##### ###### ### ########## ########## ########## #### ## ########## ########## ########## #### # #### ######## ##### ##### #### ## ##### #### #### #### #### ### #### #### #### #### ############# ######### #### #### ########### ######### #### #### #### #### #### ######### ######### ### #### #### ######### ######### ### ## #### ######## ######## ## # #### =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- ## =-=-=-= INTERNATIONAL INTERNET WRESTLING FEDERATION =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= "INSIDE THE IIWF" with Tim Dross Tuesday 29 July 1997 ----------------------------------------------- ["Machine Gun" by Jimi Hendrix plays as the shot fades up on the familiar Studio Three in the IIWF Tower.  Veteran IIWF commentator Tim Dross is seated at an angular glass table which is situated directly in front of a high-tech video screen.  Dross puts the finishing touches on a piece of copy as the music fades and the shot zooms in.] TD: Hello, friends and welcome to "Inside the IIWF", your weekly look at all the news, views, reviews and previews -- highlights and sidelights -- cheers and jeers.  A look behind at the week that was and up ahead at the week that will be here in the finest wrestling Federation in the world today... the _mighty_ IIWF! I am your host, Tim Dross, along with Steve Summer, who once again is standing by live at the Arm Bar here in downtown Portland, and for the next thirty minutes we will take a look at all the happenings here in the... [A throaty female voice is heard... "Shoot, Soundbite!  Shoot!" and the Van Halen's "Running with the Devil" kicks in as the audiotaped voice of Sparkplug Lee is heard:] SL: Ladies and gentlemen... Steve "Soundbite" Roberts! [The Soundbite enters the shot to a track of canned applause, seating himself in the empty chair near Dross.  Roberts is in his customary leather jacket, atop a t-shirt which reads: "Day 17: IIWF Under Siege." Over the shirt is a large, colorful clock which Roberts is wearing from a chain around his neck.] TD: And here is my co-host, Steve "Soundbite" Roberts. SR: What up, Dross?  What up, sports fans? TD: I assume there's some meaning behind your ornamentation. SR: Yo, G.  I'm just tryin' to show I'm down with the thing, you knizzo what I'm saying, G?  Don't believe the hype and stay off the pipe, Dross.  TD: The pipe?  I knew you shouldn't have been allowed to do that Prophets of Rage match, Steve Roberts. SR: That's just like you tryin' to keep me down, Dross.  The man always tryin' to keep me down, that's why I don't get my own show, the man's scared when brothers like me and Tony Starks and Reggie Starr get together and knowledgize for the people.  Word to your mutha.  Hey, Dross -- how is your mother?  Wasn't it her birthday a few weeks ago? Happy birthday, Mrs. Dross.  Sweet woman.  Feelin' fine and cherry wine. It's a 187 and I'm ready to ride. TD: [rubbing his temple as if wishing the show could somehow begin again] Reggie Starr's not a black man, Steve Roberts. SR: There you go again, whitey -- tryin' to build up walls 'tween me and my mulatto bra's.  We all one people -- one united people.  Free James Brown!  Free James Brown!  MmmmmMookie.... MmmmmMalcolm.  Free James Brown! TD: Good grief.  Let's take a final look at everything that went down on IIWF Saturday Night! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ************** REWIND: IIWF Saturday Night 26 July 1997 ************** ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ["Killing Me Softly" by Roberta Flack plays over Dirt Dog Unique Allah's victory in the champions triangle ladder match from IIWF Saturday Night as the results roll...] Dirt Dog Unique Allah def. Requiem/Creed Otto Verhoeven def. Mad Dog Watkins Quigley/Petrow/Enigma/Macbeth/Tonnage                          def. Thunder/Kowalski/Starks/Sampson/Cavalier Syndicate def. Dark Disciples Cold Spell def. Last Resort Deathbringer/Phoenix/Steele def. Hwyman/Annis/Rogers Violence Unlimited def. Prophets of Rage/LFD/Machines TD: Well, I'll tell you, Steve Roberts, I don't normally like to compare the IIWF with any other wrestling Federation, as you well know I believe the only competiton for the IIWF is itself and the occasional Monday night -- but that Champions Triangle Ladder Match from IIWF Saturday Night is just another example of why it is that the IIWF is number one, Steve Roberts. Even if you never buy an IIWF pay-per-view... even if you are never fortunate enough to experience the IIWF live -- each and every week the IIWF puts out a card that contains a match like that triangle ladder match, filled with tension and excitement -- the kind of match that you can only see right here in the IIWF! SR: Ah hell, Dross.  