[Footage from the 1969 movie "CHE!" starring Omar Sharif and Jack Palance begins to roll. Sharif as cuban revolutionary Che Guevera, speaks to a hapless rebel army:] CHE: The peasant is like a wild flower in the forest, and the revolutionary like a bee. Neither can survive or propagate without the other. [The shot shifts to a model of the IIWF Towers, and to the familiar whistle of a falling bomb, the tower explodes into a pyrotechnic fireball. Through the blaze appears the IIWF logo:] ##### ###### ### ########## ########## ########## #### ## ########## ########## ########## #### # #### ######## ##### ##### #### ## ##### #### #### #### #### ### #### #### #### #### ############# ######### #### #### ########### ######### #### #### #### #### #### ######### ######### ### #### #### ######### ######### ### ## #### ######## ######## ## # #### =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- ## =-=-=-= /// W E D N E S D A Y + W A R R O O M \\\ =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= * LiVE! * from The IIWF Hall Of Fame IIWF Towers, Portland, Oregon ----------------- 12 August 1997 ---------------- [The camera pans past the glass cases in the Hall of Fame, showing the keys to a Porshe, Mr. Blu Tone's Saxaphone and a photo of some "flooded" fans. The shot cuts to Larry Morton and Becky LaRue.] BL: THAT was an interesting opening. LM: Considering all that went on this past weekend in IIWF Towers, it felt appropriate. But enough of that. I'm glad there is peace and I'm glad to be here. How are you feeling, Becky? BL: "How am I feeling?" Is this the freaking "Today" show? I'm feeling like I was back in my apartment, soaking in a hot tub with a pool boy name Raoul. Instead I'm here with you. How do you think I'm feeling? LM: Turn that frown upside down. BL: What makes you so chirpy this morning, did you find the secret toy suprise in your Fruit Loops? LM: I'm just trying to keep up a good appearance with all that has gone on. What a time for the President to be taking a vacation. I'm working a sixty hour week here, all I got for dinner was a handful of stale fish crackers from the cafeteria, I haven't taken a shower since last week... I'm about to crack here. BL: Share your pain. LM: Bite me. BL: Excuse me? LM: What? Oh, I'm sorry, terribly sorry. Folks, I want to apologize for that outburst. Let's roll the action. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Scott Rogers vs El Super Gecko ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Rogers entered wearing a bandage on his nose, a souvenier from Joe Petrow's attempt to stop Genesis interference two weeks ago. He found little comfort from the ringside "Sychopaths" who were wearing similar aids. Rogers had a few choice words for Petrow which weren't picked up by the mic but caused a rousing chant of "Hardcore" from Genesis fans and "Sychpoths" alike. Rogers took that vengence into the ring, wasting no time in locking up with the flying Gecko and seizing the upperhand. After a minute of work to soften up the masked flier, Rogers put him away with three succesive pile drivers. As the Gecko crawled out of the ring, Rogers was met at the entry arch by the Highwayman who audibly shouted "The Intercontinental Championship belongs to Genesis". RESULT: Scott Rogers by Pinfall LM: Rogers made it known backstage that he was looking to make a statement to Petrow with tonight's bout. I think he did. BL: By how? Recarpeting the ring with El Gecko's brains isn't really a feat of great note. LM: But remember, you can't hurt the Gecko. BL: But you _can_ choke the chicken. LM: I don't follow you. BL: Ask Steve Summer, I understand he is an expert on the subject. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Kevin Christiansen vs Scott "The Whine" Bloom ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Not suprisingly, Timothy N. Turner was ringside for this match, but it appeared that his presence only served to focus "The Cavaliers" anger which he took out full force upon the leagues most unhappy jobber. Christiansen took the match to Bloom, not quite as chevalric as his past encounters, but never cheating, and wasting no time. After a few cripsly executed moves, he dropped Bloom with his "Broadsword" finisher. Immediately he motioned for Turner to enter the ring, but TNT merely smirked at the invitation, instead rising and leaving the arena area. RESULT: Christiansen by pinfall LM: The match between Chrisiansen and Turner is set: this Saturday. BL: Whoo, big hype, sell t-shirts. Turner will make short work of him. Christiansen is suposed to be some sort of walking medieval code of justice. Doesn't that preclude beating up on other men? LM: You're merely jealous. He's never tried to rescue you as a damsel in distress. BL: [batting her eyes to the camera] Oh Kevin, if you could save me from having to work with Larry... [Stops, rubs her eyelids] Damn. I think I pulled a muscle doing that. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Simon Lebec vs "Nifty" Ned Norton ------------------------------------------------------------------------ It was Lebec's name who was announced, but it was Marty Warnett who entered first, greeting the fans, slapping hands and blowing air kisses to the girls. Lebec stepped into the spotlight only to find that Warnett had already stolen the fans. Noticably irratated, he began to take his frustrations out on "Nifty" Ned. But soon he felt a need to vent those frustrations on Marty Warnett and the two engaged in a battle of one-liners which delighted the fans. Marty crossed the crowd barrier, Lebec leaned against the ropes, and during the confusion, "Nifty" Ned Norton wrapped up Lebec with a small package. Lebec managed to raise his shoulder at the two count, and ignoring Warnett, shortly thereafter forced Norton to submit to the "Antagonist" step-over-toe-hold. Lebec angrily left the arena. RESULT: Lebec by submission BL: Will those two kids NEVER stop feuding? Someone ought to just bend them over their knee and paddle them. LM: Are you volunteering? BL: As far as I can tell, it's been done, but to no accord. Simon did it in "Simon Does the Daycare" and well, we all know about Marty... LM: I don't. BL: Y'know... how he likes... stuff.... LM: No, honestly, I have no idea what you are talking about. BL: You're hopeless, Morton. LM: Simon Lebec left this videotaped comment for Marty Warnett. [Cut to footage captioned, "Earlier This Week." Open on "The Showstopper" Simon Lebec, standing inside a ring with a cage around it. The top of the cage is covered over.] SL: Yeah Warnett, I got ya... on Saturday Night! With this hard steel [punches the cage] and my sex appeal, we're sure to get a 5.0! Wonder why the cage is covered Warnett? Because I asked for it! It's the first damn