ring by the manager as NavCom uses his leverage to execute a victory roll on Easy Rider! The referee counts - 1 - Pale tries to make the save, but is slow coming off the buckle - 2 - Pale lunges - 3! Ding! Ding! Ding!] TD: I don't believe it! We've got new tag champions! [Aaron the Caddy leaps with joy on the outside. Huge heel pop as he runs to the timekeeper's table and grabs the gleaming gold tag belts. He waves one belt in front of the face of DefCon, who is still sprawled on the outside. The sight of the gold revives the big military man, and he grabs the belt eagerly from Aaron, who then leaps into the ring and proudly presents the belt to NavCom, who holds it aloft. Pale Rider helps his shocked partner from the ring, and they walk, shaking their heads in disbelief, over to their manager. The microphone picks up something about fighting another day, and the trio head away from the ring.] RA: Ladies and gentlemen: here are your winners, and _NEW_ IIWF World Tag Team Champions: the Armed Forces! [The big heel pop continues.] TD: Where's all that respect for the Drifters now? Where's the handshake?! The Forces stated that this would be just another victory, and they were right -- they've cheapened their moment of glory by cheating their way to the titles. SR: Oh, come on, Dross. The Drifters don't cry over spilt milk. You can guarantee that they'll get their rematch, and when they do, Josey Wales will have them more fired up than ever. This is just a temporary setback for the Posse... mark my words. TD: Maybe so, Steve. I still find this display sickening. [NavCom and DefCon raise their arms in triumph. Aaron the Caddy faces up the aisle, and sees Pale Rider turn back. The toppled ex-champion draws one hand across his throat before joining his partner and his manager. Aaron simply shrugs it off and goes back to congratulating his men. They eventually leave the ring and head up the aisle, the crowd jeering them all the way.] TD: The crowd know how cheap these guys are, too. They may not have liked the Drifters, but Pale and Easy at least won those belts fair and square in the tournament. SR: Dross -- get over it! [Cut to a wide-angle shot of the Forces heading up the aisle holding their belts aloft to the jeering fans. Fade.] +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= I * I * W * F =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+ | President: Daniel Spreadbury | Vice-President: Jim Jividen | | univ0322@sable.ox.ac.uk | brokeback@webtv.net | | iiwf@sisko.demon.co.uk | | +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- http://www.sisko.demon.co.uk -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=+