Midsummer Madness isn't for a month and a half, do you have to sell so hard already?  Just kick back and let the good times roll -- we have plenty of time before Otto Verhoeven becomes the next Champion of the World. TD: That was another great match from IIWF Saturday Night, Steve Roberts.  Otto "The Butcher" Verhoeven outlasting the game veteran Mad Dog Watkins... and indeed it will be Verhoeven who goes to Midsummer Madness to challenge for the IIWF World Heavyweight Championship against Requiem -- or whomever may be the Champion at that time. SR: You know, Dross.  I hope it is Boy Requiem... I hope he brings his little guitar and plays "Do You Really Want to Hurt Me" all the way down the aisle.  Damn that would be fun... Boy Requiem trying to intimidate The Butcher with his little staredown.  Hah!  You think Creed's tough? Verhoeven's a killer! TD: Indeed, it was a tough night for the group called Genesis, not only did their contingent of Highwayman, Annis and Rogers lose that six man tag -- but Requiem fell short in his effort to win half a million dollars in that ladder match.  SR: Yeah, well here's a Soundbite for you, Dross -- Genesis got exactly what they wanted on Saturday Night. TD: I think they would have enjoyed garnering at least one victory, Steve Roberts.  Sure, Cold Spell retained their tag team belts with a victory over the Last Resort -- but it is becoming more and more noticeable to IIWF observers that Genesis is not exactly welcome at ringside during their matches. SR: Nope.  Steve Roberts Lesson Number 621, Dross -- Nothing Matters But the Belt.  These guys don't care about winning some six-man tag, Dross.  Who was the team that was standing in the ring at the end of the match?  Genesis.  And after Unique won that ladder match -- who was standing in the ring at the end of the night? Genesis.  These guys beat the hell out of Creed and the Deathbringer and I think a couple of the fans at ringside got their asses kicked.  TD: Are you becoming a fan of our new champion, Steve Roberts? SR: No, this guy becoming Champion is the single worst thing to happen in the IIWF since Morton got drunk at last year's Christmas party and tried to feel Sparkplug up.  All I'm saying is he ain't stupid. Gutless.  Overrated.  Without a single drop of testosterone in his womanly bosom -- but he ain't stupid.  These guys know what they're doing, Dross.  They don't care about some pointless pinfalls, they're after belts -- they're after control.  They're out to rule the freakin' world, Dross.  TD: They certainly have caused their share of commotion, Steve Roberts. I can't remember a time of more tumult in the IIWF.  There is a lot of sniping going on, both in front of and behind the scenes -- and I have to believe that the Reign of Requiem is its cause. SR: More shooting that high noon at the O.K. Corral.  More shooting than Greenwich Village on free syringe day. TD: Indeed.  The IIWF Administration has been under attack from superstars like the Prophets of Rage.. SR: Fight the power, my brothers.  We all down with OPP.  TD: ...who saw Dirt Dog Unique Allah stand on top of the world with another audacious performance in that ladder match... but earlier in the evening suffered a defeat at the hands of a tag team which has really "climbed the ladder" here in the IIWF, Violence Unlimited. SR: Yeah, I don't know about VU -- Mutilator's like 450 pounds but with only 2% body fat... what the hell is that, Dross?  Give me a guy like Tonnage -- a real fat guy.  A guy who ain't afraid to go to a pie eating contest and ask for ice cream.  A guy who walks into a restaurant, takes a menu and says, "I'll have two."  I like that fat guy, Dross.  