##### ###### ### ########## ########## ########## #### ## ########## ########## ########## #### # #### ######## ##### ##### #### ## ##### #### #### #### #### ### #### #### #### #### ############# ######### #### #### ########### ######### #### #### #### #### #### ######### ######### ### #### #### ######### ######### ### ## #### ######## ######## ## # #### =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- ## =-=-=-= H + O + T + L + I + N + E #1-900-325-IIWF =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= 25 May 1997 ----------------------------------------------- [click] --------------------------- OPTION #1: The Dross Report --------------------------- Hi there, folks, and welcome to the IIWF Hotline. You've reached the Dross Report, updated on Sunday 26 May. I'm Tim Dross, and I'm recording this message on the IIWF Express bus as we journey from lovely Portland, Oregon to sunny California for the first week of our "Coronation Clash Crusade Tour", which will take us all the way to Boston, Masachusetts, for Coronation Clash 1997 on July 12. What a night it was last night in the IIWF Coliseum. We saw new IIWF World Tag Team Champions crowned as the Prophets of Rage defeated Pain Inc., and I'll be talking a whole lot more about the tag team situation a little later. We also saw two wild Four Corners matches to determine the two athletes who will battle it out next Saturday Night for the vacant IIWF Cruiserweight Championship -- third-generation superstar Ronnie Paris and the unpredictable Dirt Dog Unique Allah triumphed over the strong fields in both matches, and I, for one, am really looking forward to their encounter next Saturday Night. Another incredible match we will see next Saturday Night pits the IIWF World Heavyweight Champion, Casey James, against fellow stablemate and bodyguard, the "Lone Wolf" Brody Thunder. Tensions between these two superstars have been building for quite some time, and, in hindsight, it was inevitable that a wrestler who has stated openly in the past that his goals in the IIWF are money and championships would get fed up playing second fiddle to the man wearing the gold. Last night, Thunder snapped after Tiger Claw received a shot at the Intercontinental Championship, the belt which he was supposedly to challenge for, according to Brian Lau. But it appears that Lau has been looking out for his own men -- Casey and Claw -- far more than he has for Thunder, and the "Lone Wolf", who has been instrumental in keeping the World title in the Syndicate and taking Casey James to a record-breaking tenure as Champion, finally snapped. It's going to be an intense battle next Saturday night in San Francisco. Don't miss it. Another surprise last night was seeing Marty Warnett use a foreign object to defeat Duncan Macbeth. Warnett looked severely overmatched throughout the bout, unable to string together any offence to counter the onslaught thrown at him by the big Scotsman. Perhaps he was looking past Macbeth towards Chris Quigley, a competitor for whom Warnett has expressed his disdain in no uncertain terms. Nonetheless, according to my sources, his actions last night -- where he secured victory by clocking Macbeth with a set of brass knuckles -- appear to have dented his popularity in the locker room somewhat. Stars including Ike Sampson, Scott Rogers and Luke Steele were said to turn their backs on Warnett when he went backstage after his match last night. I guess Warnett is going to have to make the choice between going after Quigley and retaining his popularity amongst his fellow fan favourites. And Quigley himself was certainly involved in a surprising turn of events last night. He came down to the ring in the Coliseum unannounced and stated that he would be retiring -- but a quick slap from mentor Steve Manning, Sr., father of his girlfriend Stephanie and long-time trainer, turned Quigley around, and the silver and black attack returned later on in the evening to defeat Mr. Damage -- who has apparently got himself a new manager, the mysterious "Silent Partner", who communicates with his charge by mobile phone. Rumours are flying in the locker room as to the identity of this shady figure, but it would come as no surprise to me to find out that Damage has once more resorted to earning easy money by becoming a "hired gun." The question is: who's hired Damage, and why? Well, folks, as I mentioned earlier, I'm recording this as Nils, the IIWF's chief driver, puts his foot to the floor. The IIWF Express is heading towards California for a great week of wrestling action. This Wednesday's show will come from the intimate Pacific Coast Sports Gymnasium in Hayward, in front of an audience of just under one thousand fans. Then this Saturday Night, the IIWF will play the famous Fillimore, haunt of such all-time great bands as, uh, Jefferson Airplane. It should be a great week. However, back at IIWF Towers, the shake-ups continue. In the prolonged absence of the IIWF President -- whose condition is said to be improving day on day, but a return is still not expected for some six weeks -- the duties of IIWF Vice-President Steve Owens have been growing steadily. In an effort to reduce his responsibilities, I understand that Mr. Owens has appointed a