thing in this fed I've asked for and actually gotten! But Warnett... the roof is not to keep people out... but to keep you in! I will beat you Warnett. When you beat me, you got by with a little help from your friends. When I beat you... it'll be by the help of my "Antagonist." Crystal can stay home. So can Francois. This'll be just you and me... the way you like it and the way I want it. When I beat you... it'll be for real! [Camera fades] ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Timothy N. Turner vs Barnacle Brother Bluto ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Turner entered, pointing to the videoscreen where appeared the words "Christiansen/Bloom" and the time: "2:06" Underneath it reading "Turner/Bluto" time: "0:00". The clock began ticking the moment the bell began for the bout. It was obvious from the start that Turner was trying to defeat his opponant in a faster time, repeatedly glancing towards the clock as he wrestled. Soon Bluto caught on to the situation and began to stall. The excitement brought "The Cavalier" Christiensen ringside, inspiring Turner to redouble his efforts. With the time increasing, the crowd began the count "1:56...1:57...1:58..." Turner got the pin on the sailor at 2:03, but Bluto kicked out. Infuriated at not making his time, Turner delivered a massive leg drop which flattened Bluto and scored the pin at 2:09. Disgusted at the jeers from the crowd, Turner called for the mic: TNT: I hope everyone turns in on Saturday because you are in for a real treat. You will get the opportunity to see me...the sexiest, most talented, most all-around dominating force in the sport today...put on a wrestling clinic. I will beat the Cavalier and then I will ignore the Cavalier. Period. RESULT: Turner by pinfall. LM: Another installment in the bad blood feud between Turner and Christiansen. Do you think TNT is second guessing himself for picking out the young Cavalier for ridicule? BL: What is with you, Larry? A guy scores the pinfall six seconds late and you think he is ready to give up. No, I don't think so. Turner has some sort of plan for glorious humiliations for Christiansen. LM: And if the worm turns? BL: Is that anything like "Hurting the Gecko"? LM: You continue to confuse me. BL: That's because I'm a professional. Kids, don't try this at home. That is, unless you've ordered the "Becky LaRue's How to Confuse Men and Make Women Jealous." Available through the fine folks at IIWF marketing. LM: Better yet, you should buy Midsummer Madness coming September 6th. Call your cable operator today. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Ike Sampson vs Luke Steele ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [Fade up to the hallways of the IIWF Coliseum. Luke Steele paces nervously before his matchup with Ike Sampson, and notices the camera. He tugs at his "IIWF is Steeletown" t-shirt and starts to speak, a somewhat excited tone to his voice for once.] LS: Hey there, fans of the IIWF, and fans in general. The Real Deal comin' at'cha. Lukie S. has the chance to rid himself of the reputation of never being able to win a match on his own tonight, but he's got 'ta do it against Ike Sampson, the big man. Ike, your kind words on Musings didn't go unheeded. I too respect you, but tonight is kinda different. We've watched each other's back, but tonight we stare across the ring at each other. I hope once this is over we can go back to a silent understanding we've had, but in that ring I won't hold back. I hope you won't either. I understand you've got problems with Mad Dog Watkins nowadays. I've fought that pooch myself once or twice, and he's as tough as they come. Best of luck in your battles with him, but you don't have him tonight. You've got me. Genesis, I know you guys are looking on. You can't wait to see Luke Steele get his clock cleaned. Well guess what, you misinformed school of ducks? The Real Deal isn't alone, he's got some friends to back him up. Ronnie Paris is back, and with the month layoff he had, he still took Brody Thunder to the limit on Saturday. The Pheonix was smart enough to leave the rat's nest, unlike my good old pal Scotty the Body. Hell, even the Deathbringer and Otto Verhoeven, two guys who I've worked with in the past, have bones to pick with you Minstrel-boy. You're being world champion just infuriates everyone, so don't expect to have that golden trinket for long. [Luke turns away for a second, and pulls an oversized novelty button out of his vest pocket. He holds it up to the camera, and it reads "LaRue: Every Friday Night." Luke proudly pins it to his vest.] LS: And this little beauty is the start of a campaign to get the crimson vixen reinstated as the co-host of the IIWF Friday report. Sorry Brian, pal o' mine, you just aren't hacking it. Sure, Becks has her problems, but she's a whole lot more pleasing to the eyes, if you know what I mean. Come on out, IIWF superstars, speak your mind and get Becky back. It's LaRue, every Friday night. As it should be. So Ike, I'll see you Wednesday Night. Bring all your weapons, and don't hesitate to use them. And as a parting note, I offer this thought to everyone's favorite shower squad- Genesis hasn't been popular for a while boys. Maybe a name change is in order: Requiem, leader of the Backstreet Boys? Sounds about right. [Fade out on Luke, who turns and heads up the aisle as his name is announced over the PA system.] BL: "Misinformed school of ducks"? LM: Quiet Becky, let's get to the recap. Sampson caught the attention of the crowd early, wearing a Creed "Anyone. Anytime. Anywhere." T-shirt. He peeled it off, giving it to a young fan ringside and turning to the camera to say "Real Deal?!? I'm the real deal, baby. Watch out Mad Dog, 'cause I'm watching you." This became a match of brains as much as brawn. Sampson had the size advantage, and aimed to use it to prove to the booking commitee that he was worthy of a return match with Mad Dog Watkins. But Steele was equally aware that he is the smaller man, and stretched his arsenal into the high-risk spectrum. Suprising Sampson, with a rocker dropper out of a backdrop attempt and a frankensteiner when Sampson was going for the powerbomb. Mid-way into the match, Tony Starks and the Prophets of Rage entered, ciricling the arena but not appearing to be too interested in the proceedings. Following a risky flying elbow drop for Steele, he looked ready to put a stunned Sampson away, struggling, but succeeding in hoisting the big man up into powerbomb position. It might have been the end, had Tony Starks not suddenly vaulted into the ring, deliviring a sharp kick to the back of Steele's knee. "Real Deal" collapsed, and seizing the advantage, Sampson held him down for the pin. Ike was up like a flash, demanding some explanation from the retreating Prophets and especilly Starks. In reply, Starks only mouthed "I'll call you", holding his hand to his ear like a telephone. RESULT: Ike Sampson by pinfall LM: Well, well, well. It looks like The Age of Rage is doing a little recruiting. BL: When your talking about Sampson, that isn't "a little" of anything. LM: A shame though, I think that Ike Sampson wouldn't want his victories to come "tainted." BL: Hey, a win's a win. You aren't feeling sorry for "No sex appeal" Luke Steele are you? And hey, Luke, what makes you think that I _want_ to work with Larry twice a week? Now, maybe my own show would be nice... as would the accompanying paycheck... But for now I think that Brian Lau is doing a superb job of pointing out Larry's inadequacies. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Harlequins vs. Violence Unlimited ------------------------------------------------------------------------ It was obvious from the start that this was a bout the Harlequins, especially Tragedy, wanted to win. Constantly he was begging his larger partner for the tag, even against Mutilator, who outweighed him by 200 pounds. It was well into the match, but against Jaguar that Tragedy executed the moves which brought the eventual win. Offering a test of strength, the two wrestlers locked hands. However, Tragedy quickly executed a backwards roll, catching the unsuspecting VU memebr in a double wrist lock. He then seized the opportunity to land a couple of superkicks then a hip toss. This was only the set up, as Chaos tagged in, caught Tragedy by the ankles, and swinging him like a baseball bat, Tragedy flattened his opponent with an elbow smash. RESULT: Harlequins by pinfall LM: What may be more remarkable that the way they finished the match may have been the way the Harlequins started it. Comedy, Melody and Terror were noticably abscent. BL: What about Harlequins Huey, Dewey and Louey? And Harlequins Villano V and VI. LM: [Ignoring her] If you ask me... BL: We didn't. LM: ...the Harlequins are looking to tone down their travelling circus and be taken seriously as the contenders that they are. BL: Hey, Violence Unlimited, hello! Were you in this match? ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Duncan Macbeth vs. Ryan Howard ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [Cut to footage captioned "Earlier Tonight". Duncan Macbeth is striding purposefully down the backstage corridor of the Coliseum on his way to his match with Ryan Howard, his whole countenance resembliing that of an enraged, charging jungle cat. As he passes the camera, Macbeth stops and turns back, green eyes burning, and he practically spits his words out as he speaks.] DM: I got two things t' say before I go out there an' take this tosser Howard apart. First, Verhoeven. Thought it'd be easy, eh, crybaby? Thought ye'd wreck me bike, jump me from behind like ye always do t' people ye're scared of, an' get a win without even breakin' a sweat? Well, I made ye sweat fer it, an' next time, I'll make ye BLEED, Hundesohn. The rubber's comin', mark me. I fixed th' bike, an' now I'm goin' t' fix YE. Sooner or later, sweetie. Watkins - I dinnae ken whether t' condemn ye or applaud ye, but I ken one thing, I ken I'll never see yuir ugly mug on th' "Tonight Show". 'An tha's th' whole point, really, isn't it? I'll be seein' ye soon... Now fer ye, Howard. Ye've no idea what ye're in for tonight, 'cause I'm just LOOKIN' fer an excuse t' take someone apart these days. So 'tis time t' put up or shut up, rookie. I'm goin' t' see how yuir ass will look hangin' from those money bars... [Macbeth stalks out of frame. Fade.] This one was fast and furious from the bell, both men having something to prove to themselves and the fans. Howard, the brawler took it to his technically minded opponent, delivering forearm shots, hand slaps and a head butt. It wasn't long before MacBeth was slumped in the corner. But this was merely a breather for the sturdy scot who used his downed position to drop Howard from his vertical and working over the knee. It wasn't long before Howard was trapped in a leg submission, at which point Timothy Turner entered ringside, grabbing a microphone and taunting Howard. TNT: Who's stupid now, Howard! You called me stupid! You called Duncan stupid! You worthless piece of gutter-trash! Why don't you just give up and do yourself a favour?! Finish this garbage, Duncan, and I'll buy you a Guiness down at the Ace of Clubs! Ryan broke the hold and resumed the brawl, the two rolling outside and banging each other across the crowd barrier, thrown into the steps and doubled over the apron. The intensity of the competition worked the crowd into a frenzy, both receiving equal cheers. At one such moment, Turner grabbed up a chair, sizing up an unwary Ryan Howard. But the blow never landed as "Cavalier" Kevin Christiansen sprinted ringside, grabbing the chair and wagging a finger in Turner's face. He then levelled Turner with a hard right hand. As the match went back into the ring, Turner and Christiansen locked up outside. Paying no attention to the brawl outside, the brawl inside continued until the 10 minute time limit expired. Undaunted by the bell, Turner and Howard continued to lock up until the Jobber Justice Squad pulled them apart. Howard wiped a trickle of blood from his forehead to the delight of the crowd. RESULT: Time limit draw. BL: Blood. Blood from "Insipid" Ronny Howard. Steve must have loved this in the back. LM: That's "Intrepid" Ryan Howard. BL: "Integrated"? LM: "Intrepid". BL: "Real Deal" Ryan Howard? LM: Oh forget it. I have the sneaking suspicion that after such an intense brawl, we haven't seen the last of the Howard/MacBeth matchups. BL: Not if I know the front office we haven't. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Prophets of Rage vs Equalizers ------------------------------------------------------------------------ It was a sloppy, uneven match between Derek and Shadoe and Sampson and Paulson. The Equalizers almost got the win when Shadoe missed a plancha dive to the outside, instead taking a header into a broadcast table. Even though the Prophets were off their game, the Equalizers couldn't capatalize on the opportunity and Derek was able to tag in. The defining moment came when, with the referee distracted by Shadoe, and Derek locking up outside with Paulson, Tony Starks snuck ringside, putting the boot to Sampson and bulldogging him into the ring steps. From there it was a simple matter for Shadoe to drag him inside for the pin. RESULT: Prophets of Rage by pinfall. BL: Hey, EQs, you should have taken up my suggestion of facing LFD. LM: Enough of that, Becky. With all the recent confusion about booking, I don't think that was such an appropriate stunt. BL: You agreed. LM: Um, immaterial. BL: But talking of material, I think Tony Starks is earning his place in the "Age of Rage". The Prophets were actually ripe for an upset. LM: So true. A little extra effort by the Equalizers might have scored them their first win against serious competition. But enough of this bout, we have the pleasure of bringing to you that delayed bout between the Cruiserweight title wearer Dirt Dog Unique Allah and "Th Enigma" Tazeko Mushashi. Tim Dross and Steve Roberts made a special appearance to call the bout. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- IIWF CRUISERWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: Dirt Dog Unique Allah [c] vs. "Enigma" Takezo Musashi ------------------------------------------------------------------------ WRITER: RD TD: Fans, thanks for joining us as we head into our special live main event here on Wednesday War Room! SR: Special? Ha! That's a joke. We all know the real reason this Saturday match got re-scheduled is because a certain staff member up at IIWF Towers wouldn't get off his ass and.... TD: [Interrupting] Ahem... I don't know what you're talking about Steve. We're sure to have an intriguing match up ahead of us as World Cruiserweight champion Dirt Dog Unique Allah takes on former champ Takezo Musashi. Nobody really knows what to expect here, Steve Roberts; both these competitors can be somewhat difficult to figure out at times. SR: We don't even know if the "Enigma" is in the building tonight, Tim Dross. Musashi hasn't been seen by anybody associated with the IIWF for over two weeks, and the rumours have been flying around that he's left the federation. I'm hearing from reliable sources that Takkie is currently employed in a sushi bar in downtown New York, and he had to quit the IIWF 'cause it was messing with his regular working hours. TD: I doubt a competitor as intense as the "Enigma" would be satisfied spending his life peddling raw fish, Steve Roberts. Hopefully, though, we'll get to the bottom of this mystery tonight. [The camera cuts to center ring, where Sparkplug Lee raises the mic to his lips with a flourish.] RA: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall, with the World Cruiserweight championship on the line! [crowd pop] Introducing first: hailing from Tokyo, Japan and weighing in at 211 lbs; a former IIWF Cruiserweight champion, and now the number one contender for that very same title; he's a mysterious athlete with an impressive history in this sport, and I've just been informed of some very sad news, ladies and gentlemen, this is to be his last match in the IIWF -- please give him a big welcome, for the last and only time: the "Enigma" Takezo Musashi! [Mystical oriental music echoes over the loudspeakers and a shocked pop goes up from the crowd as the impact of Sparkplug Lee's words settles in. The fans crane their necks and look over at the entranceway - no "Enigma" to be seen.] TD: Certainly a startling piece of news there, although given the impulsive nature of the "Enigma" in recent months, maybe not that surprising. SR: It looks like Musashi hasn't even bothered to show up for his last match, Tim Dross! He just couldn't face it! He couldn't hack the pace and now he's gone completely off his nut! I wouldn't be surprised to find him keeping Magus and Prisoner #109 company in some mental ward! TD: Wait a minute... here he comes! [The crowd gives a solid pop as Takezo Musashi finally makes his appearance. He heads down the aisle, ignoring the fans completely, the expression of turmoil that became a familiar mark on his face over the past few months no longer evident, instead replaced with a mask of grim resolution. Takezo climbs between the ropes and heads immediately to his corner, standing motionless... waiting.] TD: Well, here he is at last. Takezo Musashi, looking a lot calmer than we've become used to seeing him; perhaps the "Enigma" has been doing some soul-searching prior to this, his final match, Steve Roberts? SR: Why waste your time soul-searching when you can just drink twelve pints of Mooselips and forget about it? TD: I'd like to apologise to all of our viewers for that comment. The IIWF in no way condones the abuse of alcohol. SR: But the "Soundbite" does! Go out and drink the poison of your choice today! TD: Good grief. RA: And his opponent! Hailing from Brooklyn, New York and weighing in at 238lbs; the reigning IIWF Cruiserweight champion of the World: Dirt Dog Unique Allah! [Big pop from the fans as the hip hop beats of "Snakes" by Ol' Dirty Bastard blast across the arena. Dirt Dog Unique Allah, accompanied by Derek and Shadoe Rage, Tony Starks, Pizazz and Medusa Rage steps out into the aisle. Allah takes a good slug out of his brown paper bagged bottle, and lurches over to a group of enthusiastic "Dirty Doggies" at ringside, embracing them and slapping their hands. The entourage reaches ringside, where Medusa and Pizzazz dance suggestively to the grooves, drawing a huge pop from the male members of the audience.] SR: Do that funky strut. Oh yeah! Gimmie sum o' that Wu Tang Poontang, baby dolls. TD: Ted Nugent meets black culture in the figure of the "Soundbite", ladies and gentlemen. You are indeed a complex and disturbed individual, Steve Roberts. SR: The trouble with you, Dross, is that you just don't know how to let loose the moose. TD: The moose? SR: Yeah. The wild animal of the woods that resides in all of us. TD: Uh huh. [Takezo coldly surveys the ringside entourage, shaking his head a little as if disapproving of the antics of the Age of the Rage. Dirt Dog Unique Allah stumbles between the ropes, Starks and the Prophets of Rage shout their encouragement. Dirt Dog immediately begins to lurch about, drunkenly brandishing his fists and prompting Musashi to drop into an instinctive fighting stance. However, before a move can be made, Pizzazz nimbly climbs up onto the top turnbuckle and comes flying at Musashi from behind, driving his head into the canvas with a Headwrecker bulldog! Shocked pop from the fans!] TD: What a cheap shot before the bell! Musashi's last match may well be the most brief of his career after that Headwrecker Bulldog! [The ref signals for the bell as Pizzazz slides under the bottom rope: Ding! Ding! Ding! Musashi writhes on the canvas, clutching the back of his head as Dirt Dog Unique Allah charges in and starts stomping away! Musashi attempts to clamber to his feet with the aid of the ring ropes, but the Dirt Dog pummels him with a pair of hard driven European Uppercuts. Allah grabs Musashi by the arm and whips him around into the turnbuckles with a meaty thwack! Retaining his grip on Musashi's arm, Dirt Dog wraps it around the top rope, wrenching it out of the socket and hammering