. ___. __ ____ __ ________ ______ ||\ |/ | || | | || | || |\ \ /\ / /| __| || \|\__ | __||__ | |_||__ | || | \ v v / | __| || | \|/ || | | || |_||_| \_/\_/ |_| ||______/|\__||__ | | ||_________________________ August 26 1997 ................................................... ["Let the Music Play" by Shannon is heard as the shot opens on IIWF Studio Three.  Veteran commentator Tim Dross is seated at an angular glass table in front of a large video screen.  Dross is attired in his customary blue IIWF blazer and appears to be... bopping in his chair as the shot zooms and the music fades.] TD: Hello again, friends, and welcome to "Inside the IIWF", your weekly look at all the news, views, reviews and previews -- highlights and sidelights -- cheers and jeers.  A look behind at the week that was and up ahead at the week that will be here in the finest professional wrestling organization in the world today... the _mighty_ IIWF! I am your host, Tim Dross, along with young Steve Summer who is promised... absolutely promised his much awaited spot during this broadcast, live with IIWF fans from the downtown Portland Arm Bar. We have a lot to cover this week... so much action that went down from the IIWF Coliseum -- and here to help us sort it all out is the hardest working man in the rasslin' business, soul brother number two... Ladies and Gentlemen... Steve "Soundbite" Roberts! [The throaty female voice is heard, "Shoot, Soundbite! Shoot!".  Van Halen's "Running with the Devil" begins as the Soundbite walks confidently into the shot.  Roberts is wearing a feather boa over his familiar leather jacket and a blue t-shirt reading, "Dan Kauffman Still Sucks."] TD: Hello, Steve Roberts. SR: Can it, Dross -- I got something to say.  First of all, Kauffman, the sooner you get back on your white horse and ride off into the sunset, the better off the American people will be.  Go back to the minor leagues, or to following around the junior high boys soccer teams.  Just leave the decent people of the IIWF alone.  You're the most boring there is.  The most boring there was.  And the most boring there ever will be. The fact is, Kauffman, you don't have the guts to compete in the IIWF these days.  I may not like Culture Club or any of these damn new generation punks, but the fact is, Kauffman, that time has not stood still since you ran off whimpering to your momma.  The Double Eye's meaner, leaner and nastier than ever -- and if you even think about sticking around for "one more ride" after this Saturday Night -- I'm gonna personally see to it that you find out exactly what your long since faded glory will buy you in the _new_ IIWF... a shot to the gut and a boot up your ass! TD: In fact, the legendary Dan Kauffman will return to the IIWF ring -- he will take part in a huge double main event matchup this Saturday Night... the final Saturday Night before Midsummer Madness, call your local cable company for details. Or, better yet, get the details right here and right now... just call your cable company to place your order. SR: Details are for suckers and guys dating twins named Delia and Deidra.  The people are gonna buy the show for three reasons.  One, to see the end of Boy Requiem and his band of Merry Losers.  Two, because Steve Kowalski and Brody Thunder are gonna throw down in a Falls Count Anywhere Match -- and you remember the last time Steve Kowalski was in a Falls Count Anywhere Match?  I'd ask the Sandman to remind all of us by showing us his scars -- but he ain't around anymore, is he?  And three... I'm gettin me a porn star, Dross.  And I don't just mean we're gonna have a porn star show up at ringside to take a few bows and wiggle her shapely ass at the morons in the front row... I mean I am _gettin'_me_a_porn_star_!   