[The strobe of a siren reveals members of Genesis dressed in camouflage: Requiem, Cold Spell, Highwayman, Scott Rogers.  Gradually, their pictures are replaced by those of The Syndicate, Deathbringer and Dan Kauffman. The siren begins to swirl at a dizzying speed.  There is heard the the familiar whistle of a falling bomb and from the ensuing explosion spins this logo:]                           ________      ______                           | || |\ \ /\ / /| __|                           | || | \ v  v / | __|                           |_||_|  \_/\_/  |_|                         __ __       __ _______  ___                  |    //_  / | /| //_ /__   / | /__|\__/                  | / //   /  // |//      \ /  //   /  /                  |/|//__ /__//  //_______//__//   /__/                        ___  ___      ___   ________                  |    //__| /__\     /__\  /  //  //|/|                  | / //   //   \    /   \ /  //  // / |                  |/|//   //    /   /    //__//__//    |                  --------------------------------------                             August 27 1997 [The camera travels through the corridors of the IIWF Hall of Fame.  It stops on an empty glass case, a plaque reading "The Legend That Was Dan Kauffman" hangs tenuously by one screw.  The camera suddenly shifts to the War Room broadcast desk where sits Larry Morton and Becky LaRue.] LM: Welcome to the War Room.  And Becky, the repercussions of Dan     Kauffman's rearrival has sent shock waves that we have felt even here. The whole IIWF is a-buzz. BL: I'm not "a-buzz", and I'm in the IIWF.  Tim Dross doesn't appear     "a-buzz".  And you can sure bet that Steve Roberts isn't "a-buzz".  In fact, Larry, you appear to be the only one "a-buzzing". LM: Well, yeah. BL: I'd think you'd be more excited about Chuck Norris appearing at     Midsummer Madness. LM: Chuck...!  Chuck Norris at ringside! BL: Well... no.  But I wanted to shut you up about ol' "Flash"-in-the-     pan Kauffman. From now on, this is a Kauffman-free zone.  [Becky produces a picture of Dan Kauffman encircled by red with a large red slash through it.] BL: No more about this man.  Sheesh.  He comes back like he's the savior     of the fed from the New Generation... and who asked him?  Huh?  Hey,     Requiem, kick his butt once for me too. LM: You're a Requiem fan now? BL: Whoever dislikes Danny is a friend of mine. LM: Didn't Kauffman give you those pearls you're wearing? BL: Yeah, but what has he done for me lately?  But I told you, enough     about him.  If we're going to dig up the past, it will be about Brad     Kinder. LM: Kauffman! [There is a screech of pain.  The screen is replaced by a photo of Steve Roberts in his wrestling days, feather boa streaming behind him as he enters to the ring.] *** PLEASE STAND BY:  TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES *** [The regular broadcast returns.  Becky is looking very self satisfied. Larry watches her warily out of the corner of his eye.] LM: I could sue you for that, y'know. BL: Actually, you can't.  It's in my contract that I can do that at my     discretion.  It was a stipulation for kicking me off the Pay-Per-View broadcast team. LM: Prove it. VOICE: [offstage] It's true, Larry. LM: I gotta get a better Lawyer. BL: You need a new lawyer like Dross needs a better toupée. LM: But Cousin Vern told me he knew what he was doing.  He took that     home course and everything. BL: I didn't think it was possible, but I actually feel sorry for you. LM: [brightening]  Really? BL: Well, not anymore.  I got over it. LM: Let's go to the action.  Wait a minute.  How am I to mention     tonight's action with mentioning... him. BL: Who? LM: Him... Him.  D.K.? BL: D.K.?  Dead Kennedys?  What? LM: D.K!  Kauffman... Kauffman... Kauffman!  No... No!  Not again! [Larry's eyes go wide in terror as Becky slowly approaches him. The camera cuts to the night's footage showing Dan Kauffman coming ringside, setting up a chair alongside the ring, and after signing a few autographs, settling in to watch the matches.] ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Marty Warnett vs. El Super Gecko ------------------------------------------------------------------------     AC/DC's "For Those About to Rock" began to play, and a very     confused crowd thought Chris Quigley was about to wrestle. Instead,     Marty Warnett came out, doing his best Quigley strut.  Warnett     wrestled a different style than his usual, mimicking "Quickstrike"     with combination technical moves:  armbar into surfboard, suplexes     into bridges, and the occasional armdrag or fireman's carry.     