[Fade up on the dusty streets of what appears to be Calgary in the later half of the 19th Century.  An "old west" feel is definitely pervasive as the saloon doors swing wide, showing hard drinkin', fast livin' men in stetsons trying to impress the women -- and, even more so, the men -- with their poker playing acumen and their quickdraw ability. In the corner of the room, a piano player gently tinkles away at what seems to be a version of "I Wanna Be A Cowboy", while laughter quickly turns to shouts... and then to the sight of a card table being tumbled over, four men standing -- pointing accusing fingers at one another... voices raise as a barmaid is tossed aside -- and the unmistakable sound of a beer bottle being smashed across the wooden bar is heard. We see the back, the back of an enormous man, easily 500 pounds, a man just packed into his dungarees, flood through the shot... swinging a stool at the offending patrons... more glass is broken and a number of punches are thrown... squeals, crunches... and finally... the silence caused by the crisp, air-shattering sound of a single shot... The air grows still as the camera zooms in on the fallen man... it is the 500 pound man... and as he is rolled onto his back -- the first thing which is evident is the increasingly large red circle which is oozing from his chest... ...the second thing is the identity of the man... It is The Smooth. The Smooth opens his eyes as the camera zooms in close and with the big Mexican man then speaks with his clipped English...] SMOOTH: Welcome to Calgary, Alberta, Canada.  Welcome to the Road to Ring Wars IV.  [The Smooth begins to close his eyes... the pain of the mortal wound clearly evident on his face.] SMOOTH: This is... Inside the IIWF with Tim Dross and Steve "Soundbite" Roberts. And... one day... I'll be dead.  Yo.  Yo.  Yo. [The Smooth stops... his head falling over to one side... the sound of the piano is the only noise in the shot as it fades and is replaced by the opening titles...] . ___. __ ____ __ ________ ______ ||\ |/ | || | | || | || |\ \ /\ / /| __| || \|\__ | __||__ | |_||__ | || | \ v v / | __| || | \|/ || | | || |_||_| \_/\_/ |_| ||______/|\__||__ | | ||_________________________ August 23 1997 ................................................... [The Cowboy Junkies version of "Sweet Jane" plays as the shot opens on what seems the same spot as displayed in the open -- save that it is now present day... that the sign on the front of the establishment reads "Stampede Starbucks"... and that there isn't a soul in "western dress"... the generic coffee shop being comprised of businessmen and women, and the occasional college student in his best attempt at "sophistication"... that is, there is no one in western dress... But veteran IIWF commentator Tim Dross. Dross is seated in a booth, dressed head to toe in his best cowboy finery -- from ten gallon to spurred boots. Seated opposite Dross, dressed simply in jeans and a black t-shirt which reads:  "Ah, Hell.", his eyes obscured by darkened Ray-Ban sunglasses, is Steve "Soundbite" Roberts.  Roberts is wearing what appears to be a small trophy from a chain around his neck. The music fades as the camera focuses on the clearly uncomfortable Dross:] TD: Hello and welcome to "Inside the IIWF," your weekly look at all the news, views, reviews and previews... highlights and sidelights... cheers and jeers.  A look behind at the week that was and then up ahead at what will be here in the finest professional wrestling organization in the world today... the _mighty_ IIWF! I am your host, "Cowboy" Tim Dross, and with me as always is my tag team colleague, the almighty and all-powerful "Soundbite" Steve Roberts.  SR: Dross, or should I call you "Ace"... you look like a goddamn fool. I swear to God if I hear the words, "But the hands on the clock keep spinning too slow," come out of your mouth I'm gonna knock your ample ass through the goddamn latte machine. TD: Well, we are here in Calgary... home of the world famous Stampede, where, once a year, this town holds what is called the "Greatest Outdoor Show On Earth".  