former locker room official as the new Tag Team Division Administrator, a post created just this past week. The individual who has taken on this job is a man by the name of Nathan Novak, a former Future Business Leader of America, who grew up in Omaha, Nebraska, and who is a great fan of the recently-retired Armed Forces. Although it's early days for Mr. Novak's administration, I understand that his input was a motivating factor in the rapid decommission of the United States Tag Team Championships, an experiment which the IIWF's board of directors consider a mistake -- particularly in view of the legal action currently being pursued by a rival organisation, claiming that establishing United States championships constitutes a theft of intellectual property. In any case, with the tag ranks of the IIWF in a somewhat fallow period, Mr. Novak's appointment could not have come at a better time. I understand that he is already ploughing through a great deal of video tape, scouting new entrants to join the ranks of the IIWF, and will be meeting with the managers and entrants of current talent over the coming week to assess their roles within the tag division. He will also be negotiating a final resolution to the protracted wrangles concerning one of the IIWF President's most controversial ruling, banning all non-wrestling personnel from ringside for tag team matches. I'm optimistic that under Mr. Novak, the IIWF's tag team division will once again go from strength to strength, and a quick glance at the line-ups for this week's events confirms that he's already on the right track. As you will remember, the IIWF some months ago entered into talent exchange agreements with two organisations -- the Canadian-based Northern Lights Wrestling Promotion, and the US-based Electronic Shoot Wrestling Promotion -- which has so far seen Lord Byron capture the ESWP European Championship, the "Enigma" Takezo Musashi capture the ESWP Junior Heavyweight Championship, and both Casey James and Brody Thunder secure passage into the NLWP's "Longest Road" event, where they will compete for the NLWP's World Heavyweight Championship. So far, however, precious few NLWP or ESWP stars have made any wrestling appearances in the IIWF. That may be set to change, however -- I understand that negotiations are currently on-going between high-ranking officials of all three organisations, thrashing out a deal to bring selected NLWP and ESWP competitors into the big thirty-two man tournament that will culminate in the IIWF's next pay-per-view event, Coronation Clash. Both NLWP and ESWP are eager to secure the exposure that would result from having some of their top-rated stars competing in such a prestigious event, and I'll keep you posted on developments in the weeks to come. While we're on the subject of inter-federational relations, I understand that rookie sensation Firestarter of the ESWP may be looking to make an appearance in the IIWF in the near future. Firestarter has been named as the number one contender to Lord Byron's ESWP European Championship, and he has been lobbying IIWF officials to allow him to be in attendance at Byron's IIWF matches in order to scout his opponent first-hand. More news on this situation as I get it. Closer to home, let's talk history. The "Posse" was one of the dominant forces in the IIWF last summer. Masterminded by the "Outlaw" Josey Wales, and headed up by the IIWF's other "Outlaw", Hall of Famer J.W. Hardin, along with the High Plains Drifters, the Crippler and the Venusian Death Cell, the stable was for a time as successful as Brian Lau's Syndicate. Now rumour has it that Wales is itching to reform the "Posse", and this time, bring the Hangmen into the mix. You'll remember that in the early days of the IIWF, the Hangmen -- then known as High Velocity, and latterly as the Atomic Destroyers -- and the High Plains Drifters were involved in a blood feud which rattled on for months. However, last fall, under the unifying influence of Hardin, the Hangmen, the Posse and the Syndicate hooked up together to counter the "Alliance" headed by Dan Kauffman. With Hardin's departure from the IIWF, the supergroup's future was bleak, but now it seems that Wales is keen to dominate the IIWF once more. The surprising move of the Subway Psycho's former valet, Mistress Sasha, to align herself with the Hangmen may be the first stage in the "Posse's" second coming. However, the environment into which the Posse would now be coming is very different to that which existed in the IIWF last summer. With the current war of words raging between the so-called "old" and "new" generations in the IIWF, the tendency will be to divide and conquer. Will the Posse find its place in the changing landscape of the IIWF -- or will they fall foul of the "new generation"? Could we see "Team Sychosys" reformed? Indications are that Joe Petrow is keen to reestablish links with Majestic Maurice McArthur, the poor unsuspecting athlete who has been subjected to such hideous humiliation both by Petrow and others in recent weeks. McArthur partnered Petrow in his abortive charge for the now-defunct United States Tag Team Championship, and rumour has it that Petrow would like to link up once more. But who is Petrow's true target? McArthur? Or one of the IIWF's tag teams? Only time will tell. On the subject of Joe Petrow, during the one week break after Birthday Bash, he flew back to Japan, and appeared on a radio show to promote his new CD over there.  