##### ###### ### ########## ########## ########## #### ## ########## ########## ########## #### # #### ######## ##### ##### #### ## ##### #### #### #### #### ### #### #### #### #### ############# ######### #### #### ########### ######### #### #### #### #### #### ######### ######### ### #### #### ######### ######### ### ## #### ######## ######## ## # #### =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- ## =-=-=-= INTERNATIONAL INTERNET WRESTLING FEDERATION =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= "INSIDE THE IIWF" with Tim Dross Tuesday 5 August 1997 ----------------------------------------------- [Pearl Jam's "Black" plays as the shot opens on the familiar Studio 3 in the IIWF Tower.  Veteran IIWF commentator Tim Dross sits at an angular glass table which is placed in front of a high tech video screen.  Dross wears his traditionally near-whimsical expression as the music fades.] TD: Hello again, everyone, and welcome to another edition of "Inside the IIWF", your weekly look at all the news, views, reviews and previews -- highlights and sidelights, cheers and jeers.  A look behind at the week that was and up ahead at what will be here in the finest wrestling Federation in the world today... the _mighty_ IIWF! I am your host, Tim Dross, along with young Steve Summer who is, once again, at the downtown Portland nightspot, The Arm Bar -- and we have oh so much show to cover this evening. [Van Halen's "Running With the Devil" begins and a throaty female voice is heard, "Shoot, Soundbite! Shoot!".  The audiotape of Sparkplug Lee is played...] SL: The Soundbite is _in_ the building!  The Soundbite is _in_ the building! [Steve "Soundbite" Roberts enters with a flourish, feather boa draped across his neck, his customary leather jacket unzipped to reveal a black t-shirt which reads, "Be Afraid.  Be Very Afraid."] TD: And we welcome my co-host, Steve "Soundbite" Roberts. [Canned applause thunders over the shot.] SR: Aw, thanks, everybody.  I couldn't have done it without you.  But the man who really deserves your applause, Dross -- the man who deserves all the plaudits we can heap upon him is none other than the _NEW_ Intercontinental Champion of the World... the Old Dog himself, Mad Dog Watkins. TD: It was truly a despicable scene that only a depraved mind such as yours could revel in, Steve Roberts.  Mad Dog Watkins, in what could only be called a Machiavellian scheme, appears to have set young Creed up with a plan that began at Birthday Bash.  First, gaining his trust with a series of "saves" from the former European Alliance... then preying upon Creed's known abandonment complex by fashioning himself in the role as father/mentor.  And then Watkins dropped the bomb on him -- taking out Ike Sampson in a sneak attack and devastatingly defeated Creed to become the new Intercontinental Champion. SR: Hell, even better than that, Dross.  Mad Dog Watkins wanted the Intercontinental Championship... but Lord Byron had it.  Watkins kepts stirring the pot, Dross.  Watkins kept pitting Byron and Creed against each other -- who made that Loser Leaves Town match? Watkins.  He used Creed to run Byron out of the IIWF -- and then he tore the rookie apart. Brilliant.  If Stephen Hawking were a wrestler -- this is the kind of double cross he'd pull. [Roberts speaks in an imitation of a "synthesized"  voice.] SR: "That's what I call Pay-Back, Pup." TD: Good grief. SR: Of course, the whole quadrapalegic thing would probably get in his way... but he could still beat Billy Shakespeare two out of three falls.  TD: Stephen Hawking? SR: It's all about Kepler's Second Law of Thermodynamics.  I'm an educated man, moron.  Mad Dog Watkins -- I ain't never liked you... I thought you were washed up, over the hill, just collecting a paycheck to fulfill your committment to the AARP. But I, Steve Roberts, was wrong. You, sir, are a fine man, a footsoldier in the war to bring some dignity and justice back to this great sport... and I personally salute you. Mad Dog Watkins -- as of this day forward, you are an honorary L'il Soundbiter! [Roberts stands, bringing his left hand to his forehead in a crisp military salute as confetti falls into the shot while the video screen shows Watkins' GFA superbomb to the floor.] TD: [shaking his head] Well, we do have a new Intercontinental Champion, but that's not the only thing that went down Saturday Night from the Coliseum. Let's take one more look at all the action! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ************************** LATEST RANKINGS *************************** ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ================================================================== WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP: ================================================================== Requiem [306/6'10"/H] 13-3-3 ------------------------------------------------------------------ Otto Verhoeven [340/6'8"/H] 27-10-4 Steve "the Fury" Kowalski [268/6'4"/H] 19-8-0 "Lone Wolf" Brody Thunder [267/6'2"/H] 19-10-2 "Sychosys" Joe Petrow [227/6'3"/N] 16-7-3 Chris Quigley [238/6'1"/F] 22-11-3 ================================================================== INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP: ================================================================== Mad Dog Watkins [269/6'5"/H] 14-7-2 ------------------------------------------------------------------ Creed [276/6'4"/H] 14-7-2 Highwayman [275/6'4"/H] 13-6-0 Marty Warnett [245/5'11"/F] 27-18-1 Duncan Macbeth [270/6'4"/N] 8-3-1 Scott Rogers [297/6'7"/H] 6-3-0 ================================================================== CRUISERWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP: ================================================================== Dirt Dog Unique Allah [238/6'2"/N] 14-8-2 ------------------------------------------------------------------ "Enigma" Takezo Musashi [2ll/5'9"/F] 26-11-0 The Phoenix [235/6'3"/F] 12-6-0 Billy Shakespeare [230/6'2"/F] 27-16-2 Ronnie Paris [210/6'/F] 13-10-0 Derek Mota [224/5'10"/H] 8-8-2 ================================================================== WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP: ================================================================== Cold Spell [500/H] 12-4-0 ------------------------------------------------------------------ Prophets of Rage [753/H] 11-4-2 The Last Resort [515/F] 6-3-0 The Harlequins [545/N] 11-5-3 Violence Unlimited [728/N] 5-2-0 Dark Disciples [615/H] 13-9-2 ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ******************** REWIND: IIWF Saturday Night ********************* ------------------------------------------------------------------------ IIWF HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP: Requiem No Contest Mr. Damage IIWF INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP: Mad Dog Watkins def. Creed Joe Petrow def. Deathbringer The Cavalier def. Ryan Howard Sebastian Jericho def. Timothy Turner (DQ) Harlequins def. Machines Scott Rogers def. Derek Mota TD: Well, at the top of the list is that wild Heavyweight Title Match. SR: Yeah, Chuck Norris, Harry Caray -- and a terrific win by Crazy Joe Petrow. TD: Er... what are you talking about? SR: You know, the IIWF World Champion, Joe Petrow -- I almost thought he was going to get that submission win over Deathbringer -- but it was a real impressive way to start his title reign. TD: Steve Roberts -- Joe Petrow is not the Champion, Requiem is the Champion, as you are well aware.  And it is that Requiem "match" -- if you could call it that -- to which I am referring.  Folks, you can call the hotline for all the details of the "referee switch" perpetuated by Mr. Damage... and that veteran, as I am told, may well have wrestled his last match in the IIWF.  But the story here is what happened after the match... a snarling, angry Requiem effectively calling out the entire IIWF dressing room and preceding to devastate both Derek Mota and Deathbringer before none other than the former Heavyweight Champion himself, Casey James, began his way to the ring. It is another evening where Requiem's win-total was not padded... but as you've pointed out articulately, Steve Roberts, this Genesis group is after domination... SR: Rooooaaaaarrrr! TD: No, not Domination, but domination -- after total control over the IIWF -- and once again another IIWF Saturday Night ends with Genesis standing alone in the ring. SR: Well -- the last thing Boy Requiem wants is Casey James coming down on him, Dross.  I gotta feeling that anytime the former champ wants, he can get that singles contract back and reclaim the belt that was stolen from him by IIWF Administration.  