away on the shoulder with axehandle blows. Musashi lets out a gasp of pain, but Dirt Dog Unique Allah doesn't let up, now biting the "Enigma" savagely on the shoulder! The ref immediately interjects himself, pushing Dirt Dog away and yelling a warning about the illegality. Musashi comes out of the corner with a powerful savate kick, but the Unique one stumbles in his drunken state and by sheer luck dodges the blow. The "Enigma" is off balance after the misfire, and Dirt Dog charges into him with a clothesline, propelling him back into the corner. Immediately, showing nimbleness defying his apparent intoxication, Allah fastens on a figure four wristlock around the ring post!] TD: Dirt Dog Unique Allah is surprising once again with his scientific ability - not a talent you would expect a drunken bum to be in possession of. He's working all over the arm of the "Enigma", perhaps hoping for a submission victory. SR: Dammit, Dross, in a real drunken brawl the two guys just stand there trading punches until one falls over. What the hell does Unique Allah think he's playing at? Throw the scientific mumbo-jumbo out the window and bust him in the chops; that's the "Soundbite" philosophy! [Musashi's face contorts in agony, sweat dripping down his forehead and smudging his facepaint. Allah tightens the hold, grinding his foe's wrist against the ring post, drawing gasps of pain from the "Enigma". Knowing he can't get a submission unless his opponent is in the center of the ring, Dirt Dog loosens the hold and scoops up Musashi, only to bodyslam him back down to the mat! Musashi scrambles to get out of the way, his damaged arm hanging limply at his side, but Dirt Dog is immediately back working on the weakened limb, twisting it painfully into a Wakigatami arm submission! The "Dirty Doggies" in attendance pop in recognition of the complex submission maneuver, and once again Musashi's face is contorted in agony. The referee asks for the submission, but Takezo shakes his head furiously.] SR: Rest hold alert! Rest hold alert! TD: This is hardly a mere resthold, Steve Roberts. The Wakigatami armbar is one of the most dangerous submission holds in the sport. Musashi should be familiar with this one, given his Japanese wrestling background, but it doesn't look like he has a clue how to get out of it! SR: The guy's finished around here, Dross, and he damn well knows it! Mishymashy is so over the hill he's gonna go out on a wimpy little armbar, just like Dan Kauffman did! [Dirt Dog Unique Allah increases the pressure on the hold, focusing all of his strength on the weakened arm of Takezo Musashi, pushing it to breaking point. Musashi cries out defiantly in Japanese and attempts to switch out, but the Dirt Dog manages to block the escape attempt. Musashi grimaces and his eyes begin to cloud over, the agony almost enough to make him pass out. The ref asks for the submission once again, but Musashi shakes his head, this time with less enthusiasm. Dirt Dog Unique Allah's fellow Age of the Rage members yell their encouragement along with the "Dirty Doggies" of the audience, feeling elated as the submission victory must be only moments away. Other members of the crowd anxiously pop in support of Musashi, hoping to see him go out with a victory in his last match.] TD: Still no sign of Musashi escaping! Despite the intensity we're used to seeing from the "Enigma", one wonders if his heart is really into this last match. We haven't seen any real offensive from him thus far, and Dirt Dog Unique Allah really seems to have his number with this Wakigatami armbar. SR: The "Enigma" is gonna pass out, Tim Dross! You can see the defeat in his eyes. What a way to go out on your last match, humiliated by a drunken bum! [Takezo Musashi's eyes are half-closed, and his head slumps down over his chest as Dirt Dog Unique Allah continues to pressurize the arm. The fans pop anxiously as the referee checks the eyes of the "Enigma", trying to determine whether he is fit to continue. As Dave D'Amato hovers in indecision, Musashi is suddenly moved into action. He contorts his body like Houdini, forcing Dirt Dog to shift his position and weaken the pressure for a moment, and at the crucial moment, backflips right over the Unique One and lands on his feet! As the Dirt Dog bewilderedly whips around, he is met with an exceptionally stiff savate kick, this one right on target, belting him hard in the chops! Many of the fans explode into cheers for the athletic escape on the part of Musashi, and Allah goes down hard on his backside, clutching his bloodied lip in shock!] TD: There's some spirit left in the "Enigma" yet, Steve Roberts! And... oh my goodness, look at this! [Musashi bounds off the strands and charges at the still sitting Dirt Dog Unique Allah, flipping over his head as if going for a snapmare, but instead of coming straight down to the canvas, Musashi bounds on the top rope in a split leg position, reverses off into a back flip, and drives the Dirt Dog's head forward into the canvas! The fans pop in awe of the stunning maneuver!] TD: What the... What the heck kind of move was that?! I've never seen anything like it in all my years as a broadcast journalist! SR: Yawn. That was an Asai Split-legged Snapmare Backflip Bulldog. I used to nail those all the time back in '83. [Dirt Dog Unique Allah sprawls limply on the canvas, his head swimming from the impact of the bulldog, and his neck smarting from the strain of the snapmare. Musashi rolls away and springs back to his feet on the opposite side of the ring, before cartwheeling back towards the rising Dirt Dog Unique Allah, propelling himself into a handspring elbow smash that drives the bum backwards and up over the top rope to the outside! Big pop from the fans! The Age of the Rage stablemates crowd around the Unique One, helping the dazed lush back up to his feet. Musashi, however, is already charging towards them, flying over the top rope in a somersault plancha dive that sends them sprawling like bowling pins! Musashi wades up to his feet amidst the bodies, and lashes out at Dirt Dog Unique Allah with a thrust kick, but Derek Rage gets up and clubs him down from behind with a mighty axehandle. The entire Age of the Rage stable: Tony Starks, the Prophets of Rage, Pizzazz and Medusa set to work kicking and stomping on the fallen Musashi, as Dirt Dog Unique Allah recovers from the thrust kick and rolls beneath the bottom rope. Referee Dave D'Amato yells at the Age of the Ragers to clear the hell out of the way, and reluctantly they comply, leaving Musashi bruised and battered out on the arena floor. The count reaches seven.] TD: Takezo Musashi is laid out senseless on the arena floor as the ten count approaches, but really Dave D'Amato should have taken a