Marty interupted the match to enter the crowd and point out signs     reading "I was with Chris... and he was quickly... " and "One... Two... Three:  Quickstike you're out." Marty reentered, and twice teased a final pin with the "Quickstriker", but ended the Gecko with     "The End" figure four finisher. RESULT:  Warnett by submission LM: It's all coming to a head at the Pay-Per-View.  Warnett vs. Quigley. BS: I once had a Warnett come to a head.  But I popped it and it went     away. LM: Seems I heard something about you owing Marty "twenty big ones" for     shutting up Roberts on Saturday. BL: I'm not worried.  Marty doesn't know what a "big one" is.  He has no     reference point. LM: We'll see Warnett and Quigley as soon as Saturday when they meet     alongside Steve Kowalski and Brody Thunder. BL: Beaver and Wally teaming with Eddie and Lumpy.  Hmmm. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Steve "the Fury" Kowalski vs. Bobby B. Goode ------------------------------------------------------------------------     Kowalski entered stylishly sporting Brody Thunder's hat, which he     dropped and ground into the floor with his heel before entering     the ring.  Goode tried his high flying tactics, but from his first     trip up the ringpost, "The Fury" caught him, slamming him hard.     Kowalski spent a few moments showboating, inexpertly strumming an air guitar before dispatching Bobby with a skullpump. RESULT:  Kowalski by pinfall LM: We must understand that Bobby B. hasn't wrestled for a number of     months. BL: From one Rock and Roll reject to another.  It seems that Kowalski     partners up with Marty Warnett on Saturday.  "The Fury" seems to         have little patience with the antics of the wrestling Rockers. LM: That's not all.  He and Marty will be facing Brody Thunder and Chris     Quigley. BL: Why don't Marty and Quiggles step aside and let some real men wrestle? In the real world, neither Quigs or Warnett could go toe-to-toe with a Thunder or Kowalski. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Highwayman vs. Jumpin' Jack ------------------------------------------------------------------------     This match was over in the first few minutes, but that didn't stop     The Highwaymen from dragging it out for a full five.  Time after time he would flatten Jack with press slams or reverse elbows only to drag him to his feet for more abuse.  Twice he covered for the pin, only to lift Jack at the two count.  The crowd began a chorus of boos which Highway cherished, lifting his hands in an attempt to increase the volume.  Finally, Dan Kauffman left his chair at ringside admonishing Highwayman to make the cover.  Highway invited Kauffman in, but Dan denied the opportunity.  Instead, he suggested that Highway lacked the ability to pin his opponent.  Highwayman promptly executed the "Daylight Robbery" for the pin.  Members of the Jobber Justice Squad came ringside to scowl at Highwayman and to escort the battered Jumpin' Jack backstage. RESULT: Highwayman by pinfall. BL: For a 500 year old spirit out to avenge his crimes of the past, H-Man sure has a nasty streak. LM: A leopard cannot change his spots. BL: I thought that was, "a Larry cannot change his socks"? LM: It certainly felt like old times with "that guy" at ringside, promoting some sort of fair play. BL: What "guy," Larry? LM: I'm not going through that again. BL: Maybe it's, "a Dross can't change his hairpiece"? ------------------------------------------------------------------------ HANDICAP MATCH:    Tonnage vs. "Nifty" Ned Norton & Scott "the Whine" Bloom ------------------------------------------------------------------------     The massive Tonnage found this bout to be a laugh.  But it was no     laughing matter for Norton and Bloom who tried every tag team tactic     they could think of to bring down Tonnage.  After minutes of futility, Tonnage invited both wrestlers to fight him together.  It was only a matter of time before both jobbers were in a stack center ring, and Tonnage was jumping off the bottom rope for an inspiring flying splash. It should also be noted that Tonnage has been adopted as the poster boy for the local chapter of weight watchers. RESULT: Tonnage by double pinfall LM: This Tonnage is a monster.  Yet he hasn't made much of an impact in     the IIWF. BL: That's 'cause the IIWF is scared.  This man has a reputation as big     as he is.  