During the show, Petrow apparently called himself "The Greatest IIWF Cruiserweight Champion of All Time!"  As a result, they later received a call from none other than "Angel of the Sun" Hakiro Matsuoko!  The two engaged in a heated argument, and as a result they may face off on a Supercard in Japan the week after Coronation Clash. Okay, folks, that's just about it for this week here on the Dross Report. Thanks very much for calling, and don't forget to call again next weekend to hear more of the latest locker room rumours, news and speculation. Until then, this is Tim Dross, saying: so long! --------------------------- OPTION #2: Soundbite Speaks --------------------------- Hey, morons, I'm back. In case you're too stupid to work it out for yourselves, you've reached Steve "Soundbite" Roberts, the best damned thing going in this federation today -- or yesterday, or tomorrow for that matter. I'm recording this from the hands-free phone in my Porsche Boxster as I head south to sunny California for the first week of the IIWF's "Coronation Clash Crusade Tour". I can't wait to be down there in the sun -- the sand -- the girls -- ah yeah, the girls. Although it's not prime biscuit country, but a guy can't have everything -- unless he's the Soundbite, of course, in which case he can have anything he damned well wants. And speaking of getting what you want, how about IIWF reject, Dan Kauffman? Martina Kauffman, you'll remember, got his butt kicked out of the IIWF in a retirement match at Ring Wars III by fellow bitch Chrissy Quigley, and then deigned to grace us with his presence at the commentary table at Birthday Bash a couple of weeks ago. Except poor Dan didn't make it as far as the commentary table, as he was attacked by the newest member of the Syndicate, and former partner in the Players' Club, "Dangerous" Danny Dynamite. Poor little Kauffman had to be carried out of the arena after that little incident, and a lot of observers expected Kauffman to demand to be reinstated to the IIWF so that he could come back and try to kick the Syndicate into touch one more time. But, for once, Kauffman surprised everybody, including yours truly, by going out and signing a contract with a rival fed, known as the MLWO -- apparently, that stands for "Major League Wrestling Organisation", but from what I hear, the only thing major about this two-bit fed is the amount of moaning and whining which goes on down there. Of course, "Lame Duck" Kauffman should fit in just fine, in that case, since he's apparently developed something of a "bad attitude" since Dynamite kicked his butt a few weeks ago, and has headed down there to prove himself. IIWF suits are said to be distressed that a man who was for a long time associated with the IIWF almost as readily as the "Soundbite" himself -- some even went as far as calling Kauffman the "franchise" of the IIWF, which shows how much these punk analysts know -- has jumped ship to the MLWO. But me, hey, I couldn't care less. Kauffman went out of the IIWF a loser, not only when he was beaten by Quigley, but also when he was carried out at Birthday Bash, and to be honest, I'm glad to see the back of him. The suits, whose pride must be hurt by this snub, are saying that we'll never see Kauffman in the IIWF again, but I bet you anything that they'll be more than happy to show those "classic" matches featuring Kauffman over his IIWF career. Such are the ironies of the wrestling world, people. One interesting thing I did hear while on the upper floors of IIWF Towers was that the suits were looking to take out an injunction preventing Kauffman from saying anything detrimental about the IIWF in any way, shape or form, in any other organisation. What is it that the suits are trying to hide? If it's VP Owens' late night trysts with about six different secretaries from the pool on the sixteenth floor, then, well, I guess that's no secret any more. Ha! To be honest, I doubt Kauffman would have the guts to spill his guts anywhere else. After all, Casey James knows where he lives... Enough about the "Lame Duck". I'm so glad to see the "Showstopper" Simon Lebec back in the IIWF. Here's a guy with style, a mind for marketing, and a great sense of humour. Although I don't blame him for taking a hike after kicking Quigley's ass all over the ring last October, I was under the impression that his departure was so wrapped up in bitter tangles with the suits -- those damned suits, always getting in the way -- that we'd never see Lebec in the IIWF again. I guess that just goes to show how much the almighty dollar sways the powers that be in the IIWF, and they couldn't resist having such a true star back in the fold. From what I hear, El Super Gecko is keen to accept Lebec's challenge, and he'll meet the "Showstopper" in the ring next Saturday Night. No word as to whether either Chris Kick-Me or Farty Walnut, the two guys under whose skin Lebec most successfully got during his previous IIWF tenure, have any plans to rekindle their old rivalries. In