This town plays host to cowboys and cowgirls from all across the world... they come here for bull-riding, chuckwagon races, shooting exhibitions, a full Indian Village... and generally get the kind of "Wild West" experience you only read about in history books! What a tremendous experience! Unfortunately... that experience ended in July. And it's September. SR: Score one for the Administration, Dross -- I think they're trying to tell you something about our little show here.  Remember how you were stuck in that Nebraska hotel?  How about the Mexican prison... or the New Orleans Voodoo Temple?  I don't think that the Number Two show in all of professional wrestling should be treated like this, Dross.  I just won't stand for it. TD: I'm touched, Steve Roberts. SR: I'm a helluva guy.  And I get a percentage of every additional rating point. TD: Well, we may as well begin with talk about the latest run of commendation received by the IIWF... honors went to "Sychosys" Joe Petrow... about whom we have some late breaking news... the Prophets of Rage... Casey James... our own Daniel Spreadbury... the Champion of the World, Requiem... the IIWF was -- of course -- awarded honors as the Number One wrestling federation in the world today... and IIWF Saturday Night just did nose out our little program to be named top weekly wrestling show. SR: Number two... that's an awfully interesting number... Oh, it's pretty good.  Don't misunderstand, Dross.  Number two is pretty darn good.  Yessirree.  But -- I believe that you left a little someone out, Dross. TD: And... in a runaway vote... our own Steve "Soundbite" Roberts was named best wrestling commentator.  Congratulations, Steve. SR: At the risk of sounding immodest... WHOOOOOOO!  WHOOOOOO!  WHOOOO! All you bitches like that?  Yeah, baby.  Soundbite takes home the wa-wa and fries it up in a pan.  I'd like to thank all the little people... Dross, the Prez, the guy with the beard, Paco my Guatemalan tailor, all the girls down at Flashdancers, Rick Springfield, whomever does those internet vidcaps of Phoebe Cates, the guy who invented philly steak sandwiches and, last but not least, Sebastian Jericho -- the ugliest man in the history of professional wrestling, he's always been like an an angel on my shoulder.  Come back soon, buddy... we hardly knew ye. TD: I see you managed to dig your trophy from the wastebasket in Tokyo. SR: That piece of Quigley?  Nah, I left that back with Sayonara Susie and the rest of the Far East version of Maggie Paris' stable.  This one I made on my own, I'm just gonna wear it around my neck until I pick up the big hunk of hardware at the end of the year. TD: That's right, folks... there are a number of opportunities to vote in a number of the "end of the year" contests... so make sure to vote early and often for the wrestlers, programs, on air-talent and behind-the-scenes personnel that you have so grown to appreciate here in the IIWF. SR: Behind the scenes?  Any vote in particular you'd like to see changed, Dross?  Can I take a guess?  Please?  Please?  Pleea... hey, cookies. [Roberts grabs a handful of cookies from a passing waiter, pointing to the trophy around his neck as some sort of payment equivalent.] TD: I think we'd better get to the results. ________ ______ | || |\ \ /\ / /| __|.................................................. | || | \ v v / | __| REWIND: IIWF Saturday Night: 20 September |_||_| \_/\_/ |_|.................................................... IIWF World Heavyweight Championship: Requiem def. Joe Petrow IIWF Intercontinental Championship Chris Quigley def. Mad Dog Watkins Brody Thunder def. Highwayman (C/O) Cruiserweight Contender Tournament Ronnie Paris def. Timothy N. Turner Derek Mota draw Marty Warnett IIWF Tag Team Championship Syndicate def. Cold Spell Tonnage def. Tony Starks (DQ) Harlequins def. LFD (C/O) TD: A few huge, late-breaking stories coming out of IIWF Saturday Night.  First of all, that titanic title struggle in which Requiem maintained hold of the World Championship with a victory over Joe Petrow. SR: Who the hell's in the mask, Dross?  I mean... that's what it boils down to.  Someone is in that mask, running around and nailing good men like Petrow and the Butcher so that "Colour by Numbers" poseur Requiem hangs onto his gold strap.  