All he'd have to do is beat Boy Requiem... as a warm-up... and then beat Crazy Joe Petrow.  Hey, what a match that would be, Dross.  James/Petrow for the IIWF title! TD: [sighing] Genesis did pick up a win on Saturday, as the increasingly... mercurial Scott Rogers defeated Derek Mota -- leading to the first of two savage beatings of Mota by the Champion's stable. SR: Here's another guy who's grown on me, Dross.  That crazy, little Canadian bastard is willing to fight the whole Culture Club by himself! I mean -- he's an idiot, of course -- but you have to give him points just for the sheer size of his cajones. TD: Cajones? SR: I've been working out with The Smooth.  Ever seen a 500 pound Mexican do an Asai moonsault? TD: Can't say I have. SR: You won't see one from Smooth either...but the guy can make a mean crepe. TD: I too have been impressed just by the sheer determination of Derek Mota... he may be the_peskiest_ superstar we've ever seen in the IIWF -- he just never goes away.  And this week we'll see him again, battling the Highwayman -- although I understand that Derek Mota as we bring you this broadcast is laid up, again, in a hospital bed.  You have to wonder -- how much is enough? SR: I say three helpings... if The Smooth's in the kitchen.  You ever had his potato chowder?  Damn, that boy can cook. TD: We also saw some red-hot action amongst the newcomers here in the IIWF.  It all seems to center around young Timothy Turner, who provided a rather interesting mix of IIWF superstars with a ringside view of all the action Saturday Night. SR: Timmy's really working hard, Dross.  I like a guy like this -- always thinking, always doing... I predict big things for him around here. TD: And maybe bigger things for the man who defeated him on Saturday Night, that relentless Sebastian Jericho. SR: I'm gonna go out on a limb here, Dross... and I don't normally do things like this about newcomers.  TD: Please. SR: I believe Sebastian Jericho is the single ugliest wrestler in the history of the IIWF. TD: Will you stop? SR: I used to think maybe it was the American Patriot... I once saw him in the showers and I started cying uncontrollably, the man was so unattractive.  But this Jericho is like something the Patriot threw up. It is terrible, Dross.  Can't there be some kind of minimum standard for these people? TD: A big win... a big win for Sebastian Jericho -- and also for Kevin Christiansen, who defeated Ryan Howard. SR: That Howard guy's got some potential, Dross -- but he's definitely got to pick up his game a little bit to keep up with Timmy Turner... or especially the fat guy Tonnage who I predict will one day be carrying gold here in the IIWF. TD: You mean, wearing gold. SR: Nah -- wouldn't fit around his waist.  TD: Wins for Jericho and the Cavalier... and the hostilites between Christiansen and Turner increase. It is only a matter of time before those two hook it up, as is exactly the case with two of the new tag teams, Licensed For Devastation and the Machines.  LFD played no small part in allowing the Harlequins... SR: ...Boba Fet, Pol Pot, Crisco, Harelquin Charlie Sheen... TD: ...a victory over the young Machines.  I'll tell you, Steve Roberts, it is oh so tough to be a tag team here in the IIWF, Saturday Night match spots are so limited -- I think what's required is finding a way to make yourself stand out. It takes more than just being good, it takes dogged determination and a real effort to position yourself differently that the rest of the group.  A victory for the 'Quins... who continue to position perhaps for a shot at the tag team gold currently held by Cold Spell. A man who is assured of a shot at IIWF gold is Simon Lebec, the "Showstopper" was victorious in his dog collar match against Derek Mota one week ago... and he will advance on to Midsummer Madness against the Cruiserweight champion -- who is currently Dirt Dog Unique Allah.  SR: That could be a real fun match to watch, maybe from the confines of an institution, Dross.  These two guys are each a couple of candles short of a menorrah.  Hey, Dross -- why aren't there more Jewish wrestlers?  Jews can grapple too.  Don't we have a track of "Hava Nagila" cued up? TD: Good grief.  