TD: Let's take a look at the complete card for Midsummer Madness, coming live on September 6 -- only on pay-per-view! ___ _________ ___ _______ ______ _______ ____ | \/ || || \/ __\| | | \/ || \/ | __\| _ \ | \ / || || \ \__ \| | | \ / || \ / | __\| / | |\/| || || / /__\ \ v | |\/| || |\/| | |__| \ \ |_| |_||_||__/\____/\_/|_| |_||_| |_|____\_|\_\ ___ ______ __ ___ ____ ___ ___ | \/ || \ | \ | \ | __\/ __\ / __\ | \ / || \ \ | \ \| \ \| __\\__ \ \__ \ | |\/| || |\ \| / /| | || |_____\ \___\ \ |_| |_||_| \_\__/ |_|_||____\____/\____/ Saturday 6 September 1997 + IIWF Coliseum ----------------------------------------- DOUBLE MAIN EVENT: IIWF WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: Requiem [c] vs. Otto "the Butcher" Verhoeven SPECIAL GUEST REFEREE: "Sychosys" Joe Petrow DOUBLE MAIN EVENT: MIDSUMMER MADNESS MATCH: GENESIS: Highwayman, Annis, Rogers, Cold Spell vs. Mad Dog Watkins, The Syndicate & PARTNERS TO BE ANNOUNCED GRUDGE MATCH: "Quickstrike" Chris Quigley vs. Marty Warnett FALLS COUNT ANYWHERE: Steve "the Fury" Kowalski vs. "Lone Wolf" Brody Thunder IIWF CRUISERWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP TRIPLE THREAT MATCH: Derek Mota [c] vs. "Showstopper" Simon Lebec vs. Dirt Dog Unique Allah MIDSUMMER MADNESS MATCH: Billy Shakespeare, Dexter St. Croix, Ronnie Paris & The Machines vs. Sebastian Jericho, The Phoenix, Kevin Christiansen & Hollywood Bloods MIDSUMMER MADNESS MATCH: Tony Starks, Duncan Macbeth, Ike Sampson & The Prophets of Rage vs. Timothy N. Turner, "The Intrepid" Ryan Howard, Luke Steele & Licensed for Devastation MIDSUMMER MADNESS MATCH: Tonnage, The Harlequins, Pain Inc. vs. Deathbringer, The Equalizers, Team Sychosys TD: Well, we now have the full and complete card -- eight big matches -- coming your way for Midsummer Madness one week from this Saturday Night.  A number of hot developments on the card -- and let's start right at the top where "Sychosys" Joe Petrow will be serving as the special guest referee of that big Championship Match between Requiem and Otto Verhoeven. SR: Well, that's just wrong, Dross.  I mean, this sport has seen special guest referees before, and nine times out of ten they become part of the game.  That's okay... we can work with that.  A fast count here -- a chair shot there, it just brings an extra dimension to the match. But Dross... this is Crazy Joe Petrow we're talkin' about... the man who put the "psycho" in psychotropic.  It's like inviting David Berkowitz to the Westminster Kennel Club... it's like having John Wayne Gacy babysit for your six year old... it's like going to Jeffrey Dahmer's house for dinner and hearing the words, "Hey, what wine do you think goes with Emmanuel Lewis' ass?" TD: I see a theme developing.  Well, Joe Petrow will in fact, be the special guest referee -- and will be making his debut in that role _this_ Saturday Nigh, folks, in any one of the eight matches scheduled.  That's right... none of the competitors will know until match time that the referee scheduled for his particular contest is, in fact, Joe Petrow. And how about the other half of that big, double main event... so many names, so much intrigue as to who would be the five men to take up the gauntlet... SR: Duck, Shinja! TD: ...against Genesis.  Well, we have a partial answer. Intercontinental Champion... SR: Roll the footage! [Shot of Mad Dog Watkins hitting the superbomb to the outside on then Intercontinental Champion Creed.] TD: Will you stop?  Intercontinental Champion Mad Dog Watkins effectively called out all of Genesis last Saturday Night -- and has been inserted into that big elimination match... along with two highly unlikely teammates, James and Claw -- the Syndicate! SR: It's the best thing I've seen in a long time, Dross.  Everybody was talking about Kauffman, like this has-been's just gonna waltz back in here and hop into the main event... well, forget it.  We are talking about the cream of the crop here: Watkins and the Syndicate.  And wait until you find out who the mystery partners are! TD: You know who the mystery partners are? SR: Absolutely. TD: Care to share this information? SR: Absolutely. [Roberts is silent.] SR: Oh, you mean here... with you and the TV morons?  Oh, no... not a chance in hell.  I wouldn't tell you people the punch line to a Bazooka Joe comic.  I'll the appropriate stripper at the appropriate time.  TD: The other big change to the Midsummer Madness card has to be the Cruiserweight Championship, which now is not only a No Disqualification match -- but is a three way dance between Dirt Dog Unique Allah, Simon Lebec and the _NEW_ Cruiserweight Champion of the World, of all people, Derek Mota. SR: How about that, Dross?  How about that?  Here's a guy who gets his ass put on a stretcher every single week by Culture Club -- and he walks out of the hospital, gets in a cab, comes to the arena and wins the title.  It's damn unbelievable, Dross.  