Oh, sure... he says he doesn't know, "Oh, innocent, silly me... I'm just a Boy... I don't know anything about some guy in a mask... LaDeeDaDeDaDeedoo.  I'm a moron... How 'Bout You?"  Well, if that ain't the biggest load of bull-Quigley I ever saw in my life. And what's this I hear... what's this I hear, Dross? Requiem _quitting_ Genesis?  Right.  Show of hands?  Anyone.  Anyone. Bueller?  Bueller?  Anyone?  Anyone? That's right... it's a swerve.  I'm telling you right here and now, folks, that when Requiem meets Brody Thunder for the big belt -- we're gonna see Genesis.  We'll see the drummer and the gay guy and the backup singers too.  They won't let that overpushed joke ever get exposed for the utter... utter fraud that he is.  TD: Well, Steve Roberts, the word indeed is that Genesis is now without their leader... and with Cold Spell apparently leaving as well -- it does give the appearance of a certain creature leaving a sinking ship. SR: And speaking of that... TD: I don't necessarily know if that's the way I'd phrase it. SR: Aw, come on, Dross.  Let me play. TD: We have received very late word that immediately following his defeat at the hands of the World Champion -- Joe Petrow turned in his resignation to the IIWF suits -- and is _in fact_ gone as of today from the Federation. SR: Damn.  Well, Dross -- I can't say I'm all that surprised.  Petrow's a helluva wrestler... maybe one of the best damn wrestlers in the world -- but he was nuts, Dross. I mean... I have said this over and over and over again -- just because he can go doesn't mean he oughta be World Champion.  You don't marry Miss Hawaiian Tropic, you know what I'm saying? The guy was always into his own thing, you know?  Good.  Bad. Whatever... but Joe Petrow, as great as he was... wasn't about the IIWF -- Joe Petrow was all about Joe Petrow. TD: Well, what I know is that Joe Petrow has a spot in this Saturday's Intercontinental Contenders Battle Royal -- and it will be kept open, apparently up until match time.  Joe Petrow is a fine young man, and a singular talent... and he'll be missed. SR: Yeah... but you know what I always say, Dross:  bury the dead... they stink up the joint. TD: Indeed the IIWF marches on... and in this case it has marched right into the Trophy Room of one "Quickstrike" Chris Quigley, who, after a year of competing in the IIWF has finally gotten his wish: he has taken home Federation gold. SR: I have absolutely no response to this, Dross. TD: Oh, Steve Roberts... you must have a thought.  It was a win long overdue, many IIWF observers would feel.  Chris Quigley put the Quickstriker on Mad Dog Watkins, drew the submission, and is the _new_ IIWF Intercontinental Champion!  SR: Know who's cute?  That Jewel.  Cute little body on her.  You ever noticed that, Dross?  Hot little body.  Speaking of that -- did you see my girl Chelsea started college last week?  Yessir -- she is gonna make some sexed up senior very happy now that she's had some lessons in the international language of Soundbite.  We're going out to California, aren't we, Dross? TD: Indeed, we will be in California for two big weeks... including the November 8 spectacular: Ring Wars IV!  But... back to the point, Chris Quigley has taken his rightful place among the IIWF elite -- and is now wearing Intercontinental gold! SR: See, you just have to know how to talk to those secret service guys.  Now, I happen to know one of them really likes certain, shall we say, provocative photographs featuring the Harlequin girls.  I ain't sayin' that I would ever be in possession of such photos... I'm just sayin' that whoever says dogs are man's best friend -- obviously never met young Melody.  TD: Good grief. SR: And Dross... it ain't her friendliness with man that I'm particularly talking about. [Dross pauses... then winces.] TD: I want to once again apologize to the offended parties.  The Harlequins, the Clintons, the Secret Service... the ASPCA. SR: No animals were harmed in the making of this television program. 'Cept maybe those penguins I beat the Quigley out of at the local zoo. I hate those goddamn penguins.  