Folks, that's our _look back_ at all that went down at the IIWF Coliseum last Saturday Night... now here's your _First Look_ at everything we can expect this week. SR: Wait, Dross... what about the Champ? TD: I think we spoke about Requiem and Genesis, Steve Roberts. SR: Nah, the Champ.  The assault on the stomach, the funky chicken... the billboard, the programs, Harry Caray and Chuck Norris... the hurricanarana roll up --  what about Crazy Champion Joe Petrow? TD: I can't claim to understand anything that goes on in the mind of Joe Petrow... he even came out... I don't have any idea what he was doing here folks, Joe Petrow even came out during that wild Championship Match scene -- lifted Scott Rogers clean off the ground, pinned him against the ringspost and said something to the effect of, "Not on my watch." What is possibly going through the mind of Joe Petrow? SR: He's just defending his turf, Dross.  He's the Champ and he wants to see the IIWF treated with a certain degree of respect... a certain amount of order.  Personally, I love the guy.  TD: You love Joe Petrow. SR: And rich, creamy potato chowder! TD: Let's get to the _First Look_. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ***************** FIRST LOOK: IIWF Wednesday War Room **************** ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Licensed for Devastation vs. Barnacle Brothers Dexter St. Croix vs. El Super Gecko Tonnage vs. Rotundo #1 Equalizers vs. Scott "the Whine" Bloom & Casey C. TD: Debuts dotting the War Room this Wednesday -- the Equalizers and Jamaican cruiserweight Dexter St. Croix will see their first action in the IIWF... SR: More new guys?  TD: New blood is continuously pumping through the IIWF, Steve Roberts. No-one can afford to be complacent, from the biggest of superstars to the most green members of the Jobber Justice Squad -- the IIWF is about perfomance, not about living on past reputation. A man who has quite a reputation as he enters the IIWF is Tonnage, he has a history with both Chris Quigley and the former IC Champion, Lord Byron -- and we're looking forward to seeing how he perfoms in singles action.  SR: The Fat Guy Rules, Dross!  Long live the Fat Guy!  TD: And LFD will attempt to garner their long awaited first Federation victory this Wednesday as well. NON-TITLE: Dirt Dog Unique Allah vs. Majestic Maurice McArthur Prophets of Rage vs. Hollywood Bloods Tony Starks vs. Kevin "the Cavalier" Christiansen TD: Well, you could see the potential for this one last Wednesday when the Prophets of Rage chose to continue the longstanding feud between the Age of the Rage and "Sychosys" Joe Petrow... SR: The Champion of the World. TD: ...by attacking Team Sychosys following their victory last week. It was a move that surprised a few observers, as many associated with the Prophets had made it more than clear that they wanted nothing more to do with Joe Petrow and 3M.  Somehow, I sense that all bets are off now -- and we may see appearances by Petrow and the full compliment of the Age of the Rage... which now includes Tony Starks. SR: Good for Tony, Dross.  Po' people gonna rise up and take what's theirs.  Po' people gonna rise up and thake their share.  With Derek, Shadoe, DDUA, Starks and the mountain of ebony mammories behind them, I gotta feeling that everyone in the IIWF is gonna be eatin' their share of collared greens before too long. TD: [shaking his head] Mammories? SR: Misty, water colored, Dross. TD: Good grief.  The IIWF may in fact be Raging on Wednesday Night -- as the Prophets and Tony Starks are also on the card -- and battling the Hollywood Bloods and The Cavalier respectively. SR: No contest, Dross.  "The jobbers formerly known as W & W Express" aren't any type of competiton and the new look Starks couldn't have picked a better opponent that Kevin "Thou art kickething my ass" Christiansen.  TD: And you have to wonder if Timothy N. Turner might continue to play a role in the life of the young Cavalier this week.  It's the Age of the Rage -- and they are coming your way this Wednesday Night! MAIN EVENT: The Syndicate vs. The Last Resort SR: Well, this one is just gonna be ugly. TD: I wouldn't say that at all, Steve Roberts.  