sterner action against the gang tactics of the Age of the Rage. SR: What the hell are you blubbering about, Tim Dross? TD: Musashi may well lose the match on a count out because five people started beating him up at the same time! Can't you see the injustice in that, Steve? SR: Hey! Musashi got what he deserved! The Age of the Rage were just standing around innocently and he had to go and hit them with one of those show off moves! I oughta' go over there and bust him a coupla' shots myself! [The fans pop anxiously as the "Enigma" rolls around on the arena floor. Eight. Musashi gets up onto this hands and knees and crawls in an excruciatingly slow pace over to the ring steps. Nine. Dirt Dog Unique Allah watches from the ring, breathing hard as Musashi inches his way up the steel ring steps, his hand outstretched, trying to muster up enough strength to make the last bit of distance. Ten. Musashi rolls under the bottom rope just as D'Amato makes the final count! Huge pop from the crowd!] TD: Musashi fought his way back into the ring! Absolutely amazing! He's taken quite a beating so far this match, but it's not over yet, folks! SR: Ha! Now just watch Dirt Dog kick the living crap outta' the "Engima". The first place Takkie will be going after he leaves his IIWF career behind is for a little holiday to the nearest hospital! [Dirt Dog goes over to the outstretched "Enigma", hauling him up by the hair and hooking him under the arms. Grunting under the effort, Unique Allah executes a double-underhook suplex on Musashi, slinging him hard into the mat. The Dirt Dog rolls across Takezo for the cover: 1 - 2 - kickout to a pop from the crowd! Dirt Dog gets back to his feet, dragging Musashi up with him as he does so, peppering the Japanese star a few times with closed fists to the midsection. He tucks the "Enigma's" head under his arm, and then rocks backwards, driving the forehead of his foe hard into the mat! Big pop for the DDT! The Unique one rolls across Musashi for a second pin attempt, this time hooking the leg: 1 - 2 - Musashi manages to kick out again! Despite his narrow escape from the pinfall, Musashi is still laid out on the canvas, and Dirt Dog gets up and lays in several ferocious stomps to the chest, Takezo shuddering after each one. Dirt Dog turns his attentions over to the turnbuckles, goes over, and climbs up onto the top rope, his back pointed towards the center of the ring...] SR: What's the "Dirty Doggie" gonna do next, Tim Dross? Is he gonna moonsault Takezo Musashi? Is he? Huh? Is he? TD: I don't know, Steve Roberts, I don't believe I've ever seen Dirt Dog execute a moonsault before... oh my goodness, look at this! [Dirt Dog Unique Allah launches himself off the top turnbuckle, his arms spread out swan like as he flies gracefully through the air, careening down into Musashi with his back! The fans pop in shock as the Unique one impacts with Takezo Musashi; his crazy, back-first dive delivered with tremendous velocity!] TD: What a foolhardy maneuver! If the Dirt Dog had misfired with that one, he might have smashed his spine in two! SR: It may have been foolhardy, Dross, but it certainly was effective! Musashi is like paste down on that mat! [Dirt Dog Unique Allah goes for the pinfall once again, the cheers of the "Dirty Doggies" loud in his ears. 1 - 2 - 3!] SR: No! He kicked out! I can't believe Takezo kicked out after that... that thing Dirt Dog Unique Allah just did! TD: Absolutely unbelievable, Steve Roberts. The intensity of these top notch cruiserweights knows no bounds! [Dirt Dog Unique Allah gets up and backs away from Musashi a little, staring down at his foe in shock, and... the "Enigma" kips up to his feet! Big shocked pop from the crowd! Unique Allah can only stare in amazement as Musashi whips around and blasts him with a spinning back heel kick! The powerful strike floors Dirt Dog Unique Allah and draws a big pop from the fans! Musashi runs to the ropes, bounds off, and hits his rising opponent with a flying dropkick, sending him careening against the ropes! Musashi gets up and hits a second dropkick, this time a standing version, the impact sending Unique Allah straight over the top strand! The "Dirty Doggies" rally behind their man as he rolls on the arena floor in agony, attempting to pull himself up with the aid of the steel crowd barriers. Musashi hurriedly climbs up onto the top turnbuckle, actually sprints along the top rope, and launches himself off into a somersault body press, colliding with Dirt Dog Unique Allah, the impact of the maneuver sending both men over the steel railing and into the crowd! The fans closest at hand scatter out of the way, and the rest simply pop in abject awe over the dare-devil maneuver. Both Musashi and Unique Allah come down hard on the concrete floor.] TD: Oh my goodness! It's high-spot heaven here tonight, folks! Both these men seem intent on outdoing each other with increasingly suicidal feats of athleticism; I only hope it doesn't end in serious injury for either one of them. SR: Ha! You call that a feat of athleticism? You should have seen the time I handled twelve exotic, olive-hued, spanish maidens armed with nothing but a stick of rhubarb and a flamenco guitar. Now that stuff had some risky acrobatics. TD: This is no time for your bizarre fantasies, Steve Roberts. We have a match to announce! SR: The rhubarb was flexible AND resilient. They don't make vegetables like that anymore. TD: Good grief. [Both wrestlers limp to their feet amidst the stands, clearly feeling the impact of their collision with the cold, hard concrete. Dirt Dog Unique Allah swings a clumsy roundhouse right at Takezo Musashi, which nonetheless catches the Japanese star on the chin and staggers him. Dirt Dog wades in and begins raining the blows down on the "Enigma", each shot forcing him backwards and drawing a pop from the "Dirty Doggies" in attendance. Unique Allah winds up and drives a powerful uppercut at the chin of his foe, but Musashi parries the blow with a swift movement of his arm, and begins to strike back with shots of his own! The crowd pops as the two warriors engage in a brief, but vicious slugfest, Musashi managing to duck under Allah's guard to deliver a compact, karate style jab to the throat, sending the Dirt Dog staggering over the guard rail back to ringside! Musashi leaps over the barriers himself, tucks Dirt Dog's head under his arm, and charges over the steel ring steps, smashing his foe's head over them in a bulldog as he does so! Big shocked pop from the fans as the sickening metal clang resounds across the arena!] TD: What a brutal tactic on the part of Takezo Musashi! The "Enigma" demonstrating that streak of cruelty we've been seeing so often in recent months. SR: And I think the Dirt Dog's head is