Damn gluttons. TD: All was not golden for Chris Quigley on this night; however, as his Championship moment was tarnished by the shocking intrusion of the former Intercontinental Champion... the red-gloved wrecking machine Creed. SR: This part I didn't mind, Dross.  Sure, Creed is a lucky crippled punk with an ego in inverse proportion to his vocabulary... but a chairshot is a chairshot... and I can't say I minded it.  Although -- I really didn't see that one coming. TD: Well, it's not for me to put words in Creed's mouth -- but my sense is that his actions had something to do with a similar chairshot that he himself took from Chris Quigley, nearly a full year ago, when the Quickstrike was making his return to the IIWF -- and announced that return with a shot to the back of the red-gloved rookie... who was in his debut match.  The parallels are indeed peculiar. SR: Bor-ing... Bor-ing... Bor-ing.  Let's talk about Lady DeWinter and a certain Shetland pony... TD: Or we could talk about Brody Thunder... who showed that with his new pack of friends -- Mad Dog Watkins and Steve Kowalski -- that he is going to be a particular force to be reckoned with -- especially as he is now one week away from a shot at the World's Champion. SR: Yeah... a tough week to be a member of Culture Club.  You know guys, they broke up too.  The unfrozen caveman wrestler took the countout loss to Thunder -- and Cold Spell went down again to James and Claw.  You know... there's always solo careers, ladies.  Boy Requiem can do a couple of stints in rehab... maybe Annis and Rogers can do some session work with the Age of the Rage -- and Highwayfreak... buddy... there's always a "Will Job To You For Food" sign that you could hold up outside of farms, county fairs and outhouses all throughout North America. TD: The Cruiserweights made their presence felt strongly on Saturday Night.  Cruiser Champion Derek Mota fought Marty Warnett to a double countout... with Billy Shakespeare making his presence known -- and then again during the Ronnie Paris victory over Tim Turner during Round One of the Cruiserweight Contenders tournament.  SR: What's Blitzsphere's deal, Dross?  He's too much of a big star to play with the minis?  TD: Billy Shakespeare indeed has withdrawn from the Cruiserweight tournament, albeit not officially -- and has seemingly made it his goal to see that his bitter rival Ronnie Paris advances to Ring Wars IV to meet Derek Mota.  I can't claim to understand his motives -- nor those of Luke Steele, who nearly killed young Turner with that steel bar during this match. SR: "I'm Really Trying to Be A Heel" is givin' it the old college try, Dross.  Soon he'll be pointing his palms up in the air and yelling out, "Huss! Huss!"  Good for you Luke!  Keep on keepin' on, buddy! TD: We also saw two of the most famous tag teams in the world play a role on Saturday Night: Damage Inc. disrupted the attack by the Age of the Rage on Tonnage -- and the High Plains Drifters returned to the IIWF with a save of the Harlequins -- who went on to defeat LFD. It was a tremendous night of action... and another one is certain to follow this Wednesday! Here is your _First Look_ at all the action! ________ ______ | || |\ \ /\ / /| __|.................................................. | || | \ v v / | __| FIRST LOOK: Wednesday War Room: 24 September |_||_| \_/\_/ |_|.................................................... [A young man in a multicolored shirt and a floppy purple hat walks tentatively over to the table.  He nervously rubs his scraggly goatee and takes a sip from what appears to be a double decaf half caf cappucino as he shly asks a question of Dross:] YM: Uh, Sir... are those real rhinestones in your hat? [Dross proudly takes off his enormous cowboy hat and smiles broadly as he responds:] TD: Yessiree, young man.  When I turned 21, my brother Hoss gave me this ole' hat -- and every year on my birthday I bring it on out again. Since we're here in the Great White North, I thought it only fitting that I bring 'er out this week. [The young man laughs hysterically, pointing at Dross and yelling back at his friends, who are sitting in the corner in a smoky haze:] YM: Hey Guys!  