The Syndicate certainly has coalesced quickly as a tag team to be reckoned with, surprising many veteran observers who thought that James and Claw might struggle in the early stages of their tag combination; however, the Last Resort is one of the most unique tag teams we have ever seen here in the IIWF -- and I wouldn't be at all surprised to see them pull one out here. SR: No, Dross... that's not what I meant.  Sure, James and Claw are gonna beat the Resort like they owe Brian Lau money, but I meant it will literally be ugly.  Forget what I said about the Patriot -- I know that Masked Avenger's way, way uglier than him.  Not as ugly as Jericho. But way, way uglier than the American Patriot. TD: I don't believe that you have seen the Masked Avenger without his mask, Steve Roberts.  In fact, the identity of the Masked Avenger remains one of the great mysteries here in the IIWF. SR: No... how Luke Steele still draws a weekly paycheck is one of the great mysteries of the IIWF... where President Spreadbury and his secretary Wanda go at 3:10 every afternoon is one of the great mysteries of the IIWF... how a man a sexually attractive as me never once could have banged Lady DeWinter is one of the great mysteries of the IIWF. No one gives a damn about the Masked Avenger.   Even if he is so very ugly.  Uglier even than the American Patriot... but don't worry, Patriot -- you are still easily the dumbest man we've seen in the IIWF. TD: Will you stop? SR: Although, Paris isn't real bright either... and there's the odor... TD: That's our _First Look_ at all the action that will go down tomorrow night, be sure to join Larry Morton and Becky LaRue for the recap of all the action! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ******************* FIRST LOOK: IIWF Saturday Night ****************** ------------------------------------------------------------------------ 1. Steve "the Fury" Kowalski vs. "Quickstrike" Chris Quigley 2. "Lone Wolf" Brody Thunder vs. Ronnie Paris 3. Otto Verhoeven vs. Duncan Macbeth 4. IIWF CRUISERWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: Dirt Dog Unique Allah [c] vs. "Enigma" Takezo Musashi 5. IIWF WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: Cold Spell [c] vs. Violence Unlimited 6. The Phoenix vs. Serge Annis 7. Highwayman vs. Derek Mota 8. Tonnage vs. Dexter St. Croix TD: Only two words, only two words can possibly fit when looking at this card... oh my! SR: Well, that's only if you have the vocabulary of a seven year old, Dross.  Although, I'll admit that the Main Event is a match that I am looking forward to more than any I've seen... since Heidi beat the hell out of that midget. TD: Nurse Heidi never wrestled a midget. SR: I was talking about the Subway Psycho. TD: Well, we do have some enormous matches this week, topped by Steve "The Fury" Kowalski meeting "Quickstrike" Chris Quigley in a battle of what might just be the two hottest wrestlers in the IIWF.  A greater contrast of both in and out of the ring syles you could not ask for... it could well be a classic.  And what about a man with who Kowalski brawled -- brawled last Saturday Night -- I am talking about Brody Thunder, and he will meet the returning Ronnie Paris. SR: Thunder in Paris, wasn't that a TV show? TD: You're thinking of something else, Steve Roberts.  This is a matchup between two rough, tough Texans and I will be looking on it with a tremendous amount of interest. Another huge brawl from this past Saturday Night was between two heated rivals, Otto Verhoeven and Duncan Macbeth -- these men have met twice before... and "The Butcher" has yet to gain a victory.  With his Midsummer Madness title shot on the horizon, you have to say that this shapes up as one of the biggest matches in the storied career of Otto Verhoeven.  SR: It'll be ugly, Dross.  Not as ugly as Sebastian Jericho... but maybe almost as ugly as the American Patriot. TD: We also have the Cruiserweight title matchup between Dirt Dog Unique Allah and The Enigma... that is sure to be a classic. SR: Has anyone seen the Chinaman since he walked out of the ten man tag? TD: I can't even begin to point out how many things are wrong with that sentence, Steve Roberts.  However, the answer is that I don't believe anyone has heard from Takezo Musashi -- but we hopefully will this Saturday Night.  