You have to give the little guy credit, Dross. TD: Derek Mota certainly deserves credit for his fortitude, if perhaps not for his comments on "Countdown" regarding Dirt Dog Unique Allah. SR: Least he was on the show, Dross.  You know, I was talking before about how hyper-competitive it is around here... there are some guys who are gonna wind up on the ass end of that competition if they don't pick up their workrates.  You gotta talk to the people on "Countdown" if you're up on "Saturday Night"... and if you're in the ring without a strategy... and the people know what I'm talking about, Dross -- if you're in the ring without giving the match some degree of thought, you're gonna get beat, Dross.  I don't care if it's Wednesday or Saturday... I don't care if you're fighting El Super Gecko or El Sucko Rogers -- you better take a minute and a half to think up some type of strategy for that match... or you're gonna wind up takin' that bus with Kauffman back to the MLWO, wonderin' "What happened to my career? Why are we on these dirt roads? Why does Kauffman keep winking at me?" TD: I don't think we need to name other promotions here on "Inside", Steve Roberts.  Your point, however, is not necessarily an incorrect one.  And with the competiton in the IIWF at an all time high... and believe me when I say this, folks... believe me when I say this... that competion may well take a quantum leap before Ring Wars 4 in November -- everyone has to dig a little bit deeper to survive. Survival is the goal in those elimination matches at Midsummer Madness -- and survival was the goal for many the IIWF Superstars on Saturday Night... let's take one last look at the results.  ________ ______ | || |\ \ /\ / /| __|.................................................. | || | \ v v / | __| REWIND: IIWF Saturday Night - August 16 1997 |_||_| \_/\_/ |_|.................................................... Serge Annis def. Otto Verhoeven (C/O) Chris Quigley def. Timothy Turner Brody Thunder def. Ike Sampson (DQ) Billy Shakespeare draw Ronnie Paris IIWF Cruiserweight Championship: Derek Mota def. Dirt Dog Unique Allah IIWF Tag Team Championship: Harlequins def. Cold Spell (DQ) Duncan Macbeth def. Ryan Howard Sebastian Jericho def. Tonnage TD: Well, we had a surprise right at the top -- you have to admit that Serge Annis is one man who has benefited from his alliance with Genesis; a few brief weeks ago, he was on his way out of the IIWF -- and now, he is winning main event matches against Otto Verhoeven. Impressive outing. SR: Sad, silly Dross.  You think the Butcher cares about some countout on Saturday Night?  No.  He's less than two weeks away from wrapping his hands around that paper champion's neck.  Otto Verhoeven is just building motivation... building motivation.  Attacked by Annis last week -- Nurse Heidi attacked this week -- do you think there's any way the German man ain't gonna be shown the wa-wa come the Madness?  Hell, no. TD: Two other men who have big, perhaps career-shaping matchups at Midsummer Madness are Chris Quigley and Brody Thunder -- and each of those men was victorious on Saturday Night. SR: Warnett vs. Quigley... Quigley vs. Warnett... What's a red blooded, heterosexual wrestling fan to do?  I hate that damn Quigley.  Doing all his... Quigley things.  And now Warnett -- he's fighting Warnett... I just don't know what to do, Dross.  I mean -- maybe if they set the ring on fire or something... And Thunder is two weeks from leaving the IIWF. That's just a fact, Dross.   The guy is slipping... look at everyone else who leaves the Syndicate.  Pain Inc -- sucks.  Disciples -- gone.  And Thunder barely beats Ike "How come none of the other black guys will play with me" Sampson.  How the hell is he gonna beat Steve Kowalski?  TD: Those four men, four of the greatest superstars in this sport... four men who will meet in huge singles matches at Midsummer Madness -- but this week, they will hook up together in a tag team matchup.  Can you imagine the combustible possibilities when Steve Kowalski teams up with Marty Warnett -- and remember it was Warnett who took the Intercontinental Championship away from the Fury -- and they meet Brody Thunder and Chris Quigley... and you know that Quigley still blames Thunder for his losing his chance to become World Champion.  What a tremendous... tremendously exciting matchup this is going to be this Saturday Night! SR: You know what was one hell of a match last Saturday?  