The fat guy is wearing a rug!  You guys owe me twenty bucks!  [Dross shakes his head in clear embarrassment as the young men all begin to laugh uproariously, drawing the patrons' attention to him.] SR: Hey, Skippy... that was pretty good -- come on over here for a second -- there's something I want to show you. [The young man, a huge smirk on his face walks to Roberts -- who now stands and removes his sunglasses.] SR: You know, you're a pretty cool guy -- you have sort of a "I may be working for minimum wage but I have the soul of a poet" thing going for you.  You see a fat old degenerate like Dross sitting there... TD: Steve Roberts... SR: ...and you think, there's a guy who's not "cool"... there's a guy who's not "with it"... there's a guy who's not "down with O.P.P,"  I think I'll tweak my one working neuron by firing it in the direction of that lonely, simple bastard... TD: Steve Roberts... SR: Am I right, Skippy?  Am I right?  Is that basically the way guys in purple hats synthesize information? YM: [mumbling] Whatever, dude.  Whatever. SR: Yes, whatever.  Hey, Skippy... mind if I have a swig of that coffee? [The young man shrugs, offering Roberts the styrofoam cup still overflowing with foam.  The Soundbite takes a drink and rubs his forehead.] SR: You know, Skippy -- I can't really blame you -- or any of the kids your age -- I think it might be this crap that they make you drink... or the crap that they make you listen to on the radio... or the crap that they make you wear -- Jesus Christ, kid -- it's a wonder you get out of bed in the morning. YM: [snickering] Sometimes I don't. SR: Yeah, I'll bet.  Well, look Skippy... my Daddy used to say, "Stephanie... what are you -- retarded?"  And that's a lesson I've never forgotten, kid.  You know why?  You know what that taught me? YM: Nah.  What? SR: Not a goddamn thing. [Roberts then pours the capuccino over the head of the young man... then grabs him in a sharp facelock and _drives_ him to the floor with a DDT!] TD: Good God! [The patrons and staff at the Stampede Starbucks grow silent... looking at the young man who seems to be unconscious on the floor -- and then at Roberts, standing above him.  There is a pause -- and then the room explodes with a tumultuous:] "Shoot, Soundbite!  Shoot!   Shoot, Soundbite! Shoot!" [Roberts sits down, takes a bite of his cookie and says:] SR: So, who's on the Wednesday card, Dross?  ------------------------------- Dakota Bundy vs. El Super Gecko Natural Predators vs. Rotundos "B.G." vs. Jumpin' Jack Down Boys vs. Barnacle Brothers ------------------------------- TD: New Blood will flow when the War Room comes live from Corner Brook tomorrow night, home of the Intercontinental Champion, Chris Quigley. SR: Who the hell are these guys, Dross? TD: Well, we've seen a little bit from the two new tag teams, the Natural Predators and the Down Boys, and you have to know, based on the way the IIWF works, that those teams will be getting an up close and personal look at each other real, real soon. SR: I do know the other guys... the B.G. is like 109 years old... tough to see what the suits are thinking about here -- and this Bundy guy is supposed to be one tough little son of a bitch.  We'll see, Dross... we'll see. ----------------------------- Derek Mota vs. Ricardo LeBleu ----------------------------- TD: Another impressive performance by the Cruiserweight Champion on Saturday Night... this should be a little less challenging as Derek Mota takes on the newest member of the Jobber Justice Squad. SR: Well, I don't know anything about LePew -- but I do wanna know why my boy Smooth hasn't gotten a shot yet?  Didya see the mic work Smooth put on in that little skit at the top of the show?  Yo, Yo, Yo!  Hah! I love that Mexican, Dross.  I really do. ----------------------------------- Subway Psycho vs. Timothy N. Turner Luke Steele vs. Duncan Macbeth ----------------------------------- TD: Two very intriguing matchups come your way on the War Room -- two which frankly could determine the immediate futures for all four of these men. The Subway Psycho, a true IIWF legend, has returned -- and done so with a new attitude.  