We also have a title defense by Cold Spell against Violence Unlimited... the Phoenix has accepted the challenge put forth by Serge Annis... Derek Mota has once again placed himself dead in the Genesis cross-hairs when he meets the Highwayman... and two of the newest superstars in the IIWF, Tonnage and Dexter St. Croix will meet in our opening match. Plus, we have very special interviews scheduled with the new Intercontinental Champion, Mad Dog Watkins, as well as Marty Warnett, who is one week away from his big "once and for all" cage match with Simon Lebec -- and we may also hear from one Billy Shakespeare, who has laid down quite a challenge to the IIWF superstars. SR: Yeah, I love this, Dross.  On August 16, Ophelia is gonna wrestle three times... in a row!  Do you love that, Dross?  Three times in a row! How many times do you get to see Shakespeare lose three times in a row? Well, lots of times sure -- but usually not in the same night.  I mean... that's a Three Act comedy even I'll be able to stay up for.  Hey, Shakespeare -- go off right, buddy... right into the Pacific Ocean! TD: It is sure to be a big night filled with big action, IIWF Saturday Night... don't miss a second!  ------------------------------------------------------------------------ ************* COMING FRIDAY: Countdown to Saturday Night ************* ------------------------------------------------------------------------ TD: Well, folks, we have a few minutes left -- so we are going to go out to the Arm Bar in downtown Portland where our broadcast colleague, young Steve Summer has been standing live with a number of the IIWF's biggest fans. SR: Christ. [On the back video wall is a fuzzy shot "Live Via Satellite" of young Steve Summer.  Summer is clearly very excited as he stands amidst a huge crowd of rabid IIWF fans, many of whom are inexplicably chanting "You Sold Out".  Summer is wearing a Genesis bomber jacket, a Ronnie Paris cowboy hat and a t-shirt on which former IIWF wrestler The Sandman is pictured with the caption, "Fury Kicked My Ass."] SS: Hi, Mr. Dross!  Hi, Mr. Roberts!  Is everyone having a Great New Generation time tonight! [The satellite feed suddenly goes even more fuzzy... and then to black.] TD: Well, apparently we are having some technical difficulties. Hopefully we will get a chance next week to bring you Steve Summer live from the Arm Bar. SR: Oooh, I can't wait.  I think I'll sit right here in the studio until next Tuesday comes!  Can I, Dross?  Can I?  Please?  Please? Pleeeeeeaaassseee? TD: Join Becky LaRue and Larry Morton tomorrow as they bring you the "Wednesday War Room"... then on Thursday... SR: How 'bout we just run that Creed/Watkins match again?  That was a "Classic". TD: On Thursday we have been known to present an IIWF Classic.  And of course, on Friday, Larry Morton and Brian Lau will "Countdown to Saturday Night." Brian Lau continues to take the occasional jab at you, Steve Roberts, placing you in some interesting company, I might add. SR: Aw, that's okay, Dross.  The man is making a transition to the broadcasting business -- let him get his licks in, there's plenty of room to ride the Soundbite's majestic frigate. TD: You are a strange and mysterious man, Steve Roberts.  SR: Too high to get over.  Too low to get under.  You're stuck in the middle.  And the pain is thunder. TD: [smiling despite himself] And then be sure to tune in for the finest two hours of weekly televised wrestling anywhere in the world -- IIWF Saturday Night!  SR: And I'm taking the week off!  Whooooo!    TD: So, for Steve Summer and my tag team colleague, Steve "Soundbite" Roberts, I am Tim Dross wishing all of you... goodnight! ["Baby Hold Onto Me" by Eddie Money plays as Tim Dross gently taps his pencil and points at Steve Roberts' t-shirt.  Soundbite laughs and then waves in an exotic dancer... who steps atop the table as the camera zooms in on her exposed stomach which reads:  "Day 24:  IIWF Under Seige" as the shot and music fade.] +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= I * I * W * F =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+ | President: Daniel Spreadbury | Vice-President: Jim Jividen | | univ0322@sable.ox.ac.uk | brokeback@webtv.net | | iiwf@sisko.demon.co.uk | | +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- http://www.sisko.demon.co.uk -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=+