I think he and I are gonna be real close. TD: Another superstar who has had some rather pointed comments about the IIWF Administration is Joe Petrow. SR: You know what I saw this morning, Dross?  I'm coming into the office and there's this billboard, big as life over the freeway right out by the Coliseum -- a huge mural of Petrow with the words, "The Franchise.  Period."  I asked around the offices, President Dan... Poutine... the guy with the beard -- ain't no one had any idea how it got there.  TD: Well, you know with Joe Petrow it's always something... he certainly will continue to make his presence felt -- as will the Syndicate, who surrounded their comments about IIWF Administration with two very impressive wins over both of their rivals, Pain Inc. and the Dark Disciples. SR: Yeah, boy.  Only a matter of time now before those tag straps find the same destination of every other strap in the IIWF -- around the waists of the Syndicate.  It don't matter what the name on the belt says, Dross -- they're just keeping it warm for James and Claw. TD: That may be so, but a team that will not be seeing a return to gold any time in the near future are the Dark Disciples.  Kane and Wulf have always walked that fine line between anger and terror -- and they crossed way over to the other side on Saturday Night -- I have been told that IIWF officials have been frantically trying to secure settlements with the fans who were viciously attacked by Kane and Wulf... and in fact, the Dark Disciples today were officially _removed_ from the active IIWF roster, a shame, really. SR: Nah, has-beens... washed up has-beens. Sort of like Chrissie. TD: Oh, you are whistling your own tune now, Steve Roberts.  Chris Quigley followed up his win at Coronation Clash with another victory in that ten-man tag -- and after a brief period when maybe his star could have reasonably been thought to be in decline... Chris Quigley has returned as a force in the IIWF -- I would not be at all surprised if indeed he is not wearing Federation gold sometime in the near furture. SR: Maybe if the Prophets take some of their Mr. T chains and bash him upside the head, Dross.  What I want to know is what's the deal with Thunder... first he and Starks have a little spat on the outside -- Starks just damn walks out of the building... I don't know what his deal is -- and then Thunder and the Fury have some words.  Hey Brody, listen, buddy.  I may not like you -- but I sure like that big Cowboy you used to hang out with... so let me give you a piece of advice: leave the Fury alone.  Apologize... send him candy and flowers -- maybe give him a nice backrub after a workout.  But leave him alone, Thunder... leave the big man be. TD: A backrub? SR: Oh, yeah, Kowalski's shoulders get sore, Dross.  He and I knock back a couple of Colt 45s -- you know, the big 40's, right -- and he all the time is saying that he'd like a massage.  Maybe Brody could help him out.  I know Luke Steele is enjoying the job just a little too much, if you know what I'm saying. TD: I never know what you're saying, Steve Roberts.  And I never know what Takezo Musashi is doing, either.  The Enigma walked out of that ten-man tag... and has not been seen by anyone since -- there are some strong rumors that he has, in fact, left the IIWF.  Now that -- that would be a terrible shame. SR: The Enigma... he's that Chinese guy right? TD: That's the White Phoenix. SR: The guy who pinned Annis?  That guy's pretty good.  TD: No... that was the Phoenix. SR: Whose name used to be... TD: Yes... come on now, you almost have it... SR: His name used to be... Bob.  Bill.  Thad?  Scotty?  Buffy St. Marie? Tippicanoe and Tyler too? Cheshire, the cartoon monkey boy? TD: That's our look back, folks.  Now let's take our _First Look_ at all the action that will go down this week from the IIWF Coiseum.      ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ******************* FIRST LOOK: Wednesday War Room ******************* ------------------------------------------------------------------------ 1. Team Sychosys vs. The Rotundos [J] 2. Marty Warnett vs. Scott "the Whine" Bloom [J] 3. Tony Starks vs. "Nifty" Ned Norton [J] 4. "The Intrepid" Ryan Howard [debut] vs. El Super Gecko [J] 5. The Equalizers [debut] vs. Barnacle Brothers [J] 6. Hollywood Bloods vs. Pain Inc. 7. Licensed for Devastation vs. The Harlequins 8. Scott Rogers vs. "Real Deal" Luke Steele 9. SPECIAL LIVE MAIN EVENT: Dog Collar Match: Derek Mota vs. "Showstopper" Simon Lebec TD: Folks, more great action coming your way this Wednesday Night -- and for those of you who only occasionally stop by the War Room -- I would strongly urge you to check in. Larry Morton and Becky LaRue are really puting out a consistently enetertaining recap of all the action from the mid-week card. SR: We do a show on Wednesday nights? TD: Steve Roberts, I know for a fact that you never miss a War Room. SR: No... on Wednesdays I watch 90210.  Bare midriffs, Dross.  Hot young girls with bare midriffs.  Now, if we replace Becks with hottie in a belly shirt named Tiffani-Amber... hell, Dross -- keep Becks and move Morton out.  Becky LaRue and Tiffani-Amber with the War Room.  Oh yeah, Dross -- that would almost make Rogers vs. Steele bearable.  Almost. TD: We will in fact see that battle this Wednesday, along with the Hollywood Bloods taking on Pain Inc... SR: Timberrrrrrr. TD: And LFD will take on the Harlequins. SR: Yeah, good win for the 'Quins last week -- I hear they're bringing in some new guy... how many Harlequins will we have then? TD: Well, there would be Chaos... Tragedy... Comedy and Melody... SR: Dasher, Dancer, Autumn Jackson, Freaky Friday, Cunanan,  Lamar Alexander #2, Guar... TD: Well, it is true that the IIWF has made an endeavor to cut down on the non-wrestling personnel, we'll see what sort of role this rumored "Fifth Harlequin" takes. SR: Brian Epstein?  Brian Epstein is joining the Harlequins?  Well, he probably has a better workrate than Chaos, I guess. TD: We'll also see Tony Starks, Team Sychosys, the return to the ring of a man who apparently has suffered quite an eye injury at the hands of Chris Quigley -- that would be Marty Warnett. SR: Why don't those two just get a room already? TD: And we'll see the debut of the very intense Ryan Howard -- and the tag combination known as the Equalizers. SR: I might even watch those matches, Dross.  I sort of like this Howard kid... got the big attitude workin' for him -- and now that the Prophets think I'm all that, I'm might be peepin' some of the tags. TD: Peepin'?  SR: Hey Dross, talk to the fist -- cause the face is pissed! TD: Good grief.  All that action... plus the holdover match from Saturday Night, Simon Lebec vs. Derek Mota, the winner going on to Midsummer Madness to meet Dirt Dog Unique Allah -- or whomever might be Cruiserweight Champion at that time. SR: Dirt Dog gonna be suckin' on gin and juice all night long, baby dolls.  Half a million dollars!  He gots his mind on his money and his money on his mind. TD: That's all the action coming your way this Wednesday Night -- be sure to check it out. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ****************** FIRST LOOK: IIWF Saturday Night ******************* ------------------------------------------------------------------------ 1. IIWF WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: Requiem vs. Mr. Damage 2. IIWF INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: Creed va. Ike Sampson 3. "Spotlight" Billy Shakespeare vs. RANDOM OPPONENT 4. Timothy N. Turner vs. Sebastian Jericho 5. Deathbringer vs. "Sychosys" Joe Petrow 6. Derek Mota vs. Scott Rogers 7. Kevin Christiansen vs. "The Intrepid" Ryan Howard 8. The Machines vs. The Harlequins TD: We will have eight breathtaking matches coming your way from the IIWF Coliseum this Saturday Night, inlcuded will be matches from the Machines, Billy Shakespeare and a newcomer who you have taken a bit of a shine to, Timothy M. Turner. SR: Yeah, I like the way this Turner has come into the IIWF, Dross. With so many new guys all entering together -- you have to do something to stand out... make yourself known.  And the way Turner has gone after this Terrell Brandon guy... TD: The Cavalier, Kevin Christiansen. SR: ...it's a thing of beauty, Turner has picked a spot, made a mark -- and he already has the jump on the rest of, what looks to me like one of the best groups we've had around here -- what with that kid Howard and the fat guy Tonnage. TD: Not to mention Sebastian Jericho, who will also be in action this Saturday Night. SR: Whatever. TD: Also, two big title defenses this week -- and some interesting matchups as Requiem and Creed face the men who last defeated each of them.  