The superstars of the IIWF are terrified.  Come contract     time they keep asking to fight El Gecko, leaving Tonnage alone.  I     have a source that says the IIWF is hoping he'll get bored and leave. LM: I think you made that up. BL: I did, but that doesn't mean it isn't true.  Hey, Kauffman, you wanna impress me?  Wrestle this guy blindfolded. LM: We may have something better.  It looks like at his first Pay-Per-View the man of meat will line up against a team captained by the dead destroyer himself:  Deathbringer. BL: What's he gonna do to Tonnage?  Hit him with his new finisher, "The     clogged artery"? ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Deathbringer vs. Rasputin ------------------------------------------------------------------------     'Bringer made a small nod of recognition to Dan Kauffman before     dismantling his opponent.  The Mad Russian seemed more than     intimidated by the glowering countenance of the former federation     champion.  As Deathbringer was wrapping up the bout, a figure, Serge     Annis, vaulted unseen from the audience. First Annis waffled Kauffman with his metel chair.  Then Annis grabbed up Deathbringer's scythe, entered the ring, and as Deathbringer was setting up the piledriver, Serge clubbed him with the scythe.  Annis kept up the beating until Deathbringer stopped fighting back, then Annis snapped the scythe over his knee.  For no obvious reason, Annis then rolled 'Bringer out of the ring and over to where the Genesis Generation were sitting. With security looking on, the "Epitome of Evil" accepted a black bag from the Genesis crowd and busied himself over the prone figure of Deathbringer.  Dan Kauffman, now back to his feet, chased Annis away from ringside, but not before Serge had painted a bright yellow happy face on 'Bringer's mask. RESULT: Deathbringer by outside interference. BL: A smiley face.  I love it!  LM: I think that robs a man of his dignity. BL: Well spoken, for a man with toilet paper stuck to his shoe. LM: I don't have... damn, I do. BL: Another little tiff between the old and new gen.  After this stunt, I think Genesis is ahead in the scoring. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Sebastian Jericho vs. Kevin "the Cavalier" Christiansen ------------------------------------------------------------------------     A clean bout as the two Midsummer Madness partners sough to show     each other that they are worthy teammates.  Christiansen was more     aggressive than usual, hitting hard with clotheslines and uppercuts.     Jericho stuck to his collection of suplexs, once wowing the crowd     with a body scissor.  But the biggest pop belonged to Requiem when he came ringside carrying a metal bucket.  Immediately, Dan kauffman was on his feet, but Requiem indicated that all he was doing was leaving the bucket on the ring steps, which he did.  But Requiem never got too far away, for with Christiansen against the ropes, he hooked the Cavalier's foot, causing him to hit the mat face first.  Kauffman was immediately in Requiem's face, Requiem pushed him, Kauffman pushed back, and Requiem knocked Jericho from the ringpost where he was setting up an elbow drop.  Christiansen quickly wrapped up a small package for the win.  A little annoyed, Requiem backed out to the waiting protection of Highwayman and Scott Rogers. RESULT: Christiansen by pinfall. LM: What was that all about? BL: Quite simple, really.  Jericho is Genesis, and Requiem was giving his new buddy a little help when "bleeding Heart" Kauffman stuck his big nose in Requiem's business. LM: Something tells me you're wrong. BL: Something tells me you're an idiot. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Timothy N. Turner vs. "The Intrepid" Ryan Howard ------------------------------------------------------------------------     Howard entered first.  Then came Turner, who was immediately dropped by a lurking Kevin Christiansen who struck him unexpectedly from behind.  Only the sudden arrival of Duncan Macbeth forced "The Cavalier" to make his escape.   With Macbeth now at ringside, Howard had little chance of winning this match.  A rookie referee remained blissfully unaware of the double team cheap shots that Macbeth continued to administer from the outside.  Howard managed a pinfall once, but Macbeth placed Turner's foot on the ropes.  Not much later, Howard fell prey to the "TNT" elbow drop.  Following the countout, Turner pulled a steel rod from his boot and with Macbeth's help, administered a vicious beating to Howard's knee.  