SR: And yet -- the losing continues. Over-rated... Over-rated... Over-rated... TD: And he will meet Timothy Turner, who got off to a tremendous start in his IIWF career -- and we shall see if that translates to a victory here. The other match features two men who are linked in many ways with the previous coupling.  Duncan Macbeth and Luke Steele will hook up in what is certain to be a thrilling matchup.  You have to wonder which of these four men is going to step up -- which will demonstrate that he wants to be the man to take the reins of the "New IIWF". ---------------------------------- IIWF Intercontinental Championship Chris Quigley [c] vs. Scott Rogers ---------------------------------- TD: In front of his hometown fans, Chris Quigley will make his first ever defense of IIWF gold when he takes on Genesis member Scott Rogers. Now, this match was originally non-title -- but Rogers has quickly shed the requisite weight... is now down to a ripped 286... and this match is for the gold. SR: I just don't feel like talking about this yet, Dross.  You're gonna have to give me a couple of weeks to deal with everything.  Creed back... Petrow gone... this damn Masked Outlaw ruining all my fun, and worst of all... worst of all... Quigley. I just don't feel like talking about it, Dross. TD: It is sure to be a great scene -- Larry Morton and Becky LaRue... SR: Is Becks still with the promotion? TD: ...will bring you a recap of all the action -- from Corner Brook, Newfoundland... SR: Inbred crackers.... TD: ...hometown of the _new_ Intercontinental Champion of the World, "Quickstrike" Chris Quigley!  Don't miss a moment of action! ________ ______ | || |\ \ /\ / /| __|.................................................. | || | \ v v / | __| FIRST LOOK: IIWF Saturday Night: 27 September |_||_| \_/\_/ |_|.................................................... TD: Big, big card as we continue down our Road to Ring Wars IV -- coming your way from Los Angeles on 8 November.  Let's take our _First Look_ at all the action! 1. 20-MAN OVER THE TOP ROPE BATTLE ROYAL: [Numbers will be drawn before the match, two men start off, thereafter every 90 seconds another wrestler joins the action. The last man standing will receive a shot at the Intercontinental Championship at Ring Wars IV.] Mad Dog Watkins - Subway Psycho - Timothy N. Turner - Kevin "the Cavalier" Christiansen - Serge Annis - Tony Starks - "Real Deal" Luke Steele - Ike Sampson - Scott Rogers - Dirt Dog Unique Allah - The Phoenix - "One Man Army" Dakota Bundy - "Spotlight" Billy Shakespeare - Marty Warnett - Duncan Macbeth - Highwayman - Steve "the Fury" Kowalski - "Lone Wolf" Brody Thunder - Creed 2. "Masked Outlaw" vs. "Majestic" Maurice McArthur 3. Prophets of Rage vs. Damage Inc. 4. Otto "the Butcher" Verhoeven vs. Tonnage 5. TRIPLE THREAT TAG TEAM MATCH: Cold Spell vs. Harlequins vs. The Machines 6. IIWF CRUISERWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: Derek Mota [c] vs. Dexter St. Croix 7. High Plains Drifters vs. Licensed for Devastation 8. CRUISERWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP TOURNAMENT FIRST ROUND MATCH: "Spotlight" Billy Shakespeare vs. "Showstopper" Simon Lebec TD: First things first: folks, we got ourselves a battle royal.  We start with two -- then every ninety seconds an additional man enters until all twenty men have climbed into the ring.  Elimination is over the top rope -- both feet on the floor -- and if you remember that wild, wild scene during the last IIWF Battle Royal -- just after Ring Wars III -- when Joe Petrow hopped around the ring on one foot -- then climbed back in to eliminate Chris Quigley... you know exactly what we have in store for you this Saturday Night. A battle royal is the time to make and break alliances: friend vs. friend, foe against foe -- with the Road to Ring Wars straight ahead -- this is indeed the onramp, folks.  Make no mistake, this is where you want to get going if you are an IIWF superstar -- you want to be smart during, and before, this matchup. SR: And it's for the shot, Dross.  Don't forget that -- we are talking about the big shot.  