any case, Lebec's first interview segment on last night's show had be rolling in the aisle -- I look forward to more of the same from this man. Conceited he may be, arrogant certainly -- but he sells condoms like nobody else. Okay, morons, I'm coming up to an intersection, and I see a small child I wanna terrorise, so I'm gonna have to split. Don't forget to tune in this Tuesday to see me shoot my mouth off at whoever I feel deserves it. Until then, this is the "Soundbite" signing off. Hasta la vista, morons. ----------------------- OPTION #3: Can We Talk? ----------------------- DEREK MOTA: "I don't care who it is. I just hope that they know when it's time to hang up the tights, and not spit around for months with no direction first. They should take a lesson from Hardin, and retire while they're still at their prime, so we can remember the good days instead of havin' to sit through months of crap before they realize they just don't have it anymore. If there's one thing I can't stand, it's an old geezer sittin' there with no idea where they are, and no idea of where they're goin'. Take Kauffman, for example..." RONNIE PARIS: "In my eyes, it has to be Lord Byron. Regardless of whether you like the guy or not, he's the best technical wrestler this side of anywhere. And that's coming from a guy who's no slouch at mat wrestling..." MAD DOG WATKINS: "I would say myself, but I know all the other chumps will hype themselves... besides, that ain't my style. You want the truth? I'd have to go to a tag team and give my props to the High Plains Drifters. One of a kind, tough SOBs and definitely Hall of Fame bound..." "QUICKSTRIKE" CHRIS QUIGLEY: "I honestly believe that I'll be inducted after I retire, but of course, I really can't even think about that until the day comes that I win the World Championship. Casey James has had the longest title reign in IIWF history, if not the most controversial, and that gets him in there by default." CREED: "Don't really think 'bout that stuff all that much. Leave that to the guys with the suits up in the tower. But... you get in the Hall of Fame after your career over, right? Yeah, I can think of a guy who is 'bout ready for a spot. There a guy wearin' a belt right now who should be lookin' for a gold watch real damn soon." STEVE SUMMER: "Two words: tricycle moonsault. Dude, the Fury can go... how could they have suspended him? Did you see when he racked Troy? I never laughed so hard in my life. Kowalski Rules! I don't know what the heck's going on around here over the last couple of weeks, guys crying in the hallways, Mr. Owens' office always locked... maybe I better get my resume together..." STEVE "SOUNDBITE" ROBERTS: "What Hall of Fame are we talking about? Are we talking about the Hall of Fame for genius, heat generating, moonsaulting, sexy as hell "Soundbite"s? 'Cause the only man who could be inducted there would be my personal hero Majestic Maurice McArthur. If it's wrestling we're talking about, then, me. Moron." SPARKPLUG LEE: "Ladies and gentlemen... Steve "Soundbite" Roberts! Is that all right, Mr. Roberts? No, I don't know the words to "Running with the Devil". Can I go now, please? I really have to go visit my mother." TIM DROSS: "Well, I'm really not at liberty to discuss the potential honors which might be awarded to currently active wrestlers, given my sensitive position within the hierarchy of the IIWF. What I can say is that I believe anyone can attain membership in the Hall of Fame. It takes an incredible amount of perserverence and dedication. But, I firmly believe that if you want it badly enough, the IIWF Hall of Fame is a goal which can be achieved by any of our active wrestlers. Except, perhaps, for Maurice. Poor, poor Maurice." W & W EXPRESS: Wayne: Who are future Hall of Famers? You're looking at them, buddy. Watson: The W & W Express are two of the only real wrestlers that have come through this league. We are the future of the IIWF. Wayne: Other than us, I would also have to say Otto Vehroeven. That guy is one bad mutha. REQUIEM: "Which current IIWF superstar? You should have said _superstars_! Genesis is the future of the IIWF, and so it is inevitable that _all_ the members of Genesis will enter the Hall of Fame." HIGHWAYMAN: "There will be a _triple_ induction next year: Nightwing, Requiem and Highwayman." SCOTT ROGERS: "It's simple: the Subway Psycho. This guy is one of the true greats of our sport but, hey, if Chris had won the Title at Birthday Bash, I'd have gone for him no question. They're both legends." BILLY SHAKESPEARE: "Tho the price of fame is perhaps the loss of humility, I think myself worthy of this award. If not, what good is it being Born to Perform?" "SHOWSTOPPER" SIMON LEBEC: "Isn't it obvious?  ME!  Not only do I host the hottest talk show in the IIWF, I'm also the best wrestler!  Duh!" +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= I * I * W * F =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+ | President: Daniel Spreadbury | Vice-President: Jim Jividen | | univ0322@sable.ox.ac.uk | brokeback@webtv.net | | iiwf@sisko.demon.co.uk | | +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- http://www.sisko.demon.co.uk -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=+