I can hardly believe I'm saying it -- but Billy Shakespeare and Ronnie Paris.  That guy has become one hell of a wrestler, Dross. TD: Billy Shakespeare has long been a top IIWF superstar, Steve Roberts. SR: I was talking about Paris.  The way he smacked Blitzsphere around... it was a thing of beauty. TD: Ronnie Paris is certainly a man of undeniable ability -- but I don't believe the IIWF fans have much appreciated his change in attitude -- and although I don't agree with the way the fans chose to express themselves on Saturday Night... the IIWF fans have the right to cheer for or boo whomever they please.  This sport is not simply about the men in the ring... not just about the combat... it is about the fans.  If they want to root for a man like a Ronnie Paris... or a Chris Quigley... or a Dan Kauffman or a Requiem -- that's their right.  And on Saturday Night, like so many Saturday Nights, they wanted to cheer their hearts out for a local boy who is "Born to Perform"... a man who has never made any secret that he is in this sport to do whatever it takes to entertain the people.  And if cheering Billy Shakespeare means they had to boo Ronnie Paris -- that's exactly what the IIWF fans have the right to do. SR: The IIWF fans are morons.  TD: They do love you, Steve Roberts. SR: Exception that proves the rule, Dross.  If they are gonna boo a man like Ronnie Paris, who has to take care of his illegitimate children and his poor, bedraggled street-walking wife; and cheer somebody like Blitzsphere or Dan "Please let me come back... please.. pleeeasssseee" Kauffman -- then the IIWF fans are morons.  Morons with a capital "M." TD: Close but no cigar again for the Harlequins on Saturday.  One more time they stretch the tag team Champions to the limit, but one more time they were unable to capture gold. SR: Yeah, the 'Quins thought they were screwed against the Prophets -- and now Genesis get 'em here.  Looks to me like the gay guy's about had it with his stablemates, Dross. TD: For those of you new to our broadcasts, Steve Roberts is referring to Icehawk of Cold Spell.   The Soundbite has a little understood theory about tag team wrestling... that the best teams historically consist of a... SR: Tough guy and a gay guy, Dross.  It ain't that tough to figure out. In fact, I proposed an idea that the IIWF suits didn't go for... how 'bout this for a match, Dross -- Tough Guys vs. Gay Guys!  Break all the tag teams up... tough guys on one side... gay guys on the other... and let 'em fight it out once and for all -- I'd love it! TD: We certainly hope that Cold Spell is not about to be broken up... but it is obvious that Icehawk simply no longer sees eye-to-eye with the rest of Genesis -- and it is starting to effect the performance of the tag team champions. We also saw wins by Sebastian Jericho... SR: Genesis.  He's Genesis.  No question about it.  TD: ...and the always impressive Duncan Macbeth.  Jericho defeating Tonnage... and Macbeth victorious over Ryan Howard. Once again, we have a new Cruiserweight Champion in Derek Mota -- we have a complete card for Midsummer Madness -- and we have another big week of IIWF action coming ahead... here's your _First Look_ at all that will go down from the Coliseum! ________ ______ | || |\ \ /\ / /| __|.................................................. | || | \ v v / | __| FIRST LOOK: IIWF Wednesday War Room |_||_| \_/\_/ |_|.................................................... ........................................................................ Marty Warnett vs. El Super Gecko Steve Kowalski vs. Bobby B. Goode Highwayman vs. Jumpin' Jack Deathbringer vs. Rasputin Tonnage vs. "Nifty" Ned Norton & Scott "the Whine" Bloom ........................................................................ TD: Five superstars will kick off the big card on Wednesday.  Warnett and Kowalski, future tag team partners have the opening bouts... and you have to wonder if maybe those two men might have some words for each other Wednesday Night. SR: The best thing the Fury could do would be to knock Warnett into next week and wrestle a handicap match against Thunder and Quigley on Saturday.  You think Kowalski will be able to trust Warnett? TD: I don't know if trust will be in very good supply anywhere in that matchup.  