The winner gets the IC match against Chris Quigley at Ring Wars -- and since that guy is damn well gonna choke at the PPV... like every other PPV... you might as well say this match is for the strap, Dross.  For the strap! TD: It is a big matchup... and it will be immediately preceded by a bizarre matchup -- the "Masked Outlaw"... who we have been discussing throughout this program... has somehow, someway, been signed for a type of exhibition match -- and will meet "Majestic" Maurice McArthur.  I don't have any idea whatsoever what will happen in this one -- but I have a good sense that men like Brody Thunder and Requiem will have a vested interest in exactly what the story is with Casey James and the "Masked Outlaw." SR: No story, Dross.  No story at all.  It ain't him.  Period.  Hey, speaking of that -- I've got a slogan I'm looking to peddle... I'll take the highest bidder. TD: We also have what may be one of the most hotly contested tag matches in the history of IIWF Saturday Night when the Prophets of Rage take on Damage Inc. SR: Aw... the Boyz from the Hood are gonna snatch they ass from the backside, Dross.  Soundbite cookies for everyone! TD: We also have a title on the line when Derek Mota meets Dexter St. Croix -- the "Butcher," Otto Verhoeven, returns to the ring when he meets the nearly 600 pound Tonnage... SR: I almost hate to say it, Dross -- but I think for the first time in his life... the Phat Boy may have bitten off more than he can chew. Oh... did that one hurt. TD: Tag matches abound this Saturday Night -- a big triangle goes down when the Harlequins battle both Cold Spell and the Machines -- and the High Plains Drifters return to the IIWF rings against the very promising LFD. Finally -- we are scheduled... I say scheduled to have the second first round matchup in that big Cruiserweight Contender's Tournament -- but our understanding is that Billy Shakespeare's plan is to forfeit that match to Simon Lebec. We will see.   We also expect comments from the World Champion, Requiem, as well as the red-gloved wrecking machine -- Creed. Battle Royal and the Masked Outlaw folks... it is IIWF Saturday Night and it will come your way live from the Saddledome right here in Calgary, Alberta, this Saturday Night! ________ ______ | || |\ \ /\ / /| __|.................................................. | || | \ v v / | __| COMING FRIDAY: Countdown to Saturday Night |_||_| \_/\_/ |_|.................................................... [Roberts begins a rather one-sided muffin throwing fight with a group of junior high Catholic schoolgirls who have just arrived, books in tow.] TD: Will you stop? SR: Throwing muffins at 13 year old girls?  What... and leave show business? TD: That's... that's all the time we have for now... be sure to join Becky LaRue and Larry Morton for the recap of all the action on the Wednesday War Room -- then Larry and Brian Lau will "Countdown to Saturday Night" -- followed by the finest two hours of weekly live wrestling anywhere in the world -- IIWF Saturday Night -- live from the Saddledome in Calagary, Alberta, Canada! [Roberts begins to throw with both hands... the words "I'm telling!" are clearly heard.] SR: Dross -- we gotta bail.  Or you're gonna have to make bail for me. TD: [quickly] So, for Steve "Soundbite" Roberts, and everyone here with "Inside the IIWF" -- I am Tim Dross, wishing you all a... good night! ["Rock this Town" by the Stray Cats plays as Roberts and Dross hop from the booth, the Soundbite unloading muffins in rifle like fashion at the young girls, nearly tripping over the still prone body of the purple chapeau wearing young man as they race to the door.  Dross catches a "return fire" muffin... then casually drops it on the apparently unconscious young man, shrugging his shoulders, and is then pulled from the café by Roberts as the shot and the music fade.] +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= I * I * W * F =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-+ | President: Daniel Spreadbury | Vice-President: Jim Jividen | | univ0322@sable.ox.ac.uk | brokeback@webtv.net | | iiwf@sisko.demon.co.uk | | +=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- http://www.sisko.demon.co.uk -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=+