busted open! Yes, we have some juice flowing, folks! Break out the Mooselips, it's time to party! Hey, what's the count up to anyway? Fifty? TD: I think the referee is indeed to about to reach a ten count. They're gonna have to get back in the ring if this match is to have a conclusive finish. [Musashi drags Unique Allah up by the hair and rolls him under the bottom rope, following close on his heels, once again narrowly beating the ten count. Dirt Dog staggers up to his feet, blood trickling down his face, and lunges at Musashi. However, the "Enigma" catches hold of him around the midsection and executes an overhead belly to belly suplex, dumping the Dirt Dog shoulders first into the canvas. Musashi kips up to his feet and nimbly scales the turnbuckles once again, facing the center of the ring with his arms outstretched in balance, waiting for Dirt Dog Unique Allah to get up to his feet. The fans pop anxiously, eagerly awaiting the next beyond description maneuver Musashi will pull off. Dirt Dog rises unsteadily to his feet, makes a few hesitant steps toward the turnbuckles, not quite sure where he is, and Musashi suddenly leaps... launches himself through the air, twisting his body into a super-charged somersault, arcing over Unique Allah's head and grasping onto it as he does so; bringing both men crashing down to the mat in a reverse neckbreaker position - the back of Unique's head and neck snapping off the canvas with tremendous velocity. The fans leap to their feet with a tremendous awed pop!] TD: What an unbelievable move from the "Enigma"! Imagine the depths of athleticism and accuracy necessary to pull such a maneuver off! Simply stunning! SR: Oh yeah, big deal, man. By '84 I was hitting somersault neckbreakers to the _outside_ of the ring. TD: Oh, please. [Dirt Dog Unique Allah is utterly motionless in the center of the ring, his limbs stretched out spread-eagled; and all of the "Age of the Ragers" at ringside cover their faces in despair. Musashi gingerly rolls across Unique Allah for the pin, clearly feeling some of the impact of the somersault neckbreaker himself, but confident that victory is within his grasp. The ref slaps his hand to the mat, the pinfall academic at this point: 1 - 2 - ] SR: Holy [BLEEP]! TD: Dirt Dog Unique Allah has kicked out! I can't believe it! I simply _don't_ believe it! [The entire arena explodes into cheers as Dirt Dog Unique Allah, after all of the punishment he has taken, and the impact of the somersault neckbreaker, unbelievably manages to kick out of the pin attempt! Musashi gets up to his feet, almost staggering in his exhaustion, staring down at his battered foe incredulously, simply not believing the resiliency displayed by Dirt Dog Unique Allah. The drunken bum stirs on the canvas, and Musashi drops into a fighting stance, his face marked with grim resolution, ready to deliver a finishing blow as soon as Unique Allah is back on his feet. Some fans pop anxiously, others remaining silent, biting their nails in anticipation. Dirt Dog grabs onto the middle rope, and pulls himself up to his feet, staggering over towards the "Enigma". Musashi spins on his foot, lashes out, and belts Unique Allah in the face with the stiffest savate kick you ever saw. The fans go dead silent, Unique Allah dropping to the canvas under the impact like he took a bullet to the skull.] TD: This looks like the end for Dirt Dog Unique Allah, folks. He's absolutely motionless in the center of the ring, and that kick looked hard enough to induce a coma. SR: Did you see the power behind it, Tim Dross? And now look! Musashi is going back up on the turnbuckle! Are we gonna see the Starsault Press brought out for one last time? [Musashi stands perched on the top turnbuckle, his back facing the ring, where Dirt Dog Unique Allah is still stretched out like a drive-by victim. Musashi places his hands in a prayer position, closing his eyes, his face blanked out in concentrative meditation, mustering up his energy into a tensely coiled spring, knowing the utmost level of precision, the almost superhuman agility required for this, the most feared weapon in his arsenal. Musashi launches himself off the top turnbuckle. The fans look on in awe... the "Enigma", his body curled in a somersault position, soaring gracefully through the air, spinning around in a ball of gathering velocity - once, twice, three times - now careening down towards his opponent with frightening momentum, now careening down to crash and destroy... Dirt Dog Unique Allah rolls aside.] TD: [Roar of the fans drowning out his voice] Absolutely Unbelievable! Unbelievable, ladies and gentlemen! SR: The "Enigma" has crashed and burned, baby dolls! What a spectacular dive. I've never seen anything like this, Tim Dross! TD: Takezo Musashi is just stretched out in the center of the ring, unable to get up, crippled for all we can tell; and the Dirt Dog is motionless right next to him! Intensity like only the IIWF delivers, sports fans! [The fans still popping madly over Takezo Musashi's spectacular dive, and even more spectacular crash, Dirt Dog Unique Allah stirs... and limply drapes his arm over the "Enigma's" chest. The referee begins the count: 1 - 2 - 3! A massive pop washes over the arena! Ding! Ding! Ding!] RA: Ladies and gentlemen, here is your winner, and still the IIWF Cruiserweight champion of the World: Dirt Dog Unique Allah! TD: What a victory for Dirt Dog Unique Allah! What a final match for the "Enigma"! SR: I hate to say this, Timbo, but that wasn't all that bad for a Cruiserweight match. TD: I can hardly believe you said that, Steve. I'm feeling mixed emotions right now, as I'm sure many of the fans out there are; as we are witnessing perhaps the final moments of Takezo Musashi in the IIWF. Even though he was pinned, I believe this is the sort of match the "Enigma" wanted for his last. He fought with all his heart, he fought with honour, and he lost to a worthy opponent in Dirt Dog Unique Allah - a man, by the way, who can no longer be considered a novelty fluke, but a genuine Cruiserweight champion after his stunning victory here tonight. SR: Yeah, Yeah, Yeah. Dry the tear from my eye, and save it for the tourists, Dross. [The "Age of the Ragers": Tony Starks, the Prophets of Rage, Pizzazz and Medusa invade the ring; helping Dirt Dog Unique Allah up to his feet, raising his arms in victory to a huge ovation from the fans. The referee presents Dirt Dog with his Cruiserweight belt, which despite his fatigue, he manages to raise above his head and soak in the incredible crowd response. Takezo Musashi, rising from his crumpled heap in the middle of the ring, goes over to the Dirt Dog and grimly confronts him. Abruptly, the crowd pop dies down.] TD: Oh my goodness; this looks like it