The "Intrepid" one screamed in agony, eventually passing out from the pain.  Dan Kauffman, who had been backstage following the Serghe Annis attack, arrived at the ring too late.  The camera picked up this exchange between Turner and Macbeth as they exited backstage: [Cut to footage captioned, "Earlier This Evening." Macbeth and Turner head away from the ring laughing:] TT: Hey, Duncan... I think your team's down one. DM: Aye dunno.  I be guessin' we'll hae ta be gettin' one of yours. [Cut back to the studio.] RESULT: Turner by pinfall LM: Implications, implications, implications.  How badly injured is     Howard?  Bad enough to be out of the Pay-Per-View?  Bad enough to be     out of the IIWF?  And what about Midsummer Madness?  Macbeth is     short a team member... now what? BL: Hey Larry.  Did you know your forehead crinkles up when you're     confused? ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Harlequins vs. The Equalizers ------------------------------------------------------------------------ [Chaos is standing in the studio in front of the IIWF backdrop.] HCh: A girl.      That's why you two joined Genesis.      A girl.      A 5' 2", 122 pound girl with a twisted sense of humor.      That's pathetic.      The idea that two grown men like you need Serge Annis to jump in      your match. You're afraid of a little clown girl.      You know, there was a time that Trag and I weren't allowed to have      anyone at ringside. But you two conveneiently found a way      around that by hiding behind Requiem and his flunkies.      You know Iceheawk, you brought it on yourself when you harrassed      my sister-in-law. I'm not saying what she did in return was right.      In fact, I was a little upset that she did that. I thought you were      a nice guy.      But you're not, you're a coward.      You need four men to protect yourself from one girl.      Perhaps you should hand those belts to Requiem and Annis. They're      the real tag champs.      But I rather you don't.      You see, I have an idea. Why don't next time, you bring all your      friends to ringside. Annis, Smith, Rogers, Requiem. Bring      everyone you can find!      And we'll bring everyone we know. Line the entire ring with the      best the IIWF has. A tag team lumberjack match. No escape, no      excuses.      Of course, if you and Fitz are afraid of one girl, imagine how      scared you'll be of eight men. [Cut back to the studio.]     The Harlequins are holding a lot of anger over their failure to gain     the tag belts, and they took that frustration out on the hapless     Equalizers.  Tragedy took most of the night off, unleashing the     awesome rage which is Harlequin Chaos.  Normally just the brawler,     the massive Harlequin showed amazing versatility executing a     moonsault, along with his regular program of powerbombs and head     butts.  The end came when Chaos put the EQ's Paulson in the "Sanitybreaker":  The rarely-seen head clamp slam. RESULT: Harlequins by pinfall. BL: And the War Room mascots gain another impressive win. LM: Would you like to say this next line or should I? BL: Be my guest. LM: Equalizers:  Are you in this fed? BL: That was poorly done.  I never want you to say that again. LM: I can only figure that it is a matter of time before the Harlequins     are wearing the tag belts. BL: That will improve marketing's disposition.  They're stuck with 200     crates of unsold "happy hammers" in their warehouse.  But what is this rumor of Comedy and Melody appearing as centerfolds in one of Steve Roberts' magazines? LM: You lie. BL: You're right, but since the FCC shut down Dross's hotline, someone has to fill the void. LM: I think that's all for tonight. Goodnight, everyone. BL: And remember, as you look at yourself in the mirror every morning,     give thanks that you aren't Larry Morton. [The camera pulls back as Larry stares dumbfounded at Becky.  Becky picks up the "No Kauffmans allowed" sign, points at it, and mouths to the camera "...or Dan kauffman".  The credits begin to roll as we fade into a commercial for Diet Cola.] +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= I * I * W * F =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+ | President: Daniel Spreadbury | Vice-President: Jim Jividen | | univ0322@sable.ox.ac.uk | brokeback@webtv.net | | iiwf@sisko.demon.co.uk | | +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- http://www.sisko.demon.co.uk -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=+