We'll also see the Highwayman... a man who may, given an unusual stipulation, become Intercontinental Champion at Midsummer Madness. SR: Let me understand this... if Genesis beats Watkins, the Syndicate and the mystery partners -- the unfrozen caveman wrestler gets the IC shot. TD: Yep. SR: But -- if the wrestling economist eliminates Watkins himself... even if Genesis loses... then he becomes the new IC champ.  Right then and there? TD: Absolutely. SR: Crazy world. TD: Oughta sell tickets. SR: I'd buy one. TD: We will also see two men who will captain teams opposing each other at Midsummer Madness -- Tonnage and the Deathbringer.  You wonder if maybe a little scouting will go on Wednesday Night. SR: Hey, how 'bout the Fat Guy, Dross?  Handicap match on the War Room. Maybe the 'Bringer oughta take a look at what a real destructive force can accomplish, Dross.  Tonnage is gonna lay some serious lumber tomorrow night. ........................................................................ Sebastian Jericho vs. Kevin "The Cavalier" Christiansen Timothy N. Turner vs. "The Intrepid" Ryan Howard ........................................................................ TD: Two really interesting singles matchups on the War Room, each featuring future Midsummer Madness teammates.  Sebastian Jericho, who defeated Tonnage on Saturday will face his future teammate Kevin Christiansen... and Timothy N. Turner, who came up just short against Chris Quigley meets his future teammate Ryan Howard in what is sure to be another great match. SR: Turner and Howard already have a history, Dross.  And now they are gonna hook up twice this week before teaming up next week -- by the end of Midsummer Madness they'll either be best friends or one of them's gonna be on trial for homicide. ........................................................................ Harlequins vs. The Equalizers ........................................................................ TD: In our main event, two teams who will line up on opposing sides at Midsummer Madness, the understandably disappointed Harlequins and the undeniably disappointing Equalizers will meet in what could be an interesting contest. That's the card for Wednesday, folks... but the biggie, the main event is always IIWF Saturday Night -- and here is your _First Look_ at all the action! ________ ______ | || |\ \ /\ / /| __|.................................................. | || | \ v v / | __| FIRST LOOK: IIWF Saturday Night |_||_| \_/\_/ |_|.................................................... ........................................................................ TEN MAN TAG TEAM MATCH: Team Genesis: Highwayman, Scott Rogers, Serge Annis & Cold Spell vs. Team Old Gen: Otto Verhoeven, Dan Kauffman, Deathbringer & The Syndicate NON-TITLE MATCH: Requiem vs. Mad Dog Watkins Steve Kowalski & Marty Warnett vs. Brody Thunder & Chris Quigley Billy Shakespeare & Kevin Christiansen vs. Ronnie Paris & The Phoenix "Showstopper" Simon Lebec vs. Dexter St. Croix Tony Starks & Ryan Howard vs. Timothy N. Turner & Duncan Macbeth Prophets of Rage & Ike Sampson vs. Licensed for Devastation & Luke Steele The Machines vs. Hollywood Bloods ........................................................................ TD: Mercy.  Eight more big matches coming your way, live from the IIWF Coliseum this Saturday Night.  Is there ever a bad IIWF Saturday Night? SR: It's gonna be a bad Saturday Night for Genesis, Dross.  Now, this is the same Team Genesis that we're gonna see at Midsummer Madness, but this isn't an elimination match -- just a tag match.  I gotta think they are gonna get blasted, taken apart like a two dollar watch, taken apart like an unlocked El Camaro you left in Creed's old 'hood.  Hey... let's take one more look... [Cut to the now familiar shot of Mad Dog Watkins hitting the superbomb of Creed to the outside.] TD: I think you've made your point. SR: Even my daddy never powerbombed me to the concrete, Dross.  Oh sure... he powerbombed me over the kitchen table when I didn't eat my biscuits.  I thought I didn't like biscuits... can you believe that, Dross?  What a pansy moron.  What are all you people looking at?  TD: The leader of Genesis will also be in action, Requiem and Mad Dog Watkins will meet in a huge non-title encounter. SR: Say goodnight, Requiem.  