could get ugly. SR: Bust him in the chops, Takezo! If ya gonna go, ya might as well go out with a bit of style! [The Age of the Ragers stare at Musashi with a dangerous glint in their eyes, while Dirt Dog Unique Allah simply stares at him exhaustedly. Musashi stares back grimly, perhaps wrestling within himself. The fans look on anxiously. Musashi grins and offers his hand to the Dirt Dog! The fans explode into cheers once again as Unique Allah accepts the gesture, and the two clasp hands firmly. Finally, the Age of the Rage stable make their way out of the ring and up the aisle, showered with the applause of the fans. Musashi goes over to he corner and kneels down, bowing his head, forgotten for the moment.] TD: Wait a minute, things are not over yet! SR: What the hell is it now? I've got a date with Cameron Diaz later on tonight. Can't these wrestlers show a little consideration for the "Soundbite"? TD: I'm sure you're the victim of some practical joke if you truly believe you've got a date with Cameron Diaz, Steve Roberts. But look! It's Simon Lebec and his bodyguard, Francois! [The fans jeer as Simon Lebec appears at the head of the aisle, his hulking bodyguard shadowing him in the background. The Age of the Rage stop dead in their tracks just a few metres away, staring at the "Showstopper" menacingly. Lebec sneers at the Ragers with utter disdain and starts shooting his mouth off, clearly taunting Dirt Dog Unique Allah; fortunately, however, the sound mics are too far away to pick up the words, saving the censorship guys a hectic job.] SR: What the hell is Lebec doing here? TD: The "Showstopper" is scheduled to face Dirt Dog Unique Allah for the Cruiserweight title at Midsummer Madness, and it looks like he wants to psyche out the champion! [Lebec continues to taunt Dirt Dog Unique Allah, who suddenly lunges forward and smacks him right in the mouth to a big pop from the fans! Immediately the two men are embroiled in a wild brawl, with Unique getting the worst of the exchange in his fatigued state. Tony Starks and the Prophets of Rage try to intervene, but the mammoth bulk of Francois steps forward and manages to block them off. The fans pop wildly as Lebec and Unique Allah pummel seven shades of hell out of each other, and the other Ragers struggle against the massive form of Francois, gradually forcing him to give ground. Suddenly, a squad of security guards descends on the aisle, pulling the combatants apart and herding them into separate groups. Lebec continues to trade fiery insults with the Age of the Ragers, particularly Dirt Dog Unique Allah, as they are all dragged backstage.] TD: What a scene of chaos we just witnessed here on this special live segment of Wednesday War Room! I'm sure both Simon Lebec and Dirt Dog Unique Allah will be itching to get at each other after that. Now, Takezo Musashi is still in the ring, and I believe he has some parting words for us all. SR: Look at the damn time! This is Cameron Diaz we're talking about here! The "Soundbite" has needs, baby dolls, he's gotta get out of this place! [The camera cuts to center ring, where stands Takezo Musashi, his face paint almost completely smudged off, his pants spattered with the blood of Dirt Dog Unique Allah. He raises the microphone to his mouth.] TM: First of all, I'd like to extend my congratulations to Dirt Dog Unique Allah, who proved himself to be a worthy and honourable opponent. I had misconceptions about him in the past, but he gave me the best final match I could have hoped for, and I salute him as one warrior to another. [Pause, as the "Enigma" looks out over the sea of faces before him.] Now, fans of the IIWF, the time has at last come for me to depart. The "Enigma's" final hour is upon us. My star rose into ascension faster than I could ever have foreseen; it blazed with the light of many suns and for a time I was warmed beneath its fire. But for me, its energy was all too brief -- and as all stars must eventually descend, it now dips below the horizon, and my soul has frozen over. The ideals I once held are lost to me now -- but that does not mean it has to be so for you, the fans. It falls upon your shoulders to direct the flow of the IIWF -- take care that its rivers do not become a bursting dam. Be careful of the heroes you choose to embrace -- the darkness and apathy within your souls is mirrored in them, but so too is your nobility and honour. I also implore you never to forget the old guard of the IIWF -- the warriors who breathed the hallowed air of glory into this federation, both the lowliest soldier long departed, and the grizzled warlord enjoying the fruits of his battles. From the past do we inherit our knowledge -- we do well to honour our ancestors. To my enemies -- and are enemies not more worthy than friends? -- I salute you all, for it is you who have given me purpose and the joy of eternal striving; especially Hakiro Matsuoko and Shinja Chow, my honourable brothers in war. Yes... and to you too, Joe Petrow... perhaps you and I are more akin than ever I chose to admit, and on your brow I rest the future of the IIWF, to do with what you will... And finally, though my spirit be wreathed in shadow, and my body wearied by the trials set before me, look over the horizon, look out into the reaches of the cosmos -- for in the future there may arise another shimmering hope; a gathering of energy bursting into light; a new star on the horizon... the return of the "Enigma". [Musashi bows to the fans, drops the mic, and climbs through the ropes out into the aisle. The crowd gives him a solid pop as he walks slowly out of the Coliseum, perhaps for the very last time, and his face is a mask of conflicting emotions. Fade back to Larry and Becky.] LM: That wraps up our action from here this evening. We'll see you next week, and I'll see you on Friday for the Countdown to Saturday night. And don't forget the big saturday night show...our 50th. Anything you'd like to add, Becky? BL: Midsummer. Madness. September. 7th. Be. There. Or. Call. Your. Cable. Operator. LM: Um, thank you. BL: Oh, and I'd like to add that I stuck bubble gum to your chair before you sat down. LM: Whaa! [The camera pans away as Larry tries valiantly to remove himself from his chair. The camera passes the "John Bomber Memorial Nuclear Fall Out Shelter", then fades into a commercial for nasal spray.] +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= I * I * W * F =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+ | President: Daniel Spreadbury | Vice-President: Jim Jividen | | univ0322@sable.ox.ac.uk | brokeback@webtv.net | | iiwf@sisko.demon.co.uk | | +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- http://www.sisko.demon.co.uk -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=+