Sure, we all remember the Ike Sampson win over Creed in the very first match of the Coronation Clash Tournament -- but recall that Mr. Damage holds a countout victory over Requiem from the Wednesday War Room -- I'd have to say that in order for the title reigns of these two men to get started off properly -- they have to "make up" for those previous defeats. SR: Yeah, real tough competition for Creed -- maybe next week he'll fight The Smooth -- at least then the fans would have someone to root for.  God, I love that guy. TD: We're all very fond of The Smooth, yes, and I understand his training with Dr. Zip at the IIWF training facility is going very well -- the Jobber Justice Squad may have a new member very shortly. However, Ike Sampson will give Creed all he wants, I understand that their mutual mentor Mad Dog Watkins played more than a slight roll in getting these two together for this Saturday Night. SR: Whatever.  And even if, by some miracle, Requiem is able to cheat his way past Mr. Damage... it'll be the first member of the old generation he's beaten.  How many shortcuts can a guy take to the top? TD: Actually, Steve Roberts, the World Champion might be the most underrated wrestler in the IIWF today, ironically enough.  He does hold impressive wins over "Old Generation" superstars Deathbringer and Subway Psycho -- in fact, the Psycho, long an IIWF mainstay, has been driven into a long hiatus due to the brutal beating inflcited by Requiem and Genesis.  That's not to mention Coronation Clash wins over both Brody Thunder and Steve Kowalski, who some insiders believe to be perhaps the two top wrestlers in the IIWF today.  Frankly, although I can't claim to be a fan of his or the tactics of this group called Genesis, I think Requiem has shown himself every bit worthy of the IIWF World Championship belt. SR: He hasn't shown himself worthy to shine my shoes, Dross.  Boy Requiem's the single worst Champion not named Kauffman in the history of human endeavor -- and Mr. Damage is gonna show him why this Saturday Night! TD: Well, there you are folks, all that action, plus live interviews from Steve Kowalski and maybe from the new number one contender, Otto Verhoeven, coming your way this Saturday Night! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ************* COMING FRIDAY: Countdown to Saturday Night ************* ------------------------------------------------------------------------ TD: That's all the time we have this week, again we apologize to all the fans of Steve Summer -- as we don't have the time to go out to the Arm Bar for his comments... but we will have time to catch the "Wednesday War Room" tomorrow night and then... SR: Hey, you didn't do a Hotline report last week -- why not look in the mirror -- don't attack my trip,  I'm a cool rockin' daddy knockin' da boots all night long straight tripping, gangsta bitch. TD: ...then maybe we will be fortunate enough to revisit one of the "IIWF Classics," then, of course, join Larry Morton and Brian Lau as they "Countdown to Saturday Night"... bringing us to the finest two hours of weekly live wrestling anywhere in the world, "IIWF Saturday Night". SR: And I'm taking the week off!  Let Tiffani-Amber host the show, Dross.  We gotta do something about those ratings. TD: So, for Steve Summer, my tag team colleague Steve "Soundbite" Roberts and all of us here at "Inside the IIWF"... we want to wish you... good night. [Wilson Pickett's "In the Midnight Hour" plays as Roberts and Dross shake hands, Dross reading aloud from a piece of paper and drawing a howl of laughter from the Soundbite as the shot and the music fade.] +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= I * I * W * F =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+ | President: Daniel Spreadbury | Vice-President: Jim Jividen | | univ0322@sable.ox.ac.uk | brokeback@webtv.net | | iiwf@sisko.demon.co.uk | | +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- http://www.sisko.demon.co.uk -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=+