Kiss the belt goodbye, the sweetness and the sorrow -- because first the Old Dog is gonna take a bite out of crime -- and then the Butcher is gonna _carve_ _you_ _up_! TD: We also have all of those mixed tag matches, all of which feature men who will either be teammates -- or opponents at Midsummer Madness. What's gonna happen when Chris Quigley looks to make a tag -- and the man standing in the corner is Brody Thunder?  What's gonna happen when Billy Shakespeare steps in the ring again with Ronnie Paris -- knowing that in a matter of days, they'll be teammates?  SR: What about Macbeth and Timmy Turner, Dross? They're good pals... they have some nicely crafted backjumping techinques honed... this week, they're partners -- and next week they're on opposite sides?  That's how the IIWF tries to keep the common man down, Dross.  They try to split us apart... try to turn us against each other... But I say... NO!  Don't take up arms against your brother! [Roberts stands... throwing his hand over his heart and beginning to sing:] # Solidarity Forever! / Solidarity Forever! / Solidarity Forever/ And the Union makes Us Strong! # [The crew... made up of Teamsters Local 275 stands and applauds, many of them with tears in their eyes.] TD: Good grief.  We'll also see the Prophets of Rage teaming up with a man who has made it clear that he has no interest in joining their stable, Ike Sampson... against LFD -- who stunned, stunned IIWF observers by defeating the Prophets last Wednesday.  They'll team up with Luke Steele, who I understand is none too happy about his current station in the IIWF -- and may be looking to do something about it. SR: "The Real Deal" is upset?  Aw, that's a shame. TD: No nickname rhyme?  No "Clubbed like a baby seal"?  No "Why can't I turn heel"?  No, "The only way I'll get IIWF gold is to steal"? SR: Hey, what was that last one? I wanna write that down... TD: And to kick if off... two more teams who will meet at Midsummer Madness -- two tag teams that just keep winning matches, the Machines and the Hollywood Bloods.  IIWF Saturday Night -- don't miss a second! ________ ______ | || |\ \ /\ / /| __|.................................................. | || | \ v v / | __| COMING FRIDAY: Countdown to Saturday Night |_||_| \_/\_/ |_|.................................................... TD: Okay, folks, we're almost out of time -- but let's go, as promised, to young Steve Summer at the Arm Bar in downtown Portland! [Split screen with young Summer, surrounded by jubilant, drunken, near crazed IIWF fans... Summer looks thrilled tobe back on "Inside the IIWF"... but frightened beyond words at his surroundings.] TD: Steve... are you there? SS: Mr. Dross!  Mr. Dross!  Boy... am I glad... and thankful... and so glad to be back on the show after all these weeks -- I was beginning to think it was personal... you know, a New Generation thing... TD: No, Steve.  Nothing personal -- but unfortunately, we have run out of time. [The fans begin to boo and advance on the helpless Summer, who once again has denied them a chance to "Ask the Soundbite".  Summer screams as the shot goes black.] SR: Damn shame when folks be beatin' the hell out of a perfectly good white boy like that. TD: So... so... be sure to join Becky LaRue and Larry Morton for all the action of the "Wednesday War Room"  And Steve Roberts... we had a "Classic" last week. SR: Don't get used to it, Dross. TD: We are used, however, to Brian Lau and Larry Morton bringing you the "Countdown to Saturday Night".  And then, the finest two hours of weekly live wrestling anywhere in the world -- IIWF Saturday Night! SR: Week off? TD: No.  For Steve Summer and my tag team colleague, the "Soundbite" Steve Roberts -- I am Tim Dross, saying: good night everybody! [Rick Springfield's "Don't Talk to Strangers" plays as Roberts challenges Dross to an arm wrestling match.  As Dross suspiciously locks up... Roberts drops his head to the table... lying motionless as the shot and the music fade.] +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= I * I * W * F =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+ | President: Daniel Spreadbury | Vice-President: Jim Jividen | | univ0322@sable.ox.ac.uk | brokeback@webtv.net | | iiwf@sisko.demon.co.uk | | +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- http://www.sisko.demon.co.uk -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=+